Yeah. The problem is most potential partners are like children, emotionally speaking, without serious behavioral limitations set by their parents and we end up playing the exhausting role of father or mother. 😊
There can only be one leader in a relationship. The consequences of not leading are great. “But to Adam he said, “Because you obeyed your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ cursed is the ground thanks to you; in painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.” Genesis 3:17. Following ones wife instead of following God leads to not only a lack of peace, but a big disaster.
A lack of kindness is something I'll NEVER except from a woman ever. It's one of my non-negotiables because dealing with a woman who is not kind or sweet will make for a truly miserable relationship because there's nothing more attractive that a nice, kind, and feminine woman.
Summary: 1) Inconsistency (lack of emotional maturity) 2) No intimacy (intellectual, spiritual, emotional, physical, etc.) 3) One-sided dynamic (e.g. one person is not putting in as much effort as the other) 4) Lack of communication 5) Mistreatment, manipulation, abuse (this is a big one because it's not acceptable in any shape or form) I am not sure what more can be added to the list. Sacrifices have to be made from time to time, but do not blindly make them just to make/stay in a relationship. If you are not comfortable with making a personal sacrifice, then communicate that to see if there are reasonable alternatives. Only you can decide whether to stretch the cord or cut it.
6) High body count. 7) Bad habits like drinking, going to parties at night, etc. 8) Having feminist views unfair to men. 9) Gets triggered by boundaries. 10) Exposes her naked body everywhere.
Emotional maturity is big for me. Obviously NO ONE wants to be with someone who is emotionally immature. How we handle situations or disagreements, I want it to be peaceful and mature.
My brother spent an awfully long time in an emotionally abusive relationship. She told him that he wasn't allowed to discuss any of their relationship troubles with his family (making him completely isolated), whereas she was immediately on the phone to one of her sisters after they had an argument. It absolutely broke my heart when he finally spoke to me about the issues, and how alone and unsupported he felt. He actually felt he was bound by her demands in that regard. To this day, she's still an incredibly manipulative person. To any men out there in a similar position, be mindful of your emotional wellbeing in a relationship. Never let anyone make you feel isolated, or like you're not allowed to talk to someone else about your troubles.
Attempting to isolate your partner from supports like friends/family is such a huge red flag, it shows that she knows what she's doing is wrong and doesn't want him outing her to friends/family who would let him know just how messed up it is, which is sometimes difficult to see when you're in the thick of it. I'm glad your brother got out of that situation.
But where do you draw the line ?Because your relationship is between the 2 of you and not the rest of the world Intimacy occurs between 2 people . No privacy in a relationship means you cant open up to people without everyone knowing your business. If it about abusive behaviour then that is the caveat but one big problem when trying to resolve differencs is when there are other people interfering and telling your gf/ bf what to say / do etc
This is what I hate with my ex husband. I wanted to keep our own troubles and solved it together but him he shared it to his family. I am alone stranger (Philippines)in their country (France) that was so embarrassing for me. Til I came to the point to file a divorce and it’s done finally. For me, couple shouldn’t have to share all the troubles to the family. You both have to try first solving the issues and if the problem becomes more complicated then that’s the time to share with the people you trusted with and asked for an advice.
@@bjale1174 I agree with you! You are not married to the world, some things are private! It is no one's business what goes on in your home! This what causes drama in a marriage!
My ex (break up was 2 months ago) exhibited the first 4 of these 5 points. Which is why I left. Love coming across videos like this because it just reassures me I made the right choice. Absolutely broke my heart to leave because I still care about her, but the lack of effort, accountability, and self awareness was just too much to bare anymore. Also add in a drinking problem that she denies having, even tho everyone can see it, even her parents. I wish her the best, but only she can realize she needs to change one day, she’s not ready to hear it from anyone else yet. Time to move on and find someone who is ready for what I’m ready for 🙌
My big thing is dealing with any emotional abuse. Ive had women belittles me over not having enough dating experience and say, "you aren't man enough" to be with me. Being on the receiving of that abuse has made me feel worthless to women for a good portion of my adult life and I'm fiercely protective of myself because of it.
Man I’m in the same boat. And it’s getting to the point where I’m basically paralyzing myself from talking to anyone, which means I can’t get the experience, thus furthering the circle.
I've been physically and emotionally abused by many girls in the past keep your head up brother you're more valuable than them and you're the better person. I'm a property manager and make $70,000 a year and my ex who worked at a restaurant used to call me a lazy pos and hit me. I'll never take that shit again. Stay single and wait for a woman who cares about you. God has the right one about to cross your path.
Women are masters of the "you are not good enough for them" thing. And even if you are good enough at first, then one day you might not be. Usually that means she found a new, exciting "toy" and got bored of the current one. My advice here is that YOU should know your worth better than anyone. If a woman or any person belitles you like that, then they are most likely a shitty person. Just get them out of your life and move on.
So glad you're shedding light on the kind of abuse men experience that I'm sadly not surprised to hear goes underreported. Thanks for everything you do, Courtney!
The equal effort part is so important. There will be times when one partner has more on their plate or is more busy or is more limited in their capabilities. But as long as the effort is mutual and each side is trying their earnest best, that goes a long way toward getting over any hard times together
That's what ended my first relationship last year. We met in April, and she was in pharmacy school. She went home for the summer, and it was a great summer just talking to each other. But when she got back, we only ever got to hang out at her job at the bookstore (which was my former job) Any other time she said she was busy, and eventually I started to get upset, not angry, that she was saying she didn't even have 5 minutes to talk on the phone. She was always saying stuff like "sorry you don't actually think I'm busy." We tried talking like friends after we ended it in December, but we've had so many arguments since then. We didn't even talk from January 1st to early April this year, so we could move on, but after that she seemed like she was distant and either not replying, or giving very short replies. When I questioned her why, she only got mad and we argued about that.
@@ChocolateMilk.. You can think that, but you don't know her. She's the most particular and meticulous person I've ever seen. She has a schedule and she sticks to it.
One thing that caused my most recent breakup was a lack of trust. I’d literally given her zero reason to mistrust me (I’d always been faithful, and always been open and honest with her), but yet she made up in her head somehow that I was lying to her or keeping things from her. We loved each other, but without trust there can be no relationship.
That is correct. And that is not by accident, it is by design. The powers that be are trying to destroy the family unit. More chaos, more control that they have. Faith in God is standing in their way.
I looked for that part of the video and I found it. I think after all things "MeToo" the mainstream media purposefully ignores abusive behavior that comes from women because it doesn't fit their narrative.
I’m 35, top 3 percent earner, and I have listened to Courtney for a long time. I don’t agree with it all but I have worked hard to improve myself. Now, I have my life together, and met a young lady. Let me say how ANGRY these mid thirties women are who have more bodies than a Vietnam veteran.
to people with a more balanced take on relationships and you’re one of them. I got out of a toxic relationship some years ago and I’ve been single ever since. I’ve learned a lot by watching your content and many others. I’m definitely a better man because of it. I feel much more prepared to be in a healthy relationship when I decide to take that step again! Thank you!
Steve Bak sorry to say but you're clueless my friend.i can't give you a red pill of all my experiences with women and what I've learned.Steve let me tell you something.If you honestly believe you're going to find a "decent" girl,notice I said "decent",then travel to another universe.What you're hearing here is an "illusion".Do you understand that?When you look in the mirror do you think you're attractive?Women like attractive tall men.If you're not attractive then be prepared to be alone most of your life.Sorry to say.Plain and simple.
One of my biggest issues with dating is when I finally do get someone to go out with me I get so excited that I forget to actually consider whether I really like them. I use dating apps, so I can’t truly get to know someone before going out with them
Important things as well: 0:33 First thing - Inconsistency; 3:18 Second thing - No Intimacy; 5:27 Third thing - One - Sided Dynamic; 6:46 Fourth thing - Lack Of Communication; 8:44 Fifth thing - Mistreatment And Manipulation; and 10:06 to summarize all what has been told as well. Well on the first thing mentioned, this hot/cold games, I would rather call it yes / no games. For example: A guy tells a girl that he is interested in dating one girl. The girl tells the guy that she is not interested in him. After a week she decides to go on dating with him, and next week, she decides not to go on date with him, and goes around, and around. That can be seen for either men, and women as well. I might add that the sixth thing as well, and that is Showing The Toxicity. That can be done by either men, and either women as well. Sad, but it's true. But all told here can be used in some other life situations, as well. They can be used in friendships, and in jobs for example. Also on the job, or school, or faculties if there are these things common, then that can be treated as things such as: peer violence in primary and secondary school, and mobbing on either faculty or college (call it whatever you want), and mobbing on job or on working place (call it whatever you want). The deeds are very crucial, cause they will tell more than words. We in the Balkan say this: "Kakav na jelu, takav na delu." Translation would be like this: "The way how the person eats the meal, is the way how person show the deeds." Meaning (reading between the lines): "Watch the persons action (let's call it that way), and deeds. Words without the action are nothing."
