This may sound weird but I find your cat's presence in these videos to be really helpful. It's literally like having an emotional support animal nearby, and having that calming presence when talking about tough topics and trauma is really nice. I learned a lot about in this video and it made it more therapeutic and safe when I'd see your cat walking around or sleeping.
It's well known that all cats have a bit of psi. Having a sleeping cat in the room emanates brain waves and purrs that help calm you and make you sleep better.
Just out the gate (I'm only 15 minutes in) - this helps me feel so seen as a mom. This feels visceral and I am so grateful when people talk about the reality of parenthood. It's such a huge undertaking and people REALLY don't talk about it. Thank you so much for this topic.
@@cindyjoycrockett What an intense experience you had 😢 Thank you so much for sharing. I feel many parts of this so strongly, and I appreciate the vulnerability. I love where you talk about having to quantify your reason for leaving - my husband and I use Discord as our messaging, and we have an entire category dedicated to links and things to share when TBMs want to get into it. That feels so excessive and exhausting. No one is owed an explanation, and the grief that comes with the deconstruction doesn't need to get picked apart. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’m glad my sibling got therapy after he instigated an abusive relationship with me. He and I are really close now, and I am so glad our parents didn’t try to cover it up. Thank you for talking about this stuff! It’s hard but it helps so many people feel seen and comforted that they aren’t alone.
I think the result of so many of us growing up in families with too many siblings & not enough resources is being childfree or 1-and-done. All the resources, not just financial. The birthrate is dropping sharply around the world. Only 4 countries/regions are keeping the entire human race a mere .06% above replacement rate. I love this for women. Modern society doesn’t benefit us, doesn’t protect us, doesn’t care about us, especially mothers. Why should we support it? 🐝🐝🐝🐝
I love when friends can't have a conversation without calling the other beautiful every 5 seconds, obsessed. Thank you for sharing your story Cindy, this is sadly so much more common than we assume. Love to see a woman stepping into her power! 💪
Here to shout from the rooftops the transformative power of art therapy!!! So wonderful that your psychiatrist had the intuition to bring in art for Little Cindy to express herself. ❤
Fuck I needed this video. I'm over here bawling cuz this is hitting home so hard right now. Thank you for sharing this Cindy, and thank you for giving her the space to do so Sam.
Thank you so much for humanizing and talking about dissociative identity disorder as a normal fact of life for the people experiencing it. As someone with a similar experience growing up, it's been hard to find discussions that are honest and without shame!
Oooh I love connecting with others who are familiar with it! It is SO hard for me to find open discussions about it as well. I have a video on my page going more into depth about it if you’re interested. Thank you so much for listening. ❤
Truly thank you for talking about this! I relate so hard with the childhood trauma. My family was very similar, no one talks about anything because we must portray the perfect facade and my wellbeing was sacrificed for the reputation of the priesthood holders. So glad you were able to have support along your journey. ❤
Augh YES, Kelsey. The facade is so dangerously deceptive. And wow yes, the sacrifice for priesthood holders… I’ve never heard anyone describe it that way. Very validating for me. Thank you ❤
Exactly!!! IMO, women & children have been sacrificed on the altar of patriarchy for far too long. Modern society doesn’t care, protect nor support women, especially mothers. Let the birth rate keep falling until it reaches the basement of heck.
She's very courageous to talk about this! Not only in mormonism, it's so true that women are pressured to have kids when they're still basically kids themselves. It's considered taboo to talk about these things but I'm so glad women are sharing their stories on social media. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻
37:40 when the therapist told her the shelf thing, I gasped 😮 because it's from this channel I learned the concept of "the shelf" - ...then realized, she was advising the opposite of what I thought; instead of putting her doubts on the shelf, she was getting permission to put the obligations and blind faith away for a time 😌
Her story is really similar to what happened to someone close to me, but they werent able to go to rehab or leave the church. Its really healing for me to see a woman prioritize herself like this and make a better life for herself. This is the best thing she could have ever done for her kids in the long run. Because losing her or her health would have been irreparable.
This makes me want to go to rehab. I did an outpatient intensive therapy for 4 weeks a few years ago and it was absolutely the best thing for me. Still struggling with the credit card debt. But bankruptcy filing is actually not looking nearly as scary as trying to live in the state I was in.
So glad you’re healing and still here with us, Cindy. I can tell you felt safe with Sam to tell your story. Thanks for sharing your experiences and vulnerability with us!
thank you for sharing your story. Wanted a video to put on for some background noise while I cleaned the house and this had me so hooked I started deep cleaning
13:01 I recently lost my last religious friend over a disagreement about the pressure to have kids too young in my old culture. Her niece, the oldest of 6 who just graduated college that I have known since she was born got married a year and just had her first child at 21. On the surface all smiles and they may be happy but I was just unable to fake the needed enthusiasm. She knew me very well and wouldn’t let it go so I finally told her I thought she was so young. She spent half her childhood raising her siblings and cousins. She barely knew that boy she married a year! But she was horribly offended because they are progressive and had her finish college first. A degree she has no plans to use now. I didn’t say anything mean just that I had a hard time celebrating it but I think that was the last progressive straw our friendship could take 😢
I can't say I can relate much, but I do agree that you don't need a reason to leave a cult. For me it was the struggle to make sense of a belief in god that I never really felt the way I thought I was supposed to, and all the shame of not being a good enough believer, feeling the need to talk about it with my bishop, etc. After praying and crying in pain every evening for weeks I realised that I could just stop trying, and I felt so relieved, allowing myself to not believe anymore.
