Breaking Barriers in Therapy: Opening Up and Moving Forward
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- Опубліковано 21 лип 2024
- This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about whether or not we can be in therapy for too long, ways we can start seeing ourselves as survivors rather than victims, and when we should use coping skills versus sitting with the uncomfortable feeling. Finally, she discusses the ways we can open up more in therapy, finally share our trauma, and how to become more social and outgoing.
AUDIENCE QUESTIONS for episode 223 of Ask Kati Anything
1. Hi Kati! I have been in counseling/therapy on and off for the last 7 years. I have always been an advocate of therapy and I encourage other people to do it. However, lately I am feeling an aversion. I think that I am seeing it as a futile exercise. Which is probably due to shame about not breaking some of my self-sabotaging patterns. I have not lost the trust in the process, however, I have probably lost the faith in myself to do the work. How do I overcome that? 01:05
2. Hi Kati, recently I’ve been struggling to cope with having been sexually assaulted and groomed in the past. How do I go from seeing myself as a survivor, rather than a victim? 07:00
3. I’m obsessing over the thought that I’ve been in therapy too long. I started in 2019, and since then many life calamities have happened that greatly complicated the work I was trying to do. Big disruptions such as Covid, and more normal life issues - a spouse retiring, stressful personal health issues, a parent’s health scare, a big move, kids starting a new school, financial instability, essential home renovations while financially struggling, and now living in very close proximity to the family members responsible for the childhood abuse and neglect... 11:54
4. I was wondering when you should use coping skills versus sitting with the uncomfortable feeling. My therapist is using exposure therapy and says part of exposure therapy is not using things to calm my anxiety but rather sit with the feeling. By doing this, my body will learn that I am actually not under threat and the anxiety will decrease on its own. I don't want to be rude and question my therapist but it just doesn't make sense to me. I have been an inpatient, gone through a partial hospitalization program, and seen a few different therapists who have all stressed the importance of knowing and using coping skills. So now I am just confused. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated. 21:36
5. I have been diagnosed with DID and have been seeing my therapist whom I love the past 2.5 years. Recently, I realized that he still doesn't know a lot of my trauma. My parts are really wanting to come out and tell him their story, but I keep blocking them and intellectualizing the details of the trauma. My parts just want to cry, but I am scared to let them. What can I do? This is really bothering me. 28:41
6. Hi Kati, how do I become more social and outgoing? My entire life I’ve been shy and everyone around me has seen it as a huge flaw. Even my mom said to me when I was a kid that she wishes I was more like [insert extroverted friend’s name here]. I just find that my social battery drains so fast and I’m scared my friends are gonna get to the point where they don’t want me around anymore. That’s been happening to me my whole life and it makes me so sad. No matter how lonely I am, I can't seem to change myself. Any help would be so appreciated. 36:46
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Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com
"To bear children into this world is like carrying wood to a burning house."
-Peter Wessel Zapffe
Hell yeah brother. Having children while there’s still orphans needing adopted is an act of pure evil.
@@moderngoblin very true
@@moderngoblin you have a heart of saint
@@lovethyneibor22736 thank you I try my best, working to adopt a family of 5 currently! They deserve love and care!!!!
you are simply amazing 😢❤❤❤@@moderngoblin
The first question was mine. Thank you so much for answering it. It is really insightful. I have used CBT tools to talk me out of negative self-talks. For now, I am trying to get back to it and trying to distance myself from my triggers.
Thanks for asking the question. I’ve been feeling the same way. Been in talk therapy fir 7 years and tried IFS and EMDR. I’ve wanted to quit several times this year. Have you seen the movie Inside Out2? There is a part of me that is “at the helm” that is wanting to ditch the process. Maybe it’s anxiety? Something to think about. I might go back to IFS therapy and explore that part.
Wishing you well.
As a UK based Gen Xer, we never had a lot of support growing up through the 80s and 90s. Therapy was something that 'crazy' people had and there doesnt seem to be many avenues to follow when we need support now either, other than going to see a doctor. I am envious of the US approach to therapy. So many times in my life i have needed guidance and advice, and a professional ear would have been (and still would be) a blessing. Your videos have helped a lot Kati. Even though its not 1-to-1 they give me the strength i need, thank you.
Because my dad said I would never amount to sh*T. Too bad he didn't live long enough to see how wrong he was. but the pain is still there lurking....Thanks Katie
😢
Sounds like your Dad is similar to my Dad. I say this because before moving from my hometown, I had been watching a lot of movies by Directors like Kevin Smith & Robert Rodriguez. I really felt after listening to their interviews that I can make a movie myself. When I came home from work one afternoon I told me my Dad that “Some day I am going to make a movie.” Much to my surprise he replied with, “No you’re not. You see, you are a dreamer who’s dreams will never come true. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. There are plenty of guys like you around.” I knew better then to respond to him, but I still want to prove him wrong so badly.
