What if I'm questioning my feelings or attraction for my partner? ROCD I Anxiety
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
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Thank you so much for explaining this so well! I'm at the beginning of a new relationship and one minute I like him and the next I don't and I'm filled with anxiety and doubts. I thought maybe I should just break things off, I've been feeling like love isn't real as well. But now I can understand that a lot of this is because of anxiety
You’re welcome! The great thing is, you’re at the beginning of the relationship so you can tackle the sooner rather than later with the right help. My programs are here when you’re ready!
That’s literally me😭😭. You’re not alone.
Hey, I hope you are good. I feel genuine warmth and sincerity in all of your videos. They fill my heart with hope. The fact you have personal experience of OCD, including various subsets, is really important to me, as I feel you understand on a ‘real’ level and you aren’t just pretending to understand. You mention you do a 30 minute initial call with clients, where you explain more about your services, how can this be organised? I find you so relatable. I have chronic gut wrenching sickness/anxiety in the pit of my stomach dawn to dusk, it’s ruining everything for me. I’ve had OCD since 7, it’s manifested in different forms and jumps around. I’ve recovered from some subsets, but I’m now starting to see how it may have been hijacking my romantic relationships over the years. I think I need ERP. I’ve done a ton of talking therapy. Thanks, Lizzie
Yes, I completely understand from extreme suffering, through the recovery process, to recovery. I don’t do free calls anymore, people were know showing a lot, but you can schedule an initial call with me on my website at www.myocdcoach.com.
Can relationship anxiety/ROCD convince you theres absolutely no chemistry. Like genuinly full on convinced only at times that you could be with your partner out of convenience? Obviously thats the worry.
OCD can attach to literally anything, a situation, a thought, anything.
Rocd relate fear about losing sexual attraction?I am searching internet all the time😒i
@@raihanathnazar3590yes, browsing for signs or reassurance is common, It’s a compulsion. Just know that whatever it is you find on the internet, it won’t ever fully apply to your relationship because everyone is different. Try to search inside you and also with your therapist !
Or that your only connection can be sexual
I have the reverse relationship OCD.
My intrusive thoughts aske me, what if I'm not good enough for my husband ? What if I am not attractive enough for him ? What if I had intrusive thoughts of other people ? What if I don't find him the only and most attractive man ? Does that mean I'm not deserving of him ?
I think he deserves the world, and I struggle with relationship OCD.
OCD can show up in any form! Learning proper recovery techniques and how to respond in a healthy way makes all the difference! The Path Plus would be a great option for you. www.MyOCDCoach.com/memberships
Thanks, I feel this video was meant for me
This mades me feel kinda insame. Sometimes I full in love but i have intrusive thoughts about my ex or even image and "fantasies". Other times I feel that there is something wrong or other times that she just doesn't want me or other times I feel that i don't feel nothing and I'm just making this up :(
For six years I was insanely jealous of my best friend because I thought he was having an affair with the woman of my dreams. I spent $5000 on OCD therapy thinking mi intuition was completely wrong. It could not be. It was impossible. Not him. Not her. He was over 40 years her senior. Impossible, right?
Six years later, I realized that I had been right all along. And, for all I know, they are still having an affair. Perhaps you do not have ROCD. Perhaps you just have an uncanny intuition, like mine.
So, not because you may have OCD, it means that your intuition is mistaken. I was right all along and the therapy made me think it was all a delusion. The therapy actually masked the truth. Made me believe everything was just inside my mind. Now, I know it was all true. Every single time I thought they were together, they were.
So, as they say, not because you are paranoid it means that no one is after you.
Hey, I’m completely struggling with attraction, I constantly checking his pictures to figure out whether I am attracted, and I come to the outcome that I am not. I feel like I believe his not attractive more than he is attractive, is this still rocd if I’m thinking his unattractive rather than attractive? Will I be able to figure out this attraction, it’s so stressful :(
This happens with OCD (hyperfocus on flaws, check feelings) and only goes away with ERP.
How do I learn to manage that "perfect happy" feeling that my OCD wants me to have, when I'm feeling neutral around my partner but still happy. My brain will just remind me I'm around my partner but it'll do the compulsions such as check if I love him and check my attraction to him. If I see someone at a store who is cute looking or good looking I'll stare at the person filled with guilt, and I can't help but just stare at them while my partner speak to me and I zone out. Is this all ROCD? If so, how can I take care of this in these moments, especially when with my partner?
ERP techniques help you reduce compulsions (crucial) and accept positives, negatives and neutrality. Acceptance is key!
hi did you find a solution to this?
Thank you always Danielle!! So appreciate this video!
One thing I've wondered is- can we be experiencing these symptoms even if we are feeling calm, "normal", regulated?
Absolutely! With recovery, the feelings fade and shift, but compulsions have to be managed.
HEY ! I am in a long distance relationship for almost 16 17 months it makes me feel "what if forget my partner in the coming years" "what if my choices change" whenever i look at his photos i just feel "is it him?" "Fuck i forgot him " "a person never remains same what if i change my thoughts i wont remain same in the coming years?" Help me 😢 is it normal or will i just forget him
@@Prachi_22_11 sounds like reassurance seeking here, which is a compulsion that will only make OCD worse. No matter what the answer you get, it’ll cause your brain to doubt more in the future. Accepting uncertainty is key to recovery.