Thank you guys for everything you all talk about! I kind of until this moment thought I was the only one who experienced some of this so…it’s nice to know I’m not crazy 🥹❤️ love you guys
Between this video and Mickey Atkins' new video (life after fundamental religion or something) today, The Universe has decided that it's a journaling and self care day. Thank you so much for sharing y'alls story, Cindy ❤
When she said “ living 7 lifetimes” I really felt that, as someone who has done a lot of trauma therapy in the last 2 years I feel the same. I always tell people that I am a completely different person to who I was 2 years ago. What an incredible interview, I could write so much about how I relate to what she talks about, Even though Ive never been in mormonism, growing with trauma and in repressive religion I relate with everything she talks about
Thank you for this interview with Cindy -- so real and honest. I relate to a lot of this story for sure. I'm ten years + out of the church, and almost 50. I remember getting divorced around age 30, and being so focused on my mental health. Thankfully I was also very privileged and educated, having optimal resources for getting intensive and high quality help when I was at my worst. It gets better . . . at least it has for me, regarding feeling overwhelmed by the layers of young Mormon motherhood and trauma from childhood sexual abuse in a religious context -- not to mention the major faith transition that is often part of the trauma healing. Even as a practicing therapist, I intentionally spend a lot of time just trying to be -- to honestly accept and be present with life, both within and outside of work -- in the moment, accessing what abundance I am capable of receiving and offering . . . instead of ruminating about my clients and my issues (of course I still have plenty to work on and heal within myself -- and my best in the moment is often pretty messy). Thanks for facilitating/providing space for and allowing the sharing of such an impactful story.
@ Of course, and I was definitely reminded that there are many of us who have been through some similar hard times. Even if I am not so young any more, I find myself seeking out the unique and high quality content on your channel quite often . . . and not just because your accent sounds so much more intelligent than the Utah Mormon one that I am sadly confined to - it seems no matter how many times I have lived outside of this strange state, lol 🙃 😆
As someone who experienced sexual abuse as a young child, and experienced having flashbacks after having a child. I really appreciate Cindys willingness to share their story and be vulnerable. Talking about mental health is so important and with each story that is told we can remove some stigma and shame. ❤❤
This applies to women in so many repressed situations. I am an ‘expat wife’ and it very much has followed a similar pattern for me, although I don’t want to leave my husband and am not religious. There are a lot of mormon expats where I live and it really creates this level playing field where we can understand each other as women. I recently went away to study for a few months and time alone can be very eye-opening because suddenly you have a chance to process everything you don’y usually have the space to process. I got a lot out of this video. Thanks.
There are some support groups here and there-- but DID can be especially lonely. Fun fact, one of my alters I thought was the voice of God heheh. Much love to all yall! We hope to see yall again on the chanel(I watch every episode 😅)
Omgno I got teased for my nose too, I've a big brown mole on the right side and was certain I'd get surgery and now I could never imagine doing such a thing
@@nyssalynn5216 wait that’s kind of iconic 😂😂😂 Personally, I love being a multi-multidimensional human. Keeps things interesting, right? And then yes, can be very isolating sometimes
A lot of times the modern mother is expected to be so isolated with her babies and kids. That's unnatural. It's much more natural for her to receive a lot of help from family and friends. It's sad that in the modern world a woman needs to check into a facility to get this social support. But I'm glad that she did!
@@cindyjoycrockett I need you to also know I just came back to finish the last bit of the video. I didn’t realize I stopped earlier right before the sneaky forbidden kissing complications
Great to meet another member of the “I met a boy in treatment and got caught and shamed for the nuanced yet inappropriate relationship which has taken a lot of unpacking” club
Ok but 21 is firmly adult and Cindy was 30 and very innocent 🙈 (second kiss ever) it feels very different from the normal predatory man stuff we’re used to hearing about with age gaps Definitely a wild story though
@@ZelphOntheShelfI didn't say he wasn't an adult, and I didn't infer it was the same as an old man grooming a child. However that doesn't mean it's okay and the lighthearted attitude it was reflected on with, like it's the highlight reel of her spankbank to this day, that personally was disheartening/off-putting to me. The fact is it was someone 10 years older (fuck "mental age" sorry that should not impact the story for anyone) plotting, planning, and pouncing on a very young troubled adult who also just checked into a psych ward for help.... I'm not even necessarily saying he was a victim, but I don't think the subject was handled with any levity or nuance in order to protect her actions. Still loved the episode and guest, I think some really important and powerful conversations were had. But yeah I think that part should have been edited for her sake honestly because it came across as painfully ironic in the face of y'all's otherwise apparent values.
