I felt terrible for turning my back on an "old friend" because I knew she really didn't have many friends. It took years to get over the guilt but I have come to realize my self esteem is improving. Time has a way of healing-please don't allow someone to steal your joy 🙏❣️🤗
Similarly, when my mother informed me that I could never leave, have a husband, children, or a home of my own, I finally left. Years of guilt followed but as you say, "time has a way of healing."
I can relate to all of this. All my life (family member) very toxic. That person is no longer part of my life and I feel better for it physically and mentally. I feel FREE.
You are so wise and clear about this. The hardest thing I ever did in my life was to distance myself from my mother. I once heard the following and think about this often when I feel guilty, (paraphrased), "No one is too busy. It's about priorities. If they are not making you their priority, stop making them yours."
We make time for the things and people in life that really matter to us. I bet the busiest person would make time if someone was going to them a million dollars. As you noted, it is all about what we prioritize.
Carol, I'm 61 years old. It has only been 7 years since I've removed the "Flying Monkeys" from my life. Very hard to do when most were family. You however, I have chosen you as a role model. My Internet lady. God bless you. ❤❤🎉🎉
Think of your life like a play, in which you are the lead actor, the writer, and the director. You get to choose who the other actors are, who gets to sit in the front row, who sits in the back row, and who gets the "sold out" sign when they show up. You can move them around if they deserve it, but it's your choice who gets to be in your life. Set healthy boundaries for personal happiness. Don't be afraid to say No. Thank you! Great show & love your hat❣️
I've come to realize I'm better off just being with and hanging around family. Have A Bless Weekend Everyone, and Happy Father's Day to all Dad's out there.🙏✨✌️❤💙
Thank you Carol, it has been a hard road for me, always wanting to please others, but I am finally 'ripping the fabric off', I have lost, or removed, many from my life, but I am still struggling with my own family members. I have 3 children, 1 that is pleasant to have in my life, 1 that is the entitled child, the other who has chosen a partner who is very toxic and nasty to me. I am in the process of stepping away from the 2 toxic ones...it feels like a long process, but I know it's best for me. Thank you for your inspiration and encouragement! You have such impactful content that I watch your channel more than any other. I always look forward to your videos. I hope you are doing well!
I am so sorry to hear about the situation with your children. Dealing with toxic people who are close to us is the most difficult of all. We tend to feel like we owe those folks something. We do not if they do not treat us with the respect we deserve. I think that is the key. Recognizing that you deserve to be treated with respect that affords you the dignity you also deservre, especially as you are the person who gave your children the very breath they breathe!.If thry do not understand that they do not deserve the gift of your oresence.
This reminds me of a class from college. The instructor ssid, "Try to limit the VDP (Very Draining Person) who makes you feel like you need a vacation after you leave them. Try to keep at least one VRP (Very Resourceful Person) who makes you feel like your emotional heart has received a huge positive charge after you leave them."
I guess I’m pretty lucky. I don’t think I’ve ever had a toxic relationship with anyone. I think with you, you’re a good listener, and people value your opinion. That would automatically let people relax around you, and then vent their troubles into your ear. I think I’ve picked up on those qualities in you from your channel, and I find it refreshing.
I was going to say you are lucky to have never had tixuc folks in your live. But as I think about it you are probably just good at being selective right from the start.
My Favorite Lady I Certainly Hope and Pray to Never Become Toxic in Your Life. It would Break my heart to Ever Hurt You or Cause You Any Discomfort because You Truly Are my Favorite Land and for So Many Reasons.
Good topic Carol......let me tell you just recently l have dismissed so many folks out of my life. Those who are negative and ungrateful. Done....no longer allowing me to let these toxic people drag me down. Your subject matter came right on time.....since lve been cleaning house getting rid and fixing myself to be clear and free from all these negative folks. l read somewhere someone stated "I'm trying very hard not to connect with negative/toxic people right now".
I met a woman that talked trash about people. I eventually figured out that if she was talking trash to me about them, she was probably doing the same kind of talk about me to them. I distanced myself when I realized this.
I had to do that very thing a few weeks ago. It wasn't easy. This person had been in my life since we were children. Sometimes, you hang on to friendships out of loyalty for the years invested. It's very freeing once you come to the realization that loyalty was the only thing that was holding a very tenuous and toxic friendship in place. I wish this person only the best.
It is so common to hold on to people.out of habit. Some of these friendships ran their course long ago and have become one sided with one person doing all the work to maintain the relationship.
I am older now and hope I haven't "over-corrected" after years of giving more than I got in relationships. There are still some good people around me so I have to continue to encourage and support them, not make them pay for what others did in the past. Thanks for the video.
It is bit unusual I think when we decide to take back control from toxic people that we may be a but overly cautious and a little enthusiastic with rhe eraser pen. 🤣
WOW!!! was sound asleep and turned you on and God sent you to my ears,thank you,I've been dealing with this for 2yrs.it's all about themselves the heck with what others truly might truly be going through,God Bess,you for keeping it real.been praying ver just this area in my life at 63 it still hard to let me tell them no
A pastor once said ...If your friend tells you someone else is talking trash about you , ask your friend WHY ARE THEY COMFORTABLE TALKING TRASH IN FRONT OF YOU? 😮
I feel the same about Diane cultivatelife. She has really put in the work to make sure she is a light to those around her. Respect and love to you both ❤
I no longer have contact with a few people that were toxic in my life for many years. I feel sad that I have had to do this, but I no longer could put up with the constant put downs.
