Relationships are COMPLEX! So what worked for us may not work for you, but we hope there are pieces that can help!! THANK YOU for watching!! - Dawn & Tom R E L A T E D V I D E O S : How I found Minimalism: ua-cam.com/video/m7IyvfXanFI/v-deo.html How I've become a tidy person: ua-cam.com/video/sS-n_sPYNyU/v-deo.html How to declutter without making a mess: ua-cam.com/video/7yQqvQ99MVw/v-deo.html
3 families in my home. Me, my husband. My daughter and 4 year old grandson. My oldest brother. I can’t sleep for the stress of the clutter and working so hard on my faith in Christ to clean up my spiritual life. When I do get to sleep sometimes days !!! I wake to see that nothing has changed and straight back to overwhelming dread and stress and ultimately feeling depressed !! Then completely lost as what to do and where to start. For over a year or more I have begged and pleaded with everyone to please pick up, get ride of things that are just pulled out and left to get to something else. No one in my home has a desire for Christ or to unpack our home. At this point, every room is a dumping ground and no one care about either except me !! I need so much help and prayer bc I do feel like they go hand and hand. Is It just me that feels this way? Am I wrong? Please pray for me and my family that our lord will do a work in them to just see how I feel give them some compassion for Christ and let their eyes be opened to the peace of Christ and having a MUCH LESS cluttered home. I don’t even know if Im saying anything that makes since to anyone but myself. Much love to all and may the peace of Jesus be with you, IN JESUS HOLY NAME AMEN 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️✝️✝️
Love watching your videos Dawn. On my checklist I want man that's as good with diy like Tom. Where do you charge your mobile devices and keep it at night? ❤️🇿🇦
@@GiveIt_Time Maybe you can try decluttering one tiny thing at a time - a drawer or a cupboard. Or just clear off one table. It must be very overwhelming with so many family members not being in the boat. So glad you have Jesus on your boat though. 😊 Sending best wishes to you for some better days.
KaLeigh : Thank You so much ! And yes you are right, that is what I have to do ! Not long after posting that comment were thoughts and feelings that hit me. I know, no one else is bothered or cares about either their salvation or a over cluttered home. THIS IS MY HOME WHOME THE LORD HAS BLESSED ME WITH, THANK YOU JESUS !!! So this being my home . I will clean it !! Everything that is not mine or husbands will be put in box’s and put in the shed, if they look for or want it then they can go find it. I’ll be willing to bet they all will see me doing this and not even ask what im doing or even care or need / want anything that is out of their site. Thank You and God Bless You always 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️✝️✝️
Also, lots of love shown for each other. (I love the way he looks at her when she is talking! They are so cute together!) They are a great example for others to follow. ❤️
My husband is a packrat, but has joined me in simplifying (not quite at the same level yet, but progress is good) and he actually said to me a week ago about our bedroom, "I didn't think I'd like this, but it is actually very peaceful." Then just a couple days ago our house was getting a little untidy and he came to put a bag of his things away. When I asked what he was doing, he replied "Just putting my things away. I gotta do my part because our house is getting a little messy." This NEVER would have happened in the past. He us coming around because he is learning he likes our tidy simplified spaces.
Awww Andrea! When I read that your husband said, "Just putting my things away..." it gave me goosebumps! It finally clicked for him! He's on Team Simplify! So happy for you guys!!!
Dawn, you are changing the world, one home at a time. =) Maybe more importantly, you are changing the world of each of the individuals in those homes. ❤️
When my children were young my grandfather became ill and I had to go out of town for a couple of days. My husband took those days off to take care of the children. When I returned the first thing he said was "I will never again think when I get home from work 'what did you do all day'. I just didn't understand." There are just some days even with less stuff....
ThatsSassy What a blessing to have heard that when they were young. So many moms never hear this and doubt their abilities in taking care of their kids.
My husband recently traveled for work and stayed with family. Let's just say their home is NOT simplified. At all. After just a few short days there, my husband came home and expressed how grateful he was for the way we live. For all the work I've put in simplifying for the last 2 years. To quote him, For "How spoiled he's been to live this way." Even my son chimed in and said, "Mom, you have to LEARN how to live this way. We've learned how." Eureka! My guys are finally on board!!! It's been a long road, but everything I'm doing is 10000% with it! It was oh so gratifying to hear their words!
I heard of a woman who would tell her children in the late afternoon, "Let's tidy up the house so when Daddy gets home he'll know we've done our work too." I knew I had been working all day at home, but it didn't always show! This helped my attitude toward the end of the day (when I was getting SO tired!). It put my children and me on the same "team" to show our work for the day. I admit, I didn't always approach the evening this way but it was a game changer when I did =)
When what you do all day is raise human beings, your work may not be visible but there is no more important work♥️. Thanks so much for helping us reduce the load of the less important work of caring for stuff.😊
The beginning of this video made me remember how my mother used to dash around tidying both the house and us kids, getting dinner started before my father came home from work. She actually changed into a dress and then mixed him a drink as he was coming up the driveway. How times have changed!! In a big women's lib tirade, I once asked her why she did that and she answered that she loved him and wanted him to be happy to be home.
Kids are a blessing and you can choose to raise them be good and helpful. Many parents have better behaved kids because they invest their time in guiding and grooming their kids from an early age.
I've made 4 or five trips to goodwill and I couldn't even tell you most of what I gave away. Out of sight out of mind. Still a long way to go but it feels good to get two rooms easy to clean.
I agree that minimalism decreases the mental load in a family/home and decreases the time it takes to clean and/or make decisions. I'm glad you found a solution that works for your family! Dawn, in your story you were working and keeping the kids alive all day. Why did you have to also be the person responsible for cleaning their messes so another person feels less stressed? Why do you have to be the person that plans and makes the dinner you all eat after that person has finished their work? Why are you expected to be a teacher, housekeeper, chef, and graphic/website designer at the same time? Tom was only doing one job for part of the time. The fact that all of your jobs happen within the same general location as your leisure activities, does not lessen the mental and energy burden they place on you. I' assume Tom did and does a lot of things for your family while he is home (hello beautiful new deck!). The husband in the question you answered did not do much during the week. In response to the question, yes I do think the husband has too high of a standard if he thinks his wife should be doing 3+ jobs for 168 hours a week while he only does one for 40 hours and another for a couple hours on the weekend.
I guess my thought was she did it out of love. I think most women feel the load is a bit uneven. I think she wanted to make him happy because she loved him and in a sense saw herself in the same way of feeling like why am I Always over extending and still feeling behind. Just my opinion. 😇
Trying to keep 4 children, under 4, alive is a great accomplishment! The fact that you had some website & graphic design clients is going above & beyond! You two are fun to watch! 📹
Wait, getting this straight. So wife is caring for four babies, making money on her computer as well as doing the laundry and cooking most of the time and somehow that wasn’t enough? I’m very, very glad that you found such a great way to simplify your lives! I understand the frustration and feelings of failure so well!!! But so many of us live without acknowledging the stuff we DO and the victories we achieve while focusing on the mess.
Yeah i havent finished the video but i am feeing enraged by this concept! I am not a stay at home mum i work full time but why does she have to have everything perfect for him to walk into. She is working AND caring for FOUR kids. Like mate come home and maybe take the kids for half hour so she can tidy or spend half hour yourself cleaning or starting dinner
@@ceemay3981 This bothers me too. I have not always been able to make a peaceful environment for my husband. Fortunately he doesn't expect one, only appreciates it when it can be managed. But seriously, as the one dealing with all the chaos of children all day long it's not like anyone is creating a peaceful atmosphere for me to relax in at the end of the day when my nerves are shot.
I thought the same when she was telling about those years because it was the same at our house. I was working and had little kids and a mess. But my husband is a hard worker too.... I have simplified and life is better now. Much simpler and older kids! I have little kids still but don’t work at all outside the house
I’m very blessed that my husband NEVER complained. Ever. Even when he’d come home seeing a half eaten sandwich, wife still in pjs, supper not cooked and a crying baby. Baby in swing, wife in shower, he’d start a load washing and start on supper. When I returned to work after the kids were older he sat me down and said I would have to let him help. I couldn’t do it all. Now the kids have flown the nest and we miss that crazy time. We are working to simplify our house but loved that time in our lives.
I had the same reaction. Taking care of 4 kids, including a newborn, AND working from home? There should be literally no expectation that the house will look good at the end of the day.
I realised listening to you both that I actually try and declutter other members of the family items when actually it is me who has the most clutter 🤔 I am going to rethink and start by decluttering my own stuff ( which is harder) than theirs and blaming them for the mess 😀 ( which is really due to my own frustration). Thank you both
Omgosh soo true. Whenever I get frustrated by someone else's ways, I simply tell myself I can do so, - as soon as I pick up or do all the things I'M supposed to do. Shuts me right up or gets me happily working on my stuff instead of fixated on another's.
I did a major household purge back in January when I first found your channel. My husband was super skeptical at first, bc he grew up poor and couldn’t have “all the things.” So, while he HATES clutter, he was resistant to the idea of getting rid of kids’ toys especially. Recently, I told him I wanted to go to a community yard sale. He said, “What do you think we need? I miss my minimizing wife. Bring her back!” 😂 And, despite my best efforts, thanks to the generosity of friends and family and several birthdays this year, it’s time for another major purge. Minimalism is hard to maintain in our first-world culture! I feel inspired again by this video. Thanks for sharing!
My husband is the same way, we both grew up poor, but while I take it as we don’t need these things, he takes it as I want my kids to have all the things! LOL. But the concept of a silent to do list really spoke to him, and I am hoping that we get places soon 🤞🏻
Me to my husband: You can only see what I DIDN'T do today, not anything that I DID do today. He couldn't see how many meals and snacks I prepared all day - he only saw the dishes. He couldn't see how many clothes I washed/folded/put away because he could only see what laundry was still there. He couldn't see how many time I walked through the process of apology and forgiveness with our two kids, because there is no physical evidence of it. He couldn't see how many times I stopped to wipe bottoms, refill sippy cups, read books, wipe away tears, prayed for a lost lovie to be found and on and on, but because he saw unfinished activities, he assumed I accomplished nothing all day. After the 3rd time of me explaining that he can't yet see the evidence of what was done all day, he finally understood. He started helping with dishes without being asked and strated assuming that if the house WAS a wreck, it was a reflection of just how far I got in accomplishing ANYTHING I had set out to do that day, and he considered how discouraging that could be for me. Once that pressure was lifted off me, it was much less stressful to keep up because I didn't have the weight on me that he would be disappointed yet again, I knew he would instead be understanding. Perspective changes everything - for him and me. ❤
Love that laugh!! My husband is a primary school teacher. He asked that dreaded question a few times when our now teens were little and went on to say he had been looking after 25 kids all day. That never went down well.
I love how both of you try to balance being honest and being kind- it's a challenge sometimes with those we love. My husband has a MUCH higher threshold for clutter than I do and we have basically decided that he has one space- his den- that I don't touch. The exception- if we are having company, then I remind him in advance that we usually gather in his den and he'll do a clean-up. He is much more open to straighten up without any frustration or anger because I've not been nagging him daily for months about his things.
Anne Joyner oh I can relate to this. My husband didn’t mind clutter AT ALL! When I would ask him to put things away, he did. No problem. It all disappeared in a few minutes time. But, of course, everything had been shoved into cupboards and closets to the point where you couldn’t find anything else in there. Then later, I would “take care of it.” He didn’t even notice.
