Dismissing me, my needs and emotions✔️ Emotionally unavailable ✔️ Consistent failure to prioritize me in his life. No emotional intimacy. Emotional absence when I’m here✔️ Manipulation through neglect!✔️ Refuses to engage in meaningful conversation, avoidance ✔️ I deserve better.
@@LetsTalk-cu6iw It’s like there’s a cookie cutter! & I thought my ex was the world’s most fabulous person to start with, and then the most unique person! 🤪
@@LetsTalk-cu6iw I deserve better as well. I thought I was marrying into a more functional family only to realize that they were more dysfunctional than my own
I am in a marriage that is described above. It's now 34 years. I feel emotionally and financially trapped. I know I deserve better but have grown to conform to this lifestyle. Very heartbtoken
Start to plan your escape. Pick a date a year away. Put as much money away as you can. Don't buy "stuff". Do courses on line to improve your CV. Start to declutter your life. Do Voluntary work to meet good people, and again to be able to put on your CV. Good luck ❤.
Having grown up without healthy boundaries and abuse I was a magnet for narcissistic people both males and females. I don’t hate anyone. At 68 I am content to be alone. At peace and involved in the areas of ministry that fulfills my God given purpose.
I have experienced the same but difference is I'm determined to build upon self intimacy and at 61 almost 62, I am optimistic that I resonate with a loving union🌟
Amen I'm 52 and praying in agreement with you. Forgive everyone, but live peacefully, with proper boundaries. Avoiding unnecessary spiritual crap storms
Same - married to an abusive narcissistist for over two decades. A marriage on life support - he was a habitual cheater, liar, financial emotional, mental, physical & spiritual abuser.
I wish mine would leave, but that would require him actually doing something for himself, other than playing golf, and being proactive instead of leaving every thing up to me to deal with. I know he won’t physically leave, but emotionally, I don’t think he was ever connected to me. 19 years and I’m so done, but I have no means or energy to leave him.
I had a ex husband just like you described who took 12 years of my life. I guess is a common thing now they do all this things. I’m gone and happy always watching my back
Some people don’t have the finances to move on. And these narcissistic morons break your spirit, they gas light you for years. They turn every thing around on you, to the point you start to question your self, and your sanity. The word narcissist and the meaning, wasn’t around decades ago. People get stuck, and the narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing. So don’t be quick to criticise and judge.
Agree. Marriage is a man-made concept. The marriage lasts as long as it brings out the best of each partner. Sometimes we outgrow people. Especially people who hold us back from becoming the best that we can be. No God will ask you to sacrifice your dignity and self-worth.@@vickyerickson9731
Marriages are only holy if the relationship brings out the best in each other. God can’t use sadness, despair, or low self-esteem. She is being less than she can be. God doesn’t require that.@@debrawoodrick2889
Whenever my husband referred to that phrase to get away with being rotten, I would just reply,"That can easily be arranged. I do the cooking of your meals."
When i married in 1990 i had no idea he wasnt who i thought and i had huge dysfunction from childhood. This was familiar! This nails what i lived for 32 years, and the twist of misogyny from his family of origin and sarcasm as a form of passive aggression. My health cycled thru issues with the final being "significant hypoadrenia" and complex ptsd, in part originating from childhood neglect and narcissism from my brother. One day after 32 years while i was away for a break i ran into a wall of realization and couldnt go home. There are no neurological or nurtured excuses for this to happen in a relationship and the consequences are destructive. I continue to work thru health issues, dysregulation, confusion and the ability to trust my judgment. Take this seriously people. New couples should watch this together at the onset and honestly revisit it occasionally to see how they are doing. If they cant do this, they are already on this trajectory. Just my opinion having lived it.
I identify with your comment having complex ptsd and having made bad choices in relationships. My current health issues are a result. Young people need this info so they don't experience this. Dead relationships are deadly!
Then the day you decide to walk away, they tell everyone you just up and left without so much word. Yeah, probably because there was no point talking anymore.
In a abusive relationship for over 20 years, he cuss me out, he breaks things in the house, and screams at me constantly , people told me when u have had enough u will get out of there and I have had enough, I'm making my plans
And I thought it really was me. Now I know. The resentment, frustration, anger, and distancing was exactly what happened. Then I found out he was cheating. That crossed my boundaries and I made him leave. It's hard when you are confused, but knowing I wasn't going to be the one he stayed with, made it a little bit more bearable.
