A Day in the Life of a Bereaved Mom | And A Special Delivery!
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- Thank you so much to Madeline Bailey for this amazing painting of my son. It means to world to me to have a painting of Braxton with his eyes open :)
@madelinebaileypaints
For this weeks video, I decided to give you a more personal look as to what it's like to be a mother of an angel. I understand that a lot of people will not understand why I do some of the things that I do, but they bring me comfort and it's my only option since my son is not here physically.
IG: Feli_urvana
Website: www.stillbraxtonsmama.com
Music by: Bensound.com
I hope you don’t think I’m being insensitive. But I think it would be PERFECT if you became a labor and delivery nurse (it may be very difficult so if you can’t, it’s totally understandable). But if you did, you could be the kind of nurse you needed when you lost sweet Braxton. I think you’re going to be an AMAZING nurse ❤️
An old work colleague lost her son at 41 weeks, she is now training to be a midwife. Who better to understand all your fears during labour than someone who has personally experienced them.
Ashley is on to something...How odd that you're taking nursing training...and you've experienced a tragedy which will eventually make you much stronger and wiser, even a better woman - in time. Yep, Ashley is on to something
No one is judging you, sweetheart... those of us that lost our babies can relate. Sending you love & peace ❤️
I haven’t lost a baby and I don’t think you’re crazy (like you said). What you have gone through is unimaginable. No one is judging you. ♥️
NO ONE on this earth has the right to judge a greaving mother. Do what feels right, no one will ever know what you feel in the inside.
You are such a wonderful mommy and will always be Braxton’s Mommy. making these type of videos help you in some way but it also helps other Mommies who have gone through the same thing I’m sure.
That painting is beautiful.💙
I came across your channel, I had to subscribe. I look forward to your journey ahead, I’m sure God has some special plans for you🌈😘❤️
Agreed ❤️
You can be grieving anyone and no one should judge. Grief is grief no matter the person you lost. God bless all of us who mourn any loss.🇨🇦🐩🦄🌹🏵🌸🌸
Not one thing you have described sounds weird. Everything makes sense given what you are experiencing and what you are going through. Do whatever you feel you need to do and don’t ever feel that anything is weird. Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing the details of how you are surviving. You are such a loving, beautiful, and inspiring mama. ❤️
Praying!
We lost twins while I was 6 months along.
You’re not weird! You’re trying to work through your loss. Hugs
I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm also a mom and could not imagine losing a child. I just read an article about a couple in England who lost their child to SIDS. They were gifted a "cuddle cot" so that they were able to spend an extra 10 days with their infant son before the funeral arrangements were made. I've never heard of it before but thought it was incredible. They were able to take him home and the whole family got to grieve on their own terms and in their own home. The family said that the cuddle cot helped them so much with their grief. I'm sure if you Google the story, you can find out more information and possibly pass this info onto hospitals and funeral homes to help families that have lost a child. Once again, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy.❤ The painting was beautiful!
I admire you, Felly. You warm my heart. 💙 I gave birth to my StillBorn daughter March 18, 2020.
At 7 months pregnant, I came across your channel and saw your StillBirth story. I had no clue or slight idea I was going to experience the exact thing you went through. I relate so much with you.
It’s not weird ! I did the same thing with my girls blanks from the hospital blankets I did that for about the first year. Do whatever feels right for you ! Nothing you ever do to honor and keep your baby’s memory alive is weird . I love all the little things you do!!! Don’t forget that ! You’re a strong mama!
So sorry for your loss of precious Braxton 🦋💙 prayers for you sweetheart
I've watched a couple of your videos, as I have just came across your story tonight. I have not lost a child but I do not think any thing that you did after losing your son is weird. I cried when I saw the picture with your son's eyes open. That is very special. Dont worry about your home too much let yourself go through the motions. If you need help, ask for it. I'm very, very sorry for your loss.
In my bed there is always a pillow case that has 5 baby blankets in it. The blankets represent the 5 babies I lost. 2 to 1st trimester miscarriage and 3 to 2nd trimester preterm labor. These blankets have been in my bed for 25 years. So no you are not crazy. You are a mom remembering your baby. Sending you love and remembering Braxton.
