@@MomandBuggs I’d say so. The point is we want harmony to the point that sometimes we try forcing unhealthy connections with the purpose of creating harmony (i.e. codependency or manipulation of unhealthy people/situations to “fix” them)
@@colonelgraff9198 Yeah "fixing" or even just helping people can be a trap. The person becomes dependent on you. I have helped people and then felt guilty for not helping them anymore or running away. It just became something that i didn't foresee unfortunately. I have trouble setting good boundaries while still trying to help my mother for instance and trying to find the balance. Do I cold turkey my mother?? or do I try to help since she is getting older?? but she goes to the gym?? I think because we are good people, people use us and take us for granted especially family
@@colonelgraff9198 yes that's true. I need to discuss this with my therapist because I feel lost with my mother. Any other person I could just block them lol
You are so accurate with your understanding of us. I feel very drained by the constant competition and aggression in our society. Sometimes I have participated in it through necessity ie to get a job or accepted onto a course, and have won and beaten others, but after a while I realised the prize wasn't actually something that made me happy at all. I'd prefer to live quietly in a cottage somewhere with a garden, self employed with animals, a nice partner, a few friends and a peaceful life of nature, good food and peace. I had a life like this for a few years, I am aiming to build a life like this again for myself.
I used to think not fitting in was a curse, but it's actually a superpower. The right people will gravitate to you for genuine connections. I will always be a radical weirdo but I own it now. Some people love that.
The good news is that the older we get, the less fitting in matters and the more appealing not fitting in becomes - oh, meanwhile we get really good at blending in (temporarily), instead.
_"These shamans and healers, men and women, typically live on the outer rims of the village. They are _*_in_*_ the village but not _*_of_*_ the village. Their role is to know the rhythms of the natural world while, at the same time, observe the rhythms of human culture."_ We need you more than ever, INFJs & INFPs - healers, prophets, diviners, artists, and custodians of wellness and harmony. ✨️ As both leaders and outsiders of society, you're able to communicate, in myriad beautiful ways, vital concepts from beyond the ordinary perceptions of everyday life that many of us just can't see. You keep us, the sleepwalkers, awake! 😍 Thank you, @Lauren. 🙏🏻
The problem is we INFP’s and INFJ’s value authenticity and we kind of believe everyone else does too. INFP’s Especially when we are young and naive it’s projection in a sense. But soon we come to a rude awakening when people start treating us with contempt, using us and taking us for granted. INFJ’s want to help people and fall into bad situations too
My eyes roll extra hard when ppl describe themselves as compassionate and open minded when they're really not. Most ppl interact with others just to be heard. Ppl share their opinions for others to either agree with them or to argue just to argue. Its rare for ppl to look at ideas objectively. Its rare for ppl to truly emphasize/ sympathize with others unless they've experienced it themselves. I like the idea of interacting with others and sharing ideas but realistically I leave most social interactions extremely drained because most ppl are only interested in having an audience. I feel like Ive walked through life collecting facts about ppl but I can confidently say no one knows who I truly am. Not even my own mother. Its very lonely.
As another infp, I'd say the key is to fit in _logically_ . Don't be pressured to _feel_ the same thing other people do, ya just need to understand their logic
I was waiting for this topic for so long. Not fitting in is THE biggest struggle/pain of my life. I would love to build the community of like minded people who share the same values, but they are so rare to find...
I really enjoy your videos. I don't like bringing attention to myself, but I am a hyper sensitive, INFJ Virgo. Sometimes I get very tired of myself; other times I get very tired of everyone else. On the whole, I am grateful to be me and alive.
@@saramariasdotter3681 oh no...poor girl ! I look for the simple pleasures--that is, I try to be happy with the simple things. Gratitude helps replenish my batteries. Otherwise NOTHING is ever right or good enough :)
You got me! I bother people too much when I ask “why”, or engaging questions to get their positions. It’s usually perceived as a threat or a challenge to their position, intellect, or even character.
My Ne is very curious but yeah some people don't like that and find it threatening. I don't even ask anything personal and they still get upset. For instance have they been a certain tourist site because they live 2 hours away from it
My favorite question is why. That doesn't even make sense or will it fix the problem. I had no problem throwing my two cents worth in the problem. When somebody says just let the water roll off your back like a duck. Run the other way.
You’re so spot on, Lauren. I’ve been having this feeling of not fitting in for as long as I remember myself. I truly hate competition. I strive towards cooperation. And yes, I am a healer, literally too. I’m a healthcare professional by training. Love your channel ❤❤❤.
