I so relate to this…thank you for sharing. 56 years old and my old life crumbled to the ground in Aug of 2023, and continued through to the end of last year. It’s a rough journey. I wasted so many years in an extremely dysfunctional marriage which ruined my little family. I was told that I was the enabler of it all by my now estranged step daughter. 30+ years wasted being unhappy and stressed. I’m a recovering people pleaser.
Thank you for sharing, Tami! Let no more days going forward be unhappy!! Let go of the labels put on you. Take the lessons and go live your best life!! I’m rooting for you! 🥰 Thanks for being here!
I just realized that the burnout I’m feeling in my life is a result of people pleasing and feeling responsible for others’ happiness at home and work. No wonder I’m exhausted!
@@CJR-o3l Oh WOW, that’s a huge realization! Yes, people pleasing is sooooo exhausting not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. And it’s all connected. Now the question is: What’s the first step you’ll take to begin breaking free AND letting your nervous system return to peace and calm? I have other videos here on my channel that will help you with the steps. I was a people pleaser for 55 years and I understand what you’re experiencing! I’m so excited for your new awareness because with it comes the power to change it!! Sending you peaceful energy for your healing journey! 🥰
@@CJR-o3l BTW, I ended up in the ER from extreme people pleasing that had me overlooking and tolerating emotionally abusive behavior. We think we’re “just being nice” because maybe that’s what we were taught, but that behavior can be very harmful to us!
A born people pleaser. I tried to fit in the world and changed myself..attracted the wrong man and had a very hard life trying to please the wrong people. I am now true to myself and letting go 😊❤
Yes, ruminating and people pleasing isn't saved for women only! :( Thanks for being here, Bruce. I'm happy you're "fixing" yourself - although I don't believe you were ever broken! :) I appreciate you!
Spot on. 61yrs old, & that was my nature all through life. Look after others, do more for them than i would do for myself, then resentment would kick in when i had my own troubles & no one to help me. I really hold back now ( where's before i would automatically just jump in without thinking of the bigger picture ). I feel a lot less stressed & just going with the flow. I feel like I've shifted reality. Im at peace with Myself
It's wonderful that you've reached a place of peace and balance. Recognizing the importance of self-care and setting boundaries is crucial, and it's clear that you've made significant strides in this area. Your journey of shifting from a constant caregiver to finding a healthy balance is inspiring. It's often a challenging process to learn to prioritize oneself without feeling guilty, especially when you have a naturally giving nature. But your experience shows that it's possible to care for others while also taking care of yourself. Finding that equilibrium can lead to a much more fulfilling and stress-free life.
OMG Heidi!!! SNAP! I honestly did not see this - we are on the same wave length! So so so fantastic! Everything you say is totally relatable for me. Goes to show how we are all more alike than different. Totally agree people can prefer us to be small. It can be difficult to navigate. 🧡💚💜
I was raised to be a people pleaser and “good girl”which was common at the time when I was growing up. I am almost 62 and this lifelong conditioning has been hard to overcome. Appreciate you offering some wise insights about why worrying too much about what others think about us isn’t productive and actually harms us instead.
I too am 62 and I realized around 50 I don't give a crap what anyone thinks anymore and that freed me up to be myself and not let others dictate my happiness.
Yes, I think it was very common in women our age to be conditioned to believe being a people pleaser was a good thing. I have other videos here on my channel about people pleasing and steps I took to break free. I hope you'll check them out! Plus I have resources on my website - some free, some low-cost. I also have a podcast where I talk a lot about overcoming people pleasing. All under the same name as this channel. Thank you for being here - I appreciate it!
@@AEKarys I understand! Not being able to relax has become a habit of thought in the brain. It’s built on the need for your unconscious to feel safe so it’s become a coping mechanism. There are things you can do to break this cycle and be able to relax. I’m planning another video that will address what you’re referring to. Thanks for your comment! 🥰
"Not my responsibility". Very well said. Narcissist mother, enabler father lead to a lifetime of people pleasing and not expressing my needs, wants, or know boundaries. Done with all of that now. Still hard at times but my sanity is so worth it.
Same here! It took me 60 years! (65 now) I take care of my own thoughts, discontinued all worrying and people pleasing,set boundaries and live each moment the best I can! I quit letting fear win and have less anxiety for sure. I breathe easier, go as slow or fast as I wish without guilt and moved self love and compassion to first position! 💕
@ I loved your video and related to everything you said. It also reminded me of all the work I have done the past five years to change my lifelong programming and habits. Not easy but so worth it! Thank you 🙏🏻 😊💕☀️
@@Sunshinysky432 Thank you! Yes, it’s great to be reminded AND to remind ourselves and celebrate how far we’ve come! Self reflection and growth is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to peel back the layers and look! I applaud you!! 👏
I used to be the queen of rumination! Then I realized they weren’t giving it a second thought. It was only stressing me. I recently read Mel Robbins book- Let them which is talking about this! I’m still working on it!
Yep, everyone else is thinking about all their own stuff! Let them ruminate if they want, but don’t let it get you into ruminating too!! Thanks for sharing!
I went through life worried about other people’s reactions and feelings. I don’t know where this started but I am taking responsibility for myself more and more. Judging by the comments it looks like a lot of others struggle with this, both male and female.
I so relate to your comments. I am almost 79 and I didnt realize until this year what a nice person I was . i was so worried about how I looked - what I said - always felt not enough.❤🏴🇨🇦
@@anngray398 Hi Ann, I completely understand! We were conditioned to believe that being nice was what got us acceptance and love! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for being here! 🥰
It's such a powerful revelation to come to terms with your own worth. The journey you've been on is incredible, and recognizing your kindness and value is a true testament to your growth. We often spend so much of our lives caught up in worry and self-doubt, it's heartwarming to hear that you’ve found a sense of peace and acceptance. It's never too late to appreciate the beautiful person you are. You've surely touched many lives with your kindness and resilience. 🌟
Same. 59 and it took some therapy 12 years ago for me to finally be able to see the childhood trauma and patterns that led to a lifetime of people pleasing and start to heal. So common in our generation, I think.
@@TinaHBeautifulJourney Yes, Tina, unfortunately I think many of us were conditioned to be “good girls.” I don’t believe anyone did it maliciously, but it definitely made me grow up to be a people pleaser, to my detriment. Thanks for your comment and for being here! 🥰
When I was in my mid 20’s a friend of mine said I was like a chameleon & I didn’t understand at that time what he meant. Fast forward to 56 & he was absolutely right! I’m still a worrying, anxious people pleaser.
@@StephanieR-k8t You CAN break free of that, Stephanie! I used to think being a chameleon was a compliment, but realized how it was devastating my life, always being what everyone else wanted! 🤦♀️ I’m so happy you’re here and thank you for sharing! 🥰
Having gone through a traumatic childhood, I had had no sense of self. Over the years I learned to articulate my needs, goals, & values -- and above all, my identity. Thanks for your video.