“If they have more toys, it’ll keep them more occupied. If there are more dishes, then there will likely be a clean ones in the cupboard. If we have more clothes, then we don’t have to do laundry so often.“ Omg, this just summed up our household. And with raising six kids it’s become so much inventory there’s absolutely no way to manage it. At least I try to keep the front room clean, so there’s initially a tidy visual when you first enter our home. (Does anyone else do that?) But the rest of the house needs so much purging. It’s so overwhelming...
I hear you! Want a tip for starting? Pick a lesser used drawer. Declutter it. Prove to yourself you can keep it clean. Build on that victory and gain momentum. 😉
I hear you! We have 5, and I’m definitely in the onion layer stage right now. I’ll declutter their clothes and toys and then in 2 months do it all over again because it’s still too much to manage. But it’s getting easier and honestly, my kids play way better with fewer toys now than they did with more 6 months ago. Plus, it’s so much easier to clean up!
Take that frustration and use it in your simplifying process. One of my favorite ways to deal with overwhelm is to remove things that aren’t essential. Momentum builds, and I feel better. I recommend it! Best wishes-you can do it!
when I started decluttering our house a year and a half ago my husband would tell me how nice the house looks and what a great job I was doing with not adding stuff to the house and I fed off that praise! now he's decluttering his old toys from the rafters and I'm praising him. our son is 10 and he's also a great helper. makes the house a happy home. I tell everyone i know and don't know, check out the minimal mom!!
I like the term clutter threshold. It makes so much sense why my husband doesn't like walking into our home after work-to see lots of unwashed dishes on the counter, or other things lying around. He wants to come home to find a relaxing and peaceful environment-not a dumpster filled with clutter, unclean dishes, things left unattended for several days. Clutter threshold. Honoring our families, promoting peace one household at a time! Thank you!
When my husband comes home from work he would never ever be discouraged by clutter or me not knowing what to make for dinner. He has worked 8 to 10 hours at work and he knows that I have worked 8 to 10 hours in the house. I have done the laundry, homeschooled the kids, worked in the homeoffice, cleaned the floors, the sink and what not and have taken care of the kids every second. My husband knows that. When he comes home everyone of us has had a hard work day so we cook together, tidy up together and spend time with the kids together. Why should a man's workday stop at 5pm while the woman keeps on working? That would not be fair.
Good stuff. I remember when my kids were little and everything seemed chaotic at home my husband Would stop at the supermarket parking lot and take a nap in his car before coming home to face us! Lol
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE CLEANED UP THESE SAME TOYS?" Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Omg, yes. I absolutely agree with your advice, Dawn, and I'm in the middle of it, where the hubby is realizing how much happier we are with so much less stuff despite being the biggest proponent of a "This could be useful someday" mentality. I spent YEARS feeling so resentful because the house was just so overwhelming, and when the husband would come home and give me THAT LOOK, I'd just feel like such a worthless clod to him. To your reader - please LISTEN. Dawn's giving you the absolute correct answer.
No you make a mistake when you clean up these toys day after day, time after time. You begin when your child begins taking toys from the toy box or shelves. Model picking up one at a time, maybe say toys name and get them repeat. Pick up should become as routine as taking a toy out. Next you probably have another child. You should have already begun telling older child you need to put that back if done playing with it. Your younger child will join in probably before they can truly walk. "Here Jamie, you want to put this in toybox?" They learn to pull up to get toys out before they walk, they can learn to put away and have no negative connotation with that CHORE. We all need to learn to put things away not lay down. You are doing a disservice to your children when you don't teach them proper life skills. We've all had someone over, be they child or adult that leaves a messy trail everywhere they go in your home and you are glad when they leave. Teach your children to be good people-students, friend, spouse, even employee. Everyone will be happier. Today's dad can't come home, sit down at tv or computer, take off every weekend with friends for golf, ball games, etc. Everyone in family picks up for themself and helps with chores. Young children love to help when included.
The smirk Tom keeps giving you is everything 😂 My husband loves his things and I’m the minimalist. I leave his stuff alone and the bickering has ceased, which has actually caused him to start minimizing on his own. Great video!!
It is great how you give each other grace and understanding. You are modelling it in this video. I think the best thing between spouses is to give each other grace, forgiveness and understanding. Assume good intentions.
Thank you for this video because my husband is NOT on board with decluttering. He doesn’t mind that I’ve decluttered my things or the kitchen, dining room, my drawers and cabinets etc. but our bedroom is full of his things that he will not go through. His closet has probably 4 different sizes of clothes that he’s hoping to get back into. Don’t EVEN get me started in the basement! I went down and took several bags of “trash” out, but he will just not get rid of things and I’m afraid he’ll want the stuff in the basement and be upset if I throw his things away. So maybe you’re right, if I just continue maybe he’ll begin to come around. Clutter makes me very anxious, I have loved your ideas about not feeling guilty about giving things away. So thank you much for your help!
Nice you can smile about it now. Dawn, you inspired me to declutter years ago (no kids, but a very busy life), and we are both much happier. No stuff is more important that my sanity and happiness.
It is good to hear that it took you 4 years to fully simplify. I am going through this process myself, and I become so discouraged because some days it feels like I will never make sufficient progress. I just need to give myself "grace," I suppose.
Dawn, I so look forward to your videos. You and your family are absolutely wonderful humans. ♡ I have binged so many of your videos since I discovered them a few weeks ago, and I can never get enough! You have inspired me to begin my journey of "less stuff" because...baby steps!! Lol. Because of you, I have organized my fridge, cleaned out every single kitchen cabinet, gone through endless bathroom goods, gotten rid of junky toys, gotten rid of bags of kid clothes, cleaned out my own closet, scrubbed my sinks, done the dishes like it's my job, and so much more! Taking loads of things to donate has been so liberating and freeing. I am a stay-at-home mom of 3 and these past few months have been madness. For the first time in never, I feel so much more confident about trying to keep up with the housework. I am excited to begin meal planning too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experience and stories, minimal mama.♡ You will never know how much I needed this! I look forward to all your videos and projects of the future.
Our husband's don't even have to SAY anything, we are already sensitive and probably feeling guilty over the mess that many times we interpret their looks in the worst possible way. Although there are definitely times they are thinking what in the world happened here. I find that a cheerful loving welcome home with a nice hug and kiss helps a lot despite the state of the home. If we are already pensive, defensive, and just kind of moody it doesn't help. This is not in direct response to the question in the video, just a general thought about this very typical situation. And just on a side note it does get easier as the kids get older and as we declutter more for sure!
I have the opposite problem my husband thinks I’m too clean & tidy - he says you can’t put anything down without me putting it away & ‘heaven forbid we should own any possessions’ ... however recently he came home from working at someone’s house & said it was so nice to come into a clean & tidy space & that he wouldn’t want to live in the mess of the house he’d been working in ... it made my day!
My husband had the same experience when he went to a friend's house and there was clutter on all the counters in the kitchen. He said he thought about it his whole way home and couldn't wait to get into our home to tell me he actually experienced the difference by seeing it, and how much more "relaxing" it is to have a clean, clutter-fee kitchen, and then I got the hug & kiss that followed...it is all good.
Husband started declutterring his stuff after I got into cleaning out storage bins in our basement! Thirty years in this house and almost 39 years married meant we had lots of stuff! Your videos are an inspiration!
I watched one clutter organiser where the husband complained about the untidy house they were working on it. However, they discovered that if all the chairs were returned under the table before he came home his perception was it was tidier. home
I remember that one! What is the "one thing" psychology? It was really interesting & useful. For me good smells (say super sensitive nose) actually make a huge difference (not perfume, just clean, wholesome).
I had three littles. My husband was in the military and never home. I was very sick and couldn't get much done. My kids are grown now and I am better health wise now. I still can't keep up. My husband is always home and I am going nutters. I can never get things finished. It is amazing how messy one man can be. If he uses something he never puts it back in its home. Yes there is a home for everything. Tools, clothes, dishes, food, electronics, they stay where they land. He yells at me about the messy garage but my stuff is in bins on shelves. He is the one with stuff everywhere.
Oh, I'm so happy you made a video on my question! Thank you Dawn & Tom! Thank you for digging deeper into what lies behind the reactions to clutter and untidiness! You made me understand the dynamics of a couple where one takes more responsibility for the daily maintenance at home. I've started to keep the main areas picked up and you explained to me why that is so important. I'll keep you posted on my progress :)
@Susanna B OMG. Meal planning was so a stress. I was stressed by having to decide what we eat (not always the same, healthy, tasty, easy to cook...) Since two years I found the solution and now not only my stress level is reduced but also my husband’s stress. The SOLUTION was to reduce the recipe and to write each one on a small paper including the shopping list. After that I made a meal planer with compartments for every day in a whole week and also compartments for the recipe which we eat last week and two weeks before and one compartment for the “to cook next” it is something like this: pin.it/4OlRmfK So now when I make my meal planning I only have to choose from the recipe which we didn’t eat in the last 3 weeks. My husband now knows what I have planned to cook and where the recipe is. He is now able to cook without “destroying” my organization. I hope this can help others reducing the stress of the meal planning!
The biggest concept to internalize is that you don’t declutter once and never have to do it again. You have to cull items out of your possession all the time. Even Dawn has to purge items occasionally.... it just doesn’t take her as long because she has kept up with it.
Meal planning is also a huge help! I found I really dislike planning every meal or dinner so instead I made themes for each night. Monday: Mexican, Tuesday: Italian, Wednesday: Western, Thursday: Asain, Friday: freezer (store bought freezer foods so we have something easy but not as expensive as eating out each week), Saturday and Sunday: salad (usually using leftovers). This way I don’t think “what on earth am I making tonight??” Instead I think “which Mexican dish do I want?” It also makes sure I use specific ingredients I get for meals I plan in advance because I know what day that meal would land on. My young kids love the themes as well. I think kids just really like knowing what to expect.
It's easy to become resentful if you feel your husband is not 'helping'. But do they know how to help and feel that they did it right? If I ask my husband to help with the dishes or whatever he will jump in but he doesn't always know where to jump in or how to do it the way 'we' do it while he's at work. For us, simplifying the house has been such a blessing because now he knows how to help because things have a home. We were just recently away at our sons wedding and I went to Walmart and bought a few 'extras' and when I got to the van he said, "You have to start watching that ladies videos again! :) This has brought us so much more freedom and time with our family! Thank you Dawn! We literally can clean up the kitchen in 15 minutes after dinner (and we have 9 kids at home still). Thank you Thank you Thank you! God bless.
Oh my gosh! I had 4 kids 5 and under (twins in the middle). I can so relate. I would leave the folded laundry out so my husband could see that I did SOMETHING ! (2 loads a day). I'm sure the last thing he felt like doing at the end of the day was stopping by the store for the 2 things I really needed. As far as picking up, a friend described it to her attorney husband perfectly, "Imagine if you dictated briefs all day and someone came in and pressed erase." My youngest is 39 now, we did survive.
I’m watching this after distance learning with the kids all day and chasing a toddler while in my third trimester. I am so burned out. Luckily, I started minimizing five years ago for the same reason-too much stuff to manage-so at least I don’t have a million objects to pick up with my big, pregnant body whenever my children finally go to bed tonight. Because there are fewer things, they can manage their own stuff (with reminders) and still have time to do chores and play with the toddler. It’s such a blessing. I can start the dishwasher tonight and put my swollen ankles to bed before doing this all again tomorrow.
