It’s strange how being a parentified child made me a very good caretaker and my ultimate choice of career as a nurse. I never had children because I felt like I had been taking care of everyone from my childhood on. I will never forget my mom recounting when I was born and they put me in her arms and she said she knew I was going to be her special angel and that I would take care of her. I had a job the minute I arrived. No wonder I’m so tired!
I like the idea of self-care as smalls ways of saying, “I matter”. I was/am absolutely a parentified child, who wound up in a very caretaking job as a teacher. Every day at lunch, I eat on an actual (reusable) plate with real silverware, and make a coffee when I’m done if there’s time. It is a small thing, but doing that every single day at work-no matter how crazy it gets-reminds that I am worth doing that, making a nice moment in the middle of a hectic day. Instead of just shoveling in food straight from a Tupperware or off a paper plate. It gets me out of damage control/survival mode and is really important.
I really like this, I am a teacher too, in a very high needs school with lots of trauma. It's triggering so much of my old childhood programming of overworking and trying to be everything for everyone. I often just eat little snacks through the day and don't give myself permission to have a real lunch break. I never realized how important this is.
I resonate to you I am a parentified child too recognising it's ok think feel and do what I am doing.. i am an educator and I have been over compensating my care taking patterns and suppressing my feelings .. but learning to be present with my children and go about life mindfullly
Today, of all days, I REALLY needed to hear that it is never too late to heal and grow. In a youth driven culture, it is so easy to fall into the negative thought pattern of "your best days are behind you". Life does not peak at 30 (sorry, not sorry Gen Z for bursting your bubble...) and we need to remember that some of our best accomplishments happen once we have obtained the wisdom of living through some of life's most challenging situations. God bless you for doing this wonderful work! 💛
I am young and totally believe we keep evolving FOREVER!!! One of the closest people to me in my life is my grandma and at 81, we talk together all the time how you keep getting better as you age. ❤
Hella Dr Kim I have parenting my siblings for as long as I can remember. I took legal custody for them when I was 21 because I wanted to give them stability. They are grown now youngest is 23. Now I am exhausted and struggling with my health. I Thank you for this content. I will be looking to get a therapist to my me heal my wounds.
This was an interesting series , would you consider adding another video to it. How the adult child often sacrifices their life to look after the ageing parent- sometimes even living with them and giving up their own needs and chance of romantic relationships. Often the parent makes the adult child feel guilty for wanting more of their own life and how this affects each attachment style. Thank you.
Thank you for your informative videos. I’m a 48 year old woman whose mother was diagnosed with BPD. She died last year and I’m relieved but left to heal my wounds.
You are welcome and I am so sorry for what you endured. I know it's such a complicated story and experience. Sending you love and support as you work on your healing.🙏💗
I believe my mother is BPD too and I honestly have no love for her at all. I can't stand her and don't want to be around her yet I live with her for now so I'm always on eggshells and all I do is self isolate in my room. I've had to install a lock on my door and a camera in my room just to protect myself from her behavior. She's definitely getting the symptoms of dementia as well so it makes it so much worse. She's already made false accusations against me and smeared my on social media when she gets angry that I stand up for myself now and don't tolerate her behavior. I have felt bad that I have such disdain for my own mother so I'm glad to hear that may be more normal fhan I thought. I honestly wish she was gone or at least in a nursing home away from me. I'm blown away that it's gotten to that level that I feel that way but it's true. I'm glad you are away from her now and I hope you heal soon.
Me! 1000% I've been working for years to figure out who I am after my mother's death. The enmeshment was overwhelming to me, as my brothers expected me to be the care taker...more abuse. They treated me as she did. Too many stories. Needless to say, we no longer communicate. I remember from infant on that I could not rely on this woman... pretty sure she never soothed me as a infant. Her favorite story was how good of a baby I was, that I never cried at night from day one home from the hospital. By the end of my mother's life, when I confronted her on much of this, I asked if it ever occurred to her that she was sleeping on her Good Ear (she is deaf in one ear from mumps as a child). She never thought about it... It was normal for her to sleep on her good ear and we all knew if there was a fire, she may not hear you yelling "Fire". This woman could sleep hard and deep...she slept through an earth quake that moved all the furniture throughout the room. She was crazy self-involved and emotionally unavailable and an extreme narcissist, and may be borderline...who knows...she is dead now. This woman had no interest in looking within to see how her actions affected others... I know now I picked relationships according to what I was use to. Trying to be better to myself now. It is real difficult to figure out who I am after a lifetime (I am 59) of caretaking.
