The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.
😊 That was one smart move. Reverse psychology works like a charm with them. That's because they are actually unintelligent, immature and insecure to the core.
Yes! Whatever you ask they must do the opposite. I actually thought he had opposition deviant disorder before I figured out it was narcissism. No matter what I asked he would do the opposite.
Sheri Brogden I'm listening to these extremely helpful videos while catching up on cleaning and manage to read comments in between. I had to stop to mention that yours made me laugh! It also reminded me of the last highly narcissistic man I got caught up with, who manipulated me into letting him stay at my place. He ended up saying, in a very blunt way, that he was only using me, then got it into his head that I'd fallen in love with him, which freaked him right out and couldn't get out fast enough. Lol. I'd actually realised that it wasn't possible to have a healthy relationship with him while he was living with me, because he didn't hide any of his toxic behaviour, including drinking and gambling! I want to add that I don't judge people at all for having those issues, but they don't have much, or anything, to give to others. I used to drink a lot etc many years ago myself, hence why I understand. ❤
I stopped reacting, played dumb but the whole time I was gaining strength and separating assets, hiding money planning. The same time willing him to change but the only one that changed was me .27 years married done.
Wasted 2 years on a narcissist which caused constant insomnia, feeling of emptiness and self doubt. Finally went no contact and starting to feel like my original self. Narcissist will not change, everything is a facade and they are not what they say they are and you point that out and you'll get gaslighted. If you suspect your partner is a narcissist, RUN AWAY and never look back!
I have about 9 years amd 2 children and I am more than lost in every way shape and or form in my life.. Doesn't feel as if it's possible to leave I have and keep getting sucked in I'm not sure how
I was fairly new into a relationship with a narcissist. I realized it after a weekend getaway. On the trip, I was naturally smiling, happy, enjoying myself at my own expense. He was grumpy and too mighty to dare have fun. His "Good Guy" mask had slipped. When we got home, he gave me THE TALK. He pointed out my trip behavior. He said I was disobedient and had poor self-esteem. He said I didn't love myself and I was inconsiderate. He expressed he wasnt sure he would remain in the relationship. I knew this was all manipulation. He wanted control over my emotions since I was naturally happy. I wanted the breakup so badly, but wanted him to believe I didn't. I said "I've worked so hard to be yours...you can't throw it all away." I knew he wanted to devastate me. He broke it off immediately!! I was so thrilled inside. A few weeks later, he contacted to rekindle. I dodged that bullet!
Agree. The only power they have is getting a bad reaction from you, flustering you, upsetting you, etc. If you can hold your own and NOT react, they have nothing over you.
The way I outsmarted the Narcissist who was my dad was to do to him what he never thought I would ever do, after he thought he broke me, which is to take him to court over my mom's property and to actually win the case. The weakness of the Narcissist is that they think you won't make it or dare act in your own favor
Children should be taught about narcissists when in secondary school. We need to know about these things!! I wish I had known before I got married to a child in an adults body ( who is now my ex, thank God🙏🏻) He was controlling then, but I confused it with love and got married anyway🤬🤬🤬What a truly awful life I had after that. Temper tantrum’s, violence and mental abuse.Smashing things around the house, if he couldn’t get his way😢😢.The only truly good thing to come out of this nightmare, was my two wonderful sons❤️❤️
I'm the person who coined the phrase, "It's like nailing jello to a wall", being all creative & all, when describing my narc husband to my narc sister. She responded,"My BOSS says that. No you didn't think of that. Just flat out blew me away.😮
I never felt inferior to a narcissist because I realized that they are incapable of using logical thinking which I am quite good at. For me, this is their biggest weakness.
Excellent points! Most people waste their time and energy trying to change the narc. Instead, they should be seen as what they are, which are that a narc is an incorrigible monster and strategies should be built by the abuse victim to protect oneself, like going no-contact.
Knowing that the person is my enemy and was all the time, now I can relax. Not expecting anything from it. I think this is how I outsmart the narcissist.
Best advice I've ever heard, my wife is a total monster and has tortured me for 11 years of miserable marriage. Now I know how to react to her lies, projections, blaming and hatefulness. God knows what will happen when I finally file for divorce in January. Please pray for me. Adrian in Bermuda...
I told the toxic person I needed some distance from her insensitivity (she had always acknowledged she was insensitive and that people just needed to accept that about her). Then when I got distance and took an honest look at the whole relationship, I actually saw how toxic the friendship was and then I decided to make the distance permanent. So much peace and joy back in my life now!
You are so right on every point. After 5 years of him being out of the house, I still have to deal with him because of family. Luckily I have no warm feelings toward him. I had to forget my ego. I don't react when he criticizes my looks or some other nonsense. I just say "that's interesting" and get back to business. I am extremely polite and nice. I am not fake because I tell him if he is happy, the family is happy. I don't expect anything from him such as getting right back to me when I message him about something someone in family needs. I just wait till he feels like it. I don't care, let him think he is in control. Someday I will never have to see him again. I feel good about myself because I have myself under control. I've come a long way.
@@Lightworker9933 You are to nice. Lol. I think once we get in these situations we have to figure the best way out or loose our minds. Hope you are staying cool and enjoying summer.