Wow, this is my husband totally. He ignores me all day, every day, sitting and scrolling through Facebook and tiktok. He sends me videos of the crap all day. He gets mad when I try to communicate with him and leaves the room. He's home all the time and won't lift a finger to help with anything. I think he'll actually be surprised when I leave him.
It is never too late to begin - again, at any age. I once read simply.. when you find yourself going the wrong way, just turn around. ❤️ Seek support, and picture the way you want life to be, and begin. 🎉
Hey I understand.... I was very much in love and 16. Then I had a kid, only one car. No way to support myself or drive to a job living way out in country. Curious what your reason is.
@@ElevateYourWorth Wow!! Don't be so quick to judge!!Maybe she married a Narcissist. They don't show their true colors right away. If there are children, it's even harder to escape.
This describes my second husband perfectly - and why I left him before he could destroy me emotionally. His behaviour prior to our marriage was completely different - I now know it is typical for a narcissist , love-bombing etc.
Oddly enough, I feel really great about myself, my accomplishments, and what I have to offer. When I experience these behaviors (mostly minimizing my professional or personal accomplishments), I see it for what it is: his own deep seated insecurities. I take it with a grain of salt and feel sorry for him. I imagine it's terrible way to feel. Glad we met late in life, and I have a sound foundation of love, surrounded by amazing family and forever friends. I'm so lucky to have gained a solid sense of self, starting with my parents. Thanks, Mom and Dad! ♥
What advise would you give to your younger self? I've been living this almost 10 years now and on the edge of leaving. Would appreciate your thoughts ❤
I was always treated like I didn’t matter or that he’d rather be with anyone BUT me then told I shouldn’t be so needy. Made to feel like it was something wrong with me. That scars a person for life. I have chosen that same type of man 4 times now. I will be alone forever now. It hurts less.
10 years, and I'm done .Lies , gaslighted, cheated , always doing nice things when I knew the truth. Dismissive when I spoke. I feel good knowing I can be happy again.
Thank you Jordan. I've had all of this behaviour for almost a year and a half. I've broken it off a few times but he's always managed to charm his way back ( trauma bond). I've dived into the world of narcissism and know he will never be the man I'd love him to be. He recently tried to draw me back again, but I know I need to be without manipulation and disrespect in a relationship.
Wish I had this in highschool, wish I had this 7 years ago to tell my daughter whom now is in a toxic relationship with 2 kids. I left my marriage after 30 of this different toxic shit. Now my daughter has cancer on her brain, I told her all of toxic shit went to her head, and now he's the HERO taking care of my handicapped daughter after he IGNORED her headaches from him... Smh... And now I can't do anything but pray.
My husband walks away when I try to have a conversation with him. I feel as if I live alone. He's a good man. I have a degenerative spinal disease and have physical limitations as to what I can & cannot do. I feel like a burden, yet he helps me as much as possible. I just wish I feel more bonded as companions.
Couldn't watch all of the video.... It's an absolute rerun of my previous life before I left him... Don't really need to re-live that.... Wish this had been on UA-cam 30 years ago........ But alas, no youtube. Thank you Joedan.
I have recognized, for the most part, that it is his inability to be a good husband. It has affected my responses to him, which makes him upset. But I haven’t had desires for physical intimacy for over 30 years. During our first 30 years of marriage, he was gone nearly every weekend depending on what was in season: deer, fish, golf, etc. I got to when I enjoyed the freedom of making plans with the kids on my own. One of the hardest things is being retired with him now in another state. He watches tv news all day really loud since his hearing is bad, and I go to my room to do crafts. So sad
@@deirdremorris9234 We did for a couple of years-when he retired to where we are, I stayed back with kids/grandkids. But a change of circumstances determined that it was best for me to join him. That was nearly two years ago. We started dating over 40 years ago. He is 10 years older. It’s one of those situations where it’s best to stay where you are, if that makes sense. He loves me as best as he is able to. I just know that his pride and possible narcissistic tendencies have pretty much always interfered with a good relationship. But I have my relationship with Christ, and I have some wonderful friends that I can talk to. I have a lot of time to pray and learn new things now, while I work from home tutoring online.
For 46 years he treated me like dirt and enjoyed it. He was so shocked when I turned the tables on him. Four months before he passed, he asked me whether I would marry again. He couldnt see me in another man's arms. Well, after being married to him for 46 years, neither could I !! But seeing the anxiety in his face, I said "Yes". No man will ever have that hold over me again. I will remain single.
