'Real friends are useless': Arthur Brooks on true happiness and goals for your tomorrow

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  • Опубліковано 22 гру 2024

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  • @AlisVolatPropiis
    @AlisVolatPropiis Рік тому +744

    “Real friends are useless” means that the friendship doesn’t benefit you in a materialistic or transactional way. Hence, not a transactional friendship. Real friendship is about emotional support, honesty, and intimacy, or as he said, love. I’m blessed to have real friends and this is a great reminder to renew these relationships 🥰

    • @AlisVolatPropiis
      @AlisVolatPropiis Рік тому

      @@rafaelw8115 because it’s unconditional

    • @g6ter1
      @g6ter1 Рік тому +11

      @@rafaelw8115 don't have to be so literal. point is not to think "what do I get out of this person" as a basis for friendship.

    • @MJLOVEnow
      @MJLOVEnow Рік тому +11

      @@rafaelw8115It’s more about how these relationships make you FEEL, not what you “get”, and honestly, it’s when we’re giving more than we’re receiving that it really feels the most fulfilling and therefore, happy. 😁

    • @commonsense3921
      @commonsense3921 Рік тому +14

      True happiness isn’t dependent on anyone, Loving yourself will put you in a state of happiness because it’s the only thing you can control.

    • @18_rabbit
      @18_rabbit Рік тому +5

      @@MJLOVEnow seems close, but actually misses the boat entirely: the whole point of friendship is there's no sense of whether we're giving/receiving at all, the discourse /interaction simply flows without any tension. I have a lifelong acqutainance who has always been a pill, and he';s gotten infinitely worse over midlife. He sees and operates w/ ppl as transactions even though he puts on a front of "empathy" which is 100% false.

  • @jane_7193
    @jane_7193 11 місяців тому +102

    I love my dog. I truly really love him so much it fills my heart and makes me happy.

    • @happygrandma2732
      @happygrandma2732 11 місяців тому +7

      Having a pet is a very fulfilling and adds much love to your life. Love without conditions is the only love worthwhile.

    • @jane_7193
      @jane_7193 10 місяців тому

      @@spotonnls3538 no, he does not. Dogs that are not well looked after bark when once again left alone staring the walls 24/24. I am committed to looking after my dog and seeing his needs are met.

    • @ah3738
      @ah3738 10 місяців тому +5

      Oh dogs are so great. They are little happiness machines 😊😊😊

    • @jane_7193
      @jane_7193 10 місяців тому +3

      @@ah3738 so true, all creatures are

    • @dettes55
      @dettes55 2 місяці тому +3

      Dogs are the best!

  • @kiddywriter
    @kiddywriter 11 місяців тому +98

    Real friends are very hard to come by…so if you have one you are a very lucky person.

  • @calidreams5379
    @calidreams5379 Рік тому +223

    Real friends are the “useless” people in your life. The one that doesn’t have materialistic things to offer or connections that are helpful for one’s career, the one you just enjoy spending time with. Too often people “connect” or move on based on “transactional value”. Time and even relationships have become commodities.

    • @helenaville5939
      @helenaville5939 Рік тому +5

      Yes. Even the term "friends with benefits" is a much used term these days. I have always disliked it.

    • @maha-madpedo-gayphukumber1533
      @maha-madpedo-gayphukumber1533 Рік тому +1

      Love,Friendship and realation just have become just another comodity in this consumerism,capitalist, individualistic and materialistic world. This diseases came from west and we lost collectivity, unity, traditional family values ,family love, and genuine frendship।

    • @aparnamujumdar5144
      @aparnamujumdar5144 Рік тому +2

      well said!

    • @SurpriseMeJT
      @SurpriseMeJT 9 місяців тому +1

      @hcatapang186 Shared burden is needed less and less, especially for knowledge.

  • @paulacaffey6026
    @paulacaffey6026 Рік тому +177

    By far, one of the BEST, most relevant discussions I’ve listened to in AGES. And it made total sense to me. Bless you both - and kudos to MSNBC for giving 12 minutes of airtime to a discussion unrelated to politics.

    • @StevenCudnoch-oo9gp
      @StevenCudnoch-oo9gp Рік тому +1

      Following the sheep to keep the cotton and money rolling

    • @createone100
      @createone100 11 місяців тому +2

      Check out talks by David Brooks. They are so much better.

    • @matthewcuomo765
      @matthewcuomo765 11 місяців тому

      00:04:15 Thus you have to pay the extortionate tuition fee, among other efforts, first before they reverse the script and tell you as a member of society what they've been motivating you to do since kindergarten is useless all along. Sounds like society is sacked by irrelevant narcissists that pollute all levels. This is precisely the reason why a person doesn't authority for no reason. These types of costs.

    • @karsten9895
      @karsten9895 10 місяців тому

      This guy is a shady salesman and a neo-conservative (he has the same old capitalist drivel in stock to sell as well - this is political!). Just some rebranding of known trivia and confusing terminology, like defining 'true friendship' as the opposite of how the whole world used to understand this term. I don't trust anyone promoted by Oprah. The hole self-help industry is a scam anyway.

    • @LordGreystoke
      @LordGreystoke 5 місяців тому

      It’s called self-help and it’s a billion dollar industry

  • @filrabat1965
    @filrabat1965 Рік тому +55

    My formula is: Pursue truth no matter how unpleasant it is. If your happiness is based on errors, it will collapse sooner or later; see the flashy and photogenic lifestyles and personality as the blind, mindless, cultish worship of imagery over content; be satisfied with minimal material and social needs; ultimately you are your own best friend; have a strong sense of what justice and fairness are (reduces chances of exploitation by others) last but not least - help, heal, and uplift those in most need of it.

  • @Kentavious444
    @Kentavious444 Рік тому +23

    My wife and I are quite literally polar opposites on just on everything. Must be love, we've been together for 33yrs!