That's truly inspiring. It takes immense strength and resilience to navigate through such challenges and come out with a strong sense of self. It's amazing that you've been able to articulate your needs, goals, and values. Building your identity is a journey, and it sounds like you're well on your way.
I’ve been so many different ppl to fit in I don’t even really know who I am anymore. I am trying now in my 50s to just be me, which should be so easy but after years of not being me, its kind of a hard thing to do. Thx for this content. It’s so helpful.
Heather, I hear you! I invite you to start experimenting - be like a scientist and try out things you think you might like. A scientist doesn't know how the experiment is going to turn out for sure. Also, start choosing and deciding on little things - where to go eat, drive a different route than normal, find a new activity and try it. You can really discover a lot about yourself by deciding. Make it fun to figure out what makes you tick (and even what ticks you off)! I'm happy my video helped. Did you check out the video: "25 simple things I did to finally be happy?" It will give you lots of ideas to discover who Heather is! Thanks for being here!
Thank you so much for this idea! I really appreciate your insight and ideas so I will for sure check out that video. Thanks again so so much Heidi. @@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi
I've never been a busybody, but somehow it never occurred to me that what others thought or said about me was none of my business. What a freeing concept!
Thank you for your wisdom and years of experience. I’m 64 and I haven’t articulated this but I agree. Thank you so much and yes I get angy too.😂 thank you for leaving that in, that was really funny.
What people actually say about you is just a projection of how they are, I always remember something I was told many years ago, ‘ I’m not the person you think I am , you are the person you think I am’ when you tell yourself this criticism looses their power. Thank you for that wonderful video, so many Pearl’s of wisdom ❤ ❤
@@Halcyon-12 Yes, exactly! I had a hard time grasping that saying when I first heard it years ago bc I didn’t understand the concept. 😀Thank you for being here!
You are describing me! Having reached the ripe old age of 50 - I’ve realised that I don’t even know who the real me is. I’ve moulded myself to fit in relationships both romantically and non romantically. Now single I’ve decided that I now need to unpeel the layers to find the genuine me. It’s hard though to underdo years of this behaviour. I really enjoy your content and has really helped me to identify these behaviours x
Thank you for being here, Charlotte! Yes, I thought for the longest time that I would "figure it all out" and then I would be free to be myself at last and wouldn't have to think about "it" again. But there are lots of layers to peel back and with each layer we discover more and more about ourselves. The reason it's hard to un-do the years of behavior is because it's not about the behaviors themselves. It's about the beliefs that are driving the behaviors. I'll be doing a video on that because that is the KEY! We have to look at the beliefs we have about ourselves. I'm happy my content is helping you and I appreciate you being here!
Thanks for the video, a few weeks back I posted a note on my computer-quit worrying you are not responsible for other people. Everybody will get the lessons and Understanding in life that they need from God. So will I. We can't avoid pain.
The thing I love about UA-cam, is coming across such wonderful videos like this one. I have been on my own journey of exhausting myself to ‘people please’. One day after years of self reflection and analysing my thoughts and feelings, I felt a switch flick in my head. My husband doesn’t know what’s hit him. 😂😂😂😂This change in my outlook has changed me for the better, and I want more of this liberation. Keep up your helpful and constructive talks. I’ll be looking out for them.
Awww, I love UA-cam for that too! I’m happy you’re here and I’m happy that a switch flipped for you, liberating you!! YAY, stay with it! Thanks for sharing your experience! 🤗
Development of a mindfulness practice has totally changed my life and my perceptions. I have become stronger within myself and stand in my own truth , coming from a place of acknowledgment and non judgment . Overthinking and rumination due to judging a situation as good or bad creates a lot of time wasting and when I realised through watching my thoughts how much I did this I was mortified. Through practice I now anchor myself in the present moment ❤
Mortifying is a great descriptor! Awareness is so essential, and we definitely can develop that more through mindfulness. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!! It's helpful for everyone reading!
@@mimeroo58 Awww, thank you for sharing your experience and for being here! You are not at all stupid! People pleasing behaviors come from things we were taught when we were young and then they become engrained behaviors - habits. So it’s not something you consciously decided. More importantly, all behaviors are driven by beliefs we have about ourselves, so examining our beliefs and reframing them is what will help you break free of people pleasing! It doesn’t happen overnight - it’s one step at a time - but it IS possible. Don’t be hard on yourself when you fall back into an old pattern. That’s all it is - a pattern/ habit! Recognize it and learn from it!
@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi Thank you so much. I forget it is not a failure in me, but more a sort of conditioned response from childhood. You are very kind to respond. I'm in Wales UK xxx
I have identified myself as being co-dependent and the word you used 'morph' really rings true to me. It's very painful to feel you have to be responsible for others. Thanks for reminding me again of what to watch out for in my thinking processes.
Really good advice. However, each situation is different and has its challenges. My wife and I brought my mother to live here in Australia, which turned out to be a massive mistake. The problem is she is 94, clashes with my wife, and unfortunately both financially and situationally, we cannot take her back. As her son, I carry the load empathetically. The bottom line is we did not do our homework and research. We are at our wits end on how to deal with this. If Heidi or anyone has experienced such a scenario, I would love your advice.?
I've struggled in each of these ways but, by faith, I am daily more and more freed of it. I'm 61 like you and I'm more tuned in to what this stuff is. I've suffered depression and anxiety disorder chronically over years with damage to my health. Yet in the last few years I've become more adept at recognising the indicators. Prayer and a focus on the Bible has been medicine to me and medication I used to need I'm no longer taking and I'm whole. It's been a process. Workplaces and group settings can really trigger this...yet, they also let you practise new behaviours that heal. Thank you for your video, I subscribed today.
@@helendeacon7637 Thank you for your insightful comment, Helen! I’m happy you figured out the key to freeing yourself! And yes, relationships can certainly trigger us, but without them, how would we practice? 🤗 Thank you for being here!
