Take a look at your perfectionist part and how being flawed or having the fear of being flawed will result in you being unworthy of love, belonging, and connection. This is typically how "spirals" start.
i only just figured out that this is something i suffer from. at the slightest worry that i may be rejected, i don’t take it out on anyone except myself, and i worry constantly, thinking that people don’t like me and i worry about all the dreadful outcomes that come from it. i worry so much about it actually, i can either- feel like i’ve been shot, feel like i’m on a rollercoaster, or feel like i am about to throw up. it is literally the worst feeling in the world. i hate it so much.
Have you had any help since you figured this out?? I just heard about rsd Today and it literally fits all my criteria’s and now i trying to see what would help
I don't know if you realize but everything here described as symptoms and causes for RSD are literally the exact same as those with C-PTSD. Before you say it's not PTSD, C-PTSD is vastly different from PTSD and when caused by childhood trauma gives the exact same symptoms as RSD. In people with ADHD, it is much more debilitating because the resulting combination of symptoms from when C-PTSD gets added to ADHD because of the childhood trauma creating an additive effect of compounding the effects/symptoms of each.
CPTSD is BPD. It's just the ICD 10 separates bpd caused by trauma. Bpd has a rejection sensitivity and an abandonment component but that doesn't mean RSD has nothing to do with ADHD. This video is about a symptom. Other disorders have overlap. Calm down, you lack the experience to make these assertions.
@@jacobsl3499 it doesn't. It's a disagreement between diagnostic manuals that bpd and cptsd are separate disorders. DSM doesnt recognize cptsd. ICD separates trauma Induced bpd as a separate disorder.
i have simply chosen to live in solitude so much as it is realistically possible. i will continue to strive for perfection in all that i do. and if people don’t feel safe around me then they are more likely to leave me alone.
Extreme emotional pain is right. I’ve been having a bad bout of of it for the past few days. It feels like my nerves are on fire, like an internal sunburn.
It’s possible you have a “physical” condition, as well as a “mental” condition. One Dr told me that there is NO difference between the physical and emotion. They both take place in the brain, and cause neuronal activation. It is highly likely that the physical symptoms you describe are near the “anxiety” center of your brain.
Everytime i make a mistake i beat myself up. And some mistakes will come in flash backs years later and i will twitch. I hate it because i feel i have to numb myself and keep my distance from others it just sucks
Thanks for the added insight. Being an HSP makes RSD slightly more challenging to work with. Having narcissistic siblings? 100x more challenging. My #1 coping skill is self-affirmation when/where possible.
You're welcome, Jay. I appreciate you sharing what you go through and that self-affirmation is your number 1 coping skill! Thank you for taking the time to write
I don't feel like a princess or that it is the other person's fault am blacklisted by doctors, therapists and family have no real friends who accept me as i am - except the most wonderful husband who is the only one who still loves me at this particular moment, am totally overwhelmed by conflicting emotions following a relatively minor incident during a choir practice session yesterday evening. It will take me weeks and weeks to recover and i already know i will never go back to that choir again. Most of them won't even know anything happened! That's the awful part about it. I am already overwhelmed and blaming myself. I am sorry (not meaning to hurt any one's feelings here) but this therapist's remarks are not particularly helpful - at least not just now - i see plenty of labelling, plenry of drugging recommended when all i really want is to be welcomed back to the human race when i feel human again. At the moment, feeling like... rubbish/ worthless/ destined-for-hell/ heap of sh**. Hating myself and struggling to recover some semblance of dignity. Have a deadly fear of getting upset in public so, unfortunately, i may start isolating again. Yeah. It will take me weeks, possibly months, to recover. 😶
I wish I could just turn off my brain when I get triggered. I am constantly paranoid at work that everyone hates me, and then today some customers were cursing me out and calling me a sl*t and throwing shit at my car while I was on break. It was so hard not to punch something or disappear in a ball as all the bad past bullying memories suddenly flooded my mind nonstop. Breathing/mantras in the janitors closet didn't help. It was physically painful and took hours for me to be myself again. I wish I could take a pill only when needed to make the pain go quicker.
So glad I found this. This is why I keep myself to myself. I maybe alone, but at least I am not rejected all the time. Being rejected never gets any easier - even if you have a defense mechanism.
- Opposite Action - STEP 1: identify your emotions (are u angry, sad, frustrated, jealous or envious) STEP 2: what is the urge that accompanies the emotion (do u wanna punch someone, throw something, yell, isolate, shut down n sleep all day) STEP 3: does the urge fit the facts of the situation (is the urge to yell an appropriate move, will it cause more good or damage to yell rn) STEP 4: if your emotions and urges dont fit the situation Do the Opposite (yelling example, person may instead listen, pause, n do nothing while waiting situation out/maybe ask question/ futher clarify) 8:15 DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) & Opposite Action
Me four days ago. As if someone ripped off the mask I’d so carefully placed and I stood there naked and alone in front of others. Three days later I began to see evidence of my unpacking what I felt that day and why. Self acceptance at being a flawed person vs trying so hard to be a “perfect” person, like mom wanted.
This has ruined my relationship too, and it kills to think now that she only meant well, and I was too over sensitive and lashed out instead. I blamed her , and it was me. I had no idea I had this until now.
“Collectively we contribute to the problem, and collectively we must engage.” Absolutely love this quote! With an adult partner who recently uncovered ADHD, this is such a helpful reminder to me. I just want to find ways I can support and engage appropriately.
My boyfriend and I are making our mental health journey together. We both have perfect O OCD, he has relationship OCD and I have RSD and we can complicate the others mental disorders if we’re not careful. Careful research is key and it helps so much
I hope this article helps you and your boyfriend potentially see the connection between relationship OCD and Attachment Theory.rocd.net/rocd-and-attachment/
Nicole, thank you for productively contributing to this comment section. With such a new and important discovery for you and your partner, your role as supporter is such a crucial aspect of the relationship growing. Thanks again for sharing your experience.
Any resource for family members of RSD to learn body language and verbal productive communication? It's so easy to tend to isolation and avoidance without some basic tools.
I fit the bill on all your examples of what RSD sufferers feel and think. I have been crippled by those debilitating emotions since early childhood. I work hard to presume positive intentions, but am often slammed into by "Mack trucks" when least expecting it. These episodes have ruined so many of my relationships. I hate it. I wish my skin were thicker! I wish I could just let it go and be happy-go-lucky. I know that I don't have ADD. I have been tested in a psychologist's office for ADD and was told I am far from it. However, I sure do relate to all of your RSD examples! When an episode occurs I feel so stupid. I feel anxious and want to run away from the people who were rude to me. I wish I could just tell them off and then get on with life. But I can't because I know they'll come back at me harder and meaner, and then my brain will freeze and I'll just stand there like a bumbling idiot. There are SO many people who think they know everything and they don't hesitate to argue and criticize in all their confident ignorance. Then they go along their merry way, winning friends and influencing people, as well as waging effective smear campaigns to further strengthen their own reputations. I can't tolerate most social situations because this is how it usually plays out. I'd much rather just be alone.
I had a boss who would get anxious and then would go on a diatribe, saying things that weren’t true but I would just freeze and retreat as if that would make her go away. It actually made things worse because she wanted things on the table and discussed and my not saying anything made her madder. I’ve run into a few people like this in my life. Note. They weren’t pathological but would tell themselves a story and build that up in their head. I found out by accident how to deal with them using this metaphor which helped me. Some people need to run into a hard corner to stop. By retreating, I was presenting a soft shoulder so they kept pushing for resolution. For my boss, that changed, when I (realizing a. She wasn’t right and b. I was running into crunch time for leaving for an appt), said calmly that there were other factors involved that she didn’t know, but that I was going to be late for my appt if we talked about them now and I would be glad to talk to her about it when I returned. I’m sure having to leave helped break that but it did totally change the tone of our working relationship once she knew I would stand up for myself in a calm and rational manner even if she was yelling.
