@@DottiebondsI graduated a while ago and marriage has never been something I care about. It has always looked boring to me. So no not all women. At the end of the day destiny is in your hands and you have to choose for yourself and don’t allow for society to dictate your happiness.
Not just young women. I strongly believe young men should do the same. It is vital that EVERYONE try being alone with themselves for at least 2-3 years. This way, you are made to learn more about yourself and what you want and expect out of life. I essentially spent 5 years in solitude, having to look at myself in the mirror. Some days, I loved what I saw, and other days, I hated what I saw. I was forced to think of the past and think of how I want my future. I was forced to look at my flaws and my perks. It was a rough ride, but thanks to that solitude, I have a STRONG foundation of self-love. I know what I want for myself, and I am FULLY aware of my own flaws. It is sometimes VERY scary to be alone, but if you hope to conquer your inner demons, you must do it. I recommend making sure you have friends, though, that you can socialize with outside of the solitude as sometimes you can go deep into the hole. Friends and families can help pull you out if you go too deep. I promise that if more people are comfortable being alone with themselves and to look at themselves in the mirror.....it would be a real game changer. You can't expect to make someone else happy until you are happy with yourself. It takes time, and it will cost you tears, but the payoff is indescribable. I wouldn't trade those years of solitude for anything.
@@isaa8521 couldn’t agree more! I chose traveling and following my wildest desires after graduation. marriage to me seems like modern slavery. Only do it under the right circumstances 😁
Listen, I was talking to my home girl today and she said herself, she doesn't feel like dating. Like why? It's become pointless now because of how these men act.
She honestly just sounds unhappy all around. She needs to consider therapy and find out why she’s always unsatisfied. People take having a family for granted way too easily because of social media nowadays.
I always knew that I wanted to be single and on my own for a while after I graduated college and found employment. However, society, family and friends start to give you the side eye if you are approaching 30 and you're not married. I got married at 28. The ceremony lasted longer than the marriage.
She reminds me of an old friend who had all the milestones she needed to cross off her list but never seemed complete or happy.It's like they fantasized about a life they thought would naturally find them.College grad✅️,engaged and married by 27✅️...now for the monkey wrench thrown into her life. Hubby cheated 3 years later and had a kid. Now she divorced and depressed. Identity now nonexistent in her mind,decided to then get her crown back by becoming a mother. She got ivf by herself and now has 2 kids to give herself purpose. We stopped being friends . But this creator and her unhappiness in her life and wishing for better no matter her circumstances made me think of my old friend .
This opened my eyes to other things. I’ve put my life on hold but not even for relationships but for more about not having the dream job yet or having the money I want yet. Time will fly regardless
when i was in my early 20s i knew i did not want to get married or have kids. My mom always felt if i chose not to do those things it was okay, It was my life, my decision.
The mission goal is not about getting married . The mission goal is about living your own life the way that you want to live it !! You're not living your life the way what others want you to live it their way ! LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE SINGLE FEMALE'S THE WAY YOU WANT TO LIVE IT !!
I have had zero good experiences with guys and I love my single life marriage and kids is the hard knonx life being single and childfree is the goal for most women now women are just now realizing that men are optional and they suck. Girl I always knew that even when I thought I wanted boyfriend it didn't feel right it didn't feel like me.
The irony is that she spent her single years not “living” looking on the other side of marriage-now she’s married not “living” looking at singles. Just enjoy life in whatever stage of life you are
That was one of my first thoughts too but upon reflection perhaps it is totally to be expected, the young woman who was never taught how to value herself and her life, and then spent 20 years exhausting herself for others (and not having the time to reflect) under that same belief is only now having a realisation… to be honest it makes a lot of sense… I hope that she does start taking time for herself and healing whatever caused this belief, her life is far from over and she can reclaim that time now! Stepping into herself will be even greater service to her daughters and I hope more women from that generation and beyond start reclaiming their lives now! They deserve it! 💫😊
@@TheCushLifeK9 Every kind of life looking through certain lenses can appear miserable or can look great. The important thing is to find the magic in where YOU are
@@TheCushLifeK9 Its in the Bible. So I believe it was God’s idea, and it was good. The idea was that if you are with the same man, then he would take care or you, provide for you and keep you safe. If you sleep with a bunch of different men, then whose job would that be? None of them would do it. Sadly, I have been with the same man and even he won’t do it. So I guess I kind of see your point. I’m still going to follow what the Bible says. But today, it does seem like women have to do way more than their share of providing and protecting themselves. Which is sad.
@@TheCushLifeK9in my opinion some cultures and religions present marriage like it’s the best and most prestigious thing that a women can do. Like it’s the only important part of a woman’s life. I’ve seen churches celebrate marriages from the stage and not graduations, business ownership or other noteworthy accomplishments. It’s presented in such a cringeworthy way, and if you have no sense of self, I feel like it leads to internalization.
You know those women who are your friends until they get a bf… they get married and become this creator. If you think your single life is just you waiting for a man, you’re definitely not ready for marriage cause you’ll get sucked in and lose your whole individuality in someone else
And the tragedy for women is that men never lose themselves in marriage. The evidence is in their marital status. Women in the patriarchy are seen as nothing. Men remain MR. even after marriage. In the past, a woman was literally called by her husband first and second names, example: Mrs. John Smith. Yet women keep glorifying a system that treats us like animals
I have gotten to the point where I absolutely appreciate that I have not endured some of the marriages I’ve witnessed… Singlehood feels very good most days…Sometimes, when men approach me.. or a DM 🙄all it does is remind me why single is better. These men are wholly uninspiring…
Enjoy your life where you are. Don’t let your parents or society dictate what your life should look like as a woman. Freedom of choice is everything and that comes with independence.
Exactly. Parents are the last people to listen to. Respect them by all means but politely and respectfully explain to them that each generation's experience is completely different and people shouldn't pretend otherwise. Most importantly, the young must bear in mind that parents are not going to be around forever and shouldn't insist on making decisions which will affect a life that they won't be able to support. You don't want to end up struggling with an outdated life with no support. Parents and society won't be there when you are all alone dealing with the rubbish they pushed you into.
Comparison is stealing your joy. Figure out what you want to do and do it. You want to travel ,plan it and do it. You want to go out after work with your co workers, do it. There is a solution to most problems, just because you are married does not mean you cannot take care of yourself. You cannot change the past, you cannot predict the future, SO LIVE IN THE PRESENT.
I encourage people to stop using SM as a tool to dig deeper holes of depression for themselves. 🕳️ She should stop watching single women’s content until she is emotionally healthier. ❤
Right, SM always shows a well curated life. They don't show the struggles that come with every phase of life. No one has a perfect life and it makes no sense to compare your life to another's.
But why? Clearly she’s been feeling suppressed subconsciously. Sometimes it takes others to see something in yourself, that has been buried deeply. It’s all about how you choose to respond. Pressure makes diamonds. That woman now has the chance to do inner work, and make change for her life. It’s a win.
Is SM single mother because she said single people…not once did this lady say single mother y’all just hear what you guys want to hear…being a single woman with no kids especially during these times is a beautiful alternative…
I never held myself back during my single hood but the pressure to get married and have child definitely pushed me to make poor relationships choices. Now that I’m back in single hood, I don’t fear it like I did before because I’m much happier on my own than to settle with a man who is not going to add to my life.
@@Cateyes767Sorry but 52 is not at all old in terms of patriarchal programming. It all depends on the family you come from. I am almost 60 and am African yet don't have a patriarchal bone in my body but for my religious fundamentalist brother. I wasn't brought up to believe in marriage. In fact valuing marriage over education and a job was frowned upon. Self sufficiency was seen as the ultimate goal because my father had not been able to support us and life had been nothing short of hellish as a result.
@@the8thchurch461true. Some people choose to live by those outdated ideas and beliefs even when there is overwhelming evidence that it's not a good idea.
@@omphilemoerane2569Indeed dearest. Some people never learn. Some are even worse than worse and just the worst. I know of someone whose father had abandoned the family for another woman. The girl simply refused to learn. When I told her that I was pursuing high education, she said it was a waste of time. She proceeded to get married young at 22 and immediately started a family. It wasn't long before she showed up with a black eye because the husband had beaten her. The marriage didn't last and she moved to husband no. 2. Ah well, you cannot save everyone.