I’ll admit - I have used Narcissistic tactics against Narcs. As a Sigma Empath it brought me joy - I’m not gonna lie about that ither. But my most effective way to deal with Narcs is to grey rock them, ignore them & just simply be myself and walk away from them ( like literally-walk away )
If you MUST deal with a narcissist, don’t tell them anything about you. Never be straightforward or honest with them, because they will use the information to try and intercept your goals or progress.
Yeeeeesssssss, you can't tell them nothing (good or bad)! You can't even tell them you had a great day at work, they will begin to gaslight you into trying to change your great day into crappy. They are masters at turning sugar to shit.🙄
I blindly told my N about a job interview, big mistake! Found out she made phone calls in advance. Luckily, I knew someone who was in a position to let her boss know what she did. The following weeks were amusing, all she could talk about was how her boss was being mean etc. Had to chuckle, I got stronger after that.
You got the right! Keep all vital information about yourself, to yourself. These manipulating monsters do one thing only with it, use it against, you....EVERY SINGEL TIME!
If you can appeal to their ego- they'll be more than happy to tell you anything or even listen to anything you advise them. Their ego is their biggest weakness. In the long-term you can use it against them.
When I realised what his pathetic game was , I slowly moved on with my life and rebuilt everything he had wrecked , never said boo to him and when he realised that he was now well in the rear view mirror , he just ran off to lick his wounds , I was fortunate in that it was a long distance relationship/friendship. He thought me everything I didn't know about myself. Bless his Cotton Socks.
Told my ex narcissist husband that I had to take some blame for the marriage collapsing after he was caught out with his lastest affair, I told him that I really should have married someone in my own social class (we were from total different backgrounds, not saying i'am better than anyone else, but knew it would hit him and after all the abuse I put up with for 28yrs I said it as calmly and nicely and walked away) he was FUMMING 😡
Years of suffering what I thought was my husband's Oppositional Defiance Disorder where he would abandon our remote farmhouse up mountain in middle of night. I had three babies under four years of age and I would come down stairs and find door left wide open, rain blowing in and wild cats in porch with himself and car gone. He would never reveal where he went and to this day 24 years later I have no idea where he has been. This year, with the weeds and grass growing feet in height outside the front door I stood at the door and said to him to not touch the grass as I was doing a Wilding Project and he was not to cut the grass in any shape or form as I wished to support the wild bees. Fifteen minutes later I heard the strimmer engine and could not believe my eyes 👀 when I looked out the window - there he was cutting the grass. He did not stop until the half acre was cut to the root!! I wish I had understood what was going on many years ago.
another home run, out of the ballpark man. When a child, I was often confused by the personality changes - sudden Jekyll flip for seemingly no reason - because as a child with ADHD I was unaware of people's need to maintain a perfect public image (8:55) and unaware of when it mattered and when it didn't, to them. Now, I understand that the rules were based upon the public's proximity of sight and of earshot, two different variables. Only now I can see that the behaviour, though a child couldn't understand it, did follow (8:20) predictable behavioral patterns. (9:16) "You must think, and strategize..." very important. When I stop avoiding, my insight leads me. I no longer fear my own freeze response. But I must be on point, sharp as a tack, and not miss a beat in my conditioning of them. This is of utmost importance, and something I had never heard before, that you may be able to condition them by using their own principles, their own fears, their irrational beliefs. It takes time to identify these, but once you do, you pretty much can close the book, that long, long list of shit that you have compiled in order to try to make sense of your own reactions. Realize, you've been conditioned to react this way, to empower them, and once you do, you are free! And it is a step up in the game to finally have it sink in that you have risen above their patterns, because you are able to change and grow, and they are static, it's the empath's adaptability that got us in trouble in the first place, but it is the same adaptability that is our salvation from N abuse.
One trait of Narcissist, I found is: They even ill-treat food grains in the name of storing... They purchase extremely abnormal quantity and keep it bottled, then leave it to rot..... not at one place, but at multiple locations. They like rotting of things like food items, even fire wood. I have seen at many places things in rotten state. So not only they broke the soul of Humen, animals and plants, but they don't leave food grains also.... Very bad attitude, abnormal of any normal person....
I used these same techniques on the narcissist in my relationship and it drained the life out of him. He had no energy, muscles pain and start experiencing E D that made him feel less of a man. The only surprising part to his actions of being out of control physically is he would be so sick to his stomach it would him gag making demonic sounds and still i didn't entertain it.
It's them underestimating the person they've bullied for soo long . And all that effort that put into trying to bring them down, only to have it backfire is great! You don't even have to say a word, your success, whatever it is, is all that is needed. It's your shield of protection against their evilness. Your well-being being always comes first!
I want to let you all know that it is possible to beat the narcissist at his own game. Once you choose peace as your priority, decisions will become more clear and you are willing to cut anything off that's draining your energy. Observe how you feel in the narcissists absence. Do you feel lighter and happy? If yes. You got your answer. Take time to think and reflect. And as an empath in my experience, do NOT make the mistake of telling the narcissist about what you are feeling, else they will plot another evil plan against you in seconds. As a result, at the end you will blame yourself for things not working out and feeling empty. A narcissist never take accountability for their mistakes. Hope this helps.
Observe them well, watch what they say & do, keep a diary. I reduced contact gradually, did more hobbies, visiting family, not being available was key for me. I also parked my car away from the house just to get some peace and turned the phone off. Once you realise how much time they are stealing from you you'll be annoyed enough to deal with it.
