Autistic Meltdowns Explained - What NOT to Do
Вставка
- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
- Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I provide a step by step guide to #autistic meltdowns, and offer some dos and don'ts when the Autistic person in your life is experiencing a meltdown. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #autism #autisticadult #whatautismfeelslike #asd
🙏 Thanks so much for watching, rating, commenting, sharing and subscribing, I really appreciate it! You're helping me raise the level of understanding and acceptance of the Autistic community. You can show your support for my channel by doing any of these things:
1️⃣ SUBSCRIBE to my channel.
2️⃣ LIKE / COMMENT / SHARE my videos.
3️⃣ SEND me a Super Thanks
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
🔵 CHANNEL LINKS 🔵
More Videos: / orionkelly
Understanding Autism Playlist: • Playlist
Autism Myths Playlist: • Autistic Myth Busting
Autism & Parenting Playlist: • Autism & Parenting
Autism & Employment Playlist: • Autism & Employment
🔵 CONNECT WITH ORION 🔵
Facebook: / orionkellyinc
Twitter: / orionkelly
Instagram: / orionkelly_australia
TikTok: @orionkelly_australia
Website: orionkelly.com.au
Vurbl: vurbl.com/stat...
🎧 My Friend Autism' PODCAST 🎧
Apple: podcasts.apple...
Spotify: open.spotify.c...
iHeartRadio: www.iheart.com...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.c...
Google: podcasts.googl...
Vurbl: vurbl.com/stat...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (UA-camr), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.
#AutisticVoices #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #Autism #OrionKelly #ThatAutisticGuy #ASD
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
⛔️*Disclaimer: The videos contained on this channel are for general education and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. For professional advice and training seek assistance from a qualified provider. All views are my own and do not represent those of my employers or sponsors. Some images used are stock images.*⛔️
Related: autism, autism diagnosis, Orion Kelly, orionkelly, thatautisticguy, tiktok videos, autistic, autism in adults, autism in women, autism in men, autism spectrum condition, asd, autism spectrum disorder, aspergers, aspergers syndrome, autism in boys, autism in girls, dsm, dsm5, autistic adults, autistic kids, autism mom, autism parent, autism family, autism speaks, autism awareness, autism acceptance, autism at work, am I autistic, adult autism test, autism disclosure, autism therapy, autism prevention, autism meltdown, autistic burnout, autistic behavior, autism symptoms, autism traits, autistic signs, what autism feels like, love on the spectrum, stimming, echolalia, anxiety
One of the worst parts of having a meltdown is the regret after and even during. You feel terrible about it knowing it's immature behavior and inappropriate but at the same time your brain is overstimulated, and the meltdown is the release valve. Trying to hold it in makes it even worse, this is one of the reasons I gave up playing sports, I never wanted to be a bad sport, but I just couldn't keep my emotions in check no matter how hard I tried. Apathy has been one of my constant coping mechanisms in life where I avoid all risk and potential disappointments in order to avoid the pain and anguish of a meltdown. I waited for the day I would grow out of it, that day never came. Thanks to your channel I am starting to understand what has been going on all these years.
I relate to every word. Nothing consistently triggers rage and meltdowns in me like sports, either playing them or watching them as a passionate fan. I have always prided myself on my logical and objective demeanor, and getting so upset (to the point that I feel like I have to break things or hit myself to feel better), over something as meaningless as a game is hideously embarrassing. I have tried so hard to enjoy sports without taking it too seriously, but it just doesn't seem to work. I should just avoid them, but it's hard when it has (at times) brought me so much joy in the past, and it is one of the few things that I talk to my dad about.
I relate so deeply to both of you. I wasn’t an athlete, but I was an actor & musician, and I would go into meltdowns if I missed one word of a monologue, was a little off pitch, or just wasn’t happy with my performance for the most minuscule reasons. I finally had to walk away from it entirely, which only broke my spirit even more. I had my life planned around performing and trying to make it “big time,” but it got to a point where even thinking about an audition or rehearsal would trigger a meltdown. I’ve moved into the “apathy is safety” mindset. I try not to expect much, certainly not from myself, but I am working my way through a career program. We’ll see how it goes, but optimism alone can sometimes feel like playing with fire. I’m glad to be learning more about myself and how to take better care of me from channels like this, and the people who share their experiences in the comments - y’all especially make me feel much less alone ❤
Having. Meltdown. Being embarrassed after the fact, and getting treated like an idiot afterwards.
I get angry that the people around me think I'm being selfish and nasty when at most I am frightened or annoyed because something hasn't gone the way I need it to
I can relate to every word. The afthermath of a Meltdown for me is the worst part. I feel awful for my behaviour but at the same time I want to feel compassion for myself. Overall it is like a Tug of War going on in my brain.
I'd describe a meltdown like vomiting - you're not really present for the experience and have no control over it, and you kinda feel better afterwards except the embarresment/shame and feeling like you're going to be punished and judged for it. It's like emotional vomiting - the nausea is like the emotions building up and vomiting is them coming out.
Excellent illustration!
One of my sisters, undeniably autistic, goes into physical vomiting from emotional stress. After that, she can get on with whatever it was that was getting too stressful, uncomfortably, but more manageable.
I feel like my brain emotionally vomits at the point of a meltdown. I should remember that illustration.
Thank you! ❤
@@rebeccamay6420 I am certain my motion sickness as a child was at least partly due to the stress building as I rode the bus to school. Eventually, mom decided to let me sleep in a half hour, and drive me to school every school day.
Yes! Not sure yet if I'm Autistic or not but you described my most recent meltdown very well. Thank you!
I thought I was having panic attacks for years, social anxiety, depressed, all that. But those are all just symptoms of autism I was masking. It's amazing to hear this information.
Can you explain how it felt? Are you diagnosed?
Same, I have figured out my panic attacks are from overstimulation as much as from intrusive thoughts. Now I get under my weighted blanket until I feel better.
@@heythere6983I can't speak for him but I can relate so I'll tell you what I think. I am diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. But no psychiatrist I've been to has helped me in any way. I'm finally off the benzos they put me on, which did help but it wasn't addressing the real problem. The antidepressants just did nothing, thankfully(!).
So no, I haven't been in a hurry to seek a diagnosis, I don't expect anyone to understand really. But for me the epiphany over the course of my 35th year has made sense of my life in a way I never thought possible before. It raised my self worth and checked my ego at the same time.
@@tnix80 I like fans and binaural beats. Weighted blankets are awesome, too.
My daughter was frightened by her meltdowns. When she was first diagnosed she was afraid of certain situations (like test taking, which morphed into being in a classroom at all) because she was worried that a meltdown might ambush her. It's been four years of therapy, and I am SO proud of the progress she's made learning how to manage and understand her feelings, anxieties, and triggers, etc. She's one of the bravest people I know.
Good on you for being open to your daughter about her condition, she’ll have a much greater upper hand because of it
Your an amazing mom! It must be hard seeing your daughter in this way. She is seeing weakness and stress. In all of that you see a warrior. A Phoenix on self destruct mode, always coming back stronger everytime.
The world needs more moms like you❤
@@abernard02601 Thanks. She's started her first job, and we've had a few bumps but she keeps on plugging. I'm so proud of her.
Meltdowns are extreamly scary to experience, that loss of controll and often judgment from Others . . . .ITS so so uncomfortable
Loud noises, too many uncomfortable noises at once, overcrowded and loud spaces, sensory overload, emotional overload, mental overload, too many demands at once(lookin at you kids screaming "mom mom mom!" All at once Lol), too many demands in the day, week, etc; not enough alone time, I'm sure there's more but I can't think of any right now lol.
I'm the same with touch during a meltdown. Most times I need space and to be alone. But sometimes I need the bear hug. And I don't know which I'll need until I'm in it.
Yup, and my experience led me to be homeless in NYC. I still can't sustain work and improve my situation too greatly, still here ,but at least indoors. I wish I had the means and resources to create a safe lifestyle
That's a relief to know they can be triggered by strong emotions and confrontation- I always thought I was just being emotionally weak. If I'm around people, I'm more likely to shut down. I can often postpone them until I'm in a safe space, just like someone who desperately needs to pee can hold it in until they get to a toilet, but eventually they are either going to pee their pants or their bladder will explode (ok, maybe bad analogy). But once it's happening, it's happening.
Actually, that was an excellent analogy: People have experienced internal injury from forced "holding" of necessary bodily functions -- whether someone is demanding it of you or you may be forcing it upon yourself, it can result in diverticulosis of the colon and overstretching the bladder repeatedly to the point it gets "floppy" and incontinent. I know someone who is "proud" of being able to "hold it" during a full-day event and also the whole ride home, possibly nine or ten hours since leaving the house until returning home, and her doctor diagnosed her with Floppy Bladder. I only now recognize, since learning about my own divergent neuro-type late in life, that she has many traits of (Aspergers) Autism. We're closely related; Autism is genetic. It now makes sense!!
The other night I was screaming at my husband, "You can't put the flood back in the dam!" He didn't get it. It sucked.
Of the four biggest meltdowns I've endured, 3 were caused by one person and this person was in my life for five years and also happened to be my partner, but also a horrible narcissist. They are now out of my life and I feel so much better, but I'm still suffering the fall out.
I had a meltdown the other day while trying to get breakfast for myself. I needed my mom to help because I was just really struggling and just finished crying from feeling overwhelmed. I asked her to do something with I guess more attitude in my voice than I intended and she, not realizing what was going on in my head exactly, kinda mocked what I said. I had to walk away crying for a minute because I just broke.
Growing up, I was undiagnosed and my mom didn't know about meltdowns, only tantrums. She learned you just ignore tantrums. I learned I could only rely on myself to soothe.
"I learned I could only rely on myself to soothe." I'm sobbing. Yes. Same.
I remember crying a lot as a child.
I'm glad you made it through that hell, I promise things will get better soon ❤
My mom always used to say I "had an attitude" and "I don't like your attitude" and it's like "this isn't at you I just am overloaded". It's rough.
I feel you, I get that all the time
My meltdowns are triggered by over-stimulation and stress.
I don't know how many times I've had people talk down to me when I'm like this.
Playing piano/keyboard or woodworking help me relax.
Great video. Thanks.
Sending you love❤
For me, my meltdowns generally make me feel like a scared animal that's trapped and doesn't know what's happening. I honestly wish my dad would understand since because I was diagnosed at a very young age, but my recent meltdown showed otherwise. He kept basically verbally kicking me down by saying things like, "You're better than this," and "Stop crying," (all in a very annoyed/borderline angry tone) like as if I'm fully capable of doing so when under intense pressure. This video honestly helped me know what he did wasn't ok, but stuff like that was a common response growing up, I thought it was just a normal response, and I should be ashamed.
