A little advice: IF you guys are thinking about having kids (yes, this is way-in-advance advice), be sure that Grace ALWAYS talks to the kids in English. Your kids will have their whole culture teaching them Japanese language and customs, etc. But you will have ONE avenue for them to learn English, and that's Grace. My parents are both from Spanish-speaking countries, and my dad was adamant that we would learn and be able to speak Spanish like natives, even though we were being raised in America. He did this by NEVER speaking a word of English to us. (Admittedly, he sucked at it and still does, but that's not the point.) In a sense, we were forced to learn and speak Spanish because we had no other way to communicate with Papi. My mom also spoke Spanish to us, but allowed us to reply in English, so we grew up with several different communication paths: Spanish/Spanish, Spanish/English, and English/English. When I was a kid, this seemed annoying, but now I am very grateful to be naturally bilingual. I would recommend this way of teaching language to your kids very highly, as it gets them into being bilingual from the very beginning. (Also, when they get to school, they can choose to learn a THIRD language and it will be MUCH EASIER for them, already having two languages under their belts. :)
***** Yeah, that's why my dad insisted we had to ANSWER him in Spanish. He wouldn't (and still does not) answer us if we speak to him in English. EVER. He's been quite stubborn about it.
Great advice. I'm raising my own child speaking Japanese (which is my 2nd language, English is my first) using the same method - so it totally works with a second language too. There's a video on my channel where you can see our daughter switching between her 3 languages. Although today she told me that she can "speak" 8 languages, because she's decided that being able to speak or understand even a few words or phrases in another language counts as being a speaker of it. :p
"You were surprised by my abs, my awesome muscles but also by my paycheck" I love Ryosuke! He seems like such a delight, I'm sure you have a very happy and fun day to day life with him.
Advice: Talk about kids. Different cultures have different expectations regarding children, from how long to wait to have them (some cultures are OK waiting, others expect to have kids right away), to the number of kids, to the sex of the kids (especially first born ones), and the religion to raised them (if any), as well as what is expected from that religion regarding the children, as there are religions that specify traditions or procedures to a baby of a specific gender that might not be OK with the other parent (in example, an uncircumcised father might not be OK with the idea of circumcising his son because the mother comes from a culture or has a religion that requires to do so).
+Michel Garcia Also when they have kids, what language to teach the kids? Will the kids learn only the dominant language of the country they're living in or will they be bilingual? Also need to discuss customs and traditions. For example, an American person marries an Asian. Will they celebrate festivals like Lunar New Year? Even so, will they celebrate it the traditional Asian way or just cut out all the traditional parts like having to bow to elders and not wearing black?
+elaine yap I will teach my next child English and Dutch as my boyfriend is Dutch. My first born is not from him and is English but we are trying to learn Dutch :)
i predict that you guys will get so many subscribers this year you'll surpass other will know vloggers in japan and have the most subscribers because you guys are genuine, realistic and all about normal life in japan and having a cross cultural marriage, not just about the weeb culture and whats the latest going on in downtown tokyo so yall are cool, keep doing you
I feel like making sure your ideologies match up is really important, especially when talking about religion. (Which of course could apply to an international OR non-international marriage.) *A lot of people get into a long term relationship thinking that religion doesn't matter.* "I'll do me and they'll do them and it'll be fine" kind of mentality. But when you think about it, religion is at the very core of a person's worldview. It's the lens through which they see the world so there will definitely be a lot of clashes. Especially when it comes time to have kids and you're trying to decide how to match up worldviews so that you can teach your kids both religions/ideologies and let them decide on what they'll live by. Just something to keep in mind. It's definitely not impossible to have a harmonious marriage with people of two different religions, but it will bring up extra hardships in the marriage that you have to be willing to work through.
My advice (not just for international marriage): Embrace the culture of the country you live in! And I don't just mean the big parts of culture embracing. But the little things, too. When I immigrated (for Love...whoo!!) from the U.S. (South Carolina) to The Netherlands, so many of my fellow classmates from immigration school were not embracing the culture...AT ALL. The biggest problem was they were not wanting to learn the language. Some didn't agree with the national holidays (and lack there of). They hated bicycle lessons and learning how to ride a bike. And some were freaked out about doing the three kisses greeting thing that is so common among friends and family here. Many people had such a hard time with the little things of everyday life here and were not open to it. It still blows my mind to this day how much so many people block themselves off from the culture of the country they want to live in. Sure, OF COURSE, ...remember your own culture and your own upbringing. But please respect and try to open yourself up to the culture that will be surrounding you when moving to another country. Meld the two cultures together. People love it when a little bit of my southern ways come out. But yeah, a little bit of effort on your part goes a long way. It's all it takes to build a lot of respect from the natives. I know yall already kinda covered this, but it's so important. So, SO important.
My (British) son has just (7 hours ago!) married his American fiancee, so I was watching with a mental checklist. (All points passed, thank goodness!) :D
My boyfriend is Japanese and just showed me this. He was born here in America so the language barrier hasn't gotten in the way but we're culturally very different. His parents are Japanese immigrants and my family is Jewish. Your channel is really helpful for me to understand his culture better and I'm hoping to travel to Japan this summer to meet his family. We are trying to learn each others' languages but Hebrew and Japanese are pretty much the most different and confusing languages out there so it's slow going.
Thank you for posting such an informed video. Many people (both young and old) romantize the idea of marrying someone from another culture or country and are very disappointed when there are problems that are difficult to overcome. I am an American married to an Australian for over 25 years and we are still working very hard on communication across cultures (even though we speak the same language!). The cultural differences are huge! How you speak to your friends, the drinking culture, having a different accent, the spelling, customs, the list goes on and on.... Also, the visa issues cannot be overstated. When we were first married we lived in the USA and then after two years moved to Australia. I had a great deal of trouble getting a visa to travel there. I applied for a spouse visa and they said it would take three months to approve so I applied for a visitor visa and they said that because I had previously applied for a spouse visa I could not then apply for a visitor visa. The Australian Embassy took my passport and I had to get a lawyer to get it back! What a mess! In addition to the good points you brought up, there is also the issue of how well you spouse will adjust to your home country in terms of work. Sometimes the workplace cannot adjust to your spouse's cultural differences as easily as you and they can never integrate successfully. My husband had a terrible time in the American workplace-which is difficult and unkind to American's as well. After 10 years of watching him suffer we finally relocated to Europe for work and the adjustment has been better. So while you may adjust well in Japan because you have been able to find fullfilling work, the adjustment for your husband in the USA may not be as smooth in a competative job market. I myself found it difficult to get a job in Australia as my skills did not mesh well with their economy. My previous job did not even exist in Australia at that time. The language issue is also important as my husband learns languages easily and I do not. Letting the native speaker handle problems may work in the short run by this does not encourage a person to become fluent and they can never integrate without the language fluency. After 10 years we still get into arguments about by lack of fluency in French. While I understand everything and can read, and watch TV and movies in French, my writing and speaking are not fluent and I have to rely too heavily on my husband to take care of all of the official correspondence and handling the buracracy and medical. This sounds like its not much but it really is a burden on him. I hope this is helpful to people in the same situation. It certainly is doable and we are very happy-but you have to be realistic to make it work.
I'm an Army Brat and lived in Germany for 5 years when I was a kid, Mama was stationed there and my dad and I followed soon after. One thing to remember about living in another country is what it will do to the entire family not just the parents. I had mandatory German classes from kindergarten to 4th grade and also shared a school bus with German kids going to the local school. Culture shock, especially if you've lived the majority of your life in one country is huge, even if your moving back to your 'home country'. Coming back stateside where I had lived before but didn't remember it at 10 years old was eye-opening. I felt like I had been dropped in some strange jungle with the buildings very close together and so high. Food is also something that can be shocking when you move to another country or your home country. My parents cooked mainly American meals but I was used to German foods as well like lunchmeat, bread, schnitzel, etc. that suddenly either disappeared or were totally different. Chocolate for example, I had grown up eating German/European chocolate so Hershey's was an unwelcome surprise. My father said it was chocolate but it was SO BITTER!!!! There is also planning for emergencies, do I speak enough German to find a policeman or to get help? What happens if we need to get back to America really fast for a family emergency? What about pets, bringing them to another country or back to your home country. What about moving things like furniture or even a car? The army paid for all of this but will your or your spouses job cover any of this or are you on your own? Great posts, I look forward to seeing your video's come in.
I agree.. I have watched so many videos about this theme and realized that the best way to take a foreigner girl away is through a good and sincere conversation.
I could watch you guys all day! I'd love to at least visit Japan one day. Did you know each other's languages when you first met? If not, how did you communicate?