@@joanramsey4002 you absolutely did the right thing by doing all those things!! It really helps you get your mind off the negativity and actually focus on your own life. Thank you for your comment! It will help others alot!!!
My narcissistic daughter was trying to get my wife placed in a guardianship situation. She almost succeeded, lying to Adult Protective services, and Guardian Care Inc, two predatory entities with far too much authority and power. Today is 11/14/22. My wife was essentially kidnapped by Garden City Hospital, who lied to me 6 times, refusing to even admit that she was there. I had to hire a lawyer, and after not seeing or talking to my wife for nearly 3 months, I prevailed in court. I'm happy to report that my wife has been home for more than 3 weeks. When my daughter realized that she lost, she became angry and tried to talk the judge out of his decision. He was having nothing to do with it. You see, my daughter has told many lies since she started this on 5/11/22. I documented everything, and that included a video of her lying to a 911 operator. I know that the judge saw that video, and many hate - filled emails from her. My lawyer made sure that the judge saw these items. Beating her in court was pure bliss, and what is coming next is going to be even better. I'm suing her and the 3 entities that used her lies to try and take my wife away from me. I have no intention of losing. I nearly lost my mind in the time my wife was gone, but I had to remain strong in order to get her back home. My daughter tested the measure of my resolve, and found out that getting between my wife and me was a losing proposition. I love my wife with all of my heart. I was never going to stop fighting for my wife. Don't try to destroy love because you are full of hate, especially if your father is relentlessly determined to get his wife out of the hell of forced guardianship. I have her now, and my lawyer wants me to be made her legal guardian. We intend to win again, and I know that losing in court drives my daughter crazy with anger. I love it.
@@taze317 I have an only child (daughter) covert narcissist. We’re currently estranged. I have a wonderful marriage (thank you God), but no other family. We plan to move away at retirement (5years) and set up good healthcare so neither one of us will need to rely on her. We may need to change our living trust because she loves money, position and power. Wouldn’t want to tempt her with giving us an early death. Can you believe this is our children we’re talking about? My daughter had an ideal childhood but bullying in high school changed her completely. She’s unrecognizable to us. God bless!
Brilliant! Beyond helpful..you are so clear and reasonable.Emotion is the stumbling block when anyone is being manipulated in many ways simultaneously.
In my case, I have an uncle who always gets upset over the smallest things, him and one of his friends were hanging out, my uncle tried to start an argument with me, I totally ignored him, didn't say a single word, but before I left I said good bye to his friend and told him to have a good day. It felt good that I didn't acknowledge my uncle's childish toxic temper tantrums. And by the way his friend had a falling out with him a short time later. Narcissists typically don't have too many friends.
Evening Danish.. YEs you Can OutsmArt them, BUT it's very painful ,difficult upsetting, and like a long drawn out game of Chess.. AND SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE, I'M not good at CHESS..but my Faith 🙏🙏🙏holds Strong and Firm 🙌🙌🙌💯❤️
I felt like you were speaking directly to me for a minute, when you spoke of the spiteful email and how we shouldn't respond. I got one such email just this morning and I did respond. And now, I am kicking myself 🤦
Being widow I wanted to start my life again. Met a person and he was separated from his marriage. Happy only for 3 months. They showed his true colours. Abused verbally, condemned badly. 1 and half years suffered. One argument on getting a divorce from his marriage He said can't he will loose all. If I want him change my ways. Wanted me to come back. I took this opportunity stop commenting fully made up my mind. Now its 2 and half years I free from the demon still trying to hoover me to be a friend. Forgiven my self and showed his place. Proud and happy. Bless you all
My late narc ex-husband used to say "It's not what she says, it's what she doesn't say." You don't have to do anything, just let them fill in the gaps, according to their own insecurities. Narcs tend to be plotters (thinkers) so therefore their inferior function is feeling. Do a Myers Briggs personality course and find your own strengths and weaknesses to develop your own growth. Narcs tend to leave alone those who are not vulnerable. Look at what happens in the animal world with the marking of prey.
Being with a male narcissist definitely unlocked parts of me which had to plan, sneak, pretend.. Not for enjoyment, like him, but for survival! Yes, Danish! Once we see the enemy for who they are they lose power, our faith grows! We overcome!
Yes, I've tried to outsmart mine. I would start asking him questions. It will put him on the defensive. Also if he keeps annoying me, I'll keep bugging him with questions about getting stuff done around the house and he will then avoid me. It does work.
Hello Danish- very good video. It’s really helpful to focus on important things during narcissistic interaction and what needs to be ignored. Please make a detail video on narcissist projection ( blame shifting).
At the beginning of the relationship the Narc was trying to love bomb me. I thought it was awfully strange and weird so l refuse the gifts. That way when the relationship was over I was not trauma bonded. I was the lucky one I walked out the relationship 👏🏾👏🏾 when she was buying me stuff I seen it as a form of control. later on in the relationship
Yeah! I saw that mask start slipping, was tired of “playing nice” and I excused myself and disconnected. Because it was a telephone call it is a remote relationship.
Cool shirt, really nice! Looks good on you. Thank you for all your help. Others have said it before...stay in your frontal lobe when interacting with them.. try not to fall back into the limbic system.
Please make a video on different types of Narc, how to identify their type. I was married to Narc and the worse was, His whole family was narc living together with me during the lockdown. I felt like I'm stuck in cage with monsters 😭
Thank you so much, Danish. Your ability to articulate this monstrous personality disorder so well has helped me & I’m positive, others, so much. I’ve been living this for 33 years & believe mine is one of the more extreme cases.