There’s so much here that I resonate with. I’ll note that I was raised atheist and liberal… intergenerational religious trauma is very real. Anyways, I wanted to share that specifically that experience of sudden horniness resonates with me! My experience is very different yet similar. I’ve experienced lots of horniness and pleasure with and without someone else throughout my life, but I was in a 5 year relationship with a man where after about 1.5 years my sex drive disappeared. I thought it was my antidepressant, but got off that and no change. Turns out my partner was cheating on me the whole time, I think my body knew. Like he was cheating the whole 5 years. And the SECOND I found out about the cheating, I was so horny. Not horny for my partner but just so horny. I was 30 and felt like a teenager. It was a wild experience. Also yes I absolutely left the pathologically lying asshole.
One reason for all the attention to,and diagnosis of, multiple personality disorder in the 70's was a Sally Field kind of mini series on TV called Sybill. I'm pretty sure it was a true story and I think I remember it was also a book. But it was a big deal and talked about a lot.
I'm only halfway through the video but I'm from Arizona and I grew up in a very Mormon family. I have since moved to the UK and am a pimo until I can get the courage to tell my family, moreso my mom, that I want to leave the church. The things Cindy is describing sounds just like my mom my whole life and I was wondering if there was any information about the treatment center she went to? My mom is the sweetest person ever but struggles with her mental health a lot and is always doing so much for other people. That center sounds like exactly what she needs and I hate seeing her suffer so much. My family lives in Arizona so it would also work great having it not be too far. If she's comfortable sharing or if anyone knows what the name of the place is could you let me know? Thank you! And Sam thank you for the wonderful video as always these help me so much as I navigate my journey of entering my 20's and having a faith/life crisis 😅.
Hi, Kennedy, it’s Cindy! The center I went to is called Sierra Tucson. Also, some of my favorite people I met there were older mothers in their 50s/60s. I admired their strength so much. It takes a lot of courage to be willing to accept help later on in life. I hope this helps and I’m happy to answer any other questions you may have. Thank you listening to my story. ❤
@@cindyjoycrockettOmg hi! Thank you so much! I'm not sure how I'll go about bringing it up to my mom but hopefully if she's open to it, it could help her like how it helped you. I'll definitely be checking out your channel and I'll for sure let you know if I have any other questions. Thank you!
I saw some comments on Cindys new video about the abuse... there are still people trying to victim blame in comments and try to make women shut up cause they feel so threatened it is so disgusting like they out themselves just like that, their goal is to make her go silent with confusing her, they have an issue with women reclaiming power so sickening I get so MAD
I went to BYU in the summer of 1969. Women were lying all around the lawn. Modesty is always inundated into young women.!AND IM STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF BIKINIE VILLE! I DATED A BISHOPS SON FOR 3 YRARS. I WOULDNT HAVE NEVER DREAMED OF WEARING A BIKINIE. AND NOW AT AT THE WELL KNOWN CHURCH CAMPUS WITH WONEN SPRAHLLED OUT ACROSS THE CAMPUS CLAD IN LITTLE NOTHINGS
I was raised in a catholic family- the youngest. I had feminist sisters and was a very outspoken liberal who was never going to wed and breed. So what did I do to rebel? Married at 18 to a hippy feminist musician guy and had 3 kids by 22. ( husband became abusive in private the moment he knew I was trapped) I feel like I was kind of lucky in a way- my husbands behaviour was clearly not ok, but I had to strategically plan my escape as I knew our risk would increase when I left. But I knew the blame laid with him- my own responsibility was just having chosen to tolerate the behaviour after the first blow. I got away at 23 with the 3 kids- and had a few years of intense stalking - but- I was like a child raising kids. Like I’d just woken up “where the hell did all these kids come from?!” I’ve been so so lucky to have great kids who are now adults and are understanding of my parenting fails, while acknowledging the things I did ok- possibly because I was still young and in touch with my inner child. I’m so thankful I never felt that burdensome thing about motherhood. My resentment manifested more in the fact I chose to throw away my adolescence to a violent “feminist”. But my kids were the best “mistakes” I ever made. And that marriage was a great lesson- not many people at age 23 know how precious freedom and physical safety are. And to not listen to peoples words, but take time to watch their actions. It’s kept me safe for 30 years now, while still being able to skip about in the world freely - knowing I have my own safe home space - inside and out. I often wonder if I’d be in some half assed grey zone meh marriage now, like a boiling frog, if I hadn’t have provided myself with that precious lesson. My sweet catholic naivety meant I had no wariness of abusers- after a childhood of cotton wool safety. I think my autism helped me too- I could compartmentalise to survive. I don’t know how young me did that but I’m glad she got us out of there!
Greatly related to the child abuse and the way the church handles such things. I don’t think I caught what her channel is called? Anyone have that info ❤?
