If he was 12, then he was going into his independence development phase and the dynamic environment of foster care may actually have been better for him than being adopted by overbearing parents and then shutting down his development of independence. Then it really makes sense why a 30 year old is jealous of his teenage sister.
Redditors on these subs love to imagine they're some sort of genius detective/psychotherapist, by which I mean they invent a load of ancillary details the OP never provided out of whole cloth because they think they can soul read someone over the internet. Then everyone else joins in the circlejerk because they see the orange arrows.
You didn't take your 30 year old to a holiday express on Oregon? You shouldn't have adopted him on the first place. He would have been better living on a orphanage.
Thats what they should do. Anytime they give the kid anything give the grown ass man the same thing and make him feel like a shithead for it. Cant believe someone would be upset at this. They brought this dude into their house to help him like what the hell
@@junipre985 yeah but i don't think people who adopt should be held to lower standards than normal parents, especially ones that do out of personal reasons and not because like, a child they were related to or personally knew lost their parents, and considering he's not the one making the post, i think it's safe to assume jared senior might be downplaying his actions a tad bit it seems like jared junior, despite being adopted, still didn't really like his childhood, and that doesn't go away when you tell him "you could've been worse off" considering you could say that about literally any situation ever, and what he went through, beginner pet/failed pancake syndrome and all does sound pretty disheartening all that being said though, that is in no way or form a reason to be a shithead to your lil sister, and considering jared junior started talking shit on her first, it's pretty safe to assume she's not a brat or anything for agreeing with their parents sorry for the giga wall of text but i'm surprised reddit went the route of "you don't deserve kids!" instead of "your house your rules, NTA"
I figured it out. They literally think the son is Harry Potter and the daughter is Dudley. That's the only book redditor's have read so its the only story they have as a point of reference to adoption
Everyone jokes about this, but honestly it scares me that people this insane have a safe space to congregate their ridiculously out of touch takes on reality.
@@TheLibraryofLetourneau No wonder from the site that bred amazing communities such as childfree that is a bunch of people acting like they just don't want children while writing stuff that is 1 degree from literal child murder fantasies or antinatalism to think that being born is non-consensual therefore we should just stop having babies.
Segregated social media is a major problem that’s already affecting society through things like covid. People live in the realities which suit them and sustain it for others. Politics was already toxic but with this trend it’s going overboard.
@@Smoneey very true, besides idk about it really ruining society in the long run. Hoping people are smart enough to see an issue that large before it blows us up, but maybe I am being too optimistic 😂
@@Dome98Otaku UA-cam comments are bad, but at least they aren't written like Reddit comments, where everyone thinks they're the smartest person in the room
Redditors be like: "Yeah I was raised middle class, I'm basically the biggest victim of childhood neglect." None of them have mentally matured past the age of 14.
This, but the crazy thing is that there is nothing to indicate that this family was even poor, just that they didn't have the means then that they did now. It's an absolutely insane line of thinking.
It's really fucked up but not as uncommon of a view as you'd think. Many affluent white skinned people in the west set a higher standard of living than what is feasible for most people. People can have a perfectly fine upbringing from a single working parent for example, you may not get trips but love and actually trying to have a connection to your kid with things that aren't related to money like trips. But when people born in privelaged positions hear about someone raising a kid and they don't have enough money attached to their lives because they assume the kid won't have a good life because they're not born into wealth, they want to limit their reproductive rights. And it's those exact people that then worry about overpopulation and want to sterilise people from poorer countries. It's a cascading effect to eugenics.
Reddit is right. Favoritism bad. They should have treated jada exactly the same way as they treated the adoptive kid, no matter their financial differences now or increased parenting knowledge, just to avoid favoritism. No more “failed pancake vibes” if you deliberately ruin the second pancake too.
Very true. When my older brother was growing up, our family couldn't afford heat in the winter, so while I was growing up and my parents could afford heat they locked me in the freezer at night to keep things even. Very grateful to them, made me the man I am today.
I am adopted and my parents were not wealthy. I am now 32. They were my foster parents and ended up adopting me. These parents are not the asshole. I genuinely don’t understand this mentality. If my parents were now wealthy enough to travel, I’d be happy for them! Why should I expect my family to live like they are destitute forever just because they were once not able to afford something. They raised their son, I expect they treated him as well as they could with their means. They’re acting like the dad said their son grew up eating cockroaches and dust. This is so confusing to me.
I don't think the son is entitled to family trips or anything, but why is everyone so defensive of the idea that, now that they're all so wealthy, they should invite the adopted son to come experience what they couldn't as a child? Not everyone experiences childhood in a low-income household as a positive growing experience, more importantly the knowledge that you've been dumped by your biological parents like some sort of lesser being and then adopted into a family that years down the road treats their biological child to all those things that you couldn't experience AND nobody bothers to ask you if you'd like to come along as a family... it's a shitty feeling just hearing about it. It's completely justified for that son to be pissed off. I don't blame them for being poor at the time, and I definitely don't blame them for wanting to give the daughter what they couldn't give to their son, but the absolute lack of empathy towards the adoptive son that I'm seeing all over is so alien to me to witness. Everyone reacts to their childhood struggles differently when they grow up and this father just drops a dead cold "Get over it" on him in response to a real concern.
@SmugLilBugger Okay but like...that doesn't change the fact that the son is 30 years old, has probably moved out of the house or transitioned into independence, and likely isn't spending as much time with them Thats me assuming thats probably the case [mostly because it seems they have communicate with him from long distance], of course, but I feel like this isn't a case of "good guy, bad guy' and more something of a small dispute in a unique household. Sure the son is justified in being angry, but the parents are also justified in making a mistake or wanting to pay more attention to their daughter Not to mention the parents even apologized and tried to reconcile with him, and in response the son closed them off. At this point, their son needs to start helping to build that bridge, it can't be one way If anything I'm more worried about this having ended in a situation where the parents feel like they need to over correct and it leads to the adoptive son taking advantage of them and bullying the daughter out of resources
@SmugLilBuggerbecause the dad specifically mentions having done just that in the post. He claims he's tried to invite his son on holiday but his son denied the offer on the basis of "being able to do it himself." It's not like he wants to go but is beholden by work or other home issues, he just doesn't want to go despite this being the most amiable solution. It's clear the son just wants to continue living with the bitter idea that his parents have forgotten him even though they definitely haven't.
this is batshit insane. I'm 23, and my Father just had a child last year. When I was a kid we were pretty low income and didnt vacation, but money isnt as tight now. I would hope my Father is able to give my baby sister a great life as she gets older, I do not understand how a 30 year old could have so much jealousy for a child
You lived a stable life. Jared was adopted when he was 12. We don't know his story, but I'm guessing he was in and out of foster care, which eventually created trust issues, and after being with a loving family for 4 years they get a biological daughter that takes a lot of the shared attention. If I were Jared I can imagine that'd mess with my head, the feeling of getting pushed to the wayside again.
@@RedSntDK not just pushed to the wayside but the new child is getting the dream life, after the exact same parents supplied you with an oppresively strict and low economy regime. i would be seething
@@woutertron Honestly, I think it's more likely the most regular office in the world, and they think practice pancake is the wackiest, most edgy thing they've read in a while and are just utterly shocked by it
I said this on the original video but its just absolutely insane that reddit is like this kid is better off in foster care than too have been raised in a house that couldn't afford to go on vacation.
I love watching a bald Canadian, arguably the least human combination, use critical thinking skills and incredible people reading skills to accurately pick apart redditors. I would argue that NL and redditors both teeter on the line between human and not
Holy shit i don’t think I’ve ever disagreed harder with the AITA comments. I grew up poor never had a vacation and my parents now go on one trip a year. Doesn’t mean I’m super salty I’m actually happy for them that they can finally do that and get some rest.
Yeah it's such an insanely selfish viewpoint lol. Like yeah it would be nice if things had been better earlier but it's crazy to be upset that they get better at all
Yeah, the takes coming from these redditors is asinine. “Things were hard for me so they must in turn be hard for everyone else”. It sounds like a group of fucking baby boomers.
Well when you censor or ban all the sane people off the site, it becomes an echo chamber of actual insanity. Getting my accounts banned was the best mental health decision I've made in a while.
Imo it's not Reddit, but subreddits that are oversaturated with the same kind of redditors for years. Like how WhitePeopleTwitter is just about political tweets and redditors talking about the decadence of capitalism
I keep picturing Cartman from South Park getting gifts on another kid's birthday party. "So son, we're taking our daughter on a trip, so here's your equal attention gift."
This guy got adopted at the age of 12 and then got "replaced" soon after. He obviously has trauma from this. He probably doesn't understand that himself.
@@fedweezy4976 i also think the original comment a good point but i mean you kind of adopted him maybe have a game plan and be ready to compromise a little?
@@blunderbuss1395 They were more strict with the first child and their parenting strategy evolved a little bit over sixteen years, it's a tale as old as time.
