Holy shit is this accurate.. I'm a deep ENFJ.. when I really despise someone, I do nothing extra or go out of my way, I don't make eye contact, I'm very short, yet VERY professional and still courteous.. I don't like to fan the flames, I simply avoid them. So ridiculous how accurate this is. I still want them to be treated ethically, but I cut off anything extra I normally would do such as ask about their day or do anything that might make me look evil.
As an ENFJ, I completely agree! Although I don't really 'hate' anyone. Someone may 'not be my cup of tea' or I may 'like them the least' lol. And so I'm thinking that's maybe why some people may call enfjs fake because they may seem pretty pleasant on the surface to some people that they really don't like but that's just how we show our dislike for someone. We wouldn't be outright mean to them. And so to know if we truly dislike someone, a person would just have to compare how we act towards them and how we are with other people. They'll notice that we're way more friendly with others and way distant with them.
Sometimes we hide the hurt within so deep and the amount of people we care for and the mind of the giver is naturally obsessive with making ideals judging ideas than people. :) ENFJ-T I watched your channel we are literally the same person, would you mind holding contact on fb would share ton of experience and we can focus on a dual accomplishment :) facebook.com/soundvector
Oh my goodness..yes! People have thought I'm fake because I don't hate anyone. I just want certain people to be away from me and do their thing..as long as their thing doesn't harm others. I genuinely want people to be happy in their lives.
I don't think it's possible for us to hate people. We just don't feel the benefit of using social energy on some people. Hating for us is out of character.
Agreed, with one exception. I, too, am an ENFJ with a broad circle of friends and acquaintances who I both counsel and confide in. But in my 30 years of life, I have encountered three indisputably bad people. Rather than avoid conflict with them, I launched a crusade to expose their emotional emptiness and cruelty. And I went to some pretty "creative" lengths to do so. I don't regret gutting bullies and liars in the slightest. I have an obligation to protect others from their moral depravity by exposing it and socially isolating the perpetrators. I'm an ENFJ with notoriously sharp elbows when confronted with injustice.
Yeah, you totally nailed it with the "when it's the right thing to do" part. Like if I'm at a party, and some guy is creeping on someone else's wife, starting fights over the music someone else put on, or bullying someone over their clothes or whatever, then I'm going to get involved, and probably be pretty aggressive about it. But it's not about "hating" the person. If I just hate you, I'd rather just ignore you. I'm only going to make an issue out of it if your behavior is causing problems for people and I need to intercede.
I’m binge watching your videos. It feels so good to watch someone like me. Sometimes people think I’m heartless because when I hate someone I’d always say “I don’t care”. The thing is, I think I just got tired of that person because probably I’ve already invested a lot and this person won’t just listen.
I have a few people in my life that I treat like this. I hate them, but I don't hate them in the sense that I'll continue to respect their rights as a person. Like I genuinely want that person to go on and be a better person and have a happy life. Because if I wished ill on ANYONE, then that is the problem with the world. I will NOT fight fire with fire, because to me that does not solve anything, it just creates a bigger fire. I will however say how I feel about the situation, and I am happy to have a civil conversation to resolve conflict or agree to disagree. But once we've both established that we're no longer close or that friendship has ended (or I meet them and don't like them), I will still treat them with basic respect. Some people call this fake, I call it keeping the peace and taking the high road.
Exactly! Exactly! I know right. So,we have to act rude just because we dont like them🤦🏻♂️so that we arent acting fake,this makes me laugh😂. I just hope those people do the best they can and do what they believe to be right even if we dont get along.
Yessssss. I’m an ENFJ and feel this so much. It’s always funny because I’m convinced the person thinks I’m horrible and am soooo mean to them but then find out they had no idea I didn’t like them.
I'm ENFJ, my sister is INFJ and when we had a conflict but had to meet at a family gathering us both were polite but we avoided looking and talking to eachother 😂 And if I hate someone I have to be around, I avoid interactions and stay polite but distanced from them. If I can cut someone off, I don't even say bye, I simply block them or stop talking to them. And I don't even feel bad about it. But I don't hate anyone. It only takes energy. I just accept that we're not compatible and I wish everyone the best. No grudges.
I'm an ENFJ, and I tell my friends it's simple: If I don't tease you or pick on you, (in a loving, kind, playful way), it means I don't like you. People I don't like think I am actually QUIET, (hahahahahahaha), and SO freaking polite, I could give the Queen of England a run for her money. Any of this means I don't like you. But I do adore a good understatement, so some people could potentially take the phrase, "I don't like you" to mean "Bucky Barnes probably has warmer feelings for Zola than I might have for you." ;)
Crazily enough I’ve only disliked people who have thrown dirt on my character with lies and assumptions so basically I only dislike people who have gone on smear campaigns against me … and I’ve forgiven them but now at 33 I realize this is exactly who this person is and I just can’t have them as a close friend or family member …these encounters have also taught me to be careful with who I choose to open up to and trust
I agree completely! Whenever I hate someone and can't stand them, I always leave them out of my sight. When they somehow make eye contact or talk to me, I'd still respond nicely.
This is what I told my husband about me (an ENFJ) being done with someone: You can know I am truly done when the warmth and generosity toward someone is absent. I will be cordial to everyone. I will always be kind and polite. I may even smile, but only to satisfy social customs. I may in fact at that point act like most other types. So when I no longer act like an ENFJ around someone, when I become more business-like and set hard boundaries, that is when I have determined that this person is someone who I must tolerate and nothing else. I will do as little as possible for this person. I generally won’t avoid them, but I will not seek them out and will be pretty inflexible with things-meaning that I will put my own needs before theirs. For an ENFJ, I think this is the hallmark of being done with someone, because usually I am putting the needs of everyone in the room before mine.
This is so accurate. In this regard, this ole world would be so much more pleasant if everyone was an ENFJ. I don't understand unkind, impolite, rude, disruptive, people...and I don't like them and never look them in the eye. I can't.
This is really really relatable as another enfj. I'm curious, is there another personality that does something similar? My dad will act polite and is freakishly good at portraying a person who is not judging anyone. The moment we are out of ear shot of that person he is so rude and releases how much he did not like a person and I would have never guessed by how he acted. I find it a little unsettling hearing him talk about someone behind their back but putting up such a convincing act for years and hiding his true feelings.
when i don't like someone with no reason i whould ignore my feelings and treat them nicely but i ill be straight forward in a mean way towards people who miss treated me and i find it really hard to get back to feeling normal even if that person asks for forgiveness sure i treat him nicely but deep down i am cold as rock.
This video Is great. I'm an ENFJ but I have found the one thing I don't relate to as much as if I'm around someone I really do hate someone I cant hide it and can be quite cold and sharp with my words but if it's just someone I dislike I will still be pleasant and have my social ques in order where it won't be drawing attention to myself. I do get the fact that there's some people that if I was put in a social setting I could hold my ground quite well against them quickly. Thanks for the video
Last week I had a coffee with an ENFJ and a guy passed by she really doesn't like (I don't like to use the word "hate"). She did exactly as you say in this video: she politely said hello to him. He didn't greet back... I'm wondering now what she was thinking at that moment.
I believe a lot of the things you mentioned are Fe. Two ESFJ friends left the company they worked for while staying extremely friendly. One wrote a resignation letter which was so positive about the company that most people would wonder why the hell he decided to leave. It almost made me puke because it was so far from the true reason he decided to leave. When I asked him why, he said he did't want to burn the bridges behind him.
