The romantic and intimate FP is not usually devalued and discarded as they imprint on the Borderline. When this FP leaves the relationship it is like a death to those with BPD.
Correct. My wife (my FP)and I have been together for almost 13 years. How? I’ve been in therapy for many, many years and I am also medicated. It’s sad to see how many people make that automatic assumption.
I’m so sorry it really is life changing when we go through that period of time addicted to our FPs, one day you will find someone who is healthy for you and loves you unconditionally 🖤
I have quiet BPD and I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!
I have quiet bpd and recently chased my fp away in a very abusive verbal way…she is training as a psychotherapist and researcher herself, also my most dedicated music student ever, and i started to become extremely limerent to her last few months and at a certain very stressful time for me and my family…i also started to feel she was ‘seeing through me’ without her really committing to our relationship…i know now she was just being understanding and kind (but often reacting with what i construed as flirting)…i now know my bpd started making me react in a way too needy and became almost hysterical with abandonment rage before i lashed out…i hope to amend and resolve this horrible situation at a certain point in time but im worried ive done way too much emotional damage…but i also know i have to focus on getting better and kicking my addictions and self sabotaging coping mechanisms…thank you for sharing your insights and experiences in these matters 👍🏽🙏🏽💔
I was a favorite person. Only I didn't know the friend had BPD(which I know nothing about) amongst other mental health disorders.I wish I had known up front because I could've done research to know what to expect and how I can potentially help. When this friend was in a dark place self harm, suicide attempt, substance abuse, I did't know what was going on. They started being manipulative, greedy, and just taking advantage. I tried to stay around but unfortunately infringing on my mental health so badly I had to phase them out of my life. It's interesting to hear your point of view. I wish they hadn't been in such a bad place because I think that's what make this person triggered to the point of extremely toxic behavior. I hope they got through the worst of it. I do with them well
I have been involved with a person for 4 years. For years I thought he was a Covert Narcasist. I believe that he is an undiagnosed BPD. The cycles have been very hard for me because I honestly love him. He has always called me his Person. I am learning how to deal with his cycles and all I want to do is help him...I am not sure how to address it with him. He truly believes that I am crazy and that I purposely try and hurt him. I understand that his love for me is not like an adult love relationship, that it is the love that he lost as a little boy.
I have a horrible case of BPD FP’s. My current one is soooooo painful. So cute. Very unhealthy but she likes the attention and feeds it. It’s so exhausting
Love you mich glad your back I love when you laughed after saying “having a favorite person can be quite stressful” I felt that 😂 it’s stressful so much impulsive and embarrassing things I’ve done
My friend had BPD, I suspect I was her FP after doing a bit of research. It explains the stress, and manipulation, and chaos that the past many years held
This is so relatable to me, I have BPD and ALWAYS had a favorite person! 😅 This time is my boss and I'm afraid things will go downhill soon because of that😔
SO informative and true, it’s exactly what I have experienced from someone I love with BPD as their FP. Thank u so much for helping teach the world to better understand the condition and be a light for other people with BPD.
Very little in mental health communities is mentioned about grieving our trauma. Yet it’s the only way we really heal. It’s also free, is intuitive and babies are born knowing how. So if we ever forget, we always have a god-given reminder. Anyone gets triggered emotionally, and people with BPD style symptoms suffer simply because there’s a lot of pain, plus are just born more sensitive than most. But get shut down. We don’t need therapists, though they help. But whenever we get angry, sad or hurt, if we recognise that it always stems from a core childhood feeling, and we identify that’s where the real healing works. My mind is still boggled that really ain’t talked about in modern psychology circle. Like it’s kinda recognised, but so much effort is put into all the intellectual processing. Thinking, seeing. But in the end, it’s only the pain of childhood stuff that drives all the problems and in most people it comes up almost every day ready to be healed.
I have a fav person, but I recognize she's human and not perfect. I keep zero expectations with her. I find learning and maintaining balance in relationships and with self helps.
