Question For The LGBTQ+ Community
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
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Even if a man is feminine, he could be straight. Even if a girl is masculine, she could be straight. Anyone could be straight, bi, gay, etc, despite their femininity, masculinity or personality in general. People just like to assume quickly.
Yeah I agree, i feel like people saying "i already knew" is like feeding into a lot of stereotypes.
@@Eli-ln2rf some people are stereotypes. Nothing bad about that either.
@@Eli-ln2rf Omg my friend said that to me when I came out as lesbian and I realised that I am more 'tomboyish' and not the stereotypical girl. IT ALL CONNECTS
Fr
Yes! This was my thing too. A lot of comments were about they thought that she was gay because the way she dresses and the stuff she likes. And that's not always true, just like you said.
I’m part of the LGBT+ community and I totally agree! When people say that “they already knew” they’re just reinforcing generalizations and stereotypes of what an LGBT+ person is. It’s very toxic honestly.
tbh it depends on the person cuz i didnt care when ppl said that, i thought it was funny
The reinforcement of generalizations and stereotypes is what really bothers me.
I think that you can distinguish people from the lgtbq+ based on the stereotypes though. A lot of my friends from the community have dyed hair or talk a certain way. I guess that people from the community can’t pick it up but you can just tell from the way some people act or talk
I also feel like it really invalidates the moment and therefore kind of dumbs down this big life event that could've been super hard or just super exciting for someone. I had a friend come out to me in high school and I knew that he was gay before he told me, but I never wanted to take that moment away from him because it really took a lot for him to tell me. It's really just the sense of invalidation whether the comment was meant to be rude or not that seems the most frustrating to see happen.
yea making jokes abt those stereotypes is one thing but it's really hard to tell when they're joking lol
I’m bisexual, and in all honesty. If someone said “we already knew” is almost invalidating.
100th like
@@jemamarron114 first like
@@kaylasmith7446 y’all who tf cares
@@isabelprohaska5611 literally😭
This!!! 👏👏👏
People saying “they knew already” is a problem. The problem is saying “I knew” implies that you’re assuming ones sexuality based on their personality or physical traits. One does not simply “act gay or straight”. Your reaction is valid.
Your*
@@bridget3759 wtf. This comment was talking about an ACTUAL problem and your issue is grammar!?!? Thats so shitty
it's ok to make jokes based on those stereotypes but it's hard to tell when they're joking lmao
I do feel like it’s a lil different (kinda?) if you’re also gay. bc in my experience sometimes it’s more of a like....relating to their experience than being like ok LESBO I alr knew. But also like, just let them have their moment yk
@@mariellegomez5089 I 100% agree. Like when straight people say it its almost always stereotypes.
The issue is we need to outgrow the concept of "coming out." People shouldn't have to come out and feel like they are different than everyone else. That's my hope, it's normalized to the point of not being considered "different" to be gay, bi, pan, etc.
I agree, especially now as our society is becoming more accepting, my hope is for future generations as they grow up and having a normal conversation about who they have crushes on, as you do when your a teen. If one of them in that conversation says they like the same gender or both genders or it doesn't bother them, it can be taken as "okay cool" not just "wait, omg your gay, bi, lesbian, pansexual, asexual.." etc etc and not turning it into a big deal as I feel in my generation (millennial) it was definitely taken that way. Now I am not a part of that community so please don't come for me if I am being ignorant in any way, I may have been raised by two gay dads but that doesn't mean that I have a right to say anything about the community if that makes sense, I just wanted to voice my hopes for the next generations when it comes to normalising people's sexuality.
My only thing was it was kind fun to hide it when I was in 6th 7th and 8th
@J. R. I totally agree with you
I 100% agree with this.
I totally agree! My oldest son is trans and when he announced it, it was a huge transition for everyone (understandably). My oldest daughter is gay and never came out. She said she never felt the need because she was the same person that she always had been and didn't feel the need to put a label on her sexuality. She's always been so self confident and I truly admire her!
As a lesbian myself, for someone to say that they knew or "their gaydar went off" really doest bother me, but the comments on Rachel's TikTok are EXTREMELY passive aggressive.
Exactly! If I'm being really excited and they're excited with me yelling "I KNEW IT GIRL I KNEW!!!'' That's not hurtful at all. But the ''Lol I always knew and you're JUST catching up?" yeah that's rude. The problem is not them having known about it and expressing it, the problem is their attitude about it.
@@jjensen4819 THIS 👏👏
We’re my LGBTQ+ fam at
Yeah, I did leave a comment on her vlog that was like "wait really? I got some vibes when I started watching you. My gaydar has been on point lately!" Or something like that, but the comments that Colleen read seemed *really* aggressive, like jeez, leave Rachel alone.
Mhm
another layer to “i already knew” is the fact that people are stereotyping someone based on how they act or what they wear - when in reality you can be whatever you want and love whoever you want without fitting into any box
yes! Just because a woman is a tomboy or looks like a "hey mamas" doesn't mean they're gay.
Yesss! You took the words right out of my mouth.
@@kandy1643 exactly. also think it’s so not ok for non lesbians to joke about “hey mamas” lesbians. it’s just normalized homophobia
against more masc lesbians
I wore pink yesterday and i have long hair and im a guy and went out and got food went to pay and they said have a good day lady um .... LADY
Oop
Never gonna go to mcd again
I’ve been wanting to say this for a week now but didn’t know the right way to do it. Thank you!
As a gay guy, hearing people say “I already knew.” made me feel silenced. It was hard for me to come out. My mom saying it made me breathe though so I think you’re 100% right.
We all need to lighten up!
Yesss everyone else saying this made it sm worse and annoying but my mom saying she alr suspected made the conversation instantly easier
When I came out I had someone say “well duh” and someone else said “I could have told you that”. It honestly is one of the worst things you can say to someone when they come out. It’s rude and hurtful. Instead say “thank you so much for telling me and I am so proud of you”. When you say “I knew” it takes away the hard work and emotion that a person goes through to find themselves and be able to feel safe to tell you who they truly are. You are absolutely correct, it’s rude.
For sure!!