Just ended a relationship with a girl who was inconsistent. It was confusing and did make me question myself. My therapist helped me to see the reality of her behaviors and I wound up breaking it off. It was not easy, but it was necessary.
Courtney, you once again nailed it! If I have to constantly question the consistency of the relationship, I'm just gonna dip out. I shouldn't have to keep guessing or let my anxiety run absolutely wild! This is why I vet people very hard now and I'm dead serious on who gets in...whether or not that's a bit extreme is debatable
Modern dating is really a headache. It's kind of clear to conclude that social media doesn't help in having meaningful relationships with women and vice versa. It's best to have a social media blackout IMO.
Unrealistic expectations and a change of heart after starting a relationship on either or both sides is becoming quite common... People change and have to be constantly " reasessing" and " tuning up" their relationship. Frequency and consistency in handling any disagreements in a constructive and positive manner and " airing" things out before they become too big to resolve is critical! Sometimes, going back to the basics like an athlete being in a " slump" is the best solution in repairing the relationship. Open and honest communication, trust, selflessness , apologizing, and being humble are some of the important ingredients missing nowadays. Remembering back when both people initially met and keeping that " spark" going. Bottom line...it's important to keep from falling into a "rut" or "routine" with each other with the daily boring, mundane, and taking each other for granted. You are correct on all of the points discussed! Relationships take work and can't be left on " auto pilot!"... Otherwise, the relationship will..... " crash and burn!"
Thank you! #2, 3, 4 and 5 go to the core of why my 35 year marriage deteriorated in the past years and eventually failed. Courtney, you provide the language for all those things that gradually developed over time, where I did not recognize what was happening, and where I was unable of voicing to my closest friends and unable of effectively communicating them in sessions with 3 different therapists. I will never ever settle for a non-intimacy (in all its forms) relationship again.
Courtney, #5 has me 😢 after what happened what my second ex-GF did to me. When I tried to calm her, she threw a tantrum in front of her apartment mate and her and apartment mate’s BF and I.
I agree with this 100% I dated this girl and I would have died for her. But she would refuse to communicate and didn't follow through with her words and promises and it was really mentally exhausting.
Great video. Guys, as a veteran be it in terms of interesting relationships or warfare: There is no shame in seeking help. Acceptance of your own limitations or communicating what you are willing to accept is a hallmark of masculinity. not the end of it. Abusive partner? PTSD? Both? Reach out. You will find nothing but respect and acceptance from your peers
Two big things for me are that I have a zero-tolerance policy for disrespect and no desire to have someone around that disrupts my peace. I had a GF a couple years ago that disrespected me by essentially calling me a liar because I had just that day gotten over being sick and didn't want to potentially expose her to whatever it was I had. "If you don't want to hang out, just say that and stop making excuses." I read that and my interest in her immediately dissolved. I never once lied to her about anything and was always straight-up with her, so to be accused of lying in that situation just totally rubbed me the wrong way. We were split up within a couple days of that. As for disrupting my peace, I've been living without roommates for almost five years and really enjoy having everything the way I like it and knowing that my place is my personal sanctuary from whatever else may be going on. If a gal comes into my life and starts drastically changing things around, constantly tries to monopolize my free time, or otherwise creates an uncomfortable environment for me, I'm cuttin' that shit off right quick.
Bro, "If you don't want to hang out, just say that and stop making excuses." Is just normal chick stuff for when they think you don't care about them. That actually meant she wanted to be with you and felt hurt you didn't want o be with her. I'm guessing by your reaction that you were edging her out. Do what you need to, but don't pretend.
@@marcd2743 We had been having a couple rocky weeks leading up to that exchange, so I suppose you could say it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Having said that, I don't think writing that comment off as "normal chick stuff" is helpful for anyone, as excusing that kind of behavior only perpetuates it. And frankly, that shit needs to stop. Regardless, whatever her intended meaning may have been, that isn't what she said. I'm not a mind reader and I don't play those games; you either deal with me straight or I'm not going to interpret things correctly some percentage of the time. Sometimes that means things are going to be drastically misinterpreted, as they perhaps were in this situation. If you're an adult, use your words and communicate directly. Anything less than that is immature and I have no time for that kind of shit moving forward.
I’m heavily steeped in red pill philosophy and find it explains almost all female behavior. This woman’s content is pretty good and goes well to take the edge off of RP. I’m enjoying going through her catalog.
In my experience, intimacy is hard-physical or spiritual, etc-when one or both persons are “skin deep” or defined solely by external influences. You want to find someone who has core beliefs, artistic hobbies, literary tastes, intellectual (not necessarily academic) interests, commitments beyond themselves, etc. I know it’s tempting to think you can have a partner who is a blank slate, and they’ll revolve their lives around you, but it does not work that way. Furthermore, if your partner only engages with social media or other technology and doesn’t have other pursuits, then I don’t think you’re going to have much luck.
I think talking about types of intimacy is important because even though the same they are also different. A video on this would be good or please send a link if you have already covered this🙂
For myself I have all but given up. I'm 54 an I have watched a lot of your content an you have great advice! The women around my age is always in love with someone else an they can't even see who I am much less even try to get to know who I am. So yeah just tired at this point.
It's like this for every single man these days, even the top ones like Leonardo DiCaprio, or Johnny Depp. Blame social media. Join the Amish and live in a house without electricity, might be the only answer.
I have a friend w/ trust issues. Won't say much on names or things. Slowly opened up. Then she stepped back 2 steps. Just friends not dating. Seems like some trauma and other issues. So trying to encourage to stay away from some guys when asked questions by her. Sweet woman that deserves better.
Courtney, You hit the nail on the head in this video. Many people have a serious problem with intimacy. That’s because it requires vulnerability - and that’s not easy. It takes a strong person to go to lay themselves out there, but you have to do if you want real love. A great book to read is Matthew Kelly's 7 Levels of Intimacy.
if people would drop their ego and communicate their problems in a relationship they would have a better chance of success If you are not willing to communicate you dont deserve to be in a relationship
That last point was very important and I'm grateful that you as a woman addressed this understated and underdeveloped point in today's times. Thank you Courtney.
Thanks so much for this video, it really gives me hope for a better future. I spent 15 of the last 16 years in a relationship where I was accepting ALL of these things in one degree or another and finally I couldn’t keep going. Tomorrow will be one year since I last saw and spoke with my ex and it’s amazing how little that realization affects me now that I’ve worked to heal and fix myself. Your channel has helped in many ways, so thanks again!
My biggest one is contentious women. King Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived and he said both it is better to sleep on the corner of a rooftop than it is to live with a contentious woman, just like he also said that it's much better to get lost in the wilderness aka the desert than it is to marry a contentious woman. Amos 4:3 folks 😂😂🤣 if you want a bit of a laugh due to ONE word in that verse
Intimacy is a big one for me. I pretty much keep everyone at arms length at this point. Also, because ive been around abusive relationships throughout my childhood, i hold back on my feelings and opinions sometimes whenever i get in a disagreement with a woman im dating or interested in.
Courtney your channel and content has helped me to understand where i went wrong. Thank you. You are right on point and i trust the infoemation you provide. I am 45 and was dating a woman who was 34. We met 10 years ago and broke up last October. I see where i went wrong but i also can now see how ahe mistreated me. Thank you so much for your hard work on these videos and the solid content you pur out. Keep up the great work!