Your story is a powerful testament to the strength of faith and the healing journey you've embarked on. It's incredible how you've learned to recognize the indicators of depression and anxiety and have found solace and strength in prayer and the Bible. The fact that you're now medication-free and feeling whole is truly inspiring. Navigating workplaces and group settings can indeed be challenging, but it's wonderful to hear that you've found ways to practice new behaviors that promote healing. Your resilience and commitment to your well-being are truly commendable. 🌟
Heidi, your videos have been so helpful. Thank you! Your 6th point sums up the majority of my worry. I have always taken on others’ feelings as my responsibility. This applies mainly to my adult children. I try to be a good listener but end up absorbing all their pain and worry as my own. I want to make their lives comfortable and feel so helpless when I can’t. Thank you again for sharing your videos!😊
Thanks for sharing, Sara! I invite you to consider how you possibly might be taking away lessons they need to get when you try to make them more comfortable. A comfortable life is not necessarily a happy, fun, fulfilling life! 🤔 Plus, I think you recognize that taking their stuff on is causing you stress. Worry is just praying for what you don’t want! I appreciate you being here! 🥰
I am 56 years old and have spent my whole life worrying about what others think, trying to people please, and worrying over other people’s problems or happiness. I am so tired and unhappy. I am so tired of worrying about others. Do they think of me or worry about me? No. My mom is an unhappy person. It is not my responsibility to make her happy. She needs to find her own happiness within. Our adult daughter is estranged from us. I am willing to work things out. She is not. I am sad about it but I am tired of worrying about it. But then, I feel guilty if I am not worrying about them or caring what they think. It is a vicious, endless cycle. ☹️
Awesome video - yes to all of this. I'm a few years older and one of the best things I've learned to do is never care what others are thinking unless I'm in a situation where I am trying to learn something. I'm also humble enough to give others a wide latitude of acceptable responses, especially in difficult or awkward situations. Its like when driving and someone really blows it and causes you to take emergency evasive maneuvers: as long as no actual damage happened, I just give the other person a friendly wave and let them go on and never give it another thought.
Thank you❤ This came at a good time because I've been ruminating over an unkind comment someone made to me a week ago! I have to see her later and I built up all these feelings of resentment and animosity.
I can identify. My problem is that I completely believe that what people think about me IS my business. Then I have to stop and say, “why do I have to know?” Then I believe I should know because they’re misinterpreting me and need to be corrected.. A therapist will tell, “what evidence do you have that everyone should like you?” The answer of course is that I don’t have any but my mania still persists. Anyway, I’m 60 and had to wrestle with these kinds of thoughts all my life. It’s draining.
I can totally relate - thinking everyone needed to like me. It kept me trapped in showing up as whatever person I thought *they* wanted me to be. Of course, I was always guessing what they wanted and wearing myself out in the process!! Plus they never got to know the *real* me because I never showed them that person. 🤦♀️ Thank you for sharing your experience. I have a free audio called “I Honor My Needs.” If you want it, here’s the link to download it: masteringmidlifewithheidi.com/honorneeds This will help prioritize you and start breaking free.
Definitely a ruminator, doing exactly what you have described. I am trying to let go. But then it is a challenge to figure out who I am. I am a public figure and elected official. I want to get things done so don't want any drama . . . .
yep. learning to put your needs first is hard after years of feeling like i have to take care of people. i tried to move from my morthers house to an aunt house when i was 13. first she agreed then she said no. i was informed that i needed to put my family needs first not mine.
Yes, it can be hard to take a different direction than what we were “taught” was the best thing to do. Thank you for sharing your experience and for being here! 🥰
As an old girl, 77, I can categorically state that the trouble with the world today is We're All Too Self Absorbed! Stop worrying about ourselves so much and get back to how life used to be, when we cared about others more than ourselves. This modern population is becoming narcissistic.
It's true that modern society often encourages self-focus, which can sometimes overshadow the importance of community and empathy. Your perspective is valuable, especially given the wisdom and experience you've gained over the years. Finding a balance between self-care and caring for others is crucial. In many ways, the fast pace of modern life and the influence of social media have contributed to this shift. However, there are still countless acts of kindness and selflessness happening every day. Many people are committed to helping others and fostering a sense of community.
I was married for almost 3 decades and then went through a divorce. I've now been single 10 yrs. I realized I was changing who I was depending on the person I was dating. For instance, I was quiet and agreeable to the guy that said he was the man therefore I had to respect him and do what he said to do. I stopped dating him. I think I changed for the people I was dating because being the real me didn't work in my marriage. I will never forget when my ex husband told me to "hush" or when he said he didn't like me wearing the jewerly I had bought for a trip, or when he blamed me for messing up his shirt..it wasn't me. I stopped dating about 8 months ago and I'm not starting back until my grandchild I am raising is grown, two more years. Anyway, I have a lot of work on myself to be the real me again.
@@intherockies Yes, I completely relate - morphing to fit in and be accepted, to be what the other person wanted! 🤦♀️ Thank you for being here and sharing your experience!
I ruminate like crazy over what i said or did and what people think or feel. I have bipolar 2 and my hypomania is apparently very bothersome to people. This is understandable, and i always try to apologize if i think i came off as rude. Having this disorder is torturous, and causes me issues in every aspect of my life, no matter how much i try to manage it.
Thanks for your comment. I'm curious: What makes you think your behavior is bothersome? Who told you that? Sometimes we live in a story we were told a long time ago that we think is true. I appreciate you being here and sharing part of your journey!
Oh i so very much need to let go of this. I am rejection fearing and have tried to fit all my life. It's exhausting and a bad role model for my children.
@@julien4741 Yes, most people have a fear of rejection because of “survival.” It’s when we let this fear in the driver’s seat and let it run our life that causes the problems. Start acknowledging that it’s there like it’s a “passenger” in your life vs trying to avoid it and suppress it. Thanks for commenting! 🤗
You can have expectations, not sure it leads to disappointment. I own that choice. Fyi it is not failure it is lessons and experience on my life's journey. Appreciate your video. We all can tell you are raising your vibration!
@@TheDWZemke Thank you for sharing your perspective! 😊 Yes, “failure” definitely brings lessons. The question is: are we willing to learn the lesson? Thanks for being here - I appreciate it! 🤩
I have quite a few friends who have strong opinions on what they want when making group plans, so I tend not to voice my opinion too so that things get sorted and I just go along with those who shout loudest, is this people pleasing?
It depends. Are you not voicing your opinion because you fear they won’t like it (or you), think it’s dumb, or because of some fear like this? Or do you have resentment because they never ask you for your input? Those would be signs of people pleasing. Or are you truly happy in these instances just going along with the flow? I used to be that (go with the flow) until one night I went with the flow and sat in a restaurant with “friends” who did not engage me in conversation once. I realized I wasn’t enjoying myself at all and that they couldn’t have cared less if I was there or not. Hope that helps you. It really depends on the intention behind your actions. Thanks for asking and for being here! 🥰
I kind of agree with the 77yr old who said we're all getting self absorbed and narcissistic. If we adopt your advice Heidi then how the heck do we actually develop a relationship with someone? If I'm me and you're you and your perspective of me is none of my business then where is the intimacy? We are not islands. How can the feelings of a partner or friend about the things I'm doing NOT matter to me? Don't we learn about ourselves this way? There must be some nuance here which I just don't get. Surely we all affect each other all the time and the at of relationship is knowing WHEN to please someone else and when to hold your ground? I find it all very confusing & just don't get how you can be so separate and in relationship at the same time.
