I actually didn't get the message of the video. You were upset and not feeling well in your marriage. And your father told you to be patient and stay with him. In order to say be patient, we need to know why you were complaining. Islam doesn't say that you have to STAY with the person because you choose the person. You don't know anyone unless you live with the person under the same roof. So it's not true that religion says we HAVE stay unhappy in a marriage. Yes, we can be patient and try to find solutions, but if things doesn't change, then something is wrong. You done have to be PERFECT to make your spouse happy. And sometimes kids have it better without a toxic relationship. Patience is rewarded highly in Islam but Allah made divorce halal and a way out. My advice is talk to a scholar and someone with knowledge and not get advice from here and there.
Poor girl.after all this suffering with your husband he even married another woman .That is why probably he behaved the way he did.He just wanted someone else.Now you don t need to strive to be the perfect wife (the wife he wanted)You can relax😀But I can t stop not to say that you deserve better.I think your husband is a narcissist.Brainwashed you and make you think is your fault.Now,to protect yourself being hurt you created your own reality where everything is just fine . And if it is not,is your fault again.
Perfect timing for me and my household... Our story sounds exactly like yours Queen. I’m crying happy tears knowing that we can make it work too... Just started following your channel about a week ago and you have been an inspiring Angel with your honest and candid lessons. Thanks a million, I’m very hopeful once again💪🏿
I find that a great deal of Muslim men use the words of the Qur'an to justify their abuse towards women it's very shameful..The most crazy thing is marriage is 50 percent of our religion...people should consider our beloved prophet .saw..when he was asked by his daughters husband about marrying again..its no problem marrying two but fairness is unfortunately some brothers problem..They never consider the pain that they will put women through..may Allah swt give everyone a greater understanding...Ameen
My husband also he just got married without informing me I’m very sad and I don’t know what to do right now i don’t know I need advice I don’t know if I can accept it or not my mind now is blank don’t know what to do.😥🥺😔
@@saydacamara1231 correct both husband and wife will be tested on patience. But why is it gender specific? There is a lot of research showing biologically sexual jealousy is natural for both men and women. But only muslim women must have patience when their man strays and allow polygamy so he doesn't sin by cheating. If a muslim woman is attracted by another man there is no way she is allowed polyandry with more than one man. If Allah really wants or allows 4 wives to a man, why are there so many first wives unhappy? Maybe you are happy, but research shows first wived are often not actually happy, but they feel they have no choice. The fact is, many Muslim men seem to be cherry picking parts of Quran to suit their needs. Polygyny back then used to be about tribalism, a man having many wives and children to defend his tribe. Or, the helping widows and orphans financially after wars: ua-cam.com/video/ypVJuM7h7PA/v-deo.html. What I'm trying to say is that polygamy is a very old institution that predates Islam, and has some justification. In a society in which females cannot take care of themselves, they are better off sharing a male than they would be alone. Polygamy is the result of that. But now, the men in involved in polygamy are not 1. Part of tribes 2. There is welfare so there is no real need to support widows by marrying them. A most most muslim husbands are not marrying a widow with a child if she is sexually unatttactive or too old. And there are enough men to go around nowadays. There is no issue of half a tribe wiped out in war so a husband marries his wife's widowed sisters etc. How do muslim husbands in modern justify having a polygamy/harem where there is often no real basis other than lust? Why cannot good muslim husbands support widows through financial assistance without sex and marriage as in exchange? The fact is most non muslims wives I would prefer their husband to have an affair, while using protection, or open relationships rather than polygamy. A husband marrying a mistress while being married with them, and having children with the mistress (now wife) can absolutely be detremental to the mental health of children and an environment with sexual competition and jealousy between wives is not beneficial for raising children, that is a reason why monogamy came to be: to invest more finances on less children. in additon, the relationship is often not equal at all. The husband can make his wives compete for him, and have a favorite wife, leading to emotional and physical neglect. But he his not punished. To me, it just seems a practice that can have loopholes for abuse, should have far stricter rules under law other than just convincing women to put up with it for their children, reputation, and because "all men are like this" no they are not.
@@JahannamHellfire. they are allowed to. But a good man who fully takes full responsibility will be carefully before doing that because they understand what it entails
You are truly a strong woman , why are you making excuses , your husband was not faithful and that was the reason you were so upset . The main fight is that he is involved with another woman . No one can blame you . Instead of concentrating on making your marriage better he’s getting involved with another woman . You’re not addressing the main issue that he is involved with another woman . No religion tells you to be miserable every day . Marriage is supposed to be a sanctuary , it’s supposed to give you relief and calmness . This is torture , he is torturing you by bringing another woman into your life . I’m sorry you are going through this . It should not be constant work and stress to be married this is wrong . He created the problem why are you defending him . He is a womanizer that is a character flaw , inexcusable .
it's so hardwired into the culture to treat men like kings and push down womens complaints and sadness for the "good of family unit" and so fathers will side with their son in law, especially if he is also a polygamist.
I totally agree. I feel so bad for these women. They're getting brainwashed. Staying miserable just because of 'regilion' or 'family'. I'm glad i rannnnn for my life. I left my ex and that was the BEST DECISION of my life. These African men really need to learn how to treat women. What you give women is what you get. This man clearly doesn't know how to treat his wife. I feel bad for her seriously. And i never listen to family i listen to myself cos only ME knows what hell I'm going through! And I'm not being defensive. I'm very HAPPY BEING A SINGLE MOM!
Sooo wait… she was ready to leave because of infidelity and then he shows up with a second wife? But in Islam can there be infidelity if polygamy is allowed?
@@natashamazzie3177 yeah, you're not supposed to cheat either. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. So yeah, you might find à woman that you like and want to marry her that you didn't do anything sexual with *It can happen* but your first wife has to agree to it. If not they either divorse or he choses his first wife. I honestly wouldn't agree to a second wife soo.. Idk what I would do in that situation.
