May is Mental Health Awareness Month so I wanted to A this Q 😇. Remember, the worst thing for someone's mental health is living in perpetual danger, so I would like to highlight Operation Olive Branch - they are compiling tons of information so that it's quick and easy to find people in Gaza who need donations: instagram.com/operationolivebranch/?hl=en There are many atrocities in many countries **including** the U.S. - what matters is that you plug into something and incorporate it into your life!
I never made the connection before 😦 It's second nature for people I know, yet I've never done it and I'm over here still feeling guilty if I cuss. smh
My therapist said I lost my voice for that very reason. Always dismissing myself and my feelings because I wasn’t allowed to have them or didn’t feel that it mattered. It’s definitely common in African households as we are taught to respect our parents no matter what. Having a difference of opinion or voicing your concern was always found to be disrespectful so we hold things in. Not healthy at all.
Your fun employment period was a wonderful form of self care that you shared. My own sabbatical led me to a whole new approach to my life and how I de-center work and striving to just be. 💗
That commentary on telling the truth/anti people pleasing is so so so good! I have been practicing this so often and I see such a shift. I also want to note that sometimes it’s difficult to “tell the truth” because I think so many people don’t know how to deal with negative emotions. They’re often met with toxic positivism instead of just sitting with me in the feeling, which frustrated me so much lol but my favorite response to how are you? is “I’m not okay now, but I will be.” It forces me to be honest but also optimistic.
Yes telling the truth is so good! I used to be a great truth teller and definitely doing it now. When you understand your emotions and let others know how you feel it is great.
My absolute self-care gamechanger was learning to say no. No qualifying it, no excuses, just a simple refusal. Were people (read: family) shocked and awed at first? You bet. Do they now respect my boundaries? Damn straight.
wow, that productive anger/tell-the-truth section is so necessary to hear. I've actively been trying to do that even when it's hard with the receiving party b/c at least I didn't cheat myself of...feeling?
Your question of "How do you self care" just made me feel the way I feel when people ask me "What do you like to do for fun?"....I don't know. I don't take care of myself very well. I know that sounds sad. I think the biggest things I do are sleep, talk to people, go for walks and listen to music... But your video has opened my eyes in some ways. I will probably watch it again...
Self care: journaling, mindfulness meditation, dancing, yoga, reformer Pilates, taking walks, praying, therapy. Embroidering, massages, listening to music and sipping with a cup of tea
Yup, so binge watching comedies, going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy vids on yt, manically texting my friend all my current thoughts and ordering UberEats isn't on there so I know it's self care!
How did this video start off so whimsical and then all of a sudden become so deep to me. Even the title "more than a face mask" seemed to turn into a metaphor for wearing a mask as opposed to walking in your truth (which is the true self care of which you spoke about...radical honesty...later in the video). I definitely want to hear more about how you practice this, because I identify with this too. I have THE SAME EXACT PROBLEM, and even that whole exercise you did where you paused and checked in with yourself...my friend told me that I should start doing that to see how I am truly feeling sometimes. Wow! You are making an impact, Evelyn. I hope I can achieve the kind of growth you're achieving too. ❤
I definitely relate to that feeling of my anger never being productive. Multiple times I leave a discussion hurt and exhausted and then nothing changes 🥲 I gave up fr.
When you mention “The underlying message that those of us with an avoidant attachment style have is that nobody actually cares.” That is precisely something I’ve had on my mind recently. I notice that “nobody cares” is often used to encourage people to do things without fear of judgement. But when I hear that, it feels more like affirming an underlying disconnection between oneself and others-like the last thing I need to hear is that nobody cares about what I do because um hello, I would like to be cared about?!?
I wish I was a going out girl, but I'm soooo sleepy. So pre-pandemic I used to go to this dance class called Dance Church ever Sunday morning. Lights low, could just improv and let the spirit move you, but there was some guided instruction if you wanted it. I haven't been back in years bc there v much is not masking going on at them anymore, but I feel its absence in my life. I never feel like moving my body but I absolutely feel better whenever I do.
The most valuable piece of content I've consumed this week. Thank you for being vulnerable out here on these internets, whew.. cause that alone. A practice in, "I'm allowed to be be open, truthful and real about my feelings/experience despite how it may be perceived."
Cousin, you were preaching about throwing cakes as self care. I love dancing and people be trying to check me, saying at my big age I shouldn't be at the club, as if meemaw and paw paw aren't throwing deflated tires listening to Earth, Wind, and Fire in those retirement homes, FOH!!!
THIS IS ROCKING MY WORLD RIGHT NOW LITERALLY HAD TO TYPE IT OUT AND SEND IT TO MY FRIENDS!!! - "My therapist calls it productive anger. If you never got to experience your anger making something change - or not even your anger, your annoyance, your discomfort - and it was always shut down you have a very hard time asking for help [...] because you've kind of been taught that it doesn't really matter anyway. That usually creates an adult that's hyper-independent. [...] They're 'chill'. They're not chill, they've just died to themselves."
