I have friends who once made me do the punch line of this joke in my best Emo impression... to Emo himself. He burst out laughing and said, "You're better than me!" Later he autographed a picture for me, it said, "Dear Alan, thank you for curing my French poodle of impotence."
@@ghintz2156 It has for me too. It was the Comedy Caravan in Louisville Kentucky (later owned by comedian Steve Hofstetter) and since I was neighbors with half the staff, and had performed music there myself, they didn't chase us out at the end of the night, and furthermore, they brought us free glasses of red wine all night that seemed the size of salad bowls. Emo had a hard night because of a drunken heckler who just didn't get the humor in anything. Emo wound up paying the guy his $15 ticket money back from his own pocket, from onstage, which was Security's cue to get him out of there. So I got to talk with Emo for about 45 minutes, just me, my wife, and my friend Marsha (who we had to keep peeling off of Emo: imagine him saying, "I'm MARRIED!"). The first thing I said to him after they made me do the line to him was "What's it like writing jokes for smart people?" and he sighed and said, "You have no IDEA!", sank into a seat at the head of our table, and then it was just 45 minutes of pure bliss, sitting with my all time comedy hero and saying anything and asking anything that popped into my head. He was so gracious, but in our defense, we were pretty good company to have, for Louisville.
Absolutely love this guy. My mother attends church and was asked if she was going to their carol service. She said alas no, she was attending a carol service nearer home. The pastor nearly choked and exclaimed but they're not the right sort of Christians!!! She was floored!!! All I could come up with was, do you remember a sketch by Emo Philips......
This joke reminds me of how I grew up living on a street where there were two Baptist churches. Both were Southern Baptist but one was affiliated with the Baptist General Convention of Texas and the other was affiliated with the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention.
@@PaleBlueDott they just ignored each other at the liquor store but now one of them is disaffiliating from the Baptist General Convention of Texas and joining the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention so maybe now they'll say hi to each other at Golden Corral on Sunday.
I remember when Emo first came on the comedy scene and was doing his stand-up routines. Every single time I see video of him, I am laughing myself silly. Love this guy!
We should all love one another as God loves each one of us. As long are you’re a Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879 member.
Okay I'll admit I didn't find this that funny the first time I saw it earlier until the end, but the whole damn joke cracked me up the second time, I wasn't even paying attention to all the horse puns.
Just like Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First?' skit, this is classic! Great writing and delivery! One of Emo's best! "I feel cleansed!" Thank you for posting. O:-)
This is a religious joke that is witty, intelligent and still not blatantly offensive to even the most devout Christian nor to an agnostic or athiest, yet it STILL has that "dark humour" that Emo does so well! Yet *still,* it is not "politically correct" or "afraid to offend," either! Emo Phillips is severely, if not *criminally* underrated, as a BRILLIANT comedian! Long live Emo! ...Not the music genera, but the brilliant comedian! Myself, and two friends actually saw Emo, himself, *in the flesh,* in the lobby of the Lake Theatre, in Oak Park, Illinois (a Suburb just outside of Chicago), in the fall of 1990 or 1991, along with Judy Tenuta, if I'm not mistaken (who was from this Chicago Suburb), who he was "allegedly" dating, or at least good friends with, at the time... Unfortunately, the 3 of us at 13 or 14 were too intimidated to go up to him and ask for an autograph... But can you blame us? I mean, this was EMO PHILLIPS! It doesn't get more intimidating than that! At 6'2 and 90lbs, he was one intimidating character!!
You're actually wrong. Any christian could easily get offended by the joke because he's trivializing the differences between 2 very similar belief systems by joking that even the tiniest differences cause one person to hate another. It's truth but people with strong beliefs don't like the truth
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
@@agbinfo - Good one. Here's another. A couple of friends find themselves lost in the wilderness. Neither knows the way home and they are out of food and water and exhausted. Desperate, they decide their only hope is prayer. Neither is really religious so they both admit that they don't know how to pray. One of them recalls a time when he was sitting near a Catholic church and heard the proceedings going on inside. His friend implores him to remember what he heard and to repeat it now as it seemed to be their only chance at salvation. He agrees to try, clears his throat and belts out "B14!, G57!..."
A Cartoon I once saw: St Peter stands at the Pearly Gates, a man is in front waiting to enter, and off to the side a cherub holds a sign… “Welcome to Heaven, Please Leave your Religion at the Gates.” The man waiting to enter looks at St Peter in askance. St Peter shrugs and says, “Ironically, that’s why it’s so peaceful here.” 😇
@@brianeisenstein6144 - Oh come, now. It’s an unwritten rule that you can’t say something is the second something without saying what is the first. If it’s Emo, I should have heard it but maybe I haven’t.
