Alter's thoughts on Final Fusion | Dissociative Identity Disorder
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- Опубліковано 15 лис 2020
- Ollie addresses the stigma: alter's cannot die.
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⚠️ Trigger/Content warning ⚠️
+ Discussion of non literal death
===Whilst we may give self-help tips and advice, we are not a replacement for any mental health professional===
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★ Resources: ★
☆ Brand, B. L., Loewenstein, R. J., & Spiegel, D. (2014). Dispelling myths about dissociative identity disorder treatment: An empirically based approach. Psychiatry: Interpersonal and Biological Processes, 77(2), 169-189.
☆ Dell, P. F., & O'Neil, J. A. (2009). Dissociative multiplicity and psychoanalysis. In Dissociation and the dissociative disorders: DSM-V and beyond (p. 301). New York: Routledge.
☆ International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. (2011). Guidelines for treating dissociative identity disorder in adults, third revision. Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 12(2), 115-187.
☆ Hart, O., Nijenhuis, E. R. S., & Steele, K. (2006). The haunted self: Structural dissociation and the treatment of chronic traumatization. New York: W.W. Norton.
☆ Ross, C. A. (2018). The potential relevance of maladaptive daydreaming in treatment of dissociative identity disorder in
persons with ritual abuse and complex inner worlds. Frontiers in the
Psychotherapy of Trauma and Dissociation, 2(1), 160-173.
☆ traumadissociation.com/dissoci...
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Thank you for the shout out, Ollie and Jess! Much appreciated. Keep up the excellent work!
I'm going to crochet a bigger little Olli👱
Watching this after the final fusion is kind of comforting. It's hard to comprehend that the people I have been watching are now one person, and it feels a bit sad. But it is so incredible to see who Jess is now! Every part integrated into one. It feels bittersweet, but I couldn't be more amazed and proud of the journey they all took, and I am so thankful for this channel, the education, and the support you show for the whole community!
When our alters "die" they either go to an afterlife, which is literally just another part of the inner world, or the fuse into the entire system. We're not sure if all of us absorb the alter's memories or what. It may feel like death, but it's not literally death. I mean... They go through a death in the inner world and everything. It can be very upsetting. But... They don't literally disappear. But then again... That's kinda what we feel happens when we as a whole dies. We go through an afterlife. Anyway, fusion isn't death! Two become one. You take two balls of clay and put them together... The two balls are still there. Just the little red ball and litte yellow ball make a bigger orange ball...
@@irened.2841 we used to think that they were just... Gone. Which might be the reason why some other systems think that way. It probably does feel like the die and are gone forever... But after a LOT of processing, we have been able to figure out how our "deaths" work in our system.
I love that on these videos we get to learn about so many different systems. From me to all you guys and your systems, all the love.
@@andysmith5806
That is such a good analogy!!!! Lots of love for all of you
what is the inner world
i just googled it so nvm
Did he just call their inner world a personality soup.
That would have been funny but I’m pretty sure he was referring to final integration and the final combined identity
Is it bad it made my hungry?
I skipped lunch.....
@@Black.Rabbit_ nah. I’m right there with ya bud
I love ur pfp!! That artist is one of my favourites
@@aira_riri_2 thanks! Mine too. Love the style
Her: he's probably out cheating with other girls
Me and the boys: *vibin with Ollie*
It’s always a good time vibin with Ollie
Good to see you, Ollie. We've missed you. And damn, son, you're so intelligent and grown up. Your Dad and Daddy must be proud as punch of you. I know I would be. Stay safe xx
That’s so kind cheers Helen 😁
Also I think of it like a cake.
You've got all the ingredients in a bowl but they're separate, even though they're in the same bowl. You can see the flour, the butter, the sugar. You can see how they're distinct from eachother.
When you mix it together and bake the cake, those ingredients haven't disappeared just because you can't tell them apart anymore. They've just interspersed with eachother.
Before the cake was mixed, you could tell the ingredients were there because of their superficial qualities (flour is soft and white, butter is solid and wet). Now, you can tell theyre there because of the qualities they give to the cake- (Flour is giving the cake structure, butter is helping to bind the cake together).
Just because the ingredients are mixed together, doesn't mean they're gone. Just because alters have fused, doesn't mean they're not aware. You're ALL aware at the same time.
This is such an awesome analogy!! Thank you for that wisdom
Omg I love this!! I thought I was totally fused, but I keep meeting alters I have never even known I had. When the come to discuss joining together this will be a great way to explain it! Also they often want to mix but also stay distinct. I don't try to force it, but that stance always gives me headaches. Like bad and for weeks. This can show what the end goal might look like. Thank you very much!!
I saw the thumbnail and literally said, "That reminds me of Ollie. I wonder if it's Ollie."