Twin, I've been right here! ✋🏾 This mirror is too real. Me throwing dat ass in a circle while chopping potatoes lets me know that we in this together though 😅 Thank you for being a reflection of our collective healing 💖
Girlllll. I wasn’t ready 😭 yes I relate. I will say, trying to be as transparent as possible does make my life so much simpler and happier. Vulnerabilities and everything. Almost any small talk is a chance for real connection if you let it be.
Internal: Therapy, Journaling, Singing bowls. External/Internal: Going to Houston to escape Austin: visit to Kindred Stories bookstore, eat well and lovingly, wander the museum district, catch a show or slam, and get a full Korean scrub at Spa World. Drop into Galveston and touch saltwater.
For me, it's making doctor's appointments. I hate scheduling it and going to it. I put it off but it needs to be done. Also, going on solo walks. I feel main character energy on walks and come back a brand new person.
Lmao not the mirror! Evelyn I did not expect you to drag me on my lunch break ToT. But I feel what you said about not having the foundation to feel your feelings because they've always been shut down. This is something I deal with a lot now as an adult, especially in corporate. Especially in typical corporate 9-5s, people do not want you to tell the truth frfr, and the talking in weird code is just so frustrating. It's not really possible or wise to be yourself in those environments, and constantly masking is exhausting. Even in personal relationships it can be hard to be fully honest and vulnerable, but it's something I'm learning because I can't just be "chill" all the time, ya girl is TIREDT.
Did I just get free therapy? Thank you! This year my goal was to incorporate some small daily habits. It's part of my self care and includes journaling, spending 10mins in silence/prayer, moving my body for 30mins a day, following an eating plan that works best for me etc. One big thing I've noticed is how I DON'T have as much time in my day! If I prioritize these things that help me stay on track, I really have to let some stuff go and not chase unrealistic perfection. I've also noticed that having time everyday to be in silence/prayer + journaling really helps to keep me from emotional spiraling- like I can address it within myself instead of just feeling some kinda way for days and days and then being overwhelmed b/c I don't know where it's coming from.
Raise your hand 🙋🏽♀️ if you disassociate & you’re hyper independent because you had to suppress your emotions as a child & telling the whole truth & nothing but the truth can be scary, but you know it’s the right thing to do with people you trust
I am an isolator. I genuinely enjoy my own company. I dislike clingy people, yet I’m kind to them. I am very truthful to the point of being brutal. I have to remember everybody’s not ready for the truth and live the best they can.
I’m usually a silent supporter but I just want to say THANK YOU for this video. I’ve never heard anyone put into words EXACTLY how I feel until this now. Wow. I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this.
This was so good! And DEEP! Self care often means admitting I need help. That it's time to call the dentist, acupuncturist, or gynecologist, looking for a specialist to help whatever is going on physically. Talking to female friends about dealing with menopause, because our warranty has expired and it feels like everything is broken. Thank you or mentioning the pause, and sharing what meditation and being present really feels like. I take baths to hit the restart button, and sometimes a nap is also necessary. Sometimes I have to stretch and to outside, too much sitting at home isn't good either. Peter Levine, the father of somatic therapy talks about productive anger in his book "Trauma and Memory". They have been able isolate the part of our brain that dedicated to this function, and it's responsible fore helping us move past whatever is holding us back. I find this incredibly encouraging. We are designed to get better.
I love self care that makes me feel like time is slowing down BUT I also like self care that is on some one else’s dime because everything I LIKE TO DO IS EXPENSIVE if I have to “budget” then is a treat 😖. That bit on avoidant attachment was right on money squints in sag moon love the radical truth (vulnerability & honesty)
I'm also avoidant and I feel called out 😅 some of my self care includes exercise (not intense, just intentional), meditation, and creative pursuits (sewing, crochet, writing poetry, coloring, crafting, makeup, etc.)
I self care by actually taking time to take care of my body and appearance. Which is a little bit of chore to me so I also am a crafter. I love things that make my focus but in a creative space
I've been getting a lot from the mindfulness book called 30 Days to Overcome Guilt by Harper Daniels. We do not have to be attacked to our guilt or shame any longer :)
i'm a patreon cuzzo, but i had to watch this one again. Particularly the truth-telling quest part ...THIS IS SO RELATABLE AND SO HARD. I've also been trying to tell the truth more because just going with the flow and being that "low maintenance, easy going" friend and colleague, did nothing but convince MYSELF that I what I wanted didn't matter. So yeah, asking for help, imposing on others (spoiler alert: people generally WANT to help you out!), and making others wait for two seconds instead of jumping in to do something all the gotdamn time was what really moved the needle for me ACTUALLY prioritizing my own well-being. Took me 30 years to learn, but hey, better late than never.
So damn real & insightful, especially the stuff about not having productive anger! True self care for me is also the stuff I don’t wanna do. Making a doctor’s appointment when something’s up (not waiting 6 months and wasting away on wedMD), cleaning my dang house to help my space (and me) feel calm and ordered (when I would literally rather do anything else). And taking a walk everyday, outside (especially when I just want to rot on the couch all day).