How do you not know? I’m literally an open book and don’t see the reason to why I should hide my hate towards you. If I hate you, you’re just not worth the oxygen- unless you insult my friends cuz that’s when the true warrior comes out and mind you, I only speak words of truth so it just might hurt a bit
ENFJ here. I couldn’t more agree for “do the right thing to do” and “treat equally every people”. I’m going to still nice to them but i don’t invest emotion. If i really hate someone’s action and i think i should say something or act something, i would say mean words that cut through his/her heart
Hello! I admire your answer a lot, ENFJs are really such kind people. Um- if it's alright with you, could you please give your ENFJ opinion on this situation?: You see, I have a very bright and warm ENFJ friend, we are friends for almost 2 years now and I am not lying when I say that this is the most warm and best friendship I've ever had. She's really amazing, she would always greet me "good morning" texts everyday for one year. Recently though, she has been acting quite out of character lately,... she just doesn't seem to put much effort anymore in the friendship. For more context, I met her in online class so I've never met her in real life. But there was this one time, it was Christmas and she delivered her gift to me, I was super excited to finally meet her! But when she gave me her gift, she immediately ran away. She seems to avoid me a lot in real life. Even in text, she ghosts me or I guess just "forgets" to reply to me for usually 26 days. Then she would reply in the same bubbly personality I've known since we met. She does get vulnerable with me at times, but right after her vulnerable moments, she just won't talk to me for a long time. I don't know, I feel like she hates me? I really hope not, she's very important to me. Whenever I ask her about how she feels about me or if she gets uncomfortable with me, she brushes it off and tells me that nothing is wrong, I really worry for her. Since you're an ENFJ, what do you think about this situation? -You don't have to read or reply to this, but if you do, a million thank you's to you!! Thank you so much!
High Fe is very interesting, especially when it comes to how you handle people and how I (an INFP) may handle people. I can't say I'm capable of hate towards another person, but I do something similar where if I don't want to be around someone I tend to try and distance myself, I might not even say hi to the person if they're only a few feet away, they'll have to say hi to me first before I respond. Sometimes I act like that because I'm annoyed at them or because recently I felt you treated me in some way that makes me want to distance myself. Most of the time, however, I just don't want to be bothered or I feel you're too busy to talk to me.
This is what my mum doesn't get about me. I get bullied a lot and I treat the bullies civilly in school unless they're purposely winding me up because I'm reactive lol. My mum is really angry with the bullies and she doesn't understand why it doesn't occur to me to get openly angry when I'm in a class with them, but I don't wanna make a situation heated when it doesn't have to be. Like inside, I'm burning, but it'll be worse if I start something.
Drawn To Ice Hockey This is what I (an ENFJ as well) thought for a very long time. It just took so much time for me to realize sometimes you really HAVE to involve in conflict so that you stop a bigger/ worse conflict or damage down the road. I rejected this fact - personally - because I HATE conflict, getting my hands dirty, and my reputation for being a good person (lol I know 😅) ruined. I just can't stand it. But sometimes, it's really the only option that will lead to more peace eventually. I'm not saying that's what you should do about your situation, but really, it's a harsh truth that I'm also trying to accept.
I don't think I hate anybody, but when I dislike someone, yes I completely agree with what you said. I just won't spend time with them which I don't have to, but I'm happy to be "pleasant" when I need to be! I'll always be kind and polite :)
I like your philosophy on how to treat others even if you hate them. Great video!!! Also, I tend to want distance regardless. Not a game, just time to think about the current situation and how to best proceed. The more important the situation, the more time I want to process my thoughts and feelings. Especially, if the conversation was thought provoking (my favourite).
Wow! You’re the first one into typology I’ve heard who also believes Hitler was an ENFJ. Everyone else tries to type him as an INFJ 🤦♀️. But based on his writings, and public speaking style and visual typing, he seems just like an ENFJ gone awry. The culture was messed up, too, if you read Alice Miller’s work/study on child abuse in the German culture prior to WWII. That will mess up the more gentle leaning artist type ENFJ. But I also think they are the most passionate speakers when they are put in the limelight. And I’m glad most ENFJs I’ve ever met are more normal like you. Love you channel. Keep up the good work!
HEY ENFJ'S - Memes don't come off as personal and I don't relate to them. You might feel like the meme describes you but I don't. Please be more specific and use information that relates personally to your own experience; not just repeating the information of others. It means very little to me. Chain mail does not make me connect to anyone.
I'm an ENFJ, and I also hate memes and chain-posts. "Like if you agree.." Grrr... I think that may be mainly a function of age. ENFJs are very aware of what other people enjoy, and if their friends seem to like that sort of thing, they'll be doing it. But for an ENFJ like me, in my 40s, most of my friends find that obnoxious. So not only will I never do that myself, I will avoid connecting to those people to shield my friend network from their nonsense.
Coming back to this. Which ways are there to stop hating someone? Does anyone have any advice on that? Maybe for ENFJs specifically? =\ I have recently developed strong hatred against a certain person and it feels absolutely terrible. Whenever that person is being mentioned, I try my best to not express any anger and to then forget about it as quickly as possible, so that I wont get all caught up in hatred. But that doesn't always work. Sometimes, mostly when I'm by myself, it crosses my thoughts again and fills me with anger. I can not stand this feeling. =(
I know this is old, but what always helps me is venting my frustration though an activity I enjoy. I put all of my energy into that. Or maybe go to therapy, or make a journal so you can talk about it in words. Hope this helps anyone who sees this as well.
I think you got that P vs J distinction in how they treat people wrong. Though I admittedly do not have a lot of data on it, I would say that it's more of a distinction of the axis, meaning if you have Ti+Fe in your stack you will avoid people you don't like, while the Te+Fi users will be more confrontational.
im an infp supposedly, i always feel like if someone pisses me off to the point of me leaving i dont set it on fire, i blow the tnt i rigged for just such an occasion because ive seen it coming for i while usually or i suspected it from the beginning, then i run off into the woods never to be seen again lol and when you ask about me people dont know who you're talking about or literally know nothing about what i do cause nobody knows, im like a squirrel, you see me from time to time but not for long and if i see you i startle easily and then run up a tree, but im too clumsy im probably more like a declawed badger lol
I agree Meghan! Casual encounters and people that aren't super close, this is pretty spot on. But if I've been hurt by someone I care about, like I feel they've been using or taking advantage of me, I feel like my Ni and Ti take over. I become obsessed with understanding the why and get caught in a loop. I can definitely scheme and plot (in my head) of how I can use my Fe to ruin them or their reputation. And normally I'll feel justified. Like it's a "righteous anger". But that normally is a passing thing, happens internally and then I want to take the "higher road".
I totally agree! I guess if its someone I care about, I can't picture myself ever truly "hating" them .although, hate is a weird word... not sure how possible it really is to be that hateful
True! If I love someone or really care about them, I'm pretty dang forgiving and just want things to go back to being good as quick as possible. But yeah, every once in a while if I feel totally betrayed, those fleeting feelings can take over.
This is a fascinating video. A lot of the behavioral things you do if you hate someone is very much what I do if I seriously don't like someone but still have to be around them (i.e. keep them out of my physical area). It would be interesting to understand the differences between Fi and Fe when they dislike someone.
Yeah this is totally it, sometimes it's about not wanting to burn bridges and other times I just don't have the energy for any drama. It takes a lot to get me to "hate" someone and when I do it's more a temporary thing. Though I will say, upon reviewing this behavior I've learned that when I can help it I need to act more on my feelings when these situations arise-- it's much more painful to spend a long time tolerating someone else than to have it out with them, even if you need to have it out more than once. Or just empower myself to walk away, it's important to not let our strengths of character become our weaknesses as well.
I believe due to this kind of behavior I spend a pretty peaceful life. I have a lot of patients in my group therapy (occupational therapy) and always try to clearly articulate the rules that might make some of the patients struggle or angry - I nearly get everyone to agree on a level, they can get back to working on their projects and goals and not overstep others boundaries. This is quite useful most of the time. I only remember like 1 or 2 times in my life when someone behaved in such a hurtful way towards me I just felt angry/sad/betrayed so I just stayed out of their way. Even though now I admire people who straight out say when they feel being treated in a wrong way (and I wish to be able to confront people in an open calm, critic too - because I think it would be more honest and they might learn from it when I put it out in a non-aggressive way).
