I remember sex sounding scary as a teen… imagine that until 49! It would be ingrained in you by then. I doubt I would be able to do it if I was a virgin until then.
She's married now. The days of maintaining her purity for marriage are over. This is every man's worst nightmare. This woman (his wife) is very immature and needs to see a therapist.
I knew a friend who got married when she was 64 years old and was a virgin. She said she was too busy being a Caregiver to her parents and running a household to think about dating. She is happy with her man now.
@Hulda's Journey, everyone doesn’t have the same life. I’ve been parenting my parents since I was a little girl. I was raised very much to do just exactly that. I have my own life to some extent but they very much made me a person who feels I have to put them first and it is a huge obstacle to me in my own progress. Running a household does not necessarily mean with ones spouse and ones own children. I’ve been responsible for the household of others since I can remember. I have to make sure they’re okay, getting along, my dad isn’t drinking, my mom’s mental issues aren’t taking over, each is getting at least some attention, they’re at least trying to tend to their own health issues, the shopping is getting done, the cleaning is getting done and the meals are healthy and constant. That’s running a household. I literally don’t remember a time I haven’t had to do at least some of these things and the responsibilities grew over the years. It will only continue to grow as the age and can no longer fully take care of even dressing, bathing and eating. If I die before my parents I will never know even one moment of my life where I’m not responsible for my parents.
33 and a virgin.....It is nice to know that I'm not the only one. I'm glad to hear about other women who are older than me who were virgins when they got married later in life. It takes a special man that is willing to be patient and who honors her values especially during courtship.
As a 40yr old virgin myself (I am voluntarily waiting to be within the marriage covenant with my husband), I thought how sweet of him to be so concerned for her and hope I too can find a loving husband like him one day. She has a real keeper there. Lord bless their union 😊❤🙏
@@amyteurlife9408 for some reason this doesn't sound kind, imo..... I applaud this lady for staying a virgin until her/their wedding night!!! Good for you, @cindy! Praise God for strong and virtuous singles!
@@truthisinthebible It doesn't have to be kind. IMO. Marrying a 40 year old virgin will come with a box full of unknown or little know problems that might not be easy or possible to deal with, especially if the male isn't a virgin. Look at it like hiring for a company. Most companies doesn't want people who aren't experienced in the job they're trying to fill. Often time, when the person hired IS inexperienced, it is a very very very long and trying journey to learn the job and prove their asset to the company. No different in a relationship. I'm not at all interested in a woman that I have to TEACH or go through the process of her trying to figure out her damn body from the sexual standpoint at 40 years old. No thank you.
@officialmoondancer And that's why she would like to find someone kind like the man calling in on the show and not someone like you, so the good news is that most 40 year old virgins aren't looking for what you're offering either. The feelings are mutual, so you are not in any danger of ending up with someone who is waiting for that man to give all of herself to for life. 👍
Hi, Cindy! May I ask why it took so long? Was it psychological? A physical block? What things were put in place in order for the consummation to happen?😘
The fact that this guy is able to grasp and articulate that her purity is part of her identity is amazing. He’s a good one. I hope she can work through her issues with her purity and they can have a great sex life and a loving lasting marriage. I’d love an update from these two.
He's a "good one" because his standards are so low he's willing to wait on a 50yo virgin who can't even give him children? It's crazy what you all reward. You love pushoverness.
Had an Aunt that NEVER dated and was kissed till she was 40, then fell in love and married. She was VERY happy being married. Don't think there were any problems, all by the way they acted.
But you don't know that. All you know is how they acted around you, and the key word is acted. You don't know what went on behind closed doors with the two of them. Maybe they were happy with other aspects of their lives and simply didn't discuss the sexual part of it. You don't know. And, having sexual issues isn't something that an aunt usually talks about with her niece anyway. Even if everything did go well for her, that's not true for everyone as this caller shows.
Sounds like for her he hasn't been able to get past second or third base yet. I'm sure he knows how being married once before. Good advise none the less.
I was raised in a cult and purity was very strict. I got married at 29 and it took me months before I could get a good night sleep. I felt like I was sinning just sleeping next to a man. Every 3rd or 4th night I would sleep in the spare bedroom to get a full nights sleep. I think some beliefs have done more harm than good. Balance is always needed. Wish this lovely couple all the best!
I was raised mormon so I totally get it. I felt the same way before I removed myself from a cult. Hope your healing and freedom with your spouse is very blessed
Yeah that’s extreme and not healthy. Purity is very important though. Sex within marriage is pure though. It’s beautiful. It brings forth life. It’s love that you show to the most important person (your spouse). I’m sorry that wasn’t taught to you properly. I protected myself greatly before marriage and my purity was extremely important. But I was absolutely excited to start my life with my husband and be intimate with him.
No, he's just desperate at this point. If they are already married why hasnt this happened yet? He signed up for a bad deal. He must be reliving himself in the dark. Are they waiting around for old age?
@@Faithistheanswer that’s possible. There’s more to the story here I suspect. But he really is showing compassion here. Who knows the real reason for what’s going on behind the scenes. I hope they are both able to work through it and enjoy what should be a mutually beneficial physical component of a loving relationship. Clearly he loves and respects her.
As someone in their 30s that’s waiting until marriage, I’m thankful there are still men that respect women who wait. While virginity isn’t my whole personality, it is something that I’ve based a heck of a lot of my life choices around. I pray this couple has 50+ more years of the best most romantic life together.
My brother is just now 34 and a virgin for the same reason. He's traveled nearly 50 states and to Japan and some islands somewhere, searching for "the one". I feel so bad for him and wish that he wasn't so shy and so particular. His IQ is too high for his own good sometimes 😂
Thank you for sharing this, I watch way too much Sex and The City haha and I feel like “ah 30s = sex” but that just isn’t me. I’m 21, still a virgin, and am in no rush. I’m still looking for that lovely guy and I know he’s out there. But I am much more excited for the partner in crime thing than sex. I hope you have the happiest marriage as well ☺️💖
@@sarahelo009😂😂 i love this. Have never watched Sex and the City, so i have no referencepoint there.. Buy gosh the 40's 😊 .. LOL.. I was married at 21, and it was cute and fun, but 40's.. wow, it took on a life of its own..😊 There is no rush ladies.. You perfect partner is waiting for you, so that you can enjoy each other together, in a way that no one else has.. and im not just talking physically ... My husband and i are crrently having the time of our lives and he'll be 50 next year... im 42 😌
@@sa-eedadaniels6853 Thank you for this 😊 I love hearing how age adds a new zest to life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm behind, but comments like yours remind me that aging is a beautiful thing! I'll continue to try and take it slow. Congratulations on the happy and loving marriage, that is so inspiring. To add, you guys are 50 and 42 years *young* 😉
Knowing someone like Jack exists just warmed my heart and restored some of my faith in humanity. If only all couples had this level of respect and love for their partners and it was taught to be a standard from an early age, then the world would be a different place.
Ehh, I respect his level of understanding and wish I had it on some level. However, I do genuinely believe something is wrong with you if you've been operating for that long without questioning what you were told as a kid to some reasonable degree because what also potentially could happen is she could do really like it and start down an even worse spiral of wanting it all the time and questioning everything just bad stuff all around.
I am so very thankful for how my parents raised me to treat women. They put in the work to cultivate a heart full of compassion, kindness, and love. We do exist
It's sad that virginity is looked down on... Jack is a good spouse... When they overcome the intimacy issues, it will be the most awesome moment ever...
Yeah it's only attractive when you're young and fertile. By the time you're 40 you're just another man hating feminist who has wrongfully denied men what they are owed lol damned if you do damned if you dont
@@MM-km5zf Broken homes aren't made because of premartial sex. Broken homes are made when two people aren't right for one another. People only go intompremartial sex because they dont want to be stuck with someone who gives bad sex. And if youve never had bad sex before, then it is you whos bad at it.
As an almost 33 year old single virgin...I GREATLY appreciated this video! Thank you, Dr. John. UPDATE: Just got married at 34, I waited, my husband didn't. He LOVED that we waited as a couple and wish he would have like I did...and he's pretty much telling everybody!
It is hard to make the switch from "I am supposed to stay pure and no sex, keeping physical boundaries, most everything is off limits" to suddenly, "we are supposed to do this. We are supposed to have sex. It is expected to happen- there is even some pressure to do it." It is like a total switch and it is a little weird. Especially since it is literally like the flip of a switch- one day you are NOT supposed to, the next you ARE supposed to.
Agree. You go from your parents repeating, “you better never” to “so when are we getting grandkids “ in literally a month. The transition is uncomfortable.
I took a class on human sexuality at a Christian college and our professor basically said this same thing that we are a demographic that often saves ourselves (though he said he wasn’t so naive to think everyone in there was a virgin) then they get to their wedding night and don’t know what to do
I mean it's not out of the blue like you saying at all. She has the dating phase, then engagement phase and then the whole wedding planning to know that the day was coming
As a 29 year old virgin woman who’s never been in a relationship, I can relate so much to the wife. Intimacy seemed like something I used to crave, now it’s slowly becoming harder to imagine. I hope I am able to find love before it becomes too difficult. Jack is such a good guy for being understanding
I relate to the woman in this case. I'm a virgin adult, almost everyone identifies me for my "purity", even my family jokes about it. There's a point when you cannot tell if it was really your choice all along, or it was a social mandate, or if your social skills suck so much that you are unable to be intimate with anybody.
