Fern Brady | Strong Female Character (FULL EVENT)
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
- If you’ve ever been on a night out where you got blackout drunk and have laughed the next day as your friends tell you all the stupid stuff you said, that’s what being autistic feels like for me: one long blackout night of drinking, except there’s no socially sanctioned excuse for your gaffes and no one is laughing.
Join writer and performer Fern Brady as she discusses her book Strong Female Character. For this unmissable night in, Fern discusses the book, and how she uses her voice as a neurodivergent, working class woman from Scotland to bring her experiences with sex work, abusive relationships and her time spent in a teenage mental health unit to the page. Written with unflinching honesty, Strong Female Character is a game-changing memoir on sexism and neurodiversity. With all of Fern’s caustic wit and electric presence, this is an event you do not want to miss.
00:00 Introduction
2:19 Writing the book
3:30 Communication
20:04 Workplaces
31:16 Living with Autism
42:23 Mental Health and Advice
A Night In with Fern Brady was originally broadcast on Tue 14 Feb 2023.
To discover more Fane events, visit: fane.co.uk/whats-on
#FernBrady #britishauthors #autism #comedy #Interview #taskmaster
wait but the bit at the end where fern talked about how if she liked this friend for his autistic traits she could also like herself for her autistic traits really hit different lol i started crying bc thats such an important realization that felt very close to home to me
Fern Brady is great, so happy to have found out about her recently!
Hooray for Taskmaster!❤ I wouldn't have "met" her otherwise
One of my favorite bonding moments with autistic people is sharing facts and information at one another.
Thanks for making this available. It's great to be able to hear Fern speak in long-form outside of a necessarily comedy setting and Lou seems to be the perfect person to conduct the interview.
Cheers for tuning in Frank!
I found Fern recently, instantly loved her comedy! Bought her book and appreciated how honest and open she was about her personal life. What an amazing woman! Go fern!❤
Right at the close, there - the separation from your own emotions rings so true for me. My mother died when I was 21, I 'm not saying I didn't feel anything but she had been at the worst end of breast cancer for over a year so, come the funeral, yeah, of course she's dead. It's not her, it's a corpse in a box. A realistic viewpoint isn't the same as pragmatism, though. Imagine being in that situation whilst also having to keep in mind how everyone else around you feels and how they're judging you for everything you do or say. You don't get to grieve in your way because you have to let others grieve their way.
However, one step removed, I can bawl my eyes out at a song, film, tv programme or even an advert.
I was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD March 2023 at 27y/o. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder (by someone who didn’t respect the level of stigma that comes with bipolar and BPD and flippantly diagnosed me from a yes or no questionnaire). I felt crazy until I finally got diagnosed with Autism and ADHD. Once I got diagnosed, MY WHOLE LIFE MADE SENSE! So much of my life is touched by Autism and ADHD. I just didn’t know it and was suffering for years because I am an AFAB women who “passed” but struggled secretly for many years. Once I got my diagnosis, I understood so much more about why I am this way and started to learn how to be okay with myself the way I am. Which is hard when I constantly got the message growing up, and still currently, that I am less than or “weird”. I think everyone is weird so it always made me feel like, “why are you calling me weird? You’re the ones who are weird”. But it was because I was different or didn’t fit someone’s definition of “normal”. Also, I’m highly masking and so learned the behavior that is appropriate but sometimes I struggle to know what behavior is appropriate for each situation. Which is why masking isn’t great anyway. Because even though I may learn what is appropriate, it still doesn’t make sense to me. Masking isn’t great. Unlike what my sister thinks of it. Currently trying to teach her why masking is not “good” like she thinks it is. It’s a struggle because she isn’t Autistic so she has NEVER felt masking or what it feels like to “perform” in a social situation. She thinks that everyone masks, but masking to me, is very different than putting a different part of yourself forward. That is NOT masking to me because when you put a different part of yourself forward depending on a situation, it’s still part of who you are. Masking is literally acting. It’s a performance where I might not be exactly how I am. I’m putting on a performance so I don’t get rejected or told yet again that I am less than or discriminated against. Not the same. It’s frustrating to me that my sister can’t understand this and it makes me think, “why do I bother telling my family any of this?” They don’t understand so it feels like a waste of time and energy to explain it to them because every time I do try to explain it to them, I get dismissed or told that “everyone is like that every once in a while”, etc. It feels so pointless.
My daughter is autistic and hearing Ferns stories and takes on life I find so revealing and will help me understand more fully my daughters view of life and what her behaviours really mean and the struggles she goes through navigating daily life .
Thank you Fern
👍🏴
The bit about autism + smoking weed + drinking.
This is something that is so seldomly talked about…
Thank you Fern.
I have ADHD and Autism.