Based on this video I think my crush (ENFJ) is annoyed with my (ISTJ) efforts to talk to her. It’s hard for me to go out of my way to get to know someone if the feeling isn’t mutual. I’m not super expressive or colorful in conversation so maybe she’s just matching the way I’m talking but she doesn’t seem as outgoing with me as she is with others.
I thought it is unusual but never wrong to think that rude is unnecessary in any circumstance then you made it clear. "Don't need to be rude though we hate you," because that's what I thought every single time. And yes, I do feel like I'm being fake and other people think the same because I'm being nice yet not-so-friendly to the people I don't like. Hate is a strong word and I do have some people that I hate but the treatment towards them would be exactly what you said.
The idea of someone that was once close to me (who hates me, hypothetically speaking) asking me "how are you doing" in the manner you mentioned is a straight up personal attack to me imo. For them, it's not, but for, me it is. For me, it's like, if you're gonna ask questions like a hollow tree, then don't even ask me or I might literally go balistic. But if you're a stranger/someone I don't deem as close, then in my head I'll just laugh and think "lol they hate me yet they ask me this question, haha they're such a pussy but aww how cute" and will then just play along with them for the sake of harmony. This is mah opinion.
As an ENFJ i agree on some parts but sometimes things need to be said if someone is unfair or unjustifed it's hard and got to think about the rights words because i don't want to hurt the person but you can't say nothing because the person needs to know they did something wrong so they can learn from it and grow and don't act like that again. (or just take it into account) With most people it's possible to have a conversation about it but with others is it really hard mostly with some dominant types who take it to personally and deny it or being overly dramatic about it and make a scene (Hate people like that because they are not reasonable) i let it go with people like that most of the time for the sake of peace i am very tolerant but some things go too far and got to say something about it (often after going too far several times) this often results in an argument in which the other party does not want to find a middle ground, when it's that far i will walk away and be done with that person. (tryed my best for real if you know) I also hate hypocrite liars (or acts) especially when you have been ready for someone where necessary but when it comes down to it the person behind your back gossiping in a mean way if there is something to be gained from it and then when you confront them they pretend they never said anything even if you have proof of it just be truthfull. I can forgive people if they admit their mistakes, because then they can see that they were wrong so they can learn from it and be a better version of themself but if people do not want to admit that they are wrong, they do not want to see it so that there will be no difference in their character / actions.
ENFJs don't like people who are rude, disruptive, abusive, confrontational, etc. We are happy when the people around us are content and getting what they need from a situation, whether that's social, work, family, whatever. If someone comes in with a big attitude and starts acting like a jerk, that ruins things for everyone. And we hate that.
Lol well that's confusing. Lol also to the stillshot i felt like something or someone inspired it... am I right? ^^' If so can you say what/who-where the inspiration came from?
I have a question. So if you get the feeling that an ENFJ hates you but they do the polite card and just ignore you. How do you get them to say what the problem is? Do you just straight out ask why they hate you? Feels like then the answer will be from the ENFJ "no I dont hate you:)" and just sort of keep ignoring. So what is the best way to approuch an ENFJ who hates you?
I can't imagine an ENFJ lying to your face and pretending they like you.. remember, like I said, they kind of want to avoid you if they dislike you. We aren't like ESFJs in that way. If you think you did something to cause an ENFJ to dislike them, communication is never a bad approach. Just ask them, they should tell you where you stand
Okay but I feel like with you ENFJ's, you can be so heartwarming and it's so nice and all to be near and be on your friendly side.... BUT! As soon as you "feel" like not liking / being around them anymore you just lose all your love you have and it is such a big contrast to what it was before. It's so dark and scary. From deep and meaningful relation to the biggest superficial shit ever. I had this with a girl and was mad at her for this and told her that and she be like "Oh move on weak feeling soul... ". So what do I do as an INTJ? I will give them the same shit but 2 time worse. And she's like I was the one that started it but I now know it was you ENFJ's. You started it when you changed your mind... Ps its not directed to you but a tip I have as an INTJ is to just tell them the reason instead of ignoring. It's so rude to not give a reason... but I guess I get it.
Eh... I cant' speak for all ENFJs I suppose, but it's about RESPECT. and the truth is respectful. I would never pretend like i like being around someone when I don't, but I will still respect their humanity. "From deep and meaningful relation to the biggest superficial shit ever." i'm gonna push back on this.. its not superficial to choose to be kind. its superficial to be fake and pretend like you want to be friends when you don't. I also would never blindsight someone and just ignore if we were friends before. I'm talking about like people I hate.. it seems super strange to go from being friends with someone to hating someone without there being a conversation about it. I see that what you are saying is that, ENFJs need to acknowledge the other side of the coin and remember to be truthful and upfront. But the thing is, that doesn't take away from how an ENFJ will want to honor the fe of the situation. Speaking as me as an individual, I probably just won't pay much attention to someone if i like them and hopefully never be in their general vicinity. But if there was a friendship involved, of course I would let them know what bothered me as soon as it bothered me. I don't think that anything I do is fake in the slightest and I think its problematic to equate kindness with fakeness. But yes, I see how you want to make that distinction to make sure that ENFJs don't act fake.. I agree with you there. just remember that these things aren't synonyms.
" its not superficial to choose to be kind." Kindess and ignoring ppl you've known and started disliking cuz "they JUST DONT GET IT" is not truth nor respectful. "its superficial to be fake and pretend like you want to be friends when you don't. " - How do you know that's whats up. Just because most of the time you know what happening doesnt mean all of the times. And just because someone has those feelings then doesnt mean they have it now. You ENFJ's give like one chance to ppl u start gettin irritated by then it's OVER!"...... "they just wont get it". Anyways I like your videos they're awesome and got a sister ENFJ which I love but in relationsship you guys are weird... But I see it like, when ENFJ's feel like not being around someone you tell them that. You don't need more reasons." I be like; Perhaps you dont but know this... you will hurt ppl along the way with that mentallity which Im sure you know and think u said in a video of urs.
When did I say I knew them and started to dislike them? You're projecting a ton onto me. It sounds like we are talking about two completely different situations.
As an ENFJ, I don't hate people, for the love of God. What I hate is their behaviour. And yes, it's true that I like to ignore the existence of toxic people and I don't even want to talk by trying to distance myself from them. I simply don't waste my precious time talking and hearing toxicity coming from someone's mouth.
Hello! I admire your answer a lot, ENFJs are really such kind people. Um- if it's alright with you, could you please give your ENFJ opinion on this situation?: You see, I have a very bright and warm ENFJ friend, we are friends for almost 2 years now and I am not lying when I say that this is the most warm and best friendship I've ever had. She's really amazing, she would always greet me "good morning" texts everyday for one year. Recently though, she has been acting quite out of character lately,... she just doesn't seem to put much effort anymore in the friendship. For more context, I met her in online class so I've never met her in real life. But there was this one time, it was Christmas and she delivered her gift to me, I was super excited to finally meet her! But when she gave me her gift, she immediately ran away. She seems to avoid me a lot in real life. Even in text, she ghosts me or I guess just "forgets" to reply to me for usually 26 days. Then she would reply in the same bubbly personality I've known since we met. She does get vulnerable with me at times, but right after her vulnerable moments, she just won't talk to me for a long time. I don't know, I feel like she hates me? I really hope not, she's very important to me. Whenever I ask her about how she feels about me or if she gets uncomfortable with me, she brushes it off and tells me that nothing is wrong, I really worry for her. Since you're an ENFJ, what do you think about this situation? -You don't have to read or reply to this, but if you do, a million thank you's to you!! Thank you so much!
