Why I Didn't Talk About Awakening for 15 Years
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
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About my videos: These videos are a resource for anyone wishing to wake up from the dream of separation. Awakening, enlightenment, and liberation are becoming far more mainstream possibilities than they once were. There are many good teachers out there, and if you resonate with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira, or Sadhguru, you might find resources here that address these deeper promptings to investigate your true nature.
Disclaimer: The information presented in these videos is not meant to diagnose or treat any psychiatric or medical illness. The inquiries presented herein are potent and can have powerful effects on the way you experience yourself and reality. If you feel you are at risk of harming yourself or others, these videos and practices may not be the best thing for you at the moment. Seek help wherever necessary which might include a hospital emergency department, a suicide helpline etc.
"the best spiritual teachers are almost always the ones who don't want to be" - adyashanti
Samaneri Jayasra ❤ 🙏
I have been watching your videos for a while, AD, and while most of your stuff on more 'formal' or 'instructional' stuff is now not that interesting, like your experience looking at the spiritual books section of the bookstore, this resonates completely. When things start to clarify there is this wonder of seeing something novel, wanting to communicate it for a moment, and then after writing something down or talking to someone about it, I just stop or throw out the writing because you see how obvious the insight is, and that there's nothing special about it. There's more of a wonder that it took so long to see what was right here all along. There is a heart movement to want to help people, too, but at least in my experience, I feel very uncomfortable claiming I have answers because, 1.) you see that you are never really 'done' and there is a continual unfolding, and 2.) how could you ever know exactly what someone else needs when this is so personal and intimate. It's why pointers seem to be the most effective, because authentic self-diagnosis seems to be the path, and no one else can know how sincere or authentic someone else is, let alone how sincere or authenic one is with themselves.
it feels very much like how I felt in early childhood. I can remember the feeling of space and aliveness. A complete lack of loneliness
love you Angelo
I deleted a TikTok channel about my experience with awakening because I started smelling ego and attachment to this 'enlightened character' I would see in the videos. It wasn't time for me to give my perspective. I need to relax. Gain more knowledge, understand, and home in on what is left inside of me...which was trauma and blargh. BLARGH GOT ME.
I respect your decisionless decision here, too.
the term "online dharma" is so fucking funny
also here is a banger Wittgenstein quote
"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent"
does angelo fuck w wittgenstein? i have picked up on certain things like when he says things "are the case" or "not the case"
@@DJ_Duck_Sick probably not 😅
I personally think Wittgenstein is one of the coolest philosophers out there, but philosophy is one of the worst things you can do with your time if your goal is to wake up.
that said, Wittgenstein has many cool quotes that kind of match up with awakening because a lot of his work was based around exploring the limits of thought/philosophy/language
The second half of this video-describing how life unfolded, how spontaneity took you into a (rather complex and demanding) education + career, without "purpose" and on a "why not?" basis-was very helpful. Too many of the traditions with a clue seem to assume that doing something in the relative world _must_ come from ego concerns and therefore is at odds with unbinding... Your choices have a "zen" feel in this respect. Would gladly hear more on this line. (No, I don't personally know a single soul I suspect of being "awakened")
This was really fascinating. Hearing that the need to talk about it can be that low sort of softens the part of me that thinks this is something I could be proud of one day, which is nice. I begin to wonder how humbling this insight might be. Thanks for sharing, Doc!
I enjoyed watching this one so much! I am quite open about sharing meditation with others but not the awakening stuff. I wonder if part of it is a bit of judgement as this stuff isn't really all that accepted by a lot of western society. I do feel like this stuff is so powerful that it can be destabilizing though too. I actually had a self portrait presentation in a class just this morning (kind of awkward when you're going through this loss of self) but one of the things I talked about was my best decision being going on silent meditation retreats. Personally, I don't feel like I decided to do that. I think the universe guided me there, but that's a different comment for a different time. Since you asked how's things with me? There's so much beauty in spontaneity now and being able to think clearly because my mind isn't running through thoughts like it's switching through random radio stations is so freeing. That being said, holy crap, do I ever feel it in the body when I feel the sensations come up! Wild is about the only word I can possibly think of that comes close to describing it.
I love that your choices in anesthesia and in helping others on the path are both rooted in the motivation to relieve the suffering of others!