@@KurosakiLuvar01you gotta remember the era she's from. She's 52 and It was insane not to think as she did back then. She was taught that it was insane not to marry as soon as possible.
That's not what she's saying. She's saying she didn't realize or was taught that being single was an option and completely normal. She's saying that if she could do it all over she would've stayed single.
@@biblethumper8088did you listen to what she said? She said she was waiting till she got married to live her real life. So to her being single wasn't a real life. Now that she's married and tired she realizes that marriage is not a piece of cake. As women, we need to enjoy life married or single.
I’m 37, 2 kids, never married. I never truly lived life before I had my first kid. I didn’t even know who I was yet. So I used up all my time as a mom making mistakes because I really wanted to live free. I have so many regrets. I wish I would have did better with my life before kids. I like seeing young black women live life and not focus on finding a man/husband. Men aren’t going anywhere. You gotta be happy alone first and heal from any childhood trauma before dating at all.
I'm about to live my life, I thank the men for not choosing me to be their slave. If one does choose me, I don't want to do nothing 😂 I want a chauffeur, body guard, maid, chef, nanny etc. If he not coming like that I don't want him!
Am 25 years old, I finished high school, started college, got my first degree then went for my honors degree. I have always wanted to study, get a good income and travel the world. When i graduated for my honors degree which is my second degree, I realized that my 20s are literally going while am stuck in school😂and so I decided to start traveling, I am originally from South Africa, am now in the US, i want to go study in Europe or Asia next and also maybe work there. I have legit told myself that i am going to travel and live the rest of my 20s like I've always dreamed. I don't want any regrets whatsoever.
Well done dearest. It is great to see this in the younger generation. I have been worried about you all when I saw extremely disturbing anti women content by Redpillers. I wondered how this was affecting young women. There is nothing more superior and powerful in the world than an empowered woman. She is the ultimate powerful force in the world. She will empower the next generation so what could be bigger. They say when you educate a woman, you educate the whole family. I am proud of you. Just make sure a man doesn't come in and steal your power. If you decide to get involved with a man, let him add to what you already are, not reduce. Be careful of men who want to reduce you to the submissive wife. Men never get reduced to anything when they marry. They get positive things added to them instead. Aim for the same dearest
I think marriage is not the end all be all. I believe in the idea that your spouse should be your partner and friend… Instead of thinking about the what ifs she should think about what she could do for herself. If her kids are old enough to care for themselves enough she can let go the reigns to her spouse and have some time to herself… at least demand it… I feel like if marriage doesn’t add to your journey for peace or happiness what’s the purpose?
I am single. And I decentered men. I stopped dating. I stopped dating apps. I stopped posting thirst traps. I stopped crying about being lonely. I chose to go to therapy. And I realized that the only reason I want someone in my life is because the bills are hard to pay alone. I decided to start looking at ways to budget, save, and earn money. I can tell you being single is not for everyone. But I can say for me. It works. I enjoy my alone time. I enjoy coming home and only taking care of myself. I enjoy a quiet peaceful home. I enjoy taking care of only myself. Am I lonely. Not really. I have good friends and my family. And I spend alot of time with them. If I need to share a meal with someone I go cook at my daughter’s home or go out to eat.
@@Lizarddqueen79 that's patriachy projection thrusted into us since young age. We all deprograme at different stage in ourlives, glad you found your way.
my mother had us before she lived her life. as a result, we had a very codependent and enmeshed relationship in which she took ownership of all of my grade school accomplishments. once i started hitting career milestones as a young adult and fought for my own identity outside of her, I felt a lot of jealousy from her. she started putting me down when I’d tell her about big accomplishments, which was confusing because she had always been my biggest supporter growing up. eventually i stopped going to her altogether. all that to say, i want a child one day and ive vowed to go after and accomplish all that i want in life so that i will never envy the opportunities awarded to my child. i want to take my child with me and it is my hope that they go even further than i will because i will have god willingly laid a foundation for them to do so. 💕
in relation to the video, i want to look at the tiktok of thirty years in the future and see girls living their lives and instead of envying them, relate and recall my good memories of a life well lived. God willing!
Unfortunately that’s marriage in a nut shell I’ve noticed for ladies , it’s simply not enough balance for the wives and mothers as soon as your married, People men and ladies scream at you you’re married you can’t do that , don’t think of having a baby people want you to give up every hope and dream, wish ,sex appeal , carefree energy honey it’s sad and men never give up anything besides the financial aspect of being married other than that they get to remain Bros and have friends go on fishing trips and golf trips .. it’s easy for a married woman to get depressed I seen it too many times
@@Mystika777You are definitely not alone. As women, we are socialized to become mothers from the very beginning. Think about how boys got to play with science kits, but the toys designed for little girls are baby dolls and kitchen sets. We are literally programmed to be misguided. Anyways, being a mom is extremely challenging and you need a break. Give your kids to your husband, and tell him you need a self care weekend. Go to the spa and get pampered❤️
Idk man. Seems like she's doing the same thing now that she did when she was single: coveting the fantasy of what she doesn't/didn't have. Take a look around and see where you are right now. Is it perfect? No. It won't be. It NEVER is. But can you find happiness where you are? You make decisions in life and you have to make the best of them. Comparing your life to others and, worse, to what others are putting online is ONLY going to make you unhappy. If you want to be content in YOUR LIFE, look at YOUR LIFE. What small changes can you make that are practical and will make a difference in the long wrong? Being run ragged with chores? Include the kids or work out a chore chart with the hubby. Not feeling loved? Set aside a two hour window a week to just spend alone with the hubby. Have no time for yourself? Make it happen where you can, even if it's just knitting on your lunch break. Work with what you've got and change what isn't working.
So she married late is still stupid? Girl bye...I can't imagine being single all that time and thinking that wasn't a "real" life. You only get the one. So every minute counts.
She probably was with a man the whole time/never single for too long. She could have gone to shows, travel, go to school, but probably was strapped to a man's side. Most people didn't/don't have the grit to march to beat of their own drum. I'm glad to be a millenial I was born in a generation who freed itself from all the archaic constructs society has forced on us for too long
she was too caught up in finding a husband b/c she allowed herself to be programmed by society and now realizes she missed out on a lot of life instead of just enjoying each moment. Tragic
I have a question. How can marriage be a goal? To me anything that involves someone else will be almost impossible to accomplish. Men decide if they want to get married, so how can women have that as a goal? I understand you can do certain things to be “chosen” but still it doesn't guarantee that you will get married. I'm happy for people who are happily married, but I think we need to be very careful with sitting and waiting to accomplish the “goal” of marriage.
I married at 19, divorced 9 years later…I’m actually glad I married young and found out I should have followed my instincts and left his ass where I found him😂😂😂 but I’ve been living my very best life ever since. He happened to see me out shopping one day and called me immediately saying I looked like I was miserable. 😩 I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was looking like that because the dress I was looking for was gone!! Boy leave me alone. He really thought I was going to run back to his slow ass. Anyway ladies live ya life, they will suck the life out of you and blame you for it all. You could not pay me to marry again!! Get the cat 🐈 or the 🐶 puppy. 😂😂😂
I think because single now and single 10 years ago is wayyyyyyy different. 10years ago there was nothing to do but be with someone... now people travel more, people go out more. Having a husband isn't a "flex" anymore. Life is just way different now.
Plus, it's just as expensive (if not MORE) being with someone else as it is being single. It's absolutely more expensive being with someone else if you have children.
There was plenty to do 10 years ago. Social media wasn’t as popular as it is now, but a lot of the same events and activities we have today were available 10 years ago, especially if you live in or near a major city and were over the age of 21.
@@blanketthecat3586@blanketthecat3586 nothing to do msy have been exaggerated, but s lot has definitely changed since then regarding traveling and just relationships.... the fact that you are on this video is my point.
@@ultravioletmix3310 years changes a lot... I can't even imagine life or relationships in another 10... I exaggerated 10 years. But I'll just speak for me and my surroundings.....being in a relationship and having kids was definitely the thing to do...my little sister and her crew don't even want kids now... I see a difference around me I guess. People are more focused o. Education and living life.