I am watching your videos from last 3 months and I found many of my questions answered. Even though I don't want to trap me in the INFJ patterns, I start appreciating myself a lot more. From childhood, I used to write stories, do art, produce music and pretty much anything which fascinates me. I am very fast learner and good in pattern recognition. Due to that I always got mocked and envied by others. It made me very self conscious, always doubting my capabilities end up forcing me look at myself from the eyes of others and feel that I am not enough for anything. I am slowly getting better. Lets see where it goes. Thanks for reading.
In addition, Try other out other countries. I’ve noticed throughout traveling that your personality traits can align more with a culture in other nations as opposed to your own.
An example...as a Roman Catholic, I attended a Baptist tent revival in a small Appalachian community where i live...why? To experience and grow in understanding and to love " my neighbor "... I came away knowing the preacher is sincerely a man devoted to God!!... and that we ALL seek the healing Gods love for us provides ...it just takes different forms..61 year old infj
I used to be like this but the past few years have made me more fixed in my opinions because I don’t feel that there’s an openness to my opinions and only the mainstream narrative is allowed. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all.
Great discussion, Lauren! I like that you talked about how when we try to have a discussion and give our "light" opinion, we're either dismissed, belittled, or told we're basically wishy-washy. This is true, and I hadn't put it together with our healing nature before, but your explanation made sense. Thanks so much!😊
If this is true, it makes a lot of things make more sense. I find it troubling how folks that claim to be empathic, are only capable of being empathic for easy emotions or for the end goal of posturing for attention. I also see how hard I have to work at meeting people where they are at to understand and communicate more effectively but I do not see the resemblance of an ounce of effort from their end to understand anyone. I don’t think I’m a healer of any kind. I’m just trying to get through the day most days. But these concepts you speak of are opening my mind as to why I appreciate working by myself for the past decade or more. I really appreciate being able to listen to people, who hopefully know more about this kind of stuff than I do, and can explain it in a way that helps me grow. Thank you for your time and effort in what you are doing.
I honestly think you just explained the entirety of my kindergarten to third grade years and all the frustration that I've held on to in the 25 years since.
I know you're primarily INFJ but as an INFP I appreciate this too because there are a lot of similarities between both types. I'm actually in love with an INFJ so I love to see the bridge between both types from another source
Thank you so much for your videos - an infj teenage girl tryna figure it out. A quick suggestion i noticed most of ur videos focus on the infj struggles (probably because there are a lot) i was wondering if u coukd do a couple videos on the pros of being an infj infp and even those two as a couple since my current partner and most of my other ones and close friendships are infp!
As an INFJ, I always attracted the ENFPs and ENTPs, and we vibe very well together. They love putting us under their wings. When I attract an ENTP girlfriend, she's usually the Belle of the Ball and very popular in many different groups, taking the spotlight and I am okay with that. We, as people, are attracted to others with similar IQs and maturity levels. I am growth oriented, that makes me more mature as a male in my peer group, that means I also attracted girls when I was younger because girls are matured for their age. I started dating girls when I was 13, had my first love at 17. I personally believe the digital age, especially with the addiction to anti-social media platforms is the cause, and not our cognitive functions. INFJs in their 50s, 60s and beyond grew into adulthood during the analog age, we had friends to play with because staying at home was so boring. INFJs are social chameleons, I had various peer groups where I can lone wolf in and out of whenever I want, and felt accepted. INFJs are more objective with our counseling, like a professional counselor in their office sitting behind their desk, healing others is a secondary objective...getting to know people is our primary objective. We have social skills because we are a people person. I go thru cycles of being on my own (and loving it) to dating a foxy ENTP tomboy. She's all I need to feel understood. INFJs are different from INFPs because we often get a wander-lust bug that bite us, and we often make solo excursions out into the extrovert's world...how else do you think we get ENFPs and ENTPs friends and mates? Not by staying at home on the computer all day and night.
I’m 75 years old and have struggled to find ways to be with people. Most people seem to find me annoying. Lately, I have chosen to simply avoid anyone who is irritated by me. My life is much more peaceful.
Thank you, Ms. Sapala, for sharing these videos. As an INFJ, it is very illuminating to uncover the underlying reasons behind my behaviors and thought processes, and that it's not something to be ashamed of.
I'm glad you brought up the point that being able to hold many peoples opinons and Ideas isn't people pleasing or being a chameleon...in the case of people with our personality types..it's really just high consciousness...being able to see past the limited scope of your own ego. I mistook myself as a people pleaser for awhile and saw it as weakness which it really isnt. I hope what you said hits home to people in your audience who may have also mislabeled themselves as people pleasers.
