Wow, "giving me time to mourn the plan" describes so perfectly. I always said to my husband I need time to adjust to the new plan, but mourning the old plan - that fits even better.
Alicia: "I dont like chaos. I like order. I put labels on everything..." *Marries dreamer therapist with ADHD* Lol Man, I really love yall's videos. Great demonstration of how seemingly polar opposite personalities can balance each other out and have happy healthy marriages.
Wow, this actually explains a lot. I think I'm a Healer-Thinker, and this kinda explains the weird internal juxtaposition I feel of being highly sensitive/emotionally oriented while also being very analytical/detail oriented. And I feel a bit called out for loving spreadsheets and labels so much hahahahaha
@ptyleranodon3081 That happens a bit for me as well. I kinda struggle to reign in my anxiety sometimes, though, which makes me over analyzing and stresses me out. It's exhausting
Feel this so much! I’m hyper aware of how others feel and how people are affected by different things. It’s an interesting combo! Makes my brain hurt sometimes 😅.
As a thinker when my family started going through a lot of emotional turmoil, I retreated to my room and vigorously researched MBTI to explain everyone because their behavior didn’t make sense. I was able to understand, predict and explain people’s motivations to what they admitted were scarily accurate levels, even though I managed to never truly emotionally engage. I loved them by assessing them thoroughly. Yea I’m working on the whole emotional connection thing now. That’s actually why I’m on this channel 😂 doing more research.
Wow I am a thinker-closer and I married a dreamer. This explains the last 13 years!!!!! I made a spreadsheet for our wedding and I color code my clothes. My husband can spend 45 minutes taking to a stranger about bouldering. Our relationship works but it takes work!
I never heard this personality type called "Thinker" before, but all the way through the video, I was going -- yep; that's me. My father was similar and we got along VERY well. He was an electrical engineer who majored in physics in college, and taught mathematics after he retired from the Air Force, where he was a research-and-development person at Cape Canaveral in the space program. I adored him and he was my idol. I was never good at math, but I approached my academic interest -- history -- in the same way he approached his research. My poor mother was totally NOT a Thinker type, and with two Thinkers in the family, it did Not Go Well. My parents loved each other, but they definitely did not LIKE each other. Same with my mother and me.
Analysis Paralysis is very real, and I dislike it immeasurably. In addition I'd like to mention what I call "Preparation Stagnation" which is a state of continuing preparation with no further action. It sucks. And I do my best to overcome both these things because they work in tandem with each other to perpetuate inaction.
I definitely am a melting pot of all 4 personality types but this video with the thinker really struck a chord as I do plan things out meticulously. I actually include flexibility into the plan. For example my best friend is an anxious scatterbrain who always "faffs about" so I account for "faffing time" in my timeframe when making travel plans with her. It completely avoids any arguments because I already had allowed for that time so we aren't late. On holidays I have everything planned out and then allow for spontaneous stuff within the schedule. So we can be spontaneous but only for the days/evenings where it's in the scheduled "whatever we feel like time" window part of the plan. Yeah definitely have the thinker trait lol 😂
I love this, makes so much sense! And as a healer/dreamer, I would love to get the plans already done! But yes, the plan is more as a guide ... 🤣 I'm learning to respect the plan ... :)
Hahaha I also feel like a melting pot of all types, but in my case planning ahead is not really a strength. I do compensate the dreamer-chaos in my brain by meticulously creating overviews and structures outside of my brain so despite being a bad planner and awful strategist i still love excel and love constantly evaluating and putting insights and knowledge in their proper place in the bigger picture.
I just realized one of the frustrating things about my relationship with a very good friend. Every once in awhile he will quiz me on some topic. I immediately freeze. I hate quizzes and tests. If he didn't phrase it like a quiz, I probably have the answer, because I love reading, and many times can have the answer, but I just feel stressed. So, then, because I am a healer/closer I do attempt to give him an answer. But my round about way of getting to the answer, even though it is the right answer or close to it, drives him crazy. He enjoys these "quizzes" so much. Now, I realize that he is a thinker.
I am both a thinker and a dreamer. I am very creative and spontanously create fictional stories in my head, when it comes to turning them into text I always think and plan how I shall learn the things I need to write a better novel than I presently can write. So I both have ideas and excute them. That means that I create a lot in the end.
I'm a thinker without a plan, a recluse healer, a dreamer with a dream both so big it touches the horizon and so small you need to get down on ground level to see it.
Omg, I just realize I’m likely a thinker. My coworkers are likely dreamers and that’s why I get irritated by them so much. I can’t relate to what they’re squealing about. I get exhausted with all the emotions and uncertainty after talking with them for a while. Thank you so much for helping me understand myself and them more!
I am a dominate dreamer, secondary thinker. And man does that make my relationships interesting. My partner and I have been going through the series and taking notes and are going to have a big conversation together on how we think we can better meet each other's needs together moving forward and what we can do to meet our own needs. They are definitely a healer/dreamer.
Listening to this I recognize I'm a thinker. I will "build" something in my mind dozens of times in various ways before ever committing to actual material. I'll map out trips using a spreadsheet that calculates mileage, time, gas and cost. In arguments, I'll take in new information and adjust my reaction accordingly - a skill that's made some call me "wishy washy" until I explain the reason for my change in stance. It's frustrating and comforting at the same time. Frustrating, because I don't feel like I fit in with other people and many people find my reaction to things underwhelming. Comforting, because by nature, facts seldom change. 😋
I'm a healer-thinker. My first instinct with others is to help them and relate to their emotions. My closer mom often says I'm sensitive. I also have a HUGE need for comfort. However, when tasks need to be done, my thinker side needs to have a plan or specific instructions. If someone doesn't give me that when they ask me to do something, I'm very quick to think they're stupid. When I'm presented with a problem, I will go down a research rabbit hole. I'm also with Alicia in loving the structure of personality types, but I prefer enneagram. It makes understanding others a lot easier instead of thinking of them as either mean or stupid.