My interest in Mormonism (in its many branches, not just the LDS Church) was born more than two decades ago, when I had a few dates with a pretty psychology student who said that she was considering converting to that religion, after being visited a couple of times by the missionaries. I asked her some questions about basic doctrine, but she was rather evasive. I guess her mind was filled with doubts about what was allegedly revealed to Joseph Smith Jr. Even at the beginning of 2002, when the Winter Olympics were held in Salt Lake City, my ignorance on the subject was almost absolute: I knew that Latter-day Saints and Mormons were the same people and that, within the community, the coffee consumption is considered sinful. That was about it, despite living less than half a kilometer from a chapel and seeing missionary couples with some regularity. Finally determined to satisfy my curiosity and overcome my ignorance on the issue, I began by reading the corresponding Wikipedia article, believing that it would be enough, but the doctrine, the history of the church and even its folklore turned out to be fascinating and I ended up examining even the final statement of John Doyle Lee regarding the trial held years after the sad events of Mountain Meadows. Naturally, I was poorly prepared for the encounter with a peculiar doctrine (I think the self-proclaimed founding prophet used that adjective) and a fascinating history, including the existence of a large territory of its own (Deseret) and a respectable militia, as well as " mormon" currency and alphabet. I can add, so as not to make this message too long, that I know why the tapir has become a symbol for those who have made the brave decision to take their own destiny into their hands, giving up the feeling of relative security provided by the Brighamite membership. I have great respect and also admiration for anyone who is capable of conquering his personal freedom, breaking the chains imposed by year long indoctrination, after a complicated and painful process of introspective analysis. It does not require much insight or explanation to understand why acts as seemingly inconsequential as putting a cup of aromatic coffee in your mouth or wearing an "immodest" swimsuit in public can have an important meaning, even marking a stage of conquest. of individual freedom and self-affirmation. You ExMos who, with all certainty, are the majority of the subscribers of this remarkable channel, are people as brave as they are valuable. I hope to be welcomed in your community, even in my mexican NeverMo condition.
Dude....just....same. But Baptist, not Mormon. So much of your story mirrors mine. It was great to hear you say so many things that I am just, at 42, starting to unpack.
I loved listening and loved the story but I’m noticing visually it’s so distracting because there’s maybe a lot of jump cuts on it? I can’t tell if my brain is just tripping. It makes it hard for me to focus on her story. Hopefully that’s constructive criticism. Super important story happy to hear someone speak up.
We’re talking about mental development, not literal age as it pertains to crime. It’s well documented that trauma and groups like Mormonism in general can stunt normal development. (Obviously very messed up to charge kids as adults, I don’t agree with that ever, personally.)
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LOVE YOU ALL, TYSM PATRONS
This may sound weird but I find your cat's presence in these videos to be really helpful. It's literally like having an emotional support animal nearby, and having that calming presence when talking about tough topics and trauma is really nice. I learned a lot about in this video and it made it more therapeutic and safe when I'd see your cat walking around or sleeping.
🥹💗💗
It's well known that all cats have a bit of psi. Having a sleeping cat in the room emanates brain waves and purrs that help calm you and make you sleep better.
@@mantispid5 Ah, well, I didn't know. Thanks for sharing!
I enjoyed the correction from 'he saved my life' to 'he helped me to save my life' that was badass
Had to say it twice to make sure it made sense 😂 thank you ❤
100% and it hit hard. hope your life gets more and more peaceful and beautiful. you deserve it ♥️
Just out the gate (I'm only 15 minutes in) - this helps me feel so seen as a mom. This feels visceral and I am so grateful when people talk about the reality of parenthood. It's such a huge undertaking and people REALLY don't talk about it. Thank you so much for this topic.
Ahhhh yay 💗💗
TRULY! It’s such a necessary conversation. Too many women suffer in silence because of how glorified mothering is. Thank you so much for tuning in.
@@cindyjoycrockett What an intense experience you had 😢 Thank you so much for sharing. I feel many parts of this so strongly, and I appreciate the vulnerability. I love where you talk about having to quantify your reason for leaving - my husband and I use Discord as our messaging, and we have an entire category dedicated to links and things to share when TBMs want to get into it. That feels so excessive and exhausting. No one is owed an explanation, and the grief that comes with the deconstruction doesn't need to get picked apart. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I’m glad my sibling got therapy after he instigated an abusive relationship with me. He and I are really close now, and I am so glad our parents didn’t try to cover it up. Thank you for talking about this stuff! It’s hard but it helps so many people feel seen and comforted that they aren’t alone.
'if a parent wanted to talk to you it wasn't good' damn
This was me too, one of 7
I think the result of so many of us growing up in families with too many siblings & not enough resources is being childfree or 1-and-done. All the resources, not just financial. The birthrate is dropping sharply around the world. Only 4 countries/regions are keeping the entire human race a mere .06% above replacement rate. I love this for women. Modern society doesn’t benefit us, doesn’t protect us, doesn’t care about us, especially mothers. Why should we support it? 🐝🐝🐝🐝
I'm so late but Cindy's hair is like beyond, I'm obsessed
Thank you sm 🥹
Very 90s Geri Halliwell meets whimsigoth
@ I was ginger spice for Halloween this year :) love the whimsigoth addition!!
It's like a prettier version of Lindsay Lohan's hair in Freaky Friday
@@Aelffwynnloooove that movie to this day.
