Why Millennials Lack Resilience | Jordan Peterson
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
- Jordan Peterson draws upon history to explain why many millennials seem to lack resilience, highlighting the damage overprotective parenting has wrought over the past 40 years. He outlines how young people build resilience through challenges, emphasising that ‘safe spaces’ only make young people more anxious.
Watch the full conversation here: • 12 Rules for Life | Dr...
#jordanpeterson #psychology #parenting
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Dr. Jordan Peterson:
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My grandfather said it best - "Son they're giving out participation trophy 🏆..well this is the beginning of the end. Feelings over facts will lead to a disastrous society."
You just cobbled that together from things you've heard other people say on the Internet.
@@Hiberno_sperg Actually Hiberno my nephew received that participation 🏆 b/c his feelings were hurt for coming in 7th place.
@Hiberno_sperg if you give people trophies for just showing up, you create weak idiots.
Stop being one and go learn things.
What I’m saying is that the last couple of generations got a participation house and pension, and that on the whole is better than a trophy.
@@lkyuvsad hahaha that's a belter. True.
A few years back I was watching Stranger Things with my tween grands. I realized it wasn't the goofy sci-fi plot that attracted them. What really made that show was the glimpses it gave of old fashioned free range childhoods They were tremendously fascinated and envious that once upon a time in America kids got out of school and just got on their bikes and zipped off with their friends playing games and having childhood adventures, dealing with bullies themselves and settling their own differences without grownups hovering over them and scheduling their every moment.
You make it clear that it’s as if they’re imprisoned now.
@@genxx2724most are...
Yep, the only thing we needed was a bike.
@@genxx2724they’re definitely brainwashed
A bike and a sense of adventure will go a long way.
"Your job as a parent is to prepare your children to survive without you" -- As simple as that statement is, it has far reaching effects. When your children are infants, they need constant attention and protection but that is a very temporary phase. Once they are past that infantile state, you must start training them to survive without you. At first it is small things (e.g. make your bed, clean your room) and progressively larger and more important skills. Those skills include cooking, cleaning, maintenance of environment and self, critical thought, social interaction.
By the time they hit puberty, they should be able to function without you... maybe not well, but you can fine tune those skills. By the time they are of age (e.g. between 18 and 21) they should have mastered those skills such that they want to strike out on their own to test those skills. *LET THEM*
Yes - I ascribed to that as well. My 3 children are not 33-39 and all have degrees of some sort, one has 3. They never tried to get back in the nest, they believed in themselves and grew into independency. They are success stories. I might add - you need to know your children intimately. They are different personalities and have different interests, drives, idiosyncrasies, thus, we treat them the same (ie. rules), but, treat them differently depending on personalities. We feed their interests, and navigate their psyche's. As a high school teacher - I can totally identify with what Jordan is saying. The young are really ill- prepared to be adults.
Yes I agree.
Give them roots and give them wings.
When my son was in his 20s he asked me why I was so tough on him. I would set a bar for him to reach, he would get there and I would set the bar higher. He felt whatever he did wasn't good enough. I explained that my job was to make sure he could adapt and meet the challenges he would encounter as an adult. If all I did was teach him to brush his teeth & tie his shoelaces I would have failed as a parent. He appreciated my approach and felt I did the right thing
Kids now can't or won't cook, clean, drive a car, play a musical instrument, get and keep a job. But they do have cell phones and sit on social media all day.
There was 5 of us, we were never coddled or overly protected, we all got hurt sometimes seriously, we faced hardships and adversity every step of the way, we were challenged mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Our parents made sure we were ready to face the hardships of life on our own.
Same here
We were only three. I think being latchkey kids gave us more self-sufficiency than our quantity did. Mom would have us either start dinner or just fend for ourselves. Injuries were self-treated by necessity.
Same here, 5 brothers and a sister…born in the 60’s, worked hard, had consequences for bad behavior, respect elders, earn your own money..I’m so glad I was raised right, go out, be independent, take your life “lumps”, go serve your country…thank you Randy
You sound like someone with undiagnosed mental illness, but im not a doctor so hard to say more.
Colouring books! Unbelievable!
I'm so glad I grew up in the 1980's-90's.
60’s and 70’s👍🏻
The 90s is still a Millennial technically.
As a GenXer you are lucky as that was the last normal generation
@@NeverForget1776 Idk, man, some of us Millennials are normal, too. Gen Z, absolutely not. Most of us were born before the internet. Ik I didn't have a cellphone till 17.
You're all still powerless to the elite LOL. They can control you with media and influencers. You're nothing but a grass eater. @@NeverForget1776
We were encouraged to make our own mistakes/take our own risks from an early age growing up, I think it served me and my sister well.
Definitely has. Same here🤙
we are born uneducated and need time to learn and self discipline before doing this, being put in positions of having to make a decision causes anxiety.
In my case, however, the reason was that my parents were self-centered, bad parents. They did it because they wanted their peace from us and then presented it as a great, personal parenting achievement.
I had a mix of over protective parents in the first then very open to my experience & exploring when I was about twelve. The over protective part crippled me in some places & I had to work my way past it in my later years.
@@berniefynn6623 🤣 🤣🤣 soft as
I am an African specifically Ugandan, and as i watch this on my phone i realise how lucky i am to hear, listen and see Dr. peterson over the internet. I truly appreciate his works, the knowledge and wisdom he exudes.. i dont know though if the society where he lives in flesh does appreciate how talented and important he is to them as to the rest of us far away!!
You're lucky. I'm an American living in Seattle. I wanna visit Benin
"If a place has to be defined as safe, it surely is not" Fantastic! Thank you for the video...
Bingo. I am a product of all this. My entire life I was coddled. My childhood was fantastic. But heading into adulthood was a painful wakeup call riddled with anxieties. I've felt woefully underprepared my entire life and only recently have been pinpointing why.
I am an only child who was by no means coddled. I did however grow up to be excessively independent to the point I wonder whether I really am as sociopathic as I've been told I am by people who really just don't understand how my emotional disconnect from others ends up being interpreted by them
My son is coddled by his mother for her own issues that come from her (genuinely disrupted) childhood and my struggle is to pull back from being an excessive hard@S$ as a compensation. He's a white western male he's going to get no help from anybody from a hostile world full of victims, he'll get nowhere if he follows the path of weakness and victimhood that is presented to him by his mother
Here is the secret of adulthood- we are all woefully underprepared and are all faking it.
@@greebj Being able to function as a lone person doesn't make you a sociopath, anymore than dressing well makes you a narcissist. These a re just phrases used by the hard of thinking.
Your willingness to recognize this is a positive step to dealing with it!
@@greebj my cousins who were never beaten by their parents are all highly sucesseful people. I on the other hand have ptsd, stomach, breathing, hearth, pain and attention problems. Depressed since i was 10 yo. Be nice to your kid
Im in my late 30s and I would say on the whole ive found the older millenials (35-42) are very different from the younger millenials (25-34) and VERY different from the Gen Z's (older teens and younger 20s). I work with all of these age groups and find the language used by the older gen zs and younger millenials startling- talk of safe spaces, being triggered by everything etc, is applied to all situations all the time. Its nuts. And the corporates (who i work for) coddle this language and thinking, and reward and praise the people who use it like a badge of honor. This kind of nonesense wasnt around when i was at university (a time of no Facebook or instagram- bliss!), but my god how things have clearly changed.
