Very important words! Communication is not about talking at people, but ensuring that your message is heard and understood. It's about the reception of the message, not the delivery.
True Simon. Often times in my experience, I have first asked them what they felt and how they felt things where going and most of the time they realistically will tell me if its good ornnot. Then I ask them what can they do better, and how I can help. This approach has always got them happy to receive feedback from me because I am not there to judge but help. As a leader, if you need to prove u r being supportive and then they WANT to work on the feedback ❤
Compassionate curiosity. Effective for several reasons... Caring tone and deliberate word choice. Doesn't intimidate or subjugate. Positions the feedback giver as a learner rather than as a domineering figure. All render it digestible. Classroom worthy!
Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
1:40 People need to understand that the words that you say are not always the words that you truly meant to say. And that the message that the other person receives is not always what you've said. So in conveying a message from _your_ brain to _another person's_ brain, the message can already be warped twice! That's why we actually need to make an *effort* to ensure that we say what we really mean to say in a way that the other person receives it in the way we intended.
Constructive criticism is necessary to grow. I would like to add that providing examples of "change" that may need to be done during this conversation is also a way to provide a visual and perspectives from leadership. I think this can ensure understanding and how about to make the "change". I admire your leadserdhip Simon.
I totally agree, really heartwarming. This is how I want to be treated. However, I often get stuck in the imaginary backlash that I want to avoid and then there is no transmission of feedback at all.
I believe people receive constructive criticism better when you first tell them the good things they are doing before telling them what they need to improve. The Army has a well documented development program that incorporates positive and negative feedback together.
Working as a leader and trying to do this, I can say it definitely works. Even if you explain the feedback or observation first and then check in to say is everything ok can be very powerful. You’ll find sometimes they even ask you for more examples so they can fix the behaviour after you highlight it for them and have shown you also care about their well-being at the same time.
'Constructive' is the operative word when it comes to criticism. Trust your instincts to decipher the difference between gaining knowledge you need to know, or to help you and team improve, and abuse designed to wear you down and sap your will. Sometimes you have to trust your gut to tell the difference. Feelings do matter sometimes.
When the subordinate told her supervisor how her tone made her feel the response was "well, what do you want me to do? I cannot help how you feel " 🤯True story
Do it this way and you'll create a perfect Karpman drama triangle where the feedback giver is a Rescuer (and a Persecutor at the same time) while the listener is shown as a Villain while other people are Victims (supposedly not able to give feedback right to the guy right there on the spot and that’s why should be protected by someone else). What stops the team members open their mouths and say "watch your tone please, we feel fear right now, let's stop this conversation and take a break". The scheme is well sugar-coated but it is still beating up another person by someone in authority.
What about the 3rd option for a response from the receiver of the feedback. No, I didn’t think I was, I hadn’t noticed that, or simply, silence with no response coming back
There is a huge space for improvement on this in everyone of us indeed... also it is different for US, EU and Asia from what I have experienced so far... the way above will fit most for Americans, Europe can work as well but in Asia you have to be more delicate... here I like more your approach from another video... trying to find out if the person is alright and if there is any way how you can help him...
i wish some of my teachers were more approachable to me rather than just slapping it to my face in front of people. clearly students dont understand their spot and importance of major years and teachers give up too quickly which is sad. i have learned more through online content creators than from teachers about goals and purpose
This content is invigorating. A book I read recently had a similar message and it was transformative. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Please, Simon. What advice you have for people who have ideas to do great things to inspire people but are discouraged because they're have no money. Thank you
This only works with people who are honest. For reports who spend most of time to thinking about excuses rather than working, how should we deal with them?