I love when friends can't have a conversation without calling the other beautiful every 5 seconds, obsessed. Thank you for sharing your story Cindy, this is sadly so much more common than we assume. Love to see a woman stepping into her power! 💪
😂 SO REAL. Feminine friendships are so beautiful. And YES to power. Thanks for watching 🥹
🥹
Here to shout from the rooftops the transformative power of art therapy!!! So wonderful that your psychiatrist had the intuition to bring in art for Little Cindy to express herself. ❤
family of 11 sounds so scary to me. i feel so sorry in so many ways
It genuinely was. Very minimal emotional support
Fuck I needed this video. I'm over here bawling cuz this is hitting home so hard right now. Thank you for sharing this Cindy, and thank you for giving her the space to do so Sam.
😭💜💜💜💜💜💜
Thank you so much for humanizing and talking about dissociative identity disorder as a normal fact of life for the people experiencing it. As someone with a similar experience growing up, it's been hard to find discussions that are honest and without shame!
💜💜💜!
Oooh I love connecting with others who are familiar with it! It is SO hard for me to find open discussions about it as well. I have a video on my page going more into depth about it if you’re interested. Thank you so much for listening. ❤
Truly thank you for talking about this! I relate so hard with the childhood trauma. My family was very similar, no one talks about anything because we must portray the perfect facade and my wellbeing was sacrificed for the reputation of the priesthood holders. So glad you were able to have support along your journey. ❤
💜💜💜
Augh YES, Kelsey. The facade is so dangerously deceptive. And wow yes, the sacrifice for priesthood holders… I’ve never heard anyone describe it that way. Very validating for me. Thank you ❤
Exactly!!! IMO, women & children have been sacrificed on the altar of patriarchy for far too long. Modern society doesn’t care, protect nor support women, especially mothers. Let the birth rate keep falling until it reaches the basement of heck.
She's very courageous to talk about this! Not only in mormonism, it's so true that women are pressured to have kids when they're still basically kids themselves. It's considered taboo to talk about these things but I'm so glad women are sharing their stories on social media. 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻
The psychotherapist cat made me laugh so hard - he was fully invested in the conversation 🥰
37:40 when the therapist told her the shelf thing, I gasped 😮 because it's from this channel I learned the concept of "the shelf" -
...then realized, she was advising the opposite of what I thought; instead of putting her doubts on the shelf, she was getting permission to put the obligations and blind faith away for a time 😌
Her story is really similar to what happened to someone close to me, but they werent able to go to rehab or leave the church. Its really healing for me to see a woman prioritize herself like this and make a better life for herself. This is the best thing she could have ever done for her kids in the long run. Because losing her or her health would have been irreparable.
Dying over the fact that you found the ICONIC JCREW ELBOW PATCH SWEATER MOMENT. Love you so much. What an honor this was. ❤
This makes me want to go to rehab. I did an outpatient intensive therapy for 4 weeks a few years ago and it was absolutely the best thing for me. Still struggling with the credit card debt. But bankruptcy filing is actually not looking nearly as scary as trying to live in the state I was in.
Oof 🩵🩵🩵🩵
I relate to your story so much. Thank you so much for this!!
Absolutely. I’m so glad you could feel connected to it in some way. Thank you for watching ❤
We love Cindy, thanks for introducing us to her Sam ❤❤
Tearing up. Thank you, friend 🥺🥹
@@cindyjoycrockett ♥️♥️♥️
This is an amazing video, thank you for having Cindy on!
So glad you’re healing and still here with us, Cindy. I can tell you felt safe with Sam to tell your story. Thanks for sharing your experiences and vulnerability with us!
This is one of the best stories Ive ever heard in my life. Thank you Cindy, I will always remember your story and what an inspiration you are ❤❤❤
Wow, that means so much to me. Thank you so much.🥺🥹
thank you for sharing your story. Wanted a video to put on for some background noise while I cleaned the house and this had me so hooked I started deep cleaning
Love to hear it!! 🥰🩵
13:01 I recently lost my last religious friend over a disagreement about the pressure to have kids too young in my old culture. Her niece, the oldest of 6 who just graduated college that I have known since she was born got married a year and just had her first child at 21. On the surface all smiles and they may be happy but I was just unable to fake the needed enthusiasm. She knew me very well and wouldn’t let it go so I finally told her I thought she was so young. She spent half her childhood raising her siblings and cousins. She barely knew that boy she married a year! But she was horribly offended because they are progressive and had her finish college first. A degree she has no plans to use now. I didn’t say anything mean just that I had a hard time celebrating it but I think that was the last progressive straw our friendship could take 😢
Oof! 💜
@ when I have a steady income again I’ll be on Patreon. Engagement until then 💜 love y’all so much!
I can't say I can relate much, but I do agree that you don't need a reason to leave a cult. For me it was the struggle to make sense of a belief in god that I never really felt the way I thought I was supposed to, and all the shame of not being a good enough believer, feeling the need to talk about it with my bishop, etc. After praying and crying in pain every evening for weeks I realised that I could just stop trying, and I felt so relieved, allowing myself to not believe anymore.
This is one of my fave videos you’ve ever uploaded such cool and insightful women thanks Cindy for sharing your story 🫶
😭 This means the world to me, thank you.
