Trump and Drunk Giuliani Cause an Insurrection & Putin’s Got a Poop Suitcase!
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- Опубліковано 12 чер 2022
- On Friday night we conducted a very dumb experiment and asked people to tweet at Steph Curry before halftime saying that he had eaten a bug and a lot of people did, episode two of “CSI Can’t Believe Donald Trump’s Not in Jail Yet” took place in Washington, every reasonable person in Trump’s orbit told him he lost the election, an “apparently inebriated” Rudy Giuliani gave Donny the bone-headed idea to declare victory on election night, we help make the hearings a little more interesting with some filters, former Attorney General Bill Barr said Trump had become “detached from reality,” Andy Biggs of Arizona believes we have bigger chips to fry, Vladimir Putin reportedly travels with a suitcase to poop in, the Tony Awards took place in New York last night, and country music Superstar Luke Combs has managed to turn one of his hobbies into a lucrative endorsement deal.
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Kanye West, Kid Rock, Scott Baio, Ted Nugent, and an inebriated Rudy Giuliani....What could possibly go wrong?
Only the best people....
I watched the hearing this morning and you have all the advisors, staff, lawyers, etc. giving Trump the straight story but of course Trump choses to listen to the drunk guy because he liked his story and plan better. You can't make this up.
2000 Mules. Multiple people identified have already plead guilty including a former congressman and a former mayor. Lets also ignore the NYT article that straight up admitted to using various techniques to "fortify" the election. Lets also ignore how PA courts ruled mail in voting was done illegally, not once but twice. First time turned over during the count, second time quietly well after the fact. Or Fulton Country GA (not PA) being caught on camera and audited with photos of double and triple counting, with more than enough to have turned over the election. Etc etc... but hey, the people on TV told you lies and you believe them so they must be right.
He Was gonna do it no matter what, he just wants yes men all around him telling him what he wants to hear and following his lies
they're treading carefully, I presume, because they don't want a civil war. However looking at youtube video views for the hearing today, they've gone up much faster than last weeks. I'm guessing the same is happening on television ratings. Trump's ripped off a lot of people, both financially and with his lies. Things are about to turn, I suspect.
You can’t make up that Brandon approval rating is lower than trump hahahahahaha
Typical move. His followers swallowed all of his lies because he told them what they wanted to hear. Lies repeated over and over again. Fascism straight out of the play book.
Oh Murica, thanks a million. From Europe with laughter, bc it's better than crying.
Thanks Jimmy for making us laugh a little in the midst of some really scary reality we're having to deal with in our country.
“I told you so.”
- Michael Cohen
How many of these people who testified that Trump was off his rocker, will still support him if he runs in 2024?
Every one of them.
@@5150cappie So true
Too many to list.
How many of you idiots still support Biden who is STILL president and actually believe he won?
Can’t really blame them when the alternative is biden. I mean that guy has been objectively terrible by every measure. Sure Trump had some mean tweets, but at least Americans were prospering. But hey, I guess the left is alright with skyrocketing costs of literally everything as long as they don’t have to read some mean tweets!
I wonder if Rudy's lawyers are going to use the same defense that Tucker's lawyers did.... "But your honor, surely no reasonable person can believe anything that my client says"
unfortunately, Fox viewers believe everything Tucker says. I used to work for a lady who watched Fox 98% of the time. I wouldn't go in the TV room to watch TV with the lady when Fox was on. And another lady I know thinks Tucker is great. She actually tries to start fights with me, but I refuse to take the bait.
The writer who came up with "IC-BM" deserves a raise & an Emmy nomination.
hopefully Putin will have a few leftover for the 'fruited plain...lol
.There was a time, back in the day when TREASON was punishable by DEATH. Man, those were the days!.
Dumpster wanted to bring back firing squads and hangings...hmmm...might be more appropriate now.
Yes, Biden would've been hung back then for stealing the election.
To be fair, if I was Rudy, I would be drunk all the time too...
Agreed
I'd drink so much it leaks out of my head
To be fair, let's call him: "Crazy Giuliani"
@@nicklindberg90 that explains a lot princess
amazing that he's still alive. anyone would drink constantly if they were him.. including him! yet here is, 87 years old and still wasted all the time.
