What to Say When Someone is Rude in English (with 4 Simple Strategies)
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- Опубліковано 15 січ 2019
- Learn how to respond to a rude comment or question in English - for non-native English speakers. For example, when someone gets impatient and rude with you because you’re struggling with how to express yourself in English.
The truth is, people may say rude things in different situations, for different reasons. Sometimes they know they are being rude. Maybe they're having a bad day or maybe they just aren't kind.
And sometimes rude comments are unintentional.
Either way, the key thing is to always stay calm before you respond. Staying calm and making a good choice about how to handle it gives you the best chance to manage the situation well. So, before you react in anger or hurt, take a deep breath, count to ten and confidently choose how you wish to respond.
But here’s one important truth: Kindness always wins.
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Hi, I’m Annemarie - an English teacher whose expertise is in spoken communication, confidence-building, and fluency. Everything I do at Speak Confident English is designed to help you get the confidence you want for your life and work in English. On my UA-cam channel, I share weekly lessons with strategies, skills, and resources to help you:
● Have English conversations that are fun
● Communicate clearly without getting stuck
● Interview and get the job you want
● Share your opinions in a business meeting
● Make friends easily and start a conversation with anyone in English
● Go to the grocery store, order a coffee, and live in English, without stress
● Feel comfortable and confident with your voice in English
Thank you for watching my videos and trusting me to support you on your English confidence journey.
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What a wonderful topic. Truly grateful for your empathy and insights into the English learners challenges.
My personal challenge is that when a native speaker use the condescending, patronizing tone and body language to "communicate clearly" (so to speak in their mind). When a person speaks in a loud, deliberately slow manner, and with an excessive hand gestures - I feel lost. Because , I clearly have no problem neither understanding nor speaking English, only with slightly noticeable accents. Feel like telling them - I'm not slow, I'm just ESL lol
That definitely is a frustrating and challenging situation!
You have just expressing my feelings. Your English is really great.
The best happens in a doctor office when they explain how to take a pill 😂
Happy
I did llll
1. Empathy
2. Educate and enlighten
3. Be calm and assertive
4. Shut it down.
Vsp Chary 👍👍
When someone is rude ,I'll tell them being rude is not attractive.
Whooa great advice i guess...not in a sarcastic way but the message is like a crystal clear..
This is the best and can be used every time. No need to learn any other responses.
What about if the rude person is my teacher？she enjoys yelling at people on their mistakes in front of the whole class... basically she is a text book bully,
I will use that line.
Somebody: You look terrible!
Me: Thanks! You too!
That's a good one 😂😂😂
Lol
katarinamor 😂
Yes... Make a joke of it! I'm really short, but everyone has to tell me that all the time! I wouldn't go to someone and tell them they're fat or have a large nose. But people are so comfortable pointing this out all the time! Had this constantly in Canada...
I've learned to say"Thank God"!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
“I really appreciate your patience. It’s difficult to communicate in another language.”
“Thanks for your kindness. It isn’t easy to say what I want in English.”
“I’m not sure if you realize it but what you said was pretty rude.”
“You know, when you say things like that, it can be really offensive.”
“That’s really rude and I don’t need to listen to it.”
“I don’t tolerate rude behaviours and rude comments. I won’t gonna continue this conversation.”
“I think we need to agree to desagree and end the conversation here.”
Thank u so much 👍
Thanks
My regular hairdresser gave me a terrible haircut, my friends and colleagues commented about how badly it looks, my response was... I know she made a mistake, but is just hair, it will grow again..
Absolutely right
Lovely response!
I pretend to not acknowledge the insult. My attention is valuable. I don't even give that person an audience because they're waiting for a reaction. The person ends up standing there looking stupid.
Usually people who are so rude, are narcissistic anyway and just out to make you feel bad. So no matter what you say is pointless. Not acknowledging, takes the wind right out of their sails!!
You are not only Englisch teacher, but also a psychologists..🌹🌹🌹
This video showed up in my life in the right time. Two days ago I was trying to redeem a coupon in a subway outlet. The lady who was taking my order yelled at me just because I wanted her to explain to me how to use the coupon properly. She kept saying that she was not understanding whatever I was trying to say and the others In the queue noticed it. It was clear that she was trying to ridiculize me in front of others rising her tone of voice and staring at me contemptuosly. I really felt bad because this is the first time this happens to me, but then as you mentioned before, this is people that have probable never tried to speak in another language. Thanks for making this video I will use it when I face something like this again.