My adhd is often times sensory seeking, and I struggle with substances like Tabacco and weed, and alcohol…
My sleep is such a wreck, and I hadn’t put it together that this could be responsible for autistic melt downs, and burn out…
Thanks for being vulnerable.
I really appreciate you. ❤
Ps. I love your top so much. I bet it’s 10/10 comfy and it looks like such a good stim shirt. I see your hands in the sleeves and my hands wanna be in there too ❤
Omg I'm glad she said, "I didn't write it as a funny book. [...] this is my most serious, earnest thing ever." Because I did not think it was a humorous/comedic book and was so confused by the endorsement on the cover of the book after I read it. I was wondering if I was misreading the tone completely.
i could listen to fern talk all day long very honest and thats rare
This is so enlightening. Demystifying any conditions should benefit all of us and make life better for others. Love Fern, she’s no idea she’s so interesting, honest, humble and funny. (She will probably hate my compliments).
Far from finding her “disgusting” as she says, I’m loving that the world is full of people of their own qualities. We are all perfectly imperfect.
Great Book!
I actually leading my book club session on this book.
Fern- you rock!!!
once you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person. Love this book for all the metoos and ohYeahs, and the laughs, but especially for the tears. TY for speaking up for all of us
Id just like to point out that Lou is doing the exact thing Fern talks about with NT people, that pathologic need to smooth things over and seek approval.
I have no doubt Lou admires and wants to support Ferm but again and again she tries to relate to Ferns thing or reassure her or seek Ferns approval on her opinions "We can all relate to getting angry" (when Fern has been very clear that meltdowns are not like anger), or dropping the "I think I need to get tested as well" (even though Lou is not really vibing with any of the symptoms Fern is sharing), things like that.
Sometimes when you're venting about bad things that happen to you what you need to hear is "I believe you and that sucks" not "Well actually it's not as bad as you think" or "Well I (privileged person from a different background) can relate to that" or "Am I doing the being a good friend right? Please give me approval"
What a brilliant interview. Fern Brady is fantastic. This just makes me smile.
Cheers for watching Ric!
When i first watched her on taskmaster, i looked up Fern online to see if she's neurodiverse - when you know, you know! I feel like i could have a lot of similar stories to her.
I first heard of her when one of her standup comedy bits came up in my recommendations on UA-cam. I got barely thirty seconds into the bit before I started getting a 'tism vibe, and before the end of the bit she described what was clearly getting told off by a teacher for stimming.
We can spot our own and it isn't because our body language is disordered; it's that our bodies are literally speaking a different language entirely and there's literally a language barrier that exists between autistics and neurotypicals that doesn't exist between autistics and other autistics.
yes she was my fav that season
Fern Brady is still my absolute favorite Taskmaster contestant ever, and is a wonderful person to bring up when people ask my name.
"Hi, I'm Fern, like the comedian."
"Fern... who?"
"Fern Brady? She's hilarious. We have the same first name, so I'm lucky. Let me send you a link, you'll love her."
"Oh..."
It's probably good that my name isn't Fern or I'd be going "Me Fern Brady! Me Fern Brady!" all the time
The book is amazing, I read it in two sittings. Then I wanted to buy multiple other copies and send them to a load of people I thought would like it and/or find it helpful. Really recommended.
Fern is an absolute gem 💎
I'm probably somewhere on the spectrum (and not at the neurotypical end), but Fern Brady sounds EXACTLY like a young and very dear friend who has shared her journey with me for about a decade. I learned so much to talk to my friend about, and I'm definitely going to share this video (and the book) with her soon. 💟💟
I wonder if people don’t mind Fern being blunt, because she’s a comedian and so the bluntness comes across as funny. Perhaps people would be less tolerant if she was a chartered accountant :-)
What a treat. Smart funny woman interviewing another smart funny woman. Thank you for the great craic! Did I spell that right?
. . . and thank you a million for helping normalize the Autistic Experience and what that means for the different folks who experience this.
I loved that Fern has an amazing vocabulary that showed up in Taskmaster
The getting to a point where you know you cause offence so theres no point being social really hit me
Just finished the book yesterday, was such a wonderful read! Thank you so much!
Thank you for tuning in!
I will definitely rewatch this, possibly several times.
2 of my favorite people to watch. enjoyed every second of the interview
It's an incredible book. Funny, moving and so well-written.
I knew what Fern was going to say, when Lou said "we can relate because we've all had moments of anger where we...."
It's like Anxiety. Anxiety looks like fear. Well, we've all been afraid. But that's not anxiety. Anxiety is a fear response **for no reason**. It's a chemical imbalance, not a reaction to external events.
The audiobook was fantastic! Thanks for this interview. The last section of this was quite an emotional watch.
Thank you for the beautiful interview! Fern Brady’s book is one of my favourites.