@@GailOwens I don't believe we can turn off our feelings but we can learn not to be intensely reactive and people can moderate the feelings that come up.
He called a celeb I look nothing like a 10 and said I was at least a 9. This is worse than just being unattractive, so close but not good enough. It’s been months and I’m so tired
I don't have BPD, my therapist thinks my business partner/friend does and we both have said we have withdrawls when don't talk to each other. But her huband got mad at her for being in the phone with me 24/7
that’s a great one! I’ve recently learned some ways but I had a really hard time getting out of them, sometimes months even years so I get how you feel
I understand this struggle all too well, so figured the least I could do is drop the "dated" vid here until she makes an updated version. Hang in there!
Thanks Anthony I’m finally posting content regularly again! Also please check out my Instagram @theblacklambs if you haven’t already I have lots of bpd content on there as well 🖤
What I don’t get when people expect me to actually recover is how they expect me to love myself and not need external sources of love and validation. Obviously I hate myself and I don’t see myself as a person. How on earth do they expect me to all of a sudden be fine and dandy with the person I hate the most (myself)? And even if I did, my opinions mean nothing to be because I see myself a stupid anyways
Well maybe you're just wrong about yourself and maybe your life can change if you got some DBT therapy. Won't hurt to try. You got nothing to lose anyway.
That’s so cool! Sorry I didn’t see this comment for a while I appreciate all of your kind words, if you’d like we can connect on Instagram! Mine is @theblacklambs 🖤
Here is the paradox: if one is to feel in such an extreme that they are willing to immediately commit seppuku for accidentally hitting the ankle of their FP in the market with their cart, and this is the default setting (to those without BPD it would be considered extreme) for ALL emotions: then yes, why wouldn't they logically expect those exact same extremes from their FP in return? This is because it is the basic default setting. Now, here is where the paradox is made, because they are the FP, by definition they have accomplished this by breaking through and showing that positive things in life still do exist. Now, knowing this the person with BPD also knows that to truly show love and be loved: they must love and accept themselves. Which in order to do this they must accept those default settings as more than acceptable for them. In fact: they are perfect! But that means that one cannot change them, as quite literally BPD is part physiological in nature; and this cannot be 'reversed' or 'fixed'. So, accepting (very radically) that these defaults are perfect (for them) and should not be changed (as they cannot be) then this leads directly to the fact that in order to truly love and accept oneself and be loved in return: IS to expect those very same extremes in the FP. Now, if they are WORTHY of that mantel: they would surmount those expectations and understand that it is their role and that in order for them to be in it they accept all responsibilities towards it. If the person with BPD must be accountable for their emotions and their responses to them: then so are the people around them; and at the same level. This is where the devaluing comes in, as the person without BPD generally realizes this before the person with it; as it is the only logical conclusion and they are unhampered by the long term exhaustion that they are facing either accepting or turning down. This is when they realize that by just being a basic human being: they destroyed and entire person's existence. Or they have a chance to be the hero in a tale of tragedy that is so extreme, that by the end of it: they will probably be a different person themselves. Enter people not being able to explain all of that coherently and you have people saying, very rudely but also very accurately: that people with BPD are 'too much for them.' All they are really saying is: they chose to leave a pure soul in the pits of never ending trauma than to be the untold hero in a tale as old as recorded history, because they realize that internally they were not enough. That compared to a person who has no identity, their own ego was more important to them as they have their entire identity wrapped up in their egos. And standing before a mirror of themselves and realizing what it is like to be without identity, and knowing they would have to have ego death to continue: they chose to be another villain, another trauma, and bow out. Either an FP accepts their role at ALL levels or they are unworthy and are another trauma in the life of tragedies. Otherwise accountability on all sides does not exist.