Good feedback requires having a worthy objective. Insurrectionist lobbyists being told by their boss to not talk about things because they are being shared has nothing to do with feedback. Bosses who try to get you so trapped in their mouse wheels so you have no time to see the big picture, or step and do what is good, is not feedback. At some point you have to take a step back and ask, what is the game of your boss, workplace, employer and/or system? Are they really about building healthy and sustainable businesses and economies and societies, or just milking to make the maximum profit and relying on someone else to "fix" their mess? Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that satisfying this boss, this client, this paradigm is not the "winning" game. In actual fact being in "their game" puts you on the losing side. They engage to disprove and discredit, they hide behind technicalities and obscurations to hide their sociopathic fascist tendencies. They rely on being the "good guys" with no one calling them out for where their profits go, or their lobbying money, or how their conduct impacts society, their consumers, biosphere, or neighbors. Sometimes there comes a line in the sand that being "in" with the good guys, makes you one of the "bad guys". By their fruits you will know them. Is what they espousing, funding, affirming leading to health, healing, fair and impartial justice, good societal and economic systems? Or are their fruits about disenfranchising, coercion (e.g. forced pregnancies), (cultural) genocide, greed and tax avoidance, technical "innocence" whilst quickly ensuring other are judged "guilty"? Critical feedback is going back to an employee, boss, organisation, religious institution and saying you are so busy protecting yourself, your brand, and image that you have lost the point. You have become rubber stamps and puppets of genocidal misogynistic maniacs. You posture and preen of your "saved" status, with no regard to what you or your camp are doing to others. You have become a haven for tax dodgers, pedophiles, murderers, misogynists, corrupt, violent, deceitful perpetrators and enablers. The bible talks of the fallen one of the cherubim, the Christians talk of overthrowing the failed unloving forces of the old testament. Redemption has not (and never will be) about one gender, one species, one planet, one religion, one paradigm being "in" and all the others sucking up the abuse and insults. Redemption has always been about affirming life (however and wherever it is found in Creation), and endorsing principles that transcend paradigms, religions, prophets. The covenants of Noah, Abraham, Moses and Jesus were never meant for one group or type at the expense of others. They were always intended as principles, endorsements that any and all could subscribe. Where is there holiness? Where there is holiness? It is not about a particular group of people or enlightened being creating a "refuge" in chaos. Rather it is about principles and precepts that if enacted and rewarded in and of themselves create holiness and safe spaces. Affirm life, environmental sanctity, fair and impartial justice, accountability in governance and law enforcement, provision for the weak and vulnerable, accessible healthcare and education. Symptoms of success or means of war being converted to means of production (from sword to plowshare).
“help you grow as a human being” is pretty condescending. It implies that the manager is somehow fundamentally more evolved as a human being than the employee. Stick to specific things that pertain to the work.
Billion dollar insight to max profits, salary increase & charity donations via monetisation in industries, movie, gaming, anime and thesis. Problem with most global retail stores, restaurants and malls (including offices) is the breakage of communication lines that carry valuable intel that affects the profits and survivability of the company. E.g. When customer report safety concern to human staff. The complaint, intel or safety concern is often not reported to middle management or store manager don’t record in black and white in company knowledge base to report up the chain of command. The staff are not paid extra but incur a high risk of losing their job when they report the customer’s feedback. You see, being poorly and hourly paid, why do extra work? This is just a temporary job, I be gone in a week time to another temp job. Why find trouble right? Same mindset in both Western nations and China. If you look at the past 20 years of working experience of “Ethical” and “honourable” Western and China middle and senior management, how many % (non-fudged numbers) will actually type a letter and snail mail a physical letter to the senior management or CEO to report a concern? No capitalist sane person will do this where they make enemies and get $0 in return.
Eu quero que ele fale mais devagar porque eu ainda estou aprendendo inglês!!! Kkkkk Só por isso!!! Gostou do meu feedback??!!?? rsrsrs Gosto do seu comentário. :) Tenha um ótimo dia. :)
@@toinspirando7591 Not just *slower*, rather I am talking about the _a-a-a-a um um um is is is j-j-j-j-j-j-just just_ His rushing is causing this, that's why I said him to not to rush while talking about something.
@@toinspirando7591 If you want to hear anyone to learn this language, you can hear from *Greg Doucette* You will learn the language and also can learn about fitness from him. Go visit his channel!
Very important words!
Communication is not about talking at people, but ensuring that your message is heard and understood. It's about the reception of the message, not the delivery.
True Simon. Often times in my experience, I have first asked them what they felt and how they felt things where going and most of the time they realistically will tell me if its good ornnot. Then I ask them what can they do better, and how I can help. This approach has always got them happy to receive feedback from me because I am not there to judge but help. As a leader, if you need to prove u r being supportive and then they WANT to work on the feedback ❤
Creating a condition in which people are willing to accept and hear it- well said!
Compassionate curiosity. Effective for several reasons... Caring tone and deliberate word choice. Doesn't intimidate or subjugate. Positions the feedback giver as a learner rather than as a domineering figure. All render it digestible. Classroom worthy!
Thank you for these critical insights, Simon. Your intellect is rare and I feel comfortable calling you a visionary.
Closing comments absolutely nail why it's important to handle the conversation in the way you outlined in the first place. Brilliant.
Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
Privilaged as first one to comment this blessing letter,nat
😢❤ thanks ❤
Felt like I needed it
Appreciate the thoughts on this. Definitely wished more leaders would manage this well
There are so many different factors that go into giving and getting feedback. Thank you for these helpful tips.
Thank you, it gives me much to think about as I strive to grow as a person.
This information is so good and explained so clearly. Thank you!
1:40
People need to understand that the words that you say are not always the words that you truly meant to say. And that the message that the other person receives is not always what you've said.
So in conveying a message from _your_ brain to _another person's_ brain, the message can already be warped twice! That's why we actually need to make an *effort* to ensure that we say what we really mean to say in a way that the other person receives it in the way we intended.
Constructive criticism is necessary to grow. I would like to add that providing examples of "change" that may need to be done during this conversation is also a way to provide a visual and perspectives from leadership. I think this can ensure understanding and how about to make the "change". I admire your leadserdhip Simon.
I totally agree, really heartwarming. This is how I want to be treated. However, I often get stuck in the imaginary backlash that I want to avoid and then there is no transmission of feedback at all.
I hope your message and inspiration continue to grow and effect more people on the daily!
I believe people receive constructive criticism better when you first tell them the good things they are doing before telling them what they need to improve. The Army has a well documented development program that incorporates positive and negative feedback together.
so many things matter actually- when you give feedback, their mental state, their aura, other person's situation!!!
Working as a leader and trying to do this, I can say it definitely works. Even if you explain the feedback or observation first and then check in to say is everything ok can be very powerful. You’ll find sometimes they even ask you for more examples so they can fix the behaviour after you highlight it for them and have shown you also care about their well-being at the same time.
Most people hate to be corrected even if it saved their lives :/
'Constructive' is the operative word when it comes to criticism. Trust your instincts to decipher the difference between gaining knowledge you need to know, or to help you and team improve, and abuse designed to wear you down and sap your will. Sometimes you have to trust your gut to tell the difference. Feelings do matter sometimes.
I applaud 👏 Simon’s caring attitude toward the millennial “problem.”
When the subordinate told her supervisor how her tone made her feel the response was "well, what do you want me to do? I cannot help how you feel "
🤯True story
Very Helpful Guideline = Appreciated +++ Thanks Simon ; Learnt something useful today!
The point is not to say but to be heard.
Love this guy.
Do it this way and you'll create a perfect Karpman drama triangle where the feedback giver is a Rescuer (and a Persecutor at the same time) while the listener is shown as a Villain while other people are Victims (supposedly not able to give feedback right to the guy right there on the spot and that’s why should be protected by someone else). What stops the team members open their mouths and say "watch your tone please, we feel fear right now, let's stop this conversation and take a break". The scheme is well sugar-coated but it is still beating up another person by someone in authority.
Great point as usual, thank you.
What about the 3rd option for a response from the receiver of the feedback. No, I didn’t think I was, I hadn’t noticed that, or simply, silence with no response coming back
Could you share more about how to create a culture where difficult conversations and constructive feedback are welcomed?
There is a huge space for improvement on this in everyone of us indeed... also it is different for US, EU and Asia from what I have experienced so far... the way above will fit most for Americans, Europe can work as well but in Asia you have to be more delicate... here I like more your approach from another video... trying to find out if the person is alright and if there is any way how you can help him...
Modern organizations work on a checklist of “metrics” so it’s not really about teaching skills
i wish some of my teachers were more approachable to me rather than just slapping it to my face in front of people. clearly students dont understand their spot and importance of major years and teachers give up too quickly which is sad. i have learned more through online content creators than from teachers about goals and purpose
This content is invigorating. A book I read recently had a similar message and it was transformative. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Constructive feedback is good. Criticism is bad.
Please, Simon. What advice you have for people who have ideas to do great things to inspire people but are discouraged because they're have no money. Thank you
S/S. Providing positive feedback it a better perspective to highlight strengths ! One should offer feedback if asked ? V.
Right !!
This only works with people who are honest. For reports who spend most of time to thinking about excuses rather than working, how should we deal with them?
