I keep failing. (raw emotions?)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 4 вер 2024
- business enquiries / collaborations : antastesiaa@gmail.com
🌼If you like my content and would like to support me, I have a patreon page: / antastesia
With 'only' $1 a month, you can greatly help the channel!
🌼Si vous souhaitez soutenir ma chaine et m'aider à produire du contenu de qualité et varié, vous pouvez le faire avec 1€ par mois ici : / antastesia
✏ Blog :
🎙📚Podcast littéraire : anchor.fm/anta...
📷 instagram : / antastesia
Instagram littéraire : / antastesialit
☑️Twitter : / antastesia
If you want to help with the subtitles :
www.youtube.com...
thank you so much !
je te comprends totalement, je ressens les mêmes peurs que les tiennes, le même type d'angoisse, de solitude, du sentiment de perte de légèreté ... alors saches que toutes tes vidéos "négatives" sont pour moi un grand soulagement, une aide, un soutien au quotidien (et j'insiste vraiment, même si tu ne proposes pas de conclusions, de remèdes efficaces à ces troubles du comportement, le simple fait de me reconnaître et de me dire que je ne suis pas seule, c'est une source d'apaisement, on se sent moins seul d'un coup). j'aimerais tellement engager une correspondance avec toi, ou en discuter♥
I actually had the same thing happen to me when i went to university. It completely broke me and showed me how insecure i was and it caused me to not enjoy uni at all. I didn’t make any ‘lifelong’ friends, i hated myself and honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I have a job now and am still learning to handle myself. I missed out on a lot of ‘typical student things’ that is hard to explain sometimes.
Thought I was the only one
Yeah, me too, I guess I'll never belong anywhere .
Same here i only discovered how weak I am once i graduated highschool, i felt like i fell from the top of a mountain on my face,at a certain point it was so bad that I started thinkinh of dying day and night. I'm so much better now but i know that the scares are still there
It's such a relief to hear that we are not alone in this suffering. I've been so ashamed of myself lately losing my self confidence again and again, felling I can no longer succeed in anything especially the education of my own children. I went all the way down from highly confident when I was in my comfort zone to more and more fragile, hesitant and introvert as I was confronted with things and situations I was never prepared for simply because, like you, I was the first one to step into untrodden paths. Thanks for sharing
Same here! I used to idealise uni life so much and when I was in senior school I would always look forward to my university years with great excitement. I went away to study to a different country, alone, where I didn't know anyone, at a time when my family situation was awful. Even though I was happy with my choice and was going to live my dream, university completely crushed me. My mental health went downhill and I felt as if everything came tumbling down. In the end I didn't even have the strength to go to lectures and I didn't graduate. When I look back on those years it really hurts to see how different my experience of uni was to what I had dreamed, and how I missed out on so many things. Now I'm retaking my final year in the hope that I can make it up, it's hard but I'm trying
Thank you for sharing. I wanted you to know that it is understandable to be disappointed and to be negative after a couple of hardships in life. I can somewhat relate in so far so that I also was very good at school (even in math) but ended up after some family issues in a job I hated. So I started a new study, with the intention to do stuff I was really interested in. I thought I would like to be a French teacher (having grown up in France and having moved back to the Netherlands), but managing a class was really not for me and I discovered Linguistics, in which I am doing a research master now. But the bad things I experienced during my childhood seem to hinder me very much still, even in my studies now. A very important relationship failed and the master was difficult for me, because of perfectionism and fear to fail. This led me to fail an exam for the first time and then things only got worse until I started to have panic attacks and anxiety. I couldn't even start my computer anymore. Now I am 6 month further and I am starting very slowly again, but it is very difficult.
It is very difficult to keep positive and even optimistic when so much goes wrong. However, I do not know still where I am going with my life and I do not know what to do with the past, even not how to define myself. And I have experienced succes that I was not so happy about in the end. So maybe, for me it is different and I have accepted that things are just what they are, and I try now to be less ambitious and do the things that I can do as they come, and I will see later how far it brings me. I agree, the most difficult thing is to let go of the capitalistic view on succes and self-worth.
But you can be proud of everything you have accomplished so far. And do not forget that you have probably accomplished much more with this channel than you ever can imagine.
I often imagine every one else has it together, everyone else is more successful, Everyone else in someway has is easier than me. ITs great to know we are not alone, my god so many people are suffering. One big love hug to everyone out there.... we are all just doing our best. be nice be kind to others and mostly be nice and be kind to ourselves.... Take care
Je confirme complètement ton propos : être le premier de sa famille à faire des études prive de beaucoup d’info pour mieux réussir. Je suis arrivée en prépa les mains dans les poches et je me suis faite remballer bien vite. Pour ne citer qu’un exemple. Et quand on essaie d’en parler, on prend ça pour de la mauvaise foi...
Emy, I just wanted to say you're not alone going through that. The truth is that no one really knows where that line is, the line between when you should persist or when you should give up on something. We just have to make a decision at some point, even without knowing, and take a chance
I have been following your channel carefully for several years now and I must say that I am still as touched as ever by the sincerity and authenticity that comes out of it. It takes a lot of courage to open up like that!
I just want to share my feelings about the PhD. Since I already had an ambivalent relationship with the idea of failure, I decided not to put more effort into a system where once I entered (by some miracle) I would feel poorly valued in many aspects. Yet getting in the academia was my dream as well. So I ended up applying for a PhD in Québec and got accepted. And even though it’s still a huge commitment in terms of working hours, it’s been such a healthier environment to pursue this lifegoal. Sacrifices had to be made, especially over the distance that now separates me from my family and friends. And that's where your point makes sense. You either have to know when to stop, or how you can carry out your beloved project in another way (and how much we are willing to sacrifice for it, cause sometimes it's not worth it and it's fine).
I hope you find a way to move forward and grow, one way or the other. You are a beautiful person and many of us here believe in you! Take care!
Wow, i didn't know that you was feeling that bad Emy. Gosh, never think about that again, you scared me. Suicide is never the answer. There are so many young ppl who watch you and literally follows you as an example of sucess. You are amazing, you got so far in life. You evolved so much. Think about how many people you ''converted'' to veganism, how many souls were just wandering on UA-cam with bad thoughts and occasially stumbled upon one of yours videos and you made them feel better offering a bright perspective. You saved lives Emy. I have been watching you for more than 7 years now, and each new video that i watch you surprises me even more. Take care kiddo. s2
Your comment is so lovely 🤧
@@alyson9971 thank you.
I think you put an immense pressure on yourself. You have with that channel alone created something so big and meaningful. Maybe this part of my story resonates with you. I’ve experienced sth quite similar with the feeling of failing at everything this summer, whatever I tried didn’t work out. I started to think maybe why this happens to me at this intensity, and i recognized for myself that i was overwhelmed with the amount of things I did, wanted or needed to do. I had too many tabs open - work, study, traveling, reading, activism, art, languages. And im still struggling with this feeling that there is so much i want to do but I’m lacking time and mostly energy. I’m struggling also with mental health so it keeps me from being able to do many things. I am currently learning to slow things down, accept the fact that I won’t be able to do everything, at the same time, + handling family and friends. It’s about balancing it out, learning to love yourself and set boundaries. I had this moment where I was like - what the fuck are you doing to yourself? Your life is your gift that is here to be enjoyed, and not a to do list to be finished at the end of the day. I am still learning all this. I think the sensitive souls, creative brains often have it more difficult when it’s about living in this capitalist society, because at some point we understand as adults that we have to make compromises.