You have described with incredible and admirable precision, the characteristics of a person who is no longer in my life for more than three years... You have a great talent. Congratulations. I've been following you for a long time, you're a lovely person.
For me grieving was part of healing after letting go and realizing that no one can make me feel bad without my permission. It was better to walk away and cut all communication than to be brought down to their lower vibration. I've learned those lessons and don't need to repeat them.
I needed your message today. My toxic person is a close relative that I am responsible for their welfare. I can’t dismiss them and I feel guilty when I distance myself from them. I’m always having to dig myself out of a slump after being around them. Thanks for hearing me vent. God bless!
Yep. That definitely sounds like a toxic person. I do not believe your distancing yourself from them is something to feel guilty about. Your assuming responsibility for their welfare is an act of kindness to them. Distancing yourself from them is an act of kindness to you.
Such sage words. I am so sorry you are having to deal with such folks. I am in a situation right now where I am needing to set boundaries too. Soon you will be surrounded by only high quality people who truly care. ❤
Thank You for the kudos Carol💜long ago, I decided to practice Being the person that looks for opportunities for uplifting conversation. (Because I was the recipient of someone else practicing the same thing.) Better at it today than yesterday ✨and one more thing, ya spot it, ya got it💜
I had to stop communication with my sister, she betrayed me once again. I've had enough with giving her 2nd chances, my relationship with her was not healthy.
I had a "friend" and I use that term loosely for many years. Interesting when I made the decision to no longer continue the relationship she never called me direct to ask why? She Knew...I finally realized what a puppet master she was with all her relationships.
Wow, that would be my entire maternal side of my family haha. Grew up ignoring them. Helped many of their kids growing up both emotionally and financially. My own sister told a nephew she paid me back for his college education and my mother for 10 yrs at a private school he attended. My younger sister said nothing when I paid for 3 of her children’s sports programs and private schooling. Recently all have done their own research and couple with other family lies they all chose to cut their own parents out of their lives. They are very close to me and I am so happy they are all great young adults. The sacrifices we made were 100% worth it. Toxic people may be the ppl born right next to you.
Sometimes people need two minutes of complaining, then they can be refocused verbally. Others are manipulating you to give them stuff or money or pity and it takes no time to identify THEM. Nice video.
Carol, you covered this so very well. I ask my Granddaughter how many friends do I have and she says none and she would be correct! I know a lot of people, but none that I can call on when I'm in desperate need. Say Money, which I don't need, I get calls everyday from someone that needs it. I don't surround myself with them. Same thing with what your saying. Carol this is great advice and as I said Great Job! Much love and be safe.
I hope that this video does not confuse the difference between toxic and someone who actually needs a person to help them. All though I think you explain it very well and appreciate this video. I feel that the word toxic has been over used at times. I have always been the kind of person who is ready to help when I can. But recently, I needed a to tell my problems and was shut out of the relationship very quickly and was labeled .... toxic. This person could not handle what I was telling them and I should have known that to be the case. But when you are in the problem thinking is difficult and you are thinking you need help. I do love the message you are trying to convey and I am sure this will help people. Thank you!
I think I distinguished between someone who needs a listening ear or the counsel of a friend or even someone who needs to just get something off their chest versus someone who is consistently negative and wants to constantly unload their negativity. This kind of person offers no support in return and only calls when it benefits them.
Had a 'friend' like that in my life. There was a specific advantage to having her in my life (not $ related). But every day I had to weigh that advantage against the many disadvantages. One day her toxicity weighed too heavily on the scale and I began the process of disengaging. Please be aware, that can take a minute. People with those toxic traits tend not to take your distancing very well. Good luck to all in a similar situation. ❤
People are a trip! I'm dealing with this right now with both a friend or two and family members. I'm choosing to love the family members from long distance and the 'friends' I've cut out altogether. There's so much toxicity and negativity in the world and so many people are unhappy. I no longer tolerate. As far as my family members go, I simply block them from time to time and what's so weird is that when I block them I always feel so much better. My older sister absolutely hates for anyone to succeed or be happy. Lastly, I'd broken off my toxic friendship with someone who I really thought was a friend. During our casual conversation she said, "Oh, I got married......about a year ago." We used to talk weekly and I had no idea. It was a full blown wedding. She had the nerve to send me the wedding video and yet a year later, after getting married, she had the nerve to contact me because her hubby strikes her now. Well, I can't be bothered. Bye Felicia!
I had to end a life-long relationship with my best friend many years ago when I was very ill. It was hard on her and I both, but I couldn't manage it anymore. She wasn't especially "toxic", but rather an energy vampire. A kind of hybrid, if you will. I wish her the best in life.
You definitely learn to deal with people and back off. There are some people that take whatever you are talking about about and kind of make it like you have issues, or another that I learned I can't complain about anything. They're called toxicly positive. That's a thing too. So, I've learned to keep deep conversations for other people and kind of avoid these others as much as possible.
Complaining about a valid issue isn't a problem. We all do that. It is when someone complains about the same thing for months on end or even longer or they are always complaining and never have anything uplifting or positive to say that it is a problem.
One Reason You are a favorite person is that You understand living in same house hold with some one You care about who is "on the spectrum". This is not the same as You loving relationship with Your loved one My situation is I have had a co dependent friend for over 25 years who could not even say thank you when I signed the house over to them. Not a son,not a lover and yet relies on me and at this point I no longer know what to do since once again they are in their 2nd year with out working.