“If you’re not interested in dating someone, why do you care what their sexuality is?” PREACH GURLLLL!!! YESSS QUEEEEN
I feel like maybe a lot of the girls saying that to Rachel really mean "I'm so happy you are because you are someone I would want to date." 🤷🏼♀️
People brag “I knew” for the same reason people brag “first comment!”. Neither make sense.
Fr😂🤚🏻😭💀
Honestly... yeah
Yeah
You can’t know someone’s sexuality before they do.
Tell tik tok that lmao, my fyp was WAY too accurate
@Tha Night im so confused on what you just said
@Tha Night you're spamming this, stfu
@Tha Night dramatic much 💀
I’m still closeted but I personally think that saying “I already knew” is rude because it dismisses how brave that person was.
completely agree
Agreed 😊 but with that comes the sad truth that for many people coming out is still a thing that takes bravery when actually it should just be accepted and fine in the first place
I completely agree with you!
I agree and I’m still closeted to
This makes sense !
we shouldn’t make assumptions on anyone, that’s just stereotyping...
Exactly, it's so rude and nosy 😤
Yes!
everyone makes unconscious assumptions based on our cultures and that is okay, we just should not act based on them :)
wrong or right....stereotyping exists for a reason
@@kristinvxn23 Not necessarily, it is made to be rude most of the time.
i saw lgbtq and immediately said “you called?”
Hey toga, also true
Haha yessss
LAMAOAOAOO
omg sameee like at your service
Why was that my exact thought
When you’re Bi in a “straight passing” relationship & you come out & the person’s response is “why does it matter?” 😡😡😡
Oh my god why does this happen!
ugh I'm sorry, That must be shit.
Wdym like your opposite gender partner says that?
sometimes people don't know how to respond, lighten up.
@@bagelfish8916 no just people... my mom 🤦♀️
No when someone says “we already knew” it is rude and in my opinion doesn’t show any support, my sexuality wasn’t a game you gambled on. If I fell comfortable enough to tell you I’m gay all I want is a “thank you for telling me, I understand this must of been hard for you”
I think some people just don't give a shit about your preferences. Like they dont consider it a big deal. And it shouldn't be. We gotta drop the whole coming out thing bc being straight is not the default.
@Umar Waheed that’s not what is being stated, while this comment is a little much, as I believe that this comment isn’t mean, but it is a little disheartening as when we come out we hope for a little gratitude for being able to do so, it just makes us feel as if it was a good thing to do. Sure we should just move on from the topic, but in the end that isn’t exactly how it should be done within the moment, a little appreciation is nice, it’s just like telling your mom I got an A on my test, it’s not gonna feel as nice when she says I already knew and not a good job or I’m proud of you. I hope this helps you understand a little better, though I wouldn’t just listen to one person opinion as there are so many out there, you have a right to yours, all I want to do is help you understand what this comment actually means.
@Umar Waheed no, personally I don’t need people to tell me congratulations, some of my friends did and I found it funny bc they got excited but I don’t want it to feel like I’m looking for attention I just want to be validated 😊
@@Thisisnotapipe_ I agree
@Umar Waheed Being gay isn't the big deal. It's the huge amount of anxiety that you carry around that is the big deal.
It's the effort you make to move past the entire nine yards of doubts and be vulnerable and honest about a thing that is still vilified by God knows how many people.
Like, maybe the person I am telling isn't as nice and non-homophobic as I thought they were and turn out to be a complete bigot. Or maybe even if they aren't homophobic, they are very ignorant and start believing horrible things about me. Or maybe, it would just make things awkward and completely change our dynamic.
These thoughts can cause a lot of stress and all, you know? It's more about the fact that you are opening up than what you are opening up about.
people saying “i already knew” and ESPECIALLY “it was obvious” it diminished someone’s journey and takes away from a hUge step in their life. when i came out it was shocking to everyone because i still like presenting feminine, so i can’t speak for everyone else who it may actually be more “obvious” or like that yk?
The problem is that it doesn't matter whether we suspected something or not, we shouldn't be making it about ourselves. This is their moment and their journey
This 👆 (pointing to og post) thank you
“If you aren’t interested in dating this person then why are you worried about their sexuality” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
PERIODTTTTT
PERIOT! PREACH!
YEESSSS
QUEEN/KING/ROYALTY
@@Caoimhesvfx periot
Okay nobody is going to talk about how good Colleen is as a mother like she’s amazing!
Omg yes
she is the best momma everrr
@Mr. 808 idk. Rachel has a gf so maybe that’s why she is talking about LGBTQ+
ikr, and i came back after a couple months and Flynn can literally talk omg
Wait I didn’t know Eric was in good trouble??? Who is he? I looked on the cast he’s not there?
FLYNN FULLY JUST SAID “LOOK, MORE!” AND IF THAT DOESNT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE HES GROWING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT I DONT KNOW WHAT WILL
IKR
So clear toooo
@blv I've seen you multiple times. I tried it and I don't think it's that great.
I feel like coming out is an emotional moment for people and others going “oh I already knew” kinda makes it about them and not the person coming out. Like “oh look I’m right” rather than “I’m so proud of you for being yourself” or anything supportive like that
I just wish that being gay/bi/trans* wouldn't be such a big deal. Noone has to be proud of me because of my gayness. My sexuality is the least important thing about me.
@@tina9953 exactly.
@@tina9953 That’s not how I meant it to come off. It’s less of a proud of that persons gayness it’s being proud that they are themselves now and the strength they have to be themselves because not everyone can and does. The proudness is not really my point, I was just saying it can feel selfish when someone says “I already knew” rather than a supportive sentence.
it takes away the liberation
tina yep x
i’m bisexual, if i came out and someone said “i already knew lol” that would feel like i struggled for so long and it was so hard for nothing, i do have a very close friend that said “i always had a feeling” that felt a lot different than it would if someone else said that, i think the most comforting thing someone could say is “i accept you and see you the exact same, i’m proud of you” saying i already knew would hurt
aww! 🥰
Same here. Thank you so much for opening up about that.