Thank you so much!! How can I accept the uncertainty it's like whenever we have to meet again "oh fuck you have to stay till then how will you , you will change.🥲
can i ask a question . i have been in the cycle of rocd for a year and a half right now . in the begging when i did compulsions ( cheaking if i love him or not ) in the begging i used to get an answer (yes i do love him ) but it doesn't stay long doesnt even stay a hole day and i start from the begging .. but right now when i try to check if i love him i always get an answer of (no you dont ) and i panic in this moment i know he is an amazing person and deep inside in know that i love him . but my mind keeps pushing me to make sure and when i get the (no) answer i feel like i dont know or understand anything .. i feel so lost .. but also i dont want to leave him.. and also being prisioned in the rocd cycle for almost a year and half i feel like i dont have the power to start erp .. right now when i see him i feel like he is a diffrent person or that i was settiling in this relationship .. i really need your help ... thank you and sorry the comment is too long ❤
I'm sorry you're struggling, I remember that feeling! It sounds like you either don't have the proper tools to stop the OCD cycle, you're not in the right mindset for recovery (easily changeable), or you don't have enough support to use all of the above. This is way too common and you need all 3)! We have a program called The Path that teaches you everything you need to know to recover from any OCD subset, including ROCD (one of my worst ones that I haven't struggled with for years). You can find more here - www.MyOCDCoach.com/rocd
Please.. I don’t believe I love him anymore.. I don’t feel anything for him and that I constantly believe I wanna break up… I even considered breaking up… bc I can’t take much more….. please I need to know if anyone here believed they didn’t truly love their partner and wanted to break up but finding out it was ROCD the whole time!? Please I need to know….😢😢😢
Giving you reassurance about this, but just feed the OCD cycle. It may help momentarily, but it will feud more need for certainty and doubts later. It’s important to accept uncertainty and to stop giving my thoughts attention. Check out the link in the description if you need help with this!
@@MyOCDCoach Hey, can you reverse it. If you have believed it to a point you genuinely don't feel any love. I didn't know it was rocd and made it worse now i know but it feels like nothing is left now. Please pleasee help
Hi, why do i keep thinking and making myself believe that i am lying to my girlfriend that i love her, but when i dont have anxiety i feel normal and believe that it was just anxiety.
These are intrusive thoughts. Your brain thinks relationships are unsafe, so it's hyper-focusing on what might be/go wrong and scanning for danger, then warning you with thoughts. YOU have to retrain your brain when it's in a fear-based state and it'll stop giving you intrusive thoughts. You can teach it (and yourself) that "you've got this" that relationships are not unsafe.
The REAL Method teaches you to do this. With a basis of ERP, along with other techniques and mindsets that keep me in the recovery stage, anyone can do it!! www.MyOCDCoach.com
Thanks for this video
I need to know.. can it really make you believe you don’t love your partner? When I think about breaking up I start to cry… I know I need to get help but it’s constantly like I don’t love him… been having a lot of break up urges that feel too strong to ignore but I kept trying… my relationship has issues that need fixing. Which we are trying. But I hate that I can’t stop focusing on them and his flaws everyday! It’s wearing me down… my partner has his own mental traumas he has to work thru too but things have been difficult
Yes, called intrusive thoughts. OCD is nicknamed “the doubting disease.”
As someone with rocd let me tell you it absolutely can. I used to think I didnt love my partner and we even broke up at one point. Now we've been together again for years and I've never been more sure I love her so so much. It does get better!!
@@kerollaynemoreira7536 how badly were you convinced??
@@kerollaynemoreira7536 please…. I need to know… please.. I am worried I don’t have ROCD anymore.. that I am just in denial… 💔 that I am with him only bc I don’t wanna hurt him…. 💔
@@kerollaynemoreira7536 please…
Hey, so helpful your video. I'm scared i might not like him because there are things about him physically that i dont like, and that comes to my mind over and over again. I dont like kissing him sometimes and now im doubting should i stay, it's that wrong or normal? please help
I’ll be doing fine with my girlfriend when suddenly, I just feel fake. Like I’ve been faking the whole relationship and I don’t really want to be there.
It’s the WORST!
That’s just another OCD intrusive thought.
@@MyOCDCoach I hope so. I’d really like us to be happy together.
@@aguy559how u doing
Hi. Since I talked to my partner about my feeling, that I think I might fell out of love with them (for some reasons in the past between us). And now we’re working on it together. I’m still neutral and even happy with my partner, I still wanna make them happy and do things for them, we still have intimacy in both physically and mentally, etc.
But, sometimes the thought of “want to be single” still haunting me. I really don’t know why, if I don’t have feeling for them anymore, why am I still have those signs above. And if still have feelings for them, then why do I keep having the thought of being single is better?