As a person who was married for ten years and felt just like her, my heart hurts for her. I think society makes women feel bad about being single. I pray she finds serenity and peace in her life. I still desire marriage but also love myself and know who I am. I am spending this time getting my life in order. There is a time for everything!
Girl what were you doing in your 20s? I was single all my 20s, and I’ll be getting married this year at 33. I’ve lived my life. I traveled, brunched with the girlies, enjoyed the nightlife, dated, got my heart broken, went to school, got a career, lived on my own for several years. I’ve experienced life and not sure I’d want to go back to that. Perhaps she should create some hobbies outside of her family.
When I went to London to visit my sister for my God daughter's christening, she blurted out, DON'T get married, don't have kids. She was married for only a year then. Single and living it up in her 20s. My point is that things change when you settle down. Some people love it. Some people miss their FREEDOM. I personally don't want kids, so see no point in marriage. Obviously, she was preaching to the choir. 🤣
Y’all this is why they say to work on yourself😅. And that you can’t love another without first loving yourself. My goal is most definitely to have a husband. In no way shape or form will I be caught dead with that as my *only* goal. And it only makes sense to me to want to be the best version of myself I can be before, during and after achieving that goal. That means living my life in all phases; keeping the future in mind but focusing on the present.
This isn’t every married women’s story. This is sad though! There are married women with kids that are happy and I think people hear her story and think that this is universally how married women think and it’s not. I feel for her though.
Comparison is the thief of happiness. If you're true to yourself and your own desires, you won't be envious of others. I'm married 17 years as well. I don't compare myself to single women, and the most happiest I've been is raising my children.
I’ve been married for YEARS and as much as I love the single girls living their best life content, I don’t envy it at all. Stop comparing yourself to other people, especially people on SM only showing the highlight reels
I am also married and don't get what there is to envy? if you are married to the right person, marriage is incredible! and a wonderful bond to experience.
It' not hard to understand. Society pressures girls/women into relationships and after a certain age, not being partnered is seen as a measurement of our worth, value and morality. There is a reason that men and women are out here promoting men to be in age gap relationships with women young enough to be my daughter (if I had her at 20). There is a reason why women's bodily autonomy is being stripped and chipped away at to almost nothing in this country. If you're a happily married woman or a married woman at all, my hats off to you. I opted out a decade ago. Too much work and I'd rather put all the nurturing and creativity I have into myself.
@@TijaunaK Yes that’s great we all have our own separate lives whether we’re married or single and we can all be happy or unhappy. And we can all have our individual struggles. just because I am married, doesn’t mean I’m struggling and. Unhappy and that’s the same vice versa for single women. Sometimes I just see no balance in these conversations.
@@TijaunaK like I said in my original comment, I’m happy for the single girls living their best life, so hats off to you! I don’t envy what others have going on bc I’m happy with what I have going on. I feel everyone should do the same, single or married.
I'm around that lady's sge. I am single. I lived my best life in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. People, even in my family, thought I was strange going out by myself. I went to shows, restaurants, and conferences by myself. I traveled around the country and a little outside wuthin the Western hemisphere. And I wasn't rich. I'm in a profession that isn't paid well in response to the education earned. I was living a "rich auntie" life before it was a thing. If anything, I have slowed down in my 50s because where I moved to with my famuly. But I had a good time.
@@aboutthatlife1418because people don't understand that marriage is a business. If your lifestyle is not going to improve after getting married then there is no point in you doing it. Only get married if it means you're going to have more money in your account, going to live in a better neighborhood, bigger house, drive a better car, go on more vacations, your kids will go better schools otherwise why do it? 😂
I had to thank my mother for never pressuring me for children or to be married. I never realized the gift of freedom she set me up for. I'm 45 and my body can still have kids but I'm good. I also am good on being lawfully married to anyone. I'm a free bitch baby!
Sending love to this married woman for the humility and maturity to admit her insecurity. It takes honesty and that should never be shamed in this world. I am proud of us single ladies living it up. For too long we have been single shamed by women in relationships.
I’m forever being shamed by married women and women in relationships, thinking their above me for being ‘chosen’. I don’t even hang around with taken women anymore only single women or lesbians. The funny thing is they think I’m jealous of them but their husband or man isn’t the type I’d wanna be married to anyway 😅
@@shanicrystal8671Sorry you have to deal with that. I can never understand why married women think they are superior to single women. It is laughable because their men make them walk through hoops. It is a rarity for a man to be pro women. They are mainly sexist but I mustn't paint them all with the same brush. Still....
She’s beautiful! Honestly, I think if someone is going to get married, it should be with someone that wants what you want. Meaning, they want to travel, have a maid, living a certain lifestyle. Idk, as someone that doesn’t want marriage or kids, it’s not that hard to live the life that you want lol. If you’re living for others, then you will never be fulfilled.
I really appreciate her video. I think sooooooo many women have done exactly what she describes - treating your single life as if it is an unimportant preamble to your Real Life of Wife and Mother - and are seething in resentment about it. Jealousy is uncomfortable,but at least she's aware of what it is and that it's about her choices and perspective, which she can change if she really wants to, not something that just happened to her. It sounds like she is really processing some big existential questions and she is brave to take it to Beyoncé's internet.
I just think this lady, if and when she gets a divorce, we’ll see her back talking about how much she misses her husband… Some people just aren’t ever happy, always waiting for the next best thing
I feel like people are always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. All shes doing to me is now swapping the place holding. Instead of making time for herself and enjoying herself which there are moms on tik tok who do the same thing, she is looking on longingly and miserably living in the past of what she could have done. Instead of DOING. Some people really want a family. Like your life is YOURS please live. Before now was the time the marriage and family. Now she has that and when she was single was the time. Girl please.
Seriously? As a married single wife, the worst part of it is how much my husband neglects me. I’m glad that I was single for a very long time before I met him even though people told me that I should get married young. Because even though I’m married, I still feel like I’m single. The only difference is that now my family hates me too. Well, in reality, they hated me the whole time, I just didn’t know it back then. I’m happy to be away from their toxicity. If you aren’t happy with your marriage, let your husband know and seek your own independence. What is he going to do about it? The only thing he can do is divorce you. And if he divorces you, then you will get singlehood, which is what you have always wanted.
Yeah, she needs to get the shingles vaccine as soon as she can safely get it after she recovers from the chicken pox. I had shingles, and it's not something I'd wish on *anyone.*
@@nemotheo1629 Chickenpox tends to be more severe in adults than children, and adults have a higher risk of developing complications. In reference to shingles, anyone who has ever had chickenpox (whether they get it as a child or as an adult) can get shingles, and anyone who has shingles can give chickenpox to anyone who hasn't already had chickenpox.
She centered men in her life and viewed marriage as the beginning of her life and forgot to live and enjoy life. She still has time to live her life, but now she's worrying about the past. Ma'am live your life where you are, do the things that you want to do, is your husband not your partner or are you the bang maid, and if it's the latter, you have a different problem
She had too many years to be sitting up here talking like this.. at 35 you didn’t have enough sense to marry a man who would provide you a life of peace??
I feel her. She's tired from serving everyone, while no one is serving her. She wants to rest and be free of those responsibilities. I regret marriage and children too, but I take solace in teaching my children not to follow that path. Their fathers genealogy will not live on.
@@seekinghimdaily92 I see. The lady in the video also looks great. She could also pass for someone in their late 20s, especially as she is married and very likely has kids. You normally have married women being fat when they reach their 50s. So I suppose both women look great?
Destiny, its 2024. Please take some Valtrex and move on with your life 😂. Chicken pox can be dangerous in adults so please change your methods if not better soon. Be well 🎉
Y’all don’t want to be paying the bills by yourself 😂. Student loans , credit card debt start climbing from buying them wigs weaves and nails . Women tend to be irresponsible consumers, especially when they aren’t in relationships
I think they just married the wrong man. I almost got married to the wrong man and I know for sure I would be miserable right now, trying to find a divorce to have .
She is already married, so it's easy for her to say that. It's harder to find decent guys now... I've been single for my whole life, except for maybe 1.5 year I dated someone. Friends do get jealous of me sometimes since I don't have the responsibilities they have, but I don't think they are at the same time. It's so difficult to find a man ready for marriage.