I just loved this. Topics people are not comfortable talking about. But hardships in a relationship are normal. You have to be patient and try to always be the bigger person.. Thank u for the video my love ❤❤❤
My dear there is so much to learn. Look out for my next video this Friday and hopefully u will understand. I already have a book and my author is greater than a man. N trust me when I tell u, I am in a good place right now that I wish for many others to reach. If you can show me one man who is perfect I will look for that book.
@@saydacamara1231 Don’t mind such comments sis, they doesn’t know the beauty of having family and they thing everything is easy to just throw out in that way. May Allah SWT bless your marriage❤️
it is hard to ask for a divorce, and even harder to look for one. There's a reason Allah allowed divorce. I feel like he's getting a free pass to everything. Anyone should be allowed to leave the house anytime. This is controlling behaviour. This is abusive. It is so interesting how your inlaws found their son perfect, and you were asked to compromise. And why does a woman NEED to return to her parents? He never gave you an option to live as a single mom alone. For you to ask for a perfect man is wrong, obviously. But imperfect humans need to acknowledge their wrongdoings. And I see only you doing that.
No one forced me to stay any my marriage, I was only advised by those close to me cause they saw no flaw in the marriage but who I became. Plus my husband had no issue with me walking away if that’s what I wanted. Ur missing the point, listen again carefully
@@saydacamara1231 the main point is I dont have your strength to deal with things. It takes a lot of courage to admit your shortcomings and I wouldn't have had the strength to deal with it.
Please DO NOT add music it is annoying and doesnt add but only takes away from the gravity of what you are saying Thank you for this In the end when u rely on anything other than Allah you will be disappointed This duniya is designed to break you
I’m from the Midwest and I’m married to someone from West Africa. I’ve never had so much turmoil in a relationship in my life! Arguments abound no emotional closeness; I’m at my wits end and up to the gils! I’m tired I’m a great looking woman and more than that a good woman I deserve better
The lesson here is that, there's is no true love on Earth.The only true love is between a mother and a child.Always be logic wen u are getting married.Dont use feelings, don't force love on a man.Dont be desperate.Choose wisely.Choose a hot guy with money.Period.😊😊😊😊😊.I rest my case
I went from watching the spinach sauce to binge watching. This resonates with me so much. I am about to get married InshaAllah and we have been arguing. And it’s mainly because i am such a bullhead. But your transparency is allowing me to really reflect. I need to slow down and be kind. Thank you for this. Truly. Jzk!
Wow your talks are real sister. May you continue to do the good work. You very lucky to have someone to advise you iv never had anyone to advise me tru my journey of marriage had to discover alot of things myself.
Why divorces occur most of the time because we get married to the wrong people. We are not able to accept the other person for who they are and most of the time relatives are not there to help you beacause they have problems of their own,and maybe one of you doesn't like the involvement of family members to interfere in the relationship,as for me i personally don't like family interference in my personal life .most importnat thing is to be patient and if things head for the worse seek a divorce and move on .
May I what aspect of religion was your father referring to because I was always under the impression you do have the right to leave. Even if he’s not satisfying you sexually you can leave.
The right to leave is there but be sure your reason is strong enough and it is not just a test of patience. Also refer back to what ur main reason for entering a marriage was in the first place and not what ur reason is now for leaving
What profound words of wisdom you shared. I had to learn this very thing; specifically patience and how to forgive in the 10 years with my partner. Without it, we would’ve lost each other. In the beginning, we were inseparable then at times became each other’s worst enemies. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. Breaking the reality of our fairy tale was gut-wrenching and had to come to terms with each other’s humanity. But learning these things made us better people and deepened our love and trust in ways words can’t describe. PS - Here in America, guidance like this is hard to find. Division, egotism, and hate is promoted more than real love. So it’s nice to hear someone else speak on this.
You’re right sis, so much negative and no patience. I’m not surprised anymore that western have so much divorce. Not gonna lie feminist mess the families
Babe loved this, I pray this helps people. I have seen many marriages break because of getting the wrong advice from their own family. You are very luck your dad wasn't supportive over your decision but rather he was blunt and honest with you, we tend to overlook our own kids as perfect individuals and their better half the wrong ones, I wish more parents realize that not always their kids are right. May Allah bless your marriage always dear. Appreciate your great wisdom.
Mrs sayda how are you. My advice to you and every single person who wants to get married is. Do not get into relationship unless you know everything about the person who you will marry. There are many things you have to know about the person before you make any step. Here are some information and it's very important know about it 1- the first step is you must know him very well and deeply. 2- The way how his talking with others. 3- Does he have full respect with others. 4- does he have a good job that he can manage on you and your kids in the future. 5- Is he good enough in his religion and does he afraid from Allah. 6- Does he have a good reputation outside with others. 7- And the most important thing is does he loves your parents. If all those informations are correct 100% then you will have 100% perfect husband
I’ve been in my marriage now for 27 years and can tell you it’s truly rough. Alhamdulillah, I never had to deal with infidelity. But there are other things outside of infidelity that can take a toll on a relationship for sure. Patience is key along with OPEN communication. Every relationship, and I mean EVERY single one, romantic or otherwise comes with conflict. Why? Because no two people are the same. What is important is the choice in dealing with the other person. The good, bad, and ugly. The choice of willingness to accept them for them. No matter what. Some people indeed are meant to be in your life temporarily and others for the long haul. You just have to have the wisdom to know the difference. It’s not easy to identify. But it’s crucial. We definitely ALL make mistakes for SURE. But we definitely have to decide what mistakes we are willing endure from others. For example, infidelity can effect the life of the person that did not make that particular mistake in a way that cannot be reversed. So having patience with that betrayal won’t clear the threat if it continues. Also, when it comes to Islam (I’m Muslim) infidelity is often treated differently depending on who has committed the egregious act. Men are often forgiven (it’s actually encouraged for women to do so), women on the other hand are often NOT, even being shunned from the community/families on both sides. Interesting isn’t it. Also, SOME men use their right of polygamy in Islam and become serial marriage & divorcés whilst only intending to quench their sexual desires. And the divorced woman who had children are often left as single mothers with no support. In closing, know your worth, always work on your relationships, no matter what kind. And you can’t make anyone do right by you (it’s their choice), but you definitely CAN decide how often you [let] them do you wrong.