For me these failures were showing me that I was not kind to myself, expected too much of me and life, and it forced me to slow things down drastically and be more aware and in the present moment.
I discovered Meditation. Guided meditations have helped me in the most stressful and painful moments, even if you don’t feel like meditating, especially then, do it. I never understood why they are so hyped, but meditation was honestly one of the things that saved me. The silence of the mind, connecting with yourself. I’ve become more calm with the thought of failing, finding relaxation in everyday moments.
I wish you all the best, you are not alone! ♥️
You may have seen this quote by Gallwey many times, but for what it's worth: “When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as 'rootless and stemless'. We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don't condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care it needs at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is.”
this is so beautiful ❤ thanks for sharing
Emy, before watching this video I didn't know how bad I needed to hear your words. A lot of what you said resonated with me so deeply, and I'm so grateful that you decided to share your story, because, as awful as that sounds, it makes me feel like I am not alone. I also grew up being a very hard-working but also naturally gifted student. Everything I put my mind to, I would succeed at. I placed my worth on my intelligence, and my grades, and my awards. Then at some point I failed an exam for the first time in my life, after I had worked hard, and I was lost. During my university years I became extremely depressed, and due to this I kept failing. Every time I would fail, it would crush me, I would hate and blame myself and fail again as a result. Lately I've felt extremely miserable, trapped in this toxic mindset that's making me feel like I'm throwing my life away and I'll never amount to anything I can be proud of. I'm trying to recover from this, I'm trying to remind myself of my personal and social background, to tell myself that I'm not doomed to fail. After watching this video I made a list of my regrets and failures, and I looked at them objectively, trying to understand why I had failed and how it wasn't actually so much my own fault, but rather the context I was in. Now I feel so motivated to keep fighting. Thank you so much Emy! You're not alone, I will always root for you too, no matter how much you think you have failed, you will always be a role model to me! Let's do this together!
what you choose to talk about always reasonates with me ♥
Tu es une des rares youtubeuses à montrer ses faiblesses, je te trouve très courageuse ! Est-ce que tu peux repasser l'agrégation ? Si c'est ton rêve le doctorat, tu y arriveras Emy !
Hello. I don't really know what to say. I have had very tough periods but I never had to deal with anxiety in addition and I never experienced everything "falling appart at the same time", so to speak. All I can do is humbly send my support and say that it is very brave of you to share these feelings with your followers like this. ❤️ It is hard when you're fighting against a system to get where you'd like too, and that shouldn't be something someone has to go through. I hope you'll find the strength to get back on track! ❤️ Thanks for helping others by sharing your experience!
Thank you for sharing this, I recently had a similar experience. I have been going to school for veterinary technician for several years while working full time as well. My mother passed away in February and I got behind in classes and was unable to catch up and ended having to drop classes mid-semester due to anxiety and depression. Since I dropped class after the withdrawal cut off, my financial aid was cut. Not only will I not get future financial aid, I have to pay back the money I was given for that semester. I obviously don’t have it, so this means I will not be returning to school. You understand how heartbroken I am from realizing I will never have this dream that I worked so hard for for years. It’s awful, and embarrassing sometimes. I like what you said how there are no other doors. Many people try to console me by saying there’s another opportunity meant for me, but there’s not, and it’s nice to hear the truth and relate to someone going through a similar experience. Again, thank you for this. ❤️
I will have to go back and listen carefully to this and several of your more recent videos. A while back I noted that life is often regulated by our expectations- work, family, home, relationships, "the system", how people respond, how we should act etc. I myself originally thought I would obtain a PhD in Economics, perhaps go to the London School, work on Wall Street. Then, my Father fell ill at age 25, passed at age 26 of brain cancer. I worked in sales and insurance and then dreamt of perhaps taking a position in Europe, until I married, started a family and began to experience some success with the help of my Grandfather in Law. My dreams of working in economics and even teaching changed in my 30's and 40's to obtaining a Master's Degree and later a PhD in my 50's; now my hopes are to just finish my online distance MBA- but in the last 20 years I have raised my children, worked every day on economics and investing, sit with clients to assist them and also read about financial news, study when I can, maintain continuing education in my field- I have never let go of my dreams but they have adapted to me and my life not the other way around. I work and have notable success in my field but every day is a series of small achievements and some misses. There is no "failure" to be the best person you can be. In the interim I practiced TKD for 28 years and passed a 4th Dan rank, I have started hobbies, traveled and established a non profit for children, served on 3 boards and continue to grow as a person. The roses in the garden still are the same and their quality adjusts through older more mature eyes. I have now said goodbye to my Mother also from cancer, spent time with my children, family and friends, planned trips and vacations but always try to make the world a little better each day. Was I a teacher on the first shot? Did I pass a PhD committee yet? Have I been giving speeches in New York on Economic Policy? No, but I am happy and content and will strive each day to be the best I can be- my expectations have changed- if I wish to run a marathon now I can run 2-3 miles, then as I grow older I can run 1 mile, then after surgery I can walk 2-3 miles, then someday I might be able to walk one mile, perhaps a day will come when I can just walk, then perhaps someday I will sit and still admire the beauty of the rose and the garden, still me, still trying to be the best I can- life is a process not an achievement. I measure myself against myself and pray for the world and those that suffer and are in such critical need. Every day is a blessing and a challenge. The world needs more Anastesias.
I totally can relate. Thank you so much for this video. I don't see it as you complaining but as you helping! I have mental health issues too, and well, I perceived this as a failure too, as a curse, but I have finally come to accept it just because it is part of who I am, even if I don't want it to define me. I had a huge breakdown 5 years ago and was among other things so discouraged that because of my issues I couldn't pursue my dreams. But you know what? I have come to terms with that. It took me decades but I finally believe in me now. And things are way much brighter now. I do a job I love, volunteer a lot and when I have bad days, I know it will not last for long.
I'll watch it later, but in the mean time I'm giving you a big virtual hug!
Thank you for your honesty. Your conclusion was really wise and that's what I would've told you from the bottom of my heart. I wholeheartedly agree with your reflexion on capitalism; we lose our sense of self-worth in trying to please a money-centered system which dehumanizes the poor workers.
