Thanks David, once you've fallen for a member of the *cluster B Club* your view on relationships and people will change forever. I'll never be this naive again 😢 As a young man of 25 I will make it part of my life mission to educate young men and women of the dangers of personality disorders.
Even if you know about them... you will have an awakening and realize that it's most people that have cluster b personality disorders... it's demonic possession. You will not be able to avoid it. If you find a girl that doesn't have one... I'm not sure I've ever met one in my life! hundreds of my guy friends only dated them as well... good luck! A lot of them can hide it for 10 to 20 years- at least narcissists!!! Borderlines are way worse than narcissists by the way!!! If a girl has more than one tatoo or wants tatoos- run! If a girl ever dated a guy for a couple years and then dated somebody within a few months after that- instantly run! If a girl has an ex husband who didnt cheat on her- run! If a girl has blue green etc colored hair- run! Even the ones who don't leave a guy for many years are cheating on them!!!!almost every girl on my fb friend's list in a 15 or 20 year or more relationship has been cheating even! Stay as far as you can away from sjws!!! If a girl is into crystals or tarot cards or magic- run! I think there are a lot of narcissists in churches- yet my friends in successful seeming marriages are basically mostly only christians!! Whether that attracts good people or if the rules keep them in line, I couldn't tell you for sure. But it's the only thing I can say seems to last that I know of! A large percentage of my friends have made it to about 10 years of marriage. Seems to be around the time they do a discard. I myself also had a discard of 10 years with a covert narc. I have had 2 2 year and one one year relationships with bpds! 2 of which wound up actually getting diagnoses with bpd clinically other than my diagnosis!!! Also. Yes- you can diagnose personality disorders easily if you study it!!! If somebody tells you you cannot diagnose people without being a therapist- they're full of it!!- as you can learn more about it than most therapists will learn at school quite easily! Therapists are only normal people who went to school for something... they are not special people with superpowers, and aren't gonna get much training on personality disorders at all! Maybe not more than one day. So if you get burned by one of them and watch videos for years you will be much more of an expert on it than most therapists. Therapists also cannot usually help you heal from narc abuse- keep that in mind as well. Be careful as there isn't much help out there. UA-camrs probably have the best chance of helping you NOT a psychologist and certainly not a doctor or a psychiatrist! Keep that in mind, as when a narc or bpd breaks your brain, you may find nobody is able to help you at all and it can take many years to gradually recover from a trauma bond! It's not an addiction- quitting smoking doesn't take YEARS to feel better... it's much worse than an addiction!! Seems about the typical max length of time a bpd can have a long term relationship from what I've seen is a couple years. Covert narcs can go many years... and they will also seem to have a lot of one or 2 month relationships too... often back to back to back overt narcs- gold digger girls etc- can last a long time too if their partner is also a narc! If he has money. But they will cheat on them too. I've had relationships with many girls who turned out to be narcs cheating on their rich "alpha type" dbag guys- the ones who don't show emotions etc. If you are kinda rock and roll and interesting and well traveled all those guys who think they are alphas girls will sleep with you! Also... guys who call themselves alpha are overt narcissists. So if any girl you met ever dated one of them- run! These are some ground rules!!! Almost the only girls I have ever met that have had a long term relationship that lasted decades that I've never heard any cheating stories about is Christian! Keep that in mind too Also, realize that knowing about cluster bs will not save you from dating them! It at most stops you from staying with them long. As the more you know they less they will be able to decieve you and the faster they will dump you! They'll probably still leave you first even when you're educated because you will push them away fast catching them in lies or setting any boundaries!! That's some wisdom right there to take in. Also, no, you do NOT attract bpds and npds because of a failure in yourself or codependency etc. Most girls if not all that you meet will be cluster b. They will be attracted to you if you are good with girls have confidence and are interesting etc period. They are not spotting your weakness and going for you- they like confidence and what makes you stand out as would any girl. Also, codependency is NORMAL not something wrong with you. Read the Bible. It is how we are MEANT to be. Even if you don't believe in it, seems weird a huge religion requires you to help others and even love your enemies etc if it was a problem with you- it is not. Helping other people is the key to life. There is nothing you can do to not attract them. But the more you learn or heal the more you will trigger their defence mechanisms quicker and the shorter your relationships will probably be! That's all. Keep that in mind as well... It's more of a spiritual weakening learning the knowledge of the nature of good and evil and the universe than psychological to learn about these things!!! Because when you really wake up to reality and realize the masses are at the very least saturated with them... you'll see. The percentage of people having these disorders is massively underreported. Also, every girl I dated that had bpd told me things you'd think demons would say, and all of them also talked about being taken over, feeling voices like thoughts outside of themselves