The collab we all needed
Omg I love you 😭
Thank you guys for everything you all talk about! I kind of until this moment thought I was the only one who experienced some of this so…it’s nice to know I’m not crazy 🥹❤️ love you guys
You are not crazy whatsoever. I appreciate you so much. ❤
Between this video and Mickey Atkins' new video (life after fundamental religion or something) today, The Universe has decided that it's a journaling and self care day. Thank you so much for sharing y'alls story, Cindy ❤
💗💗💗!!!
So glad you found a way to speak up girl.
When she said “ living 7 lifetimes” I really felt that, as someone who has done a lot of trauma therapy in the last 2 years I feel the same. I always tell people that I am a completely different person to who I was 2 years ago. What an incredible interview, I could write so much about how I relate to what she talks about,
Even though Ive never been in mormonism, growing with trauma and in repressive religion I relate with everything she talks about
Thank you Cindy for sharing your story.
Thank you for this interview with Cindy -- so real and honest.
I relate to a lot of this story for sure. I'm ten years + out of the church, and almost 50. I remember getting divorced around age 30, and being so focused on my mental health.
Thankfully I was also very privileged and educated, having optimal resources for getting intensive and high quality help when I was at my worst.
It gets better . . . at least it has for me, regarding feeling overwhelmed by the layers of young Mormon motherhood and trauma from childhood sexual abuse in a religious context -- not to mention the major faith transition that is often part of the trauma healing.
Even as a practicing therapist, I intentionally spend a lot of time just trying to be -- to honestly accept and be present with life, both within and outside of work -- in the moment, accessing what abundance I am capable of receiving and offering . . . instead of ruminating about my clients and my issues (of course I still have plenty to work on and heal within myself -- and my best in the moment is often pretty messy).
Thanks for facilitating/providing space for and allowing the sharing of such an impactful story.
Thank you for this comment!! It’s so nice hearing from someone who’s been on the journey for longer than us! 💗💗💗💗
@ Of course, and I was definitely reminded that there are many of us who have been through some similar hard times.
Even if I am not so young any more, I find myself seeking out the unique and high quality content on your channel quite often . . . and not just because your accent sounds so much more intelligent than the Utah Mormon one that I am sadly confined to - it seems no matter how many times I have lived outside of this strange state, lol 🙃 😆
This is a very unique story. Thanks so much for sharing!! I hope the rest of your journey brings you lots of joy💕
I loved this video so much. All of it. So important. Thank you Cindy & Sam, so very much! ❤❤
I also love Empathy Cat’s contributions 🐱
I have DID and it's really great to see this conversation ❤
As someone who experienced sexual abuse as a young child, and experienced having flashbacks after having a child. I really appreciate Cindys willingness to share their story and be vulnerable. Talking about mental health is so important and with each story that is told we can remove some stigma and shame. ❤❤
This was an interesting conversation, thank you!!
Love you so much Cindy. I’m so proud of you.
Wow this is a powerful conversation
This was a very beautiful story. Thanks for sharing 😊
Thank you for sharing!!!
What a fascinating life this woman has lived, thank you so much for sharing and sending hugs!
This applies to women in so many repressed situations. I am an ‘expat wife’ and it very much has followed a similar pattern for me, although I don’t want to leave my husband and am not religious. There are a lot of mormon expats where I live and it really creates this level playing field where we can understand each other as women. I recently went away to study for a few months and time alone can be very eye-opening because suddenly you have a chance to process everything you don’y usually have the space to process. I got a lot out of this video. Thanks.
Love the Target birb in the background :)
Love to see DID rep on the channel. Hello, from a fellow system 💛
Hi!! Love connecting with other systems; it’s rare for me Thank you so much. 🥹
There are some support groups here and there-- but DID can be especially lonely.
Fun fact, one of my alters I thought was the voice of God heheh.
Much love to all yall! We hope to see yall again on the chanel(I watch every episode 😅)
Omgno I got teased for my nose too, I've a big brown mole on the right side and was certain I'd get surgery and now I could never imagine doing such a thing
@@nyssalynn5216 wait that’s kind of iconic 😂😂😂 Personally, I love being a multi-multidimensional human. Keeps things interesting, right? And then yes, can be very isolating sometimes
@@nyssalynn5216 NEVER! Moles on the face are sooo supermodel.
this was such an amazing conversation HAVE HER BACK PLEASE
YES
WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT
A lot of times the modern mother is expected to be so isolated with her babies and kids. That's unnatural. It's much more natural for her to receive a lot of help from family and friends. It's sad that in the modern world a woman needs to check into a facility to get this social support. But I'm glad that she did!
Drawing is so effective in therapy. It’s very therapeutic, powerful and healing.
Yes. I think especially for childhood trauma survivors who need to connect to that younger part of them
We are also playing mother when we get our first doll.