I find it hard being a male sensitive healer and dealing with women. Women dont want good, attentive, healer, life expanding types. They want aloof, non feeling, brick wall types. I have no problem being a chameleon if i want to hook up, but if i show who i really am, or when i just cant take being a chameleon anymore, its over.
I'm older and a newer widow. I'm finally accepting that I'll never fit in. My friend groups are kind of intimidated by me . I'm more together and confident, naturally. If I am ultra kind and accepting of my friends, who feel self conscious, if I show them i respect their gifts... They feel better and are glad that I'm not bulldozing them. Sometimes if I shine too much they try to put me down, but I've learned to be at arm's length when they feel insecure. I guess i realize they are feeling negative feelings. I'm not feeling negative. Im the one who is secure and confident. And that can upset them. I just walk away now and let it sit with them.
I’m INTP and rarely ever feel like I’m fitting in. I am very indifferent to most things people have to say. Conversely, many people do not like my ramblings or counter arguments. Sometimes I don’t care, but it can be a very lonely experience.
Thank you for posting this it is so helpful to hear more about the chameleon effect. I find that it's only detrimental when it comes in tandem with or as a result of, people-pleasing which is the result of trauma. In fact it was only with superficial or subjective issues that we see all sides of a situation. In matters of values or things that I hold close as a moral issue, I am extremely passionate and I've been called "stubborn", confusing being so contradictory to another frequent criticism from early days of being wishy-washy.
Darling, NO ONE fits in. Those who seem to (as a comparison) have made terrible sacrifices in order to do so. Consider Cinderella's step-sisters. One actually had surgery performed in order to fit... there is no need (that I know of) to change your heart, but to continue to act from it. You'll find your niche at the same time it finds you. The world has wagged as it has for some billions of years, and it's not about to revolutionize the routine for any of us. This is a savage garden, to quote Anne Rice - I call it ''The Terrible Marvel''. It's school all bloody over again! But, please consider that each moment is a benevolent teacher, and, as a final quote from The Stones: Ya can't always get what you want... if we live in this field of trust in the process and that desires are simply what they are - feeling of lack - then we can more skillfully negotiate this old and very smart world. Much good fortune I wish for you.
Im an INFP im so incredibly sensitive to other people getting caught in their ideas and missing the bigger picture and in turn them getting caught up in their belifs to the point of getting aggressive and forcefully trying to make me 100% agree with them. Theres far too much nuance particularly when it comes to politics to play games like that. I desperately want to receive the compassion i try to give to people particularly in the understanding that people aren't simply good or evil vut a mox of both loght and dark aspects. I believe that the world could heal if they can integrate all of who they are instead of denying and avoidance of the darker parts that inevitably find a way to the surface
The only time I really want to feel understood is if I think something I'm trying to communicate would greatly benefit the recipient. Sadly, this has been perceived as either combativeness or neediness. Either way, their loss. Otherwise, reasonable people will be reasonable and unreasonable people won't be. I don't waste time with unreasonable people. If I debate it's because I want to be sure my own beliefs are as accurate as possible based on as much tested data as possible. I don't care if someone else is right or wrong or read anything into being right or wrong. If other people want to limit themselves (for whatever reason) that's their prerogative. I'm responsible for me. I want to make good choices for myself using sound reasoning and up to date info. That's enough work without attaching some sort of extraneous, occult, ulterior meaning to it. 🤷♀️
7:40 I wonder how much culture plays into this. It’s seems more of an American thing to want to prove and be right instead of discuss, share, and hear differing perspectives.
I don't want to win the debate I want the right answer. I can debate pretty well but I hate it. Most people are way to simple-minded and tribal to have a productive exchange of ideas and information. Our American society is so sick. I feel so alone and I sure AF don't fit in and boy does my small town let me know. "Get me out of here No one should live like this" -Billy Pilgrim
I am an infj and I felt like I didn’t fit in my whole life. I have learned to hide it and fit in superficially but with few exceptions it’s still there. I find that the biggest problem is that I don’t do herd mentality. If I am told something is a fact I don’t blindly accept it, I will investigate it for myself and more often than not find that the concept a lot more complicated at best or an outright lie at worst. But I can’t tell people this, they want to believe what the herd believes. I really don’t understand how people can fight so aggressively to defend a concept that they don’t know is so. It’s something else I have to keep to myself.
My T and F are fairly 50/50. I scored as INTJ in college but since motherhood I have leaned more into INFJ. However, whenever I am faced with a conflict dilemma, I rely on logic to help me come to how to interact with other people, once my intuition is set off about them. I have a heavy sense of right and wrong, etc so in this way I suppose I am not as much INFJ… although, I do try to see the other party’s perspective even if I strongly disagree. In the end, however, if logic doesn’t add up and they are obviously violating ethics, especially if they are public servants and leader figures in a group, I go super saiyan and tell them off in the most blunt “harsh” ways and PUBLICLY before door slamming.