WOW! I learned a lot from your story Saida. I think these hardships are blessings from Allah which without them we will never be better. Thank you so much for sharing this important story.
Coming from a broken family, I always pray not to make the same mistakes as my parents. Even though I didn't realize it for a long time, I now know that it has affected who I am today. Thank you so much for sharing this video! I'll need it for future references In shaa Allah 😊 & May Allah keep on strengthening your marriage and make it easy, Ameen.❤️
Sis, I also liked this sister's story because I am came from very strong family, my mom and dad are still married, 33 years now. But I am married to a man who's parents were divorced before he was born, and grew up without two parents staying together. He is today 35 years and still carrying the setbacks and weakness on his shoulder, and I am paying the prize. So I want for my children the amazing life that I grew up with.
@@muznacalasow2536 Carrying the setbacks isn't going to help because in reality, we are not our parents and we have the opportunity to make different choices. Our goal should be to find peace and healing. May Allah grant you both have a long-lasting marriage, Ameen.
Thank you so much. Thanks a ton because no one will or can say such truths. Your trials made you wise and the way you share this wisdom helps people to live wisely.
Masha Allah, you have a very respectful father and father in law. May Allah bless them and your family with barakah and ghayr in shaa Allah. Shukran for sharing these gems of wisdom. May Allah bless you with great health do that you can keep on giving us such gems about marriage.
You're amazing but divorce isn't forbidden or haram in Islam. It's just not preferred at all, so the one must be patient and try their best to make their marriage work
but here's the thing: you have a kid, maybe you're afraid to live alone, your family isn't taking you back, and with limited options, you put yourself at peace of mind, so props to you for making that decision. And ppl in long relationships respect and communicate and accept each others' flaws. Respect is important.
Thank you for sharing this. I am sure so many of us needed to hear this. It’s easy to blame others for how we react but we don’t understand that we are responsible for how we feel. May Allah make our marriages easy and beautiful.
You are a righteous woman, jua kwamba katika kila jambo na katika mambo yote Mungu anakusudi njema. God will see you through. Thank you for your honesty and for being vulnerable, you do not know how many people you are helping. God bless you mom. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Salaamalaikum. Being a Palmist I have noticed a lot in your Palm. You talk with your hands moving and your Palm can be read. You are right that you too have made mistakes like him. Sorry to say that I notice nothing wrong being humble loving and kind. Keep you feet on the ground and be simple. You ARE a wonderful person. Do not complicate your life seeking attention from him all the time. Give a lot and you will get a lot. I pray Duas for happiness for both of you. You both are made for each other. Take life easily . Salaams
Mixted marriage need more energy and more patient than marriage of locals wallahi . Those who says love is blind have reason , when we love we became blind. We don't care and we don't ask our selves the serious questions . Till we get inside the marriage at that time we wake up and see the reality of marriage and understand that marriage is about patient and sacrifice and the help of Allah, those 3 things are those who help the couples to stay fo long years together. Marriage is patient . You are not alone who suffered from polygamy every single day women are suffering from the same thing . It's very hard but every human being has his own test , there is other hard tests than polygamy in marriage . (There is a verse in the qur'an witch sayes , some times we can hate some thing or it's better for us some times we can love some thing or it's bad for us ) so take it in the positive way and put all your faith in Allah , listen to your family and you will never fall in shaa Allah , bi idhnillah . it's better for a man to be in a halal relationship than haram one . Allah will reward every women for her patient. Secondly you have to know that west African men and polygamy are twins , it's in their blood , it's in their cultural . I don't know how to explain to you but polygamy in west Africa is like an obligation. We teach men and women about polygamy before any thing in islam in their houses.... it's something than every man have to do in order to be seing that he is real man in their culture. You can find a man who doesn't have a very simple job who has 4 women wallahi . How ? and Why ? Allahu A3lam. They don't take a 2, 3 or 4 because the first one is ugly or don't take care of her or something like that no it's in their culture to be polygamy, to be a real man we have to get married at least with two girls my sister 🤣🤣🤣, Guinean, Senegalese,Malian, burkina Faso, Togo... the majority of west African men love, respect and practice polygamy because it's in their culture , it's in their blood before taking about islam . That is the reality, they will not tell you that it's islam who give us the right to do it but it's in their blood and culture. And then every strange man have to have a spouse in his own country or in his village . It's can be her cousin ... It's in their culture again . Even if he is already get married and have children. One day hia family can remember him that he have to follow his culture and get married with a local or a member of his family. So i wish you be patient , to have a lot of energy and i wish you all the best . There are so many mysterious things that we have to learn and know before getting married with an other African like us or any other human being from any country in this world . Learning more about local realities ....because Every culture is so special and have his own reality, there are some reality that i can't right them here . Thanks to Islam this the best religion witch come to join us . Women of East Africa are not like any other women in the world, their are so sensible, fragile ,soft... and East African culture is so special because it's combine so many culture is the same times so people of East Africa especially Tanzania and Kenya are so special and specific . They know more about love and need more love than others. I 'm so sorry for what's happen to you , becaus in west Africa polygamy is something very normal, it's like water to drink. We are all African but every African country has his specificity. Our religion is doing a good job to unify us but some times culture can be strong . May Allah increase your iman, guide you in the right path and bring so much love and peace between you and your husband and children. Say always Al hamdulillah anla kulli hal . There are worst which can happen to women than polygamy . Marriage is not a joke, it's some thing realy serious . May Allah bless all marriages (mixted and local ) in put mawada and rahma between spouses and brides . Be blessed my sister 😍🤩❤.
