Cutting People Off vs Setting Boundaries | Fridays with Tab and Chance
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- How do you know when it's time to set a boundary with someone or if it's time to cut them off? What does a boundary look like? What does a cutoff look like? Do the boundaries or rules change if the person is related to you? On today's episode, we answer these questions for ourselves and open up to our struggles and successes when it comes to protecting ourselves and our well-being. Let's get into it!
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This Chapter of My Life is called "Limited Access."
No time or energy for jealousy, envy, or for people who truly don't want to see You Shine!!
"You can't let your mood affect all the people who need this video." This part right here is up for an Oscar. I love it! I love how you just spoke to your wife Chance and the way she looks at you
Chance: don't let your mood affect the people that need this video..that was a lovely 💜
It was lovely. 😌
That’s when you have someone in your corner who is rooting for you.
So lovely
Same “anybody can get it” cut off game so serious, idc who you call yourself to be… “ I never knew you, depart from me [you are banished from my presence]”Matthew 7:23
Anybody can get it! I agree 💯
A word right there 🙏🏾
Yesss🎉
In Jesus name Amen!
Amen
The enemy can be those in your household. Relatives are connected by blood, and family is connected by love. Therefore, I am with Chance, I can forgive and forget you at the same time. 😅 Tfs
Amen
I set boundaries for those that don't know boundaries exist. I cut them off when they continue to disrespect the boundaries!! Applies to everyone..family(with limits), friends, coworkers and SUPERVISORS!! I am not disrespectful, so you will not disrespect me!!
This episode is so good. Just last year I had to look at my “so called friends” and do an evaluation. I had many friends attached to me bc they loved my energy, what I can poor into them, what I can do for them. But I didn’t enter the relationship asking “myself is this fruitful or a relationship I want to be in!” Now I ask myself with every person who wants to be my friend.. what category should I place them in. I’m so much at peace now, and I love it. 🥰
JESUS!!!!!!!!!! Thank you woman of God for that confirmation. I appreciate you taking time to share. I'm so happy you found your peace. To God be the GLORY for creating a positive platform to connect with other believers. May God con't to bless and keep you in His divine care. 😊
Thank you for touching on this because I had to cut off my Mom and Dad. I’ve set boundaries and they chose to walk over them, so I said enough is ENOUGH! I blocked their phone numbers and now I have peace! Was it easy, no. But was it WORTH it, yes! You don’t deserve to be abused, gaslighted, manipulated by ANYONE including your Mom, Dad, Husband, Wife, etc!
Same with my mom. No matter how many times I’ve given the benefit of the doubt after setting boundaries, she still remained a line stepper. Just totally disregarding the respectful asks.
Same with me and my mom, brother, former bff's and relatives. You're right, it hasn't been easy, but it was worth this peace that I have. It took me almost 50 years to get to this season in my life. This peace that I have will be protected, no matter who you are.
I felt this 💯 good for you ❤
Do you tell the person you are cutting them off, or do you just do so quietly?
That’s a bit much, if they’re abusive, mean to your kids or put you in a dangerous situation I agree but if they have strong opinions or saying things to make you upset then there are alternatives to getting y’all relationship to a healthy place. Speaking from a person who has lost a parent and not spoken to my mother for years, it’s one of my biggest regrets because time is something you cannot get back.
I agree with Chance on this one. Anybody can get it. When people don't respect your boundaries, they get cut off. No one is allowed to continually hurt me.
Chance is so real and thought-provoking! 'Agreed - anybody can get it!'
I agree 💯 with Chance…being the only child taught me how to cut people off quick and know how to set healthy boundaries.
Just from the headline: I set the boundaries and let them decide to get cut off! 🤷🏽♀️
My father was the first person that made me create boundaries. His unreliability had become too much for me. So I had to set boundaries for him for my own wellbeing. I also saw my mom be emotionally abused by family and it bothered me to see her pain. So I’m like Chance… anybody can get it. 😂
This!❤
Amen!