My husband & I love you guys. We watch your videos then talk about & plan out our minimalistic changes. This past Sunday he told me during a disagreement about keeping some things in the garage I thought we should not get rid of, " Honey, it just doesn't bring me joy!" I laughed until I cried. My sweetie is on board & Tom is an asset to your message! Thank you both! ♥️ From Texas 🤠
I just recently put a nice basket on my husband dresser for all his pockets stuff. Two days ago he came into the kitchen and thanked me for it. It's the little things. My husband was not on board for years but now he loves it and actually suggests things now! Keep on going!
I always say that my work as a stay at home mom and homeschool mom is not able to be measured like other jobs are. Minimizing has helped us to be able to clean up very quickly. My kids are 6 and 2 so we are still working on them cleaning up. But we have a clean up song that works to get them singing and picking up! Also, we work off of each others energy so if we tidy our own things our spouses and family will start to enjoy the benefits and get on board!
Dawn you have talked about being an introvert briefly in past videos. How does that play into you working and getting time to do what you need to? Video idea?!?!
One thing parents forget is that, if a child can get a toy out to play with, he or she is old enough to put that same toy away - as long as there are good systems in place. The parent needs to put systems in place, minimizing toys and setting up storage, with the input of children old enough. It’s sad that parents who feel they need to pick up toys themselves are putting extra pressure on themselves, and robbing their kiddos of the opportunity to learn about responsibility, chores, and other life skills.
This is true. I can't remember exactly how old my kids were when I began to teach them to clean, but it was right at that in between stage when they could crawl and pull themselves up to stand with the help of something, but were still unable to walk alone. I had all the toys in one good sized bin. My son would pull himself up using the side of the bin and then pull all the toys out. I taught him to clean up by pretending we were playing a basketball game with the bin as the basket. We'd throw toys at the bin together and cheer when we got them in. Soon I could tell him to do it himself while I sat back and clapped and cheered. I never had much of a problem getting him to pick his toys up. As a bonus, when his sister reached the same stage he helped me to train her to pick up her toys the same way, so it was half as much work the second time.
Love this! I know of a professional organizer and the advice she gave me is similar to what you said Dawn. Continue decluttering my stuff and when my husband sees this, he will be so happy that he will follow. One evening all of a sudden he goes in his closet and within 5 min he comes out and gives me a bag of clothes to donate. I was shocked!
When you had talked about your life before minimalsm in the past It always resonated with it. This is still spot on. My husband is a lot like Tom and he comes home and gets to walk in to a mess with kids and screaming. Not peaceful. Hopefully I can get there.
When the kids were young, my husband would wonder about the mess of the house. I would tell him, “Do you know how much work it is to maintain this level of mess?? If I did nothing, our house would look like a hoarder lived here!” 😂🤣
We love how transparent y’all are…relationships are definitely building blocks. As a couple for 23-years, we are always learning together (with respect and honor). Working on FPU and downsizing, too!
Tip # 9 for saving your money, if your rent is too high, ask your landlord if they can reduce it, or look for something else in a different area, or get more work to pay for it.
Your videos are so relatable and helpful. I remember watching videos on minimalism and I was intrigued but I also thought, what a strange lifestyle, surely this is unachievable for most people? You showed me otherwise. Two years ago my husband and I moved into our first house and shortly after we started decluttering. We now have ONE tote of "homeless" items left and our house is so easy to tidy. It's such a blessing as we've added to our family (a daughter, turning 2 in August) and I know my life would be so chaotic had we not purged our home of all that clutter! Thanks for all your great advice! :)
My husband and I are the opposite. Clutter or grime in the house fill me with anxiety and high stress, and although my husband doesn't like it, it doesn't bother him nearly as much. Like you said, just because I hate clutter doesn't automatically mean that I'm great at cleaning it, but I'm getting much better. I'm starting to realize that cleaning is self-care. Like, every time I wash the dishes or tidy up the living room, I get so much joy out of that that I'm grateful that I took the time to "give myself" the gift of a clean house.
Appreciate you both and that you are so relatable!! This sounds like my husband and I when our 3 oldest kids were 2,3,4 years old 10 years ago!! Jesus sure helps in keeping our marriage going, but I am on your minimalism bandwagon now since moving last November and love the peace it's given our family! But my husband is the more tidy one and I grew up in a household where we only cleaned if people were coming over and we were notorious for shoving things in closets and unused areas! I'm glad I didn't keep the same standards as an adult! But really, my husband would get so mad at the papers I would have everywhere and just throw it all away. It gave me so much animosity toward him and so much anxiety about never seeing my kids schoolwork ever again. I definitely had my faults and still do but my advice is to never throw anyone's stuff away, and if anything, put it in a tote and quarantine it, I so love that idea. Again this video was great and almost feel like I should be paying you for your therapy sessions, Dawn! 😁 If you aren't counselors or something at your church already I know you guys would be awesome at that. God bless
Totally agree, about not throwing out someone else’s stuff away!! I always take a photo and forward it to hubby or whoever in the house I think it might belong to, just to confirm if they need it or if it can be thrown out! Be it receipts or anything I’m unsure of! I think it all boils down to respect!! We have to respect the fact that it may mean nothing to you but everything to the next person!!
Very helpful to hear how to carefully respect my husband as I pursue minimizing stuff. The load is getting lighter and my home is more peaceful. Thank you for sharing your insights.
Totally get it. Just wait! My cousin told me years ago that after 20 years of marriage your husband will completely appreciate you and realize how invaluable you are. She was right. After 26 years of marriage he gets it👏🏻👍🙏🏻🥰Kids are grown... whole new world.
Iam on a marathon watch of your videos! (Iam not joking!) If I could only show you my progress! I started out small. One drawer, on cabinet, and so on. This morning, I sat down and made an "Achievement List" I was soooo happy with all that was silently disappearing! And on a positive side note, I have my enthusiasm back! My joy of a peaceful place is returning. Iam motivated to do, instead of dreading and procrastinating the deed! I've prayed for this, God lead me to your videos, and you! I know you hear this alot, but I want to say THANK YOU so very much for being the vessel that has pushed through my dark waters, and helped me find me again♡
The biggest fallacy I've seen (and personally experienced!) is that "if you cared enough, you'd do it". I think that's where a lot of conflict can make its way into relationships. That's not true. The reality is simply that the systems in place just aren't working for you! So it's incredibly important to sit down with your significant other, whether you're the one who is struggling to keep up with the housework or the one who doesn't understand why the housework isn't done and COMMUNICATE. But it's also really important to remember at that phase that it's not that they don't love you, it's not that they don't care, it's just that the current situation isn't working and you need to work together to find a better way. If you can flip the situation so it's you and your partner against the stress, against the mess, against the clutter, it's going to be far more effective than you against your partner. Then, you can work together to figure out how to go forward. Maybe one partner isn't keen on the minimalism thing, but you want to try. Ok, see if you can find a compromise like putting all those things you want to declutter into boxes downstairs and see if it works. Or maybe you try something like a chore wheel - where you list all the chores that need to be done so that you and your partner work off the chore wheel. Or maybe you work on divvying up tasks differently, see what works and what doesn't! The key is, you're experimenting to see what works for you and your relationship - not for anyone else's. Above all, it's your partner and you fighting to vanquish the mess! Not you vs. your partner. Otherwise, you're on a highway to resentment-town which is never a good place to be.
Resentment Town. A high tax area, not conducive for love, honor and respect. It should be as ghost town. This analogy has inspired me and got me thinking a bit different.
Whole heartedly agree, now could you just tell my hubby that? Haha. Whenever I say we have to do something about the house, he retorts, well you do....XYZ, or look at the dust, you don’t do anything about that, or you make a mess when you cook. Heavy sigh. He never had to help around the house growing up. (He still calls his weed whacking and mowing the lawn “landscaping”!) So in his mind he was doing a bigger job than he was. His Mom and sisters did the lions’ share of cleaning and organizing. So he never learned how. But instead of being open to it as an adult, he “fights” against it, or criticizes me to crate conflict that detracts from the problem of organization. So I have thrown up my hands and cried uncle. My husband has many talents...organizing is not one of them. But we will work on it!
Her partner bought plastic totes and put in garage and when they moved he found they were empty. Sorry but to me that shows he was not a help and if hidden video you would likely find a man who thinks ok I go to work and when I get home it's my time to relax. He would deny it but listen to them talk. He comes home and gets the look. No he doesn't have to say anything, even babies can express themselves with their look and voice! When she tried to change things at home-HE DIDN'T NOTICE!! So he buys totes, later finds empty, why didn't he ask if there's anything she wants him to put in and put some of his things in also. He doesn't notice when she tries to "up her game". I'm not impressed with him at all. You want a modern wife who works? Be a modern dad who comes home and it's his night to cook or do some laundry. Time of home and relax is over especially once you have children.
I hope if you had children you realized this is how he was allowed to grow up and you taught your children to keep things picked up and everyone responsible for their things. Like everyone has a clothes basket/bag for dirty clothes and one for clean clothes and they take their basket and put clean away and return that basket to laundry area. Too little for basket, buy small container at dollar type store and let them start with simple things like socks and underwear that won't wrinkle. Then help them open drawer and put sweats and pj' s away. You would be surprised if done young these aren't bad, horrible, negative things they need to do. Dad can take care of his laundry also. Make home a family retreat not a battleground.
So funny that I'm just seeing this video now since I've been a follower for 2 years. It's true that just keeping your space tidy and purging and organizing what isunder my control helped to finally get my hubby on board too. It took nearly 2 years but now he's realizing it's all about the inventory. Thanks again Dawn and Tom for helping so many of us lighten our loads.
I really wish we could be mom friends in real life. 🤣 This spoke to me on such a personal level. My husband and I have four kids: our oldest turns 6 this May and our youngest is turning 1 March 2nd. My husband works 5 days a week 8-10 hours a day in a labor intensive job while I am a stay at home and homeschool. The last two years we have moved three times - spending about 10 months in a camper to save money on (what will eventually be) our farm land. We are *just* starting to get to the point of owning livestock and pantry gardening. 😊 It is so much fun watching you, your husband, and your kiddos (when they occasionally make an appearance lol) and relating to your videos so much. My husband has always been a minimalist (but he didn't know it), so when I started decluttering with your videos he was so excited! Lol he told me if he knew a UA-cam video was all I needed to agree with him he would have searched for you long before now. 😉 Lol to be fair, he is the tidy person you talk about who is like "why wouldn't you just do it this way?" and doesn't always get that other people aren't wired to be perfectly organized. 🤣😅
I was a single mom with my son and it only took 5-10 minutes to clean the apartment if company was suddenly coming over. It was great! Then I got remarried and he’s a bit of a clutter monkey. When we had to sell our Dutch Colonial, everybody had to get on board with keeping things picked up for viewings. I loved it! Now it’s just my husband and I as the kids are all grown. I’m systematically going through my stuff to pare down and trying to encourage him to go through his. Well, I’ll keep trying. Eventually, it may rub off on him.
My husband wasn't really into this when I started my minimalism journey, then one day he said, "Our home is much more peaceful now." They do eventually notice. lol
Thank you so much! My husband and I have been struggling with minimizing and keeping the house tidy. My clutter threshold is really low but I am also a clutter bug and I see to attract it. Your videos are the only thing that helps me focus and bring down my anxiety. I am so grateful.