I do third way vacations: I typically schedule one event per day, that I really want to do, which is tied to that day; but then I fill the rest of the day with spontaneity and budget for that spontaneity. It works out well for me.
I’m definitely a thinker, I love to discuss ideas and reflect on life and society. It’s so much fun when I get together with another person who’s willing to have meaningful deep conversations with me.
I relate to this video on a spiritual level. I love the thinker description and I've never heard a personality type that fits me as well as this one! I tell my partner all the time "my plans are my boundaries, I need a plan". Also I love the idea of mourning the plan, I will be telling my partner that!
I've never heard anyone say they were morning the plan or the process but now that I hear it, I do this all the time. I frequently pour so much of myself into making the choices that when I have to face a change it's literally like losing something.
This is so me!! Having plans with plans. Mourning plans and needing space so I can readjust and make a new plan. Being called emotionally distant cold or difficult to argue because I am focused on logic. Emotionally immature thinking of needing to be right, I have since grown apart from that. Needing a construct to understand people, which is why i find this to be so relevant and finally something that describes what I’ve seen in people and didn’t understand! Also, I am the same way about vacations and doing things with friends and family. Like go with the flow is fine but I need a plan I need to know if the plan is to go with the flow and explore or if it’s gonna be structured! I just realized that it’s a plan within a plan and I love it ! It’s hilarious that as she described how she felt about the vacation I finally felt understood. Why don’t other people think this way? Also, yes I will come out of my shell at my own tempo and yes my weird side is shown to only a select few. 😂 I am so grateful to have learned this, it has helped me understand the people closest to me and love them for who they are! ❤❤😂😂😊
After the first few videos I thought I was going to be a mix of everything and not fully connect with the concept. Here we are! I'm a thinker! I could relate too everything and got so excited. edit: Ill now go through the video to analyse and evaluate my learning points.
Wait, you are creators of this beautiful and actually useful personality system?? 😍 You’ve got my forever lasting gratitude, it’s helping me understand so many things
I loved all four of the personality type videos. I am a dreamer, my brother is a thinker and our mother is a closer. Both myself and my mother get along amazingly with my brother the thinker, but my mother and myself bud heads all the time. And our thinker is the one to calm us down and make helpful suggestions so that everyone feels seen.
I'm a dreamer (with a bit of healer) and my past boyfriend was a thinker (with a bit of closer)😅 we didn't last but I learned so much from this relationship!!😊
oh heeeey, here I am lol! Fully agree; I absorb random bits of seemingly unnecessary information like a sponge and it often comes up much like the boy scout that pulls the perfect tool for the situation out of this seemingly magical bag with unlimited space. And the "mourn the plan" thing...uggggh I relate to that so hard.
The dreamer-thinker-dynamic kind of reminds me of Amy & Jake from Brooklyn 99. She has everything planned in thick folders for every life situation and Jake is just "go with the flow and see what happens". Edit: I think I am a wild Mix of Healer, Thinker & Dreamer. Especially the last two sides clash a lot within me in my daily life and it can be quite exhausting (not only for me, but also for the people involved in certain situations). What I noticed is that I have a loooot of Thinker-friends (expecially those who work in IT). Interestingly they like my dreamer side. One told me that I "make his dull life a bit more entertaining - despite being so unpredictable at times. The element of surprise helps him to stay flexible". Another one pointed out that they are intrigued by my skill to find creative solutions for problems on the get go and my unique perspective outside of their own perception.
@@MendedLight In communicating we need to make certain we understand each other, so there is a lot of checking in on that. We see the world very differently and as a result we talk a lot. The key to anything is communication.
I am a thinker (1sr) and a healer (2nd). I recognize myself a lot in your description of a thinker's behaviour and needs. You both put it in such a clear way that I feel like I can now put into words elements of my personnality that I came to learn about myself in the last few years. It feels like a relief and I was really touched by this feeling (guilty of having teary eyes here :) ) This is so useful, thank you so much to you both and your team for putting this collection of videos together !
I finally understand why my sister's story of her childhood has a nasty mother & mine doesn't. I'm a healer-thinker (not sure which one is on top) & so was my mom. My sister, I suspect, is a dreamer-closer. I'm going to be sharing these videos with her. Our brother that we all struggle to connect with is a VERY strong thinker, which is why I relate to him better than most of my siblings.
My dad is a thinker and I am not and we are both autistic so this video is super helpful for me to understand him. You have no idea how helpful this is
I didn't expect to relate so much to the healer and thinker personality types. I think I'm a dominant healer and a secondary thinker, although there are certain traits in the dreamer and closer personalities to which I really relate: I also plan some time for spontaneity and I like to be open to new things and sudden changes and I absolutely, definetely value efficiency. I find these very interesting, thank you for this channel and your work!!!
I'm someone who needs a lot of chats before getting close to another person and if they blow me off or avoid me for whatever reason, I'll get, as cold as, when I started out with them. I want to know that this person has my back and that I can do the same for them. I can't go with the flow, unless I trust that person.
Mourning the old plan makes so much sense and helped me understand myself better. I took a test a long time ago at work, and one of the questions asked if I feel I perform best when I know what's expected of me. That also helped me understand myself better. I can stall out in moving forward if I'm not given clear instruction for what's expected of me. I find myself navigating without a life partner and I feel less-than because I get stalled trying to figure things out by myself. I find I can rise to challenges but I need time to wrap my head around an informed and researched plan. I feel better now, knowing why home or car emergencies tend to give me huge anxiety. If something happens too fast. And as an introvert I hate having to call someone to come into my home.
Oh my goodness! So spot on! This is definitely my dominant side! Yes, let me mourn the plan! My mom, one time interrupted my plans for the entire day. I tried to take two seconds to kind of close my eyes, take a deep breath, and pray so I could let go of what I had in my mind. She hit the roof and came down on me! I was always a super obedient child, but at that stage I was an adult and just needed two seconds to collect myself. Having my plans discarded without any consultantation made me very frustrated. Now I understand why it makes me so angry! Give me a couple moments to mourn! I tell my daycare kids all the time even if I don’t have a plan, I have a plan, lol!