I wanted to share my story with you, which might comfort you: I have been emotionally neglected my whole life without realizing it, as I was desensitized by many things. My mother was/is jealous of me and has narcissistic traits exasperated by the fact that she has been neglected by her own parents. I've never had a loving mother I could talk to. My dad would buy me things, but never defended me from my mom's verbal and eventually physical abuse, making him an abuser as well (and a compulsive lier/manipulator). I had the potential to be a good student, but since the passing grade was enough for my parents, I only cared about that and my top grades were in classes I really loved, such as French and Sciences. My dad could've helped me with my maths, but he never did; I had to play the adult and insist if I wanted something. Of course, I did nothing, I hated maths and teenagers aren't responsible if they're not healthily encouraged to be. After high shool, I had to go to an adult school where I finished 3 years of maths I should've been able to finish before. I was ashamed to tell my classmates I was doing that while they were already in cégep (2-years studies before university in Québec). At 18, after finishing a bit later than what I could have achieved, I started cégep and quickly dropped out, not used at all to such a structure and feeling helpless by the lack of discipline and general support in my life (and feeling guilty to ask my dad money -- he would never do anything without me asking for it, which made me feel like a burden). Thinking I wasn't smart enough for cégep, I turned to vocational schools where I did the same program twice, dropping out twice without understand why I couldn't finish what I started and felt so distressed. At 20, my life was going nowhere. I was working in a second-hand store and lied about my studies. I lied to my boyfriend at that time too. We broke up pretty quickly and at 21 I met the man who would become my husband. He exposed my parents' abuses and protected me. I lived at his adoptive grandma's (from another mother, long story) and he encouraged me to go back to cégep and enter the program I dreamt about: langues, monde et culture. It took me a bit more time than expected to finish it (2 years and a half) and then I finally could enter university in Translation last september. A few years before, I never would have thought my English would be good enough for me to do that, having been understimulated my whole life. I had the potential and curiosity, I just didn't know it, mimicking my parent's general self-centeredness and apathy (I had been used to evade quite a lot to cope with the emotional neglect I couldn't put into words). It took me some time to heal and break from unhealthy behavior/patterns I had internalized. The first years of my marriage weren't easy for many reasons, but mostly because I had to mourn my parents and, more than that, my whole toxic family who never really cared about my well-being and whose hypocrisy has no limit.
I'm now 24 and I just started my first year at uni. My old classmates are done or almost done with their studies. But I'm so grateful for having finally the freedom to do what I'm passionate about and even more (I have Greek courses which I'm learning for love's sake). Most people don't realize the pain I went through to get where I am. Most people don't care. They will never understand how it feels to be abandoned by their own parents, for their loved ones to turn their back on them all at once (my brother included). My husband has no family here; we really only got eachother and a few friends. The family that hosted him when he immigrated here helped us many times, which is quite a blessing, but they have been distant lately and it saddens us a lot.
As you said it, we all suffer differently, some more than others. I don't have disproportionate ambitions, but I trust God in his timing and the doors he will open and the ones he might close if it's better that way. As long as I can make a difference with my work, that's all that matters to me (I'd love to translate for newspapers), but I'm not wholly defined by my career choice and will never be. What's really important is making a difference in people's life by valuing them, listening to their voice intently, loving them selflessly. And that's what my husband and I are doing with the youth group we're taking care of at our church.
I can relate so much to this... I too have always been a good student, but have failed the competitive exams I passed (Sciences Po, ENS) and also was refused to the other selective degrees I applied for. I think most people find it very elitist to be sad for being « just a university student » who was not selected, but when your teachers thought you had the potential to do something more elitist and your surroundings put pressure on you to be better, it hurts. Also, I want to work for fields that don’t really offer many job opportunities and I know that if I want a chance to do what I want I need to have an « elitist » degree. And it is frustrating to see that the people who want to work in finances for companies for instance will easily find a job without putting much effort to demark themselves from the rest during their studies...
I really hope you will take care of yourself by seeing this psychiatrist. You are a very talented and intelligent person who can for sure achieve her dreams. Much love!
As a 60 year old grandma I want to give you a big hug!!! The pressure you put on yourself is so intense and high! Failing,how hard it is,is the best thing for you! You can learn a lot from it,it is easy to say but it is a learning process. And the people now are have to do so much,take it step by step,you can start every day again,you can do anything you want,your education wil always be with you!! You can work in a bookshop, in a vegan restaurant,mental health is not a FAILURE!! This is life .........Iknow girls with two masters and a PHD,and now she is working in a bakery and very very happy! It has nothing to do with her study all,but she is happy,try to find your happy,in litlle steps
❤️ courage Emy ! J’aime beaucoup ta conclusion que je trouve très positive et sache que c’est ça qu’il faut se dire! Take care 😘
The first generation college student bit is very powerful and quite underrated. The effect of different levels of college preparation depending on our backgrounds has been the theme of my education. I love that you’re so real with us and I love the fact that you didn’t give us the forced positivity BS. Moving on from one dream to another after giving it all is definitely what’s helping me keep my sanity because therapy is just too expensive!
Thank you for taking the time to make this video. You don't know how much positive energy you bring in my life.🦋We love you Emy 🖤
hey not sure if u'll ever see this but i just felt like commenting because i relate to a lot of ur struggles and on top of that IM SO HAPPY I REDISCOVERED UR CHANNEL!! I literally found u like years ago back in highschool while learning french and it didnt matter what u were talking about i would like watch it because i think ur really reflective and calm and it just makes me feel thoughtful as well. anyways found u again the other day and im so proud kf how far uve come on the platform!!! im even more happy to see that ur still the same u and i love how raw u are with ur emotions like girl ur channel is amazing ❤❤ i dont know why u get some hate ur literally so respectful and contemplative
We’ve missed you ❤️
Yes!!! I miss her always and she said she's often delivering "negative vibes" I would say the contrary otherwise we wouldn't miss her at all.
Merci pour ce partage. C'est ce que j'avais besoin d'entendre en ce moment. En effet ça fait du bien de se sentir moins seule, notamment par rapport au sentiment d'échec. Et en même temps c'est très motivant ce que tu dis en fin de vidéo (essayer de faire les choses différemment si on voit que l'on perd notre temps). Vraiment ça me rebooste à me mettre à l'action au lieu de rester juste bloquée dans ce sentiment d'échec.
Bonjour Emy, je me sens moins seule et tes mots en fin de vidéo me remonte. Tu es tellement courageuse et au fil de ton histoire tu as traversé des moments de déception lors de ton agrégation. Nous sommes là et traversons ensemble des difficultés, on se soutient ensemble, on t’aidera à te renforcer et tu nous aides à nous renforcer. Mon message arrive tard mais je serai toujours lá pour te soutenir et discuter avec toi ici ou ailleurs. Prends soin de toi Emy 💗💗 Sandrina 🌸
I haven’t started watching the video yet however, I just wanted to say that it’s crazy how the title accurately describes my current situation right now. It’s truly been difficult to deal with this concept/feeling of failure; whilst not being able to resonate with people around me. Worst part is letting others down and not meeting those crazy expectations society sets for you. Thank you for sharing this video!! 💗
at least you are still trying. never stop trying cos, if you do, it's incredibly difficult to get going again.
I relate to what you are saying. I also struggle with anxiety that eventually climaxed in my own dark night of the soul. I atttached my self-esteem to my career. When that was challenged, you could say I self-destructed. Now I work on my self-care through CBT, exercise et aussi, j'ai recommencé à apprendre le français. Ça me fait plaisir.
I relate to being the first in your family to do something and how hard it is. I studied biology in uni and a lot of my peers had doctors as parents. Its such an advantage to have someone in your home or family who knows what to do to get into certain fields. I’m on a path to become a dentist and I would spend hours upon hours researching about how to apply to dental school and how to prepare for the competitive exam.