The pregnant pause ⏸️ from Kushner spoke volumes
,😳💥💯
Great monologue, very funny!
Hello Barbara how are you doing today.
How did Rudy ever become a lawyer when he clearly never passes a bar?
The only thing he's passing now is well..
😂😂😂😂
The same way Trump got his "degree"....they had someone else pass the exam.
Good one! Lol
Underrated comment! 👋🥇😅
when your lawyer needs a lawyer you got a problem
MAGA= My Attorneys Get Attorneys
Jimmy I love getting my news from you, your so dang funny I can't stop laughing. thanks Jimmy you rock.
Yes the best
Imaging if Donny walked free because he got advice from an inebriated lawyer! 😂…what am I saying. Donny is already walking free because the US has no justice system for the wealthy.
Australia here. This is my favourite Jimmy
Me To, Gooooooooooo Jimmy K.
Jimmy fallon falls way behind
_Tipsy Rudy_ was once upon a time known as "america's mayor". Now, after his implausible presidential bid and his association with that sore loser, he has become America's Punchline!
That's optimistic.
God bless President Trump and President Putin.
@@icariums1596 Donnie & Vladdie, birds of a feather! ☹
@@bonghunezhou5051 alpha and sigma male
Yup keep focusing on Rudy…. And not the economy right in front of you. Must be nice to live in the sand.
I love how the party of small government & "hands off" corporations are now complaining about actions of privately held companies. As if none of us are smart enough to know that they have spent decades fighting laws and putting safeguards in place to allow companies to do what they are doing now. How much bullshit are meant to take?
Repubes aren't for small government and being hands off. they want to be very involved in people's sex lives and dictating exactly who can vote. they are desparate to take rights away. They also want to destroy public education which serves 90% of our kids. they are all about people being required to pay for rights. they complain about higher education, too. they complain about socialism, but Trump introduced a lot of so ialism between wanting to lock everyone up(they get an attorney on our dime), he wanted to build a stupid wall on our dime, he increased our taxes due to his stupid tariffs, and when farmers suffered due to his stupid tariffs, Trump used our money to pay the farmers. And he gave massive tax cuts to the rich. Having said all that, you notice that the Repubes didn't care about that. But when a Dem wants to help the majority of people with an infrastructure plan, then it's socialism.
I freaking hate far far right Repubes.
they're called "street tacos" size, Andy
Guiliani is the second most embarrassing New Yorker ever.
You must be the first.
LOL. Just curious. Who's the first?
@@jb8801 Donald Trump lol
@@janc8199 you don’t even know if they’re from New York Jesus this was an embarrassing attempt
Though concutrent to the twice impeached,insurrectionist ,Putin puppet traitor.
Those filters nearly killed me laughin and choking 😂
Sleepaway camp filter
🤣🤣🤣 I die…
Lmao
attack on titan filter
About 5mins in those filters were hilarious! Thanks again KImmel and crew.
I want to see a biopic of Rudi played by Robert Duvall
I feel sure Jared used to star in “Thunderbird’s are go”
The Four Seasons debacle is so ridiculous that it seems like something Borat would be behind.
I saw Luke at Talladega a few years ago. I vote democrat but I live in Alabama. Nascar and country music are awesome. You'd be surprised at how many southern guys listen to Trey Crowder. Skew!😎
Trae and Corey might have written that fish skit. 😁
Paul Pelosi says “hold my beer” while I drive
Hello Dana how are you doing today.
Those face filters! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣. You can’t unsee that! Omg 😳 the ivanka filter 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
A narcissist will never admit they are wrong!!
The guy who carries Putin's briefcase is his #2 man
He's got a better job than the one that was holding Donald McDoody's suitcase.
@@IguanaOfLove no he just wears a diaper lol
ZING!
@@LIONTAMER3D crappy joke, I know.
😂🤣
If this wasn’t a parody I would still be convinced it was a parody! How can u make more fun of this?!?!? 😂
I saw that “pull out” joke coming but still cracked me up! 😂😂😂
Yeah like when Biden pulled out of Afghanistan , really funny huh ? Americans still abandoned .
