Yeah I think I’m REALLY DONE!!!!! I KNOW I deserve better I’m a good woman and I don’t ask for much take me on a REAL date once a month just cause you like sitting in the house that’s fine sometimes. Sex is 🔥 but I kinda took that away I believe my Devine spirit is guiding me but I’m so heart broken 😞😢😢😢
The truth is, if a man truly loves and wants to be with the woman he can build with, he will show his woman just that. He will not have a hard time acknowledging, learning and changing himself for the better in order for his relationship to grow🙏🏾 He will be consistent with you at all times. No mixed signals. Just simply love, consistency, proper communication, time, attention, trust, and respect for his woman and his woman will show him the same 🙏🏾 This kind of love that both male and female give to one another is what you call “Equally Yoked”🙏🏾❤️
When you are healed, when you are in tune with who you are and what you want, when you are ready for who God has for you...YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE ANYTHING LESS. Your spirit will not allow it. Ladies, I can't stress this enough. Choose wisely ❤️
I totally agree I lost my husband of 23 years last year he passed away he was my everything a great man . I can’t even imagine dating anyone down the line listening to the horror stories of dating from my friends & family there is no way I’d date the world ain’t what it was .& I’m not saying all men are bad there are some great ones out there it’s the crazy ones trying to finesse & run games are the ones I definitely don’t want to run into so I’ll focus my time & energy on God & myself if there is someone God sends later on down the line my spirit will know him by his fruit so yes choosing wisely is a must to protect yourselves .That goes for male & females .
I worked with a young woman who complained constantly how her husband always left toast crumbs on the counter every morning! Her husband was practically perfect in every other way. He was attentive, a hard worker, a good Dad and an all around nice guy. I suppose those toast crumbs got to be an irritation for her, but my thought was honey, if that's all you've got to complain about---just wipe up the crumbs and thank God you've got such a good man!
If we’re just about crumbs - she wouldn’t be irritated. It is obvious the crumbs being left on a clean counter top is demonstrating something bigger and she hasn’t found a way to articulate it yet. It is rare that the things that irritate us are easily ignored. I keep my home very clean and neat so when my s/o comes over - he is very mindful to keep things as clean and orderly as I do even though his house isn’t as kept. I think that just shows that he respects me enough to recognize that if I take the time that I do to keep my home clean then it must mean something to me. Coming back home to my bed made, dishes cleaned trash taken out honestly makes me feel very much seen in our relationship. If he would just leave everything in disarray I would feel very disconnected and I would probably not want to be with him 😂
1. understood and acknowledge the issue 2. Consistent effort and progress 3. you can see true change with your relationship and his relationship with others
I just broke it off with a guy after dating about 3 weeks. There were serious sparks, we talked so easily but he was non-responsive to texts and calls. He would say he will call me back in a few and hours would go by. The last straw was when he said, I'll be right back and 4 hours later... didn't respond to text or call. I sent the final text saying I'm not down for games... done. He called immediately, he explained where he was, etc.. but accepted my decision. I was extremely uncomfortable with the non-responsiveness and we had talked about it. He said he would work on it but did say he felt it was like programming...silly. Good communication is critical, why accept less!!!
Went through the samething,,he got mad at me for telling him how I felt,,he keeps telling me trust the process,,no I want communication, even if I'm not seeing u as much bcuz of work,,communicate,,I cut it off,,too stressing
When a woman realizes she cannot let an issue go or genuinely forgive her partner for the issue, it’s time to move on. Seriously. If not, it turns to resentment and unaddressed troubles down the line. You’ll end up in arguments for small things that aren’t the real problem at all
without telling the truth , its over. LIar, abuser, stole from you, f---king with you, Sex with best friend, metal narcissist abuse, sex with another man. Not a hard question !
As a domestic abuse survivor, I am always so impressed and pleased with how sensitive you are to these issues. You really are a light in the world. Thank you.
Sadly relationships are disposable nowadays. Rarely does anyone on either side want to put in the work. Continue to focus on you and build that that strong foundation for the right person
@Miss Candy B previous traumas...as Sir Stephan always states...HEALING is Necessary before beginning a relationship. Start the BEST relationship with yourself.
Every man and women should educate themselves what a narcissist is. Once you understand what it is and remove them from your life, it's not hard to find a good man or woman. Don't let sex or money be the deciding factor for chosing someone.
As a woman I’m dealing with this right now when I’m feeling like it’s time to let this go. I’ve been patient and acknowledging about needing more communication and intimacy and spontaneous things to happen. He acknowledges however falls back into the same routine. I’ve spoken on this and I give up. I’ve been the fool and accepted it for so long he doesn’t see why I keep bringing it up. I feel he needs to be with someone that doesn’t expect him to communicate and build intimacy. We had it, after the kids and jobs were tired. It’s time I walk away. I love him but have to love me more.
I agree with you sister I feel like need a support group. I have wanted to leave so many times but I can seem to pull away. I’m just going to but on my big girl pantries
Same Fareeda 😒💔😪...once on 4 years have we cuddled. Well 2 if you count the other night and he was smooth passed out, I laid across his chest for idk long...a while, and just reveled in it. Held hands once...lack of a human loving touch will absolutely destroy you. Especially after also being neglected as a child. Can someone just love me and love ON me? He thinks I'm more after sex than anything...well, that's the only intimate and close time I get and it's rare so yes I enjoy it for far more than just the act...he doesn't get it 💔
Sis, I completely understand how you feel. I just ended a two year relationship because of the lack of affection my ex showed me. Although I do not have any children with him, it still broke me and made me feel less than. I’m a super affectionate person so when I suppressed that part of my self to make him comfortable, that’s when I knew I had to dip. I chose self love and I realized that what he’s lacking emotionally has NOTHING to do with me. He has his own issues he needs to sort out within himself. I suggest you consider leaving because he will not change especially if you’ve brought it up more than once. I wish you peace, joy and healing. I would also suggest going to therapy to unpack what’s going on. I’ve been in therapy for over a year and my therapist has really helped shift my perspective on why people do the things they do. I hope you heal in peace.❤️
@@1234532785 thank you, I’m in the process of finding a therapist. I suggested counseling. I truly don’t know how to leave and our children know him being there and it’s a mess. I can’t make him be more. I’m turning cold and shut off. I see why people build walls. I am hopeful to have someone to be clingy to that wants to return the same energy. Have deep conversations with. Have intimate conversations laying in the bed or in the car listing to music. I need razzle dazzle.
I have to agree I swore I would never let a man cheat on me again or entertain another female I have a message on my fiancé phone tell his ex she should get out of work early so he can well you know what I’m saying even tho I know it never happened still I allowed him to stay he gas lights me all the time I love him but I can’t be no ones door Matt I know what I need to do but my heart gets in the way
When a man doesn't want to spend your 23rd anniversary with you, but wants to spend it with friends and when he deceives you to be able to not spend you birthday with you, it's time to say good bye.
As far as Im concerned, if they flirt in front of you, God only knows what theyll do behind your back when they think no one is looking. People should know how to act. Looking is one thing, dont oogle over someone or flirt. Have some class. It goes a long way...
I feel good you mentioned to stay classy and don’t stoop to their level. I started at my best and I walked away at my best, knowing I went above and beyond. God is good!
Hmmm!! I hear you. When the deeper issue is not resolved, it will keep springing up as uncertainty, insecurity and just a lack of peace about the relationship. And that will keep the relationship stuck.
A lot of times people save the "nice" version of themselves for the strangers on the street, the job or @ church. Don't do that! That's a big relationship no-no AND it's fixable too! 🙏🏿
I experienced the latter examples. My boyfriend kept making "new" mistakes regarding one same issue: interactions with other women. He showed "remorse" and "improvement" and a willingness to change, but it got exhausting. Why do we need to have so many conversations about things that were common sense? (At least to me) I let him go and chalked it up to having different values.
What I realize is that most times people do to others what they wouldn’t like for themselves. That’s why I’d ask if he’s flirting…”how would YOU feel if I flirt with people?” If you know you wouldn’t like it then why would you do it to me? Communication (effective communication) is FUNDAMENTAL in relationships. Also ensuring this person shares the same core values and hold them high in esteem like yourself. I’m not afraid to ask questions. And if what you say does not align with my values then I’d not even give you a second look. These videos help so much because I’m working on me and educating myself on healthy relationships and what it looks like.