Remember that being an asshole and a jerk requires so much energy and time. And so maintaining our boundaries well instead of us sinking down to using narcissistic tactics too is all we need to do in order to avoid being further victimized by them instead of us ending up in an endless tit for tat game which will only make the narcissist believe they are winning while discarding us in an even more dramatic way while they get to escape justice leaving us far worse off than necessary for our survival. Because all narcissists are very careful when choosing whom to target so they can avoid justice it is foolish to believe we can beat them at their own game because the narcissist can never be wholesome in how they apply logic during any given situation and/or scenario. Only using the minimum force necessary daily to remove ourselves and to set others who are depending on us free from the grip of anyone's narcissistic behavior pattern is the wisest way for us to live and to be.
Absolutely correct. Trying to punish a narc or teach them a lesson is an exercise in futility. Try to de-entangle and dis-engage yourself from them in a safe, dignified, and stealthy manner. Why care to bother about a fake character in the 1st place?
8 years under an indirect contact with a supreme head of a religious institution I belong to with less than one year with a covert narcissistic friend have traumatized and broke me down. Only God saved me at the end and resurrected me
You are advising me how I should deal with my mother and I have been a fan for a very long time. ever since I have watched I can now say I not crazy and your advise have made my life sooo much better point 4 is me and how I dealing with the situation it's working❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🕯️
Highly effective and extremely useful information. Yes. Yes. Yes, you must arm yourselves in this narcissistic battle in order to maintain a level of "normalcy " in your life. I agree 100% to these tactics!!! Ty Danish for this video.😉👍♥️
Thank you for you Danish! This video I have to listen to on repeat regularly to make it sink in 😏, but I think I’m getting better. Som days are bad and full of distress, sadness, confusion and dispair but I’m trying to keep my head up high. After 4 years with a narc I finally said stop. We broke up 3 months ago and he tried to hoover me back 1 month ago. I didn’t reply his phone call/ message. I didn’t know people like that existed. But I win! He’s just a pathetic person!
My strategy was always to agree. And then use their words against them. Example my ex Narc told me not tell her what to do. I didn't say anything. I waited till she wanted to tell me what to do. Then I reminded her of what she said and concluded if I can't tell her what to do, she does not get to tell me what to do.
Such a helpful video thank you so much. Never had any boundaries. Didn't know i needed any when growing up. I know now. I have set them up and enforced them and am so proud of myself. It's hard to keep them in position but whenever i see them i go on guard and my boundaries come back. Just focusing on me and how i feel not them, you reinforce what i know deep down but haven't wanted to admit! cognitive dissonance was big for me as was trauma bond but no doubt you empower me . 🙏 thank you
Thank you very much, Danish. I have learned a lot from your videos and reels. I know I can’t trust anything from my stbx narc husband anymore, I go minimal contact with him as we have a kid together.
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.
A narcissist's power relies in your reaction !
Yes, it's rather pathetic really.
When my narcissist threatened to leave me I told him "No, we will be together forever. You will never leave." He was out of the house within a week.
😊 That was one smart move. Reverse psychology works like a charm with them. That's because they are actually unintelligent, immature and insecure to the core.
Yes! Whatever you ask they must do the opposite. I actually thought he had opposition deviant disorder before I figured out it was narcissism. No matter what I asked he would do the opposite.
Sheri Brogden I'm listening to these extremely helpful videos while catching up on cleaning and manage to read comments in between. I had to stop to mention that yours made me laugh!
It also reminded me of the last highly narcissistic man I got caught up with, who manipulated me into letting him stay at my place. He ended up saying, in a very blunt way, that he was only using me, then got it into his head that I'd fallen in love with him, which freaked him right out and couldn't get out fast enough. Lol.
I'd actually realised that it wasn't possible to have a healthy relationship with him while he was living with me, because he didn't hide any of his toxic behaviour, including drinking and gambling!
I want to add that I don't judge people at all for having those issues, but they don't have much, or anything, to give to others. I used to drink a lot etc many years ago myself, hence why I understand. ❤
@@pjmrees The opposite of what they say is really what they mean….they are delightful people.
@@pjmrees Yes! Same for me and my narc ex
I stopped reacting, played dumb but the whole time I was gaining strength and separating assets, hiding money planning. The same time willing him to change but the only one that changed was me
.27 years married done.
God bless you always.
Am gonna do the same as you. Its smart
Great plan… go Grey Rock and do what u needed to do to get free eventually!
I did the same thing. Forty years!!
Respect.
Wasted 2 years on a narcissist which caused constant insomnia, feeling of emptiness and self doubt. Finally went no contact and starting to feel like my original self. Narcissist will not change, everything is a facade and they are not what they say they are and you point that out and you'll get gaslighted. If you suspect your partner is a narcissist, RUN AWAY and never look back!
It harder when you have kids for a narcissistic
had exact same situation for me 2 years . and also caused me the same symptoms. now started no contact.