@@erwinsm10 That joke had absolutely nothing to do with that, but since you mention it…It was first Trump’s idea to do it, (about the only good idea he had, but never executed)… and it was the right move… it would be more of a waste of life and resources to stay there. If a fire is burning down your house, you don’t keep throwing matches and gasoline at it. This has also been one of the few good things Biden has done. Poorly executed, but the right thing nonetheless.
I didn’t know Giuliani was a drunk until I saw him sober once. Just once.
How long ago was that?
When he was mayor! He probably started after 9/11!
@Thomas Paine 😂😂😂
@Thomas Paine Sure he did. He also when to Mars looking for evidence about Hillary and her ring of slave kids working in a mine.
🤣😂🤣😂
Imagine the kind of -brilliance- incompetence it takes to actively choose the drunk guy over Team Normal.
The fact that they needed to have Team Normal v. Team Rudy. This was in your White House.
Remember when Trump choose Putin over his own American Intelligence Department
When someone shows you who they are Believe them !
@@justjackie7272 pepperidge farms remembers
Imaging what Putin whispered in his ear 🤔
Roboto trump always sticks with people that will do his bidding and lie along with and "for" him and therein lies the main situation that happened. trump didn't want to hear any of the truth and in his sociopathic delusional psyche he won, no matter how insane or crazy that sounds a sociopath will NEVER I mean NEVER accept that they lost at anything. Those "grifters" that did his bidding it's on them and all of them should go to prison for life for almost letting trump destroy our democracy and country!
He is off his wricking rocker!!!!! Please lock him up!!!!!!!!
Thank god for Jimmy Kimmel. People would have just forgotten about Trump and he would have disappeared if it wasn't for Kimmel. He sees to it that the topic Trump is always present and still has a chance to run for president again. Thanks!
You should watch the Colbert segment about how Trump fleeced his sheep (that’s you) for $250,000,000. He sure does love the uneducated!
Imagine paying $250m to a man that you don’t know, for a reason that you know didn’t happen. Then complains about gas prices
They are crazy Magats.
Think Trump suckered his voters for over $430 million dollars.
Oh yes. Good, Jav.
Imagine talking about wall for 2 years not to get it built but big guy Brandon passes not one but two stimulus bills for over 30 trill
@@kaseycorriveau734 yes Mexican refused to pay for it! Are you ok now Magats!
What's amazing to me is how Rudy rubbed a handkerchief all over his head and face and yet someone managed to miss sopping up the rivers of hair dye running from his ears to his chin.
@Thomas Paine He never won.. he's the only one who's stolen/tried to steal elections...
@Thomas Paine Good Lord, dude, go get a girlfriend or something. Stop licking Rudy's dye and maybe get some help.
Where did Biden touch you?
@Thomas Paine LMFAO, you trolls are bottom-of-the-barrel at this point.
Day-drinking will do that to you.
🤢
Jimmy keeps me sane. Thanks Jimmy!
'Alright Rudy, hold that thought!' 😆
If I was that lady standing behind Guiliani when the hair dye was running down his face I would be on the floor, Grown man making such a fool of himself.
You think she would if it was dripping down his leg?
@@IguanaOfLove the world we are living in today it wouldn't be a crime if she did.
That's Jenna Ellis Esq. Yep, she's an attorney. She still drinks the Trump-aid.
Apparently he can't afford a barber for basic haircut and color
If it had happened to a kind, sympathetic, principled man, we would've been generous. But since it's Rudy Giuliani... yeah, lets laugh at him 😂
So sorry to Barr and all the other enablers, that orange stain doesn’t wash off.
Funny!
I know who the expert at stains you can ask, JOE BIDEN. The demented dummy you voted in literally poops his pants every 3 days.
Hello Elizabeth how are you doing today.
@@kellythomas5392 she's still in need of a mental evaluation, and probably you too creepy old man
The filters... I haven't laughed this hard in years
Should have put that filter on when he did Rudy's piece 🤣🤣
So, Donald the Stable Genius thought Rudy the Drunk a more reliable reporter than the rest of these men? Harddeeeharhar.
I only hire the best people. Donald Trump
Rudy does the drinking and thinking for ConDon.
This ☝️
He knows the bigly words.