❤🙏🏻☯️
15 years is long time to stay in the closet 😅but this all make sense and things unfold the way and time it should be. I have not talked to anyone but sometimes consider getting 1-1 guidance because is needed for clarity at different aspects of this process but rather than that I don’t have the need to talk to anyone about Awakening, I would like you to continue that series of videos that you started , that you talked about your personal experience of awakening in details, it has been a few months, you were going to make a specific playlist for it , thanks
Thanks for Sharing that.
I haven't even had a real awakening yet, just some powerful glimpses, and I find I don't want to talk to people about it. I feel they wouldn't understand, so what's the point? If they're ever ready to hear this message, they'll find it.
Brilliant video
the main reason in the past that I've wanted to talk about it is to receive some support during the most trying of times (once I actually realized what was happening - I didn't seek it out). But, even if someone purports to be on a similar path it usually results in a TON of projection & ego defenses coming up (for both of us - but I can see them and the other person doesn't seem to be able to as readily see them and it's not my business to point it out). I think it's entirely normal, and probably just another necessary part of the path because it often points me back to dealing with a part of conditioning that I still need to work through, whether it be due to attachment or abandonment issue, or something around the need for validation (or any other ego smashing thing). But it can often be rather igniting and difficult to maintain a friendship with someone AND speak openly about it. I also think one person often unconsciously ends up taking on a teacher role. Or, for me I've been directly asked to do so. Both of these end up backfiring in a multitude of ways. It's a precarious and slippery slope to involve others. I did eventually open up to my partner about it recently, but I think maybe that only works because he has zero interest in the subject & also because I'm in a deeper stage where if I mention something and he balks about it, I can more easily discern whether or not it's fruitful to continue or to simply let it fall away. I don't really have an agenda with him (no need for validation - it's more about just sharing the wowness of the experience) and because he isn't on a similar path, it easily dissolves.
Ha, this really came in the perfect time for me! I just realized, that I am desperately holding onto what little there is left of myself by trying to make other people also loose their self and getting their negative reaction to make me not further my realization and to make me think I am not on the right path. It feels alot like my ego is bringing all it has right now to keep some sort of illusion of control. Crazy mechanisms at play. Even right now it’s trying to be special.
Thanks, I was keen to hear more about this.
I totally get this. Great explanation of why you didn’t think to speak of any of this for so long.
Thank You🙏
Awakening is such an odd choice for a word to describe this. I get it...its about pointing at the moon. But still...odd.
"It is, what is". What a relief! To who? Hah! Busted!
Hey Angelo!! Didn’t you say in another video that your book “Awake” (it’s incredible so far) gets translated in german? Are you still writing on a second book and if yes when is it published? Best regards from germany!! Thx for everything you do you are a great source of clarity for me as I think I’m in the early stages of awakening. I have daily moments of being absorbed into the awareness of the moment without a single thought coming up but it only lasts some seconds before I get pulled back into seeing the world through filters of concept and categories. But when that occurs I recognize what happend and I can still relate to the perception that I’m wrapped up again in different layers of “illusions of reality”. It kind of interchanges all the time. Could this be a sign of the awakening process coming naturally in little spurts? :)
PS. Love the little peaks into your bio. Very, very helpful.
More Angelo stories 👏👏👏
Are there many people still in your life from 25+ years ago? It would be fascinating to know what differences they see in you from back then to now.
Talk about No self is incredibly difficult. The only way I can explain it is if you’ve ever been outside of any social construct… People do not want their reality rearranged do not want to question what they have used to value or even devalue themselves. Take something as simple as diet culture and try to talk to anyone about how insidious diet culture is? You almost can’t keep from compounding the problem just by trying to talk about the problem, because it’s so ingrained in our culture that even bringing it up is radical… kinda like that? 😂
When I "woke up" 20 years ago more or less I thought maybe it was my duty to become a teacher but then I looked online and there countless wannabe gurus trying to compete with the established ones....you no doubt get my drift!😂. Keep on 'truckin'! and namaste
Why does the ego not want it?
Who, in YOUR experience, are YOU talking to in your videos then? This is where “non duality” trips me up.
(No shifts here yet)
I’ve been on this “awakening path” for approximately 5 years now. I am VERY aware that all I have done was strengthen my “spiritual ego” I am so identified with my thoughts that my head physically has been causing me pain and dizziness lately (and yes I made a doc appt!!!lol) I’m in a mind fuck loop trying to escape and I’ve caused physical health side effects throughout my body. (Stomach issues, depression, anxiety and COMPLETE lack of joy for living).