Me as a Thinker, coming to these videos to learn about your four personality types because I want to do the research to learn your four personality types haha. I'm also married to a Dreamer, by the way. I so love your dynamic because it reminds me of me and my husband!
All I know after watching all the videos is that I am not a closer. But I am a little of a healer, dreamer, and thinking. I wish I knew what perfect from each one so I can learn to balance it in my life. Thanks for the videos.
The clip with Snape was genius! Made me guffaw! This is definitely my husband's primary personality type, but now that you've deep-dived into it, I think it's also my mother's secondary (Closer-Thinker). I really appreciate these videos! thank you! ~ Healer/Dreamer
Wow this is the first video of the personalities series I am watching, but the description of the thinker suits me so much, for sure there must be something else because I can be very empathetic, but when you are talking about the two types of journeys, oh I felt that. It can be all dreamy and without a plan but to me that's the plan, I need to know beforehand and be mentally prepared for the unforeseeable 😂
My husband is a thinker and we love our teamwork, im very go with the flow, and he loves the fact that he can plan thinks how he wants and i follow him with a lot of fun. When it comes to understanding social situations we have deep conversations where i explain why people do certain things and what we can do to help them or the situation. One question, we havent had a fight yet, and we both are very nerves about that. What will a thinker help on times there are problems in a relationship? He finds it hard to explain his own feelings. Thanks for the video i laught a lot because i constantly thought: hey!!! He does that too, thats sooo my husband😂
I feel so seen! This is me for sure, sent to my mom and husband! I'm not trying to be rude, I just have researched it and thought it out, so this is what we should do. And we did a "dreamer" vacation last summer- it was great, but I didn't plan anything! Love this so much!! Difficult in parent child relationships because a healer daughter is rebellious because shes annoyed that I always think I'm right.
Its very amusing. Im a healer-thinker, and my partner is a thinker-healer. the juxposition of which one as the dominate makes us so similar yet so different.
Thank you!! I’m so dominantly a Thinker type, and I’ve been looking forward to this. It’s all very on-point to my own experiences. If you’re considering doing more videos on the personality types, you of course have my 100% support on that
So, kudos Alicia for doing UA-cam, so a extroverted thing to do. Really I want to know how was for her to learn and work with social and psychological aknowledge to help people in that areas. Really I hope she feels good doing this. Just "clap-clap-clap-clap" Alicia. And Jono, love you... You are doing great developing your inner Closer and Thinker. So, I'm a introverted Dreamer-Thinker-Healer........ Closer. Who needs to develop more the so little Closer energy in me. Little by little, I'm doing it .
Hearing this I think a definitely have a thinker personality side.Although I feel like that's not all, some of what you described just fits perfectly. One line made me even laugh. "I put labels on everything" and I just think "hello, zoologist here. I literally determine insects and spiders, which gives me countless possibilities to, well, put a very precise labels on them. Even very literally for the insects. Mount them on a needle, type that label digitally (species name and other scientific info) print it out, cut it to the right side and pin the needle bottom through it. Yn you get a labeled speciem for the collection! Very satisfying for me. Not that many other ways to put labels on things for a living" But also in everyday life, yes, I really prefer to have names for all kinds of things. But many people are annoyed by this at least in my experience.
My sister is a thinker thank you for this. because I am also a dreamer like Jono and because of the difference between me and my sister's personalities, more often than not it creates problems. this way I can understand her better
Definitely a dominant thinker. With a possible dreamer personality secondary with manifests in a idealistic vision of what the world could be if people would be willing to change it for the better through acting on the facts of a matter. I do most though not all of the things that they described in this video. Thank you for these videos that have been very helpful in allowing me to understand myself.
I’ve got a Thinker in my life! Thanks for this video, love how articulate you both are and how well you work together. Yay team Ali-oh! (Or John-Ali? 🧐😁) I’ve been listening to this whole playlist. Solid GOLD ❤🏆
Im a thinker and closer i think....i relate to both so much and i have younger sisters and friends who i work with in group projects and this video helped me understand why i get so irked at times with them when things aren't according to steps or plans or getting done on time😂. I didnt realise till i saw all videos on the personality types that everyone views and interacts with the world differently than i do.
Hello Alicia and Jonathan! I love your videos. Will you ever make a video on healers/thinkers or healers/closers? I'm a healer/thinker, and I'm curious about what you would have to say about that. Thank you. 😊
I feel like I'm a Thinker-Healer and my boyfriend is a Dreamer-Thinker. We bond and over the Thinker things we have in common. However, his Dreamer traits are definitely more dominant and we can drive each other crazy. I want a plan and efficiency. He wants to go where the wind takes him. I have a place for everything and everything in its place. He's everything, eveywhere, all at once and can never find his keys/phone/vape/insert item here. We have our struggles but I think we're making it work. I'm going to watch your Dreamer discussion so I can get some insight on how to support him better.