You do a nice job describing things you go through. What sticks out to me is that it seems as though you have a driver of insecurity that appears to initiate some frustration and envy. Envy is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Take a closer look at these aspects and let me know what you discover. I appreciate your post
😢 Wow this is me. Except i never outwardly express anything. I internalise it all. It ruins and rules my life and the pain is crippling. Isolate myself so that i cant be triggered because it's already overwhelming. I also isolate myself to give people a break from me so maybe then they will like me more 🤦♀️ I'm so tired
It's crazy how long I am in therapy and with various psychiatrists and no one ever brought this stuff up.. it's like having a broken car and looking for car mechanic that can fix it for 10 years, and having parts constantly exchanged, and after spending a fortune, finding a mechanic who says "it's this thing" and then you look at it, and only then you see by yourself that it is obviously broken. And then thinking was I going to car mechanics until now or were they bakers or something.
Great analogy. Sad but true. I’m constantly teaching people about what they really are suffering from. Constantly correcting the misdiagnoses from other clinicians
Yes it both serves as a reminder that we re all flawed and we accept each other’s quirks as well as produces light, relatable moments that we can laugh at together.
In my clinical experience, not all become perfectionists. Usually when someone thinks they wont try something based on possibly failing, their mindset goes to fortune telling and assumption making, and it usually never turns out they way they think it will. Once they realize it wasn't as bad as they thought it was going to be, they have difficulty with recalling (working memory) that experience when something similar happens in the future. "I remember thinking this was bad and it actually turned out fine" doesn't usually cross their mind so the "thinking building blocks" are not developed well. I'll cover the 5 executive functions in the future.
Awesome content JC! Excellent explanations! In my opinion Vitamin and Mineral deficiencies should be corrected before considering pharmaceuticals but to each his own. 👍
I have suffered rejection just today for my two-weeks ago adhd phasing out while talking and went into "unflattering truth" mode without realizing my situational awareness shut-down. I tried to apologize to the employee woman I was hoping for a rational opportunity-- knowing women are more emotional than factual. Got a face full of hate. She shot the one holding the white flag. Guilt. Shame. Betrayal Self-recrimination Negative self-talk Alternative scenarios Wish-coulds Criticism Blame her for acting emotionally Physically ignoring everything needing to be done. Anger at her not allowing to put things in perspective Heavy disappointment in her not letting me off the hook Forgiveness to her because it was the adhd and her own inability to control her emotions that had my create this shit-show Taking responsibility for the whole two-part shit-show I am deeply recriminating myself. It is so exhausting knowing I'm going to ruminate over months with years *possibly* watering down the emotion. Worse, it's at my credit union - the only credit union in my town. I don't want to have to live with all this shit in my memory - swirling around like a muddy pair of overalls in the washer that does not have a spin cycle. 6 decades of this life. I am so exhausted. Make it stop already .
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This is absolute gold. I realised that RSD is something I was living with, but I guess meditation has helped me a great deal, and now I have been a coach for a number of years, I recognise it in one of my female clients who repeatedly struggles with relationships. I do practice DBT on myself but I didn’t know that is what I was doing. All I know is that after I am triggered to pause, and ask my unconscious mine what the hell is going on and what emotions and feeling are present as a result. Then pose the question, what are these feelings and emotions instructions me to do? If I were to carry out those instructions who’s they produce a positive or negative result? If negative, don’t do it. All this comes from William Whitecloud’s book ‘The Natural Secrets Of Success”. So happy that I found this. Thank you.
I'm 58 and this describes my entire life. In my 30s I started therapy 2x/week and went for six years and it helped somewhat. However, a few job layoffs and horrible bosses made me want to retreat and avoid, and I've lived the past decade or more working from home, barely scraping by after being a highly paid management consultant because I felt like a total failure. I teared up listening to this because I have never heard my feelings and reactions described so well. They affect every area of my life and I feel like I constantly live in victim mode. Thanks for this because now I feel like I have a new direction to go in terms of better navigating my life and feeling so much shame because of rejection sensitivity.
To me, youre brave for being able to articulate this. Do some Shame work, which entails looking at the fear of being flawed and therefore not good enough, not worthy of love, and disconnected from others.
I like the opposite action because I tend to react too fast then later down the line I think about how I could have handled it differently. I think I have ADHD..never been diagnoses but I recognize the symptoms within myself. Have cried about it many times and really struggle in a lot of areas.... I want to do better for ME because RSD mostly affects me. It is frustrating feeling rejected so much it makes me retreat. So thank you for this video
I don't have ADHD, I think I may have ADD, but all of this resonates with me. I feel like my emotions are blown out of proportion, not normal, and wish I could just regulate that overwhelming feeling of "not good enough". I never knew there was an actual thing like RSD. I just thought I wasn't normal and why do I feel so out of control with my emotions. It's very frustrating and disheartening.
Oh, man. My family totally puts me down whenever I feel RSD. I'm told not to be dramatic and that I'm being abusive if I voice any of my feelings when it hits me. I don't yell or put anyone but myself down. I usually only yell if I'm truly overwhelmed, which isn't often due to my military experience. Thank you for the tips, though.
Thank you so very much! Instead of listening to your video, I spent all night writing a response to an “expert” in getting good habits, being more organized, and resolving procrastination….that ADHD is over diagnosed, and he has the simple 10 minute exercise to cure the above. I am exhausted, irritable, and seriously mentally disphoric. I will turn my focus to the DBT technique and go play my ukulele.❤
Alex, thanks for watching the video. I believe its never too late to start fixing this. I see great strides with my clients working on these issues every day in my office. Don't believe those who say therapy cant help with RSD. Its simply not true. Keep fighting
This was very useful. I really enjoyed the way you laid out the video and your delivery of the information. I have pretty extreme RSD at the moment - on a level I am thinking it's neurological because I do DBT and CBT all the time... and I'm just so tired and feel like wheels are spinning. Looking for a diagnosis and possible meds to help, so it's good to know that those specific two with the G&C names may be more appropriate - I may start there and see how I do on them instead of stimulants after I do some more research and consult with professionals.
Ugh. I hate RSD. I am realizing I am AuDHD. I grew up with a (covert) narc mother and I question some things with my dad, who also worked a lot. I have come a long way, but it’s still been a long journey.
Anyone feeling like they don’t belong put your hand on your heart whenever those feelings of insecurity take over your mind. Be mindful of your heartbeat and remind yourself that you are a miracle. You were wonderfully made by the Creator of this earth. God the Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Always remember who you are. Jesus Christ is my savior. I am a princess because my Father is a King!
Not 100% sure if I identify with this condition, but a lot of it sounds about right. When I get hurt, embarrassed etc., it feels like a toxic posion enters my soul, and it can takes days before I get back to feeling better. What I find helps is to go through cycles of rage, which helps move the "posion" out of my emotional paralysis. Then after enough time of depression followed by rage, i will usually have a good nights rest and presto I feel better. This is what leads me to believe it is more than just "it's just in your head" explanation. It feels more like a neurobiological condition. I hope there is someday a better understanding of this stuff.
It's super hard to control my triggers Just realizing this is not enough There is a somatic response from the nervous system If I'm unaware, it's over I'm good at catching it after I react not before
Thank you for writing Daniel. Just the fact that you're aware of your triggers in the first place is very impressive. It sounds like you work hard at self-regulation! Thank you again for watching and commenting.
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 where’s the advice to not have this happen? recognizing yourself having intense emotions makes it worse. you know your feeling extremely angry or sad but you cannot stop your racing thoughts without a distraction, folding the emotions over themselves and doubling your self hatred
@@literallieme here’s my advice in no particular order but I’ll number them. 1) your emotion has an underlying belief system so figure that out and challenge your belief system (an example for anger would be some type of injustice, unfairness, or inequality). If your so angry you should change some of your beliefs bc it’s obviously causing too much suffering. 2) life is too short to take things so seriously so practice letting things go. Most things that upset us aren’t worth the energy and time investment. 3) a calm body quiets the mind. Practice keeping your heart rate down outside of working out, and manage your stress by breathing, eating well, exercising, and getting massages.