1. Dismissiveness of opinions & emotions. Emotional unavailability. 2. Consistent failure to prioritize you. 3. Manipulation through neglect or criticism. 4. Refusal to engage in healthy communication.
The dismissiveness that causes you to question your own judgment or feelings is the most damaging . I will never beg for attention or affection again from a man.
Respect starts when you're boyfriend and girlfriend. If he shows no respect for his family, you nor him, then the only thing that you need to do is break up with him and say to yourself, "Next" until you find him. If you don't, then stay by yourself. Happiness is within you. it's no one's responsibility to make you happy. You do the things that bring happiness 😊
This describes my marriage of 22 years exactly. I've even heard most of those phrases said to me before. He refuses to look at his behavior and lashes out in anger whenever I try to discuss it. I don't try anymore. I feel trapped because he refuses to value me but won't leave me. I have been working on my healing, going to therapy, and praying to God to guide me through it. I knew marriage was hard, but i never imagined this.
I suspect that these can be associated with friendships, family and colleagues as well Lack of value for you can come in all forms Good to have it presented in clear points - thank you
Wow you’ve just described so much of my relationship. From the time stamp where you started manipulation tactics and all the things you said after that nailed it. I feel like a broken record with him. Nothing changes with him. He just twists it all back on me. The defensiveness, devaluing my feelings and so much more
And all is this is why I finally broke it off with who I thought was the best person. It was soooo sad to realize all of this was a waste of my attention and time. The letting go was and is still hard but needed for my mental and heart health. Failure to commit after “committing” huge sign of future failure. Wishing him the best and he heal so he can be loved …. but my best is yet to come. I am worth it.
You are describing to a te my husband of 44 yrs. Now divorced after 4 kids and 7 grands. I was a stay at home mom raising our children and supporting his work. Now living in poverty and he turned the adult kids against me and won’t let me see my grands. He remarried immediately with the 29 yr younger live in girl.
Covert narcissist 100%. Took me 20 years to figure it out. They won’t change. They see no need to put effort and work into the relationship and leaves you feeling unsafe.
So the question is how do you make a change. During 50 years of marriage i gave up and decided it was up to me to control my own attitude. As a Christian i focused on understanding how much God loves me and builds me up. I can't change him. Thats his loss. I pray and trust in God's love for me.
What can you do if he won’t recognize what he’s doing? Tell you you’re lying when you say what you feel etc. seems nothing to do if you can’t leave the relationship.
Once they get what they want- from sex to inheritance as long as they get something out of it - this is what life with a man is - when another women tell you you -and more then one women tells you don’t get married - all men are the same - believe them - this is your future - no matter how smart you think you are
Yeah it resonates But I kept going knowing my own worth until I was dry My cup was emptied It was a mixture of relief and sadness when he returned to his mum
I was in this setup consistently giving from an empty cup for 8/9 yrs, and IT was so HARD because my worth wouldn't let me stay and I was fighting with my emotions and i told them shut up what i feel is futile and pointless in this situation! What has been consistently demonstrated and is it healthy for ME is what i had to ultimately ask myself... Now I'm done, I'm embracing something better 😌 😊 I know it's out there ❤
Good lord this is exactly what I experienced . One time we talked about a trip we would take and I began to get everything ready only to be left behind because he was traveling with his family (who disliked me).
Women, network and support each other. If he's a lost cause, do what's best for you and find a female community of support. Keep yourself strong, and get your needs met in creative ways. Leaving a marriage isn't the only option, or always the best option. If you're young, walk. If you're older it might be best to bide your time.
The only thing is people with PTSD have some of the same symptoms. PTSD people will be shutting you out because its too painful to talk. They will ignore you. They will be shut down. Lack of engagement. Lost. Thats PTSD.
I choose my peace over chaos 😌. After my last relationship I stayed single and focused on myself and my 2 kids. He was my last hope and he effed up and lost a good woman. Good riddance. How he treats you when your pregnant, is how he feels about you #weakmen
My ex husband didn't respect my feelings and opinions. I started resenting him. I tried to set boundaries, he ALWAYS crossed the boundaries. He was a narcissist, so l guess that says it all....
Dismissing me, my needs and emotions✔️
Emotionally unavailable ✔️
Consistent failure to prioritize me in his life. No emotional intimacy. Emotional absence when I’m here✔️
Manipulation through neglect!✔️
Refuses to engage in meaningful conversation, avoidance ✔️
I deserve better.