I was in a marriage for 6 years in a rship for 8 years. Rship was happy, went down hill as soon as we married. Rships since after honeymoon period we're very unhappy. I'm single now and living my best life I travel, I come and go as I please. I recently experienced solo travelling which is one of the best experiences of my life. I'm 41 the happiest prolonged periods of times I've been single but I had a son to bring up so wasn't alone still had responsibilities and had someone to love. I would like a companion to experience life with but I'm also not prepared to settle for anything that doesn't feel right or doesn't add something beneficial to my life.
I will say that every married person has a different perspective on what being single is and that’s freedom. However society 20 years ago shaped individuals on being married and having children and the house with the white picked fence dream. Welppp… once you have tried to achieve this dream… you learn that it’s not for everyone. I tell the younger generation to live your life to the fullest and do not have children or get married if you are not ready. The worst mistake you can do is force yourself to commit to marriage and children and you haven’t did everything you want to do as a SINGLE person. You want to live life with no regrets and that’s why some married people feel resentment later on in their marriages because they didn’t have a chance to live life in their lense as a single person.
I TELL MY KIDS ALL THE TIME ENJOY YOUR SELF DONT CHASE A MAN AND END UP WITH KIDS TO SOON...ITS NOT FOR EVERY WOMEN ... FIND YOUR SELF FIRST...IF U DONT YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY....
I can relate. I knew how she felt, and it's not the way to live your life. We were conditoned in the 80s that real life started after achieving the marriage goal. I'm deprogrammed, but it can take years! And teach our daughter's better this time around.
Marriage/relationship is not for everyone...just like single is not for everyone...honestly either way I'm fine...I love my own companion and my freedom and as long as the person I'm with, enhances my life and I theirs, I'm fine either way...I'm enough with or without someone.
This is why you need to make the most of every season you find yourself in.. I’m currently single..and mid 30s. I pray marriage will happen for me and am I sad and lonely sometimes? Yes especially on saturdays but you best believe I am taking complete advantage of this season and stacking my coins ! If I’m gonna be an erm “mature” mom I better make sure I got enough coins to handle these kids
9:40 I was definitely jealous of my single friends and the single mothers when I was married with children. I’m divorced and my children are adults. This is the best time in my life. I’m loving the freedom, girl dinners, the peace and no one sucking the life out of me.
Lol, I just saw this video a few days ago. I was a tad bit annoyed by it. People just be saying anything on these apps. Back in her day, there was no social media so now she has FOMO because she's seeing everyone posting and jumping to conclusions.
Hi 👋🏽 Destiny I love ❤️ what you said about enjoying having your bed to yourself on vacation 😅! Yes 🙌🏽 Sis me too! I always reserve a KING sized bed on vacation 😅
I'm 26 and I've started thinking about this but you also need to evaluate where you're at. I've been struggling with real shit that has me tired and sick, sometimes when I see videos of women with their family or kids it touches a fiber in my bones because I feel so lonely... Is not easy and that's what's making me feel/desire a family of my own. I think that's the issue.
I feel the same way! I married @26 widowed by 30. I spent my youth looking for my husband never feeling complete til I had somebody because I was conditioned to be chosen. Well in an instant it was all gone and I only had myself again. I had to learn that I was enough! That my life wasn’t going to be dictated by my singleness and tbh maybe God was sparing me from a life I thought I wanted but knew nothing about. Because now 6yrs after my husband’s death I have a career and a life I am proud of. I went back to school got 2 degrees. I look at my friends dealing with cheating/broken husbands and ungrateful kids while I sleep in travel and work on accumulating wealth for retirement and I’m very happy with my life ❤
@Tiaratisha, thank you for that. I needed to hear that. For a long time I pictured myself married to a good man cause I'm a good woman and have always treated boyfriends great while I didn't get that same treatment. But maybe God is saving me from something I know nothing about..Thank you for that❤
I am 41 and lived this single life she talks of throughout my 20s... It wasn't as easy back then as it is now. I was literally the ONLY one in all my friend group NOT obsessing over getting married and having children before 30. The only one! I was working hard and travelling and going to the theatre, etc, etc... BUT I largely had to do it all on my own. It was AWESOME in many ways, however, is not the same as we are seeing now when SO MANY young women are choosing to live this kind of life and can move in packs and have an AMAZING time together. I had decided, when I was younger that I probably did not want to marry or have kids, so in my head, THIS was my life and I was going to live it. Which is why I think it was easier for me to hit the ground running. I think it is easier to live this kind of life if mentally, you are actively challenging traditional roles. This is also where many young women are now, psychologically, you're just in a different place to someone who is HOPING that love will find them.
She is describing life before social media. We really believed that your life starts when you get married. I will be forever grateful that my daughters have all this information. They will get to live the life I didn’t even know was possible at their age. That makes me happy
I think young women after high school should be career focused, travel and learn about themselves!
Sadly most can’t enjoy that because they need to start the next step of their life according to society after the degree its the 💍
@@Dottiebondsyep. But society is wrong.
More and more single women today are happy because they are pushing back on traditional societal beliefs.
@@DottiebondsI graduated a while ago and marriage has never been something I care about. It has always looked boring to me. So no not all women. At the end of the day destiny is in your hands and you have to choose for yourself and don’t allow for society to dictate your happiness.
Not just young women. I strongly believe young men should do the same. It is vital that EVERYONE try being alone with themselves for at least 2-3 years. This way, you are made to learn more about yourself and what you want and expect out of life.
I essentially spent 5 years in solitude, having to look at myself in the mirror. Some days, I loved what I saw, and other days, I hated what I saw. I was forced to think of the past and think of how I want my future. I was forced to look at my flaws and my perks.
It was a rough ride, but thanks to that solitude, I have a STRONG foundation of self-love. I know what I want for myself, and I am FULLY aware of my own flaws.
It is sometimes VERY scary to be alone, but if you hope to conquer your inner demons, you must do it. I recommend making sure you have friends, though, that you can socialize with outside of the solitude as sometimes you can go deep into the hole. Friends and families can help pull you out if you go too deep.
I promise that if more people are comfortable being alone with themselves and to look at themselves in the mirror.....it would be a real game changer.
You can't expect to make someone else happy until you are happy with yourself. It takes time, and it will cost you tears, but the payoff is indescribable.
I wouldn't trade those years of solitude for anything.
@@isaa8521 couldn’t agree more! I chose traveling and following my wildest desires after graduation. marriage to me seems like modern slavery. Only do it under the right circumstances 😁
I love her honesty. As a divorced woman, i have so much peace without a man not stressing me out.
Same
Listen, I was talking to my home girl today and she said herself, she doesn't feel like dating. Like why? It's become pointless now because of how these men act.
As a young widow, I’m less stressed now than when my husband was living.
Or their family harassing you ❤
Same. Definitely less stressed now that I'm divorce!!
She honestly just sounds unhappy all around. She needs to consider therapy and find out why she’s always unsatisfied. People take having a family for granted way too easily because of social media nowadays.
I always knew that I wanted to be single and on my own for a while after I graduated college and found employment. However, society, family and friends start to give you the side eye if you are approaching 30 and you're not married. I got married at 28. The ceremony lasted longer than the marriage.
Idc what society or family thinks.
She reminds me of an old friend who had all the milestones she needed to cross off her list but never seemed complete or happy.It's like they fantasized about a life they thought would naturally find them.College grad✅️,engaged and married by 27✅️...now for the monkey wrench thrown into her life. Hubby cheated 3 years later and had a kid. Now she divorced and depressed. Identity now nonexistent in her mind,decided to then get her crown back by becoming a mother. She got ivf by herself and now has 2 kids to give herself purpose. We stopped being friends . But this creator and her unhappiness in her life and wishing for better no matter her circumstances made me think of my old friend .
This opened my eyes to other things. I’ve put my life on hold but not even for relationships but for more about not having the dream job yet or having the money I want yet. Time will fly regardless
when i was in my early 20s i knew i did not want to get married or have kids. My mom always felt if i chose not to do those things it was okay, It was my life, my decision.