I have about 9 years amd 2 children and I am more than lost in every way shape and or form in my life.. Doesn't feel as if it's possible to leave I have and keep getting sucked in I'm not sure how
I was fairly new into a relationship with a narcissist. I realized it after a weekend getaway. On the trip, I was naturally smiling, happy, enjoying myself at my own expense. He was grumpy and too mighty to dare have fun. His "Good Guy" mask had slipped. When we got home, he gave me THE TALK. He pointed out my trip behavior. He said I was disobedient and had poor self-esteem. He said I didn't love myself and I was inconsiderate. He expressed he wasnt sure he would remain in the relationship. I knew this was all manipulation. He wanted control over my emotions since I was naturally happy. I wanted the breakup so badly, but wanted him to believe I didn't. I said "I've worked so hard to be yours...you can't throw it all away." I knew he wanted to devastate me. He broke it off immediately!! I was so thrilled inside. A few weeks later, he contacted to rekindle. I dodged that bullet!
Agree. The only power they have is getting a bad reaction from you, flustering you, upsetting you, etc. If you can hold your own and NOT react, they have nothing over you.
The way I outsmarted the Narcissist who was my dad was to do to him what he never thought I would ever do, after he thought he broke me, which is to take him to court over my mom's property and to actually win the case. The weakness of the Narcissist is that they think you won't make it or dare act in your own favor
Truth
Children should be taught about narcissists when in secondary school. We need to know about these things!! I wish I had known before I got married to a child in an adults body ( who is now my ex, thank God🙏🏻) He was controlling then, but I confused it with love and got married anyway🤬🤬🤬What a truly awful life I had after that. Temper tantrum’s, violence and mental abuse.Smashing things around the house, if he couldn’t get his way😢😢.The only truly good thing to come out of this nightmare, was my two wonderful sons❤️❤️
I'm the person who coined the phrase, "It's like nailing jello to a wall", being all creative & all, when describing my narc husband to my narc sister. She responded,"My BOSS says that. No you didn't think of that. Just flat out blew me away.😮
same here!
I never felt inferior to a narcissist because I realized that they are incapable of using logical thinking which I am quite good at. For me, this is their biggest weakness.
Yes, precisely. The blind spots are massive. I use them to my advantage now.
That and their complete lack of wisdom.
"Expecting from a narcissist is like beating a dead horse" 😂 Made me laugh. So true
😂
You are so right for us to NOT HAVE HOPE for their non fixing ways
Excellent points! Most people waste their time and energy trying to change the narc. Instead, they should be seen as what they are, which are that a narc is an incorrigible monster and strategies should be built by the abuse victim to protect oneself, like going no-contact.
Very well said dear.
Knowing that the person is my enemy and was all the time, now I can relax. Not expecting anything from it. I think this is how I outsmart the narcissist.
The best thing I ever did to deal with a narcissist was to LEAVE them & not have ANY contact with them anymore.
YES, big YEs, those trash and demons deserve Nothing but discard
Good job. Well done.
Best advice I've ever heard, my wife is a total monster and has tortured me for 11 years of miserable marriage. Now I know how to react to her lies, projections, blaming and hatefulness. God knows what will happen when I finally file for divorce in January. Please pray for me. Adrian in Bermuda...
You will come through this smoothly and brand new! Think of it like getting your balls back. Good luck!
So how are you?✊🪖
Hi Adrian
Hope u had some peace after the long struggle
I told the toxic person I needed some distance from her insensitivity (she had always acknowledged she was insensitive and that people just needed to accept that about her). Then when I got distance and took an honest look at the whole relationship, I actually saw how toxic the friendship was and then I decided to make the distance permanent. So much peace and joy back in my life now!
You are so right on every point. After 5 years of him being out of the house, I still have to deal with him because of family. Luckily I have no warm feelings toward him. I had to forget my ego. I don't react when he criticizes my looks or some other nonsense. I just say "that's interesting" and get back to business. I am extremely polite and nice. I am not fake because I tell him if he is happy, the family is happy. I don't expect anything from him such as getting right back to me when I message him about something someone in family needs. I just wait till he feels like it. I don't care, let him think he is in control. Someday I will never have to see him again. I feel good about myself because I have myself under control. I've come a long way.
Very professional... this needs a lot of self control! Respect❤
@@Lightworker9933 You are to nice. Lol. I think once we get in these situations we have to figure the best way out or loose our minds. Hope you are staying cool and enjoying summer.
I’ll admit - I have used Narcissistic tactics against Narcs. As a Sigma Empath it brought me joy - I’m not gonna lie about that ither. But my most effective way to deal with Narcs is to grey rock them, ignore them & just simply be myself and walk away from them ( like literally-walk away )
If you MUST deal with a narcissist, don’t tell them anything about you. Never be straightforward or honest with them, because they will use the information to try and intercept your goals or progress.
Yeeeeesssssss, you can't tell them nothing (good or bad)! You can't even tell them you had a great day at work, they will begin to gaslight you into trying to change your great day into crappy. They are masters at turning sugar to shit.🙄
I blindly told my N about a job interview, big mistake! Found out she made phone calls in advance. Luckily, I knew someone who was in a position to let her boss know what she did. The following weeks were amusing, all she could talk about was how her boss was being mean etc. Had to chuckle, I got stronger after that.
You got the right! Keep all vital information about yourself, to yourself. These manipulating monsters do one thing only with it, use it against, you....EVERY SINGEL TIME!
Danish, you're amazing. You explain narcissism so clearly. Thank you
If you can appeal to their ego- they'll be more than happy to tell you anything or even listen to anything you advise them.
Their ego is their biggest weakness. In the long-term you can use it against them.
They love to talk about themselves.