I want to give you a big round of applause. Watching both videos about the topic you really asked the right questions, made the right decisions, helped each other out and are surprisingly "adult" for your Age in making those decissions. This relationship will last a long time folks. Keep on loving each other :-)
I'm in an interracial relationship but our families live in the same city a couple of blocks away from each other. Seeing your video made me really thankful for that. 😊
Protect your spouse from your parents, if necessary. My mother's first marriage crumbled because her American Husband didn't protect my Japanese mother from the American Family's preconceived notions of her. She had a major Madam Butterfly moments in her first marriage. Lucky for my mom, her second marriage to my American dad was better. He didn't take any bull from his family in regards to my mother. He defended her because she was his priority. If you are wishy washy about standing up to your parents you shouldn't marry a foreigner. They are vulnerable and you as the spouse is their only protection. So protect them.
I'm an American moving to Japan for full time work and have a very serious Japanese boyfriend. I can't tell you how much your channel has helped me! One thing I've been talking with my boyfriend about lately is career expectations. In Japan it's very much a norm for the woman to quit her job for the sake of the family or if her husband's job relocates, but in America I've grown up with an image that a woman should be able to pursue her own career. I think the gender-work relations are different between the two countries, and understanding the difference before committing to a marriage is really important. I personally would put family before career, but I know for some women that cultural expectation (and the very low glass ceiling in Japan) would be very frustrating.
+S33TheW0R1D Oh my gosh, yes. Ryosuke and I used to talk about this when we were dating/engaged/newly married. It helps that my dad has always been VERY supportive of my mom's career (to the point that he scaled back his own job about a decade ago to help her/the household). And Ryosuke really admires my dad, so he has a role model of what an "equal/equal" marriage looks like. We both feel so lucky that we have our current job (UA-cam, comics, freelancing) because it was really difficult managing gender-work expectations when we both worked full-time.
I wish I had seen these videos before, I'm married to an awesome British man (I'm mexican) and when i went to England for six months the culture shock was so tough, I didnt expect it to be honest and I was extremly depressed for a long time. I thought there wouldnt be that many differencess, but there are...and so many :( And the visas are a nightmare, we got married last December but we still cant afford the visa so we're been apart all these months... Hopefully love will defeat all these obstacles but anyway... Advice: be careful with the things you sacrifice, I left my first job as a teacher, I was incredibly happy there and felt on top of the world, but I quit so I could be with my husband(boyfriend at that time) in England for six months and as it was a turist visa I couldnt work and it was incredibly bad for my selfesteem feeling useless and just plain awful for my pride. Now I think i would've done it differently, maybe ask for a temporal leave at that job and stay a couple of months in England insted so I could have something to return to and not feel so professionaly defeated.
+Benny Luong Those six months I was there as a turist and usually you do need to prove you have enough savings to support yourself, but they dont ask to see that all the time, I just got asked where I was going and if I knew someone there. I was adviced no to say I was visiting my boyfriend because then they get veeeery intense and they will very likely not let you in the country. So I said I was going to stay at a friend's, gave them his address but emphized I was going to do traviling for myself mostly as a regular turist. I did have some savings but mexican peso to pound is almost a joke :'( Anyway, for the actual spouse visa the financial requirements are ridiculous, my husband's job is good but is nowhere near it so he's doing his best to get a promotion. Once he gets the promotion he will have to give proof of six months of payslips with that salary and only then we can apply for the visa, the visa fees are high as well, and you need to pay for about three years of health insurance in advance. In top of all these, you have to provide proofs of relationship, facebook/whatsapp/calls/pictures/letters from friends and family, etc. from aaaaall the time you have been together. THEN you pray for the best. About a month later, if you get the visa, you can go to England and work, but you will have to do everything again 2.5 years later for another visa, and then pay some more for the naturalization or citenziship. And provide more proofs of living together, bills, etc. pay for english test, health insurance, blah blah blah.... Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted :(
+kyaraAthena That adds up fast! If you aren't rich, then no way somebody can afford a British visa. I can't believe all the loops you have to jump through for your husband. My friend is currently studying in London for business school. Even she said that the American dollar is weak there. She has told me that she is glad she is living in London for grad school, but has no desire to live there again. Too expensive.
+Benny Luong Yes, we can forget about planning holidays or getting a house or any other activity a normal couple would do, but living in mexico is not really an option for us, he doesnt speak spanish and a tall white man as him is such a big target here...not very safe for "turist looking people". So yeah :( It really bothers me the fact that they complain a lot about sham marriages in the UK but honestly i dont understand hows that possible!!! With all the papers and payements and requirements how can someone do that?!! And if they do, investing years of relationship proofs, money for application fees, the stress of the burocratic process, etc, I'll be damned but I think they deserve the visa anyway! There is a very big "anti-immigrants" propaganda going on in their media, full of lies, and ignorance and hate. All beacuse of politics. :S All I want is to be with my husband, but I cant help to hate the UK goverment for doing this to us, international marriage is difficult as it is, long distance relationships are difficult as it is, and having all this stress of being chained to one visa after another for years and years to come and not being able to have a normal life is plain wrong. Silly silly humans and our silly imaginary borders.
Hi dear, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I am also in an international relationship so I know how hard it is with visas and staff. I wish you both good luck and all the best. Maybe you can consider choosing a third country to live in? Additionally, do not sacrifice yourself too much, don't want you to feel useless or unhappy for quitting the life/job that you like! However, I believe that your love will win. Good luck :*
Man I love you guys I think your openness, and the fact that you are from different Countries makes it a Challenge and it seems to work great for you guys I think it makes your relationship strong, I think the fact that your forced to communicate over certain obstacles has made you stronger.
Man, I didn't even leave the country, it costs us a fraction of that amount, and I still only see my parents once (twice, rarely) a year at this point. I really miss them. I now feel like I should try and see them more often since they're only 1200 miles away and not in another country. It puts things into perspective. lol
Thanks a ton for making videos about this topic. We're getting married this summer and he's been living here since last autumn (been traveling between Japan and Germany for the past four years until then) and I feel like we're still not 100% aware of all the issues that go with international marriage and leaving your home country behind. It's not just him struggling to learn my language and feel at home in my culture, it's also me realizing it's not always easy seeing the stumbling blocks ahead and making life a little easier for him. If anything, in these past months I've definitely become aware of a lot of cultural and social features of my home country I'd never considered, let alone questioned before. A constant learning process I guess. But I'm incredibly grateful he was willing to move here, so I could still be with my family. Once again, thanks for discussing this topic. It's really helpful.
With the exception of the Visa thing, I think a lot of these tips could apply to domestic marriage as well. I'm grew up on the East Coast of the Us, and hubby is a California native. His family was here on the West Coast also, so we stayed. Eventually my family followed and things worked out. My best advice is to allow for culture shock, be flexible in daily and major plans. Be open to what your partner likes, but also introduce your own traditions as a couple. It helps to have the same core values. Talk about everything!
Your videos are always well thought out and nicely put together. Good job! I didn't know about the sleeping arrangement thing, so that was a pretty big surprise to hear. It's not something that I've ever seen portrayed in anime either, which seems a bit weird to me since it's such a Japanese thing.
You guys randomly popped up in my suggested videos one day and you're just the freaking cutest couple ever! I just subscribed and am about to binge watch soooo many of your videos!
Really good video! I didn't take your advice about 8 years ago and married a foreigner - in a foreign country. I'm still here, still happily married. Yes, your advice is really good!
thank you so much for the advices , its not easy to have international marriage , but because of you its give me more courage and not to be scary about my marriage
you're by far my favorite youtubers by now- i can't relate to a lot of videos because I'm just not in that situation(like this one), but I still find them interesting (and might need reference for the future, who knows.) and you two are just too adorable. Seeing you two together always makes me smile, keep up your good work, be it with youtube, grace's comics or the blog, and don't ever lose your great personalities :)
Hey you guys! Excellent advice. Though I've never been married, I'm a lot older than you and have worked all over the world (except Asia. Darn!). For me, this is how each country/culture goes: first 3 months; everything is AMAZING! 2nd 3 months; you seem to only notice negative things. By 6 months, everything kind of evens out, and you have a more realistic view of the culture. I would say, if at all possible, try to spend as much time in your partner's country as possible. 3 months isn't enough, really, to get a balanced view and learn how it will affect your future spouse. But hey, what do I know?
Ryosuke- be careful for what you ask for. I want you to have more subscribers but do you want to be bald? Remember Poop Hats? Just have to tease you Ryosuke! Can't wait to get my poop hat!
The advice in this video (both parts) may seem simple or obvious to some outsiders, but culture differences can be incredibly difficult hurdles even when both partners are English-speakers. For example, I'm an American who moved to Australia and married an Australian. The difficulties and confusions with just getting my Visa and Immigration status cleared almost destroyed the relationship before we got married in the first place! And then there were years and years of both of learning that "western" cultures all weren't the same, and neither of us had ever even thought about such things! I sincerely thank you guys for making these two videos in particular, and I hope that they are able to help someone out there in InternetLand avoid a lot of heartache and stress. And by the way-- I agree with everyone else, you are soooo ADORABLE together!! Keep up the great work, I'm happy to have found your channel !