That's were healthy boundaries come in. Two people with boundaries are perfectly able to form a healthy relationship. Yes, it does take personal inner work, but it is worth it.
I’ve never dealt with that. I struggle with not enough and not fitting in not being liked. That resulted being inauthentic not stepping up to make friends…
This is my perspective. ALL negativity is not about anything outside of us, ever. Negativity comes from our ego, within each of us. Everyone's ego is a fear making machine and wants to be right, the best, and will never be satisfied. I met someone who had so many college degrees yet he was not satisfied, he needed more! His ego was clearly in charge. Knowing and accepting this fact, it is then easy to NOT react or respond to negativity or respond with negativity. Both strengthens and energizes the ego and keeps the ego in charge and us suffering. If you want a peaceful and joy filled life, it is vital to remove the ego from the front seat to the back seat. We do this by NOT reacting to any and all annoyances, big and small, from another or from ourself, or due to a situation. As soon as you feel it (negativity) begin to bubble up, accept it is there, and immediately say silently to yourself, "I'm practicing patience." And breathe in -notice your body inflate, and breathe out- noticing your body deflate, recite it again, breathe again, etc. DO this until your mind and body are calm. Being consistent with this exercise, overtime it will shrink your ego and it will crawl into the back seat happily. Reacting to negativity means - complaining, blaming, self-loathing, spewing hatred, being unkind, continuing a habit you say you want to quit, yelling, avoiding or shutting down, believing another or a group is the problem (wanting to separate us, but in truth it separates you from your true-self), resistance (wanting ourselves, someone or something to be different), dismissive, bargaining, people-pleasing, bribing, judging, ruminating and worrying, panic, anxiety, hurrying, laziness, close minded, excuses, justifications, demanding, crying, doing for/fixing another even though it has proven to NOT work, and all the other unnatural behaviors. We do these things because the ego is in charge. It sends negative thoughts and because of the tension these thoughts create we react (while falsely believing the cause was "out there"). We are actually reacting to the tension within us not a person or situation or habit. We'll know when it is in the back seat when someone has a different opinion and we don't feel the need to defend our position. In fact, we listen intently to see if we can perhaps gain new information. Meaning, we happily exist with what is. Try it and you too can experience the peace.
Your perspective on the ego and negativity is truly insightful. It's clear you've put a lot of thought into understanding how the ego works and how it influences our reactions and behaviors. The practice of recognizing and managing the ego, as you described, can indeed lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life. Your advice on responding to negativity by practicing patience and mindful breathing is valuable. It encourages a shift from reacting impulsively to responding thoughtfully, which can help diminish the ego's control over our emotions and actions. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It's a powerful reminder that the journey to inner peace involves consistent effort and self-awareness.
alot of your rumination is based on trauma. people need to journal and get therapy. The things you state are realizations brought when you heal and also mature. Eveyrone goes throug this, this is healig that finally healed.
I so relate to this…thank you for sharing. 56 years old and my old life crumbled to the ground in Aug of 2023, and continued through to the end of last year. It’s a rough journey. I wasted so many years in an extremely dysfunctional marriage which ruined my little family. I was told that I was the enabler of it all by my now estranged step daughter. 30+ years wasted being unhappy and stressed. I’m a recovering people pleaser.
Thank you for sharing, Tami! Let no more days going forward be unhappy!! Let go of the labels put on you. Take the lessons and go live your best life!! I’m rooting for you! 🥰 Thanks for being here!
Glad to hear that you're recovering Tami, better late than never! It's time to put yourself first now, can't pour from an empty cup. ✌️&❤️
@@I-Am-Prosperous-I-Am-Grateful thank you for your supportive comment!!
VERY relatable. 🙏💞
Me too. Enjoy life now. Good luck
I just realized that the burnout I’m feeling in my life is a result of people pleasing and feeling responsible for others’ happiness at home and work. No wonder I’m exhausted!
@@CJR-o3l Oh WOW, that’s a huge realization! Yes, people pleasing is sooooo exhausting not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. And it’s all connected. Now the question is: What’s the first step you’ll take to begin breaking free AND letting your nervous system return to peace and calm? I have other videos here on my channel that will help you with the steps. I was a people pleaser for 55 years and I understand what you’re experiencing! I’m so excited for your new awareness because with it comes the power to change it!! Sending you peaceful energy for your healing journey! 🥰
@@CJR-o3l BTW, I ended up in the ER from extreme people pleasing that had me overlooking and tolerating emotionally abusive behavior. We think we’re “just being nice” because maybe that’s what we were taught, but that behavior can be very harmful to us!
Do you have much pain with your burnout ime diagnosed fybromyalgia CFS but now diagnosed autism ADHD heds as causation threw stress to😊
@@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi spiritually too
@@trulysensitive5620 definitely… spiritually too!! 🤗
A born people pleaser. I tried to fit in the world and changed myself..attracted the wrong man and had a very hard life trying to please the wrong people. I am now true to myself and letting go 😊❤
@@kathleenwharton2139 I’m happy to hear it, Kathleen! Thank you for sharing - it helps others know they’re not alone! 🥰
Male 57 , a ruminater and people pleaser..
Now I'm fixing myself.
Great video.
Yes, ruminating and people pleasing isn't saved for women only! :( Thanks for being here, Bruce. I'm happy you're "fixing" yourself - although I don't believe you were ever broken! :) I appreciate you!
@@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidiAnd being a people pleaser as a man won’t get you too far with women sexually or romantically.
Spot on. 61yrs old, & that was my nature all through life. Look after others, do more for them than i would do for myself, then resentment would kick in when i had my own troubles & no one to help me. I really hold back now ( where's before i would automatically just jump in without thinking of the bigger picture ). I feel a lot less stressed & just going with the flow. I feel like I've shifted reality. Im at peace with Myself
@@tracywood9301 I’m so happy you’ve broken free of all that, Tracy! Thanks for being here! 💕
It's wonderful that you've reached a place of peace and balance. Recognizing the importance of self-care and setting boundaries is crucial, and it's clear that you've made significant strides in this area. Your journey of shifting from a constant caregiver to finding a healthy balance is inspiring.
It's often a challenging process to learn to prioritize oneself without feeling guilty, especially when you have a naturally giving nature. But your experience shows that it's possible to care for others while also taking care of yourself. Finding that equilibrium can lead to a much more fulfilling and stress-free life.
OMG Heidi!!! SNAP! I honestly did not see this - we are on the same wave length! So so so fantastic! Everything you say is totally relatable for me. Goes to show how we are all more alike than different. Totally agree people can prefer us to be small. It can be difficult to navigate. 🧡💚💜
@@Maggieloveslife As they say: great minds think alike! 😀 Yes, we ARE all more the same than different. Thanks for being here, Maggie! 🥰
I’m 62 next month , everything you said is everything I’ve thought and done , until 1 month ago , I’m working on a new me 😊
@@jacquelinebull3474 Here’s to the new you, Jacqueline! Happy birthday next month. 🥳 Thanks for being here! 🥰
I was raised to be a people pleaser and “good girl”which was common at the time when I was growing up.