For the most part yes I agree, though there is certainly plenty of crossover
Xennials is what we are called...
Forget generations, its people born 1991-1999 who are very specifically the vindictive lazy pathetic ones - yet they are given EVERYTHING including all the representation.
This includes getting exempt from being called out for their bad behaviour - causing the most lost and under-represented year groups (1983-1990) to constantly take the fall for the antics of the 90s zoomers
@@lingricen8077 As a Millennial baby of the early 80s, it drives me crazy when older people suggest that I'm somehow the same as later-era Millennials. That generation is split right down the middle and anyone who was born in the 80s knows it.
They ought to find themselves unemployable. Why are workplaces accommodating them, at the expense of the older employees who have paid our dues?
As a mom of 3 grown children ( one Gen X and 2 Millennials) , much appreciated the way you spoke the truth without any judgment, I do have another theory to add as well as to why parents over protect in addition to your views, I am from the "boomer" generation , I parented one child when I was 18 yrs old, and the other two in my 30's, back in our days " corporal punishment" was rampant amongst parenting and very acceptable, I had vowed to myself I would never do this to my children, however along with this vow I went into "protection" mode and made a lot of the mistakes you talked about, and for this I do see the error of my ways, unfortunately it backfired on me and my (2) children paid the price, the child I had at 18 yrs old , as you mentioned I was a 'kid' and wanted to have my life, I did not overprotect him, and yet he turned out much more resilient AND he handled all his anxieties and depression, this did NOT get the best of him, he is very well rounded today, the other two that I protected, cannot handle todays societies and are suffering with depression.
Thank you John for putting this video out there, after listening to it and also the comments from you viewers, this seems to help young ppl with validation. Also, yourself for praising Jordon on speaking out as well , as a Canadian I feel very proud right now for having Jordon Peterson
But this clip is not asking why parents are "overprotective", it's about why children today lack resilience.
It lacks credibility. @@davisworth5114
So we should be teenage parents, got it
Gen z
Mmm well yunno yup actually your right in some ways my mothers own debilitating anxiety was deflected onto us as she never acknowledged she was anxious and also contributed to developing irrational fears that were also my mothers. The thing is 'overprotective' sure from the outside world but actually but not from what happened in our family at home.
This relates to a big lesson I learned from attending self defence classes: sooner or later, someone is going to try to harm you, so learn how to protect yourself if they do. If you demand that nobody ever harms you, eventually you will encounter someone who ignores that and tries to harm you anyway.
I had 5 kids ranging from 25 - 32, I never coddled them so to speak, I made them work for anything they wanted, mainly because I didn't have a lot of money, they learned to appreciate everything the earned on their own. I always encouraged them to take chances and backed them up no matter the choices they made. Happily they all turned out very well adjusted adults. I'm glad to see them treating my grand kids in the same manner.
I think Jordan is missing something here. Did you put your kids in daycare? I doubt you did with 5 kids. People should look up "The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life"
Interesting. I keep seeing these types of comments from parents on social media but I never meet any in that age range who actually turned out ok…
@@willowsmom5757 I live in Shrewsbury and there are a lot of people in that age group who are very capable of looking after themselves. There are, however, quite a few who aren't.
@@ParallaxView111 I worked days, wife worked nights, big difference is they didn't really have the social media barrage they do today.
@@willowsmom5757interesting how one could go about in life and not see a single 20 year old who is doing well in life.
Both of my twenty something daughters are suffering from things, things like anxiety and depression and I find it hard to understand. I am nearly 58 yrs old and never heard of these issues when I was young, not common place for sure. We thought we were good parents, we love them, we housed them, they got degrees and I thought my job was done. My wife and I are a bit lost, especially me. I am tired of life, I gave mine up for them and I have my own battles going on mentally. I can't deal with everyone elses problems anymore.
Little kids little problems, big kids big problems. I can understand where you are coming from. In our day we went to school, got a job, left no,e and. Loved on with life and we at our lives had high interest rates and not much money. I’ve developed this now and that life is a journey and not a destination. They will learn. Enjoy your life, they will learn …
There can be a social media factor involved in their mental health. Social medias are the easiest tool to make you feel under pressure if you're not prepared. And the lack of real life connections with people, places, nature etc is very unpleasant to the human brain. We need real people, real nature.
@@tassiodrigues social media is definitely a problem.
It's like building a boat. I learned as a step parent that how someone handles the craft is not in me and I have a hard time teaching this to my Beloved. Both of them, young adults, have their, THEIR, problems. Guess what? They're OK because I always pulled her out of being the saviour. Lessons learned from my Mom and Dad.
My Mom told me when I was very young.; 'The only one you can rely on is yourself. Always look for the best in others but don't waste too much time because it usually isn't there.'
I think it’s less that mental illness became more prevalent and more that things are considered illnesses now which weren’t considered illnesses 30-40 years ago. I’ve felt nervous about my future or my health or finances etc. but I dealt with it and kept going. Now if you feel nervous or sad society tells you that theres something wrong with your brain and you need to take pills to feel better.
Great points Dr.
What I also witnessed in the 80’s and 90’s, in conjunction with the overprotectiveness, was something I call parenting through guilt. All of the now divorced mothers, working while the daycares and schools raise their children, would feel so badly about the divorce/absent father and the fact they were constantly working, wanted to be best friends with their kids. Never telling no, showering them with expensive gifts (even when they could barely afford it) and avoiding an angry child at all costs.
Look where that got them.
And us as a nation.
100% The worst thing you can do for a kid is to dump them in day care. Babies in day care have their cortisol levels spike and they never come down. They spend the whole day in fight or flight mode. Plus, we now have the feminist dream world with barely any moms at home and kids living in institutions all of their waking hours-- from school to after school programs and school. They are constantly looking for an adult to tattle to instead of hashing things out on their own. And then there's grade inflation...
That is an estute observation. 🤔
I agree, as a counselor for almost 30 years I see it all the time. They fold like a cheap accordion! I have to say over and over, YOU are the parent and I get a look like they have never considered that before. They are so afraid to have their kids be "mad" at them.
@@carolyna.869 as a former childcare worker, I saw far too many people dropping their kids off so the parents could have downtime or go to work.
That said, I do think there's merit to childcare in certain circumstances. It can be good to help socialise kids from a young age if you don't have a big family or friends with kids.
It's also needed in situations where the custodial parent doesn't have support from the other parent or their family, and needs to work to keep a roof over their kids.
But where possible, kids definitely shouldn't be spending whole days, day after day, at childcare instead of with their parents.
This was the 90’s and 00’s, not the 80’s at all. 80’s children are different. Grew up without internet, cell/smart phones.
Jordan's first point about number of children is very interesting. We have friends who have 12 children, not blended family, and the kids are what you could call " free range". Very independent, resilient and confident, all home schooled, and making their way in the world following their gifts and interests. They all look out for each other, and mum and dad are pretty chilled.
Home schooling makes a huge difference. My wife and I went sailing with our two children. They were home schooled while I was building the yacht and while we traveled. Like other boat kids, they were confident, took turns on watch when sailing, cooked and learnt foreign languages by mixing with foreign children. I can't recall any boat children, who weren't miles ahead of their peers back home in their classrooms.
In hindsight, I wish that I was homeschooled. Many students at school were morally impaired and mostly, I was bullied by a group, which had a lot of impact on my mental health. At university, it was better, because I could choose my friends from among 400 students, whom I started together with.