I don’t know if this relate to OCD or not, please guide me
Edit : And even when we’re apart now, sometimes I want to get back with them, sometimes I don’t. I’m so exhausted rn trying to figure out what I really want
It’s absolutely OCD and talking to them to get Reassurance or change them is a Compulsion and will make things worse in the long run. OCD is just going to need more and more reassurance about this.
@@jessrosejim5440 hi it’s me. I’m still trying on this relationship. I still have those thoughts, and whenever they arrives, I just say to myself “so what?”.
“What if she’s not the one?”
And i reply “So what?”. Like I know they’re ROCD, or maybe they’re not, so what? I’m just gonna keep going and try.
And I think things getting better, maybe..I hope you’re doing good too and we can update to each other frequently🥰
What if I felt before like I wanted to break up, but then I ignore it and keep going.
Then, news comes along of an ex getting married, an ex from a really traumatic break up.
Now I suddenly feel like these symptoms. and I don’t know how I really feel, I want to break up, but I don’t. But I don’t feel attracted to them anymore. And I wonder if I wasn’t ready for a relationship. But then I still don’t want to break up.
Can something like the news of an ex getting married trigger this?
Triggers can be literally anything.
Hi. Thank you for this information. How do you identify the difference bc a genuine guy feeling of incompatibility vs rocd fear?
Intuition isn’t fear-based, it’s calmer without the fear and discomfort.
It has been barely an year, and this whole physical attraction thing has been triggered because i feel physical attraction is necessary and i do feel that's selfish of me. I did feel attracted to him and i did but like not now it's very painful now. And can ROCD be triggered by a third person?
I'm not feeling anxious about breaking up is this okay?
OCD can be triggered by anything, it’s not the thoughts that are the problem, it’s how are reacting to them or the compulsions make things worse.
Thanks Danielle. I have a question regarding a partner, who had about 3 urges to breakup over a couple of months, and frequent confessing. Does this mean he has intense OCD? He avoids a lot and broke up.
How do someone with ROCD feel after the breakup? DO they convince themselves they feel better without the partner?
This sounds very much like OCD, but I would have to talk to them to be sure. When someone with relationship OCD breaks up, sometimes they feel relief, and sometimes they feel relief followed by regret.
@@MyOCDCoach Thank you. So is it like for any "dumper"?
I sent him an article about ROCD. Gave me no feedbacK. He contacted me after months but wouldn't talk about his feelings. He seemed interested but disappeared again. It's such a sad situation. Do you think after months have passed, the feelings can come to the surface again? Or the person with ROCD will still doubt and stick to the decision?
@@MissSarahGM It’s hard to say. He needs to get ERP treatment to get better.
@@MyOCDCoach Yes, I know. And he chose avoidance and staying single. I noticed he's enmeshed with controlling (narcissistic) mother and family. Is it something you notice in your experience?
@@MyOCDCoach Also if he doesn't seek therapy, OCD is not going to fade with time?
What about empty nest syndrome? Can you help with this? I will be facing this soon and it’s causing me a lot of anxiety, rumination, depression and triggering rocd. And to top it all off I’m menopausal 😢 I’m a mess
Yes, definitely! You can visit my site for options www.MyOCDCoach.com.
Heyyyy!
Can ROCD start in the 3rd week of a new relationship? .. slowly followed by the fear and panic attacks that pushes the partner away and now just left with doubts and not feeling anything
OCD can start at any time.
@@MyOCDCoach Thank you so much..I thought it's just me and it's not ROCD
Hey mine started that time too!
It starts at anytime. Mine carried over from a past relationship years ago to recent. The ROCD has nothing to do with my current girlfriend, that's why I am not acting the same way I did a few years ago
I have adhd and ive been trying to figure out pretty much what this is I do...do ppl do this with adhd...everything is great in my relationship besides one thing but I will let this one thing completely ruin everything and I'll no it's not rite but I haven't known what to do.
People with anxiety and OCD do this. It’s not related to ADHD.
Please!! I need help!!! I don’t have symptoms anymore!!
Do men struggle with this or am I just crazy?
Often, almost half my clients are men.
I struggle
Can you get false relief? I am going thru believing I still don’t love my partner and it’s gotten to the point I want to give in… but I don’t wanna break up! I am so confused..
Trying to get certainty in any way is the compulsion. Accepting uncertainty and imperfection is part of the recovery process.
@@MyOCDCoach it’s like I’m certain… that’s how it is….
@@ReshiramMage1992 the more you think about something, the stronger it'll get.
It’s getting worse…. I am at the point where I just wanna break up and believe I don’t love him… I believe I don’t have ROCD at all.., 😢😢😭😭
Is there a way to get into contact with you
Did you click on any of the links in the description of the video? You can schedule a discovery call with me there!
@@MyOCDCoach I didn't, my bad!
Do you do one on one coaching?
I do, I have a lot of options from one on one coaching, to courses, to membership programs. All designed to help you learn to live & love, free of OCD and anxiety.
Hi, I have had health anxiety for most my life and I diagnosed myself with rocd for the last 30 years, been married 25. I’m 56year old female, can I be helped??😢
Absolutely! I work with a lot of older clients, and they do very well. I was almost 40 when I started getting help.