As a woman manager and business owner, I have had to learn how to communicate smartly with male contractors and staff. Your points on positive affirmations, really work well with men. I also learned that negative feedback should never be done in front of others.
Thank you!! I watched your talk from very beginning till the end and enjoy it so much! I now know a lot about myself and how to evolve from my relationship.
I love how you explain in layman terms so that the average person can understand. Being married for 30 years and still working at better communication. These truths have been around whether a person agrees or not. Great material!
the reaction on comments here shows up one thing: if you explain complexe themes in a simple way to people ,they suffer for so long. they won´t accept it, cause it says to them , shit i could have done something about it. and i did´nt. what a mess! better i blame the man who give this information to me, so i can stay in where i was, and nothing has to change...
I'm a woman but I don't relate to a lot of this. I am not emotional at all unless something makes me happy. People are always shocked at my emotional stability in that I don't get overly upset or overly emotional over negative stuff that even men would think is big (I've had a 3-day notice on my rent, my daughter was in the hospital so I had missed an excessive amount of work and am a single mother and had my ex-husband was threatening me and I still felt like it was nothing I couldn't handle and instinctively knew that it would be okay- and it was.) I was stalked for a year and under a tremendous amount of stress. I guess I really just believe that there isn't anything that can happen that I couldn't get through and still be okay (as long as it doesn't kill me). I like to take emotional inventory, so I don't bury emotions, but I truly don't sweat the small stuff- it's not that big of a deal. I don't do the straw that broke the camel's back thing because I don't prescribe intent when people do things that bother me. I'm extremely nurturing though and cry when things bring me joy so I don't feel like I live on my masculine side.
I put the following elsewhere in the comments, but I want you to see it. You are not alone. I think John Gray wrote his book back in the day when people were first learning the huge impact that our hormones play. From our current perspective, to me anyway, it sounds like a way of excusing and reinforcing traditional roles. He got his Ph.D. in psychology through a correspondence program from Columbia Pacific University in Callifornia (never an accredited university, although state approved until it went defunct). He grew up with Christian parents who also endorsed eastern beliefs and yogic practice (all of which can be fine, but can also be very conservative when it comes to gender roles).
Here's what I wrote earlier: Not sure about all of this. Just because he can get people in the audience to raise their hands to affirm what he's saying doesn't make it true. He seems like a product of the 1950's & 60's who believes men and women have specific roles to play, and he justifies this by talking about male and female hormone levels. But correlation is not causation. He basically said that women won't shut up until men give them their dose of oxytocin, so go ahead men, give them a hug or acknowledgment, and that's how you can shut them up. It's as if he's missing the point that if ANYONE is trying to be heard, you have to listen and acknowledge and really hear them so that you can have a good relationship (not shut them up). He may have some interesting points to keep in mind, but his entire attitude about this (that our psychology is based in our hormones rather than in actual events and behaviour) is not something I can endorse. That approach leads to gender stereotyping and the "boys will be boys" excuses. No thanks! Give me a professionally trained psychologist any day who hasn't formed their own ideas by digging into their own stereotypes, but rather is trained according to the results of valid, reliable, significant studies.
Kimberley, if you listened at all to the whole of this lecture you would find that John spent most of his life doing original research and observation on social behaviour of people in all parts of the world. But you prefer to listen to armchair "experts" trained in "elite" universities mainly by book learning from the thoughts of others? Universities around the world but particularly in the US are being outed now for their groupthink leftist ideology. If you think the many childless women leaders in their imitation male thinking are doing any sort of a good job in keeping the world safe I have a lovely big bridge to sell you. Women now are being taken over and ousted by males pretending to have female "gender". But you go girlfriend in your deluded leftist ideology in thinking that this brilliant man is somehow wrong.
@@kimberleybrown8076there are many books he wrote and he made as well a new version which is called beyond mars and venus about the problems that come with the new way of lifestyle and habits. its all based on real studies they did about hormonproduction. you sound also like too less estrogen.. sorry if it offends you ❤
I was falling in love with John Gray and what he was saying about relationships was really resonating with me, then kind of suddenly at 57:50 he started to sounding a little Alex Jonesy when he went on a tangent about mass-shootings, antidepressants and ADHD. I'd have to have a closer look at his arguments on the topic and the evidence he's aggregated before really making a judgement, but it really feels like he's going out on a limb there blaming ADD on lack of glutathione and implying it can be "cured" with "natural remedies" like vitamin C and grape seed extract. That being said, I'd still say his advice on relationships is worth listening to.