I just ended a 24 year relationship with the father of my children. 😞 This is very difficult because neither him or I were raised in a two parent household. We value that. However, The same issues for all these years, that has been addressed by me, in the most loving ways, have not been corrected. I just cannot continue living unhealthy. Now he gets it, (I suppose) but It’s time to move on,, there are no more chances to give. I got some healing to do. I just feel like when you know better you do better. 💜💜. In some cases, even doing better is not enough because it’s too late to make it right.🤷🏽♀️ Above all, people need to take other people out of the equation. If you have issues that is constantly causing the problems in the relationship, take accountability and do better for yourself. Work on you! Become aware and consistent with Mediation /Prayer, Heal, Release negative energy. Then open your ♥️ and be receptive to the blessings you deserve. You attract what you are!💯🙏 #blessedandbehavingbetter!
While I'm all for everything you said, and trust me I'm the most gracious, patient, empathetic person there is, but because that's who I am, I've learned that some people really just do not deserve your grace, patience, or empathy, and any man who does not inherently want to pursue the RIGHT way to treat you simply because it's the right way to treat you, and is willing to mistreat you if you don't offer enough acknowledgement and praise for doing it, that isn't someone who values you or cares about your best interest. If someone needs motivation and persuasion just for them to treat you the way you SHOULD be treated, that's not someone that values you as a person who deserves to be treated well. No one should need incentive NOT to hurt their partner, they should personally want to do what makes their partner happy just BECAUSE it makes them happy. Your happiness IS the reward, otherwise it's just a transactional relationship and nothing they ever do "for' you is actually FOR you.
Respect to everyone's opinions. My point of view pertaining to perfection is, every truthful moment, is a perfect moment. Sometimes truth is painful, and sometimes truth is pain-free.
Don't lose the man GOD has for you he brought you together for a REASON. Avoid NEGATIVE influences they will only DESTROY what is good because they are in OPPOSITION.
Convincing others and believing that a God brought ppl together is the ace in the hole for cheaters, especially the evangelical ones. Lmao A woman is more likely to put up with disrespect when she thinks it's a part of a God's plan and will lead to some worthy end goal. 🙄 A lot of men push "traditional values and marriages" because the model favors the man. He is the "head and leader" and a woman should just "trust" that he knows best. So some random individual automatically gets to lead because they won the gender lottery? They shouldn't have to possess leadership qualities, effective skill-sets like being a good communicator, or have a high emotional intelligence? Just a certain chromosome arrangement and vibes? Okay...😂 It is a scam. Plus, not one believer of any faith has ever even demonstrated that any God exists let alone demonstrated that a God told a group of men to write down his messages. A scam.
@@wturner9168 I agree with you but unfortunately, that is the danger of faith. You can justify anything with it because, by definition, you are apt to believe a proposition without having/needing/requiring evidence to support that proposition.
you are so right. if a man hurts you by flirting or cheating around, you have to decide one thing. Do you want to keep the relationship? Or not? If you want to keep the relationship, forgive him and forget it. If you don't want the relationship, walk away, and be honest with him why. No dramatic extension of the issues is needed and will only damage both of you. What is done is done. You won't change him by scolding and rubbing his face in it after he has owned it was wrong. If you can't forgive him the problem is you.
For me, what I am learning is Consistency is Key... I am learning through My Own Healing and Growing Journey that if both parties are Willing to put in the Effort to Make a Relationship work. They will remain Consistent in their efforts. The relationship will either Grow or Not. Thank You for Sharing this video it Definitely helped me view situations Differently and be more open minded, and also more Understanding... Learning about others and even our own selves is a Process. Also Knowing Our Worth, what we will and will Not tolerate.
Relationships should have boundaries. Therefore, expectations, should be talked about. It's so important. When you see a great deal of progress, it's time to yield and show compassion, rather than throwing it back in a person's face. I could see how that could be really hurtful to someone. Reward the effort and be kind.❣
Allow him to get there is so true. I think where women and men fail to allow the person to change is because we waited too long to set clear boundaries and stick to them and now we have this resentment behind it because of previous repetitive offenses that offers no tolerance or patience. That is deceitful on our part, Because if we are offering them another chance... How quickly would you jump back into something or feel positive about it if you knew that if you messed up one more time for something that you were struggling with, how quickly would you feel positive about even attempting to truly get over that struggle. So when men or women say "I lied to you because I didn't feel I could be completely honest with you because I didn't want to lose you" maybe it's a situation where they feel stranded with confusion and being overwhelmed because they don't know what to do To Overcome their weakness... AKA finding healthy coping mechanisms for the feelings That caused that behavior. that also need to be addressed separately .. Everyone's feelings and needs and desires in a relationship are valid and important and are subject to our individual selves. So being honest about those desires (Hopefully the beginning) as soon as they are recognized, is imperative. As offensive as some of the behaviors The people who love us do... We have to stay humble and realize that for most people bad behavior is usually just a sign of poor upbringing where they were not taught how to Manage those feelings through communication, Trust and empathy And you have to decide through his willingness to be aware of that Whether you want to put in the work for this person that you say you love and you want to be accepted for your flaws. Ladies and gentlemen we've have to stop living by double standards and dig deep and self reflect or do we want to just sit there and saying it's not my job to raise somebody else's Child. In some cases that's true... So have the patience to truly figure out if you're raising someone else's child or if you see a child left behind who needs help and wants help to become a good man - The recipe for respect.
So good to see men like Stephen, RC Blakes and Kev Hick helping women understand the relationship problems when it was easy for these men to join red pill and disdain us. Appreciate it ✌❤
At 18:39 every man watching you say this needs to hear this 10,000 times because God is speaking through you and you just said a lot right there. They have to show the change in their life not just in front of the woman that I love!!!!!!
Why can't all men be as understanding and emotionally intelligent as you Stephan? 🙌🏻😁🙏🏻❤️ I appreciate your videos, they've helped me to get my head around so many different issues, questions of my own , issues etc... I think you're great! 🤩 Thankyou for the work you do. Ps I just bought 3 of your books that I'm going to read in the hope of better understanding the dynamics of relationships on a much deeper level. Even if the answers revealed aren't always welcomed...lol. 😂 Blessings to you ✨
My man was flirting with other women and when I asked why, he said, “Idk I guess to boost my ego.” Doesn’t get anymore honest than that. We broke up because of his flirting, but then he proved over the next few years that he only wants me in his life, because he never dated anyone else after that. Now we’re hanging out again and giving it another go.
"He accepts it and corrects it" keeping a wrong in perspective, making a real effort is worth sticking it out if foundation is strong, exercise discernment over haste. Authentically trying your best trumps perfection ~ owning it deserves acknowledgement, respect and recognition 😎
He's a narc and there's nothing you can do to change a narc. You don't want a "pretender" or an inauthentic relationship because it takes precious time out of your life when you can spend that time with a man of quality . Trust your gut instinct, that's the one thing every women who endured narcissistic men regret.
Recently a lot of this finally made sense and I now fully understand a lot of this. I recently took a L because I didn’t understand what the issues were, why they were such a problem and understanding why ( problem was with me) and truthfully I didn’t see them at that time. I was functioning through life but not living my life. As badly as I wanted it to work and said over and over I would correct these issues , I truthfully didn’t understand or know how. It was what I wasn’t doing that caused this, not something I necessarily “ did” . A lot is new to me. On top of that, I was a terrible communicator in general due to social anxiety, overthinking, and some unresolved issues from my past so I was super quiet. I was in love but stuck and overwhelmed with emotions and feelings and it all fell apart. I had convinced them I “didn’t care” or was “ jealous “ or something else. I’ve been working relentlessly now for weeks now on bettering myself and working towards a better me because now… I have understanding. Thanks for this video. ( if I gotta pay for a talk session Damn it I will lol )
Great advice! I definitely believe in giving people a chance to redeem themselves, however, I do have my limit. 😊😊. If you mess up over 3 times, and I’ve told you how I felt about the issue, then that’s a deal breaker for me. Acknowledge that you’re wrong, and I’ll do the same. Respect works both ways in a relationship.