I don't tell anyone that I'm a virgin. It's nobody's business and they will only ridicule you for it or try to take it from you. Basically, telling people that you're a virgin puts a target on your back. It is not wise to share this information with everyday people, only with a romantic partner whom you trust and plan on marrying and being intimate with. I'm a virgin, but I still have a playful and sexy side that throws people off. Let them keep guessing, LOL.
@@tjaspire how about pretending virginity doesn’t really exist and it’s just a social construct like doctors tell us. Then telling or not telling others won’t matter anymore. 😊
@@tjaspire I agree with you. I personally don't share that kind of information, but most people assume it. No partner, no staying overnight, no dating.Even if I try to mask it, if people know me on a daily basis they will notice.
@@tjaspire no lies detected. In years past, men would be horrified and flee the other way because they knew they weren’t getting anything from me. Now, they find it their personal challenge to break you down and get you to abandon your principles. I despise men like that and find them morally reprehensible and cut them off with a quickness. Now, I just keep my own counsel. It is none of their business.
He's right. The whole virginity/purity thing can become an identity, and in a sense, that has to be unlearned. Those are things you do. They are not who you are
A big problem... old brains... old brains are in such a state of decay that trying to learn and feel new things will be 10 if not 100 times harder than a brain half that age
Imagine waiting until marriage to have sex and then getting married and feeling like you have to have sex. That in itself is traumatizing. Just because you are married doesn’t mean things just magically fall in place. Sex therapy is so important especially for people who never learned themselves sexually and had surprised things.
''Imagine waiting until marriage to have sex and then getting married and feeling like you have to have sex. That in itself is traumatizing'' traumating? hmm... interesting...
@@ps123fanhaving sex with a guy she married 3wks ago Is traumatizing?? The problem is this guy is too logical and need to seduce his wife. Give her a massage, wine, music, etc.
Seriously, john handles questions on a level that cant even be compared to Ramsey/Hogan. Which is part of what makes this show a million times more interesting
Not sure why there is comparison. These "Personalities" were brought on because they were great in their own field. They are not supposed to be Generalists. John clearly shines with life situation- type questions.
@@aceoline The point is that his other personalities are pretty bland and vanilla. They're basically second rate robots of Dave.very rarely sharing a unique opinion/thought. John is much better.
Hormonal changes could be a part of the reason. Still, there are people well into their seventies and eighties who still have a lot of intimacy. Even happy young couples age, and their needs change. Healthy couples discuss that.
I'm a young guy (23) and I had no idea people did this. Mind you, I'm Canadian so it might just be different here. I'm not happy that it's like this, but... idk.
I Love Jack. His wife hit the jackpot with him. It might take a little time for them to get into the thick of their sexuality together, but once they do it'll be the kind of deep intimacy we all wish we had.
It's not that complicated. Make her comfortable. Love her with every touch. Take it slow. Make it about her feeling good. No one wins if she gets bad experiences.
I was thinking the same thing. Some people in this comment section are interesting 🙄. She did was she was supposed to do. When a woman feels connected spiritually, emotionally, intellectually she will definitely go there. And after the first 2 times she will be fine.
I just turned 25. Never had a “real” kiss (kissed a boy when I was like 6, then had a couple stage kisses in my adulthood while performing in musicals. nothing legitimate though), never had a boyfriend, never been intimate with anyone, only had one real crush on someone in my life, have only been on 2 dates. All this didn’t used to bother me , since I knew I was young and frankly I just had higher priorities most my life. but now that I’m a quarter of the way through it, it’s getting harder to not feel insecure about not being pursued or pursuing. I would like to wait until marriage, but admitting that I’m a virgin to others starts to feel less like a “good on you!” and more like a “what’s your problem?” as time goes on. But this video just gave me so much hope. It showed me that no matter how long it takes, Mr. Right is going to be out there somewhere. And if he’s the one, he will understand you, and he will be patient with you, and he will love you. Thank you, Jack. Thank you thank you thank you.
I feel the same way and I'm also 25 this year. I hope I don't hit 50 a virgin because I'm still considering having kids and I don't want the option to pass me by if I do find the right guy.
Read Book: When God Writes You Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. All People should read this book, All People should "Read the Book : "When God Writes Your Love Story".
Get comfortable in being comfortable with your own realities. Not every mature virgin struggles with intimacy Likewise, being sexually experienced does not guarantee a healthy sex life.
He should also have praised his strong wife for saving that part of herself for him. It’ll take a minute to change what she shut off for her future husband all those years, but he is blessed with a self disciplined, committed woman.
I met a man years ago while selling cars that was in his upper 50s and said he had never even kissed a woman, much less had sex. It wasn't by choice and he wasn't a bad looking guy and had money and seemed otherwise normal. I remember that vividly since it was a real moment of honesty from one person to another and I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to share that with me even if I didn't know the right thing to say.
@@Von.Juan. nah, not really. Men THINK women are impressed if they’ve had a lot of women but it’s not true. Quite the opposite actually. Men are sluts to impress other MEN. Which is actually hilarious if you think about it.
John D is right, Jack is not normal, but normal sucks. Normal finances (where most people are broke). Normal marriages (where 50% end in divorce). Life is too short to settle for normal.
These folks aren't alone. I was 35 and my wife was 33. We kissed for the first time at the alter and it honestly took us a few days to figure things out. More people should pursue purity while they're single; we'd have less problems in the world.
Just the fact that other people in this world got married and didn't immediately figure out intimacy and sex makes me feel so much less alone. My husband and I were virgins too and I suffered in silence for many years wondering what was wrong with ME that we couldn't just figure out how to be intimate. There is a lot of (mostly unspoken) shame between us that we aren't really sexually compatible and it unfortunately has involved complications with SA on his part and mental health struggles on my part.... yeah it's been a heartbreaking journey but I try to take it one day at a time. Thank you for helping me feel less alone that we didn't immediately just know what to do when we got married ❤
We would also have alot more people stuck with unhappy sex lives in marriage. Virginity does not make some one pure the love in their hearts for their fellow human beings, forgiveness, understanding and caring does. Being a virgin does not meen that you are morally or behaviorally supirior to others. It means that you respect intimacy and are only willing to give that part of yourself to some one you would tue yoirself too. And I say that as somenone who has one who has only been with their husband.
For heaven's sake. Have we all become so used to thinking of men as monsters that we practically canonize a man just because he is being considerate of his wife?! Compare this to how we expect a woman to be gentle and understanding if a man is impotent. She doesn't get praised to high heaven for being nice. Always these two sets of standards. Reminds me of how single fathers are praised as if they were doing something heroic by raising their own children and single mothers are critically observed , certainly not praised.
@@sueblack5794 I hate to be the buzzkill here but I would recommend against waiting for "Mr. Perfect". "Mr. Right" is not always "Mr. Perfect". The longer you wait, the harder it gets to find someone. Same goes for conceiving and having kids for that matter. I'm not suggesting to settle for any bum that will take you but waiting too long could lead to waiting forever.
@@RandomPerson-nd2ey I agree. I think what you’re getting at is not to be too rigid in what the “right person” is going to look like/be like, because the right person may be very different from what one imagines. That doesn’t mean to have no standards, as you said, but that some people need to keep more of an open mind than they do. From a Christian perspective, that would mean 100% surrendering your wants and plans for a relationship/marriage to God, and realizing that God’s plan may look VERY different from yours...but it will still be better.
I knew a guy who was married for a year and still hadn't consummated. Wife had been brainwashed by relatives and if I remember correctly she'd had some early life trauma. I felt so badly for him, he loved her so. Ended up advising him to go to therapy together to work through it. Have no idea what the outcome was.
It's a strange situation. But I think a lot of cuddles without expectation is important. I don't want to be too graphic, but getting used to physical touch is a big start. I have so many suggestions, but won't put it here.
I agree with much of your comment but wouldn't describe this situation as "strange." Nobody is obligated to have sex for the first time in their late teens or early 20s. She waited until she found the right person and did things on her timeline. That's the way it should be. There are definitely some sexually active teenagers who would have waited had they felt less pressure and more autonomy over their bodies.
Jack, do you have a younger brother / son who is just as fabulous as you? Wishing you guys all the best. Your wife is blessed to have you. Thank you so much Dr. John for the wisdom on the need to practice desire as we get older. That was really valuable to hear.
Not realizing you need to practice desire is probably why most relationships end. It is scary when you lose passion for someone you love especially once out of the honeymoon stage. Definitely harder when movies, tv shows and now couples in social media depict couples being passionate all the time. You got to work on desire.
I am 34 yrs old. I am not a virgin but I have been abstinent for 5 years. I wish to meet a Jack that will appreciate that. It has not been easy by any means but I want to give my husband something more pure and clean. I haven't even met him yet but I am already thinking about him and I already respect him and want to remain faithful to him.