@@blunderbuss1395 But what did they do? As someone with experience of people in foster care and foster care itself -- the VAST majority of people leave very anxiously attached, because obviously they will. They grow up as children, or even babies, without learning subtle socialisation (body language, for example) from the people that were supposed to teach them -- parents. In foster care this is impossible to manage for every child, as it simply requires individual attention 24/7 (As well as learning to deal with no attention in healthy ways). Losing your parents young means that you intuit the idea that your actions could lead to them leaving. Their facial expressions back then, and in foster care, lead you to not being able to predict someone's actions by reading their face, as that hasn't panned out well thus far. Foster care children will VERY OFTEN think they don't matter, think they are unlovable and unloved, and think they should be cared for (for good reasons, mind you!) -- he sees this action from their parents, and immediately his mind goes 'ah, there you go -- they've abandoned me, deja vu. I was never as good as their own child, just look at 'action A' and 'action B'.' That's literally why cognitive behavioral therapy is invented and why it's so effective. You learn what most people can do automatically: life isn't black and white, and there are infinite other reasons why the parents behave in this way that would be perfectly reasonable and loving in nature. Like a gambler that thinks the casino is rigged, you're looking for patterns when they aren't there, or are merely confounders for the actual correlation.
I see we’re still waiting for the greater reddit community to learn humanity, context or empathy. I love watching NL freak out at the inability for Reddit to think critically, it’s the best.
The thing that bothers me about this sort of shit is we're hearing one account. No way all the issues are on display here. We're being shown an account of one incident where the son sounds like an immature asshole, but we have no idea what other resentments are at play here. We have no idea how well treated the kid was, how strict his upbringing was, what his time in foster care was like etc. The guy could have real trust issues he developed in foster care and then spent all his teenage years being helicopter parented, yelled at all the time, blocked from doing anything he wanted to do etc. We must all remember how disagreeable and immature we were as teenagers, and this guy's entire experience with his parents was during this 6 year period of his life. Alternatively, maybe he was treated really well, it's exactly as OP describes, and the guy is just being immature and projecting his insecurities over being adopted at this kid. Even then the parents are probably a little responsible for not doing enough to quash those insecurities, but their inexperience parenting makes it hard to blame them. My point is, we don't know anywhere near enough to actually make judgements on this situation, and the fact that anyone is conclusively stating YTA or NTA as if they know the whole dynamic is insane to me. Advice on this sub should really be limited to people giving advice on things the person hasn't considered, and encouraging them to just have a conversation with the other party, going into it with a willingness to listen and seek a resolution. Instead, r/AITA seems to be a bunch of people looking for validation from strangers, strangers who just want to pat themselves on the back for being able to look at a situation and make a decision based on their life. I get the feeling a lot of these situations are just made worse because some people will get a false confidence that they're unequivocally in the right because hundreds of strangers side with them.
well said, i had the similiar concerns. was originally feeling the reaction the son had must have far more info and backstory no one gets upset like that over a singular occassion and my guess is this has gone on long enough that the sheer fact this is the only "event" we get to learn about or the father is willing to inform of is concerning ESPECIALLY when he mentions the daughter agreeing that the son is being the asshole is a wild and weird thing to do to validate yourself as the father of a child? god these people who post this shit are wild
That everyone sucks here guy at the end nails it. There's a lot of information not given but shittalking your son for an audience to win updoots instead of working through it in person shows callousness from the OP even if the son needs to do some growing up of his own.
I could see the 30 year old being annoyed that he was asked to go after the fact, but he shouldn't expect his parents to hold out on the sister because they are better off today.
One thing I've noticed on Reddit AITAs is that no one is ever happy about the good things that happen to someone else (i.e. the adopted older son being sour about the younger sister's good life)
I don't think people realize but this doesn't seem like a monetary issue on the son's part. People are complaining saying the son doesn't understand that things can be better for the daughter, but it seems much more like bad framing on the father's end that makes it seem this way. In the post the father mentions that the son didn't find out about the trips until talking with the daughter, meaning he hadn't been invited that whole time. The father assumes the son just wants to go on the trips, which is what some people and NL assume as well, but I take it as being upset that he wasn't included in these trips, and being part of the family. I can see how being an orphan and then finding out your family has been going on trips you didn't even know about can be very upsetting, and to then assume it's just because you wanted to go is very out of touch especially for the parent. It also explains his reaction to then being invited; he CAN go on trips alone, but that's not the problem. He wants to be included and feel part of this family, I'd assume someone like him being an orphan for 12 years would feel that way especially, and explains his reaction. It's also very upsetting that the father doesn't think about it in this way, but also doubles down saying "well the daughter agrees with me!" which, being a sibling would make me even more upset if I heard him say that.
@@jaydenramella4821 Yeah but you don't like lose emotions at 30. I would feel left out if I knew my folks were going on trips without telling me and I already felt like an outsider in my family. Reddit went way too far with calling the dad an asshole and all that shit but I can see the son's issue
I remember I asked a question about string gages on a Guitar subreddit, which caused about a dozen people to talk down to me. This culminated in someone bringing up a specific song and me saying that it was an easy song to play . The entire subreddit informied me that it's actually way harder than I would think and it's an endurance test. It was then that I realized Reddit is just a bunch of people who barely have any idea what they're talking about answering questions for people they assume have no idea what they're talking about.
As a 30 yr old the kid really does need to get over it, BUT seeing the line “Jada took my side” set off alarm bells in my head because that’s such a childish thing to say
I watched this live and I genuinely couldn't understand how he was the asshole. Like I grew up some what privileged, but the privileges I would give for a more loving and understanding family are astounding.
@@TheLibraryofLetourneau that's the craziest part. It's like people construct an entire movie plot in their heads based on all the clichés they've heard of
honestly this 30 yr old is being stupid on everything, but the parents should have invited the son to go on trips. the problem was that they didn't have money, but they do now and should be doing things for the son for the fact that they couldn't before when he was a child. father son days, mother son lunches, gifts, whatever to show that they do love him. maybe they already do all of that, but one thing for sure that they didn't do is invite him on the trip before he found out through the sister.
@@aznblueangel He's 30, still a part of the family, but 30. They probably are more focused on the 14 year old, because guess what, the other one already left the nest. He's got to do his own things, and he just seems upset his sibling is doing better than him, and that is very narcissistic. She's happy, the family is happy, yet you're steaming. Think intrinsically before yelling at other people.
I grew up dealing with things like my parents stealing my Christmas presents to give them to my older brother. Or getting beat while my brother laughed at me. Actual favoritism. The insanity of the Reddit comments comparing OP’s situation to mine just makes my blood boil lmao. I’d be lucky if all the trauma I had to deal with was my younger sibling being taken to trips my parents couldn’t afford when I was growing up.
@@aelix56 Insane how you can go from “your experiences don’t make this example less awful” to “people with worse experiences make your example less awful” within two sentences.
Older sibling here: if my parents did better and started taking my little sister to like, Italy or something, awesome. At most I may ask to join one time because hey, I always wanted to go to Italy. I honestly wish my dad not taking me on vacations that often was the worst thing he did (and before someone says not to compare traumas, not travelling is not a trauma)
Think NL missed a common thing here from a "Reddit Story" we don't know a lot of the context and the "OP" is the dad who is actively looking for support so odds are he isn't going to paint himself in the worst light. But a very key simple take away, is the Mom doesn't have issues with giving their daughter a good fun life, BUT did have issue with how the Dad talked to their Son. Odds are Dad has been less of a Dad to his Son since having the daughter but the OP is only talking about the situation as if it's just this 1 single thing. The largest reason the Dad is the Ahole, is cause he felt the need to mention his 14 year old daughter "sides with him" as if her take isn't full of bias. So if you break the dynamic down into 3 people who really know what's going on, Mom, Dad, and Son. The Mom and Son are both upset by the Dad's actions. NL asked "What can he do" effort, it seems clear that the Dad didn't want to invite the son but only did so after his wife said something about it. The Dad needs to apologize and that's all he can do, it's up to the Son to forgive and not take his anger out on his sister.
i think this whole debacle is why aita is a bad subreddit. the emphasis on impartiality and categorisation means all it does is attract people obsessed with fairness and “justice” instead of human beings. like yeah, from a morally “objective” standpoint, the 30yo is in the wrong, but is he a bad person? is he an “asshole” for acting in an unfair way? everyone’s been “the asshole” at some point in their lives; everyone feels emotions and everyone acts on them, even if they’re not fair. this entire thing reads as a kid who got adopted at 12 years old dealing with some emotional weak spots, and though he’s not being fair or emotionally constructive, it’s at least understandable. no 30 year old man picks fights at the dinner table over his teenage sibling getting partial treatment, nor does he say “guess we know who the favourite is”. that’s what seven year olds do when they get a bad gift for christmas. he’s pretty clearly just upset about something and has nowhere else to put it. and, like, fair enough? if i was adopted at 12 years old and had to deal with poverty and limited opportunities while i was raised, all for my younger sibling to suddenly have it a million times easier growing up, id probably be pissed too. not pissed they had it easier, mind you - the fact he rejected going on the trip altogether makes it pretty clear that’s not the problem - pissed my parents seem to love someone more, and their only response to me being pissed is to say “get over it”. which is obviously not what the parents mean, and isn’t a healthy response, but it’s understandable. i think the guy just needs to be told by his parents that they’re sorry his upbringing wasn’t the greatest, and that they made mistakes which they no longer make while raising his sister, but those circumstances and mistakes and the fact that his sister doesn’t suffer them weren’t the product of them not caring about or loving him
Its genuinely horrifying realising we live in a world where people default to stuff like social media for mental health / life advice. In theory people having platforms to connect over the internet is great (and often is). But its always sad seeing people move further away from compassion and acceptance and more towards shit like this. It isnt about asking for help because of the complexity of the situation or the difficult emotions that come with it, processing them and moving on as a better person. Its about seeking short term validation so you can feel better about your awful emotions. Its an endless cycle of pathologizing certain behaviours or traits endlessly while also stopping people from growing past them as a natural process. Idk this is kind of just a disorganised rant but Im really passionate about this sort of stuff
Dude unironically used "well my 15 year old child who directly benefits from the outcome that I want, agrees with me" as a justification. Yeah the son is acting childish but so is the dad, maybe being raised by a parent who acts like this is not so good for growing up? Theres not enough background info to say either way imo but its kinda lame to exclude the son from family trips and then blindside him with it afterwards, just invite him to the family vacation and if he cant come he cant come but he doesnt feel excluded at least
Reddit is full of people who have let trauma stunt their growth and now like to lash out in "vengeance" or whatever and it's really sad. Horrible headspace to stay stuck in eternally.