I think what he's saying is that ADD isn't so much an illness that is to be cured by a magical pill , but rather that changing our behavior will do more to solve it. So much children get stamped "ADHD" and put on these pills, which they don't really need. Same for anti-depression drugs. In short : look at the actual causes, and find a structural way to solve them, rather than suppressing the symptoms with drugs.
+K. De Metter Exactly what we are seeing throughout history isn't consistent with our most recent century. Our whole way of interacting as genders, our food, our homes, each other as social groups. We don't get headaches because we lack acetaminophen in our blood streams, we don't have indigestion because we lack Pepto Bismol or any of the ingredients of it. So somehow when we get ADHD or other systemic problems like this we are missing or have an over abundance of some biologically reactive chemical we may or may not be producing ourselves. Completely STRUCTURAL as you put it. Awesome.
So just like children they want to be seen, heard, understood, and appreciated. Mars Venus 💞💗 helped me out incredibly to understand what was wrong in my household, I was the man in the house from an early childhood. The alcoholic man was a horrible person. Not always maybe. He really, my stepdad, really hated me.
This is absolutely the case. This is illustrated by this question about perception. Place a glass with a drink on a table and ask the people, let's say 8, how many glasses are on this table. Enevitably most people , or all, will say one glass. Unless they intuitively guess it's a question about perception then the probably would say eight glasses. There are 8 perceptions or perspectives on this drink. A few individuals would actually say 9 if especially the person who brought the drink. A another might notice 4 other people in the room looking at the glass and say 13. Physically there is one glass one problem one painting etc But the lense of perception would possibly present as msny different objects as observers. With synchronicity , intuitive empathy, there may be many seeing the same object. Sometimes to the same individual the sane object might appear different depending on thought or mood. Learning something new might possibly change the perception.
I worked outside constantly and ran in the woods and fields, in the summers no shoes no shirt swimming in the sun, no chemicals. I would slowly get sick every school year beginning in Junior High. In side so much, artificial light. The myth of cold weather, rain, snow, causing illness, or vulnerability to illness.
I'm amazed by the amount of negativity in the comments section. This guy is so insightful and the information is so practical, yet they just don't get it. It's as though their brain is in a jam and all they see is negative, negative, negative. Not enough vitamins in their brains. Need to eat more fresh vegies and fruit, people. If you eat crap and surround yourself with toxic chemicals, your brain don't work very well and you can't see and use the solutions when they're put right in front of you like this guy is doing.
You cannot tell people their brain isn't functioning right just because they have a different opinion. That's just very wrong, narrow minded, patronising, judgemental. What do you know about their diet?? Your comment is nuts
Not true. When women take care of themselves, beautify and take some me time, it does make us feel better. John grays books made me realize what sort of men NOT to tolerate
We need each other. But we can not tell each other how to be. Its like hot and cold. They can never become the same, yet they exist because of their relationship to the other.
I think the Katharine Hepburn quote "sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then" is truer now than ever. Basically "use" each other for sex and security, not emotional gratification :)
how do you find a husband like this guy? if he was several decades younger and single, I would be interested in marrying him. He's not good looking but boy he understands what's going on.
The woman and women in my life 💖 have a problem with creating problems that need to be solved, and messes that need cleaning up, massive lists of chores, also fill my mind with all thier fears and consequence. Concerns. Except when women perceive neediness in a man or weakness they often will resent and destroy that man. This is very serious and accurate. Thankfully Israel has the Bible. The Ten Commandments of God, and the further 10 Commandments of Jesus, made for a perfect environment, perfect relationship with God, and relationship with others.
That's because she's stressed. It's what a woman does when she's carrying a lot of stress. Do things which reduce her stress level. In this talk John Gray tells you EXACTLY what women need for their stress levels to be reduced, so you can't plead ignorance as an excuse. If you do things which help her to reduce her level of stress, she will stop berating you. It's not complicated, it's just different to you. As he says, what reduces stress in women is different to what reduces stress in men. Learn what reduces stress in women!
