Self harm comes in many forms | Lauren 05 | In Therapy with Alex Howard
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- Опубліковано 6 тра 2020
- In the second part of Lauren's second session with Therapeutic Coach Alex Howard, Lauren discovers that the way she has been living her life is a form of self abuse and, if gone unchecked, can have serious consequences. Together, they focus on how to change these patterns and how Lauren can cultivate a healthier relationship with herself.
If you have been affected by any of the issues surrounding self harm in today's episode, please consider making use of the below resources:
UK
Samaritans - call 116 123 (open 24 hours a day), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit your local Samaritans branch
Mind - call 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 (9am to 6pm on weekdays)
Harmless - email info@harmless.org.uk
US
S.A.F.E. Alternatives (Self-Abuse Finally Ends)
Information Line: 1-800-DONT-CUT or 1-800-366-8288
Email: info@selfinjury.com
www.selfinjury.com
In Therapy with Alex Howard follows real-life people on their therapeutic journeys with Alex Howard, Creator of Therapeutic Coaching & Founder of The Optimum Health Clinic.
Visit: www.alexhoward.tv for more information on Alex's work
Follow Alex at / alexhowardtherapy to get summaries of episodes.
In Therapy is co-produced, directed and edited by Oliver Halls / oliver.halls - Розваги
I really, really, really struggle with the letting myself be seen and not painting a more rosy picture in order to make it more "comfortable" for the listener, if that makes sense. The fear of rejection and the conviction that no one wants to hear the whole truth because everyone is so busy with themselves is still bigger than the desire for authenticity. Also, I have tried it the other way and it rarely felt good, because people´s reactions weren´t helpful (e.g. "oh you poor thing" which then made me go into overcompensating mode and be like "nah, it´s really not that bad", or "yeah, but at least you´re still this or that", which made me not feel seen and feel even more vulnerable after putting in the effort of giving a truthful answer). Anyway, this is a tricky one for me, so I´m super keen to see where this is going! Thank you as always, to both of you!!
Dani. I have had that experience as well feeling exposed and vulnerable when people (often well-meaning) respond in platitudes. I have figured out the people I can trust with the truth and paint a semi-rosy to rosy picture with others. I understand how you feel. This was a very insightful session as a person who has struggled with similar issues throughout my life. Thanks so much Lauren, Alex and team!!
Thanks for sharing @@carolynnwoolstone7264. The ones who understand are usually the ones who are or have been struggling with similar issues as well. And yes, we only find those by taking the risk of opening up, as by doing that we give others "permission" for want of a better word (not that they need our permission) to do the same. As Alex says, memory is state-dependent, and sometimes we tend to over-remember the incidences where it didn´t go well. Today, I can see that there have been quite a few where it did go well and has led to really beautiful and surprising encounters :-)
I'm reminded of the phrase 'talk to yourself as you would do a good friend.' We are such harder critics and less forgiving of ourselves, than we are of others. We hold ourselves to a much higher standard, which is so silly really, because none of us are really that different to anyone else, fundamentally speaking.
I too have been through the depression, and self harm (both physically and then in 'cleverer,' ways just like Lauren. Heck, I even started to use Mindfulness as a way to hide my feelings and deepest vulnerabilities. Ha! The day I had that Epiphany was a turning point! There I was, actually teaching Mindfulness and meditation to others, and talking the talk, but I was *NOT* walking the walk!)
It takes a lot of work (and guts,) to do the work that Lauren is doing on herself, whilst going through a break up AND dealing with CFS/M.E. It shows how determined she is heal..And not only to heal but to make *lasting* changes.
It's seriously challenging to dig in that deep into such rooted (false,) beliefs about ourselves, but clearly it's what our bodies have been crying out for for such a long time, and we owe it to our body..ourselves, to give it our best shot, because if something is not working for us, then why keep doing it?
Anyway, I'll stop waffling now, lol, :) Good luck to Lauren on her continued journey. Enjoy getting to know you! :) And I look forward to the next video!
Have a nice Bank Holiday wkend everyone.. Stay safe! (And wash ya hands, ;) )
Love it. Thank you all guys. These talks have such an impact on me and inspire me to carry on. So difficult to juggle all the balls on each area needing attention with this healing journey.
So grateful to everyone who talks about their scared. God bless you all 🤩
Watching this episode really hit home for me even harder than the first ones with Lauren because it brought back memories of my mum constantly commenting on my weight when I was younger - I practically lived on diets from the age of nine until about 17. I lived my childhood being called all sorts of names by my sisters and cousins who knew that my mum thought I was overweight and was putting me on diets all the time. The funny thing is (well, I say funny ...) a few years ago, I showed her a photo of me at 13 that I'd dug up and not only did she not recognize me, when I told her it was me in the photo, her exact words were: but you're not fat. I also had a partner who is a textbook narcissist (I'm no longer with him) who used to refer to me as arm candy and always said "if you ever get fat, I'm leaving you". I've punished my body my entire life with dieting and going to the gym. However, thanks to the RESET program that I'm currently following, I finally had the courage to cancel my gym membership a couple of weeks ago and I've become a lot kinder to my body and have acknowledged the physical and emotional pain I've put myself through for almost 40 years.
What a remarkable woman Lauren is for being brave and vulnerable. A lot of what was discussed resonates with my experience. Thank you both
Thank you so much Alex and Lauren. So much of this episode resonates with me. After getting divorced years ago, I had an excessive gym and diet routine, to keep myself busy and get away from feelings and emotions. I never saw it as abusing myself. What an eye opener.