another person is not a trash but a human you cannt throw them out because of your insecurities, thats why divorce rate is so high in US.. now husband marrying 2nd time is a hard one, i cant imagine simply
Thank you so much for volunteer the message ‘of your life and what you have been up through ,but please believe me ‘you have given me an accurate message as an example, of what situation am i going through in my relationship, with my wife ryt now ‘am gonna share this story with her ‘being honestly you’ve just saved my marriage Sayda ,Thank you for the message’ My pleasure hearing from you ‘patience Sabr is the key for any success story. ❤️🙏🏼
I don't have much to say apart from saying you had a great father-in-law may Allah be pleased with him and i love your father intelligence and stepping a father cause I could have told you something similar to his words. Majority of women switch to defensive mode when it comes to this situation even our mothers may ALLAH be pleased with them they had these behaviours of opposing the prophet to marry another wife but later life in peace and harmony because it's the way of finding mercy and peace. I hope others will learn from your videos and take the advice of your late father-in-law and your father cause I can't say how powerful there words are but Allah has something better in your marriage. Camera is one lucky brother
Its our responsibility to ensure that our brothers and sisters get the right information and the right values. Most of us follow what we see in the modern culture and at the end cause damage in our own lives. Its time to change the world for the better
@@saydacamara1231 Salaam. Great comment, Alhamdullilah. I believe the pressures in Western culture emphasizes impatience and conflict then eventual divorce. And brothers and sisters need to be very strategic with the marriages as they live in this time of Ahir Zaman. Thank you for the content beloved.
Girl I almost cried for you. .. my dear, I read about men like your husband in my classes. Something is fundamentally wrong with this guy. Is not okay.. please don't sacrifice your life, happiness for a so-called test. Your mother didn't give birth to you to suffer.
This is not always the case, sorry. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and only one person to file for divorce. If you are married to soneone that is not willing to work with (accept reality/ see the good in the other person / be grateful rather than feeling like they are a victim) the reality of what a real marriage is like, rather than the bs of Walt Disney and netflix, you will be stuck in a dead "marriage". I used to think like you, not anymore.
Married life is not easy my sister. But if your searching for next husband plz thing twice before you take any step. Especially now you have kids and they are still young. Make sure that the next husband is going to love your kids and he can take care on them in happiness and sickness. After that follow my advice. Inshaallah may Allah always keep you in happiness and safely with your babies yaarab
Everyone has a challenge in life that Allah tests us with. Be patient and this will be a good thing for you. May Allah reward you. And guide us all to be better ( you , your husband , the whole family , the ummah ) ameen.
Sister - this is great advice for Muslimahs. I do NOT encourage my brothers to marry Divorce's because of what you say; they're unpleasant to be around..and they've already failed a mission...why take them on to fail in your life?
I actually didn't get the message of the video. You were upset and not feeling well in your marriage. And your father told you to be patient and stay with him. In order to say be patient, we need to know why you were complaining. Islam doesn't say that you have to STAY with the person because you choose the person. You don't know anyone unless you live with the person under the same roof. So it's not true that religion says we HAVE stay unhappy in a marriage. Yes, we can be patient and try to find solutions, but if things doesn't change, then something is wrong. You done have to be PERFECT to make your spouse happy. And sometimes kids have it better without a toxic relationship. Patience is rewarded highly in Islam but Allah made divorce halal and a way out. My advice is talk to a scholar and someone with knowledge and not get advice from here and there.
Poor girl.after all this suffering with your husband he even married another woman .That is why probably he behaved the way he did.He just wanted someone else.Now you don t need to strive to be the perfect wife (the wife he wanted)You can relax😀But I can t stop not to say that you deserve better.I think your husband is a narcissist.Brainwashed you and make you think is your fault.Now,to protect yourself being hurt you created your own reality where everything is just fine . And if it is not,is your fault again.
This sounds awful. You changing your whole self for him? I would rather be bymyself. Think of your mental health. He sounds nassaasistic! Boy bye
A woman doesnt have to stay in a polygymaous marraige. You can divorce if you want. Dont make your life harder than it already is.
If a person breaks your trust that means they aren't trust worthy. So don't trust them. Oh, and he was ugly anyway.
Perfect timing for me and my household... Our story sounds exactly like yours Queen. I’m crying happy tears knowing that we can make it work too... Just started following your channel about a week ago and you have been an inspiring Angel with your honest and candid lessons. Thanks a million, I’m very hopeful once again💪🏿
If you were my wife, I wouldn’t bring another woman to our marriage.. this guy doesn’t deserve you Walahi .. sorry 😢
Ittakhillah akhi taking a second wife does not equate to you not loving your first wife, that is not an islamic perspective.
I find that a great deal of Muslim men use the words of the Qur'an to justify their abuse towards women it's very shameful..The most crazy thing is marriage is 50 percent of our religion...people should consider our beloved prophet .saw..when he was asked by his daughters husband about marrying again..its no problem marrying two but fairness is unfortunately some brothers problem..They never consider the pain that they will put women through..may Allah swt give everyone a greater understanding...Ameen
That’s what most men say when in the beginning but they end up doing it
@@zeezeebo true
My husband also he just got married without informing me I’m very sad and I don’t know what to do right now i don’t know I need advice I don’t know if I can accept it or not my mind now is blank don’t know what to do.😥🥺😔
Why is it women that have to have patience, why cannot men work on themselves to control their desires?