Say NO TO THE Narcissist & Keep The Narcissist Far Away AS Possible ! Just DO IT & GO NO CONTACT!
When I realised what his pathetic game was , I slowly moved on with my life and rebuilt everything he had wrecked , never said boo to him and when he realised that he was now well in the rear view mirror , he just ran off to lick his wounds , I was fortunate in that it was a long distance relationship/friendship. He thought me everything I didn't know about myself. Bless his Cotton Socks.
Told my ex narcissist husband that I had to take some blame for the marriage collapsing after he was caught out with his lastest affair, I told him that I really should have married someone in my own social class (we were from total different backgrounds, not saying i'am better than anyone else, but knew it would hit him and after all the abuse I put up with for 28yrs I said it as calmly and nicely and walked away) he was FUMMING 😡
Years of suffering what I thought was my husband's Oppositional Defiance Disorder where he would abandon our remote farmhouse up mountain in middle of night. I had three babies under four years of age and I would come down stairs and find door left wide open, rain blowing in and wild cats in porch with himself and car gone. He would never reveal where he went and to this day 24 years later I have no idea where he has been. This year, with the weeds and grass growing feet in height outside the front door I stood at the door and said to him to not touch the grass as I was doing a Wilding Project and he was not to cut the grass in any shape or form as I wished to support the wild bees. Fifteen minutes later I heard the strimmer engine and could not believe my eyes 👀 when I looked out the window - there he was cutting the grass. He did not stop until the half acre was cut to the root!! I wish I had understood what was going on many years ago.
another home run, out of the ballpark man. When a child, I was often confused by the personality changes - sudden Jekyll flip for seemingly no reason - because as a child with ADHD I was unaware of people's need to maintain a perfect public image (8:55) and unaware of when it mattered and when it didn't, to them.
Now, I understand that the rules were based upon the public's proximity of sight and of earshot, two different variables. Only now I can see that the behaviour, though a child couldn't understand it, did follow (8:20) predictable behavioral patterns.
(9:16) "You must think, and strategize..." very important. When I stop avoiding, my insight leads me. I no longer fear my own freeze response. But I must be on point, sharp as a tack, and not miss a beat in my conditioning of them. This is of utmost importance, and something I had never heard before, that you may be able to condition them by using their own principles, their own fears, their irrational beliefs. It takes time to identify these, but once you do, you pretty much can close the book, that long, long list of shit that you have compiled in order to try to make sense of your own reactions. Realize, you've been conditioned to react this way, to empower them, and once you do, you are free!
And it is a step up in the game to finally have it sink in that you have risen above their patterns, because you are able to change and grow, and they are static, it's the empath's adaptability that got us in trouble in the first place, but it is the same adaptability that is our salvation from N abuse.
Every word you said is 100% true.
Brilliant..so exactly true...if only we were taught this at school🧘🏽♀️
So true.
One trait of Narcissist, I found is:
They even ill-treat food grains in the name of storing... They purchase extremely abnormal quantity and keep it bottled, then leave it to rot..... not at one place, but at multiple locations.
They like rotting of things like food items, even fire wood. I have seen at many places things in rotten state.
So not only they broke the soul of Humen, animals and plants, but they don't leave food grains also....
Very bad attitude, abnormal of any normal person....
I used these same techniques on the narcissist in my relationship and it drained the life out of him. He had no energy, muscles pain and start experiencing E D that made him feel less of a man. The only surprising part to his actions of being out of control physically is he would be so sick to his stomach it would him gag making demonic sounds and still i didn't entertain it.
It's them underestimating the person they've bullied for soo long . And all that effort that put into trying to bring them down, only to have it backfire is great! You don't even have to say a word, your success, whatever it is, is all that is needed. It's your shield of protection against their evilness. Your well-being being always comes first!
I want to let you all know that it is possible to beat the narcissist at his own game. Once you choose peace as your priority, decisions will become more clear and you are willing to cut anything off that's draining your energy. Observe how you feel in the narcissists absence. Do you feel lighter and happy? If yes. You got your answer. Take time to think and reflect. And as an empath in my experience, do NOT make the mistake of telling the narcissist about what you are feeling, else they will plot another evil plan against you in seconds. As a result, at the end you will blame yourself for things not working out and feeling empty. A narcissist never take accountability for their mistakes. Hope this helps.
Separating yourself emotionally is key ❤️
Observe them well, watch what they say & do, keep a diary. I reduced contact gradually, did more hobbies, visiting family, not being available was key for me. I also parked my car away from the house just to get some peace and turned the phone off. Once you realise how much time they are stealing from you you'll be annoyed enough to deal with it.
@@joanramsey4002 you absolutely did the right thing by doing all those things!! It really helps you get your mind off the negativity and actually focus on your own life. Thank you for your comment! It will help others alot!!!
@@jwaliaaa It took a while but soooo worth it. Good luck to folks out there, there a good community in here.