Did 6 of them die?
I help run a local scout group. To my mind the aim is to push kids slightly outside their comfort zone, challenge them, push them to learn that they can do things they didn't think they could.
I've had children crying that they couldn't do it, but we supported them, helped them and supported them to show that they could do it. They might have hated doing it, but they still did it and once it was done they had a fantastic sense of real achievement. That is building resilience.
The worst parents are the ones that constantly want to know what their children are doing so they can make it easier for them. We had parents who wanted to carry their children's bags for them to get to the train station for a trip (we're in the middle of a city). I had to tell them no, the whole point of them carrying their bag is to get them used to carrying heavy loads so they were eventually ready to orienteer on their own with all their kit for two days straight.
The only outcome of the overprotecting strategy is that the children never learn to become adults.
It's kind of sad to be the adult who challenges other people's kids.
@@chipcook5346 in what way is it sad? There are good teachers that challenge children every day at school.
@@rrwholloway That that you do it. You are doing the right thing. (Funny how those parents sometimes get all irritated with you, turn red, but say nothing, isn't it?) Rather that the parents do not. That's their biggest job in life.
@@chipcook5346 Yep. My parenting mantra for my own children is and always has been: The ultimate goal is not to raise a child, it's to raise an adult.
@@rrwhollowayexactly right!!
Brilliant talk between two wise men. Life develops what it demands. No demands, no development. Nothing easy is ever worth having.
Oh lord! Perfectly stated!
Excellent. Development, adaptation, and ultimately evolution are biologically expensive processes, and our bodies are, by necessity, very frugal. It’s a use-or-lose system; a direct effect of the natural balance of the Universe. There is no gift without cost, no gain without loss, and life itself, without exception, requires death.
Neither have ever had a real job
@@timthetiny7538We need people who work blue collar jobs and we need people who work in more high end careers jobs like these two, and we need everything inbetween and either side of those career paths too. Everyone who works contributes something generally, even if it appears as though people get paid more for doing stuff which is less meaningful (playing sports for example).
@@Please_allow_me these two don't work at all. They listen to themselves talk.
That's it
My husband and I let our kids walk home from school together. It’s about half a mile from our house and when my mom found out, she was horrified. My kids are 12 and 9. I’m a millennial. I knew my mom would be concerned, but my husband and I agreed that they could do it and should have the opportunity to be a little more independent.
Cool
One must break the cycle of being scared! Counting me, I have nine siblings. We grew up being independent (trying) because there was so many of us and we were always trying to out do each other. We always went places with each other or our friends, did crazy kids things like ice skating on thin ice, tobogganing, jumping out of trees to the ground, etc...and never broke bones. Never was cuddled because there was too many of us. Besides, my grandparents would not allow it.
The only problem with that is that the law often forces a parent to be "overprotective", you cant live your kids alone, because If someone taddles on you, they will take your child away....
Good for you! I literally walked to school in blizzards when I was a kid in the early 60's. I can still see the snow piled up on the sides of the streets. Didn't think twice about it. Today I see lines of cars at bus stops to pick up kids who live a street away!! It's nuts.
1964 I was 6 yrs grade 1 .Rain or snow, half mile to school,half mile home for lunch, half mile back for afternoon then half mile home.
As a millenial with millenial friends, I'd say anecdotally that it ultimately stems either from fears of failure and mistakes, or at least a value learned at some deep level that mistakes and failures should be avoided. This means that if you're not sure you'll succeed, you are more likely to not even try.
However failure and mistakes are the best teachers. By avoiding them, one doesn't learn how to deal with the shame and guilt that comes with them, and by not learning how to deal with the emotional fallout of failures and mistakes, it becomes a heck of a lot harder to learn how to be resilient.
I once heard a psychiatrist say that that's why the medical community makes you learn more properly by making you a resident for years before you're considered a full, bonafide doctor. As a resident, that's where you're pushed to make mistakes (in a safe environment) so you can learn not only how to fix your mistakes but also how to deal with the emotional fallout of making them. It was his belief that every every science-based discipline in school taught people this, we could adopt a far, FAR more healthy mindset as a society; that it isn't perfection that should be sought and celebrated, but rather the willingness to make mistakes in order to become better than who you were.
This is well written. Thanks for the insight.
That's interesting. That generation did seem to be raised by parents who wanted "perfect" kids at all costs. My perception is they were willing to drug or delude any kid just to make it so. Now its just a norm that parents want their kids to get As whether they deserve it or not. The grade inflation got so out of hand due to parents demanding As for mediocrity and kids feeling entitled to trophies for losing. People also seem totally unashamed to be weak-- when that was also something to be embarrassed by in America before.
@@carolyna.869, you're not wrong. There are plenty of parents out there who are deluded in that they have to believe they raised "perfect" kids, even if they or their kids have to game the system to make it so, and too many institutions of society that cater to it.
@@carolyna.869 The kids didn't felt entitled to trophies, their parents did.
Part of the problem is the school setting itself doesn't allow for learning from mistakes the same way almost anywhere else in life does. Couple that with parents who don't care what their kid is learning in school, or if that is anything at all, but will punish their kids harshly if their grades are not "good enough" (when often times there's 0 correlation between effort and output in school, particularly if a child is not neurotypical).
Peterson is so completely spot on about the dynamics of age and parenting.
I started "work" when I was twelve I think, it taught me to stand on my own two feet. Completely agree with Mr. Peterson.
I grew up in a single parent home , with little money, because my dad suffered from schizophrenia. This fact helped me be resilient to this day. I remember climbing on the roof of our house to help my older brother take apart the crumbling chimmny and re-mortar the bricks, I was about 12 at the time.
I started having panic attacks about 2 years ago. That means that I felt like I was dying for no reason in places and situations I should be okay in. I spent a year researching what was happening to me. It was then I realized that with anxiety and panic (seemingly) overcoming me, I had a choice to make. #1 - lay down and close myself off to everything. . . . or #2 - face my fears and overcome my struggle through exposure. The later won out and it was/is still hard. this is why 6:00 rings a bell to me. These "kids" having cry rooms is utter disgusting.
Exposure therapy is the only way. Running from our anxieties and fears only strengthens them.
I’ve done #1 and #2 and the anxiety remains 😅
@@smakkdat Yes it does. That's why we call it coping. You learn to live with it and push back against it.
I have Anxiety/ Panic disorder. I still do what I need to do.
Magnesium supplements help. I no longer use medication. I haven’t for many years. I use coping mechanisms and magnesium.
@@tammylaronde8593 Thanks for the input, I'll look into that as well. Keep your chin up and have an awesome holiday season!
My boys were born in '89 and '91. At that time, my best friend and I were considered the toughest mothers in the neighborhood and I was not as tough as my mom had been on me in the sixties. When I asked my boys as young adults what we could have done better as parents, they said we should have been tougher! They both turned out fine by the way, and still respectful to us.
Courage is going to where you don’t want to go but know it’s the right thing to do.
I was born in 1969, raised on Marine Corps bases in the south. I tried to raise my kids not to be fragile, experiment, make mistakes, own your failures, etc. They were not allowed social media (best decision ever). They largely succeeded and are unlike most of thier peers who are fragile. However, the amount of non-parental environmental influence should never be underestimated.
