Me to the cultist: you translated "sacrifice" wrong,the right translation it's offering insted of sacrifice,since you gave me food i can't be upset by the fact you tried sacrifice me to myself,even that being odd
*Chuckles Under His Breath After He Eats The Cake Cause He Can Taste The Drugs:* *”Oh. I’ve Been Drugged. Well I Might As Well Play With My Little Cultist Boy.”*
Him; “You definitely look fit” Me🐖: “why thank you” Also this concept is absolutely hilarious, and your delivery of the script is perfect- I love it lmao
The cultist: You’re the great one?!? *Bows before me* Me, about 5min later: Somft… *does the equivalent of burying myself in a pile of blankets in his mind* I love this so much
If it makes you feel any better, when I was writing this, I imagined that Orange was the wrong answer. That you had to have any favorite color except orange to qualify as a host.
I thought this was going to be a continuation of the story where the guy who thinks you are an incarnation of a dark deity, but in reality, he just got "visions" from being hungry and eating moldy food.
Him: "Where our food will keep you coming back for more!" Weighing scale: "Nuh uh gorl-" This was really great!! Loved and enjoyed every moment of it!! Thank you Jupiter! Keep up the great work and stay hydrated ~
Saw this and was like "this is going to be funny" and had to watch it. I was right and I loved it. Though first order of business as a deity to this cult is getting the practices corrected and fill in the missing gaps in knowledge, getting the important stuff written down. Burnt texts are hardly something to go off of.
Ngl that restaurant's menu sounds pretty good, the crucifixes especially sound like tasty garlic bread. But how dare they drug cake of all things. Also if you're a God's vessel but still in there, are you still sacrificed? Maybe just "given" or "offered"? And what did cultist-kun mean with the question about having sex with something NOT living like is he talking about necrophilia or like...doing it with a lich or something?
I imagine that this deity just shows up on earth from time to time to check what their cult is up to lol, also someone said that the scriptures say offering and not sacrifice, like food, and I like that a lot
IDEA! After the meeting (Listener probably speaks from Jupiters body cuz why not) Jupiter asks if Listener can reveal themselves and when they come out (haha gae) they’re asleep cuz they got too burnt out
Excuse me for raining into this comment section, I haven't even listened to it, but I couldn't keep it - the title of this video made me laugh out loud 😂😂 How did asmr go from "Cute boyfriend helps you fall asleep" to "Oblivious Cultist tries to sacrifice you to yourself [Deity Listener]" 😂 So amazingly odd and random and smh it passes as normal for asmr fans 😂
Ehehehe, solid food. Cake could use a beefier sedative though, took me too long to even know it was there. Or you could not kidnap for offerings or vessels, either way. The rest of the food was damn good and made me chuckle with the crucifix breadsticks.
Me: Ok something you should know is that I don’t really do the whole sacrifice thing. That was a translation error on your part. Hey, chill out it’s not that big of a deal. Accidents happen. Now that I’m here I can just rewrite it all for you. *writes down the script to sonic the hedgehog 2006* There. All do- hey where’s everyone going?
![[M4A] Oblivious Cultist Takes You to Your Church [Deity Listener] [Part Two] [Fantasy]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kwI9dtBKtXc/mqdefault.jpg)
![[M4A] Oblivious Cultist Takes You to Your Church [Deity Listener] [Part Two] [Fantasy]](/img/tr.png)
![[M4A] Your Supervillain Minion Is In Love With You [Supervillain Listener] | ASMR Roleplay](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YT9W2yv2guA/mqdefault.jpg)
![[M4A] Impatient Sleep Paralysis Demon makes you go to bed [Demon x Listener] [Wholesome]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/9rZ00pamOfE/mqdefault.jpg)
![Yandere Kitsune worships you [M4F ASMR] [Yandere]](/img/n.gif)
Y/n: Reveals to be the deity he's trying to do a sacrifice for
Jupiter: I've done all the calculations necessary,but man,am I bad at maths
Lmao ikr 😅
The math isn't mathing
Is that a quote from somewhere
"Do you want to join this cult?"
I *AM* THE CULT
ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US
@@djwolf3810 yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssss yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssssss yayasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyasyas
@@djwolf3810 O N E O F U S
@@NapalmStick *O N E O F U S*
*O N E O F US*
*O N E O F U S*
"You will be a PERFECT sacrifice for our lord."
"I AM YOUR LORD!"
