Your book transformed my marriage. More than counseling ever did. I know you didn't invent validation theory but the way you present it is just as important. Thanks.
You have truly given me a gift. A gift that isn't solely mine, one that each person, my children, my friends, the stranger who needed a listening ear. Every moment is now open to being an opportunity to turn a situation around. Even if all I could give was validation to let someone know it's okay to feel what you feel. No matter the emotion. I believe that one thing so simple can change so much. Thank you.
I don’t know how I stumbled on your podcast episode, but I’m so thankful I did! I’m going to try to be more validating to the people in my life. That little boy and the puzzle…😢 and the sick mom with the conspiracy theories… You have great stories to illustrate your point!
You just answered all the questions I've always had my entire life. I knew I had and wanted to validate, but never knew how to structure it. I'm a fixer since I was a kid, so I tend to give solutions and you described clearly most of the conversations I have that pretty much becoming light arguments. Thank you for that!
That’s so true about giving advice. Advice can be a good thing, but if you jump in with it first, it can make the other person feel like you think they’re stupid & need to be fixed.
Thank you! This is very helpful. I find I feel unheard in a lot of my relationships. I keep pondering if there is something I am doing to contribute to the dynamic.
Great podcast! My mind was blown when I saw there wasn’t more than 200k people subscribed to you, I mean this is really professional stuff! Keep going!
This is amazing !! I volunteer in a hospital and as a volunteer my role is to help with the basics anything patients need & have conversations get them to socialize a bit, and as an introvert I've been struggling and feeling anxious with the socialization aspect like I could socialize if I force myself but I always felt it was not genuine to me or to them, and to me if I socialize with someone I want to leave them in a better state than they were before them talking with me, maybe a bit of people pleaser yes, but I don't like to talk for sake of talking and I think now I know why I didn't feel genuine it's because I wasn't that aware of the way you showed us to validate, when someone feels validated they show their authentic self and when I validate someone I get them to open up and show me some of their true sides that's when I will feel like I've reached that person and they feel seen.. sorry I don't even know what I was going to say 😂 other than thank you so much for the steps of validation.. it's really makes us feel at ease when we experience that.
Your work is not only bring value to me but its bring your intention to lift up quality of every relationship and create a better society. Everything you've said you care audiences and put a little extra to make sure you don't forget someone behind or leave them with judgement. I'm appreciated your work hard and will practice with my mom. Thank you :)
This has enlightened me to a simple charismatic skill or tactic that I was missing in a lot of situations/discussions over the years. I wish I had learned this sooner.
Thanks for these great insightful and educational podcasts! I’m listening in an attempt to improve my relationship with my wife. Your channel has far too few subscribers!
I appreciate this podcast it’s absolutely amazing thank you for taking the time to put it out there for everyone to have free access to it it’s absolutely invaluable 🙏🏼
Level 1 - Validate someone you like and agree with Level 2 - Validate someone you like but don't agree with Level 3 - Validate some you don't like but agree with Level 4 - Validate someone you don't like and don't agree with who blames it all on you Level 5 - Validate someone you don't like, don't agree with, who is abusing you verbally and torturing you physically, you know its their fault, they blame you, they know they are wrong and in the wrong, everyone you know is watching you and not doing anything about it and knows how wrong it all is, and then become Jesus
That last one describes my last job. I did 1-4... but 5.. I could not become Jesus. He is perfect. I am not.. i was getting treated like straight shit, pulled her aside, communicated, stived to understand, validated, empathized... she was two faced and wanted to tear me down and hated me because my existence bugged her. She was going through a tough time and wanted to tear me down out of envy and spite. Pure rage inside that women and I was her target because I was a top worker and well respected by everyone at work. In the 7 years I worked there, never made one enemy.. until her. She hated me not because I did anything to her, but because I represented something she wanted to achieve but struggled with. She didn't have many friends due to perceiving everything as an attack on her and being difficult to communicate with.. I felt for her and tried to be empathetic which made her more vindictive.. ahah. How do you deal with someone who is just in such a mentally difficult space to where they don't want to compromise or communicate with mutual respect and symbiosis? It's one sided.. and I bruised her ego more once I got sick of her shit. Screaming at me, constantly trying to get me in trouble for things that were absurd, singling me out and purposefully targeting me with disrespect and disregard while treating the other few in the department like gold... I didn't know what to do. I tried to ignore it after pulling her aside and being straight up went no where (I thought we had made peace. Both understood and validated eachother. Then she flipped on me the next day) I made her more angry by ignoring her, to where she told HR I made her work life hostile because I ignored her... there was no winning. I then decided to stop ignoring her and treat her normal, despite her continued disrespect. And I sucked it up until the final hair broke this camels back and I sought wisdom from management. 