ESFP here. I have a similar outlooks, only I do, or say something so direct and unmistakable that that person will be discouraged to spend time around me. If you leave anything up to interpretation there will be one idiot who gets it wrong. So I leave no space for that. Of course I'm talking about serious wrongdoings, not just small nonsense. Doesn't always have to be a big show, but I'm very clear. That way that person doesn't feel they can get something from me.
Look... As a deep ENFJ I'm like this EXCEPT if you fuck with my blood family or my chosen family... Then I will let you know what's up, I've felt deep hate a few times. ALSO you said that we never wish bad to anyone? I don't know if it's the field I've worked but I've sometimes do wished bad on people... I don't know... But also... Like you said... I used to be unaware of how cruel I might be, now I'm more aware... And like I said... That part only gets triggered if my people is being hurt
I am an INFJ and my intuition is all like that ENFJ really doesn't like me. I am right. I don't understand how it has come to this, but it honestly hurts. Me and her used to be closer, and now everytime I try to develop my friendship she just doesn't say anything and gives me the cold vibes. I don't do or say anything without trying to formulate it in a way that would be offensive. I just want to be like, what is your deal. I care about you and I want to be your friend, as far as I know I haven't done anything to offend you or make you dislike me. I literally have no close friends at school, and I used to try to interact with her and I always would leave feeling like she doesn't want me to talk to her. So now I leave her alone and I see her everyday and I am all alone with no one to be my friend. I don't want to confront her and tell her that she has hurt my feelings and it feels like she doesn't like me. I don't know what to do.
My bad experiences with INFJ so far is that they tend to be way more manipulative and will outright lie to safeguard their own emotions/agenda, while causing chaos to everyone around them.
I was wondering if the girl im texting is gf material. She happens to be your type. When listening to you i feel like my brains shutting down. What was i thinking someone extroverted being judgmental based on some gut feeling.
Ya know you could think for yourself, treat everyone as an individual and not base your opinion of this girl you like on your first impression of me 😂 but you do you
I think ENFJ's are not immune to the INFJ door slam because we simply see a toxic individual and want to cut them out of our lives. But the motive behind this is to allow that person in question to be happy and let them get on with their own life in their own way, better that, than conflict. 😅😭
Hello! I admire your answer a lot, ENFJs are really such kind people. Um- if it's alright with you, could you please give your ENFJ opinion on this situation?: You see, I have a very bright and warm ENFJ friend, we are friends for almost 2 years now and I am not lying when I say that this is the most warm and best friendship I've ever had. She's really amazing, she would always greet me "good morning" texts everyday for one year. Recently though, she has been acting quite out of character lately,... she just doesn't seem to put much effort anymore in the friendship. For more context, I met her in online class so I've never met her in real life. But there was this one time, it was Christmas and she delivered her gift to me, I was super excited to finally meet her! But when she gave me her gift, she immediately ran away. She seems to avoid me a lot in real life. Even in text, she ghosts me or I guess just "forgets" to reply to me for usually 26 days. Then she would reply in the same bubbly personality I've known since we met. She does get vulnerable with me at times, but right after her vulnerable moments, she just won't talk to me for a long time. I don't know, I feel like she hates me? I really hope not, she's very important to me. Whenever I ask her about how she feels about me or if she gets uncomfortable with me, she brushes it off and tells me that nothing is wrong, I really worry for her. Since you're an ENFJ, what do you think about this situation? -You don't have to read or reply to this, but if you do, a million thank you's to you!! Thank you so much! (also, I love the tartaglia pfp
@@steamedbuunn oh hmm this is very complicated however not really tied to the Mbti types i think! I personally think its best to ask her about it :) me and a friend also sometimes almost seem to ghost together as well hehe, and i have been guilty of dropping gifts at the door and then leaving. Although for me its mostly because its difficult to see eachother because of our busy lives :( I hope you can work this through though! Keep me updated :)
@@abyssal_phoenix Hello! Thank you so much for the explanation. It was clear and I understood it very well. I'm sorry for not thinking that this didn't have anything to do with MBTI, I feel like I did this because I was just too desperate for answers. Regarding my situation, I kept on offering to have a one-on-one talk with her. I wanted her to be honest about everything. It did take a while but she finally felt comfortable enough to explain her true feelings and why she was ghosting me. It was a very sad scene though, she was crying so much. It all worked out though, we're officially dating! Honestly, I genuinely don't know how it was possible for her to return my feelings, but I'm so grateful. Thank you for helping me! I didn't overthink anymore. Once again, thank you so much!!! 😭🙏
I don't know who that is, but we are all one and I wish everyone happiness. I want whatever trauma and wounds within an individual to be healed so that they no longer are harming others or themselves.
Do you think that trauma and wounds are the reason that people harm others? Sometimes I wold annoy people because I thought it was funny do you think that the reason was that I was harmed in some way?
Yes, I do think so. And everyone deals with trauma and pain. Annoying someone is a very different thing than cruelty... but, theres always a deeper reasons for people's actions
Isn't there more than just pain and trauma cosign people to be cruel? I would like to here what you think the additional factors might be If you think that there is more to the resins people are cruel. :)
Hitler an enfj ? Lmao, I always saw him as an extj for some reason. And yeah I am an enfj and if im pissed at you i just ignore you and never talk to you again , i hate violence and drama . loving all your videos btw 👏:)
Naw, Hitler definitely wasn’t an ENFJ. He didn’t have an altruistic bone in his body. If you read his journals from his early years, it’s all about accumulating power through fear.
@@themeghmuse No what I mean is that it's proven in Hitler's journals that he was seeking power by creating fear amongst German people. ENFJ's love to bring people together for a greater good, not intentionally create division. Which is actually the definition of altruism. Just sayin. We're team builders, not narcissists like Hitler. www.16personalities.com/enfj-strengths-and-weaknesses
Bye Bye 👋 Hope you love the best life you can...away from me! Also, after the strongest feelings have eased off, I tend to think "Poor them. I am probably going to be the most loyal, kind, and committed friend they will ever have the pleasure of meeting and they treated me like dirt. The loss is there's" ....and then wonder if I could of done anything to save that friendship? 😅 BUT The people I hate are those who hurt people who I love. Yes....those people will see how fierce I can be!
Holy shit is this accurate.. I'm a deep ENFJ.. when I really despise someone, I do nothing extra or go out of my way, I don't make eye contact, I'm very short, yet VERY professional and still courteous.. I don't like to fan the flames, I simply avoid them. So ridiculous how accurate this is. I still want them to be treated ethically, but I cut off anything extra I normally would do such as ask about their day or do anything that might make me look evil.
A A accurratteeee
How are you professional if you don’t make contact?
As an ENFJ, I completely agree! Although I don't really 'hate' anyone. Someone may 'not be my cup of tea' or I may 'like them the least' lol. And so I'm thinking that's maybe why some people may call enfjs fake because they may seem pretty pleasant on the surface to some people that they really don't like but that's just how we show our dislike for someone. We wouldn't be outright mean to them. And so to know if we truly dislike someone, a person would just have to compare how we act towards them and how we are with other people. They'll notice that we're way more friendly with others and way distant with them.
Sometimes we hide the hurt within so deep and the amount of people we care for and the mind of the giver is naturally obsessive with making ideals judging ideas than people. :) ENFJ-T
I watched your channel we are literally the same person, would you mind holding contact on fb would share ton of experience and we can focus on a dual accomplishment :) facebook.com/soundvector
Its better than make a drama
Oh my goodness..yes! People have thought I'm fake because I don't hate anyone. I just want certain people to be away from me and do their thing..as long as their thing doesn't harm others. I genuinely want people to be happy in their lives.
Exactly!
"Like them the least lol" Haha that's cute way to say it. 🤣
Omg this is so me. I never wish anything bad on anyone. Just go live your live over there away from me. :)
I'm a ENFJ and if I dont like you I simply act like you don't exist
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 same it’s so peaceful too but you gotta do something horrible to get that side of me
You just explained perfectly how I deal with hate. I don't wish ill fortune on others, but don't want their vibes to come into my proximity.