The productive anger segment was so enlightening. Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable. So many of us grew up like that and I can definitely see the hyper independence and “chill” qualities in myself that you mentioned.
Coke Zero is central to my self-care plan 😎😂 Serious answer, now that I’ve finished the video: I’m moving home to stay with my mom. The past few months have been rough and I’ve lived away from home for over a decade. But I’ve been thinking, there’s no need for me to white knuckle my way through this on my own when I have the privilege of a support network back home. I feel like community, family, friends can be self-care (when they’re not toxic of course). Other ways I’ve been self-caring is leaning into the more “woo-woo” spiritual stuff lol. Whether or not it’s true is not important to me, astrology/tarot/numerology have provided a lot of comfort to me recently and I want to approach it with more curiosity and less self-consciousness. Love the video ❤
I like your idea of approaching numerology for the comfort rather than if it's real or not. Comfort is important and they say we are the placebo so that makes sense, too. Also, Twin! I've lived here since 2013, no family or friends in the whole state. I did return home once for like half a year in 2015, but today that feels like me going backwards and I'm tired of being my age and not knowing how to support myself or adult well. Also, I see the insanity in staying here, so I just text my brother two days ago to say I need to move back home, basically. Honestly, I am terrified of living with family since things can easily lead to conflict when you don't know how to communicate or set boundaries well. I'm currently trash at both...
@@MsTaLaiah wishing you good luck on your move home ❤❤ There’s some new dynamics/boundaries I’m going to have to learn when I get home too, so I’m right there with you!
@@kweenz600 I'm wishing you a smooth transition, as well. My older brother & SIL is who I would move in with, but once I text him over the wknd and he said I'll call you and he didn't I thought it over. Asking 'Do I need to come get you' and 'Why can't you just move here' are not actually invitations for me to move in their home, so I think he was being protective and he was stressed for me but not actually offering his home. I'm giving myself another month here then I can move near my cousin if an out-of-state move is on the path for me.
Same with the starting over after a shower or bath❤ love that. I self care by reading, drawing, or listening to lofi/music, walking my dogs basically anywhere I can zone out and NOT be present in time is my best feeling of being present in time.
What makes this channel valuable is your energy. I feel like we don't tell you enough. You can talk about anything. It's the energy that transmutes any other into calmness. I self care by watching you ..
This is part of my selfcare for today. Taking all my work clothes off, putting the ceiling fan on, getting under my giant throw blanket and watching UA-cam vids that are funny or cooking videos. Thank you 😊
I relate! So much. When I try to express needs or relax for a moment and think I, safe to just speak and be myself the response I have gotten is never positive. People’s faces show that they are hoping I’ll stop, or they straight up attack me for what I said because they misunderstood/only see things from their own perspective. My experience with expressing needs in close relationships are all negative. The more real the need or boundary is, the more predictable the negative reaction is. And also the communication that I shouldn’t do that too much because it’s such a bother to listen to that they will drop me if it comes up again. And this is not specific to one relationship. This is everyone I have ever gotten close to. I honestly feel it’s impossible to maintain and protect my own needs in a relationship. I always loose and do not get out of it the values I deserve even on a basic level. I question the point of relationships.
Yes to asking for help, and being vulnerable it has been so helpful! Also, asking myself what I need to take care of me, being unapologetically and authentically me.
I can definitely relate to being avoidant, pushing along and not always letting myself sit with my feelings. Group fitness classes like Zumba have really helped me release during the week. Like you said, there's just something about everyone in one room, moving around, trying to shake off their stress and just have fun. I got my ticket to CharliXCX and Troye Sivan's Sweat Tour and I know the energy in that stadium will be electric.
Self care for me these days is all over the place. But the things I am consistent with is playing sims 4, probably too much, meal prepping and logging off of social media after 15 mins of catching up. I want to be more mindful of me without trying to be hyper productive often.
OMG! 👏 I couldn’t be sad/angry nor ask questions. As a kid I found myself just isolated in my room trying to avoid disrupting any peace I. The house. I was also the child reassuring my sibling or parents, like the mediator. Now hear I am at 36 like wait I haven’t used my voice! I attend to be loud AF by the end of 24 🤣🤣🤣
2:42 🔥🔥🔥🔥 ONLY in my late 20's was i able to talk tf back. What gave was that i moved back to Africa. BISH honesty has been my thing to counter people pleasing. People think it's naive/earnest but don't realise how disconnecting lying is from your mind, body and soul. If i don't tell you exactly what I'm thinking... Oh I'll show you without so many words cz sometimes you don't need to expound so much energy
Always appreciate your honesty and insights. My tv broke at the end of 2021 and I replaced it with a piano keyboard instead. Best move I’ve made for myself. Playing has become not only a great creative outlet but a practice in self-care. Also mindfulness, exercise and drinking water. Annnd I second putting the phone away after throwing on 8 hours of a zen soundscape, it’s the Tibetan Bowls for me 💁🏽♀️
Not me watching this and realizing (at my big age) that I have an avoidant attachment style too. The more you talked, the more I was like “wayment… that’s me” lol
Ooo the gem I’m taking from this is, when I’m low, no screen time. The rest of this I’ve been practicing but while I KNOW scrolling doesn’t help when I’m low, erecting that boundary Now, while I’m feeling well will help me enforce it later. Thank you!