There is no way to be ready for the exam to get into dental school without purchasing expensive study programs. You need resources and people who are in the know about the test.
I sympathize with you. Wishing you well.
If a book is to be published about what you wanted to do on vegetarism in litterature, be sure i'll buy it multiple times !
We are all rooting for you, talented Emy !
I’ve been following you for a long time and I completely understand how enormous emotions can get in such difficult times.. you are really intelligent .. well educated.. creative and innovative.. so I think you’ve got all what it takes to succeed after you overcome these obstacles in your way. Stay hopeful and stay strong! Really wish you all the best.
We went through very similar struggles, you and me: going to Paris, far away from family and friends and having to deal with mental illness (and physical illness as well in my case), struggling to pass l'agrégation (I finally passed it, the third time, after three years of sacrifices and self-hatred for not being smart enough) especially when you know nobody who has done this before. All of this mixed with an anxious temper can be very destructive... But we are not failures, on the contrary. And what you do on line proves just that: you have such a brilliant mind, you are creative and compassionate, among so many things. You will be recognized the way you deserve to be.
Being a First-generation college student is tough. I am one as well.
Anyway, I enjoy your videos!
I paraphrased it a bit.
"It's really up to YOU to know when it is good to continue persevering with something or when it is good turning to something new and also celebrating what you have even though it is difficult sometimes. Balance is the key. It is important to voice your sadness, your disappointments, your regrets. It can be depressing however acknowledge those feelings and don't let anyone tell you otherwise... but at the same time count your blessings. "
-Antastesia
Hi Emy, your mental health issues are not a failing, your emotions are an inevitable response to the very real stresses in your life. You moved to Paris away from your family and friends, your parents separated and you started university - anyone would struggle in those circumstances. That was a lot to deal with. But you found what worked - counselling and your passion for literature. You know what makes you happy and what doesn't, so follow your better instincts and you'll continue to thrive. And look at all these positive comments! I hope they make you feel good - and loved.
I totally agree with what you say at the end: the importance of finding a balance between perseverance and letting go, and the importance of finding other ways to do what's matter to us. Just like you, at the end of the day, literature (and art) is the most important thing to me, and there are so many ways to live this passion.
Going back to therapy for a while is a brave and smart decision.
I know you’ve been hesitant to take medication, but it may help you a lot. I have been on an off lexapro for many years (only off because of living in a country where I can’t get it) and it has helped me more than any of the other things that bring me joy like family, friends, yoga, etc. You are a kind and sensitive person and we live in a world that can be very cruel. I think that’s where a lot of your anxiety and depression come from.
Hey Emy! Sorry to hear things are getting so difficult for you at the moment. Are you considering taking the agregation as a "candidat libre"? After 5 years of experience, you'll be able to take the "agreg interne", have you considered that as well? I don't know anyone who passed the agregation externe the first time they tried it. I am "agrégée" myself (in English) and I passed it after 3 attempts two years ago while I was working full time in a high school (I passed the capes ten years ago). These competitive exams are tough (especially for mental health) but they become easier the 2nd/ 3rd time. Good luck with all this, your PhD and everything, I hope you won't give up because dreams are important, especially if you're passionate about literature.
So you can take that exam as many times as you want?
@@mohammedamine3298 yes you can, some people take it 7-8 times before passing it (you can take it only once a year). It's not an ordinary exam, it's a competitive exam with a 7 to 10% success rate. It's really challenging.
I've never been a very good student or good at social situations and have been trying to get better. I used to think that my life would be perfect if I were a harder worker or were more outgoing. I used to feel very depressed about it. It's just good to see someone who has the opposite problem. Stay Strong. It'll all work out in the end. :)
your video particularly touched me, thank you for your precious honesty, it really does help me..
I’m 15 and I’m in high school, before the beginning of this year I had really good marks, in every subjects and I was very happy about it, but now I can’t stop failing in some subjects like maths or physics. For the first time of my life, I had a maths test and I literally couldn’t do any exercises, I failed and i continue failing. And the most difficult for me is to see everybody else succeeding. Well I’m sorry my little story isn’t that interesting but sharing some of this helps me in a certain way.!! I know that we can’t be good at everything, I know that things need work and time and determination, oh la la, life isn’t always easy guys but I hope you’ll be able to do what you’re passionate about, have a nice day y’all
Thank you. I feel identified with what you say. I ask you not to get tired and if you do, rest and continue. I studied literature here in mexico and i am struggling to learn french. Courage!
Thanks for sharing your story. It made me feel less alone
I know you will hear this all the time but things do happen , not for a “reason” but kind of. Things happen good or bad. It may work out in a year or perhaps 5 years but things push you in a new direction and these things will become positive. I left my 3 rd year at uni feeling miserable and so low in confidence. I took a new decision and went back to college. Now 5 years later I’m lecturing at that same college and feel I’m at the begging of a positive path. I’m 33 and followed many different, unsuccessful paths. Eventually the right path opens up and like mine could be completely different from the path you once envisaged! Keep as positive as possible but sometimes you just need to flow with the sadness. Love to you and enjoy th new journey xxxx
so happy to see you back
You are not alone. I think most of us experience or have experienced what you are talking about. I can't speak for anyone else but I for one am in a similar situation to you. So just please know you are not alone and I hope things get better for you.
Tu n'es pas la seule à avoir ce sentiment d'échec malgré tes accomplissements ! L'important est de ne pas laisser tomber même si la vie est difficile. Courage
hi i just posted on my friends phone. i just want to say that spending time alone. i have spent a lot of time alone. and the inner critic is so loud. and i constantly feel like i have to better myself and constantly self improve. but i'm not a project. i am a human being. there are so many adequacies we can strive towards and achieve. and we can do. and accomplish!. we also have to let go. you made a choice and looked at the pros and cons and you became a teacher. ppl make the best decision they can make at the time. you are an expert at literature! that's wonderful. and we can look back at what ifs and such. its a process. and i think we just come to the top of the mountain and to hell with the past and what ifs."i am good at what i do! and i am doing it! " i had a neighbour hes like really old he smokes pot everyday. and hes like giving me advice or something and it went along the lines of do what do like to do when your in "the zone". the zone being the thing you like to do. even if it's making soup, or taking photos or making bread or running jumping. you like it you do it! your not hurting anyone or yourself. so you can do what you wish. Sorry, Emy. that i am on the outside looking in. we can comment on your life but it's your life. and a much as i could say things maybe people who know you personally would have alot to say that would be very meaningful to you. goodluck!
Emy,
T'écouter m'apaise et me fait sentir moins seule dans mes émotions et pensées. Merci de partager ta vulnérabilité avec nous. Cela me touche beaucoup.
Je sais combien il est douloureux d'échouer et de devoir reporter ou faire une croix sur certains rêves. Je n'ai malheureusement pas de solution pour se sentir mieux vis à vis de cela. Je t'envoie tout mon soutien ♥️
Je n'ai jamais vraiment mis de long commentaires sous tes vidéos. J'étais une abonnée plutôt discrète. Mais aujourd'hui il est temps. Je te suis depuis plusieurs années sur youtube et j'ai regardé toutes tes vidéos. Ma meilleure amie et moi te considèrons comme la youtubeuse la plus inspirante et "éveillée" de la plateforme.