"Only the best people"
Wow. We had a baby running the country and alcoholic lawyer,
An alcoholic desperately trying to budge in and involve himself...🙄
@Bill Goodman F ..both of them
Where do I find that filter? So hilarious, watched it twice 🤣🤣
Lmao!!! Comedy at its best…..
"he thinks footnotes are what got him out of vietnam"
that deserved a much bigger laugh
They didn't get it.
@@hopesprings4155 oh yes, r://whooosh
@@00bankz24 What a surprise! Someone supporting a self-righteous scoundrel who has been insulting people and calling them names for YEARS - even when that immature imbecile was POTUS - can’t recognize that they support the most famous insulting name-caller in history.
the real question is" Now that you know the truth, will you support trump again?
Start using your remarkable brain to separate the facts from the BS ?
(BIG LIES, especially designed to separate you from your money and fund a monster)
It's okay to admit you were wrong...
@@00bankz24 850+ of you MAGAts have been identified from the events of jan 6.
Some of you have been arrested, tried in court, CONVICTED and are in prison for terms ranging from four years to 20+.
All because you chose to believe t.Rump, who knew he lost but lied.
And you MAGAts, too afraid to think for yourselves, believed him.
Stay in mommie’s basement, nitwit.
crudy rudy drunk & drooly
"What if he goes to another continent?" Would he then be incontinent?
I had to hit pause on the 'ICBM' topic. Cracked me up!
Jimmy it’s so head-banging-on-a-wall frustrating that what the world saw and heard hasn’t been charged, convicted and locked away forever by now.
Consequences are coming! DOJ is paying attention!
Hello Sue how are you doing today.
Politics and money
There was a delay in Trump's reaction to testimony that Giuliani was drunk on election night because he had to look up the word "inebriated" first.
Wait, wait; the orange skid mark knows how to use a dictionary?
They are lost.....Haw River NC is near HWY 70 and I-85!
Lmao, that's not him drinking, that's him doing coke?😐🤗😳🤔🤬😷😒🤕😧😱
Rudy looks like Klaus Kinski's 1979 "Nosferatu". Or could it be, that he looks more like "Count Chocula" ?!!!!
Breaking: Trump releases 12-page response to Jan. 6 hearing
Me: Trump has never written nor has read anything 12 pages long in his life.
you mean trump the successful multi billionaire?
@@Ghost-dy9sf That's another grift. For *decades*, he's overinflated his assets to banks and the public, meanwhile devaluing to the government for tax purposes. How much money does Trump have left from his daddy? No one really knows. It could be all tied up in debt and he effectively owns nothing.
@@Ghost-dy9sf lol that's a big assumption. You can't even verify how much he's not worth because of his lack of valid tax returns. Plus half his loans are from Russia. Trump sons words not mine. Maybe he's just another Russian oligarch holding putins purse string. Ie putins bitc...
Very funny. Did you give him some of that $250 million??????
@@simaii820 Lol that's a big assumption.
- Your comment is literally a reply to yourself.
"... just off I-90" was so quick and at the end; I hope people didn't miss it. And it's about time someone came up with an alternative to Bass Pro Shop.
oh h-e-double toothpick, forget Haw river, go for Fuquay if you want T-town. Too, too funny!
Tortilla crime!! Better call the gazpacho police!!
There was a time when Rudy appeared to be an intelligent attorney. How he became the clown he is now is a mystery. Probably it was the company he was keeping, namely Trump!!
I can see the path he took,he likes the finer things in life,spent a lot of time in expensive hotels n cigar bars being gladhanded by the mega rich,the ones with homes in the Hamptons so ol Rudy just been driven by greed to prostitute his dignity.And by a traitor.
You're right! It is said that "One is the product of ones environment.
He spent far too much time on the pile! That did it! Puff!
From America's mayor to America's joke 🤣
Alcoholism is a progressive disease
Thanks a lot, Jimmy! That filter spot made me snort my coffee all over my clean shirt!!
I NEED the name of that filter!
same here. haha
@Joel N That statement may have had some weight to it if the former president wasn't less articulate. Don't pretend that he didn't goof up many times.
😄
@Joel N You do know that he has poked fun of Biden many times, right?