They have fetishize their own "traumas" and let it define themselves to the point that they dont want themselves or others to ever get over it/reconsile with themselves/view it critically. They want to be mad forever and to not grow as people.
I watch this live and it really felt like the original post had been edited. The comment were so insane compare to the story. I know there some "reddit moment" but it was one of the worst I had seen.
The brady brunch astrology bit is so good, people honestly talk so much nonsense about the older/younger/middle child shit. For the most part parents are just trying their best and adapting their parenting to the lessons they've learned and the changes in their life and circumstances. People just love to be mad
Part of being an older sibiling is understanding that your younger siblings might get to do some stuff earlier than you were allowed to. I understand 9 year olds having a tantrum about that fact, a 30 year old however...
I don't think the parents are assholes, but NL is always very, *very* only-child coded when he's analyzing how people should react to parent and sibling situations
It's because his main revenue/content stream is twitch and they don't care about language. He started being more family friendly to avoid YT videos getting demonetized.
I think the son just wanted an apology and some crying drama. Maybe he just wants his parents to show that they still love him. It's not about the trip. I think this because I think I can kinda relate, the difference is that I don't have a sibling.
My grandmother told my father and he told me really soon after. The older we get, the more we should respond rather react. Quite alot us are very quick to knee jerk how things happen, but the real adults slow it down.
i don't know much about northernlion but this is giving a lot of only child vibes. seeing your parents treat your younger siblings better and give them nicer things and let them have a social life when you couldn't have those things is viscerally upsetting and it stays with you for a long time.
This isn't so black and white. The fact that the older brother wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend at age 14 but the daughter is, that's weird and I have to wonder what other arbitrary rules he had that the daughter didn't. The lack of trips do to money is clearly not the dad's fault and the kid is being way too whiny about that for being 30 fucking years old, but something tells me that there's more going on that the dad is not saying.
Yea, it's weird to me Northernlion hyper focuses so much on the trips, as if that's the entire issue people are complaining about, felt like I was going crazy reading these comments. Thank god for someone with at least a little social intelligence here, you've saved my faith in humanity.
It is not weird that the kid who lived 16 yrs before his sister was born had a much stricter parenting situation. How is that hard to understand? If your parents have kids with an age gap they will always are going to do better for the second kid because they learned from their mistakes.
@@eleonarcrimson858It's still very weird how they've almost cut him off from the family. Imagine your whole family going on a ton of trips and never telling you about it or ever thinking of inviting you, then you question them on it and they say your "feelings don't matter." Sorry not sorry, but that's not a healthy or reasonable reaction from the parents at all.
@@shadow14805 If you are three decades into your life and complaining about not being able to have a girlfriend when you were in 7th grade, you should be told to get over it - also, when you grow up an establish yourself elsewhere, you can't expect to be included in every family plan. This is normal, especially if you say you can go on your own trips. On the second child, the parents are also 14 years older. It's not like they stay completely stagnant, and just randomly decided to be less strict.
Did NL completely forget about the strict part? I don't think I'd act as crazy as the 30-year old but I can get the slight resentment of being idiotic when raising him and doing better with the sister
I think the unaddressed reality is that there’s some underlying worry/fear of more love/support going to one kid taking away from the other. They just need to understand that giving more to them now then what they could before doesn’t mean they won’t get any support they need now.
These comments are as unreasonable as the redditor's, just on the other extreme end. I appreciate the few intelligent and nuanced comments here that aknowledge the right and wrong of both sides.
I think people are missing the angle that this guy lowkey hates/dislikes his parents, can't exactly go no contact cause he is grateful for getting pull out of the foster system, but is saying these jabs just to be petty and make them feel bad. Childish sure but I really doubt the guy actually cares about going to Disney land
Man they even extended the olive branch and wanted to take him on trips to different kinds of places because he never got that and Jared just shot it all down immediately.
I mean, everything said here is true. But Northernlion being an only child definitely shows. Jealousy between siblings is a huge thing, and sticks around for ages because of how formative childhood experiences are. Doesn't mean it's 'rational' or whatever, but I agree here that the tone of the post was "I can't change the past so there's nothing I can do" rather than "How can I show my son I care about him?". A lot of people have had that experience, and I think that's where you're getting all these people projecting their own trauma onto the situation coming from. When your trauma gets triggered you lose sight of the specifics and start painting the scenario as if it were yours. I hope the family reconnects with their son. Adoption is already rough to go through, I hope they find a way to stick together despite it all.
I'm sorry but you're projecting onto the situation, you do recall that there's a 16 year age gap between the adopted son and the biological daughter? He was already 16 when she was born, you're telling me instead of being grateful for being adopted he should be jealous that his parents had another kid and he missed out on going on vacation with them when he was 30? There's no childhood trauma from this situation for this guy he was already 16 when the daughter was born, and you trying to act like sibling jealousy is equal to trauma is wild to me. The boy needs to grow up and have some appreciation for the things his family did give him instead of being so jealous. The more important thing they gave him was a family by adopting him.
@@EvilBeThouMyGood We're talking about a 30 year old man that's upset about his parents not being wealthy when he was growing up and jealous that they now have money to afford a nicer lifestyle to their younger child. Many people like myself who were not fortunate enough to be adopted would be grateful just to have a family regardless of the financial situation. Idk why I should empathize with a grown man who's jealous of a teenager and cares more about materialistic desires than his familial relationships. Where's your empathy for the adoptive father who probably feels incredibly betrayed by his son to have him act so ungrateful after all he's done for him? Adopting a child when they weren't financially well off was an incredible sacrifice but the son is now acting like he was ripped off.
@@EvilBeThouMyGoodI recall the focus of the son's jealousy being over the vacations they were taking and lifestyle they were able to live now, not poor treatment growing up. I don't see how the commenter here is objective when it seems like they're putting the impetus on the father with statements like: ""I agree here that the tone of the post was" "I can't change the past so there's nothing I can do" rather than "How can I show my son I care about him?"" What about "My son ignored all the years of being provided for and taken out of a most likely worse situation in a group home and instead of appreciating it he's jealous of his teenage sister as a middle aged man because we didn't have money to provide such luxuries when he was growing up and if he doesn't realize I care about him from all that then how can I show him otherwise?"
@@EvilBeThouMyGood If having strict parents that don't allow you to date or give you a strict curfew is tantamount to trauma or abuse as the comment was implying then I'd agree with you. You're admitting to projecting when you say you won't take the OP at face value, which is all the information we have to go on. Anything else is speculation on your part to find a reason to absolve the son and villainize the parents for some reason
@@EvilBeThouMyGood It's easy to understand why if you speculate all kinds of extra things like mistreatment and the op being a liar. If you take the post at face value there's very little reason to validate a 30 year old being dissatisfied with the information given until you start adding your extra speculations.
I agree the reddit responses are unreasonable but I don't get why nobody else notices that there's something wrong here. Of course the 30 year old son's response was inappropriate but it's also a red flag that he's feeling very upset and as a parent you should recognize that and figure out what the hell the problem is. Yet the father is dismissive by telling him to get over it. Both are assholes, but not for the reason the reddit comments are implying. There is clearly something that is bothering the son that is more extreme than just jealousy.
It was the opposite for me lmao, my parents went on a lot of trips with my older brother and sister because the had money bach then, but when i was born we basically stop because the economic situation at home wasn't very stellar, when i was younger i kinda resented them for it, now i'm 27 i don't really care anymore, i'm going on my own trips alone and it's awesome
The 30 year old is obviously putting all of the issues in his childhood-life on his adoptive parents when a lot of it just has to do with he was a foster kid till he was 12, and all that comes with that.
I dunno man. Being fostered before 12 when you needed stability and being helicoptered after 12 when you needed to become independent. If I was that kid I'd be pissed too.
Realistically NL would probably need to be saying some outlandish stuff for chat to not just nod their heads and clap during something like this. Ultimately I agree that most of those reddit takes were absurd but situation definitely more nuanced than most people are making out and I felt kind of bad for both sides.
It's not the trip, the son watched his sister get the childhood he missed out on and then he was told his feelings were unimportant, just like they were when he was a child and he had his choices stifled. Who's the asshole? It doesn't matter. As long as someone's feelings don't get to matter there's no solution. If his father sat down and didn't deflect, but just said "I know, and I'm sorry. We knew we made mistakes and we didn't want to repeat them again with your sister". That is providing evidence they cared and didnt have the means. Saying "grow up" is providing evidence you didn't care and you don't care now. Both son and father are being emotional, irrational, and combative. The answer is probably something level-headed and compassionate.