Oh my goodness, THANK YOU!! This video was so relatable and put so much into words! I nodded my head in agreement all thru the video 😊 My journey has been slow but we have made so much progress and now that my husband is on board it is going even better. I did just want to say that I feel like as a mom (only of 2 but with very generous family & friends in the gift department) that I feel responsible for my stuff, the children's stuff and the "household" stuff, with my husband having less categories as "his" to cull. I feel like that adds stress to moms and we shouldn't feel that way even though we do take charge in managing more categories, I feel like we take on a larger burden of guilt than we should. So we should let go of that guilt for so many categories and just do our best one area or one 15 minute tidy or declutter at a time . I hope others can relate to this sentiment. And thank you again, this video shares so many immensely important messages ❤
The same with my husband and I. He is the tidy one. What actually changed our relationship was when he became Mr. Mom. It was his job to clean, do laundry, take care of 2 kids under 3, and make dinner. And he was going to school at night. When the kids were older and we both went back to work we divided up chores. He still does all the bills and laundry. Cooking dinner we share. We meal plan together, because for me cooking isn't a problem, it's the what's for dinner every day question. We have been married 37 years and we don't have children, they are grown men. Our children are in their 30's with families of their own. It has been just my husband and I through Covid19 quarantine together and it has been just fine.
I ❤ your shirt! Totally off topic lol... and I just think you two are an adorable couple. Your content is always helpful and I can always relate to your stories and experiences. Thank you 😊
Tom didn't notice that you were decluttering??? The thing that amazes me about that is that you weren't TALKING non-stop about it! I have been decluttering for years and will talk the ears off anyone not quick enough to get away! It's one of my favourite subjects!
Exactly! I got excited about minimalism and shared info with my husband and while he thought it was interesting, was content to just watch me handle my things and our kitchen and bathroom. THEN he saw the results and started in with his closet and garage areas! This also happened with me changing my diet to eat healthier and less carbs and sugars. I shared some of my research and personal changes and didn’t suggest he change anything. THEN he started cutting out carbs and sugars!
Managing inventory has been my favorite statement you've made in all the videos I've watched on your channel. It makes so much sense to me that my stuff has to be managed and less makes my life easier. I am a major stuff person, collect and keep and store...don't touch my stuff! It's been slow but I am making progress in releasing things without regret, hopefully more to follow as I have a long way to go, but looking at my things differently makes the process easier. Thank you!!
I love this so much. I have been working for the last few months to simplify our kitchen and bathroom to start with. Suddenly my husband told me we need to clean out the upright freezer and consolidate our two freezers (*raise our own beef). So I jumped up and said let’s do it. And it was done in less than 30 min.
I'm blessed to have a large closet with several shelves in our recreation room. When we first moved to this house, I used it for a game and video closet. Now, I use it to store the toys. I like to keep classic toys from my children's young years and have them one hand for Little Company. All the toys have their clear bins with lids. It's WONDERFUL to know every toy item has a place to go and I don't have to hyper-ventilate over them. lol I also keep an extra pack of diapers/wipes and maybe a few extra clothes for Little Company, in that closet.
I agree with everything you said! I would say I’m halfway to minimalism. I’ve always been a very tidy person, even with children. There is so much value in caring for our husbands! I definitely will clean and tidy before my husband gets home so he comes home to a happy environment, so much so that one day I hadn’t cleaned yet and he stopped in his tracks and very sweetly yet worriedly asked me “is everything ok? Did you have a rough day?” I laughed because I had actually had a great day with the kids! I asked why he is asking that and he said “oh, the house is just....there’s toys everywhere I thought maybe something happened.” I said oh it always looks like this, I just usually clean before you get home! Haha!! All the banter back and forth between you two reminds me of me and my husband. Very open communication and love and respect for each other. Thank you for making this channel! 💜
I just started rewatching some of your older videos. I have been layer by layer decluttering since I discovered your channel last fall. I have a monthly rotation where each area of the horse gets some attention. And I feel like I’m at a point where the easy stuff is gone, I can taste the sweetness of minimalism, but I still need to break through the hardest layer or two to really get where I know I need to be. It’s so hard with little ones in the home, but all the more reason to push through. I want to focus more on savoring these years instead of always feeling like I am drowning. Thank you for all your wonderful videos, your wise insight, and your fun personality! You are such a blessing to many! -Jo
I'm in the same place as you , I've done the easy layer but as a empty nester I find it hard to the next layer , taking a break but getting ready to start the rooms and spaces all over again. They say like an onion layer by layer
What a sweet couple I enjoyed your talk. My husband is in heaven now. Believe me I miss him. he was a precious one who would always say when I would try to quick tidy up. “Remember we live here too”. How sweet! I have great memories !
I worked outside the home every Saturday for 5.5 years until baby number 4 was born. So one day per week, my husband had to deal with it all himself....that answered the "what do you do all day?" question before it could even be asked. It's hard to explain the chaos of little kids to someone who hasn't lived it on some kind of regular basis. It is good though to assess the situation if you can't keep up and figure out what needs to change, because not keeping up is too stressful to keep living in - for all people involved. Better to have less or work less or expect less than to increase cortisol and arguments.
Silent viewer here: can we love you guys any more??!! This was brilliant. Thanks for answering literally the most tricky question and for offering such sage advice. You guys are so inspiring in all aspects!! Love you guys!! 🖤🖤🖤
Your dynamic as a couple is so extremely sweet and precious. Complimenting each other, understanding each other, and thinking of how you can work on yourselves instead of thinking the other person is wrong is such a healthy way of thinking. You guys are couple goals!
Four thumbs up for this video -- my husband agreed with your advice too. He's one of those husbands who just began to come around after I embraced minimalism about a year and a half ago. Whenever you do a video that includes Tom, I try to make sure I play it when he is within earshot.
The biggest problem my husband has with decluttering is that he doesn’t have the energy or desire to declutter after a long day from work. So pulling from Dawn’s advice about putting things in a box for a while instead of tossing things away... I declutter for him and put all the things I pulled out in a box out of the house. He knows about this box, and goes through it if he can’t find something he needs! Then after six months of not living with the most of those items, I’ll show them to him before donation day and he ends up wanting to get rid of most of the box. 😊
This makes me so thankful that my husband's clutter threshold is higher than mine 😂 But I completely agree that simplifying and getting rid of stuff is absolutely the answer. Before naps and bedtime my 18-month-old cleans up her own toys, for example. It's not a big deal when there aren't a ton of toys!
I wish I had this knowledge almost 50 years ago. I am learning from you now. Thank you for recommending Dana White, too. My husband actually noticed a laundry room drawer being organized this morning. He told me it looked good. He is neat.
When I starting simplifying, my hubby thought it like a hotel room (yes, I like that!). Then it became the room with no distractions to read, no clock to get in a rush. He liked it. Ah!!! Yesterday I was going to hang something on our bedroom (which got simplified too) wall and he said it is looking kind of busy. Hello! Just what I needed to hear. Less is more!
I am somewhat of a pack rat when it comes to my crafting room, but....I have it very organized, labeled in like containers etc. My hubby is a pack rat out in his wood shop, but I have gone out with him and showed him how to make his work time easier and more efficient by organizing tools, nuts, bolts, screws, nails etc. he came in today after working on a project and said " wow it was so nice to know where everything was that I needed and I swept up before I came in" He was so proud of himself and I was proud of his efforts to stay on track. Thanks so much for sharing your techniques, ideas and your life!!!! You are both truly an inspiration. As always God bless and stay safe!!!
Great topic. Had things in mind to decluttering so boxed up three boxes while listening. Got rid of six or seven other boxes in the past week. I am determined to finally finish. Been at it three years and I’m so ready to be done! Thanks for this topic!
You're spot on! I am 1 year into this journey after being buried by our stuff in addition of the ever building toddlers. When things are messy things are more stressful and it sometimes feels like your trapped in groundhog day cleaning up the same things over and over again. Keep the tips coming, as they keep me motivated to keep purging to the essentials and get my home under control. I want to be able to have a 5-10 min panic clean when people call and say there are on their way over and not a panic of omg, just shove everything behind closed doors and be embarrassed. If you can get there, we all can!
What a lovely, respectful partnership you have with each other. We are 5+ years into our minimalist journey and now being clutter-free is the new normal for our family. Just this weekend we realised how far we have come, when we spent the weekend house-sitting an elderly friends family home. JUST SO MUCH STUFF.
When I got divorced I moved from a 5 bedroom house to a 1 and a half 😆 bedroom trailer. Good Lord its hard to downsize! Another fabulous video! Love you both so much! God bless! 🙏❤
I think the hardest part of change is acknowledging that we (ourselves) are the ones who need to take responsibility for me, myself and I. the first years of marriage can be difficult because we are learning and in the process making mistakes, I appreciate you mentioned that you were both learning your roles. I had not thought about the clutter levels of each individual stress, that is helpful in understanding one's spouse. also, I have notice this in my husband as well, that it does usually take time for him to appreciate different things I do to be better as a mother, wife, housekeeper and individual. Note it is usually after i have completed a project, and i usually find out by him telling someone else what i have accomplished, he rarely tells me directly. lol But it does make my heart glad to hear him praise me in public, i have that sigh of contentment knowing that i pleased my husband. thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom.
You are a good declutter teacher, Dawn. Tom, you are a great supporter. This is how couples need to handle all things. My husband was always clean and always helped me in the home. In actuality, we both have full-time jobs. Mamas can't get up and go home from theirs. Love you two.
My advice for this young mom would be start in the kitchen with decluttering and meal planning. It's hard, but, so important. I used to spend an entire day cleaning out the toy closet and the kitchen would be a mess with no dinner in sight. Knowing what I know now....
Thank you so much for this! I’ve been working on decluttering and simplifying my house for a week now and it’s been so discouraging. I know that it’s a process and this has given me the motivation to keep going! My husband is the tidy one also, but like you, I get so tired of cleaning the same mess over and over.
Thanks for speaking on this topic. I'm past the baby stage, but remember how hard it was to work hard and care for the kids all day and feel like our house never reflected my effort. You are a blessing to all your viewers.
Relationships are COMPLEX! So what worked for us may not work for you, but we hope there are pieces that can help!! THANK YOU for watching!! - Dawn & Tom
R E L A T E D V I D E O S :
How I found Minimalism: ua-cam.com/video/m7IyvfXanFI/v-deo.html
How I've become a tidy person: ua-cam.com/video/sS-n_sPYNyU/v-deo.html
How to declutter without making a mess: ua-cam.com/video/7yQqvQ99MVw/v-deo.html
I LOVED THIS VIDEO! That was such a great question. I wonder what my husband's answers would be, because I totally remember feeling like that too.
3 families in my home. Me, my husband. My daughter and 4 year old grandson. My oldest brother. I can’t sleep for the stress of the clutter and working so hard on my faith in Christ to clean up my spiritual life. When I do get to sleep sometimes days !!! I wake to see that nothing has changed and straight back to overwhelming dread and stress and ultimately feeling depressed !! Then completely lost as what to do and where to start. For over a year or more I have begged and pleaded with everyone to please pick up, get ride of things that are just pulled out and left to get to something else. No one in my home has a desire for Christ or to unpack our home. At this point, every room is a dumping ground and no one care about either except me !!
I need so much help and prayer bc I do feel like they go hand and hand.
Is It just me that feels this way? Am I wrong?
Please pray for me and my family that our lord will do a work in them to just see how I feel give them some compassion for Christ and let their eyes be opened to the peace of Christ and having a MUCH LESS cluttered home.
I don’t even know if Im saying anything that makes since to anyone but myself.