J'admire ta persévérance, ton courage, "ta poésie", ton organisation, ta pédagogie, ta force de travail, ton intelligence & ta passion pour les sujets qui te touchent.
Je te suis également extrêmement reconnaissante de produire le contenu que tu fais sur youtube. Tu as permis à beaucoup de gens de découvrir la littérature sous un nouvel angle mais aussi permis d'éveiller les consciences concernant le veganisme et le féminisme (entre autres). Tu es une personne dont j'adorerai être l'amie.
N'oublie pas tes réussites. Tu as permis d'influencer positivement de nombreuses vies, y compris la mienne. Merci pour ce que tu fais pour ce monde ♥️
Merci pour ton témoignage, la limite dont tu parles vis à vis de continuer à essayer ou arrêter de "perdre" son temps me parle beaucoup. J'ai l'impression que cette question devient incessante au fur et à mesure que l'anxiété, la pression (venant des autres, des injonctions sociales ce que tu relis au capitalisme mais aussi de nous même) augmente. Je n'ai malheureusement pas de solution, si ce n'est que te proposer (si ce n'est pas déjà pensé) d'aller voir une personne proposant une approche thérapeutique de type TCC (thérapie comportementale et cognitive) que je trouve vraiment efficace face à l'anxiété, les phobie, les pensées ruminantes etc
I can't describe how much I relate to this video espicially the part of been a good student, I thought i was the perfect person and then I graduated highschool and it all fell apart and I really hated myself so much I thought I should die, I tried to forget about that period of my life and pretend it never happened but I found out recently that it has left its marks on me, i am so much more terrified of the futur now and very concious of everything I do, most of the time I feel like a fraud always trying to hide and at times it becomes tiring
Elle réchauffe le cœur ta vidéo, parce qu’on comprend qu’on est pas seuls à ressentir ça. Ça va pas très fort non plus pour moi en ce moment, je suis aussi anxieuse et introvertie, c’est pas facile. Avant la fac, j’avais de très bons résultats, tout allait pour le mieux. Je suis en deuxième année d’anglais à la fac et malgré la passion que j’ai pour l’anglais et la littérature, je n’arrive pas à avoir des notes qui me conviennent. J’ai peur, tout le temps, de ne pas être à la hauteur, de tout rater. J’ai aussi cette pression d’être la première de ma famille proche à aller à l’université. Je te souhaite tout le courage du monde et te soutiens à fond! Merci pour tout ❤️
Un de mes professeur d'histoire retentait depuis plusieurs années l'agreg lorsque j'étais au lycée. Il faut t'accrocher si c'est ce qui te motive vraiment (malgré les ennuis et les difficultés). Par exemple lors de mes études j'ai été refusée à toutes les écoles sélectives sauf une très loin de chez moi, j'y suis allée et je suis revenue à mon point d'origine par équivalence par la suite. Il faut s'accrocher pour ses rêves et surtout penser à soi et ne pas trop en demander à soi même si on a pas le courage mentalement. Une pause peut faire du bien aussi. Une recherche non officielle peut aussi aboutir à un livre. Merci pour tes vidéos et continue tes projets !
Juste un mot pour t'encourager, tes vidéos ne sont pas négatives elles sont authentiques...tu me manques beaucoup sur UA-cam...tu es l'une des rares personnes que je suis autant ...bisous et pleins d'ondes positives !:)
i can relate,we are all going through this so you are not alone!
peace
Je ne comprends pas les dislike, merci pour ce partage 🙏
les gens aiment faire du mal à celleux qui souffrent déjà (en tout cas ils s'imaginent faire cela vu que les dislikes ne me font ni chaud ni froid!)
@@Antastesia En plus ça te fait quand même monter dans les référencements :P
Hello!
Je sais pas si tu te rends compte à quel point t'es vidéos sont importantes, surtout celles dans ce genre la (même si j'apprécie énormément celles sur la politique et la littérature!)
Même si ça parle de sujets "négatifs", c'est toujours un énorme soulagement de pouvoir t'entendre parler. Je veux absolument pas faire preuve d'autodiagnostique en disant que je suis dépressive, mais je me sens vraiment perdue et déprimée en générale et t'écouter parler me fait énormément de bien 💙
tu possèdes un incroyable sens de la dramaturgie..tu es une actrice-née ( dans le bon sens) ..tu as le talent de créer une atmosphère théâtrale, ..on dirait un film de bergman avec liv ulmann, .chaque mot que tu prononces me touche profondément...on ne peut pas rester insensibles..
Your videos are truly valuable to me !
Fairytales r sold to us beginning our childhood so i feel like our generation is disphased with reality and this kills our high expectations we built on life is simple ... noooo way life is sooo hard and its only the beginning just be prepared to fail many times i am learning this too if u want it from the bottom of ur heart failure is the journey tooo, failing one time is nothing just hold ur vision and fight for it . Reality is ur bff and this can only make u stronger and prepare better...
Salut Emy !
Je me retrouve beaucoup dans ta vidéo notamment dans ce truc de persévérance .. continuer ? arrêter ? A quel prix ?
Au lycée, j’étais une bonne élève intéressée par les humanités, heureuse d'aller en classe, d'apprendre . J'avais ma place, tout le monde me disait que j'allais réussir , que j'avais les capacités de me lancer dans plein de choses. Douée pour les arts plastiques, je me suis lancée dans les études aux beaux arts. Je suis arrivée confiante, pleine d’énergie et de curiosité, c'était vraiment ce que je voulais faire.
Ces études ont été difficiles , mais pas pour les raisons que j'avais imaginée. ..
ça serait long de tout détailler, mais cela à profondément ébranlé la confiance que j'avais en moi même . Je me suis plus perdue que trouvée, et je pense que j'ai commencé à développer pas mal d'anxiété depuis ces années là.
Pourtant je voulais réussir, je travaillais. Mais montrer mon travail, le développer est devenu hyper stressant pour moi . Malgré tout j'ai toujours réussi mes examens, et souvent avec de bonne remarques, mais au prix d’énormément d'angoisses, de remise en questions permanentes, de phases très douloureuses .. Ces "réussites" n'en avaient jamais le goût . Je n’étais jamais contente de moi, sereine.
Ma légèreté et mon insouciance se sont évanouies dans ma pratique artistique.
En plus de ça je me suis un peu acharnée, j'ai fait 3 écoles différentes sans jamais y trouver vraiment mon compte
Je ne comprenais pas ce qui m'arrivais et les questions de santé mentales étaient loin de moi . Je ne savais pas où trouver de l'aide. Internet, UA-cam n’était pas aussi développé sur ces questions, et ma famille ne savait pas quoi dire parce qu'au final de l’extérieur j'avais l'air de gérer, ils m'avaient supporté (financièrement et moralement) dans mes choix d'études qui m'avaient paru si évidents. Puis toute ces questions existentielles, c'était loin d'eux aussi, mes parents n'ont pas non plus un très haut niveau d'étude, même si probablement plus de moyens que les tiens.
Tout ça m'a fait douter de mes désirs/envies profondes et de mon identité. .