But he should grow up because his feelings are like thous of a 16 year old kid It's not that he is jealous of a 14 year old (which is also a childish thing to do), it is aslo that he is 30 and can't understand that parenting is hard, that his parents are Humans and they make mistakes That his parents where probably ( maybe) his age when they adopted a 12 year old I'm 26 and I can't imagine my self doing a good job parenting After a certain age you have to understand your parents more and forgive their mistakes (provided that they are not abusive off course)
Yeah this is more what i was thinking. It’s not about just this trip, or just the money that went into it, it’s about the general feeling of inadequacy that’s been developed, because in a lot of aspects, he just wasn’t treated as well. There’s gotta be a lot of emotional problems that develop from that, even while recognizing that the parents were just “trying their best.” There’s more nuance to the situation than just saying “dude is overreacting,” if his parents showed some compassion to him about it then it’s more likely he’ll extend compassion to them.
At risk of being hyperbolic, it's loser mentality. It's a reply from someone who's never taken a risk in their entire life, and their way of coping with that is telling themselves they're actually very clever and careful
Did people forget what the post said before they commented? Or did they just project a bunch of things that didn't happen? Why are they blaming the dad for giving his son "a bad childhood"? That's not even what the post was about.
I love this so much. This is so clearly angsty, spoiled redditors who are pissed off their parents didn’t shower them with everything they every asked for projecting their own issues onto this and attacking OP because it makes them feel good about their own self persecution. Absolutely golden, I’ve never seen a more perfect example of a self entitled group of people.
It's crazy how many people in those comments seem to assume that the 6 years Jared spent with an actual family are what made him feel insecure about his standing with the parents, rather than the 12 years he spent WITHOUT a family at all. Those anti-natalist sounding manchildren make it sound like being adopted by a nice but overprotective family who can't take you on trips is worse than being stuck in the adoption system until you turn 18... I'm sorry, but unless your parents straight up abused you, if you're still complaining about your upbringing at 30 you're pretty pathetic. In Jared's case, if anything traumatized him it's those first 12 years, not the fact that he couldn't go on trips or date girls for 6 years.
These people are so poisoned by envy it's insane. Growing up my parents were straight up abusive, and they're now not to my younger siblings. Call me crazy but im just happy my siblings are getting a better childhood and dont have to go through what i did, because i care about them.
To anyone whos curious the reason these people believe this is because often people conceal things when they make these stories this is hinted at in the boyfriend take
I don't understand not wanting your younger sibling to have a better childhood than you did. The best possible outcome imo is that the parents actually learned from all the sh't they screwed up the first time with you and now they're not screwing up baby sibling in the same way because they know better
You can really tell that these people have already been in this type of situation with their parents when they were a teenager and they never got over it so they are now just repeating the selfish and immature solutions that they were thinking of when they were in that “im gonna run away forever” stage of fighting your parents as a kid
don't get why the 30 yo isn't allowed to be upset, get over it isn't the response I would give to a loved one clearly dealing with some feelings of inadequacy even if they came out in a childish way. technically it is OP's fault because he raised him but it should also be noted they clearly have further childhood trauma from those early 12 years when he was't adopted.
A lot of redditors clearly grew up upper-middle-class and were ungrateful and miserable, and as such, they think a childhood 5% worse than theirs is "I would rather kill myself" territory
Okay so the comments are actually insane on the post, they should try and include him but after him responding "I can do it myself" thats on him, buuuut like 99% of IATA post this could be solved by having an open and honest conversation
I think the most important thing that people recognise after a certain age is that our parents are people too They are growing with us Im 26 and I know that my parents made some mistakes with me, but i can tell that they've grown up and learnd from their mistakes by seeing how they treat my younger seblings At the age of 30 I'd imagine he can put himself in his parents shoes and realise how hard it is to be a parent I can't imagine my self doing better than my parents ( because they had me at that age) It just sounds to me like he is a man child
The comments are pretty unhinged, but I think the entire idea of just 'get over it' regarding feeling like the lesser child is kinda ignorant. I really don't think it's about the trip to the son, the dude didn't even want to go when asked. He probably just resents his parents and wants to talk about it to resolve his feelings. I don't think i's a psycho take that maybe the parents and kid could improve their relationship a little. NL in that sense kinda missed the whole point and just hyper focused and clowned on a 30 year old man being excluded from a family trip with a 14 year old sibling.
I wish that NL had the opportunity to read the comments from the father. They were deleted by the time this was recorded. I think they could've given a lot of insight to how the dad thinks. I don't think the dad is a complete piece of shit, but the way he's defending himself and attacking his son shows pretty clearly that he doesn't think of his son as someone who still has emotional growth that needs to be nourished. Yes, Jared should absolutely try to be more understanding of his father, but that isn't going to make his feelings of inadequacy and being unloved go away. Is Jared being a bit of a brat for a 30 year old man? Yes. Does that mean that Jared doesn't deserve love, understanding, and empathy from his Father? I just wanted to add down here: If you focus on the vacations or money that stuff wasn't indicated to have mattered by Jared, even from the Father's perspective. This was about how a son felt that he wasn't as loved by his parents as much as they love their daughter. I mean Jared literally wasn't invited to the family trip at first.
The best way to solve this would be to immediately put their daughter up for adoption.
YTA for not accepting the half of the baby Solomon offered you, fair is fair
The 30 year old son should adopt her, he deserves the life she has. Ergo, he owns her.
“Let a kid rot in foster care if you can’t afford vacation” most sane redditor take
It’s the same insanity that leads people to abort their own children if they don’t think they’re financially comfortable yet
If he was 12, then he was going into his independence development phase and the dynamic environment of foster care may actually have been better for him than being adopted by overbearing parents and then shutting down his development of independence. Then it really makes sense why a 30 year old is jealous of his teenage sister.
@@chazdomingo475dunce
@@chazdomingo475 "Dynamic environment of foster care" :D I can tell you don't have experience of the system
@@chazdomingo475yep, you’re you’re an idiot
Redditors on these subs love to imagine they're some sort of genius detective/psychotherapist, by which I mean they invent a load of ancillary details the OP never provided out of whole cloth because they think they can soul read someone over the internet. Then everyone else joins in the circlejerk because they see the orange arrows.
Psycho, the rapists
So much this.
You didn't take your 30 year old to a holiday express on Oregon? You shouldn't have adopted him on the first place. He would have been better living on a orphanage.
All you have to do is say you like one movie more than another and they'll have an entire life story for you.
this is what NL does too though, he invents intent or wild presumptions so he can be upset
Lois: "Here is your birthday cake, Stewie. And here is your equal attention cake, Peter"
Peter: "YAY!"
Thats what they should do. Anytime they give the kid anything give the grown ass man the same thing and make him feel like a shithead for it. Cant believe someone would be upset at this. They brought this dude into their house to help him like what the hell
Holy shit, that's literally what it is.
@@Itsyababyboi oh my god you're acting like adopting kids is a charity
@@blunderbuss1395 in general a kid is better off being adopted than staying in foster care
@@junipre985 yeah but i don't think people who adopt should be held to lower standards than normal parents, especially ones that do out of personal reasons and not because like, a child they were related to or personally knew lost their parents, and considering he's not the one making the post, i think it's safe to assume jared senior might be downplaying his actions a tad bit
it seems like jared junior, despite being adopted, still didn't really like his childhood, and that doesn't go away when you tell him "you could've been worse off" considering you could say that about literally any situation ever, and what he went through, beginner pet/failed pancake syndrome and all does sound pretty disheartening
all that being said though, that is in no way or form a reason to be a shithead to your lil sister, and considering jared junior started talking shit on her first, it's pretty safe to assume she's not a brat or anything for agreeing with their parents
sorry for the giga wall of text but i'm surprised reddit went the route of "you don't deserve kids!" instead of "your house your rules, NTA"
I figured it out. They literally think the son is Harry Potter and the daughter is Dudley. That's the only book redditor's have read so its the only story they have as a point of reference to adoption
Everyone jokes about this, but honestly it scares me that people this insane have a safe space to congregate their ridiculously out of touch takes on reality.
it's an echo chamber where all their out of reality takes are encouraged
@@TheLibraryofLetourneau No wonder from the site that bred amazing communities such as childfree that is a bunch of people acting like they just don't want children while writing stuff that is 1 degree from literal child murder fantasies or antinatalism to think that being born is non-consensual therefore we should just stop having babies.
Segregated social media is a major problem that’s already affecting society through things like covid. People live in the realities which suit them and sustain it for others. Politics was already toxic but with this trend it’s going overboard.
@@Smoneey very true, besides idk about it really ruining society in the long run.
Hoping people are smart enough to see an issue that large before it blows us up, but maybe I am being too optimistic 😂
@@Dome98Otaku UA-cam comments are bad, but at least they aren't written like Reddit comments, where everyone thinks they're the smartest person in the room
Redditors be like: "Yeah I was raised middle class, I'm basically the biggest victim of childhood neglect." None of them have mentally matured past the age of 14.
That’s because all the commenters are 14
@aidanwarren4980 14 year olds dont use Reddit lmao. The average reddit user has got to be mid to late 20s
@@Me-ui1zy *40's
@@XXXXX8We'll average it out and say 30 somethings.
Most of them are 15-20 somethings with literally no life experience.
reddit has a lot of people like "poor people dont deserve kids" and yikes , that kinda thinking leads to some dark shit
This, but the crazy thing is that there is nothing to indicate that this family was even poor, just that they didn't have the means then that they did now. It's an absolutely insane line of thinking.