Hi Lauren, Yes, it seems that a fraction of the masses live within a competitive mindset that deprives others of the validity of their experience simply as a tactic of social competition. My psychotic sex performances made me famous in the porn industry and all the psychiatrists that I've talked to tell me that they don't believe my celebrity-surveillance story and it just seems to me that some people don't want me to know that I'm gifted and this is the game that they play. The game that some people play is called, 'I'm not going to tell you who you are and I'm going to disagree with what you tell me you are.' My father was a mathematician and an eye surgeon and a top level medical researcher. I have a university degree in molecular genetics and immunology. I'm a Heyoka empath. I'm gifted. Psychiatrists are always disagreeing with my celebrity story and it makes me want to f/uck up the psychiatrists. When I tell people my celebrity-surveillance story I'm ready to explode on them if they try to invalidate me. A fraction of the masses practice invalidation as a defense against feeling small. If people feel small next to my accomplishments that is their pathetic problem to own. I have to tell some invalidating people that the pathetic problem is their social competition.
I’ve just learned I’m an infj/p, my j & p are about 50/50. Also, I finally did my birth chart & learned my moon sign is in Pisces. Anybody else fit this? It’s all very confusing to me but it’s making a lot of since so far
One question, are INFJs kind of a ‘lightweight’ personality? Hope you know what I mean 😅 Unobtrusive, subtle, well, the opposite of being a heavyweight?
So if we parallel this with polytics - INFpeople are closer to communists and socialists? Good, fair and comfortable conditions for everybody is our priority. And mainstream economics lives by the law of winners and competitors. Looks like living in european - more socialistic driven community - will work better for us in this case? That's an interesting direction to think about
Just what we need. More superficial labels instead of dealing with the individual person as all of us are multivariate and complex. I tolerated this nonsense for 40+ years in corporate America and never saw it improve relations between people.
It's just one lens to look at yourself and others through. It can give you insights and help you grow as a person. If it becomes your whole identity, it can limit you and create problems. Just take it lightly. From someone who's always struggled with labels and identities.
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It’s not just about fitting in, it’s about choosing not to impress others just so we can make connections. Genuine connections aren’t forced.
Are you an INFJ? Because they have Fe and want harmony
@@MomandBuggs I’d say so. The point is we want harmony to the point that sometimes we try forcing unhealthy connections with the purpose of creating harmony (i.e. codependency or manipulation of unhealthy people/situations to “fix” them)
@@colonelgraff9198 Yeah "fixing" or even just helping people can be a trap. The person becomes dependent on you. I have helped people and then felt guilty for not helping them anymore or running away. It just became something that i didn't foresee unfortunately. I have trouble setting good boundaries while still trying to help my mother for instance and trying to find the balance. Do I cold turkey my mother?? or do I try to help since she is getting older?? but she goes to the gym?? I think because we are good people, people use us and take us for granted especially family
@@MomandBuggs Hence it’s imperative to identify and set proper boundaries without door slamming or being a doormat.
@@colonelgraff9198 yes that's true. I need to discuss this with my therapist because I feel lost with my mother. Any other person I could just block them lol
I'm 43 years old. When I look around I'm really glad I don't fit in.
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
Me too! I could care less 😌
ME TO!!!
I get that, too.
You are so accurate with your understanding of us. I feel very drained by the constant competition and aggression in our society. Sometimes I have participated in it through necessity ie to get a job or accepted onto a course, and have won and beaten others, but after a while I realised the prize wasn't actually something that made me happy at all. I'd prefer to live quietly in a cottage somewhere with a garden, self employed with animals, a nice partner, a few friends and a peaceful life of nature, good food and peace. I had a life like this for a few years, I am aiming to build a life like this again for myself.
I find this a very good advice - which I am very near to reach, at the age of 70+
♥️😀🙋
Amen, Kate.
What a dream life. So has to be the right mate. The wrong person will destroy everything.
This is the goals 🙌
I used to think not fitting in was a curse, but it's actually a superpower. The right people will gravitate to you for genuine connections. I will always be a radical weirdo but I own it now. Some people love that.
The good news is that the older we get, the less fitting in matters and the more appealing not fitting in becomes - oh, meanwhile we get really good at blending in (temporarily), instead.
