Meanwhile... NASCAR Fight | Broccoli Freckles | Cocaine Avocados | Florida's Fat Gator

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  • Опубліковано 15 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 579

  • @LincolnWorld
    @LincolnWorld 7 місяців тому +464

    Some people steal a tiny eagle card holder. Some steal top secret documents and then refuse to give them back. About half the country doesn't seem to see a difference.

    • @asynchronicity
      @asynchronicity 7 місяців тому

      It's all the same if you're brain damaged 🤷

    • @Victoria-c4n
      @Victoria-c4n 7 місяців тому +26

      Touché!

    • @mariekastler5391
      @mariekastler5391 7 місяців тому +8

      30something %
      Remember to VOTE!

    • @ChicoTheMan69
      @ChicoTheMan69 7 місяців тому +5

      Presidents have gotten away with much worse, Nixon wasn't the only crook.

    • @amyjackson8725
      @amyjackson8725 7 місяців тому

      maga is NOWHERE NEAR "half"!!!!! They are a TINY MINORITY. Only about 25% of the 168 million registered voters are republican, and about a third of THOSE are maga, at most maybe 10 million.

  • @primordial_platypus
    @primordial_platypus 7 місяців тому +350

    It would be funny if the next dinner he is invited to everyone has a place holder in its stand except him where it is just laid on the table.

    • @56nickrich
      @56nickrich 7 місяців тому +11

      Good one platypus! 😂

    • @flackstar007
      @flackstar007 7 місяців тому +11

      That would make for a great story.

    • @lillia2479
      @lillia2479 7 місяців тому +12

      That would be hilarious. 😂

    • @bwenluck9812
      @bwenluck9812 7 місяців тому +6

      But---Evie did it, lol....

    • @221b-Maker-Street
      @221b-Maker-Street 7 місяців тому +1

      Bahaha! 😂

  • @KPVFarmer
    @KPVFarmer 7 місяців тому +26

    Thank you good Sir. Your morals and values are beyond reproach! If others were more like you the world would be a better and more hilarious place!!! 🇺🇸🦅🇺🇦

  • @edwardlulofs444
    @edwardlulofs444 7 місяців тому +76

    I am coming to appreciate and like the Meanwhile segment more and more.
    Thank you Mr Colbert. Lately I have been watching your episodes several times each because they are contributing so much to my life.
    Your work is at a peak.
    Keep up the good work. I believe that you are helping America and the world so much right now.
    You are certainly helping my life. 😀👍

    • @karinwolf3645
      @karinwolf3645 7 місяців тому +6

      Mine, too! I can't sleep when you are on vacation. 🤔😦😭💋💖💙🌵👵🐺🖖

    • @bebelechekid
      @bebelechekid 7 місяців тому +2

      Amen to that 🎉

  • @chriswilliam7282
    @chriswilliam7282 7 місяців тому +62

    Stephen seeing the mini fig and immediately thinking "✨shiney✨ I want" is very relatable! 💯

  • @alphabrainwave
    @alphabrainwave 7 місяців тому +435

    Secret Service: Excuse me, Mrs. Colbert. Why did you put that name place holder in your pocketbook?
    Evie: It had my name on it.
    Secret Service: (pauses, listening to earpiece) It checks out.

    • @corpsecoder_nw6746
      @corpsecoder_nw6746 7 місяців тому +18

      omg I didn't think about it that way

    • @angelikalindenau943
      @angelikalindenau943 7 місяців тому +10

    • @lashadi1445
      @lashadi1445 7 місяців тому +17

      *perfection* 🤌 *chef's kiss*

    • @bobtrask2217
      @bobtrask2217 7 місяців тому +22

      Oh, I would totally be using the "Janet Yellen told me to" as an affirmative defense.

  • @h7opolo
    @h7opolo 7 місяців тому +80

    1:59 in Yellen we trust. don't fret, Stephen. no foul.

  • @rikkiechambers4959
    @rikkiechambers4959 7 місяців тому +18

    Evie did it 😂😂😂 lmao and the nascar bit was extra funny too .. great meanwhile !