@@heathergrahame9647 this is true. One of the biggest problems for us men in getting to that point is the idea that we have to do something to reduce your stress when your behaviour appears to be attacking. If I work hard for my wife and tick 99% of the boxes and are then berated for the 1% then I kinda prefer to hang out on my own. I would have been happy with on 20%, so the lack of acknowledgement for the positive and the negative focus on a small, and relatively unimportant issue just cones over as incredibly unattractive and ungrateful. I can do some listening of course but there comes a point where I am not really sure what the issue is, or why what I have been doing seems so unwelcome, despite discussing and agreeing to it beforehand. Yes. Just listening. Silence. It is almost impossible to follow. (My wife is Colombian and all tbis is in Spanish, so when she gets emotional and critical she speaks so fast that can not understand a word. It's not that I am not listening, and I have gone 100% to her side, so the relationship is all conducted in her language, and so if she can not meet me half way and at least speak clearly and slowly enough to understand, then I am not sure why I am just listening to someone firing off noise at me for doing something 99% right! I keep pleading with her. She just roles her eyes and views me with contempt if I mention that I can not follow her at that speed. I can offer English, or well pronounced, clear Spanish where I get to ask questions and look words up...but that would require work from her.....so needless to say, I have no idea how to solve this unless she will help.
@@manreclaimed232 You're allow to select a partner, just like you're allowed to select an employee. If she was your employee, how would you "let her go"? You could suggest that there's probably a more suitable job (ie relationship) for her elsewhere where she's much happier. Encourage her to go. Maybe she's just staying in the relationship because she feels she has to, and is blaming you for keeping her there. Let her go! Tell her it's fine for her to go and find a relationship where she's happier. At the very least, it would be interesting to see what her reaction is. She will either value more the relationship she has or she will go off and find another man - who will also not like her negative attitude ... and maybe after a few relationships like that, she might learn that no one wants to be around someone who has a negative attitude, regardless of whether they're male or female. Best of luck to you.
@@heathergrahame9647 She is like this for approx 25% of the month. It comes in cycles. (I am not necessarily sugges5ting a correlation with other cycles in all cases. But to me, in this case there is one! So I have learned to enjoy the 75%, and then get busy outside or in my office or somewhere else during those times. Listening without understanding, and with no commitment to clarify and be understood just seems like a waste of time, but I do love her and I am just learning not to try too hard to make her happy and to spend more time to make myself a better person. I usually kind drift off into my own thoughts when she starts because unless she wants to be understood, and communicates accordingly there is really not much I can do about it. Thanks for your suggestions. Yes, been there too. I lived in Latin America 14 years and before I was married, I met some really firey women who yes, I would say were pschycologicaly ill and often physically violent. I had to let them go because their violence was going to either put me in hospital or prison for defending myself. Thank goodness that is in the past! Cheers to that!
@@manreclaimed232 I highly recommend the following video. It talks about two important things: making peace with where you are and looking for the best in where you are. Hope you like it ua-cam.com/video/LV4D1BrBnJI/v-deo.html
If I ask him if he wants to go out to dinner tonight, it's because I really want to know if he wants to go to dinner. Otherwise I will just say, "I feel like going out to dinner tonight. We should go. :)"
Ok... Let's get this straight: According to John, women need to make sure they don't sabatoge relationships at work and at home. They need to be nurturing. Problem solving doesn't come naturally to them and actually stresses them out. They need to let their man isolate himself and not try to "interfere with his testosterone restoration process," their own well being and needs be damned. Their "Venution language is convoluted and illogical..." - I could go on. John says some insightful things about both sexes, sure, but they are hidden under piles of sexism... blatant sexism. In John's perfect world, a woman lets a man do, think, act, and be however he wants while her needs are fulfilled by "nurturing him." In this world, a man comes home from work and his wife does too, she cleans the house and makes him dinner while he watches TV so he can "recharge his testosterone." This is apparently good for the man and the woman. Well, isn't that convenient?! As a man, I am ashamed to see him represent us this way. This is not equality.
That's because you don't listen. Because you are a man :-) He actually said the complete opposite of what you are implying : - Men need to acknowledge women more, and actually try to listen - Women need to learn how to draw men from their "caves" , and get them to participate. One way to do this is to "give them a job in the household" - Men need to learn to understand that an emotional outburst doesn't mean "she can't handle it" , but rather that it's just a way to release stress. Men and Women are different, and have different needs. True equality means that you learn to understand each others differences, and appreciate them.
I agree with you 100%. . There isn't any individual in this thinking, and no equality either. Both men and women are so stereotyped in this, that it's insulting to both.
K. De Metter I love how you put the burden of responsibility on men in every situation when it is not men who have a problem with themselves and their relationship with the work in their lives.
