Abstinence counts only if you ever had sex, otherwise of course it's super easy. How could you miss something you never had in the first place. I'm not saying you specifically never had sex, just sayin.
@@thibautmodrzyk6215 theres alot of sexual desires people can have so even if uve never had sex many people still desire to have sex.. example if i watch an eating show and this person is eating a food ive never tried before but it looks tasty then i would want to go and eat it and that can be the case of sex where one gets told about how it is or has watched and alot would desire it... just in our case we dont
It can be hard to deal with if you’re a guy. For some reason when I tell people I have no sexual or intimate desires toward anyone and prefer to stay single, they sometimes make awful assumptions about me like I’m a psychopath, a predator, a woman hater, an incel or some other dumb buzzword. I love woman and respect other people’s relationships, I just have no interest or need to be in a relationship myself. I don’t think that makes me bad or weird lol.
I think people are so used to seeing those mgtow guys and incels that they assume any man that doesn’t want to have sex hates women. Obviously those groups suck, but people shouldn’t let their defensiveness towards those groups make them become bigoted to people unrelated. Sorry that happened
I'm a VERY hypersexual person, and I once dated an ace person. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED her. She often felt guilty that she didn't feel attracted to me in the same way, but I never wanted her to feel that way. She never deserved to feel guilty for how her brain works. We're not together anymore, but lemme tell you that ace people deserve so much love and validation. It's a spectrum so keep in mind that some ace people still LOVE sex for the feeling, but don't feel the attraction, while others are literally repulsed by the mere thought of having sex. All are valid!!! love y'all!!
As an ace person, I really appreciate people like you! You're definitely in the minority, most people that we date that aren't also ace usually pressure us into sexual things we're not comfortable with and shame us for being uncomfortable with sex. Thank you so much for being understanding, you seem like an amazing human ❤️
@@majesticsquid5643 Thank you so much 🥺 I do my best, and everyone deserves recognition and love in the way that they need it, and ace people are definitely pretty unique so it's important to make sure y'all get the love you need and deserve
@@brynn1302 I'll never say that I fully comprehend because I'm not ace and I don't experience the world in an ace way, but I try to learn more every day and I want yall to be happy 😊
@@derekhasabrain I know that anyone who isn't ace can't really understand how being ace feels like, but you still listened to the community and empathized with us which is amazing!
For me, it was around the time when I forgot how, but I found out that most people actually like thinking about having intercourse with people who they find attractive. That thought actually still baffles me. So I did my research and found out that I fall under the asexual umbrella.
@@book_wolf_1939 dudeee I considered everyone weird and hypersexual for that so I kinda felt awkward being friends its girls of my age and at 19i was already sure I'm graysexual.
Its anime that's doing it to you guys. This whole comment section is anime people. Losers. If you went outside in the real world and stopped imagining holding hands with your favourite anime character then you might build up a healthy sexual appetite
I would always tell my friends I think such and such is hot but I wouldn't wanna sleep with them Got called a prude a lot or questioned why I didn't have that urge
How old were you when this was happening? I’m 18 and I’ve only had inappropriate thoughts about fictional characters. Even when I was in a relationship, I was still too repulsed to think about that stuff, but it may have been because he was a guy and I didn’t know that I’m a lesbian yet. However, I’ve heard of many people having sexual fantasies about celebrities, and I’ve never even been attracted to a female celebrity. (As a matter of fact, I find celebrity crushes to be weird because there’s a real person out there who has no idea that you even exist, yet you’re simping for them.)
My best friend (36) is asexual, she's also still a virgin. It's not part of her personality or anything she talks about, she's just never had an interest in being in a relationship. We didn't really notice it as we were growing up, she kept so busy with school activities. Not that there's anything wrong with it, she is a very happy woman and a beloved lifelong friend. :)
Can I just say thank you for sharing about your friend! The "30 year old virgin" gets such a bad rap. I often feel pressured to at least try to have sexual feelings or relations, especially when even the aces ive met or heard from have at least tried already or enjoy the feeling of it. But reading that there are aces out there who don't pressure themselves into trying something they don't want and are perfectly fine doing their own thing, AND that there's friends like you who treat it like a normal Thing - I can't tell you how comforting that is. I wish you and your friend nothing but the best!
I realized I was ace when this girl I was in love with started talking about her sex life and it hit me like a brick how much I don't want to do that with people. Honestly, it looks like such a hassle lmao.
I know, right!! I hate it so much because one time, when I was having a panic attack about CERTAIN people (aka my brother and his gf) who talk about their sex lives or are being overly sexual in public/in front of me, my mom was the one who told me that I need to "get used to it" because it "happens all the time, that's the world we live in". It just resulted in me yelling and slamming my door because of how much it was invalidating the way I was feeling.
similar thing happened to me, i remember eavesdropping two people I vaguely knew’s conversation a table away at the library about their…escapades with current boyfriends and i stopped myself and thought for a second after my gut feeling was “this sounds sf time consuming…and also gross” like anyone else would probably giggle or be at the least enthused by overhearing this im so ace it hurts, actually wanted to burst into tears next to the computer room
I realized it when I watched Jaiden's recent video "Being Not Straight", and talked to a bunch of Asexual friends about their experiences, because I was able to relate to a decent few things that were said and wanted to get a few more perspectives to compare to. Then, later that night, I realized "...I always looked forward to finding someone to cuddle with, to hug, to love... but I never looked forward to kissing, children, and the sideways tango... huh. I'm surprised it took this long to realize that."
I find it odd that you have all these asexual friends and you just happen to be the same way. In my 29 years on this planet I have yet to meet someone that identifys as asexual. But u have all these friends that are asexual? Must be something In the water huh?
i feel the same way!! the thought of kissing/devils tango/kids anything like that always kinda scared me, it’s just never really been anything i’m interested in? i just want cuddles and hugs and holding hands 😭
I’m not asexual but I do prefer to be single. Heart goes out to all of y’all. The world thinks your life is nothing if you aren’t with someone else or prefer not to be. It’s annoying as hell.
I spent SO LONG avoiding relationships bc I thought it was something expected in relationships and I never wanted to do it. Finding out other people were asexual and felt the same way as me absolutely blew my mind. However, I wish people were more accepting of it. :( majority of relationships have been absolutely exhausting because people seemingly forget my asexuality and try to pressure me into it. Like nope! No thank you! I think I’ll be heading out now!
SAME! Happy to see others have a similar experience but sad that you've had to experience it too :( hope you find someone who is understanding and respectful
@@UltraObama Except we aren't stupid animals and there is more to life than just passing down our DNA. The world is a shitty place and its gets worse and worse each year.Some people don't want to care for another being for 18+ years. Some people don't want to be miserable for 9 months and spend hours in excruciating pain. Some people don't want to pass on bad genetics. Some people just want to do other things. Doesn't mean they have mental health issues. Sexual attraction doesn't have anything to do with mental health. 🤦♀️
@@NoBuddy89 Right, you're either better off dating another asexual, not dating at all or else allowing your partner to have sex with others. You can't expect normal people to not want sex.
figured out i was ace when people talked about their fictional crushes, and i kept picking nonhuman ones because “they seem so lonely, i’ll be their friend”. still never felt the need to think of anyone sexually.
He is! He's an adorable little guy and he gives better gifts then some of the spouses. I'm thinking about divorcing my wife for him@@scullduggerouscellaphod2355
Literally everyone growing thought I was just "too innocent" but it was more like I just couldn't care less about sex. Yeah we could have spicy conversations and stuff but I really just didn't have feelings on the matter and later I realized that not everyone could think in that same mindset
the main reason i’ve started watching shubble as a aroace person is because of how open she is about their asexuality. i really love it when people talk about all their experiences with being asexual- all the silly and confusing stuff about it aswell. seeing her and so many others proud of their identities makes me confident in my own
I had a friend in college who’s girlfriend was asexual. She told me she enjoyed being in a relationship with him because he understood she had zero interest in anything sexual and was ok with them not having sex
Honestly i'm torn if i considered myself as aro or ace or both. I'm 25, F, never had a relationship... i've had crushes before but never really acted on it... people chalk it up to just saying things like "oh it's because you haven't met the right people yet" but idk... i never gave myself the opportunity to have relationships because i just wasn't interested in them.. i'd fantasize what it feels like to have one (and to also have sex) but i feel like i'm just okay with it just being fantasies and not something i'd actually do/have
It's all fine! Take your time and figure things out. It sounds ace to me, but only you can make that call. And you can know what you want or not without trying it! 'You just haven't met the right person yet' or 'that's just your insecurity speaking, just give it a try' is nonsense. You know you better than you.
Couldn't relate to this more. I'm 23F, I've had crushes, but I've passed on every opportunity for something to be more than a crush. I used to think I was just self-sabotaging my love life but in reality I don't think I can sabotage something I'm already content with. 🤷♀️
Omg I'm the same age and feel exactly the same, have you figured it out yet? Cause like I'd fantasize about being in a relationship but when it seriously comes up I feel so uncomfortable and I knwo I'd just be miserable in one
I used to love watching Shubble! Not only was this a nice feeling of nostalgia but also seeing someone who understands and feels the same way that I do about people!
It was sudden and came out of nowhere. I was chatting about relationships with a friend of mine and he mentioned that the sexual aspect of a relationship was very important to him. Then I said something along the lines of "Honestly, I've never had that much interest in sex" And then I started to think about it and in my 7 relationships before that I had never been interested in actually having sex. Just cuddles and hugs.
I started realizing I was Ace when I kept thinking ‘What’s wrong with me??’ Every time my partner would bring up s*x and I’d just, get hecka nervous and brush it off with ‘No’s or get really anxious during anything and avoiding going to bed at the mere thought of being asked about it.
@@MsBluebot Aaaaaaannnnnnd that's where you're wrong. You can continue crying at me and make more appeal to authority fallacy, you will be wasting your time.
I realized i was aroace after finally getting to date my 5-year long crush and then feeling strange about it. After that “relationship” I simply felt nothing ever again. I haven’t fallen or felt attracted to anyone since, and most definetely wont.