Aujourd'hui, 2 ans après ma fin d'étude, je ne me sens pas beaucoup plus avancée. je ne sais plus trop ce que je voudrais faire. Je continue de faire de l'art mais sans y croire. Je vivote sur des petits boulots et avec l'aide de mes parents..
Qui suis-je si je ne suis plus la fille qui aime dessiner, créer , inventer ?
Il est passé où le sérieux et l'ardeur que j'avais dans mes projets ? Et le fun ..?
En ce moment je lis rupture(s) de Claire Marin, c'est une lecture qui fait du bien parce que pour elle l’échec n'est pas forcément toujours vertueux, plein d'enseignements ou d'occasions de nouveau départ.
Un passage vers la fin, qui cite Marion Muller-Colard à fait écho en moi et résonne aussi avec ta vidéo :
" Nous pensons qu'il existe quelque chose comme un contrat, une justice qui s'applique à la vie des hommes. Chacun dans sa propre mythologie , définit le "pourquoi de sa vie et la définition des bases du contrat qui la rend acceptable". Mais l’épreuve de la maladie, du handicap, de la mort d'un proche, rompt les contrats et nous donne l'impression d'une terrible injustice. Il n'y a pas d'enclos qui nous protège. Ces croyances s'effondrent sous le choc du réel. Le drame, l'accident sont autant de ruptures de contrats implicites que l'on passe en secret avec une divinité, le destin, la fortune ou les dieux de la rationalité statistique [...]
Comment passer de l'instant où nous réalisons que la vie ne peut se vivre sous garantie à celui où nous serons capables de continuer à nous lever le matin sans certitude, ni perfection, ni sécurité absolue ?
Comment revenir à l'existence sans cette insouciance qui a été la notre jusqu'à la catastrophe, comment vivre avec l'incertitude, sur les ruines de notre ancienne confiance ? Que faire quand l'épreuve nous rompus, vidés de notre sans , de notre énergie? Comment ne pas nous laisser engloutir par l'incertitude, par la crainte d'un autre malheur ? Ou trouver le courage d'être en dépit de la Menace ?
Dans la joie. Prendre le risque de vivre, c'est faire le pari des joies possibles. Et avoir la force de se souvenir même dans la nuit tragique, de l’étincelle de joie qui se tenait en elle. "
Bon après elle parle du sourire des enfants et j'ai un peu décroché.
Désolé pour ce pavé.
We missed you ❤️ thanks for opening up to us
Hey, je suis pas assez à l'aise pour écrire un commentaire élaboré en anglais, j'espère que ça ne pose pas de problème d'écrire en français
Je voulais vraiment vous remiercier, déjà pour cette vidéo (c'est rassurant de voir qu'on est pas seul à traverser des périodes difficiles, comme vous l'avez déjà dit). Ensuite pour tout votre travail sur youtube, je trouve ça vraiment cool de pouvoir utiliser cette plateforme pour partager du contenu "éducatif", du moins sérieux. J'ai appris beaucoup de choses grâce à cette chaine, notamment sur des sujets de société et c'est vraiment génial d'avoir un espace qui parle de littérature de manière si naturelle et passionnée. Je trouve ça difficile de partager ce qu'on a pu tirer d'un livre avec des gens qui ne lisent pas, ça m'a fait du bien de voir tes vidéos sur certains livres -que j'avais pu lire ou non- parce que ça m'a permit d'approfondir le sujet et d'avoir d'autres grilles de lecture. Je dis pas tout ça pour mettre une quelconque pression sur le fait de faire plus de vidéos, tout ce qui est déjà là est incroyable :)
(C'est un peu un commentaire hors sujet du coup mais j'espère que ça apportera quand même un peu de positif)
I love you Emy. I hope you feel better soon.
En fait, ça s'appelle grandir...tomber, se relever, recommencer et faire avec... soi...apprendre à se connaître, se décevoir mais être fière de soi aussi.
it's so fucking nice to put your vid in the background and get some work done in the same time
Il y a toujours l' *agrégation interne* que tu peux passer, n'oublies pas. Faudrait voir comment d'autres profs se sont organisés pr la passer en interne mais ce pourrait être une éventualité, une fois que te sentiras assez forte psychologiquement et installée dans une routine dans ton travail. Peut-être que faire de la recherche est encore possible pour toi. Je l'espère !
Nope negativity isn't annoying to me at all, I think if someone has a hard time with negative thoughts they have a hard time with negative emotions because the 2 are correlated and it's part of life, knowing half of people doesn't really interest me, the whole spectrum of them will be there. Also it makes me sad to hear anyone say they are worthless. Also I value intelligence(emotional/spiritual intelligence too) and authenticity, and when I meet someone who has synesthesia they really think they aren't smart and here I am excited, one was ambidextrous and weaved and yeah I just find that brain specifically fascinating and my favorite. I'm a bit jealous that nepotism is a reality. You are still very intelligent with or without accolades or credibility but this world is what it is and people measure their worth on these social or academic achievements, you're still smart as fuck and there is negatives to being intelligent. I'm autistic and to me it's very easy to switch up doctrines and belief systems interchangeably beyond 1 biased polarity. I want to understand people. and I have a friend I guess who has Dissociative identity disorder(DID) and I'm more understanding than judgmental and when she talks about these things and how it manifests, essentially they have a lot of trauma and they fragment and their personality is like a protector, their "Job" is just to protect the "host" so it doesn't happen again, this trauma. Also I like neurodiverse better then autism because it's such a huge umbrella and people have a different neurotype(brain operating system), to me people are very transparent to their core, soul and their motives and I'm weird, like part of my brain is atrophied and this world calls it a "Disability" how nice.... doesn't make you feel like a piece of shit at all....(sarcasm) I think less than 10 people in my life really understood me, so the desire to be understood out ways anything for me. It feels like you can see out but they can't see in. This current narrative being played out about mental health is shit, the society is still unwilling to accommodate for the "other" whatever that may be, not limited to just race, gender or sexuality, but also human sensitivity. Also now I'm emotional typing this, you are one of my favorite people, and I would be so sad if you decided to leave(suicide), I would cry, but I would totally understand. Also I always loved your colored hair! Also because this perspective feels like a half in half out perspective Inside I feel androgynous(always have), but I don't care enough to be offended by my "pronoun." Simple he is fine, I don't care.
