Scary that I’m 26 and I’m feeling this pressure and it’s not even my parents putting the pressure on me…it’s just the community having engrained this mentality on me. Appreciate this video!! xx
See im not part of a community per se. Just my mates and my cousins who are all decent loving people 🥰 You don't need their kind of toxic manipulation around you 💞
I’m 25, going to be 26 soon. And i feel no desire to get married. I have Autism, which has been a huge struggle for my family and I. My family have never forced marriage on me, but i do feel very sad when my aunts or cousins make comments. I hope i can be secure enough in the future to not let it get to me. Thank you for this video, it’s an important topic.
Your family genuinely love you and care about you and im sure you feel the same. Enjoy time with them and the good, decent people in your life who only have your best interests at heart. Everyone else's 'opinion' is air and white noise. Ignore it. Your mid 20s is a time to have fun - so make sure you do that! 😘😘
Man listen...im from West Africa and its the SAME deal. Im also 39, single and childless...because i refuse to settle.. Yet the pressure is wild.. WILD... but i also refuse to settle for any old man because its expected.
Excellent video. Gosh there is so much in this video and being south asian myself, I can relate. I really hope one day south asian women can truly reflect on cultural norms and be empowered to say no and make their own way into the world. I do feel sad that you have been receiving such ignorant, condescending and derogatory comments from people. Itz not easy being south asian with a public presence and you are doing an amazing job🥰
Thank you for making this video! I'm 30 and I've had numerous rude comments from family members (not my parents, but aunties, uncles, cousins) and even strangers, like these 'desi aunties', taxi drivers etc saying to me "why aren't you married?", "you should be looking for a husband ", "you're going to struggle to have kids" and the worst one was from this very narrow minded, rude and misogynist man who said "you've left it too late, nobody will marry you. A girl should be married by the age of 20 and a boy age 22". I'm actually gobsmacked that a stranger can have the audacity to push unsolicited opinions on to others! The south asian mentality is so toxic!
This is an amazing video,… thanks so much! I’m 29 but this video has resonated with me a lot! Honestly need people with your energy…. But it’s not only the elder generation, it’s our generation too.
Absolutely brilliant topic Shahleena bravo, this subject resonates with me but I was forced to marry as a teenager. Yes we divorced 10 years later as I refused to carry on being a punch bag and unpaid slave. I have 2 amazing children my daughter is 29 strong minded and such a beautiful woman inside and out my son is 27 my best friend we are very close as a family. Their father never saw his kids for one day since we divorced which was fine by me, and I’ve been happily divorced 21 years. Your parents sound awesome such a love story. Thank you 😊
That is awful that you were forced into marriage! Despite everything you went through, you stood up for yourself, broke the cycle and taught your kids to be decent kind people. You really are a queen with so much strength 💗
So glad you are speaking about endometriosis. I’ve had endometriosis since I was 23 and I’m 28 now and surprised by the lack of awareness re. the illness. It’s so easy within the Asian culture to assume that women should have children by a certain age or even that conceiving is easy for everyone x
People forget that men also have child giving ages - after 30 their ability to father goes down exponentially. People rarely notice this and blame the women as traditionally women married much older men. It’s a great excuse to marry a male your age and younger 😝
Absolute BSHIT, as a 3rd year medical student i wanna tell all the strong handsome kings reading this comment that your ability to reproduce will not change one bit in your 30s, 40s,50s, 60s and so on as long as you are healthy. A healthy man at 65 can still become a dad. On the other hand women have a time frame, from the onset of puberty (menarche) till the end of menstrual cycle (menopause), after that time, no matter how fit or glowing the woman is, she can't reproduce. Once the ovaries stop ovulating and eggs stop travelling from fallopian tubes to the uterus, its game over. The best time for a woman to become a mom is 18-28, after 30 the chances of conceiving a pregnancy reduce by 18% every year. After 35 the chances of having a perfectly normal child goes as low as 34%, and after 42 only 7 % of the women in this world are capable of getting pregnant. You have this information, make what you will out of it. Only few will understand.
Fantastic video! ❤️ It’s very rare that anyone speaks about this topic out loud. I am in my late 40s and it’s exhausting to explain to family members, friends, colleagues etc. on why I am single and never have married.
As a white woman I know I'm not the main audience you had in mind for this or your other beauty videos. However I'm a subscriber as I've always admired your honesty, enthusiasm and wish to educate (whether about beauty products or culturally). Thank you so much for this video as not only does it help educate those who don't share the same cultural background. It also highlights how similar and familiar these ways of thinking are...and how by having these open and honest conversations with each other we can (hopefully) move on from these archaic ways of thinking 🙂
So many cultures share similar mindsets like you said 😎 Women in general being made to feel a certain way because of their age in relation to whether they are married or not is older than time 😂
I'm 28 years old in 2 weeks. Im single, unmarried. I'm made to feel as if I'm old, unattractive to men, I'm hard work, stubborn, outgoing. I'm not soft or the personality men want to marry. But I'm an educated woman, qualified, independent, earn my own money and now am the director of my own business, manage my own team and I have so many goals. I want to get married but to someone I'm not going to settle for. Preach shahleena, I'm with you 100% and we single women who are living our lives for us, also know that Allah is on our side too.
I'm latina and the story is the same for us. No arranged marriages, as it isn't part of our culture these days but the intense level of pressure to settle, get married, have kids, buy a house blah blah blah. The pressure I felt during my early 20's was intense, luckily I never caved but I am so tired of women feeling pressured to fit into a gender role designed for them by the patriarchy. It's downright exhausting and I refuse to play that game. Specially considering how many terrible marriages I have seen in my own family. And the expectation for me to settle into something like that? Insanity! Why would I want to be unhappy and miserable just to check the "things women must do" list? No, thanks. I'm good.
Im so glad that you have kept to your own path and created your own future despite pressures coming your way! I'm sure you are a better person for it 💗
Most people don't even realize that Islam doesn't actually recommend marriage for people who don't feel the need to get married and would prefer to spend their time doing acts of obedience (because marriage and kids consumes your time)
Thank You for making this video Shahleena, THANK YOU!! I'm not from a south Asian culture (I'm mixed white/ Caribbean)... I'm in my early 30s but this topic just resonates so hard with me ATM! I've been feeling like society is so hung up on "be and independent women... but as your husbands wife" mindset (if that makes sense) and has this notion that pass a certain age if you haven't got a partner or children you kind of don't matter. Even if you are content with the solo life its so hard and frankly draining sometime to drown out the noise, comments etc of people and their views. So again THANK YOU!!