Honestly I think this is good marriage advice regardless of whether it is an international marriage or otherwise. I married someone who was active duty military and we had to go through pretty much the same realm of issues. It was like moving into a completely different world. The most important thing I learned is that communication is key, about EVERYTHING ( emphasis on the EVERYTHING)Great video as always!
It's very interesting to hear your stories. I live in Hawaii and a lot of what you talk about also applies to where I live as well. I have to say, when/and if the time comes, you two will have beautiful children! 💕
I think getting along with in-laws is a major one.. In some cultures parents have a major part in their adult kids lives, compared to Western. Even though I can speak my husbands native language I had major issues with my mother in law in the beginning... Sometimes I wished I couldn't understand what she was saying!!! No matter what culture... I think making sure you can handle the in-laws or at least have a partner who is willing to back you up ... before you get married is important!
You guys are so adorable and smart. I learn a lot from your videos in addition to agreeing on a lot that you say about marrying a foreigner and moving to another country from my own experience. :)
You guys are the cutest things ever... I really appreciate this video. I'm sure there are other video's out there that have advice for international marriages but damn, out of all of them~ hands down you guys are the cutest. Don't stop the love. It's inspiring! Thank you!
You 2 are so cute to watch! Even though I'm not married to a foreigner, I still find your videos informative and entertaining. My adult daughters have yet to marry. In the event they fall in love with a foreigner, I will steer them towards your Utube channel! Thanks so much for your knowledge and sense of humor! Take care, Your forever US fan!!!!
I really like both the videos so far on this topic. Its true and informative :) Besides all that you guys have mentioned,I would also have to add talking about children as well, cause if one prefers to have their kids raised in another country etc, its definitely something to talk about ahead of time. Commitment, compromising and communication are very crucial too I have to say, and willingness of both parties. Then on the other hand are the in laws, my mother always told me that I should pray and always try to get along with my in laws because the last thing you need is either them really not liking you, which could cause a lot of tension and unpleasant situations during family gatherings, or you can even be an outcast, which is really sad. Anyways can't wait for the next! Keep it up
I would say, don't assume because your foreign spouse is from a country that speaks your language (ie: USA, England , Ireland ect..) that there are not going to be culture and language differences. There will be.
Hi guys!~ I am dating a Korean man, and I'm currently trying to get a job over there. I have studied to Japan, and know Japanese at an intermediate level, but I know hardly any korean. I am the kind of person who enjoys traveling and I am genuinely excited to live in my boyfriends home country and meet his family
I like how you say, "play outside of your home court". That's great advice that a lot of people don't take advantage of because they are too scared. I've told some of my friends that there are more fish in the sea away from our home town and to try to go fishing elsewhere. That they may be surprised by what and who they find.
Thx indeed, your both videos about things to know before marring a foreigner, helped me a lot to do my research about international marriage and its pros and cons as well ❤️❤️.
I am new to watching. Been catching up and I just love your vlog. So entertaining and you guys are so cute together. Thanks for sharing your life with your fans. Oh and Grace I'm in love with your husband, he is so in love with you and you with him.
I think the biggest one I've learned is communication on so many levels is absolutely vital to make an international relationship work. (I think you guys covered it pretty well with everything. Everything involves it, afterall.) For a lot of the time, my boyfriend and I were so caught up on trying to plan for "someday" that we didn't actually even take time to discuss our worries and fears about making such a difficult thing work. It was just left hanging in the balance that the future was "most likely" going to end up with him moving to America. Because of that lack of talking about worries or actively tackling them together from the start, he ultimately made up his mind on his own to move on to someone else who could move to Japan immediately. Unfortunate but... lesson learned! Anyway, these videos are awesome! I didn't even think of some of the things you guys have mentioned so much (like planning to go and see family or living in each other's countries to see if it's even possible to manage). As always, keep up the amazing videos!
now these are some real advices that no one really talks about! i think i could deal with most of the things you guys listed but i HOPE the home court advantage thing doesnt fall to hard on me
Wow, great video guys and the whole series. I'm a Sri Lankan living in Australia for a while and watching these videos made me think about a lot of stuff what you guys talk even though they are second nature to me now. My ex was from Osaka and wish I had found these videos couple of years back to help me out. Anyway arigato gosaimashta(learned a lil bit of Japanese when I was with her) Keep it up
Point 1: Definitely! My husband(Korean) and I met at university in the US, not unlike the couple in this video. Then I lived in Korea for two and a half years before we were married. :) (actually I'd lived there a bit before meeting him as well). I often see international couples who struggle because they did not understand their partner's culture before marriage and actually living in that culture full time definitely helps you understand and realize if you can (or cannot) deal with the cultural differences. You'll still have personal differences to work out, of course, but being able to understand some of the cultural reasons behind your husband/wife's actions is essential. Also, in an intercultural relationship this is so important because there's always the possibility that you'll live in your partner's country for one reason or another and if cannot stand that country/culture you'll really want to think about what it means to marry into that culture and live with it every day (even if that means in your own country). You can take an American out of America but you'll never fully take America out of the American (the same with every person's culture). PS. Subscribed! Great videos!
I follow and enjoy every single video of you guys! I found of them are incredibly fun, indeed. I'm in a interracial relationship with a Japanese guy as well. Hope you always keep your smile like in this video!
A topic seldom discussed involves children and divorce. I think it's important to analyze the laws of the respective countries to determine what would be the outcome in the event of a divorce, when one parent decides to take a child or all the children. I know that Japan is notorious for this. Recently, Japan finally signed the Hague convention which governs child custody issues. Before, if there was a divorce, one parent could snatch a child and there literally was nothing that the other parent could do...particularly because of cultural differences where it's common for women to have full custody in Japan b/c the idea of family court is non-existent there.
wolverineminer Exactly. It still doesn't help people who had children taken before Japan signed it. Japan should start exploring Family Court. It's not fair to fathers there.
I can't explain why I sat and watched this... I am married and my daughters aren't contemplating a foreign marriage but I did anyway. You are a cute couple and I hope your future is bright and happy. Thanks for sharing!
I have no actual advice. But you guys always make me smile. which in my current mood of very low is so appreciated. As for advice, talking about accommodation is a big thing, I've never been in an international relationship, but i know the culture shock my friends from america had when they came to my flat, and found out that what I pay for a small flat is how much they pay for a 4 bed house. Just ensure that if you go to a different country your prepared to live in those conditions as they may be bigger/smaller than you think!
I married and English and I'm from Finland myself and we live in Scotland. I can relate to so many points you have made. Still as a youngly weds we got lot off misunderstanding through language and culture barrier however that is also what makes our marriage so much more special.
Fantastic advice in both videos Grace and Ryosuke! When I was living in Asia, I saw all too many marriages where people had never talked about any of these issues and it was really disheartening. People should do this before ANY marriage, but when there are such cultural differences, extra finances to think about (ie. family visits etc), debating where to live, legalities, etc. it's just that much more important!!
Very nice!!!! I like how you guys talked about it. The points you guys made are very realistic and true. I am married to a foreigner too. Myself is Chinese and my husband is American. Wasn't that easy at the beginning... but things work out.
I don't think good for everyone, and one has to be honest with themselves. I know myself. My husband and I spoke just about not moving to another state, where a few of his members moved and he had lived a year. I knew I wanted my kids to grow up with my family. I grew up with my entire extended family living on the same street! He agreed (he was always closer to my family than his own anyway). We have 5 kids that are very close to my family, which was very important to me for their childhoods. He died tragically when kids were 6-23, and having that support ended up being a gift, so grateful for that.
Love your hair Grace! I am half Korean and American- first generation here in the U.S. Don't listen to the haters! Those people are jealous because they don't have the courage to live and love freely! Always love and be in love! Tina
You two are the cutest couple! I don't recall if this was said in the first video, but I would say patience is so important in an international relationship. If you don't understand why your partner is upset or having trouble, ask before getting angry at something they did. A simple example..noises while eating. In Chinese culture, if you make noise when you eat, it means you enjoy the food. Yet in American culture, you slurp and are noisy while eating, you are rude. I love seeing your videos! Thanks :)
In both of the videos there are some very interesting points and advice, practical advice, like visiting each others' countries and talking about what is imporant to each of you in terms of traveling. I'm nowhere near marriage, haha, but I plan on living in Japan for quite some time and I think that marrying a foreigner as a whole seems a whole lot of fun, since I loooove languages, learning them, learning about different cultures and generally getting to know people and why they are the way they are. I already moved once and yes, playing outside of your home or however you put it is DEFINITELY a thing, even some close friends of mine who tell me I speak the language perfectly and all don't quite get those subtle little differences that do put you in discomfort sometimes and just outside of your zone and understandings.
As a counter thought to the live in each other's countries thing... lots of people just pick up and move across the world for non-reasons. That one is more flexible I assume since my parents were both Canadian and packed up and moved to Indonesia for a job and they over time came to appreciate it but struggled a lot at first with the culture shock. If you need to live in a place you will adapt. Living in each other's countries is a good way to decide where to live ultimately though.