Many great points in your video. The main points that I look for to decide if I should keep trying is to determine how genuine and sincere he is about the relationship. If his heart is really into it and he made a poor choice then yes I would forgive. You really have to first make sure you are truly aligned in values & standards, and ask yourself if he is truly the best choice God has for you. The reality is that the one that is truly for you will have effort, consistency, and love will just be the main goal. The one you love will need correction at times but if they truly learn you & study you then they will already know the love language you desire. The man who values you is the one you should keep trying with not the one who fails to recognize that your love is a treasure. Blessings & peace to u. Great topic. Love will always recognize the sincerity of the heart. and the genuineness in the actions.
Thank you for re iterating the Verbal Abuse Aspect I was in a Verbally Abusive Relationship for years, and no one should have to be subjected to that. Love your advice ❤️
It fails to amaze me how much your videos come out exactly when I need them to. I feel so affirmed and liberated. Stephan you’re work is so inspirational ! Thank you !
Encouraging the process is very important. It be hard when you never receive appreciation because she feel that it should just be natural. And she shouldn’t have to teach a man.
Been having bad mental health days lately. I feel I have no one. God is there yes but I need someone to talk to…..any suggestions for online therapy. Not just relationships but everyday life. I hope you have a good week!
Hi. Check out the following apps: Bloom (CBT therapy) & Betterhelp Therapy - I think they offer sponorships for people who are unable to afford the therapy as well. I hope you will manage to find someone soon❤
I am always proud of your content, Stephan. Your wisdom, tact and care are wonderful to gleam from and apply @ relationships & lifestyles. You continue to prove that at the base of the problem is the solution. "Is this reparable?" and "Are you willing to work to make it better?" Blessings ,👑!
I gave the benefits of doubts one to many times. I waited for him to prove himself only to be disappointed. I have been block remove from his social media. Yet in his mind I am crazy. He runs away from problems dismissing me.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks he has told me multiple times I terrified him when we first met he said he had all of those emotions run through him he could not decipher.
@@toreycrosby7996 If you had read my last comment. You will know why. I was in a shitty relationship before the most recent. I have been told "I don't want her I want you" but I was always a second choice. So the last one I was "in" he had me in bed before dating he never wanted to be seen in public. The last time I saw him was 1/29/22 I got the hotel out of the kindness of my heart due to him going through financial issues. He told me "I really appreciate you I never had anyone like you to stick it out for me" then he took what he wanted and blocks me from contacting him. So yea I gave the benefits of doubts because I had hope he would not treat me like my Ex did. But I guess I was wrong lesson learned.
When I notice the issue keeps resurfacing after me trying to constantly talk it out through various convos it’s time to move on. I’ve had a man say he would “ work on it” but only changed for a day or so n went right back to what he was comfortable doing. Had to walk away when I realized it was just who he was and no amount of convos would change him.
My former pastor said when you bury the hatchet, bury it all the way cuz otherwise you can go back to grab the handle and bring it up again. If we say things are over, then it should be over.
There’s no talking with my husband he just doesn’t know how to communicate or accept responsibility for anything he does…Everything is my fault and I’m over it I want a divorce .. I’m too old for this mess…24 years of him walking away ,getting mad and silent treatment is enough for me…It’s time to end this marriage because now I’m thinking about ways I can hurt him… GOTTA walk away from this crap…He’s almost 50 and still acting like he’s 16… UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I agree with this video 💯 percent. Communication, honesty, acknowledgement, acceptance, understanding, deep dive to the problem, come up with a strategy together and let it go. If he don't make a effort let him go.
Every time I say I’m giving up I’m finished, I’m not. I guess I really need to be. Throughout the past 2 1/2 years, he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and then in the next moment, he tells me he wants to be alone, and completely shuts me out, and I mean going as far as blocking me on his phone and not even speaking to me. But he always comes back. This last time I took him back, we moved in together we have lived together for three months and now he has told me he wants to be alone again. Now when I leave, this time I have to be done.
I just want to say.. you are a blessing in this world of relationships society. I’ve been listening to you for a few years now and every video I listen to from you validates my own experience in my own relationships good or bad. Stepping into what I’ve learned from my own experience and listening from your videos really let’s me know I’m own the right path of knowing what I want and willing to accept and how to allow him to be himself so I can see if himself is what I can accept. Thank you❤️
Focusing on bettering myself, rebuild myself. I tried to resolve with no recognition or being able to address,, no understanding, no acceptance, no acknowledgement, no communication, no change in behavior and no emotional availability or respecting how I would feel. I had no other choice but to move on.
Growth I believe is key in any relationship. When an individual wants change and growth that's when the significant other will know and see change. At the same time, communicating and if the trust and love is there in the relationship like it should be hold each accountable with respect. Plus compliment each other when the change comes to fruition. On the other, if a person isn't trying to do anything to make changes when things has been addressed over and over point blank it's time to depart our ways.
I have done all I can. He left me I was a good women to him, there was no cheating. 14 years of wasted time, I didn’t want to walk away, I did love him, he just had so much baggage after grief he couldn’t be with me and also look after his mom. I was over being a doormat I know i deserved better we wanted to start a family bit he never believed me. I hope he does get the help he needs find the women that makes him happy. I will no longer tolerate him anyone I no longer love him or care about him anymore. He is an ex for a reason it was not healthy
I was a good woman for him and i will be continue to be the best woman communication is important he told me to stop commucate i did i miss him alot and i know he feels same, i ask God to close the doors to the wrong people yes he is going to open doors for the right man for me. It's good to put God in a relationship i cried with him but today im laughing with him when i remember it was bad. The way i am today that the way i was im alone i put everything in hands of God i have me❤
I know I'm changing but I feel like she's not and still in denial of her wrong doings I want to love her right, it's always me that has to change not her
We can always find things to criticize one another, but that doesn’t mean we have to stoop down to their level, believe in yourself and lift each other up, and encourage each other to be their best, if they don’t after talking to each other,in a calm way, let them go, otherwise I believe we will probably give in just to be there and have someone, Be our best. Never let there be an Elephant in the room, and we never talk to each other.
I see this now that me and my kids father is separated he kept changing and constantly changing for better and for a long time I kept pushing him away and now that we are separated I truly miss and wanna be with him and most what I wanted from him I needed to give to myself I’m praying we get back together or God helps me get over him
I gave this guy 4.5 years to get his stuff together. He always acknowledged the issue of not having a job to help contribute. He would look for work and go to interviews. I kept hoping and believing. He just kept leaning on his military disability money for hurting his back (which he can still do A LOT). He contributed things here and there. But we’ve never been able to move forward because he hasn’t gotten a job for 4.5 years. So I eventually ended it and now he’s mad.
Ugh. Literally went through your example. He likes pictures of women. He said “it’s not like they’re half naked.” Which… TO ME is almost worse. Because it’s not random women. He just likes selfies of women we went to school with years ago (we’re 28 now). I told him that’s weird to me because he has a girlfriend (me) he never posts, yet, he likes their pics. He acknowledged it but I don’t think he fully grasped why it bothers me.
Right I'm sick of it all. I did that, 2 days ago. But he still do what he pleases. I just want love,respect, loyalty and honesty. Yes he know its a problem, he said he would fix the problem. We have a connection he um understand..
If a man states he knows what he wants, he works to keep it. When a man does the bare minimum after he has proposed to his woman, acknowledging the issue is bs. This man has been hearing the issues and acknowledging it for 10 months and made no changes. Wedding planning and relationship is called off, and he still does the bare minimum to make things better... is it me or him? No corrected behavior just enough to get pass the current issue. Help me out!
Your Like The Soft Spoken Side of Kevin Samuels but in your OWN Way I love that you don't explain things rudly yet not easily taken it hits you in a uncomfortable way with love & Raw truth that All Of Us Women Need I'm Not Religious but I Love Your Methodology Amazing lol Much Love🖤🖤
Yes, if they're doing something that you don't like, join it out in the moment, so they can acknowledge it what they're doing at that time. Bring it up scenarios, and a pass is harder to pinpoint than it is when they do it in the moment. So if you doesn't at that moment, acknowledge it then so they can see it and correct it or work on correcting it from that point and understand what the action is.
My ex-husband could not acknowledge issues, would gaslight me (saying that I know what's wrong and that we've discussed it) and give me the silent treatment. If he did speak, he deflected and would chuckle with amusement and roll his eyes, saying I was confused/stupid. So I left and ended my 28 year marriage. Nearly 3 years alone now and so much happier🌼💕🎉😊💙
Our last conversation (3rd time addressing issue) he explicitly told me “ I don’t think I really want to know what it is I’m doing ‘wrong’. Nuf said. Done
Thank you so much Stephen for this awesome video 💯🎯🙏🏽!!! This is so very helpful for both singles, dating, or married. I’ve learned a lot just by watching this. Blessings😇.