Hi! After watching these four videos I have some questions, so I guess I'm crossing my fingers that a Q&A video regarding the personality types isn't an impossibility! 1. I perceive my partner as a dreamer/healer. What do you do if you have a dreamer type in your life that suffers from depression and anxiety, and the fun is just gone? How does that play out? 2. I relate to all of these four types. For every one there are traits I strongly identify with, and then some that don't fit. I don't know if that means this construct isn't really a good fit for me, or if I've just practiced different aspects of myself over time. Something I do know though is that my dreamer side doesn't get any room. I can't let go of the closer/thinker (or healer, which is strong for me) when my partner isn't doing well and also is taking _no part_ in any of the closer/thinker needs in our relationship. All the responsibility falls on me and I can't relax. Also, whenever I bring that fun and goofyness it gets shut down. (The depression/anxiety coming to the surface). I can't be alone in experiencing this. Do you have any plans on a series with tips on these types of dynamics? I guess I'm looking for practical suggestions. 3. Apart from myself, I know many people that contradict things. Like introverted dreamers and extroverted thinkers. What are your thoughts on that? And on embodying contradicting traits? Like being a closer/healer or dreamer/thinker combo. 4. What do you do when a healer has had a previous experience of being treated terribly, snapping, and then after that is now taking out all of that anger/upset and getting triggered by the smallest things in a new relationship? Or when they are more or less stuck in the shame place, mening any type of conversation to move you forward, no matter how loving and soft, gets stilted or procrastinated. Thank you for this series! It's really helpful! 🙏
I am a dreamer-healer and can answer from my perspective, and what worked. I have been acting as a thinker-closer as a trauma response, and then I got into depression and didn't know why until I studies personalities. The most important thinks were to be comfortable, seen, and do something fun. Music and dancing are always great, especially dancing. Also, I needed a vacation: I just left and traveled and that helped a lot. Ideally if I had someone near me and if that person would just do all the organizing and I would only have to go, would have helped so much, because I was exhausted from depression and anxiety and just needed a break. Also just asking them what is your ideal day, let them dream big and follow their story. Let yourself appreciate the creativity, and see if you can implement small steps from that. Hope this helps. 🫶
@@RainbowSunshineRain Hi, Thank you for taking the time to answer! He does want to be comfortable and seen, and I'm doing that. But I'm at the point of compassion fatigue after _only_ being allowed to do that for years, without reciprocation (because he's been close to panic pretty much constantly). There's a limit to what one is capable of giving. I'm at that limit. He doesn't want fun anymore. He doesn't know what's fun for him och what he'd like or need. I love to dance, I would love to dance with him. He says he wants to, but when I ask him he declines. When I ask what his ideal day would be it's either to sleep or he doesn't know. So I let him sleep. But eventually that becomes Hiding, when you avoid everything. And I'm cracking under the weight of doing all of the organising for years on end. So I need tools that He can use, to help himself. Because nothing I do helps, and I can't be alone in all things anymore. There has to be responsibility on his part too. There's no money to travel. And even when we've been on vacation, just planning simple things like what to eat and grocery shopping is too much for him. So while I appreciate your tips I guess you two are/were in different places. I wish what you wrote would help. ❤️
@@hannahthufvesson I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds hard. And yes, I did go through his phase not finding anything fun and refusing everything. At some point needs to be his decision of doing something. And yes, you deserve to live and feel good. The best thing I did was moving out a couple of weeks from my depressed partner because I was exhausted. Only when he found himself alone realized it's his responsibility to live. Sending love and hugs your way 🫶
@@RainbowSunshineRain Thank you so much! And I'm so glad you got out of that place! That's also hopeful, and helpful, you know, just knowing it's possible. And thank you for the perspective regarding moving out for a bit. I'm gonna keep that in mind. Sending love and hugs back!
My mom is an ENFJ, and my dad is the complete opposite, he’s an ISTP. If they hadn’t met at the Alpha Sigma Phi mixer my mom went to they would have never met. They were from two different spheres. My mom is a complete feeler, she is 100% all about those feelings. My dad was a 100% logic and thinking. Somehow they were perfect for each other. I am a mixture of both as an INFJ and sometimes tread the line between J & P.
i discovered I am a dominant thinker and secondary dreamer. All my issues are suddenly starting to make sense since these two are opposing personalities. =D
I am on the Autism Spectrum and I am definitely a thinker. I definitely assume people are stupid if their logic doesn't make sense to me. I really like this expression "mourn the plan" and I'm going to steal that 😂
Soo, when are you two going to do vids concerning specific combinations of personality types (i.e. thinker + healer etc.). Pretty certain my wife is a healer while I'm a dreamer and it's likely caused some miscommunication and/or strife in the relationship over the years so, that video could be useful. Long time listener, first time commentator.
Wow, "giving me time to mourn the plan" describes so perfectly. I always said to my husband I need time to adjust to the new plan, but mourning the old plan - that fits even better.
Alicia: "I dont like chaos. I like order. I put labels on everything..."
*Marries dreamer therapist with ADHD* Lol
Man, I really love yall's videos. Great demonstration of how seemingly polar opposite personalities can balance each other out and have happy healthy marriages.
Wow, this actually explains a lot. I think I'm a Healer-Thinker, and this kinda explains the weird internal juxtaposition I feel of being highly sensitive/emotionally oriented while also being very analytical/detail oriented.
And I feel a bit called out for loving spreadsheets and labels so much hahahahaha
I'm a healer-thinker as well. For me it entails a lot of analyzing human/social dynamics.
@ptyleranodon3081 That happens a bit for me as well. I kinda struggle to reign in my anxiety sometimes, though, which makes me over analyzing and stresses me out. It's exhausting
Same
Feel this so much! I’m hyper aware of how others feel and how people are affected by different things. It’s an interesting combo! Makes my brain hurt sometimes 😅.
Same. I care about the task and will make a list of what to make a list about and I also care about people and their feelings. Very interesting combo.
As a thinker when my family started going through a lot of emotional turmoil, I retreated to my room and vigorously researched MBTI to explain everyone because their behavior didn’t make sense. I was able to understand, predict and explain people’s motivations to what they admitted were scarily accurate levels, even though I managed to never truly emotionally engage. I loved them by assessing them thoroughly.
Yea I’m working on the whole emotional connection thing now. That’s actually why I’m on this channel 😂 doing more research.
"I recharge when I am alone" - I needed 35 years to realize this, but now I am protecting my alone time carefully, and man it pays off!
Wow I am a thinker-closer and I married a dreamer. This explains the last 13 years!!!!! I made a spreadsheet for our wedding and I color code my clothes. My husband can spend 45 minutes taking to a stranger about bouldering. Our relationship works but it takes work!
I never heard this personality type called "Thinker" before, but all the way through the video, I was going -- yep; that's me. My father was similar and we got along VERY well. He was an electrical engineer who majored in physics in college, and taught mathematics after he retired from the Air Force, where he was a research-and-development person at Cape Canaveral in the space program. I adored him and he was my idol. I was never good at math, but I approached my academic interest -- history -- in the same way he approached his research. My poor mother was totally NOT a Thinker type, and with two Thinkers in the family, it did Not Go Well. My parents loved each other, but they definitely did not LIKE each other. Same with my mother and me.