This makes "I AM the manager" look like a joke
@@jakubfabijanczuk8221 agreed😂
This makes me think of DBZ TFS with that scene:
"Do you believe your own hype THAT much?"
"I AM THE HYPE!!"
*ultrakill music intensifies*
"welcome to the cultist cookery"
*first red flag, great!*
Then the excessive comments on how we look *is concerned in what are you planning to do with it*
Me to the cultist: you translated "sacrifice" wrong,the right translation it's offering insted of sacrifice,since you gave me food i can't be upset by the fact you tried sacrifice me to myself,even that being odd
I love this comment I don't know why it's funny but it is
"i offer My God, so My good Will bless me". Teezench:Uhhh Nice.
Him: what are you 7'2 ?
Me 5'3: I will take that as the best compliment I have ever gotten
Same
Me chilling in the corner being 5'9:* chuckles in tall*
I am 5ft and laugh at this😂
My being 5’4: Agreed man
More like the biggest
“You definitely look fit”
“Thanks bro”
😉
💪👔👍
🩳
👢👢
Drippin
. 🌵
. 👖
👢👢
SLAY!
🤫
🧥
👖
🥾🥾
@@Kiyagarretfisher Yas queen
I imagine the listener is just here just like: "man that food was good but where is my cul- OOOOHHHHH"
Well, there it is
I can just imagine the deity listener just sitting there and just waiting for him to find out that they're a literal diety-
Him: *telling us about how we are to be sacrificed*
Us: ...it's tough to be a god... trod where mortals have not trod
@@nights_the_nightingale OH MY GOD YES.
@@nights_the_nightingale Them just sitting there while thinking: "When is this dumbass gonna figure it out?"
@@nights_the_nightingale Be deified when really you’re a sham
@@michaelverissimo2666be a symbol of perfection 🎶
Jupiter: "you seem pretty forgiving"
Me: "yeah well when ya lives 500+ years you get to know....things"
*him complimenting me and calling me healthy and fit*
*me with my mental illnesses and gender dysphoria*
Mood
Mood 😌
Mood -w-
"healthy and fit" is gender neutral.
@@cxntaur never said it wasn’t
*Chuckles Under His Breath After He Eats The Cake Cause He Can Taste The Drugs:* *”Oh. I’ve Been Drugged. Well I Might As Well Play With My Little Cultist Boy.”*
Ah yes we all know one of those nieve little cultist boys
Yes
This sounds seriously sus when you say it like that
@@reillythompson
That’s the idea!
Him; “You definitely look fit”
Me🐖: “why thank you”
Also this concept is absolutely hilarious, and your delivery of the script is perfect- I love it lmao
SAME-
bro same 💀
Exactly like nah man I’m fat as hell
Same
My lifestyle:🐷
The cultist: You’re the great one?!? *Bows before me*
Me, about 5min later: Somft… *does the equivalent of burying myself in a pile of blankets in his mind*
I love this so much
:D SOMFT **joins you**
*somft*
*SOMFT!*
Omg yes *somft*
Much somft, many cozy
Him" your meal will be out before you can say goat blood."
Me"goat blood."
Him" here it is"
Me"what the heck 🤣🤣🤣"
I did that too😂
Him: **trying to sacrifice us to ourselves**
Well I’m both scared and flattered at the same time
Same, it is thoughtful but WHAT THE FUCK
“No allergies? Great!”
NO I SAID NUT ALLERGY-
I am lactose intolerant so not technically allergic but my toilet is my best friend if I have too much lactose🤣🤣🤣
Cultist: Aren't you scared or something?
Me: This is another Tuesday to me...
Cultist: What?
Me: Also Friday
Also every month
@@djwolf3810 Also every year
@@morganlovesedger2768 also Every decade
@@MommyJustice Also every millennial
And Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday.
"What are you, like 7'2?"
My 5'2 ass: Yes.🧍♀️
Mood
"Have you ever been baptized into a religion?"
Me an OG barbie fan: Yes the BIBBLE religion...
OH MY
Lil opera singer😂
"You passed with flying colors"
Me who's favorite color is apparently orange: 👉💨💨🟠🍊🔸️🧡
If it makes you feel any better, when I was writing this, I imagined that Orange was the wrong answer. That you had to have any favorite color except orange to qualify as a host.