I feel for you, I Deconstructed Mormonism well I was in and out of a psych ward.❤❤❤ as a Mom and Wife
Omg cute cat in the corner moment
I love the way he jogs in and plops DIRECTLY in-between Sam & everything she currently needs access to.
inexplicably lost my libido a couple years ago. sounds like the place to find it is REHAB ladies omg 😭😭😂😂 I cannot do that but it sounds so nice
😂 😂😂 girl don’t I know it. You’ll find it again in your own way. Or not and that’s ok too!! Thank you for watching, it means so much ❤
Hahaha GOOD LUCK, so relatable 😅
@@cindyjoycrockett I need you to also know I just came back to finish the last bit of the video. I didn’t realize I stopped earlier right before the sneaky forbidden kissing complications
Going somewhere where you don’t know anyone and it’s a contained space does it… rehab, a resort, a cruise… they all ignite those sort of feelings
Great to meet another member of the “I met a boy in treatment and got caught and shamed for the nuanced yet inappropriate relationship which has taken a lot of unpacking” club
Whoah!
1:16:40 the cat thought there was a pat coming and it never came, aww
Hahaha 🥹
Ew the age gap part 💔 "making it even more exciting". That plotline was something..
Ok but 21 is firmly adult and Cindy was 30 and very innocent 🙈 (second kiss ever) it feels very different from the normal predatory man stuff we’re used to hearing about with age gaps
Definitely a wild story though
@@ZelphOntheShelfI didn't say he wasn't an adult, and I didn't infer it was the same as an old man grooming a child. However that doesn't mean it's okay and the lighthearted attitude it was reflected on with, like it's the highlight reel of her spankbank to this day, that personally was disheartening/off-putting to me. The fact is it was someone 10 years older (fuck "mental age" sorry that should not impact the story for anyone) plotting, planning, and pouncing on a very young troubled adult who also just checked into a psych ward for help.... I'm not even necessarily saying he was a victim, but I don't think the subject was handled with any levity or nuance in order to protect her actions. Still loved the episode and guest, I think some really important and powerful conversations were had. But yeah I think that part should have been edited for her sake honestly because it came across as painfully ironic in the face of y'all's otherwise apparent values.
Cool video! Cindy seems cool, but Im mainly here to see the cat 😜
Banksy says Hi, Dave!!!!
There’s so much here that I resonate with. I’ll note that I was raised atheist and liberal… intergenerational religious trauma is very real. Anyways, I wanted to share that specifically that experience of sudden horniness resonates with me! My experience is very different yet similar. I’ve experienced lots of horniness and pleasure with and without someone else throughout my life, but I was in a 5 year relationship with a man where after about 1.5 years my sex drive disappeared. I thought it was my antidepressant, but got off that and no change. Turns out my partner was cheating on me the whole time, I think my body knew. Like he was cheating the whole 5 years. And the SECOND I found out about the cheating, I was so horny. Not horny for my partner but just so horny. I was 30 and felt like a teenager. It was a wild experience. Also yes I absolutely left the pathologically lying asshole.
Oh wow! ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Heyo! I went to the DC South mission too!
One reason for all the attention to,and diagnosis of, multiple personality disorder in the 70's was a Sally Field kind of mini series on TV called Sybill. I'm pretty sure it was a true story and I think I remember it was also a book.
But it was a big deal and talked about a lot.
I'm only halfway through the video but I'm from Arizona and I grew up in a very Mormon family. I have since moved to the UK and am a pimo until I can get the courage to tell my family, moreso my mom, that I want to leave the church. The things Cindy is describing sounds just like my mom my whole life and I was wondering if there was any information about the treatment center she went to? My mom is the sweetest person ever but struggles with her mental health a lot and is always doing so much for other people. That center sounds like exactly what she needs and I hate seeing her suffer so much. My family lives in Arizona so it would also work great having it not be too far. If she's comfortable sharing or if anyone knows what the name of the place is could you let me know? Thank you! And Sam thank you for the wonderful video as always these help me so much as I navigate my journey of entering my 20's and having a faith/life crisis 😅.
Hi, Kennedy, it’s Cindy! The center I went to is called Sierra Tucson. Also, some of my favorite people I met there were older mothers in their 50s/60s. I admired their strength so much. It takes a lot of courage to be willing to accept help later on in life. I hope this helps and I’m happy to answer any other questions you may have. Thank you listening to my story. ❤
@@cindyjoycrockettOmg hi! Thank you so much! I'm not sure how I'll go about bringing it up to my mom but hopefully if she's open to it, it could help her like how it helped you. I'll definitely be checking out your channel and I'll for sure let you know if I have any other questions. Thank you!
I saw some comments on Cindys new video about the abuse... there are still people trying to victim blame in comments and try to make women shut up cause they feel so threatened it is so disgusting like they out themselves just like that, their goal is to make her go silent with confusing her, they have an issue with women reclaiming power so sickening I get so MAD
Cindy, my queen my sister my bff I love you ❤
CARLY 💗💗💗💗
Every time I see the cat it reminds of youtuber flossy Carter who reviews phones. Has a cat on screen called white shoes. White shoes calm down
I went to BYU in the summer of 1969. Women were lying all around the lawn. Modesty is always inundated into young women.!AND IM STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF BIKINIE VILLE! I DATED A BISHOPS SON FOR 3 YRARS. I WOULDNT HAVE NEVER DREAMED OF WEARING A BIKINIE. AND NOW AT AT THE WELL KNOWN CHURCH CAMPUS WITH WONEN SPRAHLLED OUT ACROSS THE CAMPUS CLAD IN LITTLE NOTHINGS
I was raised in a catholic family- the youngest. I had feminist sisters and was a very outspoken liberal who was never going to wed and breed.