No one yet has told me “I already knew” when I’ve come out and I’m glad cause I would be a little sad about it cause I would’ve been nervous for nothing😅
@@mariexx__ Exactly! That's how I felt
Yeah agreed. I'm bi as well and the best thing someone could probably say for me is "thank you for choosing to tell me, i love you, this is so exciting" or "im proud of you". Saying they already knew feels sort of like 'okay great well then why am i even out here baring my soul then?' and takes away from this person's moment. As much as coming out is a different experience for everyone, it was really emotional for me and I just wanted support. (Aka stop making it other people coming out about You)
As a straight person, people always think I'm a lesbian. It's because I have had very few relationships and i don't go around looking to get in another one...and then sometimes I'll just have a female best friend that I'll hang around all the time and then people will just assume. This has been going on my whole life because I was never chasing boys back in the day and I still don't.
Are you an Aquarias?
Same!
Same thing happened to me, they were all surprised when I dated my now husband for 6 months and we got married after thus said time it shocked them ! I was like , love me regardless.
Hey girl you are so straight if you wanna be but if you wanna be gay NO-ONE is stopping you 🔥👋🍄
*My main problem with the rainbow argument is that every single reason they give to try and justify it can be used for every other sexual scenario too.*
*Two consenting adults: Adultery is between two consenting adults.*
*It's found in the animal kingdom: ped...O...philia is also found in the animal kingdom.*
*It's not a choice: Neck...row...philia is a men-tall diz-order therefore not a choice*
*It can be safe if you use protection: Incest can be "safe" if you use protection*
*It's been around since the dawn of time: Rape has been around since the dawn of time.*
*Love is love no matter who it's for: So if you want to love someone's lover, it's all fine?*
It frustrates me because I had to be “straight” because no one would accept me. So when I did come out and people said they already knew then why did I struggle for 15 years of my life to hide myself and want to die. Why didn’t you tell me you love me for who I am. And you don’t valid my feelings just sh** on them.
Well duh, you're supposed to be straight but you made a decision not to be sooo that's your fault. I'm sorry dude
All I would say if someone came out and I sort of knew is I’m so proud of you. But I would never confront you about it. It’s not my place.
in my opinion it can be kind of rude, if for example like someones gay and i just came to them like “hey are you gay? i feel like you’re gay you give me gay vibes” that could be rude and uncomfortable to that person if they aren’t gay, and if they are they may not be ready to tell me and it would be wrong for me to get in their face about it and force them to come out sooner than they were ready to. I just feel like it’s basic manners to let someone come out on their own time since that’s their personal business and they should be able to make that decision whenever they’re ready.
@@jamiep2890 sexual orientation isn’t a choice no ones “supposed” to be straight
@@jamiep2890 its not a choice if it was then do u rlly think ppl would be?? do u rlly think ppl would be ok being tortured and told they are a failure, its not smthin u can choose
Also, being told “oh I could tell” could also be really scary because it makes someone question if others are able to “tell” which could potentially be dangerous in certain situations where they’re not out yet or are around homophobic people at work or home.
THIS !!
Well in that situation wouldn’t they want to know if others are easily able to tell so they could avoid potential danger?
As a member of the community: Even if your “gay-dar” goes off, i think it’s super rude. I have my inklings about people all the time and NEVER would comment about it because everyone has their own experience and takes their own time! I wouldn’t personally mind, but some people really do!
Exactly how I am as well! I was having a hard time formulating a sentence to explain how I felt about this situation, but you summed it up perfectly! Lol
THANK YOU
Yes!! We do have an accurate "gay-dar" but I would never actually say my gaydar was going off unless that person and I had a good relationship where they were comfortable with that.
I never assume someone identity. Let them tell you one way or another
May I say I appreciate this so much. I wasn't one of the comments, but I did think it, so thank you for teaching me and helping me to understand what is OK and what isn't :)
I love how Flynn is so respectful to all the ducks and turtles, no matter how close he is to them.
As a bisexual: when people I haven’t come out to yet say things like that it honestly hurts like, it’s kinda a big deal and when they say I already knew it kinda makes my heart drop.
I would rather that, to be honest. I am super girly, I love makeup, dying my hair, sewing, soap making, and wearing skirts and dresses. People never peg me as bi. I went through absolute hell when I came out, and it would have honestly helped if people had an inkling.
Same here. I did not come out to many people yet, but having someone say "oh, I already knew" means, that they DID NOT TREAT YOU DIFFERENTLY, althought they knew you are gay. And that is all I ask for. But of course, your feelings are valid (the person who posted original comment) and I'm not saying you are wrong to feel that way. I'm just trying to say, that maybe those people just wanted to tell you, that they would not treat you any different no matter your sexuality, and are not trying to invalidate your coming out. But of you feel that way, I think you should tell them how you feel, becouse you need to feel comfortable and that is the most important thing! Anyways I love you for being you. ❤❤❤
Ugh I get that. Like, I'm revealing this important part of myself and I'm being vulnerable right now, and you just minimise and ground-level the situation?? That's just not nice?
I get you man :(
I think some people say it so as to mean they knew already and loved you anyway.
The way Flynn is stringing together phrases and sentences is making him sound so grown up! He's incredible and his language development is happening so fast! They say that once a kiddo knows a few key phrases, they just start tumbling out of them. Kids are amazing
Flynn’s little flinch when the duck jumped out of the pond has me laughing so hard for no reason at all 😭🤣
Omg me too. I felt so bad for laughing
Omg ikr. I was like, "I know I shouldn't be laughing right now, but it was the cutest thing ever!"
Samee
O
How his neck tensed up omg 😂😂😂 I’ve replayed it soooo many times 😂
“We already knew,” comes across as needing the last word in a conversation that you were never invited to be a part of. Unless I specifically told you, then no, you didn’t know.
i’m a lesbian. i haven’t come out completely to people close to me but it really does feel frustrating when i eventually tell someone and they say “oh yeah obviously” it feels really uncomfortable to find out the person is judging me and figured it out before i was ready to share it.
Planet Sarah Awww honey mad mad respect for you you’re so brave for coming out I’m proud of you love❤️❤️❤️
I guess I can see what you mean, and its possibly how they said it to you. But why be upset if they "figured it out" first? You are a representation of who you are regardless of what that is. Nothing to look down upon. You are you, which is perfect.