My brother went to a show of his a few years back, and afterwards he talked to and signed for some of the fans. When it was my brother's turn and he shook Emo Phillips' hand, he went, "oOWWW!!"
@@dogge929 I'm a Muslim. But not a traditional Muslim, a Sunni, but a Shia. And nort just a Shia, and Ismaili. And not an Ismaili Nizari Shia. And not just a Ismaili Nizari Shia but also a member of the Brotherhood of Assassins and the Creed. Google "Hashashins" to learn more
You are dead and this is hell. So abandon all hope and yadda yadda yadda. Hey, wait a minute. I shouldn’t be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant. I thought we went to Heaven. Yes. Well, I’m afraid you were wrong. You picked the wrong religion. Well, who was right? Who gets into Heaven? I’m afraid it was the Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879s. Yes, the Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879s were the correct answer.
This one has to be included into a pantheon of the history's best jokes on religion. Emo, through his joke, points out one of the most obvious evidence that religions, and various Gods attached to them, are a product of the man's quest for answers, humanity's wish to explain the world around us, and an inherent fear of death. For the first few thousands of years we needed this supernatural and supreme being to explain phenomena that were unexplainable to men given the level of knowledge they possessed. But with the rise of the scientific method, and with it our capability to understand these mysterious things that happened all around us, God became the ever receding gap to which we could insert him as our understanding of the world rose.
don't know any new comedians who could ever be this funny, entertaining or smart. comedy used to be an art form, it could get abstract at times, uniting all people around the ironic contradictions of human condition and universal experiences of being alive. now it's like the same 12 people complaining about getting called out for being bigots. something terrible is happening to people, humanity is rotting away
Too many people haven't. I once heard him described as "the stand up comic's stand up comic"--as in everyone in standup knows who is is and wishes they could write jokes like he can. Another time saw it described this way: ask a room full of people with one comic in it who the funniest person in the room (not themselves) is, and most will point to the comic. Ask a room full of comics that, and they'll all point to Emo. I introduce people to him whenever I can :)
“But...but...but... the Bible is so CLEAR to all who read it because a perfect all knowing god is responsible, how could it possibly be interpreted in more than one way?” Many tens of thousands of different Christian religions and their particular interpretations of the storybook exists, but god likes the confusion?
Not sure? Some people are born with having no sense of humor. You can't be taught to laugh when you don't understand the joke. It's "on purpose". It's his gig, and you probably didn't get Andy's roles he played. It's actually called "acting"! Or not?!
And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. -Jeremiah 29:13 “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life. -John 3:16 Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out. -Acts 3:19 . .
I love that over the course of this entire show he slowly puts a trombone together, only to take it apart without playing a single note.
Just brilliant! 😂
Womp womp
@@JeremyHoffman Indeed it would have made that sound ha!
I have friends who once made me do the punch line of this joke in my best Emo impression... to Emo himself. He burst out laughing and said, "You're better than me!" Later he autographed a picture for me, it said, "Dear Alan, thank you for curing my French poodle of impotence."
This made me shed a tear
@@ghintz2156 It has for me too. It was the Comedy Caravan in Louisville Kentucky (later owned by comedian Steve Hofstetter) and since I was neighbors with half the staff, and had performed music there myself, they didn't chase us out at the end of the night, and furthermore, they brought us free glasses of red wine all night that seemed the size of salad bowls.
Emo had a hard night because of a drunken heckler who just didn't get the humor in anything. Emo wound up paying the guy his $15 ticket money back from his own pocket, from onstage, which was Security's cue to get him out of there.
So I got to talk with Emo for about 45 minutes, just me, my wife, and my friend Marsha (who we had to keep peeling off of Emo: imagine him saying, "I'm MARRIED!"). The first thing I said to him after they made me do the line to him was "What's it like writing jokes for smart people?" and he sighed and said, "You have no IDEA!", sank into a seat at the head of our table, and then it was just 45 minutes of pure bliss, sitting with my all time comedy hero and saying anything and asking anything that popped into my head. He was so gracious, but in our defense, we were pretty good company to have, for Louisville.
Emo is a fine fellow . . . he saved a sinner and created a martyr with one shove!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
8 dislikes from Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Consul of 1912s
THRILLHO, good one.
Heretics!
Their congregation is growing by the looks of it.
😂😂😂😂
Or people who can't stand video not synced with the audio.
I'm just impressed he was able to memorize all that.
Listen to his poem titled “Most States.” He has an amazing brain.