It's really fucked up but not as uncommon of a view as you'd think.
Many affluent white skinned people in the west set a higher standard of living than what is feasible for most people. People can have a perfectly fine upbringing from a single working parent for example, you may not get trips but love and actually trying to have a connection to your kid with things that aren't related to money like trips.
But when people born in privelaged positions hear about someone raising a kid and they don't have enough money attached to their lives because they assume the kid won't have a good life because they're not born into wealth, they want to limit their reproductive rights. And it's those exact people that then worry about overpopulation and want to sterilise people from poorer countries. It's a cascading effect to eugenics.
@@Otacanthusyou have the "reproductive rights" part backwards. These are the exact people who love abortion.
Dude I was like holy shit I need to read the comments on the actual video to remind myself there’s sanity out there haha
What race is it
"let's call him T. Bundy" had me laughing out loud in my cubicle 😭
worker Andy
office Andy
Reddit is right. Favoritism bad. They should have treated jada exactly the same way as they treated the adoptive kid, no matter their financial differences now or increased parenting knowledge, just to avoid favoritism. No more “failed pancake vibes” if you deliberately ruin the second pancake too.
Nope
@@m7mad182 it's satire lol
so true bestie
Very true. When my older brother was growing up, our family couldn't afford heat in the winter, so while I was growing up and my parents could afford heat they locked me in the freezer at night to keep things even. Very grateful to them, made me the man I am today.
This is either bait or you dont have children
I am adopted and my parents were not wealthy. I am now 32. They were my foster parents and ended up adopting me. These parents are not the asshole. I genuinely don’t understand this mentality. If my parents were now wealthy enough to travel, I’d be happy for them! Why should I expect my family to live like they are destitute forever just because they were once not able to afford something. They raised their son, I expect they treated him as well as they could with their means. They’re acting like the dad said their son grew up eating cockroaches and dust. This is so confusing to me.
Because reddit is an echo chamber for people clinically insane but not treated.
I don't think the son is entitled to family trips or anything, but why is everyone so defensive of the idea that, now that they're all so wealthy, they should invite the adopted son to come experience what they couldn't as a child?
Not everyone experiences childhood in a low-income household as a positive growing experience, more importantly the knowledge that you've been dumped by your biological parents like some sort of lesser being and then adopted into a family that years down the road treats their biological child to all those things that you couldn't experience AND nobody bothers to ask you if you'd like to come along as a family... it's a shitty feeling just hearing about it. It's completely justified for that son to be pissed off.
I don't blame them for being poor at the time, and I definitely don't blame them for wanting to give the daughter what they couldn't give to their son, but the absolute lack of empathy towards the adoptive son that I'm seeing all over is so alien to me to witness. Everyone reacts to their childhood struggles differently when they grow up and this father just drops a dead cold "Get over it" on him in response to a real concern.
@SmugLilBugger
Okay but like...that doesn't change the fact that the son is 30 years old, has probably moved out of the house or transitioned into independence, and likely isn't spending as much time with them
Thats me assuming thats probably the case [mostly because it seems they have communicate with him from long distance], of course, but I feel like this isn't a case of "good guy, bad guy' and more something of a small dispute in a unique household. Sure the son is justified in being angry, but the parents are also justified in making a mistake or wanting to pay more attention to their daughter
Not to mention the parents even apologized and tried to reconcile with him, and in response the son closed them off. At this point, their son needs to start helping to build that bridge, it can't be one way
If anything I'm more worried about this having ended in a situation where the parents feel like they need to over correct and it leads to the adoptive son taking advantage of them and bullying the daughter out of resources
@SmugLilBuggerbecause the dad specifically mentions having done just that in the post. He claims he's tried to invite his son on holiday but his son denied the offer on the basis of "being able to do it himself." It's not like he wants to go but is beholden by work or other home issues, he just doesn't want to go despite this being the most amiable solution. It's clear the son just wants to continue living with the bitter idea that his parents have forgotten him even though they definitely haven't.
7:00 i never noticed until now but the "ScienceNotKids" username is so apt for that comment you'd call it overkill if it was satire
The amount of people in that thread who certainly don't have adopted siblings, siblings, friends, or contact with people outside of a screen....
I mean, its reddit
@@oz_jones yes.
this is batshit insane. I'm 23, and my Father just had a child last year. When I was a kid we were pretty low income and didnt vacation, but money isnt as tight now. I would hope my Father is able to give my baby sister a great life as she gets older, I do not understand how a 30 year old could have so much jealousy for a child
Sounds like you've internalized being the practise pancake. I am very intelligent
You lived a stable life. Jared was adopted when he was 12. We don't know his story, but I'm guessing he was in and out of foster care, which eventually created trust issues, and after being with a loving family for 4 years they get a biological daughter that takes a lot of the shared attention. If I were Jared I can imagine that'd mess with my head, the feeling of getting pushed to the wayside again.
@@RedSntDK not just pushed to the wayside but the new child is getting the dream life, after the exact same parents supplied you with an oppresively strict and low economy regime. i would be seething
oppressively
@@RedSntDK "We don't know his story, so let's just make one up that favors my opinion."
The practice pancake thing is just reddit in a nutshell
Those people definitely work in an office that you could easily write a sitcom about and also you don't have to be crazy to work there but it helps!!!
ho ho ho, well done fellow redditor! i'll be sure to use that one in my everyday life. take this updoot as payment, good sir!
@@woutertron Honestly, I think it's more likely the most regular office in the world, and they think practice pancake is the wackiest, most edgy thing they've read in a while and are just utterly shocked by it
I said this on the original video but its just absolutely insane that reddit is like this kid is better off in foster care than too have been raised in a house that couldn't afford to go on vacation.
Its like they think they get vacations in foster care
"Bro, you don't know, the orphanage had season passes to Disney World!"
I love watching a bald Canadian, arguably the least human combination, use critical thinking skills and incredible people reading skills to accurately pick apart redditors. I would argue that NL and redditors both teeter on the line between human and not
Zamn maybe he should turn face cam off for you 😳
@T3cadeus mine.
@@bradleyhamilton2459 "so you're telling me your race is superior?"
*Curious Austrian face*
@@sayantanmazumdar3 i have hair.
@@bradleyhamilton2459 +2
Holy shit i don’t think I’ve ever disagreed harder with the AITA comments. I grew up poor never had a vacation and my parents now go on one trip a year. Doesn’t mean I’m super salty I’m actually happy for them that they can finally do that and get some rest.
Yeah it's such an insanely selfish viewpoint lol. Like yeah it would be nice if things had been better earlier but it's crazy to be upset that they get better at all
Yeah, the takes coming from these redditors is asinine. “Things were hard for me so they must in turn be hard for everyone else”. It sounds like a group of fucking baby boomers.
the hell is with reddit man? everyone is so goddamn unhinged on there on almost every subreddit
It honestly terrifies me that Redditors exist in our everyday society.
Well when you censor or ban all the sane people off the site, it becomes an echo chamber of actual insanity. Getting my accounts banned was the best mental health decision I've made in a while.
Imo it's not Reddit, but subreddits that are oversaturated with the same kind of redditors for years. Like how WhitePeopleTwitter is just about political tweets and redditors talking about the decadence of capitalism
That's why circlejerk subs are the greatest
@@musicaccount3340 gamingcirclejerk, art and lgbt subs and a couple microniche ones are the only good subreddits on this beach of an earth
the amount of projection that goes on in the reddit comments is astounding
Classic. Reddit adults that still stay with their parents are defensive over another fellow manchild.
I keep picturing Cartman from South Park getting gifts on another kid's birthday party.
"So son, we're taking our daughter on a trip, so here's your equal attention gift."
The majority of comments on the post were probably by people between 16-25, they're probably child-children instead of man-children
you mean to say you didn't find NL a least bit defensive as he is a parent.
@@singletaxjax307 to be fair, I would say 16 is child-child but 25 is definitely man-child. That’s a pretty formative year range for most people
This guy got adopted at the age of 12 and then got "replaced" soon after. He obviously has trauma from this.
He probably doesn't understand that himself.
"how can you become a parent with prior knowledge?" man that's a good point
Especially true when you immediately get thrown in the deep end with a 12 year old child that's been in the foster system his whole life
@@fedweezy4976 i also think the original comment a good point but i mean you kind of adopted him maybe have a game plan and be ready to compromise a little?
@@blunderbuss1395
They were more strict with the first child and their parenting strategy evolved a little bit over sixteen years, it's a tale as old as time.
@Quasar0406 that doesn't change shit for the son though
@@blunderbuss1395 But what did they do? As someone with experience of people in foster care and foster care itself -- the VAST majority of people leave very anxiously attached, because obviously they will. They grow up as children, or even babies, without learning subtle socialisation (body language, for example) from the people that were supposed to teach them -- parents. In foster care this is impossible to manage for every child, as it simply requires individual attention 24/7 (As well as learning to deal with no attention in healthy ways).
Losing your parents young means that you intuit the idea that your actions could lead to them leaving. Their facial expressions back then, and in foster care, lead you to not being able to predict someone's actions by reading their face, as that hasn't panned out well thus far.
Foster care children will VERY OFTEN think they don't matter, think they are unlovable and unloved, and think they should be cared for (for good reasons, mind you!) -- he sees this action from their parents, and immediately his mind goes 'ah, there you go -- they've abandoned me, deja vu. I was never as good as their own child, just look at 'action A' and 'action B'.'