Remembering my angels
Baby1 3/31/94
Brian 10/9/94
Baby3 12/5/94
Matthew 8/8/95
Rita 4/25/1996 - 4/26/1996
Wow. Losing one baby is so hard and sounds unbearable to me but five... You are a strong person. I hope you found your happiness
@@bloodtypena Thank you for your kind words. It was the hardest time of my life. Before my losses I never considered myself that strong of a person but I think the only choice was to be strong. In 1997, by the grace of God and a lot of medical intervention I carried my son to term. He's in the light of my life. 💖
@@Kilaya02 you are stronger than you think
@@bloodtypena 😊💖
@@Kilaya02 you are strong and good mom. Sadly bad things happen to people and no one knows why. But it is not your fault. I wish you and your baby happiness and lots of good health
Mama it's not weird. You are a mother who loves her son...only you can know how huge that love is. So whatever you want to do that makes you feel good or comforted is perfect. 😘😘
No one thinks you are crazy. You are grieving and trying to find a way to have your son. If they don’t like it, then don’t watch it. You do whatever you need to do to process this hard time in your life. I wish I could take your pain away. Sending love and prayers to you and your family.
The painting is BEAUTIFUL!! ❤️
He’s Gorgeous!!!
And no you’re not crazy...
I used to hold my angel baby’s blanket and rock back and forth as if I was rocking him...
You are not crazy. I couldn’t imagine how you must feel. I am praying for you and your family.
This was what i needed to see... my son is an artist and i asked him to draw me a portrait of our angel baby, lost this month at 34 weeks. I was hoping it would give me a way to cope, and seeing yours reassures me i wasnt crazy to ask my son to do it.
I have never lost a child and I by no means of the word think you are crazy. I think you are crazy STRONG! You have gone through every mother’s absolute nightmare. I just discovered your channel and your strength is admirable. Stay strong Mama no one is every judging you nor would they have the right to
Hey mama, I never have lost a baby but my heart goes out to you. May god heal your hurting soul and remember Braxton is always watching over his momma. I cry with you every time i watch your videos.
your loss is unimaginable and your strength is unbelievable. ❤I think of you often. So very sorry for your loss
there's nothing wrong with the things you do. like how you put a diaper on his stuffed animal or would've liked to imagine him in his crib, its perfectly fine. you're handling this so well. you're so strong.
I pray that you find peace mama🙏🏻☹️. You got a beautiful angel watching over you👼🏻. God bless and lots of love to you❤️
Im so sorry for your loss, ive cried and felt you pain, i wished you didnt had to go through what you have gone through. I just want to hug you. You are strong, beautiful and you deserve to be a mom again and witch you will, i know you will.
You are such a sweetheart, don't ever apologize for a anything. I love that you have a diaper. You do whatever makes you feel better or whatever you have to do. I have several things on my night stand etc so I can remember. I feel your sad heart. Big hugs. You are always be Braxton's mommy
Omg you are sooooo strong. My heart is with you and your family. I wish I could hug you. I know I wouldn’t be able to function after such a loss.
Pray that God gives you strength....I am so sorry for your lost...
Im so sorry for your loss ,you have me in tears💙
I don’t even know how I came across your channel, but I want you to know that you have people lifting you up in prayer.. to give you strength and hope. I’m so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine. Please don’t think anyone is judging you, I remember before I got pregnant (I tried for so long) but I would hug a big teddy bear.. the maternal desire is so strong I understand you. I’ve never lost a child but I so honor your story and your journey with your beautiful baby boy. Braxton is with you always. Sending you love and hugs God Bless you.
You are doing very well, doing the videos, it’s great therapy. He is with you always❤️
Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes. I’m sorry about the loss of your son Braxton. ❤️
Your Braxton is so beautiful ❤️ I’m terribly sorry for your loss, it’s not fair. nothing you are doing is weird mama, I’ve watched your videos and I cry every time you talk about him. Sending lots of love.
I’m not a mom and just came across your channel. You’re such a sweet mama and so strong to be making these videos. It’s so good to talk about these things. My best wishes for you and your family
Aww Felly that portrait is just precious..I was in tears. Gob bless you
They sell bears that you can have his exact weight that might help or a reborn doll
I really think a reborn would help her..
It would make it worse you guys are dumb
Miss Soto there’s no dumb way to remember someone that you love. People are different and have different ways to help them through hard time. Be more respectful.