  • @celinadavies
    @celinadavies 7 місяців тому +65

    'Meanwhile' was so so good tonight Stephen 🌟🌟🌟 🥰 British Columbia 🇨🇦

    • @kathrynryches6660
      @kathrynryches6660 7 місяців тому +4

      He needs to come back and visit our province again, 2010 was a long time ago!

  • @KealohaHarrison
    @KealohaHarrison 7 місяців тому +296

    Another eloquently delivered tongue twister Meanwhile preamble! Some of us love it, some of us hate it, but regardless I’m always here for it.

    • @richard1472
      @richard1472 7 місяців тому +34

      I just skip it.

    • @jkap34
      @jkap34 7 місяців тому +15

      ​@@richard1472 what's the point in watching meanwhile, then? It's like watching Seth Meyers closer look without watching his preamble to the title block for the segment.

    • @richard1472
      @richard1472 7 місяців тому +7

      @@jkap34
      My choice, okay?
      And Seth Meyers is annoying. He talks through his nose.

    • @ZedOhZed
      @ZedOhZed 7 місяців тому +21

      @@richard1472 everyone is entitled to make the wrong choice.

    • @vsznry
      @vsznry 7 місяців тому +1

      for the actual "headlines" an commentary ? lolol @@jkap34

  • @pennygleeson5029
    @pennygleeson5029 7 місяців тому +39

    Best. Guac. EVER !!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @davesky538
    @davesky538 7 місяців тому +39

    Gator got the meats! Arby's should use the gator in it's advert!😂

  • @Shea3224
    @Shea3224 7 місяців тому +86

    The Aligator on Ozempic. Lmao!! 🤣🤣

    • @tesswinker2482
      @tesswinker2482 7 місяців тому +3

      There's actually a pig mascot named Ozempig!

  • @PitFriend1
    @PitFriend1 7 місяців тому +72

    I thought the Most Florida award would go to their legislature that tackled the important issue of being able to buy a 15 liter bottle of wine.

    • @j10001
      @j10001 7 місяців тому +5

      It’s a highly competitive award. Loads of well-qualified entries.

    • @IvanKosta-dv5mw
      @IvanKosta-dv5mw 7 місяців тому +3

      That bottle would need to be rolled out on wheels like a canon. Didn’t cognac used to be sold like that as a show piece ? You could swivel tilt it to pour !? And why on earth would there be a limit on bottle size to begin with when there was no limit on quantity ?

    • @leavingitblank9363
      @leavingitblank9363 7 місяців тому

      Amusing how they keep referring to a bottle. You know damn well it's a BOX.

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander 7 місяців тому +71

    Sacré bleu! Those coffees and croissants will be cold by the time it gets there! 😂

    • @yudithcaron8053
      @yudithcaron8053 7 місяців тому +5

      Coffee temperature is one way to determine the winner in case of a tie.

    • @marcpeterson1092
      @marcpeterson1092 7 місяців тому +1

      @@yudithcaron8053Lowest time and lowest temperature wins.

  • @diembepoet
    @diembepoet 7 місяців тому +14

    "The stowaway's flunky-bunk that is the news."😆

  • @amyreynolds3619
    @amyreynolds3619 7 місяців тому +10

    Best. Meanwhile. Ever. Stephen. Colbert. 😅 😂

  • @malvavisco7149
    @malvavisco7149 7 місяців тому +47

    Alligators are fierce apex predators, but mankind now knows their weakness: HAM

    • @benn454
      @benn454 7 місяців тому +3

      I mean, that's also OUR weakness

    • @sethescope
      @sethescope 7 місяців тому +3

      ​@@benn454 it's amazing how much we have in common with other species, isn't it? the natural world is incredible 😂

    • @archive881
      @archive881 7 місяців тому

      They already have a taste for "long pig" (humans).

  • @railrodemike
    @railrodemike 7 місяців тому +108

    The USMC definition of S.T.E.A.L. To strategically transfer equipment to alternative locations. Quote from "The Fat Electrician."