That's literally why cognitive behavioral therapy is invented and why it's so effective. You learn what most people can do automatically: life isn't black and white, and there are infinite other reasons why the parents behave in this way that would be perfectly reasonable and loving in nature. Like a gambler that thinks the casino is rigged, you're looking for patterns when they aren't there, or are merely confounders for the actual correlation.
I see we’re still waiting for the greater reddit community to learn humanity, context or empathy. I love watching NL freak out at the inability for Reddit to think critically, it’s the best.
The thing that bothers me about this sort of shit is we're hearing one account. No way all the issues are on display here. We're being shown an account of one incident where the son sounds like an immature asshole, but we have no idea what other resentments are at play here. We have no idea how well treated the kid was, how strict his upbringing was, what his time in foster care was like etc. The guy could have real trust issues he developed in foster care and then spent all his teenage years being helicopter parented, yelled at all the time, blocked from doing anything he wanted to do etc. We must all remember how disagreeable and immature we were as teenagers, and this guy's entire experience with his parents was during this 6 year period of his life. Alternatively, maybe he was treated really well, it's exactly as OP describes, and the guy is just being immature and projecting his insecurities over being adopted at this kid. Even then the parents are probably a little responsible for not doing enough to quash those insecurities, but their inexperience parenting makes it hard to blame them.
My point is, we don't know anywhere near enough to actually make judgements on this situation, and the fact that anyone is conclusively stating YTA or NTA as if they know the whole dynamic is insane to me. Advice on this sub should really be limited to people giving advice on things the person hasn't considered, and encouraging them to just have a conversation with the other party, going into it with a willingness to listen and seek a resolution. Instead, r/AITA seems to be a bunch of people looking for validation from strangers, strangers who just want to pat themselves on the back for being able to look at a situation and make a decision based on their life. I get the feeling a lot of these situations are just made worse because some people will get a false confidence that they're unequivocally in the right because hundreds of strangers side with them.
well said, i had the similiar concerns. was originally feeling the reaction the son had must have far more info and backstory no one gets upset like that over a singular occassion and my guess is this has gone on long enough that the sheer fact this is the only "event" we get to learn about or the father is willing to inform of is concerning ESPECIALLY when he mentions the daughter agreeing that the son is being the asshole is a wild and weird thing to do to validate yourself as the father of a child? god these people who post this shit are wild
reading this was a breath of fresh air
It helps to remember that most of those redditors are actually children. It's so obvious at times.
thats what i tell myself at night, so i can sleep...
That everyone sucks here guy at the end nails it. There's a lot of information not given but shittalking your son for an audience to win updoots instead of working through it in person shows callousness from the OP even if the son needs to do some growing up of his own.
I could see the 30 year old being annoyed that he was asked to go after the fact, but he shouldn't expect his parents to hold out on the sister because they are better off today.
Of course we also don't get the sons side. The father could just be fucking throwing to the fences about what his son thinks.
One thing I've noticed on Reddit AITAs is that no one is ever happy about the good things that happen to someone else (i.e. the adopted older son being sour about the younger sister's good life)
I don't think people realize but this doesn't seem like a monetary issue on the son's part. People are complaining saying the son doesn't understand that things can be better for the daughter, but it seems much more like bad framing on the father's end that makes it seem this way. In the post the father mentions that the son didn't find out about the trips until talking with the daughter, meaning he hadn't been invited that whole time. The father assumes the son just wants to go on the trips, which is what some people and NL assume as well, but I take it as being upset that he wasn't included in these trips, and being part of the family. I can see how being an orphan and then finding out your family has been going on trips you didn't even know about can be very upsetting, and to then assume it's just because you wanted to go is very out of touch especially for the parent. It also explains his reaction to then being invited; he CAN go on trips alone, but that's not the problem. He wants to be included and feel part of this family, I'd assume someone like him being an orphan for 12 years would feel that way especially, and explains his reaction. It's also very upsetting that the father doesn't think about it in this way, but also doubles down saying "well the daughter agrees with me!" which, being a sibling would make me even more upset if I heard him say that.
This is a really thoughtful comment. There's a lot of dynamics that can complicate a relationship. Wish the dad tried to understand his son better.
HES 30
@@jaydenramella4821 Yeah but you don't like lose emotions at 30. I would feel left out if I knew my folks were going on trips without telling me and I already felt like an outsider in my family. Reddit went way too far with calling the dad an asshole and all that shit but I can see the son's issue
@@jaydenramella4821"Man up". Shut up, loser
Incredibly good comment, I didn't even pick up on what the genuine dynamic was: abandonment. Yeah everyone kinda sucks here but the kid
These comments are acting like the parents were living in squalor. They just couldn't go on vacations, ffs.
I remember I asked a question about string gages on a Guitar subreddit, which caused about a dozen people to talk down to me.
This culminated in someone bringing up a specific song and me saying that it was an easy song to play . The entire subreddit informied me that it's actually way harder than I would think and it's an endurance test.
It was then that I realized Reddit is just a bunch of people who barely have any idea what they're talking about answering questions for people they assume have no idea what they're talking about.
"Brady Bunch astrology" is such a crazy line. It's the one thing from React Court that's always stuck in my mind.
it’s not a practice pancake situation, that’s for sure
As a 30 yr old the kid really does need to get over it, BUT seeing the line “Jada took my side” set off alarm bells in my head because that’s such a childish thing to say
I watched this live and I genuinely couldn't understand how he was the asshole. Like I grew up some what privileged, but the privileges I would give for a more loving and understanding family are astounding.
it got more insane in the comments where everyone was making these giant assumptions about the parents based on nothing
@@TheLibraryofLetourneau absolutely. All those mfs mustve lived in the suburbs their entire life and talked back to their parents every day
@@TheLibraryofLetourneau that's the craziest part. It's like people construct an entire movie plot in their heads based on all the clichés they've heard of
honestly this 30 yr old is being stupid on everything, but the parents should have invited the son to go on trips. the problem was that they didn't have money, but they do now and should be doing things for the son for the fact that they couldn't before when he was a child. father son days, mother son lunches, gifts, whatever to show that they do love him. maybe they already do all of that, but one thing for sure that they didn't do is invite him on the trip before he found out through the sister.
@@aznblueangel He's 30, still a part of the family, but 30. They probably are more focused on the 14 year old, because guess what, the other one already left the nest. He's got to do his own things, and he just seems upset his sibling is doing better than him, and that is very narcissistic. She's happy, the family is happy, yet you're steaming. Think intrinsically before yelling at other people.
I don't look at AITA very often, but I usually agree with the verdicts. It's only when I watch NL that I see all these psycho redditors haha
I grew up dealing with things like my parents stealing my Christmas presents to give them to my older brother. Or getting beat while my brother laughed at me. Actual favoritism. The insanity of the Reddit comments comparing OP’s situation to mine just makes my blood boil lmao. I’d be lucky if all the trauma I had to deal with was my younger sibling being taken to trips my parents couldn’t afford when I was growing up.
@@aelix56 Huge redditor stank coming off this one chief
@@aelix56 What on earth prompted you to say any of that. Go outside, for the love of god.
@@aelix56 ???
@@aelix56 Insane how you can go from “your experiences don’t make this example less awful” to “people with worse experiences make your example less awful” within two sentences.
Man up
Jaded older siblings will really go on AITA and give a stranger shit rather than go to therapy and it shows
but they are going to therapy, they're practice pancakes
Older sibling here: if my parents did better and started taking my little sister to like, Italy or something, awesome. At most I may ask to join one time because hey, I always wanted to go to Italy. I honestly wish my dad not taking me on vacations that often was the worst thing he did (and before someone says not to compare traumas, not travelling is not a trauma)
Think NL missed a common thing here from a "Reddit Story" we don't know a lot of the context and the "OP" is the dad who is actively looking for support so odds are he isn't going to paint himself in the worst light.
But a very key simple take away, is the Mom doesn't have issues with giving their daughter a good fun life, BUT did have issue with how the Dad talked to their Son. Odds are Dad has been less of a Dad to his Son since having the daughter but the OP is only talking about the situation as if it's just this 1 single thing. The largest reason the Dad is the Ahole, is cause he felt the need to mention his 14 year old daughter "sides with him" as if her take isn't full of bias. So if you break the dynamic down into 3 people who really know what's going on, Mom, Dad, and Son. The Mom and Son are both upset by the Dad's actions.
