Feeling guilty over my dog's separation anxiety was something I had a hard time with too. It made me second guess going out sometimes, or only choosing activities that could include her. I turned down a lot of trips that would take me away from her for more than a night. All I could think of was how confused and lonely she would be. I was always very attuned to signs of distress in her, and vice versa. It often felt like we were on an emotional loop with one another, going round and round. I've been like this with all the animals I've had (now it's rabbits). It hard, because they're dependent on me. My anxiety comes from thinking I'm not up to the task of caring for another creature (as you said), because I don't know how well I can take care of myself. I think, for autistic people like us, it's a valid concern. We CAN do it, like you said, but it's hard. Is it worth it to our mental health? I guess it depends on the individual (both human and animal). Probably there are some really bad matches, and probably there are some perfect matches. The animals that are emotionally the neediest may not be great matches for us. Nor are the animals that are so aloof that WE feel unwanted. I've often thought a service animal, specifically tailored to autism (and they DO have them), would be best. They're trained to be attentive to your emotional and physical needs, to help you navigate the world, and not make you feel like you're the one taking care of THEIR emotional needs. But they aren't cheap. So, if I get another dog someday, I think I'll take my time with the selection process, and try to find the best match for my unique emotional needs that I can.
Feeling guilty over my dog's separation anxiety was something I had a hard time with too. It made me second guess going out sometimes, or only choosing activities that could include her. I turned down a lot of trips that would take me away from her for more than a night. All I could think of was how confused and lonely she would be. I was always very attuned to signs of distress in her, and vice versa. It often felt like we were on an emotional loop with one another, going round and round. I've been like this with all the animals I've had (now it's rabbits). It hard, because they're dependent on me. My anxiety comes from thinking I'm not up to the task of caring for another creature (as you said), because I don't know how well I can take care of myself. I think, for autistic people like us, it's a valid concern. We CAN do it, like you said, but it's hard. Is it worth it to our mental health? I guess it depends on the individual (both human and animal). Probably there are some really bad matches, and probably there are some perfect matches. The animals that are emotionally the neediest may not be great matches for us. Nor are the animals that are so aloof that WE feel unwanted. I've often thought a service animal, specifically tailored to autism (and they DO have them), would be best. They're trained to be attentive to your emotional and physical needs, to help you navigate the world, and not make you feel like you're the one taking care of THEIR emotional needs. But they aren't cheap. So, if I get another dog someday, I think I'll take my time with the selection process, and try to find the best match for my unique emotional needs that I can.
I’m glad I fostered first so I know too really take my time picking out a service animal