Much love to all and may the peace of Jesus be with you, IN JESUS HOLY NAME AMEN 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️✝️✝️
Love watching your videos Dawn. On my checklist I want man that's as good with diy like Tom. Where do you charge your mobile devices and keep it at night? ❤️🇿🇦
@@GiveIt_Time Maybe you can try decluttering one tiny thing at a time - a drawer or a cupboard. Or just clear off one table. It must be very overwhelming with so many family members not being in the boat. So glad you have Jesus on your boat though. 😊 Sending best wishes to you for some better days.
KaLeigh : Thank You so much ! And yes you are right, that is what I have to do ! Not long after posting that comment were thoughts and feelings that hit me.
I know, no one else is bothered or cares about either their salvation or a over cluttered home. THIS IS MY HOME WHOME THE LORD HAS BLESSED ME WITH, THANK YOU JESUS !!!
So this being my home . I will clean it !!
Everything that is not mine or husbands will be put in box’s and put in the shed, if they look for or want it then they can go find it. I’ll be willing to bet they all will see me doing this and not even ask what im doing or even care or need / want anything that is out of their site.
Thank You and God Bless You always
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻✝️✝️✝️
This was so impressive! No assigning blame, just acknowledging feelings, finding solutions, taking responsibility. So mature. I love it! 😊👏🏻♥️🇨🇦
Also, lots of love shown for each other. (I love the way he looks at her when she is talking! They are so cute together!) They are a great example for others to follow. ❤️
It shows their level of love, respect, and commitment towards one another. It's beautiful and it's something I strive to do in my marriage.
My husband is a packrat, but has joined me in simplifying (not quite at the same level yet, but progress is good) and he actually said to me a week ago about our bedroom, "I didn't think I'd like this, but it is actually very peaceful." Then just a couple days ago our house was getting a little untidy and he came to put a bag of his things away. When I asked what he was doing, he replied "Just putting my things away. I gotta do my part because our house is getting a little messy." This NEVER would have happened in the past. He us coming around because he is learning he likes our tidy simplified spaces.
Same here. My husband is a pack rat too. So ne decluttering my stuff had really helped alot on keeping the house tidy.
This is SO awesome to hear!!!! 💕
Awww Andrea! When I read that your husband said, "Just putting my things away..." it gave me goosebumps! It finally clicked for him! He's on Team Simplify! So happy for you guys!!!
Bravo!! Congrats.
Dawn, you are changing the world, one home at a time. =) Maybe more importantly, you are changing the world of each of the individuals in those homes. ❤️
When my children were young my grandfather became ill and I had to go out of town for a couple of days. My husband took those days off to take care of the children. When I returned the first thing he said was "I will never again think when I get home from work 'what did you do all day'. I just didn't understand." There are just some days even with less stuff....
ThatsSassy What a blessing to have heard that when they were young. So many moms never hear this and doubt their abilities in taking care of their kids.
ThatsSassy I love this story. Thanks for sharing.
They need to be in our shoes to understand.
One time I left my husband with our five years old for few hours and I came home to such a mess that I couldn't even find one clean dish or fork.
Same here. Husbands do get it.
My husband recently traveled for work and stayed with family. Let's just say their home is NOT simplified. At all. After just a few short days there, my husband came home and expressed how grateful he was for the way we live. For all the work I've put in simplifying for the last 2 years. To quote him, For "How spoiled he's been to live this way." Even my son chimed in and said, "Mom, you have to LEARN how to live this way. We've learned how." Eureka! My guys are finally on board!!! It's been a long road, but everything I'm doing is 10000% with it! It was oh so gratifying to hear their words!
I heard of a woman who would tell her children in the late afternoon, "Let's tidy up the house so when Daddy gets home he'll know we've done our work too." I knew I had been working all day at home, but it didn't always show! This helped my attitude toward the end of the day (when I was getting SO tired!). It put my children and me on the same "team" to show our work for the day. I admit, I didn't always approach the evening this way but it was a game changer when I did =)
When what you do all day is raise human beings, your work may not be visible but there is no more important work♥️.
Thanks so much for helping us reduce the load of the less important work of caring for stuff.😊
Love this comment!
The beginning of this video made me remember how my mother used to dash around tidying both the house and us kids, getting dinner started before my father came home from work. She actually changed into a dress and then mixed him a drink as he was coming up the driveway. How times have changed!! In a big women's lib tirade, I once asked her why she did that and she answered that she loved him and wanted him to be happy to be home.
THIS is the crux of the matter! Doing something out of love. Thank you for sharing!
4 kids under five! its amazing you got anything done at all!
S.e.r.i.o.u.s.l.y. :)
And not go crazy.
Kids are a blessing and you can choose to raise them be good and helpful. Many parents have better behaved kids because they invest their time in guiding and grooming their kids from an early age.
I've made 4 or five trips to goodwill and I couldn't even tell you most of what I gave away. Out of sight out of mind. Still a long way to go but it feels good to get two rooms easy to clean.
I agree that minimalism decreases the mental load in a family/home and decreases the time it takes to clean and/or make decisions. I'm glad you found a solution that works for your family!
Dawn, in your story you were working and keeping the kids alive all day. Why did you have to also be the person responsible for cleaning their messes so another person feels less stressed? Why do you have to be the person that plans and makes the dinner you all eat after that person has finished their work? Why are you expected to be a teacher, housekeeper, chef, and graphic/website designer at the same time? Tom was only doing one job for part of the time. The fact that all of your jobs happen within the same general location as your leisure activities, does not lessen the mental and energy burden they place on you.
I' assume Tom did and does a lot of things for your family while he is home (hello beautiful new deck!). The husband in the question you answered did not do much during the week. In response to the question, yes I do think the husband has too high of a standard if he thinks his wife should be doing 3+ jobs for 168 hours a week while he only does one for 40 hours and another for a couple hours on the weekend.
My thoughts too!
YES!!!
Wow Catherine, there seems to be a lot of resentment for "that person" in your comment.
Samantha Alaniz And judgment of her in yours.
I guess my thought was she did it out of love. I think most women feel the load is a bit uneven. I think she wanted to make him happy because she loved him and in a sense saw herself in the same way of feeling like why am I Always over extending and still feeling behind. Just my opinion. 😇
I don't know how you got any work done with 4 babies at home?! The word impossible comes to mind! You guys are adorable. Love ya.
Hahaha, that's why the house was a disaster!! 😉
The Minimal Mom - God’s Grace comes to mind! Thank you for all you share for His glory. I so appreciate you and your advice, it is changing my life!
Yes what did you do all day.? Work and keep 4 babies safe.
What did you do all day?? More than he did????????????
Trying to keep 4 children, under 4, alive is a great accomplishment! The fact that you had some website & graphic design clients is going above & beyond! You two are fun to watch! 📹
Yes! My thoughts are that looking after children is way harder than going out to work. Daddy can pick up the toys!
Wait, getting this straight. So wife is caring for four babies, making money on her computer as well as doing the laundry and cooking most of the time and somehow that wasn’t enough? I’m very, very glad that you found such a great way to simplify your lives! I understand the frustration and feelings of failure so well!!! But so many of us live without acknowledging the stuff we DO and the victories we achieve while focusing on the mess.
Yeah i havent finished the video but i am feeing enraged by this concept! I am not a stay at home mum i work full time but why does she have to have everything perfect for him to walk into. She is working AND caring for FOUR kids. Like mate come home and maybe take the kids for half hour so she can tidy or spend half hour yourself cleaning or starting dinner
@@ceemay3981 This bothers me too. I have not always been able to make a peaceful environment for my husband. Fortunately he doesn't expect one, only appreciates it when it can be managed. But seriously, as the one dealing with all the chaos of children all day long it's not like anyone is creating a peaceful atmosphere for me to relax in at the end of the day when my nerves are shot.
I thought the same when she was telling about those years because it was the same at our house. I was working and had little kids and a mess. But my husband is a hard worker too.... I have simplified and life is better now. Much simpler and older kids! I have little kids still but don’t work at all outside the house
I’m very blessed that my husband NEVER complained. Ever. Even when he’d come home seeing a half eaten sandwich, wife still in pjs, supper not cooked and a crying baby. Baby in swing, wife in shower, he’d start a load washing and start on supper. When I returned to work after the kids were older he sat me down and said I would have to let him help. I couldn’t do it all. Now the kids have flown the nest and we miss that crazy time. We are working to simplify our house but loved that time in our lives.
I had the same reaction. Taking care of 4 kids, including a newborn, AND working from home? There should be literally no expectation that the house will look good at the end of the day.
I realised listening to you both that I actually try and declutter other members of the family items when actually it is me who has the most clutter 🤔 I am going to rethink and start by decluttering my own stuff ( which is harder) than theirs and blaming them for the mess 😀 ( which is really due to my own frustration). Thank you both
Omgosh soo true. Whenever I get frustrated by someone else's ways, I simply tell myself I can do so, - as soon as I pick up or do all the things I'M supposed to do. Shuts me right up or gets me happily working on my stuff instead of fixated on another's.
I did a major household purge back in January when I first found your channel. My husband was super skeptical at first, bc he grew up poor and couldn’t have “all the things.” So, while he HATES clutter, he was resistant to the idea of getting rid of kids’ toys especially. Recently, I told him I wanted to go to a community yard sale. He said, “What do you think we need? I miss my minimizing wife. Bring her back!” 😂 And, despite my best efforts, thanks to the generosity of friends and family and several birthdays this year, it’s time for another major purge. Minimalism is hard to maintain in our first-world culture! I feel inspired again by this video. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing! My MR had a similar background...it brings unexpected challenges ❤️
My husband is the same way, we both grew up poor, but while I take it as we don’t need these things, he takes it as I want my kids to have all the things! LOL. But the concept of a silent to do list really spoke to him, and I am hoping that we get places soon 🤞🏻
Me to my husband: You can only see what I DIDN'T do today, not anything that I DID do today.
He couldn't see how many meals and snacks I prepared all day - he only saw the dishes. He couldn't see how many clothes I washed/folded/put away because he could only see what laundry was still there. He couldn't see how many time I walked through the process of apology and forgiveness with our two kids, because there is no physical evidence of it. He couldn't see how many times I stopped to wipe bottoms, refill sippy cups, read books, wipe away tears, prayed for a lost lovie to be found and on and on, but because he saw unfinished activities, he assumed I accomplished nothing all day. After the 3rd time of me explaining that he can't yet see the evidence of what was done all day, he finally understood. He started helping with dishes without being asked and strated assuming that if the house WAS a wreck, it was a reflection of just how far I got in accomplishing ANYTHING I had set out to do that day, and he considered how discouraging that could be for me. Once that pressure was lifted off me, it was much less stressful to keep up because I didn't have the weight on me that he would be disappointed yet again, I knew he would instead be understanding. Perspective changes everything - for him and me. ❤
Love that laugh!! My husband is a primary school teacher. He asked that dreaded question a few times when our now teens were little and went on to say he had been looking after 25 kids all day. That never went down well.
I love how both of you try to balance being honest and being kind- it's a challenge sometimes with those we love. My husband has a MUCH higher threshold for clutter than I do and we have basically decided that he has one space- his den- that I don't touch. The exception- if we are having company, then I remind him in advance that we usually gather in his den and he'll do a clean-up. He is much more open to straighten up without any frustration or anger because I've not been nagging him daily for months about his things.