  • @badbiker666
    @badbiker666 7 місяців тому +18

    The next time I sleep on a makeshift bed, something I have to throw together on an emergency basis, I now know to call it a "flunky bunk." Thanks to Stephen for providing that terminology.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage 7 місяців тому +19

    Road Rage? Heck, maybe my Dad WOULD be good at that sport!

  • @mad_borden
    @mad_borden 7 місяців тому +22

    Treasury Secretary goes: "Just take it". Me with debt: "I vibe with this chick." Can we get the Tubman 20 sooner though?

    • @bettyjones113
      @bettyjones113 7 місяців тому

      Only if the $20 can’t have Wilma Mankiller on the face. I think we need a Cherokee woman. The irony to replace AJ with a Cherokee

  • @DaHaiZhu
    @DaHaiZhu 7 місяців тому +40

    Fat Gators can't run as fast. There is a logic to their madness

  • @AmericanTeacher-USA
    @AmericanTeacher-USA 7 місяців тому +19

    Evie did it !! 😂

  • @Cancun771
    @Cancun771 7 місяців тому +12

    An asparagus raft is the preferred side dish to a pork sword.
    Not many people know that.
    *Also **_Gator on Ozempic_** is my new boomer garage band name.*

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander 7 місяців тому +55

    Don Jr. is going to be short on avocados. 🥑 👃

  • @cheska2024
    @cheska2024 7 місяців тому +5

    'Most Florida' says so much in just 2 words.

  • @jojoone1099
    @jojoone1099 7 місяців тому +10

    People get testy on diets, so how will a crocodile/alligator do when it feels under fed? 👀

  • @wharris123184
    @wharris123184 7 місяців тому +7

    Thievin’ Colbert 😂

  • @RickDeevey
    @RickDeevey 7 місяців тому +6

    Maybe you can get a presidential pardon for the gewgaw theft, Bilbo.

  • @michaelsantarlas17
    @michaelsantarlas17 7 місяців тому +7

    Sharp! Sounds like Steven had the guacamole dip

  • @catherinephonevalencia2937
    @catherinephonevalencia2937 7 місяців тому

    Thank you Mr. Colbert. You are a bright light in what seems to be an increasingly dark world. "Best guac Ever" made me fall off the sofa! Thanks again!

  • @eulbart
    @eulbart 7 місяців тому +7

    Oh the irony... The writers kidding about strikes...

  • @lydienardon729
    @lydienardon729 7 місяців тому +10

    In France the hospitality and restauration workers are never on strike in France : and we are the only one to work 39 hours a week (it 's 35 Hours a week on every other jobs). Our night time does not have a financial compensation... That's why so many workers in Restaurant and hotels a

  • @RetroGameSpacko
    @RetroGameSpacko 7 місяців тому +8

    I miss the covid shows with Evie laughing in the background

  • @bettygreenhansen
    @bettygreenhansen 7 місяців тому +21

    Somewhere in Florida there is a 1000-pound alligator who not only is not afraid of humans, it associates us with food!

    • @charlenezevelykirby481
      @charlenezevelykirby481 7 місяців тому +2

      and is gonna be a bit hungrier maybe.

    • @davidlundquist1979
      @davidlundquist1979 7 місяців тому +7

      It's charming that you think there's only one.

    • @bettygreenhansen
      @bettygreenhansen 7 місяців тому +2

      @@davidlundquist1979 I don’t go swimming in water I cannot see through so I’m safe, don’t worry!

    • @cyclewisconsin105
      @cyclewisconsin105 7 місяців тому +2

      @@bettygreenhansen Best bet all around to be safe is to stay out of Florida.

    • @bettygreenhansen
      @bettygreenhansen 7 місяців тому

      @@cyclewisconsin105 I love and prefer Florida without tourists.

  • @dougwalker4944
    @dougwalker4944 7 місяців тому +4

    love the shout out to nascar..then the slam!!!

