Ranking America's Castles for Sale

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  • Опубліковано 10 бер 2023
  • America isn’t famous for its many castles. But it turns out there are a few castles available to buy, ranging from 130 thousand to 7 million dollars. I looked at each one and ranked them by their "castleiness".
    MUSIC:
    Hello, Happy Kingdom - Super Mario RPG
    Guardia Castle - Chrono Trigger
    Castle Theme - New Super Mario Bros. Wii
    Inside The Castle Walls - Super Mario 64
    Hyrule Castle Theme - The Legend of Zelda A Link Between Worlds
    Deku Palace - The Legend of Zelda Majora's Mask
    Clockwork Castle - Mario Party 6
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 100

  • @starcereal
    @starcereal Рік тому +253

    There's something weirdly wrong with castles with modern windows... Like uncanny valley but for castles instead of humans

    • @ruthenium6648
      @ruthenium6648 Рік тому +3

      What are you talking about? If you mean modern windows, sure, but windows in general?
      I don't know if you know this, but in general there are two types of castles. A medieval fortress (a keep) that is built only for protection. Back then glass wasn't readily available. And the castle built for beauty (I don't know what you'd call it in English, but in German it's a schloß) which did in fact include windows because they were basically mansions. Who would want to live in a mansion where it's always cold?

    • @starcereal
      @starcereal Рік тому +10

      @@ruthenium6648 Right, I pretty much meant modern windows but forgot to mention it, thanks for the reminder though!

    • @Bam4006
      @Bam4006 10 місяців тому +1

      Its also weird how the castles are never on top of mountains or hills like they usually are

  • @rorynator7567
    @rorynator7567 Рік тому +155

    American castles look like something a kid builds in the Sims.

    • @user-qv2mc3dw5o
      @user-qv2mc3dw5o Рік тому +16

      That’s because they’re not actual castles, by the time america was colonised castles had basically gone out of style

    • @rorynator7567
      @rorynator7567 Рік тому +17

      @@user-qv2mc3dw5o They're McMansions

    • @taffingtonboathouse5754
      @taffingtonboathouse5754 10 місяців тому +1

      Someone probably built those on bloxburg (in roblox)

  • @HoloKnight
    @HoloKnight Рік тому +88

    Honestly, if I'm buying a castle, the FIRST thing I want is a knight who's got CAKE.
    Also, your "GAH DAYUM" at 7:12 is going on my soundboard.

  • @cyrilanaru991
    @cyrilanaru991 Рік тому +48

    I live near (and have even been inside) the Cottonland Castle (1:32). It is jokingly considered to be cursed because everyone who has ever bought it has sunk significantly more than it’s worth into renovations before having to sell. Over the last twenty years or so, I’ve never known anyone to hold onto it for more than 2 or 3 years!

  • @filip93
    @filip93 Рік тому +31

    3:38 The pie chart no one really asked for but one we all needed

  • @kaiba9494
    @kaiba9494 Рік тому +15

    You killed me at "There's a crossbow in the bathroom, can it get more Castle that that"