It's controversial, to be sure. In the film, Jack's attempt resulted in the door starting to capsize, so he opted out. In Mythbusters, I believe, they showed something similar.
Peri menopause can hit as early as 35 and with that comes physiological changes that become a factor on top of what she is bringing into the marriage emotionally/psychologically
@@nicolcacola SIGN. Shame, insults, guilting, The need to be right. Sorry sis, the female playbook has been exposed. The tricks of yesteryear are no longer going to work men are sharing information. Behavior like this should be pointed out and shamed so men can avoid women and situations like this.
I know right? She had 30 years to get help and done absolutely nothing. What was she expecting when she got married? She sounds weak and immature. No strong woman would get into this position or subject someone else to this level of purity trauma dumping. I would feel absolutely horrible if I knew I dumped this much emotional baggage on someone. If my wife had to phone up a talk show about something like this, I would honestly cry and be ashamed of myself. She's no wife.
He has a wife who has self discipline & has been faithful & loyal to him all her life, who isn’t bringing him STDs, emotional baggage from past partners or abortions, another man’s children. He’s lucky.
Its not empowering its pathetic. He is wasting his time, and she wasted her youth. Boats look nice parked in the harbor but thats not what boats are for.
Menopausal symptoms are tremendously varied, so no two individuals have the identical experience. Not all women get those symptoms, some but not all. Menopause isn't a bucket where you can drop in all women, it varies by many things from how you take care of yourself and what you hormones were like before menopause, heavily realties mostly on genetics, even weight (overweight women tend to have worse symptoms). Who knows she may have already been through it by 49.
@@susanneschmidt6159 Average age is about 50. It really does vary a lot. I know so people that just had zero symptoms and some who had vicious symptoms. Everyone is so different.
It definitely should have been part of the conversation, a consideration. With the many hormonal changes that can come with perimenopause as well, really anyone who is struggling with sex and/or wants to make sex comfortable for a woman in her early 40s or above should consider that there may be hormonal factors. I've never had the stereotypical symptoms, but looking back I see that I had impacts from the hormonal changes of perimenopause starting back at 44 even though I still have a (spaced out) period at 50. John likely didn't even think about this aspect.
Here's the problem. Christian singles are constantly trying to stay faithful to the Lord. Don't have sex is the goal. Then we get married and suddenly we are supposed to have sex and that old voice won't shut off! That doesn't mean singles should have sex. I think marrying young, in 20s is best. I married, finally at 46! 46 years of mostly celibacy messes with your mind when you finally get married. I wish I had gotten married young, but nobody asked me.
I also got married a little later in life. Met my husband when I was in my thirties. Good thing too. If I had married when I was 25, my husband would have been a slovenly 19-year-old. 😂
I agree that Purity culture had problems with its focus (namely, putting all of a woman’s worth into whether she was a virgin or not)-however, statistically, the earlier in age you marry, the more likely you are to be divorced.
I don’t think Christians should date as it’s nowhere in the Bible. Friendship make sense, engagement makes sense as two people engaged can exit this relationship but are already committed, but dating is just for entertainment purposes while there’s no future promises and yet, you should get intimate to certain level with person you are dating but not too intimate… this means messing with your body, soul and mind.
@Heinrich Himmler I don't think that's fair to put it all on him. It takes time to find the groove of things. Plus, they married each other, so they must love each other. It sounds like she might have to either work on herself mentally or maybe she might have a chemical imbalance, or has way too much on her plate. Could be anything.
He is her husband. She chose to accept his marriage proposal. It is not a secret that sex is supposed to be a part of marriage. It is ordained by God. It is in the bible as ro what each should do. She is breaking a biblical command and is defrauding him of the intimacy he deserves. He made the full committment and honored her before God. She is choosing to disrespect his commitment to herThis is a bait and switch that every man knows about. I unfortunately experienced what he is goung through and i foolishly tried counseling and everything to make things work but she wouldn't uphold the committment she made. It is in mmy opinion that the save yourself for marriage thing is just another way females market themselves but they dont have any intentions of honoring Gods word or the committment they made . This happens more than people will admit. I have experienced the true nature of women and have seen the destruction they cause
@@tjaspire Honestly she seems like an emotionally weak woman. She had 3 decades to sort out her hang-ups and it's clear she's done absolutely nothing. Instead she's got married to someone who was patient and perhaps too accommodating for his own good because she knew no other man would put up with it. Doesn't sound like a strong-willed woman at all. She got married and failed to consummate it ultimately breaking her wills.
Wow did you have a gf before? I am a guy who turned 22 just 4 weeks ago and never had a girlfriend before and its kinda bothering me a lot. I use dating apps but rarely get matches by some 18-23 age girls who ends up ghosting or unmatching me for no reason. I do chat with some girls on Instagram whom I knew in high school and they are all 20-22 year olds. I am having a very good chat with a girl who was 2 years my junior in our school days. Now she is 20 and I had the best chat with her for the past 3 days compared to any other girl who lives in my city. But I also like another girl who was my childhood friend when we were in elementary school in 2008-2011. Now she is 21 and only 5-6 months younger than me but we hardly chat much on IG as she doesn't reply to my last message for a week or 2.
I wish you luck, if you're interested in finding a partner. Potentially begin a relationship and perhaps one day get married. I hope that you're surrounded by many loving and caring friends and family members and that you are living a fun and fulfilling life. You may be perfectly happy with your lifestyle at the time of your comment. Wishing you success and happiness on your journey.
😆😆😆 My mom is 64 and has been with her bf 45 for the last 10 months... Same thing... He was in a sexless relationship for 4 years. I'm just glad she lives in Germany and I am not their neighbour lol
I love the way the doctor speaks to this man and handles this sensitive topic. Such good support and advice. I've heard of that book but haven't read it yet. I just want to add that if this still didn't help, you may want to look into a condition called vaginismus. Basically, it's an anxiety-related condition that affects the pelvic floor muscles, making intercourse painful or often impossible. I had this condition in my 20s and I know it can be very isolating. Luckily I received rehabilitation from a place called Women's Therapy center in NY, and you can find lots of information about the condition and treatment on their page. I agree Dr.D- life is too short!
Its not all about sex. Whether married or not, being with my partner, I want her to want me as much as i want her. When im in her its not about getting my rocks off for myself, its about feeling us together as one.
Exactly. Life just happens. I’m 44 year old virgin. I’ve studied, worked, served God abroad. I have wonderful people around me, but for any reason I haven’t found the person to share my life with. I believe in purity before marriage. I’m not traumatized. I’ve been to psychotherapy to see if everything is ok with me and I’m normal, there’s nothing wrong with me! I’m not perfect of course but I’m mentally and emotionally healthy. I do have the desire to get married, I pray to God to find the right man. I pray also that if I do get married, I’ll be able to please my husband, in all areas, I pray I will be able to satisfy my spouse sexually as well.
Where are the men like that hiding!? I can't find one. To get someone to wait till your married is SO hard to find. He is amazing to understand the shut down you have to do to survive. I pray they have a blessed life long marriage!!
Just want to encourage you that I often see a lot of men asking this same question, "where are women like this hiding?" So be encouraged, friend. There are good men out there who want the same things as you. Be faithful to God first and foremost. 💗
Awesome ! I was virgin until married my husband too. Got married at 27 years old not bad at all. Too busy with life and work keep my life busy it was good without worry about boyfriend or husband until the right time with the right person.
Thank goodness, good men exist out there! My husband and I have been married for 8 years, but our marriage wasn’t consummated for 4 months or so. He was patient and kind!
John's response to the kitchen being clean thing was interesting. My first thought would be "How can I clean this dang thing as fast as humanly possible?!?" 😅
Yes, alot of women can't relax and be present in the moment if they have a laundry list of things that need to be done around the house, especially when it won't be done unless she does it. So the more her partner participates (or hires other people to do it), the more rest she gets and the more enjoyment she has with her partner.
She's been fighting against her natural urges of youth for so long. Now those urges have subsided, body has changed. Yeah it's a lot of issues she will need professional help with.
Come as you are is THE finest book on Womens intimacy. It’s rather technical in parts but stick with it. It’s taught me, as a 60s years husband to understand my wife’s perception of sex.
This is awesome!! Jack you have the patience of a saint. God bless you. Dr. Delony your advice as always seems spot on. Currently reading this book and it definitely makes me feel like I finally have some answers. So wish I could get my husband to read it, because he definitely says “what’s wrong with you”.
Dave's dishes story hut so close to home!! My uncle lives on the other side of the country and he is visiting us. He stayed with my other uncle but he came to have dinner at our house Sunday night but he can't drive. So I puckied him up and drove him back. I was expecting to step in the house amd clean up the kitchen because my partner cooked. But when I came in everything was clean and the dishwasher was running!! First thing I thought was... This is such a turn on!!