My asexual realization was the fact I heard of "waiting till marriage" my first reaction was like "what if I just didn't get married?" Specifically to avoid feeling obligated to woohoo(yes I'm referencing the Sims, what are you going to about it?) with someone. Like that was when I was in elementary school too so when I got older I realized I could get married and just be like "no.". The problem now is I just don't want to have partner of any kind lmao so I really thought abt it for no real reason. Edit: If you see Finlay Richards in the replies of this comment going on Abt dumb shit, don't speak with him, ignore him, and if you feel necessary report his replies. Try and keep it polite cause I really wasted too much energy being pissed at him specifically. If you're confused about aro, ace, or just lgbtq in general, you can respectfully ask questions and you will get answers, but don't be a Finlay Richards. Cause if you mess with the bull you get the horns and personally I'm tired of arguing with people who aren't willing to change. Edit edit: Y'all I'm serious please ignore Finlay cause he's gotten so upset that people are using common sense against him. My man really said that he wouldn't woohoo someone who was asexual because they don't deserve it. Like he's going off the rails and I really don't think anyone should interact with him for everyone's best interest. Edit edit edit: This is my final edit cause a week is long enough for me to care abt any comment and I feel like I've cleared enough, but I just wanna say if there's missing context to some of the replies to Finlay, it's cause the original thing Finlay said got taken down cause people reported it(yeah some of his takes were that bad). I again want to emphasize that everyone try to keep it respectful, I know I've said some stuff out of anger, but do as I say and not as I do, please for the love of God. I want people to feel free to ask questions and learn without it causing some dumb fight. If Finlay is reading this, I hope you later down the line try to learn instead of getting angry that you're single/not able to woohoo. I know it must suck, but getting angry at others online isn't the way to go about handling it, I again acknowledge that I also got angry, but I'm not angry anymore, I'm not annoyed, I'm just sad for you. I hope you learn in the future. I truly truly do. And I'm sorry if you use me to fuel your toxic mindset. I'm sorry I could be used for fueling it, no one deserves to have your kind of mindset reinforced by someone else getting angry. If you're not Finlay and you're reading this I'm sorry you spent this time reading about a situation you probably don't even know the full context of unless you read all of the replies which if that's the case, bless your soul for being patient enough to read everything especially if you aren't at all involved in anything.
You can't get married and say "no". That's actually one of the biggest reasons why marriages end up miserable and failing. A sexual and asexual person are not compatible for a long-term relationship unless you're fine with that other person banging other people on the side.
@@skulk4780 uhm....no...? the fuck? asexual doesn't mean you don't completely wish to have sex, however, most asexuals don't wish to and this also doesn't mean they can't or don't want to be in a relationship, it's just extremely rare for them to find any sort of attraction for anyone sexually or romantically. An asexual person feels little or no sexual attraction, but they may engage in sexual activity. Platonic marriage is a thing and you don't have to have sex to maintain a healthy relationship. Also, a person who is sexually active would probably either respect their partners choices and not have sex or they wouldn't marry them in the first place. if your partner is asexual and you happen to be sexually active, then you can discuss it then. But "banging on the side" (unless your partner is ok with it, idk why though) is not healthy and it's not required to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and your body, you don't need sex to survive :)
Mine was essentially starting university and realising that I’d never been attracted to anyone even though I was 19. Then reading a lot of posts on aven.
@@skulk4780 my man sorry to inform you I'd get to know if someone would prefer sex or not before devoting my life to them. I might just be crazy but I'd even be like that before dating them. Like I don't want to risk leading someone on just to be like "Oh yeah I'm ace." When they wanted to be able to have sex with me. Also I would be open to having an open relationship if my partner really wanted it. But something I want to also point out is at this point in time I'm not planning on getting a partner and I said that at the end of my original comment. Also I was really simplifying it when I said I could just be like "no", because as you can see I tend to type out really long comments and I try to cut it down so people don't have to read the story I've produced lol. Also also on that note sorry if this is long and seen as overreacting to something I should've ignored or something, also sorry if this is not very consistent, I try to focus on everything at once and it leads to a mess. Anyway I just wanted to try to clear that up.
Ah yes, still remember how back in 3rd grade, I complained about having to learn about sex because I genuinely believed no one wanted it and then having to be told "You'll want it later" by a teacher and "I do" by a friend. Nope, still don't want it.
@@oriana5023 Judging by the name of OP, I'd reckon they're German. If they are, then they most likely had Sex-Ed in 3rd grade, and then later in 6th or 7th grade, can't exactly recall. - And the reason they teach it as such a young age, is because it's important to know. The 3rd grade classes are rather vague and are mostly just there to teach how children are made etc. etc. - The real details and so are taught the second time around, when you're just hitting puberty, because teens fool around. They also focus a lot on safe practice, instead of abstinence. All of this is based on my personal experience from the German school system. And I personally think it's handled relatively well here.
i'm not ace but i started experiencing sexual attraction extremely late in comparison to most people so whenever an ace person talks about their experience it just makes perfect sense to me. like people talk about first having sexual feelings when they were like 10 or 13 and i just felt absolutely nothing until i was probably 17. pushed myself into doing stuff at 15 that i did not enjoy and was not comfortable with and only realized later when whatever hormonal update i got hit that sexual stuff was supposed to be fun. whenever i hear adult ace people talk about their experience, it just reminds me of my younger self and i figure it's basically the same except they never start liking any of it. idk why that's so confusing to so many people. it's really frustrating hearing people say to ace teens and adults "you'll change your mind" "it'll be different when you're older". i am someone who changed and became different when i was older and my experience does not negate the validity of people who never start experiencing those feelings. and as someone who forced myself into situations where i didn't feel okay with what was happening i really hate seeing people pressured into having those same experiences bc they're adults and "supposed" to want it
before I found out I was asexual I would say I was abstinent just so I could push off having sex till I eventually had to. Then I found out about being asexual and that you don't ever have to have sex ever! It was super liberating to find this out haha.
I can relate in a way. I didn’t go to a Christian school but I am Christian all my life. And I remember studying the Bible about the 10 commandments, one of them was never to lust for someone who isn’t your spouse and Jesus said it as well. And I thought highly of myself that I’ve never had sexual fantasies with actual people, as in people I know or celebrities, sure I had a crush but it dies so quickly is it even considered a crush? I also never considered marriage and since at a young age I keep telling everyone that marriage is not for me (early Christians also chose not to get married to be more dedicated to their work for God, funny thing is, people nowadays can’t get wrap that in their heads either- even if they’re Christian too) But my mother was so keen at telling me to shut up about it because she thought I was only saying that out of rebellion, and that someday when I get married people will laugh at me, the “I will never get married” girl is now a bride! 25 years (almost 26 in March 2022) I still feel the same. Yeah, there were some questioning though. Like one time for example my mother gave me the idea that a friend of mine was really interested in me. And I thought “ok, if he makes a move I will accept it and see how it goes” Bad idea. I was waiting for him to give me attention because I started to fantasize a life with him. Even the parts that was terrifying like having sex and having kids (I didn’t want that, but I said to myself that clearly him being a man he would want that and I would just have to learn to like it) I was in a turmoil, and it wasn’t even a relationship. Then I broke down when I saw him dancing with only one girl at a party and just not talking to me like we did before. I called my mother to come pick me up and she told me to deal with it. My sister who is allosexual, talked my mother into coming for me. My mother was anything but help, I didn’t know what I was feeling, and she was the one who put the idea in my head in the first place and told me to shut up about my feelings instead of listening. Then just to experiment things I turned into self-pleasure, But I could never imagine anyone, not even the man I “liked”. When I turned 23 I came back where I grew up and I learned about the term asexuality, and it makes so much sense. Why I was able to not fantasize anyone and never really interested myself into having relationships. Also why I didn’t find anyone physically attractive no matter what others think (Ie. I mention Chris evans or Sebastian Stan, people sighed/moan/ bite their lip, I kid you not and I’m here like- .... yeah. They’re one of favorite characters because I resonate with Cap. America’s personality and values... yeah.) Not so long ago we had a Bible study, and one of the topics involved not pushing young adults to marriage if they had vividly expressed they do not wished to be married, either because like early Christians, they want to dedicate themselves more into the work for God or they simply don’t see themselves in that future. Even if they didn’t say the word “asexual”, God told my mother to shut up and I felt seen. 😌💕 Whew. Sorry for the long comment is just that for so long I was ok up until my adulthood where people wanted me to be in a relationship and sometimes even not be a virgin (ew.) and that one experience was the official turning point that something is up and it’s not just “you haven’t found the right one” or “you’re a late bloomer” I’m gonna turn 26 pretty soon, something would’ve happened or changed into the hetero-norm but everything is practically the same. 💜♠️
Me thinking one day I’ll be interested in sex, and suddenly I’m 27 and realizing that I’ll probably never be interested. Some people are late bloomers, and that’s great! And some of us are asexual, and that’s great too. 🥰
I’m asexual and i’m very interested in sex. I just don’t feel sexual attraction. i’m hornier than my boyfriend, who is allo (meaning he feels sexual attraction)
I’m ace and some of the comments I have seen have actually made me feel really bad about myself.. people need to chill and understand not everyone feels the same way
Don't listen to them! You are awesome and valid and if those people can't see that, then they're not worth listening to. Love comes in all forms, and platonic love is just as important as romantic and intimate love/attraction.
I went to Catholic school too and they never taught us abstinence. They acknowledged that this was unrealistic and taught us about condoms, pregnancy being a mom at a young age,, adoption and even abortion. They let us know all of our options whether they agreed with those or not. Religion was kept outside of health class and we were just taught straight up facts. Birth control was never wrong, sex can and should be had for pleasure (God made it that way), being gay was natural. It was a complete shock to me that other schools weren't as progressive.
All the people that don’t have significant other should be the ones going to Catholic school. And there are a lot of people on UA-cam that are forever single. They could then preach abstinence until the cows come home.
@@phattybacon931 not like getting stripped away the title of “catholic” is a bad thing, that school sounds too amazingly good to call themselves such an embarrassingly horrible religion.
honestly aro and ace are like my favorite sexualities because they’re such a fuck you to modern society expectations plus, i gotta support my fellow A’s of the LGBTQ community (i’m agender)
@@avatarmew yes im aware, im just saying being aromantic and being asexual are pretty similar in terms of definition and there's a lot of aroace people too
Cool but jsut a little note ASEXUAL AND AROMATIC ARE DIFFERENT THINGS aro is where you feel no romantic attraction and ace is no sexual attraction being ace dosen't mean you dont love people it just means the devils tango is obsolete in that relationship Edit: i know this has nothing to do with the video but i just wanted to say it for those who are confused
Actually, being ace doesn’t mean the devil’s tango is obsolete. Some ace’s are tango-positive or neutral. Usually because they wanna do it for their partner. Though there still are many who are tango-repulsed, so in their relationships it would be obsolete. Being ace just means they don’t feel that attraction, not that they will never wanna do it.
@@S4D-SC3N3-K1D Laymen will use the terms interchangeably or only asexual to mean one of either or, more often, both things at once. And you know how language works, the meaning of a word is defined based on how most people used it, therefore if most use it that way that's the way it becomes.
@@Divinemakyr Not really. I'm aro-ace, but I'm considering starting to see someone who's also ace. We have a nice connection. And tbh? I'd have sex with them, because I like the emotional connection and it feels good, not because I'm drawn to their body. It doesn't change my orientation, though. If things were to fall through, I'd go back to my complete disinterest in people. Asexuality is better defined as a lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of sexuality outright.
Lol, I guess I was early because that link wasn't there when I commented only the tags 🤭. I'm too impatient to just scroll through years worth of videos to find one.
I realised I was ace at 19 during my first year of university (yes we start a year later than in the US). I felt a bit grown up and met a lot of new people. I came to the realisation that if I was allo, I would probably have been interested in someone by now. I always knew from an early age that I didn’t quite fit in. I didn’t have any crushes. I didn’t understand why people liked to fawn over “hot” celebrities. My obsessions tended to be with books, not people. I found aven and read a lot about other people’s experiences. Some were relatable,others weren’t. Either way, I decided that the labels ace/aro fit me and I have not had any reason to think otherwise since.