Thank you 💗 When I am listening to you so many dots are connecting in my life. Until recently I didn't even know that parentification is something bad. I always felt proud that I was an hard working child, taking care of my sisters, helping my mum with the chores. Now I don't want at all to have my own children, but is not because I already raised my sisters. I have the feeling that I didn't enjoy my childhood, my life until now. Besides this I just become aware that I was emotionally abused as a child and I have a lot of healing to do. I need to take care of myself and having a child seems too much.
Something I noticed in these educational videos about parentification that aren't mentioned enough, is that parentification also takes form not just in older/younger siblings, but also in space of when a sibling(regardless of birth order)have kids and one of the siblings take role of raising his or her niece or nephew due to single parent dynamic, mental illness, or other factors. I say this, because my older sister was definitely parentified since she pretty much helped raise me and my brother since my mom was a single parent along with being verbally abusive and other traits which I later discovered as narcissism. The cycle repeated when my sister had kids and I was in place at one point helping raise my niece and nephew. Same dynamic, different time frames
Thank you dr Kim! As I’m 26, I’m trying to get this mother wound healing worked on before I have kids! It was a break through for me to hear you say we can actually lean in and appreciate our hypervigelent selves… I love that I care deeply for others
Wow this is so incredibly helpful. My MIL hardcore parentifies everyone, and today I reached a point where I realized that and have been wondering why everytime I’m around her I feel used like I’m supposed to be a sponge for her to just talk to. I feel like a constant crutch. But it never 100% dawned on me until today as I put 2 and 2 together with my dad.
Thank you for this! Self love is a new idea for me. My thrrapist asked me how do you reward yourself? I couldn't answer that, I still can't. But I'm gonna keep trying. I also started on an anti anxiety medication to help me, it's been great. But yea, I love my bird feeder and it feels nice to have a quiet home, haven't thought about having kids until now and probably cause I was a mother since I was eldest of 3. So now I'm enjoying my solitude.
There was something very special about this one for me. Thanks so much for sharing. I was surprised to hear you talk about doing the work in your mid 40s. That really helped. As an aside, I find it hilarious when you find yourself talking too fast in your vids :)
So happy it was helpful! Yes, I used to edit out my fast talking and I have definitely improved, but it's still a challenge especially if i am in a hurry or excited. Funny - just today I was trying to catch up on comments and a person wrote on an old video "you talk too fast and I can't listen..." I wanted to show that we are all a work in progress! ha ha thx again for being here!!💜💜🙏
I REMEMBER TAKING CARE OF MY SICK FATHER WHO LATER ABONDED ME WITH HIS TOXIC FAMILY, LIFE IS UNFAIR. I WISH MY FAMILY COULD SEE THIS AND REALIZE HOW TOXIC THEY ARE.
@@OMARRIOO I'm sure they want to move on, but a video outlining exactly how a certain dynamic played out could be very tempting to show to the people who hurt us.
your content is SO valuable ❤ thank you so much for your great work, it helps a lot. I'm not in therapy currently and I also did work on my parentification issue a lot. But every now and then it's good to take some time and reflect .. and see if you can make life a little better or easier for yourself.
Thank you for your content DR Sage, your videos have resonated deeply and helped me understand a lot. My mother is undiagnosed but I have had a lot of childhood trauma which has affected my mental health as an adult. I am re parenting myself now as I was always the one trying to make sure my mum wasn’t triggered and protecting my brother and completely put my feelings and needs aside and making sure others were ok. I have a tough time setting boundaries and also managing my emotions when upset I find it super hard to self soothe. Anyway just wanted to say your videos have really really helped me, I don’t feel alone and like people actually understand too 🤍🤍 sending you lots of love xx
The dishwasher example was hilarious. After someone else has loaded it, I take things out and rearrange them and fit more stuff in. I just can't bear not to.