They don't understand that you can actually just be happy with who you are and how you live your life is FINE! 😂 My endo - i had 2 surgeries to remove the growth then put on the pill. Its been 10 years and it controls it well. I also do yoga and work out which helps manage the pain ALOT! Love to your sister, its an awful condition 💖
@@Shahleena I know right people look at you with complete disbelief. 😆 Oh, thank you so much! So sorry that sounds awful and so painful 😫 We've both suffered from bad periods, mine got better with age and birth control after (Drs keep telling me it was just as it was). But my Sister’s just never have. I've been saying it might be that after watching your videos and after a bad spell that landed her in hospital they told her it's that. She dances at Uni so exercises a lot... But I’ll tell her about yoga. Thank you again xx
Female led relationship and cuckolding dynamic, is the best way forward to stop bad man from being horrible to women . I love how you are , a strong sexy women with her own mind and strong positive views , you are a amazing women , You are a role model for asain women . Women get batter with age , in 40s and 50s women who look after there skin and health are the sexiest and in there prime .
A much younger guy tried to convince me to accept his proposal by telling me that I don't have much time left. I was already very turned off by his persistence in spite of the fact that I had made it abundantly clear several times that I have no interest in him (never did)....and then on top of it he told me that he has "a lot" of time whereas I don't. I told him that I wouldn't accept him even if I had no time left at all. This is not the first Desi guy that has used the lack-of-time-angle on me. I don't know if any other woman has experienced this, but I've let such condescending attempts backfire on them. Many guys (but Desi guys especially) really struggle with accepting "No." They don't quite understand that it's a disregard for boundaries, which is disrespectful. Moreover, it sends a woman the message that if you cannot gracefully accept a ...No...in a non-sexual scenario, you're likely to be just as selfish and not accept a ...No...in a sexual scenario either.
This .. most south Asian men even while asking for a date or proposing for marriage try to put down a desi women like a desi loser man who was though slightly younger than me but was earning 50 percent less than me would try to bring up my age and how my eggs were drying up while we were dating .. ..Imagine
As a woman approaching her 30s the tiring bs you hear every wedding or family event is just ridiculous. Like you - I would rather stay single until I meet the RIGHT man who does not disturb my peace and rather adds to it. I think one thing I will say is an educated, good looking and high flying woman is intimidating, not only to some men raised in such stereotypical households, but also to their families. A lot of the history of SA women getting married has been about transactional value - & a woman who isn't able to provide for herself, is much easier to control, especially in this day and age where you cannot get anywhere without even a little of your own money.
Yes god forbid if you stand up for yourself in front of an 'aunty' 😂 Immediately you are branded 'difficult' or whatever. 100% agree with you re: value. Property, land etc was always passed down through men. Women get stuck in financially abusive situations which is why its so important for them to be supported in creating environments for themselves where they are on independent and equal footing 💗
Your lifestyle you led since birth plays a huge influence how you lead your life when you are an adult (i.e. after you get a job and become independent). Also, you plan what your life will be like from a certain age. I was born in South Asia and lived there for 12 years before moving to the UK, but I always made my own decisions (well, my parents told me many times that I used to throw a lot of tantrum when I was young as 3 years old, so I guess they knew that it was hard to control me). I did get beaten up a lot when I was a kid, but they kind of knew that I would ditch things if I did not want it (unlike a lot of girls who would just bear pains). So, if you are a headstrong girl and can defend yourself, then the comments from those old aunties will not affect you.
Even though I am an old white male I found this insightful and fascinating. South Asian heritage is irrelevant, this pressure is, or was, universal. in the 50's and 60's all of us, whites included, were expected to pair off. It wasn't pushy parents, it was the weight of society. All books and films ended with "happily ever after" and that meant a boy girl marriage. There were no films that ended with a 40 year old woman living alone. Still aren't, probably. One aspect of modern life that I worry about, even though it's not my problem, is that I know, personally, several young women in this same situation. Beautiful, intelligent, articulate, financially successful but unmarried and childless in their 30's and 40's. One I know told me that she now believes that the type of man she is looking for simply doesn't exist. Another told me that she has given up internet dating because all she got was dick pix and divorcees old enough to be her father. How does this end? A life lived alone? These women are just too perfect for the left over men and would always make their husband, if they did marry, know he was a come down, second best and inferior to her anyway. Don't know how this ends but this is a well told story of modern times and the presenter is probably correct and sensible in her intention to stay single.
I hear you shahleena on this. I admire your honesty and thank you for talking about it. Im not far behind you at 38, and I’ve waited long enough to settle willy nilly for someone not compatible. Single and unproblematic will always be better than married and unhappy.
Hi, I totally agree with you, I am West Indian (Martinican) and although I do not know this social pressure as a woman, it is very complicated when you do not get married or have no 'children as if we are only made for these two options; I am 48 years old , I am not married and I have no children and not because I did not want it but because the vagaries of the life decided otherwise. The main thing for me is to be happy with or without a partner; I kiss you
One of my best friends is in her 60s and never been married or had kids. It just so happened this way. She is happy, has her extended family, a wealth of friends - surrounded by nothing but love. From the bottom of her heart, she is content with life and i absolutely adore her x
This resonates so much with me. Thank you for not making me feel alone about this, because it really does get to me when I keep getting told that "I'm old" even though I'm in my late twenties.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I. Am. So. Proud. Of. You!!!! I hope my daughter has this same mentality when she grows up! I’m from a different culture and background and did things out of tradition. I’m a single mom, of one child, never married…. And I’m happy with my life and the example I’m setting for my daughter to never settle. I’d have done her a huge injustice to stay with her father.