God, my wife has got me twisted. It has come on so gradually I didn't notice at first the stonewalling, and being randomly mad at me for some unknown past reason and witholding affection of all sorts. It's gotten to the point where I almost can't say anything that might upset her because of the impending verbal deluge of calling me every bad thing you can think of. I keep my cool, but eventually I stand up for myself and then it's all bad. Not too long ago one of these random events came on and while I was asking her to please not talk to me disrespectful and stop saying things that are flat out not true, she turned around and straight up closed fist punched me in the face and broke my nose. I didn't have it in me to send her to jail, I mean she's my wife, so after a prolonged halfed ass apology I let it go. The best part is currently she stopped talking to me because she now says she can't trust me because I called the police from breaking my nose but obviously told the police all was good, but now she is acting like she's had enough and like we're separated. Both my head and soul hurt like nothing I've felt before, I have regrets, and feel like a fool, in which truthfully I suppose I am. Dude........
You should talk to an attorney and listen to what they advise. If you think it is headed for divorce you have some control over the schedule if you file not her. Also see if it is too late to sign a complaint and file charges should you choose to pursue the divorce. Just know if you do it becomes a criminal matter and out of your hands. If she is unapologetic even now, therapy will be a waste of time and money. Also if you do divorce, don't do it half way. If you try to be the nice guy you will be court-raped. Speaking of, consider finding a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
Ask yourself how you got to a place where your wife could break your nose. If you are courageous enough and start going down that rabbit hole, you'll start seeing truth. It will hurt, but you will grow.
Wife or not homie, you GOT TO LEAVE! It will be tough at the start but you will be so much better in the long run! Good luck to you, happiness that doesn’t look like this at all, is out there!
@J B Thank you, dude. Means more than you know. It's a shit show currently, but I know I have to. If I don't, I'm a schmuck, and I sir am no schmuck. Was just bait and switched by this sexy covert narcissist LOL.
@S. Burns Thank you for the advice, I am the nice guy lol, but it's out of control and I also have a self esteem and know I'm not getting the respect I deserve, even just as a human. But as a husband who has done everything I can for this woman, it's unacceptable. I'm under a spell currently and unfortunately my passive disposition is one of a simple person just wanting to make his wife happy and be appreciated for it. Makes it extremely tough to fight my own wants on top of her crap.
Im going through this right now with a coworker. She was in a 12 year relationship and recently became single. We got close during this time. All the body language signals were there. I opened up to her a few weeks ago with my feelings. Things were good after that and we still got close. No intimacy, but hugs, long stares and hand touches. This week, out of the biue, she went completely cold. No explanations and very immature handling this.
@@tnoack67 When a woman gives 12 years to a guy only to leave with nothing that's pretty devastating. More so for the woman. I think you give her comfort but I'm with the Joser, it's gonna be an emotional mess for a long time as she's on the rebound in a major way.
Just discovered your channel, Courtney. I really appreciate your perspective and insight, and that your videos are so helpful and supportive of men. Thank you!
David Duff so like what's your problem?What do you mean by,"your words and support mean a lot"?Ok,so now what?What are you going to do with those words now?You're clueless my friend sorry to say.Everything she's saying here is an "illusion" and people like you are taking the bait.How about I give you the stark reality and my words mean a lot now.When you look into the mirror would you say you're an attractive male?How many hot chicks do you start up a conversation with each month and you ask for their phone number?How many times have you been in a bar or club and left with a chick that was super hot and you didn't know and you had sex with her all night?Women want good looking tall men.If you're not good looking then plan on being alone most of your life or be cheated on.
Great video, thank you for making it. The intimacy point being about more than just physical is such a good one and what I really missed or wanted in my marriage.
All of these points were basically my ex, except for the last point. I'm pretty glad I ended it with her, but sometimes it makes me sad that I had to walk away.
Intimacy was a big one for me in this video. It slowly killed my 18 years marriage. Tried professional counseling for years, during different times during near 2 decades of marriage, but if there other person just "isn't there", it will end.
GTaNation are you sure there were no infidelity issues?You're wife wasn't into you anymore sorry to say.When you finally divorced did your wife start dating anyone right away?Or you just don't know.
People should spend more time worrying about what they offer rather than what the other person can give them. People act like finding a partner is like buying a car or some shit.
Nearly all of these points are a recurring theme in nearly *every* relationship I have, platonic or otherwise. I realise that it might suggest a case of "Am I the asshole?" but... without preamble, my issue is that I don't feel that I can reach out to those I know *now* in a meaningful manner. But I also know that I'm still in need of healing... maturing, honestly, before I can feel I can approach people in an equal, confident manner. My most major issue is that I yet don't feel that I can... well, *afford* any meaningful common activities. But I'm currently working on deprogramming *that* part of my missconceptions.
Had these happen to me. Only had a talking stage. It was my first try at a relationship. Figured she was playing with me and other guys/cheating,So I just stopped. If she wants to continue things between us she'll have to acknowledge me and what she did,mature and apologize.
I’m so glad that you mentioned abuse. Men, if your woman is abusing you, LEAVE. It won’t get better. There is a lack of information about abuse in relationships. Physical abuse is only one type of abuse. This is the easiest abuse to identify. It’s easy to see cuts, scrapes, and bruises. Abuse can be emotional, physical, sexual, or financial. Emotional abuse includes name calling, put downs, and accusations. If someone goes through your phone or computer without permission, that’s abuse. Threats of violence against you, children or pets is abuse. Threatening to harm themselves due to your behavior is abuse. Physical abuse includes hitting, biting, scratching, poisoning, hitting someone with a car, pistol whipping, and murder. Physical abuse can also include throwing items at people, destroying property like cars, and physically preventing someone from leaving. Financial abuse would include not giving the other person access to joint accounts. Removing money from joint accounts without the other person’s knowledge. Accusing the other person of financial wrongdoing. Sexu@l abuse includes unwanted touching, engaging in acts while the other person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and r@pe. If you think you may be being abused, tell someone what’s going on. Keep talking until someone listens. If you are being abused, make a plan to get out. Do not tell your abuser your plans. Decide if it’s safer for you to leave while they’re away or if you would feel better with a police presence at the time of your departure. Close all access to the financial accounts. (I forgot to do this and my ex-husband took three-fourths of the money out of our joint account.🤦🏾♀️). Find a safe place to stay. There are few men’s shelters in the US. Make plans ahead of time to stay with friends or family. Get some therapy to heal yourself. Know that life gets better after you leave. Courtney, I have also had the honor of men who have been abused share their stories with me. One man shared that his ex-girlfriend spread dog feces on his front door. Two men shared their stories of sexual assaults. Men, you don’t have to put up with abuse. You deserve to be respected and cared for in a relationship. www.insideedition.com/48-hours-examines-murder-of-steve-clayton-millionaire-husband-poisoned-with-eye-drops-by-wife-lana?amp www.foxnews.com/us/arizona-woman-runs-over-boyfriend-car-police www.wave3.com/2021/10/22/louisville-woman-accused-shooting-pistol-whipping-boyfriend/?outputType=amp www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/who-kills-whom-spouse-killings-exceptional-sex-ratio-spousal www.keranews.org/health-science-tech/2017-06-07/first-texas-shelter-for-male-victims-of-domestic-violence-opens-in-dallas?_amp=true
The best advice I ever got was that relationships are built on compromise. But people can't compromise on something that is important to their self-esteem. The only way they can compromise is to find out why it's important to their self-esteem and find new meaning. If the issue is important to the self-esteem of both parties, no compromise is possible. If she says, " it would mean so much if he would do this one little thing." Then it's not little!