I love these podcasts, and I'm so glad you do them! Thank you!
I find more emotional support with our dog. therapy feels like talking to a stranger that is forced to listen to me. or like talking to a walls. I worked out most of my issues on my own . I would be dead silent with a counselor. journaling and our dog were life savers for my emotional health. my favorite coping skill is listening to music. it goes over my head that therapist give us emotional support.
Thank you for your thoughts. I have come a long way but still working on the victim surviver battle and feeling and processing those emotions. Talking is so hard!
Hurts so much seeing you, being so good. I tried in my life about 8 psychotherapists but they all never understood things like you do, sooner or later always these I call it unprofessional sentences came which were just hurting and then I had to stop each time the therapy. You are so different, just really professional and not hurting.
I understand what you mean. But instead of just quitting therapy, first try to talk to the therapist about what they said that hurt you. I know my therapist for 3 years and sometimes there are still things that she says that hurt me. But when i talk about it with her, i understand that she didnt meant to hurt me. She just wants to help. So, if there is a therapist you really like, dont quit, but talk to them about what hurt you
@@micaelalmeida1997 you have a positive attitude, that's good. Unfortunately my therapists not just said one or two hurting sentences, but many other things they said just showed me, that they were not well educated and had not much clue about trauma and other specific fields, or they just had a bad attitude, were nasty.
@@mattesrocket im sorry to hear that. Then maybe, you havent find yet the right therapist for you. That is different. Try to look for new ones, see if someone knows a good one, or look on the internet( sometimes they let you talk a little bit with them before you start the appointments)
Would love to learn more about "Bridge statements" and what to do to build faith in myself! That would make a great video.
I know I got taught not to believe in myself and why I twisted my brain to make sure I studied and stuff and actually went to great lengths to learn
The things that I got taught never learn and never believe in yourself you want something get it yourself
So with that I created study sheets in high school when I was ready to start studying (9th grade I already knew all that stuff and when I got told to work with somebody his question to me was why do you want to learn so instead we faed off and just talked instead of doing any classwork)
10th grade comes around I created my study sheets to say cheat sheets to get me to learn and my teacher saw it and it confused her but she knew I didnt use as anything more then a study sheet and that my brain cheated for me by memorizing it and yes I legitimately said that in front of the entire class because thats how I am
It got one of my friends to make cheat sheets instead of study sheets but it didnt last very long with him and I forget why
Once I got used to the study thing I dropped it because I didnt need to think like that anymore and I started to believe in myself more it was the severe to debilitating depression that came up at times that was hard to push past (in high school that went away) college it came back due to doing to much at once and my parents forcing me on full schedules
Kati is such a wonderful, caring person.
Really important topic!
When you were talking about rocking back and forth to self soothe I actually felt sadness for me as a little girl as it brought back a memory. When I was 4/5 I slept in the spare bedroom of our house. I was allowed a few things of my own in there but had to move out of it when guests came to stay.
I don't know why I didn't have my own bedroom as there were enough rooms. Anyway it did mean I got to sleep in a double bed. Every night when I went to bed I would get on all fours and rock and rock backwards and forwards on that bed to self soothe-so much I would rock the matress off the bed onto the floor. Bearing in mind it was a big mattress,that was a lot of rocking. Of course nobody came to check on me even though they could hear me. I would eventually fall asleep-once I was exhausted-on the floor on the mattress.
For years I didn't understand why I did this. I was obviously very sad and was trying to comfort myself. My family would mock me for this behaviour but I couldn't stop.
I'm in a much better place now and have found a lovely therapist who is helping me a great deal
Hi Catherine, how's your day going with you?
For anyone who relates to question 6, I highly recommend the book Quiet, by Susan Cain
Kati i need your help. I dated a guy and i realized he was a narcissist. I should have left then but he admitted to having traits so he got into therapy. He was an open book and gave me his ex wifes number. She told me he has traits. I didnt realize he fits yhe criteria until i literally showed him the list and he pointed out a few he has. Eventually i left him but i wonder if psychotherapy could have helped him.
You still have that old picture or artwork you used to have in the older videos?
You should use that as your backdrop in these Thursday videos
Hi Marina, how's your day going with you?
How do I ask a question, meaning where do I write the question?