Good feedback requires having a worthy objective. Insurrectionist lobbyists being told by their boss to not talk about things because they are being shared has nothing to do with feedback. Bosses who try to get you so trapped in their mouse wheels so you have no time to see the big picture, or step and do what is good, is not feedback. At some point you have to take a step back and ask, what is the game of your boss, workplace, employer and/or system? Are they really about building healthy and sustainable businesses and economies and societies, or just milking to make the maximum profit and relying on someone else to "fix" their mess? Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that satisfying this boss, this client, this paradigm is not the "winning" game. In actual fact being in "their game" puts you on the losing side. They engage to disprove and discredit, they hide behind technicalities and obscurations to hide their sociopathic fascist tendencies. They rely on being the "good guys" with no one calling them out for where their profits go, or their lobbying money, or how their conduct impacts society, their consumers, biosphere, or neighbors. Sometimes there comes a line in the sand that being "in" with the good guys, makes you one of the "bad guys". By their fruits you will know them. Is what they espousing, funding, affirming leading to health, healing, fair and impartial justice, good societal and economic systems? Or are their fruits about disenfranchising, coercion (e.g. forced pregnancies), (cultural) genocide, greed and tax avoidance, technical "innocence" whilst quickly ensuring other are judged "guilty"? Critical feedback is going back to an employee, boss, organisation, religious institution and saying you are so busy protecting yourself, your brand, and image that you have lost the point. You have become rubber stamps and puppets of genocidal misogynistic maniacs. You posture and preen of your "saved" status, with no regard to what you or your camp are doing to others. You have become a haven for tax dodgers, pedophiles, murderers, misogynists, corrupt, violent, deceitful perpetrators and enablers. The bible talks of the fallen one of the cherubim, the Christians talk of overthrowing the failed unloving forces of the old testament. Redemption has not (and never will be) about one gender, one species, one planet, one religion, one paradigm being "in" and all the others sucking up the abuse and insults. Redemption has always been about affirming life (however and wherever it is found in Creation), and endorsing principles that transcend paradigms, religions, prophets. The covenants of Noah, Abraham, Moses and Jesus were never meant for one group or type at the expense of others. They were always intended as principles, endorsements that any and all could subscribe. Where is there holiness? Where there is holiness? It is not about a particular group of people or enlightened being creating a "refuge" in chaos. Rather it is about principles and precepts that if enacted and rewarded in and of themselves create holiness and safe spaces. Affirm life, environmental sanctity, fair and impartial justice, accountability in governance and law enforcement, provision for the weak and vulnerable, accessible healthcare and education. Symptoms of success or means of war being converted to means of production (from sword to plowshare).
What if the critical feedback is 10 times each week lasting 1 to 2 hours? At some point it turns into abuse, right?
Ohhhh not good! That sounds terrible!
Definitely. Sometimes it's just narcissists trying to wear you down until you lose the will to defend yourself.
Giving feedback because you care about someone is a foreign concept in the West!
“help you grow as a human being” is pretty condescending. It implies that the manager is somehow fundamentally more evolved as a human being than the employee. Stick to specific things that pertain to the work.
Billion dollar insight to max profits, salary increase & charity donations via monetisation in industries, movie, gaming, anime and thesis. Problem with most global retail stores, restaurants and malls (including offices) is the breakage of communication lines that carry valuable intel that affects the profits and survivability of the company. E.g. When customer report safety concern to human staff. The complaint, intel or safety concern is often not reported to middle management or store manager don’t record in black and white in company knowledge base to report up the chain of command. The staff are not paid extra but incur a high risk of losing their job when they report the customer’s feedback. You see, being poorly and hourly paid, why do extra work? This is just a temporary job, I be gone in a week time to another temp job. Why find trouble right? Same mindset in both Western nations and China. If you look at the past 20 years of working experience of “Ethical” and “honourable” Western and China middle and senior management, how many % (non-fudged numbers) will actually type a letter and snail mail a physical letter to the senior management or CEO to report a concern? No capitalist sane person will do this where they make enemies and get $0 in return.
Nice topic. Too fast your speaking by the way and you prepared it fast. 😜
You are in a *rush* to talk, that's why it's hard to understand what you are saying.
I respect you and I want you to speak slowly.
Eu quero que ele fale mais devagar porque eu ainda estou aprendendo inglês!!! Kkkkk Só por isso!!!
Gostou do meu feedback??!!?? rsrsrs
Gosto do seu comentário. :)
Tenha um ótimo dia. :)
@@toinspirando7591 Not just *slower*, rather I am talking about the _a-a-a-a um um um is is is j-j-j-j-j-j-just just_
His rushing is causing this, that's why I said him to not to rush while talking about something.
@@toinspirando7591 If you want to hear anyone to learn this language, you can hear from *Greg Doucette*
You will learn the language and also can learn about fitness from him.
Go visit his channel!
@@_IR_ Gratitude dear! OK. I'm going! :)
Ah,thanks! :)
@@_IR_ Kkkkk Entendi!!
🕋👍. 😀