  • @Pulse2AM
    @Pulse2AM Рік тому +53

    I go for a 2 or 3 mile walk every day, I never take my phone but I see a lot of people on my walk glued to theirs. I use it to clear my head, go over what I want to do that day and just take in the day. There's an author Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. that I read when I was going through a failed engagement after 8 years of dating. It's really a great series of books that if you're interested in why we hook up with the one we do and why we often fail and also how to hopefully keep it together with the one you love.

    • @rikfriday6079
      @rikfriday6079 Рік тому +9

      I have no cell phone. When I walk down the street, if a stranger standing next to me picks up their ringing phone, I always say, “If that’s for me, tell them I’m not here.”

    • @Pulse2AM
      @Pulse2AM Рік тому +1

      @@rikfriday6079 I just bought my first cell phone this year and ONLY because our laundry room machines require an app to pay for laundry! Otherwise I probably wouldn't have bought it, I have no cell service and don't plan on getting any either.

    • @luismiguel69able
      @luismiguel69able Рік тому +5

      Well ... think your better than those ppl isnt helping.

    • @vicadegboye684
      @vicadegboye684 Рік тому +1

      I just ordered 2 of his books on Amazon based on your recommendation. I hope they will be good

    • @Pulse2AM
      @Pulse2AM Рік тому

      @@vicadegboye684 They are good, it's a lot to take into account and can be hard in practice. They did help me heal after a devistating break up.

  • @viveksingh-st9fj
    @viveksingh-st9fj 2 місяці тому +6

    Wow....the best and genuine interviewer and host i've ever seen..... everything is not fake after all in the media world.

  • @susanjoy1501
    @susanjoy1501 10 місяців тому +8

    Over the years my real friends have died and it's so difficult to replace them. To be honest it's hard work. 'chi trova un amico/a trova un tesoro' translated from italian means ' he who finds a true friend finds a trasure' SO TRUE!

    • @suen5006
      @suen5006 7 днів тому

      Yes it's hard, but we have to keep working at it.

  • @Eric-zo8wo
    @Eric-zo8wo Рік тому +70

    0:39: 😊 Happiness is not a feeling, but something more tangible than feelings.
    2:45: ! The video discusses the defeatist checklist of things that would make someone happy, and emphasizes that happiness is a direction, not a destination.
    4:54: 💡 The importance of having real friends and not just transactional relationships.
    7:33: ! The importance of love, diversity, and human connection in a technologically-driven world.
    9:35: 💡 The importance of having real friends and staying in touch with family.
    Recap by Tammy AI

    • @eldenringer6466
      @eldenringer6466 Рік тому +3

      🤩

    • @wolke1955
      @wolke1955 Рік тому +1

    • @tringuyen7519
      @tringuyen7519 Рік тому +8

      Curses can become blessings & blessings become curses with time & perspective. Life is cumulative. You tend to remember the struggles more than the triumph.

    • @Indypendy
      @Indypendy Рік тому +2

      Faith, family, friends and work that serves others

    • @barefootincactus
      @barefootincactus 11 місяців тому +1

      Except if our family sucks

  • @rajguleria3862
    @rajguleria3862 Рік тому +7

    The most Profound line ....'REAL FRIENDS ARE USELESS' ....YOU ARE WITH THEM FOR THE LOVE OF THEM & NOT TO GAIN ANYTHING MATERIALISTIC ...! .......A very deep deep line indeed !

  • @gilenasimons7081
    @gilenasimons7081 Рік тому +91

    As a Taoist, I applaud this book and agree with all four of the principles of happiness as discussed. Amen. 🇬🇧

    • @myndgodandpsyche
      @myndgodandpsyche Рік тому

      Amen is for Christianity

    • @AlwaysAwesome001
      @AlwaysAwesome001 Рік тому +2

      Goober.
      Goober.

    • @mimsyborogove3906
      @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому

      @@AlwaysAwesome001
      Goober, goober, yourself.

    • @leoniedejong9549
      @leoniedejong9549 Рік тому +1

      I would say, put it in a time capsule, so that humanity that comes after us, because we are lost since we let it slip away, can use this as a guideline in developing their society. For now this only for the happy few.

    • @AlwaysAwesome001
      @AlwaysAwesome001 Рік тому +1

      @@leoniedejong9549
      👆👆
      Slipping away? 🤔
      You speak fluent cowardness. ✅
      🇺🇸 hasn't even begun to flex
      its muscle on this EVIL.
      🇺🇸💕😇👍

  • @acdude5266
    @acdude5266 Рік тому +31

    The self help industry is a gaslighting mess.

    • @TheMisterGriswold
      @TheMisterGriswold Рік тому +7

      it's ridiculous all you need is stoic philosophy wisdom of the ages

  • @gilenasimons7081
    @gilenasimons7081 Рік тому +23

    Buddha’s eightfold path contains right action, right speech and right occupation. Totally in alignment with this conversation. Amen. 🇬🇧

  • @jungersrules
    @jungersrules Рік тому +93

    "If I had a prayer, it would be this: 'God spare me from the desire for love, approval, and appreciation. Amen.'" ~Byron Katie. This quote changed my life forever. My anxiety plummeted, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. We run into problems when we expect other people, especially friends/family, to treat us a certain way. We cannot look to others for peace, happiness. Side note: I only heard Byron Katie on Oprah's radio show years back. It's too bad she didn't have her back on. I think it's too much for a lot of people. We are so addicted to suffering that we think we must suffer or there is something wrong with us. It's the other way around, but most of us don't see life this way.

    • @klnrklnr4433
      @klnrklnr4433 Рік тому +5

      hmm, sounds like you may want to look in buddhism.
      covers these topics in depth.

    • @grealish2234
      @grealish2234 Рік тому +1

      Her books are very good . The work especially

    • @idontknowyetwhoiam
      @idontknowyetwhoiam Рік тому +6

      Without love, approval and appreciation, a baby wouldn't survive. None of us would be here.