Not sure about all of this. Just because he can get people in the audience to raise their hands to affirm what he's saying doesn't make it true. He seems like a product of the 1950's & 60's who believes men and women have specific roles to play, and he justifies this by talking about male and female hormone levels. But correlation is not causation. He basically said that women won't shut up until men give them their dose of oxytocin, so go ahead men, give them a hug or acknowledgment, and that's how you can shut them up. It's as if he's missing the point that if ANYONE is trying to be heard, you have to listen and acknowledge and really hear them so that you can have a good relationship (not shut them up). He may have some interesting points to keep in mind, but his entire attitude about this (that our psychology is based in our hormones rather than in actual events and behaviour) is not something I can endorse. That approach leads to gender stereotyping and the "boys will be boys" excuses. No thanks! Give me a professionally trained psychologist any day who hasn't formed their own ideas by digging into their own stereotypes, but rather is trained according to the results of valid, reliable, significant studies.
its not about the roles. its about how our bodies are build different and so, have different needs! its pure logic and he encourage us women big time! he talks to women because he knows that we have the tools to bring lovelife into healing. men dont have those same tools. and nothing wrong with it. its just logic, reality and you even can messure it scientificly
Nothing like pseudo science and stereotypes to perpetuate myths. Maybe he could google those terms. I enjoy working in IT and I enjoy working with introverts as I too am one. I am also a wife and mother. What works for individuals is what works for them. BTW I'm pretty sure there is a fair amount of problem solving that goes on in traditional female roles too.
What bothers me most about this pseudo science , are the myths about women, needing to talk about problems , but not solve them. There's many more, such as multi tasking, being more nurturing, needing love more than men, women being more social always bothering me. I have lots of friends, but I like to be in my cave and be alone a lot. Women are expected to be socially oriented 24/7, and I find it to be very annoying. I could never multi task, and have a job which requires focus and single mindedness, it comes naturally to me. These myths make relationships very difficult, because they had to be weeded out, to have a normal relationship.
I don't agree with much of what's said here. First, I feel an air of dismissiveness towards MODERN women's needs. You say the man comes back home after having been solving problems at work and then he switches off (and stops being useful, I add this). And you keep saying that's how it is and how it should be. Well, Mr Grey, there are other "problems" in the home which require problem solving too and at the end of the day both partners, especially when she's a worker too which is the case of most modern marriages, need to be involved in house matters. Your view I find it very narrow and outdated at times. Other times I find value.
🤣 you stuck into this new girlempowerment false confidence thing and didn´t get the explained difference between "equal rights and but different biologic"! you remind me to a thirsty child, come along with a big glass of water and you spit out in front of me, cause you expect coke.. prefer to die before taking that water..unfortunatlely a typical reaction from woman, who needed here the content the most..but you know what? you´ll don´t get it! be proud of..nothing!
Every solution in his talk was to tell women how to coddle a man. Let men go to their cave. Don't bother them. Lure them out with dinner and sex. There was nothing that sounded like men might want to reach out of their comfort zone and step-up. I agree on how to communicate to one another. But, geez, help out at home--she's helping out by working out in the world. Why does she get two jobs, and he can sit on his arse with one? Training him? I am not his mom. I thought this was supposed to be about men and women in business.
Nine years ago and still awesome, thank you John. Makes sense.
Have read. I remember a video VHS of John Gray around 1985-1990
Dr. Gray: You're so smart. I should listen to your talks day & night for relationship insight.
I love u u u
I like u u
I am single😍😍👄👄💋💋💏💏😚😚😘😘😙😗💑💑💑💑❤❤❤💝😍😍😍😍🌹🌹🌹🌹🙋🙋🙋
Don’t should on yourself
😊
Thank God for your work. Thank goodness and thank you.
As a woman manager and business owner, I have had to learn how to communicate smartly with male contractors and staff.
Your points on positive affirmations, really work well with men. I also learned that negative feedback should never be done in front of others.
That was one of the best talks I've ever seen. Packed with useful information from start to end and presented in a very engaged manner.
Thank you!! I watched your talk from very beginning till the end and enjoy it so much! I now know a lot about myself and how to evolve from my relationship.
I love how you explain in layman terms so that the average person can understand. Being married for 30 years and still working at better communication. These truths have been around whether a person agrees or not. Great material!
30 years is a very long time. Good luck to you
@@edwardwhite9793 scram. And I don't have to tell you why.
I LOVE the passages on thinking nothing and hide and seek. Made me laugh and it’s so true
It was lovely to listen to you Dr Gray, you address so many problems ! Thank you
the reaction on comments here shows up one thing: if you explain complexe themes in a simple way to people ,they suffer for so long. they won´t accept it, cause it says to them , shit i could have done something about it. and i did´nt. what a mess! better i blame the man who give this information to me, so i can stay in where i was, and nothing has to change...