I agree about the verbal abuse. Sometimes it’s an environment based learned behavior and it can be unlearned. I purposefully squashed this bad habit within myself on my healing journey, then also from my partner. I feel like the best way to address and get rid of it, is by focusing on what real love and respect is supposed to sound and feel like
In conclusion...I'm staying single. being alone can be tough at times but man I would not trade that for the stress, headache, anxiety, emotional trauma, possible mental breakdown and the horrible hurt that can entail in any relationship. Anyway the world is already overpopulated as is so I'm also contributing to prevent global crisis by remaining single....so not only am I single but also a hero! My goal is to own at least three cats 😂👍🌟💯🎉
I’m very glad to have discovered your channel recently, I truly got so much important advices and things to ponder to especially in dealing with my relationship. Your videos has been somehow very therapeutic and been my go to recently. You’re truly a great help to lots of us here. I’m grateful, and I wish you all the best 🙏🏼
Broke up 8 months 14 year relationship no cheating just communication wasn’t there, lost our way. I wasn’t prioritised the way I deserved. We are amicable now probably in a better place now I’ve reflected we both made mistakes He has regretted said sorry he has told me he loves me he has shown through his actions he always wants to meet up it’s not always to hook up even though we reconnected twice it was consensual and mutual we had to let some steam but it not the type of women that’s going to be a convenient but when I pray God always presents him back to me I won’t question that I just need to seek why?? No one is perfect but I want to happy it’s not his job to do that but if he is going to block me from my blessings then I need to let him go
This is a great video. I let him go because I addressed the issues several times and he just didn't get it. He's 68 I'm 67. He was comfortable where he's at. Didn't want to do anything. It was a long distance relationship and a ex that he was engaged to plus who is his friend was involved plus other issues. It was unhealthy for me so I let him go. Great video.❤
Stephan, You gave the example of a man flirting with a woman when you walk away, apologizing and acknowledging it, but not really getting to the deeper part of it. How do I know if it's just me getting jealous and being insecure or is it really an issue on his end of things? That's where my ex and I struggled. He would basically tell me I'm being jealous and it didn't mean anything, but I felt a certain way about it and sometimes it's hard for me to know am I just being overly jealous or was he in the wrong. And then when the issue comes up again and again, he would get tired of it. He might have apologized but then when I see similar behavior later, then he just thinks I'm being jealous. I don't know. It was confusing.
I love looking at your videos, you have got so much common sense and you are so funny😆. I am marriage now for 21yrs; everything you have been saying is straight up my alley..sooo many relationships can be fix out there if people just took the time out to listen and try to understand where the other person is coming from. You are an amazing man, keep up the good work that our God has sent you to preach..🙏🏽💚💚💚
Got the point. My take: to lower drama most men tend to speak fake luscious words. And fake words are like a broken windmill. Why would a man who claims he loves a woman do something like that?? He is who he is. I'm willing to bet..... he will still do it again, but this time be more careful when she's around. And also do it even more when she's not around. Like I said...he is who he is.
The problem In the relationship is there's no romance, hardly any intimacy, no date nights, there hardly any " team work" around the house. I'm tired of having to direct everything. This makes it hard to express my feminine side I feel like I always have to be the alpha...it's draining.
I have to let go cause you have to be willing to change, not go back into our ways . He's childish, always accussing me of messing around and looking at you with an side eye. It's cold outside, late at night. Went to Walmart and got dishwasher soap for him. He accused me of calling some guy to buy the soap and giving it to him. He's the 1 that keeps bringing up the past. I'm complimzer, not a door mat. He said he don't want a relationship so l move on. Then he comes next week with something like he wants to try to have something. Boy Bye! Been cut the strings and gone!
I'm healed. Jesus got me cause He don't judge, assumes nothing cause He see all, no drinking, smoking, sell dope to his people, he delivers 9X out of 10, will ,brings comfort. We can go out and watch a movie without fighting or bickering over nothing. He always have the last word over mines. Although he jealous , l do not give Him no reason to be. He has great confidence that I'm sold out to Him, not this pegan world. He helped to love Him and myself. Now that l know Him. I don't think there will be no one that can taking his place ......
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Yeah I think I’m REALLY DONE!!!!! I KNOW I deserve better I’m a good woman and I don’t ask for much take me on a REAL date once a month just cause you like sitting in the house that’s fine sometimes. Sex is 🔥 but I kinda took that away I believe my Devine spirit is guiding me but I’m so heart broken 😞😢😢😢
Awesome video what if he’s so focused on an issue and don’t even realize all the good stuff anymore it’s done it’s a wrap I’m so hurt right now
YOU SHOULD BE AWARE SOMEONE FROM NIGERIA HAS HACKED YOUR U- TUBE ACCOUNT
HI I NEED HELP PLEASE. ILL PAY YOU
What if ur man does things and instead of correcting it. Takes it to a more disrespectful level. You have been dealing with it for 16 yrs?
The truth is, if a man truly loves and wants to be with the woman he can build with, he will show his woman just that. He will not have a hard time acknowledging, learning and changing himself for the better in order for his relationship to grow🙏🏾 He will be consistent with you at all times. No mixed signals. Just simply love, consistency, proper communication, time, attention, trust, and respect for his woman and his woman will show him the same 🙏🏾 This kind of love that both male and female give to one another is what you call “Equally Yoked”🙏🏾❤️
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
I agreed wholeheartedly
Equally yoked is different for everybody ma. Its Whatever you like and want and are. So it is what it is. But I hear ya
@@jayc5756 Just to simplify my whole point, “Equally yoked” meaning that you are good for the person and the person is good for you. Simple.
@@1tenacityify also meaning that your legs and home are open before and/or with no marriage in 80% of the cases lol
When you are healed, when you are in tune with who you are and what you want, when you are ready for who God has for you...YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE ANYTHING LESS. Your spirit will not allow it. Ladies, I can't stress this enough. Choose wisely ❤️
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
I totally agree I lost my husband of 23 years last year he passed away he was my everything a great man . I can’t even imagine dating anyone down the line listening to the horror stories of dating from my friends & family there is no way I’d date the world ain’t what it was .& I’m not saying all men are bad there are some great ones out there it’s the crazy ones trying to finesse & run games are the ones I definitely don’t want to run into so I’ll focus my time & energy on God & myself if there is someone God sends later on down the line my spirit will know him by his fruit so yes choosing wisely is a must to protect yourselves .That goes for male & females .
@@latashadestinedingodgriffi3069 I'm so sorry for your loss. ❤️
@@chefnic4763 thank you God is holding me up right now so he gets the glory
@@latashadestinedingodgriffi3069 Amen 🙌🏼
I worked with a young woman who complained constantly how her husband always left toast crumbs on the counter every morning! Her husband was practically perfect in every other way. He was attentive, a hard worker, a good Dad and an all around nice guy. I suppose those toast crumbs got to be an irritation for her, but my thought was honey, if that's all you've got to complain about---just wipe up the crumbs and thank God you've got such a good man!
No. He is suppose to clean his own crumbs and be thankful for who she is also
Amen
Right?! Dang.
If we’re just about crumbs - she wouldn’t be irritated. It is obvious the crumbs being left on a clean counter top is demonstrating something bigger and she hasn’t found a way to articulate it yet. It is rare that the things that irritate us are easily ignored.
I keep my home very clean and neat so when my s/o comes over - he is very mindful to keep things as clean and orderly as I do even though his house isn’t as kept. I think that just shows that he respects me enough to recognize that if I take the time that I do to keep my home clean then it must mean something to me. Coming back home to my bed made, dishes cleaned trash taken out honestly makes me feel very much seen in our relationship. If he would just leave everything in disarray I would feel very disconnected and I would probably not want to be with him 😂
@@lemonlemon7186so true
Being single is starting to look more & more attractive
1. understood and acknowledge the issue
2. Consistent effort and progress
3. you can see true change with your relationship and his relationship with others
Thank you
Thank you
OMG ! thank you.. my ADHD wont allow me sit through 30min of talking .... lol
Thanks
I just broke it off with a guy after dating about 3 weeks. There were serious sparks, we talked so easily but he was non-responsive to texts and calls. He would say he will call me back in a few and hours would go by. The last straw was when he said, I'll be right back and 4 hours later... didn't respond to text or call. I sent the final text saying I'm not down for games... done. He called immediately, he explained where he was, etc.. but accepted my decision. I was extremely uncomfortable with the non-responsiveness and we had talked about it. He said he would work on it but did say he felt it was like programming...silly. Good communication is critical, why accept less!!!