I'm sorry that happened. That is definitely a frustrating situation.
I've always dealt with difficult situations especially offensive or rude comments. Most of the time I'll be speechless or just smile. Now I understand that I can say something back without feeling bad about it. Amazing lesson.. thanks for sharing. ❤ from Malaysia!
You are wonderful, I'm a fluent English speaker, but this is great for introverted people.
I totally agree with you!!
Yes absolutely.
@@ladymaiden2308 I like it kill them softly with kindness
And for whoever is not shy but can't be expecting a rude, not deserved comment coming out of the blue.
From where?✨
I love the tone of your voice, the way you communicate and how clear you are. Keep up with your amazing job.
Ha..ha, I have a short attention spell and this lady kept me listening to several of her lessons, very clear and sensual.
I am a native English speaker and clueless when people are rude. I need all the tips you can give. Thanks xx
I was at a coffee shop once and the cashier said, "What do you want?" Then I replied, "Since you asked so nicely, I am going to have a medium regular coffee and a plain donut to go."
I think out of the box responses like that are more impactful than telling people how their rudeness makes you feel. With all the social media going on, people are numbed to how others feel.
Easier said than done but I did love this video and the advice - such a soft spoken and classy lady. Thanks so much for the advice
Thank you. I am 68 yrs old and still have things to learn. If my best friend is rude, well, she is my best friend. I am honest back to her, " Because I feel like eating this now."
When someone's rude to my sister she just informs them that it's rude to talk with their mouth open. It's her not-so-subtle way of telling them to shut up. Cracks me up every time.
Funny!
You are not only a teacher or tutor for English language....You are great person who really cares about others👍🏻🌷🌷🌷
I just came across your video. The title called my attention. I wish I could how to respond rude people wihout hurting me. But never is late. Stay in control is very challenging specially when you believe the person who is rude with you is your friend. Now I learned the rudeness is just a manifestation of unhappiness and difficult situations people is going through and is out of their control.
Now I'm starting learning your stategies and handle those situations efficiently.
I need it . THANK YOU. I'm sharing your videos and I'm making an introspection the times I'd been rude myself and corrected.
Excellent way to be an assertive person also, especially "Shut it down!"
Thank you very much for this good Lesson . keep on lighting other for the best way to deal with the other
The video is lit. Not just English lesson but motivational video as well.
In fact, these ways are useful in any other language too. Thank you!
This is very helpful. I have difficulty facing rude people even in my native language. I deal better with numbers than words. Your lesson equips me with the few effective sentences I need in such situation. Thank you!
Thank you for teach us how to manage particular situations.
I like this strategy and the way you are thinking to avoid such situation of rudeness and disrespectful.this is my first time I have seen of one of your videos I liked listen to you thank you
I’m so good at IGNORING rude people. Ignoring them is good enough. Arguing is just going to put yourself in the same position as that person. AS IGNORANT too.
Fair point, Carmen. Sometimes that's the best strategy.
Your lessons and so helpful!!
Thank you so much.
Just saw this vid recommended to me. Where have you been all my life? Your suggestions does not only apply to English students but really everyone! Thank you.
I'm so glad this was a helpful lesson. Thanks for watching.
This is such a great video FOR everyone! & FOR this world to be a kinder place. This should be taught in ALL schools at all levels. A keeper for sure!
This is so helpful and thank you for not only teaching me better English, but also how to deal with situation gracefully. As a ESL, we come across situations like this so often.
I think the first thing you need to do is be calm, it's the most important thing
Thank you for teaching us introverts how to advocate for ourselves in a polite manner. Anne Marie, you rock!
My pleasure. 😀
I am an Asian who love English. The lesson I found today is very helpful to me. Thank you.
Will check your other lessons as well.
You teach us not only the language English but give us great encouraging messages, thank you!
You're so welcome!
Hi Annemarie, thanks for sharing this valuable information. Most of your videos works as a template to handle different situations.
I appreciate your teaching style. Thanks again.
I’m so glad I have found you here. Your lessons are so helpful even for an immigrant professional who had English as the main medium of language during school
That was helpful alot ...thanks for sharing this..the world would be a good place to live if we could be nice to each other and speak politely..
I totally agree, Shireen.
I agree completely it is a much better world when we practice kindness.
Thank you!
We are learning two things With just One video - English & How to deal with different peoples.
Thank you a lot for this video .
You are English teacher as well Psychologist.
I love your way of explaining . You are so calm
you are such a great person, i felt more confident after watching you. Thanks for that amazing video.