"Set a boundary for my self so I can work on me" Wow this is so good.
Dealing with this CURRENTLY during this holiday season I understand and stand with Chance 1000% if they need to be cut off you must step back a bit for the sake of your peace ❤
Family is usually the one or ones that need to be cut off or boundaries set. And it’s definitely hard and painful but to protect your peace and mental well being it MUST be done
Thank you so much for speaking on this. I had a stroke on October 1 and I'm recovering. I've been praying a lot for revelation and God has opened up my heart and revealed the hearts of the people closest to me and it doesn't feel good and every time I pray it seems like God will reveal someone to me and these are people very close to me and so I'm having to deal with some things and I know that once I come out of my recovery because I know that God is sending me up for my purpose and once I go into my new purpose there's gonna be some people that are gonna be left behind because I'm making some changes. I know I have to from my piece so I thank you very much for helping me to understand this and myself.
Praying for your speedy recovery and strength
I’m with Chance; ANYBODY can get it! LOL! Real talk. Tab, you had so many quotable statements in this episode.
I recently had an experience with a family member. My mom died at the top of this year, and my extremely dysfunctional family members have started trying to communicate with me more often. I guess they feel like I need their support when they don’t realize that my mom wanted me to move beyond the family dysfunction. She encouraged me to not be close to them.
One person in particular, my younger female cousin, decided that it was a good idea to call me early on a Saturday morning back in July. I was on the West Coast that weekend, and she called me at 5 AM on a Saturday! There is NO ONE that I need to speak to at that time on any day. EVER! I answered the phone because I assumed that it must have been an emergency. Nope! She was calling for the heck of it. I told her that I was in Los Angeles, and she hurried up and hung the phone up.
When I got back to my current residence, I explained that, as a daily practice, I do not take early morning calls. She knew that my mom was the same way, and we literally had a conversation about it. I made sure that she thoroughly understood my boundary. We even had an additional text conversation about it.
However, last month, she decided to call me not once but twice at early times during the work week. The last time she did it, I confronted her via text and said that she either completely forgot about our previous conversations or it was a blatant disregard of my boundaries, but I reminded her that I do not take early morning calls. Additionally, I work for an organization founded by a high profile person (a former member of the White House) who had just died. My cousin is aware of that fact, and I told her that I was focused on getting my staff through the grieving process. I told her that when the dust settled, I would be back in touch with her.
Her response was exceptionally rude. “It was 9.15 am- business hours - but my apologies. I thought that was an appropriate time for working women/family. But again, my apologies.” First of all, her flighty tail forgot that I’m one hour behind her, so it was 8:15 AM my time. However, my boundary has *nothing* to do with whether I’m awake and *everything* to do with conserving my morning energy for me and God alone. It sets the trajectory for the rest of my day, and I’m not changing that boundary to accommodate her. I quite literally had to call on Jesus AND my therapist after I read her response! I opted not to send her a message back because it wasn’t worth my energy. I had to protect my peace and redirect it to help my organization grieve WHILE still balancing my own grief with my mom‘s death in February.
So, my decision was to cut my cousin off completely. I blocked her from my phone altogether. She demonstrated that she had no respect for the boundary I had already set. I had a clear conversation with her, on multiple occasions, and she still disregarded it. It was the sense of entitlement that she exhibited which upset me the most. Just because I’m single with no kids doesn’t mean I have to be available anytime she wants to talk. The mornings are my time to center myself and to talk to God. I don’t owe an explanation about that to anyone.
The plot twist?
SHE IS A LICENSED PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR!
if anyone knows about boundaries, it should be her! I don’t know who in the world goes to her for help, but I pray the Lord redirects them to someone who actually lives by healthy principles.
Bottom line: your boundaries don’t require an explanation. If they aren’t respected, it’s time to move accordingly. Family or not. 💯
Y'ALL ARE PREACHING HERE!!! I had tried to explain to my 22 yr old son about me having and setting boundaries with my sister. He doesn't understand that I have to protect my well-being. Like u said Tab, my peace, my mental health, that comes first because there's only one me and I am the one who has to take care of me. So when it comes to my peace, mental and emotional health, certain ppl cannot have access to me and unfortunately my sister is one of them.