Love this!! 👍❤️
Anne Joyner oh I can relate to this. My husband didn’t mind clutter AT ALL! When I would ask him to put things away, he did. No problem. It all disappeared in a few minutes time. But, of course, everything had been shoved into cupboards and closets to the point where you couldn’t find anything else in there. Then later, I would “take care of it.” He didn’t even notice.
😟
“If they have more toys, it’ll keep them more occupied. If there are more dishes, then there will likely be a clean ones in the cupboard. If we have more clothes, then we don’t have to do laundry so often.“ Omg, this just summed up our household. And with raising six kids it’s become so much inventory there’s absolutely no way to manage it. At least I try to keep the front room clean, so there’s initially a tidy visual when you first enter our home. (Does anyone else do that?) But the rest of the house needs so much purging. It’s so overwhelming...
I hear you!
Want a tip for starting? Pick a lesser used drawer. Declutter it. Prove to yourself you can keep it clean. Build on that victory and gain momentum. 😉
I hear you! We have 5, and I’m definitely in the onion layer stage right now. I’ll declutter their clothes and toys and then in 2 months do it all over again because it’s still too much to manage. But it’s getting easier and honestly, my kids play way better with fewer toys now than they did with more 6 months ago. Plus, it’s so much easier to clean up!
Take that frustration and use it in your simplifying process. One of my favorite ways to deal with overwhelm is to remove things that aren’t essential. Momentum builds, and I feel better. I recommend it! Best wishes-you can do it!
J M completely understand that!
Yep I’m there with ya. I have 3 kids and it’s a lot to handle inventory wise.
when I started decluttering our house a year and a half ago my husband would tell me how nice the house looks and what a great job I was doing with not adding stuff to the house and I fed off that praise! now he's decluttering his old toys from the rafters and I'm praising him. our son is 10 and he's also a great helper. makes the house a happy home. I tell everyone i know and don't know, check out the minimal mom!!
I like the term clutter threshold. It makes so much sense why my husband doesn't like walking into our home after work-to see lots of unwashed dishes on the counter, or other things lying around. He wants to come home to find a relaxing and peaceful environment-not a dumpster filled with clutter, unclean dishes, things left unattended for several days. Clutter threshold. Honoring our families, promoting peace one household at a time! Thank you!
When my husband comes home from work he would never ever be discouraged by clutter or me not knowing what to make for dinner. He has worked 8 to 10 hours at work and he knows that I have worked 8 to 10 hours in the house. I have done the laundry, homeschooled the kids, worked in the homeoffice, cleaned the floors, the sink and what not and have taken care of the kids every second. My husband knows that. When he comes home everyone of us has had a hard work day so we cook together, tidy up together and spend time with the kids together.
Why should a man's workday stop at 5pm while the woman keeps on working? That would not be fair.
Amen!
Absolutely!
Good stuff. I remember when my kids were little and everything seemed chaotic at home my husband Would stop at the supermarket parking lot and take a nap in his car before coming home to face us! Lol
😂😂😂
Funny 😆 ! But, wrong on so many levels lol. God Bless 🙏🏻
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE CLEANED UP THESE SAME TOYS?" Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Omg, yes. I absolutely agree with your advice, Dawn, and I'm in the middle of it, where the hubby is realizing how much happier we are with so much less stuff despite being the biggest proponent of a "This could be useful someday" mentality. I spent YEARS feeling so resentful because the house was just so overwhelming, and when the husband would come home and give me THAT LOOK, I'd just feel like such a worthless clod to him. To your reader - please LISTEN. Dawn's giving you the absolute correct answer.
Thank you Claire!!!
No you make a mistake when you clean up these toys day after day, time after time. You begin when your child begins taking toys from the toy box or shelves. Model picking up one at a time, maybe say toys name and get them repeat. Pick up should become as routine as taking a toy out. Next you probably have another child. You should have already begun telling older child you need to put that back if done playing with it. Your younger child will join in probably before they can truly walk. "Here Jamie, you want to put this in toybox?" They learn to pull up to get toys out before they walk, they can learn to put away and have no negative connotation with that CHORE. We all need to learn to put things away not lay down. You are doing a disservice to your children when you don't teach them proper life skills. We've all had someone over, be they child or adult that leaves a messy trail everywhere they go in your home and you are glad when they leave. Teach your children to be good people-students, friend, spouse, even employee. Everyone will be happier. Today's dad can't come home, sit down at tv or computer, take off every weekend with friends for golf, ball games, etc. Everyone in family picks up for themself and helps with chores. Young children love to help when included.
The smirk Tom keeps giving you is everything 😂 My husband loves his things and I’m the minimalist. I leave his stuff alone and the bickering has ceased, which has actually caused him to start minimizing on his own. Great video!!
It is great how you give each other grace and understanding. You are modelling it in this video. I think the best thing between spouses is to give each other grace, forgiveness and understanding. Assume good intentions.
Thank you for this video because my husband is NOT on board with decluttering. He doesn’t mind that I’ve decluttered my things or the kitchen, dining room, my drawers and cabinets etc. but our bedroom is full of his things that he will not go through. His closet has probably 4 different sizes of clothes that he’s hoping to get back into. Don’t EVEN get me started in the basement! I went down and took several bags of “trash” out, but he will just not get rid of things and I’m afraid he’ll want the stuff in the basement and be upset if I throw his things away. So maybe you’re right, if I just continue maybe he’ll begin to come around. Clutter makes me very anxious, I have loved your ideas about not feeling guilty about giving things away. So thank you much for your help!
Nice you can smile about it now. Dawn, you inspired me to declutter years ago (no kids, but a very busy life), and we are both much happier. No stuff is more important that my sanity and happiness.
It is good to hear that it took you 4 years to fully simplify. I am going through this process myself, and I become so discouraged because some days it feels like I will never make sufficient progress. I just need to give myself "grace," I suppose.
Dawn, I so look forward to your videos. You and your family are absolutely wonderful humans. ♡ I have binged so many of your videos since I discovered them a few weeks ago, and I can never get enough! You have inspired me to begin my journey of "less stuff" because...baby steps!! Lol. Because of you, I have organized my fridge, cleaned out every single kitchen cabinet, gone through endless bathroom goods, gotten rid of junky toys, gotten rid of bags of kid clothes, cleaned out my own closet, scrubbed my sinks, done the dishes like it's my job, and so much more! Taking loads of things to donate has been so liberating and freeing. I am a stay-at-home mom of 3 and these past few months have been madness. For the first time in never, I feel so much more confident about trying to keep up with the housework. I am excited to begin meal planning too. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experience and stories, minimal mama.♡ You will never know how much I needed this! I look forward to all your videos and projects of the future.
Our husband's don't even have to SAY anything, we are already sensitive and probably feeling guilty over the mess that many times we interpret their looks in the worst possible way. Although there are definitely times they are thinking what in the world happened here. I find that a cheerful loving welcome home with a nice hug and kiss helps a lot despite the state of the home. If we are already pensive, defensive, and just kind of moody it doesn't help. This is not in direct response to the question in the video, just a general thought about this very typical situation. And just on a side note it does get easier as the kids get older and as we declutter more for sure!
I have the opposite problem my husband thinks I’m too clean & tidy - he says you can’t put anything down without me putting it away & ‘heaven forbid we should own any possessions’ ... however recently he came home from working at someone’s house & said it was so nice to come into a clean & tidy space & that he wouldn’t want to live in the mess of the house he’d been working in ... it made my day!
My husband had the same experience when he went to a friend's house and there was clutter on all the counters in the kitchen. He said he thought about it his whole way home and couldn't wait to get into our home to tell me he actually experienced the difference by seeing it, and how much more "relaxing" it is to have a clean, clutter-fee kitchen, and then I got the hug & kiss that followed...it is all good.
Husband started declutterring his stuff after I got into cleaning out storage bins in our basement! Thirty years in this house and almost 39 years married meant we had lots of stuff! Your videos are an inspiration!
I watched one clutter organiser where the husband complained about the untidy house they were working on it. However, they discovered that if all the chairs were returned under the table before he came home his perception was it was tidier. home
I remember that one! What is the "one thing" psychology? It was really interesting & useful. For me good smells (say super sensitive nose) actually make a huge difference (not perfume, just clean, wholesome).
I had three littles. My husband was in the military and never home. I was very sick and couldn't get much done. My kids are grown now and I am better health wise now. I still can't keep up. My husband is always home and I am going nutters. I can never get things finished. It is amazing how messy one man can be. If he uses something he never puts it back in its home. Yes there is a home for everything. Tools, clothes, dishes, food, electronics, they stay where they land. He yells at me about the messy garage but my stuff is in bins on shelves. He is the one with stuff everywhere.
Oh, I'm so happy you made a video on my question! Thank you Dawn & Tom!
Thank you for digging deeper into what lies behind the reactions to clutter and untidiness!
You made me understand the dynamics of a couple where one takes more responsibility for the daily maintenance at home. I've started to keep the main areas picked up and you explained to me why that is so important. I'll keep you posted on my progress :)
Good luck Susanna 😊🙌🏻 x
@@MitchyLou1 Thank you! 😊🙏
@Susanna B
OMG. Meal planning was so a stress. I was stressed by having to decide what we eat (not always the same, healthy, tasty, easy to cook...)
Since two years I found the solution and now not only my stress level is reduced but also my husband’s stress.
The SOLUTION was to reduce the recipe and to write each one on a small paper including the shopping list. After that I made a meal planer with compartments for every day in a whole week and also compartments for the recipe which we eat last week and two weeks before and one compartment for the “to cook next” it is something like this: pin.it/4OlRmfK
So now when I make my meal planning I only have to choose from the recipe which we didn’t eat in the last 3 weeks.
My husband now knows what I have planned to cook and where the recipe is. He is now able to cook without “destroying” my organization.
I hope this can help others reducing the stress of the meal planning!
The biggest concept to internalize is that you don’t declutter once and never have to do it again.
You have to cull items out of your possession all the time.
Even Dawn has to purge items occasionally.... it just doesn’t take her as long because she has kept up with it.
Meal planning is also a huge help! I found I really dislike planning every meal or dinner so instead I made themes for each night. Monday: Mexican, Tuesday: Italian, Wednesday: Western, Thursday: Asain, Friday: freezer (store bought freezer foods so we have something easy but not as expensive as eating out each week), Saturday and Sunday: salad (usually using leftovers). This way I don’t think “what on earth am I making tonight??” Instead I think “which Mexican dish do I want?” It also makes sure I use specific ingredients I get for meals I plan in advance because I know what day that meal would land on. My young kids love the themes as well. I think kids just really like knowing what to expect.
It's easy to become resentful if you feel your husband is not 'helping'. But do they know how to help and feel that they did it right? If I ask my husband to help with the dishes or whatever he will jump in but he doesn't always know where to jump in or how to do it the way 'we' do it while he's at work. For us, simplifying the house has been such a blessing because now he knows how to help because things have a home. We were just recently away at our sons wedding and I went to Walmart and bought a few 'extras' and when I got to the van he said, "You have to start watching that ladies videos again! :) This has brought us so much more freedom and time with our family! Thank you Dawn! We literally can clean up the kitchen in 15 minutes after dinner (and we have 9 kids at home still). Thank you Thank you Thank you! God bless.
Oh my gosh! I had 4 kids 5 and under (twins in the middle). I can so relate. I would leave the folded laundry out so my husband could see that I did SOMETHING ! (2 loads a day). I'm sure the last thing he felt like doing at the end of the day was stopping by the store for the 2 things I really needed. As far as picking up, a friend described it to her attorney husband perfectly, "Imagine if you dictated briefs all day and someone came in and pressed erase." My youngest is 39 now, we did survive.