Have you thought about (or even talked about) the extra burden (on this condition and the sufferer) and often very debilitating monthly fluctuations in hormones (which, I assume you are aware can render medication close to useless during premenstrual time, which can be up to two weeks for those with pmdd)
I clicked on this video to find out more about this and you describe my vulnerable narcissist brother to a T. Can you believe a 60 yr old bro is still hating on a 40 yr old sibling… for what exactly? For being younger and still having years ahead of me to continue building my career? He is angry at reality? It’s ridiculous how some family members choose to stay silent about their lives just so he can be comfortable in his own skin. What a selfish prick. But I didn’t give af so I kept being myself around this dude and share about my life openly, good or bad. Of course I see him smile when things are bad (🤮 toxic) and would always have to find something wrong with the good happening to me. I tried honestly to have a honest conversation with him and even offered him options, including media and literature to help him ascend his pitiful self-flagellation, but that just made things worse. He might be turning 61 next year but he is as mature as a toddler pretending to be a teenager.
Hmmm, I developed RSD after being in a very complex environment at work. It was more that I was very open and thrown into the centre of a very complex and hostile context that wasn’t dealt with openly and escalated over many years. It was the consequence of very manipulative people including threats like ‘I know where you live’. It took many years of getting worse and worse despite me being deeply introspective. I almost never put my problems onto other people or denied criticism but I still spiralled. I also persisted doing the right thing despite the crippling emotional pain and almost nonstop negative rumination. I personally think RSD in my case has more to do with overly strong emotional connections to other people combined with being too open and honest. A part of you is alive in other people and it can give you a lot of sensitivity to create great relationships but it can also destroy you too. I do agree that taking criticism is important but rejection is sometimes unfair and objectively untrue and that is what I struggled with.
How would one utilize the opposite action in romantic/ dating settings ? For example feeling rejected by someone you are beginning to become interested because they haven’t made the first move or something and you just want to cut out the feelings because you feel rejected ???
Opposite action teaches us to consider if the facts fit the emotional response. What makes this difficult to apply is if we have a difficult time assessing accurately the cues, both verbal and nonverbal, body language, etc from others regarding what we would like back from them. In this case what you would like is reciprocation of them liking you. In other words, feeling rejected and actually being rejected are two different things. Opposite action is telling you that despite feeling scared or fearful, you should approach/address/confront/assert. And that would include you making the first move, not waiting on them. Lastly, resource back to a time when you asserted your wants and desires to someone, it didnt work out, but you didnt lose your shit and made it through that difficult time. I hope this helps but let me know if I confused you :)
Is it likely a man with ADHD and RSD, who never had a long term relationship, would preemptively end a relationship first, out of fear and insecurities?
Thank you Jason. It makes sense as he has also OCD and he is still enmeshed with his narcissistic mother. At 40. It feels tragic, but it seems like the conditioning is strong and he conforms to it..
How does someone find a qualified therapist who is familiar with the conditions of ADHD, CPTSD, and ADHD…and can diagnose and treat them appropriately with knowledge and skill with DBT and CBT?
I feel like this video talks about a more outward-presenting version of RSD, with anger or lashing out. I don't experience that at all. I experience intense shame and I have an over the top fawn response: constantly apologizing or giving affection to people who I feel rejection from, even if the rejection is illusory. I will also often isolate myself from certain people for long periods because I feel I've annoyed them. I don't tend to damage my relationships with my behavior, I just feel awful about myself after every interaction with everyone I love, which is pretty damaging to me.
The opposite action strategy just doesn’t seem very feasible. It requires someone who has a neurological disability to self-regulate in-situ to take actions that would require inordinate self-regulation. It appears on the surface to be telling a sufferer that the solution to having their condition is to just not have it. Like telling someone who is clinically depressed to “just cheer up”.
Opposite action strategy starts by assisting the RSD individual with learning to be more mindful of their emotional responses and how those emotions can cause them to make poor decisions. Because the individual with RSD often perceives criticism or rejection, opposite action promotes checking your emotion first because the emotion does NOT fit the facts. Just because someone has a neurological symptom does not mean they are incapable of learning how to fact check the actual situation and behaving in a way that is more productive for themselves.
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 So is this developed ex-situ with visualization or roleplay? What is the mechanism used to establish a "space between" stimulus and response?
@@andrewjohnson6716 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which is evidence based treatment for ADHD, applies the mechanisms of mindfulness skills (self and environmental awareness) and then emotion regulation skills (opposite action, check the facts, PLEASE Acronym (Treat Physical Illness, Eat Healthy, Avoid mood altering drugs, sleep well, and exercise). Essentially, the mechanisms can be built into daily habits as well as applied in the moment.
Hey Jason, really like the info. Now that we have a name for this condition, is there a cure? I find diagnosing someone without also being able to have a plan of action is not helpful. I have also heard this condition is somehow associated with ADHD, is that true?
I wouldnt call it a cure but my clients who engage in consistent therapy dealing with these issues absolutely see a dramatic decrease in the severity of their symptoms and have a substantial decrease in anxiety and increased joy and satisfaction.
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We can conceptualize RSD as a big part of us, but its not ALL of us. The part of you that chose to watch this video speaks to your "curiosity," "self-aware," and "fixer" parts among several other parts of you to still be discovered. Choose to hear the messages that your "Self-awareness" part is trying to tell you in regard to improving your mental health. The other part you seem to be dealing with is maybe that "hopeless" or "distrust in self and others" part when you say that RSD is telling you you wont find the right person to help you. Thats a start. Thank you for writing!
I was kicked out of community center for the mentally ill for life. Also, Rocky Hill veterans home (I am a veteran). Two assisted livings. Suspended from LGBT support group three years. BUT, I did get an honarble discharge from military…and a 4 year college degree.
Is there a difference in treatment with RSD versus depression? I'm being treated for depression but I experienced more RSD symptoms that may be perceived as depression.
Great question! And a very complicated answer! There is no obvious difference between the two in terms of treatment. Depression is often rooted in the past as well as some aspects of RSD so there are many approaches in integrating them. Look for ways to integrate your RSD symptoms with Depression symptoms and youll often see they compliment each other. work on both conditions concurrently to see how if one aspect gets fixed, the other often times gets fixed as well.
I feel rejected constantly, i make up scenarios in my head and when it happens in real life i see that as proof. My friends are cool but i alwYs make up scenarios as to why they havent messaged me yet or why i havent been invited somewhere when other friends in same social group are invited. Am i crazy? I dont know but i get super anti social during this thoughts and things get progressively worse untill i say something, then i feel guilty for bringing it up feel like an idiot then the cycle begins again after a few months. Hate being like this
You’re not crazy, you’re ruminating. Rumination is an aspect of depression and the main feature of OCD. Your core fear centers around not being worthy, disconnected and rejected. The biggest thing you’re dealing with is Shame. Check out Brene Browns work on Shame and guilt.
I'm trying to find a therapist who specializes in RSD, do you offer online therapy or know someone who does? I believe my husband has RSD and he is taking steps to "ghost" me in every aspect of his life and has filed for divorce. I'm trying to do everything in my power to save our marriage.
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Thank you for this video on an extremely overlooked (and very very defficult) part ADHD. Here is some advice from a guy with adhd and rsd who has a girlfriend with adhd and rsd too. Yup that can be turbulent sometimes but read along: If u figure out that ur partner has RSD, then the best you can do is to validate them. They might be overreacting to things that you at first do not understand. They might even lash out at you and call you names. Then you try to rationalize their behavoir but geuss what? It is not rational it is emotional. The best you can do? Love them and SHOW them that you love them. Remember that their maybe agressive or irrational behavior does not reflect their actual intentions or feelings towards you and they are just trying to protect a little hurt child that is scared inside of them. And that little kid just need some love and validation. If u get emotional yourself then stop the conversation for a while. Take a break. Breath. Calm down. Remember it is their RSD and not your partner speeking. Show them love. Tell them you understand and that you did not mean to hurt them. And give them space. They will come around. RSD can hurt. On both sides. Cuz the person who is with the person with RSD can also get hurt. You NEED to be the bigger person in those moments. Put aside your pride. Even though your partner is acting unfair. REMEMBER that it is the RSD. U can compare it to a scared cat who scratch you cuz it was scared, but then u pet him and it is all good. Look past the irrational behavoir and see the child who just needs a gentle push and some love.