So they were able to catch on to a detail about you before having to express it. They like you for you, not whatever that detail was (which is slightly more obvious when they "already know" but they are still there happy to be around you)
Please dont take any of that negatively, it was meant with the most positive and happiness intentions
THIS EXACTLY. It's upsetting and kinda traumatising for the exact reason you said. Knowing other people had been speculating about my sexuality when I hadn't shared it sent my anxiety brain into OVERDRIVE. It made me feel even more like I was being analyzed/judged all the time when I already feel like that 90% of the time.
@@brief402 when that detail can get you harassed, kicked out, assaulted, or even killed, it’s not great. Someone could “figure it out”, tell everyone, and put that person in danger. I’m sure you meant no harm with your comment, but it’s still important to remember that the world, although it’s getting better, is still extremely unkind to LGBTQ+ people. When we hear “oh I figured that out a long time ago” we run through a million questions, including “who did they tell?” At best it’s upsetting, at worst it’s traumatic and puts a person in serious danger.
@@kaelyn991 i couldn't imagine going through something like that ik its such a hard thing to do also nobody likes it when u are talked about behind your back
i’m a lesbian. And whenever someone said “I already knew” or “you seemed like it” feels like mean almost. Like we just got all the nerves away to come out and that’s your reactions?
Right?? It feels like an insult and condescending. I feel less accepted. Almost as if it was a bad thing. same energy as “what are you? Gay???”
So true its so annoying It’s like the jokes you almost
but then again, why you need to come out to the world?? why not just live a lesbian life and that's it. why is there a need to come out??
I agree! I always felt like people were talking about it behind my back when they say things like that.
Yeah it’s extremely discouraging too. Having received this reaction from one of my friends after coming out as bisexual, it makes me feel like I worked up this courage to be brushed away.
I'm 15 and flynn is having more fun in his 2 years of living than I ever had
Lol feel the same way 😂😅😢
as a gay person I don’t really care about all the “I knew it” comments, the most painful thing about coming out is not being accepted by family imo
yeah I think the real painful comment to get especially from your family is "your too young too know"
@@alexnoname13 yeah im coming out to my dad and brother as lesbian soon and i know they will accept me but im only 10 and i dont know if they will think im to young. im not though, straight ppl aren't too young to know.
@@alexnoname13 my parents and brother said that too but they dont anymore, maybe youll get that lucky too
@@navareeves8976 thats the spirit, i came out as bi when i was 13 and now im 14 and might come out again soon bc im a lesbian
Historically, the idea of “gaydar” (for lack of a better term) was important for members of the community to determine who is safe. Today, however, I think it’s been co-opted and warped into something else. Having an inkling about someone is one thing, but don’t shove it in their face. Rude comments have been so out of hand, this is another level. It’s the internet amplifying the negative snark again. You’re not wrong to be upset.
Couldn’t agree with this more!!👏🏻👏🏻
THIS
exactly like if I'm out with my mates and we see someone who looks a bit gae and is cute or give us vibes were like 😎 fellow gae but we kinda just also ignore it like we dont go upto them. We just acknowledge and move on i dont see why ppl ponder on it so much
I'm bisexual, I'm not out to a lot of people but if someone ever said something along the lines of "I already knew" or "wow it's taken you this long, I've known for years" it's really invalidating, and for a lot of peopled it is really hard to be who you truly are.
Ya if they said "I had a feeling" I'd be kinda like well that's funny. Bit if they said that they knew, like no that's pretty hurtful, I've come out to several people and they were all like yay proud of you, or didn't even care enough that they're like "okay thx for letting me know anyway so"
I try to leave alot of support on Rachel's page to kinda cancel out a little of the annoying that's there is, if a family member said it I'd be like oh well what a relief, but if it's another lgbtq person I'd be like okay great like it wouldn't bother me so much, but a straight person would kinda make me really feel like dang I struggled and plotted how to tell you and did it I felt like crying and singing and throwing up but you think you already knew and didn't bother to tell me. You know?
@@mars5709 EXACTLY!!!! ❤
agreed! as someone who isn’t completely out yet, that is very true.
Time is precious. We are fragile. Life is short. Eternity is longgg.. Every minute counts... be a faithful steward of the breath God has given you!!
@@annjames1837 I'm sorry, what does that mean???
This is total big sister protective energy! I love that even as fully grown adults you are still fiercely protective of Rachel!
as a lesbian, I always felt relieved when someone I came out to said "I had a feeling" or anything along those lines. and even now im at a point where I want people to just know because im done coming out to people I care to come out to.
I think it depends who and the wording. “I had a feeling,” especially coming from someone who is also lgbtq made it easier but “I already knew” especially from someone you aren’t super close to or a straight person annoys me lol
Well. When my best friend told me he was gay...he was terrified. We were 18. I hugged him and just said “I know” and we both cried. Maybe it’s different because we were friends and we loved each other. Not bragging. Just honest. He knew that I knew and loved him for who he was. And it was beautiful.
It just depends on the mood/tone/delivery of the words. Your situation is very much valid & sweet. But for the comments under Rachel’s tiktok those are very much condescending & rude.
It's like colleen said, if you know someone really well, its different!
yeh this is completely wholesome, the difference is that you were saying “i know” to prove to him that you’ve always been supportive of him even if he didn’t know it
To be honest, for me, it would be comforting if my close friends and some of my family said something along the lines of “I had a feeling but I’m glad you came out and I love you no matter what”, but coming from strangers online that are bragging about it, that would be hella weird
I love how Flynn gets so into his dancing, that he closes his eyes to feel the music move his body! Adorable.
Dude he became a break dancer for a minute, did you see that move?!
@@ashcatchum when?
@@ashcatchum SOOO TRUE!! Cutie!🥰😭😂
@@goditsbrutalouthere4640 6:58
i love how he admires the turtles and ducks from afar and gives them space it’s the cutest thing 🥺
I find that people only say that because of stereotypes. Like how can you know one's sexuality with out them telling you?