I'm a woman but I don't relate to a lot of this. I am not emotional at all unless something makes me happy. People are always shocked at my emotional stability in that I don't get overly upset or overly emotional over negative stuff that even men would think is big (I've had a 3-day notice on my rent, my daughter was in the hospital so I had missed an excessive amount of work and am a single mother and had my ex-husband was threatening me and I still felt like it was nothing I couldn't handle and instinctively knew that it would be okay- and it was.) I was stalked for a year and under a tremendous amount of stress. I guess I really just believe that there isn't anything that can happen that I couldn't get through and still be okay (as long as it doesn't kill me).
I like to take emotional inventory, so I don't bury emotions, but I truly don't sweat the small stuff- it's not that big of a deal. I don't do the straw that broke the camel's back thing because I don't prescribe intent when people do things that bother me. I'm extremely nurturing though and cry when things bring me joy so I don't feel like I live on my masculine side.
I put the following elsewhere in the comments, but I want you to see it. You are not alone. I think John Gray wrote his book back in the day when people were first learning the huge impact that our hormones play. From our current perspective, to me anyway, it sounds like a way of excusing and reinforcing traditional roles. He got his Ph.D. in psychology through a correspondence program from Columbia Pacific University in Callifornia (never an accredited university, although state approved until it went defunct). He grew up with Christian parents who also endorsed eastern beliefs and yogic practice (all of which can be fine, but can also be very conservative when it comes to gender roles).
Here's what I wrote earlier: Not sure about all of this. Just because he can get people in the audience to raise their hands to affirm what he's saying doesn't make it true. He seems like a product of the 1950's & 60's who believes men and women have specific roles to play, and he justifies this by talking about male and female hormone levels. But correlation is not causation. He basically said that women won't shut up until men give them their dose of oxytocin, so go ahead men, give them a hug or acknowledgment, and that's how you can shut them up. It's as if he's missing the point that if ANYONE is trying to be heard, you have to listen and acknowledge and really hear them so that you can have a good relationship (not shut them up). He may have some interesting points to keep in mind, but his entire attitude about this (that our psychology is based in our hormones rather than in actual events and behaviour) is not something I can endorse. That approach leads to gender stereotyping and the "boys will be boys" excuses. No thanks! Give me a professionally trained psychologist any day who hasn't formed their own ideas by digging into their own stereotypes, but rather is trained according to the results of valid, reliable, significant studies.
Kimberley, if you listened at all to the whole of this lecture you would find that John spent most of his life doing original research and observation on social behaviour of people in all parts of the world.
But you prefer to listen to armchair "experts" trained in "elite" universities mainly by book learning from the thoughts of others?
Universities around the world but particularly in the US are being outed now for their groupthink leftist ideology.
If you think the many childless women leaders in their imitation male thinking are doing any sort of a good job in keeping the world safe I have a lovely big bridge to sell you.
Women now are being taken over and ousted by males pretending to have female "gender".
But you go girlfriend in your deluded leftist ideology in thinking that this brilliant man is somehow wrong.
i would say you have too much testosteron.. defenetly too less estrogen!
@@kimberleybrown8076there are many books he wrote and he made as well a new version which is called beyond mars and venus about the problems that come with the new way of lifestyle and habits. its all based on real studies they did about hormonproduction.
you sound also like too less estrogen.. sorry if it offends you ❤
Great talk full of useful information thank you John Grey & google talks ❤
Great Seminar thanks for posting.
Very insightful watch! 🙌🏼
He really gets women!
This is so true in my experiences in life.
46:30 omg! That made me laugh so hard 🤣
I was falling in love with John Gray and what he was saying about relationships was really resonating with me, then kind of suddenly at 57:50 he started to sounding a little Alex Jonesy when he went on a tangent about mass-shootings, antidepressants and ADHD.
I'd have to have a closer look at his arguments on the topic and the evidence he's aggregated before really making a judgement, but it really feels like he's going out on a limb there blaming ADD on lack of glutathione and implying it can be "cured" with "natural remedies" like vitamin C and grape seed extract.
That being said, I'd still say his advice on relationships is worth listening to.
I think what he's saying is that ADD isn't so much an illness that is to be cured by a magical pill , but rather that changing our behavior will do more to solve it.
So much children get stamped "ADHD" and put on these pills, which they don't really need. Same for anti-depression drugs.
In short : look at the actual causes, and find a structural way to solve them, rather than suppressing the symptoms with drugs.