I am almost 62 and this lifelong conditioning has been hard to overcome.
Appreciate you offering some wise insights about why worrying too much about what others think
about us isn’t productive and actually harms us instead.
I too am 62 and I realized around 50 I don't give a crap what anyone thinks anymore and that freed me up to be myself and not let others dictate my happiness.
Yes, I think it was very common in women our age to be conditioned to believe being a people pleaser was a good thing. I have other videos here on my channel about people pleasing and steps I took to break free. I hope you'll check them out! Plus I have resources on my website - some free, some low-cost. I also have a podcast where I talk a lot about overcoming people pleasing. All under the same name as this channel. Thank you for being here - I appreciate it!
Good for you, Linda! I'm so happy you broke free of the people pleasing chains! Thanks for being here and cheerleading for others!
Yes! Def how we were taught/expected in our generation. I’m 57, BTW.
@@Sentimentalist0923 So true! Thanks for sharing! 😊
I feel responsible for people's emotions. I can't seem to relax without knowing they are ok.
@@AEKarys I understand! Not being able to relax has become a habit of thought in the brain. It’s built on the need for your unconscious to feel safe so it’s become a coping mechanism. There are things you can do to break this cycle and be able to relax. I’m planning another video that will address what you’re referring to. Thanks for your comment! 🥰
Same 😢
"Not my responsibility". Very well said. Narcissist mother, enabler father lead to a lifetime of people pleasing and not expressing my needs, wants, or know boundaries. Done with all of that now. Still hard at times but my sanity is so worth it.
@@kristinecampbell5585 Yes, you have the right to protect your inner peace! I’m cheering for you on your journey! 🥰
@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi Thank you!
@@kristinecampbell5585 💕💕
Same here! It took me 60 years! (65 now) I take care of my own thoughts, discontinued all worrying and people pleasing,set boundaries and live each moment the best I can! I quit letting fear win and have less anxiety for sure.
I breathe easier, go as slow or fast as I wish without guilt and moved self love and compassion to first position! 💕
@@Sunshinysky432 I love this for you!! Thank you so much for your comment and for being here! 🥰
@ I loved your video and related to everything you said. It also reminded me of all the work I have done the past five years to change my lifelong programming and habits. Not easy but so worth it! Thank you 🙏🏻 😊💕☀️
@@Sunshinysky432 Thank you! Yes, it’s great to be reminded AND to remind ourselves and celebrate how far we’ve come! Self reflection and growth is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to peel back the layers and look! I applaud you!! 👏
I used to be the queen of rumination! Then I realized they weren’t giving it a second thought. It was only stressing me. I recently read Mel Robbins book- Let them which is talking about this! I’m still working on it!
Yep, everyone else is thinking about all their own stuff! Let them ruminate if they want, but don’t let it get you into ruminating too!! Thanks for sharing!
I went through life worried about other people’s reactions and feelings. I don’t know where this started but I am taking responsibility for myself more and more. Judging by the comments it looks like a lot of others struggle with this, both male and female.
I so relate to your comments. I am almost 79 and I didnt realize until this year what a nice person I was . i was so worried about how I looked - what I said - always felt not enough.❤🏴🇨🇦
@@anngray398 Hi Ann, I completely understand! We were conditioned to believe that being nice was what got us acceptance and love! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and for being here! 🥰
It's such a powerful revelation to come to terms with your own worth. The journey you've been on is incredible, and recognizing your kindness and value is a true testament to your growth. We often spend so much of our lives caught up in worry and self-doubt, it's heartwarming to hear that you’ve found a sense of peace and acceptance.
It's never too late to appreciate the beautiful person you are. You've surely touched many lives with your kindness and resilience. 🌟
Same. 59 and it took some therapy 12 years ago for me to finally be able to see the childhood trauma and patterns that led to a lifetime of people pleasing and start to heal. So common in our generation, I think.
@@TinaHBeautifulJourney Yes, Tina, unfortunately I think many of us were conditioned to be “good girls.” I don’t believe anyone did it maliciously, but it definitely made me grow up to be a people pleaser, to my detriment. Thanks for your comment and for being here! 🥰
When I was in my mid 20’s a friend of mine said I was like a chameleon & I didn’t understand at that time what he meant. Fast forward to 56 & he was absolutely right! I’m still a worrying, anxious people pleaser.
@@StephanieR-k8t You CAN break free of that, Stephanie! I used to think being a chameleon was a compliment, but realized how it was devastating my life, always being what everyone else wanted! 🤦♀️ I’m so happy you’re here and thank you for sharing! 🥰
Having gone through a traumatic childhood, I had had no sense of self. Over the years I learned to articulate my needs, goals, & values -- and above all, my identity. Thanks for your video.
@@1Gr8Editrix You’re welcome, Hallie - thanks for being here! 🥰
That's truly inspiring. It takes immense strength and resilience to navigate through such challenges and come out with a strong sense of self. It's amazing that you've been able to articulate your needs, goals, and values. Building your identity is a journey, and it sounds like you're well on your way.
Hi I'm 60 and I can relate to very thing you have said
Be you and the best version of you
Thank you for the video 😊
@@tonylangridge3003 Thank you for being here, Tony! I appreciate the support and I’m happy you can relate! 😊
I’ve been so many different ppl to fit in I don’t even really know who I am anymore. I am trying now in my 50s to just be me, which should be so easy but after years of not being me, its kind of a hard thing to do. Thx for this content. It’s so helpful.
Heather, I hear you! I invite you to start experimenting - be like a scientist and try out things you think you might like. A scientist doesn't know how the experiment is going to turn out for sure. Also, start choosing and deciding on little things - where to go eat, drive a different route than normal, find a new activity and try it. You can really discover a lot about yourself by deciding. Make it fun to figure out what makes you tick (and even what ticks you off)! I'm happy my video helped. Did you check out the video: "25 simple things I did to finally be happy?" It will give you lots of ideas to discover who Heather is! Thanks for being here!
Thank you so much for this idea! I really appreciate your insight and ideas so I will for sure check out that video. Thanks again so so much Heidi. @@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi
@@heatherlynnh you’re so welcome! 🤗
I've never been a busybody, but somehow it never occurred to me that what others thought or said about me was none of my business. What a freeing concept!
@@margomcguire7167 I’m so happy you find it freeing, Margo! I appreciate you being here! 😘
Thank you for your wisdom and years of experience. I’m 64 and I haven’t articulated this but I agree. Thank you so much and yes I get angy too.😂 thank you for leaving that in, that was really funny.