John I absolutely love how you talk about what intimacy should be. Sex in a happy marriage into your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s..should be a fun, rambunctious, steamy, happy event. We so so so need more people like you screaming this from the rooftops. Thank you for your honest and open candor. In your words “Life is to short not to have an incredible sex life” Yes sir! I couldn’t agree more!❤️
So random but, I just watched this movie. They both tried to fit on the door at first but it tipped and was unstable. Then they realized only one person could lay on the door. People forget about that part.
This video caught my eye because worry that my 35 year old single daughter could end up like this. I pray she finds a good man. I love what you said about not settling for normal. We have had a good solid marriage raised 3 responsible young adults and now discovering how to be rambunctious in semi retirement.
The reason Jack didn't get on the frickin door is because his weight weighed to door down and he was trying to keep rose as far out of the water as possible. It's not because he could fit or not gosh darn it.
Jack, you’re a wonderful guy. God bless you. Hope you two keep trying to developed the emotional/spiritual intimacy so she can embrace the wonders and beauties of physical intimacy.
I think the only thing I would add is maybe she could have a little chat with her doctor. Dryness or pain may be standing in her way. If it has been three weeks of trying to get things to work and it hasn't, I wonder if something might be wrong such as vaginismus or something. A chat with a doctor could possibly save a few problems. What an amazing husband wanting to help his wife! And what an amazing wife for valuing her body and marriage!
Sometimes it's not just a mindset. Struggling with type 1 diabetes issues, I tried so hard and get so sick then men would insult me and leave me. I started to dread it and stopped trying. Becoming solitary and taking care of my needs myself.
1. Being a virgin and 2. being afraid of physical intimacy are entirely two separate issues and are not mutually exclusive.
💯
Being a virgin at 50 does increase the odds. For a multitude of reasons/factors. A few of them are being discussed in this podcast.
exactly but the older you get the larger the crossover in the vendiagram gets larger
I remember sex sounding scary as a teen… imagine that until 49! It would be ingrained in you by then. I doubt I would be able to do it if I was a virgin until then.
@@Cafeallday222❤
When this man said “her purity became a part of her identity” I was blown away by the depth of his understanding and compassion
What if she's lying? Is that not possible?
Are you single?
@@Shadowwind4 I am unmarried.
@@commandershepard9601 are you a girl?
She's married now. The days of maintaining her purity for marriage are over. This is every man's worst nightmare. This woman (his wife) is very immature and needs to see a therapist.
I knew a friend who got married when she was 64 years old and was a virgin. She said she was too busy being a Caregiver to her parents and running a household to think about dating.
She is happy with her man now.
Ridiculous person
@HuldasJourney Parents and siblings? If you have family members that need care due to illness, disability, old age
@Hulda's Journey, everyone doesn’t have the same life. I’ve been parenting my parents since I was a little girl. I was raised very much to do just exactly that. I have my own life to some extent but they very much made me a person who feels I have to put them first and it is a huge obstacle to me in my own progress. Running a household does not necessarily mean with ones spouse and ones own children. I’ve been responsible for the household of others since I can remember. I have to make sure they’re okay, getting along, my dad isn’t drinking, my mom’s mental issues aren’t taking over, each is getting at least some attention, they’re at least trying to tend to their own health issues, the shopping is getting done, the cleaning is getting done and the meals are healthy and constant. That’s running a household. I literally don’t remember a time I haven’t had to do at least some of these things and the responsibilities grew over the years. It will only continue to grow as the age and can no longer fully take care of even dressing, bathing and eating. If I die before my parents I will never know even one moment of my life where I’m not responsible for my parents.
I’m 41 and this gives me hope. Thanks for sharing.
@Hulda's Journey • get a life or stop breathing
33 and a virgin.....It is nice to know that I'm not the only one. I'm glad to hear about other women who are older than me who were virgins when they got married later in life. It takes a special man that is willing to be patient and who honors her values especially during courtship.
Yes. That was my experience.
A partner respecting you is everything
I was 38. No regrets.
34 male here still a virgin.
Got married at 33 as a virgin. No regrets here.
*STRAIGHT TO THE COMMENTS*
yeah boi!
Me too!
😂😂😂 I feel attacked
😂😂😂
😅
As a 40yr old virgin myself (I am voluntarily waiting to be within the marriage covenant with my husband), I thought how sweet of him to be so concerned for her and hope I too can find a loving husband like him one day. She has a real keeper there. Lord bless their union 😊❤🙏
I pray you do ❤
Hopefully if you marry you will be whole and not cause until needed problems for your husband.
@@amyteurlife9408 for some reason this doesn't sound kind, imo..... I applaud this lady for staying a virgin until her/their wedding night!!! Good for you, @cindy! Praise God for strong and virtuous singles!
@@truthisinthebible It doesn't have to be kind. IMO. Marrying a 40 year old virgin will come with a box full of unknown or little know problems that might not be easy or possible to deal with, especially if the male isn't a virgin. Look at it like hiring for a company. Most companies doesn't want people who aren't experienced in the job they're trying to fill. Often time, when the person hired IS inexperienced, it is a very very very long and trying journey to learn the job and prove their asset to the company. No different in a relationship. I'm not at all interested in a woman that I have to TEACH or go through the process of her trying to figure out her damn body from the sexual standpoint at 40 years old. No thank you.
@officialmoondancer And that's why she would like to find someone kind like the man calling in on the show and not someone like you, so the good news is that most 40 year old virgins aren't looking for what you're offering either. The feelings are mutual, so you are not in any danger of ending up with someone who is waiting for that man to give all of herself to for life. 👍
I was 23 and it took me 3 weeks to be able to consumate! I had an amazingly patient gentle husband. It's been 20 years now. ❤
For sure you do! I've never heard of such a thing.
My cousin needed 3 months. Arranged marriage.
Hi, Cindy! May I ask why it took so long? Was it psychological? A physical block? What things were put in place in order for the consummation to happen?😘
Thats awesome, im really happy for you both!
That's wonderful. He's a keeper!
Dave’s response after a long silence: “What’s your household income?”
😂😂😂😂
Jajajajajajajajajajaja
"Sell the car"
Rice and beans, beans and rice
Lol
The fact that this guy is able to grasp and articulate that her purity is part of her identity is amazing. He’s a good one. I hope she can work through her issues with her purity and they can have a great sex life and a loving lasting marriage. I’d love an update from these two.
What are you saying. Working through issues. Like you said. Purety. So it's not a negative sex life is negative. Its evil pervertism immorality
@@Joel-pg4yi she waited so long to get married, therefore to also have sex and she’s been so solidified in purity that she can’t move past it.
he shouldnt have to be struggling and then be called a good one because of it
@@AC-mp7cx didn’t say he had to.
He's a "good one" because his standards are so low he's willing to wait on a 50yo virgin who can't even give him children? It's crazy what you all reward. You love pushoverness.
Had an Aunt that NEVER dated and was kissed till she was 40, then fell in love and married. She was VERY happy being married. Don't think there were any problems, all by the way they acted.
But you don't know that. All you know is how they acted around you, and the key word is acted. You don't know what went on behind closed doors with the two of them. Maybe they were happy with other aspects of their lives and simply didn't discuss the sexual part of it. You don't know. And, having sexual issues isn't something that an aunt usually talks about with her niece anyway. Even if everything did go well for her, that's not true for everyone as this caller shows.
Thanks for sharing. What a lovely story and I believe they're happy.❤
@@theresemalmberg955negative Nelly 😂
That must have been back in the days before people had “issues.”
@@theresemalmberg955that's why they said "THINK" . They dont know
Be a gentleman. Don’t just shove it in. You have to preheat the oven before you bake the bread.
Sounds like for her he hasn't been able to get past second or third base yet. I'm sure he knows how being married once before. Good advise none the less.
Sounds to me like this oven burned out a long time ago.
This is the funniest expression I've ever read! XD
Its been preheating for a half century. The oven door done rusted shut
That's a very classy way to put it
This show should have been called "Dave Ramsey After Dark"
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
That’s too funny!!
Oh lawd 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Omg I laughed out loud
I was raised in a cult and purity was very strict. I got married at 29 and it took me months before I could get a good night sleep. I felt like I was sinning just sleeping next to a man. Every 3rd or 4th night I would sleep in the spare bedroom to get a full nights sleep. I think some beliefs have done more harm than good. Balance is always needed. Wish this lovely couple all the best!
💯💯
I'm so sorry you went through this. Happy healing to you!
@@starrjohnson1327 Thank you!
I was raised mormon so I totally get it. I felt the same way before I removed myself from a cult. Hope your healing and freedom with your spouse is very blessed
Yeah that’s extreme and not healthy. Purity is very important though. Sex within marriage is pure though. It’s beautiful. It brings forth life. It’s love that you show to the most important person (your spouse). I’m sorry that wasn’t taught to you properly. I protected myself greatly before marriage and my purity was extremely important. But I was absolutely excited to start my life with my husband and be intimate with him.
This man has such compassion. What a genuine kind soul.
No, he's just desperate at this point. If they are already married why hasnt this happened yet? He signed up for a bad deal. He must be reliving himself in the dark. Are they waiting around for old age?