How does news and media create paranoia and overprotective parenting? By convincing everyone that we live in a dangerous world. That false belief requires overprotectiveness.
This is one of my favourite topics to listen to being discussed, to read and to think about. It's deeply engrossing and fascinating to me. How did this institutionalised pussification come about? Why is everybody autistic all of the sudden? Why are younger people so socially anxious, so brittle yet so frighteningly aggressive in their acting out? How did politicising solipsism get so out of control in the West, where we're hastily making room and then capitulating entirely to underdeveloped thinkers and irrational young minds? We've created new systems which give great philosophical (and then legal, cultural and political) heft to juvenile hormonal growing pains. Look at the way everything is about avoiding hurting, upsetting and offending young people to even the slightest degree. It's monstrous, beyond decadence. I look forward to watching the entire interview with Jordan. Thanks John for adding another couple of logs to my intellectual fire.
Yes. Because Jordan Benzo Peterson, the man who cannot go a full interview without crying, and has less testosterone than an 80yr old woman, is the ideal role model against male "pussificatiion".
spot on! So good to see a thinker. Excellent comment.
I had my kids at 18 and turned 19 a month later. It was too young. There were a lot of struggles. However, if we are judging by the fruit, I am unequivocally a better mother than the 40 year olds I have met with young children who REFUSE to discipline them and let them disrespect everyone around them. I practice authoritative parenting and my teen twins are respectful, hard working, and intelligent. I quit nannying five years ago and started homeschooling my own kids, and I would never watch anyone’s kids again. Some of the most awful experiences I have ever had was being abused by small children and gaslit by their delusional parents. It is insane how permissive it has all become.
It’s situation in their(parenti'n guidelines)that looks after generati'n new problems(the issue became the problem)...
The older I get the more I think having kids earlier is the way to go, and to have at least four.
@@RondelayAOK That's insufferable situation(no matter-"how you pose for it")either-way,it's unforgivi'n(it works or they do'n),best wishes...
You are so right! It is insanity in overdrive!
@@RondelayAOK Well depends on what you mean young. Kids at 18-20, no way, most people are not financially stable or emotionally stable at that time. 25-28 ish seems fairly reasonable, at least biologically, cause that's just before it gets harder.
These kids were raised in daycares, often without a consistent care giver since it's a low wage job with a high turnover. Institutionalized child rearing doesn't produce quality humans.
The flipside to this is a lot of early childhood educators are 5 times as smart as a lot of parents, so there's two sides of that coin. Morons tend to raise morons.
Depends on the system. In Denmark when my kids were in daycare, they always had an appointed caregiver, and there was a small ratio of kids per early childhood teacher. The added bonus was when we returned to New Zealand to live they could eat any food put in front of them!
@@gregroles5638 Yeah that's a stretch... people who watch kids don't have any real world skills and knowledge to give to anyone.
@@gregroles5638 Your bias toward school smarts as opposed to wisdom, time, love, and care is a widespread problem. The most tiresome activists are aging schoolchildren whose dream society is a prison run by sanctimonious tyrants.
In the Netherlands daycare workers earn a decent wage, often have long-term contracts, it's very hard to fire a non-dysfunctional employee on a permanent contract, and they are, by law, required to have been educated on a similar level as nurses and teacher's assistants, but they are still churning out pathetic weaklings.
Let’s look at the divorce rate - then possibly the parents reluctance to discipline kids during visits in fear of the favouritism swaying towards the more lenient parent - the “other” parent - according the divorcees.
Great point! And, when we see the divorce rate in the 70% range that makes it a clear majority living in this space. This would sure compound the issue which already exist ref. parenting styles. Very astute observation imo.
Children growing up with a single mother have a higher chance to end up in trouble
I felt like I was forced into over protective parenting. The amount of times parents are reported to F&CS over kids playing at a park, walking home, going to a store, pretty much anything under the age of 12 without adult supervision isn't allowed anymore. Gone are the days of riding your bike anywhere without mom or dad.
Good comment
I’m letting my 10 year old walk home from school alone today for the first time. Hopefully no calls to the authorities!😅
I let the 10&12 yr olds bike to baseball practice and walk a mi from school to dad's work and people act like I'm insane. Family members have offered to change their schedule in order to go out of their way to pick them up. Mind you they have a phone (one with no internet). I think their teammates' parents think we're neglectful
My dad (11) and uncle (14) went to California from south carolina on a bus to see their dad over the summer in the 80s. Both got there unharmed and came back just fine on their own.
Two awesome men doing their best to bring positive examples of living to us.
Thank you.
no "resilience" in the economy, either - it's a Predator/Paradise System...still waiting for their psychological view about the "mental health issues" inherent in technocratic constructs - everything is weaponized...
I recently saw sn article in Costco magazine about Resilience. And read "Make your Bed" by Admiral H. McRaven. Very similar to all the principles Jordan Peterson teaches. BRAVO!
Jordan Peterson is a treasure, this world needs more men like him.
The response most schools take with students suffering anxiety disorder is to try and remove all the triggers from that student's environment.
Or medicate them.
roo
Two VERY smart men in the same room being allowed to speak their minds. This is gold! Thank you for this video.
I am nothing but resilient. I was abused by my family from day dot. Sexually, physically, emotionally, psychologically. Kicked out at 16. Was homeless for 6 years, moved from refuge to refuge. Slept in public toilet blocks because the door can be locked at least. I survived 3 attempts on my life by my ex. I took every tiny job. Every little chance to learn a new skill. I am now a very successful nurse in my countries biggest corporate preventative healthcare company. I look after Australia’s top 5% earners. I look after 3 of the big 4 finance companies. I get to live alone in a nice apartment.
Mr rich man here would not have survived a single week in my life. Take away his nice suits and caviar and he’d crumble.
Thank you to John Anderson in complimenting Jordan In saying straight forward & boldly what needs to be said about young people. He genuinely cares. Deeply. Youth are confused especially young men. Thank heaven for Jordan Peterson!
That man had a smile that touched his eyes the whole way through this clip. He looked like he had a tremendous amount of respect and admiration for Peterson.
Jordan Peterson cares about money, and appealing to old fogies and incels.....
Congratulations on not kink shaming....
@@awakening_author
I've seen this coming for decades. I'm surprised he didn't mention the impact of the MSM on parents overprotectiveness. And the impact of social media on young peoples anxiety.
I am a fifth child and my parents weren't particularly protective, in fact when I had problems they would answer with "find a way to deal with it". Unfortunately, some of the problems I couldn't find a solution for and all that happened was that I didn't tell them about my feelings anymore. There were no safe spaces when I was growing up, there was violence, brutality and hate at school and no one did anything about, the teachers didn't even talk about fights or when I came to school with a blue eye after being punched in the face while being beaten by a group of older kids not a single teacher talked with me about it.
Well, it might have made me resilient but it also made me pessimistic about people in general and, at times, depressed as well as made me resent my parents for many years. What I want to say with this is: making your child overcome difficulties is important, but so is emotionally supporting them. Or otherwise they will either become stronger... or mentally/emotionally damaged for life.
Thank you for your honesty, my parent were worse, you are one of the few on this thread that talk about the brutal culture we live in, never mind whether parents are "over-protective". Peterson blaming parents without a word spoken of our godless, violent, and profane society is an attempt at blame shifting, Peterson is rather cowardly and always full of himself. God loves you, avoid sin, read scripture, and do what you will.