Went through the samething,,he got mad at me for telling him how I felt,,he keeps telling me trust the process,,no I want communication, even if I'm not seeing u as much bcuz of work,,communicate,,I cut it off,,too stressing
You cannot change what you dont acknowledge
You're absolutely right!
PERIOD….the acknowledgment of the problem is a must
When a woman realizes she cannot let an issue go or genuinely forgive her partner for the issue, it’s time to move on. Seriously. If not, it turns to resentment and unaddressed troubles down the line. You’ll end up in arguments for small things that aren’t the real problem at all
Exactly. Ms. MCGHEE.. I'm actually Ms.McGhee hey possible cousin 👋🏾
@@BeautiNSuccess Hey beautiful branch from the family tree 🥰
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
That part I can’t forgive there weren’t no infidelity that I was aware of but he made me feel so bad not loved at times maybe it’s internal
I'm kinda in this part me to the tee
Without communication, the relationship is already over.
without telling the truth , its over. LIar, abuser, stole from you, f---king with you, Sex with best friend, metal narcissist abuse, sex with another man. Not a hard question !
As a domestic abuse survivor, I am always so impressed and pleased with how sensitive you are to these issues. You really are a light in the world. Thank you.
Sista you are speaking facts!!! And I'm glad you got out that situation and continue to strive. Be blessed
Glad you are here to tell your story! You made it out ❤
Sadly relationships are disposable nowadays. Rarely does anyone on either side want to put in the work. Continue to focus on you and build that that strong foundation for the right person
It's not an easy situation, but we need to focus on doing what is truly best!
COMMUNICATION is so IMPORTANT! We all grown...let's talk things out. UNDERSTANDING is also necessary. This video is so helpful, thank you young man.
My pleasure ❤ Communication is definitely key!
Agree! Some men don't know and understand that.
@@vanessaleriche and women 😬
Sad to say, some people don't know about communication. They just shut down and walk away.
@Miss Candy B previous traumas...as Sir Stephan always states...HEALING is Necessary before beginning a relationship. Start the BEST relationship with yourself.
Your parents must be so proud of you. You are a gift to this world 🥰
Thank you very much I appreciate that 🙏 ❤
God doesn't send confusion!!! For me if we let everything in God's hand we will always know where to go n who will come with us!!!
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Amen
Every man and women should educate themselves what a narcissist is. Once you understand what it is and remove them from your life, it's not hard to find a good man or woman. Don't let sex or money be the deciding factor for chosing someone.
Indeed, it really helps when we embrace that. Thank you for sharing ❤
Yessss
Truth
As a woman I’m dealing with this right now when I’m feeling like it’s time to let this go. I’ve been patient and acknowledging about needing more communication and intimacy and spontaneous things to happen. He acknowledges however falls back into the same routine. I’ve spoken on this and I give up. I’ve been the fool and accepted it for so long he doesn’t see why I keep bringing it up. I feel he needs to be with someone that doesn’t expect him to communicate and build intimacy. We had it, after the kids and jobs were tired. It’s time I walk away. I love him but have to love me more.
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
I agree with you sister I feel like need a support group. I have wanted to leave so many times but I can seem to pull away. I’m just going to but on my big girl pantries
Same Fareeda 😒💔😪...once on 4 years have we cuddled. Well 2 if you count the other night and he was smooth passed out, I laid across his chest for idk long...a while, and just reveled in it. Held hands once...lack of a human loving touch will absolutely destroy you. Especially after also being neglected as a child. Can someone just love me and love ON me? He thinks I'm more after sex than anything...well, that's the only intimate and close time I get and it's rare so yes I enjoy it for far more than just the act...he doesn't get it 💔
Sis, I completely understand how you feel. I just ended a two year relationship because of the lack of affection my ex showed me. Although I do not have any children with him, it still broke me and made me feel less than. I’m a super affectionate person so when I suppressed that part of my self to make him comfortable, that’s when I knew I had to dip. I chose self love and I realized that what he’s lacking emotionally has NOTHING to do with me. He has his own issues he needs to sort out within himself. I suggest you consider leaving because he will not change especially if you’ve brought it up more than once. I wish you peace, joy and healing. I would also suggest going to therapy to unpack what’s going on. I’ve been in therapy for over a year and my therapist has really helped shift my perspective on why people do the things they do. I hope you heal in peace.❤️
@@1234532785 thank you, I’m in the process of finding a therapist. I suggested counseling. I truly don’t know how to leave and our children know him being there and it’s a mess. I can’t make him be more. I’m turning cold and shut off. I see why people build walls. I am hopeful to have someone to be clingy to that wants to return the same energy. Have deep conversations with. Have intimate conversations laying in the bed or in the car listing to music. I need razzle dazzle.
The more you give them chances the more they take your love and care for granted
Facts. People who get taken for granted get taken.
@@ms.mcghee8682 For sure
Damn right.. Black women and that "struggle love" or being put through bull to "show" you're a ride and die...that's OVER. We are choosing better now.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback ❤
I have to agree I swore I would never let a man cheat on me again or entertain another female I have a message on my fiancé phone tell his ex she should get out of work early so he can well you know what I’m saying even tho I know it never happened still I allowed him to stay he gas lights me all the time I love him but I can’t be no ones door Matt I know what I need to do but my heart gets in the way
When a man doesn't want to spend your 23rd anniversary with you, but wants to spend it with friends and when he deceives you to be able to not spend you birthday with you, it's time to say good bye.
Hunni try him making your birthday a living hell while on vacation. I’d rather him not spent it with me…
@@healacalmwellness5394
It was hell just the same feeling abandoned and unwanted. But it won't happen again.
This got personal quick 🥴😂
As far as Im concerned, if they flirt in front of you, God only knows what theyll do behind your back when they think no one is looking. People should know how to act. Looking is one thing, dont oogle over someone or flirt. Have some class. It goes a long way...
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you...
Very very true
I feel good you mentioned to stay classy and don’t stoop to their level. I started at my best and I walked away at my best, knowing I went above and beyond. God is good!
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Hmmm!! I hear you. When the deeper issue is not resolved, it will keep springing up as uncertainty, insecurity and just a lack of peace about the relationship. And that will keep the relationship stuck.
True💯
You're absolutely right, thank you for sharing ❤
A lot of times people save the "nice" version of themselves for the strangers on the street, the job or @ church. Don't do that! That's a big relationship no-no AND it's fixable too! 🙏🏿
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Yes
Very true!!
I experienced the latter examples. My boyfriend kept making "new" mistakes regarding one same issue: interactions with other women. He showed "remorse" and "improvement" and a willingness to change, but it got exhausting. Why do we need to have so many conversations about things that were common sense? (At least to me)
I let him go and chalked it up to having different values.
Good for you
What I realize is that most times people do to others what they wouldn’t like for themselves. That’s why I’d ask if he’s flirting…”how would YOU feel if I flirt with people?” If you know you wouldn’t like it then why would you do it to me? Communication (effective communication) is FUNDAMENTAL in relationships. Also ensuring this person shares the same core values and hold them high in esteem like yourself. I’m not afraid to ask questions. And if what you say does not align with my values then I’d not even give you a second look. These videos help so much because I’m working on me and educating myself on healthy relationships and what it looks like.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love and healing ❤ 🙏
I just ended a 24 year relationship with the father of my children. 😞 This is very difficult because neither him or I were raised in a two parent household. We value that. However, The same issues for all these years, that has been addressed by me, in the most loving ways, have not been corrected. I just cannot continue living unhealthy. Now he gets it, (I suppose) but It’s time to move on,, there are no more chances to give. I got some healing to do.
I just feel like when you know better you do better. 💜💜. In some cases, even doing better is not enough because it’s too late to make it right.🤷🏽♀️ Above all, people need to take other people out of the equation. If you have issues that is constantly causing the problems in the relationship, take accountability and do better for yourself. Work on you! Become aware and consistent with Mediation /Prayer, Heal, Release negative energy. Then open your ♥️ and be receptive to the blessings you deserve. You attract what you are!💯🙏 #blessedandbehavingbetter!