_"These shamans and healers, men and women, typically live on the outer rims of the village. They are _*_in_*_ the village but not _*_of_*_ the village. Their role is to know the rhythms of the natural world while, at the same time, observe the rhythms of human culture."_
We need you more than ever, INFJs & INFPs - healers, prophets, diviners, artists, and custodians of wellness and harmony. ✨️
As both leaders and outsiders of society, you're able to communicate, in myriad beautiful ways, vital concepts from beyond the ordinary perceptions of everyday life that many of us just can't see.
You keep us, the sleepwalkers, awake! 😍
Thank you, @Lauren. 🙏🏻
Curious about where the quote is from?
I would like to use it but want to give proper credit to the author.
The problem is we INFP’s and INFJ’s value authenticity and we kind of believe everyone else does too. INFP’s Especially when we are young and naive it’s projection in a sense. But soon we come to a rude awakening when people start treating us with contempt, using us and taking us for granted. INFJ’s want to help people and fall into bad situations too
My eyes roll extra hard when ppl describe themselves as compassionate and open minded when they're really not. Most ppl interact with others just to be heard. Ppl share their opinions for others to either agree with them or to argue just to argue. Its rare for ppl to look at ideas objectively. Its rare for ppl to truly emphasize/ sympathize with others unless they've experienced it themselves.
I like the idea of interacting with others and sharing ideas but realistically I leave most social interactions extremely drained because most ppl are only interested in having an audience. I feel like Ive walked through life collecting facts about ppl but I can confidently say no one knows who I truly am. Not even my own mother. Its very lonely.
I recognize a lot! ❤
Same here
I’m a 51 yr old (F) INFP. I’ve been awkward and struggled socially my whole life. I feel cursed and lonely in this world.
❤
54 INFP. I haven't fit in since high school. There are so many people I cannot be around anymore. So many predators out there.
Not everyone is bad.
As another infp, I'd say the key is to fit in _logically_ . Don't be pressured to _feel_ the same thing other people do, ya just need to understand their logic
53 F INFP - advice: get a garden - planting green things gives peace of mind.
I believe I should remove myself from conversations, spot on! It's a waste of energy!
…we needn’t attend every invitation to argue 😅
I was waiting for this topic for so long. Not fitting in is THE biggest struggle/pain of my life. I would love to build the community of like minded people who share the same values, but they are so rare to find...
I think we have got this community with Lauren! 🌻
Yep, hard to fit in anywhere. Hard struggle for sure.
I really enjoy your videos. I don't like bringing attention to myself, but I am a hyper sensitive, INFJ Virgo. Sometimes I get very tired of myself; other times I get very tired of everyone else. On the whole, I am grateful to be me and alive.
Me too - I am an INFJ Virgo. And recognize myself in what you say! ❤
@@saramariasdotter3681 oh no...poor girl ! I look for the simple pleasures--that is, I try to be happy with the simple things. Gratitude helps replenish my batteries. Otherwise NOTHING is ever right or good enough :)
I'd rather discuss than debate, but somehow discussions turn into debates.
You got me! I bother people too much when I ask “why”, or engaging questions to get their positions. It’s usually perceived as a threat or a challenge to their position, intellect, or even character.
When for us its pretty superficial or its just not that big of a deal
My Ne is very curious but yeah some people don't like that and find it threatening. I don't even ask anything personal and they still get upset. For instance have they been a certain tourist site because they live 2 hours away from it
My favorite question is why. That doesn't even make sense or will it fix the problem. I had no problem throwing my two cents worth in the problem. When somebody says just let the water roll off your back like a duck. Run the other way.
Same here, totally resonate with you feeling.
Also noticed that
I can definitely see all sides of a conflict.
You’re so spot on, Lauren. I’ve been having this feeling of not fitting in for as long as I remember myself. I truly hate competition. I strive towards cooperation. And yes, I am a healer, literally too. I’m a healthcare professional by training. Love your channel ❤❤❤.
I am watching your videos from last 3 months and I found many of my questions answered. Even though I don't want to trap me in the INFJ patterns, I start appreciating myself a lot more. From childhood, I used to write stories, do art, produce music and pretty much anything which fascinates me. I am very fast learner and good in pattern recognition. Due to that I always got mocked and envied by others. It made me very self conscious, always doubting my capabilities end up forcing me look at myself from the eyes of others and feel that I am not enough for anything. I am slowly getting better. Lets see where it goes. Thanks for reading.
Thank you Lauren! From the bottom of my heart. What a struggle to live in this world sometimes for me. Your words resonate and are helpful. Thank you.
In addition,
Try other out other countries. I’ve noticed throughout traveling that your personality traits can align more with a culture in other nations as opposed to your own.