I don't think anybody can *KNOW* but I don't think it's stereotyping to intuit that someone *might* be
@@deli.rat. i totally think it is, i made this mistake and didn’t know it was wrong until this vlog, and now i understand and am sorry for using gay stereotypes. i do think the assumptions come from stereotypes, whether you think ‘that guys definitely gay because he does dance’ or just ‘he’s 100% gay’
If you are close with someone and noticing them blushing, giving shy glances to a member of the same sex that is really hot,nervously laugh when a few friends are lusting over someone that is the same sex. I mean if you are good at reading body language and someone is bad at hiding their reactions it can be apparent. Most likely that friend was dying to bring it up but tried to be respectful by not doing so. Though yeah I could see it feeling a bit rough when everyone already knows your secret and takes away your tada moment
I think my friend is gay but I wouldn't say I already know but I know her so well and I see the way she looks at women vs men and the way she is in love with Taylor swift
@@sarahdrummond5334 Yes and when a guy is a bit feminine, everyone immediately assumes that he’s gay.
i think it's very stereotypical when somebody says "we already knew" i don't find it necessarily rude but vv stereotypical
@@sarahmarie3317 Yes. I agree sometimes it’s easy to tell but, you should never assume someone’s sexuality based on acts and looks
Exactly! The whole ‘we already knew’ is buying into stereotypes and it’s gross
same here as a lesbian LMFAO i’ve heard it so many times before i came out and people told me that i’m gay BEFORE I EVEN KNEW IT. i don’t find it rude i just think the gays are proud about their gaydars being accurate but i completely understand colleens n others perspectives
also this isn’t me saying that assuming people sexuality is in any way okay.
Stereotypes ARE rude. Something being stereotypical doesn’t make it okay. Racist stereotypes aren’t okay and neither is this
me, a gay, clicking as fast as i can so i can answer: 🏃♂️
edit(my answer): i think it is quite rude, because getting super scared about it and then having people act like it's not a big deal hurts. but i think it would actually hurt worse from my close friends and family, not so much from people on the internet, but then again i'm not famous so i wouldn't know lol. but you're so right that people would never say that to straight people. and it's so sweet that you care so much, thank you
SAME lol
Same
Same
sameeeeeee
Same
As a gay woman who is hardly out to anyone, the times I have came out to people and they say "we already knew" its very upsetting to me and I assume it does to my other LGBTQIA peers. Coming out is a hard process that I haven't even fully accomplished but you're telling someone something so sacred to yourself and its a terrifying experience and saying you already knew diminishes the soul purpose. Not only that, a lot of gay people are in hiding such as myself and youre saying you're doing an awful job hiding what you're trying to seclude others from you are trying to hide this part of yourself and that's just saying everyone knows and you are only lying to yourself. It's a hard and degrading response and seeing those comments on Rachel's videos actually made me very upset and I feel so bad when I see them because I know how it feels.
For me it wasn't. I felt more relief when my family told me they already knew. It was their way of saying "we knew and we still love you "
@@Sam-xr8ne in that way it’s great but it does mean they’re stereotyping which is a problem that already exists to boys and girls where boys can’t wear pink, etc.
@Tha Night girl... what? I was sharing my personal experience about being outed and the dangers that come with not rape, pedophilia, necrophila and mental disorders tf youre just homophobic
why am i so afraid of flynn falling in the water...
Girl ! 🤣 the closer he got to the water I was like: Hey Flynn! Back up 💀 I can’t.
Sameee
I almost said " walk your feet" out loud lol
I was worried the ducks were too close to him. I was like oh Flynn dont get that close
@@melissan1079 😂😂
Flynn going to hold Koko's hand to go up the stairs was so cute, they're so precious 🥺
Omg IK 🥺🥺🥺
i though the same thing there bond is so cute
I think people are excited to “prove” that gaydar is a thing. I don’t think anyone meant to be rude, but I can see how it comes across that way!
Yess exactly this!💯
yeah i agree and if you are able to assume someone’s sexuality, gender etc. at least keep it to yourself
There’s been studies that wlw can smell eachother
Yes. I genuinely thought that she already was out, like I didn't know she wasn't out yet. It really is a kind of energy that someone puts out yeah I guess it's called gaydar. My brother and several others in my family are gay and I always just knew already.
@@Spaghettimacncheese LOL WHAT send the study please that’s hilarious
I think I am now going to comment on peoples tik toks saying, "i nEw yOu wHEre sTrIGht"
fr 😫😫
Yes you a smart ass now aren’t you!!!! 🍑🔥👋👋👋👋👋👋
Personally, I am okay when other lgbtq people say “I knew” because they’re part of my community and can relate to me so much but when a straight person says that it kinda hurts and offends me because like I just came out to you and went through all of that emotional rollercoaster for nothing?
No. It should be a good thing that they accepted you for who you are and nothing will ever change that
But isn't that the end goal here? To not have to go through that emotional rollercoaster and just be accepted for who we are?
@@TheLilyspencer wdym “no”... it’s literally my opinion and my experience don’t dismiss it...
@@aaronsharts44 no one is.. but stop being negative about the ‘I knew’ comment.
@@TheLilyspencer Everyone can have their own opinions, and you need to not be dismissive about that. It's rude.
I’m gay and those comments don’t bug ME personally
Interesting, they bug me lol
I don’t find it necessarily rude, but it is annoying when someone says “I already knew”...it is a little weird when people assume before you come out especially if you didn’t want them to
Love you ❤️
Omggg you guys ty for the likes 💕 it’s cool to see that people agree and actually care 😊
100th like :)
I agree.
Yeah
Unfortunately it seems like a lot of straight people want to prove their “gaydar”. And a lot of young gays get excited that someone they know is like them so they voice that but it ends up sounding rude.
For me when someone who is also lgbtq says I suspected or I had a feeling it’s totally fine. It’s the “I already knew” especially from straight people that’s obnoxious
When someone says “i already knew” they are making this HUGE experience of someone else’s, about themselves.
i completely agree with her about rachel, i think its so rude to be like “oh i already knew” it really diminishes someone’s experience and (probs) really long and hard journey
edit: ty for all the likes!!🥺
add my snap: dani-4309
Yaa and I have seen maaannyyy comments that said they knew what before and some of them said that because Rachel was "manly" or was wearing beanies... I was so upset that the stereotype if you are into "boy" things so you are "tomboy" or a "lesbian".
I grew up very christian and came out as bi late in life and also heard the "I knew" a lot. Although, it's a very odd comment, in my experience, which may be different from others, the I knew comment I believe was people just trying to be kind, like, yeah you are no different. For my personal experience the I knew comment is people just being like I love you the way you are. Again, it could be rude but in my life it hasn't been. I love Colleen and Rachel and everyone's journey is unique and valid.