+Spiffleh My Dutch boyfriend is moving here next year as I have a daughter who is still in school, other wise I would pack up and move to The Netherlands! I love it there as I visit alot but its easyier for him to move here and then we move in the future.
Marriage is so overrated especially these days (I'm married as well) its awesome to see how grounded you both are. Me and my husband do plan on visiting japan a couple of times in the next future, hopefully one of those times being the Summer Olympics in 2020!!!! This video was very informational and just all around awesome !!!!
Oh, Lord!! I laughed a lot today. Thanks for the video. Now, I have a couple thousand million questions for you, guys. And I'm sure you can use some of them for your next posts. I'm not sure this is the right place to write them. I'll make a list for you!!
this video helps a lot about an international marriage. I have a girlfriend from Canada and we are engaged now, planning to get married after I graduate from a university;) We are planning to live in Japan, but I did not know that there are some peple who cannot get a visa and kind of stuff. I really learned a lot this time! Thanks. make this kind of videos later on
Hello! I'm a Canadian woman who married a Japanese man, and of course every situation is different but I was able to get my Japanese spouse visa easily. No lawyers, and I got it within three weeks (not months - I was surprised!). If I could give you a recommendation, it would be that your fiancée first come on a Working Holiday visa, and then change to a spouse visa. This is for two reasons - one, so she can see if she really likes Japan or not, and two, it's much, much easier to change your visa status within Japan as opposed to applying for a visa from overseas. I would also recommend that you call the immigration office a few times to confirm what paperwork you need. Some of the staff my husband talked to didn't know in detail what we needed, so just make sure. There is a fair amount of paperwork (戸籍謄本 from your hometown is a bit of a pain to get) but it's not impossible to gather it all yourself! You can do it!
+メラニー thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it;) Yeah I told my girlfriend about what you said and she will work on it this summer;) I hope you and your fiancee have a good life together, and everything goes well!
sorry first comment was before I watched the full vid. this one got me thinking. the only thing the effects marriage isnt just husband and wife. family has a major impact. you two should plan a parents vid. one that tells the side of your parents and ryo's parents. I think it would help familys with adjusting on a world scale. again great vids. change the world, one view at a time. cheers.
You have very good points that I really like but never thought about : 1.visiting each other's country 2. financial planning to visit each family's side a year :)
I just found this channel and I love it. I find it interesting to see how different and alike it is living in different countries and you two seem like such a fun couple.
One thing my partner and I have had go work on is something that sounds so simple, which is: respecting each other's cultural differences. Sometimes that's easier said than done. For example, my partner is Korean and ince we got into an argument about what is a vegetable and what is a fruit. We asked our friends, we checked online sources, and both wouldn't budge. Somewhere along the lines the translations for both languages were not about the same things. In this case, the word that translates from vegetable into Korean is 채소 (chaeso) but technically chaeso means anything that grows from the ground. Watermelon in Korea is a chaeso, therefore in Korean it is a vegetable. Anything grown on a tree is considered a 과일 (gwail) which gets translated into fruit. This was an argument from our relationship in the beginning that opened our eyes to the fact that there are things that are just culturally different and we have to learn to accept differences even when we ourselves were not raised to believe or think in that manner.
Hi! We met at the Pink Cow and my boyfriend was there with me too! He`s studying abroad right now, but we lived together before that. One thing we always argued about was meal planning. I`m an American and I just want to buy groceries once a week and plan those meals for the week. But that`s not how things are done in Japan, so he would never have any idea what he wants to eat until that day. I`d ask if he wants this meal I planned for dinner and he would say `no, I want this`. It would drive me a bit crazy hahaha. But other than the cultural differences here and there, we`re basically the same person. We have surprisingly similar personalities so it wasn`t hard to adjust to living together.
i'm glad you included the night chimes. I was in japan last week and heard this and had no idea what they meant but it felt like it was a signal to go home so i did heehee- plus i was tired so i got to have the chimes peacefully play as i walked to the subway ^_^
These are all very good points, but number 2 is especially important. Many Americans think they can easily get a visa for their spouse because this is how it's portrayed in the movies. But I can tell you that it's not an easy process and it's not cheap. Conversely, Japan was much easier, but it's still not a given.
+Letters from Japan Yeah... I was shocked by how expensive it was. That was one of the reasons we decided to settle down in Japan first, because cost-wise Japan seemed like a safer (and easier) bet.
+JN87 - That sounds very familiar - I totally feel for you. Removing the conditions after two years was a pain, but we got through it a little easier than the initial hurdles. Now that we're back in Japan, we have to go back to the US once every year to get her passport stamped or else she will lose her immigration status. We're going to go back for a visit later this year, but after that, we're thinking about just letting it go. (Or maybe we'll just go to Hawaii instead... there's an idea!!)
I'm British and I married an American when I was over here for Uni and now we're about to move to Japan. One thing that you said that really shocked me was that you go see your family every year. I try to see my family every 2-3 years, but I talk to them every week via phone, IM and skype and that makes it bearable (though I do often get terrible homesickness, but a bit of British food will help ease that). I couldn't imagine making the flight every year even though I would love to see them my life with my partner is more important than seeing my family in person.
LOL that was a great video! I think some of that is good advice to anyone living in another country even if its not international marriage! Keep up the videos amazing videos!
I love this, so far, two part video as almost every item on your list has applied to my marriage. I am in an international marriage, living with my Spanish wife in Spain but we are jumping through the hoops to go to the states (almost done, only a handful of days left). So as you noted living in one country vs the other may or may not be so easy. For example my desire to live in Spain was an easy reality that took about 3 months and I was allowed to be here on a tourist visa during the process with an extension. However, moving to the states is a process that takes time, for us it will have been 2.5 years once we are there but again like you mentioned, I made a few errors along the way because I also did not have the money for a lawyer. Cultural differences are key and learning the language is important which is something I struggle with daily. Whereas my wife speaks perfect English my Spanish is a work in progress. As to the cultural differences, times that shops are open or rather are not open was a shocker to me as well as not being able to get many international items in the supermarket, which are a daily thing in the USA. Another cultural difference is housing and room sizing as well as how common it is to have two single beds in a room rather than sharing a queen or king sized bed. All things that took time to get used to. Yet another would be communal plates for Lunch/Dinner. Where I grew up eating food from another persons plate was bad juju. Here it is just another day. Finally, the personal differences are key, as you said. A lot of the time things may seem like a cultural difference but they are in fact only a personal difference and those seem to be the hardest to overcome. Anyway, your videos are inspirational and it is nice to be able to relate! Have a wonderful day and as always, thank you for contributing to the youtube community. I eagerly await your next video.
![[Q&A] Bucket Lists, Kids, and Houses](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/db1fqteQqGg/mqdefault.jpg)
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A little advice: IF you guys are thinking about having kids (yes, this is way-in-advance advice), be sure that Grace ALWAYS talks to the kids in English. Your kids will have their whole culture teaching them Japanese language and customs, etc. But you will have ONE avenue for them to learn English, and that's Grace. My parents are both from Spanish-speaking countries, and my dad was adamant that we would learn and be able to speak Spanish like natives, even though we were being raised in America. He did this by NEVER speaking a word of English to us. (Admittedly, he sucked at it and still does, but that's not the point.) In a sense, we were forced to learn and speak Spanish because we had no other way to communicate with Papi. My mom also spoke Spanish to us, but allowed us to reply in English, so we grew up with several different communication paths: Spanish/Spanish, Spanish/English, and English/English. When I was a kid, this seemed annoying, but now I am very grateful to be naturally bilingual. I would recommend this way of teaching language to your kids very highly, as it gets them into being bilingual from the very beginning. (Also, when they get to school, they can choose to learn a THIRD language and it will be MUCH EASIER for them, already having two languages under their belts. :)
Good point 🙃
Mike Litoris
Thanks!
I totally agree with you, too.
*****
Yeah, that's why my dad insisted we had to ANSWER him in Spanish. He wouldn't (and still does not) answer us if we speak to him in English. EVER. He's been quite stubborn about it.
Great advice. I'm raising my own child speaking Japanese (which is my 2nd language, English is my first) using the same method - so it totally works with a second language too.
There's a video on my channel where you can see our daughter switching between her 3 languages. Although today she told me that she can "speak" 8 languages, because she's decided that being able to speak or understand even a few words or phrases in another language counts as being a speaker of it. :p
If I ever find a guy who loves me the way Ryosuke loves Grace idgaf where he's from, I'm makin' it work! lol
thats creepy xD
deathnote939393 What about not letting someone who loves you dearly's nationality deter you from being with them is creepy?
Sanbika89 I agree
Sanbika89 ikr? the two of them are just too cute
Sanbika89 nt so far .... I m shakra lokin the same thing... actually. .
"You were surprised by my abs, my awesome muscles but also by my paycheck" I love Ryosuke! He seems like such a delight, I'm sure you have a very happy and fun day to day life with him.
