Відео

You say you feel like you’re not making sense. It does.

I've been going through some of the same stuff too man, it's hard out there but I getchu, I see ya

❤ Stay safe out there man, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I can so relate to what you feel. I also moved o the US from Poland (hello neighbor!) , so I can be far away from my father, that used to control me and abuse me. I was 29 when i made that decision. He is a narcissist and has a drinking problem (highly functioning alcoholic). I've spent 10 years of my life being depressed because of what happened to me. I didn't even realize in the beginning why am I feeling the way I did. I remembered the abuse, but for some reason I've marked it as unimportant in my mind. All that time I've spent being depressed was just wasted time. At the same time I learned to appreciate the fact that I got out of it. I've spent a lot of time alone while living in the US. I can completely relate to the feeling of alienation. It's not like I can't hold a conversation, but I find it difficult to open up to people on a deeper level. Last few years have been better for me. I'm in my late 30s and my life is actually better than when I was younger. I'm happier now. Thank you for your video. It takes some courage to record yourself, talk about such difficult subjects and post it on the internet. Even commenting this video makes me uncomfortable, but I wanted to let you know there is more of us out there. Hang in there, bro!

Hope you're good bro, sounds like you've had a rough go. Been in this spot before, and kind of in this spot similarly now. Secure yourself your freedom, a solid job that you can enjoy and try to look on the bright side of things. People won't understand what you've been through, they also don't need to. Keep your head up buddy.

13:52 resonates with me a lot. Most of our suffering is meaningless: absurd, in the camusian sense that trying to 'get to the bottom of it all' is pointless. The stories we read never have a wasted page; every circumstance is character-building. Hollywood romanticizes the cathartic reunion, or deathbed forgiveness for everyone who's ever wronged you. None of that is reality. What I decided some time ago was that I'd live and let live. Not forgive-that's different, but compartmentalize. I had to put that unresolveable part of myself away in order to, as you put it, 'do what I really wanted to do' (as opposed to just escaping with a video game or something). I agree that it's important to be able to digest the truth and have an uncomfortable conversation, but I think the mode you described as 'surface level' has its own merits. That veneer of 'life is fine' is very important, perhaps more important. You have to be able to look at a fuzzy caterpillar and smile-I think that's all happiness really is.

This is a very specific post that youtube decided to show to me but this very clearly relates to my life experiences. I haven't been able to connect with anyone on a meaningful level because of what I was raised to think, and I also haven't been as honest. I think this is a sign I need to be open with my parents, because as it is now I won't be sad at all when they leave. Thank you for making this video.

You're dealing with so much! Thanks for sharing your story, I wish you strength and peace and good company on your journey. PS I love the jacket you're wearing.

Thats pretty interesting you have older male friends that are kinda like new “father figures” for you and can have better relationships with them than your dad. I’m gonna be annoying and let ya know that there’s a lot of intense astrological/moon stuff going on right now with relationships and deep introspection. 🙃 I feel similar as you explain. I reached out to you on ig but kinda regret it 🤣 not because of you, well you did kind of spook me at first but it’s heavy for us all right now and I’m dealing with too many chaotic people who couldn’t handle just having conversations that share our experiences. I’m not sure if I want to have relationships anymore. It’s too much man! A lot of damage has been done and I’m exhausted from an abusive upbringing, like you said. I don’t want it to hold me back but I’m coming to accept that my trauma has made me this way and it’s ok to isolate to a certain extend. We have a lot of unfortunate similar life experiences. Except I’ve never been a German boy. I like how you think and being able to listen to you talk here. I’m glad you’re getting it out and figuring out how to save yourself somehow despite what you’ve been through. It’s not easy to get up and keep trying.

⛰️👌

truth ... truTH ... TH ... ♄ ... truth:true ... truth vs true ... politics & politeness to describe the waters of infinite zero (plasmoid)

the decor is dope. dancing is aweome

What Song was it tho ?😅

Keep it Up man! Love the openness! (As well as those moves of course) ❤

God is always with us because HE IS ALIVE

Listening to you talk is super relaxing, enjoyed hearing about you this is better than a podcast

It has taken me many years of stumbling through the darkness to realize where I was going because my darkness would not allow me to see the path. What is darkness? Darkness is the bringer of dawn. Darkness brings light. To anyone out there who is struggling with their own darkness, I want you to know that you are on the right path. You are being forged in fire and carved from stone. The final result will be incredible. 💜

youtube algorithm is healing

Maybe I too should touch grass

Stay strong brother

hell yeah brother. preach it

liked your idea about needing to experience hunger ever so often.. whilst hungry, its easy to focus on food, might be a bit tuff when your hungry and trying to do something and food is all you keep thinking about, but a good test is never easy :)