Analysis Paralysis is very real, and I dislike it immeasurably.
In addition I'd like to mention what I call "Preparation Stagnation" which is a state of continuing preparation with no further action. It sucks.
And I do my best to overcome both these things because they work in tandem with each other to perpetuate inaction.
I definitely am a melting pot of all 4 personality types but this video with the thinker really struck a chord as I do plan things out meticulously.
I actually include flexibility into the plan. For example my best friend is an anxious scatterbrain who always "faffs about" so I account for "faffing time" in my timeframe when making travel plans with her. It completely avoids any arguments because I already had allowed for that time so we aren't late.
On holidays I have everything planned out and then allow for spontaneous stuff within the schedule. So we can be spontaneous but only for the days/evenings where it's in the scheduled "whatever we feel like time" window part of the plan.
Yeah definitely have the thinker trait lol 😂
Yes! It's kind of ironic but I also plan for spontaneity as well lol
I love this, makes so much sense! And as a healer/dreamer, I would love to get the plans already done! But yes, the plan is more as a guide ... 🤣 I'm learning to respect the plan ... :)
Hahaha I also feel like a melting pot of all types, but in my case planning ahead is not really a strength. I do compensate the dreamer-chaos in my brain by meticulously creating overviews and structures outside of my brain so despite being a bad planner and awful strategist i still love excel and love constantly evaluating and putting insights and knowledge in their proper place in the bigger picture.
As a thinker who didn't realize he was a thinker until watching this video, I found this incredibly enlightening. Thank you
I just realized one of the frustrating things about my relationship with a very good friend. Every once in awhile he will quiz me on some topic. I immediately freeze. I hate quizzes and tests.
If he didn't phrase it like a quiz, I probably have the answer, because I love reading, and many times can have the answer, but I just feel stressed.
So, then, because I am a healer/closer I do attempt to give him an answer. But my round about way of getting to the answer, even though it is the right answer or close to it, drives him crazy.
He enjoys these "quizzes" so much. Now, I realize that he is a thinker.
I am both a thinker and a dreamer. I am very creative and spontanously create fictional stories in my head, when it comes to turning them into text I always think and plan how I shall learn the things I need to write a better novel than I presently can write. So I both have ideas and excute them. That means that I create a lot in the end.
I'm a thinker without a plan, a recluse healer, a dreamer with a dream both so big it touches the horizon and so small you need to get down on ground level to see it.
Omg, I just realize I’m likely a thinker. My coworkers are likely dreamers and that’s why I get irritated by them so much. I can’t relate to what they’re squealing about. I get exhausted with all the emotions and uncertainty after talking with them for a while. Thank you so much for helping me understand myself and them more!
Thanks for being on UA-cam, Alicia! We need your light, too 💖
I am a dominate dreamer, secondary thinker. And man does that make my relationships interesting. My partner and I have been going through the series and taking notes and are going to have a big conversation together on how we think we can better meet each other's needs together moving forward and what we can do to meet our own needs. They are definitely a healer/dreamer.
Listening to this I recognize I'm a thinker. I will "build" something in my mind dozens of times in various ways before ever committing to actual material. I'll map out trips using a spreadsheet that calculates mileage, time, gas and cost. In arguments, I'll take in new information and adjust my reaction accordingly - a skill that's made some call me "wishy washy" until I explain the reason for my change in stance.
It's frustrating and comforting at the same time. Frustrating, because I don't feel like I fit in with other people and many people find my reaction to things underwhelming. Comforting, because by nature, facts seldom change. 😋
I'm a healer-thinker. My first instinct with others is to help them and relate to their emotions. My closer mom often says I'm sensitive. I also have a HUGE need for comfort.
However, when tasks need to be done, my thinker side needs to have a plan or specific instructions. If someone doesn't give me that when they ask me to do something, I'm very quick to think they're stupid. When I'm presented with a problem, I will go down a research rabbit hole.
I'm also with Alicia in loving the structure of personality types, but I prefer enneagram. It makes understanding others a lot easier instead of thinking of them as either mean or stupid.
There is nothing in this video that I didn't immediately go "omg that's me, I didn't know this is a normal thing for me to feel"
Realizing I’m a thinker/closer and my fiance is a thinker/dreamer. Makes sense that our thought processes tend to be the way we find common ground
I think I am learning now that I am a healer-thinker. I am finding myself saying “yes yes yes” to a lot of this 😂😂
as a Healer-Thinker these videos hit the sweet spot of structure & logic and feelings & relationship orientedness 🤭🤩👌
I do third way vacations: I typically schedule one event per day, that I really want to do, which is tied to that day; but then I fill the rest of the day with spontaneity and budget for that spontaneity. It works out well for me.
I’m definitely a thinker, I love to discuss ideas and reflect on life and society.
It’s so much fun when I get together with another person who’s willing to have meaningful deep conversations with me.
I'm a thinker with autism & ADHD. So what I need and what my brain does is not always the same.
I relate to this video on a spiritual level. I love the thinker description and I've never heard a personality type that fits me as well as this one! I tell my partner all the time "my plans are my boundaries, I need a plan". Also I love the idea of mourning the plan, I will be telling my partner that!
I've never heard anyone say they were morning the plan or the process but now that I hear it, I do this all the time. I frequently pour so much of myself into making the choices that when I have to face a change it's literally like losing something.
“My greatest strength is thinking.”
“So you believe no one else thinks?”
“I mean…”
😅
This is so me!!
Having plans with plans.
Mourning plans and needing space so I can readjust and make a new plan.
Being called emotionally distant cold or difficult to argue because I am focused on logic.
Emotionally immature thinking of needing to be right, I have since grown apart from that.
Needing a construct to understand people, which is why i find this to be so relevant and finally something that describes what I’ve seen in people and didn’t understand!
Also, I am the same way about vacations and doing things with friends and family.