Advice: Talk about kids. Different cultures have different expectations regarding children, from how long to wait to have them (some cultures are OK waiting, others expect to have kids right away), to the number of kids, to the sex of the kids (especially first born ones), and the religion to raised them (if any), as well as what is expected from that religion regarding the children, as there are religions that specify traditions or procedures to a baby of a specific gender that might not be OK with the other parent (in example, an uncircumcised father might not be OK with the idea of circumcising his son because the mother comes from a culture or has a religion that requires to do so).
+Michel Garcia Also when they have kids, what language to teach the kids? Will the kids learn only the dominant language of the country they're living in or will they be bilingual? Also need to discuss customs and traditions. For example, an American person marries an Asian. Will they celebrate festivals like Lunar New Year? Even so, will they celebrate it the traditional Asian way or just cut out all the traditional parts like having to bow to elders and not wearing black?
+elaine yap I will teach my next child English and Dutch as my boyfriend is Dutch. My first born is not from him and is English but we are trying to learn Dutch :)
i predict that you guys will get so many subscribers this year you'll surpass other will know vloggers in japan and have the most subscribers because you guys are genuine, realistic and all about normal life in japan and having a cross cultural marriage, not just about the weeb culture and whats the latest going on in downtown tokyo so yall are cool, keep doing you
trueeee!!!!!!
+david zar Agreed...one of the few vloggers that aren't overproduced
I feel like making sure your ideologies match up is really important, especially when talking about religion. (Which of course could apply to an international OR non-international marriage.)
*A lot of people get into a long term relationship thinking that religion doesn't matter.* "I'll do me and they'll do them and it'll be fine" kind of mentality. But when you think about it, religion is at the very core of a person's worldview. It's the lens through which they see the world so there will definitely be a lot of clashes. Especially when it comes time to have kids and you're trying to decide how to match up worldviews so that you can teach your kids both religions/ideologies and let them decide on what they'll live by.
Just something to keep in mind. It's definitely not impossible to have a harmonious marriage with people of two different religions, but it will bring up extra hardships in the marriage that you have to be willing to work through.
My advice (not just for international marriage): Embrace the culture of the country you live in! And I don't just mean the big parts of culture embracing. But the little things, too. When I immigrated (for Love...whoo!!) from the U.S. (South Carolina) to The Netherlands, so many of my fellow classmates from immigration school were not embracing the culture...AT ALL. The biggest problem was they were not wanting to learn the language. Some didn't agree with the national holidays (and lack there of). They hated bicycle lessons and learning how to ride a bike. And some were freaked out about doing the three kisses greeting thing that is so common among friends and family here. Many people had such a hard time with the little things of everyday life here and were not open to it. It still blows my mind to this day how much so many people block themselves off from the culture of the country they want to live in.
Sure, OF COURSE, ...remember your own culture and your own upbringing. But please respect and try to open yourself up to the culture that will be surrounding you when moving to another country. Meld the two cultures together. People love it when a little bit of my southern ways come out. But yeah, a little bit of effort on your part goes a long way. It's all it takes to build a lot of respect from the natives.
I know yall already kinda covered this, but it's so important. So, SO important.
My (British) son has just (7 hours ago!) married his American fiancee, so I was watching with a mental checklist. (All points passed, thank goodness!) :D
Wow, congratulations! I hope they’re going great.
My boyfriend is Japanese and just showed me this. He was born here in America so the language barrier hasn't gotten in the way but we're culturally very different. His parents are Japanese immigrants and my family is Jewish. Your channel is really helpful for me to understand his culture better and I'm hoping to travel to Japan this summer to meet his family. We are trying to learn each others' languages but Hebrew and Japanese are pretty much the most different and confusing languages out there so it's slow going.
hope it's been well ! 💓
Saw you guys in the plane to Tokyo!!! Made my day and my trip began in the best way! you guys are the cutest and I keep the note I got from you!
+Lucy Frutas Ahhhh!!! I remember you :D
Thank you so much for the lovely note. And I hope you had a really awesome time in Japan!!!
+Texan in Tokyo Will be in TV Tokyo soon at 世界ニッポン行きたい人応援団
+Lucy Frutas Sweet! Drop me a link when it's about to be up! We'd love to see~
Thank you for posting such an informed video. Many people (both young and old) romantize the idea of marrying someone from another culture or country and are very disappointed when there are problems that are difficult to overcome. I am an American married to an Australian for over 25 years and we are still working very hard on communication across cultures (even though we speak the same language!). The cultural differences are huge! How you speak to your friends, the drinking culture, having a different accent, the spelling, customs, the list goes on and on....
Also, the visa issues cannot be overstated. When we were first married we lived in the USA and then after two years moved to Australia. I had a great deal of trouble getting a visa to travel there. I applied for a spouse visa and they said it would take three months to approve so I applied for a visitor visa and they said that because I had previously applied for a spouse visa I could not then apply for a visitor visa. The Australian Embassy took my passport and I had to get a lawyer to get it back! What a mess!
In addition to the good points you brought up, there is also the issue of how well you spouse will adjust to your home country in terms of work. Sometimes the workplace cannot adjust to your spouse's cultural differences as easily as you and they can never integrate successfully. My husband had a terrible time in the American workplace-which is difficult and unkind to American's as well. After 10 years of watching him suffer we finally relocated to Europe for work and the adjustment has been better.
So while you may adjust well in Japan because you have been able to find fullfilling work, the adjustment for your husband in the USA may not be as smooth in a competative job market. I myself found it difficult to get a job in Australia as my skills did not mesh well with their economy. My previous job did not even exist in Australia at that time.
The language issue is also important as my husband learns languages easily and I do not. Letting the native speaker handle problems may work in the short run by this does not encourage a person to become fluent and they can never integrate without the language fluency. After 10 years we still get into arguments about by lack of fluency in French. While I understand everything and can read, and watch TV and movies in French, my writing and speaking are not fluent and I have to rely too heavily on my husband to take care of all of the official correspondence and handling the buracracy and medical.
This sounds like its not much but it really is a burden on him. I hope this is helpful to people in the same situation. It certainly is doable and we are very happy-but you have to be realistic to make it work.
I'm an Army Brat and lived in Germany for 5 years when I was a kid, Mama was stationed there and my dad and I followed soon after. One thing to remember about living in another country is what it will do to the entire family not just the parents. I had mandatory German classes from kindergarten to 4th grade and also shared a school bus with German kids going to the local school. Culture shock, especially if you've lived the majority of your life in one country is huge, even if your moving back to your 'home country'. Coming back stateside where I had lived before but didn't remember it at 10 years old was eye-opening. I felt like I had been dropped in some strange jungle with the buildings very close together and so high. Food is also something that can be shocking when you move to another country or your home country. My parents cooked mainly American meals but I was used to German foods as well like lunchmeat, bread, schnitzel, etc. that suddenly either disappeared or were totally different. Chocolate for example, I had grown up eating German/European chocolate so Hershey's was an unwelcome surprise. My father said it was chocolate but it was SO BITTER!!!! There is also planning for emergencies, do I speak enough German to find a policeman or to get help? What happens if we need to get back to America really fast for a family emergency? What about pets, bringing them to another country or back to your home country. What about moving things like furniture or even a car? The army paid for all of this but will your or your spouses job cover any of this or are you on your own? Great posts, I look forward to seeing your video's come in.
Hahaha, aw man that ending is adorable. You two are such a great example of how international marriages can work so well! Gives me hope :)
So much of this is wonderful advice for marriage in general....the key really is communication!!
I agree.. I have watched so many videos about this theme and realized that the best way to take a foreigner girl away is through a good and sincere conversation.
I could watch you guys all day! I'd love to at least visit Japan one day. Did you know each other's languages when you first met? If not, how did you communicate?
+nbadams90 Thanks! Ryosuke spoke English pretty well when we first met, so it wasn't mich of a problem :)
Loved the paycheck story! That was so interesting :)
+That Japanese Man Yuta thanks :)
Hahaha. Cultural differences ftw. Enjoy Osaka!
Wow, the paycheck fact was amazing, here in Brasil each couple have their own arrangement. Great video guys :)
I want to give you a big round of applause. Watching both videos about the topic you really asked the right questions, made the right decisions, helped each other out and are surprisingly "adult" for your Age in making those decissions. This relationship will last a long time folks. Keep on loving each other :-)
Now you've got me wondering what it feels like to poke holes in rice paper walls with my fingers. ... Darn it ...
I'm in an interracial relationship but our families live in the same city a couple of blocks away from each other. Seeing your video made me really thankful for that. 😊
Protect your spouse from your parents, if necessary. My mother's first marriage crumbled because her American Husband didn't protect my Japanese mother from the American Family's preconceived notions of her. She had a major Madam Butterfly moments in her first marriage. Lucky for my mom, her second marriage to my American dad was better. He didn't take any bull from his family in regards to my mother. He defended her because she was his priority. If you are wishy washy about standing up to your parents you shouldn't marry a foreigner. They are vulnerable and you as the spouse is their only protection. So protect them.
I'm an American moving to Japan for full time work and have a very serious Japanese boyfriend. I can't tell you how much your channel has helped me!