I feel what you're describing, thank you for sharing.
I have been having anxiety, no joy, and feeling lost after so many identities, stories, and outcomes have been shown to me as false, and I feel like all I was left with to cope was unhealthy behavior, like substance use.
Recently substances are not doing it either, but also what started to happen is that I don't know where to go anymore to soothe. I just feel like I could god damn die right this moment, because I can't run anymore. Sometimes spontaneous releasing through crying, body contractions and shaking happens in those moments.
It seems that this natural stop and intense lostness is what has been waiting to come up all along. It feels like it was always here, behind all distraction, including much of the thinking that happens around me and my life, plans, problems, etc.
Slowly, I learn to give up distraction and mind roads with less kicking and screaming. One step forward and teo steps back it feels like.
I feel you, and it can seem endless and with no possibility of escape, and deterioration. I can only say that you're not alone.
Thanks for sharing. I wish you release.
As a long time spiritual seeker I can emphasize. Have you heard of The Fetters? In Angelo's playlist you will find his interviews with Kevin Schanilec about this process that can support a direct experience of non duality. At The Awakening Curriculum and Unfettered Mindfulness here on UA-cam they have great guidance, meditations and groups through the Fetters. If you haven't heard of them I can recommend going to the website Liberation Unleashed. It's free and you work one on one with a guide who helps you break the first fetter of seeing there is no self, through exercises,direct pointings and questions via email.
One of the biggest things that helped me was relaxing into trusting the process. Blessings 💞🙏
These videos are talking to the ego identity to point it to a more direct experience.
@javon144 you might be better off watching Bingham or Emerson's 1-1s, really cuts through the thought and conceptuality for that so called "first awakening"
@@pointlessly.perfect thank you for your reply!! 🙏🏼 it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. I was just debating deleting my post as I feel everyone around me gets it except for me! I feel like those movies where the main character thinks he’s alive but actually dead (the sixth sense, the others, shutter island etc…..) I have physically disassociated with my experiences…. Can you relate to this? The only way I can describe what I mean….is everything I do feels like I have a pair of weak glasses on and I cannot take in the experience. It’s foggy, faded, lacks vibrance, my visual experience doesn’t stick. Like watching TV with poor quality and blurry glasses on.
Anyway…again thanks for your comment.
Jada
This is actually you, talking to you.
In my few moments of realization my mind reminded me of my teachers, for me to use as an anchor to pass through the fear barrier... It was a funny attempt. I saw right through it. That there is no "Angelo", never was. It was always just "me".
😊
Mic drop lol
@@dontwantafnchannel 😂 I was just happy 🥳
My ego: "I'm an enlightened badass-"
🙄😡🤬🤡
dust myself off & try again
🙏🙏🙏
The self is a label that gets slapped on everything, so that there is a feeling of ownership and control when it doesn't exist. It's the old saying, "Man plans, and God laughs."
Angelo, you stated near the end of the video that life just picks you up and things unfold without your consent after realization occurs. But as far as I’m aware that happens whether or not you’re real realized, life always just happens spontaneously, and we have no idea what’s gonna happen next second or control over that. Maybe when you have an awakening, you stop resisting and pretending and acting like control?
💜💫💜💫💜
🤍
Yeah what's going on with me
13 minutes and 37 seconds hahaha
“I love your spiritual sails; they’re adorable.”😅😅😅😅 why, thank you, Angelo! 😂❤❤
I‘m having a hard time currently because after finishing my bachelors degree at university, everbody is sort of following their career moving to some other place but for me the thing i‘m most curious about is the investigation of my own identity. Simultaniously I don’t really feel like talking about that topic with my friends or family, so I think a lot of people are wondering what the hell i‘m doing. I feel a lot of pressure to move on in the relative life currently. From the egos perspective it feels like wasting my life, potential, time everything…
You may want to consider further study, but in the field of philosophy, which could be a vocation that includes investigation of yourself. Bernardo Kastrup would be worth checking out in that vein.
I have been unemployed for ten years and feel much as you do. I can't explain what I'm going through to friends or family, so I just appear depressed, lost, and lazy. And they might be right! I just have no interest in working, at least not in a regular job. And I suffer from imposter syndrome that prevents me from feeling worthy of charging anyone for coaching, crafts, or anything else. I guess we're just going to stay stuck until something gives.