I'd love to see some information on children of borderlines supporting their children who the parents were emotionally incapable of healthy parenting. A mother with a mother wound supporting a wounded adult child.
i think it refers to writing about your experience not as a ‘i was … i had to…’ but more in the present tense as ‘i am x years old and i am… i have to’ etc…
You briefly mentioned those of us who have been giving so much that we don't want to give anymore. My mother nagged and still nags me, like every minute that I am with her. I am put in the role of being hypervigilant to fulfill her needs, listen to her every comment, be present for her while at the same time diminish myself. As an adult I am exhausted from constantly giving to others and need someone to give to me. So I try to give to myself, but I usually just end up avoiding people bc I don't want to anyone to expect or demand anything from me. What to do?
Can you make a video sort of assuring those of us that are in therapy for our childhood trauma, that it'll do some good? And I mean good in relation to our own children. I'm doing drama based therapy for me, but really, I'm doing it for my four-year-old son.
Dear Kim Sage, Thank you for your always interesting and kind videos. As a keen watcher I feel compelled to engage by responding to step 1. Honouring Your Inner Child's Experiences. Might there be any risk involved in 'jumping into'/engaging in the fantasy of a loving/nurturing Mother? By leaning into deeper self-understanding through (in this case) a youtube format - without any real holding of the actual process (after-all, a video is just a video) - I wonder if not a person unknowingly ends up encountering new experience of feeling cut-off from Nurture. Who can help them navigate through this step with a discerning eye on safety and time boundaries: moving the person's thoughts, feelings and memories through an array of perceived unsafe, murky dynamics, calmly facilitating a deeper recognition of phantasy and reality, attending to timeframe and uncomfortable physical sensations etc? The youTube video format elevates a 'Gap' between sender and receiver and I am wondering about the consequences for people who are intently looking for help, trying their hardest to better understand themselves, their boundaries, learning about their over-arching truth. Considering safety of process, does 1. Honouring Your Inner Child's Experiences not most appropriately require an external source to help carry some of that responsibility -the responsibility often abandoned in the past-and in that respect in this process is there not an elevated need for recognition of the psychological limitation regarding self-facilitation abilities? With Kindest Regards.
Mom was BPD, dad was narcissist-alcoholic. The parents divorced and the kids lived w dad. I was chief cook and bottle washer and mentor to my father for things a 14 is way under qualified for. This made me an insecure control freak and know it all.
All I can think about when I hear this is how women respond to a man who has trauma or who is "wounded" in this way. Their immediate, gut level reaction is to respond as if there is "something wrong" with him, as if he is a scumbag, creep, or potential predator. You wanna know why men never show vulnerability? Because we are immediately penalized by both men AND women. It is not just an issue of "the patriarchy" or macho culture-- it is something we all contribute to.
I want to give you a compliment. I recently watched a few videos of a woman named Vanessa Van Edwards that is an author and expert on body language and other behavioral patterns. She was explaining that charisma is a perfect mixture of warmth and competence but that you can have too much of one and not the other so you need to be even on both. She mentions that if you have too much warmth, you come off as fake whereas if you have too much competence you come off as cold. I think you used to be way too much on the warmth side but you obviously have always had the competence since you know this topic. Recently, you have raised the volume of your voice and therefore, in my opinion, lowered the warmth and become more even which is good. You're still warm and caring sounding but not overly warm. I understand that this channel may be primarily for women and they may like that much warmth but I, personally, think it's too much for me as a man. Keep up the good content.
@@june29378 oh yeah. Completely ignore the facts I gave in the first of my comment by someone who knows what she's talking about but sure. It must be me. Lol! Could it be that maybe you and most women need to be coddled by others like you're babies because you can't handle that reality is harsh?