Let me ask you something.Kenneth. Did you cause them to lose their job? If not why is it your responsibility to make amends for their job loss? After two years they could have found some job, even if working at a McDonalds. Not doing so is their choice and as such the consequences are their responsibility. Too often we allow people to guilt us into doing things for them they don't deserve. I pray my friend you are able to find the strength to free yourself from this manipulation. You deserve better.
. Go to a different lawyer. Get that home back. It's not appreciated. Get a storage unit. Get your most important stuff out of there. Paper work. Timing is important. If possible get a real friend to witness this. Say you're renting out the house, selling it, what ever. Specify a date of departure.
I was just thinking about this yesterday. This person has hurt my mom and I was meditating on sacred scripture on how to forgive those that have hurt you. I only wish her the best and pray for her conversion but I just can't allow her to bully my mom. Thanks for sharing ❤
I really liked this video. I think it would be great to have little talks like this in school. Maybe different language and examples for different age groups. I can visualize you talking to small groups of children during lunch or recess or before nap time. Naturally it’s wonderful for adults to hear it but I love the idea of learning valuable life lessons starting early. I used to teach kindergarten. Lovely video. 😆
What a great thing it would be for youngsters to learn early about setting boundaries so they could avoid toxic people and situations as they grt older. That, and learning to budget and manage their money.
If you are sn empath or sensitive person it really is awful because you can absorb their spirit by osmosis whether you want to or not. It's like contact high only it's not a drug. It's a spiritual thing..... Anyway, once again I thank you for the warm welcome today. You have a gift of breaking it down simple on a basic level for people to understand. You don't need to feel guilty about finally staying away because your health and well being are important and it will cause them to take inventory.
AMEN MS.CAROL!!! Im 64. This is hard to do - though for some though especially being a family member, this has been going on for soooooooo many years in our family your toxic person you describe sounds EXACTLY what myself & my elderly mom has been dealing with problem is, he lives with her since her husband passed, & brothers girlfriend left him ( one of many over the years) I've even reached out to my mothers geriatric doc whispering of whats been going on, I thought this doc could offer some suggestions on how to get my brother out of my mom's house. Ha... she called her social worker in...my mother did not know I'd devulged what was going on, she's a very very private person on all her affairs. Social worker asked how things were going. Mother- fine. Social worker - live by yourself? Mother - no, my son lives with me. Social - oh, how old? Mother - 65 Social - um huh....retired? Mother - you could say that. Social - Receives ss? Mother - No Social - whys that? Mother - I've not gotten around to doing it. Social - ???? He's not done it himself? Mother - no, I have to do things for him or it doesn't get done. These Q & A's went on awhile, until I could see my mother was getting irritated. It basically was leading in the direction that my mother needed some counseling & maybe help like restraining order on brother & kick him out onto street!!!😮 After social worker left docs office, my mother was PISSED... (I was only trying to figure out maybe other ideas id not considered, it backfired, this social worker just wanted to take strong action first & get my mother counseling- HA... shes so private, that'll never happen) its not my mother....its my brother!!! So....this is where it stays & has been for many years... I WORRY EVERYDAY when the time comes, what will i do when my mother passes... WILL I HAVE TO MOVE EVEN FARTHER CHANGE MY NAME UNLIST MY NUMBER CARRY THE GUILT I ABANDONED HIM, WONDERING WHAT BRIDGE he could be living under. When my brother moved back to my mothers yet once again years ago, i knew I had to distance myself from my brother I moved far enough away... I dont keep quite & listen to all his mess, i speak up & a few times it almost got confrontational physical, when he was yelling, cursing at my mom. I still go & see & help my mother often with all her medical appts, errands i pick her up quick & we stay gone all day into the evening having the best time.❤ My brother is ugly, yelling, cussing, gets angry & demands your attention to listen to all his really crazy ways of thinking, & poor me syndrome... My mother stays in her bedroom of her OWN HOME. I HATE IT & HATE MORE THAT MY MOTHERS WASTING HER LIFE AWAY...😢😮😢😢😢😢😢😢 As she's said, HE'S MY SON.
:) WELL DONE and Said! There are so many that spew the NEGATIVES ALWAYS! I have a good friend, that I cannot keep in touch with Ms Negative, for my better well being :( SAD, but necessary. KUDOS for sharing, and ALL the BEST! Cheers :)
I have a very toxic person in my life, but I can’t get her out of my life right now. We are entangled in a stupid lawsuit, wherein she is the administrator of the estate, and I’m doing my damnedest to be reasonable with her. When this settlement is complete, you can be sure we will be done forever. I guess what I’m saying is sometimes it’s just not so easy to just get a toxic person out of your life. Circumstances can dictate events. But, having said all that, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Life is too short to have to put up with psychic vampires.
Two friends made their problems my responsibility, the first one always reminded me what i did for her,One day s. . . .hit the fan when I said my first No,she asked me why am I saying no yet im "RICH"😂,The second I always said yes to,the day I said No,she played the victim, brought the name of God into the conversation, that one day He will answer her prayers too,she was so angry, added that im not loaning her the money because I was belittling her Just because I said No to her request of a large loan😂😂 Both are blocked❤
Ms. Carol as I agree with almost everything you said and have had my kindness for granted because of being an empath. However the one I have a hard time with is your first statement about people just wanting to talk and everything seems negative and even talking about their pass. Please consider that sometime that people might not have anyone else to talk to and just ramble and not know they are doing it. All they know is that and looking for someone, anyone that will not judge but just listen with a little empathy. It's taken me years to start learning this and if not thinking ahead I still will tell someone my life story and not realize it until I'm done. You will find most of the time we that are guilty of this live alone, have no family and has no one to talk with because of our lack of social skills. As I always try to say sorry for my typing skill but I hope you get my point, not trying to be ugly just a point of another view. Blessings!