@brushstroke3733 I found therapy really helpful in supporting investigation into 'Imposter Syndrome', which fell away in parts during that work. Eventually, I stopped believing the limiting thoughts about who I believed myself to be that had been keeping me trapped, and part of that effect was it freed up a lot of energy, too.
Why wouldn't people want the "no-self" realization/self-realization/awakening? It seems like it's freedom from suffering, resistance, identification, attachments. Even if it's at the cost of the ego.
I read this comment recently:
"However, the shift or realization ends the resistance you feel toward experiences of the separate self. If it didn't point you toward the end of suffering, there would be no reason to self-realize."
Is no-self realization and non-dual realization the same thing?
What’s going on with me is that I have absolutely no willpower to do the things that other people do to awaken. It’s quite clear that I’m never going to awaken for this reason. I’d quite like to awaken though, because absolutely anything must be better than this crap (looking for info about the great solar flash every day). Since I can’t imagine what awakening would be like, I’ve asked myself if I could press a button and not exist at all, would I press it. I guess probably not. But maybe.
By the way, if The Great Solar Flash does happen, or there is a planetary ascension, I’m going to be pissed as fuck that you knew absolutely nothing about it.
"..I love your spiritual selves, they're adorable.." 😭😭😭
sails
Beware of false prophets…
Many wisely never talk about it.....words fail.....and there is no real need to......."chop wood and carry water"....when you start adding "made videos" "talk about the undefineable", etc, etc.....there's gonna be rough weather rollin in.... that can be exciting , though.....till you get hit by lightning....then, its REAL exciting....
it would be nice to hear your past lives "experiances" (hard to put into words)
this was a challenge for me dozens of past lives through sleep would occur also "out of body" im just selecting language with these terms but the experiance was energetic i don't know how else to say it besides those terms.
anyway, what was diffilcult coming out of past life after past life would be gaining grips on this life again because there was nobody here to anchor on.
this DID work itself out and the past lives were so rich and emotional from all different aspectrs timelines even nonhuman past lives, it was seen that it is all occuring in presence then after months of dozens of past lives the final "out of body" was the core of reality a multidimension hypercube fractal like structure .
please keep in mind i have no other way to describe these things even though the words used are not really describing what i am trying to communicate.
this was all energetic ( but ALL MORE real than this current life) more vibrant than this moment.
after a while it sorted itself out.
buddha talking about reincarnation isn't a poetic or philosophy or idea.
it is a shame these things are not spoken about ( this video brings up good points why)
what we ALL discover on this path ( in the ways im trying to describe above)
would sound insane to an ordinary person.
My adorable spiritual sails bow (no pun intended ) to your wind. 😁
Thanks, I've heard about you talk about this a few times, including in your book. While you were talking, a question came up which I don't think I heard you mention, or if you did, I don't remember. The question I had was, what was you major in college? Yes, it's a very conventional, banal question, but I just was curious...
Philosophy
You were just making up for all the people who talk endlessly about awakening while knowing nothing about awakening.
I had bliss and no self for 1 hour. Just a satori.
Awesome video Angelo! I have heard some teachers say that after awakening to no-self, it takes about 10 years to stabilize and get used to this 'new' way of being. I think this is also mentioned from the Zen tradition. Do you find this to be true in your experience?
I understand that the self cannot want no self realization. I can feel that. In your experience have people who generally don’t like or even hate themselves have an easier time? Or it’s mostly existential crisis party for all regardless of self image 🎉 🕳️ 😂
What's going on with me? No words. Just watching the pendulum of creation go back and forth ...unattached to results. not sure how to relate the feelings *I* encounter to the "awakening" that you define. I'm a newish listener. maybe I shouldn't be trying to.
“What we're talking about here is unwantable. It's unwantable because it means the end of the individual. It doesn't want that. It's also unwantable because there's no distance to it. So, there's no way for want to arise. This is already it. Any wanting, apparent wanting, is avoidance of this.” - Jim Newman
People get irritated at Jim for being too direct, and then irritated at Angelo for trying to bridge the gap for folk by getting more in the weeds. Cracks me up lol But it does show why the word “grace” is seen here and there in these discussions… Because Mu has to be calling Mu to the void. Makes no sense to me how people are watching these videos with so much power and getting even more caught up in their bullshit thought loops. Better to just turn it off until you hear the call of the void - because “you’re” clearly not ready and just stirring up the same old bullshit thought loops. If you’re not ready to jump don’t put the parachute on and get in the plane. Waste of time
Hey Angelo, what was the book? Maybe I missed you mentioning it.
