Quiet and personal introspection helps with that. Even if the adult child shares their reason for estranging, quiet reflection reveals even more and softens the heart towards the adult child. That’s been my experience.
Thats funny, because almost everyone I know who has problems with their parents, myself included, has tried to explain ad nauseum their reasons. And the parent will still claim afterwards that they "don't know why". But the truth is that they know, they just don't want to accept the reason. The lack of accountability and denial is why I'm keeping my own mother at a distance.
@@ballistic_goat As an estranged parent, I could not agree with you more….Many parents love to hide behind the excuse that they were “good parents”, but fail to acknowledge that they still may have played a huge role in causing their adult children to push away from them. It’s a humbling truth, but it is the only way to self-healing, healing for their estranged child who may also be hurting, and reconciliation of the relationship. Best to you and yours.
@@sweetbeep Oh, a new word to label parents. Label someone and it makes it so much easier to just dismiss them as human being. It's a hypothesis! But estranged adult children will live by it because it suits their needs. Can't wait for the next hypothesis that is created to make money off the estrangement industry, and it is an industry.
It is beyond cruel. It has been 3 1/2 years and 2 grandchildren we have never met. My son cut off everyone in his life the day he got married. He became part of his wife's family and abandoned his own plus his friends. My son came from a solid family who loved him. It has changed me forever. Thank goodness I have 3 other children who love me and my husband and they have married kind, loving people who are willing to have a relationship with us but I have a hole in my heart for my missing child.
It sounds like you son is in a bad marriage. His wife is controlling and insecure. Third parties such as spouses are one of the predominant reasons for adult child estrangement. You said he cut off his friends too. That is a big sign his wife is threatened by any relationship he had before her. Many young men now days do not know how to lead their family. His wife will control his whole life and hold him back. His wife's parents are not good people or they would say something about the grandchildren spending time with you. They are selfish like their daughter. Hopefully one day when your son opens his eyes and sees he has no control over is life, he will wake up.
As an adult child who has already softened and tried. Nope not anymore religion and resistance after twenty years is enough for me. No more never again. Time to live without the hurtful and harmful holdbacks for a emotionally secure future
This showed up in my feed, and guys, if your child blocked you, THEY DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. ACCEPT IT. If you find a way and contact them anyway, you are trampling on their wishes and boundaries, and they'll feel even more justified in not wanting you around.
@@ballistic_goat sounds like the yank Military Industrial Complex, justifying their endless wars & profiteering. Pathological weaponised society & ideology that blame shifts their own targeting & pernicious power mongering. Like you’re the first generation on the planet that’s had to deal with difficult families. No previous generation had needed to spend years in therapy to deal with this. Of course it’s a far option to mouth off online & way more fun.
Cut off and we don't know why. We tried family counseling for 3 years and she would not participate very much, so we continued for the next 3 years to help us with parenting skills. I tried to apologize for my mistakes as a mom and she said, "there is nothing to apologize for". I know that is not true. I knew I had to wait for her to come back later on with her grievances. I was prepared to take a humble stance. Even if I don't think I did something or don't remember doing things exactly the way she remembers, this is still her perceived experience. I can still apologize for hurting her. I pray God does healing in her heart and that she can come back to us and tell k us why she cut us iff. We wrote a letter and said we want to apologize, and thar she does not sit under our authority, and we just want an adult relationship with her. All we can do is pray.
I guarantee you your child gave you a list of what you did wrong, and you dismissed it as not valid. You know you're not worthy of having your child in your life.
What a horrible thing to say to someone if you have no idea what their situation is. I can only imagine that you are so angry in your own life that you can’t be open to other possibilities. I hope you can find peace and compassion in your own situation.
@@cindyz53 Only evil people are convinced they are so perfect they've done "nothing wrong". They've done studies in this. The top reasons estranged children give for leaving are 1.ab*se, 2. chronically poor parenting, 3. betrayal. So you've done many very bad things wrong. The studies also show that estranged parents are completely delusional about the reasons, even if explicitly told by their children. They found that the top reasons the parents think they are estranged are 1. no reason (like your beautiful delusional self), 2. someone else turned their child against them, 3. to "punish" the parent (complete projection). Do some self reflection instead of pretending to be a good person wishing me "peace and compassion".