Such a brilliant video! Marriage is not the be all and end all and it’s not easy either!! I totally agree that neither gender should settle, being in a rush to get married can be a huge headache, waste of time, money and effort and I’ve seen that first hand with a couple of friends ;( but you’re absolutely right it’s the Asian mentality that drives this 🤦🏽♀️
loved you and your channel before and love you even more now for speaking about important topics! thank you! im only 25 (also indian-south asian) and feel so pressured as i have similar aged cousins and older in the marriage "age" all with partners. I remember seeing quote saying its better to have a happy daughter than a unhappy/suicidal one and it can't be more true! looking forward to the next video in your series! x
25 is so young - when i look back now 😂 Enjoy your life sweets and whatever comes your way, when the time is right, will be because you were ready for it 😎
People should know marriage isn’t for everyone. I’m 26 and I’ve had people annoy me about when am I getting married since I turned 25. I get people that I’ve got nothing to do with like my brother in laws constantly asking my sisters when I’m getting married. I have someone who I’m going to marry but not everyone in my family knows that yet. I had someone say I’m getting old. How is 26 old? That’s an insult to people older than me 😂 Some south asians just need to mind their own business. Some people have bad experience with guys so they don’t marry and people should understand that if someone isn’t getting married there’s a reason behind it. Honestly the older I get the less I care about what people say now. At this point I don’t care at all anymore. People always have something to say even if things are going “normal” in their case.
Its no one's business but your own and how rude of your brother in laws too! They should focus on their own marriages rather than interfering in your love life.
I am in my 60’s, and although not south asian, as women we have faced this neurotic frame of mind that we are supposed to settle, have kids, and of course it has to be a professional, can’t be any one. Listening to your video, resonates with me totally 💯.
If I'm honest, I have been curious about your personal life too, I thought about it but never commented and I clicked on this link so fast! The reason I am curious (and I'm sure others are too) is because you are a lovely lady, and deserve to be happy, I think we are curious because we like you and see you as a friend! Lol if that makes sense...I've been watching your channel for a long time now, I usually come for reviews. Your were the person who introduced me to Mac lipsticks! So I think I am curious out of care. But to be honest we don't all need men and children to be happy. If you are happy, your fans are happy for you. Xxx
How do South Asian men deal with you having opinions and being willing to share them? Are most of the men you meet able stick in the past and expecting women to be more traditional or do they see you on equal footing?
The educated ones appreciate my confidence to openly converse on whatever the topic is. The ones bred in houses where patriarchy rules, take it as a beating to their fragile ego and masculinity 😂
Iam from north africa and i fell madly in love with a girl from Pakistan , we were planning to get married but her parents and family objected although i was prepared to give everything i have just in order to be with her , its been 4 years now we're both 38 and unmarried because we couldn't find the right person. Such a shame , but although it saddens me a little i really wish she could find a good man i dont wanna see her grow old with nobody at her side.
What a great topic. Well spoken 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💙 Its about time we Indian/Pakistani women own ourselves and live our lives and not the expectations of bua, aunty or phuppo. You have amazing parents. 💙
I have seen a few of your videos before and got me following you today. Have noticed before your honest opinion on make up and admire the way you handle things.. This what you have shared today clarified a few things to myself too, as I really start feeling myself seeping into a depression with all these dilemmas. But am happy and independent. Thank you so much for this.. And true, it's getting old and tiring seeing others feeling pity for me. Keep the amazing vids coming ❤️
Keep your head and your standards high lovely. You feel depressed because others are putting thoughts into your head. Making you question and doubt yourself. Dont let them bring you down. Stay happy and independent and follow your own journey xx
I turned 40 this year, got married at the age of 32, and would have continued to live my wholesome single life if I hadn’t met the right person. Marriage is a huge commitment and a takes active effort on both sides to create a balanced and equal relationship. I’m fortunate to come from a forward thinking family, with no pressure from parents to get married or have kids. I have one child and no intention of having a second despite the constant nagging of ‘popping out’ a second one. Our society is such that when pressure for one thing ceases the next starts. Our lives, our happiness and our choices are absolutely our responsibility. Period.
How many children you want to have is obviously your own choice. But if you allow me to state my point, I would say have one more child. Why? There will be a time when you and your spouse won't be there anymore. Your only child will have no emotional shoulder to fall back on, no family support to pour his/her heart out to. Having that sibling will fill that gap for him/her. Have that 2nd child for your first child's sake, not your own.
@@faizangopal first of all it's HER body and HER choice to how many kids she wants. Also what guarantee is there, that if she did have 2 children, that they will get on with each other or even remain in each others lives when they're older? How do you know her only child will not have an emotional shoulder to fall back on/no family support? Stop making assumptions about others and giving your unsolicited opinions. You're part of the problem!
@@Zahra-tz4ob wow, aren't you a snowflake? I started my point with the statement that it is her choice and if I may make my opinion, obviously you missed that point because PEOPLE LIKE YOU love to react and respond. Learn the difference. And as for who knows if the siblings will get along or not. Such a stupid statement to make. Why get married, you might get divorced Why drive a car, you might get into a car accident. Why go on a plane, they are known to crash. You want guarantees in your life. Sorry sweetheart, there aren't any.
Big thumbs up 👍 for sharing your thoughts……….. I am lucky to have parents who have broad thinking……… My father always said that don’t give anyone a reason that you can’t do something because you are girl……. You can do everything whatever a guy can do……. I am married have two kids but my parents never forced me to get married even though everyone else were asking them when I am getting married……… they never ask me to have kids but everyone else apart from them advising me to have kids……. Don’t know why people have to give their advice even when nobody is asking ……… and people don’t respect others privacy I never ask anyone about their personal life. I think if they want to share it with you then told you without even asking.
Shahleena thank you so much for speaking out on this subject. It’s so important that this gets discussed in the open without judgement .. I fall into this bracket & it definitely resonates with me & my values .. I still get asked “how are you not married yet” ?! It’s always about what i need to be in their minds not mine qualify to be accepted.. to the point my sisters who are both married with kids are treated with preferential treatment even on a pandemic than I .. so if you pop out a kid it upgrades your value in a family it’s disgraceful their excuse is we want to see you settled .. when I was growing up I was taught to be independent ,yet that’s quality that sets me apart .. I refuse to settle or apologise for where my journey has landed yet here we are .. I agree with everything you have said in this vlog thank you ! Xxx
I've never understood why 'settled' is married. Why can't settled be happy where you are now and happily living your life? Being attached to a man or child doesn't define us, as the longest relationship we will ever have, is with ourselves 💞💗
I understand that women are always afraid to last their married life for a long time or till the end. Sometimes it turns into a happy and loving life but maybe not in Britain or the western world. It is very difficult to be happy and love life with a very difficult attitude, strict nature or something too demanding and commanding.
that is soooo true omg... im 29.. SHAHLEENA MY MOM DIED IN 2019 AFTER MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE HES MARRIED SO HE HAS SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT HIS ISSUES YET IM NOT MARRIED HENCE I GOT NO ON TO TALK TO =/ WHEN I TALK TO MY DAD HE ALWAYS GOES SHOULD I GET MARRIED AGAIN AND IM JUST LIKE ERRR NO LOL BUT can you talk bout sisters in law?