My narcissistic daughter was trying to get my wife placed in a guardianship situation. She almost succeeded, lying to Adult Protective services, and Guardian Care Inc, two predatory entities with far too much authority and power. Today is 11/14/22. My wife was essentially kidnapped by Garden City Hospital, who lied to me 6 times, refusing to even admit that she was there. I had to hire a lawyer, and after not seeing or talking to my wife for nearly 3 months, I prevailed in court. I'm happy to report that my wife has been home for more than 3 weeks. When my daughter realized that she lost, she became angry and tried to talk the judge out of his decision. He was having nothing to do with it. You see, my daughter has told many lies since she started this on 5/11/22. I documented everything, and that included a video of her lying to a 911 operator. I know that the judge saw that video, and many hate - filled emails from her. My lawyer made sure that the judge saw these items. Beating her in court was pure bliss, and what is coming next is going to be even better. I'm suing her and the 3 entities that used her lies to try and take my wife away from me. I have no intention of losing. I nearly lost my mind in the time my wife was gone, but I had to remain strong in order to get her back home. My daughter tested the measure of my resolve, and found out that getting between my wife and me was a losing proposition. I love my wife with all of my heart.
I was never going to stop fighting for my wife.
Don't try to destroy love because you are full of hate, especially if your father is relentlessly determined to get his wife out of the hell of forced guardianship. I have her now, and my lawyer wants me to be made her legal guardian. We intend to win again, and I know that losing in court drives my daughter crazy with anger.
I love it.
I prayed for your future court cases. Make them pay.
@@beaglerescue5281 Thank you. I needed your kindness.
They will pay. I won't stop until they all pay.
In court.
@@taze317 I have an only child (daughter) covert narcissist. We’re currently estranged. I have a wonderful marriage (thank you God), but no other family. We plan to move away at retirement (5years) and set up good healthcare so neither one of us will need to rely on her. We may need to change our living trust because she loves money, position and power. Wouldn’t want to tempt her with giving us an early death. Can you believe this is our children we’re talking about? My daughter had an ideal childhood but bullying in high school changed her completely. She’s unrecognizable to us. God bless!
Brilliant! Beyond helpful..you are so clear and reasonable.Emotion is the stumbling block when anyone is being manipulated in many ways simultaneously.
Don't Take The Blame , Walk Away & Decompress & Run & GO NO CONTACT!:
Your words are so powerful!
In my case, I have an uncle who always gets upset over the smallest things, him and one of his friends were hanging out, my uncle tried to start an argument with me, I totally ignored him, didn't say a single word, but before I left I said good bye to his friend and told him to have a good day. It felt good that I didn't acknowledge my uncle's childish toxic temper tantrums. And by the way his friend had a falling out with him a short time later. Narcissists typically don't have too many friends.
Evening Danish..
YEs you Can OutsmArt them,
BUT it's very painful ,difficult upsetting, and like a long drawn out game of Chess..
AND SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE, I'M not good at CHESS..but my Faith 🙏🙏🙏holds Strong and Firm 🙌🙌🙌💯❤️
You are doing a good job Danish , I have already outsmarted a narc , you are very good at your work , keep going bro , be blessed always 👍🏼
I felt like you were speaking directly to me for a minute, when you spoke of the spiteful email and how we shouldn't respond. I got one such email just this morning and I did respond. And now, I am kicking myself 🤦
Thank you for this video. It's empowering me. I had no idea how to deal with the narcissists in my life.
(1) See the narcissist as they are abd not whst you want them to be.
(2) Remember: Once yiu see the enemy as your enemy it can no longer harm you.
❤
Excellent explanation.
No contact is the best thing we can do, but sometimes it may not be possible.
Being widow I wanted to start my life again. Met a person and he was separated from his marriage. Happy only for 3 months. They showed his true colours. Abused verbally, condemned badly. 1 and half years suffered. One argument on getting a divorce from his marriage He said can't he will loose all. If I want him change my ways. Wanted me to come back. I took this opportunity stop commenting fully made up my mind. Now its 2 and half years I free from the demon still trying to hoover me to be a friend. Forgiven my self and showed his place. Proud and happy. Bless you all
My late narc ex-husband used to say "It's not what she says, it's what she doesn't say." You don't have to do anything, just let them fill in the gaps, according to their own insecurities. Narcs tend to be plotters (thinkers) so therefore their inferior function is feeling. Do a Myers Briggs personality course and find your own strengths and weaknesses to develop your own growth. Narcs tend to leave alone those who are not vulnerable. Look at what happens in the animal world with the marking of prey.
This video has a wealth of practical knowledge
Priceless, sir. Priceless.
Living with one....have become a mental wreck...stress has affected all my organs...planning to leave him...can't take anymore
Being with a male narcissist definitely unlocked parts of me which had to plan, sneak, pretend.. Not for enjoyment, like him, but for survival!
Yes, Danish! Once we see the enemy for who they are they lose power, our faith grows! We overcome!
Thank you, bless you! 🙌 🕊
Yes. Perfect. It is all you can do.
(3). Have Well-- Defined & Strong Boundaries.
Amazing Danish!!!
I have..by god's grace.. managed to set boundaries
Yes, I've tried to outsmart mine. I would start asking him questions. It will put him on the defensive. Also if he keeps annoying me, I'll keep bugging him with questions about getting stuff done around the house and he will then avoid me. It does work.
My friend lent her money and when she wouldn't leave him alone he asked for it back. Never heard from her again 😅
Hello Danish- very good video. It’s really helpful to focus on important things during narcissistic interaction and what needs to be ignored. Please make a detail video on narcissist projection ( blame shifting).
The less you say to them the less ammo you give them... Stop talking/arguing and make your plan to leave.
Excellent advice! Thank you.
Another great video. I find your explanations very helpful. Thanks!