One thing I've been talking with my boyfriend about lately is career expectations. In Japan it's very much a norm for the woman to quit her job for the sake of the family or if her husband's job relocates, but in America I've grown up with an image that a woman should be able to pursue her own career. I think the gender-work relations are different between the two countries, and understanding the difference before committing to a marriage is really important. I personally would put family before career, but I know for some women that cultural expectation (and the very low glass ceiling in Japan) would be very frustrating.
+S33TheW0R1D Oh my gosh, yes. Ryosuke and I used to talk about this when we were dating/engaged/newly married. It helps that my dad has always been VERY supportive of my mom's career (to the point that he scaled back his own job about a decade ago to help her/the household). And Ryosuke really admires my dad, so he has a role model of what an "equal/equal" marriage looks like.
We both feel so lucky that we have our current job (UA-cam, comics, freelancing) because it was really difficult managing gender-work expectations when we both worked full-time.
I wish I had seen these videos before, I'm married to an awesome British man (I'm mexican) and when i went to England for six months the culture shock was so tough, I didnt expect it to be honest and I was extremly depressed for a long time. I thought there wouldnt be that many differencess, but there are...and so many :( And the visas are a nightmare, we got married last December but we still cant afford the visa so we're been apart all these months... Hopefully love will defeat all these obstacles but anyway... Advice: be careful with the things you sacrifice, I left my first job as a teacher, I was incredibly happy there and felt on top of the world, but I quit so I could be with my husband(boyfriend at that time) in England for six months and as it was a turist visa I couldnt work and it was incredibly bad for my selfesteem feeling useless and just plain awful for my pride. Now I think i would've done it differently, maybe ask for a temporal leave at that job and stay a couple of months in England insted so I could have something to return to and not feel so professionaly defeated.
How were you able to financially support yourself for those six months? I have heard that getting a spouse visa in England is complicated.
+Benny Luong Those six months I was there as a turist and usually you do need to prove you have enough savings to support yourself, but they dont ask to see that all the time, I just got asked where I was going and if I knew someone there. I was adviced no to say I was visiting my boyfriend because then they get veeeery intense and they will very likely not let you in the country. So I said I was going to stay at a friend's, gave them his address but emphized I was going to do traviling for myself mostly as a regular turist. I did have some savings but mexican peso to pound is almost a joke :'( Anyway, for the actual spouse visa the financial requirements are ridiculous, my husband's job is good but is nowhere near it so he's doing his best to get a promotion. Once he gets the promotion he will have to give proof of six months of payslips with that salary and only then we can apply for the visa, the visa fees are high as well, and you need to pay for about three years of health insurance in advance. In top of all these, you have to provide proofs of relationship, facebook/whatsapp/calls/pictures/letters from friends and family, etc. from aaaaall the time you have been together. THEN you pray for the best. About a month later, if you get the visa, you can go to England and work, but you will have to do everything again 2.5 years later for another visa, and then pay some more for the naturalization or citenziship. And provide more proofs of living together, bills, etc. pay for english test, health insurance, blah blah blah.... Just thinking about it makes me feel exhausted :(
+kyaraAthena That adds up fast! If you aren't rich, then no way somebody can afford a British visa. I can't believe all the loops you have to jump through for your husband.
My friend is currently studying in London for business school. Even she said that the American dollar is weak there. She has told me that she is glad she is living in London for grad school, but has no desire to live there again. Too expensive.
+Benny Luong Yes, we can forget about planning holidays or getting a house or any other activity a normal couple would do, but living in mexico is not really an option for us, he doesnt speak spanish and a tall white man as him is such a big target here...not very safe for "turist looking people". So yeah :( It really bothers me the fact that they complain a lot about sham marriages in the UK but honestly i dont understand hows that possible!!! With all the papers and payements and requirements how can someone do that?!! And if they do, investing years of relationship proofs, money for application fees, the stress of the burocratic process, etc, I'll be damned but I think they deserve the visa anyway! There is a very big "anti-immigrants" propaganda going on in their media, full of lies, and ignorance and hate. All beacuse of politics. :S All I want is to be with my husband, but I cant help to hate the UK goverment for doing this to us, international marriage is difficult as it is, long distance relationships are difficult as it is, and having all this stress of being chained to one visa after another for years and years to come and not being able to have a normal life is plain wrong. Silly silly humans and our silly imaginary borders.
Hi dear, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I am also in an international relationship so I know how hard it is with visas and staff. I wish you both good luck and all the best. Maybe you can consider choosing a third country to live in? Additionally, do not sacrifice yourself too much, don't want you to feel useless or unhappy for quitting the life/job that you like! However, I believe that your love will win. Good luck :*
I have watched several of your videos and have becoming addicted! I subscribed today! I love all the information you give, keep up the good work!
Oh yay! Thanks! Hope you enjoy our videos~
Man I love you guys I think your openness, and the fact that you are from different Countries makes it a Challenge and it seems to work great for you guys I think it makes your relationship strong, I think the fact that your forced to communicate over certain obstacles has made you stronger.
Man, I didn't even leave the country, it costs us a fraction of that amount, and I still only see my parents once (twice, rarely) a year at this point. I really miss them.
I now feel like I should try and see them more often since they're only 1200 miles away and not in another country. It puts things into perspective. lol
You two are so wonderful! Total relationship goals!
Thanks a ton for making videos about this topic. We're getting married this summer and he's been living here since last autumn (been traveling between Japan and Germany for the past four years until then) and I feel like we're still not 100% aware of all the issues that go with international marriage and leaving your home country behind. It's not just him struggling to learn my language and feel at home in my culture, it's also me realizing it's not always easy seeing the stumbling blocks ahead and making life a little easier for him. If anything, in these past months I've definitely become aware of a lot of cultural and social features of my home country I'd never considered, let alone questioned before. A constant learning process I guess. But I'm incredibly grateful he was willing to move here, so I could still be with my family.
Once again, thanks for discussing this topic. It's really helpful.
You two are literally the cutest thing I've ever seen haha
Love your videos!
With the exception of the Visa thing, I think a lot of these tips could apply to domestic marriage as well. I'm grew up on the East Coast of the Us, and hubby is a California native. His family was here on the West Coast also, so we stayed. Eventually my family followed and things worked out. My best advice is to allow for culture shock, be flexible in daily and major plans. Be open to what your partner likes, but also introduce your own traditions as a couple. It helps to have the same core values. Talk about everything!
Your videos are always well thought out and nicely put together. Good job! I didn't know about the sleeping arrangement thing, so that was a pretty big surprise to hear. It's not something that I've ever seen portrayed in anime either, which seems a bit weird to me since it's such a Japanese thing.
Great video! The room you filmed in is beautiful! °o°
+Philippe Parle Peu Japanese mom and dad's house! It's so pretty~
+Texan in Tokyo Tour of the mom and dads home? :D
+Philippe Parle Peu I agree! :)
+Philippe Parle Peu I agree! :)
Found you guys in my recommendations...watched it...love you guys! Subscribed!
You guys randomly popped up in my suggested videos one day and you're just the freaking cutest couple ever! I just subscribed and am about to binge watch soooo many of your videos!
Really good video! I didn't take your advice about 8 years ago and married a foreigner - in a foreign country. I'm still here, still happily married. Yes, your advice is really good!
thank you so much for the advices , its not easy to have international marriage , but because of you its give me more courage and not to be scary about my marriage
you're by far my favorite youtubers by now- i can't relate to a lot of videos because I'm just not in that situation(like this one), but I still find them interesting (and might need reference for the future, who knows.) and you two are just too adorable. Seeing you two together always makes me smile, keep up your good work, be it with youtube, grace's comics or the blog, and don't ever lose your great personalities :)
you two are adorable together.
Hey you guys! Excellent advice. Though I've never been married, I'm a lot older than you and have worked all over the world (except Asia. Darn!). For me, this is how each country/culture goes: first 3 months; everything is AMAZING! 2nd 3 months; you seem to only notice negative things. By 6 months, everything kind of evens out, and you have a more realistic view of the culture. I would say, if at all possible, try to spend as much time in your partner's country as possible. 3 months isn't enough, really, to get a balanced view and learn how it will affect your future spouse. But hey, what do I know?
You guys are the cutest couple in the universe!!! (Sorry, you must have heard this a godzillion times by now.)
You both are SO FREAKING COOL (and cute:)
love you Grace and your husband Ryosuke is soo cute :)
+heather0f He really is :D
+Texan in Tokyo =D
Ryosuke- be careful for what you ask for. I want you to have more subscribers but do you want to be bald? Remember Poop Hats?
Just have to tease you Ryosuke! Can't wait to get my poop hat!
I'm pretty sure I love grace more.