I'm a woman and agree with the warmth thing. If there's an imbalance, I most definitely prefer the competency over syrupy sweetness! Fawning like that makes me feel manipulated which I can't stand.
The joke I used to make about not having children was that I had raised my mom, and look how she turned out.
I can relate ... 😅
I don't think I ever thought of wanting to have kids because I was a parent for my own family since as far back as I remember!
We are like that old bitter mother/father of adult kids since we are in our teens or younger
My mother used to it so mad because I wouldn’t give her any grandchildren. I told her I raised her kids. I’m not doing my adulthood. Proud childless
Its good to have a day that has nothing 'scheduled' in it...let it just unfold...and not feel that 'doing nothing' is an awful crime!!
Rightly said the idea of just doing nothing would just scare me .. I was so fixated about staying busy
oh same. learning to take naps was amazing...
I'm trying to get used to this. Sundays are usually my day for this. Wow. Didn't know so many people relate to this.
Well this struck a cord with me.
It’s strange how being a parentified child made me a very good caretaker and my ultimate choice of career as a nurse. I never had children because I felt like I had been taking care of everyone from my childhood on. I will never forget my mom recounting when I was born and they put me in her arms and she said she knew I was going to be her special angel and that I would take care of her. I had a job the minute I arrived. No wonder I’m so tired!
Omg. Me too! I had this realization! I've been a parent since I was a kid. I'm tired!
Ever meeting a date partner that always saying "dont treat me like a child" or "why i felt like dating my mom?" or it just me?
Same here. My mom's "therapist".. I became a nurse, too .. then later, it all made sense why 😞
I like the idea of self-care as smalls ways of saying, “I matter”. I was/am absolutely a parentified child, who wound up in a very caretaking job as a teacher. Every day at lunch, I eat on an actual (reusable) plate with real silverware, and make a coffee when I’m done if there’s time. It is a small thing, but doing that every single day at work-no matter how crazy it gets-reminds that I am worth doing that, making a nice moment in the middle of a hectic day. Instead of just shoveling in food straight from a Tupperware or off a paper plate. It gets me out of damage control/survival mode and is really important.
I really like this, I am a teacher too, in a very high needs school with lots of trauma. It's triggering so much of my old childhood programming of overworking and trying to be everything for everyone. I often just eat little snacks through the day and don't give myself permission to have a real lunch break. I never realized how important this is.
I resonate to you I am a parentified child too recognising it's ok think feel and do what I am doing.. i am an educator and I have been over compensating my care taking patterns and suppressing my feelings .. but learning to be present with my children and go about life mindfullly
Today, of all days, I REALLY needed to hear that it is never too late to heal and grow. In a youth driven culture, it is so easy to fall into the negative thought pattern of "your best days are behind you". Life does not peak at 30 (sorry, not sorry Gen Z for bursting your bubble...) and we need to remember that some of our best accomplishments happen once we have obtained the wisdom of living through some of life's most challenging situations. God bless you for doing this wonderful work! 💛
Beautifully & thoughtfully said..very true. Thank you so much
Well said Beautiful
I am young and totally believe we keep evolving FOREVER!!! One of the closest people to me in my life is my grandma and at 81, we talk together all the time how you keep getting better as you age. ❤
my mom STILL tries to parentify me but i put my foot down and keep boundaries good now
I'm still trying to get better at this.
Yep. Finally yelling to my parents to parent my younger sister. She is 32 y.o. i am tired! When will the time for ME to live MY LIFE? I'M 42 Y.O!!!!
Hella Dr Kim
I have parenting my siblings for as long as I can remember. I took legal custody for them when I was 21 because I wanted to give them stability. They are grown now youngest is 23. Now I am exhausted and struggling with my health. I
Thank you for this content. I will be looking to get a therapist to my me heal my wounds.
This was an interesting series , would you consider adding another video to it. How the adult child often sacrifices their life to look after the ageing parent- sometimes even living with them and giving up their own needs and chance of romantic relationships. Often the parent makes the adult child feel guilty for wanting more of their own life and how this affects each attachment style. Thank you.