Like go with the flow is fine but I need a plan I need to know if the plan is to go with the flow and explore or if it’s gonna be structured! I just realized that it’s a plan within a plan and I love it ! It’s hilarious that as she described how she felt about the vacation I finally felt understood. Why don’t other people think this way?
Also, yes I will come out of my shell at my own tempo and yes my weird side is shown to only a select few. 😂
I am so grateful to have learned this, it has helped me understand the people closest to me and love them for who they are!
❤❤😂😂😊
I'm the thinker in my marriage. This video was helpful. Thanks for helping me articulate what I go through on a daily basis.
After the first few videos I thought I was going to be a mix of everything and not fully connect with the concept. Here we are! I'm a thinker! I could relate too everything and got so excited.
edit: Ill now go through the video to analyse and evaluate my learning points.
Oh my goodness I commented some of my favorite learning points! I thought of the same thing!😂 I related so much!
Wait, you are creators of this beautiful and actually useful personality system?? 😍 You’ve got my forever lasting gratitude, it’s helping me understand so many things
I loved all four of the personality type videos. I am a dreamer, my brother is a thinker and our mother is a closer. Both myself and my mother get along amazingly with my brother the thinker, but my mother and myself bud heads all the time. And our thinker is the one to calm us down and make helpful suggestions so that everyone feels seen.
I'm a dreamer (with a bit of healer) and my past boyfriend was a thinker (with a bit of closer)😅 we didn't last but I learned so much from this relationship!!😊
oh heeeey, here I am lol!
Fully agree; I absorb random bits of seemingly unnecessary information like a sponge and it often comes up much like the boy scout that pulls the perfect tool for the situation out of this seemingly magical bag with unlimited space. And the "mourn the plan" thing...uggggh I relate to that so hard.
The dreamer-thinker-dynamic kind of reminds me of Amy & Jake from Brooklyn 99. She has everything planned in thick folders for every life situation and Jake is just "go with the flow and see what happens". Edit: I think I am a wild Mix of Healer, Thinker & Dreamer. Especially the last two sides clash a lot within me in my daily life and it can be quite exhausting (not only for me, but also for the people involved in certain situations). What I noticed is that I have a loooot of Thinker-friends (expecially those who work in IT). Interestingly they like my dreamer side. One told me that I "make his dull life a bit more entertaining - despite being so unpredictable at times. The element of surprise helps him to stay flexible". Another one pointed out that they are intrigued by my skill to find creative solutions for problems on the get go and my unique perspective outside of their own perception.
This is wild, we did the test, I'm a "Thinker-healer" in that order, and my wife is "dreamer-closer" equally. This is so helpful to learn.
That's so interesting to see how your personalities align! What are the biggest challenges and the best things about having those personality types?
@@MendedLight In communicating we need to make certain we understand each other, so there is a lot of checking in on that. We see the world very differently and as a result we talk a lot. The key to anything is communication.
These videos on these personality types are great. Learning so much! So helpful!
I am a thinker (1sr) and a healer (2nd). I recognize myself a lot in your description of a thinker's behaviour and needs. You both put it in such a clear way that I feel like I can now put into words elements of my personnality that I came to learn about myself in the last few years. It feels like a relief and I was really touched by this feeling (guilty of having teary eyes here :) ) This is so useful, thank you so much to you both and your team for putting this collection of videos together !
I finally understand why my sister's story of her childhood has a nasty mother & mine doesn't. I'm a healer-thinker (not sure which one is on top) & so was my mom. My sister, I suspect, is a dreamer-closer. I'm going to be sharing these videos with her. Our brother that we all struggle to connect with is a VERY strong thinker, which is why I relate to him better than most of my siblings.
Man being a thinker/closer this has helped me a lot. Makes it hard with my healer GF. Being so different.
My cousin is a thinker. She's got such an enriched understanding. Deep wells, those thinkers
I relate so Alicia so much as a thinker/closer, I seriously have never connected to someone thinking wise as much as her
My dad is a thinker and I am not and we are both autistic so this video is super helpful for me to understand him. You have no idea how helpful this is
I didn't expect to relate so much to the healer and thinker personality types. I think I'm a dominant healer and a secondary thinker, although there are certain traits in the dreamer and closer personalities to which I really relate: I also plan some time for spontaneity and I like to be open to new things and sudden changes and I absolutely, definetely value efficiency. I find these very interesting, thank you for this channel and your work!!!
I'm someone who needs a lot of chats before getting close to another person and if they blow me off or avoid me for whatever reason, I'll get, as cold as, when I started out with them. I want to know that this person has my back and that I can do the same for them. I can't go with the flow, unless I trust that person.
Mourning the old plan makes so much sense and helped me understand myself better. I took a test a long time ago at work, and one of the questions asked if I feel I perform best when I know what's expected of me. That also helped me understand myself better. I can stall out in moving forward if I'm not given clear instruction for what's expected of me. I find myself navigating without a life partner and I feel less-than because I get stalled trying to figure things out by myself. I find I can rise to challenges but I need time to wrap my head around an informed and researched plan. I feel better now, knowing why home or car emergencies tend to give me huge anxiety. If something happens too fast. And as an introvert I hate having to call someone to come into my home.
I´m 100000% a thinker!!! Thank you for your videos!!
Oh my goodness! So spot on! This is definitely my dominant side! Yes, let me mourn the plan!
My mom, one time interrupted my plans for the entire day. I tried to take two seconds to kind of close my eyes, take a deep breath, and pray so I could let go of what I had in my mind.
She hit the roof and came down on me! I was always a super obedient child, but at that stage I was an adult and just needed two seconds to collect myself. Having my plans discarded without any consultantation made me very frustrated.
Now I understand why it makes me so angry! Give me a couple moments to mourn!
I tell my daycare kids all the time even if I don’t have a plan, I have a plan, lol!
This is me and my sister!!! Im a dreamer and she's a thinker. I love it
Cool! Now I know I'm a Healer/Thinker
“It’s me for real, for real!”
Hi it's me!