    • @sassygal4727
      @sassygal4727 11 місяців тому +2

      Thank you for sharing this❤

    • @MichaelDamianPHD
      @MichaelDamianPHD 11 місяців тому +1

      Lot of nonsense. Most people don't walk around anguished about getting/not getting others' approval or affection.

  • @alphabeta8403
    @alphabeta8403 Рік тому +4

    3:00 *Faith, family, friends and work that serves other people.*

  • @centerforheartconsciousliv9154
    @centerforheartconsciousliv9154 Рік тому +14

    It's all about Love. Love, Light and Life are all the same frequency. If you are in the frequency of love, you will also be happy because you are filled with LIGHT and LIFE. Friends, relatives, faith all bring that out in us, teaching us to love unconditionally until one day we are able to look at ourselves and achieve full unconditional SELF LOVE. That's what this is really about. Thanks for a great 12 minutes!

    • @lululangley89
      @lululangley89 4 місяці тому

      Unconditional love is a joke! Life is "What have you done for me lately?" Love is something you work at. When you quit working at it... love dies.

  • @mulembo2
    @mulembo2 11 місяців тому +5

    Nobody and nothing make you happy. Happiness is You. Happiness is Life. Happiness is Living In the Moment.

  • @elinannestad5320
    @elinannestad5320 Рік тому +24

    'Friends will always let you down" : my mother. It sounds miserable but it is the opposite - it frees you from disappointment and bitterness. There will always be times when you think you need something, and your friend is going some other way.

  • @Queenofcore
    @Queenofcore Рік тому +7

    Oh my goodness. I really wish people would listen to this man. This is something I ave been saying for literally years.

  • @jeswilde6188
    @jeswilde6188 10 місяців тому +2

    Thank you so much for this, watched and decided to call my Aunt who I've been apart from for years because of political divide as it has taken a lot of families. Spoke just now for an hour and it was everything! ALL love! life is short call your family

  • @mackymintle7806
    @mackymintle7806 Рік тому +5

    “The religion of your youth”
    Well put.

  • @timmaloney6441
    @timmaloney6441 Рік тому +6

    This man really had a lot to offer . a Great guest and it drives me Nuts when the Host wants to talk over the guest . I believe having Purpose is more important than "Happiness".

  • @lorraine6947
    @lorraine6947 Рік тому +5

    I love Stephanie. Please keep your job!😊

  • @moumou3811
    @moumou3811 Рік тому +5

    This guy is correct. I have known it since I was very very young, I call it common sense. priceless.

    • @pattip1413
      @pattip1413 8 місяців тому

      I call it uncommon sense or the road less traveled. It works.

  • @talisha5863
    @talisha5863 Рік тому +8

    What a beautiful interview…..thanks for this👏🏽

  • @stellabandante2727
    @stellabandante2727 2 місяці тому +1

    Stephanie Ruhle is a great interviewer for this guest. Brooks is everywhere these days and I try to catch every interview I can. I loved how these two people leaned in toward each other while they spoke together.

  • @davidbiddle3257
    @davidbiddle3257 Рік тому +5

    What a great guy, and message!

  • @gigiburke
    @gigiburke 11 місяців тому +2

    I appreciate the conversation and the work that went into writing this book. The concepts presented are nothing new, just a new way presenting it that will land for people who need and want to learn it.

  • @rosaliebent4833
    @rosaliebent4833 Рік тому +32

    "real friends are useless..." so awesomely true. My best friend is as close as anyone could be and yet... totally useless.

    • @myfriendgoo2816
      @myfriendgoo2816 Рік тому +5

      Same here. Funny how that works.

    • @Gabedudley1
      @Gabedudley1 Рік тому

      Because democrats are conformed into narcissist. Almost impossible for them to have lasting relationships

    • @mimsyborogove3906
      @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому +19

      How can you define an authentic relationship as useless?
      I know, the Professor is talking about "useless" friends in a material sense...they can't help you get a job, introduce you to your dream date, or loan you money when you're hard up, but they make a real difference in your life.

    • @MICHAELJAMESBAYNE
      @MICHAELJAMESBAYNE Рік тому +16

      Wild generalizations like these--even if they are actually well expressed--are useless. You need to let go of your obvious contempt for people who do not share your political views.@@Gabedudley1

    • @Gabedudley1
      @Gabedudley1 Рік тому +1

      @@MICHAELJAMESBAYNE everything they call trump is merely a projection of themselves. Its beyond obvious at this point.

  • @gilenasimons7081
    @gilenasimons7081 Рік тому +11

    Ty for this powerful and meaningful episode. I agree with everything said about happiness. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🇬🇧

    • @Gabedudley1
      @Gabedudley1 Рік тому

      Yes narcissist dont have real friends. Thats why its for the viewers

    • @picholoup
      @picholoup Рік тому

      ​@@Gabedudley1Troll!
      😂😂😂

    • @Gabedudley1
      @Gabedudley1 Рік тому +1

      @@picholoup says the troll. Programmed to project. You dont even realize it do you? Narcissist never do

  • @DNA350ppm
    @DNA350ppm Рік тому +8

    In the conversation they just laid out why Finland is the happiest country in the world, without mentioning the country's name of course. Finland is famous for the sincere, serious, reliable, honest people, who make real friends and does it slowly, because family and old friends come first, and their silent church is their relationship with Nature, and they thrive in their special life-work balance, where their emphasis is on quality and being useful, more than status and bling. Finns are living the life they want and they don't want to exchange it for another - that is: most of them are happy with what they have, love, and are.

    • @Soistoi-meme
      @Soistoi-meme Рік тому +4

      Something fascinating… you said “life-work” balance. In the US, we say “work-life” - and that says everything about our priorities.
      I’m changing it from now on.