The book that triggered Angelo’s awakening was “The Three Pillars of Zen” by Philip Kapleau Roshi.
@@tbuczinsky Thanks TBucz 🫵🙏
Yes Three pillars
The ironic thing is that it’s longed for so intensely, and then it becomes clear that it’s not worth mentioning. The double irony is that talking about it may still eventually happen, despite the fact that it’s ultimately not worth mentioning haha
Though I’ve been walking this path my whole life, my first awakening was 18 years ago, though I didn’t have a term to give it back then (I wasn’t seeking awakening, the path was just instinctual and naturally unfolded). I just knew the experience was very different from what others were experiencing and that the insights would be difficult for others to grasp. The only time I discussed pieces of it is when certain individuals crossed my path that were clearly going through their own journey as well. They were incredibly vulnerable conversations. Some insights, where others were naturally drawn to me over the years, have been shared to encourage personal growth. I’ve only begun openly talking about awakening recently as I’ve gone through my second awakening, which has substantially deepened many realizations. Though I have begun to openly discuss it, I try to only talk about very simplistic insights in a relatable manner. I share due to a deep instinctual wisdom telling me it’s time.
Where can I start?
Sorry, it was not my intention to simply demand information as that comment appears. Thanks for your long inciteful comment, would you mind telling me where and/or how I can/should accomplish this myself?
@@draygoes Everyone’s journey is deeply personal and honestly you will be your best guide. Intuition can play a key role in the process but sometimes hearing your intuition can be challenging if there’s too much going on in the system in terms of thoughts and emotions. Angelo has a lot of great meditation videos which can help ease the intensity of both. Regarding intuition it’s so easy to discredit your experiences but the key is to find that trust within yourself because there’s a guiding path that’s always pointing in the direction of the next experience. This pointing can be shown to you through many modalities, it can be a random book that keeps coming to mind, someone randomly bringing up someone from your past, meeting someone who happens to say something specific that resonates with you, even a UA-cam video showing up at exactly the right moment. You get a feeling, almost like a sense that there’s something about the experience that you’re connecting with. The more you trust that sense the more that seems to appear.
I’ve also found that a good starting point can be by asking yourself why you want to awaken and continue to ask yourself why to your responses. Sometimes fully understanding the “why” can lead to some insightful unraveling.
Ironically upon awakening it’s seen that no-thing happened. Similar to a wave in the ocean never actually being separated from the ocean. 👁️🪞
Does identification with “physical pain” fall away with identification with self. So that it is still felt, but registers as sensation which is neutral?
It does fall away. This does ease pain but it is felt. Unloading the resistance will help tremendously over time
Loved learning this about you. Its very helpful to know that you went to med school after no self realization. This gives a sense of permissiion to play in the relative with our seeming choices. I oscillate between both illusiion and reality still so it can feel confusing how to be this being. Anyway, this talk has been very clarifying. Thank you
LoL. We're like adorable little puppies. Hah. Just giving you a hard time. Good talk. I find it so interesting that you have been immersed in the education system which teaches about a physical universe, yet in an absolute way you can & have let that go. Bravo!
"Moves you around to where you need to be for the realisation to develop". Oh yeah 😂
This is very interesting to hear because I have the sense that I would just like to get on in the relative except that I know there’s no peace in it without the insight about identity. I have no idea if I’ll still want to go do things, but I know at this point in my life, this exploration still keeps a lot of my attention. I wish I could plan for it in the same way that I can book a trip! I feel like I would trade this for just about any other bennie that Life offers, though apparently so far, destiny doesn’t see it that way. I don’t know what I’d be like; maybe I would want to go from retreat to retreat just so that I could hang out with some like minds, but that idea also disturbs me. Would I need that? I hear some other teachers make a big deal about how seeking itself reinforces the illusion, but I don’t see them turning down the money from people who keep coming to their retrieves, acting as if they aren’t seekers anymore. Not that Angelo would forbid you from going to his, but I get the sense that he is very willing for people to be free no matter how it impacts him.
So a non-Self stayed quiet for all those years and now this Self which doesn't exist is relaying this to us... "Collective hypnosis" upon collective hypnosis... Hmmm