He signed up for celibacy in marriage . 🤷🏽♀️ I don’t understand it
@@Faithistheanswer that’s possible. There’s more to the story here I suspect. But he really is showing compassion here. Who knows the real reason for what’s going on behind the scenes. I hope they are both able to work through it and enjoy what should be a mutually beneficial physical component of a loving relationship. Clearly he loves and respects her.
At 49 she could be going through menopause and that can affect her sex drive.
He bought a car and discovered it doesn't run.
As someone in their 30s that’s waiting until marriage, I’m thankful there are still men that respect women who wait. While virginity isn’t my whole personality, it is something that I’ve based a heck of a lot of my life choices around. I pray this couple has 50+ more years of the best most romantic life together.
Best wishes to you ❤️
My brother is just now 34 and a virgin for the same reason.
He's traveled nearly 50 states and to Japan and some islands somewhere, searching for "the one".
I feel so bad for him and wish that he wasn't so shy and so particular.
His IQ is too high for his own good sometimes 😂
Thank you for sharing this, I watch way too much Sex and The City haha and I feel like “ah 30s = sex” but that just isn’t me. I’m 21, still a virgin, and am in no rush. I’m still looking for that lovely guy and I know he’s out there. But I am much more excited for the partner in crime thing than sex. I hope you have the happiest marriage as well ☺️💖
@@sarahelo009😂😂 i love this.
Have never watched Sex and the City, so i have no referencepoint there.. Buy gosh the 40's 😊 .. LOL..
I was married at 21, and it was cute and fun, but 40's.. wow, it took on a life of its own..😊
There is no rush ladies..
You perfect partner is waiting for you, so that you can enjoy each other together, in a way that no one else has.. and im not just talking physically ...
My husband and i are crrently having the time of our lives and he'll be 50 next year... im 42 😌
@@sa-eedadaniels6853 Thank you for this 😊 I love hearing how age adds a new zest to life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm behind, but comments like yours remind me that aging is a beautiful thing! I'll continue to try and take it slow. Congratulations on the happy and loving marriage, that is so inspiring. To add, you guys are 50 and 42 years *young* 😉
Knowing someone like Jack exists just warmed my heart and restored some of my faith in humanity. If only all couples had this level of respect and love for their partners and it was taught to be a standard from an early age, then the world would be a different place.
He seems to be a great guy. May all of us be as lucky to find a Jack.
Ameen!
Ehh, I respect his level of understanding and wish I had it on some level. However, I do genuinely believe something is wrong with you if you've been operating for that long without questioning what you were told as a kid to some reasonable degree because what also potentially could happen is she could do really like it and start down an even worse spiral of wanting it all the time and questioning everything just bad stuff all around.
I am so very thankful for how my parents raised me to treat women. They put in the work to cultivate a heart full of compassion, kindness, and love.
We do exist
All this praise for a man being considerate of a woman. How very little we expect from men that this seems heroic to so many.
It's sad that virginity is looked down on... Jack is a good spouse... When they overcome the intimacy issues, it will be the most awesome moment ever...
@abubakar musa so you gave him a massage? Nice xD
Yeah it's only attractive when you're young and fertile. By the time you're 40 you're just another man hating feminist who has wrongfully denied men what they are owed lol damned if you do damned if you dont
i have heard women proudly announce, "i'll rather test it first before committing to the relationship"...no wonder there are no many broken homes
@@MM-km5zf Broken homes aren't made because of premartial sex. Broken homes are made when two people aren't right for one another.
People only go intompremartial sex because they dont want to be stuck with someone who gives bad sex.
And if youve never had bad sex before, then it is you whos bad at it.
@@geminiots2121 sex will cloud your judgment
Thanks for not being toxic about this topic.
Amen to that.
As an almost 33 year old single virgin...I GREATLY appreciated this video! Thank you, Dr. John.
UPDATE: Just got married at 34, I waited, my husband didn't. He LOVED that we waited as a couple and wish he would have like I did...and he's pretty much telling everybody!
Same
What? You exist?
Huh... are you joking with everyone right now?
@@RandomPerson-nd2ey 100% serious. We exist, we're kind of like unicorns!
35 going on 36 here.
Niiiice😍
It is hard to make the switch from "I am supposed to stay pure and no sex, keeping physical boundaries, most everything is off limits" to suddenly, "we are supposed to do this. We are supposed to have sex. It is expected to happen- there is even some pressure to do it." It is like a total switch and it is a little weird. Especially since it is literally like the flip of a switch- one day you are NOT supposed to, the next you ARE supposed to.
Yes, so true....
Yea almost like it’s a completely artificial concept that doesn’t have any connection to reality or truth.
Agree. You go from your parents repeating, “you better never” to “so when are we getting grandkids “ in literally a month. The transition is uncomfortable.
I took a class on human sexuality at a Christian college and our professor basically said this same thing that we are a demographic that often saves ourselves (though he said he wasn’t so naive to think everyone in there was a virgin) then they get to their wedding night and don’t know what to do
I mean it's not out of the blue like you saying at all. She has the dating phase, then engagement phase and then the whole wedding planning to know that the day was coming
As a 29 year old virgin woman who’s never been in a relationship, I can relate so much to the wife. Intimacy seemed like something I used to crave, now it’s slowly becoming harder to imagine. I hope I am able to find love before it becomes too difficult. Jack is such a good guy for being understanding
I relate to the woman in this case. I'm a virgin adult, almost everyone identifies me for my "purity", even my family jokes about it. There's a point when you cannot tell if it was really your choice all along, or it was a social mandate, or if your social skills suck so much that you are unable to be intimate with anybody.
I don't tell anyone that I'm a virgin. It's nobody's business and they will only ridicule you for it or try to take it from you. Basically, telling people that you're a virgin puts a target on your back. It is not wise to share this information with everyday people, only with a romantic partner whom you trust and plan on marrying and being intimate with. I'm a virgin, but I still have a playful and sexy side that throws people off. Let them keep guessing, LOL.
@@tjaspire how about pretending virginity doesn’t really exist and it’s just a social construct like doctors tell us. Then telling or not telling others won’t matter anymore. 😊
@@tjaspire I agree with you. I personally don't share that kind of information, but most people assume it. No partner, no staying overnight, no dating.Even if I try to mask it, if people know me on a daily basis they will notice.
@@thinkforyourself518 Thanks for your comment! I will take your advice into account. I tend to avoid many social settings out of fear.
@@tjaspire no lies detected. In years past, men would be horrified and flee the other way because they knew they weren’t getting anything from me. Now, they find it their personal challenge to break you down and get you to abandon your principles. I despise men like that and find them morally reprehensible and cut them off with a quickness. Now, I just keep my own counsel. It is none of their business.
He's right. The whole virginity/purity thing can become an identity, and in a sense, that has to be unlearned. Those are things you do. They are not who you are
A big problem... old brains... old brains are in such a state of decay that trying to learn and feel new things will be 10 if not 100 times harder than a brain half that age
The things you do are totally what you are
@@cybertrk it’s not that they are decaying, it’s that she has built this identity for 49 years and is suddenly asked to change.
Purity in marriage is called fidelity it doesn't go out the window but its different :)
this is a waste of time. just get another woman.
Imagine waiting until marriage to have sex and then getting married and feeling like you have to have sex. That in itself is traumatizing. Just because you are married doesn’t mean things just magically fall in place. Sex therapy is so important especially for people who never learned themselves sexually and had surprised things.
Especially because the body looks much different at 49. She probably would have felt much better if she had married younger.
''Imagine waiting until marriage to have sex and then getting married and feeling like you have to have sex. That in itself is traumatizing'' traumating? hmm... interesting...
@@ps123fanhaving sex with a guy she married 3wks ago Is traumatizing?? The problem is this guy is too logical and need to seduce his wife. Give her a massage, wine, music, etc.
@@seadragon1456 You missed the entire call, I see.
@@ps123fan exactly!! How is that traumatizing???
Seriously, john handles questions on a level that cant even be compared to Ramsey/Hogan. Which is part of what makes this show a million times more interesting
I wholeheartedly concur! Granted, John's specialty allows for a pretty wide variety of topics to be addressed, but still...
Not sure why there is comparison. These "Personalities" were brought on because they were great in their own field. They are not supposed to be Generalists. John clearly shines with life situation- type questions.
@@aceoline I stated that there is no comparison
@@aceoline The point is that his other personalities are pretty bland and vanilla. They're basically second rate robots of Dave.very rarely sharing a unique opinion/thought. John is much better.
I chuckle because when we say "there's no comparison" we are indeed making a tacit comparison, implying that one is better than the other. 😉
Surprised that menopause did not come up. This usually has a significant effect on physiology and libido. Talking doesn’t solve estrogen deficiency.
Hormonal changes could be a part of the reason. Still, there are people well into their seventies and eighties who still have a lot of intimacy. Even happy young couples age, and their needs change. Healthy couples discuss that.
Excellent point!!
Keep in mind it’s two men talking.
They have pills that help with that. She needs mental health help and medicine
Men in their early 30 cannot get it up! God has a different plan for everyone!