I realized that veeery late too, like I came to fully identify as aroace last year, being 23... I had crushes, but I noticed I would always have to "turn a key" in my head like "this person is being really nice to me, now I like this person" but I'd never imagine myself holding hands with them, kissing them, touching them, or even going to their family barbecue during a weekend and being seen as a couple 😂 and I would never look at someone I have never seen in my life before and be like "wow so hot"....
I think I'm going through what you just described! I'm 18 years old and I never had any crushes that I was really into. I just made them up so I could fit in. Even now, many of my classmates have boy/girlfriends but I just couldn't imagine myself having a lover.
@@noo9144 the thing that makes me different from most people is that I don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. I’m an adult and have never even had a crush on anyone. And no, it’s not some sort of religious wait until marriage type deals, I’m not religious. This comment also doesn’t feel like the massive cry for attention you obviously felt it was. I told my story of how I realised I’m ace in the comments on a video about ace discovery. (Also, for the record coffee is meh)
for those who have the ref.: we appreciate garlic bread to it's true value 😋✨ (I know not every ace likes it 😉 I don't know if it's still a thing but there used to be this whole thing about garlic bread in the ace community )
Uhhh I think I’m lost 😆. But while I’m here. I think you can get to know people on a deeper level and have meaningful relationships with people when you remove the stress and distraction of dating. Also there are so many benefits spending time to get to know yourself. Seems like a lot of people these days are more worried about other people that they don’t spend enough time looking at themselves. Self awareness is amazing 😃
My lesbian awakening was Princess Leia. My asexual awakening was when i realized that my lesbian awakening was Princess Leia in the dress beating up bad guys and being generally awesome, and not in the bikini.
I started googling stuff like "why would you want to lick another person" after a comment from a friend. It was a really weird search tree, but after an hour I realised my friend was not a cannibal and it was somehow normal to want to lick other peoples body parts 🤯 ?? Still seems pretty sus but ok 🙄
I learned I realized I was aro/ace when I dated my crush and it was supposed to be everything I ever wanted, but all I really wanted to do was go to the arcade together and watch anime when we got back. Turns out I just really wanted to be friends 😅
I'm gray ace and I only realized that when I finally noticed how deeply uncomfortable, borderline disgusted, I was with the idea of sleeping with someone I don't know very intimatey even though I always knew it was absolutely okay for others to do so and supported those who did.
@DOOM! These poor fools that are just buying the idea they have a mental disorder because they get a little anxious. It would be more tragic if it wasn't so funny.
My realization was when I took a moment to think about how the sex scene is always the climax (pun intended) of a romantic film. I was always like “wait, people think this so romantic?” I’m definitely on the asexual spectrum, but my level of interest in sexual activities fluctuates between “something I think would be kinda fun” to “nauseating to even imagine” and I can see myself just completely losing interest 100% down the line.
Just to spread awareness: asexuality and aromanticism are completely different psychological attractions, and although it's possible to have both, don't mistake one for the other. For example, I'm asexual but I'm demiromantic (used to think I was demisexual and asexual, which turns out isn't possible). Remember not to go overboard with the labels if you're still exploring your sexuality. Asexuality is sort of a spectrum but keep in mind its definition: the ABSENCE of sexual attraction. Anything more and it's a different sexuality.
That's actually not completely true! Like you said, it's a spectrum, some people will only feel s3xually attracted to people after forming s strong bond with them, or only very rarely :)
when I heard people say on Tv that 3 dates equals sex I got so hecking nervous and anxious just hearing that but now I know that doesn’t HAVE to happen.
the thing in health where the teacher was like “the safest way not to get a bad thing is to abstain until marriage”. and I was like oh sick i just wont get married- similar experience but i didnt realize it at the time lol
People shouldn’t associate asexual with aromantic, you can still be in a relationship but it’s one where no sex is happening. Like the one proposed in the movie “the imitation game”, a bond of minds
I just thought I was being a good Catholic 😆 It wasn't until I was in my mid 20's and had multiple failed relationships due to being "cold" when I figured something weird was going on
I remember learning about abstinence and being like “oh I didn’t even know people were having sex now”, it never occurred to me that it was a thing I could want
Ahh the old all girl/boys catholic academy a torture for some but oddly also can be a sanctuary for asexuals, aromatics, lesbians/gays or even sometimes bisexuals surprisingly my friend said her favorite part was the “no boys or boyfriends allowed” so she went to the same process of the abstinence ceremony and there she found her now girlfriend, we laughed a lot when we remembered how some teacher congratulated her and put her and her girlfriend (among other girls) as an example of “purity and abstinence” those two where the horniest people I have ever met (maybe also because of being in a catholic school)
I’m Demisexual, and have only ever had a sexual attraction to one person (Whom I am not with x3 ) It confuses the hell out of my sister, she has a high sex drive and I don’t. And yes I’ve heard, “Well you just don’t know till you try it.” Been slowly getting her to knock that shit off, fucking finally.
@@pandora4037 Your inner self probably wants badly to murder people but social constructs are here to hold your urges back. It's human nature, given the right circumstances, we kill our own. Now for this sex matter, I guess you're all teenagers or something, or you had few experiences. Nature makes everything possible to make us have sex : you can't "dislike" dopamine, endorphine etc. You can have hormone deficits of course but it's extremely rare and people who aren't treated for these issues usually suffer higher suicide rates. I know it feels good to identify as a certain community/group/culture as a youngster, especially an under represented one, but you should be celebrating the fact you're one of a kind and not just a member of a pre-digested group whose only common trait is a vague sexual orientation. Enjoy sex and love, it's one of the only truly good thing in life with no real drawbacks (if you protect yourself of course). Cheers.
@@pandora4037 like how you gonna try it if you're not sexually attracted to someone and not aroused? That would be a really uncomfortable and painful experience.
I love when people say that shit the whole "well how do you know you dont like it have you tried it?" What I do is ask them are you straight or gay and usually they say thier straight and I ask them well how do you know if youre not gay have you had sex or even a relationship with the same sex? And 9/10 they no I know I'm not gay i dont like that stuff. Catches them right in thier stupidity
Similar experience. Raised Mormon. Chastity was easy. I didn't see why it was such a huge problem to live that way. Got older and realized... I'm actually the weird one here...
I'm hypersexual and not asexual but I am aromantic lol. I have queer-platonic partners and it gets really awkward to explain to people. I think the hardest part is that everyone has different boundaries and definitions for platonic, romantic, and sexual feelings and activities, and that's fine but sometimes people can't understand that a thing that they consider romantic is simply not romantic for me nor my friends (like cuddling). I'm so tired of trying to explain my best friend-partner thing going on because I am overly honest
as someone who is hypersexual , i had dated an ace person before . she was my longest relationship and stayed with me through everything . and i absolutely loved her . the only reason were not together anymore is because im actually a gay trans guy and shes lesbian ace and thats totally okay !! were still best friends and are more like siblings now , and if anything were closer now than when we had been dating
I found out I was ace from a homework assignment. I had a project on asexual reproduction and when I was googling around I found a page on AVEN that explained what it meant to be ace. I looked through it and everything clicked!
I found out I was ace in eighth grade sex-ed and I just sat there like oh damn that sexuality describes me. I'm so happy to see other ace people being open about their experiences
It’s a sobering moment when you realize that no,, every piece of media from song to book to the screen and even everyone around you ISNT actually exaggerating all the time and that’s how the majority of people think and feel and you’re the odd one out
I knew I was demi/ace when I could not understand everyone's fascination with it. Everyone as a primate really shows at that point. Like, so many peoples behavior comes off as a Discovery Channel show on mating habits, and I'm just like... Save that for relationships. I'm not sexually attracted to anyone unless it just works. The worst is when they interpret what you do as innuendo or code speak and I'm like, "I am talking about actual milk, bro, shut up."
@DOOM! People who feel sexual attraction but decide to actually just sleep with people they love, or don't have/understand one night stands are not the same as people who identify as demisexual. Demisexuality means we are completely asexual - like we feel 0 attraction towards anyone - until we have a great connection/love someone deeply. Which means that we can know someone for literally months before we even feel a little spark. We work differently rhan allosexuals, because oftentimes, they feel sexual attraction and thus decide to act on it (by flirting, going on a date... Not necessarily sleeping with them right away, i mean). It's super hard to be on Tinder for example, because everything is based on sexual attraction. And it doesn't mean anything for us. (so it gets super boring super quickly). Just to give you an example: i never ever had any crushes on anyone. I never had a crush on a celebrity, i never met anyone who gave me butterflies or whatever. But i felt sexual attraction towards my boyfriend like ten years ago. I'm single since then and I never feel like i'm missing something, sexually speaking. It's not hard for us to be abstinent because we DON'T CARE for it. Allosexuals care for it, even if they sleep only with people they love or are abatinent by choice.
Church : Abstinence Person : Oh I'm asexual so don't worry Church : wait- no- not like that- Edit : Okay I'll explain, I'm saying that religious people don't tend to like what they don't know and what doesn't fit in the "norm", even if it fit their religion Edit : I'm gonna crack the bones of the next person saying that church doesn't have a problem with asexuality Edit: Really guys, I assure you my comment is not that hard to understand, read the replies before saying the same thing as the others
@@nickmessner700 churches believe that “a woman should only desire her husband” (genesis) so when asexuals have no desire for anyone, not in that way, they think we’re (asexuals) somehow denying christianity
@@sefidwhite4391 but isn't a asexuality meaning that you don't want to have sex with anyone and aeromantic means you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone?? How are they sexualities?
I didnt realize it till much later but it made sense when I never really liked alot of the guy celebrities other girls were into and barely could answer who i had a crush on in school. I never understood the whole "i want to marry and have his children" thing either. Im fine with holding hands.