I had to drive a long-distance yesterday in a faulty car in traffic on Highway 5 in California. It broke me, and I drove for miles and miles at half-speed (because of the car) just screaming...not crying, but screaming and yelling as if the universe was out to get me or had been taken over by twisted demons.
I finally pulled into a gas station and called my husband. He said softly, "I cant understand uou when you're crying, honey." He patiently waited til I could speak, he spoke gently and optimistically, told me to buy a cold drink and just sit parked for a little bit to calm down. I was feeling so alone and out of control. I was so glad he knew what to do to make things better, not worse. I eventually made it home safe. My throat is incredibly sore today from all the yelling, and I feel totally exhausted. I hate this so much, but I'm so grateful I have someone who loves me so well.
PS I am f***ing 63. I say this because it feels like such a shameful thing to still have this happening at 63.😢
Your husband sounds awesome. I wish my exwife would have been as understanding.
@@GrannyGooseOnUA-cam ❤ I feel this deeply.
@@GrannyGooseOnUA-camthank you, very much, for sharing
Glad im not the only one to experience this. When I get overwhelmed I have the urge to just scream, and it's really difficult to deal with when I'm surrounded by people (which is unfortunately when they happen the most) and it makes me feel very frustrated and misunderstood.
I used to think I had anger issues and was overly sensitive or "childish". A lot of times when I have a meltdown I'm told I'm "making a big deal out of things" and I "need to calm down" and it's humiliating. I feel like no matter what I say they never understand.
I'm happy you have someone in your life who can support you so well ❤ as a 20 year old, I can only hope I have someone so kind and understanding in my life some day.
As someone with autism I definitely have autistic meltdowns. I'm very glad you took the time to explain that autistic meltdowns aren't tantrums and that the autistic person who is experiencing an autistic meltdown can't control them. For me they always involve a lot of crying and yelling and I actually can't help it or control it. I wouldn't wish an autistic meltdown on anyone.
Same here. Its crying and screaming. Im only figuring out myself at 34 i had no idea what this was. Its like things become unbearable and i freak out. It happened once at work....without warning. I just couldnt stop crying because i had a really unfair evaluation. My boss was scared...im at a different job now and it never happened there. I have a self immune disease so i dont go in the office. Which relieved some pressure. I also get very angry and confused if someone changes my things from its place. My mom does it and had to have a serious conversation with her about it...as it makes me so stressed i take like 2 hours to match my clothes or organize a bag of stuff 😢
I'm a woman in my 50s, and was recently diagnosed a few months ago. When I was a kid, girls and women weren't tested for autism, even though my father had it...and My Narcissistic parents were the worst..abusive, neglectful of anything loving. I also learned to mask very quickly, or have absolute hell to pay. So my meltdowns are internal. My music really helps.
Agreed. As a girl growing up in the 70s and 80s, we were almost entirely left out of diagnostics for autism, because it simply wasn't acceptable for us to do certain things the boys could get away with, like be rude and refuse to respond to people. Even today, most people's understanding of autism is of a clueless male who needs to live in a group home and can't hold down a job.
I had meltdowns as a kid so bad that kids at school would actually gather around to watch it like it was a show. Horrible memories, and I remember trying to explain to another kid (while hyperventilating) that it wasn't something I had any control over and only a small window of warning. Nowadays, most of mine are internal and I deal with it by living alone and avoiding company, but my last "big" one happened just a few years ago at work and while I kept my job, I honestly thought I was going to have to quit because I started crying on at least one of the phone calls with clients in attendance. I wonder sometimes how many "nervous breakdowns" are actually autistic meltdowns.
@kratze1738 I've had 2 meltdowns at work in the past month - I offered my resignation after I melted down on my manager but she didn't accept it TG but the shame and guilt I can't get over 😢
I was diagnosed with both ADHD and autism last fall. I'm 41. Having a meltdown and being ordered to stop it happened a lot, because I was perceived as the normal kid without neurological issues. No one understood or knew that it's genetic. I lashed out at work last night for being overstimulated and stressed to the point where I couldn't control my anger responses. I wanted out of there. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go somewhere quiet. The restaurant has nothing to absorb sound, so it reverberates off of everything. It hits me constantly, forcing me to try harder and harder not to react. I feel terrible when it happens. I feel like my emotions shot themselves out of a canon and I'm tied to the ball. It hurts. I know others are perceiving me as childish, but it won't stop until I leave or be given that distraction, and even then, it takes some time to calm down. Working in a restaurant means I don't have the luxury of leaving or having a distraction. It is so energetically draining when it happens on the inside. I went through a silent meltdown last week. I asked my manager - after weeks of having them triggered over and over - to take one day off of my schedule. She wouldn't do it. To her, working 6 days isn't a lot, and two of those shifts are 3 hours long. I told her it's not the hours, it's what's contained in them. It's doable for some people, but not for me. I can't handle it anymore. My request was still denied.
Yesterday, I saw someone get hit by a car. I instantly ran out to try to help them and called 911. I took video, other people were there to help, everything was handled, and thankfully, the guy was ok. The driver didn't take off. He was also shaken up.
It, and the stress of work caught up to me and I had a meltdown. As much as I want to help people, this is likely part of why I never went into the medical profession.
Despite the ADHD part of me wanting to do anything new, to explore, the autistic part of me wants to avoid the unfamiliar, because I know I'll get overstimulated. And I don't know what my meltdown will look like. Will it have an ADHD flavor, an autistic flavor, or both?
Somehow I'm managing to live on my own, and it's HARD. If I didn't need money to survive, I wouldn't have a job at all.
Thanks for sharing. I'm not diagnosed w autism, but I swear I am a walking DSM-IV description of one with autism. I'll be 40 next week and I'm Dx'd w anxiety, depression, PTSD, and sleep disorders....I really thought I Just had a bad temper I couldn't control.
I’m always told I’m acting childlike when I’m stressed it makes everything worse. Covid made things worse for me because routine went out the window and I had xx to deal with so much alone. Hospital appointments and an operation. Then all went downhill. My safe place was no longer there. But it triggers me when I’m told I’m acting like a child. I am in my 50’s haven’t had a diagnosis. My daughter is on the spectrum so been investigating info and now realised I’m on the spectrum. My daughter has Delayed learning disability and dyslexia. Here she has to wait for 3/4 years to get a diagnosis, so I’ve got no chance. She it terrified about going to high school and it will be 3 years in when I get to see a consultant about it. Ridiculous.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I'm undiagnosed, but I'm certain I'm autistic and ADHD. I do have diagnosed PTSD an anxiety, though. I'm glad there are others that experience similar workplace overwhelm as I do. Thankfully, I'm a night owl, so when I was doing standard scheduled work, it helped that I could simply work overnights or late, so there was less noise, fewer people, and overall fewer meltdowns. The pandemic took away my night shift options, so my problem then became I was constantly getting burned out from ignoring my natural night shift lifestyle. Full blown autistic burnout that would last weeks. I'd recover for about a week and then right back to burnout. The only thing that I have found helpful is going into gig work. It's not what I'm passionate in, but I'm able to somewhat choose my hours (due to the nature of what I do, delivery) and as long as bills are paid, I can work on the days I have the energy to leave the house. It's unfortunate that this isn't a solution for so many people, especially in America. I had to make it an option for myself otherwise I was going to be jobless this year. I was able to transition in about two months from my W-2 hell hole work environment to being an independent worker. There's still challenges and it's not perfect, but I can at least hold a job now without sacrificing all of my energy and mental health.
The restaurant industry is so hard. My neurodivergent step father is a chef and has his sensory struggles in the industry on top of the injustices that occur in those kitchens. It's a very tough field to be in. I have to take a moment and give you massive credit for being able to survive in that environment. No matter where life takes you, I hope you're able to find a more harmonious balance in your efforts to survive. You're doing wonderful!
I couldn't take just going to eat in a restaurant, until I discovered wearing foam earplugs. It cuts out the worst of the noise, plus you can hear conversation easier. Maybe it would help you.
@@angelagibbs6776 why does your daughter have to wait so long for a diagnosis? That's awful, and so counteracting to trying to help manage her symptoms.. and I totally understand the acting like a child part. I stomp feet and over react to things I don't like or trigger me. My temper is a issue. I have 2 basic moods. Mad or content
What it feels like to me is existential horror, like reality itself is under attack
YES. Exactly!
That's actually a really good way of putting it! Thank you.
Thank you for this poetic description of a meltdown
Haha yeah
Good describtor!!!
You missed a big trigger.
Failure.
When I publicly fail, I always...ALWAYS...melt down eventually. It's usually not immediate, but the fuse is lit.
What helps you to cope with failure? Because my 11 year old son hates it when I correct him during school. Mainly when I correct his pronunciation.
My mum cried today because my meltdown came out of nowhere and frightened her. I've never hated myself more than in that moment. I don't mean to be frightening, I'm frightened. I'm in fight or flight. It's not fair on the people around me at all. The shame, guilt, regret, embarrassment, self hatred afterwards is intense.
I don't think anyone should have to be around me because it just hurts them and scares them. I rarely have meltdowns, but I can't avoid them forever. It's inevitable and it f+cking sucks.
I know I'm a month late here, but hey, hey. That's not your fault or anyone else's. You have a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects meltdowns. You can't do anything about it, and your mother's being frightened shows that she cares about you, right? So don't be so hard on yourself. You deserve love and friends, and there are way worse people on the planet than those who have involuntary meltdowns.
We are not broken. We're just wired differently
@@noname-vf1ft Thank you for this. My goodness, I needed it!
I feel really accepted and appreciated and valid right now, genuinely it means a lot that you took time out of your day to comment. 🙏
Sure is hard to be calm as a parent of a child having a meltdown at the same time as having a meltdown due to stress around taking care of someone in a meltdown.
💯
I dont know your situation but a redirection often helps good luck my friend and god bless
Great video, thank you Orian. Partner was diagnosed in May 2021, up to then 20 years of grief, sadness, misunderstanding, blaming and resentment on both our parts. Now we've just realized with your help in this vid, many of what we called dissociations we're actually meltdowns however combined with masking he would not allow himself the meltdown, internalizing it, and would try to push through. Disaster would ensue. Sometimes really awful things would happen during intimacy. It's been hell for both of us.
YES! 🙌🏼
Yes I have a child who would come cry at the top of his lungs right in my face. It was extremely triggering. 😢 Thankfully he's getting older and those are fewer and farther between and I'm better able to calm him.
My dad tried to use physical force to get me to stop having these. It didn't work, but he sure tried. I can take more than a few hits. My step mom insinuated that I should ride the short bus because 'back in my day they just called it the R word, but now autism is a defined thing' and, right now, at this point in my very adult life, I still struggle with these today, and even after more years than I'm comfortable mentioning learning to control it, I fail spectacularly if I misjudge and manage to get totally overwhelmed.
Horrible, never should have been said to you.