@@KevyNova “East Virginia”😄
@@MrBROTHERFELDER YES!!!!
Thank you!!!
Poor East Virginia ALWAYS gets left out and it makes me sad, even though I've never even been there.
This bit never fails to make me giggle.
Emo Phillips had a great bit but the way he delivered the lines was unlike anybody else.
He's still active and alive.
May wade Boggs rest in peace.
@@ScienzaMagia I'm going to see him in June with weird al.... Checking out tickets brought me out to watch clips lol.
“In the meantime, in-between time, ain’t we got fun.” I think of this line when I’m depressed due to this bit.
It's from a 1920s song called Ain't We Got Fun
This is the gold standard of comedy bits.
+akbar41 Yes, it's magnificent. (I'm old enough to have seen it on cable television, in the 1980s. I was stunned.)
This and Woody Allen's Moose joke.
Along with Norm's moth and doghouse bits. Those 3 are absolute pinnacles.
*YES!*
@@gavpowell1981 ]]]tic
Ricky hervsis
Absolutely love this guy. My mother attends church and was asked if she was going to their carol service. She said alas no, she was attending a carol service nearer home. The pastor nearly choked and exclaimed but they're not the right sort of Christians!!! She was floored!!! All I could come up with was, do you remember a sketch by Emo Philips......
This joke reminds me of how I grew up living on a street where there were two Baptist churches. Both were Southern Baptist but one was affiliated with the Baptist General Convention of Texas and the other was affiliated with the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention.
Damn, how did they even get along?
@@PaleBlueDott they just ignored each other at the liquor store but now one of them is disaffiliating from the Baptist General Convention of Texas and joining the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention so maybe now they'll say hi to each other at Golden Corral on Sunday.
Hands down one of my favorite jokes from anyone.
I’ve heard this bit over a dozen times (including once live and in-person), and the punchline still makes me laugh every time! Emo is a true master.
I also had the chance to hear him tell this joke live once. He's still got it, and even knowing the punchline it's still damn funny.
This goes beyond stand up into Mark Twain territory.
“What’s your name?”
“Satan.”
“That’s not a great name for an angel..”
I have loved this routine for well over thirty years. 😊
Me too ❤️
I remember when Emo first came on the comedy scene and was doing his stand-up routines. Every single time I see video of him, I am laughing myself silly. Love this guy!
We should all love one another as God loves each one of us. As long are you’re a Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879 member.
HERITIC!
"what franchise" is one of my favourite lines, in one of my comedy bits ever
I love how the most normal thing he does is when he takes a sip of water 😂
1:23
I adore the fact that he is encouraging this guy not to end his life while simultaneously mercilessly bullying him.
Okay I'll admit I didn't find this that funny the first time I saw it earlier until the end, but the whole damn joke cracked me up the second time, I wasn't even paying attention to all the horse puns.
Just like Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First?' skit, this is classic! Great writing and delivery! One of Emo's best! "I feel cleansed!" Thank you for posting. O:-)
One of the all-time classics!
3:55. That delivery is amazing.
Gotta be the worst delivery I’ve ever heard, and I’m usually VERY easy to please with comedy.
@@_Cato_ Either you are lying, or by easy to please you meant you exclusively enjoy fart jokes and crude comedy.
@@_Cato_this ‘comedian’ might be the least funny person to ever live
My god, I’ve never heard such an amazing act, this shit actually made me laugh.
This is a religious joke that is witty, intelligent and still not blatantly offensive to even the most devout Christian nor to an agnostic or athiest, yet it STILL has that "dark humour" that Emo does so well! Yet *still,* it is not "politically correct" or "afraid to offend," either!
Emo Phillips is severely, if not *criminally* underrated, as a BRILLIANT comedian!
Long live Emo! ...Not the music genera, but the brilliant comedian!
Myself, and two friends actually saw Emo, himself, *in the flesh,* in the lobby of the Lake Theatre, in Oak Park, Illinois (a Suburb just outside of Chicago), in the fall of 1990 or 1991, along with Judy Tenuta, if I'm not mistaken (who was from this Chicago Suburb), who he was "allegedly" dating, or at least good friends with, at the time... Unfortunately, the 3 of us at 13 or 14 were too intimidated to go up to him and ask for an autograph... But can you blame us? I mean, this was EMO PHILLIPS! It doesn't get more intimidating than that! At 6'2 and 90lbs, he was one intimidating character!!
It would make sense, as he's from Downers Grove (a nearby suburb to Oak Park)
6ft 2 and 9lbs? Fucking skeleton man, jesus.
I just saw him recently with Weird Al in Oklahoma. He has not lost his touch!