Alexa, play "More Cake" by Charity.
The mission goal is not about getting married . The mission goal is about living your own life the way that you want to live it !! You're not living your life the way what others want you to live it their way ! LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE SINGLE FEMALE'S THE WAY YOU WANT TO LIVE IT !!
I have had zero good experiences with guys and I love my single life marriage and kids is the hard knonx life being single and childfree is the goal for most women now women are just now realizing that men are optional and they suck. Girl I always knew that even when I thought I wanted boyfriend it didn't feel right it didn't feel like me.
The irony is that she spent her single years not “living” looking on the other side of marriage-now she’s married not “living” looking at singles. Just enjoy life in whatever stage of life you are
Exactly. “What if” is such a poison that rips you right out of the present moment. For nothing.
That was one of my first thoughts too but upon reflection perhaps it is totally to be expected, the young woman who was never taught how to value herself and her life, and then spent 20 years exhausting herself for others (and not having the time to reflect) under that same belief is only now having a realisation… to be honest it makes a lot of sense… I hope that she does start taking time for herself and healing whatever caused this belief, her life is far from over and she can reclaim that time now! Stepping into herself will be even greater service to her daughters and I hope more women from that generation and beyond start reclaiming their lives now! They deserve it! 💫😊
@@TheCushLifeK9 Every kind of life looking through certain lenses can appear miserable or can look great. The important thing is to find the magic in where YOU are
@@TheCushLifeK9
Its in the Bible. So I believe it was God’s idea, and it was good.
The idea was that if you are with the same man, then he would take care or you, provide for you and keep you safe.
If you sleep with a bunch of different men, then whose job would that be? None of them would do it.
Sadly, I have been with the same man and even he won’t do it. So I guess I kind of see your point. I’m still going to follow what the Bible says.
But today, it does seem like women have to do way more than their share of providing and protecting themselves. Which is sad.
@@TheCushLifeK9in my opinion some cultures and religions present marriage like it’s the best and most prestigious thing that a women can do. Like it’s the only important part of a woman’s life. I’ve seen churches celebrate marriages from the stage and not graduations, business ownership or other noteworthy accomplishments. It’s presented in such a cringeworthy way, and if you have no sense of self, I feel like it leads to internalization.
You know those women who are your friends until they get a bf… they get married and become this creator. If you think your single life is just you waiting for a man, you’re definitely not ready for marriage cause you’ll get sucked in and lose your whole individuality in someone else
I doubt it. Sounds like conditioning from a young age. She's 52.
And the tragedy for women is that men never lose themselves in marriage. The evidence is in their marital status. Women in the patriarchy are seen as nothing. Men remain MR. even after marriage. In the past, a woman was literally called by her husband first and second names, example: Mrs. John Smith. Yet women keep glorifying a system that treats us like animals
True.
I have gotten to the point where I absolutely appreciate that I have not endured some of the marriages I’ve witnessed… Singlehood feels very good most days…Sometimes, when men approach me.. or a DM 🙄all it does is remind me why single is better. These men are wholly uninspiring…
Enjoy your life where you are. Don’t let your parents or society dictate what your life should look like as a woman. Freedom of choice is everything and that comes with independence.
Exactly. Parents are the last people to listen to. Respect them by all means but politely and respectfully explain to them that each generation's experience is completely different and people shouldn't pretend otherwise. Most importantly, the young must bear in mind that parents are not going to be around forever and shouldn't insist on making decisions which will affect a life that they won't be able to support. You don't want to end up struggling with an outdated life with no support. Parents and society won't be there when you are all alone dealing with the rubbish they pushed you into.
Comparison is stealing your joy. Figure out what you want to do and do it. You want to travel ,plan it and do it. You want to go out after work with your co workers, do it. There is a solution to most problems, just because you are married does not mean you cannot take care of yourself. You cannot change the past, you cannot predict the future, SO LIVE IN THE PRESENT.
I encourage people to stop using SM as a tool to dig deeper holes of depression for themselves. 🕳️ She should stop watching single women’s content until she is emotionally healthier. ❤
Right, SM always shows a well curated life. They don't show the struggles that come with every phase of life. No one has a perfect life and it makes no sense to compare your life to another's.
But why? Clearly she’s been feeling suppressed subconsciously. Sometimes it takes others to see something in yourself, that has been buried deeply.
It’s all about how you choose to respond. Pressure makes diamonds. That woman now has the chance to do inner work, and make change for her life. It’s a win.
@@venusa4871I agree. Maybe now she will start to treat herself better.
True
Is SM single mother because she said single people…not once did this lady say single mother y’all just hear what you guys want to hear…being a single woman with no kids especially during these times is a beautiful alternative…
Yall just now realizing how much work marriage is for women? Wow.
A lot of people both men and women are in denial.
Not everyone lives the same life as you Karen. Wake up.
@@TijaunaK especially being a housewife
I never held myself back during my single hood but the pressure to get married and have child definitely pushed me to make poor relationships choices. Now that I’m back in single hood, I don’t fear it like I did before because I’m much happier on my own than to settle with a man who is not going to add to my life.
She looks gorgeous 😊😊😊... sorry you fell for the patriarchy trap. Never too late to live the life you actually want.
I’m sure her mother taught her that.
She's 52 and was conditioned to believe as she did.
@@Cateyes767Sorry but 52 is not at all old in terms of patriarchal programming. It all depends on the family you come from. I am almost 60 and am African yet don't have a patriarchal bone in my body but for my religious fundamentalist brother. I wasn't brought up to believe in marriage. In fact valuing marriage over education and a job was frowned upon. Self sufficiency was seen as the ultimate goal because my father had not been able to support us and life had been nothing short of hellish as a result.
@@the8thchurch461true. Some people choose to live by those outdated ideas and beliefs even when there is overwhelming evidence that it's not a good idea.
@@omphilemoerane2569Indeed dearest. Some people never learn. Some are even worse than worse and just the worst. I know of someone whose father had abandoned the family for another woman. The girl simply refused to learn. When I told her that I was pursuing high education, she said it was a waste of time. She proceeded to get married young at 22 and immediately started a family. It wasn't long before she showed up with a black eye because the husband had beaten her. The marriage didn't last and she moved to husband no. 2. Ah well, you cannot save everyone.
So if she didn’t get someone to marry her and have kids, she wouldn’t have lived her life?
Probably not. And so many women believe there is a cut off for doing and trying something new.
Sooooo many women think just like this. It’s insane.
@@KurosakiLuvar01you gotta remember the era she's from. She's 52 and It was insane not to think as she did back then. She was taught that it was insane not to marry as soon as possible.
That's not what she's saying. She's saying she didn't realize or was taught that being single was an option and completely normal. She's saying that if she could do it all over she would've stayed single.
@@biblethumper8088did you listen to what she said? She said she was waiting till she got married to live her real life. So to her being single wasn't a real life. Now that she's married and tired she realizes that marriage is not a piece of cake. As women, we need to enjoy life married or single.
Is your spouse helping you? Are your kids helping you? Something not right here.
That’s what I’m thinking
She wants to go back to the streets.
Are you talking about the host or the woman from tiktok?
@africaisking7817 It seems as if she realized that she's been scammed and should have stayed free in the streets.
Ofc!! Btch Is miserable bc of him n herself for not leaving
Everyone is not meant to be married.
I’m 37, 2 kids, never married. I never truly lived life before I had my first kid. I didn’t even know who I was yet. So I used up all my time as a mom making mistakes because I really wanted to live free. I have so many regrets. I wish I would have did better with my life before kids.
I like seeing young black women live life and not focus on finding a man/husband. Men aren’t going anywhere. You gotta be happy alone first and heal from any childhood trauma before dating at all.
I'm about to live my life, I thank the men for not choosing me to be their slave. If one does choose me, I don't want to do nothing 😂 I want a chauffeur, body guard, maid, chef, nanny etc. If he not coming like that I don't want him!
Amen! 😂🎉🎉
@@SmileyAdventures Right! I want this only for us women that want it for ourselves.
Wish I could insert a GIF 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
❤
Rejection is Devine protection luv.