Both Women and men will be tested in their patience in different areas of their lives. This message is applicable to both genders
@@saydacamara1231 correct both husband and wife will be tested on patience. But why is it gender specific? There is a lot of research showing biologically sexual jealousy is natural for both men and women. But only muslim women must have patience when their man strays and allow polygamy so he doesn't sin by cheating. If a muslim woman is attracted by another man there is no way she is allowed polyandry with more than one man. If Allah really wants or allows 4 wives to a man, why are there so many first wives unhappy? Maybe you are happy, but research shows first wived are often not actually happy, but they feel they have no choice. The fact is, many Muslim men seem to be cherry picking parts of Quran to suit their needs. Polygyny back then used to be about tribalism, a man having many wives and children to defend his tribe. Or, the helping widows and orphans financially after wars: ua-cam.com/video/ypVJuM7h7PA/v-deo.html. What I'm trying to say is that polygamy is a very old institution that predates Islam, and has some justification. In a society in which females cannot take care of themselves, they are better off sharing a male than they would be alone. Polygamy is the result of that. But now, the men in involved in polygamy are not 1. Part of tribes 2. There is welfare so there is no real need to support widows by marrying them. A most most muslim husbands are not marrying a widow with a child if she is sexually unatttactive or too old. And there are enough men to go around nowadays. There is no issue of half a tribe wiped out in war so a husband marries his wife's widowed sisters etc. How do muslim husbands in modern justify having a polygamy/harem where there is often no real basis other than lust? Why cannot good muslim husbands support widows through financial assistance without sex and marriage as in exchange? The fact is most non muslims wives I would prefer their husband to have an affair, while using protection, or open relationships rather than polygamy. A husband marrying a mistress while being married with them, and having children with the mistress (now wife) can absolutely be detremental to the mental health of children and an environment with sexual competition and jealousy between wives is not beneficial for raising children, that is a reason why monogamy came to be: to invest more finances on less children. in additon, the relationship is often not equal at all. The husband can make his wives compete for him, and have a favorite wife, leading to emotional and physical neglect. But he his not punished. To me, it just seems a practice that can have loopholes for abuse, should have far stricter rules under law other than just convincing women to put up with it for their children, reputation, and because "all men are like this" no they are not.
I divorced my husband because of polygamy marriages!!!
Men who get second wife also get 3, and 4 wife!!!
@@JahannamHellfire. they are allowed to. But a good man who fully takes full responsibility will be carefully before doing that because they understand what it entails
You are truly a strong woman , why are you making excuses , your husband was not faithful and that was the reason you were so upset . The main fight is that he is involved with another woman . No one can blame you . Instead of concentrating on making your marriage better he’s getting involved with another woman . You’re not addressing the main issue that he is involved with another woman . No religion tells you to be miserable every day . Marriage is supposed to be a sanctuary , it’s supposed to give you relief and calmness . This is torture , he is torturing you by bringing another woman into your life . I’m sorry you are going through this . It should not be constant work and stress to be married this is wrong . He created the problem why are you defending him . He is a womanizer that is a character flaw , inexcusable .
it's so hardwired into the culture to treat men like kings and push down womens complaints and sadness for the "good of family unit" and so fathers will side with their son in law, especially if he is also a polygamist.
I totally agree. I feel so bad for these women. They're getting brainwashed. Staying miserable just because of 'regilion' or 'family'. I'm glad i rannnnn for my life. I left my ex and that was the BEST DECISION of my life. These African men really need to learn how to treat women. What you give women is what you get. This man clearly doesn't know how to treat his wife. I feel bad for her seriously. And i never listen to family i listen to myself cos only ME knows what hell I'm going through! And I'm not being defensive. I'm very HAPPY BEING A SINGLE MOM!
I gave this comment the boldest "PERIOD!" ever😄 Listen! You said all that needed to be heard 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Sooo wait… she was ready to leave because of infidelity and then he shows up with a second wife? But in Islam can there be infidelity if polygamy is allowed?
@@natashamazzie3177 yeah, you're not supposed to cheat either. Sex outside of marriage is a sin. So yeah, you might find à woman that you like and want to marry her that you didn't do anything sexual with *It can happen* but your first wife has to agree to it. If not they either divorse or he choses his first wife. I honestly wouldn't agree to a second wife soo.. Idk what I would do in that situation.
I just loved this. Topics people are not comfortable talking about. But hardships in a relationship are normal. You have to be patient and try to always be the bigger person..
Thank u for the video my love ❤❤❤
Thank u for the support my love ❤️Absolutely
Always here for u ❤❤❤
You deserve a better husband honestly.
A part of me still believes that you're making excuses for him. Please look at the book codependent no more.
My dear there is so much to learn. Look out for my next video this Friday and hopefully u will understand. I already have a book and my author is greater than a man. N trust me when I tell u, I am in a good place right now that I wish for many others to reach. If you can show me one man who is perfect I will look for that book.
Thank you for ur story has this incident resulted in he also choosing another wife or u already were content due to ur family history.
Indeed Muslim wives make excuses!
I hope he is rich and has bought you a home that is yours alone and you dont have to work..
@@saydacamara1231 Don’t mind such comments sis, they doesn’t know the beauty of having family and they thing everything is easy to just throw out in that way. May Allah SWT bless your marriage❤️
it is hard to ask for a divorce, and even harder to look for one. There's a reason Allah allowed divorce. I feel like he's getting a free pass to everything. Anyone should be allowed to leave the house anytime. This is controlling behaviour. This is abusive.
It is so interesting how your inlaws found their son perfect, and you were asked to compromise. And why does a woman NEED to return to her parents? He never gave you an option to live as a single mom alone.
For you to ask for a perfect man is wrong, obviously. But imperfect humans need to acknowledge their wrongdoings. And I see only you doing that.
No one forced me to stay any my marriage, I was only advised by those close to me cause they saw no flaw in the marriage but who I became. Plus my husband had no issue with me walking away if that’s what I wanted. Ur missing the point, listen again carefully
@@saydacamara1231 the main point is I dont have your strength to deal with things. It takes a lot of courage to admit your shortcomings and I wouldn't have had the strength to deal with it.
and thanks once again for sharing your stroy on the internet where so many people can be cruel
Please DO NOT add music it is annoying and doesnt add but only takes away from the gravity of what you are saying
Thank you for this
In the end when u rely on anything other than Allah you will be disappointed
This duniya is designed to break you
I’m from the Midwest and I’m married to someone from West Africa. I’ve never had so much turmoil in a relationship in my life!
Arguments abound no emotional closeness; I’m at my wits end and up to the gils!
I’m tired
I’m a great looking woman and more than that a good woman
I deserve better
I feel you girl 😢😟
Before I say more, I'd kindly like to ask where's the 'Midwest' ?
@@tokelolove7234 in America
I from the east coast and I as well was married to a west African man ...really devastated...same experiences
Before you marry the next guy, look at his parents marriage very well bcz that is probably what you can expect.