I’m sorry that happened to you 😢
I am so sorry that was your experience. You are a worthy and wonderful human. 💖💖
You have suffered injustice. I am sorry. I had similar experiences. I think we would have to be totally insane in order NOT to experience meltdowns and rage after what we have been through all our lives. Don't give up. The world needs your input! :)
So sorry to hear that!
I had a major meltdown at work this week at my boss just because someone was using my work desk and computer which meant I had to find another work area and it was all too much. I have had them for as long as I can remember but I can't help it. I haven't officially been diagnosed but my son has been and he and I are so alike especially in social situations. I have always felt like I'm on the outside and have never had many friends.
Ditto here
Same here, I've always felt different to others so it's just easier to be a hermit with my dog.
Hello mirror
🙋🏼♀️
@@pandaofrandom ❤️❤️❤️
I have this teen memory of being at camp for two weeks, away from my ESA (who stopped eating in my absence). There was a couple days between those two weeks, so someone had to come take care of me. It was some random man my father or his girlfriend knew. I didn't know him. I remember standing around in a huge Barnes and Noble at a mall, not wanting to be there, and then getting SERIOUS debilitating period pain. No pad, no meds, no supplies. I tried to tell him I was in pain. He told me to stop throwing a tantrum! I immediately had a meltdown and eventually just hid behind some stairs in a fetal position, crying. People walked by, staring and taking pictures of me. No one helped me.
I still have nightmares and trauma about that shi-
I feel bad that happened to you…
I am so sorry if no one told you that please let me as an adult. That was so wrong. Also for a young female getting your period in public without any supplies is a nightmare. It is also difficult to get some people to understand period pain. Been there in that situation. Also sending a man holy crap. Thank you for sharing. It will help someone for sure. It may also help most young girls, most probably have a horrific story that they are to embarrassed to speak about. Thank you again. Wishing you joy and peace.
You have illuminated so many things that have been going on with me. Several of your videos I felt like CRYING. Finally, someone who understands what I could never explain.
I've used his videos to explain what its like to be me to other people too.
I was just diagnosed as being on the spectrum. Last year I had a meltdown and my wife left me because of it. I've felt so guilty about it all since it happened but after learning more about what happened and who I am, I'm finally beginning to be able to let go of all that guilt. Thank you so much for making this.
Man I'm sorry your trash wife left you. Here's hoping you'll find someone who will understand and accept you
@@butreally289 Remember to take care of yourself too!
@@butreally289 I did and it didn't matter.
@@butreally289 Thanks. Not all wives are as understanding as you.
@@butreally289 That doesn't sound like the way a loving, supportive spouse would behave, autistic or not. I know it's a complicated situation but you deserve mutual respect and care in a relationship. I pray that things will get better for you. ❤
And DON’T CALL THE COPS or baker-act them!!! There’s nothing that lacks understanding more than a mental hospital, and it’s traumatic as hell especially when you just had a meltdown over something, for example, like you and your needs being completely ignored leading to overwhelm, and would have been over it in a few hours.
I’m in this now
Mental hospital should certainly not be used for autistic meltdown, particularly because as you say it is something that will pass through and medication does not affect it. There are, however, other reasons to use the professional help of a hospital (eg. delirium).
I had the cops called on me. The people at the hospital were just annoyed that I was there wasting their time.
Seriously. Good way to get someone shot over something really manageable and temporary where nobody is in any danger, but there's always a Karen looking to play hall monitor when other people won't step in line.
@@thrashandanarchy yes usually some middle class wanna be. My authority ganged up on me at a meeting that I specifically asked to attend to state my needs. They are disgusting bullies. Some things never change sadly. Bullies and ableist and gossips and judgements.
I remember sitting in college classrooms pumped up with so much anxiety I thought I was going to puke. I would focus every last bit of my concentration on not vomiting and preparing in my head what I'd say if I were called on. Nobody knew. I've done this so much throughout my life with work and family and I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to put the effort into internalizing my meltdowns so that everyone around me feels "comfortable." I don't know if it was conditioning perpetrated by ignorant status quo school administrators in my younger years, or if it came from somewhere else, but I've had it FIRMLY engrained in my head that my meltdowns are tantrums (that's how everyone seems to view them), and I'm an awful person for getting so overwhelmed by the emotions that come with my meltdowns, and that the only way I'd ever make it anywhere in the world would be to hide my problems at all costs... and I did... and I did make it in this god-awful NT world, but it's exhausting and soul crushing and as I approach my 50's I'm feeling more like I'm approaching my 80's. I wish this condition were better understood back in the 80s and 90s. Regardless, I HATE my meltdowns. They make me feel particularly weak and awful when I'm unable to hide them... and when I can they just make me feel alone.
Soul crushing! Yes! This! It's painful. I have ADHD and autism. I'm 41 and just got diagnosed this fall. I've always said being forced to do all of what you said to make it in this NT world - throughout childhood and adulthood - feels like my soul is being stabbed over and over again, and you can't get away from the blade. You can only take so much murder until you snap. And then NT's are like, "It's not that bad." "Just suck it up." "Calm down." "What's wrong with you?" "Just stay here and do it." "Just do it." "I don't care! Shut up! Behave! Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about!" (I heard that one a lot as a kid in various iterations) "You're too sensitive, omg." "What's your problem?" "You have to deal with it." or, "You're fired." And many, many more.
I only seemed like the normal kid, because what I experienced is what my parents experienced, and every party involved was completely ignorant. Only now, at 71, because of me saying "screw this!" and finding help and research, my mom is starting to understand her life. She's apologized to me repeatedly. My dad has yet to understand, but he's trying.
@@ohkaygoplay That's awesome that your mom is also benefiting from your diagnosis. It helps a lot to have that level of understanding after years of being in the dark. I'm so glad I got the diagnosis after a few years of questioning whether or not I was actually struggling with ASD. There's so much information that comes with having that label, and it's helping me learn how to reasonably compromise with people and not feel so ostracized all the time. It's still a pretty significant struggle, and I don't think I'm ever going to be happy about having meltdowns, but at least now I can identify why I feel the way I do and come up with strategies to deal with it rather than hate myself and completely shut myself off from the world. I don't want to have to mask all the time, but I also don't want to be completely alone, so I've been working on how to balance that out. It's admittedly hard to do that sometimes when my brain gets so overwhelmed and frantic and misreads other people's intentions (especially those I'm closest to unfortunately). I think a lot of my meltdowns come from catastrophizing and repeatedly having the same negative thoughts over and over. Recognizing that I'm so prone to doing that has helped keep me from spinning out of control. Learning mediation and having a good therapist have been really helpful, too.
My ADHD ...... wants you to get to the point... I checked out many many many times~~ about melting down...listening to you talk in circles...
fast forwarding...
You were probably just an introverted articulate guy, I know I had many struggles.
I don't think you are autistic though. My son is autistic and he will have the meltdown, period. And he is low-functioning autistic and that means he is non-verbal. I'm seeing some inprovements now but he is 21 years old, he tries to say some words in the course of a day.
When I reach the end of my own rope and can’t take the AS behavior, I do withdraw so that I don’t say anything in anger. I spend on average two days reading or watching UA-cam content about autism so I can center myself and start a discussion in a calm, rational manner. You, Mr Kelly, are the best for giving me the calming tools I sometimes desperately need to keep my relationship going. Thank you so much for teaching us about this special brain wiring in your kind, balanced and brutally truthful manner. You just tear the bandaids right off and let us see the wounds underneath which gives me more compassion and understanding and the ability to keep working at it.
Thanka again. Currently in the biggest meltdown of my life.
I never addressed myself. I'm 37. As life went on and stress levels got higher. I was progressively more unable to control myself and function well. I always said it was "oh i'm not that bad, it's fine"
And now I'm without my wife. The entire center of my existence is gone. Thank you for these videos. I'm getting closer to understanding myself.
Safe spaces: Wow, this really triggered me. I'm not diagnosed, but autism would explain SO much for me and I think I'm on that spectrum somewhere. And I realized as you talked about safe spaces that I am constantly having to remind myself that doing things like hanging with friends and going on trips is good for me and I enjoy it; because until I get there I just really want to stay at home. I have to go see my parents today and I'm stalling, not because I don't enjoy them (I do) but because it means having to leave the house and like usual, it's a serious effort to make myself get up and turn everything off and go. I've lost people in my life over it; I never want to call my family or friends and if they aren't willing to contact me, we might go a long time without communication. Not because I don't like them, but because I can't bring myself to shatter the peace of being alone. It feels genuinely easier to lose contact with the person than call and re-establish communication.
And then I have a great conversation or visit on the rare occasions they do reach out and I'm really glad for it... and then I still can't call them later on.
Great channel, really enjoying all of your videos!!
Thanks for this! I was recently diagnosed autistic(20years old). I really struggle with meltdowns and have had some in public. I was interested in understanding more about them, so I watched your video. It is very helpful for me. During a meltdown I feel like I am spiraling out of control. I get very emotional and cry, and I feel feelings of anger and frustration. I have often said to my family, "But I don't want to meltdown!!"😭. Triggers for me are change in routine, someone touching or moving my things without permission, sensory overload (too crowded, bright lights, too many loud sounds, feeling too hot or cold, pain,etc.). Also, if clothes fit a certain way it makes me feel like my skin is crawling, like I need immediate escape before I meltdown.
Alexithymia is a tricky one during meltdowns as well. Trying to process emotions
HOOOOW do we stay completely calm? It's completely natural to feel agitated or defensive when someone has an outward negative action in your direction. How do I stuff my feelings down and pretend that I don't feel awful or scared when I'm lashed out at by someone, intentionally or not? This is especially hard for me, as I am a trauma victim.
I have this same issue, and then I just feel my trauma gets even worse...
Pray to Jesus.
Reading these comments really helps me feel a lot less alone. I hit autistic burnout badly around age 19 and started having full fledged meltdowns. I thought they were just really bad panic attacks. I was under informed, and had no idea what was going on, just that I had no control over my body and could not stop screaming and in many cases - submitting to self-injurious behavior. It was absolutely terrifying. It took several years to learn that while yes- I did have PTSD (CPTSD, in fact) I also have autism and ADHD that went undiagnosed- or rather- misdiagnosed through childhood, which is sadly common on AFAB people.
But thank you for being so informative. It’s a very terrifying experience, and every little bit of information that can be spread helps. I just… wish there was a way to stop going through it myself. Even as I understand much better what is going on with me, it’s very hard not to blame myself and hold self hatred and shame for how I appear to others or be scared to make connections because of the “what if they see me like that and hate me” factor.” Despite knowing that it can be a very necessary release for overstimulation regardless.