Am 25 years old, I finished high school, started college, got my first degree then went for my honors degree. I have always wanted to study, get a good income and travel the world. When i graduated for my honors degree which is my second degree, I realized that my 20s are literally going while am stuck in school😂and so I decided to start traveling, I am originally from South Africa, am now in the US, i want to go study in Europe or Asia next and also maybe work there. I have legit told myself that i am going to travel and live the rest of my 20s like I've always dreamed. I don't want any regrets whatsoever.
I am so proud of you young lady!
@@saramatthews7159 Thank you🤗
Good for you. It's so great to see young people who cracked the code of their own happiness early on in their journey. Enjoy yourself!
@@AvuzwaKeei yw beautiful
Well done dearest. It is great to see this in the younger generation. I have been worried about you all when I saw extremely disturbing anti women content by Redpillers. I wondered how this was affecting young women. There is nothing more superior and powerful in the world than an empowered woman. She is the ultimate powerful force in the world. She will empower the next generation so what could be bigger. They say when you educate a woman, you educate the whole family. I am proud of you. Just make sure a man doesn't come in and steal your power. If you decide to get involved with a man, let him add to what you already are, not reduce. Be careful of men who want to reduce you to the submissive wife. Men never get reduced to anything when they marry. They get positive things added to them instead. Aim for the same dearest
I think marriage is not the end all be all. I believe in the idea that your spouse should be your partner and friend…
Instead of thinking about the what ifs she should think about what she could do for herself. If her kids are old enough to care for themselves enough she can let go the reigns to her spouse and have some time to herself… at least demand it…
I feel like if marriage doesn’t add to your journey for peace or happiness what’s the purpose?
I am single. And I decentered men. I stopped dating. I stopped dating apps. I stopped posting thirst traps. I stopped crying about being lonely. I chose to go to therapy. And I realized that the only reason I want someone in my life is because the bills are hard to pay alone. I decided to start looking at ways to budget, save, and earn money. I can tell you being single is not for everyone. But I can say for me. It works. I enjoy my alone time. I enjoy coming home and only taking care of myself. I enjoy a quiet peaceful home. I enjoy taking care of only myself. Am I lonely. Not really. I have good friends and my family. And I spend alot of time with them. If I need to share a meal with someone I go cook at my daughter’s home or go out to eat.
That's what you call a level up.
@@OO9O9 I really think it is! I was so brainwashed into thinking I needed a man.
@@Lizarddqueen79 that's patriachy projection thrusted into us since young age. We all deprograme at different stage in ourlives, glad you found your way.
Finally somebody admits what we’ve all known all this time.
my mother had us before she lived her life. as a result, we had a very codependent and enmeshed relationship in which she took ownership of all of my grade school accomplishments. once i started hitting career milestones as a young adult and fought for my own identity outside of her, I felt a lot of jealousy from her. she started putting me down when I’d tell her about big accomplishments, which was confusing because she had always been my biggest supporter growing up. eventually i stopped going to her altogether. all that to say, i want a child one day and ive vowed to go after and accomplish all that i want in life so that i will never envy the opportunities awarded to my child. i want to take my child with me and it is my hope that they go even further than i will because i will have god willingly laid a foundation for them to do so. 💕
in relation to the video, i want to look at the tiktok of thirty years in the future and see girls living their lives and instead of envying them, relate and recall my good memories of a life well lived. God willing!
Unfortunately that’s marriage in a nut shell I’ve noticed for ladies , it’s simply not enough balance for the wives and mothers as soon as your married, People men and ladies scream at you you’re married you can’t do that , don’t think of having a baby people want you to give up every hope and dream, wish ,sex appeal , carefree energy honey it’s sad and men never give up anything besides the financial aspect of being married other than that they get to remain Bros and have friends go on fishing trips and golf trips .. it’s easy for a married woman to get depressed I seen it too many times
Yeah I wish I knew that before choosing motherhood.
@@Mystika777Ahwww
Men never give up anything and in fact gain everything. The way they are, they wouldn't choose marriage if it didn't benefit them, fact.
@@Mystika777You are definitely not alone. As women, we are socialized to become mothers from the very beginning. Think about how boys got to play with science kits, but the toys designed for little girls are baby dolls and kitchen sets. We are literally programmed to be misguided. Anyways, being a mom is extremely challenging and you need a break. Give your kids to your husband, and tell him you need a self care weekend. Go to the spa and get pampered❤️
@@the8thchurch461Married men live longer, while single women live longer. What does THAT tell you?
The single period is not a chapter for me, it is the book
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
I TELL MY DAUGHTERS ALL THE TIME.... DONT DO IT!!! PLEASE
I TELL MY DAUGHTER ALL THE TIME ….IF HE AINT LIKE YOUR FATHER DONT DO IT!!! PLEASE.
@@sg5720Just don’t trust men period. It’s always “he would never” until he does…
Idk man. Seems like she's doing the same thing now that she did when she was single: coveting the fantasy of what she doesn't/didn't have. Take a look around and see where you are right now. Is it perfect? No. It won't be. It NEVER is. But can you find happiness where you are? You make decisions in life and you have to make the best of them. Comparing your life to others and, worse, to what others are putting online is ONLY going to make you unhappy. If you want to be content in YOUR LIFE, look at YOUR LIFE. What small changes can you make that are practical and will make a difference in the long wrong? Being run ragged with chores? Include the kids or work out a chore chart with the hubby. Not feeling loved? Set aside a two hour window a week to just spend alone with the hubby. Have no time for yourself? Make it happen where you can, even if it's just knitting on your lunch break. Work with what you've got and change what isn't working.
👏🏾
So she married late is still stupid? Girl bye...I can't imagine being single all that time and thinking that wasn't a "real" life. You only get the one. So every minute counts.
The “trad wife” programming starts early and is extremely invasive
True. I would have snapped out of it by the time I was 30😂
@@omphilemoerane2569 Even 30 is a horribly late age to snap out of it tbh lol
She probably was with a man the whole time/never single for too long. She could have gone to shows, travel, go to school, but probably was strapped to a man's side. Most people didn't/don't have the grit to march to beat of their own drum. I'm glad to be a millenial I was born in a generation who freed itself from all the archaic constructs society has forced on us for too long
she was too caught up in finding a husband b/c she allowed herself to be programmed by society and now realizes she missed out on a lot of life instead of just enjoying each moment. Tragic
I have a question. How can marriage be a goal? To me anything that involves someone else will be almost impossible to accomplish. Men decide if they want to get married, so how can women have that as a goal? I understand you can do certain things to be “chosen” but still it doesn't guarantee that you will get married. I'm happy for people who are happily married, but I think we need to be very careful with sitting and waiting to accomplish the “goal” of marriage.
Very true
Destiny, I hope you feel better very soon!💖
🙏🏾🙏🏾
I married at 19, divorced 9 years later…I’m actually glad I married young and found out I should have followed my instincts and left his ass where I found him😂😂😂 but I’ve been living my very best life ever since. He happened to see me out shopping one day and called me immediately saying I looked like I was miserable. 😩 I didn’t have the heart to tell him I was looking like that because the dress I was looking for was gone!! Boy leave me alone. He really thought I was going to run back to his slow ass. Anyway ladies live ya life, they will suck the life out of you and blame you for it all. You could not pay me to marry again!! Get the cat 🐈 or the 🐶 puppy. 😂😂😂
I think because single now and single 10 years ago is wayyyyyyy different. 10years ago there was nothing to do but be with someone... now people travel more, people go out more. Having a husband isn't a "flex" anymore. Life is just way different now.
Plus, it's just as expensive (if not MORE) being with someone else as it is being single. It's absolutely more expensive being with someone else if you have children.
There was plenty to do 10 years ago. Social media wasn’t as popular as it is now, but a lot of the same events and activities we have today were available 10 years ago, especially if you live in or near a major city and were over the age of 21.
10 years ago is literally 2014. What do you mean nothing to do 💀💀💀??
@@blanketthecat3586@blanketthecat3586 nothing to do msy have been exaggerated, but s lot has definitely changed since then regarding traveling and just relationships.... the fact that you are on this video is my point.