    • @DNA350ppm
      @DNA350ppm Рік тому +1

      @@Soistoi-meme Oh, thanks a lot. I actually did it on purpose and I'm so glad you like it. Maybe more people will do it, too, I hope. - We work to live, not live to work, if it is not a life-purpose, of course, like Jane Goodall's or Rachel Carson's.

  • @rubymendoza9525
    @rubymendoza9525 Рік тому +2

    Thank you Arthur’s Brooks!

  • @zer0set721
    @zer0set721 Рік тому +88

    Ya, funny thing about all this: I grew up in an era and a place where, as youth, we were told to pursue our lives in a way that would make us happy. So, when we did society called us Slackers and Lazy and actually harmful to society because we were creating a path for ourselves that fell outside the 'NORMS' of how to be and adult and responsible, etc.
    It takes Oprah to co-sign some Harvard professor, who is using concepts that were poo-poo'd by western civilization (concepts from Buddhism and from Eastern cultures or just non-western civilization, ie white folks) to bring these simple ideas into the "NORM"??
    Funny how these things go. Yes, the western world is sooooo superior to everything else... hahahahahahahahahaha

    • @atanamorell2
      @atanamorell2 Рік тому +15

      You could not be more right.

    • @michaelarnold7503
      @michaelarnold7503 Рік тому +24

      Yes. It is ridiculous that very old concepts are repackaged and presented as profound, new revelations.

    • @williampride6008
      @williampride6008 Рік тому

      @@michaelarnold7503their new because people haven't thought of them before the people that can learn from this pretty novel if you think about

    • @williampride6008
      @williampride6008 Рік тому +2

      Why fight it when it works. The best part is that it's being brought to light here in what we call Western civilization.

    • @BoomboomMancini-cb1xh
      @BoomboomMancini-cb1xh Рік тому

      ​@@williampride6008they're or they are. Dummy

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому +2

    Thank you for bringing these things to light many people forget that the basics are called basics because the basics for a reason.

  • @mwmnmwm
    @mwmnmwm Рік тому +64

    What about people who are only happy when left alone to do their own single person activities? I'm only happy when left alone to do my own thing, ALONE. We're all different.

    • @op3129
      @op3129 Рік тому +14

      I get that.
      *_this guy in the video never talked to people like you (or me ... ) bc we'd never participate in a group study._*
      bc "group."
      his results are garbage - self-selecting OUT people like you (and me ... )
      you be you. the guy in the video is wrong. it's YOUR life.

    • @Alz98
      @Alz98 Рік тому +4

      Have you ever considered that that is not healthy, and perhaps something you need to work on?

    • @GatorEE
      @GatorEE Рік тому +23

      I'm much happier doing things alone too. Being around others all the time only drains me and diminishes my quality of life.

    • @mwmnmwm
      @mwmnmwm Рік тому +3

      @@Alz98 I'm the only one who holds MY fishing pole, though MY knowledge comes thru the overall collective. But only I alone can use the learned skills to become a real tangential event in my journey through this life. GLHF

    • @op3129
      @op3129 Рік тому +14

      @@Alz98 have YOU ever considered that not everyone needs outside validation?
      and that perhaps that's something you need to work on?
      my stars, _DO YOU NOT EVEN HEAR HOW NEEDY YOU ARE?!?_

  • @xizheng8548
    @xizheng8548 Рік тому +10

    I have a friend who is neither a real friend nor a deal friend. Spend a lot of time together and totally useless. Only takes takes takes and almost no giving at all. I’be decided to keep it a nice distance going forward and be at peace with it. 😇

    • @Morgan313
      @Morgan313 10 місяців тому +1

      That person is not a friend at all. That person is a taker.

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому +9

    Not only do we need to interact with people in person like they're explaining, but what happens during the first four minutes of contact has something to do with what happens in your mind every 4 seconds as well. The mind is a terrible thing to waste but an easy thing to invest in.

  • @Scottieguru
    @Scottieguru 11 місяців тому +2

    Happiness is by definition an emotion.

  • @Golgibaby
    @Golgibaby Рік тому +7

    Timestamp: 10:40 1) Are you truly earning your success? 2) Are you truly adding value with your life and helping others to lift them up?

  • @beatmydrum
    @beatmydrum 11 місяців тому

    Arthur is the best! So glad he’s getting so much press!👏🏽👌🏽🥂

  • @mirfir
    @mirfir Рік тому +3

    Faith, family, friends, purpose 😊❤ aka LOVE

  • @teresalegler2777
    @teresalegler2777 Рік тому +12

    Fantastic discussion and interview. Now I need to start making some phone calls!

    • @Gabedudley1
      @Gabedudley1 Рік тому +2

      Crazy Teresa called me last night going on and on about orange man bad 😂

    • @mimsyborogove3906
      @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому +3

      @@Gabedudley1
      Teresa's not THAT crazy.

    • @Gabedudley1
      @Gabedudley1 Рік тому

      @@mimsyborogove3906 anybody who tunes into msdnc state propaganda is either crazy or a proud commie

    • @AlwaysAwesome001
      @AlwaysAwesome001 Рік тому +2

      @@mimsyborogove3906
      Teresa is a dude! 🤣

    • @williampride6008
      @williampride6008 Рік тому

      ​@@AlwaysAwesome001it takes a Sane mind to recognize insanity.

  • @lucianozaffaina9853
    @lucianozaffaina9853 10 місяців тому +3

    Had a lot of real friends before watching this video. Then I told them they are completely useless. Now I have no real friends😢.

  • @laurashaw4429
    @laurashaw4429 13 днів тому

    Absolutely LOVED this interview.