As a person who remembers Rudy circa 2001, an admittedly controversial mayor who rose to the challenge, this has been the Elvis death on the toilet for America's Mayor.
On 9/11 the firemen's radios didn't work. Giuliani is responsible for so many deaths!!
That is so funny; especially about Rudy.
Rudy Giuliani will probably say that he was so drunk that he didn’t know what happened.
I wonder if that's the defense Nancy Pelosi's husband will use
That's what Lindsey Graham says the morning after.
@@IguanaOfLove shouldn't that be Missy Graham?
Yeah, well his leadership during 911 was amazing!
And Pelosi's 82 year old DUI husband? Hypocrits. Your all a big joke to the real world. Hey Jimmy, I found your binky.
Lol when it comes to Americans I honestly couldn't tell if the bait shop bit was an actual commercial or just a skit. Love ya Jimmy keep it up good sir :) Peace and Love from Canada eh :) sorry :)
Mr. Kimmel, please do not leave us, ever.
It’s astounding the people who were in charge of this country and their lack of character. Character’s important, it’s huge. I hate people who have no moral compass.
You can re-arrange the letters in " no moral compass"....and come up with the explanation.(pretty sure).
Omg, those filters. I'm gonna have nightmares 🤣
Jared kushner is like a robot , every time somebody pulls a string he opens his mouth .
Property if duh House of Knives
Do you mean a puppet?🙂
Ok so it act or it talks like nut cracker i bought from tj maxx last xrismas
Dude is a eunuch
jared kushner dose he go in day light / at night time
My god the size of tortillas has shrunk. Like 10 years ago! They don’t care if you want to make enchiladas. You can only make street tacos anymore.
I think Kimmel should invite trump and giuliani on his show!!
If Garland doesn't put trump in prison after seeing this then he is blind.
Or he’s the same kind of criminal.
And inept
Blind as a bat if you know this
let's put the Biden crime syndicate in jail FJB
Trump isn't going to prison the same way the Clinton's didn't. People on both sides are delusional.
When the story about Putin's poop suitcase came out, I immediately thought of Senator Ron Johnson.
Why?
@Merril R ?
@Merril R 🤨
Giuliani 🤷🏼♂️ I thought he had our back. 🤷🏼♂️
Stupid is as Stupid does. ALL people with the last name that rhymes with stump swears by that Forrest Gump quote. Livin their truth. Lol
This is why we watch Jimmy Kimmel!!!
Why
keep watching the punk.. when the mini revolution hopefully Kimmel will be on the front lines. Pathetic. great ratings Jimmy. Punk azz.
Would he even have a show without Trump I've never seen it
Those filters were hilarious 😂😂😂😂😂
Wow...porta potty in the size of a brief case. That's a new invention. Somebody needs to get a patent on this. LOL!
Hysterical, Jimmy. 😄😄😄😄👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I love you Jimmy! You made my day, again! :D
Jim Kim is boss
It doesn't take much to make your day!!!!
I can't wait until you're fundamental rights are taken away.
Nobody watches this TDS overload show . Tell Jimmy it isn't curable .
The filters thing… oh my good God. That was hilarious! I hope that’s not the first or last time we see Jimmy do that segment. That made me laugh so hard.
That made me laugh so hard I watched it twice lol. I’d watch the whole thing like that
If non religious and normal people say the phrase “something told me that was going to happen” or “I had a feeling that was going to happen”, at what age and place does a Cujo Mortal human learn to convert that phrase into “God told me something was going to happen”?
If the door you look at or the window you look at is a thing. And GOD is also things, Then “something told me xyz might happen” is more accurate and closer to GOD.
Me too! Good old fashioned belly laugh out loud!
We can see that you're easily amused.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
The filters segment was so hilarious. But specific to the dude to the left of MS. LOFGREN… I watched this thing live and that was exactly how my brain recorded him. Bunt cake hair doo, goofy appearance, but probably a good person. Whomever that was… wow. I salute you Sir. With a look that specific you know someone’s going to put you on blast. I’m sure that person is a good person, but he had to know he was going to be picked on…
The way things are going, Trump will start drinking soon...and A LOT!
Bottoms up, Donald.