Thank you Marie ❤ Blessings to you at Christmas time. I have grown from my pain and sadness back to enjoying life. I do think about my son everyday and sometimes can feel him in my heart. ❤️ someday I hope to reconnect with him and your channel and your voice in my head helps. Especiallly at the holidays. I will cry, but I will be ok 👍👍
Ive tried and tried for years. Ive stopped now. Ill never get over it but i know ill never see my son again or my grandkids. In fact hes crushed me his sister and father so badly we dont want him back
Why is that therapists take the side of the adult child. How about our adult child writing an apology letter for not being mature enough to engage in dialog to let their parent know WHY they felt the need to go no contact.
@ I feel for you, genuinely. I know my own mom wants the same. I miss her so badly, but she hurts me and disrespects me (I’m almost fifty). She does not agree with why I’m hurt and feels I’m so wrong that it’s on me to come to her. In the end, here is the thing; if you kid is willing to nuke a really primordial drive - connection to a parent - then something is so deeply wrong in that relationship that disconnection was the only solution. I’m telling you that the only boundary we as kids can really ENFORCE with certain parents is silence. That’s it. Space. So you can feel like you’re right and be alone, or really dig into the feedback and work on growing. I would not accept even a fraction of the kind of behavior she gives me, from anyone else. And frankly, she would not treat anyone else but a family member this way. She treats me like I’m still five and that if only I would do what she says and stop bringing up all these (to her mind) petty problems, we could be close. I’m telling you something I could never tell her because she has too much power over my feelings still, but maybe it will impact you: if I didn’t go no contact, my mom was going to have a daughter still, sure, but that daughter would have been in the grave. There is no relationship, even to someone who birthed me, that gets to make me feel anymore like my only escape from verbal abuse is death. And having been in spaces that support estrange kids like us, I have come to realize that this is a really similar sentiment among many of us. We couldn’t take it anymore. Our parents told us to get over it, our parents told us we had to be polite and well mannered, that we were ungrateful children who only take, that when we are parents we will understand. My tween makes me realize that my mom was the monster, not me, because I feel literally sick to my stomach if I consider treating his burgeoning feelings and challenges that way my mom treated me and mine. I gained less empathy for her struggle, not more. Your mileage may vary. As long as you’re defending defending defending, you will make no progress.
Being a Taurus, my daughter is about as stuborn as they get. She's been captured by her toxic mother-in-law who is also a controling narcissist. This evil woman has also taken over my granddaughter. This all took place the day after the mother-in-law moved to town. Oddly, her son and I are good friends, and my daughter knows it. Although, he doesn't think trying to force my daughter to come to her senses, show her that she's being controled, would make a difference.
can say that you personally have nothing to validate in what they have communicated ? You don’t need to agree with someone’s opinion or perspective to be able to empathize and validate. It’s about bridging the gap not blame or victimization
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Being the adult parent in the relationship, making sure that I ultimately rise above what my fragile esteem prefers...my offerings to them, when permitted to offer, have covered both feeling defensive but then expressing remorse and desire to do better. In my personal experience, there is a strong air of defiance by two adult daughters who speak out of two sides of their mouths. A dead giveaway, by words spoken or by the silence inflicted. They show no desire to be the bigger person, so I naturally question the sincerity of their mission. So how low do we go but not to encourage this kind of arrogance and attitude?
There are so many toxic parents here. Your children tried, you didn't. You ignored what they said, which is part of the reason they dont talk to you. Unfortunately, you'll never understand.
This right here is the attitude that creates the illusion of having the need for estrangement...when it's because of the adult child. Bottom line. If anything, this is part of the overall picture.