  • @cg2642
    @cg2642 Рік тому +74

    This guy really is like: "my students tell me what makes them happy, and I tell them they are wrong." He rejects the idea that different people have different things that makes them happy. He says satisfaction comes through struggling to accomplish something, but for many people that's not a satisfying feeling, that's just doing something hard that they need to do to survive or keep a job, and happiness for them might come from taking time to clear their mind so they can reflect and recharge. He says happiness comes from interacting with people, but for people who have been abused all their life trying to forge interactions with people might be overwhelmingly stressful with no tangible benefits in sight. I agree that his assessment of what corporate media has told us we need to pursue to make us happy is problematic. But his rejection of what different people might need to make them happy is problematic. For some, following this guy's recommendations would make them stressed out and miserable.

    • @Pulse2AM
      @Pulse2AM Рік тому +8

      Therapy, I can vouch for that. I come from an abusive family and was abused and abandoned as a child and teen. Granted some may not respond to therapy or meds, that is sad but it does happen.

    • @timages
      @timages Рік тому +17

      I couldn't agree more, I don't find anything he says that's enlightening or makes happiness more attainable.

    • @lisabluecurls
      @lisabluecurls Рік тому +22

      Agree. Some of us don't have much family left to call. Some of us have been betrayed by "real friends" and find it challenging to make new friends, especially as we age. He makes it sound simple and reductionist. It sounds like his research was done solely in the ivory tower of Harvard. Not with large samples of people from throughout the population and various cultures. Of course Oprah would be drawn to this type of pop psychology.

    • @jessicaheger1880
      @jessicaheger1880 Рік тому +22

      I'd like to encourage you all to expand your ideas of what qualifies as family and friends; family might be chosen rather than biological and friends don't have to be human. Jane Goodall would certainly call the gorillas she worked with friends, and quite nearly family even. Joy can come from genuine earthling interactions across species, such as a pet cat or dog. Therapy dogs are real. In fact, caring for an animal can fulfill most of the items on his checklist if you really try to listen to the animal and connect with it and take care of it; it's a real friend, not just a deal friend.

    • @RodHayward
      @RodHayward Рік тому +7

      This is not a criticism of you, cg2642, just an observation. Everybody always blames "the corporate media," and I get that. They shape our conversations. But isn't that happening here, with Brooks talking about the book? Just a thought.
      I agree that some people need challenges to overcome and make some big or personal difference. I would ask if the relief of completing any task results in happiness, vs. doing the task. And interacting with people for a form of happiness? When was the last time you had an interaction with somebody who wasn't thinking of something else or in a rush? Asking for a friend.

  • @williamhartman9
    @williamhartman9 Рік тому +2

    Very impressed by her interviewing and his presentation. Both were great .

    • @JRspeaking
      @JRspeaking Рік тому +2

      I found her slightly annoying. 😊

  • @ellentaylor4351
    @ellentaylor4351 Рік тому +8

    Thank you, I know the loss of friends and the need for friends

  • @drosera8943
    @drosera8943 Місяць тому

    I enjoy my volunteer work far more than my job. I always look forward to it and feel much better even after a rough week. If I didn't need the money, I would be much happier spending time elsewhere. This video really resonated with me and I will keep his words in mind during my job search. Thank you.

  • @AS-kf1ol
    @AS-kf1ol 11 місяців тому +3

    As soon as someone says "friends and family" are the answer to happiness the grain of salt im taking them with gets even smaller.

    • @future-75
      @future-75 10 місяців тому +1

      Faith, family, friends, work that serves others. If there are no family/friends, well, he doesn't say that the 4 things are equally weighted. I think it depends on the person and life circumstances. Having good Faith and good work would be at least half way there, and maybe lead to a lot more.

  • @Lola-mt1ne
    @Lola-mt1ne Рік тому

    Great show. The guest spoke well and not too slow or fast. I admire hosts who do it well.

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому +4

    I don't feel like I suffered that much now thank you for the book. Irreplaceable.

  • @81aherna
    @81aherna 11 місяців тому

    I like this guy a lot. Seems genuine and i like his work.

  • @Golgibaby
    @Golgibaby Рік тому +3

    Real friends are not transactional. There is reciprocation in the being each other's presence.

  • @tikkas1203
    @tikkas1203 4 місяці тому

    I just love this Professor. 😊

  • @trishhunt4085
    @trishhunt4085 Рік тому +24

    This approach is completely unrealistic for some people, like me. Yes, I have faith & friends, but I do not have any family, so calling someone everyday is not possible. And, I would love more than anything to have the job of my dreams, but realistically, I need a healthy paycheque to afford rent, food, transportation, insurance, etc, etc. I suppose I could do my dream job and live on the streets. Would that be true happiness? 🤷🏼‍♀️

    • @reason6835
      @reason6835 Рік тому +10

      It’s nonsense anyway. What really makes this guy happy is selling more books. That’s the only reason he’s doing this interview.

    • @eddenoy321
      @eddenoy321 Рік тому +7

      Your thinking is 100% spot on. Agree totally. I heard enough psychobabble to last 100 lifetimes.

    • @silkroadcaravan
      @silkroadcaravan Рік тому +6

      so, the suggestion is to work towards feeling satisfaction in whatever service you're able to do others.

    • @mimsyborogove3906
      @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому +5

      @@reason6835
      You ARE cynical. How many people have gotten to what they think is the pinnacle of success and then felt let down? A quote from David Bowie's song FAME...once you get there things are hollow.

    • @mimsyborogove3906
      @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому +7

      @@eddenoy321
      It's not psycho-babble. If you really think about it, what everyone really wants, once basic physical needs are met, is to be loved and to love, inclusive of, but not limited to, romantic love. We all want at least someone to be aware that we exist and appreciate the fact.

  • @mimsyborogove3906
    @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому +2

    I like Professor Brooks. I'd like to take a class with him.

  • @HazzyWazzey
    @HazzyWazzey Рік тому +5

    I’m sorry but having enough money to quit having to work for the corporate elite would provide society far more happiness than any of his points combined.