Actually that ended up being my bad omen i warned a few youtubers about when i also dealt with dissociation and :( with chyna i do not remember much but i know my bad omen i got very scared with them but now we deal with things as they come up
I also found out my new biggest fear losing all of my friends that counts for my youtube friends I feel like it almost happened
One of my online friends wasnt themselves and almost blocked me because of it but I knew what happened so I knew how to talk to them to keep myself from being blocked and another friend made sure that I stayed unblocked
I am unsure how to conpletely deal with this but I know I am going to figure it out as long as that group of 3 sticks together then I know it becomes fine
There is a 4th person in this but shes in another country as long as she stays there everything with her stays perf (she comes to america she took her own risks because I know her fairly well her being excited from the group makes sense) shes a black and white thinker and when she gets upset I only know 1 person that knows how to deal with her and she lives in the country that person lives in now
I felt like I lost everything once before due to being reported (after a lot of tears and I dont know how many weeks I went back to youtube fangled around a bit and found a backdoor into my account) I doubt a back door exists this time but I also felt fine not being able to backdoor it and why I became ready to try (once I backdoor it I was like oh thats what I was being told at vidcon) I tried to tell Jonny Paula because the same thing happened to him but he didnt understand and waited a very long time for youtube to give him back his account (with him waiting made sense since he became a youtube partner so youtube would have to fix an account like that)
Can being neglected be considered a traumatic experience? I feel like my childhood is more about a lack rather than an abuse of any kind. What is this kind of problem even called?
Yes neglect can definitely be traumatic and it's a part of the adverse childhood experiences
Absolutely.
Yes, neglect can be as harmful as abuse.
Research has found that neglect in early childhood can be especially harmful to a person. When an infant suffers from or dies from "failure to thrive", neglect is often a factor. (Babies need to be held, touched, and interacted with!)
The human need for human contact is pretty universal. I've had some close friends who were neglected (to different degrees), so I've seen up close the effects of the trauma the it causes.
I'm a "middle child" and a second-born child. I was overlooked sometimes, as is all too common an experience for the middle child. But, thankfully, both of my parents were the second-born in their own larger families...and so they recognized that they were overlooking me and taking my foot granted the way they had often been as kids. So, my parents made an effort to give me attention similar to what my older and younger brothers did. (It often seemed to be an afterthought, but at least my parents recognized and made the effort. So, while I'm sensitive to neglect, I wouldn't say that I traumatized by it.)
I made myself sort of sit with my anexity a few times due to my fight and flight being donked and thought about what makes sense for this situation and then take it from there usually it happened because a massive project got thrown at me either with school or other things and when it came time to the putting everything together my brain sometimes acted like the i dont know what to do world ending so when that happened i walked away from the project and let my anexity stay with me and thought about what steps to take and why i felt that way
Sometimes throwing something i was working with across the room also worked but i only did that when nobody was around and fought through the anexity with anger not idealistic
@artnerd8 I got autism anexity attacks a daily part of my life I usually get control of them but with borderline personality disorder sometimes it becomes harder
Since I am done with school I been a lot calmer travel sometimes sets it off
20:14 That's good stuff
If a clinician is working in a more CBT or EMDR based approach or had training in it it makes sense from a relational lens that they might be bringing into the session a sense that clients should meet criteria on certain timelines. Though luckily the clinical side is moving out of that.
I've been in therapy for almost 10 years, almost twice as long
Your my best friend
+Katimorton Time 28:41 *Jillian Vessey, handle @Pixielocks, identifies her "persons" as Alters; even has a pseudo-Playlist featuring them.*
Hi
For me its dissociation but i learnt how to let my innerchild side i guess you can say out as well as be there at the same time
I dont know what happened to my agnostic side after 2017 i dissociated i know it came out i think a scishow comment but not 100% sure and then vanished forever (which becomes a good thing because that side of me kind of bizarre and semi scary and i am a realist atheist now) i sort of first 100% knew about my bpd because i was an agnostic and an atheist and since people became stoopid atheist means believes impossible for there to be a higher power and god
Angostic means anything above that but below theist and theist means beliefs 100% there is a god deism believes 100% there is a high power of some kind
So my brain contradicted itself and why i became a realist atheist no higher power of any kind
My gothic side very prevalent same with my punk they usually go together
I been way to anexity ridden resently to think much about them
You don’t believe in yourself because you care too much about other ppls opinion who told you no
You assume too much.
Thanks for sharing! It helped ❤️
@@MagnumInnominandum ik you’re not talking about me. This is based off facts. You can do your research don’t take my word for it