JUST found your page.You are gold! Thank for creating this page!❤️
You are a psychologist! For sure! Thank you for sharing!🌸
I’m English speaking and this helped me assert myself with a boyfriend /working scenario . Thank u
I'm glad to hear it! 😊
Thank you for this tips. I have a friend who is rude sometimes. I say clearly: you are being offensive, please, dont do it again. In addition, I use to communicate my message being more polite as I can. I do that by my intuition and now I see I am right. Thanks again.
Leila Araújo eu também faço a mesma coisa.
Excellent, Leila. Sounds like you've got some good ways to handle situations when someone is rude.
This one helped me a lot because most of the time or I'm rude either or I can't help to say exactly what a must have to say. Now that I think about that, it has been changing my mindset.
"If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. "
Great rule for treatment and relationship.
As below:
"Say good and truth or be silent. "
I like your statement, "Say good and truth or be silent." Thanks for sharing.
Truth is honesty. It's not rude, but caring when someone points out something about you. Strangers are the ones who don't care, never saying anything. Having empathy is saying "you are right, I may have gained weight, I will go to gym tonight. Thank you!".
I go for walks every day and like to listen to my music as I do to get lost in nature. Today I got so lost in my music that I didn’t hear a lady on a bike coming up behind me until she shouted at me. I apologized, and she just snapped at me to take my headphones out. I’m a very sensitive person so this really upset me and ruined my usually relaxing walk. I understand I got in her way, and I was genuinely sorry for that, but I really don’t think she needed to speak to me that way. I’ve just been telling myself that she’s got her own issues and I shouldn’t let her get to me so much. That, and watching videos like these, has really helped me to feel better :)
I'm sorry that happened to you, Michelle. That sounds frustrating. Most likely that lady was having a REALLY bad day (or was just a mean person). It wasn't about you. It sounds like you did everything right.
Great to hear those tips and I hope to remember at the moment I need them. Thank you!
Dear Beautiful and good Teacher. Thank you for reminding me what i really should say in these difficult situation. It triggers many moments like lately i was silently confronted, and was in the moment unable to respond, but just walked away, feeling guilty, and later had to speak to that person, and fell into the old trap not able to express myself in english and knowing i was unable to correctly assert myself. Thank you again, to think and to clearer express myself next time.
I'm glad you've got some new strategies to use in English.
You are the sweetest teacher of the universe, I wish I can come across people like you and have them as close friends.
Marie, thank you very much. This is the third time i watch this video. I sometimes don't know what to say in such ocasions, even in my own language. Those are very difficult situations because our first impulse is to react in the same way, beeing rude as well. And it doesn't help for sure. Be calm is the main key. But find the right words is awesome. Congratulations, once more!
Finally after ten years living in a English language country I learned the most important tips that no one tells you. Huge thanks for these tips. I just recently find your channel and It is one of best specialty not just because of teaching English, because of these grate methods and game changing tips and ways.
Thanks so much, Sepideh. I appreciate your kind comments and am glad my lessons are helpful to you.
Dear Anne-Marie, thank you for sharing on such a difficult subject...
May I add a deeper strategy, especially when this rudeness issue takes place with your friends of members of your family...
1) Whenever, you receive such bad words from the person, try a technique called the “Seven Deep”. Ask yourself why this person is behaving in a certain manner. You will get an answer. On the answer ask Why, you will get another response. Thus, keep asking Why to every response you receive. You have to do it for 7 consecutive time (i.e. asking why to the response you receive for the previous question). This will take you to the root cause and often these causes are very simple to act on;
2) Try to look beyond the behaviours always. Learn to forgive by seeing him as a kid. (who does not know what he is doing);
3) When you are having a normal conversation with him, encourage him to fully express his view. Do not interrupt. Be a better listener.
4) Use Dale Cargene Principles. Every human being loves the feeling of greatness and importance. Make the person feel about his greatness and importance through your casual conversations. This can be done by appreciating the person honestly. Try to find out a reason to praise him at least 2-3 time a day. But, it should be honest praising not flattery by any means. This will take the relationship at an altogether different level;
5) Try to engage with the person in activities that both of you love;
6) Find an area of his interest. Show your intent to explore that area and ask him if he can help in exploring and knowing that area; (this will give him a feeling of importance);
7) Do something every day that surprises him positively. So, you must try to find a list to surprise him (this will create a high level of expectation and emotional dependency on you);
8) Use Gratitude to God for having such a family member who teaches you to practice calmness;
9) Use 5/55 LOA Technique. Write down on a paper How exactly you that person to be. You have to write it in present tense 55 times for 5 consecutive days. While, you are writing that, have positive emotion and sense of trust on what you are writing;
10) Visualise a positive transformation of the person in your mind. Where he becomes more compassionate, loving. Visualise in present as if you have already have him transformed.