Yes, sometime the adult child not making good choices, or even misbehaving or in situations that they don’t know is not good for them, so he block me I guess he wants to do what he wants and ignore my advice 😢
@EverythingEverywhereFun : Correct, that's exactly what he wants. Adults cannot misbehave, as nobody has the place to tell another adult how to behave. If he's breaking the law, the law will address it. Other than that, it is his life to live. We all learn from mistakes, he gets to do that in his own time. Now, with less nagging and negativity.
Im an oldest child 39yo female cutting off most of older generation ( who is still alive ... hopefully not much longer) and im surprised that you, in this video , encourages those so called 'parents' to OWN THEIR BS. Good for u! From the comments it looks like they r def.. not surprising.
Now hear me out people in the comments. You could continue to push their boundaries, barge into their life and demand acknowledgment. OR you could just leave them alone, actually think and reflect about what you've done throughout their life while raising them and after. And admit to yourself that you fucked up. You're human and unfortunately you're amongst the billions of people in history who shouldn't have complacently had and raised their children. 🤷🏾♀️ If you don't want to be left alone don't make those closest to you feel lonely in your presence.
Parents are always blamed. I've not seen any where we are allowed to be angry and have been mistreated. Its NOT always the parents
@Asilis23 was it the one-armed man, again? That rascal.
Most of the estranged parents I know have no idea why they estranged and why they have blocked us.
Quiet and personal introspection helps with that. Even if the adult child shares their reason for estranging, quiet reflection reveals even more and softens the heart towards the adult child. That’s been my experience.
Thats funny, because almost everyone I know who has problems with their parents, myself included, has tried to explain ad nauseum their reasons. And the parent will still claim afterwards that they "don't know why". But the truth is that they know, they just don't want to accept the reason.
The lack of accountability and denial is why I'm keeping my own mother at a distance.
@@ballistic_goat As an estranged parent, I could not agree with you more….Many parents love to hide behind the excuse that they were “good parents”, but fail to acknowledge that they still may have played a huge role in causing their adult children to push away from them. It’s a humbling truth, but it is the only way to self-healing, healing for their estranged child who may also be hurting, and reconciliation of the relationship. Best to you and yours.
Look up "defensive exclusion". This is what many parents do.
@@sweetbeep Oh, a new word to label parents. Label someone and it makes it so much easier to just dismiss them as human being. It's a hypothesis! But estranged adult children will live by it because it suits their needs. Can't wait for the next hypothesis that is created to make money off the estrangement industry, and it is an industry.
It is beyond cruel. It has been 3 1/2 years and 2 grandchildren we have never met. My son cut off everyone in his life the day he got married. He became part of his wife's family and abandoned his own plus his friends. My son came from a solid family who loved him. It has changed me forever. Thank goodness I have 3 other children who love me and my husband and they have married kind, loving people who are willing to have a relationship with us but I have a hole in my heart for my missing child.
It sounds like you son is in a bad marriage. His wife is controlling and insecure. Third parties such as spouses are one of the predominant reasons for adult child estrangement. You said he cut off his friends too. That is a big sign his wife is threatened by any relationship he had before her. Many young men now days do not know how to lead their family. His wife will control his whole life and hold him back. His wife's parents are not good people or they would say something about the grandchildren spending time with you. They are selfish like their daughter. Hopefully one day when your son opens his eyes and sees he has no control over is life, he will wake up.
As an adult child who has already softened and tried. Nope not anymore religion and resistance after twenty years is enough for me. No more never again. Time to live without the hurtful and harmful holdbacks for a emotionally secure future
Thank you for adding to the conversation. I get it, sometimes it’s just what needs to happen.
This showed up in my feed, and guys, if your child blocked you, THEY DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. ACCEPT IT. If you find a way and contact them anyway, you are trampling on their wishes and boundaries, and they'll feel even more justified in not wanting you around.
@@ballistic_goat sounds like the yank Military Industrial Complex, justifying their endless wars & profiteering. Pathological weaponised society & ideology that blame shifts their own targeting &
pernicious power mongering.
Like you’re the first generation on the planet that’s had to deal with difficult families. No previous generation had needed to spend years in therapy to deal with this.
Of course it’s a far option to mouth off online & way more fun.