The lesson here is that, there's is no true love on Earth.The only true love is between a mother and a child.Always be logic wen u are getting married.Dont use feelings, don't force love on a man.Dont be desperate.Choose wisely.Choose a hot guy with money.Period.😊😊😊😊😊.I rest my case
😂❤️
@@AStarozzy89 Yes now😆😆😆😆.Imagine an ugly guy doing something like that to u yet he's even broke 😆😆😆
@@KevinKarlo hahahahahaha well said
Yassssss sis exactly
I like your transparency and setting the premise of that if someone is in an abusive relationship they should checkout . Good one sis!
Thank u. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
I went from watching the spinach sauce to binge watching. This resonates with me so much. I am about to get married InshaAllah and we have been arguing. And it’s mainly because i am such a bullhead. But your transparency is allowing me to really reflect. I need to slow down and be kind. Thank you for this. Truly. Jzk!
Wow your talks are real sister. May you continue to do the good work. You very lucky to have someone to advise you iv never had anyone to advise me tru my journey of marriage had to discover alot of things myself.
Why divorces occur most of the time because we get married to the wrong people. We are not able to accept the other person for who they are and most of the time relatives are not there to help you beacause they have problems of their own,and maybe one of you doesn't like the involvement of family members to interfere in the relationship,as for me i personally don't like family interference in my personal life .most importnat thing is to be patient and if things head for the worse seek a divorce and move on .
Yeah, but don't be a door mat either.
May I what aspect of religion was your father referring to because I was always under the impression you do have the right to leave. Even if he’s not satisfying you sexually you can leave.
The right to leave is there but be sure your reason is strong enough and it is not just a test of patience. Also refer back to what ur main reason for entering a marriage was in the first place and not what ur reason is now for leaving
@@saydacamara1231 Thank you so much for clarifying! Was curious and didn't know. Obviously very single over here hahaha
What profound words of wisdom you shared. I had to learn this very thing; specifically patience and how to forgive in the 10 years with my partner. Without it, we would’ve lost each other. In the beginning, we were inseparable then at times became each other’s worst enemies. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. Breaking the reality of our fairy tale was gut-wrenching and had to come to terms with each other’s humanity. But learning these things made us better people and deepened our love and trust in ways words can’t describe.
PS - Here in America, guidance like this is hard to find. Division, egotism, and hate is promoted more than real love. So it’s nice to hear someone else speak on this.
You’re right sis, so much negative and no patience. I’m not surprised anymore that western have so much divorce. Not gonna lie feminist mess the families
Intercultural marriage is emotionally challenging, be aware of cultural differences. You are not done yet, watch out, goodluck and be happy!
Babe loved this, I pray this helps people. I have seen many marriages break because of getting the wrong advice from their own family. You are very luck your dad wasn't supportive over your decision but rather he was blunt and honest with you, we tend to overlook our own kids as perfect individuals and their better half the wrong ones, I wish more parents realize that not always their kids are right. May Allah bless your marriage always dear. Appreciate your great wisdom.
Thank u for ur kind words. I pray it helps many more Inshaallah. Feel free to keep on sharing 🙏🏾
Nice video
Mrs sayda how are you.
My advice to you and every single person who wants to get married is.
Do not get into relationship unless you know everything about the person who you will marry.
There are many things you have to know about the person before you make any step.
Here are some information and it's very important know about it
1- the first step is you must know him very well and deeply.
2- The way how his talking with others.
3- Does he have full respect with others.
4- does he have a good job that he can manage on you and your kids in the future.
5- Is he good enough in his religion and does he afraid from Allah.
6- Does he have a good reputation outside with others.
7- And the most important thing is does he loves your parents.
If all those informations are correct 100% then you will have 100% perfect husband
May Allah bless your marriage. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Amen 🙏🏾 thank u for watching
I’ve been in my marriage now for 27 years and can tell you it’s truly rough. Alhamdulillah, I never had to deal with infidelity. But there are other things outside of infidelity that can take a toll on a relationship for sure.
Patience is key along with OPEN communication. Every relationship, and I mean EVERY single one, romantic or otherwise comes with conflict. Why? Because no two people are the same.
What is important is the choice in dealing with the other person. The good, bad, and ugly. The choice of willingness to accept them for them. No matter what. Some people indeed are meant to be in your life temporarily and others for the long haul. You just have to have the wisdom to know the difference. It’s not easy to identify. But it’s crucial.
We definitely ALL make mistakes for SURE. But we definitely have to decide what mistakes we are willing endure from others. For example, infidelity can effect the life of the person that did not make that particular mistake in a way that cannot be reversed. So having patience with that betrayal won’t clear the threat if it continues.
Also, when it comes to Islam (I’m Muslim) infidelity is often treated differently depending on who has committed the egregious act. Men are often forgiven (it’s actually encouraged for women to do so), women on the other hand are often NOT, even being shunned from the community/families on both sides. Interesting isn’t it. Also, SOME men use their right of polygamy in Islam and become serial marriage & divorcés whilst only intending to quench their sexual desires. And the divorced woman who had children are often left as single mothers with no support.
In closing, know your worth, always work on your relationships, no matter what kind. And
you can’t make anyone do right by you (it’s their choice), but you definitely CAN decide how often you [let] them do you wrong.
WOW! I learned a lot from your story Saida. I think these hardships are blessings from Allah which without them we will never be better. Thank you so much for sharing this important story.
Yes absolutely 🙏🏾thank you for watching
Ive seen this before but im watching it again. Makes me emotional. I miss you Sayda! 😢
Coming from a broken family, I always pray not to make the same mistakes as my parents. Even though I didn't realize it for a long time, I now know that it has affected who I am today. Thank you so much for sharing this video! I'll need it for future references In shaa Allah 😊 & May Allah keep on strengthening your marriage and make it easy, Ameen.❤️
Sis, I also liked this sister's story because I am came from very strong family, my mom and dad are still married, 33 years now. But I am married to a man who's parents were divorced before he was born, and grew up without two parents staying together. He is today 35 years and still carrying the setbacks and weakness on his shoulder, and I am paying the prize. So I want for my children the amazing life that I grew up with.