No offense but does any of you people dx with ADHD, ever take responsibility for anything? "It's my RSD, it's my emotional dysregulation, it's my executive fonctions, it's my shadow, it's Mr. Hyde, you have to be the bigger person, yadda yadda yadda." Seriously, has any ADHD person ever subjected to your nonsensical "emotional" outbursts? Nobody would tell the victim of any aggression to coddle their aggressor but hey, ADHD people expect you to do that with them! So what? Your condition grants you a license to be paranoid and lash out at people ? SMH! Keep up with these childish behaviors... Until the day, your temper tantrums happen with someone who decides to fix that loose screw in your brains... Having been on the receiving end of unjustified emotional outbursts from ADHD people, I, for one, have no compassion whatsoever for these individuals. I am also sick of all these videos that make you victims. You aren't victims 24/7, you are also aggressors who need to be called out for it. RSD this, RSD that, give me a break! Nobody should have to put up with this!
Yes! RSD symptoms can worsen, leading to more withdrawal and isolation, creating a very socially anxious and possibly depressed person who has lost most of their confidence
No. Narcissism has a core belief centered around being god-like, omnipotent, and more important than others. RSD is centered around the fear of not being as good as others and not fitting into the group. The desire is to be connected with others
Mostly spot on. Sounds very clinical and with the tone of a 60s documentary. Maybe a little less of the expert Spock tone would help to connect with the audience who is not a clinical psychologist
Spot on insight! My question is how do I let my workplace, even my boss, that I have RSD and that is why I react the way I do in certain situations? I am simply known as being "very sensitive". That really sucks. Any advice would help. Oh, I also am an HSP as well.
I wouldnt tell my boss about this unless I had alot of trust in them as a leader and only if I felt they were a good enough leader to engage in a dialogue about your challenges would I tell them. I need a little more context too in order to give better advice.
Let people say no. Saying no doesnt equal rejection it is about their boundaries. But never reject yourself because thats why it cuts soo deep because you end up rejecting yourself your own emotions you sided with the abuser when you were a child thats why you turned your emotions inside and on you and viewed them as bad. Let other people say no or reject you because its a healthy sense of acceptance. I accept myself first even if people reject me that way i can never lose myself to something of i deeply can accept myself and work on my inner acceptance its the undoing and inbecoming its showing people the real side of you broken sad unperfect cause thats you while healing but that part of you wants to be seen cause its in the seen that you gain acceptance then you start to learn to acceptance yourself by unbecoming and doing what your parents shamed you for doing like crying
Start taking people off the pedestal and see we are all equal because we are all human we all make mistakes and uniquely different. Work on building that self acceptance, self validation because thats what leaves cuts in the soul they are like wounds that havnt been dressed part of the needs from our parents we didnt get but we can get it from God or ourselfs. Yes God is real and he longs to heal deep wounds of rejection.
I think you need to work on your descriptions. Think about your audience. Some of what you are saying comes off as condescending and ablest. “these types” “fragile psyche” “frustrates assertive communicators” “exaggerate their struggles” These are just unnecessary terms and phrases that makes it appear you have less compassion or understanding for people that have suffered with this (and are obviously on the path to find solutions and treatment) than you claim to have. I think it’s completely unnecessary and detrimental to those you are trying to reach. But it’s probably me just being sensitive.
Implying they lack “internal fortitude”... Saying that in your “clinical experience they haven’t been taught or haven’t learned the language skills necessary to communicate exactly what they think and feel...”. AFTER saying there is a clear GENETIC component to this. In my experience, and now seeing it in my 4 y.o. daughter, this part of adhd has a strong chemical or physical component that is not a result of learned behavior, although I’m sure is exacerbated by them. Yes, WE need help learning coping mechanisms, but it is not a result of not being exposed to language skills. It’s the actual aversion to using them in this state. The visceral feeling of slight, imagined or real. The lack of innate ability to control the sudden escalation of our emotions. These combined make it very hard to express any kind of feelings when we are in this state, but In my experience, I have no trouble when I’m not in it.
Sorry but i dont like your generalizations. I am rejected for real and was discriminated for my foreign voice in interviews. The reaction is much moftem disproportionated because of severe childhood abuse in my case 30 ongoing rejections as I was bodily ill and depressed and studies showed thar most men dont want to handle cancer sick partners or bodily chronical ill partners. For me at least, its 30% trauma response and 70% justified. I dont let my perception taken away, I have an intuition and am reflective as I meditate. Dont ever assume responsibility for others abusive behaviors or youll end up codependent and people pleaser and I was there not a nice addiction
I spiral really quickly over tiny things and it can ruin days for me.
Omg same!
Take a look at your perfectionist part and how being flawed or having the fear of being flawed will result in you being unworthy of love, belonging, and connection. This is typically how "spirals" start.
i only just figured out that this is something i suffer from. at the slightest worry that i may be rejected, i don’t take it out on anyone except myself, and i worry constantly, thinking that people don’t like me and i worry about all the dreadful outcomes that come from it. i worry so much about it actually, i can either- feel like i’ve been shot, feel like i’m on a rollercoaster, or feel like i am about to throw up. it is literally the worst feeling in the world. i hate it so much.
You are not alone.
This describes it really well.
Please don’t keep it to yourself. Find a group, frien, or therapist to help you through.❤
Have you had any help since you figured this out??
I just heard about rsd
Today and it literally fits all my criteria’s and now i trying to see what would help
I don't know if you realize but everything here described as symptoms and causes for RSD are literally the exact same as those with C-PTSD. Before you say it's not PTSD, C-PTSD is vastly different from PTSD and when caused by childhood trauma gives the exact same symptoms as RSD. In people with ADHD, it is much more debilitating because the resulting combination of symptoms from when C-PTSD gets added to ADHD because of the childhood trauma creating an additive effect of compounding the effects/symptoms of each.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 How does this differ from BPD?
CPTSD is BPD. It's just the ICD 10 separates bpd caused by trauma. Bpd has a rejection sensitivity and an abandonment component but that doesn't mean RSD has nothing to do with ADHD. This video is about a symptom. Other disorders have overlap. Calm down, you lack the experience to make these assertions.
@@jacobsl3499 it doesn't. It's a disagreement between diagnostic manuals that bpd and cptsd are separate disorders. DSM doesnt recognize cptsd. ICD separates trauma Induced bpd as a separate disorder.
@@chevgage6210 one thing for sure about BPDs is to NEVER date them. RUN, RUN AWAY!!!
This is me. Dealing with this right now as I type. It is absolute torture and I am gutted. Thank you for this. I pray one day I can be free.
Can totally relate and just found out I may have it as I react dispriportionately to perceived criticism and/or rejection... 😭
🙏🏻
Keep praying, God has helped me so much on the way I feel and think . It’s a daily walk, God bless 🙏 😊
i have simply chosen to live in solitude so much as it is realistically possible. i will continue to strive for perfection in all that i do. and if people don’t feel safe around me then they are more likely to leave me alone.
Extreme emotional pain is right. I’ve been having a bad bout of of it for the past few days. It feels like my nerves are on fire, like an internal sunburn.
I’m sorry homie❤ I’ve been through the exact same and it is so so painful, you’ll come through stronger! I see you!
It’s possible you have a “physical” condition, as well as a “mental” condition. One Dr told me that there is NO difference between the physical and emotion. They both take place in the brain, and cause neuronal activation. It is highly likely that the physical symptoms you describe are near the “anxiety” center of your brain.
Yep this exactly describes me. Nice to have a definition for what I've been dealing with. Now I just need to fix it.