Accept the fact that things changed and we have to make ourselves our priority but our door is always open for our kids.
@@Missusri ya'll priority was always u.. that the point 😂
Cut off and we don't know why. We tried family counseling for 3 years and she would not participate very much, so we continued for the next 3 years to help us with parenting skills. I tried to apologize for my mistakes as a mom and she said, "there is nothing to apologize for". I know that is not true. I knew I had to wait for her to come back later on with her grievances. I was prepared to take a humble stance. Even if I don't think I did something or don't remember doing things exactly the way she remembers, this is still her perceived experience. I can still apologize for hurting her. I pray God does healing in her heart and that she can come back to us and tell k us why she cut us iff. We wrote a letter and said we want to apologize, and thar she does not sit under our authority, and we just want an adult relationship with her. All we can do is pray.
This is assuming you did something wrong. What if you didn't?
I guarantee you your child gave you a list of what you did wrong, and you dismissed it as not valid. You know you're not worthy of having your child in your life.
What a horrible thing to say to someone if you have no idea what their situation is. I can only imagine that you are so angry in your own life that you can’t be open to other possibilities. I hope you can find peace and compassion in your own situation.
@@cindyz53 Only evil people are convinced they are so perfect they've done "nothing wrong".
They've done studies in this. The top reasons estranged children give for leaving are 1.ab*se, 2. chronically poor parenting, 3. betrayal. So you've done many very bad things wrong.
The studies also show that estranged parents are completely delusional about the reasons, even if explicitly told by their children. They found that the top reasons the parents think they are estranged are 1. no reason (like your beautiful delusional self), 2. someone else turned their child against them, 3. to "punish" the parent (complete projection).
Do some self reflection instead of pretending to be a good person wishing me "peace and compassion".
@@aclark446facts
@@aclark446 See, that's the thing. So many of you are all saying and doing the same things. It's like a cult.
Thank you Marie ❤ Blessings to you at Christmas time. I have grown from my pain and sadness back to enjoying life. I do think about my son everyday and sometimes can feel him in my heart. ❤️ someday I hope to reconnect with him and your channel and your voice in my head helps. Especiallly at the holidays. I will cry, but I will be ok 👍👍
Ive tried and tried for years. Ive stopped now. Ill never get over it but i know ill never see my son again or my grandkids. In fact hes crushed me his sister and father so badly we dont want him back
Over 4 years. Still as heartbreaking. I don't really know what the heck to do. Thank you for your videos.
Why is that therapists take the side of the adult child. How about our adult child writing an apology letter for not being mature enough to engage in dialog to let their parent know WHY they felt the need to go no contact.
Because you as the parent *innately* have more power than your child, regardless of age.
If you were my mom, I’d be so scared of you, based on this comment.
@ I don't want power, just a living relationship
@ I feel for you, genuinely. I know my own mom wants the same. I miss her so badly, but she hurts me and disrespects me (I’m almost fifty). She does not agree with why I’m hurt and feels I’m so wrong that it’s on me to come to her. In the end, here is the thing; if you kid is willing to nuke a really primordial drive - connection to a parent - then something is so deeply wrong in that relationship that disconnection was the only solution. I’m telling you that the only boundary we as kids can really ENFORCE with certain parents is silence. That’s it. Space. So you can feel like you’re right and be alone, or really dig into the feedback and work on growing. I would not accept even a fraction of the kind of behavior she gives me, from anyone else. And frankly, she would not treat anyone else but a family member this way. She treats me like I’m still five and that if only I would do what she says and stop bringing up all these (to her mind) petty problems, we could be close. I’m telling you something I could never tell her because she has too much power over my feelings still, but maybe it will impact you: if I didn’t go no contact, my mom was going to have a daughter still, sure, but that daughter would have been in the grave. There is no relationship, even to someone who birthed me, that gets to make me feel anymore like my only escape from verbal abuse is death. And having been in spaces that support estrange kids like us, I have come to realize that this is a really similar sentiment among many of us. We couldn’t take it anymore. Our parents told us to get over it, our parents told us we had to be polite and well mannered, that we were ungrateful children who only take, that when we are parents we will understand.