Just to clarify. I don't mean don't be an ear to your friends or expect friends to be that fir you as well. I am talking about people who always dominate any conversation you have with them and talk about the same issue, sometimes for years without ever really attempting to deal with it. They simply want you to continue to agree with them about how terrible the person or persons are who hurt them. They are more invested in being miserable than seeking healing. They get something out of being the perpetual victim and this is the role they chose to remain in.
@@gloriouslifeonwheels3621 Oh ok I can understand that part of it if it's a regular thing over time. For ones that always likes to dominate no mater who is talking I have a problem with. I had to tell a lady this last week that she needed to not start trying to butt into someone conversation if it's not with her and she has no clue who it is your with talking to. I tried to do it with grace but be dang 10 minutes later she did it again. And she will not do a thing for herself she wants everyone in our building to do what she needs and capable of doing even being blind. And the sadness part if you do she's not grateful. I felt bad she didn't have any braille paper so I went and got her some and surprised her and not even a thank you from her.
You just described 2 of my daughters 😢 I went through a lot in which I learned a lot. I'm several states away caring for my elderly mom after being homeless with 2 service animals. They did not care.
You're doing the same thing by telling us about those people. Only you didn't mention names , but its the same thing. And you always tell us about little arguments you have with people in public and things you hate about people. Thats negativity too. The Bible says to love not only those who love you. What reward do u get for that? Love even those who don't love you. Right now you're shaming them. The Bible says to speak no evil of anyone. And to bless those who curse you and pray for those who despitefully use you. We're all big boys and girls and i think its built in everyone to know who we should and shouldn't be around. If we endure, as you call them, "people like that" we're doing well. Don't shun them or shame them. Rather, share the words of Jesus with them. Be a light that he died for you to be. I always ask God why people tell me all their problems? I feel his answer was, so i could give them good advice. You might be the one they trust and they may be fishing for help from you. Don't ignore them. Don't keep company with unbelievers, but don't distance yourself altogether. Or how would any of "them" be saved? We're no better than them. You condemn yourself when you judge others who do the same things you do.
I've kicked all toxic people out of my life. Thank God I like being alone. I'm my very own best friend.
Good for you.
Me too!
Good! By ridding toxic people from our lives, we become our own best friend.
Ditto 😍🎉
yes. I am 69 and at the age of 64, I decided that it was time to respect myself and get rid of people who disrespected me. It took a while lol
I’m so glad you talked about this! It’s a real thing!
I felt terrible for turning my back on an "old friend" because I knew she really didn't have many friends. It took years to get over the guilt but I have come to realize my self esteem is improving. Time has a way of healing-please don't allow someone to steal your joy 🙏❣️🤗
Similarly, when my mother informed me that I could never leave, have a husband, children, or a home of my own, I finally left. Years of guilt followed but as you say, "time has a way of healing."
There was a reason she didn't have many friends.
It is so sad how we sometimes believe thr negative lies folks tell us. I am happy for you that you discovered the truth.
Be glad you realize it early, I’m going through it right now after years of knowing someone really was toxic but staying friends. I’m just done
In the workplace we have to deal with and get along with toxic people and hope that we aren't lied about or sabotaged.😮
It can sometimes be a bit of a mine field in the work place for sure.
And never forget that YOU need to look in the mirror and make sure you're not the toxic person! ❤
So true🤣
So wise and true. There is so much psychological abuse like this and it can be hard to recognize.
So true. Once you do recognize it you can free yourself
I can relate to all of this. All my life (family member) very toxic. That person is no longer part of my life and I feel better for it physically and mentally. I feel FREE.
You are so wise and clear about this. The hardest thing I ever did in my life was to distance myself from my mother. I once heard the following and think about this often when I feel guilty, (paraphrased), "No one is too busy. It's about priorities. If they are not making you their priority, stop making them yours."
We make time for the things and people in life that really matter to us. I bet the busiest person would make time if someone was going to them a million dollars. As you noted, it is all about what we prioritize.
She still your mother!! Get over it!!😠
Carol, I'm 61 years old. It has only been 7 years since I've removed the "Flying Monkeys" from my life. Very hard to do when most were family. You however, I have chosen you as a role model. My Internet lady. God bless you. ❤❤🎉🎉
@lisarichards3853, 59 & exactly same situation.
You are my age mate❤❤I did the same too
Think of your life like a play, in which you are the lead actor, the writer, and the director. You get to choose who the other actors are, who gets to sit in the front row, who sits in the back row, and who gets the "sold out" sign when they show up. You can move them around if they deserve it, but it's your choice who gets to be in your life. Set healthy boundaries for personal happiness. Don't be afraid to say No.
Thank you! Great show & love your hat❣️
So true. Setting healthy boundaries is not something I think people are often taught, but need to be.
I've come to realize I'm better off just being with and hanging around family. Have A Bless Weekend Everyone, and Happy Father's Day to all Dad's out there.🙏✨✌️❤💙
It’s tough when they are family. Great insight and thank you for sharing.
Yes. Family and long time associates are the most difficult.