I’m watching this after distance learning with the kids all day and chasing a toddler while in my third trimester. I am so burned out. Luckily, I started minimizing five years ago for the same reason-too much stuff to manage-so at least I don’t have a million objects to pick up with my big, pregnant body whenever my children finally go to bed tonight. Because there are fewer things, they can manage their own stuff (with reminders) and still have time to do chores and play with the toddler. It’s such a blessing. I can start the dishwasher tonight and put my swollen ankles to bed before doing this all again tomorrow.
Bless your heart! 😇
My husband & I love you guys. We watch your videos then talk about & plan out our minimalistic changes. This past Sunday he told me during a disagreement about keeping some things in the garage I thought we should not get rid of, " Honey, it just doesn't bring me joy!" I laughed until I cried. My sweetie is on board & Tom is an asset to your message! Thank you both!
♥️ From Texas 🤠
I just recently put a nice basket on my husband dresser for all his pockets stuff. Two days ago he came into the kitchen and thanked me for it. It's the little things. My husband was not on board for years but now he loves it and actually suggests things now! Keep on going!
"So, usually there was toys everywhere. Mixed in maybe with some garbage." Best. Line. Ever.
I always say that my work as a stay at home mom and homeschool mom is not able to be measured like other jobs are. Minimizing has helped us to be able to clean up very quickly. My kids are 6 and 2 so we are still working on them cleaning up. But we have a clean up song that works to get them singing and picking up!
Also, we work off of each others energy so if we tidy our own things our spouses and family will start to enjoy the benefits and get on board!
Dawn you have talked about being an introvert briefly in past videos. How does that play into you working and getting time to do what you need to? Video idea?!?!
One thing parents forget is that, if a child can get a toy out to play with, he or she is old enough to put that same toy away - as long as there are good systems in place. The parent needs to put systems in place, minimizing toys and setting up storage, with the input of children old enough.
It’s sad that parents who feel they need to pick up toys themselves are putting extra pressure on themselves, and robbing their kiddos of the opportunity to learn about responsibility, chores, and other life skills.
This is true. I can't remember exactly how old my kids were when I began to teach them to clean, but it was right at that in between stage when they could crawl and pull themselves up to stand with the help of something, but were still unable to walk alone. I had all the toys in one good sized bin. My son would pull himself up using the side of the bin and then pull all the toys out. I taught him to clean up by pretending we were playing a basketball game with the bin as the basket. We'd throw toys at the bin together and cheer when we got them in. Soon I could tell him to do it himself while I sat back and clapped and cheered. I never had much of a problem getting him to pick his toys up. As a bonus, when his sister reached the same stage he helped me to train her to pick up her toys the same way, so it was half as much work the second time.
Love this! I know of a professional organizer and the advice she gave me is similar to what you said Dawn. Continue decluttering my stuff and when my husband sees this, he will be so happy that he will follow. One evening all of a sudden he goes in his closet and within 5 min he comes out and gives me a bag of clothes to donate. I was shocked!
When you had talked about your life before minimalsm in the past It always resonated with it. This is still spot on. My husband is a lot like Tom and he comes home and gets to walk in to a mess with kids and screaming. Not peaceful. Hopefully I can get there.
When the kids were young, my husband would wonder about the mess of the house. I would tell him, “Do you know how much work it is to maintain this level of mess?? If I did nothing, our house would look like a hoarder lived here!” 😂🤣
We love how transparent y’all are…relationships are definitely building blocks. As a couple for 23-years, we are always learning together (with respect and honor). Working on FPU and downsizing, too!
Tip # 9 for saving your money, if your rent is too high, ask your landlord if they can reduce it, or look for something else in a different area, or get more work to pay for it.
Your videos are so relatable and helpful. I remember watching videos on minimalism and I was intrigued but I also thought, what a strange lifestyle, surely this is unachievable for most people? You showed me otherwise. Two years ago my husband and I moved into our first house and shortly after we started decluttering. We now have ONE tote of "homeless" items left and our house is so easy to tidy. It's such a blessing as we've added to our family (a daughter, turning 2 in August) and I know my life would be so chaotic had we not purged our home of all that clutter! Thanks for all your great advice! :)
My husband and I are the opposite. Clutter or grime in the house fill me with anxiety and high stress, and although my husband doesn't like it, it doesn't bother him nearly as much. Like you said, just because I hate clutter doesn't automatically mean that I'm great at cleaning it, but I'm getting much better. I'm starting to realize that cleaning is self-care. Like, every time I wash the dishes or tidy up the living room, I get so much joy out of that that I'm grateful that I took the time to "give myself" the gift of a clean house.
Appreciate you both and that you are so relatable!! This sounds like my husband and I when our 3 oldest kids were 2,3,4 years old 10 years ago!! Jesus sure helps in keeping our marriage going, but I am on your minimalism bandwagon now since moving last November and love the peace it's given our family! But my husband is the more tidy one and I grew up in a household where we only cleaned if people were coming over and we were notorious for shoving things in closets and unused areas! I'm glad I didn't keep the same standards as an adult! But really, my husband would get so mad at the papers I would have everywhere and just throw it all away. It gave me so much animosity toward him and so much anxiety about never seeing my kids schoolwork ever again. I definitely had my faults and still do but my advice is to never throw anyone's stuff away, and if anything, put it in a tote and quarantine it, I so love that idea. Again this video was great and almost feel like I should be paying you for your therapy sessions, Dawn! 😁 If you aren't counselors or something at your church already I know you guys would be awesome at that. God bless
Totally agree, about not throwing out someone else’s stuff away!! I always take a photo and forward it to hubby or whoever in the house I think it might belong to, just to confirm if they need it or if it can be thrown out! Be it receipts or anything I’m unsure of! I think it all boils down to respect!! We have to respect the fact that it may mean nothing to you but everything to the next person!!
Very helpful to hear how to carefully respect my husband as I pursue minimizing stuff. The load is getting lighter and my home is more peaceful. Thank you for sharing your insights.
Totally get it. Just wait! My cousin told me years ago that after 20 years of marriage your husband will completely appreciate you and realize how invaluable you are. She was right. After 26 years of marriage he gets it👏🏻👍🙏🏻🥰Kids are grown... whole new world.
Love the smile on Toms face watching you talk. You two are so sweet and cute together. Thank you these are very helpful
Iam on a marathon watch of your videos! (Iam not joking!)
If I could only show you my progress! I started out small. One drawer, on cabinet, and so on. This morning, I sat down and made an
"Achievement List"
I was soooo happy with all that was silently disappearing!
And on a positive side note, I have my enthusiasm back! My joy of a peaceful place is returning. Iam motivated to do, instead of dreading and procrastinating the deed! I've prayed for this, God lead me to your videos, and you! I know you hear this alot, but I want to say
THANK YOU so very much for being the vessel that has pushed through my dark waters, and helped me find me again♡
The biggest fallacy I've seen (and personally experienced!) is that "if you cared enough, you'd do it". I think that's where a lot of conflict can make its way into relationships.
That's not true. The reality is simply that the systems in place just aren't working for you! So it's incredibly important to sit down with your significant other, whether you're the one who is struggling to keep up with the housework or the one who doesn't understand why the housework isn't done and COMMUNICATE. But it's also really important to remember at that phase that it's not that they don't love you, it's not that they don't care, it's just that the current situation isn't working and you need to work together to find a better way.
If you can flip the situation so it's you and your partner against the stress, against the mess, against the clutter, it's going to be far more effective than you against your partner. Then, you can work together to figure out how to go forward. Maybe one partner isn't keen on the minimalism thing, but you want to try. Ok, see if you can find a compromise like putting all those things you want to declutter into boxes downstairs and see if it works. Or maybe you try something like a chore wheel - where you list all the chores that need to be done so that you and your partner work off the chore wheel. Or maybe you work on divvying up tasks differently, see what works and what doesn't! The key is, you're experimenting to see what works for you and your relationship - not for anyone else's.
Above all, it's your partner and you fighting to vanquish the mess! Not you vs. your partner. Otherwise, you're on a highway to resentment-town which is never a good place to be.
Very wise words! So hard to do in real life 😫
Resentment Town. A high tax area, not conducive for love, honor and respect. It should be as ghost town.
This analogy has inspired me and got me thinking a bit different.
Whole heartedly agree, now could you just tell my hubby that? Haha. Whenever I say we have to do something about the house, he retorts, well you do....XYZ, or look at the dust, you don’t do anything about that, or you make a mess when you cook. Heavy sigh.
He never had to help around the house growing up. (He still calls his weed whacking and mowing the lawn “landscaping”!) So in his mind he was doing a bigger job than he was. His Mom and sisters did the lions’ share of cleaning and organizing. So he never learned how. But instead of being open to it as an adult, he “fights” against it, or criticizes me to crate conflict that detracts from the problem of organization. So I have thrown up my hands and cried uncle.
My husband has many talents...organizing is not one of them. But we will work on it!
Her partner bought plastic totes and put in garage and when they moved he found they were empty. Sorry but to me that shows he was not a help and if hidden video you would likely find a man who thinks ok I go to work and when I get home it's my time to relax. He would deny it but listen to them talk. He comes home and gets the look. No he doesn't have to say anything, even babies can express themselves with their look and voice! When she tried to change things at home-HE DIDN'T NOTICE!! So he buys totes, later finds empty, why didn't he ask if there's anything she wants him to put in and put some of his things in also. He doesn't notice when she tries to "up her game". I'm not impressed with him at all. You want a modern wife who works? Be a modern dad who comes home and it's his night to cook or do some laundry. Time of home and relax is over especially once you have children.
I hope if you had children you realized this is how he was allowed to grow up and you taught your children to keep things picked up and everyone responsible for their things. Like everyone has a clothes basket/bag for dirty clothes and one for clean clothes and they take their basket and put clean away and return that basket to laundry area. Too little for basket, buy small container at dollar type store and let them start with simple things like socks and underwear that won't wrinkle. Then help them open drawer and put sweats and pj' s away. You would be surprised if done young these aren't bad, horrible, negative things they need to do. Dad can take care of his laundry also. Make home a family retreat not a battleground.
So funny that I'm just seeing this video now since I've been a follower for 2 years. It's true that just keeping your space tidy and purging and organizing what isunder my control helped to finally get my hubby on board too. It took nearly 2 years but now he's realizing it's all about the inventory. Thanks again Dawn and Tom for helping so many of us lighten our loads.
I really wish we could be mom friends in real life. 🤣 This spoke to me on such a personal level.
My husband and I have four kids: our oldest turns 6 this May and our youngest is turning 1 March 2nd. My husband works 5 days a week 8-10 hours a day in a labor intensive job while I am a stay at home and homeschool. The last two years we have moved three times - spending about 10 months in a camper to save money on (what will eventually be) our farm land. We are *just* starting to get to the point of owning livestock and pantry gardening. 😊
It is so much fun watching you, your husband, and your kiddos (when they occasionally make an appearance lol) and relating to your videos so much.
My husband has always been a minimalist (but he didn't know it), so when I started decluttering with your videos he was so excited! Lol he told me if he knew a UA-cam video was all I needed to agree with him he would have searched for you long before now. 😉 Lol to be fair, he is the tidy person you talk about who is like "why wouldn't you just do it this way?" and doesn't always get that other people aren't wired to be perfectly organized. 🤣😅
Dawn I love how Tom looks at you with sincere love and cherishes you! love it.