It's great that you can identify with RSD. I'm excited for you that you can put a name to what you've been experiencing and can now fix it!
Exactly
Same
Everytime i make a mistake i beat myself up. And some mistakes will come in flash backs years later and i will twitch. I hate it because i feel i have to numb myself and keep my distance from others it just sucks
Thanks for the added insight. Being an HSP makes RSD slightly more challenging to work with. Having narcissistic siblings? 100x more challenging. My #1 coping skill is self-affirmation when/where possible.
You're welcome, Jay. I appreciate you sharing what you go through and that self-affirmation is your number 1 coping skill! Thank you for taking the time to write
I don't feel like a princess or that it is the other person's fault am blacklisted by doctors, therapists and family have no real friends who accept me as i am - except the most wonderful husband who is the only one who still loves me at this particular moment, am totally overwhelmed by conflicting emotions following a relatively minor incident during a choir practice session yesterday evening. It will take me weeks and weeks to recover and i already know i will never go back to that choir again. Most of them won't even know anything happened! That's the awful part about it. I am already overwhelmed and blaming myself. I am sorry (not meaning to hurt any one's feelings here) but this therapist's remarks are not particularly helpful - at least not just now - i see plenty of labelling, plenry of drugging recommended when all i really want is to be welcomed back to the human race when i feel human again. At the moment, feeling like... rubbish/ worthless/ destined-for-hell/ heap of sh**. Hating myself and struggling to recover some semblance of dignity. Have a deadly fear of getting upset in public so, unfortunately, i may start isolating again. Yeah. It will take me weeks, possibly months, to recover. 😶
I wish I could just turn off my brain when I get triggered. I am constantly paranoid at work that everyone hates me, and then today some customers were cursing me out and calling me a sl*t and throwing shit at my car while I was on break. It was so hard not to punch something or disappear in a ball as all the bad past bullying memories suddenly flooded my mind nonstop. Breathing/mantras in the janitors closet didn't help. It was physically painful and took hours for me to be myself again. I wish I could take a pill only when needed to make the pain go quicker.
Hang in there, There are a lot of people going through what you're going through and you will get better. You're not alone.
Get some help for your past trauma if you haven’t already. No need to suffer any more than you already have
So glad I found this.
This is why I keep myself to myself. I maybe alone, but at least I am not rejected all the time. Being rejected never gets any easier - even if you have a defense mechanism.
- Opposite Action -
STEP 1: identify your emotions (are u angry, sad, frustrated, jealous or envious)
STEP 2: what is the urge that accompanies the emotion (do u wanna punch someone, throw something, yell, isolate, shut down n sleep all day)
STEP 3: does the urge fit the facts of the situation (is the urge to yell an appropriate move, will it cause more good or damage to yell rn)
STEP 4: if your emotions and urges dont fit the situation Do the Opposite (yelling example, person may instead listen, pause, n do nothing while waiting situation out/maybe ask question/ futher clarify)
8:15 DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) & Opposite Action
I can't shake off the urge to yell 😢
When the trigger happens, my emotions are hijacked and I can’t get out of it… then I flee, shut down.
Kari, thats a good way of describing what so many people tell me in so many words. Thank you for sharing!
Me four days ago. As if someone ripped off the mask I’d so carefully placed and I stood there naked and alone in front of others. Three days later I began to see evidence of my unpacking what I felt that day and why. Self acceptance at being a flawed person vs trying so hard to be a “perfect” person, like mom wanted.
The last tip is the best tip in my opinion, anger makes you do stuff you will regret.
This has ruined my relationship too, and it kills to think now that she only meant well, and I was too over sensitive and lashed out instead. I blamed her , and it was me. I had no idea I had this until now.
“Collectively we contribute to the problem, and collectively we must engage.” Absolutely love this quote! With an adult partner who recently uncovered ADHD, this is such a helpful reminder to me. I just want to find ways I can support and engage appropriately.
My boyfriend and I are making our mental health journey together. We both have perfect O OCD, he has relationship OCD and I have RSD and we can complicate the others mental disorders if we’re not careful. Careful research is key and it helps so much
I hope this article helps you and your boyfriend potentially see the connection between relationship OCD and Attachment Theory.rocd.net/rocd-and-attachment/
Nicole, thank you for productively contributing to this comment section. With such a new and important discovery for you and your partner, your role as supporter is such a crucial aspect of the relationship growing. Thanks again for sharing your experience.
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 Thank you so so very much 🙏🏻✨
Any resource for family members of RSD to learn body language and verbal productive communication? It's so easy to tend to isolation and avoidance without some basic tools.
I fit the bill on all your examples of what RSD sufferers feel and think. I have been crippled by those debilitating emotions since early childhood. I work hard to presume positive intentions, but am often slammed into by "Mack trucks" when least expecting it. These episodes have ruined so many of my relationships. I hate it. I wish my skin were thicker! I wish I could just let it go and be happy-go-lucky. I know that I don't have ADD. I have been tested in a psychologist's office for ADD and was told I am far from it. However, I sure do relate to all of your RSD examples! When an episode occurs I feel so stupid. I feel anxious and want to run away from the people who were rude to me. I wish I could just tell them off and then get on with life. But I can't because I know they'll come back at me harder and meaner, and then my brain will freeze and I'll just stand there like a bumbling idiot. There are SO many people who think they know everything and they don't hesitate to argue and criticize in all their confident ignorance. Then they go along their merry way, winning friends and influencing people, as well as waging effective smear campaigns to further strengthen their own reputations. I can't tolerate most social situations because this is how it usually plays out. I'd much rather just be alone.
I had a boss who would get anxious and then would go on a diatribe, saying things that weren’t true but I would just freeze and retreat as if that would make her go away. It actually made things worse because she wanted things on the table and discussed and my not saying anything made her madder. I’ve run into a few people like this in my life. Note. They weren’t pathological but would tell themselves a story and build that up in their head.
I found out by accident how to deal with them using this metaphor which helped me. Some people need to run into a hard corner to stop. By retreating, I was presenting a soft shoulder so they kept pushing for resolution.
For my boss, that changed, when I (realizing a. She wasn’t right and b. I was running into crunch time for leaving for an appt), said calmly that there were other factors involved that she didn’t know, but that I was going to be late for my appt if we talked about them now and I would be glad to talk to her about it when I returned. I’m sure having to leave helped break that but it did totally change the tone of our working relationship once she knew I would stand up for myself in a calm and rational manner even if she was yelling.
You do a nice job describing things you go through. What sticks out to me is that it seems as though you have a driver of insecurity that appears to initiate some frustration and envy. Envy is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Take a closer look at these aspects and let me know what you discover. I appreciate your post
😢 Wow this is me. Except i never outwardly express anything. I internalise it all. It ruins and rules my life and the pain is crippling. Isolate myself so that i cant be triggered because it's already overwhelming. I also isolate myself to give people a break from me so maybe then they will like me more 🤦♀️ I'm so tired
It's crazy how long I am in therapy and with various psychiatrists and no one ever brought this stuff up.. it's like having a broken car and looking for car mechanic that can fix it for 10 years, and having parts constantly exchanged, and after spending a fortune, finding a mechanic who says "it's this thing" and then you look at it, and only then you see by yourself that it is obviously broken. And then thinking was I going to car mechanics until now or were they bakers or something.
Great analogy. Sad but true. I’m constantly teaching people about what they really are suffering from. Constantly correcting the misdiagnoses from other clinicians
“Friendly jabbing between peers contributes to intimacy” this blew my mind, I am so dumb, is this how it works? This legitimately opened my eyes.
Yes it both serves as a reminder that we re all flawed and we accept each other’s quirks as well as produces light, relatable moments that we can laugh at together.
My wife has RSD; I have my own trauma I work through, so it’s difficult for me too on another level.
It’s very disheartening.
Do all become perfectionists? Or do some just not try at all since they believe they will fail and everyone hates them anyway so why bother?