Thank you for such a thoughtful reply and sharing so many additional strategies for dealing with rudeness. I appreciate it, Isabelle.
Thank you for the good lesson. I want to continue to learn more from you.
I'm a native English speaker but I'm extremely shy and with little experience dealing with professional people since I'm about to graduate from college. Now that I've joined the professional world and dealing with some rude coworkers and a difficult boss. Your videos helped a lot! It's a good review and reminder of phrases and words to use in a professional setting. The other day I used "LOL" with my 40 year old boss in a text message without thinking. I was humiliated. Now I have better phrases to use. Thanks again!
Don't be too sensitive though
Be professional but be yourself too so that you let ppl to know about you :)
Hi, i just subscribed...I found your video very helpful, useful and enlightening..I had some bad experiences with very very rude people and i wish i had seen your video sooner..Thank you.
I congratulate you for reaching out to so many people on certain matters &skills which make a difference. You are awesome.
Okay let me tell you. I’m 50 now so if anyone is rude to me I tell them “no need to be rude” I used to shrivel up but now I don’t mind calling someone out. I rarely have people be rude towards me because I’m
Extremely kind to others.
I guess I would say I kill people with kindness. As you have said.
Wow, you are amazing. My English is pretty fluent and I can shut down pretty quickly someone who is a native English speaker and who is rude to me. What I need to learn how to handle rude people in a nice way like you just explained.
Glad it was helpful.
This problem of rudeness , I faced it just now in a bank. And I was very disturbed. And exactly now after reaching home I happened to watch your video on very this topic. So thanks. You are somewhat fortunate(lucky) for me. It is just a coincidence. Thanks. Love you.
I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully next time you'll have some new strategies to help you (or even better - hopefully there won't be a next time!).
Beautiful video.It not only teaches us how to fight rudeness but teaches us how to stay calm, overcome rudeness by being patient and showing kindness to the persons rude to us in some unpleasking situations. Thank you so much.
Thanks so much, Shantimoy. I'm glad it was helpful to you!! Thanks for watching.
My mother in law says jerky things. I always have to bite my tongue.
you’re awesome, i like your channel... given me confidence right now as i watched you... grateful here.
I really like that kind of subjects, Thanks a lot.
You got me in 1 minute. Thank you.
I am really glad we found out about this course!! This is amazing!
Thank you for your advice, it’s really a right way to response the people who are rude.
Thank you very much for the lesson. That really helps me.
English is my first language - this is great advice for anyone!
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Many thanks for this practical video. These tips not only useful in English, but also are the best ways to dealing with such circumstances in any languages.
Hey Hamed, so that this video was helpful. Thanks for the kind words and thanks for watching.
Your guidelines are so helpful in many areas of our life. I kindly request you to throw so light on handling a rude spouse. To be specific..a person who is selfcentered and does not values our feelings.
I am a native English speaker and I found this helpful also!
I like to watch your lessons in English! Not only you are charming and highly professional, but you are also a good teacher on how to communicate politely and on the cultivated way with others. Besides a good skill in the language, this is the second most important thing in my opinion. Thanks! Jože (Joseph) Slovenia
You are amazing.Thank you so much for all your help. Your lessons are exactly what I need specially at work. I have huge problem in expressing myself in the stressful situations despite all the efforts that I’ve made to achieve the upper intermediate level in English. Your lessons are very helpful and practical. 👍
This video came in my life in a perfect timing. Thank you so much for this ❤️
I'm glad to hear that.😊
I find this video extremely useful! Very happy for having found you!
Thank you!
Thanks so much, Eliza. I'm so happy to know it was helpful.
Thank you so much for your lesson!
I love this class! You are my coach, the best one! Thank you so much!
I definitely love your lessons!! Thank you so much, I appreciate it!
people Like you is what we need in this world because besides beautiful, you are very intelligent......Thank you...
How stylish and elegant can you be?! Great advice!
thank you for those strategies . all these things are helpful.
Great lesson, thank you!
Thank you so much mam,
I'm a new listener and I really like it.
Everyone needs to know how to respond nicely to a rude person. Many people around us are becoming less considerate, and appreciative. You are vulnerable to being insulted while even doing good things.