Ive been through so much with my FP. Ive grown so much as a person because they entered my life. I learned how to love unconditionally through loving them. They are not a perfect person, but I've learned to make peace with the flaws, to set boundaries for myself, and to always forgive and ask for forgiveness. i almost married them, but it wasn't meant to be. Now we are good friends, and they are moving in with me soon. Some people with bpd treat their close, loved ones very poorly. But that is not always the case, as every person is unique, and everyone is capable of growth. One thing i love above having bpd is that i have a huge propensity for empathy, and i act on it when necessary. Ive lives a thousand lifetimes in the last couple of decades because of what having BPD forced me to face head on. :) I will always stand by my FP's side, so long as they desire that.
All of us with BPD can display our disorder differently. It's not a one size fits all disorder. There are four subtypes that differentiate us. For me, I had always been the one who was left by the other person, because I can be too much to deal with, up until I recently dated a malignant narcissist who attempted but failed to ruin my life. Now my trust issues are even much worse than before. Now I leave consistently after about 4 months because I am terrified that anyone I am with has NPD. I ultimately decide that they are not worth the risk. It's not rational, but now I am unfortunately stuck in this pattern.
This is pathetically untrue lmfao. Highly narcissistic people maybe but most borderlines-no. Having a FP is like an addiction. You can't just "devalue" an addiction lmao.
Had «favourite persons» since i was about four years 🥲 First it was a very caring woman that worked in my kindergarden. It’s been my teacher, men i dated, my boss (who i ended up sleeping with) none of them knew that they were, because i never showed any emotion or told them. Right now it is my female therapist (Thank god she is a female) so it’s not a crush on Top of that also, wich is worse. But i would never, ever show her how caothic it makes me, but i am thinking about bringing it up with her, so she maybe can help me explore why it happens and how to prevent it. How you explain it is so accurate btw. I tought for all these years what the hell is wrong with me, but after learning i probably have EUPD i searched it up read about it and found out this is actually very common. I feel less weired.
The romantic and intimate FP is not usually devalued and discarded as they imprint on the Borderline. When this FP leaves the relationship it is like a death to those with BPD.
Correct. My wife (my FP)and I have been together for almost 13 years. How? I’ve been in therapy for many, many years and I am also medicated. It’s sad to see how many people make that automatic assumption.
My FP is a high. I experience it like a drug.
I even get psychological withdrawals. Heart palpitations, panic attacks, shaking.
I’m so sorry it really is life changing when we go through that period of time addicted to our FPs, one day you will find someone who is healthy for you and loves you unconditionally 🖤
That is exactly how i feel too..i feel like ill have a panic attack after talking to him..
This
In my case FP is more powerful than any drug I have experienced yet and more annoying to combat than substance use disorders.
I have quiet BPD and I’ve just been some of the hardest days of my life. I was already going through a deep depression with chronic suicidal ideation. Because of this and several other reasons I got extremely attached to my therapist. I started developing feelings for her and felt safe with her. She also struggled with installing boundaries, so that made it even more difficult and confusing. But it came to a point where she couldn’t handle my attachment anymore and cut off the appointments. I know she’s only human, and everyone has their limits. But it was devastating and I was in some of the most pain I ever endured. I almost killed myself. Luckily with the help of one of my best friends I pulled through. Never give up!