I would love a video on this topic as well and how we can manage while not kicking the parent out on the street
Yup. That’s me
Yes, please. How to move on to live one's own life and not feel bad about leaving my aged mom with my irresponsible young sister?
Thank you for your informative videos. I’m a 48 year old woman whose mother was diagnosed with BPD. She died last year and I’m relieved but left to heal my wounds.
You are welcome and I am so sorry for what you endured. I know it's such a complicated story and experience. Sending you love and support as you work on your healing.🙏💗
I believe my mother is BPD too and I honestly have no love for her at all. I can't stand her and don't want to be around her yet I live with her for now so I'm always on eggshells and all I do is self isolate in my room. I've had to install a lock on my door and a camera in my room just to protect myself from her behavior. She's definitely getting the symptoms of dementia as well so it makes it so much worse. She's already made false accusations against me and smeared my on social media when she gets angry that I stand up for myself now and don't tolerate her behavior. I have felt bad that I have such disdain for my own mother so I'm glad to hear that may be more normal fhan I thought. I honestly wish she was gone or at least in a nursing home away from me. I'm blown away that it's gotten to that level that I feel that way but it's true. I'm glad you are away from her now and I hope you heal soon.
@@DontbeanNPC 0
I'm sorry for your experience. Take care!
@@DontbeanNPC I feel the same. I do love my mother, but I don’t like her. I wish I was free as well.
Me! 1000% I've been working for years to figure out who I am after my mother's death. The enmeshment was overwhelming to me, as my brothers expected me to be the care taker...more abuse. They treated me as she did. Too many stories. Needless to say, we no longer communicate. I remember from infant on that I could not rely on this woman... pretty sure she never soothed me as a infant. Her favorite story was how good of a baby I was, that I never cried at night from day one home from the hospital. By the end of my mother's life, when I confronted her on much of this, I asked if it ever occurred to her that she was sleeping on her Good Ear (she is deaf in one ear from mumps as a child). She never thought about it... It was normal for her to sleep on her good ear and we all knew if there was a fire, she may not hear you yelling "Fire". This woman could sleep hard and deep...she slept through an earth quake that moved all the furniture throughout the room. She was crazy self-involved and emotionally unavailable and an extreme narcissist, and may be borderline...who knows...she is dead now. This woman had no interest in looking within to see how her actions affected others... I know now I picked relationships according to what I was use to. Trying to be better to myself now. It is real difficult to figure out who I am after a lifetime (I am 59) of caretaking.
Me too 💔 i'm 68.
Ha. I love watching birds now too! Who knew. Lesley the Bird Nerd is a favorite channel.
Thank you! I will check it out!!💜
I just started bird feeding this month and I love it. My feathered friends keep my company and make me laugh with their little antics.
Thank you 💗
When I am listening to you so many dots are connecting in my life. Until recently I didn't even know that parentification is something bad. I always felt proud that I was an hard working child, taking care of my sisters, helping my mum with the chores. Now I don't want at all to have my own children, but is not because I already raised my sisters. I have the feeling that I didn't enjoy my childhood, my life until now. Besides this I just become aware that I was emotionally abused as a child and I have a lot of healing to do. I need to take care of myself and having a child seems too much.
I didn’t want to have kids at all because I did so much work as a child raising my siblings.
Exactly. I am happy and content with my own inner child . I don't ever want another soul's burden
Something I noticed in these educational videos about parentification that aren't mentioned enough, is that parentification also takes form not just in older/younger siblings, but also in space of when a sibling(regardless of birth order)have kids and one of the siblings take role of raising his or her niece or nephew due to single parent dynamic, mental illness, or other factors.
I say this, because my older sister was definitely parentified since she pretty much helped raise me and my brother since my mom was a single parent along with being verbally abusive and other traits which I later discovered as narcissism.
The cycle repeated when my sister had kids and I was in place at one point helping raise my niece and nephew.