So you like to bake? May I suggest a live, if you have time, where we discuss a baking show? For instance, the great British baking show, every two weeks or so, we discuss who got eliminated/won, our thoughts on that and their succusseful/unsuccessful execution in the episode(s). Great video!
Great video. As always. Truly relatable. And side-note, once that dance music started playing, I IMMEDIATELY flashed back to the nightclub/dance scenes from Batman Beyond... Just me? Oh iight! Lol😂😂😂 ✌🏽
What you said about self-care including doing things you don't actually want to do resonated with me. I don't love deep-cleaning my apartment, but man do I feel amazing when I do. My mind is clearer, I'm able to focus better, I find it enjoyable to be in this space where I spend the majority of my time, and I feel proud of my home, so I don't feel immediate anxiety at the thought of having someone over. Caring for my home is caring for myself. When my apartment is a wreck, it usually means that I am too.
When you discussed being avoidant, that resonated with me so much. I just be lying lol. All the emotions just getting bottled up overtime. Thanks for sharing! It helped me look at my way of doing things differently.
fuckn love all of those points, especially broadly with the statements that often the most effective self care is the one that is hardest to do. love this, love you!
I think this video finally helped me realize that sometimes it's not your past or upbringing or a specific "reason" for why you are a certain way. Sometimes you just ARE. I'm working on telling the truth more, and I have zero reasoning behind why I people please or avoid conflict. I just have to do the work of trying!
That bit about telling the truth has made me think maybe i need to do a deep dive and write about my feelings tonight because I have never thought it like that. However, for now my self care will be dancing to my lil kpop playlist before showering and making an effort to look presentable as I go out later, so thanks for the tip, ahaa
Love the interpretation of self care! Will definitely try to look at things in that manner. The beauty stuff is sooooooo expensive and painful lol then my bank account is in pain!!
Evelynnnnnn My Gash you are wholesome! Thank you for showing up as you are. Your soul is loud and I appreciate vibing with it especially among so many copies of the sames. Bless you Cousin. Keep it "Leal"
I love everything you shared Evelyn. Honestly it's so wild to feel we're living similar lives!!! Whewww! Holding my head up high and sending love to u all!!! Also girl, I need to hear that Donnie Hathaway house mix!! 🥹🥹🥹✨🌞🌞 I can only imagine the FEELS that flooded thru you!!!!!
May is Mental Health Awareness Month so I wanted to A this Q 😇. Remember, the worst thing for someone's mental health is living in perpetual danger, so I would like to highlight Operation Olive Branch - they are compiling tons of information so that it's quick and easy to find people in Gaza who need donations: instagram.com/operationolivebranch/?hl=en There are many atrocities in many countries **including** the U.S. - what matters is that you plug into something and incorporate it into your life!
You're so right 🫂 and THANK YOU! 🫂
THANK YOU!
"No amount of self care can repair the damage of capitalism"
TRUTH!
“You’re not in traffic, you ARE the traffic.” !!!! Love that.
"I am so valuable that I am WORTH someone helping me"
My internet cousin:how do you self care
Me currently: *aggressively throwing ass on the treadmill..*
This is the way. It"s my rage outlet.
Throw dat!
Great group therapy session today folks, meet y’all back here next week!
“They’re not chill, they’ve just DIED to themselves.” Is the most accurate description of me I’ve heard. DAMN! 😂 I feel you, friend.
The honesty/people-pleasing segment is so real 😭😭I wish i could wild out when i don't like something like how other people do 😞
Whewwww I’m undoing so many years of this segment RAHT NAH!!! 😮💨
Me too. I'm the same way.
You CAN wild out. You just choose not to.
@@MissTXTee I think it takes practice. First in a safe space, then in more high stakes situations.
I never made the connection before 😦 It's second nature for people I know, yet I've never done it and I'm over here still feeling guilty if I cuss. smh
My therapist said I lost my voice for that very reason. Always dismissing myself and my feelings because I wasn’t allowed to have them or didn’t feel that it mattered. It’s definitely common in African households as we are taught to respect our parents no matter what. Having a difference of opinion or voicing your concern was always found to be disrespectful so we hold things in. Not healthy at all.
THISS!
Your fun employment period was a wonderful form of self care that you shared. My own sabbatical led me to a whole new approach to my life and how I de-center work and striving to just be. 💗
Well said 👏🏼
Hi Stephanie I’m subscribed to your channel too! Your channel sets the tone for black women and REAL self care!
Heavy on de-centering work.
Stephanie Perry!! You are the embodiment of black women pursuing self care❤
Hi Stephanie!!..Black girl magic in da house!💯👏🏾
Not me learning about MYSELF through YOU at this big age! Thank you for giving me so much perspective today. The “you died to yourself” part was 🤯
I'mma need a "You can't bubble bath your way to freedom" T-shirt...STAT!!!!