I am happy to see Ollie lol
🥳 🎉
Me too! He's grown so much too!!
Same!!
The dog co-hosting this video was appreciated
Ollie's got a good mix of his Dads mannerisms, but definitely retains his own uniqueness and I just smile because he's wonderful. You're all wonderful of course though!
Ollie reminded me a lot of Ed in this video I'm not sure if that's just cause Ed's his dad or he was close but certain word choices and such were reminiscent of Ed. Just a observation.
Thanks that’s such a compliment 🙌🏻
I thought the same thing. He reminded me so much of Ed, it warmed my heart 💜. Also, I can’t believe how much Ollie has grown!
Ollie, than you for explaining about how alters cannot die! That is actually very comforting to hear! As far as I know, We''ve been diagnosed for years, however, I was dormant for nearly 2 decades, so I just found out about everything a few weeks ago. Now I feel like I have SO much to learn... I'm/ We're profoundly grateful to Multiplicity and Me, & all of the wonderful work that you do! I don't have sufficient language to communicate how beneficial your videos have been!
I saw in the comment section of another video on another channel that Jess had final fusion and got bullied of Twitter for sharing that. People are incredibly selfish. Jess if you see this, I hope you're doing well! Don't let any ignorant people make you feel bad about your healing!
Also does anyone else notice that lately ollie's voice has been so much lower? I know I probably should have noticed it before now but honestly that small little detail is really amazing. Like the progression of ollie's voice and mind from child to teenager is really interesting!! Has anyone else noticed this?
Yes esp in this video 🥺
how old is he now?
@@plarnston he's around my age, and I'm 18. Idk if he's 18 or 19 or what though
First thing I noticed. I’m not ready for Ollie to grow up 😭😭
We recently had an ANP fuse with a EP. Apparently they used to be one before a certain trauma event, so once the ANP remembered the trauma they just blobbed back together. But now I (the host) have even less access then before to what my headmates are thinking/doing/feeling. It's left me having gray-outs and feeling very foggy a lot of the time. I thought fusion was a good sign but now I feel as though everyone is so much farther from me ☹ thank you guys for always being authentic and educating from such a genuine caring place. Some of the stigma in the DID/OSDD community made us shy away from even talking about it. But watching you guys open up makes us feel a lot better about it ❤❤❤
Aw Daisy thanks for the compliments! That’s really kind of you! Yeah, I think from our experiences at least, there’s plenty of “dust settling” that can take time to re-jig after something happens like that. I think everyone’s experiences are different and although I think it would be cool to have a big book of DID, I’m not sure there could ever be one accurate enough to get everyone’s experiences in it 😝 regardless I hope things settle down for your system soon 😁 take care of yourselves ok? -Ollie
@@MultiplicityAndMe that's very true! Theres such a wide spectrum of experiences with dissociative disorders, there's definitely no guide book for being a system 😅 we are doing our best to! I hope you guys are taking care of yourselves as well, your response means a lot to us🥺❤
@@daisymace2862 I just have to put out, that "My headmates" made me smile. That's kind of a very caring thing to say and i absolutely love it
@@ShadowThiefBakura aww thank you!!! its our favorite term to use 🥰
I don't have DID, I've only had to deal with PTSD, anxiety, and depression, that being said though as a person works through any kind of trauma it does cause things to reheal. Think of it like breaking a bone but not getting medical treatment for it, so it heals but not well, so it needs to be rebroken, set, and left to heal. Or think of it as getting a cut, and again no medical care for it, it gets infected and the dead and infected tissue has to be cut away before any real healing can happen. Again, I don't have DID, I don't know what it's like, and I'm not a therapist, but I imagine merging alters is like setting a bone, or treating a festering wound, and I hope you're doing better now.
It is really cool to see a system that does want to final fuse because I haven't seen one yet here on YT. I don't have DID, so it is just interesting and educational, but I'm sure for others watching it is really helpful to see a different perspective on fusion.
Yeah 😁 it’s great that we could help others choose a different route if they want to. The Others are also a system on UA-cam who have fused completely
Check out The Others. He just recently went through final fusion.
@@MultiplicityAndMe I guess they've deleted their channel? Because I can't really find them by this name :c
I have been hearing so much Jamie in Ollie, and then he said “just to make it clearer, yeah” and I heard so much Ed! It’s amazing and awesome and makes me so happy.
Ollie reminds me so much of both of his parents honestly some things he says i’m like “Oh my gosh that’s such a Jamie thing to say” and “Ommmggg he sounds just like Ed!!” I love em all 😖🥺
I’m working on fusion currently. Our goal is final fusion. This was super comforting for two reasons: it helped us know that our recovery plan is valid, but it also, unexpectedly helped us realize that we have made more progress towards it then we had previously realized. Thank you guys and I wish you the best in your journey.