  • @oliviaarnest5536
    @oliviaarnest5536 7 місяців тому +7

    The Whitehouse needs a new official holiday; Borrowers' Amnesty Day in which anything taken can be returned with impunity. It'll be kind of like reverse trick or treating, leave a box out on your porch and your things reappear.

  • @LynnVallières
    @LynnVallières 7 місяців тому +4

    Good luck trying to sneak that back in through the metal detectors and worse, explaining why you have that in the first place! 😂

  • @cookies1171
    @cookies1171 7 місяців тому +4

    It had your name on it!!😂

  • @MauroNigro
    @MauroNigro 7 місяців тому +6

    the paris bit is nice. because in paris they have workers rights, a minimum wage ad a civil country.all things unknown in the US. :-)

  • @jturtle5318
    @jturtle5318 7 місяців тому +11

    Appeasing the local alligator so he doesn’t eat your dog or snatch your kid out of the yard makes perfect sense to me.

    • @5m0k3y9
      @5m0k3y9 7 місяців тому

      But that is totally the wrong thing to do! The gator will come to lose all fear of people and dogs if they are with them when feeding the gator. Which leads the gator to hang around the area, You cannot see it most of the time. get too close to the shore and it will eat ANYTHING it can grab and pull under the water!

    • @therealhiesenberg2731
      @therealhiesenberg2731 7 місяців тому

      Someone though the same thing about a mountain lion in one of my old neighborhoods. The mountain lion ended up eating a teenager.

  • @olorin4317
    @olorin4317 7 місяців тому +8

    Don’t put the gator on a diet, put it in a fryer! They’ve already fattened him up. People starving in the world, but we put our food on diets.

  • @MsLyricLee
    @MsLyricLee 7 місяців тому +2

    "Best Guac Ever." 🤣🤣🤣

  • @mariekastler5391
    @mariekastler5391 7 місяців тому +1

    "Stowaway's flunky bunk" new standard of excellence for meanwhile!

  • @WoundedEgo
    @WoundedEgo 7 місяців тому +1

    Colbert is great at his job.

  • @lisaaustin8150
    @lisaaustin8150 7 місяців тому +2

    I guess we’re gonna act like we forgot about Tony Stewart’s “road rage?”😂

  • @IvanKosta-dv5mw
    @IvanKosta-dv5mw 7 місяців тому +1

    That would be some hangry gator ! 🐊

  • @deamontube30
    @deamontube30 7 місяців тому +1

    The iron bank winked and said you could have gold.

  • @adb888
    @adb888 7 місяців тому +2

    I thought the punchline about the waiters in Paris would be, "Of course, the real challenge was getting across Paris without stepping in dog shit."

  • @AmericanTeacher-USA
    @AmericanTeacher-USA 7 місяців тому +3

    Best broccoli freckles ever !!

  • @jeffpoteau4357
    @jeffpoteau4357 7 місяців тому +3

    And the alligator washes it all down with a diet coke.

  • @brolol3136
    @brolol3136 7 місяців тому +4

    That's so cool 😎☺️
    Thanks for the take 💓💯
    Hello from Belarus 🇧🇾😇

  • @LadySingsTheBooze
    @LadySingsTheBooze 7 місяців тому +6

    broccoli freckles was the name of my punk band in college.

  • @lashendawest7509
    @lashendawest7509 7 місяців тому +3

    Good morning stephen colbert fans

  • @danieljob3184
    @danieljob3184 7 місяців тому +18

    People who think they could compete in NASCar lose their lunch just watching Bathurst! 😎🏁

  • @migmit
    @migmit 7 місяців тому +8

    Meanwhile starts at 3:43

  • @JCTiggs1
    @JCTiggs1 7 місяців тому +10

    MEANWHILE....🎉😊

  • @cylentone
    @cylentone 7 місяців тому +3

    To the NASCAR scene - the Kelce brothers suggested a new NFL rule to Roger Goodell: one hockey-style fight in every football game.