"If I don't want to do it, it's self care": me with eating, drinking water, exercising, going outside, unplugging, sleeping 🫣
That commentary on telling the truth/anti people pleasing is so so so good! I have been practicing this so often and I see such a shift. I also want to note that sometimes it’s difficult to “tell the truth” because I think so many people don’t know how to deal with negative emotions. They’re often met with toxic positivism instead of just sitting with me in the feeling, which frustrated me so much lol but my favorite response to how are you? is “I’m not okay now, but I will be.” It forces me to be honest but also optimistic.
Yes telling the truth is so good! I used to be a great truth teller and definitely doing it now. When you understand your emotions and let others know how you feel it is great.
I will have to use that! "I'm not ok now, but I will be."
My absolute self-care gamechanger was learning to say no. No qualifying it, no excuses, just a simple refusal. Were people (read: family) shocked and awed at first? You bet. Do they now respect my boundaries? Damn straight.
wow, that productive anger/tell-the-truth section is so necessary to hear. I've actively been trying to do that even when it's hard with the receiving party b/c at least I didn't cheat myself of...feeling?
Once I learned that telling the truth is for ME?? And not the other person? 🤯
I have used "you are the traffic" every day for so many years now! it's a great reminder anytime I'm in a crowd getting irritated.
Your question of "How do you self care" just made me feel the way I feel when people ask me "What do you like to do for fun?"....I don't know. I don't take care of myself very well. I know that sounds sad. I think the biggest things I do are sleep, talk to people, go for walks and listen to music... But your video has opened my eyes in some ways. I will probably watch it again...
Self care: journaling, mindfulness meditation, dancing, yoga, reformer Pilates, taking walks, praying, therapy. Embroidering, massages, listening to music and sipping with a cup of tea
Yup, so binge watching comedies, going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy vids on yt, manically texting my friend all my current thoughts and ordering UberEats isn't on there so I know it's self care!
omg the avoidant attachment segment was so reallll was not expecting that 😭
How did this video start off so whimsical and then all of a sudden become so deep to me. Even the title "more than a face mask" seemed to turn into a metaphor for wearing a mask as opposed to walking in your truth (which is the true self care of which you spoke about...radical honesty...later in the video). I definitely want to hear more about how you practice this, because I identify with this too. I have THE SAME EXACT PROBLEM, and even that whole exercise you did where you paused and checked in with yourself...my friend told me that I should start doing that to see how I am truly feeling sometimes. Wow! You are making an impact, Evelyn. I hope I can achieve the kind of growth you're achieving too. ❤
The balsamic vinegar took me OUTTT (10:31)😂😭😭
I definitely relate to that feeling of my anger never being productive. Multiple times I leave a discussion hurt and exhausted and then nothing changes 🥲 I gave up fr.
The section on honesty……thank you for saying the quiet parts out loud !!!!!!!!!!!!
When you mention “The underlying message that those of us with an avoidant attachment style have is that nobody actually cares.” That is precisely something I’ve had on my mind recently. I notice that “nobody cares” is often used to encourage people to do things without fear of judgement. But when I hear that, it feels more like affirming an underlying disconnection between oneself and others-like the last thing I need to hear is that nobody cares about what I do because um hello, I would like to be cared about?!?
"Asking for help" oh I felt that 😂
I wish I was a going out girl, but I'm soooo sleepy. So pre-pandemic I used to go to this dance class called Dance Church ever Sunday morning. Lights low, could just improv and let the spirit move you, but there was some guided instruction if you wanted it. I haven't been back in years bc there v much is not masking going on at them anymore, but I feel its absence in my life. I never feel like moving my body but I absolutely feel better whenever I do.
On my MAMA Watching you be so vulnerable is like my inner brains talking to myself.
The most valuable piece of content I've consumed this week. Thank you for being vulnerable out here on these internets, whew.. cause that alone. A practice in, "I'm allowed to be be open, truthful and real about my feelings/experience despite how it may be perceived."
Cousin, you were preaching about throwing cakes as self care. I love dancing and people be trying to check me, saying at my big age I shouldn't be at the club, as if meemaw and paw paw aren't throwing deflated tires listening to Earth, Wind, and Fire in those retirement homes, FOH!!!
Not deflated tires 🤣🤣🤣
THIS IS ROCKING MY WORLD RIGHT NOW LITERALLY HAD TO TYPE IT OUT AND SEND IT TO MY FRIENDS!!! - "My therapist calls it productive anger. If you never got to experience your anger making something change - or not even your anger, your annoyance, your discomfort - and it was always shut down you have a very hard time asking for help [...] because you've kind of been taught that it doesn't really matter anyway. That usually creates an adult that's hyper-independent. [...] They're 'chill'. They're not chill, they've just died to themselves."
Twin, I've been right here! ✋🏾 This mirror is too real. Me throwing dat ass in a circle while chopping potatoes lets me know that we in this together though 😅 Thank you for being a reflection of our collective healing 💖
Girlllll. I wasn’t ready 😭 yes I relate. I will say, trying to be as transparent as possible does make my life so much simpler and happier. Vulnerabilities and everything. Almost any small talk is a chance for real connection if you let it be.