49?! Whew she is strong. I am 32 still have my vCard and lord it's hard. But there is hope in that she found love. 🥰
I'm a young guy (23) and I had no idea people did this. Mind you, I'm Canadian so it might just be different here. I'm not happy that it's like this, but... idk.
Lol im almost 18... so many years to go😭😭
💪
I salute you
Rebekah Love enjoy it while you can
I Love Jack. His wife hit the jackpot with him. It might take a little time for them to get into the thick of their sexuality together, but once they do it'll be the kind of deep intimacy we all wish we had.
I would imagine she is a good person as well to attract someone like him.
@@sueblack5794 I definitely agree. She was strong in her convictions her entire life. She walks deeply in faith.
He might have to spit start it though.
this should have 1000 likes. Spot on!
@@anyviolet Thank you. I have over 16 thousand likes regarding my comment on a kitty that accepted a puppy as her own. :0)
It's not that complicated.
Make her comfortable. Love her with every touch. Take it slow. Make it about her feeling good. No one wins if she gets bad experiences.
I was thinking the same thing. Some people in this comment section are interesting 🙄.
She did was she was supposed to do. When a woman feels connected spiritually, emotionally, intellectually she will definitely go there. And after the first 2 times she will be fine.
I just turned 25. Never had a “real” kiss (kissed a boy when I was like 6, then had a couple stage kisses in my adulthood while performing in musicals. nothing legitimate though), never had a boyfriend, never been intimate with anyone, only had one real crush on someone in my life, have only been on 2 dates.
All this didn’t used to bother me , since I knew I was young and frankly I just had higher priorities most my life. but now that I’m a quarter of the way through it, it’s getting harder to not feel insecure about not being pursued or pursuing. I would like to wait until marriage, but admitting that I’m a virgin to others starts to feel less like a “good on you!” and more like a “what’s your problem?” as time goes on.
But this video just gave me so much hope. It showed me that no matter how long it takes, Mr. Right is going to be out there somewhere. And if he’s the one, he will understand you, and he will be patient with you, and he will love you. Thank you, Jack. Thank you thank you thank you.
I'm all for waiting but please don't wait until 49 😂 your body does change a lot in that department as you age
I feel the same way and I'm also 25 this year. I hope I don't hit 50 a virgin because I'm still considering having kids and I don't want the option to pass me by if I do find the right guy.
Read Book: When God Writes You Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. All People should read this book, All People should "Read the Book : "When God Writes Your Love Story".
Get comfortable in being comfortable with your own realities.
Not every mature virgin struggles with intimacy
Likewise, being sexually experienced does not guarantee a healthy sex life.
Dont give up.
I love how much Dr. John praised Jack’s kindness and patience. Brought tears to my eyes. 🙌💖
He should also have praised his strong wife for saving that part of herself for him. It’ll take a minute to change what she shut off for her future husband all those years, but he is blessed with a self disciplined, committed woman.
I met a man years ago while selling cars that was in his upper 50s and said he had never even kissed a woman, much less had sex. It wasn't by choice and he wasn't a bad looking guy and had money and seemed otherwise normal. I remember that vividly since it was a real moment of honesty from one person to another and I'm glad he felt comfortable enough to share that with me even if I didn't know the right thing to say.
Maybe it was his way of trying to pick up women, telling them he's a virgin.. lol jk
Men virgins and women virgins are completely different though
@@Von.Juan. Not in Christianity
@@Von.Juan. nah, not really. Men THINK women are impressed if they’ve had a lot of women but it’s not true. Quite the opposite actually.
Men are sluts to impress other MEN. Which is actually hilarious if you think about it.
now with the internet people are admitting or acknowledging this I remember being shammed about how innocent I was in Jr high
The calls John gets on this show are so out there you'd think the titles are clickbait.
yup. I agree .
😂😂this is truth
😂
Life of a therapist. Can you imagine the stories they would tell from patients lives.
I wonder if these calls are real.👀👀
Caller is a brave soul and obv very mature to handle the issue with such love and willingness to understand.
John D is right, Jack is not normal, but normal sucks. Normal finances (where most people are broke). Normal marriages (where 50% end in divorce). Life is too short to settle for normal.
Exactly right.. Life is to short to settle for normal.. Love this statement..
LOOOOOVE this comment♥️
These folks aren't alone. I was 35 and my wife was 33. We kissed for the first time at the alter and it honestly took us a few days to figure things out. More people should pursue purity while they're single; we'd have less problems in the world.
He is a gem
Just the fact that other people in this world got married and didn't immediately figure out intimacy and sex makes me feel so much less alone. My husband and I were virgins too and I suffered in silence for many years wondering what was wrong with ME that we couldn't just figure out how to be intimate. There is a lot of (mostly unspoken) shame between us that we aren't really sexually compatible and it unfortunately has involved complications with SA on his part and mental health struggles on my part.... yeah it's been a heartbreaking journey but I try to take it one day at a time.
Thank you for helping me feel less alone that we didn't immediately just know what to do when we got married ❤
We would also have alot more people stuck with unhappy sex lives in marriage. Virginity does not make some one pure the love in their hearts for their fellow human beings, forgiveness, understanding and caring does. Being a virgin does not meen that you are morally or behaviorally supirior to others. It means that you respect intimacy and are only willing to give that part of yourself to some one you would tue yoirself too. And I say that as somenone who has one who has only been with their husband.
Maybe thinking of it as "purity" is part of the problem
@@heresyisecstasy when you're a child of Satan, anything good is reprehensible to you.
This man is a gem!! Diamond & Ruby 💎 all in one....if more men had this compassion the world would be kinder gentler world..
She also needs to see her female, middle-aged, GYN. She may have gone through, be in the middle of menopause. Physical comfort is vital
Yes, @Gwyn thank you for that post....
I was thinking the same thing.
@Moo I was wondering the same thing.
@Moo I think she means a GYN who specializes in treating middle aged women.
Seriously, lube, use it!
Jack singlehandedly gave me back home in humanity. His very existence genuinely makes me believe in our species more.
For heaven's sake. Have we all become so used to thinking of men as monsters that we practically canonize a man just because he is being considerate of his wife?! Compare this to how we expect a woman to be gentle and understanding if a man is impotent. She doesn't get praised to high heaven for being nice. Always these two sets of standards. Reminds me of how single fathers are praised as if they were doing something heroic by raising their own children and single mothers are critically observed , certainly not praised.
This man is so sweet and caring, great convo.
Lord, please give me someone like Jack who is patient, kind, and gentle (assuming that how he really is). In Jesus name I pray, Amen.🙏🏾
Do you really wanna be almost fifty when he send you a jack? It could be even later.
@@martell8560 I mean, I didn’t mean literally lol. Thanks for catching that though😉
@@martell8560 Waiting for a good man like that, you bet it would be worth it.
@@sueblack5794 I hate to be the buzzkill here but I would recommend against waiting for "Mr. Perfect". "Mr. Right" is not always "Mr. Perfect". The longer you wait, the harder it gets to find someone. Same goes for conceiving and having kids for that matter. I'm not suggesting to settle for any bum that will take you but waiting too long could lead to waiting forever.
@@RandomPerson-nd2ey I agree. I think what you’re getting at is not to be too rigid in what the “right person” is going to look like/be like, because the right person may be very different from what one imagines. That doesn’t mean to have no standards, as you said, but that some people need to keep more of an open mind than they do. From a Christian perspective, that would mean 100% surrendering your wants and plans for a relationship/marriage to God, and realizing that God’s plan may look VERY different from yours...but it will still be better.
he's rare. i wish this couple many years of wedded bliss!
Dave’s answer would be : get her on a diet of rice and beans and sell the car
🤣🤣🤣be nice!! Oooh, you forgot, you don't see the inside of a restaurant unless you're working there. 😉
OMG LOL 😂 😂😂 Thank you!
This one has me giggling!!
And deliver pizzas as a sideline!
😂😂😂
I knew a guy who was married for a year and still hadn't consummated. Wife had been brainwashed by relatives and if I remember correctly she'd had some early life trauma. I felt so badly for him, he loved her so. Ended up advising him to go to therapy together to work through it. Have no idea what the outcome was.
Are they still married?
It's a strange situation. But I think a lot of cuddles without expectation is important. I don't want to be too graphic, but getting used to physical touch is a big start. I have so many suggestions, but won't put it here.
I was going to say the same thing. I know where you're headed. It's important that he's patient and gentle with her.
I agree with much of your comment but wouldn't describe this situation as "strange." Nobody is obligated to have sex for the first time in their late teens or early 20s. She waited until she found the right person and did things on her timeline. That's the way it should be. There are definitely some sexually active teenagers who would have waited had they felt less pressure and more autonomy over their bodies.
Jack, do you have a younger brother / son who is just as fabulous as you? Wishing you guys all the best. Your wife is blessed to have you.
Thank you so much Dr. John for the wisdom on the need to practice desire as we get older. That was really valuable to hear.
Are you interested in someone like him? Keep searching, wisdom is out there
I will date you :)
Not realizing you need to practice desire is probably why most relationships end. It is scary when you lose passion for someone you love especially once out of the honeymoon stage. Definitely harder when movies, tv shows and now couples in social media depict couples being passionate all the time. You got to work on desire.