@@angd6578 yeah 100%!! i think the comment can mean a lot of different things, it just mainly used in a very dismissive way if that makes sense
@@dr-rz5of yup dani for sure, it's hard when people are commenting that you don't know in real life. I hope Rachel all the happiness and love in the world 💞
@@angd6578yes omg! ur so cool. i hope rachel gets the love and support she deserves💞
The person who says "I already knew" is the same annoying person who comments "First" on a video.
😂
lol YES
Yes.
As a queer person, I found it really hurtful when my family members said "we knew" when I came out, because I didn't know! I literally had no idea I was queer until my adult life, how could then possibly have known if I didn't know? I think they thought that it was supposed to be reassuring, or to show that they have accepted you for a while or whatever, but for me because of compulsory heterosexuality making queerness absolutely not an option and then later fear of being abandoned and maybe even beaten, it took a while for me first to actually find this out about myself, and then later it took about 2 years into my 5 and a half year (current) relationship with my partner to even tell my family that I am queer. all you've done is make an assumption on me due to stereotypes about queer people which did happen to be right, but i didn't know that myself for a very long time! also it could've been wrong! i could've been straight! i could've been cis!!
Do you mind explaining what queer is bc I have had people tell me it’s when you just like who like and that’s me bc i just like some non-binary and sometimes an emo trans man 😂 but I don’t what to say I’m queer and be worng and make it seem like I’m being disrespectful to queer people. And I can never get a ver good awnser on what being queer is. Not like gender queer but like queer in like a sexuality if that makes sense 😂
@@kyasmith7843 queer is an umbrella term, but also a label. Just means your within the community. So you can be anything other than a cishet person and be considered queer. I’m a bisexual Demi girl, sometimes I just say I’m queer because it’s easier yk & a label that covers my gender identity as well as sexuality. It’s more of a broader term. It’s like ppl saying they gay, some ppl use it as an umbrella term. Like a lesbian might use it but they’re not gay as in gay man, or a bisexual might use it yk.
A lot of people who say “we already knew” are shocked and don’t know how to reply. It is not ok to say that it may not technically be homophobic but it’s definitely not ok
And, if you come out and people are like “oh I didn’t see that I had no idea” I feel this weird sense to “prove” my gayness even though I know I am.
and i’m the OPPOSITE! ppl always say “i assumed so” so i always feel like i need to act less gay to prove them wrong??
@@rohin369 EXACTLY!!!
My parents said the words “I never saw that in you” it broke me I felt the need to prove myself and then they continued to compare me to my gay cousin saying that they knew from the beginning with her so it hurts because I felt like I wasn’t gay enough ig I just wanted yall to know saying that you support us rather than that is more important to us ❤️
I honestly wish my parents had had even an inkling that I am bi. It would have made coming out so much easier.
same dnxjcnnc
I came out at 19 and everyone around me said they knew and it didn’t hurt my feelings. It was more of “oh ok you all knew and still treated me normal” I love that she came out
Exactly. I’m debating on if I should come out but I always know stuff about other people before they tell me and I have to wait for them to bring it up. It’s not something I can help but I just have really good intuition about people and am very observant
@@hayleymarse2853 I’m the same way. You can come out whenever you feel safest to do so. I came out when I had my first bf
this! I think it's an amazing thing that people can "figure it out" and still have carried on like normal towards you. It means progress has been made in normalizing lgbtq+ in society.
I'm so incredibly happy for Rachel being her authentic self. She looks so much happier just being herself.
i find it surprising that everyone thinks it’s rude. when i came out lots of people said they already knew, and i did try to hide it cause i was so ashamed of being gay, but when people said they already knew it kinda made me feel relieved cause they say they already know and they were still willing to hang out with me even when they already knew
most people dont
@@beckstyles3467 just from my experience
I said this elsewhere but I think it's the whole strangers thing. Plus, how they say it, if it's more of a genuine, "I kinda had a feeling you might be" or more passive aggressive. The latter feels more like the school bully coming up to you and being like, "Knew you were a weirdo".
@@Kaalyn_HOW it’s not that deep
@@Kaalyn_HOW this is this persons experience and let it be that rather than judge them for it and make them feel wrong for feeling that way.
I’m in the lgbtq community and I literally love when someone says they knew when I come out because if they knew and continued to be my friend then I love them so much for accepting me
I put the B into it.. wbu
This is exactly what I was going to say. That would honestly be a relief for me.
@@makinsie7095 the L
Yeah, I actually see the statement “I already knew” as validation that they always cared and supported me, rather than viewing as invalidation. It’s actually really awesome that so many people continued to support her knowing that she may have been gay. It shows growth and acceptance in society.
I’m gay and when people said that it did hurt, you play it down because you know people do care but obviously I’ve always wished people would support and be friendly about something that I can’t control, it’s just one of those things, it’s common.
A lot of times when people say that, it’s because of the way the dress rather than how they act around the people that they end up liking if they’re part of the LBGTQ+ community. Which doesn’t make sense because clothes, colors, and activities/sports don’t have genders.
i feel like when ppl say “i’ve known” i think they want that person to feel more comfortable with being themselves considering that they have allegedly known or thought to know.
A lot of ppl say it to me, and it kinda bothers me but i know they mean well.
but when ppl say “i knew b4 u did”, that’s rude af. ppl have said it to me and it’s annoying.