@@ultravioletmix3310 years changes a lot... I can't even imagine life or relationships in another 10... I exaggerated 10 years. But I'll just speak for me and my surroundings.....being in a relationship and having kids was definitely the thing to do...my little sister and her crew don't even want kids now... I see a difference around me I guess. People are more focused o. Education and living life.
Live your life like you'll never get married... You'll have a good time :)
As a person who was married for ten years and felt just like her, my heart hurts for her. I think society makes women feel bad about being single. I pray she finds serenity and peace in her life. I still desire marriage but also love myself and know who I am. I am spending this time getting my life in order. There is a time for everything!
Girl what were you doing in your 20s? I was single all my 20s, and I’ll be getting married this year at 33. I’ve lived my life. I traveled, brunched with the girlies, enjoyed the nightlife, dated, got my heart broken, went to school, got a career, lived on my own for several years. I’ve experienced life and not sure I’d want to go back to that. Perhaps she should create some hobbies outside of her family.
When I went to London to visit my sister for my God daughter's christening, she blurted out, DON'T get married, don't have kids. She was married for only a year then. Single and living it up in her 20s. My point is that things change when you settle down. Some people love it. Some people miss their FREEDOM. I personally don't want kids, so see no point in marriage. Obviously, she was preaching to the choir. 🤣
Y’all this is why they say to work on yourself😅. And that you can’t love another without first loving yourself. My goal is most definitely to have a husband. In no way shape or form will I be caught dead with that as my *only* goal. And it only makes sense to me to want to be the best version of myself I can be before, during and after achieving that goal. That means living my life in all phases; keeping the future in mind but focusing on the present.
This isn’t every married women’s story. This is sad though! There are married women with kids that are happy and I think people hear her story and think that this is universally how married women think and it’s not. I feel for her though.
Comparison is the thief of happiness. If you're true to yourself and your own desires, you won't be envious of others. I'm married 17 years as well. I don't compare myself to single women, and the most happiest I've been is raising my children.
Yes!
I’ve been married for YEARS and as much as I love the single girls living their best life content, I don’t envy it at all. Stop comparing yourself to other people, especially people on SM only showing the highlight reels
I am also married and don't get what there is to envy? if you are married to the right person, marriage is incredible! and a wonderful bond to experience.
Same lol! I’m married and I feel the same way.
It' not hard to understand. Society pressures girls/women into relationships and after a certain age, not being partnered is seen as a measurement of our worth, value and morality. There is a reason that men and women are out here promoting men to be in age gap relationships with women young enough to be my daughter (if I had her at 20). There is a reason why women's bodily autonomy is being stripped and chipped away at to almost nothing in this country.
If you're a happily married woman or a married woman at all, my hats off to you. I opted out a decade ago. Too much work and I'd rather put all the nurturing and creativity I have into myself.
@@TijaunaK Yes that’s great we all have our own separate lives whether we’re married or single and we can all be happy or unhappy. And we can all have our individual struggles. just because I am married, doesn’t mean I’m struggling and. Unhappy and that’s the same vice versa for single women. Sometimes I just see no balance in these conversations.
@@TijaunaK like I said in my original comment, I’m happy for the single girls living their best life, so hats off to you! I don’t envy what others have going on bc I’m happy with what I have going on. I feel everyone should do the same, single or married.
I'm around that lady's sge. I am single. I lived my best life in my 20s, 30s, and 40s. People, even in my family, thought I was strange going out by myself. I went to shows, restaurants, and conferences by myself. I traveled around the country and a little outside wuthin the Western hemisphere. And I wasn't rich. I'm in a profession that isn't paid well in response to the education earned. I was living a "rich auntie" life before it was a thing. If anything, I have slowed down in my 50s because where I moved to with my famuly. But I had a good time.
If I was jealous of anything, it would be a single woman feels she could survive on her own.
I don't feel any better off married than I did single.
I'm interested on why you believe this?
@@aboutthatlife1418 I was without neurodivergent kiddos, had a bigger support system, and things weren't so expensive.
@@aboutthatlife1418because people don't understand that marriage is a business. If your lifestyle is not going to improve after getting married then there is no point in you doing it. Only get married if it means you're going to have more money in your account, going to live in a better neighborhood, bigger house, drive a better car, go on more vacations, your kids will go better schools otherwise why do it? 😂
I had to thank my mother for never pressuring me for children or to be married. I never realized the gift of freedom she set me up for. I'm 45 and my body can still have kids but I'm good. I also am good on being lawfully married to anyone. I'm a free bitch baby!
Sending love to this married woman for the humility and maturity to admit her insecurity. It takes honesty and that should never be shamed in this world.
I am proud of us single ladies living it up. For too long we have been single shamed by women in relationships.
I’m forever being shamed by married women and women in relationships, thinking their above me for being ‘chosen’. I don’t even hang around with taken women anymore only single women or lesbians. The funny thing is they think I’m jealous of them but their husband or man isn’t the type I’d wanna be married to anyway 😅
@@shanicrystal8671Sorry you have to deal with that. I can never understand why married women think they are superior to single women. It is laughable because their men make them walk through hoops. It is a rarity for a man to be pro women. They are mainly sexist but I mustn't paint them all with the same brush. Still....
Those women are just mad they settled.
There's nothing better than living your best life. Love it 😊
She's one of the rare women that openly admitted to feeling envy/jealous. Respect to her.
The only thing to envy as a single women is the wedding. That's why most men think women only want to get married to have a wedding day😂
She’s beautiful! Honestly, I think if someone is going to get married, it should be with someone that wants what you want. Meaning, they want to travel, have a maid, living a certain lifestyle. Idk, as someone that doesn’t want marriage or kids, it’s not that hard to live the life that you want lol. If you’re living for others, then you will never be fulfilled.
BINGO. 😊
Is there such a man though, who would want to travel, have a maid, in marriage? They want you to stay at home and cook/clean.
I really appreciate her video. I think sooooooo many women have done exactly what she describes - treating your single life as if it is an unimportant preamble to your Real Life of Wife and Mother - and are seething in resentment about it. Jealousy is uncomfortable,but at least she's aware of what it is and that it's about her choices and perspective, which she can change if she really wants to, not something that just happened to her. It sounds like she is really processing some big existential questions and she is brave to take it to Beyoncé's internet.
I'm divorced, kids are grown, luuuuv my life!!❤❤
I never envy married or women with kids. Im a teacher and most the women with kids or married seem stressed. Always compromising or look tired.
I just think this lady, if and when she gets a divorce, we’ll see her back talking about how much she misses her husband… Some people just aren’t ever happy, always waiting for the next best thing
I want yo understand how that lady was i n a 17yr relationship with 4 kids and only engaged?!
Enjoy what you have before its what you HAD! Reinvent yourself, do something, live baby time ain't forever!
I feel like people are always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. All shes doing to me is now swapping the place holding. Instead of making time for herself and enjoying herself which there are moms on tik tok who do the same thing, she is looking on longingly and miserably living in the past of what she could have done. Instead of DOING. Some people really want a family. Like your life is YOURS please live. Before now was the time the marriage and family. Now she has that and when she was single was the time. Girl please.
Seriously? As a married single wife, the worst part of it is how much my husband neglects me. I’m glad that I was single for a very long time before I met him even though people told me that I should get married young. Because even though I’m married, I still feel like I’m single. The only difference is that now my family hates me too. Well, in reality, they hated me the whole time, I just didn’t know it back then. I’m happy to be away from their toxicity. If you aren’t happy with your marriage, let your husband know and seek your own independence. What is he going to do about it? The only thing he can do is divorce you. And if he divorces you, then you will get singlehood, which is what you have always wanted.
😢
Destiny! 😢 I can hear it in your voice. Girl, I hope you feel better soon, darling ❤ Get some rest. We'll be here.
I hope someone is checking in on you. Chicken pox is dangerous for adults to get. And can come back as shingles a bad rash as you age
Yeah, she needs to get the shingles vaccine as soon as she can safely get it after she recovers from the chicken pox. I had shingles, and it's not something I'd wish on *anyone.*
Lol nothing will happen if you get chicken pox as an adult
@@nemotheo1629 Chickenpox tends to be more severe in adults than children, and adults have a higher risk of developing complications.