Wow thanks for being so real about this subject. I can relate because I was at a point where I was blaming others for my unhappiness when I really needed to make my own changes. It actually came to me when I was walking around in my favorite garden center and enjoying a peaceful moment just walking around enjoying all the plants. They all looked so fresh and alive in their little pots. While enjoying this experinence in natures beauty it began to dawn on me that I was the one that needed to be repotted. I had become root bound and needed to take the steps to expand my own horizons, learn new things, set my feet/roots in new soil. It was so liberating to realize that I could make a decision to set myself free and those who I had placed in judgement because I was unhappy with myself. Listening to you guys speak on this and share your experiences has brought this full circle for me. Thank you 🤗
I'm the Queen of cut off, honestly saying from this Aquarian. I dig what both of you Chance and Tabitha said. All of it. Thank you.
I loved this. If we’re honest, we all are a little damaged and we need to be careful how we go about interactions with others. Friends can sometimes become too friendly when your intention is less often contact than they might like. So boundaries become necessary. They then start feeling some type of way.
Agreed!😊
I Love How His Energy And Words Brought Your Energy Back Up 🥰
I enjoyed this episode! Self awareness, self examination, setting boundaries, being open and honest are of paramount importance! Love y’all ❤️🥰
I'm in the position right now, and I currently feel like they deserve a Chance shutdown. They don't deserve my energy. Peace & Luv ❤️🔥
Team Chance
Tab I agree from 16:00to 17:30
Aunt Tab I cut and removed myself because I was people's walking 🏧, resource and person that had no problem taking advantage of me.
Many of those individuals have and still doing the unthinkable.
26:41-26:43 😂😂😂 chance looked like he was ready to hold tab back ROFL... Stay in the spirit tab stay in the spirit 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Facts. Uncle Chance is a fire sign - Sagittarius, I’m not surprised with his responses. I completely agree with everything that he said. I don’t play that either. Disrespect does not trump history or (blood).
You ain’t lying! Them Sagittarius will cut off so quick 😂
Happy Friday Chance and Tab!!! You both look great in your matching white hoodies with the butterfly! I wore my butterfly necklace today, therefore, I got the memo!! 🤣🤣. Ms. Tab, your hair look Fab my dear!!❤️❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘❤️😘❤️❤️💯💯🌹🌹🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Love this conversation. I like how Chance stated it, anybody can get it. But with context for me, I will try to understand, I will give grace, I will set boundaries. If I see you don't respect any of those things, I see you as harmful to my well-being and you have to go. And that is for anyone.
And what Tab said, if that harmful person still hanging around the group, count me out of the group everything, even the chat. No hard feelings, but my peace has become my priority for sure, aside from loving my husband.
When we cut ties with people, we will undoubtedly find ourselves feeling as if we have to explain ourselves to those who ask us why we felt we had to make this decision; especially those people who mutually connect us to the person of people we’ve cut ties with. Most of these middle people have good intentions, but we will find that most of them also have the agenda of convincing us to reconnect with those we’ve chosen to disconnect from. It’s exhausting having to tell our story and explain ourselves over and over. The best strategy is to let these people know that the decision you’ve made to cut ties wasn’t made to hurt those whom you’ve cut ties with. The decision was made to protect yourself. Let them know the decision you’ve made is not negotiable and nor do you feel you owe anyone an explanation for rightfully and strongly protecting your mental and emotional health and well-being. ( LEAVE, MOVE ON WITH YOU'RE LIFE....
When boundaries get crossed it's time to cut!
So, so, so good! Im way too good at goodbyes when needed! Glad to know its ok to do this for our health! Chance is too funny! Tab put her heart in this advice as usual!