@@muznacalasow2536 Carrying the setbacks isn't going to help because in reality, we are not our parents and we have the opportunity to make different choices. Our goal should be to find peace and healing. May Allah grant you both have a long-lasting marriage, Ameen.
@@khadijalulu2166 Aamiin dear
Thank you so much. Thanks a ton because no one will or can say such truths. Your trials made you wise and the way you share this wisdom helps people to live wisely.
I dress how you want...?
Best storyteller periodt
Thank u lil sis ❤️😘
Masha Allah, you have a very respectful father and father in law. May Allah bless them and your family with barakah and ghayr in shaa Allah.
Shukran for sharing these gems of wisdom. May Allah bless you with great health do that you can keep on giving us such gems about marriage.
I love your videos saida and how honest and "not fake" typa content
Thank u so much ❤️
@@saydacamara1231 keep making videos I will always watch and all the way to the last second even if no one else does
@@rawhiyagalby7693 thank u so much for the love❤️
You're amazing but divorce isn't forbidden or haram in Islam.
It's just not preferred at all, so the one must be patient and try their best to make their marriage work
I think that's what she's driving at. Divorce should be the absolute last thing on the list not the first.
but here's the thing: you have a kid, maybe you're afraid to live alone, your family isn't taking you back, and with limited options, you put yourself at peace of mind, so props to you for making that decision.
And ppl in long relationships respect and communicate and accept each others' flaws. Respect is important.
😭I love this to be honest I am not married nor am I in a relationship but in future this will help a lot thank you sooo much for this love💕
Thank u so much for watching ❤️ please feel free to keep sharing 🙏🏾
hi , i am malaysian chinese . i just came to dar , do u have any advise ?
Thankyou for sharing this Sayda. Lots of love from Tz
Thank you Sayda this so motivating ,Mariage for sure has its ups and down .had to share the link with my wife .
Wow. Well said. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Great lessons. Today I needed to hear this...
Very very very honest !!!!!! Thanks alot !!!!! Stay Blessed !!!!!!
Thanks for sharing ❤️! And congratulations on 500+ subscribers 🎉🎉🎉 600 next!
Thanks babe ❤️❤️💃💃
Salam,sis.you are blessed may allah make your advice our ex will hear and get benefit from your advice.
Damn are you sure this wasn’t evil eye ?
Such a graceful gem of a woman 💚
Masha Allah many people need to hear this,. May Allah bless your marriage.
Amen ya rabb🙏🏾
Thank you for sharing this. I am sure so many of us needed to hear this. It’s easy to blame others for how we react but we don’t understand that we are responsible for how we feel. May Allah make our marriages easy and beautiful.
Amen ya rabb ❤️🤲🏼
Asa, sister this is a good story. Shout out to the elders for their advise.
You are a righteous woman, jua kwamba katika kila jambo na katika mambo yote Mungu anakusudi njema. God will see you through. Thank you for your honesty and for being vulnerable, you do not know how many people you are helping. God bless you mom.
God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it (1 Corinthians 10:13).
Such genuine advice Mashallah you are such an inspiration sister. May Allah swt bless you!
Maasha Allah you take the right decision. May Allah SWT bless your marriage and gave you more patience and us all.
Amen to us all 🙏🏾
That's my dialogue.. ( you changed me) thank you for D's video.. We always fight
There are no perfect people or perfect places.
Key take away.
Peace
Heyyy mtanzania❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
partners should never be a test for eachother!!! learnt the hard way.
thanks for sharing, its so important to have wise counsel of parents to help go through challenges in life
Salam.some off us left some many innocent childrens behind who are safering on our bad decision that we make and sellfish.
Salaamalaikum.
Being a Palmist I have noticed a lot in your Palm.
You talk with your hands moving and your Palm can be read.
You are right that you too have made mistakes like him.
Sorry to say that I notice nothing wrong being humble loving and kind. Keep you feet on the ground and be simple. You ARE a wonderful person. Do not complicate your life seeking attention from him all the time.
Give a lot and you will get a lot.
I pray Duas for happiness for both of you.
You both are made for each other.
Take life easily .
Salaams
Assalamualaykum Islam prohibits this. We can’t inform people about their fate or anything similar through palmistry.
Well done!
Mmh live and enjoy your life but you will never know what’s man true colours
This lets me know my ex will re-unite with me
As we say always.
Ask the experimenter and do not ask the doctor
Mixted marriage need more energy and more patient than marriage of locals wallahi . Those who says love is blind have reason , when we love we became blind. We don't care and we don't ask our selves the serious questions . Till we get inside the marriage at that time we wake up and see the reality of marriage and understand that marriage is about patient and sacrifice and the help of Allah, those 3 things are those who help the couples to stay fo long years together. Marriage is patient . You are not alone who suffered from polygamy every single day women are suffering from the same thing . It's very hard but every human being has his own test , there is other hard tests than polygamy in marriage . (There is a verse in the qur'an witch sayes , some times we can hate some thing or it's better for us some times we can love some thing or it's bad for us ) so take it in the positive way and put all your faith in Allah , listen to your family and you will never fall in shaa Allah , bi idhnillah . it's better for a man to be in a halal relationship than haram one . Allah will reward every women for her patient. Secondly you have to know that west African men and polygamy are twins , it's in their blood , it's in their cultural . I don't know how to explain to you but polygamy in west Africa is like an obligation. We teach men and women about polygamy before any thing in islam in their houses.... it's something than every man have to do in order to be seing that he is real man in their culture. You can find a man who doesn't have a very simple job who has 4 women wallahi . How ? and Why ? Allahu A3lam. They don't take a 2, 3 or 4 because the first one is ugly or don't take care of her or something like that no it's in their culture to be polygamy, to be a real man we have to get married at least with two girls my sister 🤣🤣🤣, Guinean, Senegalese,Malian, burkina Faso, Togo... the majority of west African men love, respect and practice polygamy because it's in their culture , it's in their blood before taking about islam . That is the reality, they will not tell you that it's islam who give us the right to do it but it's in their blood and culture. And then every strange man have to have a spouse in his own country or in his village . It's can be her cousin ... It's in their culture again . Even if he is already get married and have children. One day hia family can remember him that he have to follow his culture and get married with a local or a member of his family. So i wish you be patient , to have a lot of energy and i wish you all the best . There are so many mysterious things that we have to learn and know before getting married with an other African like us or any other human being from any country in this world . Learning more about local realities ....because Every culture is so special and have his own reality, there are some reality that i can't right them here . Thanks to Islam this the best religion witch come to join us . Women of East Africa are not like any other women in the world, their are so sensible, fragile ,soft... and East African culture is so special because it's combine so many culture is the same times so people of East Africa especially Tanzania and Kenya are so special and specific . They know more about love and need more love than others. I 'm so sorry for what's happen to you , becaus in west Africa polygamy is something very normal, it's like water to drink. We are all African but every African country has his specificity. Our religion is doing a good job to unify us but some times culture can be strong . May Allah increase your iman, guide you in the right path and bring so much love and peace between you and your husband and children. Say always Al hamdulillah anla kulli hal . There are worst which can happen to women than polygamy . Marriage is not a joke, it's some thing realy serious . May Allah bless all marriages (mixted and local ) in put mawada and rahma between spouses and brides . Be blessed my sister 😍🤩❤.