I have quiet bpd and recently chased my fp away in a very abusive verbal way…she is training as a psychotherapist and researcher herself, also my most dedicated music student ever, and i started to become extremely limerent to her last few months and at a certain very stressful time for me and my family…i also started to feel she was ‘seeing through me’ without her really committing to our relationship…i know now she was just being understanding and kind (but often reacting with what i construed as flirting)…i now know my bpd started making me react in a way too needy and became almost hysterical with abandonment rage before i lashed out…i hope to amend and resolve this horrible situation at a certain point in time but im worried ive done way too much emotional damage…but i also know i have to focus on getting better and kicking my addictions and self sabotaging coping mechanisms…thank you for sharing your insights and experiences in these matters 👍🏽🙏🏽💔
I'm not even diagnosed with bpd, but I constantly change FPs all the time
I was a favorite person. Only I didn't know the friend had BPD(which I know nothing about) amongst other mental health disorders.I wish I had known up front because I could've done research to know what to expect and how I can potentially help. When this friend was in a dark place self harm, suicide attempt, substance abuse, I did't know what was going on. They started being manipulative, greedy, and just taking advantage. I tried to stay around but unfortunately infringing on my mental health so badly I had to phase them out of my life. It's interesting to hear your point of view. I wish they hadn't been in such a bad place because I think that's what make this person triggered to the point of extremely toxic behavior. I hope they got through the worst of it. I do with them well
I have been involved with a person for 4 years. For years I thought he was a Covert Narcasist. I believe that he is an undiagnosed BPD. The cycles have been very hard for me because I honestly love him. He has always called me his Person. I am learning how to deal with his cycles and all I want to do is help him...I am not sure how to address it with him. He truly believes that I am crazy and that I purposely try and hurt him. I understand that his love for me is not like an adult love relationship, that it is the love that he lost as a little boy.
I have a horrible case of BPD FP’s. My current one is soooooo painful. So cute. Very unhealthy but she likes the attention and feeds it. It’s so exhausting
Love you mich glad your back I love when you laughed after saying “having a favorite person can be quite stressful” I felt that 😂 it’s stressful so much impulsive and embarrassing things I’ve done
My friend had BPD, I suspect I was her FP after doing a bit of research. It explains the stress, and manipulation, and chaos that the past many years held
i just got diagnosed or found out it was in my chart, i’m glad i found your channel and im trying to better understand bpd and my symptoms ❤
This is so relatable to me, I have BPD and ALWAYS had a favorite person! 😅 This time is my boss and I'm afraid things will go downhill soon because of that😔
yeah I hate the anxiety that comes with it that it will go downhill :( it’s so hard not to our brain just subconsciously does it!
SO informative and true, it’s exactly what I have experienced from someone I love with BPD as their FP. Thank u so much for helping teach the world to better understand the condition and be a light for other people with BPD.
Aww thank you so much for these kind supportive words i really appreciate it! 🖤
Very little in mental health communities is mentioned about grieving our trauma.
Yet it’s the only way we really heal. It’s also free, is intuitive and babies are born knowing how.
So if we ever forget, we always have a god-given reminder.
Anyone gets triggered emotionally, and people with BPD style symptoms suffer simply because there’s a lot of pain, plus are just born more sensitive than most. But get shut down.
We don’t need therapists, though they help. But whenever we get angry, sad or hurt, if we recognise that it always stems from a core childhood feeling, and we identify that’s where the real healing works.
My mind is still boggled that really ain’t talked about in modern psychology circle. Like it’s kinda recognised, but so much effort is put into all the intellectual processing. Thinking, seeing. But in the end, it’s only the pain of childhood stuff that drives all the problems and in most people it comes up almost every day ready to be healed.
I have a fav person, but I recognize she's human and not perfect. I keep zero expectations with her. I find learning and maintaining balance in relationships and with self helps.
I only just found out I have BPD and my god your channel is so relatable. How the hell do I not have a favourite person?
Thank you! It’s hard sometimes maybe no one is worthy of being your favourite person haha :)
Definitely more videos!! I've found it so helpful and can relate so much!! Please more videos!! ❤️❤️
thank you so much!! I will post another one this week 🖤
From someone who has diagnosed BPD: the best therapy you can practice is to teach yourself to have thick skin. It’s like a levy that stops the rage
So true!!!
Is that possible? I am not bpd, my mother was, I have cptsd and feel too deeply. Is it possible to turn off your feelings?
@@GailOwens I don't believe we can turn off our feelings but we can learn not to be intensely reactive and people can moderate the feelings that come up.