I love Jimmy, I hit the subscribe button, everytime he asks me to... I don't want to hurt his feelings!🤣
Great show Jimmy! 👏
His a lefty fool
Suppose Jimmy has an explanation why none of the mules in 2000 Mules have sued Dinesh yet? They have to be 'lawyered up"...why no denials or litigation?
Liberalism is a Mental Disorder.
Jimmy can't get over Trump , shows his disease is severe .
@@erwinsm10 Thank you for watching!
Wen u vote for a clown u get a circus... Trump is going to jail
@ Lowell Pack I hope so 🤞🤞🤞
Me too.
Well put
I think we need to keep our expectations realistic. Trump DESERVES to be in jail but when allow someone to be elected president....they are not going to jail. The most that we can hope for is he is never allowed to run for president again and gets sued into oblivion. People under Trump? They are going to jail.
What laws did he break?
Nah, those filters made it worse, not better, LOL! And, as a lifelong fisherman, that last bit was even more disturbing.
you get NOTHING my friend! Love you Jimmy❤❤❤❤❤
Jimmy and team. Thanks for you ongoing infotainment. I am tired off such embarrassing news, but you after many years make it a pleasure to be inflicted with.
So happy that you're enjoying the clown show. I'm sure ABC appreciates your devotion.
Sheeple
How pathetic that there are people (like you) who get your news from Jimmy Kimmel.
I'm melting...I'm melting. Oh wait that's just the alcohol seeming out of my pores- Giuliani.
drinking is not a crime
I wouldn’t trust a lawyer that drinks on the job. Also, the man who hires a drunk lawyer, very questionable judgement.
These lies are getting comical!!! Oh, he is a comedian.
how are you doing today?
Came for Jimmy and stayed for the filters!!
Giuliani makes me cringe!
The way you can tell that Rudy is drunk is if it is a day.
or night. Also night.
WE DON'T WORRY ABOUT DAY WITH PELOSI. SHES DRUNK EVERYDAY STUMBLING AROUND THE HOUSE BUT KIMMEL IS OKAY WITH THAT. RULES FIR THEE BUT NOT KE IS TRUE
The same way stumbles and mumbles became a lawyer lol lollol remember he graduated top of his class lol lol lol oops! No way am I gonna have my kids go to school in a racial jungle lol lol let’s see if you can trip up Air Force One again tomorrow America should be so proud of the stumble
Rambling nonsensically is his default setting, so I honestly can't tell him sober from drunk
How can you sat that? People drink at night also.
Rudy may therefore plead not guilty to all charges against him by reason of "insobriety." Trust him when he responds " I don't recall".
Maybe that's why Trump went to Rudy, because he knew he'd be too drunk to recall what was said, or comprehend what was said.
i haven't watched Jimmy Kimmel before. This guy's pretty good
He sure doesn't shop at a grocery store. One day ago the pack I bought was the normal size.
I buy my tortillas fresh from a carneceria....why any one would buy old rubbery tortillas from a grocery store, is beyond me.There are Hispanic grocery stores everywhere...go in there people....live a little.
History - Benedict Arnold is America’s greatest traitor
Trump - Hold my diet coke. Nobody knows more about traitoring than me
At least Arnold was a decorated field commander. He made a terrible decision out of vanity and being overlooked.
Trump never did anything selfless or with any level of virtue
I guess it's better to make fun of the previous, no-wars, no shortages,and low gas prices,. president than have to actually accept you voted in the monstrosity, demented president we have now.
@@nathiandavault2171 Yet only one of these men was both a president and a traitor. 💁🏽♀️
@@keshaartis8365 lol, who? Or you just making up stuff and believing everything from the same people who brought us Jussie Smullett, Covington Kid, and 2 years of Trump/Russia? Lol.
@@keshaartis8365 He’s uneducated he wouldn’t know the difference lol 😆
Heh Jimmy!! In your northern neighbor here. Our Prime Minister went down to LA last week and came back here with COVID. Jeez man, next time he comes down there, will you please just KEEP HIM THERE. If you don't know what he looks like, he's the unlimited french voice and language which with COVID drives everyone that speaks English here NUTS! 🥴
I really liked this, over the top hilarious and thought provokingly brilliant! So much to laugh at, needs to be viewed more than once.