Not usually one to comment, but the point about communication hit really home given what I just went through with someone I was dating (depending on what day you asked her we either were or weren't in a relationship). We had a misunderstanding which got unnecessarily heated, and at the end of it I said that there was miscommunication on both sides. To which I got the response, "No, I'm perfect at communicating." That should've been the red flag for me to end it, but given other extreme things going on in her life, I gave it a pass. Fast forward a few months and things finally got broken off and after talking with a few friends and even showing the texts of how she talked to me, it became apparent that she was also gaslighting me. Now I know I made mistakes with her and worked to rectify those when they happened, I will be the very last person to say they're perfect as I'm learning to not be so hard on myself, but everything was always my issue and I had to work alone to make up for the issues. I will eventually get over all this, but it is still fresh and I'm trying to separate myself from what happened so I can process and move on, hopefully finding a healthy relationship down the road
One thing I would add is to be sure that what you _perceive_ and what is _happening_ actually match (refer back to her point #4) before assuming anything. Example: When I was dating the woman I'm now married to, I got the idea to surprise her with a special Valentine's Day dinner. I cooked everything up, put it all in a basket with a rope attached to the handle, climbed up to her balcony (second floor) and pulled the basket up, ready to present the surprise. She saw me climbing, snuck over and locked the door to the balcony, then hid in her room and ignored me knocking. Her roommate eventually let me in. I was about ready to just pass straight through to her front door, head home and say I'm done trying to do special things for her, but fortunately she came out before I did, and when she saw my face she immediately realized she'd messed up badly. When we talked through it, it turned out that she knew I liked jokes and funny things, and she'd had trouble figuring out my sense of humor (having little of her own) but thought playing a "little joke" would help us connect that way. She honestly had no idea her spur of the moment "joke" would come across as mean, and was _very_ embarrassed and apologetic when she realized how it did come across. It ruined the planned mood of the dinner, and it took me over a year to be willing to try anything close to that involved again (something which she always blamed herself for, not me), but in the long run it really deepened our understanding of each other's needs and weaknesses. We've been married over 30 years now.
It seems that the few relationships I've either had or tried for have been victims of either inconsistency, and sometimes of one-sidedness, with a lot of false signals of extreme interest being sent off. Even some of my female friends have been shocked. it's either been that, or an unwanted element of what I'll call "sleaziness," but that's a subject for another time.....
I'm not changing. Doesn't that depend on what your partner wants you to change? Perhaps too demanding? I usually don't change for her. If you're not causing any harm to anyone else why change for someone else if don't agree with the politics or religion.
Most common turnoffs I encountered and if it's consistent, a 100% breakup are disrespect, not being loyal, not being empathic for my concerns and feelings, being argumentative and confrontal, denying intimacy for no good reason, embarrass me in front of others, not being nurturing and uplifting. That's what my GF can expect from me in the male version and I expect no less from them, in the feminine way. Unfortunately, none of my six long term wife/GFs were able to maintain this for long, as with modern women they never learned to be a woman like this. If they didn't cheat on me it did only take a few weeks for them to present the new guy, to add disrespect to embarrassment. Although, my last GF (49, still my neighbor, so I get all the news first hand) went from me (54, masculine, fit, stoic, humorous, not too bad looking, financial stable and caring) during one of her depression phases to a much older below average small dude who drives a cheap SUV, smokes and can barely climb the stairs to her appartment, which made me laugh both in disblief and relief. Looks like in this one case I was way overqualified 😄. Good luck dealing with her serious mental health issues and her feminist adult daughter, pal 👍. As long as you are there she will not try to get with me for a third time, so thanks for taking the bullet.
Very succinct tabulation of the essentials- consistency, intimacy, equal effort, communication, absence of abuse- that make for a good relationship, and it should all happen naturally too. Also, a good relationship is one in which both the partners feel happy without feeling the need to talk too much about the relationship itself. There shouldn't be too much of complaints and arguments. There may be the occasional disagreement, but if it is frequent, then there is trouble. (Nietzsche said somewhere- I'm paraphrasing- for two people to be happy together their flaws have to be compatible. 🙂)
WOW! You nailed my interactions with a certain someone to a tee, Unfortunate but I'm not available for the games. Thanks for speaking out loud for me 😁
High-five to the fellow the guys on this site. Courteny consistently hits on great topics. She had a healthy upbrining and is admirably pouring her best toward to us guys who want to want to improve. Growing is painful. Tears are guaranteed. I've had them and it's OK. An underlying theme of Courney's posts regards language. My 2 cents: Beware of misused and cliche 'relationship vocabulary'. You've probably heard it. "You have no integrity", "you lack morals", "you're insensitive". Don't let pschobabble be used unfairly against you. Your accuser likely has no idea of what these words mean. Be critical and specific: find your own definition for such words Dig deep--what separates dignity from valor? Confidence from arrogance? Listening from hearing? Pride from confidence? Dignity from pride? Work at it. The better one understands these nuances the better you can negotiate human interaction. All the best.
I'm so out of touch with social media. I've never been part of it. It was a conscious decision I made years ago. I'm old--and--old school. Email or god forbid-- standard mail reaches me the best. Thanks Courtney.
Every woman I met online claimed to be dead broke, but the photos they sent me showed a fabulous wardrobe and opulent living quarters. Parents were always dead, and they were living with a grandmother or aunt. They always begged for money claiming starvation and poverty. I don't know what playbook they're following, but playbook it is!!
Have one right now in the talking stages. She works 12 hour days 6 days a week, so i get 1 text a day from her. Seriously considering calling it off as it still seems like it should be possible for more communication
I can't argue with any of this. All excellent points. For those of us on the autism spectrum, the communication one is even more important. A partner who doesn't say what she means and doesn't mean what she says is a liability for us in a relationship and is not a viable choice for a partner. The same is true in general, but it's especially true in our case. If a woman insists on the mind reading games, find this out as soon as possible and walk away fast. It will lead to no end of problems in the relationship. This kind of thing destroys marriages.
The biggest thing for me is peace. Settling our disagreements in a calm respectful manner.
Yeah. The problem is most potential partners are like children, emotionally speaking, without serious behavioral limitations set by their parents and we end up playing the exhausting role of father or mother. 😊
Never settle when they don't swallow
Peace i believe is #1 for most men. Sure is for me. No relationship is worth sacrificing consistent peace.
@@CalinGilea Women: just the most responsible teenager in the room.
There can only be one leader in a relationship. The consequences of not leading are great. “But to Adam he said, “Because you obeyed your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ cursed is the ground thanks to you; in painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.”
Genesis 3:17. Following ones wife instead of following God leads to not only a lack of peace, but a big disaster.
A lack of kindness is something I'll NEVER except from a woman ever. It's one of my non-negotiables because dealing with a woman who is not kind or sweet will make for a truly miserable relationship because there's nothing more attractive that a nice, kind, and feminine woman.
Facts!
well, a woman who is not kind will also not be a good mother to your children
@@impudentdomain exactly you don't want a pushover. You want someone you can contend with. And build respect for each other.
Make sure you don't want a pushover. You want a challenge, someone you can contend with. And build respect for each other.
@@CliveRosefield Women often confuse one with the other. Unfortunately most women nowdays act masculine and esp black women!
Summary:
1) Inconsistency (lack of emotional maturity)
2) No intimacy (intellectual, spiritual, emotional, physical, etc.)
3) One-sided dynamic (e.g. one person is not putting in as much effort as the other)
4) Lack of communication
5) Mistreatment, manipulation, abuse (this is a big one because it's not acceptable in any shape or form)
I am not sure what more can be added to the list. Sacrifices have to be made from time to time, but do not blindly make them just to make/stay in a relationship. If you are not comfortable with making a personal sacrifice, then communicate that to see if there are reasonable alternatives. Only you can decide whether to stretch the cord or cut it.
bless
3rd and 4th point can happen even in a seemingly healthy and mature relationship.
6) High body count.
7) Bad habits like drinking, going to parties at night, etc.
8) Having feminist views unfair to men.
9) Gets triggered by boundaries.
10) Exposes her naked body everywhere.
NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR!!!
@@jamesjonnes I'm not sure why high body count matters. Is it a health issue?
Emotional maturity is big for me. Obviously NO ONE wants to be with someone who is emotionally immature. How we handle situations or disagreements, I want it to be peaceful and mature.
Agreed! 🤍
If a potential partner is ready to grow and accept they make mistakes but willing to change that will be a good partner. Respect is very important.
@@CourtneyRyanHi! do you do one on one sessions or anything like that? Thanks 👍
My brother spent an awfully long time in an emotionally abusive relationship. She told him that he wasn't allowed to discuss any of their relationship troubles with his family (making him completely isolated), whereas she was immediately on the phone to one of her sisters after they had an argument. It absolutely broke my heart when he finally spoke to me about the issues, and how alone and unsupported he felt. He actually felt he was bound by her demands in that regard. To this day, she's still an incredibly manipulative person.
To any men out there in a similar position, be mindful of your emotional wellbeing in a relationship. Never let anyone make you feel isolated, or like you're not allowed to talk to someone else about your troubles.