3 seperate times over 8 months. They told me I should've came to them sooner... that'd they'd talk to her.. nothing changed. I asked HR for advice and they ignored me.. so when covid did a mass lay off. I was grateful in a bittersweet way. The company I loved and joined as a mom and pop shop turned into a corporate grinder where the bosses I grew to love sold the company... so we were all expendable pawns in the last year.. I've been in management, and I would never allow an employee to treat others with such disrespect. I would try to correct the problem, and if someone refused to seek understanding and failed to prioritize respect, teamwork, healthy communication, and good work ethic... they're fired. I'll give em a chance. But not several chances.. This girl got fired from a different department in the company, but my department boss had the hots for her and was thirsty, so he saved her incompetent ass.. Never again will I endure working with someone like that, but I will next time try something different. I will give it 2-3 chances to communicate with the person in a way where I seek to understand and validate AND get through to them.. cuz clearly I missed the mark with this bitch I speak of.. bahaha.. but outside of work, I pray she heals and transcends whatever is hurting her. She would've made a better employee rather then supervisor.. when someone's outside life profoundly impedes their leadership.. no bueno :( no hate towards her. I can only pray she learns and grows and makes peace with her pain. I learned from the experience, so no regrets.. Oops this was more a general comment rather then a direct response
That’s exactly what Jesus teaches He said: If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6 32-36
Loved this video. I would like to say, however, that people are not always passing judgement when describing "bad emotions"... As emotions are directly linked to the generation of feelings, and feelings generate bio-chemicals, it is the resultant bio-chemicals that are "bad" when the emotional states & feelings become chronic.
It is similar-the podcast episodes on validation have the key points-but the book goes more in depth on how to use it in everyday life, gives dozens of examples, and dives into more questions on what to do after validating.
@@qianyu2412 please get it, its eye opening and you will sit and start to act as soon as you pick up on what he means. Some emotions are harder than others but like be says in the book the harder the emotion the more established the connection will be
The world is low EQ. Even professionals have run off with a theory down a rabbit hole. With that in mind it’s important that you learn to cultivate rather than just allocate. You can learn to cultivate by attitude, maybe you feel petty and have thoughts to back it up, by fostering and cultivating a positive attitude you can come out of cycles holding you back. Jesus Christ is the way, the truth and the light.
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
The 4 step validation method
1 listen empathically
2 validate the emotion
3 give feed back, advice or assurance
4 validate again
"The Validation Sandwich" lol. Loved that one ;)
Cognitive empathy seems like flattery compared to legitimate compassion
Your book transformed my marriage. More than counseling ever did. I know you didn't invent validation theory but the way you present it is just as important. Thanks.
Thank you, Bonnie!
You have truly given me a gift. A gift that isn't solely mine, one that each person, my children, my friends, the stranger who needed a listening ear. Every moment is now open to being an opportunity to turn a situation around. Even if all I could give was validation to let someone know it's okay to feel what you feel. No matter the emotion. I believe that one thing so simple can change so much. Thank you.
I don’t know how I stumbled on your podcast episode, but I’m so thankful I did! I’m going to try to be more validating to the people in my life. That little boy and the puzzle…😢 and the sick mom with the conspiracy theories… You have great stories to illustrate your point!
Thank you!
Turning toward / validation is powerful. "I get you" is a game changer.
You just answered all the questions I've always had my entire life. I knew I had and wanted to validate, but never knew how to structure it. I'm a fixer since I was a kid, so I tend to give solutions and you described clearly most of the conversations I have that pretty much becoming light arguments. Thank you for that!
Love to hear this!
That’s so true about giving advice. Advice can be a good thing, but if you jump in with it first, it can make the other person feel like you think they’re stupid & need to be fixed.