Orion, I was born autistic like you - my father punched me, even for not smiling on a photo or looking the wrong way. Imagine what he would have done, if I dared to allow myself to show my meltdown !? You can't imagine, what that feels like, growing up like that, with an iron mask, not being allowed to exist. My father would have been a horror for a normal child - I had to stuff my entire being inside a box, otherwise he would beat me. He broke my NT brothers arms for playing too loudly. It feels insane to realize, how heavenly other children grew up. All those luxuries, they could even tell their parents about their frustrations or dare to feel mad about an issue. I came back too late for a piano lesson, age 9, he punched me in the chest, I couldnt breath for 40 secs. He and my mother just went back to the sofa, reading newspaper, while I was on the ground, looking at them, unable to get air.
Do you know what it cost me, not to become like my father ?? How much restraint it costs me, not to do something bad ? I have a heart for people in need, I feel with people in pain, so I would never hurt anyone. Just to show you, what some of us have to "swallow and smile", while dying / exploding inside. I couldn't even eat in peace. At dinner, I didn't dare to look at him, but one bad exam at school, and he screamed and punched me at the table, kicking me off the chair. Every f.. time !
I couldn't focus in school, I tried, I had all those effects you decribe in your videos. I got mocked and beaten in school too.
Even the teachers made a public mockery of me, the whole class laughing for my autistic behavior. And all this, while I was shy, polite and didn't dare to question anyone. I'm 6 foot 2 and very strong since 20. I'm 44 now, still the same and I never lashed out on someone innocent. Like you, I have a 8 year old autistic son, not just an aspie, but intensily on the spectrum. (in special school). I see so many of my autistic behavior in him. He grows up as a happy version of myself, without fear. But the hell I have inside myself, you couldn't imagine, my friend.
I masked like crazy my whole life, faked being someone else, so work colleagues would accept me. I failed often, cause I ran out of power and nerves to keep up that stupid mask. After 15 years of freelancing in IT, working like a machine, it burned me out, I got all grey hair in my 30s. I felt years of my life being subtracted in fast-forward. I could sell myself as the performance guy, barely human, but was unable to socialize with others.. 1 year ago, my wife died of cancer. I started reading the bible, otherwise I'd have collapsed. She was everything to me. I solved her every problem, to feel worthy of her.. like you described.
I found comfort in Jesus Christ after my wife's passing, that's the only reason, why I still stand and can be there for my son.
Since I was 6 yo, I couldn't sleep - part of my autism. I can only sleep from exhaustion, not like normal people, falling asleep.
So I have a 25/26hours day rhythm. Because that doesn't work with home and work, I forced it to work like always, so I'm sleep deprived my entire life. Imagine how I feel, when I hear people complain about missing some luxuries / freedoms.. In my heart I feel with people struggling, but I struggle with decades of bitterness. I just put these words down for awareness. May it give you hope, that even if hell rains down on you, it doesn't have to be the end.
All the best to you all, my friends !
Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. My heart was aching for you. I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife, but you have a son and that is such a blessing. God bless you for breaking that cycle that you lived the cycle of violence that your father and others, Put you through. It’s wonderful that you recognize what your son is going through because you too are autistic. I pray that God will heal your heart and remember that God is your father and he loves you. Your testimony is what you commented and it has the ability to change so many lives. God bless you and your son and God bless you for taking all the negative that you lived through and using it as a testimony, you are a blessing to so many.
I am so so sorry Jim .. Words seem so empty. Seeing and experiencing too many episodes of violence and fear as a child well and truly left its mark on myself and my siblings and mum .... This is a cruel world .. In my old age now ... My journey has been one of trying to come to terms with the anxiety and terror caused by abuse .... even now .. I still ask myself WHY .. I Have no answers... I just know we , like you , never deserved any of it ..😢❤😢
I had a meltdown in the airport last week and it was not very fun
I hate the feeling of shouting and crying and lashing out in public against my will
I wish more people understood autism and how uncontrollable meltdowns are and how to properly help, because all I got was judgmental stares from people
Thank you for this video, it’s very helpful and I’m probably gonna send it to my family for future reference
I was born in 1986 and I got my diagnosis a month ago. I've always had shut and meltdowns, which mostly was crying or being in complete silence. Having the knowlegde of what was going on all my life brougth me some relief.
Oh yes -
I grew up w an autistic mother & four autistic brothers. My life was a living hell & I was on my own bc I didn’t act up or act out - or block out like they did.
> I was overwhelmed & over stressed bc there was no one to take care of me.
I had to be mothers’helper .
> Later on, when I started dating, I got into all kinds of trouble bc I just trusted everyone I met. And there was no one to help me understand why I was always getting into trouble & trusting people too much. ( ie excusing peoples’ bad behaviors & social warnings.- Since I had no guidance; I just thought it was my bad luck.
I married twice, both guys were autistic- but I didn’t see it & they didn’t tell me. - Good thing I didn’t get pregnant bc - they both took off - once they found another woman who could focus ALL her attention on them.
> And in my recent life stage; I coincidentally met men who are imbalanced & prone to incredible raging outbursts that can go on & on, sometimes for days & weeks. - I did my best to work around it bc I am a practicing guru.
> Recently - I began to see a pattern emerge. And I realize - all of these men are ASD w. also AD & ADHD & Dyslexia. - The one thing they all have in common- is that they all feel superior & perfect & they believe I am the cause of their violent outbursts. - It is because of this, that I had to limit the socializing to phone calls; so that I wouldn’t have to deal w. a public display. / Of which there were so many & I was humiliated thousands of times, bc they would announce (make a scene ) that I did something wrong & bc they don’t look autistic- everyone believes them. > It’s very traumatizing.
> Unfortunately- it’s like Orion says, there really is no cure & these outbursts get worse & worse w. age. And since my time left Is limited, I’ve chosen to back off & leave them be. -
> I only stayed as long as I did bc I thought they were suffering from CPSTD. And those people CAN be helped.
> I’m glad to find these you tube / channels by autistic persons that explain - how there is no recourse.
> I have decided to take the last few years of my life for my own much needed recovery.
> I believe I can at least benefit from some peace & quiet.
> Autism has cursed my family for 3 generations.
And yes, I’m autistic, too.
I'm sorry that you were not given the love, direction, and attention you needed as a child. I see how often the siblings of more disabled kids are neglected, ignored, or left to their own devices.
As a fellow autistic woman it took years of abuse and gaslighting for me to learn that men can be dangerous and are not honest. I think many autistic women experience this. We are never taught how to keep ourselves safe, despite being more naive and vulnerable to being taken advantage of.
I hope at this stage in your life you are finding the peace you deserve.
When reading your message, I saw moreso c-PTSD with codependency due to being parentified as a child... surprised me at the end when you said you're autistic
Your comment really speaks to me. I too have massive and ongoing trauma from childhood on due to a family with autism, schizophrenia, ADHD, narcissism, and Bipolar disorder. It ruined my relationship choices and most of my other life choices. I've attempted suicide for real. I have an adult autistic child. I have ADHD. I can't wait to be dead.
The way you describe your two prior spouses indicates narcissism, NOT autism. Despite some superficial similarities, they are not the same. An autistic meltdown is a response to stress and not really targeted at anyone. Narcissistic rage is a response to a perceived slight to the narcissist, or them not getting their way, and it is very targeted (see: tantrum). I'm autistic (aspie) myself, from a very healthy mostly autistic family. I also, because I was overly trusting, was briefly in an emotionally abusive marriage to a covert narcissist. As a result of both, maintaining the distinction between the two is very important. If the thought of being like your former spouse horrifies you, because you wouldn't even treat them that way now, then you'll understand why the distinction is important
@@faerykatThat’s sad how you feel. I’ve been through a lot of pain too. I have thought of doing harm to myself in the past. I’m an aspie. My father was a lazy deadbeat who liked to mooch a living off of other people and I haven’t spoken to him in years. My mother is living in a adult care facility because she has severe mental health issues. I grew up in group homes and foster care because I wasn’t wanted. I have struggled to find value in myself because I used to really hate myself because if no one else loved me why should I even care about myself. Eventually I realized that even though life can be hard at times (really most of the time) there is also beauty out there too and it is worth it to live and seek it out. Find something beautiful that brings you joy and strive to exist for the happy moments. I hope this helps not only you but anyone else who feels hopeless, worthless, empty, and rejected. Just because you feel a certain negativity doesn’t mean you have to accept it. We all deserve to be happy and we all deserve life.
See whenever this happens to me, my Mom gets upset and yells at me saying that is IS a TANTRUM and that IS SELFISH and I am using this as an "excuse" and I CAN control it, even though I keep trying to explain to her over and over and over again that it is NOT ANY of those things! (as you said here). She doesn't understand why I freak out and get super upset when she suddenly throws a last minute thing/change of plans on me, or when I'm doing my makeup and my hand slips, for example, getting mascara on my face and ruining all the work I've been doing (frustrating!), or when I'm cooking and something seems to be going wrong and I panic because I don't want to ruin the food completely and waste it. These are some usual triggers for me personally. She just yells at me to stop and I need to control myself and such, and she just doesn't understand that it is NOT CONTROLLABLE. Idk, maybe I need to show her this video but I still don't know if it would still even be enough to get her to understand...
My sister got really mad at me for my autistic behaviour and said I was faking, I found this really upsetting because I can't help it.
In 2013 this type of thing led me to step out in front of a semi and close my eyes. This is the dangers of telling someone it's faking. It causes everything to greatly Escalate and almost led to Death in my case. This is how serious it is NOT to tell an autistic person something like that It's Fake. Had that truck ran my over I would have been gone in seconds. This is a horrible experience I will NEVER FORGET.
Tell her it hurts, and that you feel bad about it. My kid used to cry after a meltdown because it was out of his control. Show her this post.
❤❤
@@rarebreed-wj3ovThank goodness for brakes. I’m assuming the semi truck hit the brakes because swerving might have flipped it.
This is very helpful. My husband and I always have a backup plan. I always ALWAYS have to have an “escape” plan ESPECIALLY if we are somewhere new! To an extent if I “meltdown” in public I shut down or I’ll be angry and panicked. I try not to be erratic and I can’t control that as more as I try to fight and rationalize to not make a scene because that will make everything worse! Though that’s not always the case… it’s so nice to know that there is content out here describing why it can’t be a tantrum… being called immature, a baby, dramatic and being called anything for that matter doesn’t feel good when you can’t control it. Thanks for this! ❤
Loud noises/high pitched frequencies and tones are common triggers for my meltdowns. I’m trying to expand my awareness to other things that are triggers for myself. I am also a parent to an autistic 3 year old and have a hard time deciphering between meltdown and tantrum. Your content helps put things into perspective for me as it is very hard to “put myself in someone else’s shoes” ( Hers would be really hard for me to fit into since she has feet that are about 5 inches… hahaha) I love how you said not to ignore meltdowns because it makes us feel ostracized and reiterates the feeling of aloneness. So true. If my wife gives me the silent treatment during one of my meltdowns, it feels like it intensifies it.