Thank you Carol, this is exactly what I needed to hear today. Hugs and blessings to you 💖
Thankn ou so much for sharing that. Now take this information and go live your best toxic free life!
Wow, its sad just how many people that have chimed in on this topic😢😮 and thats just on here..
Family secrets - hidden sorrows...😢
As I suspected ,lots of people impacted by this. That is why I want3d to address this topic.
Thank you Carol, it has been a hard road for me, always wanting to please others, but I am finally 'ripping the fabric off', I have lost, or removed, many from my life, but I am still struggling with my own family members. I have 3 children, 1 that is pleasant to have in my life, 1 that is the entitled child, the other who has chosen a partner who is very toxic and nasty to me. I am in the process of stepping away from the 2 toxic ones...it feels like a long process, but I know it's best for me. Thank you for your inspiration and encouragement! You have such impactful content that I watch your channel more than any other. I always look forward to your videos. I hope you are doing well!
I am so sorry to hear about the situation with your children. Dealing with toxic people who are close to us is the most difficult of all. We tend to feel like we owe those folks something. We do not if they do not treat us with the respect we deserve. I think that is the key. Recognizing that you deserve to be treated with respect that affords you the dignity you also deservre, especially as you are the person who gave your children the very breath they breathe!.If thry do not understand that they do not deserve the gift of your oresence.
This reminds me of a class from college. The instructor ssid, "Try to limit the VDP (Very Draining Person) who makes you feel like you need a vacation after you leave them. Try to keep at least one VRP (Very Resourceful Person) who makes you feel like your emotional heart has received a huge positive charge after you leave them."
I love that. Great advice!!
I guess I’m pretty lucky. I don’t think I’ve ever had a toxic relationship with anyone. I think with you, you’re a good listener, and people value your opinion. That would automatically let people relax around you, and then vent their troubles into your ear. I think I’ve picked up on those qualities in you from your channel, and I find it refreshing.
I was going to say you are lucky to have never had tixuc folks in your live. But as I think about it you are probably just good at being selective right from the start.
My Favorite Lady I Certainly Hope and Pray to Never Become Toxic in Your Life. It would Break my heart to Ever Hurt You or Cause You Any Discomfort because You Truly Are my Favorite Land and for So Many Reasons.
Aw Kenneth you are a treasure and could never cause harm.
Good topic Carol......let me tell you just recently l have dismissed so many folks out of my life. Those who are negative and ungrateful. Done....no longer allowing me to let these toxic people drag me down. Your subject matter came right on time.....since lve been cleaning house getting rid and fixing myself to be clear and free from all these negative folks. l read somewhere someone stated "I'm trying very hard not to connect with negative/toxic people right now".
I met a woman that talked trash about people. I eventually figured out that if she was talking trash to me about them, she was probably doing the same kind of talk about me to them. I distanced myself when I realized this.
I had to do that very thing a few weeks ago. It wasn't easy. This person had been in my life since we were children. Sometimes, you hang on to friendships out of loyalty for the years invested. It's very freeing once you come to the realization that loyalty was the only thing that was holding a very tenuous and toxic friendship in place. I wish this person only the best.
It is so common to hold on to people.out of habit. Some of these friendships ran their course long ago and have become one sided with one person doing all the work to maintain the relationship.
Thanks for your time lady
I am older now and hope I haven't "over-corrected" after years of giving more than I got in relationships. There are still some good people around me so I have to continue to encourage and support them, not make them pay for what others did in the past. Thanks for the video.
It is bit unusual I think when we decide to take back control from toxic people that we may be a but overly cautious and a little enthusiastic with rhe eraser pen. 🤣
WOW!!! was sound asleep and turned you on and God sent you to my ears,thank you,I've been dealing with this for 2yrs.it's all about themselves the heck with what others truly might truly be going through,God Bess,you for keeping it real.been praying ver just this area in my life at 63 it still hard to let me tell them no
It is a hard thing to deal with especially if the people involved have been in your life a long time or are family.
A pastor once said ...If your friend tells you someone else is talking trash about you , ask your friend WHY ARE THEY COMFORTABLE TALKING TRASH IN FRONT OF YOU? 😮
Hi Carol. This is great information. Thank you for sharing. Have a blessed day. 🙏🏼💕
Everyone brings HAPPINESS, Some by coming...others by leaving! Author unknown. 😄
I feel the same about Diane cultivatelife. She has really put in the work to make sure she is a light to those around her. Respect and love to you both ❤
I no longer have contact with a few people that were toxic in my life for many years. I feel sad that I have had to do this, but I no longer could put up with the constant put downs.
You didn't deserve that and thankfully eventually realized it. Congratulations 🥳
You have described with incredible and admirable precision, the characteristics of a person who is no longer in my life for more than three years... You have a great talent. Congratulations. I've been following you for a long time, you're a lovely person.
Thank you. It is really quite amazing how toxic people seem to have the same play book.
For me grieving was part of healing after letting go and realizing that no one can make me feel bad without my permission. It was better to walk away and cut all communication than to be brought down to their lower vibration. I've learned those lessons and don't need to repeat them.
You are so right. We have to co-sign onto mistreatment of ourselves for it to continue. It is such a relief when we realize that ajd take action.
I needed your message today. My toxic person is a close relative that I am responsible for their welfare. I can’t dismiss them and I feel guilty when I distance myself from them. I’m always having to dig myself out of a slump after being around them.
Thanks for hearing me vent. God bless!