In my clinical experience, not all become perfectionists. Usually when someone thinks they wont try something based on possibly failing, their mindset goes to fortune telling and assumption making, and it usually never turns out they way they think it will. Once they realize it wasn't as bad as they thought it was going to be, they have difficulty with recalling (working memory) that experience when something similar happens in the future. "I remember thinking this was bad and it actually turned out fine" doesn't usually cross their mind so the "thinking building blocks" are not developed well. I'll cover the 5 executive functions in the future.
Awesome content JC! Excellent explanations!
In my opinion Vitamin and Mineral deficiencies should be corrected before considering pharmaceuticals but to each his own. 👍
Thank you! I like your suggestion of considering vitamins and mineral deficiencies before pharmaceuticals. Thanks again for watching and commenting
I have suffered rejection just today for my two-weeks ago adhd phasing out while talking and went into "unflattering truth" mode without realizing my situational awareness shut-down.
I tried to apologize to the employee woman
I was hoping for a rational opportunity-- knowing women are more emotional than factual.
Got a face full of hate.
She shot the one holding the white flag.
Guilt.
Shame.
Betrayal
Self-recrimination
Negative self-talk
Alternative scenarios
Wish-coulds
Criticism
Blame her for acting emotionally
Physically ignoring everything needing to be done.
Anger at her not allowing to put things in perspective
Heavy disappointment in her not letting me off the hook
Forgiveness to her because it was the adhd and her own inability to control her emotions that had my create this shit-show
Taking responsibility for the whole two-part shit-show
I am deeply recriminating myself.
It is so exhausting knowing I'm going to ruminate over months with years *possibly* watering down the emotion.
Worse, it's at my credit union - the only credit union in my town.
I don't want to have to live with all this shit in my memory - swirling around like a muddy pair of overalls in the washer that does not have a spin cycle.
6 decades of this life.
I am so exhausted.
Make it stop already
.
Thank you for leaving a comment. I am interested in learning more about your situation. Please join our community, where you can sign up for our newsletter and/or ask me a question, and I will answer it during a UA-cam segment. jasoncerro.com/ask-jason-a-question/
😮😢It was hard for me to get through the video. Now, I have a name for what I've been going through after years of talk therapy. Smh 😩😭🙏🏽
This is absolute gold. I realised that RSD is something I was living with, but I guess meditation has helped me a great deal, and now I have been a coach for a number of years, I recognise it in one of my female clients who repeatedly struggles with relationships.
I do practice DBT on myself but I didn’t know that is what I was doing. All I know is that after I am triggered to pause, and ask my unconscious mine what the hell is going on and what emotions and feeling are present as a result.
Then pose the question, what are these feelings and emotions instructions me to do?
If I were to carry out those instructions who’s they produce a positive or negative result?
If negative, don’t do it.
All this comes from William Whitecloud’s book ‘The Natural Secrets Of Success”.
So happy that I found this. Thank you.
When you say triggered to pause, do you mean triggered to pause after a slight rejection?
I'm 58 and this describes my entire life. In my 30s I started therapy 2x/week and went for six years and it helped somewhat. However, a few job layoffs and horrible bosses made me want to retreat and avoid, and I've lived the past decade or more working from home, barely scraping by after being a highly paid management consultant because I felt like a total failure. I teared up listening to this because I have never heard my feelings and reactions described so well. They affect every area of my life and I feel like I constantly live in victim mode. Thanks for this because now I feel like I have a new direction to go in terms of better navigating my life and feeling so much shame because of rejection sensitivity.
To me, youre brave for being able to articulate this. Do some Shame work, which entails looking at the fear of being flawed and therefore not good enough, not worthy of love, and disconnected from others.
I like the opposite action because I tend to react too fast then later down the line I think about how I could have handled it differently. I think I have ADHD..never been diagnoses but I recognize the symptoms within myself. Have cried about it many times and really struggle in a lot of areas.... I want to do better for ME because RSD mostly affects me. It is frustrating feeling rejected so much it makes me retreat. So thank you for this video
I don't have ADHD, I think I may have ADD, but all of this resonates with me. I feel like my emotions are blown out of proportion, not normal, and wish I could just regulate that overwhelming feeling of "not good enough". I never knew there was an actual thing like RSD. I just thought I wasn't normal and why do I feel so out of control with my emotions. It's very frustrating and disheartening.
This video perfectly describes me and my experiences. Thanks for this!
Oh, man. My family totally puts me down whenever I feel RSD. I'm told not to be dramatic and that I'm being abusive if I voice any of my feelings when it hits me. I don't yell or put anyone but myself down. I usually only yell if I'm truly overwhelmed, which isn't often due to my military experience. Thank you for the tips, though.
You're welcome. great job working on your self control and emotion regulation. thats no small accomplishment!
It's just a symptom of childhood neglect/trauma.
this is the worst pain especially when the person moves on to a new relationship it reinforces the rejection and adds to the ongoing pain
Well explained and respectfully delivered, thank you.
Thank you so very much! Instead of listening to your video, I spent all night writing a response to an “expert” in getting good habits, being more organized, and resolving procrastination….that ADHD is over diagnosed, and he has the simple 10 minute exercise to cure the above. I am exhausted, irritable, and seriously mentally disphoric. I will turn my focus to the DBT technique and go play my ukulele.❤
Ouch! Wow this really spoke to me, been this way all my life
I hate that I discovered this so late in my life. It's too late I think, to fix things...
Alex, thanks for watching the video. I believe its never too late to start fixing this. I see great strides with my clients working on these issues every day in my office. Don't believe those who say therapy cant help with RSD. Its simply not true. Keep fighting
The opposite action strategy is so helpful, thank you
I’m so happy that’s helpful to you! Thank you for watching and commenting 😀
This describes me completely. I'm glad I know what I have
Totally me! Good to have a name for it..
This was very useful. I really enjoyed the way you laid out the video and your delivery of the information. I have pretty extreme RSD at the moment - on a level I am thinking it's neurological because I do DBT and CBT all the time... and I'm just so tired and feel like wheels are spinning. Looking for a diagnosis and possible meds to help, so it's good to know that those specific two with the G&C names may be more appropriate - I may start there and see how I do on them instead of stimulants after I do some more research and consult with professionals.
Are you ok now?
Ugh. I hate RSD. I am realizing I am AuDHD. I grew up with a (covert) narc mother and I question some things with my dad, who also worked a lot. I have come a long way, but it’s still been a long journey.
Anyone feeling like they don’t belong put your hand on your heart whenever those feelings of insecurity take over your mind. Be mindful of your heartbeat and remind yourself that you are a miracle. You were wonderfully made by the Creator of this earth. God the Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Always remember who you are. Jesus Christ is my savior. I am a princess because my Father is a King!
Best video I’ve seen so far on this.
Thank you so much for watching this! Is it too much to ask what parts of the video you found the most useful?
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 your definition and description of RSD is so helpful.
Not 100% sure if I identify with this condition, but a lot of it sounds about right. When I get hurt, embarrassed etc., it feels like a toxic posion enters my soul, and it can takes days before I get back to feeling better. What I find helps is to go through cycles of rage, which helps move the "posion" out of my emotional paralysis. Then after enough time of depression followed by rage, i will usually have a good nights rest and presto I feel better.
This is what leads me to believe it is more than just "it's just in your head" explanation. It feels more like a neurobiological condition. I hope there is someday a better understanding of this stuff.
I think many neurodiverse folks experience this.
It's super hard to control my triggers
Just realizing this is not enough
There is a somatic response from the nervous system
If I'm unaware, it's over
I'm good at catching it after I react not before
Thank you for writing Daniel. Just the fact that you're aware of your triggers in the first place is very impressive. It sounds like you work hard at self-regulation! Thank you again for watching and commenting.
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 where’s the advice to not have this happen? recognizing yourself having intense emotions makes it worse. you know your feeling extremely angry or sad but you cannot stop your racing thoughts without a distraction, folding the emotions over themselves and doubling your self hatred
@@literallieme here’s my advice in no particular order but I’ll number them.