Thank you! This is very helpful. I find I feel unheard in a lot of my relationships. I keep pondering if there is something I am doing to contribute to the dynamic.
Great podcast! My mind was blown when I saw there wasn’t more than 200k people subscribed to you, I mean this is really professional stuff! Keep going!
Thank you!
I agree!! 😮😮
SO TRUE !, WITH people quitting their " manager ", instead of job.
I’m a new listener & subscriber. You are easy to listen to & I’m loving your content.
This is amazing !! I volunteer in a hospital and as a volunteer my role is to help with the basics anything patients need & have conversations get them to socialize a bit, and as an introvert I've been struggling and feeling anxious with the socialization aspect like I could socialize if I force myself but I always felt it was not genuine to me or to them, and to me if I socialize with someone I want to leave them in a better state than they were before them talking with me, maybe a bit of people pleaser yes, but I don't like to talk for sake of talking and I think now I know why I didn't feel genuine it's because I wasn't that aware of the way you showed us to validate, when someone feels validated they show their authentic self and when I validate someone I get them to open up and show me some of their true sides that's when I will feel like I've reached that person and they feel seen.. sorry I don't even know what I was going to say 😂 other than thank you so much for the steps of validation.. it's really makes us feel at ease when we experience that.
This is a treasure! Thank you soooo much for putting this for everyone!!!
Thank you!
Thank you so much for this Michael. Great episode and I hope lots of people can hear this and get as much out of it as I did.
Your work is not only bring value to me but its bring your intention to lift up quality of every relationship and create a better society. Everything you've said you care audiences and put a little extra to make sure you don't forget someone behind or leave them with judgement. I'm appreciated your work hard and will practice with my mom. Thank you :)
Thank you!
Fantastic podcast! 👏
Awesome thanks, good liaten. Very helpful. Would of never known or understood it 💯
Thank you. You broke this down so well.
Wow, this is such an eye opener. Thank you. You really deserve more views than this for such amazing content.
Loved this so much. Thank you!
This has enlightened me to a simple charismatic skill or tactic that I was missing in a lot of situations/discussions over the years. I wish I had learned this sooner.
Thank you!
Osho says "acknowledge your emotions to the point that you don't say >I'm sadI am sadness right now
How do you know about him?
Thank you so much for this
Yes!!, it does happen between countless relationships.
" fixin instead of 1st validation " .
✅️😼👏👏
Builds connections!!
Thanks for these great insightful and educational podcasts! I’m listening in an attempt to improve my relationship with my wife. Your channel has far too few subscribers!
Thank you!
I was surprised too!!!🤷♀️😲
I appreciate this podcast it’s absolutely amazing thank you for taking the time to put it out there for everyone to have free access to it it’s absolutely invaluable 🙏🏼
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this your offering really impactful Information 😊
You bet! Thanks for listening!
How do I validate someone’s feelings when they are regretting something they did to themselves?
The sound of the audio 🔉 is really pleasant. ! Thank you for your talking speed also..
Best summary of the topic out there ❤️ very helpful! Thank you 😊
Thank you!
Yes : you must feel( " insert emotion " .
Its one of the best feeling. !!🎉🎉🎉🎉
Level 1 - Validate someone you like and agree with
Level 2 - Validate someone you like but don't agree with
Level 3 - Validate some you don't like but agree with
Level 4 - Validate someone you don't like and don't agree with who blames it all on you
Level 5 - Validate someone you don't like, don't agree with, who is abusing you verbally and torturing you physically, you know its their fault, they blame you, they know they are wrong and in the wrong, everyone you know is watching you and not doing anything about it and knows how wrong it all is, and then become Jesus
More than Jesus 😎
That last one describes my last job. I did 1-4... but 5.. I could not become Jesus. He is perfect. I am not.. i was getting treated like straight shit, pulled her aside, communicated, stived to understand, validated, empathized... she was two faced and wanted to tear me down and hated me because my existence bugged her. She was going through a tough time and wanted to tear me down out of envy and spite. Pure rage inside that women and I was her target because I was a top worker and well respected by everyone at work. In the 7 years I worked there, never made one enemy.. until her. She hated me not because I did anything to her, but because I represented something she wanted to achieve but struggled with. She didn't have many friends due to perceiving everything as an attack on her and being difficult to communicate with.. I felt for her and tried to be empathetic which made her more vindictive.. ahah.