@@davisworth5114 hello and thank you! I believe it's just the echo chamber mentality at work here: people seek information which confirmes, not challenges, their already existing beliefs.
The problem with Peterson as intellectual is that he doesn't challenge his audience's view by examining the issue subjectively and then presenting the findings, whatever they were, but rather seeks to construct the scientific basis to confirm already existing views. It is the biggest problem with poliuticizied science in general, no matter whether it is left- or right-wing.
While he has complained about being "cancelled" for his views, he had also built up a dogmatic following of literal millions of people being a literal preacher of the right-wing, who made him quite rich. He has a worth of 10 millions dollars and wear expensive suits and diamond rings.
Most important scientists were in the past as well as today not popular because their findings are not comforting to anyone. Look at the comments under Peterson's videos, it's all "thank you, you saved my life", or "thank you for saying the truth!" to Slavoj Zizek's (who was named one of the most important modern thinkers many times) - it's full of critique, people are saying that he is wrong, that they don't even understand what he is saying etc.
I am a Christian as well I’m born again, and I agree with certain points that he makes we should not overprotect our children but at the same time, we cannot let them be funding for themselves because they don’t have the capability to protect themselves. That’s why God gave children parents. It’s our responsibility to over seed them how to protect them from harm as fast as we can. Obviously, we cannot put them in a bubble, and God does not tell us to put our children and bubbles, but to equip them as they grow and mature I’ve seen the damage ignoring children has done, ignoring their feelings even with my own children my oldest doesn’t seem to come to me with certain things because she doesn’t think that she told me that she doesn’t wanna be bother and I told her you cannot think like that and if I have ever done something to make you feel that way then that’s my fault but children should be able to come to their kids when something is bothering them That’s what parents are for besides the basic stuff.
@@sofiabravo1994 I worked as an educator for 10 years... One thing I have understood is that children perceive things differently. When a child cries it means they are experiencing something painful, but very often grown ups see it from their perspective and say stuff "ah stop crying, it is nothing" because for them this situation would be nothing, but children don't have that resilience. For them losing a teddy bear actually feels like for a grown up it would feel to lose an actual friend. So if you tell them "it's nothing" what happens is that they feel like their feelings are wrong, that there is something wrong with them because they shouldn't feel this way but they do. It leads to emotional problems later in life.
@@tihonannenkov4114
You're absolutely right. That perception difference is probably based on the experience they have to draw from. When adults belittle how hard an emotional situation is for kid, they are often forgetting that it could be the hardest thing that kid has had to deal with in life so far. How a parent helps them deal with it is an experience they will draw from in future emotional situations.
I completely agree with this. I had anxiety as a kid, and I still have it, but because I was pushed into so many situations where I had to act, I got more and more used to it. So, it got easier and easier, and now I can have a more or less normal life. I can still feel it when I'm in situations I'm not used to. I can go completely blank and not know what to do or how to act. But the more experiences you have, the better. So, helicopter parents are a bad thing. I had all the freedom I wanted as a kid before I ended up in a home for kids with problems, since I had problems speaking as a kid. No school wanted me, but my parents have always been laid back, and I feel like that made me ready as an adult to take responsibility.
I agree to a certain extent as to what hes saying, however I see more neligence now in mothers than overprotectiveness, mothers who put their careers first and give their children to the state to raise them in public schools, morning clubs, afterschool clubs and holiday clubs. The kids are never with their parents anymore.
I agree that children spending the majority of their time in daycares and schools and without their parents is quite harmful to kid’s development, however, part of the reason this is the case is because both parents nowadays need 2 full time incomes just to make ends meet. I’m in my early 20s and wish to get married and have kids sometime in the next few years, but I am not sure of if I will be able to afford having children or even live in an area that is ideal to raise children.
Me and all my friends are early Millennials from the Midwest. We've stayed pretty close even as we've starting hitting 40 this year. I was always so proud of us as a generation, even younger I was. I always viewed us a great mix of slightly old school and resilient, not afraid to get our hands dirty or work, not whiny but also modern enough to be technologically competent (we freakin grew up alongside the internet but we're old enough to remember playing outside and scraping knees and getting into fights in the neighborhood), empathetic and kind to strangers and respectful to our friend's parents and so on and so forth. In short, me and my friends were good kids growing up and we turned into great adults. We have a reverence for history and the people who came before us, we appreciate culture and how good we have it here in the US and we did well enough for ourselves. I don't know who all these Millennials are who keep getting critiqued by so many these days but I never knew 'em. Me and my group of friends are as good and well rounded, functional adults as anyone could ever hope for.
You sound just like my children and their friends. You have every reason to be proud. Its the generation after you that is a huge concern.
Agreed, I'm also from a small town in the Midwest. My parents were middle class. Me and my siblings were latchkey kids, we would always be on our bikes...
I think it was my grandparents that taught us manners and all the jazz.
Yep. I'm 40 and consider myself in no way a "millennial". The best thing my parents did was start me on martial arts as a teenager. When you get punched on the nose during sparring the only one to blame is yourself and the only fix is to improve.
What I have seen my son (he finished primary school this year) go through; things are very different now.
When I was in primary school, everybody had to follow the rules and punishment was equal. Now, the rules are still there, but whether you get punished depends on what victimhood can be claimed. The kids who can claim bee ess mental health diagnoses and/or nospeakadeengrish and/or who are drugged on ritalin or anti anxiety or other meds get a pass from responsibility for their actions, and they quickly learn they have a permanent get out of jail free card, and they act accordingly. And it's not the odd kid here or there, it's like 1/3 of the class!... They are the new kind of schoolyard bullies who, unlike the past, bully with the permission and knowledge of authority...
I see perfect correlation between that and the "Palestinians were defending themselves when they committed a thousand brutal murders of civilians in an extensive paramilitary operation" crowd right now. It's the children of the self esteem movement running the educational institutions now who are the problem, they're perpetuating their pathologies onto the next generation
My friends and I.
@@FuuHolliday I often tend to find that a more aware kid online that I encounter--and there ARE a lot of them--had the strong influence of at least ONE grandparent.
Having someone who HAS the time to listen to a kid means a lot to them. No matter what that other person's age.
roo
Thank you!!!! As a counselor for almost 30 years, (I'm 68), and as someone who suffered from extreme anxiety for so long, I agree with what you said. So many clinicians have taken a wrong turn today. I try to help my clients be more resilient and able to take on life, not wrap them in bubble wrap! I don't collude with their idea that they are a constant victim. And so many parents are afraid their kid will get "mad" at them if they discipline them. I was also raised in an overprotective, anxious family, and there were abuse issues so I had a lot of work to do when I finally found a therapist that could help me. One of my favorite books is "Feel the Fear and do it Anyway". Then I decided to carry on and help others, but I had to do the work on me. This victim culture has come out of the overprotectiveness and where does it end??? I've been following Dr. Peterson for a long time, carry on, we need your common sense in this increasingly insane world!
As a child I was extremely afraid of people. When I was 17, I invented a therapy for myself:
I had to do every day at least one thing I am afraid of.
I thought when I would do that in the end I could do everything I was afraid of.
No colouring books for me!
And you know what?
I worked!
Great Wisdom at such a young age. Good for you!
I always thought I was not a very good mother as I wasn't hovering and worrying around my daughter practically at all. From the first day in school it was her responsibility, I didn't control anything. The teachers weren't very happy but she got through without problems. After this interview I feel a much better mother! I could do so much worse! Thank you!