Indeed you do!
@@LetsTalk-cu6iw It’s like there’s a cookie cutter!
& I thought my ex was the world’s most fabulous person to start with, and then the most unique person! 🤪
@@LetsTalk-cu6iw I deserve better as well. I thought I was marrying into a more functional family only to realize that they were more dysfunctional than my own
Sounds like my story
This was definitely my story. It Ended with me Happily walking away.
I am in a marriage that is described above. It's now 34 years. I feel emotionally and financially trapped. I know I deserve better but have grown to conform to this lifestyle. Very heartbtoken
😢i feel the same way
Get out now… I am 52 yrs in and it is so debilitating. U still have years to find true value.
I was financially trapped, but managed to get out. You just have to want it enough!!
@@wandaproulx7629 Thank you for your kind response. I am going to try to get stronger.
Start to plan your escape. Pick a date a year away. Put as much money away as you can. Don't buy "stuff". Do courses on line to improve your CV. Start to declutter your life. Do Voluntary work to meet good people, and again to be able to put on your CV.
Good luck ❤.
Having grown up without healthy boundaries and abuse I was a magnet for narcissistic people both males and females. I don’t hate anyone. At 68 I am content to be alone. At peace and involved in the areas of ministry that fulfills my God given purpose.
I hear you.!!!
I have experienced the same but difference is I'm determined to build upon self intimacy and at 61 almost 62, I am optimistic that I resonate with a loving union🌟
Amen I'm 52 and praying in agreement with you. Forgive everyone, but live peacefully, with proper boundaries. Avoiding unnecessary spiritual crap storms
Same and I’d rather be alone than to put up with this type of behavior from anyone.
and with your sanity...😊😇
I’m only 9 minutes in. This was my life with my husband of 23 years who then eventually left me for someone else. Good for him. I’m happy alone
Same - married to an abusive narcissistist for over two decades. A marriage on life support - he was a habitual cheater, liar, financial emotional, mental, physical & spiritual abuser.
I wish mine would leave, but that would require him actually doing something for himself, other than playing golf, and being proactive instead of leaving every thing up to me to deal with.
I know he won’t physically leave, but emotionally, I don’t think he was ever connected to me. 19 years and I’m so done, but I have no means or energy to leave him.
I had a ex husband just like you described who took 12 years of my life. I guess is a common thing now they do all this things. I’m gone and happy always watching my back
@@tracielillytan1530 Can you divorce?
Good for you!
Self love should be taught in schools WAY BEFORE SEX EDUCATION IS TAUGHT
Agreed!!!!
Preach
Self Love?! Your joking. Attachment should be given at home. Go to the foundation
@@miaevans8725 exactly
@melissabodily3675 of course at home but reiterated at school
This breaks my heart, this was my whole marriage. 34 years with someone who never valued me.
Why 34 years
Some people don’t have the finances to move on. And these narcissistic morons break your spirit,
they gas light you for years. They turn every thing around on you, to the point you start to question your self, and your sanity. The word narcissist and the meaning, wasn’t around decades ago. People get stuck, and the narcissist knows exactly what they’re doing. So don’t be quick to criticise and judge.
He probably didn't value anyone, including himself. Perspective...
@@Mary-uf3mt shame lm sorry
My words exactly. I’m sorry you had to go through the same story as myself…..28 years
My 25 years with a man you just described.
I walked away 6 months ago best thing I ever did
Im just a year plus and im already seeing it
Unfortunately approaching 20 years and his misery increasing by choice
How do you feel, I'm in the middle of a break up rn it's been a day and I'm wondering how you feel
I need to do the same
@@wontonboop seek some help and talk it out
We need to know this as a teenager
The world caters to men and women are taught to please them, by the time you know all this it’s too late
When was you taught to please them ?
It's important to note women can be the villain too.
@@irenemorley75 from watching my parents - if the world didn't revolve around my dad his wants and needs, there was hell to pay.
@@irenemorley75 the first time you heard the expression, “good girl”
Hahaha. All the time. “Smile”. “Be nice.”
What a fool I am. I have been living with this for 41yrs.
I swore before God "until death do you part", and I die a little more every day.
But surely you can feel good about honoring God through your vows. I find that laudable.
No god can want that for a person. Love yourself. You deserve to have a life free of disrespect and devaluation.