1) your emotion has an underlying belief system so figure that out and challenge your belief system (an example for anger would be some type of injustice, unfairness, or inequality). If your so angry you should change some of your beliefs bc it’s obviously causing too much suffering.
2) life is too short to take things so seriously so practice letting things go. Most things that upset us aren’t worth the energy and time investment.
3) a calm body quiets the mind. Practice keeping your heart rate down outside of working out, and manage your stress by breathing, eating well, exercising, and getting massages.
Have you thought about (or even talked about) the extra burden (on this condition and the sufferer) and often very debilitating monthly fluctuations in hormones (which, I assume you are aware can render medication close to useless during premenstrual time, which can be up to two weeks for those with pmdd)
I’m glad I’m learning about this because I struggle with it❤️
Heidi that's awesome you're learning more about it. I'll have some more information on it soon that hopefully helps you even more.
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 thank you so much❤️
I clicked on this video to find out more about this and you describe my vulnerable narcissist brother to a T. Can you believe a 60 yr old bro is still hating on a 40 yr old sibling… for what exactly? For being younger and still having years ahead of me to continue building my career? He is angry at reality? It’s ridiculous how some family members choose to stay silent about their lives just so he can be comfortable in his own skin. What a selfish prick. But I didn’t give af so I kept being myself around this dude and share about my life openly, good or bad. Of course I see him smile when things are bad (🤮 toxic) and would always have to find something wrong with the good happening to me. I tried honestly to have a honest conversation with him and even offered him options, including media and literature to help him ascend his pitiful self-flagellation, but that just made things worse. He might be turning 61 next year but he is as mature as a toddler pretending to be a teenager.
Hey man, ever think that maybe your brother needs help? Why are you on here, want a cookie m?
@@bingolingo222 It is not my problem but hey if you’re codependent, go for it!
Hahahahahahaha!!! Of course BingoDipShit would delete his own comment. Fkn coward they are.
Hmmm, I developed RSD after being in a very complex environment at work. It was more that I was very open and thrown into the centre of a very complex and hostile context that wasn’t dealt with openly and escalated over many years. It was the consequence of very manipulative people including threats like ‘I know where you live’. It took many years of getting worse and worse despite me being deeply introspective. I almost never put my problems onto other people or denied criticism but I still spiralled. I also persisted doing the right thing despite the crippling emotional pain and almost nonstop negative rumination. I personally think RSD in my case has more to do with overly strong emotional connections to other people combined with being too open and honest. A part of you is alive in other people and it can give you a lot of sensitivity to create great relationships but it can also destroy you too. I do agree that taking criticism is important but rejection is sometimes unfair and objectively untrue and that is what I struggled with.
How would one utilize the opposite action in romantic/ dating settings ? For example feeling rejected by someone you are beginning to become interested because they haven’t made the first move or something and you just want to cut out the feelings because you feel rejected ???
Opposite action teaches us to consider if the facts fit the emotional response. What makes this difficult to apply is if we have a difficult time assessing accurately the cues, both verbal and nonverbal, body language, etc from others regarding what we would like back from them. In this case what you would like is reciprocation of them liking you. In other words, feeling rejected and actually being rejected are two different things. Opposite action is telling you that despite feeling scared or fearful, you should approach/address/confront/assert. And that would include you making the first move, not waiting on them. Lastly, resource back to a time when you asserted your wants and desires to someone, it didnt work out, but you didnt lose your shit and made it through that difficult time. I hope this helps but let me know if I confused you :)
Crippling and such a challenge. I know I wrestle with this but still can’t seem to stop the deep self shame and days of rumination.
Is it likely a man with ADHD and RSD, who never had a long term relationship, would preemptively end a relationship first, out of fear and insecurities?
Very possible. I’ve seen many examples of those who do not feel worthy of love run away from intimacy because it’s too intimidating
Thank you Jason. It makes sense as he has also OCD and he is still enmeshed with his narcissistic mother. At 40. It feels tragic, but it seems like the conditioning is strong and he conforms to it..
Or ending a relationship to lessen the pain of potential rejection. Choosing your own poison.
How does someone find a qualified therapist who is familiar with the conditions of ADHD, CPTSD, and ADHD…and can diagnose and treat them appropriately with knowledge and skill with DBT and CBT?
My daughter told me I have this and oh my gosh is she right!
I feel like this video talks about a more outward-presenting version of RSD, with anger or lashing out.
I don't experience that at all. I experience intense shame and I have an over the top fawn response: constantly apologizing or giving affection to people who I feel rejection from, even if the rejection is illusory. I will also often isolate myself from certain people for long periods because I feel I've annoyed them.
I don't tend to damage my relationships with my behavior, I just feel awful about myself after every interaction with everyone I love, which is pretty damaging to me.
The pain, the pain won't go away...
The opposite action strategy just doesn’t seem very feasible. It requires someone who has a neurological disability to self-regulate in-situ to take actions that would require inordinate self-regulation. It appears on the surface to be telling a sufferer that the solution to having their condition is to just not have it. Like telling someone who is clinically depressed to “just cheer up”.
Opposite action strategy starts by assisting the RSD individual with learning to be more mindful of their emotional responses and how those emotions can cause them to make poor decisions. Because the individual with RSD often perceives criticism or rejection, opposite action promotes checking your emotion first because the emotion does NOT fit the facts. Just because someone has a neurological symptom does not mean they are incapable of learning how to fact check the actual situation and behaving in a way that is more productive for themselves.
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 So is this developed ex-situ with visualization or roleplay? What is the mechanism used to establish a "space between" stimulus and response?
@@andrewjohnson6716 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which is evidence based treatment for ADHD, applies the mechanisms of mindfulness skills (self and environmental awareness) and then emotion regulation skills (opposite action, check the facts, PLEASE Acronym (Treat Physical Illness, Eat Healthy, Avoid mood altering drugs, sleep well, and exercise). Essentially, the mechanisms can be built into daily habits as well as applied in the moment.
www.additudemag.com/dbt-for-adhd-dialectical-behavioral-therapy/
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 Thnks, I'll look into that.
Hey Jason, really like the info. Now that we have a name for this condition, is there a cure? I find diagnosing someone without also being able to have a plan of action is not helpful. I have also heard this condition is somehow associated with ADHD, is that true?
I wouldnt call it a cure but my clients who engage in consistent therapy dealing with these issues absolutely see a dramatic decrease in the severity of their symptoms and have a substantial decrease in anxiety and increased joy and satisfaction.
I'm a mom, I have ADHD and I'm having a hard time when my kids say something that triggers my RSD.
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How do you even get help if RSD is telling you that nothing is gonna work or that you won't find the right person to help you?
We can conceptualize RSD as a big part of us, but its not ALL of us. The part of you that chose to watch this video speaks to your "curiosity," "self-aware," and "fixer" parts among several other parts of you to still be discovered. Choose to hear the messages that your "Self-awareness" part is trying to tell you in regard to improving your mental health. The other part you seem to be dealing with is maybe that "hopeless" or "distrust in self and others" part when you say that RSD is telling you you wont find the right person to help you. Thats a start. Thank you for writing!
Did you mention the word 'collective'?
That's not gonna fly in the US.
This comment section makes me cry. I hate this for all of us.
I was kicked out of community center for the mentally ill for life. Also, Rocky Hill veterans home (I am a veteran). Two assisted livings. Suspended from LGBT support group three years. BUT, I did get an honarble discharge from military…and a 4 year college degree.
Is there a difference in treatment with RSD versus depression? I'm being treated for depression but I experienced more RSD symptoms that may be perceived as depression.
Great question! And a very complicated answer! There is no obvious difference between the two in terms of treatment. Depression is often rooted in the past as well as some aspects of RSD so there are many approaches in integrating them. Look for ways to integrate your RSD symptoms with Depression symptoms and youll often see they compliment each other. work on both conditions concurrently to see how if one aspect gets fixed, the other often times gets fixed as well.