Ollie AND fable in the same vid?? ~ we are BLESSED
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
"pretty good at... I dunno... Knowledge" I LOVE It your videos are always so educational and entertaining to watch!
Thank 😁 I legit had a brain fart 😝 glad you liked it 😁 -Ollie
I had very mild DID in college, just one alter, and was so lucky to get the therapy I needed. "Losing" her was really hard for my partner, and can seem so sad to the outside world, but shes still here, because she is me now. Sometimes i notice her in the way I walk, or when i get annoyed at someone. And that makes me happy.
@Dylan McKnight Hi. Is there any chance I could contact you privately? I had very similar experience on a way but I never had therapy or anyone explaining what's happening.
@@o0NRB0o yeah sure. What format of communication do you use?
When did Ollie grow up so much???
@@lyn3325 yeah, isnt he 19?
@@doflya129 he's around my age, and I'm 18. Idk if he's 18 or 19 or what though
@@jodoodlyboi2963 I think 19 bc I remember being shocked that he’s my age.
So he's not a little anymore? I'm new and I just watched the videos with the actors. I think I need a recap 😅
@@OmbraLaLupa i dont think he's ever been a little (on this channel) he was just a child
Sees thumbnail: "yeah ok Jake."
Ollie starts talking:
"oh yeah, I forgot, Ollie's the Welsh dramatic of the bunch."
Love you buddy.
We love the water slime profile pic - a front stuck fictive
@@onionsystem6270 thanks.
Dude the way Ollie explained it just made me think of when you find the infamous "bag fry" at the bottom of your takeaway bag. You thought you had finished all the fries but then find the "bag fry" and you get to have more that you knew you'd have LMAO
YES that one crispy chip 😝
Lol good analogy
i genuinely love ollies choas energy so so much it always makes videos a joy to watch
Aw thank you 😁
Our Protector still mourns one of the alters that fused with another alter, even though that fusion alter is very much like both of it's parts put together. She mourns it like a death, but she is coming around about it. We also have a Little that became a ghost when we were younger (he just recently woke up from being dormant, and we had to piece together what happened, but it makes sense why he is a ghost now).
Shout out to Fable for very good helping.
My therapist once said that integration is the opposite of an alter dying because in fact the opposite happens because he/she is way closer than ever before as their consciousness becomes accessible for the whole system. I'm still freaked out of the idea that alters might become less individual because it's their separateness that allows me to take care of them as if they were someone else when in fact it's self care which I'm still really bad at. Hope that makes sense :-)
You know, speaking as someone that doesn't have DID, that's actually quite an interesting perspective and something I've been thinking about more and more after watching some videos and trying to learn. I do try to practice self-love, stay in touch with my inner child etc (of course not a literal little, but that side of me), but I always find it easier to become much more animated/vocal/insistent when it comes to protecting or taking care of someone who is close to me, rather than on my own behalf.
I may not want to experience DID myself (and given that systems are generally created as a result of a traumatic event, I feel for each and every one of you) but I have caught myself musing theoretically, if I had alters that I got along well with, would I become protective of them the same way I'm protective of loved ones, even though they would still be a part of my whole person?
I suppose at the end of the day, whether systems or singletons we're all just trying to navigate our way through life the best way we know how, and everyone's answer might not be the same. Hope you guys are hanging in there too.
@@Harkz0r Thank you for your thoughts! I have the impression that DID is way too sensationalized. In fact everyone has this parts of the personality. Not far away from each other with amnesia between them, not with a sense of identity, not this complex and independently behaving and operating, but in their core meaning the feelings and needs they once were in a small child as ego states before integrating or not integrating to a whole personality.
There is one alter who only protects others, being the one forced out in any situation when it is too dangerous for the fronting alter or the whole system that a certain alter fronts which is impressive but nothing you'd ever want to do I guess.
I don't know what living without DID is like, I can't imagine it. Maybe thinking about IFS is a nice way to feel more whole and become aware of your parts or aspects of your personality and to explore them more to become more compassionate towards them and yourself as the person because you are all of them and deserving of caring for yourself in a loving kind of way.
@@bugbean5500 Not at all, thanks for your response :) Perhaps you're right. I don't know. Much the same way as you can't imagine what living without DID is like, I don't think I'll ever truly understand what it's like to live it myself - but I like to learn, both to be respectful and empathetic towards people who do experience it and also sheer curiosity. It was quite a shock at first, but somehow I do find consciousness and the mind fascinating. The same way that I would (probably) never voluntarily consent to a hypnotic induction, but I've read about various experiments and forms of NLP and altered state of consciousness, and on some level it's discomfiting but it's also interesting because we're such complex creatures.