In reference to shingles, anyone who has ever had chickenpox (whether they get it as a child or as an adult) can get shingles, and anyone who has shingles can give chickenpox to anyone who hasn't already had chickenpox.
It's super dangerous@@nemotheo1629
@@nemotheo1629My aunt almost died. In USA. It’s serious
Life is what you make it!
Okay well if you didn’t make the most of your time that’s on YOU.
She should not be jealous of young single women. You can be single at any age.
She centered men in her life and viewed marriage as the beginning of her life and forgot to live and enjoy life. She still has time to live her life, but now she's worrying about the past. Ma'am live your life where you are, do the things that you want to do, is your husband not your partner or are you the bang maid, and if it's the latter, you have a different problem
She had too many years to be sitting up here talking like this.. at 35 you didn’t have enough sense to marry a man who would provide you a life of peace??
Victim blaming is NOT a nice character trait...
I feel her. She's tired from serving everyone, while no one is serving her. She wants to rest and be free of those responsibilities. I regret marriage and children too, but I take solace in teaching my children not to follow that path. Their fathers genealogy will not live on.
Almost 40?!!!!!! U look 28
She is 52 but looks like she is in her 20's! Lucky girl.
@@the8thchurch461She was talking about Destiny…
@@seekinghimdaily92 I see. The lady in the video also looks great. She could also pass for someone in their late 20s, especially as she is married and very likely has kids. You normally have married women being fat when they reach their 50s. So I suppose both women look great?
@@the8thchurch461she has no kids. She’s mentioned it before
As a single woman this really broke my heart for her.
If she's unhappy or envious of single women, divorce and be single. Her husband might feel the same way.
Girl, PLEASE REST! 💖
Destiny, its 2024. Please take some Valtrex and move on with your life 😂. Chicken pox can be dangerous in adults so please change your methods if not better soon. Be well 🎉
Y’all don’t want to be paying the bills by yourself 😂. Student loans , credit card debt start climbing from buying them wigs weaves and nails . Women tend to be irresponsible consumers, especially when they aren’t in relationships
I think they just married the wrong man.
I almost got married to the wrong man and I know for sure I would be miserable right now, trying to find a divorce to have .
She is already married, so it's easy for her to say that. It's harder to find decent guys now... I've been single for my whole life, except for maybe 1.5 year I dated someone. Friends do get jealous of me sometimes since I don't have the responsibilities they have, but I don't think they are at the same time. It's so difficult to find a man ready for marriage.
I was in a marriage for 6 years in a rship for 8 years. Rship was happy, went down hill as soon as we married. Rships since after honeymoon period we're very unhappy. I'm single now and living my best life I travel, I come and go as I please. I recently experienced solo travelling which is one of the best experiences of my life. I'm 41 the happiest prolonged periods of times I've been single but I had a son to bring up so wasn't alone still had responsibilities and had someone to love. I would like a companion to experience life with but I'm also not prepared to settle for anything that doesn't feel right or doesn't add something beneficial to my life.
I will say that every married person has a different perspective on what being single is and that’s freedom. However society 20 years ago shaped individuals on being married and having children and the house with the white picked fence dream. Welppp… once you have tried to achieve this dream… you learn that it’s not for everyone. I tell the younger generation to live your life to the fullest and do not have children or get married if you are not ready. The worst mistake you can do is force yourself to commit to marriage and children and you haven’t did everything you want to do as a SINGLE person. You want to live life with no regrets and that’s why some married people feel resentment later on in their marriages because they didn’t have a chance to live life in their lense as a single person.
I TELL MY KIDS ALL THE TIME ENJOY YOUR SELF DONT CHASE A MAN AND END UP WITH KIDS TO SOON...ITS NOT FOR EVERY WOMEN ... FIND YOUR SELF FIRST...IF U DONT YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY....
I can relate. I knew how she felt, and it's not the way to live your life. We were conditoned in the 80s that real life started after achieving the marriage goal. I'm deprogrammed, but it can take years! And teach our daughter's better this time around.
Marriage/relationship is not for everyone...just like single is not for everyone...honestly either way I'm fine...I love my own companion and my freedom and as long as the person I'm with, enhances my life and I theirs, I'm fine either way...I'm enough with or without someone.
This is why you need to make the most of every season you find yourself in.. I’m currently single..and mid 30s. I pray marriage will happen for me and am I sad and lonely sometimes? Yes especially on saturdays but you best believe I am taking complete advantage of this season and stacking my coins ! If I’m gonna be an erm “mature” mom I better make sure I got enough coins to handle these kids
😂😂
Apex fallacy: we're not all living Sex and the City
9:40 I was definitely jealous of my single friends and the single mothers when I was married with children. I’m divorced and my children are adults. This is the best time in my life. I’m loving the freedom, girl dinners, the peace and no one sucking the life out of me.
Lol, I just saw this video a few days ago. I was a tad bit annoyed by it. People just be saying anything on these apps. Back in her day, there was no social media so now she has FOMO because she's seeing everyone posting and jumping to conclusions.
She's bored i guess 😂
Hi 👋🏽 Destiny I love ❤️ what you said about enjoying having your bed to yourself on vacation 😅! Yes 🙌🏽 Sis me too! I always reserve a KING sized bed on vacation 😅
Exactly!! 🤣🤣🤣🫶🫶❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@DestinyUteh 🤩🤑💅🏼
I totally understand that’s why I divorced
I'm 26 and I've started thinking about this but you also need to evaluate where you're at. I've been struggling with real shit that has me tired and sick, sometimes when I see videos of women with their family or kids it touches a fiber in my bones because I feel so lonely... Is not easy and that's what's making me feel/desire a family of my own. I think that's the issue.
I feel the same way! I married @26 widowed by 30. I spent my youth looking for my husband never feeling complete til I had somebody because I was conditioned to be chosen. Well in an instant it was all gone and I only had myself again. I had to learn that I was enough! That my life wasn’t going to be dictated by my singleness and tbh maybe God was sparing me from a life I thought I wanted but knew nothing about. Because now 6yrs after my husband’s death I have a career and a life I am proud of. I went back to school got 2 degrees. I look at my friends dealing with cheating/broken husbands and ungrateful kids while I sleep in travel and work on accumulating wealth for retirement and I’m very happy with my life ❤
He works in mysterious ways. ❤
I’m sorry for your loss
@Tiaratisha, thank you for that. I needed to hear that. For a long time I pictured myself married to a good man cause I'm a good woman and have always treated boyfriends great while I didn't get that same treatment. But maybe God is saving me from something I know nothing about..Thank you for that❤
I’m sorry you went through that. Must have been hard. But I’m glad you made it out the other side❤
This is 100% a her problem. A problem with how her mind works. She needs help for that. Not whining to social media.
I hope you’re Resting up plenty Destiny !!
I'M A TRAD WIFE OF 13 YEARS,&I'M DEFINITELY NOT.
Sounds like she wants a divorce
I PRAY YOU FEEL BETTER SISTER!! 🙏🏾 (I call you my sis 😅) Im going thru the SAME exact thing. It really sucks. Feel better. ❤
How kind of her to open up and be honest for others that are doing the same thing.
she'd be unhappy either way imo
I can relate to her but, I am still single. I am already in motion to change all of that around.
I am 41 and lived this single life she talks of throughout my 20s... It wasn't as easy back then as it is now. I was literally the ONLY one in all my friend group NOT obsessing over getting married and having children before 30. The only one!
I was working hard and travelling and going to the theatre, etc, etc... BUT I largely had to do it all on my own. It was AWESOME in many ways, however, is not the same as we are seeing now when SO MANY young women are choosing to live this kind of life and can move in packs and have an AMAZING time together.
I had decided, when I was younger that I probably did not want to marry or have kids, so in my head, THIS was my life and I was going to live it. Which is why I think it was easier for me to hit the ground running.
I think it is easier to live this kind of life if mentally, you are actively challenging traditional roles. This is also where many young women are now, psychologically, you're just in a different place to someone who is HOPING that love will find them.
Fair play to her for being so publicly vulnerable. Hope she forgives herself.
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She is describing life before social media. We really believed that your life starts when you get married. I will be forever grateful that my daughters have all this information. They will get to live the life I didn’t even know was possible at their age. That makes me happy