At the beginning of the relationship the Narc was trying to love bomb me. I thought it was awfully strange and weird so l refuse the gifts. That way when the relationship was over I was not trauma bonded. I was the lucky one I walked out the relationship 👏🏾👏🏾 when she was buying me stuff I seen it as a form of control. later on in the relationship
💪👏👏👏
You knocked it out of the park. Very helpful. Thanks
(5). Use Their Personality Traits Against Them.
Wonderful as always 🎉
This guy is so on point.
Please also make video on narcissistic boss and its minions.
I don't see all organisations have such people but once who have the organisation fails
I like that you said the word asshole in the middle of this expert explanation.
Yeah! I saw that mask start slipping, was tired of “playing nice” and I excused myself and disconnected. Because it was a telephone call it is a remote relationship.
Thank You once again👍🏼
Thank you Danish.
Can you give some examples of how to use their traits against them self to protect myself?
Thank you. Very insightful.
Think about what is the WORST thing this entity could do to you and be one step ahead with urgency. This really helped me.
Cool shirt, really nice! Looks good on you.
Thank you for all your help.
Others have said it before...stay in your frontal lobe when interacting with them.. try not to fall back into the limbic system.
Please make a video on different types of Narc, how to identify their type. I was married to Narc and the worse was, His whole family was narc living together with me during the lockdown. I felt like I'm stuck in cage with monsters 😭
Thank you so much, Danish.
Your ability to articulate this monstrous personality disorder so well has helped me & I’m positive, others, so much. I’ve been living this for 33 years & believe mine is one of the more extreme cases.
Remember that being an asshole and a jerk requires so much energy and time. And so maintaining our boundaries well instead of us sinking down to using narcissistic tactics too is all we need to do in order to avoid being further victimized by them instead of us ending up in an endless tit for tat game which will only make the narcissist believe they are winning while discarding us in an even more dramatic way while they get to escape justice leaving us far worse off than necessary for our survival. Because all narcissists are very careful when choosing whom to target so they can avoid justice it is foolish to believe we can beat them at their own game because the narcissist can never be wholesome in how they apply logic during any given situation and/or scenario. Only using the minimum force necessary daily to remove ourselves and to set others who are depending on us free from the grip of anyone's narcissistic behavior pattern is the wisest way for us to live and to be.
Absolutely correct. Trying to punish a narc or teach them a lesson is an exercise in futility. Try to de-entangle and dis-engage yourself from them in a safe, dignified, and stealthy manner. Why care to bother about a fake character in the 1st place?
@@simonpegg1196 So true dear. Detach yourself from such toxic people. Protect yourself and set your boundaries.
Brilliant ❤
8 years under an indirect contact with a supreme head of a religious institution I belong to with less than one year with a covert narcissistic friend have traumatized and broke me down. Only God saved me at the end and resurrected me
You are advising me how I should deal with my mother and I have been a fan for a very long time. ever since I have watched I can now say I not crazy and your advise have made my life sooo much better point 4 is me and how I dealing with the situation it's working❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🕯️
Highly effective and extremely useful information. Yes. Yes. Yes, you must arm yourselves in this narcissistic battle in order to maintain a level of "normalcy " in your life. I agree 100% to these tactics!!! Ty Danish for this video.😉👍♥️
Thank you for you Danish! This video I have to listen to on repeat regularly to make it sink in 😏, but I think I’m getting better. Som days are bad and full of distress, sadness, confusion and dispair but I’m trying to keep my head up high. After 4 years with a narc I finally said stop. We broke up 3 months ago and he tried to hoover me back 1 month ago. I didn’t reply his phone call/ message.
I didn’t know people like that existed.
But I win! He’s just a pathetic person!
This is this best advice I have heard for over30 years
Please listen
Best and clearest explanation I’ve ever heard.! Thank you 🙏
Thank you for this video, Danish.
It's pretty helpful.
Thank you. So precise and crisp.and exactly what I need
Can you please do video on narcissistic mother? Thank you
Thank you! Loved your analysis and explanation...
Glad it was helpful!
Definitely a good one. I got more out of this one. Really helps. Thank you.
My strategy was always to agree. And then use their words against them. Example my ex Narc told me not tell her what to do. I didn't say anything. I waited till she wanted to tell me what to do. Then I reminded her of what she said and concluded if I can't tell her what to do, she does not get to tell me what to do.
Thank you. You are absolutely 💯 AMAZING 👏.... EXCEPTIONAL LESSON
👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
Excellent video Danish! Love your work!
Useful for business thank you ❤
(2) Respond & DO NOT React.
Such wisdom 🙌 thank you so much
You give good and practical advice, some videos on changing your mindset and beliefs after narcissistic abuse would be awesome.
Thankyou danish ji for guiding us
I'm fairly new to the page and have enjoyed your videos. Keep them coming.
Such a helpful video thank you so much. Never had any boundaries. Didn't know i needed any when growing up. I know now. I have set them up and enforced them and am so proud of myself. It's hard to keep them in position but whenever i see them i go on guard and my boundaries come back. Just focusing on me and how i feel not them, you reinforce what i know deep down but haven't wanted to admit! cognitive dissonance was big for me as was trauma bond but no doubt you empower me . 🙏 thank you
Thank you very much, Danish. I have learned a lot from your videos and reels. I know I can’t trust anything from my stbx narc husband anymore, I go minimal contact with him as we have a kid together.
Let Your Wisdom Become Your External Guide .
Done waiting for happy endings!