+K. De Metter Exactly what we are seeing throughout history isn't consistent with our most recent century. Our whole way of interacting as genders, our food, our homes, each other as social groups. We don't get headaches because we lack acetaminophen in our blood streams, we don't have indigestion because we lack Pepto Bismol or any of the ingredients of it. So somehow when we get ADHD or other systemic problems like this we are missing or have an over abundance of some biologically reactive chemical we may or may not be producing ourselves. Completely STRUCTURAL as you put it. Awesome.
So just like children they want to be seen, heard, understood, and appreciated. Mars Venus 💞💗 helped me out incredibly to understand what was wrong in my household, I was the man in the house from an early childhood. The alcoholic man was a horrible person. Not always maybe. He really, my stepdad, really hated me.
This is great … cliff notes version
You help so much. Thanks
Thanks for sharing this Google! Great advice Dr Gray 👍
Hi Beautiful.
This is absolutely the case. This is illustrated by this question about perception. Place a glass with a drink on a table and ask the people, let's say 8, how many glasses are on this table. Enevitably most people , or all, will say one glass. Unless they intuitively guess it's a question about perception then the probably would say eight glasses. There are 8 perceptions or perspectives on this drink. A few individuals would actually say 9 if especially the person who brought the drink. A another might notice 4 other people in the room looking at the glass and say 13. Physically there is one glass one problem one painting etc But the lense of perception would possibly present as msny different objects as observers. With synchronicity , intuitive empathy, there may be many seeing the same object. Sometimes to the same individual the sane object might appear different depending on thought or mood. Learning something new might possibly change the perception.
Thank you for this insight
I worked outside constantly and ran in the woods and fields, in the summers no shoes no shirt swimming in the sun, no chemicals. I would slowly get sick every school year beginning in Junior High. In side so much, artificial light. The myth of cold weather, rain, snow, causing illness, or vulnerability to illness.
I'm amazed by the amount of negativity in the comments section. This guy is so insightful and the information is so practical, yet they just don't get it. It's as though their brain is in a jam and all they see is negative, negative, negative. Not enough vitamins in their brains. Need to eat more fresh vegies and fruit, people. If you eat crap and surround yourself with toxic chemicals, your brain don't work very well and you can't see and use the solutions when they're put right in front of you like this guy is doing.
You cannot tell people their brain isn't functioning right just because they have a different opinion. That's just very wrong, narrow minded, patronising, judgemental. What do you know about their diet??
Your comment is nuts
its coming from the hormone imbalance 😅😅😅🙈
@@anaguerrerosholisticwellbe2788 the whole body and soul is not functioning healthy if we treat it wrong. it also effects the brain, pretty strong
No. 1 inhibitor for oxytocin is feeling you don't have enough time
Testosterone
@@aneeshoommen72822 Nope. Oxytocin. And boy is that true.
@@toomuchinformation dats what i mean...its a big deal to make a man fall in love...b'coz of testosterone that inhibits oxytocin..
"women dont have off switch" so true
That’s so funny
Interesting
Excellent,
Not true. When women take care of themselves, beautify and take some me time, it does make us feel better.
John grays books made me realize what sort of men NOT to tolerate
What is a Venurse
Oh goodness..working with men/alphas, shifted for me in 2018!! Not sure What planets my parents were ftom!
It all just sounds like men and women don't need each other at all and it's just better if we don't mix at all.
We need each other. But we can not tell each other how to be. Its like hot and cold. They can never become the same, yet they exist because of their relationship to the other.
Well in a lot of cultures and in most of history, they've basically been living separate lives, except for procreation.
I think the Katharine Hepburn quote "sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then" is truer now than ever. Basically "use" each other for sex and security, not emotional gratification :)
Must be why he has been married for such a long time, right.
its actually exactly the opposite he is saying... we are build for eachother, fitting perfect!
how do you find a husband like this guy? if he was several decades younger and single, I would be interested in marrying him. He's not good looking but boy he understands what's going on.
The woman and women in my life 💖 have a problem with creating problems that need to be solved, and messes that need cleaning up, massive lists of chores, also fill my mind with all thier fears and consequence. Concerns. Except when women perceive neediness in a man or weakness they often will resent and destroy that man. This is very serious and accurate. Thankfully Israel has the Bible. The Ten Commandments of God, and the further 10 Commandments of Jesus, made for a perfect environment, perfect relationship with God, and relationship with others.
If I respond to 9 things out 10 to confirm I have listened and miss one thing she will say I never listen.