Yep. That definitely sounds like a toxic person. I do not believe your distancing yourself from them is something to feel guilty about. Your assuming responsibility for their welfare is an act of kindness to them. Distancing yourself from them is an act of kindness to you.
@@gloriouslifeonwheels3621 Thanks, I needed that!
Such sage words. I am so sorry you are having to deal with such folks. I am in a situation right now where I am needing to set boundaries too. Soon you will be surrounded by only high quality people who truly care. ❤
Thank You for the kudos Carol💜long ago, I decided to practice Being the person that looks for opportunities for uplifting conversation. (Because I was the recipient of someone else practicing the same thing.)
Better at it today than yesterday ✨and one more thing, ya spot it, ya got it💜
Well you certainly are paying it forward😊
They do it because they can and are allowed to. Dont react. Move on. ✨😊✨
Yep. When you move on they will just find someone else to dump on.
You are so correct Carol with these people. Walk away because I did.
👍👍👍
I had to stop communication with my sister, she betrayed me once again. I've had enough with giving her 2nd chances, my relationship with her was not healthy.
Same here, two sisters.
@VTGalinAZ Same here with my sister.
@@cathyann6835 It was a hard line to draw because, after all, she is my sister.
@@R.S.4672 Makes me feel sad and I do miss some things about our relationship, unfortunately the bad out weighed the good.
I had a "friend" and I use that term loosely for many years. Interesting when I made the decision to no longer continue the relationship she never called me direct to ask why? She Knew...I finally realized what a puppet master she was with all her relationships.
Sometimes it can take awhile because we want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I have had the same thing happen. You are not alone in this.
Right on target ! Yes , well said lady Glorious !
I'm at a point in my life where I'm creating space between toxic people in my life. I wish I had done it earlier.
Trust me. We all wish the same thing🤣
Wow, that would be my entire maternal side of my family haha. Grew up ignoring them. Helped many of their kids growing up both emotionally and financially. My own sister told a nephew she paid me back for his college education and my mother for 10 yrs at a private school he attended. My younger sister said nothing when I paid for 3 of her children’s sports programs and private schooling. Recently all have done their own research and couple with other family lies they all chose to cut their own parents out of their lives. They are very close to me and I am so happy they are all great young adults. The sacrifices we made were 100% worth it.
Toxic people may be the ppl born right next to you.
It is always the hardest I think when the toxic folk in your life are family.members.
Such a great topic thank you💛
You are so right! 😆
Great and much needed vid Carol.
Thank you!
You are very welcome😊
Sometimes people need two minutes of complaining, then they can be refocused verbally. Others are manipulating you to give them stuff or money or pity and it takes no time to identify THEM. Nice video.
Most of us indulge in a pity party every once in awhile. The problem is when it never ends and as you note is a form of manipulation.
@@gloriouslifeonwheels3621
yes... met a few of those 😛
Good morning!
Carol, you covered this so very well. I ask my Granddaughter how many friends do I have and she says none and she would be correct! I know a lot of people, but none that I can call on when I'm in desperate need. Say Money, which I don't need, I get calls everyday from someone that needs it. I don't surround myself with them. Same thing with what your saying. Carol this is great advice and as I said Great Job! Much love and be safe.
just had to add here Carol, I love your hat.
Thanks😊
Excellent video and points Carol! Only surround yourself with those who encourage and uplift you. That's why I consider you a friend! ❤
And you as well my friend🥰
Thank you for this message. I can so relate to this..
I hope that this video does not confuse the difference between toxic and someone who actually needs a person to help them.
All though I think you explain it very well and appreciate
this video. I feel that the word toxic has been over used at times.
I have always been the kind of person who is ready to help
when I can. But recently, I needed a to tell my problems
and was shut out of the relationship very quickly and was
labeled .... toxic. This person could not handle what I was telling them and I should have known that to be the case. But when you are in the problem thinking is difficult and you are thinking you need help. I do love the message you are trying to convey and
I am sure this will help people. Thank you!
I think I distinguished between someone who needs a listening ear or the counsel of a friend or even someone who needs to just get something off their chest versus someone who is consistently negative and wants to constantly unload their negativity. This kind of person offers no support in return and only calls when it benefits them.
Had a 'friend' like that in my life. There was a specific advantage to having her in my life (not $ related). But every day I had to weigh that advantage against the many disadvantages. One day her toxicity weighed too heavily on the scale and I began the process of disengaging. Please be aware, that can take a minute. People with those toxic traits tend not to take your distancing very well.
Good luck to all in a similar situation. ❤
People are a trip! I'm dealing with this right now with both a friend or two and family members. I'm choosing to love the family members from long distance and the 'friends' I've cut out altogether. There's so much toxicity and negativity in the world and so many people are unhappy. I no longer tolerate. As far as my family members go, I simply block them from time to time and what's so weird is that when I block them I always feel so much better. My older sister absolutely hates for anyone to succeed or be happy. Lastly, I'd broken off my toxic friendship with someone who I really thought was a friend. During our casual conversation she said, "Oh, I got married......about a year ago." We used to talk weekly and I had no idea. It was a full blown wedding. She had the nerve to send me the wedding video and yet a year later, after getting married, she had the nerve to contact me because her hubby strikes her now. Well, I can't be bothered. Bye Felicia!
Good advice I need to be reminded of this from time to time
Got rid of those kind of people a long ago. I stick around positive people.
I had to end a life-long relationship with my best friend many years ago when I was very ill. It was hard on her and I both, but I couldn't manage it anymore. She wasn't especially "toxic", but rather an energy vampire. A kind of hybrid, if you will. I wish her the best in life.