Im so sorry for your loss sweets. I can't imagine what you have been through. When you don't feel support from those you live with, it can be all consuming esp as so many of us have been stuck at home. I hope you have good friends that can lift you up when you need it rather than listening to your dad 😂
Thanks for this Shahleena. Appreciate your candor. I was curious...what sort of work do you do outside of UA-cam? And is managing both YT and a job difficult?
Well said Shahleena! This is really needed this piece of knowledge and also making woman aware to be happy in your own space. Alhamdulllah that you have such a lovely parents. Loved it❤️Be Happy and live life to the fullest as how you are doing. May Allah swt guide you and protect you🙂🧿
Why these men think that all these girls from back home are not educated and they wont know their rights? Pehraps thats why these women are kept back home after marriage for a long time and thats because these men and their mothers know that this woman will find out about her human rights if she come to europe and she wont stay with the crazy son. I was a chb at the age of only 14 and i have been through it myself.
I didn't say that it is a bad thing?? If that's what you heard - it sounds like you're on the defensive for the path you chose and you need to take that up with yourself.
I thing is that ppl that are married with kids in their 20s are not always unhappy most of our parents have been married young and have had us young and got really good careers and beautiful love life. Marriage is not bad or getting married young. It's a life choice.
You've missed the point of the entire topic. Intentionally. This is about women being told they are too old to get married due to societal and stereotypical mindsets of south asians. I also very CLEARLY stated that not all that married young are unhappy - did you just gloss over that bit? You claim to be educated and i wholeheartedly refute that by reading your sneakily defensive comments.
I think your Western views skewed your views on marriage as "patriarchy" when actually it's really just compromise that makes marriage work. I don't agree with the idea of a servant wife, but I don't agree with the idea of not treating your spouse to biryani because the West said it's patriarchy. That's where I think your lost in the sauce and dare I say even a bit self hating, whitewashed, and of course feminist. I say that with up most concern rather than spitefulness. You see everything through a such a broad brush I feel like you over generalize, while your parents are both South Asian and making it work. I bet that your Mother does the cooking in the house and you have no objection against that and why is that?
Thank you for proving my point with your biased male perspective. You also can't spot a facetious comment when I referenced Biryani. It wasn't literal. So YOU are not only "lost in sauce" but frankly, a slave to your own patriarchal upbringing. I'll be sure to let my brother share his Keema Aloo recipe he makes for his wife and girls, seeing as you've decided to get personal whilst hiding behind your mothers Dupatta. I say this with the utmost concern of course.
@@Shahleena Oh yes, my patriarchal upbringing with my 50 year old Pakistani father doing the cooking for the house? It's like, whatever you said doesn't apply to me and my household somehow 🤔 and yet I'm not even born in the west. So you are totally generalizing and the West has got you trained to hate your is what it sounds more like because the same your rubbish you're spewing is the same rubbish we get to hear from racists who think "Pakis are invading Europe" that we're just savages who don't treat women right, justifying all the wars put forth on our people. Meanwhile you look at Western relationships and all you see is single mothers, divorce, and men who abandon. It's like, girl, pick your poison. We ain't that bad, come back home shawty. And I'd be glad to take your brother's Aloo Keema recipe and feed to you so I wouldn't have to hear racist self hating rubbing anymore thank you very much.
Scary that I’m 26 and I’m feeling this pressure and it’s not even my parents putting the pressure on me…it’s just the community having engrained this mentality on me. Appreciate this video!! xx
See im not part of a community per se. Just my mates and my cousins who are all decent loving people 🥰
You don't need their kind of toxic manipulation around you 💞
TIME TO WALK OUT THE DOOR AND GET THE HELL OUT OF DODGE CITY !!!, A SAYING!.... AND FIND A WOMEN S SHELTER 4 SUPPORT!!!.PLEASE
I’m 25, going to be 26 soon. And i feel no desire to get married. I have Autism, which has been a huge struggle for my family and I. My family have never forced marriage on me, but i do feel very sad when my aunts or cousins make comments. I hope i can be secure enough in the future to not let it get to me. Thank you for this video, it’s an important topic.
Your family genuinely love you and care about you and im sure you feel the same. Enjoy time with them and the good, decent people in your life who only have your best interests at heart. Everyone else's 'opinion' is air and white noise. Ignore it. Your mid 20s is a time to have fun - so make sure you do that! 😘😘
Man listen...im from West Africa and its the SAME deal. Im also 39, single and childless...because i refuse to settle.. Yet the pressure is wild.. WILD... but i also refuse to settle for any old man because its expected.
You refuse to settle and i am sure you are happy cus of it too! x
Excellent video. Gosh there is so much in this video and being south asian myself, I can relate. I really hope one day south asian women can truly reflect on cultural norms and be empowered to say no and make their own way into the world. I do feel sad that you have been receiving such ignorant, condescending and derogatory comments from people. Itz not easy being south asian with a public presence and you are doing an amazing job🥰
Thank you love 💞💖 The only way that age old customs will disappear is when the younger generations end that cycle.
Thank you for making this video! I'm 30 and I've had numerous rude comments from family members (not my parents, but aunties, uncles, cousins) and even strangers, like these 'desi aunties', taxi drivers etc saying to me "why aren't you married?", "you should be looking for a husband ", "you're going to struggle to have kids" and the worst one was from this very narrow minded, rude and misogynist man who said "you've left it too late, nobody will marry you. A girl should be married by the age of 20 and a boy age 22". I'm actually gobsmacked that a stranger can have the audacity to push unsolicited opinions on to others! The south asian mentality is so toxic!
😂😂😂
Omg. Why isn’t this trending?!!! It should be! Love this! Preach it girl!!! Thank You Thank you for doing this.
This is an amazing video,… thanks so much! I’m 29 but this video has resonated with me a lot! Honestly need people with your energy…. But it’s not only the elder generation, it’s our generation too.
Totally! Our generation just carry on from what they learnt from their parents and its a cycle that just continues.