Coucou Emy, je ne suis qu'au début de ta vidéo et ce que tu dis me fait penser à une réflexion que j'ai eu plusieurs fois ces derniers temps : j'ai souvent le sentiment d'être née de manière asymétrique. C'est comme si je percevais une grande asymétrie entre deux parties de moi qui ont beaucoup de mal à vivre ensemble. D'un côté, je peux percevoir les choses de manière lucide et rationnelle, je sais exactement ce que je dois faire pour atteindre mes objectifs et le chemin pour y arriver est clair, ma rationalité sais comment penser et faire les choses, mais le problème c'est de l'autre côté car de l'autre côté, c'est comme si mes émotions m'empêchaient de réaliser toutes ces choses de manière rationnelle. Je sais ce que j'aimerais, comment j'aimerais le faire, mais mes émotions me bloquent. Elles ne sont pas positionnées au même niveau que ma rationalité ce qui fait qu'il y a une grande différence (à ma grande tristesse) entre ce que je souhaiterais faire et ce que je peux émotionnellement donner. C'est comme si j'étais mature au niveau rationnel mais que je ne l'étais pas au niveau émotionnel. Et cela rend les choses très compliquées. Je ne sais pas si tu ressens parfois ça aussi mais quoi qu'il en soit le début de tes propos dans ta vidéo m'ont fait penser à cette réflexion que j'ai eu ces derniers temps. Je te souhaite une belle soirée,
Emilie
Merci pour cette vidéo (je réponds en français, j'ai peur de ne pas réussir à bien m'exprimer en anglais), c'était si intéressant et étonnamment réconfortant. Écouter tes échecs et comment tu t'en sors avec est super utile. Parce que je suis en terminale, que comme toi j'ai toujours été la meilleure de ma classe sans vraiment travailler, mais que même mes parents n'ont jamais montré une once d'échec, ils donnent l'impression d'avoir tout réussi. Et c'est effrayant. Parce que je n'ai aucune idée de comment je vais réagir à l'échec quand il va me tomber dessus, qu'en plus j'ai peur de faire honte à mes parents pour avoir échoué, que j'espère être prise l'année prochaine dans une prepa super sélective qui ne prend que 3 L par an, et j'ai peur de ne pas l'avoir. Mais le pire c'est que ce que je veux vraiment faire c'est psycho. Sauf que j'ai peur de ne pas réussir à avoir de boulot après. Donc je n'y vais pas. Je ne vais même pas tenter. Je suis terrorisée par l'échec parce qu'il m'est totalement inconnu, et j'ai l'impression qu'écouter les échecs des autres m'aide à comprendre ce que c'est, à l'apprivoiser et à en avoir moins peur pour quand ça arrivera, alors merci de nous partager ça. Parce que ça ne doit pas être facile du tout, mais c'est réconfortant de voir que les gens que je vois comme des modèles de réussite ont échoué quelque part. Que tout le monde va échouer un jour, et que donc quand ce sera mon tour ce ne sera pas la fin du monde. Bref, merci. (ainsi que pour toutes tes autres vidéos que je ne commente jamais)
Je me reconnais beaucoup dans ce que tu dis. Je me dis souvent que "le véritable échec, ce n'est pas de ne pas réussir, c'est de ne pas essayer"
Je ne sais pas si tu connais la chaîne UA-cam "Esther" mais je pense que beaucoup de ses vidéos et de ses podcasts ("Se Sentir Bien") pourraient t'intéresser...
@@hanna9849 merci beaucoup, je connais sa chaîne mais je suis jamais allée écouter ses podcasts, j'irai :)
@@Elo-vu9vf je confirme, les podcasts d'Esther sont life-changing pour appréhender l'échec, la confiance en soi, son rapport à soi et aux autres etc.
I believe this experience is preparing you for an incredible future novel
Hello, je n'ai pas encore fini ta vidéo mais je comprends. Comme toi, je viens de la classe moyenne/basse et je suis la première à faire autant d'études. Pour moi aussi les portes se sont fermées à plusieurs reprises (je veux devenir vétérinaire). Et j'ai moi aussi des problèmes de santé mentale. C'est si compliqué, et on se sent si seul, et le sentiment d'injuste est atroce. Merci pour cette vidéo
I relate to everything you say! I was exactly the same as you in school - always the top of my class, great at literature languages etc but not maths and I was also very disorganised - but didn’t think it was important. I hit a wall after uni. I managed to go to Oxford which is one of the most prestigious schools in the UK but afterwards I didn’t know what to do with my life. I am also from a lower social class than the average who goes to Oxford and I noticed that other people who were from similar backgrounds had similar struggles in a way. It’s hard. Anyway life got better for me after some time, I had lots of journeys and weird experiences... even if things don’t always go my way... I’ve had an interesting life so far! More interesting than people who have success handed to them on a plate. And I’m sure you can say the same!
Ive followed you for a long time and it’s funny how much I relate to you - even down to the asexual thing.
Merci pour cette vidéo ! Je vis moi meme un gros échec en ce moment au niveau scolaire et la vidéo me parle bien. C'etait tres interessant d'avoir un autre point de vu :) je sais que c'est tres tres décourageant ce que tu as traversé, tu as fait ce que tu as pu et c'est tres impressionant d'avoir reussi les écrits de l'agreg! Tu as encore le temps et il existe des moyens pour reussir tes projets ❤❤❤ tout mon soutien
C’est ouf pcq j’ai tourné une video qui aborde exactement cet aspect de l’échec ! Je suis archi d’accord ac toi ! 😘
I send you courage for your future projects Emy
Coucou Emy
Je comprends tellement tes ressentis, pour les avoir moi-même ressentis tant de fois. Sentir que sa santé mentale nous échappe est tellement difficile, on se sent si impuissante, nulle parfois.
Je sais que ça semble très creux de le dire comme ça mais ça va le faire. Je comprends complètement que tu n'aies pas envie de te dire que les échecs n'en sont pas car ils ouvrent des portes et blablabla mais comme tu le dis si justement en conclusion : "tu n'es pas seule". On est plein à traverser ça, à l'avoir traversé et dépassé aussi. Parfois il y a des allers retours, de nouveaux échecs qui sont douloureux, mais on se relève. Je t'envoie plein de force et d'amour.
I had something similar happen, I won't go into it too much but basically I want to move back to the UK (I grew up moving between Aus/UK but went to uni in Aus, because it's way cheaper and you get paid to study) and found out- literally a day before I was meant to hand in my notice that I cannot teach over there as a qualified teacher because they do not understand NSW (my state) accreditation steps. It hurt so much to know that whilst, yes, I could still go, I could not go in the same capacity. I felt excluded from my own country and like I had spent 4 years at university for nothing- the worst thing is, I could go to NZ and be a fully qualified teacher with my current quals, and then use that to get qualified teacher status in the UK, so it's really just beaurocracy. However, I am trying to remain positive, it was before I handed in my notice so I still have a fulltime job (although I don't really want to work fulltime, but more thinking of the money), I can stay in my current accommodation, I've signed up for rock climbing gym which I am enjoying. I'm also going to Japan skiing in the school holidays (I feel so isolated in Australia, because it's so expensive to travel and I get travel sick so it's a big deal for me to do long flights) +a stopover in Manila that I plan to make the most of. Having money does help to make me feel I have some choices. I don't know if I will still be here next year, I'm looking at my options but it really helps to hear that other people are in the same boat- hitting up against walls and feeling like shit because of it. It's not nice to be unhappy but you're not alone and there are always good things in life even if we don't see/feel them.
Merci pour ce partage si précieux 💜 Peut être que la vie essaye de te faire comprendre quelque chose à travers cette épreuve... en tout cas je suis convaincue que de belles choses t'attendent, tu y mets du tien donc ça marchera :)
Je suis de tout cœur avec toi
I feel you. I currently try to prepare my agrégation in German and I also have to work full time. Life in Paris ist just to expensive :( I'm not sure I'll make it since I only have classes from the CNED. It's discouraging to learn when you feel like you won't make it anyways....