  • @HoloKnight
    @HoloKnight Рік тому +51

    Epic Castle Stats Below!
    Number of Castles Per State (in order of appearance, with "NOT A CASTLE" tier subtracted):
    -- Tennessee: 3 (also, the Nashville is not C tier, c'mon. Solid A imo)
    -- Alabama: 1
    -- California: 2 (-1)
    -- Texas: 1
    -- Pennsylvania: 1 (-1)
    -- New Hampshire: 1
    -- Oklahoma: 2
    -- New York: 1
    -- Missouri: 1
    -- Wisconsin: 1
    -- Washington: 0 (-1)
    -- Michigan: 1
    -- Florida: 1
    -- Utah: 1
    -- Kansas: 2
    -- Montana: 1 (-1) (2nd is missing info card)
    -- Arkansas: 2 (-1)
    -- Idaho: 2
    Number of Castles w/ Certain Ranking (And How Many Per State)
    -- S tier: 2 (1 MI, 1 ID)
    -- A tier: 2 (1 TX, 1 AR)
    -- B tier: 4 (1 OK, 1 MO, 1 FL, 1 KS)
    -- C tier: 11 (2 TN, 2 CA, 1 PA, 1 NH, 1 NY, 1 WI, 1 MT, 1 ID, 1 KS)
    -- D tier: 4 (1 AL, 1 TN, 1 UT, 1 AR)
    -- NOT A CASTLE: 6 (1 CA, 1 PA, 1 WA, 1 MT, 1 AR, 1 OK)
    Extra Info On Some of the Castles:
    -- Fort Montgomery is the second attempt to build a fort in the area. The first, named "Fort Blunder," was built in Canada instead of the US, so they abandoned it and moved it.
    -- Kuna Castle is just a wedding set, it's not a full castle. High-profile people sometimes do cool stuff there though, like the governor or a "The Voice" contestant.
    -- Milam Castle, the for-auction Old English Tudor-inspired home, was built by Joe Milam for the purpose of being a BALLER party place, car storage facility, and a souped-up mancave. It shouldn't be judged as a castle, it should be judged as a party facility.
    -- Castle von Frandsen (one of the S tier castles) has been worked on for 17 years and counting, due to the builders doing it all by hand. Its designer and his client worked on the design with LEGOS back in 2005, which is undeniably based.
    This is my application to be in a future StarvHarv video, but don't tell him

  • @qerupasy
    @qerupasy Рік тому +19

    I'm getting old. I see these things and all I think is: "I am not cleaning that!"

  • @svenk3913
    @svenk3913 Рік тому +28

    This channel is definitely gonna get HUGE.

  • @OrbitalLizardStudios
    @OrbitalLizardStudios Рік тому +7

    I love how the one in the thumbnail is mostly just garages lol

  • @bluesquadron8667
    @bluesquadron8667 Рік тому +5

    "Parapits? Battlements? Everything my big book of castles said!"

  • @cddc2468
    @cddc2468 Рік тому +13

    He put most of them in C tier for Castle lol

  • @dommoo2
    @dommoo2 Рік тому +8

    Shit that's a castle
    A look at this castle
    But it's less of a castle then a
    Castle
    Damn wish this was a castle
    Not a castle

  • @QingChina1
    @QingChina1 Рік тому +28

    Imagine a Burger King, in a castle!

  • @harborseal1286
    @harborseal1286 Рік тому +7

    Ngl, I would totally buy an old fort if I had the money

  • @harveychilds3992
    @harveychilds3992 Рік тому +3

    10:58
    "You know how much I love a bitta' pig head" - David Cameron is that you?

  • @Firguy
    @Firguy Рік тому +4

    Chrono Trigger music is always a nice touch.
    For most of these "castles" in America: all I can say is "Neuschwanstein, this ain't".

  • @KielBasaKisser99
    @KielBasaKisser99 Рік тому +4

    One of the only UA-camrs I currently make sure to watch every video they upload. Criminally underrated content, starv!

  • @ScarletRebel96
    @ScarletRebel96 Рік тому +11

    Can't wait to see this channel get so much bigger with this awsome kinda content

  • @Eichro
    @Eichro 7 місяців тому +2

    castle at 1:47 looks like a counter-strike map
    "castle" at 8:51 looks like a thematic steakhouse rather than a castle

  • @lukasbrucas3027
    @lukasbrucas3027 Рік тому +8

    So sad that even in this day and age, many houses are still doing castleface 😔

  • @greygamertales1293
    @greygamertales1293 Рік тому +7

    Can you do a tier list of castle homes in Australia?

  • @WHOTHE_
    @WHOTHE_ Рік тому +3

    the pie chart killed me

  • @yeetmancool1376
    @yeetmancool1376 Рік тому +2

    Ur one of the only UA-camrs where I instantly click when I see a new upload. Always a good vid

  • @lawrencep8923
    @lawrencep8923 Рік тому +3

    6:16 we love a good guernsey flag

  • @therizinosauruscheloniform2162
    @therizinosauruscheloniform2162 Рік тому +12

    Most of these castles just seem sad and lifeless...