The advice in this video (both parts) may seem simple or obvious to some outsiders, but culture differences can be incredibly difficult hurdles even when both partners are English-speakers. For example, I'm an American who moved to Australia and married an Australian. The difficulties and confusions with just getting my Visa and Immigration status cleared almost destroyed the relationship before we got married in the first place! And then there were years and years of both of learning that "western" cultures all weren't the same, and neither of us had ever even thought about such things! I sincerely thank you guys for making these two videos in particular, and I hope that they are able to help someone out there in InternetLand avoid a lot of heartache and stress. And by the way-- I agree with everyone else, you are soooo ADORABLE together!! Keep up the great work, I'm happy to have found your channel !
Honestly I think this is good marriage advice regardless of whether it is an international marriage or otherwise. I married someone who was active duty military and we had to go through pretty much the same realm of issues. It was like moving into a completely different world. The most important thing I learned is that communication is key, about EVERYTHING ( emphasis on the EVERYTHING)Great video as always!
Thanks for the video. I dated a foreigner for a long time and it's good to hear from people with the same problems.
Grace, your hair just looks amazing lately. I don't know why, but it just looks great. Good for you!
4:09 SHE DID IT AGAIN
+van van it's bc he held up four on both hands which equal eight.
+zerosonico I thought it was funny. 😅
Wow !!! i smiled all through this video !
Awww Thanks for smiling with us! Hope your jaws are ok! haha (Ryosuke)
It's very interesting to hear your stories. I live in Hawaii and a lot of what you talk about also applies to where I live as well. I have to say, when/and if the time comes, you two will have beautiful children! 💕
im so happy i came across your channel. i'm loving all you videos.
I think getting along with in-laws is a major one.. In some cultures parents have a major part in their adult kids lives, compared to Western. Even though I can speak my husbands native language I had major issues with my mother in law in the beginning... Sometimes I wished I couldn't understand what she was saying!!! No matter what culture... I think making sure you can handle the in-laws or at least have a partner who is willing to back you up ... before you get married is important!
Yup. I felt pretty lucky in that my in-laws like me and know enough English that if I can't find the German, I can English it up.
You guys are so adorable and smart. I learn a lot from your videos in addition to agreeing on a lot that you say about marrying a foreigner and moving to another country from my own experience. :)
You guys are the cutest things ever... I really appreciate this video. I'm sure there are other video's out there that have advice for international marriages but damn, out of all of them~ hands down you guys are the cutest.
Don't stop the love. It's inspiring! Thank you!
You 2 are so cute to watch! Even though I'm not married to a foreigner, I still find your videos informative and entertaining. My adult daughters have yet to marry. In the event they fall in love with a foreigner, I will steer them towards your Utube channel! Thanks so much for your knowledge and sense of humor! Take care,
Your forever US fan!!!!
my goodness you guys are so adorable! I love your videos and anticipate binge-ing them ALL asap!
I really like both the videos so far on this topic. Its true and informative :) Besides all that you guys have mentioned,I would also have to add talking about children as well, cause if one prefers to have their kids raised in another country etc, its definitely something to talk about ahead of time. Commitment, compromising and communication are very crucial too I have to say, and willingness of both parties. Then on the other hand are the in laws, my mother always told me that I should pray and always try to get along with my in laws because the last thing you need is either them really not liking you, which could cause a lot of tension and unpleasant situations during family gatherings, or you can even be an outcast, which is really sad.
Anyways can't wait for the next! Keep it up
I would say, don't assume because your foreign spouse is from a country that speaks your language (ie: USA, England , Ireland ect..) that there are not going to be culture and language differences. There will be.
Hi guys!~ I am dating a Korean man, and I'm currently trying to get a job over there. I have studied to Japan, and know Japanese at an intermediate level, but I know hardly any korean. I am the kind of person who enjoys traveling and I am genuinely excited to live in my boyfriends home country and meet his family
Great tips on international marriages in both videos. Thanks for sharing.
I like how you say, "play outside of your home court". That's great advice that a lot of people don't take advantage of because they are too scared. I've told some of my friends that there are more fish in the sea away from our home town and to try to go fishing elsewhere. That they may be surprised by what and who they find.
+Brea Natsuko Huff It's so hard - but 100% worth it!!!
Thx indeed, your both videos about things to know before marring a foreigner, helped me a lot to do my research about international marriage and its pros and cons as well ❤️❤️.
I am new to watching. Been catching up and I just love your vlog. So entertaining and you guys are so cute together. Thanks for sharing your life with your fans. Oh and Grace I'm in love with your husband, he is so in love with you and you with him.
Thanks for enjoying us! haha we appreciate it :D (Ryosuke)
Your welcome!! Love watching you guys! So much fun to watch. Keep making vlogs!
I think the biggest one I've learned is communication on so many levels is absolutely vital to make an international relationship work. (I think you guys covered it pretty well with everything. Everything involves it, afterall.) For a lot of the time, my boyfriend and I were so caught up on trying to plan for "someday" that we didn't actually even take time to discuss our worries and fears about making such a difficult thing work. It was just left hanging in the balance that the future was "most likely" going to end up with him moving to America. Because of that lack of talking about worries or actively tackling them together from the start, he ultimately made up his mind on his own to move on to someone else who could move to Japan immediately. Unfortunate but... lesson learned!
Anyway, these videos are awesome! I didn't even think of some of the things you guys have mentioned so much (like planning to go and see family or living in each other's countries to see if it's even possible to manage). As always, keep up the amazing videos!
now these are some real advices that no one really talks about! i think i could deal with most of the things you guys listed but i HOPE the home court advantage thing doesnt fall to hard on me
Wow, great video guys and the whole series. I'm a Sri Lankan living in Australia for a while and watching these videos made me think about a lot of stuff what you guys talk even though they are second nature to me now. My ex was from Osaka and wish I had found these videos couple of years back to help me out. Anyway arigato gosaimashta(learned a lil bit of Japanese when I was with her) Keep it up
Point 1: Definitely! My husband(Korean) and I met at university in the US, not unlike the couple in this video. Then I lived in Korea for two and a half years before we were married. :) (actually I'd lived there a bit before meeting him as well). I often see international couples who struggle because they did not understand their partner's culture before marriage and actually living in that culture full time definitely helps you understand and realize if you can (or cannot) deal with the cultural differences. You'll still have personal differences to work out, of course, but being able to understand some of the cultural reasons behind your husband/wife's actions is essential. Also, in an intercultural relationship this is so important because there's always the possibility that you'll live in your partner's country for one reason or another and if cannot stand that country/culture you'll really want to think about what it means to marry into that culture and live with it every day (even if that means in your own country). You can take an American out of America but you'll never fully take America out of the American (the same with every person's culture). PS. Subscribed! Great videos!
I follow and enjoy every single video of you guys! I found of them are incredibly fun, indeed. I'm in a interracial relationship with a Japanese guy as well. Hope you always keep your smile like in this video!
A topic seldom discussed involves children and divorce. I think it's important to analyze the laws of the respective countries to determine what would be the outcome in the event of a divorce, when one parent decides to take a child or all the children. I know that Japan is notorious for this. Recently, Japan finally signed the Hague convention which governs child custody issues. Before, if there was a divorce, one parent could snatch a child and there literally was nothing that the other parent could do...particularly because of cultural differences where it's common for women to have full custody in Japan b/c the idea of family court is non-existent there.
+chigasaki06 Holy shit, Japan only signed in 2014!
wolverineminer Exactly. It still doesn't help people who had children taken before Japan signed it. Japan should start exploring Family Court. It's not fair to fathers there.
I can't explain why I sat and watched this... I am married and my daughters aren't contemplating a foreign marriage but I did anyway. You are a cute couple and I hope your future is bright and happy. Thanks for sharing!
Enjoyed this video of you two more than any other.
I have no actual advice. But you guys always make me smile. which in my current mood of very low is so appreciated.
As for advice, talking about accommodation is a big thing, I've never been in an international relationship, but i know the culture shock my friends from america had when they came to my flat, and found out that what I pay for a small flat is how much they pay for a 4 bed house. Just ensure that if you go to a different country your prepared to live in those conditions as they may be bigger/smaller than you think!
sweet video. clear and detailed video. Thank you very much
I married and English and I'm from Finland myself and we live in Scotland. I can relate to so many points you have made. Still as a youngly weds we got lot off misunderstanding through language and culture barrier however that is also what makes our marriage so much more special.
Fantastic advice in both videos Grace and Ryosuke! When I was living in Asia, I saw all too many marriages where people had never talked about any of these issues and it was really disheartening. People should do this before ANY marriage, but when there are such cultural differences, extra finances to think about (ie. family visits etc), debating where to live, legalities, etc. it's just that much more important!!
Nooooo I just started watching these videos and i love them so much and now you've stopped making videos😩 GOOD LUCK GUYS💕
Very nice!!!! I like how you guys talked about it. The points you guys made are very realistic and true. I am married to a foreigner too. Myself is Chinese and my husband is American. Wasn't that easy at the beginning... but things work out.
I don't think good for everyone, and one has to be honest with themselves. I know myself. My husband and I spoke just about not moving to another state, where a few of his members moved and he had lived a year. I knew I wanted my kids to grow up with my family. I grew up with my entire extended family living on the same street! He agreed (he was always closer to my family than his own anyway). We have 5 kids that are very close to my family, which was very important to me for their childhoods. He died tragically when kids were 6-23, and having that support ended up being a gift, so grateful for that.