As for the question where autism ends and the personality starts that was raised at 3:56: from my perspective (as an autistic person), autism is part of one’s personality in the same way that introversion is, for instance. You wouldn’t ask ‘is this an introversion thing or just your personality?’ or ‘where does introversion end and your personality start?’. Still, all introverts are unique. I view autism as a cluster of personality traits that are due to a certain neurological wiring, as are all personality traits that aren’t developed later in life. How do you all see it?
your explanation makes a lot of sense. It's something I've thought about a lot recently as I just found out I was autistic last year. I am a lot of things because of autism, but autism is no more me than my footprint or my height, I think? It's a quality that I work with not something that defines me
Loved this book. Made me cry and laugh.
Such a wonderful conversation. Congrats on being an author, Fern!
Great book
Such a spectrum, without more description, a binary is/is not diagnosis is hard to get behind.
When I was growing up the learning disorders were Lazy, Crazy, Stupid and Ahole.
Nice to see it more specific.
Love her work, truth can make you cry and laugh at the same time. ? Who is the Interviewer????
Just finished watching this interview, I've always liked your comedy & this peek into your life was so interesting and entertaining.
P.S. I've just ordered your book can't wait till it arrives.
Hearing Fern talk about weightlifting to help integrate sensory info reminded me of a preschool I once worked with that had logs for kids who wanted to move around and build with and it really helped the kids who struggled with feeling their bodies. They'd settle right done after they came in and focus more easily. Makes me wonder about the shift we've taken from all having to do physical labor to a more sedentary life?
I'm autistic and when I wasn't disabled, lifting weights really put me in touch with my body so I wasn't just in my head.
Fern is such a sweetie
A nuerodivergent vinn diagram that's fun is ADHD, Autism and CPTSD. I have the latter from some pretty crap early childhood situations. Have worked through a lot. Worked in a preschool for autistic kiddos and constantly thought, "they do that? I do that. Ok, what?" Constantly. So glad she's seen Maria Bamford! Another amazing comedian.
Such an outstanding interview. I loved Fern on Taskmaster and didn't put it together parts of why until recently seeing a standup special where she talked about her diagnosis. Book is ordered for everyone in my neurodivergent family, really looking forward to reading it!
Loved this book.
38:45 you can see Lou (unconsciously?) doing the neurotypical touching someone to comfort them on her knee but it doesn't work and instead Fern very quickly switches which leg she has crossed.
Love Fern and how much time and effort she's spent educating people about her lived experience. I really wish that Lou was a more experienced interviewer. I feel like the conversation could have been even better without some of the comments she made or the times she derailed Fern's thoughts.
3:24am i should be sleeping, instead I am now hooked.
I realised early (my teens) what was contributing to my meltdowns and started advocating for myself when it came to sensory stuff. I know people likely thought me rude, but I would literally remove light bulbs in dangling lamps in restaurants (you know the sort where it's dangling right above the center of the table just inches above your head) if a table wasn't available without one. I'd move flower arrangements. I pulled blinds on windows. I did all of this without asking. Yeah, I asked at first but it's so exhausting dealing with people's reactions; I'd prefer they talk behind my back about how rude I am. That's on them. I would ask not to be seated near the kitchen or wait station when waiting for a table, which meant everyone with me had to wait. People have to understand this sort of accommodation is like having a wheelchair ramp. I never stopped advocating and doing for myself. And I stopped having meltdowns (they are exceptionally rare). I didn't know I was autistic... I just knew I was hypersensitive to chemicals, lights, sounds, textures, touch, etc. And chemicals made me incredibly ill and these other things caused so much irritation/stress, making life incredibly difficult. I'm also allergic to loads of foods... and I know this all makes me precious and hard work in the eyes of others, but if you knew me you'd know how much I hate being a burden to anyone and don't want to be different. I am different, I am who I am, and that's that. I have to accept it.
The look people give you, lol. There's another look as well, Ive had it all my life, most of which is pre diagnosed. Its a mixture of pity and contempt. You get it in the workplace, from colleagues and managers, often during training. Everyone gets it but you. Often though, theyll come to you later, once the pennies dropped, you can lecture on the new skill. It took you longer to learn, because you took the deep dive in order to learn it.
People are born with autism - you can't be a bit autistic; It's like being a bit pregnant - impossible. Autism obviously shares certain cognitive signatures but each person with autism is an original, so to speak.
I think "the toning it down until you have the power to change things" advice is a trap. Toning it down so you can make a living, maybe, probably.
But the "I'm not listening to you because you're too radical/feminist/blah blah" is 100% bullshit. They don't listen because they don't want to. "your too radical/honest" is just how they rationalize it to themselves so they don't feel like an asshole.
Yes exactly! It makes them uncomfortable, but they NEED to be uncomfortable!! If we say nothing, nothing will change.
What book are they talking about?
I've ordered, received, and read her book that is on Amazon.
It's totally different.
I love Fern, though.