Absolutely brilliant topic Shahleena bravo, this subject resonates with me but I was forced to marry as a teenager. Yes we divorced 10 years later as I refused to carry on being a punch bag and unpaid slave. I have 2 amazing children my daughter is 29 strong minded and such a beautiful woman inside and out my son is 27 my best friend we are very close as a family. Their father never saw his kids for one day since we divorced which was fine by me, and I’ve been happily divorced 21 years. Your parents sound awesome such a love story. Thank you 😊
His loss! Xx
That is awful that you were forced into marriage! Despite everything you went through, you stood up for yourself, broke the cycle and taught your kids to be decent kind people. You really are a queen with so much strength 💗
@@Shahleena much love ❤️ thank you so much 😊
So glad you are speaking about endometriosis. I’ve had endometriosis since I was 23 and I’m 28 now and surprised by the lack of awareness re. the illness. It’s so easy within the Asian culture to assume that women should have children by a certain age or even that conceiving is easy for everyone x
People forget that men also have child giving ages - after 30 their ability to father goes down exponentially. People rarely notice this and blame the women as traditionally women married much older men. It’s a great excuse to marry a male your age and younger 😝
But younger guys don't really want old hens
Absolute BSHIT, as a 3rd year medical student i wanna tell all the strong handsome kings reading this comment that your ability to reproduce will not change one bit in your 30s, 40s,50s, 60s and so on as long as you are healthy. A healthy man at 65 can still become a dad. On the other hand women have a time frame, from the onset of puberty (menarche) till the end of menstrual cycle (menopause), after that time, no matter how fit or glowing the woman is, she can't reproduce. Once the ovaries stop ovulating and eggs stop travelling from fallopian tubes to the uterus, its game over. The best time for a woman to become a mom is 18-28, after 30 the chances of conceiving a pregnancy reduce by 18% every year. After 35 the chances of having a perfectly normal child goes as low as 34%, and after 42 only 7 % of the women in this world are capable of getting pregnant. You have this information, make what you will out of it. Only few will understand.
Fantastic video! ❤️ It’s very rare that anyone speaks about this topic out loud. I am in my late 40s and it’s exhausting to explain to family members, friends, colleagues etc. on why I am single and never have married.
You dont conform to what is comfortable to them. The only thing that matters is you being happy and if you are, they should be happy for you end of 💞
I am 58, never married, no children! I have always identified with your independent nature!
R u desi mam?
As a white woman I know I'm not the main audience you had in mind for this or your other beauty videos. However I'm a subscriber as I've always admired your honesty, enthusiasm and wish to educate (whether about beauty products or culturally). Thank you so much for this video as not only does it help educate those who don't share the same cultural background. It also highlights how similar and familiar these ways of thinking are...and how by having these open and honest conversations with each other we can (hopefully) move on from these archaic ways of thinking 🙂
So many cultures share similar mindsets like you said 😎 Women in general being made to feel a certain way because of their age in relation to whether they are married or not is older than time 😂
@@Shahleena Defo time for a change then 😂☺️🤞
I'm 28 years old in 2 weeks. Im single, unmarried. I'm made to feel as if I'm old, unattractive to men, I'm hard work, stubborn, outgoing. I'm not soft or the personality men want to marry.
But I'm an educated woman, qualified, independent, earn my own money and now am the director of my own business, manage my own team and I have so many goals.
I want to get married but to someone I'm not going to settle for.
Preach shahleena, I'm with you 100% and we single women who are living our lives for us, also know that Allah is on our side too.
I'm latina and the story is the same for us. No arranged marriages, as it isn't part of our culture these days but the intense level of pressure to settle, get married, have kids, buy a house blah blah blah. The pressure I felt during my early 20's was intense, luckily I never caved but I am so tired of women feeling pressured to fit into a gender role designed for them by the patriarchy. It's downright exhausting and I refuse to play that game. Specially considering how many terrible marriages I have seen in my own family. And the expectation for me to settle into something like that? Insanity! Why would I want to be unhappy and miserable just to check the "things women must do" list? No, thanks. I'm good.
Im so glad that you have kept to your own path and created your own future despite pressures coming your way! I'm sure you are a better person for it 💗
Most people don't even realize that Islam doesn't actually recommend marriage for people who don't feel the need to get married and would prefer to spend their time doing acts of obedience (because marriage and kids consumes your time)
This is true but i didnt want to bring religion into the topic purely because this affects all religions predominant in the South Asian region x
@@Shahleena I know hun, I just wanted people in the comments to know
Thank You for making this video Shahleena, THANK YOU!!
I'm not from a south Asian culture (I'm mixed white/ Caribbean)... I'm in my early 30s but this topic just resonates so hard with me ATM! I've been feeling like society is so hung up on "be and independent women... but as your husbands wife" mindset (if that makes sense) and has this notion that pass a certain age if you haven't got a partner or children you kind of don't matter. Even if you are content with the solo life its so hard and frankly draining sometime to drown out the noise, comments etc of people and their views.
So again THANK YOU!!
They don't understand that you can actually just be happy with who you are and how you live your life is FINE! 😂
My endo - i had 2 surgeries to remove the growth then put on the pill. Its been 10 years and it controls it well. I also do yoga and work out which helps manage the pain ALOT! Love to your sister, its an awful condition 💖
@@Shahleena I know right people look at you with complete disbelief. 😆
Oh, thank you so much! So sorry that sounds awful and so painful 😫 We've both suffered from bad periods,
mine got better with age and birth control after (Drs keep telling me it was just as it was). But my Sister’s just never have. I've been saying it might be that after watching your videos and after a bad spell that landed her in hospital they told her it's that. She dances at Uni so exercises a lot... But I’ll tell her about yoga. Thank you again xx
Female led relationship and cuckolding dynamic, is the best way forward to stop bad man from being horrible to women . I love how you are , a strong sexy women with her own mind and strong positive views , you are a amazing women , You are a role model for asain women .
Women get batter with age , in 40s and 50s women who look after there skin and health are the sexiest and in there prime .