Man... I feel like only ENFJ understand ENFJ the most.
Thank you for your videos. It's like u know the core of my mind.
I don't think it's possible for us to hate people. We just don't feel the benefit of using social energy on some people. Hating for us is out of character.
Agreed, with one exception. I, too, am an ENFJ with a broad circle of friends and acquaintances who I both counsel and confide in. But in my 30 years of life, I have encountered three indisputably bad people. Rather than avoid conflict with them, I launched a crusade to expose their emotional emptiness and cruelty. And I went to some pretty "creative" lengths to do so. I don't regret gutting bullies and liars in the slightest. I have an obligation to protect others from their moral depravity by exposing it and socially isolating the perpetrators. I'm an ENFJ with notoriously sharp elbows when confronted with injustice.
i agree! When i’m in my villain era, I will expose a bitch in a heartbeat
Yeah, you totally nailed it with the "when it's the right thing to do" part. Like if I'm at a party, and some guy is creeping on someone else's wife, starting fights over the music someone else put on, or bullying someone over their clothes or whatever, then I'm going to get involved, and probably be pretty aggressive about it. But it's not about "hating" the person. If I just hate you, I'd rather just ignore you. I'm only going to make an issue out of it if your behavior is causing problems for people and I need to intercede.
I’m binge watching your videos. It feels so good to watch someone like me. Sometimes people think I’m heartless because when I hate someone I’d always say “I don’t care”. The thing is, I think I just got tired of that person because probably I’ve already invested a lot and this person won’t just listen.
yay! I am so glad you relate
I have a few people in my life that I treat like this. I hate them, but I don't hate them in the sense that I'll continue to respect their rights as a person. Like I genuinely want that person to go on and be a better person and have a happy life. Because if I wished ill on ANYONE, then that is the problem with the world. I will NOT fight fire with fire, because to me that does not solve anything, it just creates a bigger fire. I will however say how I feel about the situation, and I am happy to have a civil conversation to resolve conflict or agree to disagree. But once we've both established that we're no longer close or that friendship has ended (or I meet them and don't like them), I will still treat them with basic respect. Some people call this fake, I call it keeping the peace and taking the high road.
Exactly! Exactly! I know right. So,we have to act rude just because we dont like them🤦🏻♂️so that we arent acting fake,this makes me laugh😂. I just hope those people do the best they can and do what they believe to be right even if we dont get along.
@@ninepuchar1 naw bruv it’s called authenticity. this world rlly lacks it. - enfp
Give respect recieve respect. I'm an Infj and I'm also like that. People hurt me and even tho I ignore them I still respect them.
Yessssss. I’m an ENFJ and feel this so much. It’s always funny because I’m convinced the person thinks I’m horrible and am soooo mean to them but then find out they had no idea I didn’t like them.
lmao yes, I can relate
I'm ENFJ, my sister is INFJ and when we had a conflict but had to meet at a family gathering us both were polite but we avoided looking and talking to eachother 😂
And if I hate someone I have to be around, I avoid interactions and stay polite but distanced from them.
If I can cut someone off, I don't even say bye, I simply block them or stop talking to them. And I don't even feel bad about it.
But I don't hate anyone. It only takes energy. I just accept that we're not compatible and I wish everyone the best. No grudges.
I'm an ENFJ, and I tell my friends it's simple: If I don't tease you or pick on you, (in a loving, kind, playful way), it means I don't like you. People I don't like think I am actually QUIET, (hahahahahahaha), and SO freaking polite, I could give the Queen of England a run for her money. Any of this means I don't like you.
But I do adore a good understatement, so some people could potentially take the phrase, "I don't like you" to mean "Bucky Barnes probably has warmer feelings for Zola than I might have for you." ;)
Super agree to this! I’m an ENFJ and I do act this way.
Crazily enough I’ve only disliked people who have thrown dirt on my character with lies and assumptions so basically I only dislike people who have gone on smear campaigns against me … and I’ve forgiven them but now at 33 I realize this is exactly who this person is and I just can’t have them as a close friend or family member …these encounters have also taught me to be careful with who I choose to open up to and trust
I agree completely! Whenever I hate someone and can't stand them, I always leave them out of my sight. When they somehow make eye contact or talk to me, I'd still respond nicely.
This is what I told my husband about me (an ENFJ) being done with someone: You can know I am truly done when the warmth and generosity toward someone is absent. I will be cordial to everyone. I will always be kind and polite. I may even smile, but only to satisfy social customs. I may in fact at that point act like most other types. So when I no longer act like an ENFJ around someone, when I become more business-like and set hard boundaries, that is when I have determined that this person is someone who I must tolerate and nothing else. I will do as little as possible for this person. I generally won’t avoid them, but I will not seek them out and will be pretty inflexible with things-meaning that I will put my own needs before theirs. For an ENFJ, I think this is the hallmark of being done with someone, because usually I am putting the needs of everyone in the room before mine.
This is so accurate. In this regard, this ole world would be so much more pleasant if everyone was an ENFJ. I don't understand unkind, impolite, rude, disruptive, people...and I don't like them and never look them in the eye. I can't.
This is really really relatable as another enfj. I'm curious, is there another personality that does something similar? My dad will act polite and is freakishly good at portraying a person who is not judging anyone. The moment we are out of ear shot of that person he is so rude and releases how much he did not like a person and I would have never guessed by how he acted. I find it a little unsettling hearing him talk about someone behind their back but putting up such a convincing act for years and hiding his true feelings.
when i don't like someone with no reason i whould ignore my feelings and treat them nicely but i ill be straight forward in a mean way towards people who miss treated me and i find it really hard to get back to feeling normal even if that person asks for forgiveness sure i treat him nicely but deep down i am cold as rock.
This video Is great. I'm an ENFJ but I have found the one thing I don't relate to as much as if I'm around someone I really do hate someone I cant hide it and can be quite cold and sharp with my words but if it's just someone I dislike I will still be pleasant and have my social ques in order where it won't be drawing attention to myself. I do get the fact that there's some people that if I was put in a social setting I could hold my ground quite well against them quickly. Thanks for the video
Last week I had a coffee with an ENFJ and a guy passed by she really doesn't like (I don't like to use the word "hate"). She did exactly as you say in this video: she politely said hello to him. He didn't greet back... I'm wondering now what she was thinking at that moment.
ha! i bet the other person was like "why did you say hello? we hate each other" LOL
I believe a lot of the things you mentioned are Fe. Two ESFJ friends left the company they worked for while staying extremely friendly. One wrote a resignation letter which was so positive about the company that most people would wonder why the hell he decided to leave. It almost made me puke because it was so far from the true reason he decided to leave. When I asked him why, he said he did't want to burn the bridges behind him.
Ti inferior, whataya think 😂
How do you not know? I’m literally an open book and don’t see the reason to why I should hide my hate towards you. If I hate you, you’re just not worth the oxygen- unless you insult my friends cuz that’s when the true warrior comes out and mind you, I only speak words of truth so it just might hurt a bit
ENFJ here. I couldn’t more agree for “do the right thing to do” and “treat equally every people”. I’m going to still nice to them but i don’t invest emotion. If i really hate someone’s action and i think i should say something or act something, i would say mean words that cut through his/her heart
Hello! I admire your answer a lot, ENFJs are really such kind people. Um- if it's alright with you, could you please give your ENFJ opinion on this situation?:
You see, I have a very bright and warm ENFJ friend, we are friends for almost 2 years now and I am not lying when I say that this is the most warm and best friendship I've ever had. She's really amazing, she would always greet me "good morning" texts everyday for one year.