He called a celeb I look nothing like a 10 and said I was at least a 9. This is worse than just being unattractive, so close but not good enough. It’s been months and I’m so tired
I don't have BPD, my therapist thinks my business partner/friend does and we both have said we have withdrawls when don't talk to each other. But her huband got mad at her for being in the phone with me 24/7
You're my FP Michi, even though I've never met you. Lol. You're the best. :-)
thank you so much!! 😁
Thanks for the video! I would like to hear from you how to get back up on our feet and feel better after mental crisis, it takes me way too long..
that’s a great one! I’ve recently learned some ways but I had a really hard time getting out of them, sometimes months even years so I get how you feel
Hi Michi 💖 is it normal for someone who has bpd to seek validation outside of the relationship while splitting their partner?
Could you please also make a video about not being able to make/keep friends? I struggle so much with loneliness and isolation lately😭😭
She already did. ua-cam.com/video/2BNZ68n7st0/v-deo.html
I understand this struggle all too well, so figured the least I could do is drop the "dated" vid here until she makes an updated version. Hang in there!
yesss I would love to make an updated version soon I have learned a lot since those years haha thank you 🖤
Can you have a friendship where both people are each others favourite person ?
That can happen but it doesn’t mean that it works out
Quick question how come girls with BPD leave people hanging mid conversation once someone has confided in you the BPD? Thanks
Not all of us do that? Thanks
Thank You for this video 😘
Very good video 😍! You may already made a video about It, but can you talk about bpd and alcool and substunce abuse?
yes I will!! I think I’ve spoken briefly about it but it is a very important part of bpd most of us have struggled with at some point
Great to see you back Michi x
Thanks Anthony I’m finally posting content regularly again! Also please check out my Instagram @theblacklambs if you haven’t already I have lots of bpd content on there as well 🖤
when everything slows down ...at new job I will be on site ... hope all is well with you three ....peace and love
Oh... this is what I have now. great
can you talk about bpd and suicide thoughts pls?
i thought i might have had this bpd shit but im def an aspd'r hands down..just watchin these vids as a cross reference
What I don’t get when people expect me to actually recover is how they expect me to love myself and not need external sources of love and validation. Obviously I hate myself and I don’t see myself as a person. How on earth do they expect me to all of a sudden be fine and dandy with the person I hate the most (myself)? And even if I did, my opinions mean nothing to be because I see myself a stupid anyways
Well maybe you're just wrong about yourself and maybe your life can change if you got some DBT therapy. Won't hurt to try. You got nothing to lose anyway.
y do u hate yourself tho?
Is a fp always a romantic relationship? I ask as my late mother relied on me for everything. She couldn't cope if I went out for even ten minutes.
Is not always romantic.
Amazing.. I will defenetly get that shirt :3
thank you so much! 🖤
How is it that we tend to have the same hair colors at the same time
That’s so cool! Sorry I didn’t see this comment for a while I appreciate all of your kind words, if you’d like we can connect on Instagram! Mine is @theblacklambs 🖤
Hi to Michi from Michigan
Here is the paradox: if one is to feel in such an extreme that they are willing to immediately commit seppuku for accidentally hitting the ankle of their FP in the market with their cart, and this is the default setting (to those without BPD it would be considered extreme) for ALL emotions: then yes, why wouldn't they logically expect those exact same extremes from their FP in return? This is because it is the basic default setting. Now, here is where the paradox is made, because they are the FP, by definition they have accomplished this by breaking through and showing that positive things in life still do exist. Now, knowing this the person with BPD also knows that to truly show love and be loved: they must love and accept themselves. Which in order to do this they must accept those default settings as more than acceptable for them. In fact: they are perfect! But that means that one cannot change them, as quite literally BPD is part physiological in nature; and this cannot be 'reversed' or 'fixed'. So, accepting (very radically) that these defaults are perfect (for them) and should not be changed (as they cannot be) then this leads directly to the fact that in order to truly love and accept oneself and be loved in return: IS to expect those very same extremes in the FP. Now, if they are WORTHY of that mantel: they would surmount those expectations and understand that