@@bayblue9307 You’re welcome - thanks for being here! And yes, ANGY is a new word now. 🤣 I appreciate you! 🥰
What people actually say about you is just a projection of how they are, I always remember something I was told many years ago, ‘ I’m not the person you think I am , you are the person you think I am’ when you tell yourself this criticism looses their power. Thank you for that wonderful video, so many Pearl’s of wisdom ❤ ❤
@@Halcyon-12 Yes, exactly! I had a hard time grasping that saying when I first heard it years ago bc I didn’t understand the concept. 😀Thank you for being here!
You are describing me! Having reached the ripe old age of 50 - I’ve realised that I don’t even know who the real me is. I’ve moulded myself to fit in relationships both romantically and non romantically. Now single I’ve decided that I now need to unpeel the layers to find the genuine me. It’s hard though to underdo years of this behaviour. I really enjoy your content and has really helped me to identify these behaviours x
Thank you for being here, Charlotte! Yes, I thought for the longest time that I would "figure it all out" and then I would be free to be myself at last and wouldn't have to think about "it" again. But there are lots of layers to peel back and with each layer we discover more and more about ourselves. The reason it's hard to un-do the years of behavior is because it's not about the behaviors themselves. It's about the beliefs that are driving the behaviors. I'll be doing a video on that because that is the KEY! We have to look at the beliefs we have about ourselves. I'm happy my content is helping you and I appreciate you being here!
Thanks for the video, a few weeks back I posted a note on my computer-quit worrying you are not responsible for other people. Everybody will get the lessons and Understanding in life that they need from God. So will I. We can't avoid pain.
@@elizabethsheets5514 Your note is soooo good!! I have sticky notes everywhere bc it’s good to have reminders! Thank you for being here! 🥰
Watch Randy Kay and see why you are really here,and be blessed and saved!
The thing I love about UA-cam, is coming across such wonderful videos like this one. I have been on my own journey of exhausting myself to ‘people please’. One day after years of self reflection and analysing my thoughts and feelings, I felt a switch flick in my head. My husband doesn’t know what’s hit him. 😂😂😂😂This change in my outlook has changed me for the better, and I want more of this liberation. Keep up your helpful and constructive talks. I’ll be looking out for them.
Awww, I love UA-cam for that too! I’m happy you’re here and I’m happy that a switch flipped for you, liberating you!! YAY, stay with it! Thanks for sharing your experience! 🤗
Development of a mindfulness practice has totally changed my life and my perceptions. I have become stronger within myself and stand in my own truth , coming from a place of acknowledgment and non judgment . Overthinking and rumination due to judging a situation as good or bad creates a lot of time wasting and when I realised through watching my thoughts how much I did this I was mortified. Through practice I now anchor myself in the present moment ❤
Mortifying is a great descriptor! Awareness is so essential, and we definitely can develop that more through mindfulness. Thank you so much for sharing your experience!! It's helpful for everyone reading!
Thank you , and the comments, for making me feel less stupid. IM 59 and still making people pleasing mistakes, but trying to recover. Xxx
@@mimeroo58 Awww, thank you for sharing your experience and for being here! You are not at all stupid! People pleasing behaviors come from things we were taught when we were young and then they become engrained behaviors - habits. So it’s not something you consciously decided. More importantly, all behaviors are driven by beliefs we have about ourselves, so examining our beliefs and reframing them is what will help you break free of people pleasing! It doesn’t happen overnight - it’s one step at a time - but it IS possible. Don’t be hard on yourself when you fall back into an old pattern. That’s all it is - a pattern/ habit! Recognize it and learn from it!
@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi Thank you so much. I forget it is not a failure in me, but more a sort of conditioned response from childhood. You are very kind to respond. I'm in Wales UK xxx
This is a very good video. I'm going to have my husband watch it so he will understand my relationship with our grown adult daughter.
I’m happy it was helpful, Joyce and I appreciate you being here! 🥰
I have identified myself as being co-dependent and the word you used 'morph' really rings true to me. It's very painful to feel you have to be responsible for others. Thanks for reminding me again of what to watch out for in my thinking processes.
You’re welcome, Anne - thanks for being here! 🥰
Other people are usually thinking of your opinion of them, so no need to worry about it.
@@jeffrogers210 exactly! Thanks for your comment! 😊
Really good advice. However, each situation is different and has its challenges. My wife and I brought my mother to live here in Australia, which turned out to be a massive mistake. The problem is she is 94, clashes with my wife, and unfortunately both financially and situationally, we cannot take her back. As her son, I carry the load empathetically. The bottom line is we did not do our homework and research. We are at our wits end on how to deal with this. If Heidi or anyone has experienced such a scenario, I would love your advice.?
I remember at around middle School realizing that i didn't know who i was because i spent most of my time mirroring the people around me.
I resonate with all that you shared here. I am learning, finally, to take care of myself and stop worrying and people pleasing. Thank you for sharing!
@@CoffeeandPraise You are so welcome! Thank you for being here! 🤗
I've struggled in each of these ways but, by faith, I am daily more and more freed of it. I'm 61 like you and I'm more tuned in to what this stuff is. I've suffered depression and anxiety disorder chronically over years with damage to my health. Yet in the last few years I've become more adept at recognising the indicators. Prayer and a focus on the Bible has been medicine to me and medication I used to need I'm no longer taking and I'm whole. It's been a process. Workplaces and group settings can really trigger this...yet, they also let you practise new behaviours that heal. Thank you for your video, I subscribed today.
@@helendeacon7637 Thank you for your insightful comment, Helen! I’m happy you figured out the key to freeing yourself! And yes, relationships can certainly trigger us, but without them, how would we practice? 🤗 Thank you for being here!
Your story is a powerful testament to the strength of faith and the healing journey you've embarked on. It's incredible how you've learned to recognize the indicators of depression and anxiety and have found solace and strength in prayer and the Bible. The fact that you're now medication-free and feeling whole is truly inspiring.
Navigating workplaces and group settings can indeed be challenging, but it's wonderful to hear that you've found ways to practice new behaviors that promote healing. Your resilience and commitment to your well-being are truly commendable. 🌟
@@JasonBruce-c6e Thank you for your very supportive comment to a fellow viewer! 😊
Love that saying about the rocking chair. So very true. I do that all the time but now I hear it and try to shut it down. Love you chats!! 😊
@@collef1136 Yes, we have to redirect the thoughts because there’s habitual. Otherwise, we live by default. I appreciate you being here. 🥰
Interesting, thanks ❤
You’re welcome! 😊
I love the way you kept in the word “angy” -I’ve decided that’s exactly how I’ll say it from now on. ❤
🤣🤣🤣 thx for being here!