A much younger guy tried to convince me to accept his proposal by telling me that I don't have much time left. I was already very turned off by his persistence in spite of the fact that I had made it abundantly clear several times that I have no interest in him (never did)....and then on top of it he told me that he has "a lot" of time whereas I don't. I told him that I wouldn't accept him even if I had no time left at all. This is not the first Desi guy that has used the lack-of-time-angle on me. I don't know if any other woman has experienced this, but I've let such condescending attempts backfire on them. Many guys (but Desi guys especially) really struggle with accepting "No." They don't quite understand that it's a disregard for boundaries, which is disrespectful. Moreover, it sends a woman the message that if you cannot gracefully accept a ...No...in a non-sexual scenario, you're likely to be just as selfish and not accept a ...No...in a sexual scenario either.
This .. most south Asian men even while asking for a date or proposing for marriage try to put down a desi women like a desi loser man who was though slightly younger than me but was earning 50 percent less than me would try to bring up my age and how my eggs were drying up while we were dating .. ..Imagine
@@monat9248 As if a condescending proposal would win a woman over? *Rollseyes*
This isn't just a south-asian thing. This mentality is also very orevelant in the middle east too.
100%!
Men our generation are wackos. Better stay single. I'm 36 going on 37.
A lot of them are tho 😂😂😂
As a woman approaching her 30s the tiring bs you hear every wedding or family event is just ridiculous. Like you - I would rather stay single until I meet the RIGHT man who does not disturb my peace and rather adds to it. I think one thing I will say is an educated, good looking and high flying woman is intimidating, not only to some men raised in such stereotypical households, but also to their families. A lot of the history of SA women getting married has been about transactional value - & a woman who isn't able to provide for herself, is much easier to control, especially in this day and age where you cannot get anywhere without even a little of your own money.
Yes god forbid if you stand up for yourself in front of an 'aunty' 😂 Immediately you are branded 'difficult' or whatever.
100% agree with you re: value. Property, land etc was always passed down through men. Women get stuck in financially abusive situations which is why its so important for them to be supported in creating environments for themselves where they are on independent and equal footing 💗
Your lifestyle you led since birth plays a huge influence how you lead your life when you are an adult (i.e. after you get a job and become independent). Also, you plan what your life will be like from a certain age. I was born in South Asia and lived there for 12 years before moving to the UK, but I always made my own decisions (well, my parents told me many times that I used to throw a lot of tantrum when I was young as 3 years old, so I guess they knew that it was hard to control me). I did get beaten up a lot when I was a kid, but they kind of knew that I would ditch things if I did not want it (unlike a lot of girls who would just bear pains). So, if you are a headstrong girl and can defend yourself, then the comments from those old aunties will not affect you.
Even though I am an old white male I found this insightful and fascinating. South Asian heritage is irrelevant, this pressure is, or was, universal. in the 50's and 60's all of us, whites included, were expected to pair off. It wasn't pushy parents, it was the weight of society. All books and films ended with "happily ever after" and that meant a boy girl marriage. There were no films that ended with a 40 year old woman living alone. Still aren't, probably. One aspect of modern life that I worry about, even though it's not my problem, is that I know, personally, several young women in this same situation. Beautiful, intelligent, articulate, financially successful but unmarried and childless in their 30's and 40's. One I know told me that she now believes that the type of man she is looking for simply doesn't exist. Another told me that she has given up internet dating because all she got was dick pix and divorcees old enough to be her father. How does this end? A life lived alone? These women are just too perfect for the left over men and would always make their husband, if they did marry, know he was a come down, second best and inferior to her anyway. Don't know how this ends but this is a well told story of modern times and the presenter is probably correct and sensible in her intention to stay single.
I hear you shahleena on this. I admire your honesty and thank you for talking about it. Im not far behind you at 38, and I’ve waited long enough to settle willy nilly for someone not compatible. Single and unproblematic will always be better than married and unhappy.
💯!!
Hi, I totally agree with you, I am West Indian (Martinican) and although I do not know this social pressure as a woman, it is very complicated when you do not get married or have no 'children as if we are only made for these two options; I am 48 years old , I am not married and I have no children and not because I did not want it but because the vagaries of the life decided otherwise. The main thing for me is to be happy with or without a partner; I kiss you
One of my best friends is in her 60s and never been married or had kids. It just so happened this way. She is happy, has her extended family, a wealth of friends - surrounded by nothing but love. From the bottom of her heart, she is content with life and i absolutely adore her x
This resonates so much with me. Thank you for not making me feel alone about this, because it really does get to me when I keep getting told that "I'm old" even though I'm in my late twenties.
Your 20s are for growing. Life gets even better in your 30s trust me! 💗
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I. Am. So. Proud. Of. You!!!! I hope my daughter has this same mentality when she grows up! I’m from a different culture and background and did things out of tradition. I’m a single mom, of one child, never married…. And I’m happy with my life and the example I’m setting for my daughter to never settle. I’d have done her a huge injustice to stay with her father.
You put your daughter and yourself first. You're a wonderful mother 💞💞
Such a brilliant video! Marriage is not the be all and end all and it’s not easy either!! I totally agree that neither gender should settle, being in a rush to get married can be a huge headache, waste of time, money and effort and I’ve seen that first hand with a couple of friends ;( but you’re absolutely right it’s the Asian mentality that drives this 🤦🏽♀️
Marriage and relationships are not easy you're right! Asian mentality also frowns on divorce so sometimes people just stay together unhappy 😭
Love this video and so glad someone is talking about this!!!
loved you and your channel before and love you even more now for speaking about important topics! thank you! im only 25 (also indian-south asian) and feel so pressured as i have similar aged cousins and older in the marriage "age" all with partners. I remember seeing quote saying its better to have a happy daughter than a unhappy/suicidal one and it can't be more true! looking forward to the next video in your series! x
by the way this lipstick looks so nice on you! x
25 is so young - when i look back now 😂 Enjoy your life sweets and whatever comes your way, when the time is right, will be because you were ready for it 😎
People should know marriage isn’t for everyone. I’m 26 and I’ve had people annoy me about when am I getting married since I turned 25. I get people that I’ve got nothing to do with like my brother in laws constantly asking my sisters when I’m getting married. I have someone who I’m going to marry but not everyone in my family knows that yet. I had someone say I’m getting old. How is 26 old? That’s an insult to people older than me 😂
Some south asians just need to mind their own business. Some people have bad experience with guys so they don’t marry and people should understand that if someone isn’t getting married there’s a reason behind it. Honestly the older I get the less I care about what people say now. At this point I don’t care at all anymore. People always have something to say even if things are going “normal” in their case.
Its no one's business but your own and how rude of your brother in laws too! They should focus on their own marriages rather than interfering in your love life.