Thank you
Feeling sad tried so hard to stay but culture won over everything..😢
I understand you girl… 😪
another person is not a trash but a human you cannt throw them out because of your insecurities, thats why divorce rate is so high in US.. now husband marrying 2nd time is a hard one, i cant imagine simply
Muulize aliejaribu kuliko kumuuliza doctor au sio
Thank you so much for volunteer the message ‘of your life and what you have been up through ,but please believe me ‘you have given me an accurate message as an example, of what situation am i going through in my relationship, with my wife ryt now ‘am gonna share this story with her ‘being honestly you’ve just saved my marriage Sayda ,Thank you for the message’ My pleasure hearing from you ‘patience Sabr is the key for any success story. ❤️🙏🏼
Absolutely, wishing you all the best
Thanks for sharing and this made me subscribe as I see how genuine you are.
Love this sister!
MashaAllah
I don't have much to say apart from saying you had a great father-in-law may Allah be pleased with him and i love your father intelligence and stepping a father cause I could have told you something similar to his words.
Majority of women switch to defensive mode when it comes to this situation even our mothers may ALLAH be pleased with them they had these behaviours of opposing the prophet to marry another wife but later life in peace and harmony because it's the way of finding mercy and peace.
I hope others will learn from your videos and take the advice of your late father-in-law and your father cause I can't say how powerful there words are but Allah has something better in your marriage.
Camera is one lucky brother
Its our responsibility to ensure that our brothers and sisters get the right information and the right values. Most of us follow what we see in the modern culture and at the end cause damage in our own lives. Its time to change the world for the better
So true sister Allah will guide us to the right path ameen.
The western culture ain't for everyone it's more of an illusion than reality
@@saydacamara1231 Salaam. Great comment, Alhamdullilah. I believe the pressures in Western culture emphasizes impatience and conflict then eventual divorce. And brothers and sisters need to be very strategic with the marriages as they live in this time of Ahir Zaman. Thank you for the content beloved.
Thanks so much for sharing. Full of wisdom
Thank you so much sister
Masha Allah, your are amazing girl
Girl I almost cried for you. .. my dear, I read about men like your husband in my classes. Something is fundamentally wrong with this guy. Is not okay.. please don't sacrifice your life, happiness for a so-called test. Your mother didn't give birth to you to suffer.
God is not a creation, he is the Creator
Mashallah you are great 👍🏻❤
Thanks for sharing your story. I wonder if the parents advised your husband too?
Yes they did too
This is not always the case, sorry. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and only one person to file for divorce. If you are married to soneone that is not willing to work with (accept reality/ see the good in the other person / be grateful rather than feeling like they are a victim) the reality of what a real marriage is like, rather than the bs of Walt Disney and netflix, you will be stuck in a dead "marriage". I used to think like you, not anymore.
I love this channel. Makes me feel like im not alone
Hey Sayda 🍎 Your Stars of Heaven (astrology) would have told You that You have choosing the wrong Person for marriage.
Mashaa Allah long life for both of u dear.. apriciate the story
Thank u 🙏🏾 and same to you my dear
You are a strong women
Thank u hbbty ❤️❤️
Love this video ! So much to learn
Thank u for watching ❤️please keep sharing
JAZAKALLAHU KHAIR Saida. There is so much wisdom in here.
And may Allah continue to shower his blessings on you and your husband, and your entire family, may He grant your father in law Al janatul fridaus
Ma sha Allah
I learnt somethin like fo real
wise words
Can I be your friend 😛nimekupenda bure
We already are
you r such a strong woman saida may Allah bless ur marriage may u be a happy family ever in shaa Allah❤️❤️❤️
Amen ya rabb to us all habibty❤️❤️
thank you SAIDA
My pleasure ❤️
Hi nimeipenda sana stori yako.
Married life is not easy my sister.
But if your searching for next husband plz thing twice before you take any step.
Especially now you have kids and they are still young.
Make sure that the next husband is going to love your kids and he can take care on them in happiness and sickness.
After that follow my advice.
Inshaallah may Allah always keep you in happiness and safely with your babies yaarab
Everyone has a challenge in life that Allah tests us with. Be patient and this will be a good thing for you. May Allah reward you. And guide us all to be better ( you , your husband , the whole family , the ummah ) ameen.
Sister - this is great advice for Muslimahs. I do NOT encourage my brothers to marry Divorce's because of what you say; they're unpleasant to be around..and they've already failed a mission...why take them on to fail in your life?
So automatically, it’s her fault?
Mashaa Allah thank You so so much
Mashallaaah harusi ilikua pambe ... mipango ya Mungu kipenzi hata usijali Sana