I love the background!
+Tay Matthews Thanks! It's Japanese mom and dad's house~
+Texan in Tokyo Oh wow, really? What a beautiful room!
Love your hair Grace! I am half Korean and American- first generation here in the U.S. Don't listen to the haters! Those people are jealous because they don't have the courage to live and love freely! Always love and be in love! Tina
You two are the cutest couple! I don't recall if this was said in the first video, but I would say patience is so important in an international relationship. If you don't understand why your partner is upset or having trouble, ask before getting angry at something they did. A simple example..noises while eating. In Chinese culture, if you make noise when you eat, it means you enjoy the food. Yet in American culture, you slurp and are noisy while eating, you are rude.
I love seeing your videos! Thanks :)
In both of the videos there are some very interesting points and advice, practical advice, like visiting each others' countries and talking about what is imporant to each of you in terms of traveling. I'm nowhere near marriage, haha, but I plan on living in Japan for quite some time and I think that marrying a foreigner as a whole seems a whole lot of fun, since I loooove languages, learning them, learning about different cultures and generally getting to know people and why they are the way they are. I already moved once and yes, playing outside of your home or however you put it is DEFINITELY a thing, even some close friends of mine who tell me I speak the language perfectly and all don't quite get those subtle little differences that do put you in discomfort sometimes and just outside of your zone and understandings.
As a counter thought to the live in each other's countries thing... lots of people just pick up and move across the world for non-reasons. That one is more flexible I assume since my parents were both Canadian and packed up and moved to Indonesia for a job and they over time came to appreciate it but struggled a lot at first with the culture shock. If you need to live in a place you will adapt.
Living in each other's countries is a good way to decide where to live ultimately though.
+Spiffleh My Dutch boyfriend is moving here next year as I have a daughter who is still in school, other wise I would pack up and move to The Netherlands! I love it there as I visit alot but its easyier for him to move here and then we move in the future.
Marriage is so overrated especially these days (I'm married as well) its awesome to see how grounded you both are. Me and my husband do plan on visiting japan a couple of times in the next future, hopefully one of those times being the Summer Olympics in 2020!!!! This video was very informational and just all around awesome !!!!
Oh, Lord!! I laughed a lot today. Thanks for the video. Now, I have a couple thousand million questions for you, guys. And I'm sure you can use some of them for your next posts. I'm not sure this is the right place to write them. I'll make a list for you!!
this video helps a lot about an international marriage. I have a girlfriend from Canada and we are engaged now, planning to get married after I graduate from a university;) We are planning to live in Japan, but I did not know that there are some peple who cannot get a visa and kind of stuff. I really learned a lot this time! Thanks. make this kind of videos later on
Hello! I'm a Canadian woman who married a Japanese man, and of course every situation is different but I was able to get my Japanese spouse visa easily. No lawyers, and I got it within three weeks (not months - I was surprised!).
If I could give you a recommendation, it would be that your fiancée first come on a Working Holiday visa, and then change to a spouse visa. This is for two reasons - one, so she can see if she really likes Japan or not, and two, it's much, much easier to change your visa status within Japan as opposed to applying for a visa from overseas.
I would also recommend that you call the immigration office a few times to confirm what paperwork you need. Some of the staff my husband talked to didn't know in detail what we needed, so just make sure. There is a fair amount of paperwork (戸籍謄本 from your hometown is a bit of a pain to get) but it's not impossible to gather it all yourself!
You can do it!
+メラニー thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it;)
Yeah I told my girlfriend about what you said and she will work on it this summer;) I hope you and your fiancee have a good life together, and everything goes well!
sorry first comment was before I watched the full vid. this one got me thinking. the only thing the effects marriage isnt just husband and wife. family has a major impact. you two should plan a parents vid. one that tells the side of your parents and ryo's parents. I think it would help familys with adjusting on a world scale. again great vids. change the world, one view at a time. cheers.
You have very good points that I really like but never thought about :
1.visiting each other's country
2. financial planning to visit each family's side a year :)
Respect to you guys wow, Is hard to make any relation work but your is even more challenging you are great couple.
I just found this channel and I love it. I find it interesting to see how different and alike it is living in different countries and you two seem like such a fun couple.
This is my 4th video of you guys...and already I am learning so much! Thank you for taking the time to produce these videos ^_^
One thing my partner and I have had go work on is something that sounds so simple, which is: respecting each other's cultural differences. Sometimes that's easier said than done. For example, my partner is Korean and ince we got into an argument about what is a vegetable and what is a fruit. We asked our friends, we checked online sources, and both wouldn't budge. Somewhere along the lines the translations for both languages were not about the same things. In this case, the word that translates from vegetable into Korean is 채소 (chaeso) but technically chaeso means anything that grows from the ground. Watermelon in Korea is a chaeso, therefore in Korean it is a vegetable. Anything grown on a tree is considered a 과일 (gwail) which gets translated into fruit. This was an argument from our relationship in the beginning that opened our eyes to the fact that there are things that are just culturally different and we have to learn to accept differences even when we ourselves were not raised to believe or think in that manner.
Also, that differences are not bad.
Hi! We met at the Pink Cow and my boyfriend was there with me too! He`s studying abroad right now, but we lived together before that. One thing we always argued about was meal planning. I`m an American and I just want to buy groceries once a week and plan those meals for the week. But that`s not how things are done in Japan, so he would never have any idea what he wants to eat until that day. I`d ask if he wants this meal I planned for dinner and he would say `no, I want this`. It would drive me a bit crazy hahaha. But other than the cultural differences here and there, we`re basically the same person. We have surprisingly similar personalities so it wasn`t hard to adjust to living together.
i'm glad you included the night chimes. I was in japan last week and heard this and had no idea what they meant but it felt like it was a signal to go home so i did heehee- plus i was tired so i got to have the chimes peacefully play as i walked to the subway ^_^
You two are just the sweetest!
love you guys. i'm so sad you're not doing videos any longer.
These are all very good points, but number 2 is especially important. Many Americans think they can easily get a visa for their spouse because this is how it's portrayed in the movies. But I can tell you that it's not an easy process and it's not cheap. Conversely, Japan was much easier, but it's still not a given.
+Letters from Japan Yeah... I was shocked by how expensive it was. That was one of the reasons we decided to settle down in Japan first, because cost-wise Japan seemed like a safer (and easier) bet.
+Texan in Tokyo - I totally agree. We lived in Japan first, then moved to the US, and now we're back in Japan (hopefully for good!)
+JN87 - That sounds very familiar - I totally feel for you. Removing the conditions after two years was a pain, but we got through it a little easier than the initial hurdles. Now that we're back in Japan, we have to go back to the US once every year to get her passport stamped or else she will lose her immigration status. We're going to go back for a visit later this year, but after that, we're thinking about just letting it go. (Or maybe we'll just go to Hawaii instead... there's an idea!!)
I'm British and I married an American when I was over here for Uni and now we're about to move to Japan. One thing that you said that really shocked me was that you go see your family every year. I try to see my family every 2-3 years, but I talk to them every week via phone, IM and skype and that makes it bearable (though I do often get terrible homesickness, but a bit of British food will help ease that). I couldn't imagine making the flight every year even though I would love to see them my life with my partner is more important than seeing my family in person.
LOL that was a great video! I think some of that is good advice to anyone living in another country even if its not international marriage! Keep up the videos amazing videos!
I love this, so far, two part video as almost every item on your list has applied to my marriage. I am in an international marriage, living with my Spanish wife in Spain but we are jumping through the hoops to go to the states (almost done, only a handful of days left). So as you noted living in one country vs the other may or may not be so easy. For example my desire to live in Spain was an easy reality that took about 3 months and I was allowed to be here on a tourist visa during the process with an extension. However, moving to the states is a process that takes time, for us it will have been 2.5 years once we are there but again like you mentioned, I made a few errors along the way because I also did not have the money for a lawyer.
Cultural differences are key and learning the language is important which is something I struggle with daily. Whereas my wife speaks perfect English my Spanish is a work in progress. As to the cultural differences, times that shops are open or rather are not open was a shocker to me as well as not being able to get many international items in the supermarket, which are a daily thing in the USA.
Another cultural difference is housing and room sizing as well as how common it is to have two single beds in a room rather than sharing a queen or king sized bed. All things that took time to get used to.
Yet another would be communal plates for Lunch/Dinner. Where I grew up eating food from another persons plate was bad juju. Here it is just another day.
Finally, the personal differences are key, as you said. A lot of the time things may seem like a cultural difference but they are in fact only a personal difference and those seem to be the hardest to overcome.
Anyway, your videos are inspirational and it is nice to be able to relate! Have a wonderful day and as always, thank you for contributing to the youtube community. I eagerly await your next video.
Glad I stuck around until the end of the video. You guys are a great couple. So funny xD