I can't relate for the most part, apart from the extreme discomfort you described and the questioning of your beliefs/ ego. I believe in "God", though obviously not in the mainstream sense. Christianity and all other religions are full of too many logical fallacies for me to ever believe in them. However, during a trip on 1/2oz of a mushroom strain called "penis envy", I [allegedly] encountered an entity that I can only describe as God. This was also the trip that I partially accredit with leading me to the psyche ward... (Though only partially. I would say the main thing that got me sent to the psyche ward [every time] was absolutism. I believed with absolute certainty that I knew everything about this entity, its desire, its intent and this branched off into certainty surrounding all things.) 0000000000000000000000000000000000 Anyway enough backstory, I will use Judeo-Christian language to describe that entity and my beliefs surrounding it, with the hope that this information will help you in some way; I believe that "Yahweh" and "Satan" are two ends of a magnetic pole, essentially one in the same. Neither solely male or female, animal or otherwise, material or immaterial, good or evil. (Despite the theoretical math on the subject, we have never observed or created a monopolar magnetic force, which makes me more certain that this is the case.) On one end, arguably positive: Kind, compassionate and merciful. On the other end, arguably negative: Sadistic, voracious and vengeful. Intertwined/ in agreement at the center. When the Buddhists speak of karma, they claim that it is a non-dualistic force. That an action describable as evil will net one punishment and an action describable as good will net one reward (depending upon whether or not your karma is in the negative or positive and some other factors). I will add that I have witnessed what I can only describe as karma quite a few times, so I have no doubt it is a real thing. I also believe that this entity is in both it's hell and heaven.That it hates itself and all it is connected to, wishing for nothing but death and that it loves all it is connected to and wishes for no end. Suffering in agonizing bliss. That it challenged something bigger than itself (arguably "the" God, I assume of the multi-verse or its universe of origin) and was sentenced to this existence. So, I see karma to be the judgement of this entity. Arguably impartial and fair. Both working together towards their goals (one being death/ as close to nothingness as it can get and the other being eternal bliss/ connection) 0000000000000000000000000000000000 With all that in mind, I'd say that I do my best to treat others the way I wish to be treated. Because I hate to see suffering, I would like to believe that I treat others this way out of some purely virtuous alter-motive, but I do believe that alter and self-motive always wind up intertwined, so there is no doubt a selfish element in my choosing to do so. All in all, whether or not you do believe in such an entity, it seems most wise to act/ live as though this thing I call God exists. You never know, one day ya heart may be weighed and you may be judged accordingly.

i really thought this was some 14 yo video. what camera do you use tho?

what webcam do you use? i really like this vintage look

Heftige geschichte aber wir müssen alle weiter durchziehen auch wenns scheise läuft allen viel kraft hier

Subscribed because of swords

neat decor

I never related to anyone after the age of six, never leave the house, burry myself in computers, never truly developed a true personality. Just a veil, im literally bat shit insane, no concept of reality, 170IQ but cant make sense of this world regardless. I used to be more like your friend a few years back, rebellish childish now its just callousness while staring in the abyss... Gaining ground financially though. Feels meaningless but i got food on the table. Hope you guys can make some change you want to have happen as well ❤

proficient?

Keep doing your thing brother❤

Dunno where you came from, but I liked this. Dunno what you got comin' up but I wish for you to bring the people who might just hear you out back to God. Move with God and thank you for reminding me of him today. Keep stepping up man.

Jesus is king

The divine feminine in your story reminds me of the type of person we all wish we had, a mother I guess, also a person that is perfect and knows what we wish we knew and completely accepts us for some reason. If the perfect person accepts us, loves us, and mentors us, that means we truly are valuable, or something like that. You're the Coyote man, right?