Attempting to isolate your partner from supports like friends/family is such a huge red flag, it shows that she knows what she's doing is wrong and doesn't want him outing her to friends/family who would let him know just how messed up it is, which is sometimes difficult to see when you're in the thick of it. I'm glad your brother got out of that situation.
But where do you draw the line ?Because your relationship is between the 2 of you and not the rest of the world
Intimacy occurs between 2 people . No privacy in a relationship means you cant open up to people without everyone knowing your business. If it about abusive behaviour then that is the caveat but one big problem when trying to resolve differencs is when there are other people interfering and telling your gf/ bf what to say / do etc
No one has a right to tell you what you can or cannot do. That would be break-up grounds with immediate effect for me
This is what I hate with my ex husband. I wanted to keep our own troubles and solved it together but him he shared it to his family. I am alone stranger (Philippines)in their country (France) that was so embarrassing for me. Til I came to the point to file a divorce and it’s done finally. For me, couple shouldn’t have to share all the troubles to the family. You both have to try first solving the issues and if the problem becomes more complicated then that’s the time to share with the people you trusted with and asked for an advice.
@@bjale1174 I agree with you! You are not married to the world, some things are private! It is no one's business what goes on in your home! This what causes drama in a marriage!
My ex (break up was 2 months ago) exhibited the first 4 of these 5 points. Which is why I left. Love coming across videos like this because it just reassures me I made the right choice. Absolutely broke my heart to leave because I still care about her, but the lack of effort, accountability, and self awareness was just too much to bare anymore. Also add in a drinking problem that she denies having, even tho everyone can see it, even her parents. I wish her the best, but only she can realize she needs to change one day, she’s not ready to hear it from anyone else yet. Time to move on and find someone who is ready for what I’m ready for 🙌
Bear, not bare.
My big thing is dealing with any emotional abuse. Ive had women belittles me over not having enough dating experience and say, "you aren't man enough" to be with me. Being on the receiving of that abuse has made me feel worthless to women for a good portion of my adult life and I'm fiercely protective of myself because of it.
Man I’m in the same boat. And it’s getting to the point where I’m basically paralyzing myself from talking to anyone, which means I can’t get the experience, thus furthering the circle.
I've been physically and emotionally abused by many girls in the past keep your head up brother you're more valuable than them and you're the better person. I'm a property manager and make $70,000 a year and my ex who worked at a restaurant used to call me a lazy pos and hit me. I'll never take that shit again. Stay single and wait for a woman who cares about you. God has the right one about to cross your path.
Women are masters of the "you are not good enough for them" thing. And even if you are good enough at first, then one day you might not be. Usually that means she found a new, exciting "toy" and got bored of the current one.
My advice here is that YOU should know your worth better than anyone. If a woman or any person belitles you like that, then they are most likely a shitty person. Just get them out of your life and move on.
They blast you for not being "man enough" for them, just immediately walk out the door. AMF.
@@bobkonradi1027 "Man Enough" as in don't have the sexual experience for them.
So glad you're shedding light on the kind of abuse men experience that I'm sadly not surprised to hear goes underreported. Thanks for everything you do, Courtney!
The equal effort part is so important. There will be times when one partner has more on their plate or is more busy or is more limited in their capabilities. But as long as the effort is mutual and each side is trying their earnest best, that goes a long way toward getting over any hard times together
Absolutely! Love this
That's what ended my first relationship last year. We met in April, and she was in pharmacy school. She went home for the summer, and it was a great summer just talking to each other. But when she got back, we only ever got to hang out at her job at the bookstore (which was my former job) Any other time she said she was busy, and eventually I started to get upset, not angry, that she was saying she didn't even have 5 minutes to talk on the phone. She was always saying stuff like "sorry you don't actually think I'm busy."
We tried talking like friends after we ended it in December, but we've had so many arguments since then. We didn't even talk from January 1st to early April this year, so we could move on, but after that she seemed like she was distant and either not replying, or giving very short replies. When I questioned her why, she only got mad and we argued about that.
@@FordHoard She was entertaining someone else.
@@ChocolateMilk.. You can think that, but you don't know her. She's the most particular and meticulous person I've ever seen. She has a schedule and she sticks to it.
@@FordHoard You can think that if you like to.
One thing that caused my most recent breakup was a lack of trust. I’d literally given her zero reason to mistrust me (I’d always been faithful, and always been open and honest with her), but yet she made up in her head somehow that I was lying to her or keeping things from her. We loved each other, but without trust there can be no relationship.
Courtney calls out the mainstream media in the last point. I love it
💃🏻
That is correct. And that is not by accident, it is by design. The powers that be are trying to destroy the family unit. More chaos, more control that they have. Faith in God is standing in their way.
I looked for that part of the video and I found it. I think after all things "MeToo" the mainstream media purposefully ignores abusive behavior that comes from women because it doesn't fit their narrative.
@@stevebak6664God isn't real. It is all faith as you've said.
I do not tolerate mind games. When I encounter a person who engages in such, I walk away.
Everything you said about intimacy is why my narriage of 24 years is about to end. We function more as roommates than husband and wife.
Sad to hear that man. I had a 3 year relationship end in 2022 then a 6 month end last month, I can't imagine 24 years. You have kids with her?
@Eric Jackson no kids, thankfully. Well we have a toy poodle. Who is beyond spoiled.
Brutal 😔
22 years for me. Two almost grown kids. It's tough, but I force myself to look ahead not behind.
I’m 35, top 3 percent earner, and I have listened to Courtney for a long time. I don’t agree with it all but I have worked hard to improve myself. Now, I have my life together, and met a young lady. Let me say how ANGRY these mid thirties women are who have more bodies than a Vietnam veteran.
1. Peace
2. Loyalty
3. Honesty
4. Trust.
to people with a more balanced take on relationships and you’re one of them. I got out of a toxic relationship some years ago and I’ve been single ever since. I’ve learned a lot by watching your content and many others. I’m definitely a better man because of it. I feel much more prepared to be in a healthy relationship when I decide to take that step again! Thank you!
Rhetorical question. Where can I find someone that thinks like you. It’s hopeless out here. Keep up the good work.
Steve Bak sorry to say but you're clueless my friend.i can't give you a red pill of all my experiences with women and what I've learned.Steve let me tell you something.If you honestly believe you're going to find a "decent" girl,notice I said "decent",then travel to another universe.What you're hearing here is an "illusion".Do you understand that?When you look in the mirror do you think you're attractive?Women like attractive tall men.If you're not attractive then be prepared to be alone most of your life.Sorry to say.Plain and simple.
One of my biggest issues with dating is when I finally do get someone to go out with me I get so excited that I forget to actually consider whether I really like them. I use dating apps, so I can’t truly get to know someone before going out with them
Thank you for admitting that women too treat us Men badly !
Important things as well: 0:33 First thing - Inconsistency; 3:18 Second thing - No Intimacy; 5:27 Third thing - One - Sided Dynamic; 6:46 Fourth thing - Lack Of Communication; 8:44 Fifth thing - Mistreatment And Manipulation; and 10:06 to summarize all what has been told as well.
Well on the first thing mentioned, this hot/cold games, I would rather call it yes / no games. For example: A guy tells a girl that he is interested in dating one girl. The girl tells the guy that she is not interested in him. After a week she decides to go on dating with him, and next week, she decides not to go on date with him, and goes around, and around. That can be seen for either men, and women as well.
I might add that the sixth thing as well, and that is Showing The Toxicity. That can be done by either men, and either women as well. Sad, but it's true.
But all told here can be used in some other life situations, as well. They can be used in friendships, and in jobs for example. Also on the job, or school, or faculties if there are these things common, then that can be treated as things such as: peer violence in primary and secondary school, and mobbing on either faculty or college (call it whatever you want), and mobbing on job or on working place (call it whatever you want).
The deeds are very crucial, cause they will tell more than words.
We in the Balkan say this: "Kakav na jelu, takav na delu." Translation would be like this: "The way how the person eats the meal, is the way how person show the deeds." Meaning (reading between the lines): "Watch the persons action (let's call it that way), and deeds. Words without the action are nothing."
Just ended a relationship with a girl who was inconsistent. It was confusing and did make me question myself. My therapist helped me to see the reality of her behaviors and I wound up breaking it off. It was not easy, but it was necessary.