How do you deal with someone who is just in such a mentally difficult space to where they don't want to compromise or communicate with mutual respect and symbiosis? It's one sided.. and I bruised her ego more once I got sick of her shit. Screaming at me, constantly trying to get me in trouble for things that were absurd, singling me out and purposefully targeting me with disrespect and disregard while treating the other few in the department like gold... I didn't know what to do. I tried to ignore it after pulling her aside and being straight up went no where (I thought we had made peace. Both understood and validated eachother. Then she flipped on me the next day)
I made her more angry by ignoring her, to where she told HR I made her work life hostile because I ignored her... there was no winning. I then decided to stop ignoring her and treat her normal, despite her continued disrespect. And I sucked it up until the final hair broke this camels back and I sought wisdom from management. 3 seperate times over 8 months. They told me I should've came to them sooner... that'd they'd talk to her.. nothing changed. I asked HR for advice and they ignored me.. so when covid did a mass lay off. I was grateful in a bittersweet way.
The company I loved and joined as a mom and pop shop turned into a corporate grinder where the bosses I grew to love sold the company... so we were all expendable pawns in the last year..
I've been in management, and I would never allow an employee to treat others with such disrespect. I would try to correct the problem, and if someone refused to seek understanding and failed to prioritize respect, teamwork, healthy communication, and good work ethic... they're fired. I'll give em a chance. But not several chances..
This girl got fired from a different department in the company, but my department boss had the hots for her and was thirsty, so he saved her incompetent ass..
Never again will I endure working with someone like that, but I will next time try something different. I will give it 2-3 chances to communicate with the person in a way where I seek to understand and validate AND get through to them.. cuz clearly I missed the mark with this bitch I speak of.. bahaha.. but outside of work, I pray she heals and transcends whatever is hurting her. She would've made a better employee rather then supervisor.. when someone's outside life profoundly impedes their leadership.. no bueno :( no hate towards her. I can only pray she learns and grows and makes peace with her pain. I learned from the experience, so no regrets..
Oops this was more a general comment rather then a direct response
That’s exactly what Jesus teaches
He said:
If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Luke 6 32-36
Thank you for this wonderful podcast!
This is good! Thank you . I read the Gottman book too
Thank you!! Your podcasr has been awesome 👌 👏 👍 😍
Thank you!
Thank you!!!
yes!!!!, validation builds connection in friendship s too !!! 😼😃👏👏
Yes!!, we don't have to agree with people to validate them.
" that would sad or scary , feel angry to think that.
Great job
Superb .
Loved this video. I would like to say, however, that people are not always passing judgement when describing "bad emotions"... As emotions are directly linked to the generation of feelings, and feelings generate bio-chemicals, it is the resultant bio-chemicals that are "bad" when the emotional states & feelings become chronic.
A wonderful example from a teenager. ! 😼👏👏 WoW!!
YES!!!, WE NEED TO PRACTICE INTERNAL INVALIDATION . 😼
Thank you for touching on the topic !! 😼🎉🎉🎉✅️
For parenting:" name a recent time you're proud of yourself. " 😊
Is the content of the podcast the same as the book ?
It is similar-the podcast episodes on validation have the key points-but the book goes more in depth on how to use it in everyday life, gives dozens of examples, and dives into more questions on what to do after validating.
@@michaelsorensen7914 I like the podcast episodes! Have been looking for the book to read.
@@qianyu2412 please get it, its eye opening and you will sit and start to act as soon as you pick up on what he means. Some emotions are harder than others but like be says in the book the harder the emotion the more established the connection will be
😬 cringe, hearing , " so & so
didn't mean to " ..
DIDN'T HELP with the hurt & anger i was feeling as a vulnerable child .
The world is low EQ. Even professionals have run off with a theory down a rabbit hole. With that in mind it’s important that you learn to cultivate rather than just allocate.
You can learn to cultivate by attitude, maybe you feel petty and have thoughts to back it up, by fostering and cultivating a positive attitude you can come out of cycles holding you back. Jesus Christ is the way, the truth and the light.