I've just discovered this series after doing your "decode your fatigue" challenge on Facebook. So much truth, & insight, so much for me to consider in my own life. The depression as a warning sign before a physical crash is spot on for me too. Thank you for this, & to your clients who agreed to have their videos shared.
👍🏻 x a million, this and the first part of this episode. So much information that is also helpful for my own recovery, thank you all especially Lauren 💗
Thank you for explaining what happens when one self harms, I never knew the science behind it, I had to stop what I was doing and cry I think in a release, a realisation and a self hug kind of way.
Life is a journey of self discovery... course corrections are uncomfortable, yet highly important...
I think this was an amazing episode. After doing the reset program (which was great) I have been struggling to get better and make progress. I was thinking that I was missing something. This episode has made me become aware of how I have been rejecting who I really am. I have been trying to persuade and morph myself into being this idealized self. And it has become so tiring and exhausting. This part of me is so traumatized that it is overwhelming. I am glad that I can see this now and can work to change it. Thank You!
I've just discovered these videos, and I'm really appreciating the new perspective they're giving me. I've had LESS energy than everyone around me, all of my life, and there has been a strong sense of judgment from outside--and from inside, too--like, 'why aren't you working full-time?' or 'you COULD do all these things, you're just lazy.' (Or whatever.) Hearing stories of people who have even less energy than I do, and in some cases who can't work at all, is not only giving me further hints on improving my self-care, but also giving me an appreciation for the situation I'm in. Thank you so much for putting these videos together!
Dear Alex I cannot say a bigger heartfelt thankyou. For the dedication and years of work, and recovery which you yourself have put in , gone through to be able to create such a in depth all encompassing programme. Without doubt the best I have found. The above session particularly resonates with myself and many others. You are doing a truly amazing job, in a very much needed and growing area of sufferers. I myself was undiagnosed for at least 15 years..! (which unfortunately or faurtunately as I prefer to see it also lead to cancer. I come from an holistic back ground in wellness, and am coaching others at present with ME/Fibro etc...(not yet completed my training).. Then I just discovered you offer a training course yourself.... aghhhhh. which would have been absolutely marvelous. didnt know it existed. Any way I have been through CBT which put me on a good road, but like the lady above... it seems a constant battle to not fall off the path. This is a fantastic idea, putting this platform out there for others. your work is an absolute inspiriation to myself as a sufferer and as a wellness coach. Long may you continue, sending you and your helpers many blessings. xx
The theme of this whole series with Lauren so far has been a massive wakeup call for me today. Having been in active recovery from complex PTSD for well over 18 months now, one thing I now realise I haven't stopped doing is rejecting myself and betraying myself which ironically is the core emotional wound that, not only did I come into the world with as an infant separated from mother at birth, but has been repeated over and over and over again in my life due to being adopted into a family steeped in intergenerational trauma as well as heart wrenching tragedy.
I still constantly reject my feelings or where I am at, b/c it was rarely what anybody who cared about me wanted to hear or know about. The insight gained today has included the multitude of times over the decades and including now, where I have what feels like a graveyard of relationships - friendships and family, both biological and adoptive - who I feel rejected and abandoned by. Every single one of those relationships really have no idea who the f*** I am b/c I have been petrified to be anything other than what they expected of me for fear of rejection - which in turn was resulting in me rejecting myself. So in essence I don't know who the f*** I am either!
Oh my goodness! This is a huge insight, & also feels very heavy and painful. So grateful I have an appointment with my somatic experiencing psychologist tomorrow to unpack it further.
Huge gratitude to Lauren for her vulnerability and transparency, and to Alex for this incredibly beneficial series. 🙏💝
Wow that’s me again I’m blown away with how much this particular story resonates with me I can’t tell you how much this is helping me see myself that makes sense I am going to take away the same homework 🤣thank you Alex so much 🙏🏻
Alex, I appreciate so many illustrations of self-abuse/self-harm. I was rejected and neglected by my parents, and I see that I took over their role and have done the same to myself. I've been growing out of that habit, and knowing where it came from will support that process. Lauren, thank you for being willing to be so open. I appreciate your intentionality and strength to confront the achiever pattern I too carry. I'm glad for the point that everybody participates in self-abuse and it's important to recognize it.
Thank you so much for sharing so openly with us Lauren. I could relate to so much of this, some of which I have made great progress with, some which is very much ongoing inner work!! Huge Thanks to you Alex & Lauren for this episode
❤️ to both of you!! such a gift and inspiration for me.
Great video as usual thank you ☺️
This is brilliant...such good material for awareness and self -reflection. I shared it on FB with my thoughts. I so appreciate your videos, Alex!
Thanks Lauren for being so open and honest this session really hit a few cords for me
Thank you so much for this and to Lauren for being so brave. Which module were you going to refer Lauren to please Alex? Was it in the conscious transformation course? Thanks both!
Can I have therapy through your clinic virtually?
I really wonder how Lauren scores on the ACE test... Would this be something you or Lauren can share Alex?
Our society doesnt support authenticity. Its always someone holding back to listen to the other, isnt it?
💜
I want to start the reset program sooner than later. I think that the program started in january 2021. When can I sign up for the next program and how do I sign up? It is now 2-15-2021.
You can still join now - details reset.alexhoward.com
@@AlexHowardTherapy is it still possible now? Or when is the next time?
Not everyone self harmed at all - in the way Lauren means.