Ya'll remind me so much of me and my husband! My husband is just like chance so I crack up at how real he is...my husband is the same way. 😂😂And I'm more like Tab and have a huge heart so I struggle with discernment sometimes. ❤❤
I'm Chance and my husband is Tab
Same here. My husband has helped me UN-learn a lot of things. He’s taught me such much about boundaries & cutting folks off. It’s hard but I can’t do the hard things. 💛
This is probably my favorite video you two have made together! I have been SO HURT from having cut 2 very close family members off without saying anything, just stopped answering the phone until they stopped calling, and I have been trying to convince myself that I'm the problem but this video helped me so much! For one, it was your honest energy at first Tab! As your soul started to feel better, so did mine! Tab, I was literally finishing your sentences for you! I feel like I talked this out wit yall and now I know I'm not crazy and my energy is valid. I also know how I'm gonna address it, try to set the boundary, and see if they get mad or not but one thing I know, even though I've been hurt by it, I also feel better not having to have these stressful boundary-less interactions with them anymore. I really really appreciate this video!
This is awesome! I’ve been having the same conversation with my wife and we’ve been praying about situations like where to draw the line when it comes to us being believers and having friends that think differently. Whole lotta confirmation in this thang!
Chance, I have the exact same stance you have. No matter who you are, you can get it. Adult children can get some strict boundaries that seem like a cut-off until they can get themselves together. Period, no questions asked. My Guy thinks differently, he believes family always gets a pass and you move on. I totally disagree, once people cross a certain line with me it's a wrap!!! With friends, if an argument becomes hostile or verbal nastiness, it's a wrap. I can never recover from that incident, the respect for one another has been lost. I've never been that friend that we fight and makeup with the season. That's insane to me.
Chance like girrrl if you don’t cut them people off 😂😂
Boundaries are NEEDED! for sure, but cutting people off comes when they have crossed the Boundaries 😠
Great convo, I don’t set boundaries anymore because they won’t respect it 9x outta 10 and they will do the same stuff over and over again & then gaslight you into making everything YOUR fault . I just cut it I don’t have time. Family included.
Tab when you’re a beacon of light it will attract the broken, thankfully you have a king like Chance that can help with the boundaries in your life. Such a dynamic couple. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💜💜💜💜💜😇😇😇😇😇
Love that Chance “when they can be harmful to me.”
WOWWWWW! Small world! Kooks like a LOT of us are going through this!
Famous words of Ms. Maya Angelou, paraphrasing- Believe them when they show you who they are. Protect yourself!
Great topic, Tab! My husband's cut-off game is like Chance's. I'm like Tab, cutting off people has been challenging but I did it anyhow. I am a recovering people pleaser and I always feared speaking up for myself. I was conditioned to be nice, kind and overly giving. That caused many to take me for granted. But once I learned to set boundaries and the cut-off game from my husband, folks don't know how to take me. My relatives (one of them is a parent and now my adult son is thinking the same as his grandparent) 'think' my husband is controlling me, suggesting that I'm not in my right mind. SMH. I'm 50+ y/o! It has been an eye opening experience.
Congrats on your!! Book I would love to attend as a part of my new journey. Both can be cut especially if the are cause your life discomfort. I fully agree with Chance!!! Anybody can get it❤
I get it Chance, when you have given more than your best, enough is enough my friend and all is well! Tab we are givers, probably many times, go too far, give too much, nothing personal, it is personal, that goes for EVERYONE and let's go! 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
This video is so ENLIGHTENING to me because I myself am in a period of getting the help I need so that I can heal...I am learning things about myself that I don't like and seeing things that I already know about myself that I need to change. I know we all have flaws and i definitely have them, but I also feel like I need to be the change in the world that I wish to see!!! I have to do that for myself and cutting ppl off vs setting boundaries....in some ways has already happened. I couldn't be more happy that Tab & Chance put out this video in a time where in my life I feel like Its very much needed. Thank you for sharing❤❤
I try not to go through my life expecting anything from anybody.. then If they don't come through for me, I won't be disappointed. I don't want to sound as if I'm bitter about it, because I'm not. I've just simply lived and learned, and I protect my heart, and govern myself accordingly. Good topic.