Recently though, she has been acting quite out of character lately,... she just doesn't seem to put much effort anymore in the friendship. For more context, I met her in online class so I've never met her in real life. But there was this one time, it was Christmas and she delivered her gift to me, I was super excited to finally meet her! But when she gave me her gift, she immediately ran away. She seems to avoid me a lot in real life. Even in text, she ghosts me or I guess just "forgets" to reply to me for usually 26 days. Then she would reply in the same bubbly personality I've known since we met.
She does get vulnerable with me at times, but right after her vulnerable moments, she just won't talk to me for a long time.
I don't know, I feel like she hates me? I really hope not, she's very important to me. Whenever I ask her about how she feels about me or if she gets uncomfortable with me, she brushes it off and tells me that nothing is wrong, I really worry for her.
Since you're an ENFJ, what do you think about this situation?
-You don't have to read or reply to this, but if you do, a million thank you's to you!! Thank you so much!
High Fe is very interesting, especially when it comes to how you handle people and how I (an INFP) may handle people. I can't say I'm capable of hate towards another person, but I do something similar where if I don't want to be around someone I tend to try and distance myself, I might not even say hi to the person if they're only a few feet away, they'll have to say hi to me first before I respond. Sometimes I act like that because I'm annoyed at them or because recently I felt you treated me in some way that makes me want to distance myself. Most of the time, however, I just don't want to be bothered or I feel you're too busy to talk to me.
This is what my mum doesn't get about me. I get bullied a lot and I treat the bullies civilly in school unless they're purposely winding me up because I'm reactive lol. My mum is really angry with the bullies and she doesn't understand why it doesn't occur to me to get openly angry when I'm in a class with them, but I don't wanna make a situation heated when it doesn't have to be. Like inside, I'm burning, but it'll be worse if I start something.
What do you get bullied about? Do you think your reaction is helping? What is your mum's suggestion in dealing with the situation?
Drawn To Ice Hockey This is what I (an ENFJ as well) thought for a very long time. It just took so much time for me to realize sometimes you really HAVE to involve in conflict so that you stop a bigger/ worse conflict or damage down the road. I rejected this fact - personally - because I HATE conflict, getting my hands dirty, and my reputation for being a good person (lol I know 😅) ruined. I just can't stand it. But sometimes, it's really the only option that will lead to more peace eventually. I'm not saying that's what you should do about your situation, but really, it's a harsh truth that I'm also trying to accept.
I don't think I hate anybody, but when I dislike someone, yes I completely agree with what you said. I just won't spend time with them which I don't have to, but I'm happy to be "pleasant" when I need to be! I'll always be kind and polite :)
That's exactly how I treat them.
I like your philosophy on how to treat others even if you hate them. Great video!!!
Also, I tend to want distance regardless. Not a game, just time to think about the current situation and how to best proceed. The more important the situation, the more time I want to process my thoughts and feelings. Especially, if the conversation was thought provoking (my favourite).
An ENFJ with that cripple Fi won't have the guts to slam door the tribe. And that's another reason why they face self hate in the end.
Wow! You’re the first one into typology I’ve heard who also believes Hitler was an ENFJ. Everyone else tries to type him as an INFJ 🤦♀️. But based on his writings, and public speaking style and visual typing, he seems just like an ENFJ gone awry. The culture was messed up, too, if you read Alice Miller’s work/study on child abuse in the German culture prior to WWII. That will mess up the more gentle leaning artist type ENFJ. But I also think they are the most passionate speakers when they are put in the limelight. And I’m glad most ENFJs I’ve ever met are more normal like you. Love you channel. Keep up the good work!
I believe I keep all the thoughts I have to myself and just smile and wave to the people I dislike just to avoid arguments.
HEY ENFJ'S - Memes don't come off as personal and I don't relate to them. You might feel like the meme describes you but I don't. Please be more specific and use information that relates personally to your own experience; not just repeating the information of others. It means very little to me. Chain mail does not make me connect to anyone.
I'm an ENFJ, and I also hate memes and chain-posts. "Like if you agree.." Grrr... I think that may be mainly a function of age. ENFJs are very aware of what other people enjoy, and if their friends seem to like that sort of thing, they'll be doing it. But for an ENFJ like me, in my 40s, most of my friends find that obnoxious. So not only will I never do that myself, I will avoid connecting to those people to shield my friend network from their nonsense.
Thank you for explaining what I could not. It is like a mini therapy session that explains a lot!
THIS IS MEEE! Loved this vid, so true! ENFJ Sqaud😎🤙
Hate is a very strong word.
Coming back to this. Which ways are there to stop hating someone? Does anyone have any advice on that? Maybe for ENFJs specifically? =\
I have recently developed strong hatred against a certain person and it feels absolutely terrible. Whenever that person is being mentioned, I try my best to not express any anger and to then forget about it as quickly as possible, so that I wont get all caught up in hatred. But that doesn't always work. Sometimes, mostly when I'm by myself, it crosses my thoughts again and fills me with anger. I can not stand this feeling. =(
Read the Bible.
I know this is old, but what always helps me is venting my frustration though an activity I enjoy. I put all of my energy into that. Or maybe go to therapy, or make a journal so you can talk about it in words. Hope this helps anyone who sees this as well.
I think you got that P vs J distinction in how they treat people wrong.
Though I admittedly do not have a lot of data on it, I would say that it's more of a distinction of the axis, meaning if you have Ti+Fe in your stack you will avoid people you don't like, while the Te+Fi users will be more confrontational.
im an infp supposedly,
i always feel like if someone pisses me off to the point of me leaving i dont set it on fire,
i blow the tnt i rigged for just such an occasion because ive seen it coming for i while usually or i suspected it from the beginning, then i run off into the woods never to be seen again lol and when you ask about me people dont know who you're talking about or literally know nothing about what i do cause nobody knows,
im like a squirrel, you see me from time to time but not for long and if i see you i startle easily and then run up a tree,
but im too clumsy im probably more like a declawed badger lol
I agree Meghan! Casual encounters and people that aren't super close, this is pretty spot on. But if I've been hurt by someone I care about, like I feel they've been using or taking advantage of me, I feel like my Ni and Ti take over. I become obsessed with understanding the why and get caught in a loop. I can definitely scheme and plot (in my head) of how I can use my Fe to ruin them or their reputation. And normally I'll feel justified. Like it's a "righteous anger". But that normally is a passing thing, happens internally and then I want to take the "higher road".
I totally agree! I guess if its someone I care about, I can't picture myself ever truly "hating" them .although, hate is a weird word... not sure how possible it really is to be that hateful
True! If I love someone or really care about them, I'm pretty dang forgiving and just want things to go back to being good as quick as possible. But yeah, every once in a while if I feel totally betrayed, those fleeting feelings can take over.
7:01 it was a women who abused and tormented a small innocent child.
What if you’re married to them? 🤦♂️ asking for an INFP friend.
Yes sometimes people are rude for no reason!
This is a fascinating video. A lot of the behavioral things you do if you hate someone is very much what I do if I seriously don't like someone but still have to be around them (i.e. keep them out of my physical area). It would be interesting to understand the differences between Fi and Fe when they dislike someone.
ENFP's are very similar too. We don't hate anyone and we want everyone to be happy even after getting hurt.
Yeah this is totally it, sometimes it's about not wanting to burn bridges and other times I just don't have the energy for any drama. It takes a lot to get me to "hate" someone and when I do it's more a temporary thing. Though I will say, upon reviewing this behavior I've learned that when I can help it I need to act more on my feelings when these situations arise-- it's much more painful to spend a long time tolerating someone else than to have it out with them, even if you need to have it out more than once. Or just empower myself to walk away, it's important to not let our strengths of character become our weaknesses as well.
I believe due to this kind of behavior I spend a pretty peaceful life. I have a lot of patients in my group therapy (occupational therapy) and always try to clearly articulate the rules that might make some of the patients struggle or angry - I nearly get everyone to agree on a level, they can get back to working on their projects and goals and not overstep others boundaries.