  • @susansmiles2630
    @susansmiles2630 11 місяців тому +2

    Thank you for having this great guest on. I have had a great deal of pain and loss, in m long life, but It is the Core of my Spiritual Being that has kept me happy in spite of it all.. I just had a triple bypass heart surgery three days ago and I feel great because I am plugged into my Source. I am NOT religious, but totally Spiritual. There are no borders or boundaries to Love; truly, LOVE is Infinite! You CAN choose to be happy if you are willing to drop your cynicism and envy in Life!

  • @gregparrott
    @gregparrott Рік тому +7

    Given that Harvard is where some of the most extreme right wing congressmen received their education, what went wrong?

  • @iMetaTV
    @iMetaTV Рік тому +1

    This is a Wisdom classneeded all school levels.
    We need this for a better america.

  • @JP51ism
    @JP51ism Рік тому +9

    “We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it.
    The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.
    All art is quite useless.”
    ― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray [Re: real friends being "useless"]

  • @lindaroach1
    @lindaroach1 13 днів тому

    Amen. I’m a daily meditator that has a beautiful family and real friends!!!

  • @user-ur2wd8du4z
    @user-ur2wd8du4z 11 місяців тому +4

    All this work but not if you are poor and have actual survival problems.. " just pick a book tomorrow" is such a classist and privileged "tip for happiness"

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому +2

    I loved it when Arthur said just like Grandma would have told you

  • @KindlySo
    @KindlySo Рік тому +17

    I am 72. How would I have gotten this far in my life without the grace of my dear friends and loved ones? I have an active friend from when I was four. I remember the day we met. We talked last Friday. I have a dear friend from age 14. We had lunch yesterday. I have a friend from age 16, we worked together at my first part time job. What an angel she is! I have another friend from age 18, we were out last Monday. Then there is my twin sister, who I have known since our egg split. Go on, fella. Real friends are NOT what you claim.

    • @mister_manager
      @mister_manager Рік тому +18

      I think you may have misunderstood his point: he was saying that real friends are not our transactional relationships.

    • @janetmalcolm3403
      @janetmalcolm3403 Рік тому +4

      Good for you. You have loved ones around you. You truly don't need a book written by a Harvard professor and commercialized by Oprah.

    • @akshayde
      @akshayde Рік тому +10

      I don't think you watched the video

    • @alanc7772
      @alanc7772 Рік тому +4

      What would your advice be for someone who doesn't really feel comfortable with his own family and has trouble making friends? Thanks.

    • @akshayde
      @akshayde Рік тому

      @@alanc7772 well, therapy. "Comfort" is a vague term, an outcome term. so start therapy to help narrow down the issue to find out the cause and if its is them or you. Then take necessary steps, baby steps to begin with, to go towards the outcome you want.

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому

    Thank you endlessly

  • @gehasafras
    @gehasafras Рік тому +44

    Oprah who is now worth billions, tells the rest of us money isn't important😅

    • @jamesbyrne9312
      @jamesbyrne9312 Рік тому +2

      Yep gaslighting

    • @justagirl-u2u
      @justagirl-u2u Рік тому +1

      She would know...she's got loooots of money.

    • @Thomas-hl1go
      @Thomas-hl1go Рік тому +9

      They certainly shouldn't say "it's not important"... but I think a rich person is well-placed to say, from experience, that money doesn't make you happy

    • @GrimDarkDude
      @GrimDarkDude Рік тому +3

      They didn’t say it’s not important, how you earn it is. Rewatch it silly goose

    • @JRspeaking
      @JRspeaking Рік тому

      @@GrimDarkDude Right! And this is coming from a Grim Dark Dude.😁

  • @JuicyLoux
    @JuicyLoux 6 місяців тому

    He presents his work very well, it’s trained. You can tell he practices what he teaches. He is the one of the most successful businessmen of our era. He’s successfully sold happiness. Usually when people sell, “self help” guides or biographies, they’re met with positive feedback and an equal negative response. His responses are more positive, I’d say 90/10. I’m glad to see people becoming more aware of their environments, experiences, growths etc

  • @JohnPatrickWeiss
    @JohnPatrickWeiss 11 місяців тому +4

    A good book, cup of coffee, cat purring, regular exercise, family, friends, and creative work. That does it for me.

  • @henriqueanton3024
    @henriqueanton3024 4 місяці тому

    Excellent interview! Both the interviewer and interviewee.

  • @ligbzd837
    @ligbzd837 Рік тому +11

    Very true! To be happy in life...just spend time with the people you love and those who love you. All other activities are to get income so you can feed yourself and your family.

    • @dagmarvandoren9364
      @dagmarvandoren9364 11 місяців тому

      Frau Fuhle sieht naturlich aus....not to much face changes....

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому +5

    Investing like Arthur Brooks is saying here is critical. Remember after you got those Christmas presents for that birthday present there was a little bit of a letdown afterwards. Same thing with all big successes. Even if you made ten billion dollars last year next year you'll want more. Materialism or do you have a soul. Serving others is critical. All the basics here are critical. As in achieving critical thinking and so much more.

    • @richardhusband3332
      @richardhusband3332 Рік тому

      Many people don't even have the material necessities. This is just Oprah hogwash.

  • @nicholashayes4081
    @nicholashayes4081 Рік тому

    What he’s saying is so true!!

  • @rainergro4055
    @rainergro4055 Рік тому +3

    *Making happy makes happy❣️*

  • @Rob_132
    @Rob_132 11 місяців тому +1

    Good interview 👍🏻 More of this on the news.

  • @savannahscarborough2171
    @savannahscarborough2171 Рік тому +8

    Lost me at "the smell of the turkey is evidence of Thanksgiving dinner." The smell of the turkey
    is evidence of carnage, and of a depraved culture that equates that with happiness.

    • @listrahtes
      @listrahtes 10 місяців тому

      See he made you face your own bias of hate and you weren't able to overcome it. He helped you, you are just too weak ,lost in agenda,to realize it.