  • @janf5193
    @janf5193 7 місяців тому +1

    I love the place card holder routine! It would have been hilarious if they had had a couple secret service types wander out onto the stage and cuff Steven.

  • @PollyWillNenKeks
    @PollyWillNenKeks 7 місяців тому +9

    Background knowledge from Europe:
    If you let a French breakfast cool for 30 minutes, it becomes a Dutch breakfast.😇

    • @liamwalsh4008
      @liamwalsh4008 7 місяців тому +1

      Da bekommst du keinen Keks. Es tut mir Leid.

    • @PollyWillNenKeks
      @PollyWillNenKeks 7 місяців тому

      perfect french, nice

    • @liamwalsh4008
      @liamwalsh4008 7 місяців тому

      @@PollyWillNenKeks Mais oui, je parle toujours parfait de Français, certainement. Uhh... Baguette, Arc de Triomphe, le French toast, etc. Fransk er i sagens natur latterligt, det ved vi alle. 👍

  • @rmtab6511
    @rmtab6511 7 місяців тому +6

    If Janet Yellen said it was fine then it was fine.

  • @nancymorton5636
    @nancymorton5636 7 місяців тому

    I love Colbert!! The anti-crime logo on the racecar was PRICELESS!! MEANWHILE, Steven makes it all come together and feel OK when the day closes. Ahh, thank you, Steven!

  • @TanyaStingley
    @TanyaStingley 7 місяців тому +1

    Amazing how flexible your morals are.

  • @andrewsincek2373
    @andrewsincek2373 7 місяців тому +23

    Colbert, STEAL: Strategic Transfer of Equipment to Alternate Locations

  • @greenthumb8266
    @greenthumb8266 7 місяців тому +2

    Ol’ Sticky-fingers Steven !

  • @leanoramccarthy7726
    @leanoramccarthy7726 7 місяців тому +3

    How dare u snitch on Janet Yellin, or, most importantly, Evie! Evie is an angel among mortals and her hair smells like cinnamon! 😮🫢😤🤬
    🤣🤣

  • @MattJr4793
    @MattJr4793 7 місяців тому +38

    does anyone besides me yell out MEANWHILE during the opening for it 🤣🙌🔥💚

    • @lina9535
      @lina9535 7 місяців тому +5

      Absolutely 👍

    • @alvinemaina
      @alvinemaina 7 місяців тому +4

      Totally

    • @alwood9148
      @alwood9148 7 місяців тому +3

      hahahaa yep

    • @ringomylove
      @ringomylove 7 місяців тому +3

      Every time 😂

    • @hotmac22
      @hotmac22 7 місяців тому +3

      Yup!😂😂😂😂

  • @CODDE117
    @CODDE117 7 місяців тому +2

    I would never give it back

  • @archuleta1000
    @archuleta1000 7 місяців тому +1

    Seems like Don Junior‘s been eating a lot of guacamole🤫😳🤣

  • @JigInsane
    @JigInsane 7 місяців тому +2

    Nascar + Road Rage = what Mario Kart Go should've been

  • @mszoomy
    @mszoomy 7 місяців тому +1

    Thanks for the giggles

  • @augustconnors260
    @augustconnors260 7 місяців тому +15

    I think it's ok to take the place card with the parliamentary logo. I went to a state dinner and kept the name card. Later that year they asked people to return the knifes, forks and spoons with no questions asked. They ended up with teapots, serving platters being returned as well as the above. 😮

    • @RadioCamp
      @RadioCamp 7 місяців тому +1

      Same quote as @JolieJolie21. Hmmm...

    • @Mortthemoose
      @Mortthemoose 7 місяців тому

      😂😂

  • @patrickpryor6962
    @patrickpryor6962 7 місяців тому +2

    Stowaway’s flunky bunk. Y’all come up with the best names for new bands.

  • @user-qj1hq2qu8c
    @user-qj1hq2qu8c 7 місяців тому +2

    😂😂 greatest guac ever!