think they are worthless or deserve to suffer... one told me she wants to drag everyone into the blackhole with her to feel her pain! Another bpd I dated used to get stuck on balconies for hours feeling voices telling her she needs to do sonething to herself... I'm quite sure it's demonic possession after all I've been through. Another one turned to me and said "you mean nothing to me at all!" With a smile on her face then 10 minutes later was all omg we look like such a good couple and wanted to kiss me, then later in the night smiled and said "im gonna fk one of your friends because I think it's the worst way I could possibly hurt you!!!" Bpds are demon possessed! Be scared as all heck of them. They will claim to have empathy and "do too much" for others and "feel people's emotions" (thats not what empathy is! You cannot feel other people's emotions...), and they will do the bare minimum for anyone and then one day act like they need to protect themselves by only being selfish af... they are so dangerous. Never believe a word they say to you! They do not actually have empathy period And you cannot help them. I've tried. I even met one in therapy for 12 years and she STILL HAD ZERO EMPATHY but was told she had no more symptoms of bpd. She divulged how her brain works to me. They are scary and selfish and care about nobody at all. My ex from hs was bpd and in treatment for 20 years and is still just as much a cheater and selfish psycho as she ever was and left 3 husband's at this point. Therapy will NOT cure them. It's total nonsense. Just helps them feel better for themselves and will help them wind up tricking people more often.. it will not make them dateable or trustworthy in any way! A bpd that has decades of therapy will still lie and cheat and split people- just maybe less often. But when they split... all the therapy instantly goes out the window no matter how much they got. When a bpd splits... they instantly do not care about anything they ever learned or worked on and will be glad to be selfish and nothing you say to them will mean a thing to them! No matter how much therapy they've had. That is because bpds DO NOT HAVE EMPATHY PERIOD. They can only learn how to act like they do. That's it!
I just want to tank you a million times David. The way you explain these things makes everything very comprehensive and clear for me to understand. It's clear and concise and you don't find them excuses all the times like many other people do. I got a new therapist for my PTSD a month ago because of you. Writing therapy. I'm way better at writing (in my native languages, would it be French or German) than I am at talking. So many thank to you.
@@DeMarsCoachingYes it's what I've understood. It won't be pleasant to revisit these events in detail, but I have to do something. I put this aside for way too long and I want to be free and eventually, make peace with all of this. I know it won't disapear but that's not my goal. I just want the means to process these events normally. I would compare my situation as if it's a sheild that I put up so many times and for so long, that I can't put it down again. If it's the only way, then so be it. Thank you.
Gosh you are reading through my life for one year with my ex gf. Rollercoaster seems to be more stable than our volatile relationship. And that emotional blackmailing was spot on. Thx a lot for you awesome content.❤❤
Healing family from California!! Hi David! Of course I knew someone, my ex fiancé as u remember. Killed me and my two little ones from the inside out and slowly healing. The weird/odd list of things he would do and say in never ending. I’ve shared a lot here with David and will continue sharing. He would play it off with “just kidding”. I’m learning so much, this will never happen to me again! Thank u David for being the first one in my healing journey!! I will never stop saying this soo ppl will know wat u do for this world! U r luved David!!!!!! ❤️
Back in 2004, I did an online search to try to figure out what my wife's dysfunction was. I knew something was off but could not define it. After a few searches/quizzes, I determined my wife was borderline or Narcissistic. She was never grandiose (I'm better than everyone around me). That was my dad. She was always the victim and everyone always wanted to make her less-than. She only checked half the boxes for borderline, specifically, no desire for self-harm. She was high on the scale of fear of abandonment. She always claimed I would eventually leave or that I never cared. I gave up trying to figure it out and just decided to adapt. 3 years ago, I stumbled onto the term Covert Narcissist. Suddenly, it all made sense. The perpetual victimhood, monopolizing my time, never satisfied, no one recognized her value.... The black and white thinking was the most prominent feature of borderline. I remember saying, I'm either your hero or a monster, nothing in between. I couldn't handle the swinging back and forth between being a devil and angel, being the best and worst thing to ever happen to her with only a few hours between the 2 views. I was consistent and supportive but I could never do enough to prove it. She always the victim because everyone always suppressed her as a threat. Never mind the fact that she was the most vindictive and spiteful person I ever knew. When she saw someone as an enemy, she would work tirelessly to make them regret it. After 26 years with her, I had to walk away. Breaking that trauma bond was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. I had to dig below all the layers of her conditioning and unseat her from the throne she put herself on in my life. I suspect she had borderline and Narcissistic comorbidity but even if she was only one or the other, I cannot express how toxic the relationship was. I appreciate your video on this subject. Many others are going through what I already have. They need to know they are not alone and, more importantly, where that road leads.