I’m part of the LGBTQ community and I haven’t come out to anyone close to me yet but I completely understand what some people mean when they say that and while it might bother the person who they say it to, it’s not meant to be rude. Idk if you’ve ever heard of MBTI but it does a really good job explaining how different people process the world and the information that comes along with human experiences. Some people are “sensors” and tend to live life based mostly on the five senses and prefer information they can physically experience. Other people rely on institution more heavily. I’m an INFJ which is a personality that uses both sensing and intuition equally but has extremely good intuition about people. I’ve accidentally ruined friendships because I can tell people everything about themselves before they are able to admit it to themselves and most people don’t appreciate that. I didn’t realize that wasn’t a normal thing until I got a bit older and learned that people need to figure things out themselves. When I look back on my childhood/younger teenage years, it’s extremely obvious that I was bisexual (still not 100% sure that’s what I am) but I wasn’t able to admit it/realize that until I was older. I am positive some people already know and are waiting for me to realize and tell them. People don’t mean stuff like that in a bad way but it’s human nature to be in denial just like it’s in human nature to be able to subconsciously know things
My comment was "No idea. NO IDEA lmao." At the time, I didn't realize it would be hurtful to her and others. I thought that was the joke she was making herself in the tiktok. My apologies to you, her, and others that it may have hurt. In my personal experience, my friends knew before I did. Or rather, before I was comfortable with it. Now, everyone's coming out is different. For me, it was a relief that others knew and it wasn't just "a phase" like my parents desperately wanted and still want it to be. But again, that's my experience with it and everyone else's is different. I am sorry for that.
i saw your comment too😂
i thought the same thing, cause i thought she was like: you huys said you knew, andyou were right, it was always „clear“ that i am gay.
well done for apologising, that's brave of you 👍
You definitely aren’t blowing things out of proportion and this is a real issue that needs to be addressed. Thanks for speaking on it.
Totally agree with you, it's just as strange as its counterpart: "you don't look gay". (And a lot of people are told both of these things!) It gives me the same vibes as when someone tells me I'm good at/interested in something only because I'm a woman, while others simultaneously call me a tomboy. It's a very sharp, double edged sword that's always gonna make me both too feminine and not feminine enough. I'd like to think that we all have different interests, skills and traits because we're individuals but these typ of generalizing comments really don't help
Yesss 100%. I’m really straight passing and I get sm comments like oh sure, how do you even know that, you don’t look gay and it drives me mad!
I'm a lesbian, I live in Argentina and if someone "comes out" as gay, lesbian or wherever, people would be like "ok and?" Like I feel like yall make a huge deal out of this and don't get me wrong I get why of course I get it. But if yall what to normalize it I feel like yall should start doing so.
Yes!!
its definitely not a case of “just normalize it its so easy!” because so many people want to normalize homophobia instead
I think it’s not that easy tho. In my community if you came out you’d risk being disowned and ostracized
@@zohabaig6426 as I said, I get it. I'm talking about the USA specifically tho
This was kind of my thought too.
If equality is the goal, then it shouldn’t be made into a huge deal about “coming out.” It should be treated the same as someone who is “straight.”
Tbh people feigning surprise for my coming out was hurtful. When they said “I already knew” I was relieved because they loved me the whole time 💜 I’m not famous but maybe it’s the same for fans
Great point.
This is what I’ve heard- people knew they were fully loved “before” & “after.”
Felt exactly the same im glad that im not alone
This 🙌🏻☝🏻
That’s true but maybe it’s different from strangers
Flynn: says random sounds
Colleen: translates for us 😂
we have the same pfp. heyy
i think ive watched her vlogs for so long tht now i understand wht flynn’s trying to say 😂
how does she understand him its hilarious lolllll.
@@vmstevy same lmaoo
Yaaaaaaas, lol.
I’m gonna be a lone wolf and say that as a gay person I actually loved when people said this to me. I did spend SO much time trying to mask who I was, and still do, but it felt really nice when fellow gays told me they knew. It was like an “I know you, I see you, and even though you were hiding, we were there waiting for you with love.” It also makes me hopeful that as someone who is still actively (and successfully) in the closet from most people, that the RIGHT people will still be able to find me and I’ll still have a social/dating life.
Me too! I was so jealous when my wife came out and people said they already knew! It’s validating. I’m just so shook up about Colleen as a straight person saying what is ok and not ok to say to somebody coming out. Gay people don’t need straight people to decide for us!
@@joyciecrandall7628 I don’t think she was trying to say what was right or wrong, I think she was just asking and giving her opinion. And she said many times that she wouldn’t know because she’s straight and that’s why she’s asking the community
yeah i guess it's validating when it's people from the lgbt community saying that they knew. but if it's coming from "straight allies" who just assumed based on stereotypes, i'd be weirded out and discouraged honestly...
Hikomoron exactly! It's a lot different when it's coming from someone in the community because they know those struggles.
I think, to me, the whole “I knew” thing is like giving someone a surprise present and they already know what the present is and them telling you. It’s kinda like that feeling.
I’ve never come out (i still don’t know what I would “identify” as) but I feel like someone saying “I knew all along” has the same energy as making fun of gay stereotypes. Like u said, what if someone was trying to hide it, and another person said “I already knew” it’s basically saying “yeah you look gay” which is weird
In my opinion “I had a feeling” is a better thing to say than “I already knew”
My comment on Rachel’s tiktok was “I was so confused when you said you had a boyfriend” lol. like yeah my gaydar went off, but when she would say she had a bf I was like “ohhhh I guess I was wrong” 😅
I also think it’s rude for this reason:
Those people did not “know” that Rachel was gay because they are not privy to her private thoughts and feelings. They are judging their “knowledge” based on the way Rachel presents herself which is suggesting that people who act like Rachel can only be gay. Anyone can be anything they want to be and can present themselves whichever way they want to present. There are no tick boxes to being gay. Until that person tells you their sexuality, you do not know.
Really appreciate you raising this conversation ❤️
I'm actually shocked that she is but I'm very happy for her 😊
I just find the "we already knew" comments to be very rude for several reasons, but these are my top two. 1. No, you did not KNOW. You suspected, or you assumed, but you did not know. It invalidates how hard confirming that can be for people because it comes across as very dismissive of your own feelings. and 2. It's just an incredibly selfish reaction to someone else coming out. You instantly make the conversation about yourself, and not the person telling you this. It's basically like saying "Oh, well that may have been hard for you but I already knew because I'm so smart! Pat on the back for me!" Just be excited for the person!
I’m Bi (well technically Bi-Curious) but if I were to come out and random people said that it would feel a little rude to me too🥱💗
@ALEXANDRA ORTIZ same fella
Yay me to welcome to the club
i’m bi curious too :)
Same. I say I’m Bi but I honestly don’t know all I know is in 100% not straight. I haven’t come out but if I do it would feel rude for people to say that because who are they to judge and assume who I am as a person. Also like it’s like of weird to be thinking about someone’s sexuality when it’s not even a topic of discussion 🤣
I think it was the mood of that particular video that made people react the way they did. The video was very sarcastic and like of course I’m gay so people were just piggybacking off of that.