Kinda had that where I was just waiting to understand like what the TV says about finding people hot and sexy and like sexual attraction and all that. And for the longest time I just thought everybody felt the exact same way that it was all a scam. And boy was I proved so very wrong
I figured it out around 13 when child birth and sex entered conversations at school (sex ed and all that) and I was absolutely shocked that people were actually interested (and excited!) about the prospect of children and sexual contact. Happily adopted the label and have never looked back :)
I found out I was Aroace (Aromatic and Asexual) after realising I had never had a true crush, not even fictional ones for my entire life, people I thought I had crushes on were just me having a high admiration of how they acted. I never understood my friend’s attractions to people, all I cared about was talking about their interests. I found myself being grossed out by the topic kissing and sex even though I read romance. It like it in books but in real life I was uncomfortable. I actually spent a long time wondering if I was serious about this or I was overreacting from how some people reacting to me speaking about it anonymously, I am now completely sure I’m aroace though. Some people tell me you need to feel love to be human but my immediate reaction is, so romance is the only kind of love? What about self-love, familial love, platonic love, love towards animals and such. Just because someone is under the asexual or aromatic umbrella does not make them unable to feel emotions. Im actually an extremely emotional person, I can easily cry if something bad happens to people, fictional or not.
i'm someone who loves hugs and being around people who i'm comfortable around but i don't like the thought of relationships an hate the thought of kissing or sex. i hated myself for a while because i genuinely thought no one would relate to me and they would get into relationships with people, move on without me and i would be alone. i looked at a couple videos (including this one) and realised i'm probably asexual/aromantic. i remember working it out and being so happy that there are people like me. i came out to my best friend as asexual and she came out as asexual to me. strange but amazing coincidence. also i tried dating in school, once in primary school year 6 and once later in secondary school and i liked being around them. it just felt so weird and i couldn't find out what that feeling was until after the second relationship was over, i felt like i was leading them on the whole time because i didn't kiss the person i was dating at all. lmao i should have probably figured it out then.. i also kept trying to force myself to choose someone to have a crush on and didn't realise it was an actual feeling you get around someone. i thought people just said they felt different around someone to make them feel special or something hahah thank you for listening to me ramble on, i didn't even know i wrote so much
Relatable. I wish I had that in school lol. Just constantly getting asked why aren't you dating? Friends constantly trying to set you up with people. "Oh you just haven't found the right person yet but when you do trust me you'll want to have sex with them."
i remember being in middle school at a club get together and the topic of hook ups came up. the older kids were telling people to do it safely and then i said “or just don’t hook up with people” and then didn’t understand why they found that so funny. 10 years later i’m still low key embarrassed about it
I was like, 12, when I realized that I wasn't like everyone else. Tried coming out. Got sexually harassed a ton. Let it be a phase. Got into a sexually abusive relationship. He used my asexuality as a reason why I couldn't refuse him. Now I'm in a very gay relationship, I love my girlfriend so much, and we make the ace plus allo thing work
🤣 you're wasting your time with that. The best thing you can do is not buy any contemporary ideas. It's sooooooo funny watching everything twist as I get older. Moronseveverywhere.
I realized i was ace when i found out what sex actually was and was like “this doesn’t seem very fun?” (I later found out i was aro because every relationship/crush i have been in/had i always said i didn’t actually feel love for that person, i just thought they were cool)
I've had multiple girlfriends. I lost my "card" when I was 24. I realized in my mid 20's that it's too much effort for me to care. I'm now in my early 30's and been alone for nearly 3 years. And I find so much more enjoyment in other hobbies that I have. I don't have any desire to date anymore. Nobody seems to understand it. But it benefits me more the way I am. I've been watching my best friend who has an addiction engage in risky behaviors and put himself in a financial hole.
the moment i realized i was not like other people was when i asked a group of friends my age what the ideal frequency for having sex would be and they all said every day or every other day or maybe a few times a week. amd i was like.... once a month max.. lol
I don't even know when I came to realize I was ace. I just realized one day and was like yep, that's me. I have a great partner who accepts and understands my feelings though.
but doesnt asexual mean ur dont like people? by like I mean in a romantic and sexual sense, if ur asexual how would you have a partner? im sorry im not the most educated in this and I feel like im wrong somewhere
@@theowl2134 It is both extremely easy to define but extremely complex when looked at properly. Asexual literally means "an absence of sexual attraction". That's it. Nothing to do with love or connection. Asexuals just don't care if someone is "hot". It doesn't mean we can't tell if someone is good looking though, we just don't care.
@@theowl2134 Asexual means not having a sexual attraction, it doesn't include romantic attraction. Someone who is asexual can have a partner but not necessarily want to have sex. Aromantic is the lack of romantic attraction to anyone, so if someone was Aro ace then in that case they would not be interested in either aspects and therefore probably not want a relationship.
@@theowl2134 So I don't get reply notifs, so I just happened back across this video and saw my old comment and your reply, so this is incredibly late. Anyway, like the other replier said, asexual just means no sexual attraction. (Though there is a spectrum to asexuality, and the "levels" of being ace.) I still have romantic feelings for my partner, but the sexual desire or urge is practically nonexistent, more or less, basically.
I realized I was aroace when my friend in middle school told me all about LGBT+ terms and sexualities and such, and I realized I really identified with that label. Although I still do doubt my aromanticism every now and then. And I do want to get married to someone and adopt a kid (or it'd be mine but artificially, because I'm terrified of being pregnant, but then again I'd have to be rich for that so I'm not sure what I'll do), but I just don't find anyone interesting enough to get married to. I've thought about getting married to a fictional character just because it'd be funny and would also let me have a wedding which is really what I want, but seeing as my reasons are pretty dog shit, I don't think I'll actually do it lmao. I've decided recently that if I do get in a relationship with someone, it'd be a queerplatonic relationship and honestly it'd probably be with another asexual. But it'll probably take a while before that happens lol.
i realized i was ace when it brought me to sickness imagining myself near anyone like that 😭 even with general affection! im aroace and very, very repulsed.
Def thought I was asexual in high school. Got to college had my first kiss and it was fun, but never wanted anything more than making out with anyone. Sex as an idea kind of grossed me out most of the time. Never had any urge for it until I met my current boyfriend of two years and only after we had been dating for like awhile did it click and I was like “oh. Is this how other people feel? Like all the time?” Needless to say I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere in the demisexul range.
My fiance knows I'm on the Ace spectrum but for some reason it doesn't seem to click for him. I explained to him when we were platonic that most of the time I DON'T experience sexual attraction OR arousal. It just... Isn't really there. My body will occasionally crave sexual stimulation but not in a like "ooo, I wanna get it on" kinda way. Just like a... "Shit, I'm tense... I bet a release would help a little." But he continuously asks me if I'm attracted to him and I tell him that I am, which is true, but I don't experience attraction in the same way he does and it seems to confuse him.
It was really hard coming to terms with being ace for me. Had kinda figured it out in middle school but brushed things off but in highschool I realized that I really was ace and that I’d probably never have a normal functioning relationship with sex. It’s hard feeling limited in the people I could end up with because of such a difference in opinion. I don’t know where I fall on the sex aversion scale even today in college and I think it changes by the day. It’s still hard to think that I may never have a “normal” relationship with a non ace person and will always feel guilty for not being comfortable
I hope things turn out well for you and you find a relationship that satisfies both you and your partner's unique needs. I'm in the same boat, ace in college, so I understand the struggle. ♥️
question everyone! can you still be an ace but you enjoy reading smuts aka fictional people having sex? but the thought of doing it yourself is just something you can't and won't do
@@lynxone9434 i have not, and why does it sounds cute because it reminds me of the word "aigoo", and just search it and wow that description really fits me. i never really think i fit in the asexual umbrella, but apparently there's a place for everybody. thank you for telling me.
After reading comments I've realized there are too many narrow minded stupid and rude people on earth who can't accept it if someone is different from them
I realized I was ace when I found out abstinence was supposed to be hard 😂😂😂
lmaooooo
abstinence is super easy for me! all i have to do is be myself :D
Ikr, but like, it's not. I've always been taught to wait until marriage so....
Abstinence counts only if you ever had sex, otherwise of course it's super easy. How could you miss something you never had in the first place.
I'm not saying you specifically never had sex, just sayin.
@@thibautmodrzyk6215 theres alot of sexual desires people can have so even if uve never had sex many people still desire to have sex.. example if i watch an eating show and this person is eating a food ive never tried before but it looks tasty then i would want to go and eat it and that can be the case of sex where one gets told about how it is or has watched and alot would desire it... just in our case we dont
It can be hard to deal with if you’re a guy. For some reason when I tell people I have no sexual or intimate desires toward anyone and prefer to stay single, they sometimes make awful assumptions about me like I’m a psychopath, a predator, a woman hater, an incel or some other dumb buzzword. I love woman and respect other people’s relationships, I just have no interest or need to be in a relationship myself. I don’t think that makes me bad or weird lol.
Also saves you money 💰💰💰🤑🤑🤑
@@krystinaxxlea and prevents heartbreak
I think people are so used to seeing those mgtow guys and incels that they assume any man that doesn’t want to have sex hates women. Obviously those groups suck, but people shouldn’t let their defensiveness towards those groups make them become bigoted to people unrelated. Sorry that happened
I just assume the person is to ugly to get a relationship when they say that.
That’s called being ✨aromantic✨
I'm a VERY hypersexual person, and I once dated an ace person. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED her. She often felt guilty that she didn't feel attracted to me in the same way, but I never wanted her to feel that way. She never deserved to feel guilty for how her brain works. We're not together anymore, but lemme tell you that ace people deserve so much love and validation. It's a spectrum so keep in mind that some ace people still LOVE sex for the feeling, but don't feel the attraction, while others are literally repulsed by the mere thought of having sex. All are valid!!! love y'all!!
As an ace person, I really appreciate people like you! You're definitely in the minority, most people that we date that aren't also ace usually pressure us into sexual things we're not comfortable with and shame us for being uncomfortable with sex. Thank you so much for being understanding, you seem like an amazing human ❤️
Thank you so much for this! It seems like you really comprehend how ace people feel and the spectrum that we are in.
@@majesticsquid5643 Thank you so much 🥺 I do my best, and everyone deserves recognition and love in the way that they need it, and ace people are definitely pretty unique so it's important to make sure y'all get the love you need and deserve
@@brynn1302 I'll never say that I fully comprehend because I'm not ace and I don't experience the world in an ace way, but I try to learn more every day and I want yall to be happy 😊
@@derekhasabrain I know that anyone who isn't ace can't really understand how being ace feels like, but you still listened to the community and empathized with us which is amazing!
For me, it was around the time when I forgot how, but I found out that most people actually like thinking about having intercourse with people who they find attractive. That thought actually still baffles me. So I did my research and found out that I fall under the asexual umbrella.
Bro same, it's like, wait that's a thing people do?
@@book_wolf_1939 dudeee I considered everyone weird and hypersexual for that so I kinda felt awkward being friends its girls of my age and at 19i was already sure I'm graysexual.
Its wild, like, yeah I find people attractive, but my mind has never gone to "oh man I want to bang that person".
Its anime that's doing it to you guys.
This whole comment section is anime people. Losers. If you went outside in the real world and stopped imagining holding hands with your favourite anime character then you might build up a healthy sexual appetite
I would always tell my friends I think such and such is hot but I wouldn't wanna sleep with them
Got called a prude a lot or questioned why I didn't have that urge
When I realized everyone else imagined kissing and having inappropriate thoughts about their crushes and I just sat there being confused.
How old were you when this was happening? I’m 18 and I’ve only had inappropriate thoughts about fictional characters. Even when I was in a relationship, I was still too repulsed to think about that stuff, but it may have been because he was a guy and I didn’t know that I’m a lesbian yet. However, I’ve heard of many people having sexual fantasies about celebrities, and I’ve never even been attracted to a female celebrity. (As a matter of fact, I find celebrity crushes to be weird because there’s a real person out there who has no idea that you even exist, yet you’re simping for them.)
Same.
@@rowan404 🤣 That's totally what that means.
yeah i don’t think even that much about kissing. maybe a bit. but the thought of thinking about sexual about any of my crushes weirds me out
@@rowan404 Check out the definition for demi seuxal. You sound similar to myself and I found out relatively recently that demisexuality EXISTS.