Can they make reborn babies with your baby face?that would be wonderful ♥️or maybe I'll be harder 😟
I think the more realistic the reborn the harder. Her bear seems fine
All your little daily routines are beautiful! Sending my love to you xx
Sending you love. I cannot begin to imagine what you’ve been through or what you’re going through. Just know that everything you’re doing is the right thing for you - laying his portrait in his crib - I love that you do that!
Girl I love how you're carrying on your baby's Legacy. I wish you and your family much happiness in the future. Also I think you are the sweetest thing.
Your So Amazing Thank You For Sharing Your Story with Us Braxton Is So Blessed To Have You For His Mommy
Braxton is a beautiful angel baby. He's very lucky to have you as a mama and there's no doubt that he is thankful for everything you have done and still continue do for him. You ARE lucky because you have an extra-extra special guardian angel to bless you for the rest of your life and beyond.
Found your channel and as someone who has never been a mom I say do whatever you need to do for yourself! If you’re not physically hurting someone then it shouldn’t bother anyone! You do what you need! Thanks for sharing the story of you and Braxton💙
Sending you so much love. I can see the hurt in your eyes and it just breaks my heart.
I have been there I get it don't worry if others don't understand do what you have to to grieve your son and keep him with you always .. I am praying for you
My heart goes out to you, and I really admire your strength.
Did you make the video explaining everything that happened after finding out and what caused Braxton to lose his heartbeat?💕
SIDS. It's natural for a baby to lose its heartbeat since it's so little the strain can be too much.
I think
He died inside her womb, though. At 40 weeks and 1 day. It was a stillbirth. They found out before labor or anything. Can that still be considered sids??
I believe she did.. not sure if she went into the ‘why’ it happened. Press on her little profile pic, and it leads to all her videos. I think there’s one titled Finding out.. or What happened. ❤️
P.S. She was 4 months pregnant already in this particular video. She just... chose not to tell us. We did the math.. she must of conceived literally within a few weeks after Braxton. In May, 2019.. it read Braxton would’ve been 8 months.. and she kinda blew us away when she told us she was 7months along! (It did for me at least!)
It sort of explained certain things.. for me. It meant that ever since her very FIRST video talking about Braxton.. she was already expecting.
I wouldn’t of been able to talk about it, especially only a few weeks after.. or month.. without breaking down hysterically. And I always noticed she still had a very positive side, even when talking about him. Plus she never looked ‘depressed ‘ and a mess.. had that healthy glow to her.
Maybe her decision so soon, actually is helping her. I just hope it was.. seeing she’ll have a (son I think) baby to take care of. I hope so much she’s not going to ... that it won’t REALLY set in.. the depression, ect.. and have a new baby to take care of. Both a joy.. but heartache..?? ❤️❤️❤️
I haven’t watched all her videos.. only a few. I wasn’t watching, until in my feed a week ago..?? ..few days..?? I saw a picture of him by this (hers) big pregnant belly! I saw it was her and clicked on it right away!
No, it wasn't SIDS; it was a stillbirth. She said they think it was an umbilical cord accident and that his amniotic fluid was critically low when he died, which makes them believe it was cord compression. It's actually not normal or common at all, but even one baby lost is too many. 1 in every 160 babies is stillborn, and 5% of those stillbirths are caused by umbilical cord accidents. Please do your research before you make assumptions; spreading false rumors about a child can be very hurtful to the mother. (I'm not saying you didn't mean well, though. Just please do your research before you try to educate others on something you know nothing about.) This story is so heartbreaking. Felly, if you or anyone in your family is reading this, I am so sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a child, but I am the same age as you and feel like I can relate to this in some ways. I am sorry for your loss. :( Braxton was such a cute, handsome, perfect little boy. He looks so cuddly and it makes me just want to hold him! I can tell you would have been a GREAT mom. Your son is so beautiful and so loved! He looks absolutely perfect. :)
Ya know, it’s the little things you don’t think of immediately. The fact that you didn’t get to see his eyes open, the color in his cheeks...things that most take for granted. I know this recreation isn’t EXACTLY the same, but what a beautiful gift! Very thoughtful lady!
Edit: Definitely no judgement for the things you’ve done that you viewed as weird. Nothing weird about any of that! It’s creative ways to be close to your son and all part of how you are learning to live in this new normal. You were robbed of being able to do that with your baby, I don’t think anyone can place any sort of judgment on that.