That must have been so hard. Ending a long friendship. But sometimes you have to.
THANK YOU for this sound advice and life support!
Removing some people from your life can truly change your life immensely for the better sometime.
You definitely learn to deal with people and back off. There are some people that take whatever you are talking about about and kind of make it like you have issues, or another that I learned I can't complain about anything. They're called toxicly positive. That's a thing too. So, I've learned to keep deep conversations for other people and kind of avoid these others as much as possible.
Complaining about a valid issue isn't a problem. We all do that. It is when someone complains about the same thing for months on end or even longer or they are always complaining and never have anything uplifting or positive to say that it is a problem.
@@gloriouslifeonwheels3621 I definitely agree with you, but those constant magical good vibes only people need a revision for me. Haha!
One Reason You are a favorite person is that You understand living in same house hold with some one You care about who is "on the spectrum". This is not the same as You loving relationship with Your loved one My situation is I have had a co dependent friend for over 25 years who could not even say thank you when I signed the house over to them. Not a son,not a lover and yet relies on me and at this point I no longer know what to do since once again they are in their 2nd year with out working.
Sing BB King. I'm moving on.. Check yourself. Do you like being a victim 5:26 . When yrs go by. Write it down and give it to them 😊
Let me ask you something.Kenneth. Did you cause them to lose their job? If not why is it your responsibility to make amends for their job loss? After two years they could have found some job, even if working at a McDonalds. Not doing so is their choice and as such the consequences are their responsibility. Too often we allow people to guilt us into doing things for them they don't deserve. I pray my friend you are able to find the strength to free yourself from this manipulation. You deserve better.
. Go to a different lawyer. Get that home back. It's not appreciated. Get a storage unit. Get your most important stuff out of there. Paper work. Timing is important. If possible get a real friend to witness this. Say you're renting out the house, selling it, what ever. Specify a date of departure.
Amen
I was just thinking about this yesterday. This person has hurt my mom and I was meditating on sacred scripture on how to forgive those that have hurt you. I only wish her the best and pray for her conversion but I just can't allow her to bully my mom. Thanks for sharing ❤
Thank you Carol
I really liked this video. I think it would be great to have little talks like this in school. Maybe different language and examples for different age groups. I can visualize you talking to small groups of children during lunch or recess or before nap time. Naturally it’s wonderful for adults to hear it but I love the idea of learning valuable life lessons starting early. I used to teach kindergarten. Lovely video. 😆
What a great thing it would be for youngsters to learn early about setting boundaries so they could avoid toxic people and situations as they grt older. That, and learning to budget and manage their money.
I eliminated toxic or people with drama from my life. Thank you Carol
Good for you👍
Totally avoid them as best as I can !🙏🇺🇸
Amen to that!
If you are sn empath or sensitive person it really is awful because you can absorb their spirit by osmosis whether you want to or not. It's like contact high only it's not a drug. It's a spiritual thing..... Anyway, once again I thank you for the warm welcome today. You have a gift of breaking it down simple on a basic level for people to understand. You don't need to feel guilty about finally staying away because your health and well being are important and it will cause them to take inventory.
Ultimately what it c9mes down to is if someone's actions are harmful to you, physically ir emotionally, it is necessary to protect yourself.
@@gloriouslifeonwheels3621 Amein
My so drains me also, bc he's on drugs 😞😢
Nice vidio ..thanks for share my bezt friend
Glad you enjoyed it and hope it was bemeficial.
I’ve removed quite a few, including family members, over the last 35 years. Life’s too short to be bothered by a-holes.
So true!!
AMEN MS.CAROL!!!
Im 64.
This is hard to do - though for some though especially being a family member, this has been going on for soooooooo many years in our family your toxic person you describe sounds EXACTLY what myself & my elderly mom has been dealing with problem is, he lives with her since her husband passed, & brothers girlfriend left him ( one of many over the years) I've even reached out to my mothers geriatric doc whispering of whats been going on, I thought this doc could offer some suggestions on how to get my brother out of my mom's house. Ha... she called her social worker in...my mother did not know I'd devulged what was going on, she's a very very private person on all her affairs.
Social worker asked how things were going. Mother- fine.
Social worker - live by yourself?
Mother - no, my son lives with me.
Social - oh, how old?
Mother - 65
Social - um huh....retired?
Mother - you could say that.
Social - Receives ss?
Mother - No
Social - whys that?
Mother - I've not gotten around to doing it.
Social - ???? He's not done it himself?
Mother - no, I have to do things for him or it doesn't get done.
These Q & A's went on awhile, until I could see my mother was getting irritated.
It basically was leading in the direction that my mother needed some counseling & maybe help like restraining order on brother & kick him out onto street!!!😮
After social worker left docs office, my mother was PISSED...
(I was only trying to figure out maybe other ideas id not considered, it backfired, this social worker just wanted to take strong action first & get my mother counseling- HA... shes so private, that'll never happen) its not my mother....its my brother!!!
So....this is where it stays & has been for many years...
I WORRY EVERYDAY when the time comes, what will i do when my mother passes...
WILL I HAVE TO MOVE EVEN FARTHER
CHANGE MY NAME
UNLIST MY NUMBER
CARRY THE GUILT I ABANDONED HIM, WONDERING WHAT BRIDGE he could be living under.
When my brother moved back to my mothers yet once again years ago, i knew
I had to distance myself from my brother I moved far enough away...