Agree. Marriage is a man-made concept. The marriage lasts as long as it brings out the best of each partner. Sometimes we outgrow people. Especially people who hold us back from becoming the best that we can be. No God will ask you to sacrifice your dignity and self-worth.@@vickyerickson9731
Marriages are only holy if the relationship brings out the best in each other. God can’t use sadness, despair, or low self-esteem. She is being less than she can be. God doesn’t require that.@@debrawoodrick2889
Whenever my husband referred to that phrase to get away with being rotten, I would just reply,"That can easily be arranged. I do the cooking of your meals."
Wow! This is my husband too.😢 20 yrs of gaslighting, manipulation, disrespect. 😢
Get out.
All of it, husbands of 22 years
Also my story. Thank God he walked out. Did me a favor.
The sad thing those really lost in this often can’t even see it even when it is pointed out.
@ that was me.
I don’t cry, that’s when you know it’s really bad.
Indifference is what I call it 😢
So right
I never cry or show physical pain. I had to dissociate from both so my tormentors would get bored and leave me alone.
When i married in 1990 i had no idea he wasnt who i thought and i had huge dysfunction from childhood. This was familiar! This nails what i lived for 32 years, and the twist of misogyny from his family of origin and sarcasm as a form of passive aggression. My health cycled thru issues with the final being "significant hypoadrenia" and complex ptsd, in part originating from childhood neglect and narcissism from my brother. One day after 32 years while i was away for a break i ran into a wall of realization and couldnt go home. There are no neurological or nurtured excuses for this to happen in a relationship and the consequences are destructive. I continue to work thru health issues, dysregulation, confusion and the ability to trust my judgment.
Take this seriously people. New couples should watch this together at the onset and honestly revisit it occasionally to see how they are doing. If they cant do this, they are already on this trajectory. Just my opinion having lived it.
Congratulations. It’s damn hard, but better than staying in that toxic situation. From a similar situation.
❤❤❤
I identify with your comment having complex ptsd and having made bad choices in relationships. My current health issues are a result. Young people need this info so they don't experience this. Dead relationships are deadly!
Then the day you decide to walk away, they tell everyone you just up and left without so much word.
Yeah, probably because there was no point talking anymore.
In a abusive relationship for over 20 years, he cuss me out, he breaks things in the house, and screams at me constantly , people told me when u have had enough u will get out of there and I have had enough, I'm making my plans
@@deborahsheffield2672I hope you move in silence. 😊 It sounds like he has anger management issues. Stay safe.
@@deborahsheffield2672 Best of luck
And I thought it really was me. Now I know. The resentment, frustration, anger, and distancing was exactly what happened. Then I found out he was cheating. That crossed my boundaries and I made him leave. It's hard when you are confused, but knowing I wasn't going to be the one he stayed with, made it a little bit more bearable.
Wow, this is my husband totally. He ignores me all day, every day, sitting and scrolling through Facebook and tiktok. He sends me videos of the crap all day. He gets mad when I try to communicate with him and leaves the room. He's home all the time and won't lift a finger to help with anything. I think he'll actually be surprised when I leave him.
It is never too late to begin - again, at any age.
I once read simply.. when you find yourself going the wrong way, just turn around.
❤️
Seek support, and picture the way you want life to be, and begin. 🎉
Been in this relationship for 8 years and can't leave.
I cried through this whole video.
Why can’t you leave love ?
Honestly curious
Dear you must leave.
Hey I understand.... I was very much in love and 16. Then I had a kid, only one car. No way to support myself or drive to a job living way out in country. Curious what your reason is.
Leave before you feel completely trapped!
Get help and a plan to leave. U will have deeper damage by staying. Praying 4 u.
Ohhhh you know my husband too!
Yet you married him ….and are still married to him. Got it 🚩
😂
@@ElevateYourWorth Wow!! Don't be so quick to judge!!Maybe she married a Narcissist. They don't show their true colors right away. If there are children, it's even harder to escape.
@@ElevateYourWorththat is an unfair comment to make.
😂
Almost 28 years of this. We are all worth more than being treated like this.
This describes my second husband perfectly - and why I left him before he could destroy me emotionally. His behaviour prior to our marriage was completely different - I now know it is typical for a narcissist , love-bombing etc.