That's when I say: "I was trying to be nice but, don't worry, I won't try again".
You are awesome! I feel so impressed learning many things from you. We can assimilate or absorb knowledge which is probably dominance all aspects of our life. You are not only language teacher but also master for young generations. I really do appreciate that whatever you are teaching us
Thanks so much, Ko.
Very helpful. I am a nurse and always have to deal with rude patients most of the time. We do have therapeutic communication strategies and limit setting for inappropriate behavior but sometimes it gets pretty overwhelming, and you’ll get caught in the moment. Excellent strategy employed here. Thank you.
I'm glad the lesson was helpful.
I want to say thank you so much for helping people I amfrom Somalia I want to say thank you so much
Annemarie, you're a fantastic tutor and bright and kind person!!! I really admire you. I'm deliberately greatfull to you for all knowledge (incl. psychological one) you share with us.
Sent this to my grand daughter. She is tending to shy away from these possible confrontations. Avoiding tough interactions. We are English speaking but I felt your thoughts to be a source of strength for her.
Hi Christine, thanks for watching and for the comment. I hope your granddaughter finds it helpful.
@@Speakconfidentenglish Thank you.
Thank you very much , It was really helpful
Your tips are invaluable, especially in today's world where we wish it or not encounter rude people often. In order to be assertive and overcome rude situations, we need your strategies and tips. Otherwise we regret, regret and regret to why we shouldn't have responded clearly and properly. You rock!
Thanks so much. I'm glad this was helpful to you!
This video has helped me the most; especially strategy 2 and 3.
Thank you so much ☺️
I will definitely try to use them next time anyone is being rude to me lol!
I really appreciate your teaching 😊. I have learned English since young and I appreciate English mannerisms very much . However life has been on roller coaster lately especially in the time of pandemic like now , I must confess that I have lost it all. Thank you for teaching me empathy and good manners.
You are very welcome, Leen! Life has been a roller coaster for many of us over the last year. But remember the one important truth: Kindness always wins. 😊
This video was pretty helpful and I can also say that it helps both ways. I’m always perceived as rude when I talk because of my tone and face expressions. This video helps me also understand what I may be doing wrong and actually pay more attention the things that come out of my mouth and to politely answer when I feel disrespected as well. Thumps up!!
Hi Yassu. Awesome. I'm thrilled that it was helpful in multiple ways.
I got cataract surgery and didn't need my glasses anymore. At work(a hospital),I walked out of a room when I heard a Doctor saying to a bunch of nurses, "first time I've seen someone look better with glasses than without hahahahah." The other nurses laughed along but also were like oh quiet she'll hear you.
I was crushed. But I also realized I've been treated as a Goddess and also as a troll. And I swear this Doctor had such a crush on me. Everyone knew it.
So I'll be seeing all these people in 2 weeks,(haven't seen them in 5 yrs). Now I'll be ready for them.
I hope there's no a next time but if so, you could say: are you trying making friends?
That's what I say in Spanish; I don't know if is well said.
"¿Haciendo amigos? 😁
THANK YOU SO MUCH, it was so helpful for me even here in NYC people are so disrespectful and rude, I am Argentinian and I can handle but sometimes I feel overwhelmed.
Really thank you so much.
Glad this was helpful!
You are doing great job I am learning a lot from you 😍
Thank you for your lesson. It's also hard to speak in my native language when someone is rude to me. When we communicate, we need consideration and empathy for the other person. These days many people use English, so if native English speakers have consideration for ESL we feel thankful and 'you are a really good person'.
You are so welcome. And I agree, empathy and consideration in communication is key.
I met so many rude foreigners here in Bangkok, I gonna use them soon because I can't stand waiting for their self-recognition
Rude foreigners can be the worst. Case in point....telemarketers calling with such a thick accent, I could not make out what they were trying to say. After several requests for them to repeat, they say, “don’t you speak English?” Talk about audacity! You invade my privacy with your unwelcome call and then insult me!
So I simply hang up on them. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
This is certainly a great lesson! Your tips focus on both the language content and healthy interpersonal communication.
As a professional ESL trainer I'm certainly going share it with my clients.
As an immigrant, speak proper English is hard. This video helps a lot. Thank you, Annamarie.
I enjoyed hearing what you had to say to diffuse insults or rude comments. Some I have already used and some were new to me what you stated on this video. I'm going to follow you and see what more I can learn. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Thanks for watching and I'm happy to know it was a useful lesson.