That's because she's stressed. It's what a woman does when she's carrying a lot of stress. Do things which reduce her stress level. In this talk John Gray tells you EXACTLY what women need for their stress levels to be reduced, so you can't plead ignorance as an excuse. If you do things which help her to reduce her level of stress, she will stop berating you. It's not complicated, it's just different to you. As he says, what reduces stress in women is different to what reduces stress in men. Learn what reduces stress in women!
@@heathergrahame9647 this is true. One of the biggest problems for us men in getting to that point is the idea that we have to do something to reduce your stress when your behaviour appears to be attacking. If I work hard for my wife and tick 99% of the boxes and are then berated for the 1% then I kinda prefer to hang out on my own. I would have been happy with on 20%, so the lack of acknowledgement for the positive and the negative focus on a small, and relatively unimportant issue just cones over as incredibly unattractive and ungrateful. I can do some listening of course but there comes a point where I am not really sure what the issue is, or why what I have been doing seems so unwelcome, despite discussing and agreeing to it beforehand. Yes. Just listening. Silence. It is almost impossible to follow. (My wife is Colombian and all tbis is in Spanish, so when she gets emotional and critical she speaks so fast that can not understand a word. It's not that I am not listening, and I have gone 100% to her side, so the relationship is all conducted in her language, and so if she can not meet me half way and at least speak clearly and slowly enough to understand, then I am not sure why I am just listening to someone firing off noise at me for doing something 99% right! I keep pleading with her. She just roles her eyes and views me with contempt if I mention that I can not follow her at that speed. I can offer English, or well pronounced, clear Spanish where I get to ask questions and look words up...but that would require work from her.....so needless to say, I have no idea how to solve this unless she will help.
@@manreclaimed232 You're allow to select a partner, just like you're allowed to select an employee. If she was your employee, how would you "let her go"? You could suggest that there's probably a more suitable job (ie relationship) for her elsewhere where she's much happier. Encourage her to go. Maybe she's just staying in the relationship because she feels she has to, and is blaming you for keeping her there. Let her go! Tell her it's fine for her to go and find a relationship where she's happier. At the very least, it would be interesting to see what her reaction is. She will either value more the relationship she has or she will go off and find another man - who will also not like her negative attitude ... and maybe after a few relationships like that, she might learn that no one wants to be around someone who has a negative attitude, regardless of whether they're male or female. Best of luck to you.
@@heathergrahame9647 She is like this for approx 25% of the month. It comes in cycles. (I am not necessarily sugges5ting a correlation with other cycles in all cases. But to me, in this case there is one! So I have learned to enjoy the 75%, and then get busy outside or in my office or somewhere else during those times. Listening without understanding, and with no commitment to clarify and be understood just seems like a waste of time, but I do love her and I am just learning not to try too hard to make her happy and to spend more time to make myself a better person. I usually kind drift off into my own thoughts when she starts because unless she wants to be understood, and communicates accordingly there is really not much I can do about it. Thanks for your suggestions. Yes, been there too. I lived in Latin America 14 years and before I was married, I met some really firey women who yes, I would say were
pschycologicaly ill and often physically violent. I had to let them go because their violence was going to either put me in hospital or prison for defending myself. Thank goodness that is in the past! Cheers to that!
@@manreclaimed232 I highly recommend the following video. It talks about two important things: making peace with where you are and looking for the best in where you are. Hope you like it ua-cam.com/video/LV4D1BrBnJI/v-deo.html
If I ask him if he wants to go out to dinner tonight, it's because I really want to know if he wants to go to dinner. Otherwise I will just say, "I feel like going out to dinner tonight. We should go. :)"
Oops I thought the problem-solving hormone was dopamine. Dopamine is fun, right? I need to rethink things now.
Nope. Forgiveness set me FREE.
😊😊
The Bast Talk Here 46:34
What if your husband's mind doesn't shut off?
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surely complaining is not good for men or women
It's not good for men. In the right environment (when they feel listened to and not judged), it helps women release stress.
Totally agree. Complaining is toxic to both sexes .
Ok... Let's get this straight: According to John, women need to make sure they don't sabatoge relationships at work and at home. They need to be nurturing. Problem solving doesn't come naturally to them and actually stresses them out. They need to let their man isolate himself and not try to "interfere with his testosterone restoration process," their own well being and needs be damned. Their "Venution language is convoluted and illogical..." - I could go on. John says some insightful things about both sexes, sure, but they are hidden under piles of sexism... blatant sexism. In John's perfect world, a woman lets a man do, think, act, and be however he wants while her needs are fulfilled by "nurturing him." In this world, a man comes home from work and his wife does too, she cleans the house and makes him dinner while he watches TV so he can "recharge his testosterone." This is apparently good for the man and the woman. Well, isn't that convenient?! As a man, I am ashamed to see him represent us this way. This is not equality.