You're actually wrong. Any christian could easily get offended by the joke because he's trivializing the differences between 2 very similar belief systems by joking that even the tiniest differences cause one person to hate another. It's truth but people with strong beliefs don't like the truth
@@DannyBPlaysOut of everyone, you were not who I expected to find here
I may have already said this but this is the greatest joke about religion ever.
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
@@agbinfo - Good one. Here's another. A couple of friends find themselves lost in the wilderness. Neither knows the way home and they are out of food and water and exhausted. Desperate, they decide their only hope is prayer. Neither is really religious so they both admit that they don't know how to pray. One of them recalls a time when he was sitting near a Catholic church and heard the proceedings going on inside. His friend implores him to remember what he heard and to repeat it now as it seemed to be their only chance at salvation. He agrees to try, clears his throat and belts out "B14!, G57!..."
A Cartoon I once saw:
St Peter stands at the Pearly Gates, a man is in front waiting to enter, and off to the side a cherub holds a sign… “Welcome to Heaven, Please Leave your Religion at the Gates.” The man waiting to enter looks at St Peter in askance. St Peter shrugs and says, “Ironically, that’s why it’s so peaceful here.”
😇
Maybe. But I think it’s the second greatest joke about religion. The amazing thing is that the other option is also Emo Phillips.
@@brianeisenstein6144 - Oh come, now. It’s an unwritten rule that you can’t say something is the second something without saying what is the first. If it’s Emo, I should have heard it but maybe I haven’t.
That's the type of video I'd like to give a million likes...
My brother went to a show of his a few years back, and afterwards he talked to and signed for some of the fans. When it was my brother's turn and he shook Emo Phillips' hand, he went, "oOWWW!!"
I dunno who the guy who laughed his ass off at" San Francisco" is but he seems to be having a good time
Absolute Genius
Pretty cute and humorous
This was voted the funniest joke of all time a couple decades ago. Still is.
Oh hey! It's that bit he did at the Weird Al concert last year!
He can do this bit a million times & it still lands
Ah so thats where Matt Dillahunty got this.
The Tiny Tim of comedy
Pure genius, that man 🤣
Good Comedy writing - which get overlooked because Emo was such a strange character.
I am a Christian and I find this joke HILARIOUS. Cause it's so true. 😭😭😭
ME TOO! are you a catholic, a protestant, or Orthodox?
Protestant
@@dogge929 I'm a Muslim. But not a traditional Muslim, a Sunni, but a Shia. And nort just a Shia, and Ismaili. And not an Ismaili Nizari Shia. And not just a Ismaili Nizari Shia but also a member of the Brotherhood of Assassins and the Creed.
Google "Hashashins" to learn more
A good party piece to learn that
sublime
Good point. [high praise from a Twin City Minnesotan non-Scandinavian-heritage nonaffiliated pagan heretic]
Me too! DeVeyan 1964 synod or Azrael Sabbat 1973 cabal?
@@nfrl-hs2lyThe joke would work if you weren't mixing up Paganism with Satanism.
best god joke ever
Okay jew
No one funnier. No one.
When comedy was actually funny! I loved him in Al Yankovic's UHF!!!
it's on the floor somewhere over there...
Just call me MISter But-terfingers
Amazing.
Brilliant! Shows that humans will go the distance to find a reason to hate.
This guy is from my town lmao everything makes sense now
Brilliant!
Oh my God, that was great! I was laughing throughout the entire Christian denomination part. Then just lost it at the end.
A conservative fundamentalist is exactly the type to throw a guy off a bridge for doctrinal disagreements. Emo slipped that in there, too. Genius.
What would be classified like fundamentalist?
Probably the most profound joke of all time. All the best ones just find a corner of irreason and report it.
Some very deep thoughts here . Beside being funny , of course
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL (I'm a Baptist, Southern California region)
Now, that is a reason to get pushed off a bridge and be called a heretic.
See Emo Williams - Golden Gate Bridge.
This was hilarious
The devil is in the details!
I hatched a Ponyta while watching this.
I hope this is true.
this is the best comment here
You are dead and this is hell. So abandon all hope and yadda yadda yadda.
Hey, wait a minute. I shouldn’t be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant. I thought we went to Heaven.
Yes. Well, I’m afraid you were wrong. You picked the wrong religion.
Well, who was right? Who gets into Heaven?
I’m afraid it was the Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879s. Yes, the Northern Conservative Fundamentalist Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879s were the correct answer.
music.ua-cam.com/video/NW_xNzJWw-4/v-deo.html The Frantics did a skit around that which is brilliant.