This is quite useful most of the time. I only remember like 1 or 2 times in my life when someone behaved in such a hurtful way towards me I just felt angry/sad/betrayed so I just stayed out of their way. Even though now I admire people who straight out say when they feel being treated in a wrong way (and I wish to be able to confront people in an open calm, critic too - because I think it would be more honest and they might learn from it when I put it out in a non-aggressive way).
Based on this video I think my crush (ENFJ) is annoyed with my (ISTJ) efforts to talk to her. It’s hard for me to go out of my way to get to know someone if the feeling isn’t mutual. I’m not super expressive or colorful in conversation so maybe she’s just matching the way I’m talking but she doesn’t seem as outgoing with me as she is with others.
i relate so much, even tough i hate that person i always say hi bc i dont want to be rude
I thought it is unusual but never wrong to think that rude is unnecessary in any circumstance then you made it clear. "Don't need to be rude though we hate you," because that's what I thought every single time.
And yes, I do feel like I'm being fake and other people think the same because I'm being nice yet not-so-friendly to the people I don't like. Hate is a strong word and I do have some people that I hate but the treatment towards them would be exactly what you said.
The idea of someone that was once close to me (who hates me, hypothetically speaking) asking me "how are you doing" in the manner you mentioned is a straight up personal attack to me imo. For them, it's not, but for, me it is. For me, it's like, if you're gonna ask questions like a hollow tree, then don't even ask me or I might literally go balistic. But if you're a stranger/someone I don't deem as close, then in my head I'll just laugh and think "lol they hate me yet they ask me this question, haha they're such a pussy but aww how cute" and will then just play along with them for the sake of harmony. This is mah opinion.
As an ENFJ i agree on some parts but sometimes things need to be said if someone is unfair or unjustifed it's hard and got to think about the rights words because i don't want to hurt the person but you can't say nothing because the person needs to know they did something wrong so they can learn from it and grow and don't act like that again. (or just take it into account)
With most people it's possible to have a conversation about it but with others is it really hard mostly with some dominant types who take it to personally and deny it or being overly dramatic about it and make a scene (Hate people like that because they are not reasonable)
i let it go with people like that most of the time for the sake of peace i am very tolerant but some things go too far and got to say something about it (often after going too far several times) this often results in an argument in which the other party does not want to find a middle ground, when it's that far i will walk away and be done with that person. (tryed my best for real if you know)
I also hate hypocrite liars (or acts) especially when you have been ready for someone where necessary but when it comes down to it the person behind your back gossiping in a mean way if there is something to be gained from it and then when you confront them they pretend they never said anything even if you have proof of it just be truthfull.
I can forgive people if they admit their mistakes, because then they can see that they were wrong so they can learn from it and be a better version of themself but if people do not want to admit that they are wrong, they do not want to see it so that there will be no difference in their character / actions.
Am an infp and I'm petrified of the idea of any enfj hating me! 💔😭
My question is what makes an ENFJ dislike someone? I mean the specific behaviors. So can you please elaborate 6:08?
ENFJs don't like people who are rude, disruptive, abusive, confrontational, etc. We are happy when the people around us are content and getting what they need from a situation, whether that's social, work, family, whatever. If someone comes in with a big attitude and starts acting like a jerk, that ruins things for everyone. And we hate that.
I usually burn the bridges and I am big time ENFJ, but it’s rare 🙄🤫✅😜
I'm ENFJ and have no issue to cut off people either. 👍
Lol well that's confusing. Lol also to the stillshot i felt like something or someone inspired it... am I right? ^^' If so can you say what/who-where the inspiration came from?
I had the same thought about Hitler being an ENFJ...
He's an infj if I'm not mistaken
I have a question. So if you get the feeling that an ENFJ hates you but they do the polite card and just ignore you. How do you get them to say what the problem is? Do you just straight out ask why they hate you? Feels like then the answer will be from the ENFJ "no I dont hate you:)" and just sort of keep ignoring. So what is the best way to approuch an ENFJ who hates you?
I can't imagine an ENFJ lying to your face and pretending they like you.. remember, like I said, they kind of want to avoid you if they dislike you. We aren't like ESFJs in that way. If you think you did something to cause an ENFJ to dislike them, communication is never a bad approach. Just ask them, they should tell you where you stand
Okay but I feel like with you ENFJ's, you can be so heartwarming and it's so nice and all to be near and be on your friendly side.... BUT! As soon as you "feel" like not liking / being around them anymore you just lose all your love you have and it is such a big contrast to what it was before. It's so dark and scary. From deep and meaningful relation to the biggest superficial shit ever.
I had this with a girl and was mad at her for this and told her that and she be like "Oh move on weak feeling soul... ". So what do I do as an INTJ? I will give them the same shit but 2 time worse. And she's like I was the one that started it but I now know it was you ENFJ's. You started it when you changed your mind...
Ps its not directed to you but a tip I have as an INTJ is to just tell them the reason instead of ignoring. It's so rude to not give a reason... but I guess I get it.
Eh... I cant' speak for all ENFJs I suppose, but it's about RESPECT. and the truth is respectful. I would never pretend like i like being around someone when I don't, but I will still respect their humanity.
"From deep and meaningful relation to the biggest superficial shit ever." i'm gonna push back on this.. its not superficial to choose to be kind. its superficial to be fake and pretend like you want to be friends when you don't.
I also would never blindsight someone and just ignore if we were friends before. I'm talking about like people I hate.. it seems super strange to go from being friends with someone to hating someone without there being a conversation about it.
I see that what you are saying is that, ENFJs need to acknowledge the other side of the coin and remember to be truthful and upfront. But the thing is, that doesn't take away from how an ENFJ will want to honor the fe of the situation. Speaking as me as an individual, I probably just won't pay much attention to someone if i like them and hopefully never be in their general vicinity. But if there was a friendship involved, of course I would let them know what bothered me as soon as it bothered me. I don't think that anything I do is fake in the slightest and I think its problematic to equate kindness with fakeness.
But yes, I see how you want to make that distinction to make sure that ENFJs don't act fake.. I agree with you there. just remember that these things aren't synonyms.
" its not superficial to choose to be kind." Kindess and ignoring ppl you've known and started disliking cuz "they JUST DONT GET IT" is not truth nor respectful.
"its superficial to be fake and pretend like you want to be friends when you don't. " - How do you know that's whats up. Just because most of the time you know what happening doesnt mean all of the times. And just because someone has those feelings then doesnt mean they have it now. You ENFJ's give like one chance to ppl u start gettin irritated by then it's OVER!"...... "they just wont get it".
Anyways I like your videos they're awesome and got a sister ENFJ which I love but in relationsship you guys are weird... But I see it like, when ENFJ's feel like not being around someone you tell them that. You don't need more reasons." I be like; Perhaps you dont but know this... you will hurt ppl along the way with that mentallity which Im sure you know and think u said in a video of urs.
When did I say I knew them and started to dislike them? You're projecting a ton onto me. It sounds like we are talking about two completely different situations.
As an ENFJ, I don't hate people, for the love of God. What I hate is their behaviour. And yes, it's true that I like to ignore the existence of toxic people and I don't even want to talk by trying to distance myself from them. I simply don't waste my precious time talking and hearing toxicity coming from someone's mouth.
"what I hate is their behavior" yesssss
Hello! I admire your answer a lot, ENFJs are really such kind people. Um- if it's alright with you, could you please give your ENFJ opinion on this situation?:
You see, I have a very bright and warm ENFJ friend, we are friends for almost 2 years now and I am not lying when I say that this is the most warm and best friendship I've ever had. She's really amazing, she would always greet me "good morning" texts everyday for one year.