I place a high value on individuality and accountability in general, so it's always been important to me to feel internally consistent (even though I have many different sides to me, and I'm sure the same is true of everyone whether they manifest in the form of alters or not - and honestly, alters themselves seem to have remarkable depth). Which is maybe part of why I find it interesting because in a way it conflicts with that. But by the same token, while alters may be parts of a system I don't want to be disrespectful towards any of them by dismissing their right to be treated as an individual, if that makes sense. Even on this channel, while I can see and hear similarities between the alters I can also see differences, not only in their tones of voice, accents and vocabulary but even down to body language and the way Jamie blinks compared to Jess, for example, which I find incredible.
While none of them may be capable of anything that their body and mind as a whole weren't already capable of, their subjective experiences are their own, even if they are connected in some way to one another, at least that's how it seems to me. Whether you have DID or not, your subconscious is incredibly powerful and influential beneath your threshold of awareness, and in that sense maybe the old adage that "you create your own reality" is somewhat true. I don't know, I'm mostly just spitballing since I have no formal educational background, I just like learning about people. And maybe spent a little too much time navel-gazing in my early adulthood, but eh, whatcha gonna do 😅
In any case, thanks for indulging me. I'm not sure what IFS is, though. And while I may not have an alter to handle dangerous situations, I've noticed that I do go into 'fight or flight' mode during stressful situations where I act a lot more logically and instinctively, and it's only once the immediate threat has passed that I can start to process it emotionally :p
@@Harkz0r IFS = Internal Family Systems
We've been dealing a lot with thoughts on how we want to recover. I am an integration, a fusion, of about 7 alters that blobbed together at some point after a certain thing happened. It's odd because I still have their memories and all their pieces, but I am a different alter. I am a lot "fuller" than they were, some couldn't even speak. I have a lot more, and it's such an odd feeling. We go through life thinking "we're so different and are full people in one person" but we aren't. We're just pieces, and that doesn't make us less valid, but thinking that we are full people on our own reduces our desire to work as a team or to integrate and fuse because a full person can properly function and then there wouldn't be a need to heal if we were full people. We need to understand that to be functional, we have to either fuse the pieces or have all the pieces work together. It is sad for a lot of us still, and many of the alters in this system are scared and don't want to fuse ever, they don't want to lose the safety that having each other has given them, and I think that's saying that we aren't ready yet. We have a long way to go, but I think it'll be ok in the end. - Clover
Oh course alters can't ACTUALLY die but it can FEEL that way. We've gone through this with alters becoming dormant, they're still there they just don't come out to the front, they're living in the inner world but when we don't have access to them out here it feels like they've died. There's also non-human alters who can identify as ghosts themselves. Old Micheal was a ghost in our system and he formed with a memory of how he died. They way he looked in our inner world reflected that memory of how he died. I'm not going to go into that cause it might be triggering to some people but of course it didn't really happen. I say Old Micheal because he fused with another alter and now I go by Mike. I still identify as a ghost I can still appear how I use to if I feel threatened cause the reason we presented that way in the first place is so we would be scarier than whoever scared/threatened us. But if I'm not in a threatening situation I can turn that off now and present as more of a friendly ghost than a scary one. And yes we do know who Casper is.
Claw, the other alter who fused to become me had his own set of problems, we called him Claw cause he got along with animals better than people. All this talk of alters dying and the dog in the video are probably what brought me out in the first place cause I'm the fusion of a ghost and an animal lover. Anyway once we fused I still feel more like Micheal than Claw even though I'm a mix of both but they were both kind of anti-social in some way and we've been trying to work to over come that and that's kinda what lead to me being here if any of that made any sense.
Feelings aren't always rational even if you know death is not a part of it that's not going to stop you from feeling like it is and that's OK. But if the fear of death is the only thing stopping you from fusing that's not OK. You could be stopping yourself from healing. If you're functional separate then by all means stay separate. Micheal and Claw were not functional the way they were... or we were? Multiple pronouns are hard... but I am function the way I am now. We still have a long way to go before our whole system fuses, there are around 40 known alters at the moment and for the time being we're fine with functional multiplicity. Whatever works best for your system and your situation is what you should strive for. Don't stop fusion from happening just because you're scared, if that's what you need to do to be functional together then you gotta do it. I can't even describe how miserable we were before and there was a grieving period where it felt as if those alters had died but we feel so much better now. This might not be right for everyone, it's not something you should rush into but it's not something you should prevent either. I hope that makes sense... I feel like that might come off as contradicting but it's situational and only you are going to know which one is best for your situation. No one outside your system... except maybe your therapist... can tell you what to do... and even then I think your therapist can only give you suggestions of what to do, it's still up to you to make the decision.