6:44 John, I would like to thank you for taking a moment to publicly say to Jordan the vary thing we all want to say to him. That man may not need to hear but he certainly deserves to, thanks!!!
I’m one of those parents who became a first time mother in my late 30’s… my baby is 1 1/2 now and I struggle to figure out how to raise her in todays’ society. I really try not to hover and be overly protective, but it’s so difficult to figure out wher that line is. I hope I do a good job.
I have five children. I consider myself to be more of an old school parent but at times I find myself hovering too much on my younger ones. So I try to let go a little so they can make their own mistakes. Back when I was coming up I could go all day long and into the evening without seeing my parents and I survived so I’ve brought mine up to survive as well. Good day everyone 🍻
There's a kids' book that I've read recently that illustrates this point Jordan makes about overprotective parenting very well. It's called Dead Boy by Laurel Gale, and it's about a boy who had passed away but doesn't quite come back to life. Instead he returns as an animated corpse. As a result, he ends up being homeschooled and his mom is EXTREMELY overprotective of him, to the point where he has to sneak out of his house at night to be with his new (and only) friend. As the reader, you can understand the mom's concern about her son, because if the public knew about him, he could be taken away or experimented on or whatever else. However, you can also see that she's slowly smothering him by attempting to cut him off from the outside world completely, barring his windows and doors so he can't even leave his room, and even pushing his father out of his life.
It's a coming of age story in that, in order for this kid to get his life back (which I think is this story's version of him going through his initiation into manhood), he has to defy his mom, leave his home, and confront the thing that made him the way he is in the first place.
That reads to me like an attack on homeschooling, something the system would ban if it could
Brilliant explanation. I myself am a millennial with lifelong social anxiety and depression and I always wondered what was wrong with me and why I was this way. I've spent a lot of time and money in psychiatric hospitals and on treatment.
If you don’t look back on your childhood and wonder how you ever survived it, you were likely overprotected and didn’t get to experience the dangers and hardships required to prepare you for life on your own.
i am a millennial too. I have depressionary things too. Been to psychiatrists too. Haven’t been in like, any rehab clinics or anything. So I empathize with you. And one solution I have found for myself is, work. And I am not even a workaholic. But working for myself. Providing for myself, being responsible for and to myself while also hoping to still one day to find a wife and begin a family has definitely assuaged some of my depressionary tendencies. So I want to encourage you. And I am only saying my own experience and not necessarily trying to say it will work for you. But work is good also!
Were you like the majority of Millennials who got sent off to daycare? Your mother worked, rather than staying home with you? Look up "The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life"
This is more likely to be the issue.
Your effed up parents were a definite asset.
@nozrep there's a couple of things I would suggest trying for depression. First, eat organic because the glyphosate sprayed on wheat because brain inflammation/depression.
Theanine (an amino acide from green tea) is a miracle for negative thoughts and anxiety.
Last try boosting testosterone.
*Testosterone List*
Zinc 30mg zinc glycinate at night for better sleep. Solaray Magnesium glycinate is also good for sleep.
Morning
Solaray Tongkat Ali AKA Longjack 400mg
Boron 3mg
Vitacost Fenugreek Seeds 1220mg
Now Maca Extract 750 mg
If testosterone goes too high, take off maca or boron.
“I know where this is going.. and I don’t want to go there” is one of Dr. Peterson’s best quotes
We were trained to be this way by our society. My parents made most of their decisions based on fear.
My siblings base their opinions on fear. They hide behind their children instead of protecting them.
That's interesting. What are your siblings afraid of? How do they hide?
@@jeanlucdiscard2382 Probably the same things as you are
And when high school/prep school admissions process and then college admissions process came around the fear mongering got turned “up to 11”.
I was born an orphan and my adoptive parents as a result are much older than my generation. I succeed in my career and got out into the world, but don't really have any friends and often find the work meaningless, and the prospects of owning a house just drift further and further as young, wealthy kids from wealthy parents go get married (and divorced) at a young age and are handed a house before 25. I work so hard, but still seem to not quite get there. It has become harder to find a stable relationship because it is now a global market. It is harder to find a stable job because it is a global market, Everything is now more competitive, more scarce, and more expensive. In-sourcing and Outsourcing. Getting out there and trying though, it helps, but there's a lot of difficulties that are getting more and more complex and young people are really being displaced, and especially young men are being disrespected, insulted, mocked, laughed at and pushed out of opportunity as they are 'too privileged' and often dismissed. I was bullied out of my first successful job by a rich woman who was the Niece of Peter Jackson. No recourse, no Justice. She left and became a real-estate agent.
Thanks John Anderson for the compliments you gave to Jordan Peterson
He makes a fair point. I have two brothers, and we competed against each other ALL THE TIME. We were always trying to one-up one another, and that made us stronger because we were being challenged from the very beginning. We didn't just challenge EACH OTHER either. We challenged people who tried to hurt us. We DEFINITELY challenged our parents, lol. We learned teamwork and comradery. It prepared us for when life became difficult, and taught us to adapt to difficult situations. It made our hearts strong, and our minds flexible.
I have 6 children, but we tragically lost a little boy when he was 3 years old. We’ll see how they go, but so far so good 😊 We are so blessed - competent and courageous is what I pray for everyday!
I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious little one. ❤ blessings to you and your family!
I’m very Sorry, that must hurt so much. Glad then rest of your brood is doing well!
Mr John Anderson served as Deputy Prime Minister of Australia for 6 years between 1999 and 2005 under John Howard.
Thank you for Posting this... It was awesome to see two extremely INTELLIGENT people discussing this Topic.
I'm from sunny Queensland and I wish you John, a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a wonderful Safe New Year.
JP is such a legend and an inspiration. it's absolutely staggering that a lot of the so called journalists when interviewing JP immediately adopt a hostile and adversarial posture, instead of asking a question and listening to his answer they just start spewing accusations and invectives at him. This man has a patience of a saint.
Although this interviewer conducted himself with grace.
Kudos to both
John Anderson is a great interviewer. He's a retired politician (a deputy prime Minister of Australia for a while) and farmer. Salt of the earth! He's worth following
That struck me too, exactly thus, but John Anderson is not a journalist, he's a time-served politician. Maybe there's something in that.
I find as an over protective parent myself that teaching kids resilience can be more about values around skills, self reliance and accountability.
2 divorces. I lost my house. My car. Then job. I spent two years surviving. I just started work again last week. I'm 35. Never been stronger. Not all of us lack resilience. Stay strong and focused out there
Why you failed in 2 marriages?
@@SuperMarkizas 1st one cheated. 2nd was taking my paychecks to support an addiction.
Thats it in a nutshell, clear, concise, logical and scientifically proven. The Hansel and Gretel analogy is so true. Thank God for JP
My son came to me one day, and said that his ear hurt.
I asked him did it hurt inside, or out?
He walked outside, came back in and said both!
That’s when I thought if I really needed to put away money for university?
@@daniel.s8126
Did you miss the sarcasm?
The depth of this discussion knows no bounds...................unfortunately genuine debates and conversations like this are rare, and they are needed NOW more than ever in society.
Wise and courageous words spoken here. The hovering, helicopter parent is with us and fragility and risk aversion much affects this generation. Much appreciated what JP observed concerning so-called "safe spaces".