“They aren’t chill, they just died to themselves. lol” bwahahaha facts love ya
“Meditation is existing only in the present moment.”
I needed to hear this. Thank you 😩
I neeeeeeded this. Just when you think you are alone, God knocks some sense into you! Thank you for sharing.
Internal: Therapy, Journaling, Singing bowls. External/Internal: Going to Houston to escape Austin: visit to Kindred Stories bookstore, eat well and lovingly, wander the museum district, catch a show or slam, and get a full Korean scrub at Spa World. Drop into Galveston and touch saltwater.
That sounds wonderful! 🌊
For me, it's making doctor's appointments. I hate scheduling it and going to it. I put it off but it needs to be done. Also, going on solo walks. I feel main character energy on walks and come back a brand new person.
Lmao not the mirror! Evelyn I did not expect you to drag me on my lunch break ToT. But I feel what you said about not having the foundation to feel your feelings because they've always been shut down. This is something I deal with a lot now as an adult, especially in corporate. Especially in typical corporate 9-5s, people do not want you to tell the truth frfr, and the talking in weird code is just so frustrating. It's not really possible or wise to be yourself in those environments, and constantly masking is exhausting. Even in personal relationships it can be hard to be fully honest and vulnerable, but it's something I'm learning because I can't just be "chill" all the time, ya girl is TIREDT.
Wow thats thats so real❤I can relate
Did I just get free therapy? Thank you! This year my goal was to incorporate some small daily habits. It's part of my self care and includes journaling, spending 10mins in silence/prayer, moving my body for 30mins a day, following an eating plan that works best for me etc. One big thing I've noticed is how I DON'T have as much time in my day! If I prioritize these things that help me stay on track, I really have to let some stuff go and not chase unrealistic perfection. I've also noticed that having time everyday to be in silence/prayer + journaling really helps to keep me from emotional spiraling- like I can address it within myself instead of just feeling some kinda way for days and days and then being overwhelmed b/c I don't know where it's coming from.
Raise your hand 🙋🏽♀️ if you disassociate & you’re hyper independent because you had to suppress your emotions as a child & telling the whole truth & nothing but the truth can be scary, but you know it’s the right thing to do with people you trust
“Not you looking in the mirror” *me in real time looking in the mirror, now scared bc I have been called out* I needed to hear this today
I am an isolator. I genuinely enjoy my own company. I dislike clingy people, yet I’m kind to them. I am very truthful to the point of being brutal. I have to remember everybody’s not ready for the truth and live the best they can.
I’m usually a silent supporter but I just want to say THANK YOU for this video. I’ve never heard anyone put into words EXACTLY how I feel until this now. Wow. I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this.
Thanks!
Thank you Evelynnnn. 💙 I appreciate your breakdown of how self care can’t undo systemic traumas
This was so good! And DEEP! Self care often means admitting I need help. That it's time to call the dentist, acupuncturist, or gynecologist, looking for a specialist to help whatever is going on physically. Talking to female friends about dealing with menopause, because our warranty has expired and it feels like everything is broken. Thank you or mentioning the pause, and sharing what meditation and being present really feels like. I take baths to hit the restart button, and sometimes a nap is also necessary. Sometimes I have to stretch and to outside, too much sitting at home isn't good either. Peter Levine, the father of somatic therapy talks about productive anger in his book "Trauma and Memory". They have been able isolate the part of our brain that dedicated to this function, and it's responsible fore helping us move past whatever is holding us back. I find this incredibly encouraging. We are designed to get better.
This was a whole therapy session! The avoidant attachment part was heavy. Thank you for adding depth to the self-care conversation.
10:20 I loved when Zendaya was on Graham Norton and described her knitting as a “tedious little hobby” to keep her mind occupied. CAN RELATE.
A real cleaning session: I mean, gloves on type session really helps❤ when my place smells like soap: I feel like a better human being❤
The avant garde squid ward and stanley art never cease to inspire me.
I love self care that makes me feel like time is slowing down BUT I also like self care that is on some one else’s dime because everything I LIKE TO DO IS EXPENSIVE if I have to “budget” then is a treat 😖. That bit on avoidant attachment was right on money squints in sag moon love the radical truth (vulnerability & honesty)
I truly did not expect this level of realness today 🥴 down to the simultaneous discomfort
the "not you looking in the mirror" and WOOWWWW
Also did this almost make me cry at work ? No comment thank you
@@yarnellyelle Laughing and crying at the same time... 😅
I'm also avoidant and I feel called out 😅 some of my self care includes exercise (not intense, just intentional), meditation, and creative pursuits (sewing, crochet, writing poetry, coloring, crafting, makeup, etc.)
