This is a very specific post that youtube decided to show to me but this very clearly relates to my life experiences. I haven't been able to connect with anyone on a meaningful level because of what I was raised to think, and I also haven't been as honest. I think this is a sign I need to be open with my parents, because as it is now I won't be sad at all when they leave. Thank you for making this video.
I can so relate to what you feel. I also moved o the US from Poland (hello neighbor!) , so I can be far away from my father, that used to control me and abuse me. I was 29 when i made that decision. He is a narcissist and has a drinking problem (highly functioning alcoholic). I've spent 10 years of my life being depressed because of what happened to me. I didn't even realize in the beginning why am I feeling the way I did. I remembered the abuse, but for some reason I've marked it as unimportant in my mind. All that time I've spent being depressed was just wasted time. At the same time I learned to appreciate the fact that I got out of it. I've spent a lot of time alone while living in the US. I can completely relate to the feeling of alienation. It's not like I can't hold a conversation, but I find it difficult to open up to people on a deeper level. Last few years have been better for me. I'm in my late 30s and my life is actually better than when I was younger. I'm happier now. Thank you for your video. It takes some courage to record yourself, talk about such difficult subjects and post it on the internet. Even commenting this video makes me uncomfortable, but I wanted to let you know there is more of us out there. Hang in there, bro!
13:52 resonates with me a lot. Most of our suffering is meaningless: absurd, in the camusian sense that trying to 'get to the bottom of it all' is pointless. The stories we read never have a wasted page; every circumstance is character-building. Hollywood romanticizes the cathartic reunion, or deathbed forgiveness for everyone who's ever wronged you. None of that is reality. What I decided some time ago was that I'd live and let live. Not forgive-that's different, but compartmentalize. I had to put that unresolveable part of myself away in order to, as you put it, 'do what I really wanted to do' (as opposed to just escaping with a video game or something). I agree that it's important to be able to digest the truth and have an uncomfortable conversation, but I think the mode you described as 'surface level' has its own merits. That veneer of 'life is fine' is very important, perhaps more important. You have to be able to look at a fuzzy caterpillar and smile-I think that's all happiness really is.
Thats pretty interesting you have older male friends that are kinda like new “father figures” for you and can have better relationships with them than your dad. I’m gonna be annoying and let ya know that there’s a lot of intense astrological/moon stuff going on right now with relationships and deep introspection. 🙃 I feel similar as you explain. I reached out to you on ig but kinda regret it 🤣 not because of you, well you did kind of spook me at first but it’s heavy for us all right now and I’m dealing with too many chaotic people who couldn’t handle just having conversations that share our experiences. I’m not sure if I want to have relationships anymore. It’s too much man! A lot of damage has been done and I’m exhausted from an abusive upbringing, like you said. I don’t want it to hold me back but I’m coming to accept that my trauma has made me this way and it’s ok to isolate to a certain extend. We have a lot of unfortunate similar life experiences. Except I’ve never been a German boy. I like how you think and being able to listen to you talk here. I’m glad you’re getting it out and figuring out how to save yourself somehow despite what you’ve been through. It’s not easy to get up and keep trying.
This is a very specific post that youtube decided to show to me but this very clearly relates to my life experiences. I haven't been able to connect with anyone on a meaningful level because of what I was raised to think, and I also haven't been as honest. I think this is a sign I need to be open with my parents, because as it is now I won't be sad at all when they leave. Thank you for making this video.
I can so relate to what you feel. I also moved o the US from Poland (hello neighbor!) , so I can be far away from my father, that used to control me and abuse me. I was 29 when i made that decision. He is a narcissist and has a drinking problem (highly functioning alcoholic). I've spent 10 years of my life being depressed because of what happened to me. I didn't even realize in the beginning why am I feeling the way I did. I remembered the abuse, but for some reason I've marked it as unimportant in my mind. All that time I've spent being depressed was just wasted time. At the same time I learned to appreciate the fact that I got out of it. I've spent a lot of time alone while living in the US. I can completely relate to the feeling of alienation. It's not like I can't hold a conversation, but I find it difficult to open up to people on a deeper level. Last few years have been better for me. I'm in my late 30s and my life is actually better than when I was younger. I'm happier now.
Thank you for your video. It takes some courage to record yourself, talk about such difficult subjects and post it on the internet. Even commenting this video makes me uncomfortable, but I wanted to let you know there is more of us out there. Hang in there, bro!
13:52 resonates with me a lot. Most of our suffering is meaningless: absurd, in the camusian sense that trying to 'get to the bottom of it all' is pointless. The stories we read never have a wasted page; every circumstance is character-building. Hollywood romanticizes the cathartic reunion, or deathbed forgiveness for everyone who's ever wronged you. None of that is reality. What I decided some time ago was that I'd live and let live. Not forgive-that's different, but compartmentalize. I had to put that unresolveable part of myself away in order to, as you put it, 'do what I really wanted to do' (as opposed to just escaping with a video game or something). I agree that it's important to be able to digest the truth and have an uncomfortable conversation, but I think the mode you described as 'surface level' has its own merits. That veneer of 'life is fine' is very important, perhaps more important. You have to be able to look at a fuzzy caterpillar and smile-I think that's all happiness really is.
Thats pretty interesting you have older male friends that are kinda like new “father figures” for you and can have better relationships with them than your dad. I’m gonna be annoying and let ya know that there’s a lot of intense astrological/moon stuff going on right now with relationships and deep introspection. 🙃 I feel similar as you explain. I reached out to you on ig but kinda regret it 🤣 not because of you, well you did kind of spook me at first but it’s heavy for us all right now and I’m dealing with too many chaotic people who couldn’t handle just having conversations that share our experiences. I’m not sure if I want to have relationships anymore. It’s too much man! A lot of damage has been done and I’m exhausted from an abusive upbringing, like you said. I don’t want it to hold me back but I’m coming to accept that my trauma has made me this way and it’s ok to isolate to a certain extend. We have a lot of unfortunate similar life experiences. Except I’ve never been a German boy. I like how you think and being able to listen to you talk here. I’m glad you’re getting it out and figuring out how to save yourself somehow despite what you’ve been through. It’s not easy to get up and keep trying.