@@Yummy2u So true. I really hope we hear more of this is more spaces.
Time waits for no man!
I am 34 yrs old. I am not a virgin but I have been abstinent for 5 years. I wish to meet a Jack that will appreciate that. It has not been easy by any means but I want to give my husband something more pure and clean. I haven't even met him yet but I am already thinking about him and I already respect him and want to remain faithful to him.
This is about virgins...
I'm glad he addressed the Jack and Rose door topic lol
It's controversial, to be sure. In the film, Jack's attempt resulted in the door starting to capsize, so he opted out. In Mythbusters, I believe, they showed something similar.
Yup. I got upset about that as a tween.
Maybe taken turns?
Right? Bout time somebody said it! She is floating on a door the size of a soccer field. Somehow she couldn't spare a square.
@@kingofalldabblers LOL. This conversation cracks me up.
Rambunctious...great word...as a virgin girl who nva found the one , sexual frustration really sucks
How did Menopause not come in to this conversation?
Peri menopause can hit as early as 35 and with that comes physiological changes that become a factor on top of what she is bringing into the marriage emotionally/psychologically
Bc menopause is largely ignored as something women just need to handle in silence. So frustrating
Because it's a conversation between men!
This is a real man. Respect.
He's a simp.
@@Transfixion "Simp" is used by adolescent minded men.
@@nicolcacola SIGN. Shame, insults, guilting, The need to be right. Sorry sis, the female playbook has been exposed. The tricks of yesteryear are no longer going to work men are sharing information. Behavior like this should be pointed out and shamed so men can avoid women and situations like this.
@@Transfixion you have deep mommy issues. Heal.
@@Transfixion Bet you with everything in me he ends up happier in life than you.
With that level of fear as he said I believe she would benefit from counseling.
That was my first thought. Counseling prior to marriage.
I know right? She had 30 years to get help and done absolutely nothing. What was she expecting when she got married?
She sounds weak and immature. No strong woman would get into this position or subject someone else to this level of purity trauma dumping. I would feel absolutely horrible if I knew I dumped this much emotional baggage on someone. If my wife had to phone up a talk show about something like this, I would honestly cry and be ashamed of myself.
She's no wife.
He's a grown man not a man child. She's lucky
A man wanting sex with his wife makes him a child? 😂😂😂
He’s lucky, every man wants a virgin
@@benjaminkell3726A man who thinks marriage is about sex is a child, a man who thinks he is owed sex is a child.
This man is an adult
He has a wife who has self discipline & has been faithful & loyal to him all her life, who isn’t bringing him STDs, emotional baggage from past partners or abortions, another man’s children. He’s lucky.
Instead, she brought him monastery for nuns emotional baggage. It's not much better that those things really. Same outcome: no intimacy.@@sarahd1706
I need a Jack in my life!!! He's so awesome and has such an empowering context about his situation.
Its not empowering its pathetic. He is wasting his time, and she wasted her youth. Boats look nice parked in the harbor but thats not what boats are for.
@@commandershepard9601 You leave a car parked without ever running the motor it becomes decrepit, rusted and falls apart.
Apparently his ex wife didn't think he was so awesome.
@@steve8803 People leave good people all the time. Women also initiate 80% of divorces. No way are all of those men bad husbands.
@@sueblack5794 That's nice. Doesn't change what I said.
What a great guy this woman found. Loved this call.
She got lucky for sure.
That is menopause age. That really does change your body. Hot flashes, insomnia, weight gain, lots of physical changes.
Menopausal symptoms are tremendously varied, so no two individuals have the identical experience. Not all women get those symptoms, some but not all. Menopause isn't a bucket where you can drop in all women, it varies by many things from how you take care of yourself and what you hormones were like before menopause, heavily realties mostly on genetics, even weight (overweight women tend to have worse symptoms). Who knows she may have already been through it by 49.
Not true. My roommate didn’t experience anything and she has a banging hourglass slim body at 60. She Puts me to shame
I'm 61 and went into the pause at 61...no hot flashes or weight gain because I have been swimming regularly since age 23.
@@susanneschmidt6159 Average age is about 50. It really does vary a lot. I know so people that just had zero symptoms and some who had vicious symptoms. Everyone is so different.
It definitely should have been part of the conversation, a consideration. With the many hormonal changes that can come with perimenopause as well, really anyone who is struggling with sex and/or wants to make sex comfortable for a woman in her early 40s or above should consider that there may be hormonal factors. I've never had the stereotypical symptoms, but looking back I see that I had impacts from the hormonal changes of perimenopause starting back at 44 even though I still have a (spaced out) period at 50. John likely didn't even think about this aspect.
Here's the problem. Christian singles are constantly trying to stay faithful to the Lord. Don't have sex is the goal. Then we get married and suddenly we are supposed to have sex and that old voice won't shut off! That doesn't mean singles should have sex. I think marrying young, in 20s is best. I married, finally at 46! 46 years of mostly celibacy messes with your mind when you finally get married. I wish I had gotten married young, but nobody asked me.
I also got married a little later in life. Met my husband when I was in my thirties. Good thing too. If I had married when I was 25, my husband would have been a slovenly 19-year-old. 😂
I agree that Purity culture had problems with its focus (namely, putting all of a woman’s worth into whether she was a virgin or not)-however, statistically, the earlier in age you marry, the more likely you are to be divorced.
I don’t think Christians should date as it’s nowhere in the Bible. Friendship make sense, engagement makes sense as two people engaged can exit this relationship but are already committed, but dating is just for entertainment purposes while there’s no future promises and yet, you should get intimate to certain level with person you are dating but not too intimate… this means messing with your body, soul and mind.
This is why religion is evil. Such unnecessary emotional trauma, I have it too
Hmm interesting point
SO GOOD. Husband sounds like a real stand up guy I wish them the best
I have friends who married as virgins in their 30s. It took 6 months for them to consummate. She had zero libido. It almost led an annulment.
Oh wow that’s so interesting and yet understandable...
@Heinrich Himmler exactly...
@Heinrich Himmler No one has good D game to start. and he started very late >.
6 months...should been done the night of wedding. It ain't rocket science.
@Heinrich Himmler I don't think that's fair to put it all on him. It takes time to find the groove of things. Plus, they married each other, so they must love each other. It sounds like she might have to either work on herself mentally or maybe she might have a chemical imbalance, or has way too much on her plate. Could be anything.
The fear is kind of obvious being that she’s 49
I can't even imagine. Never in a million years.
Something might break
Poor woman🙄she's like me. I'm terrified of it and I think it psychological.
@@pearlhappyhour how old are you
@@stopcensorship7365 35😩
I think it’s sweet that he’s being very patient and I’m glad that his wife wasn’t pressured into giving herself to someone that wasn’t worth her time
I highly doubt that she was never pressured. As a woman, it sort of goes with the territory. She must be a very strong-willed individual.
He is her husband. She chose to accept his marriage proposal. It is not a secret that sex is supposed to be a part of marriage. It is ordained by God. It is in the bible as ro what each should do. She is breaking a biblical command and is defrauding him of the intimacy he deserves. He made the full committment and honored her before God. She is choosing to disrespect his commitment to herThis is a bait and switch that every man knows about. I unfortunately experienced what he is goung through and i foolishly tried counseling and everything to make things work but she wouldn't uphold the committment she made. It is in mmy opinion that the save yourself for marriage thing is just another way females market themselves but they dont have any intentions of honoring Gods word or the committment they made . This happens more than people will admit. I have experienced the true nature of women and have seen the destruction they cause
@@johnreed9050 he wasn't a virgin before sounds like so he also did break a biblical commend :D so what?
@@tjaspire Honestly she seems like an emotionally weak woman. She had 3 decades to sort out her hang-ups and it's clear she's done absolutely nothing. Instead she's got married to someone who was patient and perhaps too accommodating for his own good because she knew no other man would put up with it.
Doesn't sound like a strong-willed woman at all. She got married and failed to consummate it ultimately breaking her wills.
You are such an awesome host, you don't bring don't/trash people. They feel so comfortable talking to you about their problems. Kudos!!
Well, I'm a 50-year old virgin. I've never been married.
Wow did you have a gf before? I am a guy who turned 22 just 4 weeks ago and never had a girlfriend before and its kinda bothering me a lot. I use dating apps but rarely get matches by some 18-23 age girls who ends up ghosting or unmatching me for no reason.
I do chat with some girls on Instagram whom I knew in high school and they are all 20-22 year olds. I am having a very good chat with a girl who was 2 years my junior in our school days. Now she is 20 and I had the best chat with her for the past 3 days compared to any other girl who lives in my city. But I also like another girl who was my childhood friend when we were in elementary school in 2008-2011. Now she is 21 and only 5-6 months younger than me but we hardly chat much on IG as she doesn't reply to my last message for a week or 2.
I wish you luck, if you're interested in finding a partner. Potentially begin a relationship and perhaps one day get married. I hope that you're surrounded by many loving and caring friends and family members and that you are living a fun and fulfilling life. You may be perfectly happy with your lifestyle at the time of your comment. Wishing you success and happiness on your journey.