What a great conversation. Lots to think about with the kinds of boundaries that were discussed. Love the PBS hoodies that you both are wearing!
I’m like Chance any one any time after I given grace . Not going to live unhappy.
This was good & necessary!!!
Just had this conversation with my uncle yesterday. I’m onto something. This message was a confirmation.
I personally LOVE LOVE LOVE this episode, and appreciate it SO MUCH!!! Y'all have really touched my soul in a different way and given me so much advise in such a short amount of time. I ❤ You, Mr. Tabitha & Chance Brown. ❤❤❤💐💐💐
I’m struggling to have people in my life that respect my boundaries. Being raised to be seen and not heard is an adjustment now that I’m an adult. I find that the only way for me to avoid being alone is to tolerate being disrespected and that is not something I’m willing to tolerate anymore. I give respect and I want it in return. I’m praying to have healthier relationships. It’s horrible when the people you love most are the ones who have no problem with ignoring you or cutting you off. There’s no level of communication that goes both ways. I will not make myself smaller to make other people comfortable. I’ve had enough.
This 👆🏽Yes 👏🏽👏🏽
I feel you!
Thank you TAB & CHANCE!!
I certainly appreciated this topic. This is something that I have spoken with my therapist because as we get older, we start to see that some people aren’t good for us and some times we’re not in a point of our lives, where we may be benefiting other people, so setting countries is important, and they may even come a time where people have to be cut off from our lives even if it’s just for a moment or for good! I love you Tab and Chance ❤
Thank you Ms.Brown ! You had a word for me !
This helped me so much . I too am a person that spreads Hop, Joy and Love and it’s hard for me to let people see the other side. But I’m human and sometimes “ I’m just not feeling it and that’s OKAY!” So thank you ! To both of you !
I’m so grateful to receive this today, having a challenging time bc I’m like Tab, healing journey, encouraging others, people don’t think I have as challenging a time as I do just bc I try to keep being in a positive mindset. God Bless you and your family ❤
Congratulations Aunty Tab
Chance giving a whole sermon.
Tab I totally feel the same and totally understand. Thank you for sharing yourtruth
Love these conversations
This episode was SOOOO GOOD! I’m with Uncle Chance about cutting people off PERIOD and I don’t feel no way about it ✌🏾 I recently had to cut off most of my family most of my life they were my biggest bullies, I tired to ignore it and keep being the “bigger person” but enough was enough. My grandmother was apart of that and it hurts because she was the only woman I felt loved me but as I got older I seen straight thru her 😢 My peace is everything 🤎🤎
I LOVE ME SUM TAB & CHANCE ❤️👑👑 Babeee when I say y'all remind me of me and my husband. LORD have mercy, I'm cracking up Chance is like my husband and as Women Tab we do be too nice and giving until we see it after bae done told me beforehand I end up "CUTTIN EM OFF". YALL got my stomach tight from laughing so hard but it's the Truth when you get older, you start having to do these things for you and your family literally. Hey like my Big Momma would say "I ain't neva seen such a thang". She wasn't lying neitha lol... "Very Good Tab beautiful Queen you and King Chance keep on rocking how y'all do, y'all stay blessed and Happy Holiday's y'all heaa".
This was so good. My family has caused me harm for so long especially my mother. So early this year, I walked away from them and it's the most peaceful year ever. Thanks for sharing. My husband don't believe in cutting people off especially family and I don't blame him.
You both are so connected,it's so beautiful to see.Thank you for the topic it is so necessary for everyone's lfe.Thank you both❤😊
Thanks so much for sharing. I understand wholeheartedly. I have had to let people go. Family and Friends. Unfortunately it was not my intentions, but it prove to be beneficial more for others then me. God bless you both.
I love y'all SO much!!! Thank you both!❤
Really good episode….. Thank you.