So glad you walked away from her. My dad stayed with my borderline/covert narc mother and we could see him become a shadow. Her disorder is not just eating her own life but everybody elses too. My father passed away some years ago and I just wish he would have left and enjoyed his life instead of staying with her. Be proud of yourself! I salute you Sir! 🎉
Yes all of that, angry, angry eyes, wants to be the best, but doesn't say that, but it works, at work he has got himself to a position where they ask for he's advice, the boss loves him and he can do what he wants basically, from being on the lower ranks he has made he's own job , but they don't know him
I can't figure out what was my marriage til now? What sort of p.dysorder? Beatifull women , inteligent educated. On spot everything. Modest quiet- but under it passive aggressive. Never open aggressive. Sometimes impulsivity not proportional to situation ; you use her hair brush by accident and she can be triggered to the level like you see demon. Than after while she was concentrating on negative things from past. It could be small thing( like you where late to pick her up 7 years ago from train station). Or she was checking my girlfriends from my bachelor times 😵💫She couldn't go over it. Another one was: no willingness to solve problems. For example: when there was problem or discuss something or to make decisions(decision to buy another house for example..)or do some investment, she didn't sit with you and talk. It was like " do what you want , but I don't care" ( strange).... Also...the way she left marriage was unusual. Just from one day to another. Like literally you close doors and not coming back. No explanation no conversation no emotions no real reasons or serious problems. And she dissappeared for almost 3 years. All I heard( in 1 email only..) was: "I got enough controlling you and living in fear"( ....what the...h..ll?🤔🫥??). My impression and feeling from all situation was like : she was just bored, or she decided I'm not matching her standards or requirements " ....But the way it happend ... Just from one day to another. Shocking.. I was emotionally very involved in relationship. Can't understand sutch people mindset.
I think they're possessed by demons. So sorry you went through that. Bpds are pure evil and will hurt you so bad and give you brain damage worse than any physical abuse could ever do to you. Sorry you married one of them. They're pure hell One interesting thing though is if this was a f f relationship.. well there are reasons to believe most people like that are bpd as bpd is an identity disorder... they are not actually gay they just latch onto any group think they encounter, and I'd imagine most people in that community have bpd. Most if not all sjws have it for sure. That's a dangerous group to date in
Hello! David. Thanking You! for your video. It is really good how you explain in an understanding yet precise way. All sounds familiar especially "their blackmailing & threatening to take their own lives. Really good recommendations! "The Bat Wolf." 👍 Hope all is well your way and that your evening is a pleasant one. Take care!! ❤
thanks for this. I had a classic narcissist seven years ago and she about destroyed me. It took me two years to get over. I finally found someone new recently. I saw some narcissictic features but not like the other girl. I told her I thought she was NPD and tried to break up with her. She cried her way back in so I convinced myself she was not a narcissistic personality disorder since she was able to genuinely cry. I let her fully into my life; she even moved in. Then, after love bombing and the usual intensely sexual relationship was going along seemingly fine; I had to leave the country for about ten days. Without any warning at all, she moved out completely only three days after I left. I was completely shocked. I began reading more and realized she is BPD. I was raised by a classic BPD mother and my childhood and entire life has always been caring for others. So I guess I am attracted to these people? They seem to see it in me as well--like they are animals that can smell it in you! She sent me terriblly mean and evil texts with many lies and exaggerations of truth to justify her actions--all was my fault. It has been a difficult month but with your help and AI and a therapist I am getting over it. She has maintained no contact at all and I am doing the same but it is a struggle to do so each night. I miss her very much but who is so cruel that they just leave like that after love love loving you? I think she has overlap as you talk about here. Constantly looking at herself on her phone. Selfies selfies selfies. So glad to know that I was not too far off in the beginning. I should have thought of BPD and ran like hell. However, I had no intimacy for seven years since the first disaster and now, drinking from the firehose of sex; willful blindness made me ignore the looming disaster #2. I will continue watching your channel. It is helping me as long as chatGPT believe it or not. Thank you again
Studies range on codiagonisis of 13percent to 40 percent depending on the study you are reading. Secondly i believe that BPD are commonly misdiagnosed of having NPD because BPD can exhibit NPD tendencies but they are not inherited NPD Personalities and alot of practitioners do not fully understand these differences yet . As when someone is BPD with NPD tendencies those qualities are usually a symptom to their BPD and can be rewired once impulsiveness is more managed making NPD tendencies go down and are less likely to exist after the BPD treats those impulsiveness as most BPD are victims to NPD abuse in upbringing and are survivors of that abuse. Actually throughout upbringing BPD are likely to mirror or exhibit NPD qualities as defense mechanisms and have impulsiveness that can come off as NPD but once treating their BPD which 80 percent succeed and go into remission shows that this becomes not even as issue . Being legitimateNPD means you are really not likely to get help and dont see anything wrong whereas BPD arguably are most likely to get help, NPD use empathy as form of manipulation, BPD typically do not . I actually believe that NPD tendencies are being misdiagnosed as being NPD when the tendencies are a symptom to the BPD and thats a huge problem in our current society that needs to be reevaluated.