A mother should raise the kids preparing to be discarded, as a functional person for her kids. So they can be independent and thrive.
But at the same time, that is what some mothers fears the most. Their emotional attachment, sometimes, is too strong to let that happen. They neglect the development of their kid to have the eternal bond.
The invisible umbilical cord.
My mother had three kids under the age of one as I am a twin. A harsh Scottish woman living in NZ. She was like a fish out of water. We were left to our own devices at a really young age and played in the park by ourselves at five years old, walked to school on our own and got jobs as soon as we were able while at school. I would have loathed a hovering mother although a hug would have been nice occasionally 😂
I knew a man who was 35 and still living with his parents. They had had him later in life. They were killed in a car accident. This was devastating not only because he lost his parents but also because he had never learned how to be independent of them. He did not have any marketable skills, he did not know how to budget money or even how to write a check. He didn’t know how to do anything his parents knew how to do. And there were no other relatives to help him. The last I heard, a few acquaintances were trying to help him but he was very fragile and resistant. It was painful. I lost contact and I don’t know whatever happened.
Yikes talk about a horror story.
Did your acquaintance at least travel internationally?
@@jonathanmichaelsmith9012 im going to guess no if the guy didnt even have basic skills.
@@jonathanmichaelsmith9012 No, he didn’t know how to travel. He didn’t know how to drive. He didn’t have a driver’s license. He didn’t know how to do anything most adults do without thinking about it.
It’s not courage, I’m afraid of the right things. There is no path forward without risk.
What a wise and brilliant man
I’m an old millenial with one brother and when I was in my twenties I often felt unprepared to be ‘out in the world’. A very protective mother has definitely played a role in this.
However, my dad comes from a 14 child family and indeed they mostly raised each other. He doesn’t remember ever having had an embrace by his mother, let alone his father. So yes, he and his siblings are though cookies, but they paid a hefty price for it. They built up walls around themselves so high from such a young age they’re not even aware of it. They are unable to be vulnerable and incapable of change, so personal growth is an impossibilty for them.
Of course, when these generations encounter each other it created problems.
So what to do? I don’t think there’s much to do. It is what it is. Generations grow up under different circumstances with different consequences. At best we can try to understand each other.
Yes but not allowing children to fall, to fail etc robs them of learning experiences. As Neil Tyson Degasse puts it , they're all science experiments, not letting your kids climb a tree is selfish, it's a small learning experience they've been denied.
“Built up walls”: doesn’t wallow in his feelings and insist everyone must know about them
“Incapable of change”: has found a way to live his life that mostly works; doesn’t care about the opinions I’ve been indoctrinated with
“Personal growth is an impossibility for them”: Aren’t I amazing? Unlike them
@@oddbod4442 My point is that both the archetype millennial and the archetype babyboomer have their strengths and weaknesses. It would be better for everyone to acknowledge this.
Apparently you clearly see the benefits of the archetype babyboomer traits. Can you also see the downsides?
Can only agree as a GenX. I'm sort of the middle child and can look both ways.
My parents (post WW2) have ZERO insight into their own toxic patterns - you don't want to be them.
GenZs take every inner stirring as a deep revelation and have no self-irony at all.
BOTH generations take themselves very seriously and very importantly.
@@nigelliam153 I’d trust Mike Tyson before Neil on anything science.
I'm a 53 year single dad of an 11 year old daughter. I realized that I was hovering a little too much, but luckily realized it early and adjusted so that she can actually live instead of just get used to existing.
Hover enough to make sure she isn’t on social media
This conversation is so important! Very impressive... and the reason to speak out... very wise.
Jordan is simply amazing, eloquent & clear. Love him ❤
One of my favourite conversations.
I've seen an over protective mother remove her kids from school and home educate them in order to protect them from the teachers! It was the kids that were the problem. Mum had even protected the kids from dad smacking their bums for being rude and disobedient to the point where the father had been castrated and the kids, especially the son, became the head of the house.
Emotional breakdowns, inability to stay in relationships and jobs and of course it's always the other people at fault.
The mother can't understand why there's no family bond between the father and the kids!
Protecting children from teachers can be exactly the opposite of what you describe. Protecting children from woke and gender indoctrination so that education can be what it should be again: Language, math, biology, science and technology.
MY attitude exactly, kids do as they are told when told for their own future protection.
If a father can't discipline his children without hitting them, then he's weak by default.
@@apebass2215 Keeping his children in line is not the problem. He married more than he could cope with and everyone suffers.
'Hard headed woman and a soft hearted man
They've been causing trouble since it all began.' Elvis.
A man has testosterone for a reason.
I took my kids out of school and homeschooled, yes, to protect them from government school indoctrination.
And parents who beat their kids should be locked up.
My sons are not fragile or unresilient, quite the opposite. I can't speak to the rest of that mother's behavior but she acted correctly where school and the father were concerned.
I come from a large family, raised by my mother who worked every day to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, heat and electricity. My wife grew up with a sister and a dysfunctional family (mother and father), where the miserable grandfather ruled their household. My Monster in law has the same beliefs that a grandparent has the right to raise my kids. Sadly, my oldest has taken up the “poor me mindset” that my MIL lives by and uses every time someone listens to her sad song. Me, I could not care less; they had more than I ever had growing up. My brothers and sisters get along quite well, but the other side is just too messed up for my family values and I no longer tolerate their selfish and bullying behaviors.
Your wife's family sounds so much like my own only without the nasty grandparent. I'm an only child, my parents were very unhappy together. This made for a miserable childhood. Now as a parent myself to a 10 yr old & 15 yr old, my narc mom tried doing similar with my kids, while still hating on me. She has the poor me attitude still & is now diagnosed with advanced dementia & living in a nice retirement home. I'm not putting up with her abuse anymore. It's sad she's like this but it's all on her & now she has to lie in the bed she made.
Mr Anderson kudos! Dr Peterson is a treasure and force for good! Not many who interview him bring quality questions, give him room to speak. You eloquently complimented him, THANK YOU! This interview is an excellent setting I can teach my children by.
Finally a video of Dr. Peterson with no music in the background...
My niece is contemplating divorcing the father of her two children because he disciplines them at all. (He is not heavy handed by any calculation). The oldest is 12 and still throws a fit when the restaurant the adults stop at doesn’t have curly fries. Every family function the other family members are absolutely sick of dealing with the children, whom completely refuse to listen to any instructions and throw temper tantrum’s continuously during every get-together. Those children’s futures are going to be a horrible mess and she flat out refuses to listen to anyone about them. Yep, I can absolutely understand what Mr. Peterson is talking about.
Kids need boundaries (and such boundaries entail some sort of punishment when you act out). Not saying parents need to beat their kids, but being a soft parent means your kids will be unpleasant brats. The kids have some leeway when they're children, but society will slap them down as they become their own adults.
@06:15 Same with dogs. I have a young rescue puppy who was pretty scared around traffic. On our daily walks I started walking a short way on the sidewalk of a busy street. He is good on a short loose leash by now so all I have to do is walk calmly and not make an issue of it at all. I have been gradually increasing our exposure and he is getting much better. Dogs and children are really the same, I just think dogs smell better and I prefer their company.
That might be a huge part of the definition of courage, the recognition of the various risks and a decision to take the less risky but harder path.
His articulation is perfect!