To what extent do you still require empirical evidence to accept theories like Jung's? I came from your video where you explained you initially rejected religion because there wasn't empirical evidence validating it. You seem intellectually honest, so I'd very much like to know what now guides you to accept or reject different frameworks or theories. Is it perhaps based on if the theories prove useful to you personally? I appreciate your videos (though Ive only watched 2 so far)

fuck yeah

Just discovered this video on my timeline like other people mentioned and I really enjoy this exhortation style of content. To be honest, I've always wanted to make one of these types of videos where I go over my whole life - sort of as a reflection piece but also as a "look how bad I had it and look where I am now" style of content - and all the little intricacies that make me who I am today. I think I'll just waffle a little bit in the comments section for a few minutes, I'm awaiting the second part now haha. However there was a big flaw when I actually went to greenlight this project... that being that I can't remember my childhood nor my younger years as a teenager. I don't know if this was a purposeful PTSD-induced blocking as a protective shield of my memories from myself but it sort of comes back at me in waves, a little at a time, and very slowly at that. The other wrench in my plans was that I lived an uneventful life: I didn't do well in school nor in my studies and spent basically my whole life online or when offline shielded away from others in a solitary jail of my own making. Now looking back on that part of my life that happened for MANY years... I highly regret it but I'm still very fearful of other people. It might have been due to my delayed development and thus causing a delayed socialization period and causing my life to unfold the way it did but that's wrong and I'm purposefully avoidant (I know this to be a fact now but at the time I was alone and scared for myself in a bad mental state). I just for the life of me cannot remember where the fear of others started in my developmental cycle. I'm still alone now and managed to get OK grades - enough to get a relatively high paying job; at least enough to live off of being near the absolute minimum conditions (trying to spend as little as possible on expenses) and living standards of a human being (in an one bedroom flat atm) but I've always wondered how my life could've been different. Speaking on these solitary conditions for a moment, I've always been outside death and general sadness, being raised sort of like the Buddha - until I was around an adult in age I never encountered someone dying, none in my family neither (I refer to close family the people that I actually knew of and not just a name floating in the wind that somehow reached my ears and whose name I instantly forgot about I feel regretfully now but it still stands). I definitely relate to your personal story a lot and can see similarities between you & what I remember of myformer self. I was always an outsider to the world, and it was majority of the times my fault. (not always as a-holes and bullies always existed in my life) Mainly just being too scared of life to fully participate and enjoy it for the sake of itself. If my life was summed up into an object it would be a microscope (or perhaps someone underneath a microscope). I say this to illustrate the idea that I was looking at the smaller things in life, and would always Peer In, so to speak, and simply watch in silence as others talked and had their quaint conversations with my peers and general cohort - rather than being simply Present with others (Now my verbal IQ is much much lower than someone normal, circumstances and how my mind-body connection naturally occurs play a role into this but also my enthusiasm during my most critical stage was definitely NOT there and I considered myself mentally 'disabled' and used that as my excuse for avoiding 'confrontations' with other people, ie. entering conversations and having talks with strangers). During the times when I braved and fully prepared myself to confront other strange people, I would always examine Myself underneath said microscopic view, and it would be immediately obvious just how out-of-my-depth I was at talking (talking without the script i have in my head ofc). I was and am a judgmental person, it can sometimes be a fault in my life but it's just how I've always lived and I seem to have gotten along fine with life. My father, as well as my elders, and authority figures in my life always hated that I was such a timid little thing, always with the "speak up I can't hear you" line ad infinitum. I never truly considered myself an "atheist" as I had a partial understanding in my peabrained self at 14 years of age that there had to be some sort of higher being that created humanity, the main thing that tipped me off was "something can't come from nothing" which was revolutionary to me at the time. I did not consider myself to be particularly edgy, and my parents were always so fond of me being such a sensitive young boy, always so sad at the injustices being committed against others and particularly against animals. But alas I started reading Dawkins and hating against the radical and notso radical elements of organized religious movements. But I kept to reading and reading some more, then moving onto one of my main passions that I still have today that being Philosophy, and I started with Nietzsche (a natural gravitation at that specific time in life - so much so that I never really stopped reading Nietzsche but it's a tale for another time). On a side note that I'd like you to bring up out of this textual vomit I've been writing about for seven minutes now. Sorry if some of it sounds contradicting I tried to keep my sporadic thoughts in a sort of thematic writing structure. I quite like your (greek? antiquity-aged? when rome was a kingdom?) statues in posed positioning on your wall behind you with their hoplons, dory and such btw.

Kinda vibe with this video too hahahaha

This feels like UA-cam 2004 for me. Really authentic just people talking to cameras. Dunno how it dropped into my algorithm considering the view count but it did and I watched all of it. Subbed and will tune back for whatever you post next.

Hmm, sad.

This is a vibe filled video. You're cool dude

awooo

i respect your authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable to an audience of strangers. you seem to have done a lot of work and gained good insight from introspection. appreciate the positivity ✌

My attention span is shot but I fw you, keep rockin in the free world bro

This type of videos works better with women.

Kratom helps

Great story! Empathy is the message I took away from it :)

I'm so happy that UA-cam recommended this video to me.

It's a good tune, keep it up😊❤