No judgment mama! You do what you have to do to get by the day! Stay Strong ❤️
Im so very sorry for your loss. What ever you need to do to help you do it. Dnt worry if it might be strange if it comforts you do it. I'm not in your shoes but I had lost my mom and I hug and hold her ashes when I am in need to. I hope one day you may find joy again. Go at ur own pace and its ok to have moments. Sending love your way
You know what...
You are the first Mommy I have followed, that has went through something like this...
I'm 29 and I've been with my husband since we were in high school (13 years together), and we have 3 kids...
So ofcourse every pregnancy I would get panic attacks that something horrible would happen, so then I'd search on google and come across videos of moms that have went through this, but I never keept watching and following their videos like I do yours.
I have no Idea why I just told you all of that...
But anyways I just came on here to say that You Are So Amazing!!!
You're Amazing for keeping going everyday.
You're Amazing for staying so strong.
You're Amazing for smiling again after such a tragic, traumatic loss in your life.
You're Amazing for staying strong with your partner "Braxton's Daddy" through all of this.
You're Amazing for staying such a sweet, nice person after you have suffered one of the worst kind of pain a human can ever suffer.
You're Amazing for helping other Mommy's try to get through what you went through and being their support.
There is so much more you're Amazing for, but there main reason I made this comment is because...
You're Amazing for keeping Braxton's room lit after such a tragic time.
You kept a little light where there was darkness. @2:35
And you let the light come in where there was darkness. @2:46
Braxton is so lucky to have You As His Mommy.
"I would not be as strong as you btw... I would never get out of bed again..."
OMG so I don't know if you read any of my comments but my daughter passed away shortly after she was born very unexpectedly due to neglect we complained that something was wrong for 18 hours and we were ignored we were just told that I was being paranoid that I hadn't had a baby in 6 years well my daughter died from the results of the hospital staff ignoring us and our family and friends anyway though I wrapped my daughter in this one blanket that I specially picked out for her and the whole time she was alive I had her in this blanket and after she passed away I slept with a blanket every night for months and months and months and after seeing this video I'm going to get her blanket out which is in my son's bedroom now who I'm pregnant with I have put some of her stuff in his room just to honor her through her brother I guess I don't know it's weird I can't explain it I might even use a blanket with him even though he is a boy and it's a very curly blanket I don't know like I said none of it makes sense until you go through it I don't know why I'm watching your videos it's a very bad trigger for me and it's screwed me all up emotionally and it's bring me back to that terrible day but for some reason it brings me peace because somebody else is going through the same pain I went through I don't know you know I would watch videos of people putting up that had lost her children specifically babies and my fiance would ask me why are you torturing yourself and he didn't understand but it made me feel a sense of closeness maybe with all these people by just watching your videos knowing that I wasn't the only one that was hurting from losing my child and I'm sorry if this none of this makes sense I talk text I'm driving to work right now but as I've mentioned must make all my comments I am pregnant right now again and my hormones are so up and down and watching your videos is tearing me up and I should be happy and ecstatic right now but it's not her and I don't want to take anything away from him today should be over-the-moon happy I'm terrified though I am terrified that I'm going to go through it again and I seriously can't go through that again I don't know if I'll pull through this time like I did and you know people are going to tell you that you're strong and blah blah blah honestly it pisses me off because I'm not strong I'm just living that's all you have to get up and go about your day and go to work and do this and do that doesn't make you strong how do they know that I'm not breaking down every second of the day I would sit at my desk after it happened cuz I went back to work a month after she passed because I couldn't stand being in the house anymore and I would just sit at my desk sometimes and just cry and cry and cry I couldn't handle going out to the stores because I couldn't handle seeing people with their babies because it would make me mad and I would get so angry thinking like why do they have their babies why can't I have mine especially to the mothers that drink and do drugs while they're pregnant that furiates me because like you mentioned in one of your videos they get to take their babies home but people like us don't and we had healthy pregnancies I mean I had the most perfect pregnancy nothing wrong my daughter weighed 9 lb healthy baby we did try