Heidi, your videos have been so helpful. Thank you! Your 6th point sums up the majority of my worry. I have always taken on others’ feelings as my responsibility. This applies mainly to my adult children. I try to be a good listener but end up absorbing all their pain and worry as my own. I want to make their lives comfortable and feel so helpless when I can’t. Thank you again for sharing your videos!😊
Thanks for sharing, Sara! I invite you to consider how you possibly might be taking away lessons they need to get when you try to make them more comfortable. A comfortable life is not necessarily a happy, fun, fulfilling life! 🤔 Plus, I think you recognize that taking their stuff on is causing you stress. Worry is just praying for what you don’t want! I appreciate you being here! 🥰
I am 56 years old and have spent my whole life worrying about what others think, trying to people please, and worrying over other people’s problems or happiness. I am so tired and unhappy. I am so tired of worrying about others. Do they think of me or worry about me? No. My mom is an unhappy person. It is not my responsibility to make her happy. She needs to find her own happiness within. Our adult daughter is estranged from us. I am willing to work things out. She is not. I am sad about it but I am tired of worrying about it. But then, I feel guilty if I am not worrying about them or caring what they think. It is a vicious, endless cycle. ☹️
Good evening, wow. I couldn't have said it better about myself, then what you did,
Thank you so much - I appreciate your comment! 🤗
Awesome video - yes to all of this. I'm a few years older and one of the best things I've learned to do is never care what others are thinking unless I'm in a situation where I am trying to learn something. I'm also humble enough to give others a wide latitude of acceptable responses, especially in difficult or awkward situations. Its like when driving and someone really blows it and causes you to take emergency evasive maneuvers: as long as no actual damage happened, I just give the other person a friendly wave and let them go on and never give it another thought.
@@Thomas63r2 Well said - thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!! I appreciate you being here! 😊
Thank you❤ This came at a good time because I've been ruminating over an unkind comment someone made to me a week ago! I have to see her later and I built up all these feelings of resentment and animosity.
I’m happy my message came at a good time. I hope you’re able to face the interaction with new perspective! Thanks for being here! 🥰
Change comes from takeing care of ones self, for example your own health . 😊 Do not be a commelion and put up with other peoples problems. 😮
@@rhondaisler1882 Exactly! I appreciate you watching! 🤗
My GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH 😢
You are so welcome, Cherise! I appreciate you being here! 🥰
I can identify. My problem is that I completely believe that what people think about me IS my business. Then I have to stop and say, “why do I have to know?” Then I believe I should know because they’re misinterpreting me and need to be corrected.. A therapist will tell, “what evidence do you have that everyone should like you?” The answer of course is that I don’t have any but my mania still persists. Anyway, I’m 60 and had to wrestle with these kinds of thoughts all my life. It’s draining.
I can totally relate - thinking everyone needed to like me. It kept me trapped in showing up as whatever person I thought *they* wanted me to be. Of course, I was always guessing what they wanted and wearing myself out in the process!! Plus they never got to know the *real* me because I never showed them that person. 🤦♀️ Thank you for sharing your experience. I have a free audio called “I Honor My Needs.” If you want it, here’s the link to download it: masteringmidlifewithheidi.com/honorneeds
This will help prioritize you and start breaking free.
Thank you so much for this video. It is very helpful!
@@VictoriaWTX You’re welcome - thanks for being here!
Great advice...thank you❤❤❤
You are so welcome! Thanks for being here! 🤗
❤ WOW this hit home ❤ thank you
You’re welcome, Debbie! Thanks for watching! 😊
I so needed to hear this message today! Exactly today and exactly what my thoughts and emotions are today. Thank you and have a beautiful day
I’m happy the message came exactly right on time! Thanks for being here, Gina! 😊
I REALLY needed this at this very moment. Thank you!
I’m so happy it was helpful and came at the right time! 😊
This is exactly like the book "The 4 Agreements"
I take that as a high compliment! Love that book. 😊 Thanks for being here!
Thank you for your wisdom. I’m guilty of a few of these.
@@jenniferr-f3157 You’re welcome - thank you for being here! 🥰
Love the bloopers Heidi!🤣
Thanks… I love them too! 💕
Great words of advice!
@@Gracefulmindz Thank you - I appreciate your comment! 🤗
Definitely a ruminator, doing exactly what you have described. I am trying to let go. But then it is a challenge to figure out who I am. I am a public figure and elected official. I want to get things done so don't want any drama . . . .
Great video ❤Thank you, im working on me 😂
@@alishameadows127 You’re welcome, Alisha! I appreciate you being here! 🥰
yep. learning to put your needs first is hard after years of feeling like i have to take care of people. i tried to move from my morthers house to an aunt house when i was 13. first she agreed then she said no. i was informed that i needed to put my family needs first not mine.
Yes, it can be hard to take a different direction than what we were “taught” was the best thing to do. Thank you for sharing your experience and for being here! 🥰
Yes all the time .
thank. you
@@Laura-rx9mp You’re welcome! ☺️
You made me laugh regarding "bricks to the head." I've taken a few. Lol
I’m happy I got you to laugh! We all get our share of bricks, right? Thanks for being here! 😊
@@MasteringMidlifeWithHeidi My pleasure!
Well Said…
As an old girl, 77, I can categorically state that the trouble with the world today is We're All Too Self Absorbed! Stop worrying about ourselves so much and get back to how life used to be, when we cared about others more than ourselves. This modern population is becoming narcissistic.
@@emcarver8983 Thank you for sharing your perspective! 😊 I appreciate you being here!
It's true that modern society often encourages self-focus, which can sometimes overshadow the importance of community and empathy. Your perspective is valuable, especially given the wisdom and experience you've gained over the years. Finding a balance between self-care and caring for others is crucial.
In many ways, the fast pace of modern life and the influence of social media have contributed to this shift. However, there are still countless acts of kindness and selflessness happening every day. Many people are committed to helping others and fostering a sense of community.
I was married for almost 3 decades and then went through a divorce. I've now been single 10 yrs. I realized I was changing who I was depending on the person I was dating. For instance, I was quiet and agreeable to the guy that said he was the man therefore I had to respect him and do what he said to do. I stopped dating him. I think I changed for the people I was dating because being the real me didn't work in my marriage. I will never forget when my ex husband told me to "hush" or when he said he didn't like me wearing the jewerly I had bought for a trip, or when he blamed me for messing up his shirt..it wasn't me. I stopped dating about 8 months ago and I'm not starting back until my grandchild I am raising is grown, two more years. Anyway, I have a lot of work on myself to be the real me again.
@@intherockies Yes, I completely relate - morphing to fit in and be accepted, to be what the other person wanted! 🤦♀️ Thank you for being here and sharing your experience!
Just three minutes of listening, has made me get teary, what does that say about how I feel about myself.