I am 41, Asian, never been married! I have never been happier!! 🙌🏽
sure
I am in my 60’s, and although not south asian, as women we have faced this neurotic frame of mind that we are supposed to settle, have kids, and of course it has to be a professional, can’t be any one. Listening to your video, resonates with me totally 💯.
If I'm honest, I have been curious about your personal life too, I thought about it but never commented and I clicked on this link so fast! The reason I am curious (and I'm sure others are too) is because you are a lovely lady, and deserve to be happy, I think we are curious because we like you and see you as a friend! Lol if that makes sense...I've been watching your channel for a long time now, I usually come for reviews. Your were the person who introduced me to Mac lipsticks! So I think I am curious out of care.
But to be honest we don't all need men and children to be happy. If you are happy, your fans are happy for you. Xxx
Thank you love that is so kind of you to say 🥰💗
Im happy you started this series for younger girls who are gonnah need this type of advice for when its time for them to get to married 😁😁
How do South Asian men deal with you having opinions and being willing to share them? Are most of the men you meet able stick in the past and expecting women to be more traditional or do they see you on equal footing?
The educated ones appreciate my confidence to openly converse on whatever the topic is. The ones bred in houses where patriarchy rules, take it as a beating to their fragile ego and masculinity 😂
@@Shahleena 🤣🤣
So glad you spoke about this, major respect, you spoke the truth. You inspire me 🙏💯
Iam from north africa and i fell madly in love with a girl from Pakistan , we were planning to get married but her parents and family objected although i was prepared to give everything i have just in order to be with her , its been 4 years now we're both 38 and unmarried because we couldn't find the right person. Such a shame , but although it saddens me a little i really wish she could find a good man i dont wanna see her grow old with nobody at her side.
What a great topic. Well spoken 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💙 Its about time we Indian/Pakistani women own ourselves and live our lives and not the expectations of bua, aunty or phuppo. You have amazing parents. 💙
🎉Congratulations to your Mum and Dad on their 40th wedding anniversary🎊 I really enjoyed this video. Thank you Shahleena, you should be a life coach!
Thank you love 💞💗
Fantastic!!! Had to be said and well said 👏🏼
My aunty met her partner at 40 has no children and travels with him she learnt to ski at 50 😊 there is a life without marriage
Loved this!!! Thank you 👏👏👏
I have seen a few of your videos before and got me following you today. Have noticed before your honest opinion on make up and admire the way you handle things.. This what you have shared today clarified a few things to myself too, as I really start feeling myself seeping into a depression with all these dilemmas. But am happy and independent. Thank you so much for this.. And true, it's getting old and tiring seeing others feeling pity for me. Keep the amazing vids coming ❤️
Keep your head and your standards high lovely. You feel depressed because others are putting thoughts into your head. Making you question and doubt yourself. Dont let them bring you down. Stay happy and independent and follow your own journey xx
I turned 40 this year, got married at the age of 32, and would have continued to live my wholesome single life if I hadn’t met the right person. Marriage is a huge commitment and a takes active effort on both sides to create a balanced and equal relationship. I’m fortunate to come from a forward thinking family, with no pressure from parents to get married or have kids. I have one child and no intention of having a second despite the constant nagging of ‘popping out’ a second one. Our society is such that when pressure for one thing ceases the next starts. Our lives, our happiness and our choices are absolutely our responsibility. Period.
You're right - if its not one pressure its another 😒 Our happiness is for us and us only 😘
How many children you want to have is obviously your own choice. But if you allow me to state my point, I would say have one more child. Why? There will be a time when you and your spouse won't be there anymore. Your only child will have no emotional shoulder to fall back on, no family support to pour his/her heart out to.
Having that sibling will fill that gap for him/her. Have that 2nd child for your first child's sake, not your own.
@@faizangopal first of all it's HER body and HER choice to how many kids she wants. Also what guarantee is there, that if she did have 2 children, that they will get on with each other or even remain in each others lives when they're older? How do you know her only child will not have an emotional shoulder to fall back on/no family support? Stop making assumptions about others and giving your unsolicited opinions. You're part of the problem!
@@Zahra-tz4ob wow, aren't you a snowflake?
I started my point with the statement that it is her choice and if I may make my opinion, obviously you missed that point because PEOPLE LIKE YOU love to react and respond. Learn the difference.
And as for who knows if the siblings will get along or not.
Such a stupid statement to make.
Why get married, you might get divorced
Why drive a car, you might get into a car accident.
Why go on a plane, they are known to crash.
You want guarantees in your life. Sorry sweetheart, there aren't any.
Thank you for this video! xx from Poland
Big thumbs up 👍 for sharing your thoughts……….. I am lucky to have parents who have broad thinking……… My father always said that don’t give anyone a reason that you can’t do something because you are girl……. You can do everything whatever a guy can do……. I am married have two kids but my parents never forced me to get married even though everyone else were asking them when I am getting married……… they never ask me to have kids but everyone else apart from them advising me to have kids……. Don’t know why people have to give their advice even when nobody is asking ……… and people don’t respect others privacy I never ask anyone about their personal life. I think if they want to share it with you then told you without even asking.
Privacy is a luxury sometimes i swear 😂 Your parents sound lovely and yes so many times it can be people outside of your own home!
So nice to see you talk about these important things! I resonated with many things you said. Thanks so much Shahleena!
Also, maybe they don’t think you are the older one because you take great care of your skin and look fabulous!
Thank you love i hope so! 😂
Shahleena thank you so much for speaking out on this subject. It’s so important that this gets discussed in the open without judgement ..
I fall into this bracket & it definitely resonates with me & my values .. I still get asked “how are you not married yet” ?! It’s always about what i need to be in their minds not mine qualify to be accepted.. to the point my sisters who are both married with kids are treated with preferential treatment even on a pandemic than I .. so if you pop out a kid it upgrades your value in a family it’s disgraceful their excuse is we want to see you settled .. when I was growing up I was taught to be independent ,yet that’s quality that sets me apart .. I refuse to settle or apologise for where my journey has landed yet here we are .. I agree with everything you have said in this vlog thank you ! Xxx
I've never understood why 'settled' is married. Why can't settled be happy where you are now and happily living your life? Being attached to a man or child doesn't define us, as the longest relationship we will ever have, is with ourselves 💞💗
Very well said Shahleena as always! 👏 I admire your honesty and confidence! You are truly inspiring 😊
Thanks you love 😘
Im so greatful that you made this video Shahleena.