I was a single mom with my son and it only took 5-10 minutes to clean the apartment if company was suddenly coming over. It was great! Then I got remarried and he’s a bit of a clutter monkey. When we had to sell our Dutch Colonial, everybody had to get on board with keeping things picked up for viewings. I loved it! Now it’s just my husband and I as the kids are all grown. I’m systematically going through my stuff to pare down and trying to encourage him to go through his. Well, I’ll keep trying. Eventually, it may rub off on him.
My husband wasn't really into this when I started my minimalism journey, then one day he said, "Our home is much more peaceful now." They do eventually notice. lol
Thank you so much! My husband and I have been struggling with minimizing and keeping the house tidy. My clutter threshold is really low but I am also a clutter bug and I see to attract it. Your videos are the only thing that helps me focus and bring down my anxiety. I am so grateful.
Oh my goodness, THANK YOU!! This video was so relatable and put so much into words! I nodded my head in agreement all thru the video 😊 My journey has been slow but we have made so much progress and now that my husband is on board it is going even better. I did just want to say that I feel like as a mom (only of 2 but with very generous family & friends in the gift department) that I feel responsible for my stuff, the children's stuff and the "household" stuff, with my husband having less categories as "his" to cull. I feel like that adds stress to moms and we shouldn't feel that way even though we do take charge in managing more categories, I feel like we take on a larger burden of guilt than we should. So we should let go of that guilt for so many categories and just do our best one area or one 15 minute tidy or declutter at a time . I hope others can relate to this sentiment. And thank you again, this video shares so many immensely important messages ❤
The same with my husband and I. He is the tidy one.
What actually changed our relationship was when he became Mr. Mom. It was his job to clean, do laundry, take care of 2 kids under 3, and make dinner. And he was going to school at night. When the kids were older and we both went back to work we divided up chores. He still does all the bills and laundry. Cooking dinner we share. We meal plan together, because for me cooking isn't a problem, it's the what's for dinner every day question.
We have been married 37 years and we don't have children, they are grown men. Our children are in their 30's with families of their own. It has been just my husband and I through Covid19 quarantine together and it has been just fine.
I ❤ your shirt! Totally off topic lol... and I just think you two are an adorable couple. Your content is always helpful and I can always relate to your stories and experiences. Thank you 😊
Tom didn't notice that you were decluttering??? The thing that amazes me about that is that you weren't TALKING non-stop about it! I have been decluttering for years and will talk the ears off anyone not quick enough to get away! It's one of my favourite subjects!
Exactly! I got excited about minimalism and shared info with my husband and while he thought it was interesting, was content to just watch me handle my things and our kitchen and bathroom. THEN he saw the results and started in with his closet and garage areas! This also happened with me changing my diet to eat healthier and less carbs and sugars. I shared some of my research and personal changes and didn’t suggest he change anything. THEN he started cutting out carbs and sugars!
Managing inventory has been my favorite statement you've made in all the videos I've watched on your channel. It makes so much sense to me that my stuff has to be managed and less makes my life easier. I am a major stuff person, collect and keep and store...don't touch my stuff! It's been slow but I am making progress in releasing things without regret, hopefully more to follow as I have a long way to go, but looking at my things differently makes the process easier. Thank you!!
I love this so much. I have been working for the last few months to simplify our kitchen and bathroom to start with. Suddenly my husband told me we need to clean out the upright freezer and consolidate our two freezers (*raise our own beef). So I jumped up and said let’s do it. And it was done in less than 30 min.
I'm blessed to have a large closet with several shelves in our recreation room. When we first moved to this house, I used it for a game and video closet. Now, I use it to store the toys. I like to keep classic toys from my children's young years and have them one hand for Little Company. All the toys have their clear bins with lids. It's WONDERFUL to know every toy item has a place to go and I don't have to hyper-ventilate over them. lol I also keep an extra pack of diapers/wipes and maybe a few extra clothes for Little Company, in that closet.
I agree with everything you said! I would say I’m halfway to minimalism. I’ve always been a very tidy person, even with children. There is so much value in caring for our husbands! I definitely will clean and tidy before my husband gets home so he comes home to a happy environment, so much so that one day I hadn’t cleaned yet and he stopped in his tracks and very sweetly yet worriedly asked me “is everything ok? Did you have a rough day?” I laughed because I had actually had a great day with the kids! I asked why he is asking that and he said “oh, the house is just....there’s toys everywhere I thought maybe something happened.” I said oh it always looks like this, I just usually clean before you get home! Haha!! All the banter back and forth between you two reminds me of me and my husband. Very open communication and love and respect for each other. Thank you for making this channel! 💜
I just started rewatching some of your older videos. I have been layer by layer decluttering since I discovered your channel last fall. I have a monthly rotation where each area of the horse gets some attention. And I feel like I’m at a point where the easy stuff is gone, I can taste the sweetness of minimalism, but I still need to break through the hardest layer or two to really get where I know I need to be. It’s so hard with little ones in the home, but all the more reason to push through. I want to focus more on savoring these years instead of always feeling like I am drowning. Thank you for all your wonderful videos, your wise insight, and your fun personality! You are such a blessing to many!
-Jo
I'm in the same place as you , I've done the easy layer but as a empty nester I find it hard to the next layer , taking a break but getting ready to start the rooms and spaces all over again. They say like an onion layer by layer
You two are just the best. Love this vid.
The 5 minute pickup, container rule and starting with visible clutter first have kept my house tidy. Thanks Dawn! 👏👏👏 My hubby is following suit.
What a sweet couple I enjoyed your talk. My husband is in heaven now. Believe me I miss him. he was a precious one who would always say when I would try to quick tidy up. “Remember we live here too”. How sweet! I have great memories !
Tom’s expressions were priceless ... love the way you two work out your issues. ❤️🇨🇦
I worked outside the home every Saturday for 5.5 years until baby number 4 was born. So one day per week, my husband had to deal with it all himself....that answered the "what do you do all day?" question before it could even be asked.
It's hard to explain the chaos of little kids to someone who hasn't lived it on some kind of regular basis.
It is good though to assess the situation if you can't keep up and figure out what needs to change, because not keeping up is too stressful to keep living in - for all people involved. Better to have less or work less or expect less than to increase cortisol and arguments.
Silent viewer here: can we love you guys any more??!! This was brilliant. Thanks for answering literally the most tricky question and for offering such sage advice. You guys are so inspiring in all aspects!! Love you guys!! 🖤🖤🖤
I love the way Tom watches you speak. He is transfixed. Such love ❤️❤️❤️
Your dynamic as a couple is so extremely sweet and precious. Complimenting each other, understanding each other, and thinking of how you can work on yourselves instead of thinking the other person is wrong is such a healthy way of thinking. You guys are couple goals!
Four thumbs up for this video -- my husband agreed with your advice too. He's one of those husbands who just began to come around after I embraced minimalism about a year and a half ago. Whenever you do a video that includes Tom, I try to make sure I play it when he is within earshot.
The biggest problem my husband has with decluttering is that he doesn’t have the energy or desire to declutter after a long day from work. So pulling from Dawn’s advice about putting things in a box for a while instead of tossing things away... I declutter for him and put all the things I pulled out in a box out of the house. He knows about this box, and goes through it if he can’t find something he needs! Then after six months of not living with the most of those items, I’ll show them to him before donation day and he ends up wanting to get rid of most of the box. 😊
This makes me so thankful that my husband's clutter threshold is higher than mine 😂 But I completely agree that simplifying and getting rid of stuff is absolutely the answer. Before naps and bedtime my 18-month-old cleans up her own toys, for example. It's not a big deal when there aren't a ton of toys!
I wish I had this knowledge almost 50 years ago. I am learning from you now. Thank you for recommending Dana White, too. My husband actually noticed a laundry room drawer being organized this morning. He told me it looked good. He is neat.
When I starting simplifying, my hubby thought it like a hotel room (yes, I like that!). Then it became the room with no distractions to read, no clock to get in a rush. He liked it. Ah!!! Yesterday I was going to hang something on our bedroom (which got simplified too) wall and he said it is looking kind of busy. Hello! Just what I needed to hear. Less is more!
I am somewhat of a pack rat when it comes to my crafting room, but....I have it very organized, labeled in like containers etc. My hubby is a pack rat out in his wood shop, but I have gone out with him and showed him how to make his work time easier and more efficient by organizing tools, nuts, bolts, screws, nails etc. he came in today after working on a project and said " wow it was so nice to know where everything was that I needed and I swept up before I came in" He was so proud of himself and I was proud of his efforts to stay on track. Thanks so much for sharing your techniques, ideas and your life!!!! You are both truly an inspiration. As always God bless and stay safe!!!
Great topic. Had things in mind to decluttering so boxed up three boxes while listening. Got rid of six or seven other boxes in the past week. I am determined to finally finish. Been at it three years and I’m so ready to be done! Thanks for this topic!
You're spot on! I am 1 year into this journey after being buried by our stuff in addition of the ever building toddlers. When things are messy things are more stressful and it sometimes feels like your trapped in groundhog day cleaning up the same things over and over again.
Keep the tips coming, as they keep me motivated to keep purging to the essentials and get my home under control. I want to be able to have a 5-10 min panic clean when people call and say there are on their way over and not a panic of omg, just shove everything behind closed doors and be embarrassed. If you can get there, we all can!
What a lovely, respectful partnership you have with each other.
We are 5+ years into our minimalist journey and now being clutter-free is the new normal for our family. Just this weekend we realised how far we have come, when we spent the weekend house-sitting an elderly friends family home. JUST SO MUCH STUFF.
When I got divorced I moved from a 5 bedroom house to a 1 and a half 😆 bedroom trailer. Good Lord its hard to downsize! Another fabulous video! Love you both so much! God bless! 🙏❤
I just love Toms smile when you talk about the past🌞
Yes I love how he looks at her when she is talking too!
I think the hardest part of change is acknowledging that we (ourselves) are the ones who need to take responsibility for me, myself and I. the first years of marriage can be difficult because we are learning and in the process making mistakes, I appreciate you mentioned that you were both learning your roles. I had not thought about the clutter levels of each individual stress, that is helpful in understanding one's spouse. also, I have notice this in my husband as well, that it does usually take time for him to appreciate different things I do to be better as a mother, wife, housekeeper and individual. Note it is usually after i have completed a project, and i usually find out by him telling someone else what i have accomplished, he rarely tells me directly. lol But it does make my heart glad to hear him praise me in public, i have that sigh of contentment knowing that i pleased my husband. thank you for sharing your insight and wisdom.
You are a good declutter teacher, Dawn. Tom, you are a great supporter. This is how couples need to handle all things. My husband was always clean and always helped me in the home. In actuality, we both have full-time jobs. Mamas can't get up and go home from theirs. Love you two.
My advice for this young mom would be start in the kitchen with decluttering and meal planning. It's hard, but, so important. I used to spend an entire day cleaning out the toy closet and the kitchen would be a mess with no dinner in sight. Knowing what I know now....
Thank you so much for this! I’ve been working on decluttering and simplifying my house for a week now and it’s been so discouraging. I know that it’s a process and this has given me the motivation to keep going! My husband is the tidy one also, but like you, I get so tired of cleaning the same mess over and over.
Thanks for speaking on this topic. I'm past the baby stage, but remember how hard it was to work hard and care for the kids all day and feel like our house never reflected my effort. You are a blessing to all your viewers.