suing the hospital but since the hospital never documented that we complained we literally had no case her pediatrician with my boss at the time even noticed that something was wrong but she didn't do anything hi went back to work with her a month later and she fired me for conflict of interest and she had a child that passed away also and I just couldn't fathom The Emptiness she had when she looked at me and said sorry it was just so cold I was obsessed of finding Justice for my daughter but then I became consumed with it and it was taking over my life when I just needed to grieve my daughter everybody Grieves in their own way nobody can tell you how to grieve there's no wrong way of doing it I never went to any bereavement classes for mothers or any of that and maybe I should have who knows I know that tons of people always tell me how well I'm doing because they compare me to other people they know that have lost children and I'm doing so well but I'm not I'm not at all I did go to a counselor he looked at me and said do you get up every day? I said yes. He says you're not on drugs, you don't sleep all day, you actually get up and go to work he said you're fine there's nothing wrong with you! that was the last time I ever seen a therapist for the death of my daughter I don't know I feel like I'm just rambling on and I probably am and I'm sorry if this none of this makes sense I hope you can piece it together like I said I talk text if you do read my messages I hope you reach out to me if not it's fine it's not a big deal I don't know how I could say I'm doing because every day is different but I can say this time does heal and I know I don't spend my days crying all day long we had her cremated because I wanted her with me at all times and I have her on my nightstand it was her birthday last week and I was just looking at her beautiful urn and I was sad because I was like there's my daughter sitting on my nightstand how sad is that I don't know you'll never probably throw his stuff away not throw it away I'm sorry or give it away or sell it you'll never do that keep it because you know what if you do have another baby and it's a boy you can cherish this new life that's it a whole new person but you can honor your son through him I'm naming my son Carson Jameson and we're going to call him CJ because my daughter's name was and is Charlie Jenae and we were going to call her CJ and yes I know this is a whole new person but I want to honor her and remember her a little bit and this is the way I'm doing it I don't know I do pray that you are able to have another child it will bring that life back to you that happiness back to you but you always want to remember your son and you'll never forget him
Not weird at all 💓 your so brave! You and your family will be in my prayers. Always remember that God is your strength and his power shows best in weakness. He will lift your head high and on days when you feel you can’t go on he WILL encourage you with his strength. 💜 I’m so sorry for your loss - despite this very very terrible and very unfortunate circumstance God can show greater good & he is using you & your story right now to help someone else.
WOW that painting is the sweetest things I’ve ever seen. ❤️❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss and thankyou for sharing you story. I feel extremly lucky, I was enduced because of blood pressure issues, I always thought it was a bad thing but maybe it wasnt after all. You should defenetley become a nurs if it was what you wanted, of course not right a way, maybe when some time passes and you feel ready. You would be a great nurs and hey you are a great mom first of all, you have so much love to give. I know you hate to hear that and nobody is going to give you back your son but life goes on and you have so much love and energy to give you will have other children and I'm sure one day you will be happy again.
Sweetie NOTHING is weird when you're grieving. Let yourself grieve YOUR way. There is no right or wrong way of grieving. I've had so many losses including a miscarriage and each one I grieve differently. I lost my mom Jan 15th this year and I've worn black since. People ask me about it and I got a t-shirt saying "I'm wearing black until they invent something darker" lol. They usually get the message and laugh with me after reading it. I will continue to wear black until I'm ready. I'm not ready she hasn't been gone a year yet. Her last earthly birthday was new years day 2019, and exactly 2 weeks later she was gone. My point just be you, don't think you're weird hun
You're fine. Love Caroline from Canada 🐩🦄🌹🏵💐🌸🇨🇦👍🤗😢
Felly, nothing that you do in regards to baby Braxton is wierd, if anyone dares say that to you they have no idea the pain a mother suffers from loosing her baby boy, sending so much love and positive vibes your way darling. Much love💙
I'm so sorry 💔💔💔💔💔💔 I can't say sorry enough . I can't imagine ... I cried over two of your videos .. and my heart truly hurts for you guys baby Braxton was and still is so loved by you . Your such a kind soul
Whatever you need to do to cope and find some peace you do it! You’re no weird at all. God bless your heart! I’m so sorry.