We were also quite scared about the idea of fusion, we enjoy living as a multiple and working together, but we've had a couple fusions between two or more alters over the course of therapy that just happened naturally and that's helped a lot with the fear. We've been able to see how it helped those alters come together into a more stable and happier part. And there is a process of grief alongside that process of getting to know this new part now and the excitement in seeing how they fit in with everyone. We aren't working towards a final fusion, we'd rather functional multiplicity, but we are no longer frightened by the idea of fusions happening over the course of therapy and processing.
That’s great 😁 thank you for sharing
You aren’t too old. Caspar the friendly ghost was a good show
I love Ollie's little chuckles 😄 ty for talking about this
Thanks for watching 😄
Make-up looks awesome Ollie!
Thanks friend 😁🤟🏻
I'm fairly certain that I had a male persecutor alter as a child. I remember talking about how there was a boy inside me who made me do bad things. I don't remember what happened to him. Maybe we eventually fused as I aged but I certainly feel more masculine time to time. Please don't hate its just a theory I have. I don't have DID, I'm borderline. I've also heard a therapist say that DID is a more extreme form of BPD and thought that was interesting. Just a rant. Love the videos.
Thank you 😁 yeah the theory of structural dissociation links BPD and PTSD as well as DID. May be good to have a read on if you’re interested!
“You can just vibe”
Y e s
I had major and beautiful integration and fusion through this year where our trauma symptoms declined efficiently to enjoy life freely and joyfully, something happened in our country’s politics that we feel is awful, and as we got more and more exposed to the news (which at first I tried to limit as much as possible, since I was very reactive to any kind of bad news, news are unavoidable at this point, so I’d rather find the right news format to not stress me too much so I can manage processing this new information successfully), as the stress experience increased we rapidly started experiencing more trauma symptoms again, I feel a lot of grief and sadness about it and it almost seems as trauma alters has separated again because we uncontrollably don’t feel safe. When I talk with close people about the stress and sadness relating to the news, some tell me to try not make a big deal about the political situation - that it is not going to change anything drastically in our personal world, but it almost seems like suppressing this feelings gonna make it way worse. How can I get my sense of liberty back? Why does my brain undo fusion in this types of situations, how come I became more resilient and stable for a while and that sudden social shift happens and my brain is suddenly so stressed it can’t manage keeping itself as stable? Edit: my dearest friend told me recovery is a spiraling process and that it is normal to experience all kinds of of symptoms when recovering. It feels some what discouraging to digress back into icky symptoms but it doesn’t mean I am not succeeding in recovery, I am really doing my best - even though I experience a struggle.
Okay, but....when is the single dropping?
🎶"Alters can't die...🎶 😎
Christmas number one here I come 🤣
And I'll definitely do a death metal cover 😁
@@catnap6099 *head bang* I'll listen to that. I'm getting like Disturbed music vibes in my head. 🤣
I love how Ollie is trying to be so serious but Fable keeps interrupting him 😂 and thanks for sharing your knowledge on this I have a few people in my life with d.i.d so when I finally get into school and get my own clinic I'm hoping to have them as my first clients!!!
So happy with your video's. I am a DID therapist in Holland. I refer a lot of my clients and colleagues to your channel
That’s amazing 😁 thank you
I have the best news ever! We´re going to see a specialist for our d.i.d so we can hopefully get diagnosed by him since he knows more, and Iḿ just so excited - Ashton (Host)
Best of luck 🙌🏻🎉
@@MultiplicityAndMe Thank you so much and your videos have helped so much :) - Ashton
Love you and your opinions Ollie! Fable kept trying to steal the show and was adorable.
Honestly the amount of woof footage I had to cut was ridiculous 🤣
Much love Ollie! It's such a shame that people seem to bash the idea of fusion and integration. If a person feels that's the best path for them to help with their recovery, then that's it. Plus (like you said), fusion and integration seem to happen naturally anyways as you process trauma and your brain matures. If anything, you could even see it as your brain recovering in a way.
I've never heard a system speak openly on this decision. Hard to imagine a day where an upload (if you're still uploading at that point) will be all alters speaking as one. If it were me, I'd be worried of "losing" my individuality. Obviously you're still all there and willingly part of that fusion, but to not be a separate alter definitely sounds like a wildly large change. I'm thankful you and the system felt comfortable talking about it. Whatever you end up becoming or staying as, I'm rooting for you
Hey Ollie! What an amazing video, thank you so much for this. We've been dealing with a lot of changes as well. After a day of complete depersonalisation, we had a talk to a friend of ours and it changed so much. I guess the crisis our system has gone through at the end of last month opened our eyes to a lot of things we have suppressed over the years and now, my mind feels so much clearer than before. Our barriers are lower as well and we've got more energy, work together more closely.