My tween makes me realize that my mom was the monster, not me, because I feel literally sick to my stomach if I consider treating his burgeoning feelings and challenges that way my mom treated me and mine. I gained less empathy for her struggle, not more.
Your mileage may vary. As long as you’re defending defending defending, you will make no progress.
@@jndenton1 Her comment triggered me.
Is there a difference between estranged and alienated?
Great question. I was alienated for most of my child's adult life then when I pushed my feelings of hurt I got totally estranged. 😢
almost 3 years still nothing
Being a Taurus, my daughter is about as stuborn as they get. She's been captured by her toxic mother-in-law who is also a controling narcissist. This evil woman has also taken over my granddaughter. This all took place the day after the mother-in-law moved to town. Oddly, her son and I are good friends, and my daughter knows it. Although, he doesn't think trying to force my daughter to come to her senses, show her that she's being controled, would make a difference.
So lie? Take all the blame as the parent? Why do we have to bow down?? Validate their feelings even if you dont agree, so lie? I still dont get it....
can say that you personally have nothing to validate in what they have communicated ?
You don’t need to agree with someone’s opinion or perspective to be able to empathize and validate.
It’s about bridging the gap not blame or victimization
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement hard to know when they won't talk to me at all.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Being the adult parent in the relationship, making sure that I ultimately rise above what my fragile esteem prefers...my offerings to them, when permitted to offer, have covered both feeling defensive but then expressing remorse and desire to do better. In my personal experience, there is a strong air of defiance by two adult daughters who speak out of two sides of their mouths. A dead giveaway, by words spoken or by the silence inflicted. They show no desire to be the bigger person, so I naturally question the sincerity of their mission. So how low do we go but not to encourage this kind of arrogance and attitude?
Im seeing some very hard adult children on here. It helps actually
Stern and truthful does not mean hard hearted or mean spirited.
There are so many toxic parents here. Your children tried, you didn't. You ignored what they said, which is part of the reason they dont talk to you. Unfortunately, you'll never understand.
What a thick simplistic synopsis 🤣
This right here is the attitude that creates the illusion of having the need for estrangement...when it's because of the adult child. Bottom line. If anything, this is part of the overall picture.
@@kls3609 it’s also part of Woke ideology which has been Corporate Neoliberalism created to weaponise for profit.
It’s crumbling as is the US-UK west.
@@mgkosnot laughing so hard when ur children hates u.. clown
@@mgkos what a way to ignore the truth because u don't like it.
Yes, sometime the adult child not making good choices, or even misbehaving or in situations that they don’t know is not good for them, so he block me I guess he wants to do what he wants and ignore my advice 😢
@EverythingEverywhereFun : Correct, that's exactly what he wants.
Adults cannot misbehave, as nobody has the place to tell another adult how to behave.
If he's breaking the law, the law will address it.
Other than that, it is his life to live. We all learn from mistakes, he gets to do that in his own time. Now, with less nagging and negativity.
Waited until the end to find out what to do when you’re blocked only to be told what to do when you’re not blocked. Total clickbait. !!
6:11, 6:18.
○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/stra...
Im an oldest child 39yo female cutting off most of older generation ( who is still alive ... hopefully not much longer) and im surprised that you, in this video , encourages those so called 'parents' to OWN THEIR BS. Good for u! From the comments it looks like they r def.. not surprising.
I hope your older generation is grateful you are not around to wish they were dead. You are just creepy.
These are all Joshua Coleman's ideas, just reworded.
She gives credit to him and of course would add her own take or wording.
You are correct!!
Now hear me out people in the comments.
You could continue to push their boundaries, barge into their life and demand acknowledgment. OR you could just leave them alone, actually think and reflect about what you've done throughout their life while raising them and after. And admit to yourself that you fucked up. You're human and unfortunately you're amongst the billions of people in history who shouldn't have complacently had and raised their children. 🤷🏾♀️ If you don't want to be left alone don't make those closest to you feel lonely in your presence.