You’re not crazy. You need to do whatever makes you feel better ❤️
I'm struggling at the moment to collect myself out of hysterics because I am missing My Baby Moses emensley. I recieved a picture from my sister with all three of us in it and...here I am. I've only had a picture of his hands by his urn because it's been to hard to get them developed. I am so thankful to have it. I am trying so hard to navigate as best I can but it feels like Ive lost such a big part of me. We are approaching his fifth month Angelversary. My sweet baby boy, mommy loves you for always Moses Xavier. xoxo
I just found your channel, i just want to give you the biggest hug. You are so sweet and you will make an awesome nurse and help so many people on your journey through life. 😘 Omg the painting is so beautiful, Madelyn is so talented. Wow
I was crying I am so sorry for your loss I feel so bad he is a beautiful baby 😀
Hi Mama, I hope you're doing well. I am sending so, so much love and healing energy your way.
I was thinking, if you scanned that gorgeous painting of Braxton, maybe you could have it printed onto a pillowcase? That way you'd have something you could cuddle without having to worry about damaging it.
No it’s not . I’ve lost three babies first one over 30 years ago and I still wonder what it would be like if they had lived. And I still find my self picking up something and hugging it when I think of them. It’s normal.
The diaper story made me cry 😭 I'm Soo sorry!!! I would have done the same thing. Nothing in this video that you did or do is crazy!!! Don't ever think that!!!
If anyone judges you, there are judging their own securities. You are strong and amazing.
Gosh your so strong , my little cousin passed away the same day he was supposed to be born in the morning, . I remember that whole day because I was in the delivery room when they told us there was no more heart beat , I pray as the months go by you gain a beautiful smile back
My daughters were born August 16, 2018 and passed away August 22, 2018 (Kamela & Elizabeth). My life will NEVER be the same. I sleep with their blanket and rhinos every night. Molly bears is an organization that makes bears the weight of your child the waiting list is about 6 months but I just verified my order and hopefully will be here soon. I haven’t been able to hold anything the weight of my girls and I believe it will be extremely therapeutic for me to hold that again. I will pray for Braxton and your family when I pray for my girls. No mom should ever endure the pain of losing a child and for me I can barely get through most days but I’m still here fighting. Your videos have helped me realized that I am not alone and my feelings are normal. Thank you for that.
I am litually crying my eyes out 😭😭😭
Oh, my goodness, I am sooo sorry for the loss of your son! Please don't think that any way that you grieve is weird or strange. The things you do are almost as form of "natural" Cognitive Behavior Therapy and they sound healthy. You are a beautiful Mom! Hugs!
I totally understand everything you done like the picture the diaper everything makes so much sense to me..I lost a baby in 2005 Jan 13 the and the pain and tears never go away but time makes it a tiny bit easier to breathe each day . Times makes remembering the details just a tiny bit easier.. I was so angry that out of all my family sisters and cousins being pregnant at the same time only I lost my baby and to see those kids today hurts my heart still but talking about it helps so much ..I couldn't talk to or see anyone not even my parents but the support our husbands give makes all the difference..I'm going to pray that your heart heals 💜
Also something that might help is making a scrap book if you haven’t already. A lovely place to celebrate his short life and your pregnancy.
The rituals you do for yourself are great 💪🏻
You're not weird or crazy, love. You're coping the best way you can. Do what you need to do and feel what you need to feel. It's you're right as a mom and a human being with a broken heart. Take care
I’m a new foster mom with four grown sons of our own. My foster baby just turned two months and she’s beautiful and truly a gift. Although temporary, I’m loving every moment I spend with her. After watching your videos, I held her and prayed for her and told her how much she is loved.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. I’m so sorry for your loss. God bless you. Stay strong and be Blessed.
laura castillo I know this is unrelated but thank you so much for being a foster parent. It’s so important that every child has a safe stable place to be loved even if for whatever reason they weren’t born into one.
Nothing you say, or did, or do is weird. It is beautiful and healing and allowing you to live through your loss, while honouring your beautiful beloved baby.