Same dynamic, different time frames
i agree, that video about raising nieces and nephews would be appreciated
Thank you dr Kim! As I’m 26, I’m trying to get this mother wound healing worked on before I have kids! It was a break through for me to hear you say we can actually lean in and appreciate our hypervigelent selves… I love that I care deeply for others
Wow this is so incredibly helpful. My MIL hardcore parentifies everyone, and today I reached a point where I realized that and have been wondering why everytime I’m around her I feel used like I’m supposed to be a sponge for her to just talk to. I feel like a constant crutch. But it never 100% dawned on me until today as I put 2 and 2 together with my dad.
I love birds and I feed them every day.❤️
My inner child was a critical thinker.
Thank you for this! Self love is a new idea for me. My thrrapist asked me how do you reward yourself? I couldn't answer that, I still can't. But I'm gonna keep trying. I also started on an anti anxiety medication to help me, it's been great. But yea, I love my bird feeder and it feels nice to have a quiet home, haven't thought about having kids until now and probably cause I was a mother since I was eldest of 3. So now I'm enjoying my solitude.
There was something very special about this one for me. Thanks so much for sharing. I was surprised to hear you talk about doing the work in your mid 40s. That really helped. As an aside, I find it hilarious when you find yourself talking too fast in your vids :)
So happy it was helpful! Yes, I used to edit out my fast talking and I have definitely improved, but it's still a challenge especially if i am in a hurry or excited. Funny - just today I was trying to catch up on comments and a person wrote on an old video "you talk too fast and I can't listen..." I wanted to show that we are all a work in progress! ha ha thx again for being here!!💜💜🙏
I've taken notes and I can already see how much of a change this will make. Thank you so much 🙏🏻
I REMEMBER TAKING CARE OF MY SICK FATHER WHO LATER ABONDED ME WITH HIS TOXIC FAMILY, LIFE IS UNFAIR. I WISH MY FAMILY COULD SEE THIS AND REALIZE HOW TOXIC THEY ARE.
You should be happy that you see that and wish that you move on rather than seek revenge and get your way.
@@OMARRIOO I'm sure they want to move on, but a video outlining exactly how a certain dynamic played out could be very tempting to show to the people who hurt us.
your content is SO valuable ❤ thank you so much for your great work, it helps a lot. I'm not in therapy currently and I also did work on my parentification issue a lot. But every now and then it's good to take some time and reflect .. and see if you can make life a little better or easier for yourself.
Thank you for your content DR Sage, your videos have resonated deeply and helped me understand a lot. My mother is undiagnosed but I have had a lot of childhood trauma which has affected my mental health as an adult. I am re parenting myself now as I was always the one trying to make sure my mum wasn’t triggered and protecting my brother and completely put my feelings and needs aside and making sure others were ok. I have a tough time setting boundaries and also managing my emotions when upset I find it super hard to self soothe.
Anyway just wanted to say your videos have really really helped me, I don’t feel alone and like people actually understand too 🤍🤍 sending you lots of love xx
You are an amazing human being! Thank you so much! I suffer from c ptsd and finally I receive guidance! Your videos have huge value! Thank you
I just stumbled upon these videos, I am floored at how much this describes my childhood. Thank you for what you doing! It’s changing lives.
You're the s#!%, if you'll pardon the expression. I deeply appreciate your vulnerability, candor, and insight. Thank you! ❤
Dr. Sage, you are such a blessing. Thank you a thousand times🙏🏾 🤗
You are such an inspiration to me!!! ❤
Loved this ... and it’s wonderful to hear about you .. thank you for all your very informative videos . 💕🐾
Thank you so much❤
You’re doing G-d’s work. Thank you🙏🏽✨
The dishwasher example was hilarious. After someone else has loaded it, I take things out and rearrange them and fit more stuff in. I just can't bear not to.
Thank you for your work, and for the love you clearly put into it.
Thank you
Wow! I can relate 🙋♀️
This fits!! Thank you!
I'd love to see some information on children of borderlines supporting their children who the parents were emotionally incapable of healthy parenting. A mother with a mother wound supporting a wounded adult child.