I love 'em both.
👌🏻
47:38 emotional flood. Yes.
My ND brain sees an ADHDer interviewing an autistic person-we aren’t the same, but we get each other.
Can’t look at Fern the same anymore after reading the book. She’s gone from being a pretty face to an intelligent person that’s been so much in their lives; is brave enough to be honest about it and smart enough to relate it in a way that a non-neurodivergent can understand.
Great interview (Fern's book is fab - read it in one sitting) but who's the interviewer??
Hello, the interviewer for this event was Lou Sanders!
39:44 Foolish old men need to stop attempting to diagnose struggling young women. I had a very similar situation happen to me in my journey towards my autism diagnosis. The man wasn't my doctor. He was a doctors aide, and he saw me for about 5 minutes when I was in a moment of crisis before he attempted to diagnose me with a laundry list of things that are not autism. He also proceeded to accuse me of being on drugs, which pissed me off enough that I insisted I be drug tested right away . It was gratifying to see his smug face fall when my results all came back negative.
Ok, so I went on a bit of a rant, but that kind of medical dumb fuckery needs end.
im going to scotland over the holidays, im starting to get worried. I dont think i can nail the accent until then
I can’t find the name of the woman in yellow. Does anyone know her name? Thanks.
Lou Sanders was the interviewer for this event!
@@faneproductions Thank you!!
Any normal description would go something like "Lou Sanders sat down to talk with Fern Brady about her new book.." so yeah, really annoyed me I had to rummage through the comments to find out her name.
I very much enjoyed hearing Fern speak about her book, thank you for posting this interview (the book was already on my radar, but this has persuaded me to finally order it :)
Unfortunately however, the interviewer has annoyed me significantly throughout. Amongst several moments of what seemed to be her not listening to Fern and 'mmhmming' like a parent ignoring a child trying to explain something important, the moment when she (the interviewer) just flippantly suggests "maybe I should get tested" immediately following the "everyone one is a little autistic" (they aren't) conversation, it just felt like the most incredibly tone-deaf thing. The interviewer clearly knows Fern, but shows she is clueless about autism and the autistic community as well as being quite quite patronising at various points. When she started essentially trying to 'explain' to Fern what the conclusion of her own book is/ what it means- Fern wrote the thing, she certainly knows what her conclusion stands for!! Not the right person to carry out this interview imho.
So this isn't the book; it's about the book?
.....in the end arent we all..." lol
It's not so easy just to put yourself in another person's shoes as an autistic woman. There are loads of things that wouldn't offend me and that I can't fathom being offended by. But there are a number of things that neurotypicals do that I find intrusive. For example, while I can have and prefer a deep talk with people, neurotypical women seem willing to ask the most intrusive information as if they're trying to have something to use against you. It's one thing when you know someone and are close or they're actively being as open as you are (when you don't know them or know them well), but so many neurotypical women who don't know me well and who haven't disclosed anything or hardly anything about their lives feel free to ask questions I find to be incredibly rude. (I see them do this with others as well.) But because I'm autistic I just tend to answer when I ought to be asking, "Why are you asking?"
Billy Connely would relate i think. You can be the Li'l Yan to his Big Yan
Wait! Was she on game of thrones?! Not Fern, but Lou.
The younger generation do take some things too far (such as demonizing characters who serve a purpose in storytelling -- they don't seem to understand satire or have much media literacy at all) but they are so active and driven to create better more accepting futures irl. If only those old fogies in power would finally give up their positions and let them make real sweeping changes.
Who's the interviewer?
Lou Sanders
@@boing615 Thanks.
Fern, as a part of the FASD community, I see so much overlap between adults diagnosed with autism and FASD traits. Have you ever wondered if you have FASD? I know some countries don't recognize FASD as a legitimate diagnosis, and I don't know if it's recognized in Scotland. Also, I think people often think it seems like a criticism of mothers who drank during pregnancy, but it really isn't, as so many women don't know they are pregnant and/or don't know alcohol is damaging to fetuses. What do you think?
Immediately reach out to Ricky Gervais for the stripper comedy show. The stories from the book would make a great sitcom and Ricky could be the weird manager. His clout would get it aired for sure.
No idea what she's saying half the time. It's crazy that a place the size of the UK has so many distinct and sometimes very thick accents!
It's not 'crazy' it's beautiful.
Is it 'crazy' that Europe has so many distinct languages or cuisines?
You really can’t understand her lol? Her accent’s honestly not thick. There are Scottish with muchhh thicker accents.
The region has been inhabited for thousands of years, with many invasions and linguistic interruptions and additions. It's quite unsurprising there are "so many" accents.
English is my second language, and I have no problem understanding her?
Fantastic book!
🥹❤️🔥🌈
it's a bit of a shame that the audio during the interview was so bad. I found it very distracting.
The audio is fine.