  • @yurielcundangan9090
    @yurielcundangan9090 7 місяців тому +14

    Stephen Stealing president’s tie is gold😂

  • @yurielcundangan9090
    @yurielcundangan9090 7 місяців тому +7

    Gotta love bro Stephen got some guts

  • @MistressOnyaCox
    @MistressOnyaCox 7 місяців тому +2

    😂 it had your name on it it's yours 😅

  • @NAjustlikeatrumptroll
    @NAjustlikeatrumptroll 7 місяців тому +2

    Don't worry Stephen. You could declassify the card holder with your mind …

  • @KathrynTanner-t8f
    @KathrynTanner-t8f 7 місяців тому +2

    Something tells me the White House expects people to take those little card holders.

  • @carbine090909
    @carbine090909 7 місяців тому +1

    "Flunkie bunk of news" 😂😂😂😂❤❤

  • @gavincassells7585
    @gavincassells7585 7 місяців тому +2

    Janet Yellen's husband is the renowned Nobel prize winning economist George Akerlof, famous for the Market for Lemons paper! (it's about selling cars, not lemons)

  • @DonnellLynch-qm6xl
    @DonnellLynch-qm6xl 7 місяців тому

    Best combination, NASCAR, monster trucks and wrestling, surprise me .

  • @alg9330
    @alg9330 5 місяців тому

    Nooo don’t give it back! Keep it!!

  • @kayladawn
    @kayladawn 7 місяців тому

    I like most florida, that's a funny segments!😂😂❤❤❤

  • @gastonneal724
    @gastonneal724 7 місяців тому +1

    I used to feed this gator, at lunch. In Clearwater FL. Cheeseburgers😂😂

  • @susanfrancis5471
    @susanfrancis5471 7 місяців тому +1

    Now you have to go to Confession Stephen.
    Then you can keep it.😊

  • @GiGi-lg1dl
    @GiGi-lg1dl 7 місяців тому +3

    I see you, and I raise you: cocaine avocados aren’t that much more expensive than regular avocados

    • @sethescope
      @sethescope 7 місяців тому +1

      my favorite thing about this comment is I haven't finished the video yet so I get to imagine what fresh chaos unleashes in the five minutes I have left to prompt a comment like this 😂

  • @aremoreequal
    @aremoreequal 7 місяців тому +2

    The White House should sell those things in the gift shop or something.

  • @SolRC
    @SolRC 7 місяців тому +1

    @6:13 your punching down, Steven, its recorded for history.

    • @dielaughing73
      @dielaughing73 7 місяців тому

      Oh, you really got him there

  • @vintagethings9187
    @vintagethings9187 7 місяців тому +1

    Unfortunately the large amount of cocaine in the avocados substantially reduced the monetary value of the shipment 😮

  • @MausMasher54
    @MausMasher54 7 місяців тому +1

    I always asked before it disappeared....

  • @lifeofnanaa
    @lifeofnanaa 7 місяців тому +2

    I swear the broccoli freckles was a thing like 3 years ago already 😅

  • @DuchessofEarlGrey
    @DuchessofEarlGrey 7 місяців тому

    I could see one of those waiters getting bumped and saying "Stawp! I coulda dropped my croissant!"

  • @sonsaregurley8239
    @sonsaregurley8239 7 місяців тому +2

    Hey snitches get...😅😅

  • @jaynsrock
    @jaynsrock 7 місяців тому

    Thanks for the strike joke, this is not cliché... it' s tradition XD

  • @ChicoTheMan69
    @ChicoTheMan69 7 місяців тому

    Nascar finally got interesting, No more just a bunch of left turns. 😂

  • @SonjaMorrison-i7j
    @SonjaMorrison-i7j 7 місяців тому

    Well, at least the alligator isn’t eating them!

  • @zombieowen
    @zombieowen 7 місяців тому +1

    It's nice that every one nce in a while Stephen will pause and remind us how awesome cocaine is. ///

  • @GoldenEdgedGreg
    @GoldenEdgedGreg 7 місяців тому +3

    Never thought the intros could get better, yet here we are mere deckhands blown away by another incredible true story from the captain of comedy himself!