@@SplashiestPig Same. I’m not a fan of most shades of orange so that’s how I interpreted it too
I cackled at the "hey real question, are yiu sure this isn't just schizophrenia?" Lmaoooll
Listener after saying they’re deity: 🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗🦟🦗
Jupiter: *contemplating life*
I thought this was going to be a continuation of the story where the guy who thinks you are an incarnation of a dark deity, but in reality, he just got "visions" from being hungry and eating moldy food.
I rmb that one LMAOO
HUH
"I'll have it out before you say goat blood!"
Me: *Wanna see some real speed, b*tch?*
No but literally I said it in less than a second.
Him : your like 7 ft
Me: I'M FINALLY TALL !!!!
Him: Do you work out?
Me: No.
Him: Oh, I can tell!
roasted
Me who's oc is a deity: This. Is. My. Time.
Same lmao
Yep
Same tho
Same bro
Same
The ultimate "I am the manager"
Him:You look fit and you're tall
Me who is short and cubby:😭👍
ME TOO I honestly got so offended when he was like "you're big you must work up an appetite" before he said TALL.
@@Yogsy at least doors ain't a problem for you guys my head still hurts from a doorway
@Yogsy, for real, my insecurities were about to say, Hey
Him: You're like 7' sumthin
Me, 5'3": 🤡
"big thing like you"
*are you calling me fat-*
To reveal your prophecized return, you've got to Stay Hydrated!
I'd just be asking for hugs. Literally like: "All's forgiven, if youll hug me. It's already forgiven, I just want a hug."
Same bro
Him: “What are you like 7’2
Me: “nope but almost 6’0
😌
Me: "nope but almost 5'4"
Jupiter: you're a perfect vessel
me: "A perfect being you said?" *continues to regale jupiter using Mayuri's speech on perfection*
!!! This script was so buried, I didn’t think it was going to get voiced! I'm so happy to hear it!
I this in my watch later, so I was just writing and when I heard "Hello, and welcome to the cultists cookery" I was like... "I'M SORRY, WHAT!?!"
Him: "Where our food will keep you coming back for more!"
Weighing scale: "Nuh uh gorl-"
This was really great!! Loved and enjoyed every moment of it!! Thank you Jupiter! Keep up the great work and stay hydrated ~
My five foot nothing ass was very pleased at the 7” thing I love it
Him: I promise I won't slack off now that you're here
Me: bruh we ain't getting nothing done now that I'm here 😂
"What are you? 7'2?"
Me: *is 5'2*
Saw this and was like "this is going to be funny" and had to watch it. I was right and I loved it. Though first order of business as a deity to this cult is getting the practices corrected and fill in the missing gaps in knowledge, getting the important stuff written down. Burnt texts are hardly something to go off of.
Him: wow this is cool
Me: thank you I've practiced this many times to look cool 😎😌
5:39
*looks at entirely orange room and orange phone case*
“No.”
Reminds me of Genshin impact. Barbara praying to barbatos because barbatos broke something that belonged to barbatos in front of barbatos
I fucking snorted- THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED?
@@-Dark_Shadow- yes. And then she told Barbatos that she wouldn't give Barbatos the thing that belongs to him because Barbatos broke it
How many barbatos?
HAAHHAHAAHA her being like "oh anemo god help us" and Venti just standing there while he broke the Holy Lyre🤣🤣🤣I cackled so much
I didn’t know we were a EATING AT THE DEVILS DINNER I thought THIs WAS DENNYS
Me: *giggling the whole time*
I’ve counted how many times I’ve sneezed during this video the total came out as 239 my nose hurts.
Ma'am are you okay? I'm concerned for your lungs. :)
@@FallenNexysCreates I’m a girl 🥲 but that’s ok!
Are...
_Are you... Good...?_
Are you fucking okay Gurl? LIKE WHAT THE FUCKING STATE OF YOUR LUNGS THO-
@@DragonFury4250 ACHOOOOOOO
Me to the cultist: do not worry follower for your faith has spared you also the rolls were pretty good
I KNEW IT! I KNEW THE CAKE WAS A LIE!
Ngl that restaurant's menu sounds pretty good, the crucifixes especially sound like tasty garlic bread. But how dare they drug cake of all things. Also if you're a God's vessel but still in there, are you still sacrificed? Maybe just "given" or "offered"? And what did cultist-kun mean with the question about having sex with something NOT living like is he talking about necrophilia or like...doing it with a lich or something?
him: table, booth, or bar?
me: oh just a booth-
him: bar it is!