  • @LordGreystoke
    @LordGreystoke 5 місяців тому +2

    It’s called the self help industry and it’s a billion dollar industry here in the U.S. More than 20 thousand books have been written on the subject of happiness. Thjs guy’s book, included. Somehow he’s more credible because he teaches at Harvard, is connected to Oprah, etc… He’s a self marketer and he’s good at it. I like his notion of useless friend because I’ve been practicing it my entirely life. I’ve known people who thought I was boring g because I was useless. They didn’t understand the difference between transactional and relational. I remain useless and I have no friends.

    • @beatewagner7.2934
      @beatewagner7.2934 Місяць тому

      True....and he sounds like a salesman. He talks a bit too fast.

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому +4

    Family is the most underrated resource in most people's lives. Faith is a fickle thing for some. For many others thankfully it is just as easy as drawing the next breath there will be no conscious thought per-say required about said faith. Like the fish in the ocean you will be swimming and it. Kind of like you are now😅. With eyes ears arms hearts and minds wide open. You're already communicating it to yourself just tune it in a little bit.

    • @future-75
      @future-75 10 місяців тому +1

      i don't underrate family as a concept, but some families can't be spent time with if the person wants to pursue happiness, they have to drop family. Agree on the faith thing.

    • @williampride6008
      @williampride6008 10 місяців тому +1

      @@future-75 I agree with your words. The word family holds many meanings for many people. Obviously in my opinion you do not need to be related by marriage or blood to be a member of a family. My animal companions in this Walk of Life are the greatest family and friends, I've had the honor to share my life with. It's Justin in general because people often get used to their family and overlook them in many cases when their family could be the one to help them through something trivial or something major. But you are right family does not mean the same to everyone and certainly cannot be expected to. Here's to your family and your living spirits.

  • @grahammewburn
    @grahammewburn Рік тому +5

    Real friends are priceless!

  • @allisone369
    @allisone369 Рік тому +7

    These are the things we should be teaching our children way before an “education”. Teaching meditation and proper breathing techniques would help too. Our society is so backwards because we worship money over happiness.

    • @williampride6008
      @williampride6008 Рік тому

      Unagi... Spoken like a true self-aware happy and growing person thank you.

    • @williampride6008
      @williampride6008 Рік тому

      Just the act of struggling to find happiness brings happiness. We make mistakes we succeed we cannot know one without the other. Time nor tides of the ocean will ever wait for mankind. Mother nature plays her tune and we attempt to listen. words are pale actions rule the Day. Your actions your day.

  • @CharTheStarMeetsLadyBleak
    @CharTheStarMeetsLadyBleak Рік тому +2

    I am curious how this lines up with Maslow Heiarchy of Needs

  • @richardwildlife88-wj6kl
    @richardwildlife88-wj6kl Рік тому +11

    I used to be so popular in the 2000's and by 2010 was when I cut everyone off and disappeared. I will never have a useless friendship ever again. Either I gain something or we're moving on. I'm also willing to share with a person & help them, but, I'm not picking up problems and opening doors for people without receiving anything in return. I've changed lots of lives & opened plenty of doors with nothing in return and the worst, absolute WORST feeling is when they cut me off after I've lead them into that path. I'm not mad at them for it, I'm mad at myself for putting into someone that had nothing to offer me in return. People have smiled in my face and pretended to be my friend just so they cant take from me, and then turn into my enemy within a blink of an unsuspected eye. Moving forward, its all transactional. I'm not bitter, not resentful, not angry. I'm only disappointed in myself for not being an opportunist.

    • @NA-vt6mz
      @NA-vt6mz Рік тому +3

      Exactly

    • @AS-kf1ol
      @AS-kf1ol 11 місяців тому +2

      The people I've dealt qith didn't maliciously use me BUT I get nothing from them and they get everything from me. I don't learn from them. I don't grow with them. They arent in positions to give me advice. They constantly want to trauma dump and get my advice but not take it. I guess they're cool and funny sometimes but I'm done with useless relationships. I have a huge family of people who offer me absolutely nothing but a nice meal and giggle. I'm not taking on anymore causes.

    • @sassygal4727
      @sassygal4727 11 місяців тому +2

      Hi. This happens to me also . It is hard.

  • @bdflatlander
    @bdflatlander 11 місяців тому +1

    Completely agree with Brooks about social media.
    I have a Facebook account but am rarely on it and don’t make any posts about myself. I mainly follow FB pages that are groups about subjects I am interested in (Atheism and a few sports teams).
    IMO social media does way more harm than good. It has also been a factor in the ending of some of my relationships although they were having issues apart from social media.

  • @hannahlang4703
    @hannahlang4703 Рік тому +3

    Falling in love and loving someone are NOT the same. Falling in love is an attachment to how someone makes us feel, and love is choosing to be with another person keep trying, growing, building and seeking harmony and understanding with the other. And relationships of all sorts require love. And successful romantic relationships grow PAST the hormonal fixes rather than getting stuck in the attachment phase.

    • @Michel-Graillier-fanclub
      @Michel-Graillier-fanclub Рік тому

      You are part of a 0.0001% of women who actually knows this. 99.9% of women see a man as a tool, a useful dude who can protect her and take care of her problems and as soon as they don't feel in love with him anymore they discard him (80% of divorce is initiated by women). There is a book about what you just said, called , Love is a Story.

  • @malatighosh9669
    @malatighosh9669 Рік тому

    Awesome talk!

  • @eddrupz1805
    @eddrupz1805 11 місяців тому +4

    Respect to Arthur for making it through talking to her for 45 minutes before the interview and respect to her for recognizing the burden of that.