Courtney’s upload consistency is crazy. Always a different topic every video too, impressive.
Thank you 🥹
Courtney, I agree, intimacy in a relationship is a must, same goes for intimacy for friendships, too!!🙂
Courtney, you once again nailed it! If I have to constantly question the consistency of the relationship, I'm just gonna dip out. I shouldn't have to keep guessing or let my anxiety run absolutely wild!
This is why I vet people very hard now and I'm dead serious on who gets in...whether or not that's a bit extreme is debatable
Absolutely true! Thanks for sharing this Tommy!
Modern dating is really a headache. It's kind of clear to conclude that social media doesn't help in having meaningful relationships with women and vice versa. It's best to have a social media blackout IMO.
Social media is cancer and has HEAVILY contributed to what our dating culture has become in modern times.
As an autist with ADHD, psychologically abused in my last relationship, this video was one hell of a roller coaster 😂
These things are no joke! My uncle married a woman who put him through many of these things. The relationship literally killed him! 😞
Unrealistic expectations and a change of heart after starting a relationship on either or both sides is becoming quite common... People change and have to be constantly " reasessing" and " tuning up" their relationship. Frequency and consistency in handling any disagreements in a constructive and positive manner and " airing" things out before they become too big to resolve is critical! Sometimes, going back to the basics like an athlete being in a " slump" is the best solution in repairing the relationship. Open and honest communication, trust, selflessness , apologizing, and being humble are some of the important ingredients missing nowadays. Remembering back when both people initially met and keeping that " spark" going. Bottom line...it's important to keep from falling into a "rut" or "routine" with each other with the daily boring, mundane, and taking each other for granted. You are correct on all of the points discussed! Relationships take work and can't be left on " auto pilot!"... Otherwise, the relationship will..... " crash and burn!"
This will be a good one to watch because one should never blindly make sacrifices! Happy Sunday, Courtney and fellow viewers!
Happy Sunday! Enjoy! 🤍
Great list, just want to add that guilt tripping is a form of abuse.
Thank you! #2, 3, 4 and 5 go to the core of why my 35 year marriage deteriorated in the past years and eventually failed. Courtney, you provide the language for all those things that gradually developed over time, where I did not recognize what was happening, and where I was unable of voicing to my closest friends and unable of effectively communicating them in sessions with 3 different therapists. I will never ever settle for a non-intimacy (in all its forms) relationship again.
Courtney, #5 has me 😢 after what happened what my second ex-GF did to me. When I tried to calm her, she threw a tantrum in front of her apartment mate and her and apartment mate’s BF and I.
I agree with this 100% I dated this girl and I would have died for her. But she would refuse to communicate and didn't follow through with her words and promises and it was really mentally exhausting.
Great video. Guys, as a veteran be it in terms of interesting relationships or warfare: There is no shame in seeking help. Acceptance of your own limitations or communicating what you are willing to accept is a hallmark of masculinity. not the end of it. Abusive partner? PTSD? Both? Reach out. You will find nothing but respect and acceptance from your peers
Two big things for me are that I have a zero-tolerance policy for disrespect and no desire to have someone around that disrupts my peace.
I had a GF a couple years ago that disrespected me by essentially calling me a liar because I had just that day gotten over being sick and didn't want to potentially expose her to whatever it was I had.
"If you don't want to hang out, just say that and stop making excuses."
I read that and my interest in her immediately dissolved. I never once lied to her about anything and was always straight-up with her, so to be accused of lying in that situation just totally rubbed me the wrong way. We were split up within a couple days of that.
As for disrupting my peace, I've been living without roommates for almost five years and really enjoy having everything the way I like it and knowing that my place is my personal sanctuary from whatever else may be going on. If a gal comes into my life and starts drastically changing things around, constantly tries to monopolize my free time, or otherwise creates an uncomfortable environment for me, I'm cuttin' that shit off right quick.
Bro, "If you don't want to hang out, just say that and stop making excuses." Is just normal chick stuff for when they think you don't care about them. That actually meant she wanted to be with you and felt hurt you didn't want o be with her. I'm guessing by your reaction that you were edging her out. Do what you need to, but don't pretend.
@@marcd2743 We had been having a couple rocky weeks leading up to that exchange, so I suppose you could say it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Having said that, I don't think writing that comment off as "normal chick stuff" is helpful for anyone, as excusing that kind of behavior only perpetuates it. And frankly, that shit needs to stop.
Regardless, whatever her intended meaning may have been, that isn't what she said. I'm not a mind reader and I don't play those games; you either deal with me straight or I'm not going to interpret things correctly some percentage of the time. Sometimes that means things are going to be drastically misinterpreted, as they perhaps were in this situation.
If you're an adult, use your words and communicate directly. Anything less than that is immature and I have no time for that kind of shit moving forward.
Look up the word non sequitur.
@@marcd2743 I am familiar with the term and I don't see how it applies here.
@@canman87 That was meant for another comment not yours.
I’m heavily steeped in red pill philosophy and find it explains almost all female behavior. This woman’s content is pretty good and goes well to take the edge off of RP. I’m enjoying going through her catalog.
In my experience, intimacy is hard-physical or spiritual, etc-when one or both persons are “skin deep” or defined solely by external influences. You want to find someone who has core beliefs, artistic hobbies, literary tastes, intellectual (not necessarily academic) interests, commitments beyond themselves, etc. I know it’s tempting to think you can have a partner who is a blank slate, and they’ll revolve their lives around you, but it does not work that way. Furthermore, if your partner only engages with social media or other technology and doesn’t have other pursuits, then I don’t think you’re going to have much luck.
I think talking about types of intimacy is important because even though the same they are also different. A video on this would be good or please send a link if you have already covered this🙂
For myself I have all but given up. I'm 54 an I have watched a lot of your content an you have great advice! The women around my age is always in love with someone else an they can't even see who I am much less even try to get to know who I am. So yeah just tired at this point.
It's like this for every single man these days, even the top ones like Leonardo DiCaprio, or Johnny Depp. Blame social media. Join the Amish and live in a house without electricity, might be the only answer.
I've experienced all of these from women. Never made it to the relationship stage though. Always ended up friend-zoned.
I have a friend w/ trust issues. Won't say much on names or things. Slowly opened up. Then she stepped back 2 steps. Just friends not dating. Seems like some trauma and other issues. So trying to encourage to stay away from some guys when asked questions by her. Sweet woman that deserves better.
Courtney, You hit the nail on the head in this video. Many people have a serious problem with intimacy. That’s because it requires vulnerability - and that’s not easy. It takes a strong person to go to lay themselves out there, but you have to do if you want real love. A great book to read is Matthew Kelly's 7 Levels of Intimacy.
if people would drop their ego and communicate their problems in a relationship they would have a better chance of success
If you are not willing to communicate you dont deserve to be in a relationship
Thank you for this. I was putting up with many of these points in my relationship for years. I was exhausted and wondering what I did wrong.
Actions speaks louder than words.
That last point was very important and I'm grateful that you as a woman addressed this understated and underdeveloped point in today's times. Thank you Courtney.
Thanks so much for this video, it really gives me hope for a better future. I spent 15 of the last 16 years in a relationship where I was accepting ALL of these things in one degree or another and finally I couldn’t keep going. Tomorrow will be one year since I last saw and spoke with my ex and it’s amazing how little that realization affects me now that I’ve worked to heal and fix myself. Your channel has helped in many ways, so thanks again!
I absolutely love your content. You are saving so many men and women from really bad life choices. Keep up your great work!
Good points Courtney! You said it well which is like being in the "FRIEND ZONE" relationship. Thanks a million Ms. Ryan. 😊
My biggest one is contentious women. King Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived and he said both it is better to sleep on the corner of a rooftop than it is to live with a contentious woman, just like he also said that it's much better to get lost in the wilderness aka the desert than it is to marry a contentious woman. Amos 4:3 folks 😂😂🤣 if you want a bit of a laugh due to ONE word in that verse
😂😂
Intimacy is a big one for me. I pretty much keep everyone at arms length at this point. Also, because ive been around abusive relationships throughout my childhood, i hold back on my feelings and opinions sometimes whenever i get in a disagreement with a woman im dating or interested in.
Good morning Courtney. Thanks for the Mother’s Day video.