Thinking about an alter's death had been a huge issue for us since two of my closest alters and protectors, Eddy and Arthur, fused over the years - one quite violently and sudden, one voluntarily and gently - but we know that they still exist in us, and in Eddy's case, I even still use her name to honour what she had done in our student years. I am aware that they are not gone per se but still live within and through us, but sometimes, the memories can be a bit overbearing.
In the end, our brains are the fascinating part in this... Quite intense what they do to keep us alive and going, hm? I wish you a wonderful time and I hope that one day you guys will figure out the best way to deal with life as a system - as one or as multiples. What matters is that you will be happy and free
It's nice to see you again Ollie. This was a fun and informative video ♥️
Thanks Autumn 😁🙏🤟🏻
You're such a delight Ollie, thank you for this! Really fun video :)
Thank you Lucy 😁😁😁 glad you enjoyed it!
I am the product of, I guess what you call, final fusion. (It was just called integration by my doctor when I became me).
The alters who came before and became me were mostly terrified because they saw integration as death. Even though the body and even mind goes on, their individuality died. I don't know if it's like that? I'm the end product so what do I really know, I have memories of before (July 27, 2011 I became) but no real reference. Im alive and just myself, so I don't fear losing my individuality because I'm what's left. (God this is messy and doesn't make sense...)
I am different than them, even though they made me and I am them. But I am me, myself.
In a way, I wish I hadn't integrated, or rather I wish I hadn't been forced to be me.
Abusive, toxic relationship that was devolving and no one could take that step. They knew the only way to get away was to be new. It sounds so stupid.
I do feel like integration/fusion worked for me. I got out of the relationship (easier than I thought it would be. I had no feelings but disgust for him so the manipulative bs didn't work on me). I am getting along well (I was before disability and severe chronic illness and pain happened... can't win sometimes lol) with myself. Was finally getting comfortable in my own skin that was only MY skin.
Then I got sick, but that's a different story that isn't about this.
I got way off topic and am not sure where I was going, but I'm all one person, even though it was sort of forced, I'm OK. It turned out OK.
I made a hash of this comment, but thank you, Ollie for a well thought out and presented video. You guys really help me with acceptance and even understanding what I went through and who I was. Thank you.
Love,
A puzzle, clinging to some pieces by threads, but mostly together. x
This was an epic journey thanks for sharing your experiences (the good and bad!) we appreciate you 🙌🏻
Reading this made me super emotional. As someone without DID I have no idea what this would’ve been like but I feel strongly towards this for some reason and hope that you find the best life ❤️
If you don't mind me asking, what was it like to become you? Is it like waking up? Did you automatically know you were the result of an integration?
@@OnlyMichaelJackson I had a hard time at first. Didn't really know who or where I was, heavy nose bleed (I don't know if that was just a weird coincidence or some blood pressure or other thing) so that was scary. It took a little for my brain to settle. Like hours of trying to sort through things that were coming through. Kind of like an old Polaroid. Gotta wait while the picture gets clear enough to know more.
It took years to get my footing as myself. My memories are still all over the place sometimes. Some are clear as if they happened yesterday full of color and emotion and sensation and some are like remembering a movie scene that you watched a long time ago with nothing else attached. Plus all the variations in between. I have some memories from different perspectives which is weird. Observer and participator with the same memory. Coping was difficult and the very beginning was too full and too empty at the same time.
There really aren't any words that I can use to describe it well enough, and I don't know if every integration is the same or if there are differences. I was forced to become, I'm pretty sure another who accepted it and wanted and was ready for it, might have a different experience.
I hope I answered at least some of your curiosity. I tried to be as complete as possible with something like this that just doesn't have language that describes it enough. But I truly hope that helps. 😊
Hugs and happy new year
thank you for easing my fear/anxiety/shame of all the different parts of myself that are seeking wholeness and for describing it as "broken parts of one personality" that just need to come back home!
This was an absolute incredible video, Ollie. Thank you so much. We're playing around with the idea of final fusion, and we probably will be thinking about it for a few years. Your video has really helped us be less nervous about thinking about it. So really, thank you. And thank you Fable for your cameos!!
We genuinely didn’t plan for it but our brain naturally went there 😁 best of luck for your journey
Oh my goodness Ollie you have grown up so much ....much love from Ontario Canada
And on a side note I have never seen the pup play with anyone you are truly his buddy lol xo
Thanks 😁😁 I like to think he likes me best lol
"you can just vibe through life" moooood ollie
Aww Ollie it's awesome to see you being active on the channel, you're slowly but surely becoming a proper UA-cam star😎❤️
I’m just a budget try hard that doesn’t actually try hard 🤣😝 -Ollie
@@MultiplicityAndMe lmaoo😂😂 well whatever you're "not trying" to do, it's working pretty damn good 😁👍🏽
Alters can't die. Learned that the hard way!!