I'm sorry to hear about that, I pray that you heal from all that you have been through, and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks 🙏Thank You🙏
Sorry about tht. Yeah sometimes it is too late. 😢
While I'm all for everything you said, and trust me I'm the most gracious, patient, empathetic person there is, but because that's who I am, I've learned that some people really just do not deserve your grace, patience, or empathy, and any man who does not inherently want to pursue the RIGHT way to treat you simply because it's the right way to treat you, and is willing to mistreat you if you don't offer enough acknowledgement and praise for doing it, that isn't someone who values you or cares about your best interest. If someone needs motivation and persuasion just for them to treat you the way you SHOULD be treated, that's not someone that values you as a person who deserves to be treated well. No one should need incentive NOT to hurt their partner, they should personally want to do what makes their partner happy just BECAUSE it makes them happy. Your happiness IS the reward, otherwise it's just a transactional relationship and nothing they ever do "for' you is actually FOR you.
Respect to everyone's opinions. My point of view pertaining to perfection is, every truthful moment, is a perfect moment. Sometimes truth is painful, and sometimes truth is pain-free.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
Don't lose the man GOD has for you he brought you together for a REASON. Avoid NEGATIVE influences they will only DESTROY what is good because they are in OPPOSITION.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
So true 🙏
You can’t presume God brought everyone together.
Convincing others and believing that a God brought ppl together is the ace in the hole for cheaters, especially the evangelical ones. Lmao
A woman is more likely to put up with disrespect when she thinks it's a part of a God's plan and will lead to some worthy end goal. 🙄
A lot of men push "traditional values and marriages" because the model favors the man. He is the "head and leader" and a woman should just "trust" that he knows best.
So some random individual automatically gets to lead because they won the gender lottery?
They shouldn't have to possess leadership qualities, effective skill-sets like being a good communicator, or have a high emotional intelligence? Just a certain chromosome arrangement and vibes? Okay...😂
It is a scam.
Plus, not one believer of any faith has ever even demonstrated that any God exists let alone demonstrated that a God told a group of men to write down his messages.
A scam.
@@wturner9168 I agree with you but unfortunately, that is the danger of faith.
You can justify anything with it because, by definition, you are apt to believe a proposition without having/needing/requiring evidence to support that proposition.
"There has to be a full understanding of the issue in order for change to occur" - profound point !!!
Points to the importance of "shadow work"
you are so right. if a man hurts you by flirting or cheating around, you have to decide one thing. Do you want to keep the relationship? Or not? If you want to keep the relationship, forgive him and forget it. If you don't want the relationship, walk away, and be honest with him why. No dramatic extension of the issues is needed and will only damage both of you. What is done is done. You won't change him by scolding and rubbing his face in it after he has owned it was wrong. If you can't forgive him the problem is you.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
The problem is NOT ME. WRONG.
If you cant forgive,walk away.
For me, what I am learning is Consistency is Key... I am learning through My Own Healing and Growing Journey that if both parties are Willing to put in the Effort to Make a Relationship work. They will remain Consistent in their efforts. The relationship will either Grow or Not. Thank You for Sharing this video it Definitely helped me view situations Differently and be more open minded, and also more Understanding... Learning about others and even our own selves is a Process. Also Knowing Our Worth, what we will and will Not tolerate.
Indeed, it really helps when we embrace that. Thank you for sharing ❤
Amen amen you said a mouth full thank you for that message well done👍🙏🙏🙏
Relationships should have boundaries. Therefore, expectations, should be talked about. It's so important. When you see a great deal of progress, it's time to yield and show compassion, rather than throwing it back in a person's face. I could see how that could be really hurtful to someone. Reward the effort and be kind.❣
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
Allow him to change and don't make him feel like he is living under a microscope. Set reasonable and clear boundaries and allow him to get there.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
Totally agree
Allow him to get there is so true. I think where women and men fail to allow the person to change is because we waited too long to set clear boundaries and stick to them and now we have this resentment behind it because of previous repetitive offenses that offers no tolerance or patience. That is deceitful on our part, Because if we are offering them another chance... How quickly would you jump back into something or feel positive about it if you knew that if you messed up one more time for something that you were struggling with, how quickly would you feel positive about even attempting to truly get over that struggle. So when men or women say "I lied to you because I didn't feel I could be completely honest with you because I didn't want to lose you" maybe it's a situation where they feel stranded with confusion and being overwhelmed because they don't know what to do To Overcome their weakness... AKA finding healthy coping mechanisms for the feelings That caused that behavior. that also need to be addressed separately .. Everyone's feelings and needs and desires in a relationship are valid and important and are subject to our individual selves. So being honest about those desires (Hopefully the beginning) as soon as they are recognized, is imperative. As offensive as some of the behaviors The people who love us do... We have to stay humble and realize that for most people bad behavior is usually just a sign of poor upbringing where they were not taught how to Manage those feelings through communication, Trust and empathy And you have to decide through his willingness to be aware of that Whether you want to put in the work for this person that you say you love and you want to be accepted for your flaws. Ladies and gentlemen we've have to stop living by double standards and dig deep and self reflect or do we want to just sit there and saying it's not my job to raise somebody else's Child. In some cases that's true... So have the patience to truly figure out if you're raising someone else's child or if you see a child left behind who needs help and wants help to become a good man - The recipe for respect.
I agree
So good to see men like Stephen, RC Blakes and Kev Hick helping women understand the relationship problems when it was easy for these men to join red pill and disdain us. Appreciate it ✌❤
Thank you very much I'm happy to hear that 🙌
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems.......
Whatsazzz him👇👇👇
Don't forget Tony Gaskins
Kevin Samuels!
At 18:39 every man watching you say this needs to hear this 10,000 times because God is speaking through you and you just said a lot right there. They have to show the change in their life not just in front of the woman that I love!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
true change happens outside The relationship for the whole person.
Why can't all men be as understanding and emotionally intelligent as you Stephan? 🙌🏻😁🙏🏻❤️
I appreciate your videos, they've helped me to get my head around so many different issues, questions of my own , issues etc... I think you're great! 🤩 Thankyou for the work you do. Ps I just bought 3 of your books that I'm going to read in the hope of better understanding the dynamics of relationships on a much deeper level. Even if the answers revealed aren't always welcomed...lol. 😂
Blessings to you ✨
My man was flirting with other women and when I asked why, he said, “Idk I guess to boost my ego.” Doesn’t get anymore honest than that. We broke up because of his flirting, but then he proved over the next few years that he only wants me in his life, because he never dated anyone else after that. Now we’re hanging out again and giving it another go.
Girlllll 😔😔😔
He came back be maybe you are the only one that accept it.He is also no respect in front of you.
For sure..
"He accepts it and corrects it" keeping a wrong in perspective, making a real effort is worth sticking it out if foundation is strong, exercise discernment over haste. Authentically trying your best trumps perfection ~ owning it deserves acknowledgement, respect and recognition 😎
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems.......
Whatsazzz him👇👇👇
He's a narc and there's nothing you can do to change a narc. You don't want a "pretender" or an inauthentic relationship because it takes precious time out of your life when you can spend that time with a man of quality . Trust your gut instinct, that's the one thing every women who endured narcissistic men regret.
Always important to listen to your intuition.
I’m so glad you touched on verbal abuse
Recently a lot of this finally made sense and I now fully understand a lot of this. I recently took a L because I didn’t understand what the issues were, why they were such a problem and understanding why ( problem was with me) and truthfully I didn’t see them at that time. I was functioning through life but not living my life. As badly as I wanted it to work and said over and over I would correct these issues , I truthfully didn’t understand or know how. It was what I wasn’t doing that caused this, not something I necessarily “ did” . A lot is new to me. On top of that, I was a terrible communicator in general due to social anxiety, overthinking, and some unresolved issues from my past so I was super quiet. I was in love but stuck and overwhelmed with emotions and feelings and it all fell apart. I had convinced them I “didn’t care” or was “ jealous “ or something else. I’ve been working relentlessly now for weeks now on bettering myself and working towards a better me because now… I have understanding. Thanks for this video. ( if I gotta pay for a talk session Damn it I will lol )
Be careful of what you tolerate because, you teach people how to treat you!