I also believe it is premature to be diagonising as a practitioner a BPD a NPD right away and it is wrong to do so. I truly believe that it would take 26 to 52 weeks of evaluation in a setting like DBT to figure out how much is impulsivity versus how much is legitimate NPD . If there is no improvement of those tendencies or dont feel empathy to these impulsivity or see anything wrong perhaps then they are NPD but how can you know a BPD is NPD when we know BPD is a self defense impulsivity and regulation issue that can come off as self centered till they are learning the skills etc to manage so. So in my opinion this is how misdiagnosed happens because practitioners are not taking the proper time to be evaluating these differences amongst a patients treatment.
80% of success in treating BPD is a bit high. Unless there's a therapy that I don't know about. I was told that the current therapy is more like between from 25 to 40% of success. Both NPD and BPD have common traits and both are caused by neglect during childhood. So is sociopathy. And yes any serious diagnostic need time to be accurate, as most diagnostic. However, psychiatrists doubt these disorders are curable. It's more likely that the person learn to be self aware of their behaviour and learn to control their symptoms better. It takes years of therapy to get some results and since it takes so long, most give up before any real results can be observed. That's what a good friend of mine who is a reputable psychiatrist told me when I asked him about it. They know the difference between NPD and BPD and any serious psychiatrist won't suggest any kind of therapy or treatment if they don't have a certitude on what the diagnostic is.
@SurnaturalM Two landmark studies, the Collaborative Longitudinal Personality Disorders Study (CLPS) and the McLean Study of Adult Development (MSAD) reported diagnostic remission in 85% to 93% of BPD subjects over a 10-year follow-up period (Gunderson et al., 2011; Zanarini, Frankenburg, Reich, & Fitzmaurice, 2010a). A recent prospective study of suicidal behavior in BPD found diagnostic remission in 69% of subjects, followed for 10 or more years. it was found that 85% of borderline patients achieved a remission lasting 12 months or more is about most studies im reading. Remission is "treatable" . Typically DBT is used for BPD. It takes 26 to 52 weeks to properly go through a module properly.
Hello David. I have a quick question. Do NPD/BPD......have any regrets on how they self sabotage everything good for them?)..Thank you.. much love from Pittsburgh Pennsylvania..❤...
Thank you for this. I feel like I understand him so much more, I’ve reached acceptance but the grief will probably always be here. Especially when there’s a small child involved❤️🩹😢 it’s a sad situation for everyone, especially the person with these disorders.
Thanks David, once you've fallen for a member of the *cluster B Club* your view on relationships and people will change forever. I'll never be this naive again 😢 As a young man of 25 I will make it part of my life mission to educate young men and women of the dangers of personality disorders.
Absolutely. You are fortunate to have discovered this at such a young age. It will serve you well.