Recently though, she has been acting quite out of character lately,... she just doesn't seem to put much effort anymore in the friendship. For more context, I met her in online class so I've never met her in real life. But there was this one time, it was Christmas and she delivered her gift to me, I was super excited to finally meet her! But when she gave me her gift, she immediately ran away. She seems to avoid me a lot in real life. Even in text, she ghosts me or I guess just "forgets" to reply to me for usually 26 days. Then she would reply in the same bubbly personality I've known since we met.
She does get vulnerable with me at times, but right after her vulnerable moments, she just won't talk to me for a long time.
I don't know, I feel like she hates me? I really hope not, she's very important to me. Whenever I ask her about how she feels about me or if she gets uncomfortable with me, she brushes it off and tells me that nothing is wrong, I really worry for her.
Since you're an ENFJ, what do you think about this situation?
-You don't have to read or reply to this, but if you do, a million thank you's to you!! Thank you so much!
ESFP here. I have a similar outlooks, only I do, or say something so direct and unmistakable that that person will be discouraged to spend time around me. If you leave anything up to interpretation there will be one idiot who gets it wrong. So I leave no space for that. Of course I'm talking about serious wrongdoings, not just small nonsense. Doesn't always have to be a big show, but I'm very clear. That way that person doesn't feel they can get something from me.
It's the second video of yours I watched, and I think, if I watch more, I'm gonna fall in love with Me.
You preach it woman!
Feeling like most enfj’s are Aquarians.
Look... As a deep ENFJ I'm like this EXCEPT if you fuck with my blood family or my chosen family... Then I will let you know what's up, I've felt deep hate a few times. ALSO you said that we never wish bad to anyone? I don't know if it's the field I've worked but I've sometimes do wished bad on people... I don't know... But also... Like you said... I used to be unaware of how cruel I might be, now I'm more aware... And like I said... That part only gets triggered if my people is being hurt
I am an INFJ and my intuition is all like that ENFJ really doesn't like me. I am right. I don't understand how it has come to this, but it honestly hurts. Me and her used to be closer, and now everytime I try to develop my friendship she just doesn't say anything and gives me the cold vibes. I don't do or say anything without trying to formulate it in a way that would be offensive. I just want to be like, what is your deal. I care about you and I want to be your friend, as far as I know I haven't done anything to offend you or make you dislike me. I literally have no close friends at school, and I used to try to interact with her and I always would leave feeling like she doesn't want me to talk to her. So now I leave her alone and I see her everyday and I am all alone with no one to be my friend. I don't want to confront her and tell her that she has hurt my feelings and it feels like she doesn't like me. I don't know what to do.
Catherine Arnold confront her. Hope is not lost.
My bad experiences with INFJ so far is that they tend to be way more manipulative and will outright lie to safeguard their own emotions/agenda, while causing chaos to everyone around them.
I was wondering if the girl im texting is gf material. She happens to be your type. When listening to you i feel like my brains shutting down. What was i thinking someone extroverted being judgmental based on some gut feeling.
Ya know you could think for yourself, treat everyone as an individual and not base your opinion of this girl you like on your first impression of me 😂 but you do you
I think ENFJ's are not immune to the INFJ door slam because we simply see a toxic individual and want to cut them out of our lives. But the motive behind this is to allow that person in question to be happy and let them get on with their own life in their own way, better that, than conflict. 😅😭
Sal and Murr on Impractical Jokers
Thank you
if they hate you, its because you're hateful.
Impossible.
I even care about the people I thought I hate.
Hello! I admire your answer a lot, ENFJs are really such kind people. Um- if it's alright with you, could you please give your ENFJ opinion on this situation?:
You see, I have a very bright and warm ENFJ friend, we are friends for almost 2 years now and I am not lying when I say that this is the most warm and best friendship I've ever had. She's really amazing, she would always greet me "good morning" texts everyday for one year.
Recently though, she has been acting quite out of character lately,... she just doesn't seem to put much effort anymore in the friendship. For more context, I met her in online class so I've never met her in real life. But there was this one time, it was Christmas and she delivered her gift to me, I was super excited to finally meet her! But when she gave me her gift, she immediately ran away. She seems to avoid me a lot in real life. Even in text, she ghosts me or I guess just "forgets" to reply to me for usually 26 days. Then she would reply in the same bubbly personality I've known since we met.
She does get vulnerable with me at times, but right after her vulnerable moments, she just won't talk to me for a long time.
I don't know, I feel like she hates me? I really hope not, she's very important to me. Whenever I ask her about how she feels about me or if she gets uncomfortable with me, she brushes it off and tells me that nothing is wrong, I really worry for her.
Since you're an ENFJ, what do you think about this situation?
-You don't have to read or reply to this, but if you do, a million thank you's to you!! Thank you so much!
(also, I love the tartaglia pfp
@@steamedbuunn oh hmm this is very complicated however not really tied to the Mbti types i think! I personally think its best to ask her about it :) me and a friend also sometimes almost seem to ghost together as well hehe, and i have been guilty of dropping gifts at the door and then leaving. Although for me its mostly because its difficult to see eachother because of our busy lives :(
I hope you can work this through though! Keep me updated :)
@@abyssal_phoenix Hello! Thank you so much for the explanation. It was clear and I understood it very well. I'm sorry for not thinking that this didn't have anything to do with MBTI, I feel like I did this because I was just too desperate for answers. Regarding my situation, I kept on offering to have a one-on-one talk with her. I wanted her to be honest about everything. It did take a while but she finally felt comfortable enough to explain her true feelings and why she was ghosting me. It was a very sad scene though, she was crying so much. It all worked out though, we're officially dating! Honestly, I genuinely don't know how it was possible for her to return my feelings, but I'm so grateful. Thank you for helping me! I didn't overthink anymore. Once again, thank you so much!!! 😭🙏
@@steamedbuunn 🫂🫂🫂
Accuracy 1000000 % 🤣
Do you mean say that you wish such people as Pol Pot happiness?
I don't know who that is, but we are all one and I wish everyone happiness. I want whatever trauma and wounds within an individual to be healed so that they no longer are harming others or themselves.
Do you think that trauma and wounds are the reason that people harm others? Sometimes I wold annoy people because I thought it was funny do you think that the reason was that I was harmed in some way?
Yes, I do think so. And everyone deals with trauma and pain. Annoying someone is a very different thing than cruelty... but, theres always a deeper reasons for people's actions
Yes but I took it to fare once and it seemed mean to me. I was ashamed of my self.
Isn't there more than just pain and trauma cosign people to be cruel? I would like to here what you think the additional factors might be If you think that there is more to the resins people are cruel. :)
XD I love the thumbnail
Hitler an enfj ? Lmao, I always saw him as an extj for some reason. And yeah I am an enfj and if im pissed at you i just ignore you and never talk to you again , i hate violence and drama . loving all your videos btw 👏:)
I wish you well, but I wish you over there.
hitler was an infj lol. makes me feel weird about being infj lol
So true
Naw, Hitler definitely wasn’t an ENFJ. He didn’t have an altruistic bone in his body. If you read his journals from his early years, it’s all about accumulating power through fear.
Not all ENFJs are altruistic though! That was my point. Fear is still an emotion!
@@themeghmuse No what I mean is that it's proven in Hitler's journals that he was seeking power by creating fear amongst German people. ENFJ's love to bring people together for a greater good, not intentionally create division. Which is actually the definition of altruism. Just sayin. We're team builders, not narcissists like Hitler. www.16personalities.com/enfj-strengths-and-weaknesses
Bye Bye 👋 Hope you love the best life you can...away from me!
Also, after the strongest feelings have eased off, I tend to think "Poor them. I am probably going to be the most loyal, kind, and committed friend they will ever have the pleasure of meeting and they treated me like dirt. The loss is there's"
....and then wonder if I could of done anything to save that friendship? 😅
BUT
The people I hate are those who hurt people who I love. Yes....those people will see how fierce I can be!
So true....lol
❤