Great advice! I definitely believe in giving people a chance to redeem themselves, however, I do have my limit. 😊😊. If you mess up over 3 times, and I’ve told you how I felt about the issue, then that’s a deal breaker for me. Acknowledge that you’re wrong, and I’ll do the same. Respect works both ways in a relationship.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
True !
When you say "what's hitting my spirit" I say to myself COME THROUGH Holy Spirit. LOL!!
lol, 🙂 thank you!
Many great points in your video. The main points that I look for to decide if I should keep trying is to determine how genuine and sincere he is about the relationship. If his heart is really into it and he made a poor choice then yes I would forgive. You really have to first make sure you are truly aligned in values & standards, and ask yourself if he is truly the best choice God has for you. The reality is that the one that is truly for you will have effort, consistency, and love will just be the main goal. The one you love will need correction at times but if they truly learn you & study you then they will already know the love language you desire. The man who values you is the one you should keep trying with not the one who fails to recognize that your love is a treasure. Blessings & peace to u. Great topic. Love will always recognize the sincerity of the heart. and the genuineness in the actions.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Appreciate your great content ❤
Thank you for re iterating the Verbal Abuse Aspect I was in a Verbally Abusive Relationship for years, and no one should have to be subjected to that. Love your advice ❤️
I'm happy they are helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love and healing ❤ 🙏
Exactly!
The verbal abuse I accepted turned into Physical Abuse. That was my wake up call because I was at death’s door at the hands of this man.
It fails to amaze me how much your videos come out exactly when I need them to. I feel so affirmed and liberated. Stephan you’re work is so inspirational ! Thank you !
I'm happy the videos have been helpful to you, don't forget to share so that others can receive love and healing ❤ 🙏
Encouraging the process is very important. It be hard when you never receive appreciation because she feel that it should just be natural. And she shouldn’t have to teach a man.
Been having bad mental health days lately. I feel I have no one. God is there yes but I need someone to talk to…..any suggestions for online therapy. Not just relationships but everyday life. I hope you have a good week!
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
there's Better Help
Hi. Check out the following apps: Bloom (CBT therapy) & Betterhelp Therapy - I think they offer sponorships for people who are unable to afford the therapy as well. I hope you will manage to find someone soon❤
@@MissK_Tjimune thank you!!
I am always proud of your content, Stephan. Your wisdom, tact and care are wonderful to gleam from and apply @ relationships & lifestyles. You continue to prove that at the base of the problem is the solution. "Is this reparable?" and "Are you willing to work to make it better?" Blessings ,👑!
I appreciate that ❤ 🙏
I gave the benefits of doubts one to many times. I waited for him to prove himself only to be disappointed. I have been block remove from his social media. Yet in his mind I am crazy. He runs away from problems dismissing me.
🙏 I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks he has told me multiple times I terrified him when we first met he said he had all of those emotions run through him he could not decipher.
"benefit of the doubt" based on what? Has he have the character to support you giving him the BOTD?
@@toreycrosby7996 If you had read my last comment. You will know why. I was in a shitty relationship before the most recent. I have been told "I don't want her I want you" but I was always a second choice. So the last one I was "in" he had me in bed before dating he never wanted to be seen in public. The last time I saw him was 1/29/22 I got the hotel out of the kindness of my heart due to him going through financial issues. He told me "I really appreciate you I never had anyone like you to stick it out for me" then he took what he wanted and blocks me from contacting him. So yea I gave the benefits of doubts because I had hope he would not treat me like my Ex did. But I guess I was wrong lesson learned.
Yes!!! And it will become a repeated thing until he gets mad that you get mad. And still doesn't see a problem
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems....
It's so wonderful to hear a man SPEAK = God, Spirit, and Life. 💙
Thank you very much I'm happy to hear that 🙌
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Welcome
The more I tried to build him up, the harder he tried to bring negative challenges within our relationship.
I feel you, it definitely isn't an easy situation and I pray you're able to do what is truly best 🙏
When I notice the issue keeps resurfacing after me trying to constantly talk it out through various convos it’s time to move on. I’ve had a man say he would “ work on it” but only changed for a day or so n went right back to what he was comfortable doing. Had to walk away when I realized it was just who he was and no amount of convos would change him.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but you need to focus on doing what is truly best 🙏
Once you realize that's who they are and it's not working for you, leave them
My former pastor said when you bury the hatchet, bury it all the way cuz otherwise you can go back to grab the handle and bring it up again. If we say things are over, then it should be over.
There’s no talking with my husband he just doesn’t know how to communicate or accept responsibility for anything he does…Everything is my fault and I’m over it I want a divorce .. I’m too old for this mess…24 years of him walking away ,getting mad and silent treatment is enough for me…It’s time to end this marriage because now I’m thinking about ways I can hurt him… GOTTA walk away from this crap…He’s almost 50 and still acting like he’s 16… UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I'm sorry to hear about that, I pray that you heal from all that you have been through, and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏 ❤️
Imagine that, yes, leave him, think about the other years you have remaining to be Happy, God will see you through
I agree with this video 💯 percent. Communication, honesty, acknowledgement, acceptance, understanding, deep dive to the problem, come up with a strategy together and let it go. If he don't make a effort let him go.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks ❤
I like the fact that you listen to your sprit then accept the fact that something different needs to be said
Or other advice given 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response!
Every time I say I’m giving up I’m finished, I’m not. I guess I really need to be. Throughout the past 2 1/2 years, he tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and then in the next moment, he tells me he wants to be alone, and completely shuts me out, and I mean going as far as blocking me on his phone and not even speaking to me. But he always comes back. This last time I took him back, we moved in together we have lived together for three months and now he has told me he wants to be alone again. Now when I leave, this time I have to be done.
I just want to say.. you are a blessing in this world of relationships society. I’ve been listening to you for a few years now and every video I listen to from you validates my own experience in my own relationships good or bad. Stepping into what I’ve learned from my own experience and listening from your videos really let’s me know I’m own the right path of knowing what I want and willing to accept and how to allow him to be himself so I can see if himself is what I can accept. Thank you❤️
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems....
Focusing on bettering myself, rebuild myself. I tried to resolve with no recognition or being able to address,, no understanding, no acceptance, no acknowledgement, no communication, no change in behavior and no emotional availability or respecting how I would feel. I had no other choice but to move on.
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
Growth I believe is key in any relationship. When an individual wants change and growth that's when the significant other will know and see change. At the same time, communicating and if the trust and love is there in the relationship like it should be hold each accountable with respect. Plus compliment each other when the change comes to fruition. On the other, if a person isn't trying to do anything to make changes when things has been addressed over and over point blank it's time to depart our ways.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your feedback.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks You're Welcome
@@kabirmuazu4190 Thank you for wanting to help me out but I am good though. God Bless ❤️
I have done all I can. He left me I was a good women to him, there was no cheating.
14 years of wasted time, I didn’t want to walk away, I did love him, he just had so much baggage after grief he couldn’t be with me and also look after his mom. I was over being a doormat I know i deserved better we wanted to start a family bit he never believed me. I hope he does get the help he needs find the women that makes him happy.
I will no longer tolerate him anyone I no longer love him or care about him anymore. He is an ex for a reason it was not healthy
don’t give no man benefit of doubt or you end up doubting the benefits :D
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
I was a good woman for him and i will be continue to be the best woman communication is important he told me to stop commucate i did i miss him alot and i know he feels same, i ask God to close the doors to the wrong people yes he is going to open doors for the right man for me. It's good to put God in a relationship i cried with him but today im laughing with him when i remember it was bad. The way i am today that the way i was im alone i put everything in hands of God i have me❤
I know I'm changing but I feel like she's not and still in denial of her wrong doings I want to love her right, it's always me that has to change not her
🙏 I hope she reaches the point of truly doing what is best.
Blessed to be with a man who acknowledge and does change the situation. 🙏🏻
We can always find things to criticize one another, but that doesn’t mean we have to stoop down to their level, believe in yourself and lift each other up, and encourage each other to be their best, if they don’t after talking to each other,in a calm way, let them go, otherwise I believe we will probably give in just to be there and have someone, Be our best. Never let there be an Elephant in the room, and we never talk to each other.
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems.......
Whatsazzz him👇👇👇
I've watched a few videos from you. Man, your emotional intelligence is astounding. Thank you so much for your insight!
"You either stay doing your best or you walk away."
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems....