I'm not a parent but from my perspective even if someone is having a tantrum there is a reason. Finding out why is important. A child that I used to babysit would get upset when the TV was turned off (parents had said that she could watch specific shows and not to leave on all day). I would tell her that she is allowed to be upset about that, won't change the outcome but she is allowed to have the emotion. If it is because you have said no then it still could be either a meltdown or a tantrum (or a combo of both) as they could have thought something was going to happen and the change is upsetting.
Silent treatment is manipulative from my perspective. Not a good thing.
@@Gandalf_the_quantum_G I think I may have Misused “silent treatment” for giving me space and being quiet. To me it feels the same but probably different from a neurotypical point of view? Idk. She’s NT and my 2 daughters and I are ND. My beautiful bride is very supportive and understanding, she gives the right nudges and pulls back at the right times in almost all situations. Meltdowns are hard for her, probably because I become highly irritable and inconsolable. (When I’m melting down, I wish I could even get away from myself)
@@amandamandamands This is true. I.E. (My youngest is nonverbal) We were in a store getting groceries and got the girls juices with characters on top of the lid. We let them hold them because my two daughters were so excited, (they loved the minions on the lid) my youngest tried to get us to open them so she could drink and had a “meltdown/tantrum?” When we told her that she had to wait until we paid for the item. She already had a drink that we brought to the store so she would have that comfort. After a while I had the idea to put my sunglasses on her face and she instantly was distracted or calm or both, I’m not really sure. So maybe it was the No, in correlation to sensory overload due to tue lighting and everything going on. (Which is a high possibility, I wear earplugs when going anywhere.)
@@codypumphrey7225 ah well, now it's better understandable. I'm happy you've a supportive partner. It's so important.
I think it's possible that being more prone to meltdowns might be from comorbid cPTSD whether than being autistic itself. As I remember it seemed in early childhood initially being able to communicate at about the same age as neurotypicals, I didn't seem to be more likely to have meltdowns than neurotypicals and the drive for consistency was more reward driven in terms of having things I liked. Then overtime I would find that it was more likely for unexpectedness to be associated with bad things happening, and for people to react worse to misunderstands than expected. I would also feel like I was getting signals that my way of communicating wasn't acceptable even if I was trying to be nice and people would sometimes think they understood me clearly even when I clearly experienced a misunderstanding from my own point of view. People also would often not let me try to explain myself if such misunderstandings happen. Then I would become more prone to meltdowns.
Absolutely empathize with this
One of the major obstacles to understanding why I behave/feel the way that I do is because all of my challenges are related. I have cPTSD, depression, a sleeping disorder, ADHD, and autism. There's almost always an obvious symptom of one or more of those challenges to explain why I am the way I am. But it's still hard to know which one.
This is such important information for me , my grandson had a very serious meltdown at school the other day, I feel terrible for my own misunderstanding. I feel this information should be in a teacher's training to help these kids. My son ( a single dad) has been struggling to have him recognized as being on the spectrum, with some even saying, he is just acting out. He's "normal" he'll grow out of it. But as I educate myself, so many of the things I see as traits of autism are there. The empathy by uneducated people is sad, even educators. I myself have been angry and frustrated with him, this has given me a gift to better understand and hopefully do something that helps him.
Thank you for this. Have to say I LOVED the definition segment, having spent much of my life that my meltdowns were just everything that they AREN'T, it's very validating to hear anyone say that I'm not wrong for having something I cannot control happen to me.
I don’t think it’s a great idea to start by saying “tantrums aren’t an autistic meltdown. They are an act of manipulation”. The reason I say this is that tantrums are often meltdowns. Most children who have a tantrum (with or without autism) have got to the end of their spoons some how or other and don’t have with the skills or spoons to tolerate whatever tipped them over the edge. This is the same for a meltdown. The two things look exactly the same (whether they are or not) and it’s much easier (and the go to) for people to label them “tantrums” and assume manipulative intent. It’s possible that you might clear this up later in your video. However, people switch off (literally or cognitively) very quickly and someone who didn’t know what a meltdown was and didn’t understand autism would very quickly feel vindicated ie “I knew she was just having a tantrum… This guy just said that meltdowns aren’t tantrums. And what I saw was definitely a tantrum. I know a tantrum when I see one”.
I actually think tantrums get a bad rap. I am not convinced that tantrums are manipulative events. I think kids have just lost it at that point. They’ve run out of spoons… what you’re asking them to accept is something they are unable at that point to accept and so they lose control of their emotions. I don’t think the problem is necessarily that tantrums and meltdowns are actually that different in nature, but the cause of them might be. What I mean by this is for example… A child may be tipped into a tantrum because they want something or want to do something that they have been told is not possible. I suspect they don’t think… “Hmmm… I’ve tried everything… 🤔... I know what I'll do... I'll throw myself on the floor and scream my head off... That will definitely get me an ice cream"... No... Kids are not stupid... They know that pester power is the way to get ice creams. So this is not manipulation... They have just got themselves so worked up at the horror (and for them that's what it is) of not having the thing that they want that they lose control of their emotions and their emotions take over. Probably the reason that these things happen in public is that they are over stimulated and probably over tired. Well these are the type of things that can cause a meltdown and the trigger could be something like being in a supermarket and getting to the till and realising that you've left your card in the car. The trigger is essentially the same... You can't get what you were expecting. You're over stimulated and exhausted. And now you also feel humiliated. This has happened to me. It was the final straw.
The problem is that adults don't understand tantrums any more than they (assuming they're NT) understand meltdowns. This is because they conflict with what the adult wants which is peace and quiet, social acceptance and parent points.
I've grown to actually hate NTs tbh because I just can't stand how I get invalidated all the time for my real emotions.
I know it's wrong to hate an entire spectrum of people but they all just feel like validation seeking hounds
Thanks for this! My late husband went for drugs to feel good. He was diagnosed as bi polar but now I know he was I deed in an specter of autism. Sadly he pass away.
Thank you, Orion.
I'm a late diagnosed ASD/PTSD.
Your videos are SOOOOOO helpful. I appreciate the knowledge you share.
Most helpful, indeed.
Many blessings-
My father screams at me during my meltdowns. It helps just as much as you think it does. It sometimes sends me so far over the edge, I've often bit myself and slammed my head so hard against anything I could find I've had gashes in my forehead. We only recently found common ground where he's realized that my problems aren't me trying to manipulate, made up, or "psychological mambo jambo".
I don’t like conflict. More so if it doesn’t have to do with me I feel like I can feel everything so heightened. I can feel the tension in the room and it makes me want to run.
Sending you love ❤
@@Pinwheelsystem thank you 🙏🏼
I haven't even been through ten minutes of this video and I can honestly say I absolutely LOVE the way you talk about and explain all this. I'm 19 and just recently been looking into myself as possibly being autistic. I've had trouble all throughout my life and I never ever could understand why or explain in well enough for therapists to understand. It has indeed gotten worse as I got older and I only went in to therapy and getting diagnosis for more depression and anxiety problems when I was 16. I had the problems I do now but never this bad and these have been noticeable for about 2 maybe 3 years and I could never pinpoint. Nobody could guess what was wrong not even me. And nobody ever brought autism as a possible thing. Mainly because none of us knew about it well anough and didn't even truly know what it is. And lately I've been seeing alot of the signs in myself and my 3 year old daughter. And this so far has been explaining me as a whole. I could never explain these things to nobody cause...I didn't truly know how too or didn't want to because I thought I was just retarded or crazy or it was just "who i was" my fiancé didn't know what the heck was wrong either. And he's been trying so hard to understand me and I could barley explain myself. So next chance I get I'm going to show him this video because this video litterly explains things that are 100% me but I don't understand it much yet. By the way, AGAIN. love love the way you talk an explain things. Now subscriber here definitely!
I always just thought a "tantrum" WAS crying because I felt overwhelmed and scared tbh.
Shows how good my parents were...
This video was actually really reasuring.
I wish I had known some of this information when my youngest daughter was growing up. It wasn't until 5/6 years we had an inkling that she might have autism. She started researching on her own after moving out. This will be good information for me and her dad to use when we visit her.
You are so eloquent. Thank you for the lesson in compassion.
"Can be confrontation" ohhh that's why. Thank you.😅
l work in Australia and in a mainstream school. We have a specialist class of trauma kids/anxiety/ ADHD/ASD and l am trying to understand these ''meltdowns" so l can support the kids through them in a safe environment for them. Our room is a safe place for them to be able to regulate themselves. Thanks for this Orion. We have about 7 boys atm from ages 5 to 11. And yes too many changes in the daily routine will disrupt the kids. Thats not a problem as we do give lots of notice multiple times, calmly.
Personal Share:
I’m happy you left him he seemed like a completely asshole
Our heightened and refined senses do best in a calm environment because we are easily overwhelmed by our emotions and/or sensory input, resulting in anger, and some degree of a meltdown (limited control over motion thought and verbal interaction) or a shutdown (limited control over thought and verbal interaction). These are not like an apoplectic seizure, when one falls to the ground and starts convulsing uncontrollably. I personally have never completely lost control. To me, it is a percentage thing that is based on my perception of the intencity of the eflection.
You need to add a DO NOT to your list. DO NOT just stand there and stare. I just had a meltdown at the doctor's office (after explaining my autism and sensory over- stimulation to the doctor). I was in my wheelchair sobbing at 49 years old. The nurse scolded me and told me to stop crying. Then she went and got the doctor and another nurse. The doctor reprimanded me as well. And then they all stood there staring at me as I sobbed. The worst part? My husband is my caregiver and he just stared too. It's been six hours and I can't stop crying.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, you deserved compassion in that moment, I hope you are coping okay now ❤
Mr Kelly your first short, you opening up your figurative heart that touched my heart deeply Thank You. Keep up the great work.
Melt down rage, fear , sadness, name calling no no . Thank You .
Felt like offering my experiences since this video highlighted a lot of things that I go through; warning, while I am not officially diagnosed and considering it when I am not so busy trying to financially stabilize myself, I have remarkably eerily, but relatable traits.
As long as I could remember, some of my meltdowns can range from crying to outright self harm. I was placed in special ed due to hyperactivity that wasn't getting at all better, and along with my parents trying to cover/normalize my behaviors. This arrange from beating, to shouting, to getting me to cough and stammer while escaping. To this day they pretend none of it happened, and my meltdowns continue and why I finally had to look towards autism and possible OSD due to how unmanageable they get sometimes. Thankfully my friend baring the weight of being my parental figure and partner, but it is unfair that something that could be so easily fixed be so hard to adjust to.
I found out more autism because my friend also shown traits from ranging from no eye contact, to other similarities that fall on the spectrum.
Anyway, my triggers can arrange from noises- mouth chewing, nose blowing, and even country music! I have a detest fear of strange dogs, or even people. I am extremely hypervigilant, and even change can be daunting.