We went through this moment in our life, where there was a huge conflict that caused our alters to disappear except for a select few who got frontsuck. 2 years passed, AWOL, then one day they all returned unscathed. As it turned out, they've probably been there the whole time, but those few who 'survived' rejected their existence. And the dormant ones too, rejected the ones out front.
Aw I am so excited for you guys! To have gotten so far in your healing makes me so happy! I cant wait to see how you guys progress! 🥰
ollie you’re such a laugh! love your videos man. love and light to all of you🤍🤍
Thank you 😁🥳
The DID experience is as individual as those who live with it. Thank you for sharing your personal insight.
The editing in this is so sweet! Love it
I am so grateful that they are sharing their experiences and appreciate watching them grow together. What an interesting journey and a wonderful message.
Ollie so mature! I am so impressed and proud of all of you!! I’ve seen your progress and it’s amazing. Thank you for teaching me so much about DID.
Ollie this was a comfort to.watch, but also such a powerful video for the M&M system as a whole to be feeling so.cohesive and transformer like. The last real time I recall hearing Jess talk about therapy was her taking the break because of Evee, but thinking on it now yeah that's been a bit ago, not meaning to be a spanner on that bit... But back on topic while I will be sorry to see such dynamic and incredible people fuse, I am so looking forward to being a small mankie corner piece on the puzzle that is M&M's community going forward... I am strangely proud of you Ollie having seen young you and the young man you are becoming and see how wise and confident you are becoming every day, your Dads must be so proud of you too... Here's to the future whatever if brings for.you all and us too
ollie has matured so much since the beginning of this channel🥺i love you all so so much and videos like these make us a lot less scared about the future for us since fusing💕💐💕
Thanks so much Ollie! You’ve made this all so much more accessible, I love how you explain stuff! We’re trying to reduce separation because most of us want to be more present in our life but it’s tricky...we’ll keep trying though!
This is wonderful!
I know it's hard to explain to those of us that don't live with DID.
But I believe we all have to go through what is best for our body & mind!
The process your System is working towards is a wonderful goal for you!
It's awesome you all believe that every System needs to make their choice, & not every System has the same goal.
I think the explanation was very simple to understand.
It helps to show that though others may have a similar diagnosis, the experience varies on the System!
Keep up the great work!
I vote more videos including doggo! XD
We are too early in our process to know whether final fusion would be the right path for us, and generally we're of the opinion that what needs to happen will happen and we'll find that out when we get there.
It was really comforting to hear that there is a stage in bringing down the walls where you feel even more hole. We haven't experienced that and yet I feel like I know what you mean and hope that's something possible for us as well.
I absolutely adore Ollie’s description of this topic! So relatable! Keep being amazing!
So glad that you guys are doing what's right for you. Love you guys no matter what and I am astounded by the progress you all have made over the year. It is really cool to see how far you all have come. You are a real inspiration. Thank you for using your voice to help the world better understand these topics.
Thank you 😁
This video was very informative for me as somebody who just wants to learn more about DID. I know it's an old video but I hope you've been able to make progress towards the final fusion. I can see how your therapy has helped you all to 'blend' more and that makes me really happy. Much love and stay strong! ❤️
Thank you for this video. It helps flesh out this topic, but it's still scary for us as a system. It may be that we aren't ready yet and we'll keep each other in mind and continue to evaluate where we each stand. Part of it is that there's been so little control in life that it's hard to let this go to something where we've never experienced and don't know where it will go. Thank you for speaking out and helping, also thank you for introducing us to Dr. Mike. We've been subscribed since his first video and it's been super helpful.
Ollie you have grown up so beautifully. This was such an amazing and well made video. Love love love this
Aw thanks 😁😁😁
It's always a pleasure to watch you guys, I love this particular video, Ollie. It was super inspiring in a way, and even though I'm not a system myself, it felt good to have a little update on how you guys are doing, but also to know that even though you're working towards a final fusion, none of you four will disappear. With that said, even though I know that's mostly likely not how it works, I personally believe that it would be really cool if all four of you could somehow co-front together for days at a time while still conserving some individuality if and when any of you wanted it. I don't know if that would be beneficial for you as a whole, or even if it's possible, but it's a thought that really fascinated me for a while.
Anyway, thank you so much for making such fascinating, entertaining, and educational content, and I hope you have a great day 😁
Having just watched the 360 degrees actors video, I can see how it will be so freeing for Jake to "own" the body as part of the singular consciousness. Of course I don't know him or the system at all, but I just had that thought. Best of luck to You in this journey.