Great video! I’m just like you !
I’m happy single, no kids and soon 38y 😊 and I must said I have best life!
I understand that women are always afraid to last their married life for a long time or till the end. Sometimes it turns into a happy and loving life but maybe not in Britain or the western world. It is very difficult to be happy and love life with a very difficult attitude, strict nature or something too demanding and commanding.
Great video!!! Applauded 👏🏽👏🏽
Bang on!
that is soooo true omg... im 29.. SHAHLEENA MY MOM DIED IN 2019 AFTER MY BROTHER GOT MARRIED AND SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE HES MARRIED SO HE HAS SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABOUT HIS ISSUES YET IM NOT MARRIED HENCE I GOT NO ON TO TALK TO =/ WHEN I TALK TO MY DAD HE ALWAYS GOES SHOULD I GET MARRIED AGAIN AND IM JUST LIKE ERRR NO LOL BUT can you talk bout sisters in law?
Im so sorry for your loss sweets. I can't imagine what you have been through. When you don't feel support from those you live with, it can be all consuming esp as so many of us have been stuck at home. I hope you have good friends that can lift you up when you need it rather than listening to your dad 😂
i lost aa brother too
Hmm first time on your channel though. Very pretty indeed😊
Shahleena stating FACTS! 😂😂
hey i am a british south asian male i agree 100%
You sound so amazing....you great speaker....these topics r important.
What I took away from this is that women also need to thi k will this man be a good father? Please make more interesting videos like this thanks:)
More videos like this Shahleena plz
Well said woman! 😘
Thanks for this Shahleena. Appreciate your candor. I was curious...what sort of work do you do outside of UA-cam? And is managing both YT and a job difficult?
Im a Marketing Manager - so i co-ordinate myself fairly well by 'attempting' to balance it all along with life 😂
Thanks much needed
❤️This video .
Love that eye look! So pretty!
Are you able to wear mascara now with blepharitis, please link which ones are okay to use once the Bleph has died down
It is a big strength to talk like this also sufism and sikh idealogical values are similar
💯 ❤
Love you girl
Thanks you are a motivation for us women
Well said sister 👏 👍
🥂 you make my day 💓
I marry 32 with origin indian but divorcied42
Well said Shahleena! This is really needed this piece of knowledge and also making woman aware to be happy in your own space. Alhamdulllah that you have such a lovely parents. Loved it❤️Be Happy and live life to the fullest as how you are doing. May Allah swt guide you and protect you🙂🧿
Alhumduhlillah thank you lovely may allah protect you always x
thnx for sharing x
Why these men think that all these girls from back home are not educated and they wont know their rights? Pehraps thats why these women are kept back home after marriage for a long time and thats because these men and their mothers know that this woman will find out about her human rights if she come to europe and she wont stay with the crazy son. I was a chb at the age of only 14 and i have been through it myself.
Your parents sound like amazing people
Mashallah blessed 💞💞
😁 Yes! I love this! Stick to your guns!
Very good madam to spoke
There’s nothing wrong with you. Good video and points by the way.
Do you want to be married and would you marry a man from another ethnicity. Our views maybe different but I like you as a person.
It’s like gender inequality
❤❤❤❤
You look awesome
how you figure ?
Are you married yet?
I'm kamran 42 yer old boye
bhai sai khel gya🤣🤣
TO SHALEENA FREEZE YOUR EGGS AT A CLINIC SO YOU CAN STILL HAVE CHILDREN EVEN IF YOU STOP PRODUCING EGGS.
I adore u Doll..
Thank u for this vlog....being a Sikh woman..I've been there 🥴
Welcome love x
I THOUGHT YOU WAS FROM BRIGHTON AND ANGLO - SAXON! ,TELL THAT LOT TO GO DO ONE!!!!!
Marriage is a personal choice. Being a education women and being a house wife is not bad.
I didn't say that it is a bad thing?? If that's what you heard - it sounds like you're on the defensive for the path you chose and you need to take that up with yourself.
I thing is that ppl that are married with kids in their 20s are not always unhappy most of our parents have been married young and have had us young and got really good careers and beautiful love life. Marriage is not bad or getting married young. It's a life choice.
You've missed the point of the entire topic. Intentionally. This is about women being told they are too old to get married due to societal and stereotypical mindsets of south asians. I also very CLEARLY stated that not all that married young are unhappy - did you just gloss over that bit? You claim to be educated and i wholeheartedly refute that by reading your sneakily defensive comments.
Sisters don’t ruin your lives like she did hers- give guys a chance, not everyone is perfect
Shut up misogynist.
I think your Western views skewed your views on marriage as "patriarchy" when actually it's really just compromise that makes marriage work. I don't agree with the idea of a servant wife, but I don't agree with the idea of not treating your spouse to biryani because the West said it's patriarchy. That's where I think your lost in the sauce and dare I say even a bit self hating, whitewashed, and of course feminist. I say that with up most concern rather than spitefulness. You see everything through a such a broad brush I feel like you over generalize, while your parents are both South Asian and making it work. I bet that your Mother does the cooking in the house and you have no objection against that and why is that?
Thank you for proving my point with your biased male perspective. You also can't spot a facetious comment when I referenced Biryani. It wasn't literal. So YOU are not only "lost in sauce" but frankly, a slave to your own patriarchal upbringing. I'll be sure to let my brother share his Keema Aloo recipe he makes for his wife and girls, seeing as you've decided to get personal whilst hiding behind your mothers Dupatta. I say this with the utmost concern of course.
@@Shahleena Oh yes, my patriarchal upbringing with my 50 year old Pakistani father doing the cooking for the house? It's like, whatever you said doesn't apply to me and my household somehow 🤔 and yet I'm not even born in the west. So you are totally generalizing and the West has got you trained to hate your is what it sounds more like because the same your rubbish you're spewing is the same rubbish we get to hear from racists who think "Pakis are invading Europe" that we're just savages who don't treat women right, justifying all the wars put forth on our people. Meanwhile you look at Western relationships and all you see is single mothers, divorce, and men who abandon. It's like, girl, pick your poison. We ain't that bad, come back home shawty. And I'd be glad to take your brother's Aloo Keema recipe and feed to you so I wouldn't have to hear racist self hating rubbing anymore thank you very much.