Thank you for sharing this 🙏
she looks so passionate and nerd for this particular topic! Thank you i'm learning so much
Me as a Thinker, coming to these videos to learn about your four personality types because I want to do the research to learn your four personality types haha. I'm also married to a Dreamer, by the way. I so love your dynamic because it reminds me of me and my husband!
All I know after watching all the videos is that I am not a closer. But I am a little of a healer, dreamer, and thinking. I wish I knew what perfect from each one so I can learn to balance it in my life. Thanks for the videos.
I’m a Healing Thinker (Thinker is top and Healer is next).
The clip with Snape was genius! Made me guffaw! This is definitely my husband's primary personality type, but now that you've deep-dived into it, I think it's also my mother's secondary (Closer-Thinker). I really appreciate these videos! thank you! ~ Healer/Dreamer
Thanks for sharing! I have Thinker as my dominant type and what you both said resonated true for me.
It was so fun seeing the thinker in my life through this video. We had some good laughs together afterwards.
OMG I am 1000% a Thinker.
Wow this is the first video of the personalities series I am watching, but the description of the thinker suits me so much, for sure there must be something else because I can be very empathetic, but when you are talking about the two types of journeys, oh I felt that. It can be all dreamy and without a plan but to me that's the plan, I need to know beforehand and be mentally prepared for the unforeseeable 😂
My husband is a thinker and we love our teamwork, im very go with the flow, and he loves the fact that he can plan thinks how he wants and i follow him with a lot of fun. When it comes to understanding social situations we have deep conversations where i explain why people do certain things and what we can do to help them or the situation.
One question, we havent had a fight yet, and we both are very nerves about that. What will a thinker help on times there are problems in a relationship?
He finds it hard to explain his own feelings.
Thanks for the video i laught a lot because i constantly thought: hey!!! He does that too, thats sooo my husband😂
I feel so seen! This is me for sure, sent to my mom and husband! I'm not trying to be rude, I just have researched it and thought it out, so this is what we should do. And we did a "dreamer" vacation last summer- it was great, but I didn't plan anything! Love this so much!! Difficult in parent child relationships because a healer daughter is rebellious because shes annoyed that I always think I'm right.
Its very amusing. Im a healer-thinker, and my partner is a thinker-healer. the juxposition of which one as the dominate makes us so similar yet so different.
My boyfriend is a Thinker and I am a dreamer, and I really found this helpful. My boyfriend hates not knowing what to do.
Thank you!! I’m so dominantly a Thinker type, and I’ve been looking forward to this. It’s all very on-point to my own experiences. If you’re considering doing more videos on the personality types, you of course have my 100% support on that
So, kudos Alicia for doing UA-cam, so a extroverted thing to do.
Really I want to know how was for her to learn and work with social and psychological aknowledge to help people in that areas. Really I hope she feels good doing this. Just "clap-clap-clap-clap" Alicia.
And Jono, love you... You are doing great developing your inner Closer and Thinker.
So, I'm a introverted Dreamer-Thinker-Healer........ Closer. Who needs to develop more the so little Closer energy in me.
Little by little, I'm doing it .
Hearing this I think a definitely have a thinker personality side.Although I feel like that's not all, some of what you described just fits perfectly. One line made me even laugh. "I put labels on everything" and I just think "hello, zoologist here. I literally determine insects and spiders, which gives me countless possibilities to, well, put a very precise labels on them. Even very literally for the insects. Mount them on a needle, type that label digitally (species name and other scientific info) print it out, cut it to the right side and pin the needle bottom through it. Yn you get a labeled speciem for the collection! Very satisfying for me. Not that many other ways to put labels on things for a living" But also in everyday life, yes, I really prefer to have names for all kinds of things. But many people are annoyed by this at least in my experience.
Before I even watched the video I knew this was a thousand percent me😄 And…I think I’ve identified the Dreamers, Healer, and Closer in my life!
OMG! Thanks to your videos I discovered I'm a strange mix of Healer (dominant) and Thinker!!!! How odd, but fun to know :)
I feel so seen by this video I'm crying, thank you so much for your work, it is so valuable and so very appreciated!
My sister is a thinker
thank you for this. because I am also a dreamer like Jono and because of the difference between me and my sister's personalities, more often than not it creates problems. this way I can understand her better
Jono getting approval on a plan:
"Sempai noticed me!" 🥰
Thinker/Healer here, but my Closer part is almost just as strong :v
Thank you for your lovely, informative videos!
Definitely a dominant thinker. With a possible dreamer personality secondary with manifests in a idealistic vision of what the world could be if people would be willing to change it for the better through acting on the facts of a matter. I do most though not all of the things that they described in this video. Thank you for these videos that have been very helpful in allowing me to understand myself.
I’ve got a Thinker in my life! Thanks for this video, love how articulate you both are and how well you work together. Yay team Ali-oh! (Or John-Ali? 🧐😁) I’ve been listening to this whole playlist. Solid GOLD ❤🏆
We need to mourn the plan! That put word on a feeling I wasnt able to understand.
Snape, Snape, seversis Snape.
Dumbledore!!!
Hermione. Hermione
HARRYPOTTER....HARRYPOTTER
Ron Ron Ron Ron Weasley
Snape! Harry! Snape! Harry! Snape! Harry! SNAPE! HARRY!
This makes perfect sense!I guess I'm a thinker too 😇 Also you two are so amazing together! Perfect balanc 😊☯️ Greetings from Estonia 💖🇪🇪
I am a thinker. Things you said hit close to my heart. Next time, I have to change plans at the last minute, I'll ask for mourning time 😂
Oof Alicia. I feel everything you say here. I got you girl. I got you. 💗
This was incredibly validating. Thank you
This video has me thinking I'm a Thinker-Dreamer
Im a thinker and closer i think....i relate to both so much and i have younger sisters and friends who i work with in group projects and this video helped me understand why i get so irked at times with them when things aren't according to steps or plans or getting done on time😂. I didnt realise till i saw all videos on the personality types that everyone views and interacts with the world differently than i do.