If I am not pacing, or walking, meltdown. Not exercising enough? I break down to crying.
Again, I do admit to self punching which I have harmed my cheeks and jaws. Lashing out is another thing. Thankfully they are once a while, but notably it is my parents or outside of the structure that throws it out of my control to this very day. So anyone who experiences the same, I hope you are okay, stay strong!
I prefer no one draw attention to my melt down and hope that it can go unnoticed. So either please ignore my melt down or help get me away from the situation as discreetly as possible . My perceived embarrassment of me not in control of myself will exasperate my meltdown.
There have been so many times in my life where I've had meltdowns and friends, family, bosses, all told me I need to stop. My behavior is inappropriate, emotions are okay, but I need to stop holding onto them (that was confusing, why would I wanna feel that way?). I've been accused of manipulating people, trying to make them feel bad. My dad used to just scream at me and not let me leave. And I tried to tell them, repeatedly, I can't control it, I don't want to feel this, even sharing that I literally hate myself during a meltdown. It's so validating to learn that it really wasn't my fault
Thank you for this informative and relatable video. You're one of the few autistic people like me who actually (sometimes) _wants_ a tight bear hug. And not to be ignored/left alone. You always do the research and explain things in a clear, organized, relatable manner, and I share a lot of videos with my friends (all two of them!) to help them understand my weird "quirks" and sensitivities and what causes them. (As in, I'm not just trying to be difficult or looking for attention.) In fact, I've watched this one before, but I was specifically looking for it just now to share with a friend online who sees some of the _effects_ of my embarrassing meltdowns but not the severity of one or the toll meltdowns take on our physical and mental energy levels and why I have to disappear for a week or two after having one and get accused of "ghosting" her. She seems to think that my having a little meltdown now and then is _better_ than my being honest about something that's bothering me ... and asking the same of her so we can resolve it instead of her holding her feelings in and getting mad at me without _telling_ me that she is or why! I seriously can't afford to lose any more friends at my age when the people who knew, understood, and supported me all my life even _before_ I found out I'm autistic are dying at an ever-increasing rate, and it's harder and harder to make any new ones when I can't leave the house to _meet_ anyone.
Also, thank you for taking the time to make sure the closed captions are formatted for easy reading and accuracy that UA-cam's autocaptioning doesn't provide but, instead, I have to turn off because it gives me cognitive dissonance and I can't follow what a person is saying because I can't stop obsessing over all the misunderstood words and nonsensical phrases it comes up with! (Knowing how passionate and conscientious you are about your channel and providing support, validation, and understanding of the autistic community to make a real difference in the quality of life for autistic people, combined with making videos as your special interest, I strongly suspect that if you noticed all the times it messes up things as basic as your _name_ alone when it's in the title of the channel (no AI to see _here_ folks!), e.g., calling you "O'Ryan," and that's when it's at least hearing you correctly, you'd want to correct them, wouldn't you?)
The captioning like you have in this video helps me with my audio-processing difficulties and "AuDHD" focus & concentration, and I use the closed captions _all the time_ when watching movies and TV, on which they're captioned by actual human beings. I _really_ miss when you used to caption your videos like this one instead of leaving the accuracy, punctuation, capitalization, and grouping of words into logical phrases up to UA-cam for your last several videos, where the completely untrustworthy speech-to-text "recognition" just obscures your meaning and the other obvious effort you put into your videos. Your captioning to make your videos accessible to people with disabilities was one of the things that made your channel one of the BEST sources of information on every autism topic imaginable and many more I hadn't imagined or known were related to autism before ... _and_ being able to share with my Deaf as well as hearing friends to help them understand me better and save our friendships when my autistic traits show up and to allow me to mask less so I don't have as many meltdowns as I used to before I found out what the _true_ cause was, and know that they were receiving the same information that I was.
I really hope you'll reconsider captioning your videos in the future like this after you stopped a few weeks ago.🥺🙏 As I'm a former full-time professional closed captionist who's disabled, bedbound, "fired for being autistic" (and/or purposely harassed into _quitting_ multiple times, even _moreso_ when, due to a performance appraisal penalizing me for being too "hypersensitive" that she expected me to "improve" until I told her I was pretty sure I had ADHD, which was causing me not to be able to work as fast as my coworkers in a re-modeled noisy, overcrowded shared cubicle right next to the department refrigerator and coffee pot, the smell of which makes me physically sick🤢, and asking if they could take the fluorescent bulbs out of the new overhead lights that were visibly flickering (but only visible to me!), making me dizzy & snowblind so I couldn't see my computer screen and then couldn't sleep at night, with those bright, white lights seered onto my retinas that I could still see reflected inside my eyelids😵, I followed my supervisor's request to get an official diagnosis of ADHD in 2001 so they could make "reasonable accommodations" under the Americans with Disabilities Act so I could do my job.
But then, after I paid $300 out of pocket to get a diagnosis because health insurance didn't cover "mental" health/psychiatrists back then & got a written request from him for a quiet place to work & a later start time, both of which they deemed "unreasonable," I got a new supervisor straight out of 9 years in the U.S. Army in Germany who used my diagnosis to _bully_ me, coming up with a new complaint against me _every day_ without any knowledge of how to evaluate my actual _work_ and focusing instead on how I was 2 minutes late that morning--even though I would work a few hours late every night after everyone left, so then he complained about my using the task lighting attached to my desk & "working in the dark" & gave me an even _worse_ appraisal than my previous one including the complaint that my "disabilities are demoralizing to the other employees" ... at a college "for the deaf," no less & demanded that I sign it after a 15-year career of GOOD appraisals up till then, working on my bachelor's degree part-time with free tuition being an employee benefit, & having every intention of staying at the college till I retired except even Human Resources wouldn't help me OR provide me with an updated job description after the drill sergeant kept adding new tasks to the job I'd taken because it had started out in a quiet office where I had only _one_ job--word processing--to concentrate on & a _lot_ of people to whom quality was important expressly requesting that only _I_ work on their documents ... but I couldn't find a lawyer willing to take on the college's law firm full of evil "sharks" (which I knew was true both horror stories of both other employees who'd tried to sue them for creating a hostile work environment & sexual harassment _and_ my then-husband who'd quit working at that very law firm when he started having recurring nightmares about that place & hates all lawyers to this day!), nor would the government's EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunities Commission) return any of the messages I left on their answering machine, the idea of signing that illegal document full of LIES stressed me out so badly that I had what my mother described as a "nervous breakdown"; my doctor took me out of work for a week & prescribed me tranquilizers; and my husband was totally understanding & said he didn't mind if I only worked part-time doing freelance interpreting, by the middle of my week away from that place, I had "reluctantly" after 15 years of loving where I worked & said so, written my resignation letter giving them two weeks' advance notice. ... 1/2
... And just a few days after I got back, a woman who worked down the hall from me, who, in retrospect, I think was also AuDHD, told me about an opening in the captioning department & told me I would love it & should apply--and the Monday after my last day at word processing on Friday, I started my literal _dream_ job there that I'd wanted ever since I found out it existed, albeit through a temp agency, getting fully trained by the nicest boss in the world, who was Deaf himself & had worked his way up over 25 years to supervisor, & rushing to finish my bachelor's degree (through my then-husband's employee benefits since he'd gotten a job on campus based on _my_ reputation, having started my career there in the HR department--being one of the first people to see the enticing new job listings as they came out because I typed them!) so that I'd be fully qualified for the job on Day 1 when the hiring freeze was over & the "Strategic Planning Committee" had finished finding ways to cut the budget once George W. Bush was appointed president by the Supreme Court in 2000 & our dean/VP who had worked for his father's administration immediately anticipated government budget cuts to education, and my friend was right; I _loved_ closed captioning more than any other job I've ever had. So, of course, the Committee finally released it's findings & determined that it wasn't cost-effective to have a qualified in-house educational captioning department, outsourced the whole thing, and laid us ALL off including my supervisor, while they didn't even have to give me any notice or unemployment benefits like the other permanent captionists did because I was officially working for the temp agency! In fact, I still have PTSD over my last two years working for the National Technical Institute for the Deaf and, after the pain in my hands & wrists got so bad I couldn't interpret at all anymore, I applied for an got _on_ disability (based not on ADHD, which the U.S. government doesn't consider disabling enough, but on the permanent partial use of my hands combined with my "panic disorder," which turns out to have been autistic meltdowns all along; I now wonder if my autism alone would have qualified me, although I've grown increasingly physically disabled due to the Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome that made me prone to repetitive-motion injuries from things like typing and sign-language interpreting as well as gastroparesis, other digestive problems, & the "Craniocervical Instability" & degenerative disk disease in my neck causing headaches _far_ worse than the occasional migraines I've had that keep me bedbound, with both ADHD and autism both frequently co-occurring with EDS; need I even mention chronic depression & PTSD from all the involuntary hospitalizations as punishment for every time my narcissist father I'm trapped living next door to calls 911 every time he hears me having a meltdown or a suicidal thought?
Anyway, contrary to what my sister (who hasn't spoken to me or allowed her children to for the past 8 years during which my mother/BFF died) & her nasty narcissist husband accusing me of being "disruptive" & "faking being disabled" seem to believe, being on disability & unable to sit upright for more than 1-2 hours a day without getting a shooting nerve headache is _NOT_ a vacation. I feel increasingly isolated & useless with age. So instead of leaving them up to UA-cam to garble, this isn't something I would offer to anyone I didn't admire whose videos didn't contain such important, well-researched, & well-produced info as yours, *_please_* let me know if I can help you continue making top-notch videos (the shorter informational ones like these at least; you're so prolific I don't think I'm physically able to keep up with your longer impromptu livestreams) with the high-quality captioning I've grown accustomed to using on your channel!🤞 2/2
Late busses , not having needs met, invalidation , being controlled but not treated like a human being excluded , being told what to think what I can n can’t say. Too much noise when I’m stressed
Someone , you are beginning to look like a creep
I feel such huge resentment when I'm in a meltdown shut down burnout, whether that is frustration towards myself and my conditions and or theirs, or even the world.
No one looks out for me when I look out for both my ASD kids. I ask the questions, I help manage their spoons, I ask the questions and reassure them, I look at and navigate the environment. I experience daily burnout and meltdowns and I think seeing that in another light, my youngest would have regular ones also.
Thank you for sharing, and making this video. So glad you're Australian! Your voice reminds me of a Wiggle 😅 and mine at times, 🤔
A friend of mine had a meltdown in a shop because the sandwiches were taking too long to be made. She started shouting and stormed out of the shop. I was so embarrassed and shocked I had no idea what to do. She then went mute for about 45 minutes. Since then I’ve never viewed the friendship the same way. I’m starting to think she might be on the spectrum.