Happy Mother’s Day! 🤍
Courtney your channel and content has helped me to understand where i went wrong. Thank you. You are right on point and i trust the infoemation you provide. I am 45 and was dating a woman who was 34. We met 10 years ago and broke up last October. I see where i went wrong but i also can now see how ahe mistreated me. Thank you so much for your hard work on these videos and the solid content you pur out. Keep up the great work!
Females are just as manipulative and controlling, as men, and in some areas, even more so! You are spot on with this!
God, my wife has got me twisted. It has come on so gradually I didn't notice at first the stonewalling, and being randomly mad at me for some unknown past reason and witholding affection of all sorts. It's gotten to the point where I almost can't say anything that might upset her because of the impending verbal deluge of calling me every bad thing you can think of. I keep my cool, but eventually I stand up for myself and then it's all bad. Not too long ago one of these random events came on and while I was asking her to please not talk to me disrespectful and stop saying things that are flat out not true, she turned around and straight up closed fist punched me in the face and broke my nose. I didn't have it in me to send her to jail, I mean she's my wife, so after a prolonged halfed ass apology I let it go. The best part is currently she stopped talking to me because she now says she can't trust me because I called the police from breaking my nose but obviously told the police all was good, but now she is acting like she's had enough and like we're separated. Both my head and soul hurt like nothing I've felt before, I have regrets, and feel like a fool, in which truthfully I suppose I am. Dude........
You should talk to an attorney and listen to what they advise. If you think it is headed for divorce you have some control over the schedule if you file not her. Also see if it is too late to sign a complaint and file charges should you choose to pursue the divorce. Just know if you do it becomes a criminal matter and out of your hands.
If she is unapologetic even now, therapy will be a waste of time and money.
Also if you do divorce, don't do it half way. If you try to be the nice guy you will be court-raped.
Speaking of, consider finding a copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
Ask yourself how you got to a place where your wife could break your nose. If you are courageous enough and start going down that rabbit hole, you'll start seeing truth. It will hurt, but you will grow.
Wife or not homie, you GOT TO LEAVE! It will be tough at the start but you will be so much better in the long run! Good luck to you, happiness that doesn’t look like this at all, is out there!
@J B Thank you, dude. Means more than you know. It's a shit show currently, but I know I have to. If I don't, I'm a schmuck, and I sir am no schmuck. Was just bait and switched by this sexy covert narcissist LOL.
@S. Burns Thank you for the advice, I am the nice guy lol, but it's out of control and I also have a self esteem and know I'm not getting the respect I deserve, even just as a human. But as a husband who has done everything I can for this woman, it's unacceptable. I'm under a spell currently and unfortunately my passive disposition is one of a simple person just wanting to make his wife happy and be appreciated for it. Makes it extremely tough to fight my own wants on top of her crap.
Every failed relationship I’ve been in has had one or many of these points. Great topic Court! Love your videos and keep up the excellent content
Thank you for a great and clear video! Extremely important points.
Im going through this right now with a coworker. She was in a 12 year relationship and recently became single. We got close during this time. All the body language signals were there. I opened up to her a few weeks ago with my feelings. Things were good after that and we still got close. No intimacy, but hugs, long stares and hand touches. This week, out of the biue, she went completely cold. No explanations and very immature handling this.
She’s going through a break up Man. She’s gonna be emotionally unavailable for a long time.
She probably got back with her dude
@@PaulStewart28 no, that's not the case. No marriage or kids in 12 years together. Something was going on there.
@@tnoack67 When a woman gives 12 years to a guy only to leave with nothing that's pretty devastating. More so for the woman. I think you give her comfort but I'm with the Joser, it's gonna be an emotional mess for a long time as she's on the rebound in a major way.
If she didn't commit to the guy she was with for 12 years, she ain't commiting to you. She has issues. Just hit it and quit it.
Just discovered your channel, Courtney. I really appreciate your perspective and insight, and that your videos are so helpful and supportive of men. Thank you!
I’m so happy you’re here! Thanks for the kind comment 🤗
Thanks Courtney. Your words and your support mean a lot.
David Duff so like what's your problem?What do you mean by,"your words and support mean a lot"?Ok,so now what?What are you going to do with those words now?You're clueless my friend sorry to say.Everything she's saying here is an "illusion" and people like you are taking the bait.How about I give you the stark reality and my words mean a lot now.When you look into the mirror would you say you're an attractive male?How many hot chicks do you start up a conversation with each month and you ask for their phone number?How many times have you been in a bar or club and left with a chick that was super hot and you didn't know and you had sex with her all night?Women want good looking tall men.If you're not good looking then plan on being alone most of your life or be cheated on.
Thank you Courtney for helping us in strengthening ourselves as a person and man aswell ✌
Great video, thank you for making it. The intimacy point being about more than just physical is such a good one and what I really missed or wanted in my marriage.
The Courtster always gets a thumbs up...
kindness next thing is controlling and rudeness lastly is communication.
All of these points were basically my ex, except for the last point. I'm pretty glad I ended it with her, but sometimes it makes me sad that I had to walk away.
We can just be in the same room for hours and not say a word to each other. Her presence should resemble peace and you should always desire that
Intimacy was a big one for me in this video. It slowly killed my 18 years marriage. Tried professional counseling for years, during different times during near 2 decades of marriage, but if there other person just "isn't there", it will end.
GTaNation are you sure there were no infidelity issues?You're wife wasn't into you anymore sorry to say.When you finally divorced did your wife start dating anyone right away?Or you just don't know.
@@frank1fm634 no brother Frank, she still single and we've been divorced for over 3 years... She's naturally non-affectionate
People should spend more time worrying about what they offer rather than what the other person can give them.
People act like finding a partner is like buying a car or some shit.
Nowadays, trying to find a girlfriend is like going on a job interview. And I’ve never had any luck with either.
Yes. Courtney said the quiet part loud: *MEN HAVE TO COLLECTIVELY RAISE THEIR STANDARDS!!*
Nearly all of these points are a recurring theme in nearly *every* relationship I have, platonic or otherwise. I realise that it might suggest a case of "Am I the asshole?" but... without preamble, my issue is that I don't feel that I can reach out to those I know *now* in a meaningful manner.
But I also know that I'm still in need of healing... maturing, honestly, before I can feel I can approach people in an equal, confident manner. My most major issue is that I yet don't feel that I can... well, *afford* any meaningful common activities. But I'm currently working on deprogramming *that* part of my missconceptions.
Had these happen to me. Only had a talking stage.
It was my first try at a relationship.
Figured she was playing with me and other guys/cheating,So I just stopped.
If she wants to continue things between us she'll have to acknowledge me and what she did,mature and apologize.
I needed this, so thank you for posting Courtney
I’m so glad that you mentioned abuse.
Men, if your woman is abusing you, LEAVE. It won’t get better.
There is a lack of information about abuse in relationships.
Physical abuse is only one type of abuse. This is the easiest abuse to identify. It’s easy to see cuts, scrapes, and bruises.
Abuse can be emotional, physical, sexual, or financial.
Emotional abuse includes name calling, put downs, and accusations. If someone goes through your phone or computer without permission, that’s abuse. Threats of violence against you, children or pets is abuse. Threatening to harm themselves due to your behavior is abuse.
Physical abuse includes hitting, biting, scratching, poisoning, hitting someone with a car, pistol whipping, and murder.
Physical abuse can also include throwing items at people, destroying property like cars, and physically preventing someone from leaving.
Financial abuse would include not giving the other person access to joint accounts. Removing money from joint accounts without the other person’s knowledge. Accusing the other person of financial wrongdoing.
Sexu@l abuse includes unwanted touching, engaging in acts while the other person is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and r@pe.
If you think you may be being abused, tell someone what’s going on. Keep talking until someone listens.
If you are being abused, make a plan to get out. Do not tell your abuser your plans. Decide if it’s safer for you to leave while they’re away or if you would feel better with a police presence at the time of your departure. Close all access to the financial accounts. (I forgot to do this and my ex-husband took three-fourths of the money out of our joint account.🤦🏾♀️). Find a safe place to stay. There are few men’s shelters in the US. Make plans ahead of time to stay with friends or family. Get some therapy to heal yourself. Know that life gets better after you leave.