It doesn't make sense to me to say "when i was little." If it's from my perspective, then I was an adult at 8yr.
i think it refers to writing about your experience not as a ‘i was … i had to…’ but more in the present tense as ‘i am x years old and i am… i have to’ etc…
You briefly mentioned those of us who have been giving so much that we don't want to give anymore. My mother nagged and still nags me, like every minute that I am with her. I am put in the role of being hypervigilant to fulfill her needs, listen to her every comment, be present for her while at the same time diminish myself. As an adult I am exhausted from constantly giving to others and need someone to give to me. So I try to give to myself, but I usually just end up avoiding people bc I don't want to anyone to expect or demand anything from me. What to do?
similar experience to you x
Thank you, so much
Can you make a video sort of assuring those of us that are in therapy for our childhood trauma, that it'll do some good? And I mean good in relation to our own children. I'm doing drama based therapy for me, but really, I'm doing it for my four-year-old son.
Dear Kim Sage, Thank you for your always interesting and kind videos. As a keen watcher I feel compelled to engage by responding to step 1. Honouring Your Inner Child's Experiences. Might there be any risk involved in 'jumping into'/engaging in the fantasy of a loving/nurturing Mother? By leaning into deeper self-understanding through (in this case) a youtube format - without any real holding of the actual process (after-all, a video is just a video) - I wonder if not a person unknowingly ends up encountering new experience of feeling cut-off from Nurture. Who can help them navigate through this step with a discerning eye on safety and time boundaries: moving the person's thoughts, feelings and memories through an array of perceived unsafe, murky dynamics, calmly facilitating a deeper recognition of phantasy and reality, attending to timeframe and uncomfortable physical sensations etc?
The youTube video format elevates a 'Gap' between sender and receiver and I am wondering about the consequences for people who are intently looking for help, trying their hardest to better understand themselves, their boundaries, learning about their over-arching truth.
Considering safety of process, does 1. Honouring Your Inner Child's Experiences not most appropriately require an external source to help carry some of that responsibility -the responsibility often abandoned in the past-and in that respect in this process is there not an elevated need for recognition of the psychological limitation regarding self-facilitation abilities? With Kindest Regards.
Mom was BPD, dad was narcissist-alcoholic. The parents divorced and the kids lived w dad. I was chief cook and bottle washer and mentor to my father for things a 14 is way under qualified for. This made me an insecure control freak and know it all.
All I can think about when I hear this is how women respond to a man who has trauma or who is "wounded" in this way. Their immediate, gut level reaction is to respond as if there is "something wrong" with him, as if he is a scumbag, creep, or potential predator. You wanna know why men never show vulnerability? Because we are immediately penalized by both men AND women. It is not just an issue of "the patriarchy" or macho culture-- it is something we all contribute to.
How can we buy these Worksheets?
I want to give you a compliment. I recently watched a few videos of a woman named Vanessa Van Edwards that is an author and expert on body language and other behavioral patterns. She was explaining that charisma is a perfect mixture of warmth and competence but that you can have too much of one and not the other so you need to be even on both. She mentions that if you have too much warmth, you come off as fake whereas if you have too much competence you come off as cold. I think you used to be way too much on the warmth side but you obviously have always had the competence since you know this topic. Recently, you have raised the volume of your voice and therefore, in my opinion, lowered the warmth and become more even which is good. You're still warm and caring sounding but not overly warm. I understand that this channel may be primarily for women and they may like that much warmth but I, personally, think it's too much for me as a man. Keep up the good content.
@@june29378 oh yeah. Completely ignore the facts I gave in the first of my comment by someone who knows what she's talking about but sure. It must be me. Lol! Could it be that maybe you and most women need to be coddled by others like you're babies because you can't handle that reality is harsh?
I'm a woman and agree with the warmth thing. If there's an imbalance, I most definitely prefer the competency over syrupy sweetness! Fawning like that makes me feel manipulated which I can't stand.
No one cares
Ps your kids must be incredibly lucky to have you ❤❤
Increase your vulnerability *triggered!* 😳