    • @Sesuaki19
      @Sesuaki19 9 місяців тому +2

      In their defense all castles do

  • @smw8471
    @smw8471 Рік тому +2

    every upload makes my day

  • @charliehaffke2051
    @charliehaffke2051 Рік тому +1

    This made my day think you very much

  • @Knosek
    @Knosek Рік тому +6

    I didn't even knew america have castles

    • @randomtinypotatocried
      @randomtinypotatocried Рік тому +3

      Same here except those tacky restaurants that theme themselves as castle like

  • @boykisserpmc
    @boykisserpmc 9 місяців тому +3

    Dude, we have same shit in Russia. You won’t believe how many of these things are in poor southern regions. Our family friend lives in one.

  • @noscopingderpy
    @noscopingderpy Рік тому +3

    We will buy the castle

  • @kyryloslav
    @kyryloslav 9 місяців тому +1

    Holy shit
    That eye???
    That's it fellers, I'm putting a giant eye-shaped window on my house
    May the neighbours weep in horror, I shall use stained glass to make the eye as ominous as possible
    Would be cool to make it rotating

  • @caseymauldin8396
    @caseymauldin8396 6 місяців тому

    Heck yes man, we need more tier videos.

  • @IwanJames
    @IwanJames Рік тому +5

    i think carrier pidgeon is better for me thanks

  • @Filip077
    @Filip077 Рік тому +3

    w new starvharv video

  • @Mozzarella3839
    @Mozzarella3839 Рік тому +2

    "that pushes it into c tier"

  • @Tacitus26138
    @Tacitus26138 8 місяців тому +2

    My carrier pigeon will arrive in approximately 2 months and 5 days to inform you of how improperly thou hath rated these castles.

  • @Wockes
    @Wockes 9 місяців тому +3

    Return to castle

  • @DubzyDoodle
    @DubzyDoodle Рік тому +3

    Are onions legal?

  • @reganlandau
    @reganlandau Рік тому +2

    Best content ever

  • @spl420
    @spl420 Рік тому +3

    1:17 hits different when you are programmer

    • @wallabra
      @wallabra Рік тому

      holy sheez yeah I had to check myself for a second there lol, "wait what's castly about... ohh"

  • @alastor8091
    @alastor8091 Рік тому +10

    Weren't old castles just stone shacks with a tower and a fence? Maybe a couple detached buildings?

    • @GAMER123GAMING
      @GAMER123GAMING Рік тому +12

      "stone shacks"
      The mfs who worked day and night to build the best architecture of their time just for a revisionist to call it a stone shack:

    • @alastor8091
      @alastor8091 Рік тому

      @@GAMER123GAMING I'm talking about the earliest buildings that could be called castles twit. And after googling it, they weren't even stone shacks, the earliest castles were a small gathering of wooden huts with a wooden wall.

    • @userequaltoNull
      @userequaltoNull Рік тому +2

      No. Small ones might have been more like block houses, but any important building would have been enclosed by at least a palisade.

    • @GAMER123GAMING
      @GAMER123GAMING Рік тому

      @@alastor8091 That one picture isn't representative of every single early castle??? plus who knows if its representative of anyhting.
      This is why the foolish should not have their opinions heard as they are quick to gobble up false information.
      "foolish" includes: women, children man-children and groids

    • @alastor8091
      @alastor8091 Рік тому

      @@GAMER123GAMING no shit. I'm sure there were plenty of different layouts and materials used, but thats an example of an early castle. And I don't know genius, if you type in "earliest castle" and this picture comes up with a description of "early design for castles" what would a dumbass THINK it could be a representation of? The mentally retarded should kept off the internet.

  • @degariuslozak2169
    @degariuslozak2169 8 місяців тому +1

    Chrono Trigger Music❤

  • @TreesSillyASMR
    @TreesSillyASMR 9 місяців тому +2

    Some of these castles give me rust base vibes

  • @AlienSoldier69
    @AlienSoldier69 Рік тому +1

    nice!!

  • @kahlf1n960
    @kahlf1n960 Рік тому +4

    i know where my savings are going now. im gonna buy a truck

    • @wallabra
      @wallabra Рік тому

      A castle truck!!!!