I dont keep quite & listen to all his mess, i speak up & a few times it almost got confrontational physical, when he was yelling, cursing at my mom.
I still go & see & help my mother often with all her medical appts, errands i pick her up quick & we stay gone all day into the evening having the best time.❤
My brother is ugly, yelling, cussing, gets angry & demands your attention to listen to all his really crazy ways of thinking, & poor me syndrome...
My mother stays in her bedroom of her OWN HOME.
I HATE IT & HATE MORE THAT MY MOTHERS WASTING HER LIFE AWAY...😢😮😢😢😢😢😢😢
As she's said, HE'S MY SON.
:) WELL DONE and Said! There are so many that spew the NEGATIVES ALWAYS! I have a good friend, that I cannot keep in touch with Ms Negative, for my better well being :( SAD, but necessary. KUDOS for sharing, and ALL the BEST! Cheers :)
Sometimes you simply have to protect your own emotional wellbeing.
I have a very toxic person in my life, but I can’t get her out of my life right now. We are entangled in a stupid lawsuit, wherein she is the administrator of the estate, and I’m doing my damnedest to be reasonable with her. When this settlement is complete, you can be sure we will be done forever. I guess what I’m saying is sometimes it’s just not so easy to just get a toxic person out of your life. Circumstances can dictate events. But, having said all that, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Life is too short to have to put up with psychic vampires.
Amen ❤
Good stuff!
Hello from Puerto Rico Gloria and friends
Hello and welcome from beautiful
Puerto Rico🤗
Wish my toxic monster-in- law would disappear into oblivion!!
I adore you❤
Aw, thank you🥰
When my toxic mother in law passed I also cut out of my life my sister in law. I haven’t talked to her in 12 years!
Two friends made their problems my responsibility, the first one always reminded me what i did for her,One day s. . . .hit the fan when I said my first No,she asked me why am I saying no yet im "RICH"😂,The second I always said yes to,the day I said No,she played the victim, brought the name of God into the conversation, that one day He will answer her prayers too,she was so angry, added that im not loaning her the money because I was belittling her Just because I said No to her request of a large loan😂😂
Both are blocked❤
❤
How do you handle narcissist daughters(grown), that cut you off believing utter lies about you? I see no solution to it.
Depends on how old they are.
Can’t change a narcissist.
I’m tuned in friend ❤ #Shared
Hello, glad to hear from you. Hope everything is going well for you.
Definitivamente does resignates...
You are looking specially wonderful today just beautiful
Aw thank you😊
Hit home, thanks
Ms. Carol as I agree with almost everything you said and have had my kindness for granted because of being an empath. However the one I have a hard time with is your first statement about people just wanting to talk and everything seems negative and even talking about their pass. Please consider that sometime that people might not have anyone else to talk to and just ramble and not know they are doing it. All they know is that and looking for someone, anyone that will not judge but just listen with a little empathy. It's taken me years to start learning this and if not thinking ahead I still will tell someone my life story and not realize it until I'm done. You will find most of the time we that are guilty of this live alone, have no family and has no one to talk with because of our lack of social skills. As I always try to say sorry for my typing skill but I hope you get my point, not trying to be ugly just a point of another view. Blessings!
Just to clarify. I don't mean don't be an ear to your friends or expect friends to be that fir you as well. I am talking about people who always dominate any conversation you have with them and talk about the same issue, sometimes for years without ever really attempting to deal with it. They simply want you to continue to agree with them about how terrible the person or persons are who hurt them. They are more invested in being miserable than seeking healing. They get something out of being the perpetual victim and this is the role they chose to remain in.
@@gloriouslifeonwheels3621 Oh ok I can understand that part of it if it's a regular thing over time.
For ones that always likes to dominate no mater who is talking I have a problem with. I had to tell a lady this last week that she needed to not start trying to butt into someone conversation if it's not with her and she has no clue who it is your with talking to. I tried to do it with grace but be dang 10 minutes later she did it again. And she will not do a thing for herself she wants everyone in our building to do what she needs and capable of doing even being blind. And the sadness part if you do she's not grateful. I felt bad she didn't have any braille paper so I went and got her some and surprised her and not even a thank you from her.
Thanks God I don't have kids ❤
I'm 65yrs. I say it almost daily. And I love kids. The responsibility is crazy. 😊
@@jodywho6696 exactly 💯 you are the best parent cuz you have not brought your kids into this horrible world
You just described 2 of my daughters 😢 I went through a lot in which I learned a lot. I'm several states away caring for my elderly mom after being homeless with 2 service animals. They did not care.
You're doing the same thing by telling us about those people. Only you didn't mention names , but its the same thing.
And you always tell us about little arguments you have with people in public and things you hate about people. Thats negativity too.
The Bible says to love not only those who love you. What reward do u get for that?
Love even those who don't love you.
Right now you're shaming them.
The Bible says to speak no evil of anyone. And to bless those who curse you and pray for those who despitefully use you. We're all big boys and girls and i think its built in everyone to know who we should and shouldn't be around.
If we endure, as you call them, "people like that" we're doing well. Don't shun them or shame them. Rather, share the words of Jesus with them. Be a light that he died for you to be.
I always ask God why people tell me all their problems? I feel his answer was, so i could give them good advice.
You might be the one they trust and they may be fishing for help from you.
Don't ignore them. Don't keep company with unbelievers, but don't distance yourself altogether. Or how would any of "them" be saved? We're no better than them. You condemn yourself when you judge others who do the same things you do.