Courtney, I have also had the honor of men who have been abused share their stories with me. One man shared that his ex-girlfriend spread dog feces on his front door. Two men shared their stories of sexual assaults.
Men, you don’t have to put up with abuse. You deserve to be respected and cared for in a relationship.
www.insideedition.com/48-hours-examines-murder-of-steve-clayton-millionaire-husband-poisoned-with-eye-drops-by-wife-lana?amp
www.foxnews.com/us/arizona-woman-runs-over-boyfriend-car-police
www.wave3.com/2021/10/22/louisville-woman-accused-shooting-pistol-whipping-boyfriend/?outputType=amp
www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/who-kills-whom-spouse-killings-exceptional-sex-ratio-spousal
www.keranews.org/health-science-tech/2017-06-07/first-texas-shelter-for-male-victims-of-domestic-violence-opens-in-dallas?_amp=true
The best advice I ever got was that relationships are built on compromise. But people can't compromise on something that is important to their self-esteem.
The only way they can compromise is to find out why it's important to their self-esteem and find new meaning. If the issue is important to the self-esteem of both parties, no compromise is possible.
If she says, " it would mean so much if he would do this one little thing." Then it's not little!
This video said everything I said! 💯 Accurate! Thank you for posting this.
Just wanted to share that the couple living in the apartment below me have the first names, Courtney and Ryan, lol. Thanks for your wonderful channel
Always killing it, Courtney.
Courtney Ryan I love your content and I watch you from the Bahamas where I’m from God bless you
Not usually one to comment, but the point about communication hit really home given what I just went through with someone I was dating (depending on what day you asked her we either were or weren't in a relationship). We had a misunderstanding which got unnecessarily heated, and at the end of it I said that there was miscommunication on both sides. To which I got the response, "No, I'm perfect at communicating." That should've been the red flag for me to end it, but given other extreme things going on in her life, I gave it a pass. Fast forward a few months and things finally got broken off and after talking with a few friends and even showing the texts of how she talked to me, it became apparent that she was also gaslighting me. Now I know I made mistakes with her and worked to rectify those when they happened, I will be the very last person to say they're perfect as I'm learning to not be so hard on myself, but everything was always my issue and I had to work alone to make up for the issues. I will eventually get over all this, but it is still fresh and I'm trying to separate myself from what happened so I can process and move on, hopefully finding a healthy relationship down the road
One thing I would add is to be sure that what you _perceive_ and what is _happening_ actually match (refer back to her point #4) before assuming anything. Example: When I was dating the woman I'm now married to, I got the idea to surprise her with a special Valentine's Day dinner. I cooked everything up, put it all in a basket with a rope attached to the handle, climbed up to her balcony (second floor) and pulled the basket up, ready to present the surprise.
She saw me climbing, snuck over and locked the door to the balcony, then hid in her room and ignored me knocking. Her roommate eventually let me in.
I was about ready to just pass straight through to her front door, head home and say I'm done trying to do special things for her, but fortunately she came out before I did, and when she saw my face she immediately realized she'd messed up badly. When we talked through it, it turned out that she knew I liked jokes and funny things, and she'd had trouble figuring out my sense of humor (having little of her own) but thought playing a "little joke" would help us connect that way. She honestly had no idea her spur of the moment "joke" would come across as mean, and was _very_ embarrassed and apologetic when she realized how it did come across.
It ruined the planned mood of the dinner, and it took me over a year to be willing to try anything close to that involved again (something which she always blamed herself for, not me), but in the long run it really deepened our understanding of each other's needs and weaknesses. We've been married over 30 years now.
Same pic, but different channel, so I'm assuming that's not actually you, Courtney? Never heard of Telegram.
Exactly same things happen in 🇮🇳 India.Your videos give mental help to us.
Great video Courtney. As always a voice of reason.
It seems that the few relationships I've either had or tried for have been victims of either inconsistency, and sometimes of one-sidedness, with a lot of false signals of extreme interest being sent off. Even some of my female friends have been shocked.
it's either been that, or an unwanted element of what I'll call "sleaziness," but that's a subject for another time.....
Happy Mothers Day to all the viewers watching
Great post learning from it now
God bless such women as Courtney! Protect them and let them lead the way to change modern women by returning them to their natural, God given roots.
Inconsistency? damn there goes every girl haha
I'm not changing. Doesn't that depend on what your partner wants you to change? Perhaps too demanding? I usually don't change for her. If you're not causing any harm to anyone else why change for someone else if don't agree with the politics or religion.
Thanks for all the content lately. I think I got some useful info but not exactly sure what to make of it. Alright have a great day😊
Most common turnoffs I encountered and if it's consistent, a 100% breakup are disrespect, not being loyal, not being empathic for my concerns and feelings, being argumentative and confrontal, denying intimacy for no good reason, embarrass me in front of others, not being nurturing and uplifting.
That's what my GF can expect from me in the male version and I expect no less from them, in the feminine way. Unfortunately, none of my six long term wife/GFs were able to maintain this for long, as with modern women they never learned to be a woman like this.
If they didn't cheat on me it did only take a few weeks for them to present the new guy, to add disrespect to embarrassment.
Although, my last GF (49, still my neighbor, so I get all the news first hand) went from me (54, masculine, fit, stoic, humorous, not too bad looking, financial stable and caring) during one of her depression phases to a much older below average small dude who drives a cheap SUV, smokes and can barely climb the stairs to her appartment, which made me laugh both in disblief and relief. Looks like in this one case I was way overqualified 😄.
Good luck dealing with her serious mental health issues and her feminist adult daughter, pal 👍. As long as you are there she will not try to get with me for a third time, so thanks for taking the bullet.
Very succinct tabulation of the essentials- consistency, intimacy, equal effort, communication, absence of abuse- that make for a good relationship, and it should all happen naturally too. Also, a good relationship is one in which both the partners feel happy without feeling the need to talk too much about the relationship itself. There shouldn't be too much of complaints and arguments. There may be the occasional disagreement, but if it is frequent, then there is trouble. (Nietzsche said somewhere- I'm paraphrasing- for two people to be happy together their flaws have to be compatible. 🙂)
WOW! You nailed my interactions with a certain someone to a tee, Unfortunate but I'm not available for the games. Thanks for speaking out loud for me 😁
this is a really great list and explanation.
Wise words, Courtney!
Courney wish I had heard your channel years ago my ex wife was emotionally and physically abusive and ended up cheating on me
High-five to the fellow the guys on this site. Courteny consistently hits on great topics. She had a healthy upbrining and is admirably pouring her best toward to us guys who want to want to improve. Growing is painful. Tears are guaranteed. I've had them and it's OK. An underlying theme of Courney's posts regards language. My 2 cents: Beware of misused and cliche 'relationship vocabulary'. You've probably heard it. "You have no integrity", "you lack morals", "you're insensitive". Don't let pschobabble be used unfairly against you. Your accuser likely has no idea of what these words mean. Be critical and specific: find your own definition for such words Dig deep--what separates dignity from valor? Confidence from arrogance? Listening from hearing? Pride from confidence? Dignity from pride? Work at it. The better one understands these nuances the better you can negotiate human interaction. All the best.
I'm so out of touch with social media. I've never been part of it. It was a conscious decision I made years ago. I'm old--and--old school. Email or god forbid-- standard mail reaches me the best. Thanks Courtney.
Telegram dismisses me for whatever reason. No recognition of my phone or online presence. It is what it is.
You are somewhat exceptional with the things you explain. Very useful.
Every woman I met online claimed to be dead broke, but the photos they sent me showed a fabulous wardrobe and opulent living quarters. Parents were always dead, and they were living with a grandmother or aunt. They always begged for money claiming starvation and poverty. I don't know what playbook they're following, but playbook it is!!
Have one right now in the talking stages. She works 12 hour days 6 days a week, so i get 1 text a day from her. Seriously considering calling it off as it still seems like it should be possible for more communication
I can't argue with any of this. All excellent points. For those of us on the autism spectrum, the communication one is even more important. A partner who doesn't say what she means and doesn't mean what she says is a liability for us in a relationship and is not a viable choice for a partner. The same is true in general, but it's especially true in our case. If a woman insists on the mind reading games, find this out as soon as possible and walk away fast. It will lead to no end of problems in the relationship. This kind of thing destroys marriages.