Even if you know about them... you will have an awakening and realize that it's most people that have cluster b personality disorders... it's demonic possession. You will not be able to avoid it. If you find a girl that doesn't have one... I'm not sure I've ever met one in my life! hundreds of my guy friends only dated them as well... good luck! A lot of them can hide it for 10 to 20 years- at least narcissists!!! Borderlines are way worse than narcissists by the way!!! If a girl has more than one tatoo or wants tatoos- run! If a girl ever dated a guy for a couple years and then dated somebody within a few months after that- instantly run! If a girl has an ex husband who didnt cheat on her- run! If a girl has blue green etc colored hair- run! Even the ones who don't leave a guy for many years are cheating on them!!!!almost every girl on my fb friend's list in a 15 or 20 year or more relationship has been cheating even! Stay as far as you can away from sjws!!! If a girl is into crystals or tarot cards or magic- run! I think there are a lot of narcissists in churches- yet my friends in successful seeming marriages are basically mostly only christians!! Whether that attracts good people or if the rules keep them in line, I couldn't tell you for sure. But it's the only thing I can say seems to last that I know of!
A large percentage of my friends have made it to about 10 years of marriage. Seems to be around the time they do a discard. I myself also had a discard of 10 years with a covert narc. I have had 2 2 year and one one year relationships with bpds! 2 of which wound up actually getting diagnoses with bpd clinically other than my diagnosis!!! Also. Yes- you can diagnose personality disorders easily if you study it!!! If somebody tells you you cannot diagnose people without being a therapist- they're full of it!!- as you can learn more about it than most therapists will learn at school quite easily! Therapists are only normal people who went to school for something... they are not special people with superpowers, and aren't gonna get much training on personality disorders at all! Maybe not more than one day. So if you get burned by one of them and watch videos for years you will be much more of an expert on it than most therapists. Therapists also cannot usually help you heal from narc abuse- keep that in mind as well. Be careful as there isn't much help out there. UA-camrs probably have the best chance of helping you NOT a psychologist and certainly not a doctor or a psychiatrist! Keep that in mind, as when a narc or bpd breaks your brain, you may find nobody is able to help you at all and it can take many years to gradually recover from a trauma bond! It's not an addiction- quitting smoking doesn't take YEARS to feel better... it's much worse than an addiction!!
Seems about the typical max length of time a bpd can have a long term relationship from what I've seen is a couple years. Covert narcs can go many years... and they will also seem to have a lot of one or 2 month relationships too... often back to back to back
overt narcs- gold digger girls etc- can last a long time too if their partner is also a narc! If he has money. But they will cheat on them too. I've had relationships with many girls who turned out to be narcs cheating on their rich "alpha type" dbag guys- the ones who don't show emotions etc. If you are kinda rock and roll and interesting and well traveled all those guys who think they are alphas girls will sleep with you! Also... guys who call themselves alpha are overt narcissists. So if any girl you met ever dated one of them- run!
These are some ground rules!!!
Almost the only girls I have ever met that have had a long term relationship that lasted decades that I've never heard any cheating stories about is Christian! Keep that in mind too
Also, realize that knowing about cluster bs will not save you from dating them! It at most stops you from staying with them long. As the more you know they less they will be able to decieve you and the faster they will dump you! They'll probably still leave you first even when you're educated because you will push them away fast catching them in lies or setting any boundaries!!
That's some wisdom right there to take in.
Also, no, you do NOT attract bpds and npds because of a failure in yourself or codependency etc. Most girls if not all that you meet will be cluster b. They will be attracted to you if you are good with girls have confidence and are interesting etc period. They are not spotting your weakness and going for you- they like confidence and what makes you stand out as would any girl.
Also, codependency is NORMAL not something wrong with you. Read the Bible. It is how we are MEANT to be. Even if you don't believe in it, seems weird a huge religion requires you to help others and even love your enemies etc if it was a problem with you- it is not. Helping other people is the key to life.
There is nothing you can do to not attract them. But the more you learn or heal the more you will trigger their defence mechanisms quicker and the shorter your relationships will probably be! That's all. Keep that in mind as well...
It's more of a spiritual weakening learning the knowledge of the nature of good and evil and the universe than psychological to learn about these things!!! Because when you really wake up to reality and realize the masses are at the very least saturated with them... you'll see. The percentage of people having these disorders is massively underreported. Also, every girl I dated that had bpd told me things you'd think demons would say, and all of them also talked about being taken over, feeling voices like thoughts outside of themselves think they are worthless or deserve to suffer... one told me she wants to drag everyone into the blackhole with her to feel her pain! Another bpd I dated used to get stuck on balconies for hours feeling voices telling her she needs to do sonething to herself... I'm quite sure it's demonic possession after all I've been through. Another one turned to me and said "you mean nothing to me at all!" With a smile on her face then 10 minutes later was all omg we look like such a good couple and wanted to kiss me, then later in the night smiled and said "im gonna fk one of your friends because I think it's the worst way I could possibly hurt you!!!"
