Struggling with Mormon Perfectionism - Ally Christiansen Pt. 1 | Ep. 1633

Ally, a returned-missionary and member of BYU’s elite choir, BYU Singers, describes her struggles with perfectionism, mental health, discovering her asexuality after marriage, losing her faith as a student at BYU, and rediscovering her relationship with music.
Pt 2: • Losing Faith at BYU - ...
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Show Notes:
Allychristiansen.com www.AllyChrist...
Instagram: / ally.christiansen.sings
A Little Book of Ace amz.run/5omS
Time Codes
10:20 - Her story begins, pioneer ancestry
14:00 - Difficult in her mother’s young years in NM. Grandfather kills grandmother.
16:50 - Grandfather kills grandmother, strengthening commitment to LDS gospel
18:30 - Born in California, moved to Utah, primary
19:00 - Primary songs
23:20 - Family dynamics, baptism, piano lessons
26:50 - Leaving primary, becoming a Beehive
34:00 - Developing musical interests (ward choir)
39:00 - Patriarchal blessing, hearing BYU students sing
43:00 - Parents get sick, begins acting out
44:50 - Delta High school, ACT 13 times, Sterling Scholar, Valedictorian
49:00 - H.S. accomplishments/pursuits, performance = worth
1:03:30 - Runner-up with Sterling Scholar
1:06:00 - MIssionary age change
1:11:00 - Approaching the BYU experience
1:20:00 - Dad has beginnings of faith crisis, hearing a podcast
1:29:00 - Feeling hollow inside after all the accomplishments, problems with connecting feelings with Heavenly Father
1:33:00 - Getting into UVU’s music program, 2 elder siblings lose their faith
1:39:00 - Starting BYU
1:46:00 Getting a blessing from a professor about serving a mission
1:53:00 - Getting mission call, South Dakota
1:56:00 - Temple endowment experience
1:59:00 - Going into the mission field, pursuing more perfection/achievement
2:03:00 - Seeing sister missionaries on mission struggle with mental health, wanting to come home early
2:09:00 - Defining success on the mission
2:21:00 - Back to BYU, Going to CAPS, mental health diagnosis (anxiety, ADHD)
2:31:00 - Meeting Zach (future husband), dating, falling in love
2:43:00 - Discussing attractions/asexuality at BYU while dating
2:49:00 - Sexual differences/difficulties after marriage, asexuality vs. demisexuality