VIDS I DESPERATELY WANT COLLEEN TO MAKE:
1. A song written by Duncan (a la Happiness is very happy/ Hug Song)
2. A followup video to the “future self” video she did with Bailey... this time super emotional because all of her dreams DID end up coming true: she’s now a mom, a wife to an amazing husband, has been on Broadway, etc. Like looking Bailey in the eyes and saying “it’s all going to be alright.” That would be so powerful.
“I already knew” feels like a price tag that’s stuck to you but only the stereotype makers see
"I already knew" has the same energy as "I told you so" and ain't nobody wanna hear that
In my experience people saying "we already knew" or "everyone knows" was especially damaging because I spent so long being so scared of people finding out. Coming to terms with your sexuality can be a really hard process, and for people to say they already knew just made me so upset. Not just with them, but especially with myself for feeling like all the stress and fear I felt was for nothing.
I think all depends on the person who is coming out and their experiences. Personally, I don’t think it would be that rude if I got a comment like that, but I can see how someone else could. I do agree that supportive comments would make the person way more happy than saying that you already knew. Again, I don’t think that there is any clear answer to this question. It all depends on the person.
I’m bisexual and coming out is really hard and when people say “ Oh I know” is rude because it’s really hard to talk about and there not excited is hurtful. 😐
Ok your bi you said and I’m almost 100% sure I’m bi but are there any things you could tell me that you just were like oh dang that a sign
@@bellashep2466 for me it was I could see me dating,fucking,marrying both man and women and wasn’t against either 🥰
@@bellashep2466 hi I’m bi as well! I figured it out when I was acting shy and awkward around an attractive woman I worked with. I started thinking why am I acting weird she’s just a coworker stop being weird. But realized I wasn’t being weird I was just gay.😅 that’s was just my experience, everyone’s epiphany is different.
@@bellashep2466 if you even find yourself attracted to or have a very strong like obsession over wanting to be someone of the same genders friend or something then that’s a big sign obviously lol. Attractions to different genders can feel different as well so even if you aren’t attracted to the same gender as you are the opposite doesn’t mean it’s not still romantic attraction. Also don’t worry to much about labels! It’s totally okay to experiment with different labels or not even have any labels at all :) sometimes it’s easier just to be attracted to who you are attracted to and not worry about it (but it’s also totally valid if you want to use labels!!)
@@neverknown7373 this answer is 👌
i personally just feel like saying that you knew undermines the importance of what i’m trying to tell you. maybe i didn’t know yet, or maybe i did know and i wasn’t ready to. if i am sitting in front of you and i am opening this part of myself up to you, and you meet me with an “oh i knew” i’m going to feel like you care more about being right than about watching me grow into myself.
I’m bisexual and I feel like there’s certain stereotypes that are associated with being in the community, which is all in good fun but I don’t think it’s right to say I always knew, each to their own of course but I think it should just be celebrated that the person is comfortable sharing who they are!!
I totally agree with you on the “I already knew” that’s rude BUT Rachel DID post a tik tok kinda sarcastically saying like yeah duh I’m gay
True but that is for her to say. That video wasn’t consent for others to.
I think it’s a fine line because Rachel’s Tik Tok is of course about her BUT it could be seen as stereotyping people too because what she’s seems to be saying is ‘I liked cars, I play basketball like obviously I’m gay’
I know it’s about her but there are people that will jump on stuff like that
We are talking about people saying “I already knew for years” and “I knew since I first watched you” that is rude. Let people be themselves and tell you their personal info when they feel ready to share it.
I said the same thing. The video is literally, "look I've been gay the whole time" how can you be mad when people go, "oh yeah, we saw it too"
Colleen loves being triggered though 😂
hi, i’m a lesbian, and yes it’s frustrating, especially from straight people. it waters down the experience of coming out for a lot of ppl, plus so much of it is based in stereotypical behavior.
Yes!!!
That is the best way to explain how it feels idk why but that is the exact way it feels
I was trying to type my answer, I couldn’t word it very well. You said it perfectly.
This really hits the nail on the head. The basis on stereotypes. Also, Coming out takes so much courage for so many, it can be hurtful for people to brush it off like that. Plus, coming out is not just a one time thing. It’s a constant part of our lives, so to have someone treat coming out intentionally like that is hurtful as well.
as a part of the community I don’t like it when people say I already knew unless they are like really close to me
Personally, when I came out and people said “I already knew” it was quite reassuring and I realised they accept me because they always did, but that’s with my close friends, I feel like online it would bug me though, because if you built up your courage to post that and then people just say that they already knew, it would be kinda annoying.
no you hit the nail on the head with this one. you’re not “being dramatic” or “overthinking” it at all.
it makes me so happy that he still goes “blalalala” when he sees water hahah. never grow up!!!
Me too!! I think that's my favitore thing Flynn does!
I think it’s rude because people who say that they “know” don’t ACTUALLY know anything. You can’t know about someone’s sexuality UNLESS they explicitly tell you. But I agree, I don’t think it is meant rudely, just my take😊
I feel like saying “we knew” would be very different for everyone. I would be told that and literally laugh. Although I completely understand and don’t say this to others for the reason that I don’t know how they will react and how their journey went. I feel like this comes from the fact that being gay isn’t the “default” and people feel the need to guess whether a person is gay or not.
i feel like for some people it’s a relive that they won’t be treated any different and some people feel invalidated and basically all the things she’s stated in the video
Coming out to people and then saying "I already knew" feels so humiliating in the weirdest way, I'm not ashamed to be gay but if I am trying to talk about my sexuality and people saying they already knew is like a slap to the face
Whoever says that is so rude
personally i don’t mind when someone says they already knew to me, but i can see why other people would find that invalidating, i guess it depends on the person so it’s probably best to just not say it :)
i feel like people saying “we already knew” is kinda funny but also kinda annoying bc it could downplay the situation and make them feel uncomfortable because its like “okay but this is my moment and you just ruined it” but in some situations it could be funny because its like “you knew before i knew.” it rly depends on the situation and the type of person its coming from