An example...as a Roman Catholic, I attended a Baptist tent revival in a small Appalachian community where i live...why? To experience and grow in understanding and to love " my
neighbor "... I came away knowing the preacher is sincerely a man devoted to God!!... and that we ALL seek the healing Gods love for us provides ...it just takes different forms..61 year old infj
I used to be like this but the past few years have made me more fixed in my opinions because I don’t feel that there’s an openness to my opinions and only the mainstream narrative is allowed. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all.
❤
Great discussion, Lauren! I like that you talked about how when we try to have a discussion and give our "light" opinion, we're either dismissed, belittled, or told we're basically wishy-washy. This is true, and I hadn't put it together with our healing nature before, but your explanation made sense. Thanks so much!😊
If this is true, it makes a lot of things make more sense. I find it troubling how folks that claim to be empathic, are only capable of being empathic for easy emotions or for the end goal of posturing for attention. I also see how hard I have to work at meeting people where they are at to understand and communicate more effectively but I do not see the resemblance of an ounce of effort from their end to understand anyone. I don’t think I’m a healer of any kind. I’m just trying to get through the day most days. But these concepts you speak of are opening my mind as to why I appreciate working by myself for the past decade or more. I really appreciate being able to listen to people, who hopefully know more about this kind of stuff than I do, and can explain it in a way that helps me grow. Thank you for your time and effort in what you are doing.
I honestly think you just explained the entirety of my kindergarten to third grade years and all the frustration that I've held on to in the 25 years since.
I know you're primarily INFJ but as an INFP I appreciate this too because there are a lot of similarities between both types. I'm actually in love with an INFJ so I love to see the bridge between both types from another source
I'm an INFP in love with an INFJ too. He doesn't know it though
Same here.
These types complement each other really well. The infp's I know really need nurturing from others and the infj is great at that.
@@MomandBuggs No I haven't let on in obvious terms either
@@marybell2002 true with the needing of nurturing
There is so much misinformation out there in the typology sphere on what a INFJ even is. Good upload!
Thank you so much for your videos - an infj teenage girl tryna figure it out. A quick suggestion i noticed most of ur videos focus on the infj struggles (probably because there are a lot) i was wondering if u coukd do a couple videos on the pros of being an infj infp and even those two as a couple since my current partner and most of my other ones and close friendships are infp!
This is sooo eye opening. Thank you for sharing this wealth of knowledge.
Yep, we do all share the same family of origin issues I have noticed as well.
As an INFJ, I always attracted the ENFPs and ENTPs, and we vibe very well together. They love putting us under their wings. When I attract an ENTP girlfriend, she's usually the Belle of the Ball and very popular in many different groups, taking the spotlight and I am okay with that. We, as people, are attracted to others with similar IQs and maturity levels. I am growth oriented, that makes me more mature as a male in my peer group, that means I also attracted girls when I was younger because girls are matured for their age. I started dating girls when I was 13, had my first love at 17.
I personally believe the digital age, especially with the addiction to anti-social media platforms is the cause, and not our cognitive functions. INFJs in their 50s, 60s and beyond grew into adulthood during the analog age, we had friends to play with because staying at home was so boring. INFJs are social chameleons, I had various peer groups where I can lone wolf in and out of whenever I want, and felt accepted. INFJs are more objective with our counseling, like a professional counselor in their office sitting behind their desk, healing others is a secondary objective...getting to know people is our primary objective. We have social skills because we are a people person.
I go thru cycles of being on my own (and loving it) to dating a foxy ENTP tomboy. She's all I need to feel understood.
INFJs are different from INFPs because we often get a wander-lust bug that bite us, and we often make solo excursions out into the extrovert's world...how else do you think we get ENFPs and ENTPs friends and mates? Not by staying at home on the computer all day and night.
Amazing post, thank you!!
Being not seen and valued is painful.
INFP and InFJ are so similar yet different…I am an INFP with a strong sense of right and left…but strive not to be legalistic about it.
INFJs have a detracted perspective of this world. A helicopter like view
A helicopter view is expansice and we see every detail.
I’m 75 years old and have struggled to find ways to be with people. Most people seem to find me annoying. Lately, I have chosen to simply avoid anyone who is irritated by me. My life is much more peaceful.
Thank you, Ms. Sapala, for sharing these videos. As an INFJ, it is very illuminating to uncover the underlying reasons behind my behaviors and thought processes, and that it's not something to be ashamed of.