"where would you like to sit today?"
Me: Booth please,
"Bar it is"
Me: I said Booth bit-
I said the same thing!
Man, I love being a Deity >:D
That was an interesting concept, and a fun audio overall. I hope there's a part 2.
I'm not just a sacrifice, I'm the wholeass cult
Boutta snort a whole line of cake-
Lamo
God I’m so excited for the next part bc they’re gunna pop up all cool bc the cult didn’t believe him
Me: *passes out*
My mind: dang it, I got drugged again
Yep it happens every day
@@frenchtoast9158 yep 👍🏻
I imagine that this deity just shows up on earth from time to time to check what their cult is up to lol, also someone said that the scriptures say offering and not sacrifice, like food, and I like that a lot
My reaction to reading this title is literally that Patrick gif of him running amd then stopping in midair
A very entertaining audio I love it 😆
IDEA! After the meeting (Listener probably speaks from Jupiters body cuz why not) Jupiter asks if Listener can reveal themselves and when they come out (haha gae) they’re asleep cuz they got too burnt out
" You look 7'2 "
**Laughs in 5'1**
When he asked me if my favorite color was orange, I thought I was being watched 🤣🤣
The idea of a restaurant based of a cult is awesome
The jokes on him my food will always be free in the sense of me being a deity I could just create money >:D
I love being sacrificed
Can you explain why?
Explain it
@@justiceguzzler I get sacrificed to myself
So did I let my self get drugged or something? Because I don’t think a god would be able to be drugged
You bamboozled him my friend
You faked the drugging
Him: Is your favorite color, orange?
Me: (lies) *yes* [it's purple and yellow..]
I did to. Purple, black, and red!!!
@@Lover_Of-Sinners ⊂((・▽・))⊃ thoses are such lovely colors!!
@@Lover_Of-Sinners same but add blue
Mines black, white and red
This was very creative and interesting. Great job!
“Kinda new to this whole chosen thing”
Hah, fatherless
(If this is offensive to anyone I’ll delete it immediately)
*unhinges jaw to eat the cake*
Oh, I read this script just today!
Now I want some devil’s food cake 🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰🍫🍰
5:38 Why, yes! Yes it is!
(Ngl hearing this surprised me though LMAO)
LOL!!!!
In love with this concept!! I hope we get more like this!!
“Aren’t you scared?”
The only thing I’m scared of is Ohio 💀
Same a little bit
Bro I ain't scared of the random hands in the closet in ohio
"I'll have that out to you before you can say goat blood."
Me: Goat blood.
"Here it is."
Me: Wait wha-
4:04
“Uh finally 🙄”
WOW, I feel offended 🥲
This was awesome, I so want a part two with the meeting. Great work! ❤️
Excuse me for raining into this comment section, I haven't even listened to it, but I couldn't keep it - the title of this video made me laugh out loud 😂😂 How did asmr go from "Cute boyfriend helps you fall asleep" to "Oblivious Cultist tries to sacrifice you to yourself [Deity Listener]" 😂 So amazingly odd and random and smh it passes as normal for asmr fans 😂
Watch it girl 👧
No no no, I said I wanted a SNACKrifice. As in feed me chili cheese tots.
Me:*is tall* I never thought that day would come
NAH THAT CRUCIFIX THING SOUNDS AMAZING
Can you do a part 2 please? I loved this!
This concept is wild and I am here for it 😂
8:08 literally made me laugh 😂😂
Approved
My dumbass: I AM DEITY YOU WORSHIP 😊
This was a funny rollercoaster XD
Bro making me hungry
Later: oh shit
That was the cutest thing omg
Part 2 ? Keep up the good work
i feel like i got here “to” fast🤨😃 not complaining tho💅
Aww i love this one! Cant wait to see where it goes!
Ehehehe, solid food. Cake could use a beefier sedative though, took me too long to even know it was there. Or you could not kidnap for offerings or vessels, either way.
The rest of the food was damn good and made me chuckle with the crucifix breadsticks.
Me: Ok something you should know is that I don’t really do the whole sacrifice thing. That was a translation error on your part. Hey, chill out it’s not that big of a deal. Accidents happen. Now that I’m here I can just rewrite it all for you. *writes down the script to sonic the hedgehog 2006* There. All do- hey where’s everyone going?
Please make more of this its hilarious and I love it
Can we get a part 2 pliz!!!!!!!