My best friend (36) is asexual, she's also still a virgin. It's not part of her personality or anything she talks about, she's just never had an interest in being in a relationship. We didn't really notice it as we were growing up, she kept so busy with school activities. Not that there's anything wrong with it, she is a very happy woman and a beloved lifelong friend. :)
Can I just say thank you for sharing about your friend! The "30 year old virgin" gets such a bad rap. I often feel pressured to at least try to have sexual feelings or relations, especially when even the aces ive met or heard from have at least tried already or enjoy the feeling of it. But reading that there are aces out there who don't pressure themselves into trying something they don't want and are perfectly fine doing their own thing, AND that there's friends like you who treat it like a normal Thing - I can't tell you how comforting that is. I wish you and your friend nothing but the best!
I realized I was ace when this girl I was in love with started talking about her sex life and it hit me like a brick how much I don't want to do that with people.
Honestly, it looks like such a hassle lmao.
I know, right!!
I hate it so much because one time, when I was having a panic attack about CERTAIN people (aka my brother and his gf) who talk about their sex lives or are being overly sexual in public/in front of me, my mom was the one who told me that I need to "get used to it" because it "happens all the time, that's the world we live in".
It just resulted in me yelling and slamming my door because of how much it was invalidating the way I was feeling.
Same lol
Why people in the west is so obsessed with sex?
It is disgusting
I’m not asexual but it kind of is a hassle sometimes
similar thing happened to me, i remember eavesdropping two people I vaguely knew’s conversation a table away at the library about their…escapades with current boyfriends and i stopped myself and thought for a second after my gut feeling was “this sounds sf time consuming…and also gross” like anyone else would probably giggle or be at the least enthused by overhearing this im so ace it hurts, actually wanted to burst into tears next to the computer room
I realized it when I watched Jaiden's recent video "Being Not Straight", and talked to a bunch of Asexual friends about their experiences, because I was able to relate to a decent few things that were said and wanted to get a few more perspectives to compare to.
Then, later that night, I realized "...I always looked forward to finding someone to cuddle with, to hug, to love... but I never looked forward to kissing, children, and the sideways tango... huh. I'm surprised it took this long to realize that."
Glad you were able to relate and learn something about yourself!
I find it odd that you have all these asexual friends and you just happen to be the same way. In my 29 years on this planet I have yet to meet someone that identifys as asexual. But u have all these friends that are asexual? Must be something In the water huh?
@@McYeroc they could be online friends, for example an asexual discord server or something idk where they made friends? idk
i feel the same way!! the thought of kissing/devils tango/kids anything like that always kinda scared me, it’s just never really been anything i’m interested in? i just want cuddles and hugs and holding hands 😭
That is so awesome!
I’ve not seen Shelby in so long- omg😭
im the 666th like and the first comment on this comment
@@Mr-Raptor woo! Congrats ✨✨
THATS HOW I KNOW HERRRRR
@@Mr-Raptor no one cares
@@UraSausauge about you
And the saddest are the people who take it personally that you don't feel the same as they do, as if it was an attack towards them.
Yeah
Some people are feeling offended. Eventhough they're technically only were friends?
Yup. Oh bouy. They get insecure and make it your problem.
Insecure people who probably need therapy
I was 36 when I discovered that I was ACE!!! it finally feels like I can be me and not have to do things I don't want to do.
I’m not asexual but I do prefer to be single. Heart goes out to all of y’all. The world thinks your life is nothing if you aren’t with someone else or prefer not to be. It’s annoying as hell.
you might be aromantic!
U got a choice?
We love Shelby. We must support her at all costs
I don't...
@@Cerebrum_Nebula ok
@@Cerebrum_Nebula bro not the pepe pfp ☠️☠️☠️☠️
@@phonegloomy bro not the pepe pfp argument ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
@@Cerebrum_Nebula i mean it's a surefire way to advertise you have personality
I spent SO LONG avoiding relationships bc I thought it was something expected in relationships and I never wanted to do it.
Finding out other people were asexual and felt the same way as me absolutely blew my mind.
However, I wish people were more accepting of it. :( majority of relationships have been absolutely exhausting because people seemingly forget my asexuality and try to pressure me into it. Like nope! No thank you! I think I’ll be heading out now!
SAME! Happy to see others have a similar experience but sad that you've had to experience it too :( hope you find someone who is understanding and respectful
@@UltraObama Except we aren't stupid animals and there is more to life than just passing down our DNA. The world is a shitty place and its gets worse and worse each year.Some people don't want to care for another being for 18+ years. Some people don't want to be miserable for 9 months and spend hours in excruciating pain. Some people don't want to pass on bad genetics. Some people just want to do other things. Doesn't mean they have mental health issues. Sexual attraction doesn't have anything to do with mental health. 🤦♀️
I feel the same way.
No offense, being asexual and expecting to date someone who isnt is a recipie for disaster every time.
@@NoBuddy89 Right, you're either better off dating another asexual, not dating at all or else allowing your partner to have sex with others. You can't expect normal people to not want sex.
figured out i was ace when people talked about their fictional crushes, and i kept picking nonhuman ones because “they seem so lonely, i’ll be their friend”. still never felt the need to think of anyone sexually.
this is so valid and also the wording sounds exactly like the become roommates with krobus path in stardew valley lol
@@sidoniegabrielle269 basically lol. i’ve never actually played stardew valley, but dude sounds like a good roommate from what i’ve heard.
He is! He's an adorable little guy and he gives better gifts then some of the spouses. I'm thinking about divorcing my wife for him@@scullduggerouscellaphod2355
Literally everyone growing thought I was just "too innocent" but it was more like I just couldn't care less about sex. Yeah we could have spicy conversations and stuff but I really just didn't have feelings on the matter and later I realized that not everyone could think in that same mindset
the main reason i’ve started watching shubble as a aroace person is because of how open she is about their asexuality. i really love it when people talk about all their experiences with being asexual- all the silly and confusing stuff about it aswell. seeing her and so many others proud of their identities makes me confident in my own
I had a friend in college who’s girlfriend was asexual. She told me she enjoyed being in a relationship with him because he understood she had zero interest in anything sexual and was ok with them not having sex
Honestly i'm torn if i considered myself as aro or ace or both. I'm 25, F, never had a relationship... i've had crushes before but never really acted on it... people chalk it up to just saying things like "oh it's because you haven't met the right people yet" but idk... i never gave myself the opportunity to have relationships because i just wasn't interested in them.. i'd fantasize what it feels like to have one (and to also have sex) but i feel like i'm just okay with it just being fantasies and not something i'd actually do/have
It's all fine! Take your time and figure things out. It sounds ace to me, but only you can make that call.
And you can know what you want or not without trying it! 'You just haven't met the right person yet' or 'that's just your insecurity speaking, just give it a try' is nonsense. You know you better than you.
Same (for the last part)!! Ive never had a crush before tho lol
Couldn't relate to this more. I'm 23F, I've had crushes, but I've passed on every opportunity for something to be more than a crush. I used to think I was just self-sabotaging my love life but in reality I don't think I can sabotage something I'm already content with. 🤷♀️
Omg I'm the same age and feel exactly the same, have you figured it out yet? Cause like I'd fantasize about being in a relationship but when it seriously comes up I feel so uncomfortable and I knwo I'd just be miserable in one
I used to love watching Shubble! Not only was this a nice feeling of nostalgia but also seeing someone who understands and feels the same way that I do about people!
It was sudden and came out of nowhere. I was chatting about relationships with a friend of mine and he mentioned that the sexual aspect of a relationship was very important to him. Then I said something along the lines of "Honestly, I've never had that much interest in sex"
And then I started to think about it and in my 7 relationships before that I had never been interested in actually having sex. Just cuddles and hugs.
I started realizing I was Ace when I kept thinking ‘What’s wrong with me??’ Every time my partner would bring up s*x and I’d just, get hecka nervous and brush it off with ‘No’s or get really anxious during anything and avoiding going to bed at the mere thought of being asked about it.
🤣 lol so typical "I'm anxious, that must mean I have some mental disorder."
@@iBloodxHunter Never mentioned about metal disorder... 😐
@@iBloodxHunterwhat mental disorder?? They didn’t mention one there
@@MsBluebot "Ace"
@@MsBluebot Aaaaaaannnnnnd that's where you're wrong. You can continue crying at me and make more appeal to authority fallacy, you will be wasting your time.
I realized i was aroace after finally getting to date my 5-year long crush and then feeling strange about it. After that “relationship” I simply felt nothing ever again. I haven’t fallen or felt attracted to anyone since, and most definetely wont.
Oh same
Yeah ok buddy, we get that you're an emo calm down.
Had 1 year relationship and do not feel nothing
My asexual realization was the fact I heard of "waiting till marriage" my first reaction was like "what if I just didn't get married?" Specifically to avoid feeling obligated to woohoo(yes I'm referencing the Sims, what are you going to about it?) with someone. Like that was when I was in elementary school too so when I got older I realized I could get married and just be like "no.". The problem now is I just don't want to have partner of any kind lmao so I really thought abt it for no real reason.
Edit: If you see Finlay Richards in the replies of this comment going on Abt dumb shit, don't speak with him, ignore him, and if you feel necessary report his replies. Try and keep it polite cause I really wasted too much energy being pissed at him specifically. If you're confused about aro, ace, or just lgbtq in general, you can respectfully ask questions and you will get answers, but don't be a Finlay Richards. Cause if you mess with the bull you get the horns and personally I'm tired of arguing with people who aren't willing to change.
Edit edit: Y'all I'm serious please ignore Finlay cause he's gotten so upset that people are using common sense against him. My man really said that he wouldn't woohoo someone who was asexual because they don't deserve it. Like he's going off the rails and I really don't think anyone should interact with him for everyone's best interest.
Edit edit edit: This is my final edit cause a week is long enough for me to care abt any comment and I feel like I've cleared enough, but I just wanna say if there's missing context to some of the replies to Finlay, it's cause the original thing Finlay said got taken down cause people reported it(yeah some of his takes were that bad). I again want to emphasize that everyone try to keep it respectful, I know I've said some stuff out of anger, but do as I say and not as I do, please for the love of God. I want people to feel free to ask questions and learn without it causing some dumb fight. If Finlay is reading this, I hope you later down the line try to learn instead of getting angry that you're single/not able to woohoo. I know it must suck, but getting angry at others online isn't the way to go about handling it, I again acknowledge that I also got angry, but I'm not angry anymore, I'm not annoyed, I'm just sad for you. I hope you learn in the future. I truly truly do. And I'm sorry if you use me to fuel your toxic mindset. I'm sorry I could be used for fueling it, no one deserves to have your kind of mindset reinforced by someone else getting angry. If you're not Finlay and you're reading this I'm sorry you spent this time reading about a situation you probably don't even know the full context of unless you read all of the replies which if that's the case, bless your soul for being patient enough to read everything especially if you aren't at all involved in anything.
Mine was watching bojack horseman, hooray for representation
You can't get married and say "no". That's actually one of the biggest reasons why marriages end up miserable and failing. A sexual and asexual person are not compatible for a long-term relationship unless you're fine with that other person banging other people on the side.