I've paid lots of attention toward people around me. Whoever has a touch childhood and survived it, grew up strong and has a successful job/career. The over protected ones are still lost, being struggled finding the meaning of life.
I send my urban grandkids photos and stories of the tough folks here in small-town, mountain Wyoming, where status goes to those who can build things, fix things, or start a business. Whatever happens, people here roll with it, and that's important for kids to know.
Little House on the Prairie opened my eyes to people who actually had it rough and had spirit. Great books for kids.
And yet we are now surrounded with media showing us those who "succeed" from shilling get rich quick schemes, crypto gambling, shortcuts, everything BUT self satisfaction from earning an honest day's pay from an honest day's work
Wise AND courageous!
He is so correct. I raised my children to make sure they eveloped the strength to deal with the real difficulties of life and that they learned the value of thinking and not being afraid to fail, but instead that they had the internal stength to stand up again even if they experienced serious failures which all of us do in life.
My husband and I have 6 children and I homeschool them. But I love the point made here about alot of siblings taking each other down a peg and competing. My 4 oldest compete in such a healthy way about who makes more money at their jobs and how their grades are, who is better at their sports etc. And they all act like best friends. I only had one brother who passed away, and alcoholic parents who died so I am very thankful that my children have such a blessing. Each other!! It comforts me that one day without my husband and I, our children will have each other and build on the family we created.
We had seven kids and the first four are adults. We also homeschooled. They didn't raise each other but they certainly kept each other entertained. They are each others best friends now. I know that if I had only had one or two kids, I would have been the crazy overprotective helicopter mother. But having seven people to raise, and now have as part of my life, my attention is rightly spread out.
I have 2 kids and I don’t overprotective.
Absolutely right. Big families meant that the mother, the father was doing a 12 hour shift down the factory, could only focus on one or two kids at a time. The older brothers and sisters were charged with looking after the others. It made the whole family tougher
I was born in the 50s. My dad had me get a job when I was 11 years old. I knew how to be a salesman and make money, running my own business, before I was a teenager. He taught me how to be responsible in the adult world by teaching how to shoot and hunt starting about age 5. By age 9 I had an M-1 carbine, and knew how to deer hunt, and survive in the woods. I played baseball, football, and he taught me how to drive a car at age 12. He gave me a set of tools, and taught me how to work on cars, and keep them running, like pulling off the heads, and doing a valve job. By age 17, I was flying airplanes, and owned a car, and had my pilot’s license by age 18, flying from state to state, paying for it with my own money. By age 26, I had already graduated from college, had my own insurance agency, and then got married. I’m now fixing to retire, and should be set for life in about 10 months, thanks to Dad’s retirement tips. Dad, also taught me about God from an early age, and I was baptized and became a Christian at age 11. Yeah, and mom had a hand in it, too. Life is tough. Don’t coddle your kids. Put them to work early and teach them responsibility. Make them become self reliant, and be good responsible citizens. It will pay dividends, for all concerned.
Siblings create resilience in each other. My older brothers were both harshest critics and determined to toughening me up & navigate things.
Also mine was last school year to suffer corporal punishment. Younger kids were noticeably worse behaved, & probably also ultimately less resilient, since getting caned and the fear of, is something to mentally deal with.
Jordan makes a lot of sense regarding Helicopter parents. I see why my own son seems to be overprotective of my two grandkids. Every one of the things that Jordan says applies. Not good for the home team.
Jordan fails to understand that the system forces parents helicopter parenting weather they agree with it or not, and modern psychology is mostly to blame for it.
@@davidbudzynski4847he actually says that in this video, that people have every incentive to helicopter parent. Having the system or society or whatever encourage people to be helicopter parents and it being a problem are not mutually exclusive.
It comes from fear and risk aversion.
If you have only one kid and you lose them, there ends your self identity as a parent.
If you have 9 and lose 7 to disease before adulthood (in-laws, maternal side, grew up in the poverty of rural Greece during and post WW2), you're still able to be parents for the rest of your life.
It’s not just universities it’s literally EVERYWHERE. How many times have you seen a warning before a tv show/movie/whatever that ‘this programme may contain scenes that some viewers may find distressing’ etc? It’s like ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ are) are telling us we’re supposed to be; or should be, fearful and fragile. Even I have found myself concerned in recent times that things that I previously wouldn’t have worried or even thought about will now distress me in one way or another so I’ve started avoiding them, it’s ridiculous but it’s a consequence of years of subtle programming and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it
I don't see the problem with that, because it depends on what programs you're watching. A heads up about graphic content is great, telling ppl they need to alter a film, show, comic to coddle those who don't like it is extremely unhelpful.
Great video I see things like this all around me and im only 23 its crazy what the future may turn into
I have my first bun in the oven and I’m turning 42 in a few days. I hope I can avoid the mistakes described here! 🤞Thanks Dr. Peterson for putting my radar up.
I was raised with 4 brothers and a sister… I was older middle of 6:
My youngest brother was the most successful having gone to college and became a business accountant.
After having a discussion with him regarding his success… he told me that dad taught him what he needed to know in preparation for college:
That I know of, dad did not show any partiality, only that younger brother showed the most potential by “asking”;
On the other hand…
I was not as bright, very slow in accumulating information to the point where I would understand the significance and purpose behind a specific subject.
Though I did finally go to college, but it was an art school… and I had to drop out… I went to the wrong school!
But my conversion with dad…
His words…
“You can be successful with whatever you want”: I learned that statement does not necessarily apply to everyone! Only one of us became successful… though I am still working towards my own goals and success, though at an older age, but single.
Dad was more focused on the the construction of the house, the yard, and eventual retirement.
Mom was a simple housewife, and worked for the schools as a janitor.
Our time together was strictly holidays, and at times went on outings exploring the northern parks, or traveling to visit his relatives.
Your father was actually there as an example for you to observe and learn from. Sounds like your younger brother took advantage of that. I think men are less likely to sit a child down and lecture to them, but better as being a good example and it’s up to the child to observe and learn. Big pressure to put in a kid I know.
Our parents attachment issues ruled our lives, and their continued disdain for allowing us to grow beyond them will leave with them and that is when we can be ourselves
🙏 Thank you 🙏 Fear Doubt & Confusion result in a cytokine storm. A renewing of the mind brings relief for sure 🕊️🙏
Very true, and I appreciate John Anderson's comments about Jordan's courage for speaking his mind.
When I go out I often run into a mother of twelve, all but one now out of the home. The relationship she has with that large brood is fascinating. With that many, she doesn't need to fret about any one in particular.
When I asked her how she handled the Terrible Twos, her answer was simple. By the time one had reached two, she'd had another baby. When that two year old began to act up, she turned her attention to the baby. The two-year-old quickly learned that getting attention required behaving.
How interesting. Do those kids all seem well adjusted?
I remember being picked last for certain team sport stuff because I was the worst one. It certainly didn’t break me and I was friends with everyone but I wasn’t good at those sports SO I found other things that I excelled at. There was no way that I would complain to my parents. I’m so happy that I grew up when I did.
It’s really the balance of it. Not that you leave them lost in life but give them enough but also letting them take chances in the right way
Jordan Peterson.
An astounding work of character to admire not in just his intellectually well thought out provocatively inspiring insights but by his genuine enthusiasm to be an integral center of morality in a righteous manner outside of himself to aid many who are out in plight that need the realization he wants to be freely given to those willing to listen.
An excellent piece of video this has shown here