Oh my goodness, you have hit the crux of the issue spot on. That’s exactly it, though I’ve never really seen it so clearly before
This is SO spot on. Thank you. 🙏🏼
I'm glad you brought up the point that being able to hold many peoples opinons and Ideas isn't people pleasing or being a chameleon...in the case of people with our personality types..it's really just high consciousness...being able to see past the limited scope of your own ego. I mistook myself as a people pleaser for awhile and saw it as weakness which it really isnt. I hope what you said hits home to people in your audience who may have also mislabeled themselves as people pleasers.
I find it hard being a male sensitive healer and dealing with women. Women dont want good, attentive, healer, life expanding types. They want aloof, non feeling, brick wall types. I have no problem being a chameleon if i want to hook up, but if i show who i really am, or when i just cant take being a chameleon anymore, its over.
Do you have Asperger's? Are you an INFJ? I ask because it sounds like Asperger masking
A lot of women want your type. They cannot be generalized like that. My wife loves that I'm "not like the other guys" she's dated. We are very happy 💖
What kind of woman wants a non feeling brick wall in her man, where are you finding these damaged women
Thank you for this. Just wish I'd heard this when I was 12 instead of pushing 50
I'm older and a newer widow. I'm finally accepting that I'll never fit in. My friend groups are kind of intimidated by me . I'm more together and confident, naturally. If I am ultra kind and accepting of my friends, who feel self conscious, if I show them i respect their gifts... They feel better and are glad that I'm not bulldozing them. Sometimes if I shine too much they try to put me down, but I've learned to be at arm's length when they feel insecure. I guess i realize they are feeling negative feelings. I'm not feeling negative. Im the one who is secure and confident. And that can upset them. I just walk away now and let it sit with them.
I’m INTP and rarely ever feel like I’m fitting in. I am very indifferent to most things people have to say. Conversely, many people do not like my ramblings or counter arguments. Sometimes I don’t care, but it can be a very lonely experience.
We refuse to be false or shallow ...so chit chat is out. Boy,could I tell you stories...lol!
Thank you for posting this it is so helpful to hear more about the chameleon effect. I find that it's only detrimental when it comes in tandem with or as a result of, people-pleasing which is the result of trauma.
In fact it was only with superficial or subjective issues that we see all sides of a situation. In matters of values or things that I hold close as a moral issue, I am extremely passionate and I've been called "stubborn", confusing being so contradictory to another frequent criticism from early days of being wishy-washy.
very well explained Lauren
This is a great video..I can definitely relate to it as an INFP. Thank you!
"A prophet is not without honour, but in his own country, and among his own kin, and in his own house."
- Mark 6:4
Feeling very seen right now!
When I first got divorced, in my 40's, I remember thinking, if I was going to traverse another relationship, I would need to find another INF.
Because we easily see how much bs permeates every aspect of society
10:47 The Art of Peace is very useful. Learn to deflect the energy. Applicable in many levels and worth the read and thought ♥️
Darling, NO ONE fits in. Those who seem to (as a comparison) have made terrible sacrifices in order to do so. Consider Cinderella's step-sisters. One actually had surgery performed in order to fit... there is no need (that I know of) to change your heart, but to continue to act from it. You'll find your niche at the same time it finds you. The world has wagged as it has for some billions of years, and it's not about to revolutionize the routine for any of us. This is a savage garden, to quote Anne Rice - I call it ''The Terrible Marvel''. It's school all bloody over again! But, please consider that each moment is a benevolent teacher, and, as a final quote from The Stones: Ya can't always get what you want... if we live in this field of trust in the process and that desires are simply what they are - feeling of lack - then we can more skillfully negotiate this old and very smart world. Much good fortune I wish for you.
Im an INFP im so incredibly sensitive to other people getting caught in their ideas and missing the bigger picture and in turn them getting caught up in their belifs to the point of getting aggressive and forcefully trying to make me 100% agree with them. Theres far too much nuance particularly when it comes to politics to play games like that. I desperately want to receive the compassion i try to give to people particularly in the understanding that people aren't simply good or evil vut a mox of both loght and dark aspects. I believe that the world could heal if they can integrate all of who they are instead of denying and avoidance of the darker parts that inevitably find a way to the surface
I really liked this episdode. Felt like you were talking to me.
The only time I really want to feel understood is if I think something I'm trying to communicate would greatly benefit the recipient. Sadly, this has been perceived as either combativeness or neediness. Either way, their loss. Otherwise, reasonable people will be reasonable and unreasonable people won't be. I don't waste time with unreasonable people. If I debate it's because I want to be sure my own beliefs are as accurate as possible based on as much tested data as possible. I don't care if someone else is right or wrong or read anything into being right or wrong. If other people want to limit themselves (for whatever reason) that's their prerogative. I'm responsible for me. I want to make good choices for myself using sound reasoning and up to date info. That's enough work without attaching some sort of extraneous, occult, ulterior meaning to it. 🤷♀️
7:40
I wonder how much culture plays into this. It’s seems more of an American thing to want to prove and be right instead of discuss, share, and hear differing perspectives.