I've been there too still recovering. Narcissist are evil 🫂 🙏
Oddly enough, I feel really great about myself, my accomplishments, and what I have to offer. When I experience these behaviors (mostly minimizing my professional or personal accomplishments), I see it for what it is: his own deep seated insecurities. I take it with a grain of salt and feel sorry for him. I imagine it's terrible way to feel. Glad we met late in life, and I have a sound foundation of love, surrounded by amazing family and forever friends. I'm so lucky to have gained a solid sense of self, starting with my parents. Thanks, Mom and Dad! ♥
I've been living this for 48years. Now I spend all my time realizing how I've wasted my life.
😢
😢🎉
Same here 43 yrs.
What advise would you give to your younger self? I've been living this almost 10 years now and on the edge of leaving. Would appreciate your thoughts ❤
Same here. 48vyrs.
I was always treated like I didn’t matter or that he’d rather be with anyone BUT me then told I shouldn’t be so needy. Made to feel like it was something wrong with me. That scars a person for life. I have chosen that same type of man 4 times now. I will be alone forever now. It hurts less.
Broken people break people. It really feels like a pandemic :(
Same here... never thought I had to walk away again.
It's easier to be alone , than getting hurt every time...very sad , but true
Same
@@amalyah9984 sorry for that but you are your best friend always Sweetheart!!
10 years, and I'm done .Lies , gaslighted, cheated , always doing nice things when I knew the truth. Dismissive when I spoke. I feel good knowing I can be happy again.
Please leave so you can value yourself
Leaving is the first step!!🙌🙌
This lectures should be in high school so young ladies can know what they are getting into
Thank you Jordan.
I've had all of this behaviour for almost a year and a half.
I've broken it off a few times but he's always managed to charm his way back ( trauma bond).
I've dived into the world of narcissism and know he will never be the man I'd love him to be.
He recently tried to draw me back again, but I know I need to be without manipulation and disrespect in a relationship.
Everything you said is correct.
Wish I had this in highschool, wish I had this 7 years ago to tell my daughter whom now is in a toxic relationship with 2 kids. I left my marriage after 30 of this different toxic shit. Now my daughter has cancer on her brain, I told her all of toxic shit went to her head, and now he's the HERO taking care of my handicapped daughter after he IGNORED her headaches from him... Smh... And now I can't do anything but pray.
😢
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through and your pain... 😢
🙏❤
😢
May God heal your daughter
This us a great class for the new High School curriculum along with a financial class and ahome Economics.
Love this idea!
Use to be taught in schools.... all three. M
Well... I guess listening to this is one hell of a way to find out something I suspected for about 10 years.. love truly is blind.
If you can, get out before 10 turn to 20 and 20 to 30. You are young, live life.
1- “dismissiness “of your opinions and emotions , heard, understood, valued. Feeling invisible or unimportant. Outright ignore .
2- consistent failure to prioritize you.
This just described my 18 year marriage. Which is over and in the process of divorce.
20 years of marriage to the man you just described. I walked out on him 2years ago.
I think, man is the one, who pushes the woman away..
Same 20 years. He gone
Good for you 👏🏿👏🏿
Ladies, anyone else cry through most of the video 😢
I found myself covering my eyes with my hands, in realizing that I don’t want to believe I was wrong. Out of sight out of mind, right?
Me
I feel stuck and defeated. Definitely cried.
Girl same cause I miss my ex but he didn't treat me right this video reminded me of the things he did and didn't do but somehow I still want him 😭
@@JacquelyneMontague and same I wanted to stop the video cause I can't stand to hear more 😭💔
My husband walks away when I try to have a conversation with him. I feel as if I live alone. He's a good man. I have a degenerative spinal disease and have physical limitations as to what I can & cannot do. I feel like a burden, yet he helps me as much as possible. I just wish I feel more bonded as companions.
Couldn't watch all of the video.... It's an absolute rerun of my previous life before I left him... Don't really need to re-live that.... Wish this had been on UA-cam 30 years ago........
But alas, no youtube.
Thank you Joedan.
So important to have a farther that teaches his daughter how a man should cherish you as a wife …. My Daddy did
So true! My father was a total narcissist and I ended marrying the wrong man!
I have recognized, for the most part, that it is his inability to be a good husband. It has affected my responses to him, which makes him upset. But I haven’t had desires for physical intimacy for over 30 years. During our first 30 years of marriage, he was gone nearly every weekend depending on what was in season: deer, fish, golf, etc. I got to when I enjoyed the freedom of making plans with the kids on my own. One of the hardest things is being retired with him now in another state. He watches tv news all day really loud since his hearing is bad, and I go to my room to do crafts. So sad
Can you split?