I see this now that me and my kids father is separated he kept changing and constantly changing for better and for a long time I kept pushing him away and now that we are separated I truly miss and wanna be with him and most what I wanted from him I needed to give to myself I’m praying we get back together or God helps me get over him
Those who have been following you know your heart- It’s good. You corrected it 🖤💜
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate that ❤️
I gave this guy 4.5 years to get his stuff together. He always acknowledged the issue of not having a job to help contribute. He would look for work and go to interviews. I kept hoping and believing. He just kept leaning on his military disability money for hurting his back (which he can still do A LOT). He contributed things here and there. But we’ve never been able to move forward because he hasn’t gotten a job for 4.5 years. So I eventually ended it and now he’s mad.
Ugh. Literally went through your example. He likes pictures of women. He said “it’s not like they’re half naked.” Which… TO ME is almost worse. Because it’s not random women. He just likes selfies of women we went to school with years ago (we’re 28 now). I told him that’s weird to me because he has a girlfriend (me) he never posts, yet, he likes their pics. He acknowledged it but I don’t think he fully grasped why it bothers me.
🙏 I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best.
Right I'm sick of it all. I did that, 2 days ago. But he still do what he pleases. I just want love,respect, loyalty and honesty. Yes he know its a problem, he said he would fix the problem. We have a connection he um understand..
Stephen you are truly working in your gift.
❤ 🙂 Thank you I appreciate that!
If a man states he knows what he wants, he works to keep it. When a man does the bare minimum after he has proposed to his woman, acknowledging the issue is bs. This man has been hearing the issues and acknowledging it for 10 months and made no changes. Wedding planning and relationship is called off, and he still does the bare minimum to make things better... is it me or him? No corrected behavior just enough to get pass the current issue. Help me out!
Your Like The Soft Spoken Side of Kevin Samuels but in your OWN Way I love that you don't explain things rudly yet not easily taken it hits you in a uncomfortable way with love & Raw truth that All Of Us Women Need I'm Not Religious but I Love Your Methodology Amazing lol Much Love🖤🖤
Glad to hear that, thank you for your feedback!
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems....
Yes, if they're doing something that you don't like, join it out in the moment, so they can acknowledge it what they're doing at that time. Bring it up scenarios, and a pass is harder to pinpoint than it is when they do it in the moment. So if you doesn't at that moment, acknowledge it then so they can see it and correct it or work on correcting it from that point and understand what the action is.
What if the problem is communication and ignoring you a little bit. ( waiting to call you back until the next day)
My ex-husband could not acknowledge issues, would gaslight me (saying that I know what's wrong and that we've discussed it) and give me the silent treatment. If he did speak, he deflected and would chuckle with amusement and roll his eyes, saying I was confused/stupid. So I left and ended my 28 year marriage. Nearly 3 years alone now and so much happier🌼💕🎉😊💙
Being aware and looking for something is completely different. Needed this, thank you.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
Our last conversation (3rd time addressing issue) he explicitly told me “ I don’t think I really want to know what it is I’m doing ‘wrong’. Nuf said. Done
Thank you so much Stephen for this awesome video 💯🎯🙏🏽!!! This is so very helpful for both singles, dating, or married. I’ve learned a lot just by watching this. Blessings😇.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems.......
Whatsazzz him👇👇👇
I agree about the verbal abuse. Sometimes it’s an environment based learned behavior and it can be unlearned. I purposefully squashed this bad habit within myself on my healing journey, then also from my partner. I feel like the best way to address and get rid of it, is by focusing on what real love and respect is supposed to sound and feel like
In conclusion...I'm staying single. being alone can be tough at times but man I would not trade that for the stress, headache, anxiety, emotional trauma, possible mental breakdown and the horrible hurt that can entail in any relationship. Anyway the world is already overpopulated as is so I'm also contributing to prevent global crisis by remaining single....so not only am I single but also a hero! My goal is to own at least three cats 😂👍🌟💯🎉
A dog in my case🤣😂
@@candacesmith5572 😹😹😹 cat rules!
Yes, working together keeps the relationship together.
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems.......
Whatsazzz him👇👇👇
I’m very glad to have discovered your channel recently, I truly got so much important advices and things to ponder to especially in dealing with my relationship. Your videos has been somehow very therapeutic and been my go to recently. You’re truly a great help to lots of us here. I’m grateful, and I wish you all the best 🙏🏼
🙏 Glad I could help and don't forget to subscribe and click the notification bell to be notified each time I release a new video.
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems.......
Whatsazzz him👇👇👇
Broke up 8 months 14 year relationship no cheating just communication wasn’t there, lost our way. I wasn’t prioritised the way I deserved. We are amicable now probably in a better place now I’ve reflected we both made mistakes
He has regretted said sorry he has told me he loves me he has shown through his actions he always wants to meet up it’s not always to hook up even though we reconnected twice it was consensual and mutual we had to let some steam but it not the type of women that’s going to be a convenient but when I pray God always presents him back to me I won’t question that I just need to seek why?? No one is perfect but I want to happy it’s not his job to do that but if he is going to block me from my blessings then I need to let him go
What do you do, when you text him and have told him to call, never does? When he does talk it's us, we so why mixed signals?
OMG Yes yes yes!!!!!!
"Unfortunately, we are human beings." - I say this every day when I wake up lmao. Dang, still human 🤣
This is a great video. I let him go because I addressed the issues several times and he just didn't get it. He's 68 I'm 67. He was comfortable where he's at. Didn't want to do anything. It was a long distance relationship and a ex that he was engaged to plus who is his friend was involved plus other issues. It was unhealthy for me so I let him go. Great video.❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you and I pray that you heal all you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you so much.🙏❤
Stephan,
You gave the example of a man flirting with a woman when you walk away, apologizing and acknowledging it, but not really getting to the deeper part of it. How do I know if it's just me getting jealous and being insecure or is it really an issue on his end of things? That's where my ex and I struggled. He would basically tell me I'm being jealous and it didn't mean anything, but I felt a certain way about it and sometimes it's hard for me to know am I just being overly jealous or was he in the wrong. And then when the issue comes up again and again, he would get tired of it. He might have apologized but then when I see similar behavior later, then he just thinks I'm being jealous. I don't know. It was confusing.
I love looking at your videos, you have got so much common sense and you are so funny😆. I am marriage now for 21yrs; everything you have been saying is straight up my alley..sooo many relationships can be fix out there if people just took the time out to listen and try to understand where the other person is coming from. You are an amazing man, keep up the good work that our God has sent you to preach..🙏🏽💚💚💚
❤ 🙂 Thank you I appreciate that!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks you are very welcome 😊🙏🏽💚
@@kabirmuazu4190 I don't need any help my dear; but thank you for trying.. if I did, I know exactly who to ask. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Got the point. My take: to lower drama most men tend to speak fake luscious words. And fake words are like a broken windmill. Why would a man who claims he loves a woman do something like that?? He is who he is. I'm willing to bet..... he will still do it again, but this time be more careful when she's around. And also do it even more when she's not around. Like I said...he is who he is.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts I appreciate your feedback!
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems....
The problem In the relationship is there's no romance, hardly any intimacy, no date nights, there hardly any " team work" around the house. I'm tired of having to direct everything. This makes it hard to express my feminine side I feel like I always have to be the alpha...it's draining.
🙏 I hope he reaches the point of truly doing what is best.
I can recommend you to (Mr Ose )who was able to bring back my ex husband and it works, I believe he can solve your relationship problems.......
Whatsazzz him👇👇👇
I have to let go cause you have to be willing to change, not go back into our ways . He's childish, always accussing me of messing around and looking at you with an side eye. It's cold outside, late at night. Went to Walmart and got dishwasher soap for him. He accused me of calling some guy to buy the soap and giving it to him. He's the 1 that keeps bringing up the past. I'm complimzer, not a door mat. He said he don't want a relationship so l move on. Then he comes next week with something like he wants to try to have something. Boy Bye! Been cut the strings and gone!
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
I'm healed. Jesus got me cause He don't judge, assumes nothing cause He see all, no drinking, smoking, sell dope to his people, he delivers 9X out of 10, will ,brings comfort. We can go out and watch a movie without fighting or bickering over nothing. He always have the last word over mines. Although he jealous , l do not give Him no reason to be. He has great confidence that I'm sold out to Him, not this pegan world. He helped to love Him and myself. Now that l know Him. I don't think there will be no one that can taking his place ......
I second and agree with Stephanie Weipert!!! She's so right.