  • @williampride6008
    @williampride6008 Рік тому +2

    There are absolutely correct here in one smore is Faith requires you to embrace the uncomfortable as well as the heavenly. So take heed. Sometimes the uncomfortable can include family friends co-workers it's our duty and our responsibility to rise above every time. With the basic approaches that are being illustrated here and the ones that you will develop from applying these techniques you will live and begin to live Revelation in every breath. You will recognize your individuality and experienced a novel reality. Freedom whispers your name.

  • @termsofusepolice
    @termsofusepolice Рік тому +21

    Nothing beats affluent people telling those living paycheck to paycheck that more money won't produce more happiness. 😂

    • @g6ter1
      @g6ter1 Рік тому +2

      after a certain point of financial success, its true. diminishing returns on happiness for the vast majority of people. Probably not a major diff in happiness between making $400k/yr vs $650k or going from $1MM to $2MM, a little for sure, but not like when you go from $20k/yr to $100k, a truly major shift.

    • @akshayde
      @akshayde Рік тому +1

      Yah but happiness is a spectrum. Lets say its like a linear number line. +10 is happiness and unhappiness is -10. If money gets you from -10 to 0 , you might think that thats happiness. I would say that it isn't. Its more like you have got to a place devoid of stress and problems and unhappiness by solving money issues and NOW you can move forward towards happiness.

    • @themaskedman221
      @themaskedman221 Рік тому

      @@akshayde Yeah, but it's not linear at all. The happiness boost from $30k to $100k is much larger than the jump from $1 mill. to $2 mill. The thing is, nothing lasts forever not even happiness. People get bored with things, even money.

    • @akshayde
      @akshayde Рік тому

      @@themaskedman221 not at all what i was saying. And i doubt there is any change in happiness when you have 1 million in yiur bank and you get another milli

    • @themaskedman221
      @themaskedman221 Рік тому

      @@akshayde Which is exactly what I just said.

  • @rhondacosta160
    @rhondacosta160 11 місяців тому

    Full respect.

  • @Zkbbkzzz
    @Zkbbkzzz Рік тому +6

    Please stop using the word useless. Words matter. Meaningful friendship, authentic relationships between friends would be an improvement.

    • @TheMisterGriswold
      @TheMisterGriswold Рік тому +2

      yes that was unnecessary

    • @beatewagner7.2934
      @beatewagner7.2934 Місяць тому

      Words are the reflection of your mindset, your thoughts,
      your environment....

  • @DHFrank
    @DHFrank Рік тому

    This was really good. One of the best I’ve heard.

  • @logiclight
    @logiclight Рік тому +8

    Self checkouts are the antithesis of happiness.

    • @pattykelly6621
      @pattykelly6621 Рік тому

      Yes!

    • @mimsyborogove3906
      @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому

      When you say "self checkouts," do you mean observing yourself and how you're doing by society's standards?

    • @GerryRR
      @GerryRR Рік тому +2

      Speak for yourself - I like getting out of the store faster 😂

    • @mimsyborogove3906
      @mimsyborogove3906 Рік тому

      I'm too technological resistant to use those things, but I'm glad some people can.@@GerryRR

  • @wishesandfishes
    @wishesandfishes 11 місяців тому +2

    Real happiness also comes from being economically secure, but that message doesnt tend to play as well on feel good daytime talkshow segment

  • @ravikurup8350
    @ravikurup8350 Рік тому +3

    Sometimes your friends will bring you down

  • @gail9566
    @gail9566 Рік тому +2

    Ive got no faith and no friends and didnt feel better when I had them. My faith was a trap and my friends talked about me behind my back. I dont need that.

  • @timages
    @timages Рік тому +27

    This guy simply dismisses all the pain and anguish many people have endured with family members for example who've abused them to feel any happiness there, ( not to mention places of worship, jobs, etc.) He has a bizarrely dated, absurdly simplistic answers for attaining happiness, ( and he teaches at Harvard! ...no wonder so many are questioning the costs of higher education). ... then again, what would you expect from Oprah and these corporate media news shows anyway?

    • @SpikeSPS
      @SpikeSPS Рік тому +7

      You're right. Still, this is a brief conversation and we don't know the whole content of the book. You also never know what is going to connect with somebody- what might inspire them to confront their demons and work on their health or pursue psychotherapy. A toxic and abusive family? I don't know if there is any resolution for that. There is nothing wrong with going no contact- though it is difficult to do. There is also nothing wrong with employing the painful wisdom gained when selecting the people you allow into your life. Maybe the conversation appealed to me because - I must admit- I am absurdly simplistic- and I do think you're right.

    • @FriendofDorothy
      @FriendofDorothy Рік тому +4

      Exactly. The popular marshmallowy "family" narrative means little to those of us with abusive or non-present parents and nasty, siblings incapable of love because they themselves did not experience it in the home. That group includes a large swath of the post-WW2 baby boom gen, whose fathers came back from the war hiding the effects of trauma (and drinking to cope with it). But the war wasn't the only factor in their being lousy parents. MANY of them had no parental role models. My dad's dad was an alcoholic wife-beater; my mom's mom was a highly neurotic drama queen who constantly badgered and verbally abused her husbands. Connect the dots.

    • @yasmeantamoor-snyder5615
      @yasmeantamoor-snyder5615 Рік тому +3

      Completely agree with you.The advice does not consider those with strained family relationships. To that I say, we can also “choose” our family later in life. Supportive friends can also be as close as and better that blood family. Focus on those people and share your life with them 😊

    • @scotey
      @scotey Рік тому +5

      @@yasmeantamoor-snyder5615I suspect that's what he would tell you. You choose your own family. Now be close to them, every week if not every day.

    • @themaskedman221
      @themaskedman221 Рік тому

      Well, he doesn't teach 'self-help' at Harvard.

  • @corujariousa
    @corujariousa Рік тому

    Great segment! Thank you!

  • @anul6460
    @anul6460 Рік тому +3

    When you are broke and can't quit toxic job even you need to, money will improve your life ☝️