12:17 thats the cutest drawing of Braxton I’ve ever seen 😍
Hello, I don't have any kids never lost one ( thank goodness) and I didn't think not for a second any of it was weird. You are doing the best you can to deal with the tragedy.....HUGS
Felly - I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our baby girl Isabella on January 27th this year. As I approach her 3 months of birth I have so many sleepless nights thinking about my baby. I came across your channel tonight and I’m so grateful. I’m in tears hearing your story. We had a memorial for her at the hospital chapel and I took her back to hold her after the memorial was over cause I couldn’t let her go. For weeks I felt like my family or friends must’ve thought I was insane for doing that. I too sleep with what would’ve been her first stuffed animal (a bunny that is almost her size when she was stillborn). It’s so comforting to know that I’m not crazy, I’m just grieving. A lot of times doing certain things don’t feel normal, but then I remember that nothing about losing our child is normal. Sometimes I hold her bunny and close my eyes imagining it is her and breastfeed or wrap the bunny in a swaddle blanket. I miss her so much. Thank you for sharing both the pamper story and the stroller story. Also your other videos are so helpful. So much sadness, but also so much hope for getting through this. Every thought you have shared I understand. Only a mother that has lost her child would understand these things. As much as I wish neither of us had to go thru this unbearable pain, it’s comforting to know that you understand and I am not alone in my loss. From the bottom of my heart thanks for sharing so many parts of your story and about Braxton. He was a beautiful baby boy and both of your babies are very lucky to have you as their mama. Congratulations on your 2nd baby, Briza, also beautiful!
Every day is different. My son will be turning 1 yr old in a few weeks and I don’t know what to expect I have a lot of anxiety. 03/03/18 💙👼😭
Didyou ever make a follow up video? Your labor story?
Thank you so much for sharing. I watch your videos and can relate to how you are feeling and they make me not feel so alone. My son was stillborn on Oct 17, 2018.
I'm dealing with this pain now. I understand everything you're doing to cope. 💔
Praying for you sweetie the pain is real I see it in your eyes .Sending love 💖
I can't stop crying!!!!!!!
🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈Do what you need to that makes you feel like he is still by your side........ Because trust me he is. He is there with you in every moment of your life.
i’m a apprentice funeral director and honestly i think more hospitals need to have cuddle cots as options and encourage parents of stillborn babies to use them so they get to experience changing diapers and get to spend a little more time with their babies.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
You are very beautiful! Your angel is in the best place - with God!❤️ Prayers!
My heart aches greatly for you💔. I have 2 grown sons, one is healthy and normal; however, my youngest had a life threatening rough start from his very beginning. Much like you, at 32 weeks of my second pregnancy, I noticed a drastic change in my son’s movements in utero. I ended up in the ER at the request of my OB/GYN to have a non stress test. My son developed heart stress for unknown reasons and had to come out immediately. My husband was at work; although, showed up quickly. As soon as our son was born, he was air lifted via helicopter to a trauma NICU hospital, many miles away from me. Long story short, he did survive; however, has had many health issues since. He has kidney disease, multiple other uncommon issues and had to have a large brain tumor removed recently, still has a second smaller tumor. It was a real emotional and physical struggle; especially, since we couldn’t bring him home for “many” months after giving birth. I had to have an emergency C-Section and returned home “empty handed”. I couldn’t handle the stares from neighbors, the eggshells with friends, and all the questions from family, so we stayed extremely secluded. We still currently have ongoing health struggles with him, but I do thank God everyday for giving him to us. Your grief is undeniably the hardest grief for any parent to endure, “nobody” has the right to judge your path, ever! What you refer to as “weird” is far from weird; in fact, can only be best described as the “hardest/cruelest” pain any mother would feel with such loss😥. There are tons of “how to’s” on pregnancy, parenting, nurseries, etc, but there is no guideline at all for this kind of loss. It’s individual, gut wrenching and I have no doubt that the pain of such loss will stay with you forever. I’m not sure “why” some have babies so easily no matter how unhealthy they are and/or was during pregnancy while others who follow every perfect healthy path don’t? I saw your previous update video and I noticed that you didn’t share the full events of that tragic day? Just an fyi, had my OB/GYN not sent me immediately to the ER when he did, we would’ve lost our son too and that was at 32 weeks gestation. I question your dr’s decision not to induce after 40 weeks? Maybe that’s why you haven’t posted anything additional about “that” day? I can’t even begin to know your pain; although, I feel I can relate in a very small way given what happened during my second son’s birth. He was severely premature, was on full life support(respirator and ventilator), and very sick with 50/50 odds of survival. Although we’ve never met, I will keep you, Braxton and family in my thoughts and prayers🙏. Also, I too believe in the spirit of hummingbirds. I actually have a hummingbird tattoo on my back shoulder and have “no doubt” that your hummingbird visitors are Braxton letting you know that he’s still with you and always will be. I’m not sure how to close this, nothing sounds appropriate... All I can say is how sorry I am for your great loss, I truly wish you and your family peace and healing, and that your story will forever leave a special spot on my heart