it is their role and that in order for them to be in it they accept all responsibilities towards it. If the person with BPD must be accountable for their emotions and their responses to them: then so are the people around them; and at the same level. This is where the devaluing comes in, as the person without BPD generally realizes this before the person with it; as it is the only logical conclusion and they are unhampered by the long term exhaustion that they are facing either accepting or turning down. This is when they realize that by just being a basic human being: they destroyed and entire person's existence. Or they have a chance to be the hero in a tale of tragedy that is so extreme, that by the end of it: they will probably be a different person themselves. Enter people not being able to explain all of that coherently and you have people saying, very rudely but also very accurately: that people with BPD are 'too much for them.' All they are really saying is: they chose to leave a pure soul in the pits of never ending trauma than to be the untold hero in a tale as old as recorded history, because they realize that internally they were not enough. That compared to a person who has no identity, their own ego was more important to them as they have their entire identity wrapped up in their egos. And standing before a mirror of themselves and realizing what it is like to be without identity, and knowing they would have to have ego death to continue: they chose to be another villain, another trauma, and bow out. Either an FP accepts their role at ALL levels or they are unworthy and are another trauma in the life of tragedies. Otherwise accountability on all sides does not exist.
The website is broken
I love BPDs❤,even tho i never met one
don’t meet one
@@user-wg5ul6ib4e so all i have to do now is to say some provocative stuff and we will be trauma bonded forever❤️
Be glad you haven't. It was the worst most painful experience of my life...
As a narcissist, borderlines are so attractive. Being that special person for a partner feels so good.
ew ?
@@ErgoProxie not really.
What do you mean???
@@spiderman23231 To what?
🫡
The FP will eventually be devalued and discarded
Absolutely, it's a bad news to be a FP of a borderline. When you really loving your borderline, she will reject you and it will very painful for you.
Ive been through so much with my FP. Ive grown so much as a person because they entered my life. I learned how to love unconditionally through loving them. They are not a perfect person, but I've learned to make peace with the flaws, to set boundaries for myself, and to always forgive and ask for forgiveness. i almost married them, but it wasn't meant to be. Now we are good friends, and they are moving in with me soon. Some people with bpd treat their close, loved ones very poorly. But that is not always the case, as every person is unique, and everyone is capable of growth. One thing i love above having bpd is that i have a huge propensity for empathy, and i act on it when necessary. Ive lives a thousand lifetimes in the last couple of decades because of what having BPD forced me to face head on. :) I will always stand by my FP's side, so long as they desire that.
All of us with BPD can display our disorder differently. It's not a one size fits all disorder. There are four subtypes that differentiate us. For me, I had always been the one who was left by the other person, because I can be too much to deal with, up until I recently dated a malignant narcissist who attempted but failed to ruin my life. Now my trust issues are even much worse than before. Now I leave consistently after about 4 months because I am terrified that anyone I am with has NPD. I ultimately decide that they are not worth the risk. It's not rational, but now I am unfortunately stuck in this pattern.
Nope. Not in all cases. My last two favourite people are still very good, respected friends of mine.
This is pathetically untrue lmfao. Highly narcissistic people maybe but most borderlines-no. Having a FP is like an addiction. You can't just "devalue" an addiction lmao.
Sigh...
Had «favourite persons» since i was about four years 🥲 First it was a very caring woman that worked in my kindergarden. It’s been my teacher, men i dated, my boss (who i ended up sleeping with) none of them knew that they were, because i never showed any emotion or told them. Right now it is my female therapist (Thank god she is a female) so it’s not a crush on Top of that also, wich is worse. But i would never, ever show her how caothic it makes me, but i am thinking about bringing it up with her, so she maybe can help me explore why it happens and how to prevent it. How you explain it is so accurate btw. I tought for all these years what the hell is wrong with me, but after learning i probably have EUPD i searched it up read about it and found out this is actually very common. I feel less weired.