The example on religion you gave, I concur 👍🏾. Tabitha I hope the situation works itself out for the best. I truly understand the dilemma being the one who spreads joy and always uplifting others.
I think there is a third option, especially when it comes to family. You don't have to cut them completely off, but you can choose to love them from a distance. I love all my family, but sometimes I don't always like some of them or trust some of them. And sometimes with non-family members, I am in complete agreement with Chance. I tend to break ties with a person who the Spirit has shown me that I can't trust or who don't have my best interest at heart, or those who have an obvious jealous or begrudging Spirit toward me. But just because you don't spend time with or socialize with some people doesn't mean you shouldn't still continue to pray for them. While the Bible teaches us that God wants us to love each other, it is possible to have a godly love toward others, but you don't have to hang out with them or allow them into your inner circle.
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Real talk!
I’m with Chance! Anybody can get it. Family or not.
Thank you for this! This video helped me a lot. Yall touched on so many things and kept it real which I can appreciate. Yes you can be kind and a good person and still set boundaries and cutting people off doesn’t make you a bad person either.
This was so good 😊 I needed to hear this. But when Tab did that little out burst and Chance busted out laughing 🤣 it made laugh just as hard as he did. I kept rewatching that part.
But on a serious note 🎶 this what I'm going through with my family etc.
Will be cutting off some folks and setting boundaries.
Had to learn this when my mother passed. I blocked ALL my siblings in order to protect my peace and to allow me to grieve healthily.
Both blood and water can be cut off if they are against any form of wellness to you. Peace over EVERYTHING.
I 100% it’s Chance! “Anybody can get it!” My cousin and I were just talking about this the other day and I told her just how Chance did!
Doing my inner work, I realized my trauma has left me intoxicated with toxic behaviors. Some behaviors that I’ve repeated and have caused me to lose friends but also I learned from and set boundaries to protect my peace as I’ve changed. Everything isn’t someone’s fault especially if you notice a pattern.
Love love this topic!!
You guys are an amazing couple! Keep sharing life’s lessons!!!💕💕💕
I’m with Chance‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
Very sound reasoning and logic, Chance. Thanks, Tab for letting him share this with us.
Thank you for this episode.. ❤❤❤
I'm confused wy the "Live Chat" was on. Was it live? It seemed recorded. I literally fell asleep in the very intro as Tab & Chance was talking. Oh Man!! I missed the conversation, but watching replay, Thank God. God Bless you!
PEOPLE: Stop asking people why they ain’t invite you somewhere. Save your face. 😊
Be careful of holding onto offenses by others. If we don’t forgive our transgressors, we won’t be forgiven by Christ Jesus/Yashua. Forgiveness becomes easier when we realize how much we have been forgiven.🧡🗣📖✝️🙏🏽
I just had to cut someone from my streaming community, today. They had a lot to say about it even though I tried to end it amicably and maturely. So, with that in mind, I came to UA-cam to decompress, then ran across this video. Talk about God's timing. This gave me such peace of mind. Ty.
Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl......yes ma'am..... Have you gotten so holy you can't love a person where they are that part ❤ amen 🙏
I'm a female version of Chance. ANYBODY CAN GET IT!!! "If I cut you off, chance are, you gave me the scissors."
Good message❤
I was raised in a very hostile, dysfunctional environment filled with messy family members who are still messy to this day which is why we’re estranged. Unfortunately, I had to cut them off because although I still love them, it seems like they will never change.
On the religion topic, chance is spot on! Alot of talking isn't necessary, let your life do the talking.
Is Chance a Gemini? Lol, cause ANYBODY can get it!
Tab, you a mess. 😂😂 a “valid” mess! 🙌🏾😂😂 thank y’all for being real
C’mon Sister Tab tell the truth truth!!! ❤
Its about your growth also. I want to grow but then you have friends that don't want to grow. I have a friend who is needed I learned. She only calls when she needs something. If she can't get me to do things for her she will not call so I dont either. I want God to give me healthy friends who want to grow not live to get by.