@@skulk4780 uhm....no...? the fuck? asexual doesn't mean you don't completely wish to have sex, however, most asexuals don't wish to and this also doesn't mean they can't or don't want to be in a relationship, it's just extremely rare for them to find any sort of attraction for anyone sexually or romantically. An asexual person feels little or no sexual attraction, but they may engage in sexual activity. Platonic marriage is a thing and you don't have to have sex to maintain a healthy relationship. Also, a person who is sexually active would probably either respect their partners choices and not have sex or they wouldn't marry them in the first place.
if your partner is asexual and you happen to be sexually active, then you can discuss it then. But "banging on the side" (unless your partner is ok with it, idk why though) is not healthy and it's not required to maintain a healthy relationship with yourself and your body, you don't need sex to survive :)
Mine was essentially starting university and realising that I’d never been attracted to anyone even though I was 19. Then reading a lot of posts on aven.
@@skulk4780 my man sorry to inform you I'd get to know if someone would prefer sex or not before devoting my life to them. I might just be crazy but I'd even be like that before dating them. Like I don't want to risk leading someone on just to be like "Oh yeah I'm ace." When they wanted to be able to have sex with me. Also I would be open to having an open relationship if my partner really wanted it. But something I want to also point out is at this point in time I'm not planning on getting a partner and I said that at the end of my original comment. Also I was really simplifying it when I said I could just be like "no", because as you can see I tend to type out really long comments and I try to cut it down so people don't have to read the story I've produced lol. Also also on that note sorry if this is long and seen as overreacting to something I should've ignored or something, also sorry if this is not very consistent, I try to focus on everything at once and it leads to a mess. Anyway I just wanted to try to clear that up.
Ah yes, still remember how back in 3rd grade, I complained about having to learn about sex because I genuinely believed no one wanted it and then having to be told "You'll want it later" by a teacher and "I do" by a friend.
Nope, still don't want it.
That’s very weird for a teacher to say-
You learned that in 3rd grade?! I learned that in my freshman year.. Tbh, you shouldn't have been taught that at such a young age.
@Marshie Ah, I see..
@@oriana5023 Judging by the name of OP, I'd reckon they're German. If they are, then they most likely had Sex-Ed in 3rd grade, and then later in 6th or 7th grade, can't exactly recall. - And the reason they teach it as such a young age, is because it's important to know. The 3rd grade classes are rather vague and are mostly just there to teach how children are made etc. etc. - The real details and so are taught the second time around, when you're just hitting puberty, because teens fool around.
They also focus a lot on safe practice, instead of abstinence.
All of this is based on my personal experience from the German school system.
And I personally think it's handled relatively well here.
@@simetrav Oh, thanks for shedding more light on the subject!
i'm not ace but i started experiencing sexual attraction extremely late in comparison to most people so whenever an ace person talks about their experience it just makes perfect sense to me. like people talk about first having sexual feelings when they were like 10 or 13 and i just felt absolutely nothing until i was probably 17. pushed myself into doing stuff at 15 that i did not enjoy and was not comfortable with and only realized later when whatever hormonal update i got hit that sexual stuff was supposed to be fun. whenever i hear adult ace people talk about their experience, it just reminds me of my younger self and i figure it's basically the same except they never start liking any of it. idk why that's so confusing to so many people. it's really frustrating hearing people say to ace teens and adults "you'll change your mind" "it'll be different when you're older". i am someone who changed and became different when i was older and my experience does not negate the validity of people who never start experiencing those feelings. and as someone who forced myself into situations where i didn't feel okay with what was happening i really hate seeing people pressured into having those same experiences bc they're adults and "supposed" to want it
before I found out I was asexual I would say I was abstinent just so I could push off having sex till I eventually had to. Then I found out about being asexual and that you don't ever have to have sex ever! It was super liberating to find this out haha.
I can relate in a way.
I didn’t go to a Christian school but I am Christian all my life. And I remember studying the Bible about the 10 commandments, one of them was never to lust for someone who isn’t your spouse and Jesus said it as well.
And I thought highly of myself that I’ve never had sexual fantasies with actual people, as in people I know or celebrities, sure I had a crush but it dies so quickly is it even considered a crush?
I also never considered marriage and since at a young age I keep telling everyone that marriage is not for me (early Christians also chose not to get married to be more dedicated to their work for God, funny thing is, people nowadays can’t get wrap that in their heads either- even if they’re Christian too)
But my mother was so keen at telling me to shut up about it because she thought I was only saying that out of rebellion, and that someday when I get married people will laugh at me, the “I will never get married” girl is now a bride!
25 years (almost 26 in March 2022) I still feel the same.
Yeah, there were some questioning though. Like one time for example my mother gave me the idea that a friend of mine was really interested in me. And I thought “ok, if he makes a move I will accept it and see how it goes”
Bad idea.
I was waiting for him to give me attention because I started to fantasize a life with him. Even the parts that was terrifying like having sex and having kids (I didn’t want that, but I said to myself that clearly him being a man he would want that and I would just have to learn to like it)
I was in a turmoil, and it wasn’t even a relationship. Then I broke down when I saw him dancing with only one girl at a party and just not talking to me like we did before.
I called my mother to come pick me up and she told me to deal with it.
My sister who is allosexual, talked my mother into coming for me.
My mother was anything but help, I didn’t know what I was feeling, and she was the one who put the idea in my head in the first place and told me to shut up about my feelings instead of listening.
Then just to experiment things I turned into self-pleasure, But I could never imagine anyone, not even the man I “liked”.
When I turned 23 I came back where I grew up and I learned about the term asexuality, and it makes so much sense. Why I was able to not fantasize anyone and never really interested myself into having relationships.
Also why I didn’t find anyone physically attractive no matter what others think
(Ie. I mention Chris evans or Sebastian Stan, people sighed/moan/ bite their lip, I kid you not and I’m here like- .... yeah. They’re one of favorite characters because I resonate with Cap. America’s personality and values... yeah.)
Not so long ago we had a Bible study, and one of the topics involved not pushing young adults to marriage if they had vividly expressed they do not wished to be married, either because like early Christians, they want to dedicate themselves more into the work for God or they simply don’t see themselves in that future.
Even if they didn’t say the word “asexual”, God told my mother to shut up and I felt seen. 😌💕
Whew. Sorry for the long comment is just that for so long I was ok up until my adulthood where people wanted me to be in a relationship and sometimes even not be a virgin (ew.) and that one experience was the official turning point that something is up and it’s not just “you haven’t found the right one” or “you’re a late bloomer”
I’m gonna turn 26 pretty soon, something would’ve happened or changed into the hetero-norm but everything is practically the same. 💜♠️
i really appreciate you telling your story
@@glennhagstedt lol. No thanks. I’m pretty sure you prefer short things, and I know that’s a disappointment to a lot of people.
No one reading all that
@@Ranahi_Itma no it's fine Anahi. Thanks btw
Are you still christan? Just wondering.
Me thinking one day I’ll be interested in sex, and suddenly I’m 27 and realizing that I’ll probably never be interested.
Some people are late bloomers, and that’s great!
And some of us are asexual, and that’s great too. 🥰
Thank you! 💖 I'm 19 and I don't know which one I am
That's.... too funny how many of you chicks just buy the ideas presented here.
Ha! 27 was literally the age I started connecting the dots…I woke up one day and was like, so I guess this feeling isn’t going away.
I’m asexual and i’m very interested in sex. I just don’t feel sexual attraction.
i’m hornier than my boyfriend, who is allo (meaning he feels sexual attraction)
@@iBloodxHunterI can just smell your misogyny and homophobia from thousands of miles away
I’m ace and some of the comments I have seen have actually made me feel really bad about myself.. people need to chill and understand not everyone feels the same way
As a trans person I feel your pain, some people just don't understand things that aren't within their little bubble lol
@@asprinjuice425 yeah exactly
Don't listen to them! You are awesome and valid and if those people can't see that, then they're not worth listening to. Love comes in all forms, and platonic love is just as important as romantic and intimate love/attraction.
@@Cat-mi4nl aww thank you! I smiled while reading this. I appreciate your kindness : )
This is why the first rule of the internet is: “Don’t read the comments”
And yet we all still do 😭 I’m also ace
I went to Catholic school too and they never taught us abstinence. They acknowledged that this was unrealistic and taught us about condoms, pregnancy being a mom at a young age,, adoption and even abortion. They let us know all of our options whether they agreed with those or not. Religion was kept outside of health class and we were just taught straight up facts. Birth control was never wrong, sex can and should be had for pleasure (God made it that way), being gay was natural. It was a complete shock to me that other schools weren't as progressive.
All the people that don’t have significant other should be the ones going to Catholic school. And there are a lot of people on UA-cam that are forever single. They could then preach abstinence until the cows come home.
That is in no way Catholic. They should be stripped of their title and support
@@phattybacon931 not like getting stripped away the title of “catholic” is a bad thing, that school sounds too amazingly good to call themselves such an embarrassingly horrible religion.
that's a first
This story sounds like bullshit
honestly aro and ace are like my favorite sexualities because they’re such a fuck you to modern society expectations
plus, i gotta support my fellow A’s of the LGBTQ community (i’m agender)
LBTGQIA+ 🎉
Aromantic has nothing to do with sex.
@@avatarmew yes im aware, im just saying being aromantic and being asexual are pretty similar in terms of definition and there's a lot of aroace people too
chronically online take
@@blammmed sorry solidarity and being socially aware (or, woke) makes you uncomfortable
When I was younger I was convinced I had to be a nun but then I grew and realized I'm asexual.
Cool but jsut a little note
ASEXUAL AND AROMATIC ARE DIFFERENT THINGS aro is where you feel no romantic attraction and ace is no sexual attraction being ace dosen't mean you dont love people it just means the devils tango is obsolete in that relationship
Edit: i know this has nothing to do with the video but i just wanted to say it for those who are confused
Actually, being ace doesn’t mean the devil’s tango is obsolete. Some ace’s are tango-positive or neutral. Usually because they wanna do it for their partner. Though there still are many who are tango-repulsed, so in their relationships it would be obsolete. Being ace just means they don’t feel that attraction, not that they will never wanna do it.
@@sirmoriarty8230 ohh ok that makes sense thank you :)
@@S4D-SC3N3-K1D Laymen will use the terms interchangeably or only asexual to mean one of either or, more often, both things at once. And you know how language works, the meaning of a word is defined based on how most people used it, therefore if most use it that way that's the way it becomes.
@@sirmoriarty8230 That just sounds like too much hyper-specification.
@@Divinemakyr Not really. I'm aro-ace, but I'm considering starting to see someone who's also ace. We have a nice connection. And tbh? I'd have sex with them, because I like the emotional connection and it feels good, not because I'm drawn to their body. It doesn't change my orientation, though. If things were to fall through, I'd go back to my complete disinterest in people.
Asexuality is better defined as a lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of sexuality outright.
Oh cool, at least two of us out there! I haven't seen this episode, how long ago was it posted?
What? He has a… link to the video. You can just check it.
2 years ago, you can go to it by the link in the description by clicking the three dots above the like, and then description, and the link.
@@Me-wx1mt High?
@@emerson3669 what
Lol, I guess I was early because that link wasn't there when I commented only the tags 🤭. I'm too impatient to just scroll through years worth of videos to find one.