Bpds are demon possessed! Be scared as all heck of them. They will claim to have empathy and "do too much" for others and "feel people's emotions" (thats not what empathy is! You cannot feel other people's emotions...), and they will do the bare minimum for anyone and then one day act like they need to protect themselves by only being selfish af... they are so dangerous. Never believe a word they say to you! They do not actually have empathy period
And you cannot help them. I've tried. I even met one in therapy for 12 years and she STILL HAD ZERO EMPATHY but was told she had no more symptoms of bpd. She divulged how her brain works to me. They are scary and selfish and care about nobody at all. My ex from hs was bpd and in treatment for 20 years and is still just as much a cheater and selfish psycho as she ever was and left 3 husband's at this point. Therapy will NOT cure them. It's total nonsense. Just helps them feel better for themselves and will help them wind up tricking people more often.. it will not make them dateable or trustworthy in any way! A bpd that has decades of therapy will still lie and cheat and split people- just maybe less often. But when they split... all the therapy instantly goes out the window no matter how much they got. When a bpd splits... they instantly do not care about anything they ever learned or worked on and will be glad to be selfish and nothing you say to them will mean a thing to them! No matter how much therapy they've had. That is because bpds DO NOT HAVE EMPATHY PERIOD. They can only learn how to act like they do. That's it!
Thank you very much. I guess the term stay educated and dedicated fits!
Great explanations and yes the emotional blackmail is their lowest blow, they eat away at peace of mind.
Thank you!
I am a narcissist with borderline and antisocial personality disorders. I agree with all of this
I just want to tank you a million times David. The way you explain these things makes everything very comprehensive and clear for me to understand. It's clear and concise and you don't find them excuses all the times like many other people do.
I got a new therapist for my PTSD a month ago because of you. Writing therapy. I'm way better at writing (in my native languages, would it be French or German) than I am at talking. So many thank to you.
Good luck, thats really good and I hope this is a better fit for you.
@@DeMarsCoachingYes it's what I've understood. It won't be pleasant to revisit these events in detail, but I have to do something. I put this aside for way too long and I want to be free and eventually, make peace with all of this. I know it won't disapear but that's not my goal. I just want the means to process these events normally. I would compare my situation as if it's a sheild that I put up so many times and for so long, that I can't put it down again. If it's the only way, then so be it.
Thank you.
Gosh you are reading through my life for one year with my ex gf. Rollercoaster seems to be more stable than our volatile relationship.
And that emotional blackmailing was spot on.
Thx a lot for you awesome content.❤❤
Thank you!
I remember him being high conflict on everything! Would take things way further than one would expect! Thanks for the video, David! 😎❤️
Hi Rory! I dont think he was happy.
@ 😂😂😂
Thank you so much for this information.
Healing family from California!! Hi David! Of course I knew someone, my ex fiancé as u remember. Killed me and my two little ones from the inside out and slowly healing. The weird/odd list of things he would do and say in never ending. I’ve shared a lot here with David and will continue sharing. He would play it off with “just kidding”. I’m learning so much, this will never happen to me again! Thank u David for being the first one in my healing journey!! I will never stop saying this soo ppl will know wat u do for this world! U r luved David!!!!!! ❤️
Thank you for being so sweet!
Back in 2004, I did an online search to try to figure out what my wife's dysfunction was. I knew something was off but could not define it.
After a few searches/quizzes, I determined my wife was borderline or Narcissistic. She was never grandiose (I'm better than everyone around me). That was my dad. She was always the victim and everyone always wanted to make her less-than. She only checked half the boxes for borderline, specifically, no desire for self-harm. She was high on the scale of fear of abandonment. She always claimed I would eventually leave or that I never cared. I gave up trying to figure it out and just decided to adapt.
3 years ago, I stumbled onto the term Covert Narcissist. Suddenly, it all made sense. The perpetual victimhood, monopolizing my time, never satisfied, no one recognized her value....
The black and white thinking was the most prominent feature of borderline.
I remember saying, I'm either your hero or a monster, nothing in between. I couldn't handle the swinging back and forth between being a devil and angel, being the best and worst thing to ever happen to her with only a few hours between the 2 views. I was consistent and supportive but I could never do enough to prove it.