Coucou Emy, j’apprécie énormément ton contenu et cette vidéo (étrangement) me réconforte et me permet de réaliser combien nous sommes nombreux dans cette situation. Comme toi, je suis la première de ma famille à avoir fait des études supérieures, et avoir intégré une école dite d’élite, Sciences Po Paris donc ce sentiment de ne pas connaître les codes, je l’ai aussi ressenti à maintes reprises. En plus de cela, le fait d’être une femme noire venant de région, « l’integration » et l’acceptation des autres n’a pas nécessairement été simple non plus.
Récemment encore, j’ai passé l’examen du Barreau qui prépare à l’entrée de l’école d’avocat ( pour simplifier), et toutes les difficultés de préparation dont tu as parlé, le fait de ne pas avoir la possibilité de t’arrêter de travailler, je l’ai vécu aussi.
Afin de ne pas être trop longue, il y a quelque chose que tu as dit qui a fait écho à ce que j’ai pu réaliser avec le temps en faisant face à toutes ces difficultés. J’espère que tu comprendras ce que je souhaite exprimer, mais à mes yeux une des façons de surmonter l’échec dans la vie, c’est réaliser que notre valeur en tant qu’être humain ne se résume pas à nos succès/ réalisations. Je dis cela car moi même j’ai été confrontée à cela. Arriver dans une école d’élite, et réaliser que je n’étais pas aussi « bonne » que ce que je pensais être, car au lycée j’avais de très bonne notes, m’a permis de réaliser que j’avais placée mon estime au mauvais endroit. The Guardian a d’ailleurs sorti un article à ce sujet, je t’en conseille la lecture.
Cela fait très fleur bleu de le dire, mais tes échecs ne te définissent pas, et n’oublies surtout pas que l’échec vécu a l’instant T ne te condamne pas pour l’avenir.
Parfois au lieu de regarder à ce que l’on a pas réussi à réaliser, regardons davantage le chemin parcouru. Le système éducatif Français est très inégalitaire et la meritocratie est un mythe (désolée 😊), donc regarde ton parcours, ta réussite et même tes échecs avec bienveillance. Réussir son parcours académique alors même que l’on a pas les codes sociaux ni même économiques, c’est un exploit a applaudir et à apprécier.
Tu es vraiment précieuse, et lorsque je regarde tes vidéos, je ressens une profonde bienveillance qui ne court hélas pas les rues. Ne baisse pas les bras, je comprends absolument tout ce que tu dis, sache que nous sommes bien nombreux à avoir expérimenté ce dont tu fais le récit aujourd’hui.
Je t’embrasse et te souhaite le meilleur ✨☀️😘
Ps: ton contenu est formidable, keep up and don’t let go.
Thanks for sharing 🙏, many are facing similar difficulties...
In a similar place. Best wishes. Praying for you.
"Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up." :)
My girlfriend has a very similar experience to you in her studies in terms of the difficulty of financing your studies when you don't come from a privileged background, having to work weekends, which impacts on the quality of her study etc.
But hey in your case can you do the exam again? Prepare for it again and do it in a year's time? Don't give your dream in any case, you can and will definitely still achieve it if you stay with it. :)
Peace.
I watch your video to familiarise with french words pronunciations. Also, its interesting to hear other people's opinions and most of the subject that you covers are interesting by nature.
Je vois dans ce que vous racontez dans cette vidéo la formidable matière d'un roman (votre région d'origine que vous aimez tant, vos amis d'enfance, votre famille d'origine modeste, votre coup de foudre pour la littérature, vos rêves d'adolescente, l'arrivée à Paris, l'université, les crises d'angoisses, l'isolement, la dépression, en parallèle et cela me semble le plus important: votre cheminement intellectuel, politique et spirituel)
Une sorte d'"éducation sentimentale" moderne (qui est il me semble un livre que vous aimez), ce que vit notre génération.
Merci pour cette vidéo très touchante ❤ I feel you ❤ tout mon soutien pendant ces périodes difficiles
Would you consider going to a different country like the US to get your PhD? I don’t think you should not give up on getting your PhD...like you mentioned perseverance it’s what gets us where we want to be. Not always easy but sometimes trying again can get us what we want. 🤗💕
Thank you for sharing this. I can relate so much. Please keep making videos.
Je me souviens avoir écouté une interview d’Elisabeth Badinter un jour, il y a une éternité. J’ai oublié le contexte, ni le pourquoi du comment j’ai décidé de m’attarder sur cette tranche de vie. Peut-être parce qu’à 15 ans je rêvais d’être philosophe. Quoi qu’il en soit, je me souviens d’une chose qu’elle avait mentionnée, car c’était un exemple de persévérance qui m’avait semblé rare (et c’est toujours le cas, maintenant que ça me revient à l’esprit en t’écoutant) :
elle a concouru l’agrégation de philosophie CINQ fois avant de réussir à l’obtenir. C-I-N-Q 👀
Un certain nombre de personnes de son entourage a trouvée ridicule qu’elle« s’acharne » après tant d’échecs, mais poursuivre dans la voie académique était également son rêve si j’ai bien compris.
J’ignore si cette anecdote peut t’aider à retrouver un peu d’espoir pour poursuivre ton rêve. Tu es vraiment très intelligente et tes pensées sont originales et passionnantes (c’est un scoop pour personne ici qui t’écoute depuis longtemps, avec bienveillance et bonne foi en tout cas), l’université a indubitablement besoin d’une personnalité comme la tienne. 🤔
Take care 😘
Totalement d'accord !
Thank you for this video and your honesty about this topic!
If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m always here to help. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re failing all the time.
Can you take the exam again?
Gracias mujer por abrir tus pensamientos con nosotros. Estoy completamente de acuerdo. Son nociones estructurales. Pero seremos más fuertes, venceremos desde a dentro, con una revolución en nuestras cabezas y corazones. Un abrazo.
Do you think it's possible for you to come back to live at your mother's and prepare agregation to the closest university ?
(Just asking, I imagine it's difficult..)
Les études universitaires sont parfois si rudes. Psychologiquement mentalement financièrement... un redoublement ou un echec et c est rude. Jai aussi eu tellement de mal. Quand on est seule sans moyen sans soutien ni conseils on bricole et cest si dur parfois. Quand on a pas de quoi manger et qu'on fait des missions d interim alors qu ona bac + 5 ... j'ai versé des larmes... beaucoup de larmes ...
Why not do a PhD abroad? Much more funding opportunities in England, Germany etc...I did mine in English lit in Spain, which worked out cheaper overall.
In any case, hard work does pay off and I have no doubt you’ll get there. Keep in touch with academia as much as you can, and you can slowly start working on a research plan, even if it’s baby steps.
About the agreg... I’ve just signed up for the 2020 session and I’ll show up in March with literally zero prep as I also work full time. But it’s extremely rare that people get it the first time, you can try again !! You’ll be even more pleased. What would be cool is for people like us who are preparing for it « alone » and aren’t part of a group studying for it at uni to get in touch and support each other.
Keep your chin up x
Stop with the self criticism! You are good! (It's Leona Lin, llyl2010) I wish I could give you a virtual hug!
I wish you peace of mind and success in your future endeavors. Thank you for this video ❤️