Being an asexual man i just wanna say that we don't want sex but we thrive for love..
Exactly, I just want someone to love, and someone I can be myself around.
@@miss_rosie25 as an alloaro i just want someone to get intimate with n someone i can be myself around.
Difficult situation, lol
@@sunkijayloppaa3037 yeah, like I love my family, and they love me, but it’s not the same type of love y’know?
I realised I was ace at 19 during my first year of university (yes we start a year later than in the US). I felt a bit grown up and met a lot of new people. I came to the realisation that if I was allo, I would probably have been interested in someone by now.
I always knew from an early age that I didn’t quite fit in. I didn’t have any crushes. I didn’t understand why people liked to fawn over “hot” celebrities. My obsessions tended to be with books, not people.
I found aven and read a lot about other people’s experiences. Some were relatable,others weren’t. Either way, I decided that the labels ace/aro fit me and I have not had any reason to think otherwise since.
I realized that veeery late too, like I came to fully identify as aroace last year, being 23...
I had crushes, but I noticed I would always have to "turn a key" in my head like "this person is being really nice to me, now I like this person" but I'd never imagine myself holding hands with them, kissing them, touching them, or even going to their family barbecue during a weekend and being seen as a couple 😂 and I would never look at someone I have never seen in my life before and be like "wow so hot"....
I think I'm going through what you just described! I'm 18 years old and I never had any crushes that I was really into. I just made them up so I could fit in. Even now, many of my classmates have boy/girlfriends but I just couldn't imagine myself having a lover.
He called it ace!
@@tedmcfly are you talking about me? Ace is the common short form of asexual. It makes sense phonetically but admittedly less so in pure writing.
@@noo9144 the thing that makes me different from most people is that I don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. I’m an adult and have never even had a crush on anyone. And no, it’s not some sort of religious wait until marriage type deals, I’m not religious. This comment also doesn’t feel like the massive cry for attention you obviously felt it was. I told my story of how I realised I’m ace in the comments on a video about ace discovery. (Also, for the record coffee is meh)
any comment here with something positive about the ace community:
*30+ replies*
_something’s wrong i can feel it_
for those who have the ref.:
we appreciate garlic bread to it's true value 😋✨
(I know not every ace likes it 😉 I don't know if it's still a thing but there used to be this whole thing about garlic bread in the ace community )
@@SarahDusk8 yes garlic bread is fantastic. and don’t forget about the cake
Ther is a disturbance in the force
@@mysticwolf1358 Or pizza rolls
Uhhh I think I’m lost 😆. But while I’m here. I think you can get to know people on a deeper level and have meaningful relationships with people when you remove the stress and distraction of dating. Also there are so many benefits spending time to get to know yourself. Seems like a lot of people these days are more worried about other people that they don’t spend enough time looking at themselves. Self awareness is amazing 😃
My lesbian awakening was Princess Leia.
My asexual awakening was when i realized that my lesbian awakening was Princess Leia in the dress beating up bad guys and being generally awesome, and not in the bikini.
Lmao
This is the best comment I've ever read
we love asexual representation ❤
No
@@FightingHighlights1 why no?
@@FightingHighlights1 why not
@@supernovasblood No
@@FightingHighlights1 why?
I started googling stuff like "why would you want to lick another person" after a comment from a friend. It was a really weird search tree, but after an hour I realised my friend was not a cannibal and it was somehow normal to want to lick other peoples body parts 🤯 ?? Still seems pretty sus but ok 🙄
This made me laugh harder than it should have. 😂
I learned I realized I was aro/ace when I dated my crush and it was supposed to be everything I ever wanted, but all I really wanted to do was go to the arcade together and watch anime when we got back.
Turns out I just really wanted to be friends 😅
I'm gray ace and I only realized that when I finally noticed how deeply uncomfortable, borderline disgusted, I was with the idea of sleeping with someone I don't know very intimatey even though I always knew it was absolutely okay for others to do so and supported those who did.
@DOOM! These poor fools that are just buying the idea they have a mental disorder because they get a little anxious. It would be more tragic if it wasn't so funny.
Who’s watching this after Wilbur
Yeah, I'm confused
It’s wild fr
totally on her side but now seeing she's aroace, i'm confused...still on her side tho
My realization was when I took a moment to think about how the sex scene is always the climax (pun intended) of a romantic film. I was always like “wait, people think this so romantic?”
I’m definitely on the asexual spectrum, but my level of interest in sexual activities fluctuates between “something I think would be kinda fun” to “nauseating to even imagine” and I can see myself just completely losing interest 100% down the line.
Grey ace?
i completely feel the same way. glad there’s other people like me out there 🥲
Same!
@@scarlett4362 hell yeah everybody is valid ❤️🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🥳
Me too, didn't know for the longest time whether this counted as ace 😅
Just to spread awareness: asexuality and aromanticism are completely different psychological attractions, and although it's possible to have both, don't mistake one for the other. For example, I'm asexual but I'm demiromantic (used to think I was demisexual and asexual, which turns out isn't possible). Remember not to go overboard with the labels if you're still exploring your sexuality. Asexuality is sort of a spectrum but keep in mind its definition: the ABSENCE of sexual attraction. Anything more and it's a different sexuality.
That's actually not completely true! Like you said, it's a spectrum, some people will only feel s3xually attracted to people after forming s strong bond with them, or only very rarely :)
when I heard people say on Tv that 3 dates equals sex I got so hecking nervous and anxious just hearing that but now I know that doesn’t HAVE to happen.
the thing in health where the teacher was like “the safest way not to get a bad thing is to abstain until marriage”. and I was like oh sick i just wont get married- similar experience but i didnt realize it at the time lol
People shouldn’t associate asexual with aromantic, you can still be in a relationship but it’s one where no sex is happening. Like the one proposed in the movie “the imitation game”, a bond of minds
Not necessarily I'm ace and I have sex with my partner.
I just thought I was being a good Catholic 😆
It wasn't until I was in my mid 20's and had multiple failed relationships due to being "cold" when I figured something weird was going on
Man, given the pressure I see sexual people get from their family to get married and have kids, I have no idea how much worse it must be for ace ppl
I remember learning about abstinence and being like “oh I didn’t even know people were having sex now”, it never occurred to me that it was a thing I could want
Ahh the old all girl/boys catholic academy a torture for some but oddly also can be a sanctuary for asexuals, aromatics, lesbians/gays or even sometimes bisexuals surprisingly my friend said her favorite part was the “no boys or boyfriends allowed” so she went to the same process of the abstinence ceremony and there she found her now girlfriend, we laughed a lot when we remembered how some teacher congratulated her and put her and her girlfriend (among other girls) as an example of “purity and abstinence” those two where the horniest people I have ever met (maybe also because of being in a catholic school)
I’m Demisexual, and have only ever had a sexual attraction to one person (Whom I am not with x3 )
It confuses the hell out of my sister, she has a high sex drive and I don’t. And yes I’ve heard, “Well you just don’t know till you try it.” Been slowly getting her to knock that shit off, fucking finally.
The saying, "you don't know till you try it" is complete BS. I've never murdered anybody but I know I don't want to do that. 😋
@@pandora4037 Your inner self probably wants badly to murder people but social constructs are here to hold your urges back. It's human nature, given the right circumstances, we kill our own.
Now for this sex matter, I guess you're all teenagers or something, or you had few experiences. Nature makes everything possible to make us have sex : you can't "dislike" dopamine, endorphine etc. You can have hormone deficits of course but it's extremely rare and people who aren't treated for these issues usually suffer higher suicide rates.
I know it feels good to identify as a certain community/group/culture as a youngster, especially an under represented one, but you should be celebrating the fact you're one of a kind and not just a member of a pre-digested group whose only common trait is a vague sexual orientation.
Enjoy sex and love, it's one of the only truly good thing in life with no real drawbacks (if you protect yourself of course).
Cheers.
@@pandora4037 like how you gonna try it if you're not sexually attracted to someone and not aroused? That would be a really uncomfortable and painful experience.
I love when people say that shit the whole "well how do you know you dont like it have you tried it?" What I do is ask them are you straight or gay and usually they say thier straight and I ask them well how do you know if youre not gay have you had sex or even a relationship with the same sex? And 9/10 they no I know I'm not gay i dont like that stuff. Catches them right in thier stupidity
Similar experience. Raised Mormon. Chastity was easy. I didn't see why it was such a huge problem to live that way. Got older and realized... I'm actually the weird one here...
Exact same situation for me. Once I realized it was supposed to be hard, things clicked.
I'm hypersexual and not asexual but I am aromantic lol. I have queer-platonic partners and it gets really awkward to explain to people. I think the hardest part is that everyone has different boundaries and definitions for platonic, romantic, and sexual feelings and activities, and that's fine but sometimes people can't understand that a thing that they consider romantic is simply not romantic for me nor my friends (like cuddling). I'm so tired of trying to explain my best friend-partner thing going on because I am overly honest
as someone who is hypersexual , i had dated an ace person before . she was my longest relationship and stayed with me through everything . and i absolutely loved her . the only reason were not together anymore is because im actually a gay trans guy and shes lesbian ace and thats totally okay !! were still best friends and are more like siblings now , and if anything were closer now than when we had been dating
You guys are the opposite of eachother and i love it 😭
Aw thats cute, mostly the "more like siblings now" glad you found a person like them :3
I found out I was ace from a homework assignment. I had a project on asexual reproduction and when I was googling around I found a page on AVEN that explained what it meant to be ace. I looked through it and everything clicked!
🤣 stunning and brave.
I found out I was ace in eighth grade sex-ed and I just sat there like oh damn that sexuality describes me. I'm so happy to see other ace people being open about their experiences
It’s a sobering moment when you realize that no,, every piece of media from song to book to the screen and even everyone around you ISNT actually exaggerating all the time and that’s how the majority of people think and feel and you’re the odd one out
yeah i just thought they were being dramatic for the entertainment value
I knew I was demi/ace when I could not understand everyone's fascination with it. Everyone as a primate really shows at that point. Like, so many peoples behavior comes off as a Discovery Channel show on mating habits, and I'm just like...
Save that for relationships. I'm not sexually attracted to anyone unless it just works. The worst is when they interpret what you do as innuendo or code speak and I'm like, "I am talking about actual milk, bro, shut up."
Yea your brain doesn't work normally.
@DOOM! People who feel sexual attraction but decide to actually just sleep with people they love, or don't have/understand one night stands are not the same as people who identify as demisexual. Demisexuality means we are completely asexual - like we feel 0 attraction towards anyone - until we have a great connection/love someone deeply. Which means that we can know someone for literally months before we even feel a little spark. We work differently rhan allosexuals, because oftentimes, they feel sexual attraction and thus decide to act on it (by flirting, going on a date... Not necessarily sleeping with them right away, i mean). It's super hard to be on Tinder for example, because everything is based on sexual attraction. And it doesn't mean anything for us. (so it gets super boring super quickly). Just to give you an example: i never ever had any crushes on anyone. I never had a crush on a celebrity, i never met anyone who gave me butterflies or whatever. But i felt sexual attraction towards my boyfriend like ten years ago. I'm single since then and I never feel like i'm missing something, sexually speaking. It's not hard for us to be abstinent because we DON'T CARE for it. Allosexuals care for it, even if they sleep only with people they love or are abatinent by choice.