I don't want to win the debate I want the right answer. I can debate pretty well but I hate it. Most people are way to simple-minded and tribal to have a productive exchange of ideas and information. Our American society is so sick. I feel so alone and I sure AF don't fit in and boy does my small town let me know.
"Get me out of here
No one should live like this"
-Billy Pilgrim
I am an infj and I felt like I didn’t fit in my whole life. I have learned to hide it and fit in superficially but with few exceptions it’s still there. I find that the biggest problem is that I don’t do herd mentality. If I am told something is a fact I don’t blindly accept it, I will investigate it for myself and more often than not find that the concept a lot more complicated at best or an outright lie at worst. But I can’t tell people this, they want to believe what the herd believes. I really don’t understand how people can fight so aggressively to defend a concept that they don’t know is so. It’s something else I have to keep to myself.
Its called mass formation psychosis, look up Mattias Desmet 💙
My T and F are fairly 50/50. I scored as INTJ in college but since motherhood I have leaned more into INFJ. However, whenever I am faced with a conflict dilemma, I rely on logic to help me come to how to interact with other people, once my intuition is set off about them. I have a heavy sense of right and wrong, etc so in this way I suppose I am not as much INFJ… although, I do try to see the other party’s perspective even if I strongly disagree. In the end, however, if logic doesn’t add up and they are obviously violating ethics, especially if they are public servants and leader figures in a group, I go super saiyan and tell them off in the most blunt “harsh” ways and PUBLICLY before door slamming.
💜 Synchronicity re:healers.
I am listening to Martha Beck's "Making Your Way in a Wild New World" ❤
Healing consciousness.
I'm against the current world system and how people are economically slaves to this system.
Hi Lauren,
Yes, it seems that a fraction of the masses live within a competitive
mindset that deprives others of the validity of their experience simply
as a tactic of social competition. My psychotic sex performances made
me famous in the porn industry and all the psychiatrists that I've talked
to tell me that they don't believe my celebrity-surveillance story and it
just seems to me that some people don't want me to know that I'm
gifted and this is the game that they play. The game that some people
play is called, 'I'm not going to tell you who you are and I'm going to
disagree with what you tell me you are.' My father was
a mathematician and an eye surgeon and a top level medical
researcher. I have a university degree in molecular genetics and
immunology. I'm a Heyoka empath. I'm gifted. Psychiatrists are
always disagreeing with my celebrity story and it makes me want to
f/uck up the psychiatrists. When I tell people my celebrity-surveillance
story I'm ready to explode on them if they try to invalidate me.
A fraction of the masses practice invalidation as a defense against
feeling small. If people feel small next to my accomplishments that
is their pathetic problem to own. I have to tell some invalidating
people that the pathetic problem is their social competition.
I’ve just learned I’m an infj/p, my j & p are about 50/50. Also, I finally did my birth chart & learned my moon sign is in Pisces. Anybody else fit this? It’s all very confusing to me but it’s making a lot of since so far
Thanks
I’m an INTP and the majority of people seem very unintelligent to me.
Yesss‼️
One question, are INFJs kind of a ‘lightweight’ personality? Hope you know what I mean 😅 Unobtrusive, subtle, well, the opposite of being a heavyweight?
Sorry but I am infj and am happy that i dont fit in, its who i am.
So if we parallel this with polytics - INFpeople are closer to communists and socialists? Good, fair and comfortable conditions for everybody is our priority. And mainstream economics lives by the law of winners and competitors. Looks like living in european - more socialistic driven community - will work better for us in this case? That's an interesting direction to think about
Just what we need. More superficial labels instead of dealing with the individual person as all of us are multivariate and complex. I tolerated this nonsense for 40+ years in corporate America and never saw it improve relations between people.
It's just one lens to look at yourself and others through. It can give you insights and help you grow as a person. If it becomes your whole identity, it can limit you and create problems. Just take it lightly. From someone who's always struggled with labels and identities.
@@grim524Yes, that's how I look at it, too.
Wow ... how you get me.
INFJs kinda fit in a little bit better because of Fe
@@brocklytodd5317 INFJ’s are the most social of the introverts. INTJ’s come off like extroverts when they’re really introverts
We may get along better because of Fe, but we are often less understood because Fe overrides self-expression.
Absolutely true and what a great explanation 🩷