So what did I do to rebel?
Married at 18 to a hippy feminist musician guy and had 3 kids by 22. ( husband became abusive in private the moment he knew I was trapped)
I feel like I was kind of lucky in a way- my husbands behaviour was clearly not ok, but I had to strategically plan my escape as I knew our risk would increase when I left.
But I knew the blame laid with him- my own responsibility was just having chosen to tolerate the behaviour after the first blow.
I got away at 23 with the 3 kids- and had a few years of intense stalking - but- I was like a child raising kids.
Like I’d just woken up “where the hell did all these kids come from?!”
I’ve been so so lucky to have great kids who are now adults and are understanding of my parenting fails, while acknowledging the things I did ok- possibly because I was still young and in touch with my inner child.
I’m so thankful I never felt that burdensome thing about motherhood. My resentment manifested more in the fact I chose to throw away my adolescence to a violent “feminist”.
But my kids were the best “mistakes” I ever made.
And that marriage was a great lesson- not many people at age 23 know how precious freedom and physical safety are. And to not listen to peoples words, but take time to watch their actions.
It’s kept me safe for 30 years now, while still being able to skip about in the world freely - knowing I have my own safe home space - inside and out.
I often wonder if I’d be in some half assed grey zone meh marriage now, like a boiling frog, if I hadn’t have provided myself with that precious lesson.
My sweet catholic naivety meant I had no wariness of abusers- after a childhood of cotton wool safety.
I think my autism helped me too- I could compartmentalise to survive.
I don’t know how young me did that but I’m glad she got us out of there!
Greatly related to the child abuse and the way the church handles such things. I don’t think I caught what her channel is called? Anyone have that info ❤?
Linked in the description box! 💗
My interest in Mormonism (in its many branches, not just the LDS Church) was born more than two decades ago, when I had a few dates with a pretty psychology student who said that she was considering converting to that religion, after being visited a couple of times by the missionaries. I asked her some questions about basic doctrine, but she was rather evasive. I guess her mind was filled with doubts about what was allegedly revealed to Joseph Smith Jr. Even at the beginning of 2002, when the Winter Olympics were held in Salt Lake City, my ignorance on the subject was almost absolute: I knew that Latter-day Saints and Mormons were the same people and that, within the community, the coffee consumption is considered sinful. That was about it, despite living less than half a kilometer from a chapel and seeing missionary couples with some regularity. Finally determined to satisfy my curiosity and overcome my ignorance on the issue, I began by reading the corresponding Wikipedia article, believing that it would be enough, but the doctrine, the history of the church and even its folklore turned out to be fascinating and I ended up examining even the final statement of John Doyle Lee regarding the trial held years after the sad events of Mountain Meadows. Naturally, I was poorly prepared for the encounter with a peculiar doctrine (I think the self-proclaimed founding prophet used that adjective) and a fascinating history, including the existence of a large territory of its own (Deseret) and a respectable militia, as well as " mormon" currency and alphabet. I can add, so as not to make this message too long, that I know why the tapir has become a symbol for those who have made the brave decision to take their own destiny into their hands, giving up the feeling of relative security provided by the Brighamite membership. I have great respect and also admiration for anyone who is capable of conquering his personal freedom, breaking the chains imposed by year long indoctrination, after a complicated and painful process of introspective analysis. It does not require much insight or explanation to understand why acts as seemingly inconsequential as putting a cup of aromatic coffee in your mouth or wearing an "immodest" swimsuit in public can have an important meaning, even marking a stage of conquest. of individual freedom and self-affirmation. You ExMos who, with all certainty, are the majority of the subscribers of this remarkable channel, are people as brave as they are valuable. I hope to be welcomed in your community, even in my mexican NeverMo condition.
watch out john delin, sam is coming for your interview bag
This was such a beautiful interview. What is Cindy's channel called again?
Hi, it’s me! Here’s my channel! :) @c1ndyhoo
A link is in the video description
Dude....just....same. But Baptist, not Mormon. So much of your story mirrors mine. It was great to hear you say so many things that I am just, at 42, starting to unpack.
💙💙💙
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
NoVa/DMV represent! I try to be nice/neutral towards the missionaries I see.
maybe wrong time and place but I love your lace cardi thing
A style compliment is ALWAYS welcomed. Thank you ❤
How do i thumbs up 100x lmao
I loved listening and loved the story but I’m noticing visually it’s so distracting because there’s maybe a lot of jump cuts on it? I can’t tell if my brain is just tripping. It makes it hard for me to focus on her story. Hopefully that’s constructive criticism. Super important story happy to hear someone speak up.
Ah yeah, just our general UA-cam editing style!
I cant get with calling a 27 year old adult a child no matter the culture
This in the same country that charges black preteens and teenages as adults
We’re talking about mental development, not literal age as it pertains to crime. It’s well documented that trauma and groups like Mormonism in general can stunt normal development.
(Obviously very messed up to charge kids as adults, I don’t agree with that ever, personally.)
Arizona is such a deeply beautiful and healing place I’m so glad it could be there for you like it is for me 🩷