NL asked "What can he do" effort, it seems clear that the Dad didn't want to invite the son but only did so after his wife said something about it. The Dad needs to apologize and that's all he can do, it's up to the Son to forgive and not take his anger out on his sister.
i think this whole debacle is why aita is a bad subreddit. the emphasis on impartiality and categorisation means all it does is attract people obsessed with fairness and “justice” instead of human beings.
like yeah, from a morally “objective” standpoint, the 30yo is in the wrong, but is he a bad person? is he an “asshole” for acting in an unfair way? everyone’s been “the asshole” at some point in their lives; everyone feels emotions and everyone acts on them, even if they’re not fair.
this entire thing reads as a kid who got adopted at 12 years old dealing with some emotional weak spots, and though he’s not being fair or emotionally constructive, it’s at least understandable. no 30 year old man picks fights at the dinner table over his teenage sibling getting partial treatment, nor does he say “guess we know who the favourite is”. that’s what seven year olds do when they get a bad gift for christmas. he’s pretty clearly just upset about something and has nowhere else to put it.
and, like, fair enough? if i was adopted at 12 years old and had to deal with poverty and limited opportunities while i was raised, all for my younger sibling to suddenly have it a million times easier growing up, id probably be pissed too. not pissed they had it easier, mind you - the fact he rejected going on the trip altogether makes it pretty clear that’s not the problem - pissed my parents seem to love someone more, and their only response to me being pissed is to say “get over it”.
which is obviously not what the parents mean, and isn’t a healthy response, but it’s understandable. i think the guy just needs to be told by his parents that they’re sorry his upbringing wasn’t the greatest, and that they made mistakes which they no longer make while raising his sister, but those circumstances and mistakes and the fact that his sister doesn’t suffer them weren’t the product of them not caring about or loving him
reading a sane and nuanced take on the internet feels so surreal nowadays
Its genuinely horrifying realising we live in a world where people default to stuff like social media for mental health / life advice. In theory people having platforms to connect over the internet is great (and often is). But its always sad seeing people move further away from compassion and acceptance and more towards shit like this. It isnt about asking for help because of the complexity of the situation or the difficult emotions that come with it, processing them and moving on as a better person. Its about seeking short term validation so you can feel better about your awful emotions. Its an endless cycle of pathologizing certain behaviours or traits endlessly while also stopping people from growing past them as a natural process. Idk this is kind of just a disorganised rant but Im really passionate about this sort of stuff
Dude unironically used "well my 15 year old child who directly benefits from the outcome that I want, agrees with me" as a justification. Yeah the son is acting childish but so is the dad, maybe being raised by a parent who acts like this is not so good for growing up?
Theres not enough background info to say either way imo but its kinda lame to exclude the son from family trips and then blindside him with it afterwards, just invite him to the family vacation and if he cant come he cant come but he doesnt feel excluded at least
The comments in that thread are actually unhinged, even for that subreddit. I refuse to believe that isn’t his son’s 300 alt Reddit accounts.
Reddit is full of people who have let trauma stunt their growth and now like to lash out in "vengeance" or whatever and it's really sad. Horrible headspace to stay stuck in eternally.
You aren't owning *your* bad parents by projecting onto perfectly sane people.
some doofus in this very comment section literally did this lol
They have fetishize their own "traumas" and let it define themselves to the point that they dont want themselves or others to ever get over it/reconsile with themselves/view it critically. They want to be mad forever and to not grow as people.
I watch this live and it really felt like the original post had been edited.
The comment were so insane compare to the story. I know there some "reddit moment" but it was one of the worst I had seen.
The main problem with AITA is that you need to ask redditors for their opinions
Bruh 😂😂
lmao
The brady brunch astrology bit is so good, people honestly talk so much nonsense about the older/younger/middle child shit. For the most part parents are just trying their best and adapting their parenting to the lessons they've learned and the changes in their life and circumstances. People just love to be mad
My highlight was all of chat simultaneously going apeshit and spamming 'HE'S 30' when that top comment was revealed.
Part of being an older sibiling is understanding that your younger siblings might get to do some stuff earlier than you were allowed to. I understand 9 year olds having a tantrum about that fact, a 30 year old however...
I don't think the parents are assholes, but NL is always very, *very* only-child coded when he's analyzing how people should react to parent and sibling situations
30 year old
I'm very happy that NL strayed from that family friendly no swear words style he had there for a while. Back to the roots.
It's because his main revenue/content stream is twitch and they don't care about language. He started being more family friendly to avoid YT videos getting demonetized.
@@etlonjonh makes sense, regardless I'm happy for it, makes me enjoy the content more
@@phatrpr0p959 On the made for youtube videos he makes he avoids cursing. If its just a twitch VOD then its anything goes.
@dogecoin investor 😂😂😂, the baby is actually the reason he swears more. She's one of the reasons he's mainly twitch now.
@@phatrpr0p959 I've been a massive NL fan since I was like 10, I'm about to be 20 and man some of those old NLSS vods are raunchy as hell
I think the son just wanted an apology and some crying drama. Maybe he just wants his parents to show that they still love him. It's not about the trip. I think this because I think I can kinda relate, the difference is that I don't have a sibling.
My grandmother told my father and he told me really soon after. The older we get, the more we should respond rather react. Quite alot us are very quick to knee jerk how things happen, but the real adults slow it down.
But he is a streamer, so at least he has to pretend to react 😉
i don't know much about northernlion but this is giving a lot of only child vibes. seeing your parents treat your younger siblings better and give them nicer things and let them have a social life when you couldn't have those things is viscerally upsetting and it stays with you for a long time.
damn i called it
This isn't so black and white. The fact that the older brother wasn't allowed to have a girlfriend at age 14 but the daughter is, that's weird and I have to wonder what other arbitrary rules he had that the daughter didn't. The lack of trips do to money is clearly not the dad's fault and the kid is being way too whiny about that for being 30 fucking years old, but something tells me that there's more going on that the dad is not saying.
Yea, it's weird to me Northernlion hyper focuses so much on the trips, as if that's the entire issue people are complaining about, felt like I was going crazy reading these comments. Thank god for someone with at least a little social intelligence here, you've saved my faith in humanity.
It is not weird that the kid who lived 16 yrs before his sister was born had a much stricter parenting situation. How is that hard to understand? If your parents have kids with an age gap they will always are going to do better for the second kid because they learned from their mistakes.
GROW UP
@@eleonarcrimson858It's still very weird how they've almost cut him off from the family. Imagine your whole family going on a ton of trips and never telling you about it or ever thinking of inviting you, then you question them on it and they say your "feelings don't matter." Sorry not sorry, but that's not a healthy or reasonable reaction from the parents at all.
@@shadow14805 If you are three decades into your life and complaining about not being able to have a girlfriend when you were in 7th grade, you should be told to get over it - also, when you grow up an establish yourself elsewhere, you can't expect to be included in every family plan. This is normal, especially if you say you can go on your own trips. On the second child, the parents are also 14 years older. It's not like they stay completely stagnant, and just randomly decided to be less strict.
Did NL completely forget about the strict part? I don't think I'd act as crazy as the 30-year old but I can get the slight resentment of being idiotic when raising him and doing better with the sister
yo lol NL was spittin in this clip god damn
That was wild of Jared to write all those reddit comments.
I think the unaddressed reality is that there’s some underlying worry/fear of more love/support going to one kid taking away from the other. They just need to understand that giving more to them now then what they could before doesn’t mean they won’t get any support they need now.
These comments are as unreasonable as the redditor's, just on the other extreme end. I appreciate the few intelligent and nuanced comments here that aknowledge the right and wrong of both sides.
ty for vids and context
I think people are missing the angle that this guy lowkey hates/dislikes his parents, can't exactly go no contact cause he is grateful for getting pull out of the foster system, but is saying these jabs just to be petty and make them feel bad. Childish sure but I really doubt the guy actually cares about going to Disney land
Me when reddit: 😡
Me when NL reacts to reddit: 😲😍👏
"Brady Bunch astrology", that's a great phrase lol.
God help us all if redditors ever collect the infinity stones
Man they even extended the olive branch and wanted to take him on trips to different kinds of places because he never got that and Jared just shot it all down immediately.
I mean, everything said here is true. But Northernlion being an only child definitely shows. Jealousy between siblings is a huge thing, and sticks around for ages because of how formative childhood experiences are. Doesn't mean it's 'rational' or whatever, but I agree here that the tone of the post was "I can't change the past so there's nothing I can do" rather than "How can I show my son I care about him?".
A lot of people have had that experience, and I think that's where you're getting all these people projecting their own trauma onto the situation coming from. When your trauma gets triggered you lose sight of the specifics and start painting the scenario as if it were yours.
I hope the family reconnects with their son. Adoption is already rough to go through, I hope they find a way to stick together despite it all.
I'm sorry but you're projecting onto the situation, you do recall that there's a 16 year age gap between the adopted son and the biological daughter? He was already 16 when she was born, you're telling me instead of being grateful for being adopted he should be jealous that his parents had another kid and he missed out on going on vacation with them when he was 30? There's no childhood trauma from this situation for this guy he was already 16 when the daughter was born, and you trying to act like sibling jealousy is equal to trauma is wild to me. The boy needs to grow up and have some appreciation for the things his family did give him instead of being so jealous. The more important thing they gave him was a family by adopting him.
@@EvilBeThouMyGood We're talking about a 30 year old man that's upset about his parents not being wealthy when he was growing up and jealous that they now have money to afford a nicer lifestyle to their younger child.
Many people like myself who were not fortunate enough to be adopted would be grateful just to have a family regardless of the financial situation.
Idk why I should empathize with a grown man who's jealous of a teenager and cares more about materialistic desires than his familial relationships. Where's your empathy for the adoptive father who probably feels incredibly betrayed by his son to have him act so ungrateful after all he's done for him? Adopting a child when they weren't financially well off was an incredible sacrifice but the son is now acting like he was ripped off.
@@EvilBeThouMyGoodI recall the focus of the son's jealousy being over the vacations they were taking and lifestyle they were able to live now, not poor treatment growing up. I don't see how the commenter here is objective when it seems like they're putting the impetus on the father with statements like:
""I agree here that the tone of the post was" "I can't change the past so there's nothing I can do" rather than "How can I show my son I care about him?""