@@deirdremorris9234 We did for a couple of years-when he retired to where we are, I stayed back with kids/grandkids. But a change of circumstances determined that it was best for me to join him. That was nearly two years ago. We started dating over 40 years ago. He is 10 years older. It’s one of those situations where it’s best to stay where you are, if that makes sense. He loves me as best as he is able to. I just know that his pride and possible narcissistic tendencies have pretty much always interfered with a good relationship. But I have my relationship with Christ, and I have some wonderful friends that I can talk to. I have a lot of time to pray and learn new things now, while I work from home tutoring online.
For 46 years he treated me like dirt and enjoyed it. He was so shocked when I turned the tables on him. Four months before he passed, he asked me whether I would marry again. He couldnt see me in another man's arms. Well, after being married to him for 46 years, neither could I !! But seeing the anxiety in his face, I said "Yes". No man will ever have that hold over me again. I will remain single.
This is well put together, thank you for this significant truth!
Marriage Counselors, ministers, and other “helpers” please Listen!
The message every woman needs to hear!
Thank you I have to listen to this a few times, to make myself strong enough to do the right thing !!
Yes yes yes yes !! 💪🍀
1. Dismissiveness of opinions & emotions. Emotional unavailability.
2. Consistent failure to prioritize you.
3. Manipulation through neglect or criticism.
4. Refusal to engage in healthy communication.
This is 100% ACCURATE. Thank YOU for this message. I needed to HEAR THIS. Thank you for EMPOWERING ME. 😇
Me too!.
Shunning is hurtful!! :(
The day l learnt that l owe my self self Love 💘 💕 is the moment l healed. Loving myself now
Passive Aggressive behavior is the absolute worst.
The dismissiveness that causes you to question your own judgment or feelings is the most damaging . I will never beg for attention or affection again from a man.
Respect starts when you're boyfriend and girlfriend. If he shows no respect for his family, you nor him, then the only thing that you need to do is break up with him and say to yourself, "Next" until you find him. If you don't, then stay by yourself. Happiness is within you. it's no one's responsibility to make you happy. You do the things that bring happiness 😊
If he shows too much respect to his family and seeks their opinions over yours, you're also in trouble
This describes my marriage of 22 years exactly. I've even heard most of those phrases said to me before. He refuses to look at his behavior and lashes out in anger whenever I try to discuss it. I don't try anymore. I feel trapped because he refuses to value me but won't leave me. I have been working on my healing, going to therapy, and praying to God to guide me through it. I knew marriage was hard, but i never imagined this.
The way they explained this feels so practical. Does anyone have firsthand experience?
Appreciate this.. men and their manipulation is a big factor
I haven't found( one Man ) yet .I'm 66 years old .I study. Medical & spirituality...
Same
Take your time
There are. Just that there are a few of them
Well-needed words of advice...that can save a woman from unnecessary pain and frustration
This is so well explained! Can apply to other relationships, too.
I’m living this
I have spent 6 years In this and finally making plans to move out and forward
Dismissiveness of your thoughts and feelings;
😢
I suspect that these can be associated with friendships, family and colleagues as well
Lack of value for you can come in all forms
Good to have it presented in clear points - thank you
Our faith can provide comfort, growth and unconditional love. I am leaning in! Peace to you
Without my faith in Jesus and my relationship with Him-I’d be completely lost and alone. His love sustains me!
Wow you’ve just described so much of my relationship. From the time stamp where you started manipulation tactics and all the things you said after that nailed it. I feel like a broken record with him. Nothing changes with him. He just twists it all back on me. The defensiveness, devaluing my feelings and so much more
You’re absolutely right, nothing changes.
And all is this is why I finally broke it off with who I thought was the best person. It was soooo sad to realize all of this was a waste of my attention and time. The letting go was and is still hard but needed for my mental and heart health. Failure to commit after “committing” huge sign of future failure. Wishing him the best and he heal so he can be loved …. but my best is yet to come. I am worth it.
My first marriage. Took me 4 years to figure it out and another year leave. I have a great husband now (and we both love JBP!)
You are describing to a te my husband of 44 yrs. Now divorced after 4 kids and 7 grands. I was a stay at home mom raising our children and supporting his work. Now living in poverty and he turned the adult kids against me and won’t let me see my grands. He remarried immediately with the 29 yr younger live in girl.