What were the feelings or thoughts you were having as you watched? Something touched you in a way to bring up emotion.
I ruminate like crazy over what i said or did and what people think or feel. I have bipolar 2 and my hypomania is apparently very bothersome to people. This is understandable, and i always try to apologize if i think i came off as rude. Having this disorder is torturous, and causes me issues in every aspect of my life, no matter how much i try to manage it.
Thanks for your comment. I'm curious: What makes you think your behavior is bothersome? Who told you that? Sometimes we live in a story we were told a long time ago that we think is true. I appreciate you being here and sharing part of your journey!
Oh i so very much need to let go of this. I am rejection fearing and have tried to fit all my life. It's exhausting and a bad role model for my children.
@@julien4741 Yes, most people have a fear of rejection because of “survival.” It’s when we let this fear in the driver’s seat and let it run our life that causes the problems. Start acknowledging that it’s there like it’s a “passenger” in your life vs trying to avoid it and suppress it. Thanks for commenting! 🤗
I'm watching for improving my English
@@jivak3 Oh, that’s a great idea! 💡
Hope you are learning useful ideas as well.
@@margomcguire7167 absolutely
@@margomcguire7167 absolutely
You can have expectations, not sure it leads to disappointment. I own that choice. Fyi it is not failure it is lessons and experience on my life's journey. Appreciate your video. We all can tell you are raising your vibration!
@@TheDWZemke Thank you for sharing your perspective! 😊 Yes, “failure” definitely brings lessons. The question is: are we willing to learn the lesson? Thanks for being here - I appreciate it! 🤩
Hello❤
I have to say that other’s opinions belongs to them alone. It’s not for me to take them seriously 😂.
@@BalletShoes-c1k Yes, exactly! Thanks for being here! 😊
I have quite a few friends who have strong opinions on what they want when making group plans, so I tend not to voice my opinion too so that things get sorted and I just go along with those who shout loudest, is this people pleasing?
It depends. Are you not voicing your opinion because you fear they won’t like it (or you), think it’s dumb, or because of some fear like this? Or do you have resentment because they never ask you for your input? Those would be signs of people pleasing. Or are you truly happy in these instances just going along with the flow? I used to be that (go with the flow) until one night I went with the flow and sat in a restaurant with “friends” who did not engage me in conversation once. I realized I wasn’t enjoying myself at all and that they couldn’t have cared less if I was there or not. Hope that helps you. It really depends on the intention behind your actions. Thanks for asking and for being here! 🥰
I kind of agree with the 77yr old who said we're all getting self absorbed and narcissistic. If we adopt your advice Heidi then how the heck do we actually develop a relationship with someone? If I'm me and you're you and your perspective of me is none of my business then where is the intimacy? We are not islands. How can the feelings of a partner or friend about the things I'm doing NOT matter to me? Don't we learn about ourselves this way? There must be some nuance here which I just don't get. Surely we all affect each other all the time and the at of relationship is knowing WHEN to please someone else and when to hold your ground? I find it all very confusing & just don't get how you can be so separate and in relationship at the same time.
That's were healthy boundaries come in. Two people with boundaries are perfectly able to form a healthy relationship. Yes, it does take personal inner work, but it is worth it.
I’ve never dealt with that. I struggle with not enough and not fitting in not being liked. That resulted being inauthentic not stepping up to make friends…
Yes, I hear you! You are definitely accepted here! 🥰
One hundred percent, being a people pleaser gets you nowhere in life , at 63 I'm all about me nowadays and life is better 😊
YAY - I’m happy to hear it! Thanks for sharing! 🤗
This is my perspective. ALL negativity is not about anything outside of us, ever. Negativity comes from our ego, within each of us. Everyone's ego is a fear making machine and wants to be right, the best, and will never be satisfied. I met someone who had so many college degrees yet he was not satisfied, he needed more! His ego was clearly in charge. Knowing and accepting this fact, it is then easy to NOT react or respond to negativity or respond with negativity. Both strengthens and energizes the ego and keeps the ego in charge and us suffering. If you want a peaceful and joy filled life, it is vital to remove the ego from the front seat to the back seat. We do this by NOT reacting to any and all annoyances, big and small, from another or from ourself, or due to a situation. As soon as you feel it (negativity) begin to bubble up, accept it is there, and immediately say silently to yourself, "I'm practicing patience." And breathe in -notice your body inflate, and breathe out- noticing your body deflate, recite it again, breathe again, etc. DO this until your mind and body are calm. Being consistent with this exercise, overtime it will shrink your ego and it will crawl into the back seat happily. Reacting to negativity means - complaining, blaming, self-loathing, spewing hatred, being unkind, continuing a habit you say you want to quit, yelling, avoiding or shutting down, believing another or a group is the problem (wanting to separate us, but in truth it separates you from your true-self), resistance (wanting ourselves, someone or something to be different), dismissive, bargaining, people-pleasing, bribing, judging, ruminating and worrying, panic, anxiety, hurrying, laziness, close minded, excuses, justifications, demanding, crying, doing for/fixing another even though it has proven to NOT work, and all the other unnatural behaviors. We do these things because the ego is in charge. It sends negative thoughts and because of the tension these thoughts create we react (while falsely believing the cause was "out there"). We are actually reacting to the tension within us not a person or situation or habit. We'll know when it is in the back seat when someone has a different opinion and we don't feel the need to defend our position. In fact, we listen intently to see if we can perhaps gain new information. Meaning, we happily exist with what is. Try it and you too can experience the peace.
Thank you for sharing your perspective, Sandy! 🤗
Your perspective on the ego and negativity is truly insightful. It's clear you've put a lot of thought into understanding how the ego works and how it influences our reactions and behaviors. The practice of recognizing and managing the ego, as you described, can indeed lead to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
Your advice on responding to negativity by practicing patience and mindful breathing is valuable. It encourages a shift from reacting impulsively to responding thoughtfully, which can help diminish the ego's control over our emotions and actions.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It's a powerful reminder that the journey to inner peace involves consistent effort and self-awareness.
The 4th point?? 🤣 I thought you were still going off on #1 still 🤣
@@peaceandquiet1983 I kinda morphed from one right to the other, didn’t I? 🤣 I did list them on the screen for that reason. Thanks for watching! 🤗
alot of your rumination is based on trauma. people need to journal and get therapy. The things you state are realizations brought when you heal and also mature. Eveyrone goes throug this, this is healig that finally healed.
Thank you for sharing your perspective, Maura! 😊
Very curious what you're personality type is. You sound like me...INFJ
Interesting question and I don’t know the answer. That’s one personality test I don’t ever remember taking. 🤷♀️
This is very interesting, but the music is just so distracting. Make it stop.
@@susanmorris7762 hi Susan, there is no music in this video. Maybe something was playing in the background on your side. 🤷♀️ Thanks for listening!