This one has to be included into a pantheon of the history's best jokes on religion. Emo, through his joke, points out one of the most obvious evidence that religions, and various Gods attached to them, are a product of the man's quest for answers, humanity's wish to explain the world around us, and an inherent fear of death. For the first few thousands of years we needed this supernatural and supreme being to explain phenomena that were unexplainable to men given the level of knowledge they possessed. But with the rise of the scientific method, and with it our capability to understand these mysterious things that happened all around us, God became the ever receding gap to which we could insert him as our understanding of the world rose.
Ha ha ha that was so funny 😂😂😂😂
I guess I would be a moderate-liberal Second Vatican Council Jesuit Revised Standard Version Catholic of the Archdiocese of Washington
Die heretic, obviously:)
Heretic!
"Ed" got the schedule for Earth's destruction wrong.
Local high school shop teacher
Joe Whirly
favorite part is 2:21
it's like that one diss in the Einstein vs Hawking rap battle
How many hours do you have to spend practicing that single routine to pull it off in front of an audience?
It's happening again, Ed Gadsby
But what was the trombone for
Nothing, just an odd prop to be used to take the piss on Chekov's Gun.
@@petertrudelljr INCREDIBLE
Unbelievable funny
It's too bad Emo never got the film in the camera.
Absolutely. Fucking. Hilarious.
Was this guy the one that cut his finger off in the movie UHF??
Yes. Emo and Weird Al are contemporaries. Can't imagine UHF without Emo being included in it. Just added more crazy to the bizarre setup.
The lord doesn’t work like that, push first then ask forgiveness 🙏☺️
he will always be shannon
don't know any new comedians who could ever be this funny, entertaining or smart. comedy used to be an art form, it could get abstract at times, uniting all people around the ironic contradictions of human condition and universal experiences of being alive. now it's like the same 12 people complaining about getting called out for being bigots. something terrible is happening to people, humanity is rotting away
Is this the guy who scolds at the street trumpet player?
Thats a long but good story . Funny bit 😂
I came here from Reddit. Lol
same r/religion
As a recently saved believer I think I will be a Catholic for the sake of time
This joke is much better in print
Not a lot of takers who agree.
Best argument for atheism: It is easyer to pronounce :D
Jew has one syllable. Everyone be a Jew now.
He said atheism, not atheist. Judaism is harder to pronounce.
Isn't theism easier to pronounce because it has one less syllable?
And appeals to slow wits.
Here is an interesting article published in 2005 by Emo Phillips about this joke.
www.theguardian.com/stage/2005/sep/29/comedy.religion
Hilarious
LOLOL
This is how you make fun of Christianity, because it mocks the bad followers and not the Diety of God. Respect.
haha, those ruddy fundamentalists
Бля он реально пациент Каца!!!
02:44
3:54
3:55
Longlegs
Every Abrahamic religion summed up in under five minutes :)
No
They are too different
My sister made some eggs so we cooked them
Is this what inspired the latest version of Joker?
Who is here after watching the JRE episode #1286
I never heard of this comedian.
How is that possible? I've been amazed by him since the 1980s.
@@kalynlambert6889 It's possible.
Please forgive me.
Too many people haven't. I once heard him described as "the stand up comic's stand up comic"--as in everyone in standup knows who is is and wishes they could write jokes like he can. Another time saw it described this way: ask a room full of people with one comic in it who the funniest person in the room (not themselves) is, and most will point to the comic. Ask a room full of comics that, and they'll all point to Emo. I introduce people to him whenever I can :)
Now you have.
John Dee
“But...but...but... the Bible is so CLEAR to all who read it because a perfect all knowing god is responsible, how could it possibly be interpreted in more than one way?”
Many tens of thousands of different Christian religions and their particular interpretations of the storybook exists, but god likes the confusion?
"God is not the author of confusion."
-Somebody somewhere I guess
That’s why Jesus founded a teaching Church and did not hand out Bibles. Catholic.com
@@michaeld7631 omegalul
He wants them to burn in the hell 😐😐
K
I would reshare this if the delivery was better.Not sure if this is on purpose or really how he is though. Good joke though
Yeah this is him watch more. U will get hooked.
Not sure? Some people are born with having no sense of humor. You can't be taught to laugh when you don't understand the joke. It's "on purpose". It's his gig, and you probably didn't get Andy's roles he played. It's actually called "acting"! Or not?!
Yeah, he was just having an off day. Normally he talks like James Earl Jones
And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. -Jeremiah 29:13
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life. -John 3:16
Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out.
-Acts 3:19
.
.
that is exactly what all religion is: biased and subjective
exactly
And made up
That's why we, Catholics, are better.