Hi Felly, my son's name is Leo Vincent and was born sleeping january 29, 2018 (39 weeks and 2 days). I just found your videos and it gives me flashbacks to those beginning months. I wanted to let you know how proud I am of you. I know that sounds silly cause we never meet but I know the fight to keep your baby's memory alive and to live for not only yourself but your son as well. Stillbirth is such a taboo subject that no one wants to talk about and that the problem. Stillbirth rates in the US have not changed in decades and it's at such a high rate. I am part of an organization called star legacy foundation which is specific to stillbirth. We have five pillars education, awareness, adovacy, support, and research. I know there are two in chapters in CA, if you're interested. Being apart of this group makes me feel closer to Leo and like he did die for nothing. Maybe we can help someone else's baby live. I have an anonymous instagram, meaning my friends and family dont know i have it but it's called brokenmammahealing. I feel like if I write what is truly on my mind on my personal account people who knew be before this would become annoyed, they didnt sign up to hear my rant and preach about stillbirths. Although I still post about it on my personal accounts, I know the people who follow my anonymous account are there to listen and follow my journey as a lost mom. Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers. Feel free to reach out to me, I would love to hear more about your story and I like to share mine. Just know Braxton has a friend with him, my son Leo.
Thank you so much ♥️I have heard about Star Legacy and never knew that I could actually join and make a difference myself, I would absolutely love that. I know exactly how you feel about people that knew the “you” before your loss And being afraid of their reactions when we share about stillbirth. Sometimes I wonder if people think or say, “omg, here she goes again” or “it’s been months and she’s still not over it” - but that is My life after stillbirth. Thank you again for sharing and I’m so sorry about your loss
Honey nothing is weird at all its part of grieving. From one mother who lost my baby. I hope in time you find some sort of peace and healing.
That is so sweet. And a awesome thing to do! That is such a cool idea. I'm so glad it made you smile and see you smile a little bit. I hope time heals. It has for me. I know.what it's like. It sucks. I hated seeing babys at the store or where ever , it would make me so upset and mad. But I get it. I totally understand.
I have to say my dear everything you are doing is not weird in any way. It's the natural progression of grieving. Don't worry about the stuff you hang on to, what you want to keep. That's entirely up to you, how each person deals with grief is different. You are doing perfectly fine. My husband and I had six miscarriages. Even though we went through adoption and have a beautiful son we adopted who is now 16 years old. We still think about the ones we lost. It will always be there, but you somehow learn to carry on so to speak. I will never tell you it's easy, I would lying. You just have to figure out how You need to cope. That takes time, and yes there will be some people, family, friends, that think you should be better now. Don't listen to them, listen to your own heart, mind, body, and soul. That being said seek professional help if need be. I did, I went to a psychologist. Had to for my oun self preservation. Your going to be ok, you got this. Braxton will always be your firstborn son, and you guys are his parents. Look for the little signs of him around you. He knows you are worried about him I am sure he wants you to know he is safe, happy, and he wants you guys to be happy again..
If you like puzzles, I suggest the Disney stained glass ones. I love them.
Hugs ♥️
Sending you love 💜🌹 you are an amazing woman and you are going to be a wonderful Nurse
Nothing you did honey is crazy I lost a baby but In a different way I stumbled across ur videos and and it really brings me hope that I will have a rainbow baby. It it’s been 4 years for me and I was only 5 months along it hurts n it’s hard but I admire you I really do love u
Sunshine.. stop saying things that helped you and continue to ease the pain are weird. We love you and Brax. Always.
Going through grief made me unable to care about housework or laundry or cooking or anything for quite some time. It’s ok love. The painting is beautiful.
Nothing is weird I also lost my son sep 1 2015 he was born sleeping also and the things you did I did..💙 everyday is a different mood! I understand you
Recently I have found your videos by randomly getting a video of your on my suggestions. That day I watched a few of your videos. Now I watch your videos when I’m really down because if you can do it, i can do it. As I was watching this video today you flipped to my birthday on your calendar. Little things like that give me hope.
Sweet heart u r not crazy u r just a grieving mother who loves her rainbow baby boy again so sorry for your loss good luck in nursing exam let us know how it goes xxxxx