Hello Alicia and Jonathan! I love your videos. Will you ever make a video on healers/thinkers or healers/closers? I'm a healer/thinker, and I'm curious about what you would have to say about that. Thank you. 😊
I feel like I'm a Thinker-Healer and my boyfriend is a Dreamer-Thinker. We bond and over the Thinker things we have in common. However, his Dreamer traits are definitely more dominant and we can drive each other crazy. I want a plan and efficiency. He wants to go where the wind takes him. I have a place for everything and everything in its place. He's everything, eveywhere, all at once and can never find his keys/phone/vape/insert item here. We have our struggles but I think we're making it work. I'm going to watch your Dreamer discussion so I can get some insight on how to support him better.
Hi! After watching these four videos I have some questions, so I guess I'm crossing my fingers that a Q&A video regarding the personality types isn't an impossibility!
1. I perceive my partner as a dreamer/healer. What do you do if you have a dreamer type in your life that suffers from depression and anxiety, and the fun is just gone? How does that play out?
2. I relate to all of these four types. For every one there are traits I strongly identify with, and then some that don't fit. I don't know if that means this construct isn't really a good fit for me, or if I've just practiced different aspects of myself over time. Something I do know though is that my dreamer side doesn't get any room.
I can't let go of the closer/thinker (or healer, which is strong for me) when my partner isn't doing well and also is taking _no part_ in any of the closer/thinker needs in our relationship. All the responsibility falls on me and I can't relax. Also, whenever I bring that fun and goofyness it gets shut down. (The depression/anxiety coming to the surface). I can't be alone in experiencing this.
Do you have any plans on a series with tips on these types of dynamics? I guess I'm looking for practical suggestions.
3. Apart from myself, I know many people that contradict things. Like introverted dreamers and extroverted thinkers. What are your thoughts on that? And on embodying contradicting traits? Like being a closer/healer or dreamer/thinker combo.
4. What do you do when a healer has had a previous experience of being treated terribly, snapping, and then after that is now taking out all of that anger/upset and getting triggered by the smallest things in a new relationship? Or when they are more or less stuck in the shame place, mening any type of conversation to move you forward, no matter how loving and soft, gets stilted or procrastinated.
Thank you for this series! It's really helpful! 🙏
I am a dreamer-healer and can answer from my perspective, and what worked.
I have been acting as a thinker-closer as a trauma response, and then I got into depression and didn't know why until I studies personalities.
The most important thinks were to be comfortable, seen, and do something fun. Music and dancing are always great, especially dancing.
Also, I needed a vacation: I just left and traveled and that helped a lot. Ideally if I had someone near me and if that person would just do all the organizing and I would only have to go, would have helped so much, because I was exhausted from depression and anxiety and just needed a break.
Also just asking them what is your ideal day, let them dream big and follow their story. Let yourself appreciate the creativity, and see if you can implement small steps from that.
Hope this helps. 🫶
@@RainbowSunshineRain Hi,
Thank you for taking the time to answer!
He does want to be comfortable and seen, and I'm doing that. But I'm at the point of compassion fatigue after _only_ being allowed to do that for years, without reciprocation (because he's been close to panic pretty much constantly). There's a limit to what one is capable of giving. I'm at that limit.
He doesn't want fun anymore. He doesn't know what's fun for him och what he'd like or need. I love to dance, I would love to dance with him. He says he wants to, but when I ask him he declines. When I ask what his ideal day would be it's either to sleep or he doesn't know. So I let him sleep. But eventually that becomes Hiding, when you avoid everything. And I'm cracking under the weight of doing all of the organising for years on end.
So I need tools that He can use, to help himself. Because nothing I do helps, and I can't be alone in all things anymore. There has to be responsibility on his part too.
There's no money to travel. And even when we've been on vacation, just planning simple things like what to eat and grocery shopping is too much for him.
So while I appreciate your tips I guess you two are/were in different places. I wish what you wrote would help. ❤️
@@hannahthufvesson I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds hard. And yes, I did go through his phase not finding anything fun and refusing everything. At some point needs to be his decision of doing something.
And yes, you deserve to live and feel good. The best thing I did was moving out a couple of weeks from my depressed partner because I was exhausted. Only when he found himself alone realized it's his responsibility to live.
Sending love and hugs your way 🫶
@@RainbowSunshineRain Thank you so much! And I'm so glad you got out of that place! That's also hopeful, and helpful, you know, just knowing it's possible. And thank you for the perspective regarding moving out for a bit. I'm gonna keep that in mind. Sending love and hugs back!
My mom is an ENFJ, and my dad is the complete opposite, he’s an ISTP. If they hadn’t met at the Alpha Sigma Phi mixer my mom went to they would have never met. They were from two different spheres. My mom is a complete feeler, she is 100% all about those feelings. My dad was a 100% logic and thinking. Somehow they were perfect for each other. I am a mixture of both as an INFJ and sometimes tread the line between J & P.
“If you keep instruction manuals just in case…” I felt that in my soul.
Yep, that’s me.
i discovered I am a dominant thinker and secondary dreamer. All my issues are suddenly starting to make sense since these two are opposing personalities. =D
4:16
“it ok if we change the plan, but I need to mound the plan”
So it wasn’t only me??? Oh gosh 😍
Dreamerthinker? Now i have to plan for ALL the fun 😄 thankies for everything again
I love your videos, thank you 👍👍👍
Thank you too! 💜
That’s me. I’m Alicia. 😂
I am on the Autism Spectrum and I am definitely a thinker. I definitely assume people are stupid if their logic doesn't make sense to me. I really like this expression "mourn the plan" and I'm going to steal that 😂
We need a video about MBTI and jungian cognitive functions! 🎉
I relate to this so much.
Omg this is me 😅 my husband is a dreamer ... I dont know how We've made it 14 years 😅 i have shared with him 😂
Soo, when are you two going to do vids concerning specific combinations of personality types (i.e. thinker + healer etc.). Pretty certain my wife is a healer while I'm a dreamer and it's likely caused some miscommunication and/or strife in the relationship over the years so, that video could be useful.
Long time listener, first time commentator.