She always the victim because everyone always suppressed her as a threat. Never mind the fact that she was the most vindictive and spiteful person I ever knew. When she saw someone as an enemy, she would work tirelessly to make them regret it. After 26 years with her, I had to walk away. Breaking that trauma bond was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced. I had to dig below all the layers of her conditioning and unseat her from the throne she put herself on in my life.
I suspect she had borderline and Narcissistic comorbidity but even if she was only one or the other, I cannot express how toxic the relationship was.
I appreciate your video on this subject. Many others are going through what I already have. They need to know they are not alone and, more importantly, where that road leads.
So glad you walked away from her. My dad stayed with my borderline/covert narc mother and we could see him become a shadow. Her disorder is not just eating her own life but everybody elses too. My father passed away some years ago and I just wish he would have left and enjoyed his life instead of staying with her. Be proud of yourself! I salute you Sir! 🎉
Thank you and good for you to finally end it.
Yes all of that, angry, angry eyes, wants to be the best, but doesn't say that, but it works, at work he has got himself to a position where they ask for he's advice, the boss loves him and he can do what he wants basically, from being on the lower ranks he has made he's own job , but they don't know him
Thats great Rose!
Thank you 🙏
Thank you!
Great content❤
Thank you!
I can't figure out what was my marriage til now? What sort of p.dysorder? Beatifull women , inteligent educated. On spot everything. Modest quiet- but under it passive aggressive. Never open aggressive. Sometimes impulsivity not proportional to situation ; you use her hair brush by accident and she can be triggered to the level like you see demon. Than after while she was concentrating on negative things from past. It could be small thing( like you where late to pick her up 7 years ago from train station). Or she was checking my girlfriends from my bachelor times 😵💫She couldn't go over it. Another one was: no willingness to solve problems. For example: when there was problem or discuss something or to make decisions(decision to buy another house for example..)or do some investment, she didn't sit with you and talk. It was like " do what you want , but I don't care" ( strange).... Also...the way she left marriage was unusual. Just from one day to another. Like literally you close doors and not coming back. No explanation no conversation no emotions no real reasons or serious problems. And she dissappeared for almost 3 years. All I heard( in 1 email only..) was: "I got enough controlling you and living in fear"( ....what the...h..ll?🤔🫥??). My impression and feeling from all situation was like : she was just bored, or she decided I'm not matching her standards or requirements " ....But the way it happend ... Just from one day to another. Shocking.. I was emotionally very involved in relationship. Can't understand sutch people mindset.
I think they're possessed by demons. So sorry you went through that. Bpds are pure evil and will hurt you so bad and give you brain damage worse than any physical abuse could ever do to you. Sorry you married one of them. They're pure hell
One interesting thing though is if this was a f f relationship.. well there are reasons to believe most people like that are bpd as bpd is an identity disorder... they are not actually gay they just latch onto any group think they encounter, and I'd imagine most people in that community have bpd. Most if not all sjws have it for sure. That's a dangerous group to date in
Hello, instead of focusing on a diagnosis whats important are behaviors. They may not make sense but they feel bad.
@@DeMarsCoaching True..
Hello! David.
Thanking You! for your video.
It is really good how you explain in an understanding yet precise way.
All sounds familiar especially
"their blackmailing & threatening to take their own lives.
Really good recommendations! "The Bat Wolf." 👍
Hope all is well your way and that your evening is a pleasant one.
Take care!! ❤
Youre so nice, thank you!
@daviddemars You're welcome!
thanks for this. I had a classic narcissist seven years ago and she about destroyed me. It took me two years to get over. I finally found someone new recently. I saw some narcissictic features but not like the other girl. I told her I thought she was NPD and tried to break up with her. She cried her way back in so I convinced myself she was not a narcissistic personality disorder since she was able to genuinely cry. I let her fully into my life; she even moved in. Then, after love bombing and the usual intensely sexual relationship was going along seemingly fine; I had to leave the country for about ten days. Without any warning at all, she moved out completely only three days after I left. I was completely shocked. I began reading more and realized she is BPD. I was raised by a classic BPD mother and my childhood and entire life has always been caring for others. So I guess I am attracted to these people? They seem to see it in me as well--like they are animals that can smell it in you! She sent me terriblly mean and evil texts with many lies and exaggerations of truth to justify her actions--all was my fault. It has been a difficult month but with your help and AI and a therapist I am getting over it. She has maintained no contact at all and I am doing the same but it is a struggle to do so each night. I miss her very much but who is so cruel that they just leave like that after love love loving you? I think she has overlap as you talk about here. Constantly looking at herself on her phone. Selfies selfies selfies. So glad to know that I was not too far off in the beginning. I should have thought of BPD and ran like hell. However, I had no intimacy for seven years since the first disaster and now, drinking from the firehose of sex; willful blindness made me ignore the looming disaster #2. I will continue watching your channel. It is helping me as long as chatGPT believe it or not. Thank you again
Thankyou David ive learnt 😊 so much.