That's because you don't listen. Because you are a man :-)
He actually said the complete opposite of what you are implying :
- Men need to acknowledge women more, and actually try to listen
- Women need to learn how to draw men from their "caves" , and get them to participate. One way to do this is to "give them a job in the household"
- Men need to learn to understand that an emotional outburst doesn't mean "she can't handle it" , but rather that it's just a way to release stress.
Men and Women are different, and have different needs. True equality means that you learn to understand each others differences, and appreciate them.
K. De Metter There's plenty of men , who have outbursts, when stressed. It could be anyone, at any moment.
K. De Metter Ben's 100% correct, and honestly how sexist is that, "he isn't listening because he's a man" ??? BS!
I agree with you 100%. . There isn't any individual in this thinking, and no equality either. Both men and women are so stereotyped in this, that it's insulting to both.
K. De Metter I love how you put the burden of responsibility on men in every situation when it is not men who have a problem with themselves and their relationship with the work in their lives.
Not sure about all of this. Just because he can get people in the audience to raise their hands to affirm what he's saying doesn't make it true. He seems like a product of the 1950's & 60's who believes men and women have specific roles to play, and he justifies this by talking about male and female hormone levels. But correlation is not causation. He basically said that women won't shut up until men give them their dose of oxytocin, so go ahead men, give them a hug or acknowledgment, and that's how you can shut them up. It's as if he's missing the point that if ANYONE is trying to be heard, you have to listen and acknowledge and really hear them so that you can have a good relationship (not shut them up). He may have some interesting points to keep in mind, but his entire attitude about this (that our psychology is based in our hormones rather than in actual events and behaviour) is not something I can endorse. That approach leads to gender stereotyping and the "boys will be boys" excuses. No thanks! Give me a professionally trained psychologist any day who hasn't formed their own ideas by digging into their own stereotypes, but rather is trained according to the results of valid, reliable, significant studies.
its not about the roles. its about how our bodies are build different and so, have different needs! its pure logic and he encourage us women big time! he talks to women because he knows that we have the tools to bring lovelife into healing. men dont have those same tools. and nothing wrong with it. its just logic, reality and you even can messure it scientificly
Nothing like pseudo science and stereotypes to perpetuate myths. Maybe he could google those terms. I enjoy working in IT and I enjoy working with introverts as I too am one. I am also a wife and mother. What works for individuals is what works for them. BTW I'm pretty sure there is a fair amount of problem solving that goes on in traditional female roles too.
he didn't say women don't problem solve, he just said it doesn't lower their stress levels.
energeez Problem solving lowers my stress levels.
What bothers me most about this pseudo science , are the myths about women, needing to talk about problems , but not solve them. There's many more, such as multi tasking, being more nurturing, needing love more than men, women being more social always bothering me. I have lots of friends, but I like to be in my cave and be alone a lot. Women are expected to be socially oriented 24/7, and I find it to be very annoying. I could never multi task, and have a job which requires focus and single mindedness, it comes naturally to me. These myths make relationships very difficult, because they had to be weeded out, to have a normal relationship.
He said the majority not every woman
The majority of women are more social than the majority of men
I don't agree with much of what's said here. First, I feel an air of dismissiveness towards MODERN women's needs.
You say the man comes back home after having been solving problems at work and then he switches off (and stops being useful, I add this). And you keep saying that's how it is and how it should be. Well, Mr Grey, there are other "problems" in the home which require problem solving too and at the end of the day both partners, especially when she's a worker too which is the case of most modern marriages, need to be involved in house matters.
Your view I find it very narrow and outdated at times. Other times I find value.
🤣 you stuck into this new girlempowerment false confidence thing and didn´t get the explained difference between "equal rights and but different biologic"! you remind me to a thirsty child, come along with a big glass of water and you spit out in front of me, cause you expect coke.. prefer to die before taking that water..unfortunatlely a typical reaction from woman, who needed here the content the most..but you know what? you´ll don´t get it! be proud of..nothing!
Every solution in his talk was to tell women how to coddle a man. Let men go to their cave. Don't bother them. Lure them out with dinner and sex. There was nothing that sounded like men might want to reach out of their comfort zone and step-up. I agree on how to communicate to one another. But, geez, help out at home--she's helping out by working out in the world. Why does she get two jobs, and he can sit on his arse with one? Training him? I am not his mom. I thought this was supposed to be about men and women in business.
His book is a great read. ❤
really google….this guy?