I self care by actually taking time to take care of my body and appearance. Which is a little bit of chore to me so I also am a crafter. I love things that make my focus but in a creative space
I've been getting a lot from the mindfulness book called 30 Days to Overcome Guilt by Harper Daniels. We do not have to be attacked to our guilt or shame any longer :)
You never miss. This is delightful. Thank you!
i'm a patreon cuzzo, but i had to watch this one again. Particularly the truth-telling quest part ...THIS IS SO RELATABLE AND SO HARD. I've also been trying to tell the truth more because just going with the flow and being that "low maintenance, easy going" friend and colleague, did nothing but convince MYSELF that I what I wanted didn't matter. So yeah, asking for help, imposing on others (spoiler alert: people generally WANT to help you out!), and making others wait for two seconds instead of jumping in to do something all the gotdamn time was what really moved the needle for me ACTUALLY prioritizing my own well-being. Took me 30 years to learn, but hey, better late than never.
So damn real & insightful, especially the stuff about not having productive anger! True self care for me is also the stuff I don’t wanna do. Making a doctor’s appointment when something’s up (not waiting 6 months and wasting away on wedMD), cleaning my dang house to help my space (and me) feel calm and ordered (when I would literally rather do anything else). And taking a walk everyday, outside (especially when I just want to rot on the couch all day).
Community ass throwing as self care is so real. It's bonded self love and expression ♥
The productive anger segment was so enlightening. Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable. So many of us grew up like that and I can definitely see the hyper independence and “chill” qualities in myself that you mentioned.
self care = The thing you want to do the least. GIRL!!!!
Coke Zero is central to my self-care plan 😎😂
Serious answer, now that I’ve finished the video: I’m moving home to stay with my mom. The past few months have been rough and I’ve lived away from home for over a decade. But I’ve been thinking, there’s no need for me to white knuckle my way through this on my own when I have the privilege of a support network back home. I feel like community, family, friends can be self-care (when they’re not toxic of course). Other ways I’ve been self-caring is leaning into the more “woo-woo” spiritual stuff lol. Whether or not it’s true is not important to me, astrology/tarot/numerology have provided a lot of comfort to me recently and I want to approach it with more curiosity and less self-consciousness. Love the video ❤
I like your idea of approaching numerology for the comfort rather than if it's real or not. Comfort is important and they say we are the placebo so that makes sense, too.
Also, Twin! I've lived here since 2013, no family or friends in the whole state. I did return home once for like half a year in 2015, but today that feels like me going backwards and I'm tired of being my age and not knowing how to support myself or adult well. Also, I see the insanity in staying here, so I just text my brother two days ago to say I need to move back home, basically. Honestly, I am terrified of living with family since things can easily lead to conflict when you don't know how to communicate or set boundaries well. I'm currently trash at both...
@@MsTaLaiah wishing you good luck on your move home ❤❤ There’s some new dynamics/boundaries I’m going to have to learn when I get home too, so I’m right there with you!
@@kweenz600 I'm wishing you a smooth transition, as well. My older brother & SIL is who I would move in with, but once I text him over the wknd and he said I'll call you and he didn't I thought it over. Asking 'Do I need to come get you' and 'Why can't you just move here' are not actually invitations for me to move in their home, so I think he was being protective and he was stressed for me but not actually offering his home. I'm giving myself another month here then I can move near my cousin if an out-of-state move is on the path for me.
Same with the starting over after a shower or bath❤ love that. I self care by reading, drawing, or listening to lofi/music, walking my dogs basically anywhere I can zone out and NOT be present in time is my best feeling of being present in time.
What makes this channel valuable is your energy. I feel like we don't tell you enough. You can talk about anything. It's the energy that transmutes any other into calmness. I self care by watching you ..
I like to read as part of my self care - I like going to independent bookstores with coffee shops😀
This is part of my selfcare for today.
Taking all my work clothes off, putting the ceiling fan on, getting under my giant throw blanket and watching UA-cam vids that are funny or cooking videos. Thank you 😊
I relate! So much. When I try to express needs or relax for a moment and think I, safe to just speak and be myself the response I have gotten is never positive. People’s faces show that they are hoping I’ll stop, or they straight up attack me for what I said because they misunderstood/only see things from their own perspective. My experience with expressing needs in close relationships are all negative. The more real the need or boundary is, the more predictable the negative reaction is. And also the communication that I shouldn’t do that too much because it’s such a bother to listen to that they will drop me if it comes up again. And this is not specific to one relationship. This is everyone I have ever gotten close to. I honestly feel it’s impossible to maintain and protect my own needs in a relationship. I always loose and do not get out of it the values I deserve even on a basic level. I question the point of relationships.
Yes to asking for help, and being vulnerable it has been so helpful! Also, asking myself what I need to take care of me, being unapologetically and authentically me.
Evelyn this may be your most impactful video yet. I paused quite a few times and wrote things down.
I love that you mentioned dancing as part of this, it’s so freeing letting yourself let loose esp w others
I can definitely relate to being avoidant, pushing along and not always letting myself sit with my feelings. Group fitness classes like Zumba have really helped me release during the week. Like you said, there's just something about everyone in one room, moving around, trying to shake off their stress and just have fun. I got my ticket to CharliXCX and Troye Sivan's Sweat Tour and I know the energy in that stadium will be electric.