Thank you!
Seems like they’re happy when other’s are unhappy. Including themselves! They thrive on it!
Studies range on codiagonisis of 13percent to 40 percent depending on the study you are reading. Secondly i believe that BPD are commonly misdiagnosed of having NPD because BPD can exhibit NPD tendencies but they are not inherited NPD Personalities and alot of practitioners do not fully understand these differences yet . As when someone is BPD with NPD tendencies those qualities are usually a symptom to their BPD and can be rewired once impulsiveness is more managed making NPD tendencies go down and are less likely to exist after the BPD treats those impulsiveness as most BPD are victims to NPD abuse in upbringing and are survivors of that abuse. Actually throughout upbringing BPD are likely to mirror or exhibit NPD qualities as defense mechanisms and have impulsiveness that can come off as NPD but once treating their BPD which 80 percent succeed and go into remission shows that this becomes not even as issue . Being legitimateNPD means you are really not likely to get help and dont see anything wrong whereas BPD arguably are most likely to get help, NPD use empathy as form of manipulation, BPD typically do not . I actually believe that NPD tendencies are being misdiagnosed as being NPD when the tendencies are a symptom to the BPD and thats a huge problem in our current society that needs to be reevaluated.
I also believe it is premature to be diagonising as a practitioner a BPD a NPD right away and it is wrong to do so. I truly believe that it would take 26 to 52 weeks of evaluation in a setting like DBT to figure out how much is impulsivity versus how much is legitimate NPD . If there is no improvement of those tendencies or dont feel empathy to these impulsivity or see anything wrong perhaps then they are NPD but how can you know a BPD is NPD when we know BPD is a self defense impulsivity and regulation issue that can come off as self centered till they are learning the skills etc to manage so. So in my opinion this is how misdiagnosed happens because practitioners are not taking the proper time to be evaluating these differences amongst a patients treatment.
80% of success in treating BPD is a bit high. Unless there's a therapy that I don't know about. I was told that the current therapy is more like between from 25 to 40% of success.
Both NPD and BPD have common traits and both are caused by neglect during childhood. So is sociopathy. And yes any serious diagnostic need time to be accurate, as most diagnostic.
However, psychiatrists doubt these disorders are curable. It's more likely that the person learn to be self aware of their behaviour and learn to control their symptoms better.
It takes years of therapy to get some results and since it takes so long, most give up before any real results can be observed.
That's what a good friend of mine who is a reputable psychiatrist told me when I asked him about it. They know the difference between NPD and BPD and any serious psychiatrist won't suggest any kind of therapy or treatment if they don't have a certitude on what the diagnostic is.
@SurnaturalM Two landmark studies, the Collaborative Longitudinal Personality Disorders Study (CLPS) and the McLean Study of Adult Development (MSAD) reported diagnostic remission in 85% to 93% of BPD subjects over a 10-year follow-up period (Gunderson et al., 2011; Zanarini, Frankenburg, Reich, & Fitzmaurice, 2010a). A recent prospective study of suicidal behavior in BPD found diagnostic remission in 69% of subjects, followed for 10 or more years. it was found that 85% of borderline patients achieved a remission lasting 12 months or more is about most studies im reading. Remission is "treatable" .
Typically DBT is used for BPD. It takes 26 to 52 weeks to properly go through a module properly.
Ben from Manteca. Hi 😢😅😮
Hello Ben!
Hello David. I have a quick question. Do NPD/BPD......have any regrets on how they self sabotage everything good for them?)..Thank you.. much love from Pittsburgh Pennsylvania..❤...
Hello! Well, maybe some dont and some do? I think its difficult for them to look at themselves but most know they do it.
🤗❤️👍
Hi Cindy!
Psychologists are such a waste of money. just go to your local church, it's free and the priest hears you
Thank you for this. I feel like I understand him so much more, I’ve reached acceptance but the grief will probably always be here. Especially when there’s a small child involved❤️🩹😢 it’s a sad situation for everyone, especially the person with these disorders.