The autistic rage that can be triggered by low blood sugar is so real. I started sobbing yesterday because my mom was whistling and it hurt my ears. I feel so upset and ashamed of myself for being so mad at my mom for how she demonstrates that she’s in a good mood. I feel like an evil and cruel person. But then I’ll realize that I forgot to eat anything all day, once I get the food in me I feel so much better and can handle listening to the noises people around me make without an emotional outburst.
It’s definitely not an excuse to be verbally (or physically) abusive but those things can and do happen during autistic meltdowns. Not every time mind you and it’s gonna be different for every person. I understand how this would make you view your friend differently but try to have compassion as well. We don’t always have the opportunity to separate ourselves, so that we can either, meltdown privately, or cool off and avoid the meltdown happening. If you feel differently after seeing this outburst you should talk it over with her. Every autistic person is different(and everyone else for that matter) so I unfortunately can’t tell you anything more specifically useful due to a lack of knowing her. We all have different experiences understands the world and ourselves differently. But the best thing always is to talk about it. Maybe there’s things that you could do to help her to avoid these situations in the future? See if there’s ways she can communicate with you that she is feeling poorly and needs a break or find things that she would enjoy stimming with. Me personally I love the feeling of uncooked rice and if I think I will be stressed I’ll keep some in a baggie with me when I go out.
In the example you gave I might suggest this friend carries some snacks that they enjoy with them so if they are feeling hungry they have something to tide them over while they prepare, plan for, or wait to get a proper meal.
Alexithymia can be a bitch, you don’t think your hungry until your starving and by then it’s too late to do anything about because your too upset and hungry to think of plan out and execute all the steps required to obtain food.
Sorry for the essay. Hope you don’t mind. I’m a bit invested in this topic if you couldn’t tell😅. The Idea of anyone I know seeing me meltdown is so fucking terrifying for me, because, I know that they wouldn’t understand and probably judge me in such a terrible way. That they’d think of me like some dangerous out of control animal that could snap at any second:( and that’s just not the case but I can’t explain that when I’m upset and that’s the only time neurotypicals in my life want to listen to me on my emotions, which in turn overwhelms me more and makes the situation worse.
So much embarrassment and shame wrapped up in meltdowns. It breaks my heart when this happens to me and so I may be projecting my experiences. Last time my mother witnessed a meltdown she called the cops on me. In her head she was trying to keep me safe but police officers kill autistic people and other disabled people at a much higher frequency than the typical public. I was terrified and shutdown completely desperate to not appear different or threatening.
It’s always better to talk things out rather then let it ruminate in your mind. Don’t wait for her to become upset or triggered before you address this.
Do keep in mind not every autistic person is gonna be a, A good person, and B a healthy emotionally mature person that is safe to be around.
That is something that you would need to use your own discretion on because I cannot know this persons complex identity and how they might react. Try your best and be open minded and loving. That’s the best we can do for others even though they don’t always respond in kind. So keep that in your head
I wish you and your friend well I hope that your relationship grows stronger and healthier for all parties. :)
I used to have these in my late teens and early 20's. Had no idea it was a thing and after finding out I'm more on the autistic side of the spectrum, it really helped me to acknowledge it and help mitigate the distress (always felt, for whatever reason, I needed to smash my head against the wall in a fit of rage and self hatred). what I always tell those who are curious how it feels is; Think of the feeling you get when someone just rubs you the wrong way and absolutely infuriates you and you just want to knock their teeth out but the feeling is inward towards yourself. It's been a couple years since it's happened. I remember the last time I had a bad one was on my way home from work and had to pull off the road into a parking lot and collect myself in a car park for about 30 minutes. Haven't really disclosed much to friends and family because I find it sort of embarrassing nor could I articulate it properly but I've found that being honest and open about the seemingly unnecessarily self-restrictive behavioral patterns is super helpful.
Before even being diagnosed, my husband realized a change in my plans and schedule upset me more than normal people, he would warn me days to a week in advance. He also only lets me pick the scents we use in our home because he realized most scents upset me.
Oh yeah I hate confrountation. Alas that makes it hard to ask for accommodations, because I don't want to argue or disagree with anyone!
I'm mainly a shutdown person, which usually means my distress just goes without notice. Heck, I've even been praised for good behaviour! Fortunately my safe people understand that if I go quiet and unresponsive *that's bad* and they will take me somewhere quiet.
Thanks for your thourough explaination. As you say, it's sort of detatched, so I was wondering if it was panic, meltdown, shutdown or dissassociation. Doctors couldn't tell me that!
Your intro is beginning to refirm my current meltdown
You have got my full attention and full support! Thank you for your content. I find your humorous way of accepting the quirks to be genius and I get immense joy from the laughter. I also resonate and get a lot of validation. 😊
One of the worst meltdowns that I had is when my husband forced me to drive to a city I was uncomfortable with. I went through a panic attack. Finally he had to follow all the advice you offered. It worked and he decided to drive me to this city with me in the passenger seat. He never asked me to drive to this city again. I believe it was changing plans and changing driving that had me scared.
Thank you for helping me understand myself more
Thank you for actually describing it in extreme detail. Everyone else just talks around it🤦🤦🤦 I need extreme detail to understand things. Now I understand and can fully agree that is me.
Our family just went through this; our 20-year-old son had a serious depressive episode, and part of it was meltdowns on nearly a daily basis, for several weeks. We had no term for it. He basically instructed us on how to react and not react in the end - exactly as described here - even though he didn’t know what was happening either. Your discussion here is phenomenally helpful. He’s doing better now and very soon my wife and I will share this both with him and his neurotypical brother. It *is* a comfort to have a term, and to have some idea what neurologically is behind it. Most of all, it’s a validation of the approach our autistic son and we realized was the only way to respond,
Thank you for making this videeo. It is, in my opinion, one of the most important videos about autism.
i always thought i was having anxiety attacks when having meltdowns but i noticed its quite different, my anxiety makes me breath differently and i am still able to understand my surroundings and what is happening (also i can calm myself more quicker than when i have a meltdown), meltdowns make me starting having goosebumps and get irrational thinking or when processing stuff. I have to stay days speaking little and resting after having those episodes, very hard to deal
Could you do a video on burnout and how it's different from meltdown?
I’ve done a few on that topic. Have you seen them?
You’re amazing your Orion K you a voice in the wilderness for me it’s refreshing to see the authentic lived through A typical experiences I’m glad I found you on UA-cam.
Mine is fear , panic not knowing what to do ,I feel my heart beating faster louder which actually hurts , I’m told I look angry then if shit down happens I stare into space rushing I was invisible , physically I move my arms and looks like I’m walking in place stimming my arms rubbing them and putting my hands over my head if sitting .. or completely mute .
If ppl raise their voice I get worse and it takes longer to come out of . I prefer gentle voice understanding voice , I hate being judge on anything , sometimes I need a hug and to be told I’m ok I hate being told I have to change or apologise . I hate it when love is witheld till I promise not to do it again . Causes so many issues
This is spot on, I have a daughter who throws those selfish tantrums and whining to get her way, always a reason for it. ADHD and Autism are so similar in some ways, and I think lot of ADHD people might be getting on the spectrum from other videos I watched that how hard it is for professionals to diagnose between the two. ADHD dude explained it well how people with ADHD might get diagnosed as Autism, or vise versa or both because kids haven't fully grown yet at young age and its the toughest thing for professionals to diagnose because ADHD also slows the development of kids by few years where kids act younger then their age. I had tantrums as kids but they were more of me not getting my way and I was really shy and anxious and also selfish, my 4 year old is the same way. Bad listener, but great listener when its something that matters to her. Whining and tantrum everytime she is not getting what she wants, and something that she doesn't enjoy or fun for her, then she wants to go home. The other day she threw a short one because I didn't let her in brothers room, 5 mins later she was sitting with me and me reading her a book and she was pointing and talking to what's happening in the book lol. She gets her way lot of times but this time ignored her and it worked better. I am starting to do that more. like ADHD dude said most kids with ADHD tend to act younger then themselves and prefers kids of lesser age. My daughter is the same way, she notices everyone shorter then her they are friends lol, anyone older she tends to stay away. She even went and tried to hug and kiss a 2 year old because she said "Its a little baby'' Its a cutie. I was diagnosed with ADHD late and I am a bad listener just like my daughter and the longer instructions you give me the worse I get. I need it written down lol. I see the same with my daughter. Gotta be straight to point. She has surprisingly stopped dropping on the ground now acting like the world ended if she didn't get anything., but she does have my aggression as a kid at times and behavior issues. So I do want to get her the help I never got as a kid. I was luckily in india, I think if I was in the U.S as a kid I would have had some charges filed against me lol, because I got in to fights with kids if I didn't get it my way and I was bit defiant but nice if it got me attention. Her defiance is getting bit better too now and she is turning in to attention seeker some of her bead behavior comes from that I think. if I tell her to do something she will say okay dad but she might just do the same thing cuz she is impulsive. At the end of the I don't think I care about what the diagnosis is given its so how its just an opinion of a person and how hard it is to diagnose. I won't be surprised if they say she is on spectrum. All I care about either way is making sure she gets to control her actions better then I could as a kid and my nephew who got expelled from schools twice, and schools kinda turned their back on him and diagnosed with ADHD later and didn't get the help he needed early. People with ADHD get scared easy too, me and my daughter are the same there too, but she is getting better as she ages like I did. But I still hate watching scary movie at night, especailly alone, and then if I have to sleep alone if wife is out of town, its a hell no lol.
I had tantrums & meltdowns all my life when people used or touched my stuff without asking. Also never learned to talk to people while looking them straight in the eyes; too weird. I never understood all the complicated social cues in girls' groups growing up
Lucky that I grew up in a nurturing culture. I probably would have been totally bullied to death in today's schools.
Glad to finally understand the other side as a neurotypical person ♥ thank you for your videos!
I dont expect youll respond to me , however . Im 46 years old now i was diagnosed when I was 9 I have pretty good control most of the time cause i am alone with no one to bother me . I worked with many many kids witha much higher level than my self 20 years and they were all amazing and I learned from all of them . Just an example franny was a young man who when up set or triggered would pound on his own face he looked like rocky after fighting mr T, franny helpped me to understand my self more than any one . I think what you do is amazing and from across the pond ,god bless mate and thank you im sure you help allot of people by sharing your exp stay safe stay real try to not get overwhelmed
Thanks so much.
Meltdowns, in my experience, have little to do with the catalyst and more to do with the background. I’m autistic and unfortunately I’ve had some downright dangerous meltdowns due to never being taught how to handle them (my parents hid my diagnosis from me). However, one thing I’ve learned is that there’s usually a series of things that lead to a meltdown. A perfect storm, basically. My best advice for fellow autistic people is to learn how to prepare for and avoid perfect storms, and you’ll avoid many meltdowns.