Church : Abstinence
Person : Oh I'm asexual so don't worry
Church : wait- no- not like that-
Edit : Okay I'll explain, I'm saying that religious people don't tend to like what they don't know and what doesn't fit in the "norm", even if it fit their religion
Edit : I'm gonna crack the bones of the next person saying that church doesn't have a problem with asexuality
Edit: Really guys, I assure you my comment is not that hard to understand, read the replies before saying the same thing as the others
Dying 😂😂😂
I'm not really educated on how Asexuals work. What would the church find objectionable about someone being Asexual?
@@nickmessner700 Just the fact that it's a sexuality that isn't "straight"
@@nickmessner700 churches believe that “a woman should only desire her husband” (genesis) so when asexuals have no desire for anyone, not in that way, they think we’re (asexuals) somehow denying christianity
@@sefidwhite4391 but isn't a asexuality meaning that you don't want to have sex with anyone and aeromantic means you don't want to be in a relationship with anyone?? How are they sexualities?
I didnt realize it till much later but it made sense when I never really liked alot of the guy celebrities other girls were into and barely could answer who i had a crush on in school. I never understood the whole "i want to marry and have his children" thing either. Im fine with holding hands.
Kinda had that where I was just waiting to understand like what the TV says about finding people hot and sexy and like sexual attraction and all that. And for the longest time I just thought everybody felt the exact same way that it was all a scam. And boy was I proved so very wrong
I figured it out around 13 when child birth and sex entered conversations at school (sex ed and all that) and I was absolutely shocked that people were actually interested (and excited!) about the prospect of children and sexual contact. Happily adopted the label and have never looked back :)
wait is this shubble?
Yeah it is!!
What is shubble
@@drunkenseulgi474 shelbys youtube name
OHMYGOD SHELBY- MY CHILDHOOD GAL
I found out I was Aroace (Aromatic and Asexual) after realising I had never had a true crush, not even fictional ones for my entire life, people I thought I had crushes on were just me having a high admiration of how they acted. I never understood my friend’s attractions to people, all I cared about was talking about their interests. I found myself being grossed out by the topic kissing and sex even though I read romance. It like it in books but in real life I was uncomfortable. I actually spent a long time wondering if I was serious about this or I was overreacting from how some people reacting to me speaking about it anonymously, I am now completely sure I’m aroace though.
Some people tell me you need to feel love to be human but my immediate reaction is, so romance is the only kind of love? What about self-love, familial love, platonic love, love towards animals and such. Just because someone is under the asexual or aromatic umbrella does not make them unable to feel emotions. Im actually an extremely emotional person, I can easily cry if something bad happens to people, fictional or not.
i'm someone who loves hugs and being around people who i'm comfortable around but i don't like the thought of relationships an hate the thought of kissing or sex. i hated myself for a while because i genuinely thought no one would relate to me and they would get into relationships with people, move on without me and i would be alone. i looked at a couple videos (including this one) and realised i'm probably asexual/aromantic. i remember working it out and being so happy that there are people like me. i came out to my best friend as asexual and she came out as asexual to me. strange but amazing coincidence.
also i tried dating in school, once in primary school year 6 and once later in secondary school and i liked being around them. it just felt so weird and i couldn't find out what that feeling was until after the second relationship was over, i felt like i was leading them on the whole time because i didn't kiss the person i was dating at all. lmao i should have probably figured it out then..
i also kept trying to force myself to choose someone to have a crush on and didn't realise it was an actual feeling you get around someone. i thought people just said they felt different around someone to make them feel special or something hahah
thank you for listening to me ramble on, i didn't even know i wrote so much
I just thought about it once and realized sexual relationships weren't for me.
Relatable. I wish I had that in school lol. Just constantly getting asked why aren't you dating? Friends constantly trying to set you up with people. "Oh you just haven't found the right person yet but when you do trust me you'll want to have sex with them."
In many religions it's wrong for you to not wait for marriage but also seen as weird of even wrong(in my country) to be aro/ace
Right? Like make it make sense.
When you’re a guy it’s so much harder. People just don’t believe you or think something is wrong with you.
i remember being in middle school at a club get together and the topic of hook ups came up. the older kids were telling people to do it safely and then i said “or just don’t hook up with people” and then didn’t understand why they found that so funny. 10 years later i’m still low key embarrassed about it
I found out in high school when everyone was talking about losing their v cards and i was playing dnd at lunch lmao
I just want a forever cuddle buddy. A squish as they say.
real as hell!!!
I learned the difference between asexual and aromantic/aroace and my whole world changed (asexual achillian guy)
I was like, 12, when I realized that I wasn't like everyone else. Tried coming out. Got sexually harassed a ton. Let it be a phase. Got into a sexually abusive relationship. He used my asexuality as a reason why I couldn't refuse him.
Now I'm in a very gay relationship, I love my girlfriend so much, and we make the ace plus allo thing work
I relate to this. Well the putting it off for so long. Part. Started dating at 24. And realized. Don't run that way.
Isn't "true love waits" a radiohead song
true love waits in haunted attics
@@elif-py1gt And true love lives on lollipops and crisps
Holy shit Shelby changed so much since the last time I watched her
this makes me love Shelby even more
Is Shelby TradeChat???
I like how they have Shelby! Hetero romantic asexuals are under represented and told "not queer enough" alot of the time. It's good rep!!!
meanwhile I'm sitting in bed considering if I'm asexual because I literally just wanna cuddle lol
it’s a good question to ask urself ngl. hope u figure stuffs out soon
🤣 you're wasting your time with that. The best thing you can do is not buy any contemporary ideas.
It's sooooooo funny watching everything twist as I get older. Moronseveverywhere.
my queen i love her 😌
I realized i was ace when i found out what sex actually was and was like “this doesn’t seem very fun?”
(I later found out i was aro because every relationship/crush i have been in/had i always said i didn’t actually feel love for that person, i just thought they were cool)
I thought I was just really good at abstinence/ celibacy
i mean we are really good at it
I've had multiple girlfriends. I lost my "card" when I was 24. I realized in my mid 20's that it's too much effort for me to care. I'm now in my early 30's and been alone for nearly 3 years. And I find so much more enjoyment in other hobbies that I have. I don't have any desire to date anymore. Nobody seems to understand it. But it benefits me more the way I am. I've been watching my best friend who has an addiction engage in risky behaviors and put himself in a financial hole.
Shelby and jaiden animations!! I love it for them
the moment i realized i was not like other people was when i asked a group of friends my age what the ideal frequency for having sex would be and they all said every day or every other day or maybe a few times a week. amd i was like.... once a month max.. lol
I don't even know when I came to realize I was ace. I just realized one day and was like yep, that's me. I have a great partner who accepts and understands my feelings though.
but doesnt asexual mean ur dont like people? by like I mean in a romantic and sexual sense, if ur asexual how would you have a partner? im sorry im not the most educated in this and I feel like im wrong somewhere
@@theowl2134 It is both extremely easy to define but extremely complex when looked at properly. Asexual literally means "an absence of sexual attraction". That's it. Nothing to do with love or connection. Asexuals just don't care if someone is "hot". It doesn't mean we can't tell if someone is good looking though, we just don't care.
@@theowl2134 Asexual means not having a sexual attraction, it doesn't include romantic attraction. Someone who is asexual can have a partner but not necessarily want to have sex. Aromantic is the lack of romantic attraction to anyone, so if someone was Aro ace then in that case they would not be interested in either aspects and therefore probably not want a relationship.
@@theowl2134 So I don't get reply notifs, so I just happened back across this video and saw my old comment and your reply, so this is incredibly late. Anyway, like the other replier said, asexual just means no sexual attraction. (Though there is a spectrum to asexuality, and the "levels" of being ace.) I still have romantic feelings for my partner, but the sexual desire or urge is practically nonexistent, more or less, basically.
I didn’t know that “True Love Waits” was a thing outside of the Radiohead song
I realized I was aroace when my friend in middle school told me all about LGBT+ terms and sexualities and such, and I realized I really identified with that label. Although I still do doubt my aromanticism every now and then. And I do want to get married to someone and adopt a kid (or it'd be mine but artificially, because I'm terrified of being pregnant, but then again I'd have to be rich for that so I'm not sure what I'll do), but I just don't find anyone interesting enough to get married to. I've thought about getting married to a fictional character just because it'd be funny and would also let me have a wedding which is really what I want, but seeing as my reasons are pretty dog shit, I don't think I'll actually do it lmao. I've decided recently that if I do get in a relationship with someone, it'd be a queerplatonic relationship and honestly it'd probably be with another asexual. But it'll probably take a while before that happens lol.
i’m rooting for you friend!! i wholeheartedly hope you get the life you want 🫶🏾
...
i realized i was ace when it brought me to sickness imagining myself near anyone like that 😭 even with general affection! im aroace and very, very repulsed.
Def thought I was asexual in high school. Got to college had my first kiss and it was fun, but never wanted anything more than making out with anyone. Sex as an idea kind of grossed me out most of the time. Never had any urge for it until I met my current boyfriend of two years and only after we had been dating for like awhile did it click and I was like “oh. Is this how other people feel? Like all the time?” Needless to say I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere in the demisexul range.
My fiance knows I'm on the Ace spectrum but for some reason it doesn't seem to click for him. I explained to him when we were platonic that most of the time I DON'T experience sexual attraction OR arousal. It just... Isn't really there. My body will occasionally crave sexual stimulation but not in a like "ooo, I wanna get it on" kinda way. Just like a... "Shit, I'm tense... I bet a release would help a little." But he continuously asks me if I'm attracted to him and I tell him that I am, which is true, but I don't experience attraction in the same way he does and it seems to confuse him.
I’m aro-spec and ace-spec. Growing up, my religious trauma made me think I was just “that good” because of ✨ Jesus ✨.
It was really hard coming to terms with being ace for me. Had kinda figured it out in middle school but brushed things off but in highschool I realized that I really was ace and that I’d probably never have a normal functioning relationship with sex. It’s hard feeling limited in the people I could end up with because of such a difference in opinion. I don’t know where I fall on the sex aversion scale even today in college and I think it changes by the day. It’s still hard to think that I may never have a “normal” relationship with a non ace person and will always feel guilty for not being comfortable
I hope things turn out well for you and you find a relationship that satisfies both you and your partner's unique needs. I'm in the same boat, ace in college, so I understand the struggle. ♥️
question everyone! can you still be an ace but you enjoy reading smuts aka fictional people having sex? but the thought of doing it yourself is just something you can't and won't do
I'd say yeah
yeah
yes
Have you heard of aegosexual? It's an asexual microlabel
@@lynxone9434 i have not, and why does it sounds cute because it reminds me of the word "aigoo", and just search it and wow that description really fits me. i never really think i fit in the asexual umbrella, but apparently there's a place for everybody. thank you for telling me.
After reading comments I've realized there are too many narrow minded stupid and rude people on earth who can't accept it if someone is different from them