I'm 66 and my husband is 67. Five kids. Our youngest child moved out a year ago and we are like rabbits. It's fantastic. Rambunctious!
I'll take "Things We Didn't Want to Know" for $1000, Alex.
😆😆😆
My mom is 64 and has been with her bf 45 for the last 10 months...
Same thing...
He was in a sexless relationship for 4 years.
I'm just glad she lives in Germany and I am not their neighbour lol
I love this so much, I think😂
Aqua I'm not sure why you know about your mom's sex life.
I love the way the doctor speaks to this man and handles this sensitive topic. Such good support and advice. I've heard of that book but haven't read it yet. I just want to add that if this still didn't help, you may want to look into a condition called vaginismus. Basically, it's an anxiety-related condition that affects the pelvic floor muscles, making intercourse painful or often impossible. I had this condition in my 20s and I know it can be very isolating. Luckily I received rehabilitation from a place called Women's Therapy center in NY, and you can find lots of information about the condition and treatment on their page. I agree Dr.D- life is too short!
Its not all about sex. Whether married or not, being with my partner, I want her to want me as much as i want her. When im in her its not about getting my rocks off for myself, its about feeling us together as one.
I wish I could have met a man just as sweet and insightful as Jack.
Exactly. Life just happens. I’m 44 year old virgin. I’ve studied, worked, served God abroad. I have wonderful people around me, but for any reason I haven’t found the person to share my life with. I believe in purity before marriage. I’m not traumatized. I’ve been to psychotherapy to see if everything is ok with me and I’m normal, there’s nothing wrong with me! I’m not perfect of course but I’m mentally and emotionally healthy. I do have the desire to get married, I pray to God to find the right man. I pray also that if I do get married, I’ll be able to please my husband, in all areas, I pray I will be able to satisfy my spouse sexually as well.
You are healthy but you are brainwashed.start living! Life is short!stop this purity nonsense.
Aamiin
and satisfy yourself! God intented sex to be (very!) pleasurable for both people in the marriage. It's not about the wife serving the husband
There is nothing 'normal' about seeing sex as impure. It's very sad.
@@lilithowl who said sex is impure?
Not me
This was 3 years ago...JohnD and his team should do a 'Where are they now?' ❤
What an incredible classy gentleman to be so caring and loving and patient with his wife
He’s got patience of steel.She’s lucky he’s so understanding.
Apparently something else isn't steel
I agree. No way I’m even making a girl my girlfriend if she hasn’t dropped them draws
@@KaluArt what a beautiful way to put it
@@flashpointprdx oh yeah yeah
@@KaluArt savage
What great advice and a beautiful marriage ❤️ good luck to you and your wife! You guys are so blessed to have found each other, you're so beautiful!
Where are the men like that hiding!? I can't find one. To get someone to wait till your married is SO hard to find. He is amazing to understand the shut down you have to do to survive. I pray they have a blessed life long marriage!!
Men like that tend not to be the type of men women want. Unless your in a religious community. I don't see it.
@@Heidelmann exactly guys who are virgins don’t tend to be those “high value men” you think about.
@@itrebor right.
@@Heidelmann it may not be the type of man you want, but it's clearly the type the original commenter wants
Just want to encourage you that I often see a lot of men asking this same question, "where are women like this hiding?" So be encouraged, friend. There are good men out there who want the same things as you. Be faithful to God first and foremost. 💗
Fear closes the door. A talk with a caring doctor may help give strategies to "loosen up."
Awesome !
I was virgin until married my husband too. Got married at 27 years old not bad at all. Too busy with life and work keep my life busy it was good without worry about boyfriend or husband until the right time with the right person.
Thank goodness, good men exist out there! My husband and I have been married for 8 years, but our marriage wasn’t consummated for 4 months or so. He was patient and kind!
Why are you assuming he's a good man
John's response to the kitchen being clean thing was interesting. My first thought would be "How can I clean this dang thing as fast as humanly possible?!?" 😅
😂throwing dirty stuff into cupboards
Why do we have all these disposable plates and utensils?
Yes, alot of women can't relax and be present in the moment if they have a laundry list of things that need to be done around the house, especially when it won't be done unless she does it. So the more her partner participates (or hires other people to do it), the more rest she gets and the more enjoyment she has with her partner.
That sounds like an excellent ploy to get a man to do some housework
Wow. His patience will be rewarded for sure. God bless him
6:52 “He could’ve fit on the door” Even a doctor agrees.
Thanks for the time stamp
OMG, how did I not listen to John yet? He is fantastic!
She's been fighting against her natural urges of youth for so long. Now those urges have subsided, body has changed. Yeah it's a lot of issues she will need professional help with.
Even then... one thing he needs to keep in mind is that the brain is old and that may not be possible anymore.
Was thinking the same! What a bummer.
Feel bad for this man. This is why you don’t wait for marriage and stop letting religion ruin and control your life. Such a sad set of beliefs.
I agree, this isn't normal.
@junkmailboxstuff2 yeah that's not 20 either
Come as you are is THE finest book on Womens intimacy. It’s rather technical in parts but stick with it. It’s taught me, as a 60s years husband to understand my wife’s perception of sex.
This is awesome!! Jack you have the patience of a saint. God bless you. Dr. Delony your advice as always seems spot on. Currently reading this book and it definitely makes me feel like I finally have some answers. So wish I could get my husband to read it, because he definitely says “what’s wrong with you”.
It can be changed to " what happened to you " .. 👍👏🏻👏🏻
I may accidentally let my tongue slip and tell him "What's wrong with me? I'm with an asshole."
Dave's dishes story hut so close to home!! My uncle lives on the other side of the country and he is visiting us. He stayed with my other uncle but he came to have dinner at our house Sunday night but he can't drive. So I puckied him up and drove him back.
I was expecting to step in the house amd clean up the kitchen because my partner cooked. But when I came in everything was clean and the dishwasher was running!!
First thing I thought was... This is such a turn on!!
John I absolutely love how you talk about what intimacy should be. Sex in a happy marriage into your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s..should be a fun, rambunctious, steamy, happy event. We so so so need more people like you screaming this from the rooftops. Thank you for your honest and open candor. In your words “Life is to short not to have an incredible sex life” Yes sir! I couldn’t agree more!❤️
"He died, because she didn't let him on the door, like a sucker! He could have fit on the door."
Yes! Thank you Dr. D for speaking the truth!!!
The passion Dr. D had when he said that cracked me up.🤣🤣🤣
This is wrong. Debunked on Mythbusters.
I appreciate someone else saw Rose for he she is 😂
@@brandiphillips5775 I watched that episode, but it's still didn't get me to change my mind.
So random but, I just watched this movie. They both tried to fit on the door at first but it tipped and was unstable. Then they realized only one person could lay on the door.
People forget about that part.
what in the steve carell is going on here?! lolll
“He died, cause she wouldn’t let him on the door” TRUTH🤣🤣🤣
He really could have fit on that door 😂 poor jack
The door would have sank with two people on it
Lol I was drinking coke and almost choked on it when he said “cuz she’s a sucker” 🤣
This video caught my eye because worry that my 35 year old single daughter could end up like this. I pray she finds a good man. I love what you said about not settling for normal. We have had a good solid marriage raised 3 responsible young adults and now discovering how to be rambunctious in semi retirement.
"Attempts to consummate".... my ears!! 🥺🤚
Now THIS is a high value man.
The reason Jack didn't get on the frickin door is because his weight weighed to door down and he was trying to keep rose as far out of the water as possible. It's not because he could fit or not gosh darn it.
I clicked immediately with that title! Once you break down that barrier, it's over!
LOL so did I!
It's over, or it's on?
@@machinegunrilla8629 lol it’s on baby!
@@Alioop9a oh yeah😍😘😜
I think she can get past it, and then it's on like donkey kong.
Jack, you’re a wonderful guy. God bless you. Hope you two keep trying to developed the emotional/spiritual intimacy so she can embrace the wonders and beauties of physical intimacy.
The Emily Nagoski book is excellent. A must read for women struggling with sexuality.
Don’t quit now!!! You’re almost there!
Great guy... this is such a sad situation for both of them.
It's really hard to break the chains that hold us back.
I think the only thing I would add is maybe she could have a little chat with her doctor. Dryness or pain may be standing in her way. If it has been three weeks of trying to get things to work and it hasn't, I wonder if something might be wrong such as vaginismus or something. A chat with a doctor could possibly save a few problems.
What an amazing husband wanting to help his wife! And what an amazing wife for valuing her body and marriage!
Menopause can cause a lot of pain during intercourse. Due to thinning of tissues from lack of estrogen. And dryness from lack of estrogen.
John Delony will be a star in less than 2 years. Mark it.
Sometimes it's not just a mindset. Struggling with type 1 diabetes issues, I tried so hard and get so sick then men would insult me and leave me. I started to dread it and stopped trying. Becoming solitary and taking care of my needs myself.
It is sad that some men cannot handle their woman being sick
I'm sorry you won't through that. There are good men out there who are patient and understanding