  • @bobathicc5689
    @bobathicc5689 Рік тому +3

    Commernt for Algorithm

  • @TheStarcoMarco
    @TheStarcoMarco Рік тому

    Hey Starvharv. When is the next Wikipedia translation video? Also, keep up the good vids.

  • @userequaltoNull
    @userequaltoNull Рік тому +4

    Why are they all so fucking cursed?

    • @BoliceOccifer
      @BoliceOccifer Рік тому +2

      because we're trying to replicate the novelty of medieval/renaissance Europe with modern tools and a bad sense of style.

    • @hailexiao2770
      @hailexiao2770 9 місяців тому +1

      Trying to replicate massive solid stone masonry with 2x4s, OSB, and fake stone veneer and a workforce that normally builds nothing but McMansions is cursed almost by definition

  • @nekajuii
    @nekajuii Рік тому

    Share tier list rn.

  • @10011110011
    @10011110011 6 місяців тому

    Depends on the what you consider a castle really.
    You mean the "fort castles" or the "home catsles".
    Atleast in ny language we have 2 seperate words for that and "home castles" were many time built without the forts
    The only definition for that is: very big nice place where the aristocracy (count levelnor higher) lived.
    Barons only had fort castles. Counts and kings had home castles

  • @TheVirdra
    @TheVirdra 3 місяці тому

    I would have ranked the last one A-tier because the bathroom looks much too modern. Even with the crossbow.

  • @taffingtonboathouse5754
    @taffingtonboathouse5754 10 місяців тому +1

    A fascist fortress? Oh you found Liverpool in hell's private jet outpost in america

  • @frydemwingz
    @frydemwingz 6 місяців тому

    like a rayciss castle? Barbed wire does this? I'm too based to understand what this means. Is it because barbed wire is usually on fences in black neighborhoods?

  • @TheDiloEmpire
    @TheDiloEmpire 10 місяців тому

    The one in the thumbnail looks like a rust base

  • @Scath
    @Scath Рік тому +2

    average florida castle

  • @marc.ristau
    @marc.ristau 6 місяців тому

    „This is not a castle… it’s a kind of fascist fortress. I don’t like it“ had me rolling

  • @EnglishSimRacing
    @EnglishSimRacing 9 місяців тому +1

    If you want to search for castles search in Europe.

  • @volkswagongolf4967
    @volkswagongolf4967 Рік тому +3

    why does the first castle just look like a really bad movie set

  • @facksmasheen
    @facksmasheen Рік тому

    I got a hunch someone's been watching nick rochefort house reviews

  • @MicahRibbentrop
    @MicahRibbentrop 9 місяців тому +1

    The dead animal heads are a nope for me

  • @johnniewoodard648
    @johnniewoodard648 5 місяців тому

    I sent a carrier pigeon months ago, and still have not received a reply. I am beginning to think you do not agree with my changes to your ranking choices.

  • @ignaslt
    @ignaslt Рік тому +2

    cool

  • @therealtony2009
    @therealtony2009 Рік тому +1

    WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A COLD BRICK STONE BUILDING THAT COSTS 130K??

    • @GAMER123GAMING
      @GAMER123GAMING Рік тому

      "cold" why would it be cold

    • @therealtony2009
      @therealtony2009 Рік тому +1

      @@GAMER123GAMING bro look at the inside of the first one, you cant tell me thats not cold

    • @wallabra
      @wallabra Рік тому

      ​@@GAMER123GAMINGdo you know how house insulation works? lmao

    • @hailexiao2770
      @hailexiao2770 9 місяців тому

      @@GAMER123GAMING Because solid masonry is complete garbage at insulation

  • @Shmuckytp
    @Shmuckytp Рік тому +1

    scuffed realtor but for normies

  • @SkinkUA
    @SkinkUA 11 місяців тому

    more like forts

  • @deemcc7784
    @deemcc7784 11 місяців тому +1

    Ye olde castle... It's pronounced old

  • @mangoisdelicious9078
    @mangoisdelicious9078 8 місяців тому

    first one should be D tier 👎👎