Thank you so so so so much for this video. It has helped us immensely, you don't know how much, with process some of the things happening to us
Currently watching the video and I just have to say how awesome the thumbnail for this video is, it’s so cool.
It’s cooler than me ngl 😝 -Ollie
Firstly it’s surprising to see Ollie so much older than last time I saw him! He seems so much more grown up comparatively and I can see so much of his dads’ in him.
Secondly, this was a perfectly timed video for me/us. We only have OSDD but our goal/dream is final fusion. We’ve just recently had our second fusion, and BOY HAS IT BEEN ROUGH. This video was some lovely encouragement reminding us why we want this and that it will be worth it once we get through these more difficult sections.
Thank you for this video, for explaining how alters do not literally die but change form such as when an alter fuses or integrates with another alter. The articles you've provided for further research are much appreciated and it is good to see Ollie again - his voice seems deeper than before and I love his energy! Much love, from Australia.
It always makes me glad when I can tell who's gonna be recording the video just from the thumbnail lol
Great job, Ollie! Thanks for telling us your perspective on all this
This was such a good video!! Really enjoyed it and i felt like I learnt a lot more about DID :)) Ollie was very fun to watch and Jamie did a great job on editing! much love
Loved this. Really fricken appreciate you guys doing this. Love love love
🙌🏻 sending love back 😁 glad you liked it! We felt it was important too!
”You're such a spanner!” Love the informative and fun video Ollie, well done💙
Thank youuuu 😁😁
You guys are awesome, together and separate! And as sad and scary as fusion sounds like, I'm sure that together, no matter what will come, you will be great! Fused or unfused. Good luck, I hope things go great and you will feel whole! Love you guys.
Am I about to binge watch every single one of the videos on this channel purely because I just discovered it yesterday and I'm in love with Jamie and eds relationship... Yes I am 🤣
Love the vid great information and Ollie and Fable together such a mood. Hope you’re all well 😊
The Casper analogy is so good! As always, thank you for educating and sharing your insight :)
I don't have DID myself but I find the topic so interesting to learn about. I've been following this channel for a few years now, and listening to you all share your experiences, as well as reading the stories of other systems in your comments, has been a wonderful journey of learning and gaining new perspective!
Thank you 😊
And I see that Ollie is the musician of the family 😆 this whole thing was very well thought out and well said.
Ollie’s voice!!! Is it just me or has it gotten deeper?
Yeah. It has. He’s growing up 😭
I've been having a terrible week with my trauma and I came back here to visit old friends. Gaz and Jess, you are both very special to me, in showing me that kind wonderful people exist and that love can very much come with patience, and understanding, and be truly unconditional. Jess, do you and Gaz ever miss the boys? I hope all is going amazing in your lives. Sending lots of love to your babies, Gaz, and Jess (& Jamie, Ed, Ollie and Jake wherever their parts are entwined)
Love the chaotic energy of Ollie. Also wish you all the best and you are doing what you feel is right for you which is great.
Sending encouragement for your ongoing journeys!!!!
I love learning more about DID with y’all! I’m in college for professional writing atm and someday I’d love to write a book with a few systems talking about life with DID :)
I just sent this to my husband and his system. They have these exact fears. Thank you for covering this topic!
This was a great video. I believe also that by having these experiences (like testing the water), we also slowly grown our tolerance to it. We learn how it feels, what it’s like and it makes it easier to trust. Thus, to open up to it. ❤️
Ollie you’ve grown up so much 🥺🥺 i missed you dude! I’m glad you’re doing well :))
Ohmygosh! Such fun to see Ollie! It has been a while. And I agree with other commenters that we have never seen Fable this playful and cuddly! Thank you for your thoughts about fusion - it was nice to get another alter’s perspective. Thank you all for everything that you do!! ❤️
Thank you for this video! Ollie has definitely grown and matured. Fusion for me sounds final but empowering. One day, maybe this body will become one. Just not now. Thank you for being such inspiration. Thanks and Smilies!
Fusion is such a new term to me. During my treatment we used integration in the way you are using fusion. I have always referred (well prior to this year!!) to myself as fully integrated.
The way you describe the walls coming down is so accurate, I remember that feeling 💜 I wish you all luck. My full integration was incredible, and yes, it was a different feeling of loss and gain. If you ever want to talk about it, I'd be happy to chat.
I have always used transformers as my analogy
So glad Ollie that you are so supportive of your system. Growth can be scary so can change. Having great support and awesome therapy is key. Still looking but in my rural area no one understands. Virtual hugs all.
“Personality Soup” makes so much sense🥺❤️ y’all are amazing!!
When did ollie grow so much omg it feels like yesterday when he was so small ;o; 'Catstronauts!'
Alters can't die...la la la la la...that was hilarious!
Needed to make the message clear 😝
i was laughing so hard 😂😂😂