Oh that is gonna be a SHOW!! Excited for you 🤗
Self care for me these days is all over the place. But the things I am consistent with is playing sims 4, probably too much, meal prepping and logging off of social media after 15 mins of catching up. I want to be more mindful of me without trying to be hyper productive often.
5:19 -on BRUHHHH😫 Every syl👏🏾la👏🏾ble👏🏾
The way I HOLLERED when you said "old navy, old navy, old navy", because it DO be an ass of Old Navy in thrift stores 😂🤣!
OMG! 👏 I couldn’t be sad/angry nor ask questions. As a kid I found myself just isolated in my room trying to avoid disrupting any peace I. The house. I was also the child reassuring my sibling or parents, like the mediator.
Now hear I am at 36 like wait I haven’t used my voice! I attend to be loud AF by the end of 24 🤣🤣🤣
2:42 🔥🔥🔥🔥
ONLY in my late 20's was i able to talk tf back. What gave was that i moved back to Africa.
BISH honesty has been my thing to counter people pleasing. People think it's naive/earnest but don't realise how disconnecting lying is from your mind, body and soul. If i don't tell you exactly what I'm thinking... Oh I'll show you without so many words cz sometimes you don't need to expound so much energy
Ugh! It takes so much to convince my hyper-independent self that people do care. I hear that!
Always appreciate your honesty and insights. My tv broke at the end of 2021 and I replaced it with a piano keyboard instead. Best move I’ve made for myself. Playing has become not only a great creative outlet but a practice in self-care. Also mindfulness, exercise and drinking water. Annnd I second putting the phone away after throwing on 8 hours of a zen soundscape, it’s the Tibetan Bowls for me 💁🏽♀️
Not me watching this and realizing (at my big age) that I have an avoidant attachment style too. The more you talked, the more I was like “wayment… that’s me” lol
Whoa! Twin for real, because this was like looking into a mirror. Telling the truth really resonated with me ✨
Ooo the gem I’m taking from this is, when I’m low, no screen time. The rest of this I’ve been practicing but while I KNOW scrolling doesn’t help when I’m low, erecting that boundary Now, while I’m feeling well will help me enforce it later. Thank you!
Story of my life!! And I love that you added dancing and going out like once in a while you just need that release💁🏾♀️
So you like to bake? May I suggest a live, if you have time, where we discuss a baking show?
For instance, the great British baking show, every two weeks or so, we discuss who got eliminated/won, our thoughts on that and their succusseful/unsuccessful execution in the episode(s).
Great video!
Big agree on what meditation looks like. That's why going for a drive and listening to music is such a reset. 👋😩
Great video. As always. Truly relatable. And side-note, once that dance music started playing, I IMMEDIATELY flashed back to the nightclub/dance scenes from Batman Beyond... Just me? Oh iight! Lol😂😂😂 ✌🏽
What you said about self-care including doing things you don't actually want to do resonated with me. I don't love deep-cleaning my apartment, but man do I feel amazing when I do. My mind is clearer, I'm able to focus better, I find it enjoyable to be in this space where I spend the majority of my time, and I feel proud of my home, so I don't feel immediate anxiety at the thought of having someone over. Caring for my home is caring for myself. When my apartment is a wreck, it usually means that I am too.
When you discussed being avoidant, that resonated with me so much. I just be lying lol. All the emotions just getting bottled up overtime. Thanks for sharing! It helped me look at my way of doing things differently.
Now Evelyynnnn 😮💨😮💨 you ain’t got no business speaking to my life like this!!
Ooo girl you was describing me good lawd!! :)
Internet cousin, why you call me out like dat!!! But love these videos and appreciate the honesty and vulnerability , twinn 🫶🏾
fuckn love all of those points, especially broadly with the statements that often the most effective self care is the one that is hardest to do. love this, love you!
I think this video finally helped me realize that sometimes it's not your past or upbringing or a specific "reason" for why you are a certain way. Sometimes you just ARE. I'm working on telling the truth more, and I have zero reasoning behind why I people please or avoid conflict. I just have to do the work of trying!
That bit about telling the truth has made me think maybe i need to do a deep dive and write about my feelings tonight because I have never thought it like that. However, for now my self care will be dancing to my lil kpop playlist before showering and making an effort to look presentable as I go out later, so thanks for the tip, ahaa
From 5:07 on, just tears and laughter and aggressive head nods. Love this, thanks babe ❤
Love the interpretation of self care! Will definitely try to look at things in that manner. The beauty stuff is sooooooo expensive and painful lol then my bank account is in pain!!
Evelynnnnnn My Gash you are wholesome! Thank you for showing up as you are. Your soul is loud and I appreciate vibing with it especially among so many copies of the sames. Bless you Cousin. Keep it "Leal"
Dragging your body through time and space......a mf word!
I love everything you shared Evelyn. Honestly it's so wild to feel we're living similar lives!!! Whewww! Holding my head up high and sending love to u all!!!
Also girl, I need to hear that Donnie Hathaway house mix!! 🥹🥹🥹✨🌞🌞 I can only imagine the FEELS that flooded thru you!!!!!
😂😂 yes dancing alone in my living room does it every time!