Be glad to be rid of him.
Start healing yourself. Join groups, place of worship, etc. Things will improve. They always do. Be strong.
Wow! Sorry!
I am healing after 15 years of this - in tge end he discarded me - I feel peaceful now - stronger every day
You are describing the NARCISSIST !!!!
and a psychopath with BPD
Covert narcissist 100%. Took me 20 years to figure it out. They won’t change. They see no need to put effort and work into the relationship and leaves you feeling unsafe.
@@mellieshine458Took me 22. THANK GOD we got out!!!
So the question is how do you make a change. During 50 years of marriage i gave up and decided it was up to me to control my own attitude. As a Christian i focused on understanding how much God loves me and builds me up. I can't change him. Thats his loss. I pray and trust in God's love for me.
Dump any man who treats you this way! No relationship is worth this crap!
I’ve been trying to decide if I stay or if I go. You’ve confirmed my assessment that I’m gone…..
What can you do if he won’t recognize what he’s doing? Tell you you’re lying when you say what you feel etc. seems nothing to do if you can’t leave the relationship.
Once they get what they want- from sex to inheritance as long as they get something out of it - this is what life with a man is - when another women tell you you -and more then one women tells you don’t get married - all men are the same - believe them - this is your future - no matter how smart you think you are
I don't believe all men are the same, even if the vast majority are like this.
You are wrong and Im sad for you.
As a woman, I will say-- that seems a little bitter.
Ladies 🫂 to us ALL 😢❤
Wow, this really resonates
Thank you! 🌺
I just can’t get away. I know I am trying to detach. I feel like something is wrong that I can barely leave the house.
Spend half an hour just reading comments right here - the best antidote to inertia, I promise
Life is too short trying to analyze a person’s crappy behavior. If they can’t treat you the way you want to be treated, just leave.
Excellent advise
Yeah it resonates
But I kept going knowing my own worth until I was dry
My cup was emptied
It was a mixture of relief and sadness when he returned to his mum
This was my husband for 25 yrs...now it's my adult daughter.
I was in this setup consistently giving from an empty cup for 8/9 yrs, and IT was so HARD because my worth wouldn't let me stay and I was fighting with my emotions and i told them shut up what i feel is futile and pointless in this situation! What has been consistently demonstrated and is it healthy for ME is what i had to ultimately ask myself... Now I'm done, I'm embracing something better 😌 😊 I know it's out there ❤
I appreciate and value myself.
Great video. I definitely learned alot
Good lord this is exactly what I experienced . One time we talked about a trip we would take and I began to get everything ready only to be left behind because he was traveling with his family (who disliked me).
😮
😮😭😭😭
The best thing my husband ever did for me was to leave me.
This was very eye opener.. Thank you.
Spot on!!!
This describes my husband however I choose me and focus on my growth while living with him .
You nailed it! Thank you for sharing, you read how I am feeling currently
Great wisdom, great knowledge. Thanks for sharing!!
You are truly godly for bringing this up and explaining this so well.God bless you.
Women, network and support each other. If he's a lost cause, do what's best for you and find a female community of support. Keep yourself strong, and get your needs met in creative ways. Leaving a marriage isn't the only option, or always the best option. If you're young, walk. If you're older it might be best to bide your time.
The only thing is people with PTSD have some of the same symptoms. PTSD people will be shutting you out because its too painful to talk. They will ignore you. They will be shut down. Lack of engagement. Lost. Thats PTSD.
I choose my peace over chaos 😌. After my last relationship I stayed single and focused on myself and my 2 kids. He was my last hope and he effed up and lost a good woman. Good riddance. How he treats you when your pregnant, is how he feels about you #weakmen
Yep, long relationship runs dry
So true, this is my hubby of 22 yrs of marriage and three kids later!😢
My husband too 😔
The same can be said of women as well!!
Wish I'd had this for guidance when I was embarking on adulthood🤔
Being told "fair enough" when they know they've upset and hurt you. Totally dismissive.
Yep! 43 years this coming month. My own faulty thinking has resulted in me continuing. Days with no words.
Thankyou very specific identifying key areas.
My ex husband didn't respect my feelings and opinions. I started resenting him. I tried to set boundaries, he ALWAYS crossed the boundaries. He was a narcissist, so l guess that says it all....
This is learned over time with your person. Takes time to have this.
Thank you!