I moved to a "dream" position two years ago. I thought it would be a perfect job for me - analytics, lot of databases, numbers and excel. Internal position without having to deal with external vendors. Sounds great, doesn't it? well.. with one exception - my manager. Extremely emotionally unstable and chaotic person. Changing my schedules every week and getting upset with stuff that I didn't do, while "i should have guessed that they should be done". Communication with this lady was a hell for my autistic brain. On one hand nice and friendly, on the other making total mess in my job. Turning stuff upside down without warning. The final straw was when I went away for a short holidays. When i came back, the first email from my manager was like - "Have you already started handover of your tasks to person X???" My brain went off the scale. Firstly - I didn't know that this change was planned. Secondly - no idea that i had to handover anything. And most important - WHO THE HELL IS X?????? I ended up with a full shutdown. First i just sat down, continued with replying to my emails, but then suddenly slamming my laptop shut and running out. I was wandering around the city till 4 am next day to calm down. Of course the whole thing was turned around as "childish behavior". I changed job soon after :/
This is very insightful! I have a friend who I believe has autism. The frustrating thing is I have to essentially deal with his autistic behaviour and get over it or leave the friendship. For me, there’s a responsibility on those who are autistic to share these insights with those who experience their meltdowns and traits. Given his self centred nature he’s had no problem in placing the responsibility on me. I’ve had to figure out all of this on my own. If you experience autism and you invest in relationships with friends who become your safe space, please share your traits and coping mechanisms with with them.
"You can feel like a passenger and it can feel like they are never going to stop." This is my worst fear Being stuck in meltdown. So encompassed by it that nothing else feels real or possible. I've had some that i've barely survived. For those who don't experience autistic meltdowns, when I say barely survived, I am not exaggerating at all.
Thats one of the things that I think its important for anyone not autistic to understand. When describing the intensity of what I, and I imagine many other autistics, experience, listen to the words is DO NOT DOWN PLAY THEM. Do not allow yourself to view what is expressed as exaggeration.
Staying calm if nothing else prevents contributing to the problem. And, could, potentially, provide a life line. When all you know, all you experience is all consuming stress, someone being calm could potentially provide a bridge back to calm.
I just had one yesterday, in public. I was little late picking up from daughter from school, and the bus that I was supposed to get that would have taken me there on time didn't come. ON my transit app, the time for the bus's arrival kept being pushed forward, minute after minute... I started crying (behind sunglasses), stamping my foot (when no one was looking, but I started to make noises that began to attract attention). It was a difficult few hours.
It's realy admirable how you've tackled it,how you have taken it on ,identifying ,considering,concluding and then developing a consequential red thread to follow ,prepared for further possible developments .Responsible,constructive and fruiticious and wholesome .It's heartwarmingly lovely
a lot of this really resonates with me, this year just days before christmas my grandfather abandoned me because of my autism and his ignorance when it comes to understanding it. two of my biggest triggers is groups of people and people taking pictures or videos of me. multiple people tried to force me into pictures this year for christmas knowing that i would not be comfortable with it nor would i agree. i explained multiple times to him and others why and how it made me feel and they just continued to push me. they gave up eventually of course, after like 5 attempts from 4 different people. then afterwards my grandfather berated me and yelled at me saying that he wasnt going to argue with me when i was explaining my perspective and feelings. his only words were "all ive done for you and you wont take a picture for me" but in reality what he should have said was "all ive done for you and you wont put yourself in situations that will cause mental distress and agony for me?" i wish more people wouuld be more understanding and accepting of autism
I'm only just realizing at nearly 40 that I'm autistic, but this makes so much sense. The worst meltdown I ever had was after flying into Dublin. I made my first flight easily, then got on my connecting flight and where my seat should've been was a toilet. So they booted me off the plane. I lost it on the gate agent, embarrassingly. A very kind man helped me calm down and was in the same situation. They tossed us on the next flight out of there, but it meant yet another connection and a bus ride from Gatwick to Heathrow. Once in Dublin, I caught a bus to my accommodations because the agent wouldn't tell me where to catch a cab since the bus stopped right there and it was cheaper. Finally there, I was nothing but relieved and grateful that was over and I hopped in line behind someone at the desk to check in and... I started crying. I wasn't upset, I was just crying. Sobbing so hard I couldn't speak. A lady at the desk put me in a bathroom until I could finally speak well enough to check in. It took forever. I think they checked on me two or three times before I was functional. The whole time I was emotionally fine, just trapped inside this disaster of a human, unable to explain. I blamed it on being pregnant at the time, but now I'm seeing it was just a perfect storm for my autism. It sucked especially because I then had to spend like 10 days in a strange country, with just some classmates I barely knew, even sharing rooms. I kept sneaking off to internet cafes to talk to my husband back home. I couldn't enjoy being there because I wasn't able to recover until I was finally home. I'm sure I was extra weird the whole time too. Must've been a joy to be around. I have no idea how I made it through that except that I just did. Felt a bit like a robot the whole time.
This was an excellent explanation Orion. Undiagnosed for 65 years, my husband's been having these meltdowns (we now know) but in our 25 years together we've experienced them as "tantrums", "manipulation", extreme anxiety, irrational acts and violent outbursts. To our family it's been confusing, scary, dangerous, embarassing, immature... and it's had a huge effect on our life. So as the wife, mother, carer, bread-winner, I developed a lot of hurt, frustration, confusion and saddest of all, disrespect. Finally after quarter of a century together he was diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and PTSD. So now we understand and can start following all your great advice, but how can he overcome his shame and low self esteem and how can I overcome the distrust and disrespect? It is so very hard and impossible to forget.
I'm 100% showing this to my neurotypical boyfriend, thank you so much, this might really help our relationship
When my autisic 17year old gets over stimulated she is almost on a high. Glazed eyes & giddy, over happy, chatter. She has described it as a pleasant high & doesn't want to calm down. She only gets like this at home with her family. We try and calm her down as it gets way too much. We all end up laughing & eventually she goes to her room to unwind.
This is my second comment on a 4th video I have watched of yours and slowly so much is becoming clearer. The more I discover, the more its a relief but in some ways I feel a bit ashamed (I know I can't help having a non-typical brain) but I used to blame it on trauma (I had very unsympathetic parents) and now the trauma is being dealt with these traits have become even more apparent. Part of me is grateful and the other part is not so as now I realise it is the Autism I am dealing with. Self-care helps so much. It is not self-indulgent, it is a necessity for the well-being of myself and others around me. The meltdowns are really hard and shame based. I'm a therapist so I am looking at this from a therapeutic point of view. Hard to do when you can't self-reflect very easily on a potential diagnosis that is imminent and very new indeed. There are a lot of us out there. Thank you Orion for your wisdom.
I would love if you could make a video differentiating burnouts and meltdowns, I always mix them up and I'm never really sure wich one is wich.
I love your content btw! I feel really identified with your particular experience!
Edit: I was just watching your video about "What Autistic Burnout Feels Like | The Signs & Triggers | How To Avoid Autistic Burnout" and I found the difference in there! It would be great to have a specific one though!
I thought i was fine after someone raised their voice at me (for something i didnt know was wrong) but then i just crumbled into an all-out meltdown. I hate it. Its feel like some kind of waking-sleep paralysis. You know whats happening and you cant stop it
I don't know how this video popped up...I haven't been looking up Autism information...I think I was meant to find it. I'm a 42 year old woman with Autism (Asperger's Syndrome). I always try to hide it and deny it. I try my best to be normal. I fool people alot of the time, but I do have emotional needs and I think I'm one of those "suffer in silence" people when it comes to a meltdown..
My best friend - should be my boyfriend by now, but I digress - took me to a family BBQ at the park and it was nice while the whole family was there and the sun was out. But we stayed until well past sunlight....(until like 4am 😳) Just everyone drinking so damn much, loud music, and it was the kind of music I hated the most with lots of swearing and hate in it. Everyone was dancing, drinking, and having a great time, and it was both his brother's birthday and his brother's daughters' birthday (what are the odds). I was trying to take one for the team. I wanted them to like me, but I was so uncomfortable and stressed as the time got later and later. I didn't even have a friggen bathroom to use. So I had to do the bush thing at one point. Charming. I was cold, and miserable, and wanted to go home. My bff got to the point in his drunken state where he pretty much ignored me entirely...(where as he really pays attention to me when sober). Then actual drama started to happen. 2 people running off into the distance. My bff then running off towards his sister who was mad who ran away...I was so freakin stressed....
I shouldn't have let it get to that point. I didn't want to be the buzz kill or anything but if I have to be at someone's party, there has to atleast be a HOUSE, a room I can go escape to for a while, some TV, an actual bathroom...I can do the social thing but I can still escape and recharge my batteries. And feel safe. 😳 I felt like a hostage 😥
Anyway this video made me cry...I was thinking of this BBQ and towards the end of night, the brother's daughter who was 21, she was the only one who actually came up to me and ask if I was ok, if I was having fun. My bff didn't. I don't want to feel like I have to be the adult in the group when I'm the one with freakin Autism getting stressed to the max!! I gotta take better care of myself and address my needs and take them seriously.
There either won't be a next time or I will speak out and go home when I need to - taking my bff with me because he needs a place to sleep (he was staying at my place that weekend), and I want him to be ok too.
Enough is enough. Listen to your Autistic friend, especially if you have strong feelings for each other and are considering making her your girlfriend...I don't wanna be in a relationship where he ain't gunna respect my needs or try to protect me from discomfort. But I've got to respect myself as well. I can do the social thing and even drink in limited amounts. But I'm no party girl. Deal with it.
Sorry for the rant...Not sure if anyone will bother to read all that, but if you're someone with Autism, don't try to be the people pleaser all the time. Your closest loved ones don't want you to suffer and they want to know if you need to leave. They will understand. You won't hurt anyone's feelings. You showed up to their birthday and took part, and they will be impressed by that. Remember to respect and love yourself.
Thankyou for shining the light on this information. ❤️
I know someone who is very likely autistic but as an adult has not been officially diagnosed. Anyway, they experiance meltdowns often. So often that the rest of us are walking on eggshells. It is horrible for them, horrible for the people around them. For me personaly thier meltdowns will trigger a panic attack in me which then causes a flare up in my auto immune symptoms. It is such a loss loss situation.
I was listening to this video out of sheer curiosity on where I believe I am on a psychological level. I went on a date recently with a really nice guy. We had a really nice date, but at some point of the date, he innocently swept his finger across my forearm. It sent me a bit over the edge and I let out a “Don’t touch me!” My mini meltdown changed the whole evening instantly. Although we still ended the night on a decent note, I couldn’t help that I might’ve overreacted. I was a bit embarrassed, honestly. I really like him and he didn’t do anything particularly wrong. We even held hands before the incident (and holding hands is particularly a big deal for me as public displays of affection aren’t really my thing). Anyhoo, I’m not sure if I’m on the spectrum or not, but when you mentioned the consent of touch thing @19:56, it gave me pause.