What about "My son ignored all the years of being provided for and taken out of a most likely worse situation in a group home and instead of appreciating it he's jealous of his teenage sister as a middle aged man because we didn't have money to provide such luxuries when he was growing up and if he doesn't realize I care about him from all that then how can I show him otherwise?"
@@EvilBeThouMyGood If having strict parents that don't allow you to date or give you a strict curfew is tantamount to trauma or abuse as the comment was implying then I'd agree with you.
You're admitting to projecting when you say you won't take the OP at face value, which is all the information we have to go on. Anything else is speculation on your part to find a reason to absolve the son and villainize the parents for some reason
@@EvilBeThouMyGood It's easy to understand why if you speculate all kinds of extra things like mistreatment and the op being a liar. If you take the post at face value there's very little reason to validate a 30 year old being dissatisfied with the information given until you start adding your extra speculations.
I agree the reddit responses are unreasonable but I don't get why nobody else notices that there's something wrong here. Of course the 30 year old son's response was inappropriate but it's also a red flag that he's feeling very upset and as a parent you should recognize that and figure out what the hell the problem is. Yet the father is dismissive by telling him to get over it. Both are assholes, but not for the reason the reddit comments are implying.
There is clearly something that is bothering the son that is more extreme than just jealousy.
these redditors are truly insane
It was the opposite for me lmao, my parents went on a lot of trips with my older brother and sister because the had money bach then, but when i was born we basically stop because the economic situation at home wasn't very stellar, when i was younger i kinda resented them for it, now i'm 27 i don't really care anymore, i'm going on my own trips alone and it's awesome
That checks out. You must've been around 11 in 2008 when the economy went to sh1t.
The 30 year old is obviously putting all of the issues in his childhood-life on his adoptive parents when a lot of it just has to do with he was a foster kid till he was 12, and all that comes with that.
I dunno man. Being fostered before 12 when you needed stability and being helicoptered after 12 when you needed to become independent. If I was that kid I'd be pissed too.
My 16 year younger sister has gotten to go to Disney and has a pool at their house now and I'm just glad she's got it even if I didn't get the chance.
I think most if not all of chat was on NL's side for this one lmao
not hard when all the reddit comments are literally the most insane takes
Realistically NL would probably need to be saying some outlandish stuff for chat to not just nod their heads and clap during something like this. Ultimately I agree that most of those reddit takes were absurd but situation definitely more nuanced than most people are making out and I felt kind of bad for both sides.
Dude this video made me so tired, AND THERE IS STILL 10 MINUTES LEFT.
It's not the trip, the son watched his sister get the childhood he missed out on and then he was told his feelings were unimportant, just like they were when he was a child and he had his choices stifled.
Who's the asshole?
It doesn't matter. As long as someone's feelings don't get to matter there's no solution. If his father sat down and didn't deflect, but just said "I know, and I'm sorry. We knew we made mistakes and we didn't want to repeat them again with your sister".
That is providing evidence they cared and didnt have the means.
Saying "grow up" is providing evidence you didn't care and you don't care now.
Both son and father are being emotional, irrational, and combative. The answer is probably something level-headed and compassionate.
Finally a more nuanced take
But he should grow up because his feelings are like thous of a 16 year old kid
It's not that he is jealous of a 14 year old (which is also a childish thing to do), it is aslo that he is 30 and can't understand that parenting is hard, that his parents are Humans and they make mistakes
That his parents where probably ( maybe) his age when they adopted a 12 year old
I'm 26 and I can't imagine my self doing a good job parenting
After a certain age you have to understand your parents more and forgive their mistakes (provided that they are not abusive off course)
Yeah this is more what i was thinking. It’s not about just this trip, or just the money that went into it, it’s about the general feeling of inadequacy that’s been developed, because in a lot of aspects, he just wasn’t treated as well. There’s gotta be a lot of emotional problems that develop from that, even while recognizing that the parents were just “trying their best.” There’s more nuance to the situation than just saying “dude is overreacting,” if his parents showed some compassion to him about it then it’s more likely he’ll extend compassion to them.
@@codebreaker2814 i agree, he should, but it makes less sense to say why one has the onus when it really just matters what the best solution is.
Never have I sided more with NL than his AITA with the 30 year old man child.
Not everything is the biggest deal in the world holy moly
The "you are irresponsible for becoming a parent without prior knowledge" comment was the funniest thing I've seen all day!
At risk of being hyperbolic, it's loser mentality. It's a reply from someone who's never taken a risk in their entire life, and their way of coping with that is telling themselves they're actually very clever and careful
I miss this series
Did people forget what the post said before they commented? Or did they just project a bunch of things that didn't happen? Why are they blaming the dad for giving his son "a bad childhood"? That's not even what the post was about.
I love this so much. This is so clearly angsty, spoiled redditors who are pissed off their parents didn’t shower them with everything they every asked for projecting their own issues onto this and attacking OP because it makes them feel good about their own self persecution.
Absolutely golden, I’ve never seen a more perfect example of a self entitled group of people.
Shockingly the redditors have it wrong.
Ngl, there wasn't a singular reasonable take on the entire reddit post :D
It's crazy how many people in those comments seem to assume that the 6 years Jared spent with an actual family are what made him feel insecure about his standing with the parents, rather than the 12 years he spent WITHOUT a family at all. Those anti-natalist sounding manchildren make it sound like being adopted by a nice but overprotective family who can't take you on trips is worse than being stuck in the adoption system until you turn 18...
I'm sorry, but unless your parents straight up abused you, if you're still complaining about your upbringing at 30 you're pretty pathetic. In Jared's case, if anything traumatized him it's those first 12 years, not the fact that he couldn't go on trips or date girls for 6 years.
These people are so poisoned by envy it's insane. Growing up my parents were straight up abusive, and they're now not to my younger siblings. Call me crazy but im just happy my siblings are getting a better childhood and dont have to go through what i did, because i care about them.
my favorite ones are where the redditors are unanimous on the WRONG answer
You need to be a literal millionaire to be ready to parent according to Reddit users
To anyone whos curious the reason these people believe this is because often people conceal things when they make these stories this is hinted at in the boyfriend take
I don't understand not wanting your younger sibling to have a better childhood than you did. The best possible outcome imo is that the parents actually learned from all the sh't they screwed up the first time with you and now they're not screwing up baby sibling in the same way because they know better
Omg AITA gives me brain damage
Insane comments
yeah, had to scroll so far down to even find one relatively sane one
You can really tell that these people have already been in this type of situation with their parents when they were a teenager and they never got over it so they are now just repeating the selfish and immature solutions that they were thinking of when they were in that “im gonna run away forever” stage of fighting your parents as a kid
don't get why the 30 yo isn't allowed to be upset, get over it isn't the response I would give to a loved one clearly dealing with some feelings of inadequacy even if they came out in a childish way. technically it is OP's fault because he raised him but it should also be noted they clearly have further childhood trauma from those early 12 years when he was't adopted.
Not having huge trips doesn't mean a shitty childhood, just means you did less.
A lot of redditors clearly grew up upper-middle-class and were ungrateful and miserable, and as such, they think a childhood 5% worse than theirs is "I would rather kill myself" territory
13:11 went a little goblin mode there for a sec
Okay so the comments are actually insane on the post, they should try and include him but after him responding "I can do it myself" thats on him, buuuut like 99% of IATA post this could be solved by having an open and honest conversation
I think the most important thing that people recognise after a certain age is that our parents are people too
They are growing with us
Im 26 and I know that my parents made some mistakes with me, but i can tell that they've grown up and learnd from their mistakes by seeing how they treat my younger seblings
At the age of 30 I'd imagine he can put himself in his parents shoes and realise how hard it is to be a parent
I can't imagine my self doing better than my parents ( because they had me at that age)
It just sounds to me like he is a man child
Asking redditors for their opinion is his first mistake
The comments are pretty unhinged, but I think the entire idea of just 'get over it' regarding feeling like the lesser child is kinda ignorant. I really don't think it's about the trip to the son, the dude didn't even want to go when asked. He probably just resents his parents and wants to talk about it to resolve his feelings. I don't think i's a psycho take that maybe the parents and kid could improve their relationship a little. NL in that sense kinda missed the whole point and just hyper focused and clowned on a 30 year old man being excluded from a family trip with a 14 year old sibling.
They'd be assholes if they never invited the kid to anything or left him out of stuff. They invited them and the guy threw it back in their face
All these redditors working through their tedious childhood grievances in the comments
Parent’s aren’t the assholes, but I hope the dude works through his feelings. Could talk it out with someone, not take it out on his family.
I wish that NL had the opportunity to read the comments from the father. They were deleted by the time this was recorded. I think they could've given a lot of insight to how the dad thinks. I don't think the dad is a complete piece of shit, but the way he's defending himself and attacking his son shows pretty clearly that he doesn't think of his son as someone who still has emotional growth that needs to be nourished. Yes, Jared should absolutely try to be more understanding of his father, but that isn't going to make his feelings of inadequacy and being unloved go away. Is Jared being a bit of a brat for a 30 year old man? Yes.
Does that mean that Jared doesn't deserve love, understanding, and empathy from his Father?
I just wanted to add down here: If you focus on the vacations or money that stuff wasn't indicated to have mattered by Jared, even from the Father's perspective. This was about how a son felt that he wasn't as loved by his parents as much as they love their daughter. I mean Jared literally wasn't invited to the family trip at first.