I feel rejected constantly, i make up scenarios in my head and when it happens in real life i see that as proof.
My friends are cool but i alwYs make up scenarios as to why they havent messaged me yet or why i havent been invited somewhere when other friends in same social group are invited.
Am i crazy? I dont know but i get super anti social during this thoughts and things get progressively worse untill i say something, then i feel guilty for bringing it up feel like an idiot then the cycle begins again after a few months.
Hate being like this
You’re not crazy, you’re ruminating. Rumination is an aspect of depression and the main feature of OCD. Your core fear centers around not being worthy, disconnected and rejected. The biggest thing you’re dealing with is Shame. Check out Brene Browns work on Shame and guilt.
I'm trying to find a therapist who specializes in RSD, do you offer online therapy or know someone who does? I believe my husband has RSD and he is taking steps to "ghost" me in every aspect of his life and has filed for divorce. I'm trying to do everything in my power to save our marriage.
Email me jasoncerrotalks@gmail.com and I can provide more info on that
Oh wow I'm all these things today. Lovely
Thank you for leaving a comment. I am interested in learning more about your situation. Please join our community, where you can sign up for our newsletter and/or ask me a question, and I will answer it during a UA-cam segment. jasoncerro.com/ask-jason-a-question/
Thank you
You're welcome
Thank you for this video on an extremely overlooked (and very very defficult) part ADHD.
Here is some advice from a guy with adhd and rsd who has a girlfriend with adhd and rsd too. Yup that can be turbulent sometimes but read along:
If u figure out that ur partner has RSD, then the best you can do is to validate them. They might be overreacting to things that you at first do not understand. They might even lash out at you and call you names. Then you try to rationalize their behavoir but geuss what? It is not rational it is emotional. The best you can do? Love them and SHOW them that you love them. Remember that their maybe agressive or irrational behavior does not reflect their actual intentions or feelings towards you and they are just trying to protect a little hurt child that is scared inside of them. And that little kid just need some love and validation. If u get emotional yourself then stop the conversation for a while. Take a break. Breath. Calm down. Remember it is their RSD and not your partner speeking. Show them love. Tell them you understand and that you did not mean to hurt them. And give them space. They will come around.
RSD can hurt. On both sides. Cuz the person who is with the person with RSD can also get hurt. You NEED to be the bigger person in those moments. Put aside your pride. Even though your partner is acting unfair. REMEMBER that it is the RSD. U can compare it to a scared cat who scratch you cuz it was scared, but then u pet him and it is all good.
Look past the irrational behavoir and see the child who just needs a gentle push and some love.
No offense but does any of you people dx with ADHD, ever take responsibility for anything? "It's my RSD, it's my emotional dysregulation, it's my executive fonctions, it's my shadow, it's Mr. Hyde, you have to be the bigger person, yadda yadda yadda." Seriously, has any ADHD person ever subjected to your nonsensical "emotional" outbursts? Nobody would tell the victim of any aggression to coddle their aggressor but hey, ADHD people expect you to do that with them! So what? Your condition grants you a license to be paranoid and lash out at people ? SMH! Keep up with these childish behaviors... Until the day, your temper tantrums happen with someone who decides to fix that loose screw in your brains... Having been on the receiving end of unjustified emotional outbursts from ADHD people, I, for one, have no compassion whatsoever for these individuals. I am also sick of all these videos that make you victims. You aren't victims 24/7, you are also aggressors who need to be called out for it. RSD this, RSD that, give me a break! Nobody should have to put up with this!
Am I correct that this includes sensitivity to, for example, experiencing discipline or correction from an employer or teacher?
Yes, Shame prone sensitivities
Welp! Another confirmation. I also habe body dysmorphia
accepting i’m not perfect is hard
Can RSD lead to social anxiety? Because i wonder whether i have both
Yes! RSD symptoms can worsen, leading to more withdrawal and isolation, creating a very socially anxious and possibly depressed person who has lost most of their confidence
Definitely me. 😔
You lite RSD my deceived me.
I have RSD 😢
This was incredibyl helpful, thank you!
Deep seated rather than deep seeded...
Starting to question if anyone knows what RSD actually is bec these comments tell me otherwise
Could it moderate to severe narcissism ?
No. Narcissism has a core belief centered around being god-like, omnipotent, and more important than others. RSD is centered around the fear of not being as good as others and not fitting into the group. The desire is to be connected with others
@@jasoncerrotalks2655 would that also apply to vulnerable narcissists ?
Mostly spot on. Sounds very clinical and with the tone of a 60s documentary. Maybe a little less of the expert Spock tone would help to connect with the audience who is not a clinical psychologist
Have you considered that many autistic people appreciate this format - whether or not they are clinical psychologists.
This is 100 per cent me.
✅
Spot on insight! My question is how do I let my workplace, even my boss, that I have RSD and that is why I react the way I do in certain situations? I am simply known as being "very sensitive". That really sucks. Any advice would help. Oh, I also am an HSP as well.
I wouldnt tell my boss about this unless I had alot of trust in them as a leader and only if I felt they were a good enough leader to engage in a dialogue about your challenges would I tell them. I need a little more context too in order to give better advice.
My comment was rejected.. Thats how bad i am
I also can’t find my comment
😂
3:49
Let people say no. Saying no doesnt equal rejection it is about their boundaries. But never reject yourself because thats why it cuts soo deep because you end up rejecting yourself your own emotions you sided with the abuser when you were a child thats why you turned your emotions inside and on you and viewed them as bad. Let other people say no or reject you because its a healthy sense of acceptance.
I accept myself first even if people reject me that way i can never lose myself to something of i deeply can accept myself and work on my inner acceptance its the undoing and inbecoming its showing people the real side of you broken sad unperfect cause thats you while healing but that part of you wants to be seen cause its in the seen that you gain acceptance then you start to learn to acceptance yourself by unbecoming and doing what your parents shamed you for doing like crying
Start taking people off the pedestal and see we are all equal because we are all human we all make mistakes and uniquely different.
Work on building that self acceptance, self validation because thats what leaves cuts in the soul they are like wounds that havnt been dressed part of the needs from our parents we didnt get but we can get it from God or ourselfs. Yes God is real and he longs to heal deep wounds of rejection.
Donald trump has this.
Look at his reaction to obama's speech at white house correspondence dinner
I think you need to work on your descriptions. Think about your audience. Some of what you are saying comes off as condescending and ablest.
“these types”
“fragile psyche”
“frustrates assertive communicators”
“exaggerate their struggles”
These are just unnecessary terms and phrases that makes it appear you have less compassion or understanding for people that have suffered with this (and are obviously on the path to find solutions and treatment) than you claim to have.
I think it’s completely unnecessary and detrimental to those you are trying to reach.
But it’s probably me just being sensitive.
Implying they lack “internal fortitude”...
Saying that in your “clinical experience they haven’t been taught or haven’t learned the language skills necessary to communicate exactly what they think and feel...”.
AFTER saying there is a clear GENETIC component to this.
In my experience, and now seeing it in my 4 y.o. daughter, this part of adhd has a strong chemical or physical component that is not a result of learned behavior, although I’m sure is exacerbated by them.
Yes, WE need help learning coping mechanisms, but it is not a result of not being exposed to language skills. It’s the actual aversion to using them in this state. The visceral feeling of slight, imagined or real. The lack of innate ability to control the sudden escalation of our emotions. These combined make it very hard to express
any kind of feelings when we are in this state, but In my experience, I have no trouble when I’m not in it.
Sorry but i dont like your generalizations. I am rejected for real and was discriminated for my foreign voice in interviews. The reaction is much moftem disproportionated because of severe childhood abuse in my case 30 ongoing rejections as I was bodily ill and depressed and studies showed thar most men dont want to handle cancer sick partners or bodily chronical ill partners. For me at least, its 30% trauma response and 70% justified. I dont let my perception taken away, I have an intuition and am reflective as I meditate. Dont ever assume responsibility for others abusive behaviors or youll end up codependent and people pleaser and I was there not a nice addiction